If I told you what I was doing right now, you wouldn't believe me.
To be fair, if I told myself last week what I would be doing right now, I probably would have punched myself in the face. The past five days had been hectic, and the first day was unbelievable enough. I had no idea that the next four would only escalate in general craziness. And that’s why I was currently running down the street of a village populated by magical talking ponies, chased by an overgrown, fire-breathing lizard, all while not wearing pants. Like I said, it’s been a crazy week.
“I WILL FEAST ON YOUR ENTRAILS, WHELP!” the dragon bellowed. He had been less than happy when he caught me bathing in ‘his lake’. I probably shouldn't have told him to shove it, but to be fair, it was a really big lake, and he was barely using it. I also probably shouldn't have tried to use my pants as a distraction, but at the time I hadn't considered that he would chase me five miles down the mountain and into the middle of town.
I didn't respond to the angry lizard, because I was already spending most of my energy sprinting. I've never been what I’d call a fat slob, but I’m no Olympic sprinter either. And even with impending death as some really powerful motivation, five miles is still really far.
My plan at this point was to hope to god that some of the town’s inhabitants would come out and help me, though I wasn't terribly optimistic. As far as I was concerned, the ponies in this world might have access to magic, but they were also part fainting goat. I've seen children face their nightmares with more bravado then some of these adult ponies facing down a bunny stampede. Also, and this might just be me, but I wouldn't be so quick to help out the pantsless weirdo who just dragged an angry dragon into the middle of my town.
Still, the ponies of this town were pretty much my only hope. So I was immensely grateful when the angry purple one with the wings and the horn stepped out into the street with her posse. Our last couple of encounters hadn't gone so well, but I was sure this time would be better.
“What in Equestria is going on here?” she demanded. You can tell that she’s the smart one though, because when she looked at me and then the angry dragon behind me, she figured it out pretty quickly.
“I-Is that a d-d-dragon?” asked the yellow one behind her, like it was just some bad dream and not an angry avatar of wrath lighting half the town on fire. If I had had the energy, I would have rolled my eyes.
“Come on girls, we have to put a stop to this!” the purple one shouted, and the group leapt into action to battle with the fire-breathing reptile a hundred times their size. Normally, that sentence would sound pretty suicidal, but the purple one was a princess and titles here apparently go to the ponies with the biggest magical dick. At least, I’m pretty sure they do. All I know is that the only other princess I knew of in Equestria controlled the freaking sun. Allegedly, anyway.
Together with her friends, the group of them powered some sort of magical super weapon. I wasn't sure of all the details, but I did know that they had spent the better part of the last two days trying to hunt me down for crimes I may or may not have committed. I was just glad that group had decided to focus on the dragon and not me, and the dragon had thankfully turned his attention to them as well.
So I was feeling pretty confident that they could handle it, when it crossed my mind that dragons generally ranked somewhere between heavily resistant to and completely impervious to magic. I briefly wondered whether that applied to the dragons of this world when I heard a large explosion behind me and the blue one went sailing over my head and crashed into a nearby wall. With that question answered, I turned to see a majority of the group down for the count, with the dragon currently preoccupied with trying to light the yellow one on fire. The yellow one, to her credit, was doing her very best not to become a flying tiki torch, but it was likely only a matter of time.
On the one hand, it’s hard to feel pity for someone who just yesterday was trying to hunt me down. But on the other hand, I couldn't help but feel like everything that had just happened was partially my fault. After all, the dragon was only here because it had chased me. And while now would be the perfect time for me to make my escape, it just didn't sit right with me to let those dumb ponies get eaten by the dragon. So I charged up my own magic.
Crazy week.
If I had to pick something in this place that took the most getting used to, it wouldn't be the talking animals or walking myths; it would be the magic. I didn't believe in it at first, but it's just so in your face all the time that it's hard to deny that it exists. It’s hard to really explain, but magic really is everywhere here. It even permeates the air, and as a result, you feel stronger, you run faster, and you just feel more alive. Well, I did anyway. Let me tell you though, even though magic sounds really neat, it’s more of a pain in the ass than anything. Let me explain.
If you woke up one day to discover that you had the power of the universe at your fingertips, what would you do? I’m guessing that ‘Human Flashlight’ wasn't at the top of your list, but when I discovered that I had this ability, I decided to start out small. It was dark and I figured that a simple ball of light spell would be a pretty easy foray into magic. I was wrong.
If you've never done magic before, it’s surprising how technical it is, but I think I have a good way to explain how it works. Magic is kind of like filling a cup with water, and the different spells are like having different sized cups or maybe filling the cup with Gatorade. Now that sounds really simple, if you have a faucet, or maybe a garden hose, but I had a fire hose fueled by Old’ Faithful. When I tried, I blasted the cup off the counter and flooded the room.
If you know anything about physics and energy, you can probably guess what happened. Let’s just say that I managed to blind myself for half a day and burned down a nice chunk of forest, which in turn, got me in all sorts of trouble with the locals. In short, I’m not a huge fan of magic, and magic isn't much of a fan of me either. I've had these powers for less than a week and they've almost gotten me killed more times in that short period of time than anything back home ever did.
Still though, I have a hell of a lot of power, even if I don’t really know how to use it. I’m the magical equivalent of a toddler with a loaded handgun, and everyone around here knew it. That much power in the wrong hands is what even I’d call a major problem, and as a result I scared the hell out of a lot of people. To be honest, it’s hard for me to blame them, but it did put me in an interesting position.
So after I finished gathering a sizable mass of magical energy, I took aim and launched it at the dragon. I even sent a good luck insult along with it.
