Whether We Like It or Not

"Why would we head west? The east is at least more likely to have something that can help us!"

"We disagree. Thou dost not know of this forest as well as us! The west is a wiser direction to travel!"

"You lived in a rundown old castle! I lived with the rest of my hive, exploring every part of this forest as one!"

"It would seem that thou hadn't explored every part."

You might wanna get used to this. Me waking up to the sound of their arguing, I mean. You get used to it, surprisingly. I, however, was not at that point yet.

"Counterpoint: North?" I offered, lifting an arm from my laid back position to better address them. I would have just sat up so that I could face them, but my still aching ribs decidedly made that seem like too much effort. The sound of their arguing stopped as they realized that I was awake, leaving a slightly uncomfortable silence in the cave that was only interrupted by the sound of the occasional owl from outside.

"Hm. Perhaps Sir Jeremy holds reason." Nightmare Moon hummed. I could hear hoof steps as she closed the short distance between us once more.

It felt strange to have slept through the day and to wake up at night. I definitely was not adapted to a nocturnal sleep schedule. I'm certainly not going to complain about it though. The idea of walking around during the day had, lets say, lost its charm.

Finally trotting into my limited view, Nightmare Moon looked down to me with a slight smile. "How go your injuries, Sir Jeremy?"

I returned the smile, albeit forcibly, as I glancing down to my chest and lifted my less than ideally kept shirt collar with a finger. I could quite clearly see many blackened blotches of skin, some of which a little more obvious through the tears in my clothes.

"Well, it doesn't hurt as much as before when I'm not moving, so that's probably a good sign."

She rolled her eyes at the obviously horrible joke. Her horn began to glow as my body suddenly felt lighter than before, as though a significant chunk of weight was being removed. This helped out with my pain immensely, and while I had no exact answer as to what was going on, the very faint blue glow around me gave me an idea.

Magic, everyone's favorite 'hand wave' answer for uncertainty in this world.

Suddenly finding it much easier for me to move, to the point that I probably could even stand up easily if I wanted, I nodded my thanks to Nightmare Moon.

As for Chrysalis, a quick glance her way showed that she was evidently still much more focused on the argument she and Nightmare Moon were having.

"So. Would you prefer to make it a unanimous vote and start making our way north, or are you gonna stick to your guns and lose the vote 2 to 1?"

"... I dislike you."

"Good afternoon to you too."

Chrysalis grumbled under her breath at this, already turning to face the entrance to the cave. Next to me, I could hear Nightmare Moon snicker.

"Fine then, have it your way. We go north. We have 12 hours before the sun rises again. Stick together, keep quick, and we should survive."

Nightmare Moon nodded in agreement, gesturing for me to follow as she quickly followed behind Chrysalis.

"A bit too quickly", I thought at the time.

With the pain I felt being much less intense than before, I was able to catch up to the two rather easily, meeting up with them just outside of the cave's entrance.

"Any particular reason we're in such a rush?" I asked as I rounded the corner of the cave. "We already got away from the guards at Canterlot. Why else should we be worried?"

"Oh, I don't know," Chrysalis began, sarcasm already dripping from her voice. "Maybe it has to do with the fact that we're in one of the most dangerous forests in Equestria!"

I blinked. Something about what she had said seemed to ring a bell in my head, but I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.

It was as the cave's entrance came into view that it hit me. Or, rather, what was outside of the cave.

"Wait, what do you-" I stopped mid-sentence as I was met with concerningly familiar sights. Darkened trees with high canopies, vines hanging down like almost living snakes, odd looking plants that you would likely never see anywhere else, and occasionally the odd shadow rushing through the plant life. I was, unfortunately, quite intimate with this forest. Mostly because I had lived in it for a while.

"The fucking Everfree!?"

I received a near synchronized shush from both Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis. I winced, but quickly corrected my volume nonetheless.

I was more than a little aware of how many things there are around there that would jump at the opportunity to silence sources of any loud noises might be echoing. I had nearly been turned into manticore feed more times than I could count, timber wolves a handful of times, and on a couple of occasions I had suffered the wrath of weird plants.

