Discord was giving birth.
Or, to be exact, Discord was giving birth to Twilight Sparkle's child on Princess Cadance's bed. Twilight herself was there, still trying to figure out just how exactly the male Draconequus was giving birth and not her.
Eh, he is the Spirit of Chaos, anything could happen! Twilight thought, as she began to lose interest and wandered to the kitchen to find a snack. From those screams, I'm glad it's him and not me! She wasn't acting herself, but it wasn't her fault, the waves of disharmony emanating from the pained Discord were strong enough to effect whoever was in the room, even without being deliberately corrupted.
After a couple of minutes, Twilight re-entered Cadance's room, a large bowl of popcorn floating behind her in a purple glow. She seated herself in front of the bed, munching happily.
"WHY... ARE YOU... AAAAHH... JUST.... SAT THERE? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH-DO SOMETHING!" Discord screamed.
Grinning mischievously, Twilight stood up and walked closer to the bed. She leant her forehooves on the edge, a magical aura surrounding her horn.
"Okay..." She giggled. Suddenly, her horn glowed brighter and, yanking her head backwards so fiercely she fell over onto her back, the baby was ripped from Discord's non-existent womb.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" The roar of an agonised Draconequus ripped through the air, shattering several windows and a Crystal Guard's tail. This, of course, alerted Cadance who was unaware that a Draconequus was even in the palace, let alone her room, or that a purple Alicorn was rolling around on the floor laughing hysterically at the foot of her bed.
Twilight's magic had thankfully ensured that there was no blood or slimy stuff, as that would have enraged the confused and worried Princess of Love, who was galloping towards her room as fast as her royal pink legs could carry her.
Discord was quite calm until he realised that his child was... A banana. Oh.
"What the actual-?" Was all Discord could say, as Twilight raised herself back to all fours as an idea formed in her chaotic mind. Slowly, she levitated Banana Baby towards her, now grinning manically instead of mischievously.
As Discord realised what she was doing, he cried, "No! No, not after all this! Twilight, please no!" But Twilight ignored him and slowly started peeling Banana Baby. Discord lunged at her, but she dodged him, speeding up her peeling pace.
She threw the skin at the father and ATE Banana Baby in one gulp. Huh, it's usually only Pinkie Pie who swallows things that quick.
Speaking aloud, she exclaimed, "Mmmm, it tasted like Skittles!"
"Why, why would you do that to me?" Floods of te- no, marshmallows poured from Discord's eyeballs as Twilight's face greened.
Suddenly, Twilight projectile vomited Skittle Flavoured Banana Baby all over the walls. Recovering surprisingly fast, she burst out of the bedroom, almost knocking Princess Cadance over in the process. Cries of "Why, WHY?!" followed, leading Cadance to cautiously enter her room.
"Discord? What the actual-?" The waves of chaos hit her quicker than they did Twilight, as more chaos had ensued, so more chaos waves.
Discord was sat on Cadance's bed, marshmallows still flowing freely down his cheeks. Silently, Cadance walked towards Discord, levitated him above the bed, climbed onto the bed herself, then lowered Discord gently onto his knees (and paw... and claw). She then took the cord off her dressing gown and brought it over, wrapping it around Discord's mouth so he would SHUT UP. Discord stopped crying in confusion and turned around to see what the hay Cadance was doing.
Cadance's horn lit up.
She then rammed it up his chaotic plot.
Princess Cadance's magic had instantly created a baby. Now, Discord was giving birth again, although painlessly this time, Cadance's magic had made sure of that. Apparently, large amounts of chaos tends to make Alicorns OP, and Discord wasn't complaining about it.
When the baby arrived, it was... Another banana. Makes sense. Was this one Skittle flavoured too? Only Luna knows.
Unfortunately, Cadance held Banana Baby 2 too tightly and it exploded.
Shoot.
Luckily, Cadance knew how to save the da- no she didn't, she knew how to make soup.
...
...Really? Oh, okay... So that's what she did. Cadance made Luna-knows-what-flavour Banana Baby 2: Soup Version.
And stuck it up Discord's backside.
"What the buck are you doing?!" Exclaimed a thoroughly confused and raged Draconequus.
Shining Armour had rushed home as soon as he was notified of the roar of pain from Banana Baby 1 being ripped from Discord's non-existent womb. Entering his bedroom, he saw his wife sticking a bowl of weird looking soup up the Spirit of Chaos' butt.
"What the actual-?" Unfortunately for Shining Armour, he exploded because he was not an Alicorn (or Draconequus... Or immortal, for that matter) and couldn't handle the sheer amount of chaos waves entering his body. This caused most of the Crystal Palace to blow up too, alerting Princess Celestia and Princess Luna because, well you know, if you're a Princess of Equestria you don't exactly miss a palace in your own country blowing up.
Shining Armour must have been the equivalent of at LEAST 20 supercharged Creepers, like seriously how did he blow up the whol thi-
Anyway, the princesses teleported above the remains and were greeted by the biggest chaos waves EVER. Surprisingly (and impossibly, but let's face it this whole thing is pretty impossible anyway... Don't question it... CRAFT!!!!!1!), Princess Cadance and Discord survived the blast and were hovering directly in front of Celestia.
Her horn glowing gold, Celestia was immediately affected by the waves and yanked Banana Baby 2: Soup Version out of Discord, shouting at the top of her voice, "DO YOU LIKE BANANAS????!!!!.
Princess Luna - pure terror written all over her face - opened her mouth to reply as her sister poured Banana Baby 2: Soup Version into Luna's mouth. See what I mean now about only Luna knowing if Banana Baby 2 tasted like Skittles? It did.
Princess Luna flew as fast as she could from her older sister, teleporting far away (but not too far because I'd imagine it's pretty hard to concentrate when you've just swallowed a child). She ended up above Ponyville, as she ~~knew~~ thought it was generally safe there and FAR AWAY FROM CHAOS.
In hindsight, teleporting wasn't a good idea, it just made her feel more sick. She raced to a bathroom, but it was too late. She flew over an innocent pink mare who looked a bit like Pinkie Pie but without poofy hair. Like an adorable friendly Pinkamena. Pinkanicer.
But then - BOOM!!! - all the diarrhoea exploded from her plot onto Pinkanicer.
Who was in the middle of a conversation.
And had her mouth upon.
Then suddenly - POOF!!! - FLUFF EVERYWHERE!
"Pffft blfft pft pffttt blfft pffffffffffft!" Finished Fluffle Puff. Queen Chrysalis just stood there, mouth hanging open and eyes like little pin-pricks. She slowly backed away.
"Pfft." Fluffle Puff bounced away like a pink fluffy unicorn dancing on rainbows.
Author's Note
I did warn you.
Credit goes to Majestic Budder Gopher for giving me twenty Starbursts and half a bottle of Dr Thunder (Asda's version of Dr Pepper) in about an hour and making me come up with this. Thank you Natasha (who is not on FIMFiction) for saying, "I been drinking... Watermelon!", which led me to repeating that sentence for about two minutes, then for another ten minutes changing 'watermelon' to something else. The last two were 'Princess Cadance' and 'Discord'. The following conversation went exactly like this:
Me: Imagine if Discord gave birth!
Gopher: What?!
Me: I would pay to see that.
Gopher: WHY?!
Me: So I could EAT the child.
Also, we're not going to question the fact that Shining Armour and the Crystal Palace are fully intact in the show...
Don't question.
CRAFT!!!!!!!1!!!1!