“Hey, Scaleybutt!” I shouted. The dragon turned towards me, hate in his eyes, prepared to turn me to ashes… right as my ball of magic caught him square in the face.
Contrary to popular belief, you can in fact just throw a ton of magical energy at something; it’s just that it’s really inefficient. In my case though, it’s like the difference between hitting something with a bus or a train; it didn't really matter. And lord knows it’s easier to clean up after a bus crash then a train wreck.
Dragons may be heavily resistant to magic, but when you’re throwing around as much magical energy as I was, you can bet that he was going to feel it. When the dragon got hit, he obviously wasn't expecting it and he bowled over pretty hard, flattening a nearby house. But we don’t call our dragon slayers legends for nothing, because dragons are seriously tough, and he was back up in no time. Clearly, I should have gone with a train.
So I was back to square one, running from an angry dragon, only this time he was even angrier. There was also like zero chance that I was going to get any help and to top it all off, I didn't know enough about my only advantage, my considerable magic power, for it to be of much help. And I still wasn't wearing pants.
It’s in situations like these that you learn what kind of person you really are. When you figure out whether you’re the guy who gets eaten by a dragon or the guy who slays the dragon and gets the pretty girl. Me, I’m a survivor, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let myself become lunch.
So as soon as the dragon started chasing me again, I started searching for a way out. You’d think that world catching fire and exploding around you would be terribly distracting, but like I said, impending death is a hell of a motivator. So despite the fact that I was running for my life and one wrong turn would probably kill me, my head was surprisingly clear.
In fact, all the flying debris from the chaos around me is what gave me my way out. My magic wasn't strong enough, or rather, focused enough to inflict any real damage on the dragon, but a big pile of debris probably would. All I had to do was find a way to shoot it at him.
Let me tell you that improvising a magic cannon while being chased by an angry dragon is no easy feat. It’s not that I didn't have the power to do it; I have power in spades, and I don’t even need to be all that controlled about it, since I really just need it to go boom. Distracting the dragon so he didn't notice wasn't that hard either, since he was too preoccupied trying to murder my face off. No, the problem was remotely gathering enough energy to make it go boom and then figuring out how to aim it, all while not dying. That last part is key, and the dragon was not on board with that part of the plan.
After a couple of minutes of trying really hard not to die though, I had gathered what I considered to be enough energy to make what I’d consider to be a ‘really fucking big boom’. Now I was going to have to move into phase 2 of my brilliant plan.
I had made a crude magical cannon with a pile of debris, but I didn't have the technique necessary to really properly aim it, and certainly not with the kind of power I put behind it. All I could do was sort of point it in a direction and hope for the best. So if there was any way this was going to work, I had to get the dragon to stand in front of it, and the only way I could think of to do that was to use myself as bait.
Genius, I know.
So I built my makeshift cannon at the entrance to a back alley. It was the only way I could be reasonably sure that the dragon would approach it the way that I wanted him to; with the cannon pointed at his face. The plan was to run down the alley and for the dragon to try and follow me, so I could shoot off the cannon. So I ran down the alley, only for the dragon to fly up and land on one of the houses that made up the walls.
Well, shit.
“Any last words before you die, worm?” bellowed the dragon as he peered down at me from above. I could redirect the cannon, but it was going to take some time, as Merlin I am not and it was unstable enough as it was. I had to stall for time.
“Don’t kill me?” I offered. The dragon laughed. If you've never heard a dragon laugh before, let me tell you; it’s super creepy. It sounds so human and almost jolly, but then you remember that it belongs to a murderous hell-beast that’s about to melt your face off. But his weirdo chuckle had given me the time I needed to redirect the cannon.
“I think not,” he deadpanned. I grinned.
“Well, fuck you too, buddy,” I replied and I dropped to the floor as the world exploded.
I mentioned before how much damage I caused when I tried a simple light spell, so you can imagine what things were like when I was actually trying to do some damage. I’d like to say that I watched what happened, but I’d be insane to have my eyes open with that much debris flying around. All I know is that when I opened my eyes again, both of the houses that made up the alley were completely gone. Underneath the pile of rubble that used to be one of the houses, the dragon lay, with only his tail and a couple limbs poking out. His leg twitched a little bit as I got up.
“Suck it, Godzilla!” I shouted. I was genuinely surprised that it worked, and I’m not going to lie, but I was pretty pleased with myself. I probably could have ridden that high forever if someone hadn't taken me out with a frying pan.
Now I know that frying pans are a bit of a joke. It’s funny when a strong female lead uses one, because on the one hand it represents her repression, but on the other it shows that she’s even willing to use her shackles as a weapon and that she doesn't ‘take no shit’ from the Man. It’s a cutesy tongue and cheek thing. Let me be the first to say that all of that is bullshit though, because frying pans fucking hurt. They hurt like hell when you wake up after taking one to the head, so I can only imagine the agony they cause in the first place.
After I moved past the ringing in my ears, I was mildly surprised to find that I had been chained to a table. Although, maybe chained wasn't the right word, since it would imply that whoever chained me there at least pretended that the setup would hold me. The manacles they had me in were a little too big, and the little loop that held the chain to the table looked like it was made of aluminum. I was pretty sure that these cuffs wouldn't hold me for longer than five minutes tops if I wanted out.
The table I was chained to was made of some hardwood and far too small for me to sit at, as was the chair I was seated on. I felt like a kid in 1800s detention, but if worse came to worst, I was pretty sure I could just carry the table with me. The room they had me in was small and made of stone, and the only egress was a wooden door, but I was pretty sure that I could handle it once I got the chains off. If nothing else, I might be able to use the table as a makeshift battering ram.
