Eric

by Cloud blaze

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Random
Length: 3062

All Eric did was throw mountain dew at the grim reaper. Now he is stuck in candy land with a bunch of crazy ponys after his head.

When Eric pisses of the angel of death he is thrown into candyland. Now he has to survive in a hostile forest with a bunch of ponys trying to kill him

Note: Eric will be acting villainous in later chapters just bare with me.
Also he is NOT OVERPOWERD. In fact he has no magic at all. Just some competent wilderness survival skills

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-05 22:52:28 UTC

The reaper

All in all, I am having a bad day.  I went to the annual forest warden meeting and they suspended my. Something about not going to anyof the meetings and the fact that they just didnt like me.  They would not even let me stay for the party afterwards.  As I was driving home some rocks fell out of the back of this giant  semi and chipped the  windshield as well as scratching  my new subaru’s paint job.  I am getting desperate now so I drove to the nearest convenience store and bought six 2Ls of mountain dew and some Vodka to mix up some drinks later. The wind is picking up as imI drive home, the guy on the news is saying that some freak storm in brewing south of our town and that I should stay indoors.

When I get back to my house my driveway is completely covered with assorted shit. Some shingles have blown of my neighbour's house and and scattered around my drive way with the nails pointing up at me. I park my car on the street next to my drive way and start picking up the shingles. Its wall going swell until i stepped on a  nail and it goes right through my shoe into my foot. “WHAT THE FUCK, GODDAMIT!” Some little old lady across the street walking her dog gives me the finger at keeps walking. SIghing I pull the nail out of my shoe, grab my drinks and walk into my house.

My house is a two story condo with a unfinished basement. I had the choice of finishing it or getting my subaru and I chose the cool car. I am still in the process of moving in so there is piles of boxes and bags strewn around the floor.

I wade through the piles of assorted junk into the back of my house where i had cleared a space for drinks, my tv and the xbox. I throw in call of duty and join a lobby. Within in minutes i'm swearing into my mike and raging at the poor people on my team.  Eventually I hear a knock at the door at goto open it.

On my doorstep there is a black robed figure holding a scythe and staring at my with glowing red eyes. “I have come for you” He says in a raspy voice.

“NOPE” And I slam the door in his face and run back into the house. I'm thinking it was probably just some teenage kid playing some practical joke until hear a hissing sound the door blows up behind me. Not looking back I grab the closest thing which happens to be a open bottle of mountain dew and throw it behind me. I run into the kitchen and grab my pocket knife. turning around i see a very wet grim reaper snarling at my with his scythe on fire.

I take one look at the flaming sytch and run out of the hole that used to be my front door. I jump over the hedge and make my way to my car. Just and I reach the door to my car a ball of black fire hits the back of the car and disintegrates it

I start running up the street when I hear a honking behind me. I turn around and see the grim reaper in a mother fuckin harly speeding towards me. I jump aside and he speeds past me. I hear the honking again and I see a semi truck with black skulls on the side speeding around the corner. “ O fuck me” And everything went dark.

“SPIKE!” I open my eyes and see this purple form standing over me. I blink a couple time and the form sharpens into… A unicorn? The unicorn thingy was staring at me with wide eyes. Suddenly the horn on top of her head starts to glow. Without thinking I lash out and grab the horn. The glow appears to be halted by my hand, all that is happening is the unicorn has a look of deep concentration on her face. I let go of the horn and am immediately thrown backwards into a bookshelf. The unicorn advances on my with a gleam in her eyes.

“Spike come down here quickly.” she says while staring at me. “ I think I may have soumound some intelligent life again.”

“Do you want me to bring the axe?” A little kid’s voice responds

After hearing the word axe I jump up and grab the nearest thing to me, a book. The unicorns horn starts to glow again so i impale the book on her horn.  She stumbles back and I jump out a window that was left open next to a bed.

As soon as I hit the ground I roll and take off running through what appears to be a town. As far as I can see the whole town is populated by ponies and looks like it came straight out of a children's book. The roofs are thatched and the houses resemble old victorian style condos. Soon i've left the town behind and i'm staring at a sinister looking forest. I hear a small explosion behind me and I can see the purple unicorn flying towards me in a bubble. I turn around and sprint into the forest.