One of which involved a giant Venus Fly Trap. The other... Poison Joke...

I refuse to speak about that experience...

"Here?" I asked in a whisper. "Why here!?"

"'Tis the only location the two of us could recall that my 'sister' wouldst never attempt to follow." Nightmare Moon responded. She watched our surroundings with care, her ears twitching at so much as the slightest noise.

"It's not like it was my first choice." Chrysalis added, her face blank as she gave out a shrug. "But it wasn't like we had many options."

I couldn't believe it. I managed to escape from a prison cell only to end up in a forest that could best be described as 'every wild life documentary ever, but only the violent parts where you see elk get eaten alive by lions'. Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire. I took in a deep breath, filling my lungs with that familiar Everfree air, before just as slowly letting it out again.

"... So... north?" I glanced towards the two, noticing them both nod their heads.

"North."

They both responded, once again in sync, before looking to each other in annoyance.

For a moment, I vainly hoped that things maybe wouldn't be that bad.

While it hadn't been horrendous it wasn't a pleasant walk in the park. While my two former cellmates had somehow walked through the forest with little to no issue, I was constantly rubbing my legs on thorn bushes and thistles. The spell that Nightmare Moon cast helped me walk, sure, but it didn't help me see any better in the dark. Granted, my eyes had adapted to the dark over time, making me see better than most other humans would at night, but I was competing with the former princess of the night and an insectoid with night vision. Not really a fair contest, is it?

On the dim side though, I was finally able to look at something that wasn't a ceiling for the first time in what felt like forever. Call me cliche, but there's a reason I always tried to work in lots of windows or sunroofs into blueprints I made at work. I always figured it was healthy, if only spiritually, to be able to look outside and see the sky from whatever office or room you were in. It could be soul crushing to stare at cubicle walls or shades of gray for extended periods of time.

I personally even left my windows open at night. Sometimes, when I was particularly stressed, I would lean against the windowsill and take in a fresh breath of air. Then I'd look up at the sky and just... not think. It was nice, and something that I was actually never able to do all that much of back on Earth.

Now, after being crammed inside a small room for so long? I wasn't likely to take the sight of the sky for granted for a while. Especially at night. It was dark, yet bright. Solemn, yet cheerful. It was everything that I was hoping it would be and more. It just felt right, you know?

The sound of Nightmare Moon's voice took me out of my thoughts, which I had apparently been rather lost in.

"Dost ye enjoy our night?"

Nightmare Moon had now been matching my pace as she walked to my immediate left, a small smile on her face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We had all been traveling for over an hour's worth of time, the Everfree constantly seeming to revolve around us with every step we took, splitting itself apart in an effort to allow us three to journey through its many mysterious trails. The changeling queen, Chrysalis, had been leading us in our quest for escape. She did not seem to hold any fear nor emotion whatsoever as we continued down the deadly forest in which my 'sister' and I had once inhabited.

Time and time again, I would hear Sir Jeremy grunt in discomfort as he followed us two, likely not possessing the same proficiency to the dark that Chrysalis and I did. I held my simple weight spell constantly upon him, hoping that I might limit Sir Jeremy's discomfort to that caused by the forest, rather than also that of his injuries.

'Twas not long a time into our journey that I glanced back to ensure that he was keeping pace. Fortunately, he seemed able, despite his current state.

More surprisingly, however, was where exactly his attention lied. Rather, than focusing on the path before him, his eyes were far more focused on the sky. My sky.

I slowed my pace to match his until I was just by his side. Yet, he was blissfully oblivious of my arrival. I must confess, I took the moment to enjoy the sight of a subject observing my night--or at least what once was my night--before deciding it best to make myself known

"Dost ye enjoy our night?" I asked,

He turned with a start, and I could help but give out a brief laugh as I followed his prior gaze to the stars above. Even then, I could feel the ephemeral energy of faraway stars empower me, bit by bit, like trickles of water into a vast ocean.