My thoughts of escape were interrupted, however, when the door swung open and the angry purple one stepped inside. She looked like a normal pony, about four feet tall but with really exaggerated features, as well as a horn and a pair of wings to add to the weird. She called herself Twilight Sparkle, which was about the gayest name I've ever heard and she was a princess.
Normally, when someone is a princess, it implies that she’s related to the throne, but as far as I knew, she wasn't. Last time I was in town, someone had told me that she was the student of one of the diarchy, and that she had completed some magic spell that had turned her into an Alicorn, which meant that she had wings and a horn. Somehow, this made her royalty. She also had a serious talent for magic.
One of the weird things about ponyland was that each and every pony in this world that had reached adulthood has a pair of matching tattoos on their ass that was supposed to represent whatever their special talent was. Twilight had a six-pointed star on her flank, surrounded by other, smaller stars. I have no idea how that represented magic, but it mostly sounded like bullshit to me, so what do I know? Like, she had one friend whose butt tattoo was of 3 apples. What does that even mean?
The last time we met, I’d taken to calling her ‘Sparklebutt’, so needless to say, she didn't like me very much.
“Dread,” she said flatly, addressing me. Okay, I can explain.
See, when I was still back home, my name was Michael. More than anything in the world, my favorite thing to do was to cosplay. Well, not cosplay exactly, but to make the costumes themselves; wearing them to Cons and such was just a bonus. And I was in a bit of a creative drought when I found a pretty sweet amulet out at an antiques shop. It was a pentagon of dark metal with an orange gem set in the center. The weird owner tried to convince me that the thing was cursed, but I ignored him. After all, who the hell sells a cursed amulet for $20?
Now I had my inspiration, and that inspiration’s name was Dread. You see, I love making costumes, but I also dabble in dozens of other hobbies, and one of them was writing. And I’d been writing a story forever, with the working title of Dread, after the titular main character.
In the story, Dread is a sorcerer with an immense amount of magical power who at the start of the story has become completely evil. But as you read the story, you learn more about Dread, his past, and why he is the way he is, until at the end you’re supposed to question whether or not Dread is really the evil one.
I won’t bore you with all the details, but one of the things about Dread is that he’s got this amulet that everyone around him assumes is the source of his power, until the remove it and learn that it’s really a limiter designed to keep the more dangerous parts of his powers in check as well as to preserve his sanity. The amulet I found reminded me a lot of Dread’s amulet, and that’s why I decided that Dread was going to be my next costume.
Now Dread’s costume isn't super exciting or complicated, because I designed it to be super practical, since he was supposed to be one of those cold and calculated type of villains. At its core, the costume is a dark grey shirt and pants, a black cloak with a hood, a set of black leather gloves and boots with matching dull metal arm guards, greaves and chest armor, and the amulet. The only thing even remotely exciting is his mask, which looks like a skull with an extended mandible with vertical slits instead of a lower jaw; think Punisher skull. It was a little simplistic for my expertise, but my enthusiasm for bringing my own character to life outweighed that.
Unlike most wizards, Dread doesn't carry a staff, mostly because I think staves are stupid. He does carry a sword though, and I had a couple from other costumes, so I used the plainest-looking longsword prop I owned. All in all, it took me less than a month to put the costume together once I figured out what I wanted to do. And when I finish a costume, I wear it to the next Con in the area. I didn't have to wait long, Dragon Con was the following weekend.
Once I got to the con, I had a lot of people ask what I was supposed to be, so I had a whole routine set up where I did a voice and a pose while I announced who I was. None of them had a clue, because why would they, but I do good work, so I had a lot of people who were impressed and some who wanted to take pictures. It was so enchanting that I went three hours into the con before I realized that I wasn't wearing the amulet because I had left it in the car.
It was past seven and I was getting hungry, so I stopped to get some food before I ran to my car to get the amulet. After I retrieved it and put it on, I started feeling a little ill on the walk back to the Con, but I figured it was just something I ate. As I kept going though, the world started spinning, and I passed out.
When I came to, I heard someone ask what I was supposed to be, so I did my routine almost on reflex. I did the whole thing before I realized that I wasn't talking to a person but rather a cream color pony with a red mane. She screamed, I screamed, there was a lot of screaming and then some stuff happened that I don’t really want to get into… and here I am. I’d been rolling with the Dread name ever since because, well I’m not exactly sure why, but I feel like it’s in there now, so as long as I was here, I would be Dread.
“Dread,” Twilight continued, clearing her throat. “You broke into the Ponyville Library-“
“Allegedly,” I corrected. I couldn't help but throw in some sass in this situation.
“-Stole our books-,” she continued.
“Allegedly.”
“-Burnt down half of the Everfree-”
“Allegedly.”
“-Fought with the Royal Guards-“
“Allegedly.”
“-Impersonated a Clergypony-,” I chuckled at the memory; it was a good one.
“-And finally, you destroyed half of Ponyville,” she finished.
“A-lleg-ed-ly.”
“Stop saying ‘allegedly’.”
“Then stop stating everything as fact,” I demanded. “Show me the evidence.”
“Evidence?” she blinked. “I was there.”
“Prove it. There could be hundreds of godlike purple Alicorns out there, and I’ll be honest, you all look the same to me.” She mulled that one over for a second while I rambled on.
“Plus, if I’m the super dangerous criminal that you claim I am, what’s to stop me from just blasting my way out of here?” That she had an answer for.