I sprint through the trees, jumping over stumps and crashing through vines and brambles. After about fifteen minutes I slow down and start hiding my tracks. I climb half way up a tree and star jumping from tree to tree like a freaking ninja. Soon I can see a stone structure through the tangle of vines and branches. As I get closer the structure turn into a giant running castle that looks like it had been abandoned for about ten years max. As I walked around the ruin i noticed a tower that had a hole in one of the walls. I walked into it and started to set up a camp.

The tower

I examine the bottom floor of the tower. The stairs were broken and I did not want to get up there just yet. The room had some broken wooden furniture and a door. I try the door and finds that it still works. The hinges could use a little oil but I will take what I can get.  I walk back into the trees and drag a couple of fallen branches onto the hole. I arrange the branches to form a sort of grid covering the hole. I use smaller branches to fill in the grid and make a translucent wall. I use moss and leaves to cover up the makeshift wall and to insulate it.  I grab some good size stones and start building a fire pit  near the door.

That done I walk back into the tower and start shifting some of the broken furniture outside to burn. I move half of a desc and see something gleaming from under the wreckage. I shift the rest of the desk and find a pair of spears. one of the spear’s handle is broken so i snap the handle close to the point to make a knife. I lean the other spear close to the door for hunting.

Going back out to the fire pit I grab my knife and a softwood willow log. I carve a groove into the log and sharpen a stick to a point. I place a pile of tinder onto a flat stone and get to work. After about ten minutes of rubbing I get the wood dust to smolder and get a small flame. I transfer that to my  pile of tinder and I get a small fire. Night is falling fast so I do my best to cover up the fire with half a log to keep some coals for the next morning.

I wake up the next morning cold, hungry and thirsty. my fire still had some coals at the bottom so I can light another one after I find some food. I follow the sound of running water until I get to a creek. The water looks clean enough so I drink some and start looking for anything edible. I am  searching for some berry in a bush when I hear the sound of something colliding with the ground next to me. I look around and see a perfectly good coconut lying between to roots. “How the hell did this even grow here?” I mumble to myself as I pick up the coconut. I look up and see that there are coconuts growing around the top of a spruce tree. “Not even going there.” I look around and find four more coconuts on the ground. I grab them and head back to the tower.

When I get back to the tower I crack open one of the coconuts and drink the milk. After I scrape all of the meat off and store it on a flat stone I washed in the creek. I fill the coconut shell up with water and put it in the fire to boil. When its boiling I take it out with two y shaped sticks I found in the trees. I set aside my new drinking water and  grab my knife. I pick up a piece of wood and start carving it with my knife. Ive never been to proud of my carving skills but I managed to carve a spoon like object for eating.

I find some wild onions in what looks to be an abandoned garden on the west side of the tower. I peel them and boil a few pieces at the bottom of a coconut shell. I then add some stinging nettles and wait for my makeshift soup to simmer.

I send the night sitting in front of my fire and eating my delicious soup. I decide to check out the rest of the tower tomorrow morning. I fall asleep on my makeshift bed make out of rubble from the tower and have some weird dreams about some blue pony running through the forest.

The next morning I start working on getting up to the next floor of the tower, the stairs were shattered but I managed to make three piles of wood that I could climb over to get to the next floor. I climb up and have a look around. there is a rack of spears leaning against a wall, the rest of the room is taken up by a stone spiral staircase that leads to the top of the tower. I start climbing the staircase and find myself in this sort of dungeon. There is a metal cage containing the skeleton of some long dead unicorn. Bits of star emblazoned clothing hang from the unicorns body. Three gold rings were slid down its horn as to stop it from using magic. next to it lies a blue wizard hat covered it bells and stars.

I grab a key hanging on a hook embedded in the wall and I open the cage door. I grab the rings and put them on. I look around the room and find a bowl and goblet on a table. next to the table lies a couple barrels.  I walk up to the one that is  open and take a look. “Is that booze?” I look at the other barrels and they are all marked with a big red apple. “probably cider” I mutter to myself as I examine the unopened barrel. I grab the barrel and carry it down the the bottom floor. I put the barrel next to the bed and go back upstairs to grab the rack of spears.

On the way down I can drop one of the spears and it gets stuck in my wood pile. I try and pry it out put its embedded in one of the bottom logs. I start moving wood and find that the spear had embedded itself in a wooden trapdoor. I move the rest of the wood and try to lift the trap door. it appears to be locked so I jump on it as  hard as I can and the wood splinters. I jump again and the wood completely beaks and I fall through the hole.