"Oh. Sorry about that, zoned out for a second." He returned to his focus above. "To answer your question, yeah, I do. Its been so long since I've seen the night sky, I'd almost completely forgotten how nice it looked." I felt my face warm itself slightly as he said this, but fortunately he did not seem to notice.

"We are glad that ye think so, Sir Jeremy. Few other ponies seem to appreciate the stars and moon as ye do in these times."

"Really? I can't see why. I mean, sure, people, er, ponies, need their sleep from time to time, but there's no way they can just not notice something above their heads for half of the day, right?"

I could not help but to sigh at the statement. Were it only as simple as he had claimed.

"I'm afraid that ye do not understand, Sir Jeremy." There was a moment of pause before he gave a response.

"... Probably not. But I can at least add some perspective. What do you think humans like me do at night?" I raised a brow as he brought up this question. I was uncertain of what he had meant by 'adding perspective'.

"We are not sure. Mayhaps ye rests?" He shook his head with an earnest smile.

"Not all of them. For humans, the night isn't just a time for us to sleep. If anything, we think of the night as a time to really... well, let loose." I didn't quite comprehend what he had meant by this at the time.

" 'Let loose'?"

"Yeah. Let loose. Humans would throw parties, go out for walks, even go out with the people they love so that they can enjoy the night together." This was surprising to hear. I had never heard of so much activity during the time of my night. "Sure, some prefer the day, and that's fine. Others though? Well, there are plenty of folk who find more charming things about the night. I mean, its relaxing, its peaceful, and it certainly helps that its nice to look at."

A brow of mine raised as I watched the human, images of others of his kind singing and dancing under my moonlight flashing through my mind.

"And which type of human would you happen to fall under, if you do not mind our asking."

Jeremy looked towards me with a plain smile.

"I've always been a bit of a night owl, I'd say."

I once again felt a warmth rise to my face. Still, I could also feel the corners of my lips rise seemingly without my own control.

"... Thank you, Sir Jeremy."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It's no problem, Nightmare Moo- "

I found myself getting cut off mid-word as I rubbed against a particularly ornery set of thorns, which not only decided to sting quite a bit, but also tear up my already ruined pants. What fun.

"For the love of- How the hell are you two avoiding all this? These bushes are all over the place." I questioned.

"Maybe if you pay attention to where you're actually walking, you'll be able to avoid hurting yourself so much." Chrysalis chimed in from ahead of us. Much to her own word, she did not take her gaze off of the path even once.

"In case you haven't noticed, I don't have night vision like you two." I returned. It was a bit irksome hearing her laugh ahead of me.

"Too bad. Especially since the Everfree Forest is full of deadly creatures that do."

I could practically hear her smirk from where I was.

With a roll of my eyes, I glanced back to Nightmare Moon, who was also looking towards Chrysalis' direction. Concerningly, she had a look on her face that, at the time, I had no idea what it meant. Nowadays, I know it as an expression of thought. Specifically, the plotting kind of thought.

After about another three hours of walking, we had managed to get past the more 'thorny' part of the Everfree Forest, thank Christ.

Chrysalis and Nightmare Moon had been silent, for the most part, and I wasn't exactly teeming with much small talk to pass the time either. Nightmare Moon had sped up her pace again somewhat, returning to her original position in between Chrysalis and I. As for me, I was doing fine aside from a few dizzy spells I would have from time to time...
Okay, a lot of dizzy spells.

Nightmare Moon may have handled a good portion of my pain with that spell of hers, but she couldn't exactly have taken care of the fact that I had only recently started eating and drinking adequately again. Granted, the berries and water that the two brought me were delicious and decently satisfying, but it took more than a single day's worth of food for the human body to recover from a state like mine was in.

At some point, I only barely managed to stop myself from falling over as I grabbed onto a nearby tree branch. Both Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis seemed to have taken notice of this, and they had thankfully waited for me to gather my bearings.