“You can’t,” she stated, rather matter-of-factly, looking smug. “The walls of this room are made of Magite; it disrupts even the strongest of magical energies. You can’t cast any spells in here; no one can.”
I blinked at her, not sure I was believing what she was saying. Surely no one could be that stupid, but I had to be sure.
“Are you stupid?” I asked, as I watched something inside her break, like she had never heard those words together before.
“W-What?” she managed to stutter out.
“Are you, Twilight Sparkle, retarded?” I asked, using her full name for emphasis. She opened her mouth to say something, but I kept going.
“You must be. After all, I might have a lot of magical power, but I've been using magic for less than a week. I don’t need it.” I could see her mind reeling, searching through the possibilities of what I was about to say. I continued.
“But you,” I gestured. “Magic’s all you've fucking got.”
I watched the weight of what I had just said hit Twilight like a sack of bricks, and she started to mouth her panic over and over. I grinned as I ripped the chain that joined my manacles to the table upwards. The loop holding the chain to the table broke with an audible crack.
“Yeah,” I said, as I drew up to my full height. “’Oh shit’ is right.”
And then I leapt over that table.
Ole’ Sparklebutt tried to escape as soon as she had figured it out, but I was much stronger than she was and like twice her size, so as soon as I broke free of that table, there was really nowhere to go in that tiny room. It wasn't long before she passed out, half from fear and helped along by a hard knock to the noggin that I supplied. She slumped to the floor and lay there in an unceremonious pile. With Twilight taken care of, I started to work on getting my manacles off. As I figured, the things just weren't engineered with human hands in mind, so even though it took a couple of minutes, I managed to get them off pretty easily. After they were off, I took a minute to take stock of my current situation.
Of my original Dread costume, I no longer had the cloak, the pants, the greaves, or the chest armor. I also didn't have the small duffle that I kept hidden underneath the cloak for the Con, which currently held most of my other worldly possessions, nor did I have the prop longsword. Surprisingly, I still had my mask on, which implied that the ponies either didn't know it was a mask or that they didn't think to remove it. Which seemed like a terrible oversight from the ponies, but then again, so did everything else that they did. Their terrible oversight was the only reason that I could get away with as much as I did.
The first time I had come to town, on my second night here, I had broken into the library, and I had made sure to steal three very specific books. The first book I looked for was a book about Equestrian flora and fauna, which I figured I’d need to survive out in the wilderness, to use as a reference guide as to what was edible and to what I needed to stay away from. The second book I stole was an encyclopedia of magic, which I had found on accident and took because the concept surprised and intrigued me and I wanted to read into it further. The last book I stole was a book on Equestrian history, because I figured it would give me the most information on who I was working with outside having a prolonged chat with one of them. I read the history book first, and it had given me some much needed insight in to the ponies and their culture. It was eye-opening, to say the least.
Everything in pony society was built on one hundred percent bullshit. They solved everything through friendship and kindness, and their whole society was nothing but sunshine and unicorn farts, day in and day out. Their country of Equestria, because everything here was a horse pun, had faced all sorts of conflicts in its multi-millennia long history, but every single one of them played out more like a child’s squabble than a full blown war. There had been less real conflict in their entire recorded history than any twenty year period on Earth, and as a result, they were so naive that it almost hurt. Their lack of almost basic common sense was an enormous advantage for me, however, and the only one that I was prepared to take advantage of.
I looked down at the unconscious Alicorn that just minutes ago might have called herself my captor. I might have been in the same general magical weight class as she was in terms of raw power, on a good day, but she had years of experience on me. Had she been serious from the start, there was no way I could have stopped her from doing whatever she wanted. But Twilight hadn't seen me as a threat, despite the fact that I had started a wildfire and evaded her for several days, only getting captured because I was too preoccupied with the murderous dragon that I had brought straight to her doorstep. She barely even considered that I could be dangerous even without magic, and as a result she willing put herself in a situation where she couldn't possibly win. Sparklebutt might have been an educated genius and powerful beyond reason, but she was severely lacking in life experience.
Her whole terrible plan had probably made perfect sense to her though, and that was what was so sad. From what I had seen of this town and its inhabitants, there was probably close to zero crime here. They only ever dealt with small town troublemakers, who could be fixed with a stern talking-to, or country-wide problems, which they nuked from orbit with their magic super weapon until the problem went away. There was likely almost nothing in between, so she had made a serious mistake when she put me in the former category. Not that I was necessarily in the latter, but I was sure that when Sparklebutt woke up, she would be reevaluating her impression of me. I doubted that out next encounter would go so smoothly.
Regardless of how she, or her friends for that matter, felt about me, it was pretty clear that my current priority would need to be getting the hell out of Ponyville. Before I left, I decided to bring the manacles with me, just in case. They were probably useless, since I didn't have the key, but you never know. Having gathered everything that I needed, I tried the door.
To my amazement, the door was unlocked. Sparklebutt had been so confident that nothing could possibly go wrong that she hadn't even bothered to re-lock the door. This latest stupidity only reinforced my theory that the ponies had absolutely no idea how to handle real conflict. Beyond the door the room opened up into a hallway, also made of stone, but it had windows lining the right side. Yellow sunlight gleamed through them, implying that they led outside, but they were far too small for me to squeeze through. At the other end of the hallway was another wooden door, which looked like my only option going forward.