The forge

As the trapdoor breaks under my feet the only thing that is running through my head is “ O SHITTTTT!” I land on the stone floor and feel all the air get pushed out of my lungs. Panting I get up and look around. The light from the hole in the trap door illuminates what looks like a blacksmiths forge. There is a anvil and a work table laid out next to the forge. A rack of assorted weapons is lined up next to the anvil. There is a lever next to the forge, I pull it and a red glow light up the rest of the room. Lava, and I mean honest to gold molten rock flows out of a hole in the wall and into a basin underneath a tank made of some black material. I grab a knife blade off the worktable and put it into the tank through a metal hatch I watch through some glass as the dagger melts into molten iron and flows down a pipe at the bottom. I look at the bottom of the tank and see a valve handing over a pattern of a dagger blade. I turn the valve and the iron pours out into the pattern and starts to cool. I hear a grinding noise and a blue crystal plate slides out of the side of the tank and is lowered by a metal claw onto the pattern. I can hear a faint hiss and the plate slide back up into the tank.

I look at the pattern and see that the iron had solidified into a dagger blade. It needed some filling along the edges but in all it looked pretty good. I look back at the work desk and see that there is a chest next to it. I open it and find more patterns for weapons and tools. There are patterns for axes, chains, picks, and every weapon you can imagine. I look at what appears to be the pattern for a double bladed metal scythe with a metal rod connecting the two together. “Ahhh yea” I shout as i fit the pattern into the slot under the valve. I look behind the tank and find piles of metal ingots and alloys. one pile in the back is made out of a jet black material. I pick up a ingot and examine it. “ Holy shit, that's obsidian”. I throw a couple ingots into the tank and watch the obsidian melt. I pour it into the pattern and before I know it I am looking at my badass obsidian scythe

(This is not the actual scythe, I found this on the internet and it looks close enough)

I file off the edges and for the first time notice a indent in the middle of the scythe for a gem. I search around the room and find a chest labeled gems. I open it and look inside. The inside of the chest is little with cloth and a sparkling ruby in placed on a little pedestal. I grab the ruby and it slips  into the indent.

The moment the gem fits into the scythe, the blades start to glow and a humming noise can be heard. I pick up the scythe and hear a small voice in my head. “Good day, master”

“HOLY SHIT” I scream as I throw the scythe onto the stone floor. One of the blade strikes the stone and sink right through.

“Just because you dropped me does not mean I'm still not a part of you now.”

“Ok, first of all, who the fuck are you and how the hell are you in my head?”

“I am Penumbra. My spirit was harvested like the others for the purpose of weapon making. When you put the gem into the scythe my spirit was transferred into it and thus into you.

“Lolwat?”

“Uhggg, basicly I was inside that gem and now i'm inside your head.”

“Ok, so how do I get you out?”

You don’t, I was put in that gem to provide help for the owner.”

“Can you do  fus ro dah?”

“No”

“Fine then, if you're supposed to help me, how do I get out of here?”

“Just use the stairs.”

I turn around and see a spiral staircase leading up. “Wow im a idiot” I say as i'm walking up the staircase. When I get to the top I find myself in a small ruin behind the tower. I walk back to the tower. I prepare my supper of stinging nettle soup. I'm stilling beside my fire, contemplating my life when I hear the sound of branches breaking and voices talking to each other further in the trees.

“You should probably go soo what that is” Penumbra whispers in my head.

Im still not accustomed to having someone watching my every moment and judging me the whole while. Singing I get to my feet and pick up the scythe. I start walking through the trees until I find the source of the noise. A dark blue unicorn with wings was walking through the forest with two beefed up normal ponies.  The dark blue one appears the be talking to the other ones.

“Twilight has informed us that this creature is fast and resourceful. I want you two to check out the caves near the swamp. I will search the dragon caves to the south.” The two beefed up ponies salute and run off. The blue one starts trotting towards my tower. I follow her and watch as she stops near the door.”Its been a long time, Starswirl, I hope you can forgive me. I think that she is just going to keep walking but then she notices my improvised wall and firepit. “ I thought this place to be abandoned.” She says again going to examine the wall. I sneak up behind her and before she can do more that stair at the firepit I nail her in the back of the head with the flat blade of my scythe. As she falls into unconsciousness I catch her and bring her into the tower.