"Is all well, Sir Jeremy?" Nightmare Moon asked. I forced a smile.

"I'm fine. Just a little dizzy." Was I lying? Kinda. Was I telling the truth? Also kinda!

I should have figured that it wouldn't be that easy though. Before I could even understand what was happening, I suddenly my intimate connection with the ground below me severed. The magical aura at the edge of my vision became somewhat more vibrant, and a faint hum started to fill my ears.

As I suddenly found myself floating through the air, I flailed about in an attempt to trying to get back to the ground as quickly as I could. I was not okay with floating. I respected Isaac Newton as a man, as well as a scientist, and as such preferred to continue following his law of gravity, thank you very much.

"Nightmare Moon, put me down!" I said, just barely keeping myself from screaming. We were still in the Everfree at night, after all.

Chrysalis clearly thought the whole thing must have been hilarious, judging from the laugh she let out as she watched me struggle like an flailing deer. She stood there and just watched me awkwardly try to adjust to the new situation I found myself in for a bit before turning around and starting walk off. Nightmare Moon, in the mean time, smiled as she trotted along, floating me over by her side.

"Do not fret, Sir Jeremy, for we do not plan on carrying you throughout the night." It was concerning to hear her phrase it the way she did. It was even more concerning when I saw her narrow her eyes towards Chrysalis, all the while keeping the same smile.

By the time I pieced together what she was implying, she had already floated me above Chrysalis before slowly placing me down onto her back. I shivered as I was sat onto Chrysalis like one would ride a horse back on Earth, not quite used to either the feeling of riding a horse or the unique variation of it I was now experiencing involving Chrysalis's cold exoskeleton. At least, I was pretty sure it could be classified as an exoskeleton.

To say that Chrysalis was less than eager for this to have happened would be... it would just be.

Chrysalis stopped walking again. Her head turned sharply in response to the source of weight on her back, and were it not for the fact that her head were connected to her neck, I'm pretty sure it would have flown far away with how quickly she jerked back when she came face to face with me.

I'd imagine the sheepish smile and wave I gave didn't help to relieve the situation all that much.

"And just what are you doing?" She asked, her horn suddenly far too close to me for my own liking.

Nightmare Moon elected to respond before I could.

"Sir Jeremy seemed to be having some difficulty, so we decided that he wouldst' require more rest." The expression that Chrysalis gave to Nightmare Moon in return was illegible, but it obviously wasn't positive.

"Then why did you put him on my back?" Chrysalis retorted. I, in the mean time, was doing my best to ensure I had as little physical contact with Chrysalis as I possibly could, considering the circumstance.

"We need to continue advancing, do we not?"

"Yes, but not like this!" Chrysalis rebuked. Nightmare Moon didn't even bother glancing back to her as she walked past with a certain satisfaction to her step.

"As thou hast said thyself, 'Too bad'. Point to Nightmare Moon, it had seemed. She didn't say another word, though I could swear she was humming some random tune under her breath. She had, quite clearly, already decided to remove herself from the conversation. I, on the other had...

I felt my throat get just the slightest bit dryer as I looked back to Chrysalis, who looking towards the alicorn with the most flummoxed expression I had ever seen her have.

"I'll just get off now-"

"No you won't." I froze as she interrupted me. For a second, I thought I had heard her wrong.

"Pardon?"

"As much as I hate to say it, she's right. We're better off with you like this than having to slow down for you every minute or so." A part of me wanted to say that she was being compassionate. That she was actually at least the slightest bit concerned about me. The other, much louder part of me decided to slam the former part into a locker after beating it up for lunch money. It stated that she was following the clear logic that had been placed before her.

"If you ever bring this up again though, I'll give you even more of a reason to need carrying."

On a totally unrelated subject, never tell her I talked about this. She will kill me, and I will strangle you before she manages to.

... The hell you mean 'I can certainly try'???