Not willing to repeat Twilight’s mistake, I made sure to close the door to the cell and lock it behind me. The door was sealed with an old fashioned bar lock, which I reset before I continued. I suppose the bar lock would have made it difficult for Twilight to re-lock the door while she was in the cell, but she could at least have had someone wait for her outside, just in case. The lack of any discernible plan B was almost unbelievable; it almost felt like she wasn’t even trying. After I was finished, I made my way to the other end of the hall and tried the second door, which, surprise, surprise, was also unlocked.
It turned out that Sparklebutt wasn't as pants on head retarded as she had led me to believe though, because when I opened that door at the end of the hall, I found the rest of her group sitting there, waiting. The five of them were seated on an assortment of chairs and sofas, almost like they were people. Each of them had an assortment of scratches, scuffs, and bruises, which I assumed came from the fight they had, and lost, with the dragon. As soon as the door opened, they all stopped whatever it was they were doing and turned towards me. When they saw me instead of their friend, they all stared, eyes wide, with looks of surprise on every one of their faces. It was a little bit unnerving.
Across the room, I could see a third wooden door, but this one was more ornate than the other two; painted red and framed with windows. I could tell that it led outside, because the windows that framed it let in natural sunlight. I was so close to my goal, but unfortunately, the way was blocked by the five ponies before me. If I was going to escape, I had to get past them. But they all knew me, and I was almost positive that none of them liked me.
“Uh, hi?” I said nervously. They all continued to stare, until the pink one stood up. She didn't have wings or a horn, which would have made her one of the more normal looking ponies I’d met if it wasn't for her bubblegum pink color scheme and her hot pink mane and tail that was nothing but frizzes and curls. She looked completely ridiculous and her personality matched; I had learned from our past encounters that she couldn't be serious if her life depended on it. I didn't know any of their names outside of Twilight’s, so I generally just referred to them by their color scheme.
“You’re not Twilight,” Pink stated, her voice like a child’s. A real genius, this one.
“Where’s Twilight!?” demanded the blue one. She had wings, but the strangest thing about her was her mane and tail, each of which sported a rainbow of different colors, as in, her hair ran between all of the colors of the rainbow. I wanted to believe that it was a dye job, but this world was crazy enough for it to be real.
I didn't have a good answer to Blue's question, and I felt like telling them that I had left their friend unconscious in the cell behind me was not the answer that they wanted to hear. Their unwavering stares really did a number on my ability to think clearly, and I felt like I didn't have much time to come up with an answer. I found myself defaulting back to magic to solve my problem again, a trend that I hoped wouldn't continue.
My first foray into magic had been a disaster, but I had improved a reasonable amount over the last few days while running from the locals. I still wasn't very controlled, but I had learned enough to be practical with my magic. So while making say, a flashlight was out of the question, the magical equivalent of a flash bang grenade? That I could do.
So I gathered my energy in front of me, then released it in a short burst as light. The result was a very bright, very temporary flash of blinding white light. I had the benefit of knowing it was coming, so I shut my eyes as I set it off, but the others didn't have that benefit. My work rewarded me with cries of surprise.
“Mah’ eyes!”
“It burns!”
“Pretty lights!”
I snapped open my eyes to see the lot of them on the ground, hooves covering their faces. All except Pink that is, who was frozen in place with the stupidest grin I’d ever seen plastered on her face. As I started for the door, she turned to me, and her stupid grin somehow grew even wider.
“Do that again!”
“No,” I stated flatly, and I flung the door open and sprinted outside.
I returned to the outside world disoriented and lost. I had no idea where I was in Ponyville, but I could see the mountain I came from out in the distance, which was good enough for me. I started jogging in that direction, hoping to put enough distance between me and my would-be captors as possible, while keeping my energy up in case I needed it. I had no idea for how long their vision would be impacted, but I could only hope that it was long enough for me to make my getaway.
I hadn't jogged long before I started to recognize some of the streets as places I had sprinted down while running from the dragon. It wasn't long before I reached the epicenter of that showdown. The closer I got, the more the destruction became apparent. There were a number of burnt-out structures, torn up cobblestone, and a few spots that used to have houses that simply weren't there anymore. Eventually, I got close enough that I could see the spot where our final showdown had gone down.
A short distance from where I was I could see the space that had contained the alley where everything had come to climax. Surrounding the two piles of rubble that used to be houses was a crowd of ponies so large that it may just have been the entire town. In between them, I could see bits of green scale that I assumed was the dragon, or at least what was left of him. From my vantage point, I couldn't tell if he was dead or still alive, but I didn't plan on getting closer to find out. More worrying than the dragon now though was the glint of golden armor I spotted among the crowd.
There was really only one group of ponies that ever wore armor in Equestria, and that was the Royal Guard. They might have been called a guard, but they were really more like the army of the country. I had first encountered them yesterday, and they were the group I most wanted to avoid, moreso than even Twilight and her gang. They had all the different types of ponies in their ranks, but unlike Sparklebutt and her crew, they were all warriors. They didn't have the raw power that Twilight did, but there were a lot more of them and they were coordinated. They were also more likely to use force.
The fact that the Royal Guard was still in town and more likely to be out in force now hadn't changed my current plan, but once I retrieved my stuff from the mountainside, I had to make a choice, since the Guard was almost definitely looking for me. I could stay close to Ponyville, an area which at this point I knew reasonably well, but one that was likely to be searched heavily if the residents or the guard came after me. Or, I could try moving further into the wilderness, which presented its own set of challenges. I assumed that dragons were pretty territorial, so there probably wasn't another one on the mountainside, but if that first one in Ponyville wasn't actually dead, I didn't really want to deal with him again. I would also be further away from Ponyville should I need to return for any reason and more exposed to the elements, but that was a chance that I may of had to take.