As I was nibbling on one of the berries that we had found in our trip, I couldn't help but find the current situation to be at least the slightest bit uncomfortable. For the past hour or so we'd once again been walking in silence. Or rather, Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis were walking; I was busy trying to keep from chafing.

Despite my and Chrysalis' insistence, Nightmare Moon wouldn't let me set foot on the ground. So, I was stuck riding on Chrysalis' back through the whole night.

Its one thing to feel like you're causing a friend trouble, even if she didn't technically think of me as a friend, but its another to literally be riding on top of them. Especially since both Nightmare Moon and Chrysalis were taller than me, by at least two heads at that. So now, not only was I riding on Chrysalis, but I couldn't see in front of me! Maybe I'm just being overly self-conscious about this, but I didn't particularly appreciate feeling like a kid. It was patronizing.

Besides that though, the only other major problem with this situation was how boring it was. It was like a broken record. 'Tamp, tamp, crunch, rustle. Tamp, tamp, crunch, rustle. Tamp, tamp, crunch, rustle!' Christ alive, I could practically hear someone creating an annoying pop song to the beat of this that would inevitably get stuck in my head.

Still, its not like boring is a bad thing in the Everfree forest. Its either boredom or pure adrenaline as you run away from whatever horrifying creature was trying to make you into its next meal. Or use you as a chew toy. Or rip off your skin.

I'm rambling again, point is I couldn't stay quiet any longer.

"... So, anypony know how to pass the time?" I asked, cracking my back in an effort to get rid of the many knots that had built up. This was why horses normally wore saddles. That and my butt was starting to go numb. Then again, I was riding on a insect-pony hybrid.

"How exactly would we do that?" Chrysalis asked, glancing back to me with a slight turn of her head. I shrugged.

"I don't know, I thought maybe we could just... talk, or something." I really didn't want to be alone with my thoughts any longer. Not while I had nothing to do. It gets annoying up there at the best of times, downright sad at the worst.

With a roll of her eyes, Chrysalis' attention was back on the path ahead of her.

"Perhaps ye can regale us with a tale from your past?" Nightmare Moon suggested.

"Like a story?" I asked.

When Nightmare Moon nodded, I let out a mental sigh of relief over the fact that I had understood her correctly. Chrysalis glanced to me again, a sarcastic smile on her face.

"Oh yes, please! Fascinate us with whatever you had done in your life before being arrested. I'm soooooo interested." Someone needed a nap.

"Ha ha, very funny." I replied, drawing a smile from Chrysalis.

"I thought it was. Now, under any other circumstances, I would ask about whatever crime it was that landed you in prison." I narrowed my eyes at the theme that seemed to constantly repeat with her.

"I don't remem-"

"But, since you're so dead set with the idea of not telling us, I'll just settle for what you used to do before you were arrested." I continued to glare at her for a moment or two, though she didn't seem to notice.

I let out a sigh of frustration and pinched the bridge of my nose in annoyance. I thought back on it and, honestly, I was surprised I had never talked to either of them about this before.

I mean, I guess we didn't really make conversation that didn't take the form of idle arguments, plus we never really brought it up with each other, so...

"All right. Well, I worked as an architectural engineer in Canterlot."

" 'Architectural Engineer'?"

"Ye were a builder?" Both Chrysalis and Nightmare Moon suddenly commented.

"Um, yeah. I mean, I didn't build anything, I just made the designs. Schematics and the like." Nightmare Moon gave out a slight hum as she nodded in understanding, while Chrysalis glanced back with the slightest bit of interest.

"Anyways, it was a pretty good job. Good pay, nice ponies, and I even chose my own hours. Plus, I was doing something I actually liked a decent amount, so that was a bonus I guess." I may or may not have been underselling how much I liked my job. I'm pretty sure plenty of ponies hated how much energy I had at work while they were nursing their fourth cups of coffee. Or, for one particular pony, their 18th.

My guess was that it was because many of the ponies that worked there didn't exactly have their so called "special talent" based around the business. That might sound weird, but not everyone can really make a living based off of what their cutie mark told them they were great at. Plus, some folk had their special talents at least adjacent to the field, and it was plenty.