Once I got out of town, the trek back to where I had left my stuff was actually pretty short, though it definitely took longer going back up the mountain than it had sprinting down it. I was surprised with how much of the way looked familiar, since I had been pretty distracted on the way down, but if nothing else, the occasional burnt tree marked the way pretty clearly. All in all, it was a pretty simple and uneventful walk back and I was glad that I wasn’t impeded in any way.
When I reached the lake where I had left my gear, I was pleasantly surprised to find it mostly as I left it, hanging on a tree a short distance away from the shoreline. I was even surprised and greatly excited to find my pants a short distance away, a little singed but otherwise intact. I hastily put them back on once I found them; if you've never gone a day running around without any pants on, trust me, you begin to miss them really quick. I was just glad that my boxers had held up as well as they did all day.
Now that I had retrieved my gear, I really did have a decision to make. On the trek here, a third option had occurred me, and I was debating the merits of it now.
I had spent my first few nights in Equestria in a nearby forest that the locals called the Everfree. It was a good place to lay low and forage from and the locals avoided it like the plague. But there was a reason they avoided the place, and that was because the forest was infested with all sorts of ridiculous flora and fauna. Highlights of my time there included a lion with bat wings and a scorpion tail and a growth of gnarly vines that I watched straight up eat a weird chicken/snake hybrid. In short, it was not a happy place.
It was, however, the perfect place to hide, and like it or not, that was what I needed the most right now. I glanced at the lake one last time; it was quietly serene and beautiful, but I knew that it wouldn't be long before something that didn't like me came back here. The lake would have been a lovely place to camp, but it was just too dangerous. I had to move on.
Before I headed out towards the forest, I did a quick inventory of my gear. My small duffle still contained all that I had left in it; the three books I had stolen, most of a hard loaf of bread that I had stolen along with them, a half full Dasani water bottle, which was currently serving as my canteen, a small cube of d6 dice, the only thing I had bought at the Con, a small sewing kit, which I brought with me to most Cons for emergency repairs, and my wallet and cell phone, both of which were pretty useless to me now, but that I’d need if I ever made it back home. It wasn't much, but along with my Dread costume, it was everything I had to my name in this foreign land. Sighing, I gathered up my belongings and set out towards the Everfree. I had a bit of a hike ahead of me, but I was reasonably sure that I could make it there by nightfall if I kept a good pace.
The journey to the Everfree went rather smoothly, though I wasn't sure if it was because the ponies from the town below just hadn't found me or if it was because they hadn't started looking yet. In either case, I did my best to stay out of sight of the town, and in return, no one bothered me on my trip.
By the time I reached the forest’s edge, the sun was beginning to disappear beneath the horizon. It had been almost two whole days since I had last been here, since the fire. As far as I could tell, the fire had mainly claimed a hundred feet or so of the forest edge, but already the Everfree was starting to reclaim some of its lost borders with new growth.
And I’m planning to live here, I thought to myself. This crazy the forest was really the last place I wanted to be, but it was my best shot for avoiding the locals. So I headed in to get as deep in as I could get while I still had sunlight. With any luck, I could find a good place to camp for the night before it got too dark.
Despite the crazy new growth at the edge, there wasn't much that stuck out as strange as I headed deeper in. If I hadn't known better, I would have assumed that it was just a normal forest, like any other. That was a mistake that I had made the first time, and one that I would not be making again. I was high alert from the minute I crossed the border, straining myself to hear or see anything out of the ordinary.
I did end up seeing something unusual, but it was the last thing I had really expected to see out in the middle of the forest. In a small clearing not 100 feet to the left of me there was a gnarled tree that had been turned into a small hut. I might have not noticed it except for the colored bottles hanging from vines tied to its branches that clanked together in the almost non-existent wind. The hut featured a door and a couple windows, from which a dim light shone through. Surrounding the tree were all manner of decorations that I could only describe as African tribal. It was certainly one of the more bizarre things that I had seen in this forest.
The light in the windows though, indicated that something lived here. With the light rapidly fading, it wasn't something that I wanted to investigate now, but I made a mental note to come back later. I was preparing to leave when something from behind jabbed me with a stick.
“Begone, you crazy beast. I do not wish to see you in the least!”
I turned towards the stick to find a creature wielding it that was best described as a miniature zebra. She was about the same size as a pony and featured the same kind of altered color pallet as they did, though she was a more conservative two shades of grey rather than some of the crazy colors I had seen from the ponies. Her mane was styled into a Mohawk and she had all manner of crazy gold jewelry hanging from her ears and around her neck and left foreleg. Most ridiculously, she was holding the stick in her front two hooves, despite not having hands.
“If you do not go away, I will surely make you pay!” she shouted, and she jabbed me with the stick again. I glared at the walking stereotype, and she jabbed me with the stick a third time.
“God, Lady, what did I ever do to you?” I demanded, and she swung the stick at my head. Luckily, I saw it coming fast enough to duck under it, but if the miss had deterred her any, she didn't show it.
“You first earned my ire, when you almost set my home on fire!” she shouted, as she rained a flurry of blows on me. I dodged a majority of them, but not all. With every blow that found its mark, my body cried out in pain. I didn't feel like I was in any real danger, but it was getting old fast.
“Fuck, what makes you think that was me!?” I demanded.
“Stupid thinks that a flame, is nothing but a silly game,” she replied and she swung the stick at me again. This time though, I caught it, and I ripped the stick out of her grasp. I snapped it over my knee and threw the pieces into the woods behind me. To my dismay, however, in the short amount of time it took to do that, she had already produced another stick which she used to jab me again. I was getting tired of this zebra and her rhyming.
With her next swing, I caught the new stick, but this time I didn't try and pry it from her grasp. Instead, I summoned my magic in the form of heat energy and let it flood through the stick. The stick immediately burst into flames and she dropped it, but it disintegrated before it reached the ground.
“Enough with you and your sticks,” I growled. “I’m leaving, but don’t you ever try and hit me with anything ever again.” And with that, I stalked off.
“Leave this place,” she cried behind me. “I do not wish to see your face.” I ignored her, as I retreated deeper into the forest.
My encounter with the angry zebra had been more annoying than anything, but as a result of her distraction, the last bit of sunlight had slipped beneath the horizon. Luckily for me though, there was a full moon tonight, and its brilliance illuminated the forest floor well enough for me to see. Unluckily for me, it was still dark enough that I didn't see the creatures that were following me until it was too late.
I made it all the way to a clearing in the forest before I became aware that something was stalking me. I had made my way to the large clearing, in great part because I spotted what I thought looked like great stone walls through the trees. When I had made my way out into the open, I had discovered a great ruined castle, separated from me by a deep chasm. I was debating the merits of trying to find a way inside and making camp when I heard the first wolf howl and I turned to see them pacing along the treeline.
What I saw stalking me through the trees weren't wolves however, or at least not in the traditional sense. What I saw looking back at me through glowing green eyes were great beasts made of logs and vines, forming bastardizations of the real thing. As they stepped out into the moonlight, I could see thick vines that formed powerful tendons, coiled with energy. These wooden wolves may not have been living, breathing creatures, but they snarled and growled as real wolves would as they closed in on me. My mind having been made for me, I darted towards the castle, looking desperately for a way across the gap.
I briefly considered trying to summon fire magic as they charged me, since I doubted the wolves would appreciate fire very much, but I decided against it. Repeating the events of the not so distant past was not something I felt would be wise, and if I managed to set another swath of forest on fire, it would defeat the purpose of moving back into the Everfree in the first place. So I ran for the castle instead as the wolves sprinted after me, snarling and barking as they went. Magic would be my last resort if I needed it, but for now, I wanted to try and get away without it.
It didn’t take long to find a way across the gap; by luck, there was a small rope bridge that spanned the chasm not far from where I exited the treeline. It was only a short distance away when I spotted it, but the wolves behind me were gaining ground fast. I could hear them getting closer, and a quick glance behind me only confirmed my fears. If I didn't do something fast, I wasn't going to make it to the bridge.
So I turned to face them, still running, and hit them with my magic. A torrent of flame erupted from my hands and flew towards the frontrunner just a few feet behind me. The flame was mostly for show, more light than anything, but the wolf didn’t know that. It yelped in surprise and leapt to the side away from the flame, as did its packmates behind it. Together, they hesitated only a moment before resuming the chase, but it was enough for me to reach the bridge.
I sprinted across without hesitation, throwing caution to the wind. The rope bridge creaked and swayed under the stress of me running across, but it held. Not willing to chance it, I leapt the last couple of feet and skidded to the ground on the other side. Across from me, the chasing wooden wolves amassed at the other end of the bridge. Either unwilling or unable, they stood there pacing, growling and snarling at me, but they did not cross. Eventually one, whom I assumed was the alpha, turned and headed back towards the forest, and the others followed.
I sat there for a while, catching my breath, as I watched the strange wooden wolves return to the forest. As soon as they reached the treeline, they were suddenly gone. I waited a moment longer to ensure that they had indeed left, and when I was satisfied, I stood and turned towards the castle.
The ancient structure had long since been abandoned, and it was currently in a state of advanced disrepair. Once it had certainly been the crowning jewel of a mighty empire, but now its only inhabitants were the moss growing on its hallowed walls. Parts of the ruin had collapsed with age, but surprisingly what remained seemed structurally stable. As I approached, I noticed that the main gate still stood firm after centuries past, still denying the outside world access to the mysteries within. To my surprise, however, they weren't locked.
Cautiously, I pushed through the wooden doors and peered into the halls behind. The doors opened up into a vast atrium which showed its years of abandonment. A partially collapsed ceiling allowed the moonlight to shine through, and it illuminated the hall enough for me to see. Molded banners lined the walls of the hall, marking passages to other parts of the castle, while two great tapestries hung from a crumbling ceiling. One blue, one yellow, they depicted the moon and the sun, with two alicorns of corresponding colors standing underneath. Once, they may have been considered great works of art, but now they were naught but tattered and moth-eaten cloth. Further down the hall I could see that the room opened up; its vaulted ceilings long since collapsed.
It was late and I had had a long and trying day, but I was not willing to sleep out exposed to the elements, or falling ceiling debris for that matter. Surveying the off passages of the hall, I chose one at random and headed a little deeper into the castle. After I had moved a hundred feet or so down the way, I found a spot mostly devoid of rubble and sat down with my back to the wall. There, I made myself as comfortable as possible and, drawing my cloak around me, I settled in for the night.
I awoke in the early morning to a grumbling stomach. My stomach was so empty that it was physically painful; I hadn't eaten anything since the morning before, but the various excitements of the prior day had distracted me from thoughts of food. Luckily I still had a little bit of food left on my person. I opened my duffle and tore myself a hefty piece of the loaf I had left for breakfast and I chewed on it thoughtfully as I pondered my next move.
My food supply was nearly gone and I was going to be out of clean water soon, so that had to be a priority. The Everfree outside offered plenty of both and from experience it seemed like the forest was significantly safer during the day than it was at night. I also needed shelter and a more importantly a place to lay low from the locals, and this castle seemed to fit the bill. It was decently well insulated, could keep the wildlife out, and it looked as though it had been deserted for quite some time. In short, it was the perfect for me to hide out.
Now that my thoughts were no longer clouded by fatigue or hunger, I spent a couple of minutes examining the passage where I had spent the night. I could see the great hall from where I was seated, and the other end of the hallway continued on further than I could see. It was likely that the castle had several similar hallways, each equally as long. The ancient structure was full of all sorts of mystery, and if I was going to make it my home, I wanted to know more about it, so I started further down the passage where I had spent the night. It wasn't long before I was rewarded for my effort, when the passage opened up into a great library.
Whoever had originally inhabited the castle must have left in a great hurry, because they had left a great deal behind. A variety of dusty tomes lined the aging and decaying shelves, having inhabited the same homes for centuries. Tables and chairs that would have been used for reading still held their place on the floor, though some had fallen to their age. Stacks of books covered some of them, still where some careless reader had left them long ago.
By accident, I had stumbled across an incredible opportunity. Among the hundreds of ancient tomes and scrolls, there was bound to be some that held catalogs of history and of magic. I had found not just a place for me to hide, but a place for me to learn and grow. Eager to begin, I busied myself with finding books that could shed some light on my unique situation.
It took a bit of searching, but I eventually found an entire section of books devoted to magic and magic theory. I grabbed a stack and made my way to a long table in the center of the room. I set the books down and sat in a chair that was seated at the head of the table, and from there, I began to read.
I had always been a passionate reader, though back home I mostly enjoyed science fiction. The prospect of learning to use my powers efficiently excited me, and I tore through my reading material with a vigor that I hadn't felt in a long time. Each book I read on magical theory had a different side to share, and together they formed a clear picture of what magic was and how it worked.
Magic, as I now understood it, wasn't really all that different from physics. All of the laws of energy still applied, it was just that it was you in charge of the process instead of the universe. There was even a theory in one of the books that was amusingly called the conservation of magical energy. This meant that anything that was possible in my world was possible in this one too, but that I could cheat somewhat to get the process started. The possibilities were endless, and my mind was already churning through hundreds of the applications.
At its core, magic was about willpower and focus. The more willpower a person had, the more raw power they could throw into a spell, and the more focused they were, the more effective that spell would be. I had the willpower, now I just needed the focus, and that would come with practice; practice that I now had the liberty to engage in. This castle and its library was easily the best thing I had discovered during my time in Equestria.
It was late in the afternoon before I finally tore myself away from the stack of books that I had engrossed myself in. I cursed that I had let myself get distracted from my priority of finding food and that I had put myself in a more difficult position by letting the light of day slip away. I wasn't going to let what light remained go to waste, however, and I made my way back to the atrium and out the front door.
Once I got outside, I headed towards the rope bridge that separated the castle from the Everfree, but stopped just a few steps from the door. It was faint, but I was reasonably sure that I could hear the garbling sounds of water somewhere nearby. I scanned the horizon for less than a minute before my effort paid off. In the distance I could see a stream that snaked its way through the trees until it made its way to somewhere behind the castle. Excited, I made my way around the castle walls until I discovered that the stream came up right along the back parapet. All manner of foliage had begun to reclaim the land between the bank of the stream and the walls of the castle. To my great pleasure, much of the foliage along the water’s edge was bore all manner of small fruits, berries and nuts. As the light faded, I filled my duffle with as much produce as it would carry.
I returned to the castle before the sun disappeared below the horizon, but I didn't go back to the great library right away. One of the books that I had read earlier in the day had been an introductory guide to magic. It had been written for unicorns, so some of the information didn't match up, but I knew enough to substitute knowledge where I needed to. One of the things that the book had suggested was to start with levitation magic, because it was good for building control and focus without being overtly dangerous for beginners. It sounded reasonable enough, and I wanted to try and apply the things I had learned. The atrium afforded me plenty of space and material for my work, making it an ideal location for practice.
I found myself a chunk of ceiling that was big enough for me to focus on but not so heavy that it would put me under unnecessary strain. The book stated that levitation was best done by focusing on the object you wanted to levitate and then imagining it rising through the air. By focusing your magic and making a connection with the object, you could in theory lift it into the air as if you were lifting it with your hand. In this way, magic could be seen as an extension of yourself, and it would help if you thought of it that way.
Theory could only get you so far however, so I focused on the chunk of ceiling and called forth my magic, willing it skyward. A green glow enveloped the stone, but it did not budge. Undaunted, I willed more power into the levitation, but still the stone did not move. Now frustrated, I let loose my energy, and the chunk of ceiling launched skyward. It shot through a gap in the roof and disappeared into the night. I waited and listened for a moment, but I didn't hear it come back down. Not to be discouraged though, I started to look for another chunk of ceiling.
I spent several hours practicing and lost five more chunks of ceiling before I started getting the hang of things. I was exhausted from expending so much magical energy, but I was satisfied; I could now levitate a chunk of stone and move it through the air without launching it away. I was still far from an expert, but I was making progress and that was good enough for me.
After my first foray into magic that hadn't involved something exploding, I headed back to the library. The stone floors of the ancient castle were cold and hard, and I felt that I would be more comfortable in one of the chairs for the night. The chairs were old and worn, but they were better than the floor, and though it took me a while, eventually I was claimed by sleep.