Sure, there were a good portion of them that were pretty good at things like structuring and demolition and such, but a lot of other ponies had cutie marks for things interior decorating, or calligraphy, and other stuff like that.

"I was lucky, simple as. I didnt even think I'd have that job when I first moved to Canterlot. It just sorta... happened? See, I was heading home after looking for some furniture when there were these two ponies-"

********************************************

So far, the move was going pretty well. Though, some of my neighbors were snooty as all hell. So much so that even if they had poles up their asses, it still wouldn't make a difference to how uptight they were. 'Stop with all that racket!', 'Can't you see that some ponies are trying to relax here!', 'How rude!'. That kind of stuff. I don't know how they expected me to be quiet while I was moving a sofa, of all things, but I did know that it was annoying.

Luckily, there were still some nice ponies in the town. The furniture store I went to made it quite clear that they wanted nothing more than to keep their customers satisfied, which included bringing over furniture to the buyers house, even though it wasn't necessary. They weren't being obligated by their manager or looking for tips, but actually doing it because they wanted to. So naturally, as soon as they finished, they absolutely got a god damn tip.

Still, I cringed as I thought back to how much funds I had at the time. Right now though, I was just focused on getting back home. It was getting late and soon Celestia would completely lower the sun and make way for Luna's moon...

I still couldn't get my head around that concept.

And that when I heard it...

"What do you mean, 'he's sick'! He's been 'sick' for the last two months!" The sound of someone yelling. A part of me wanted to just avoid it, but it was kind of coming from the same direction that I was headed. So yeah, that was out, unless I wanted to take a detour in a town I barely knew.

"Look, that's the message he sent me. Whether he's sick or not, I'm not too sure, but either way, I still need to know what kind of material I should use for this support beam." That drew my attention even more.

Back home, I actually really enjoyed physics, and I was trying to get a career in architecture going. Well, before I ended up in pony land, that is.

Suddenly, I cared much more about the fact that the two were in my way. If anything, I was just more interested.

And it wasn't hard to spot them, both sat against the plain wooden fence of someone's home.

One of them was an earth pony with red fur, an orange mane, and a measuring stick as his cutie mark. The other, to my confusion, was a unicorn that wore a suit and tie coupled with yellow tinted sunglasses. His fur was brown and his mane was colored just about the same. Though, he had the pony equivalent of a buzz cut, and he had a cutie mark of a protractor, surrounded by the white lines a person would normally see on a schematic. The latter of the two was currently floating the building schematics in front of the both of them.

"I swear, when I get my hooves on him... Look, I think that if we were to put the support column right... there," he said, pointing at a part of the sheet, "it would be able to get things going without issue."

"Yeah, but we'd end up putting a support beam in the middle of the room."

I rubbernecked the paper that the two were looking at as I passed by. Sure enough, whoever had made the schematics had seemingly lacked some serious foresight. By all means, this shouldn't have gotten past the drawing board. But, judging by the fact that these two were arguing about it in the first place, it had reached far enough down the assembly line that it was too late to go back and make any major changes. Best they could probably do was add a couple of band aids and hope that their client wouldn't mind.

"True, but it's all we got. If you got any better ideas then why don't you go ahead and say 'em."

I chimed in before I could remind myself that I was, in fact, eavesdropping,

"You could just cover it in drywall and repurpose it as a bookshelf. That would make it into more of a centerpiece than some weird afterthought."

GOD, I wanna punch myself in the face when I think back on that moment. Was I really that unable to keep from commenting?

"... What did you say?"

It was right about then that I realized the situation that I was in.

"Um... I just figured... you could make it seem nice while being functional... is all."

Am I normally shy? No. Do I have even the slightest clue as to whether or not I had offended these possibly dangerous ponies that were in front of me, or made them think that I was some weirdo that was spying on them? No. Did I need to be nervous? Refer to question B and get back to me on that. You'll figure it out.

For some time, the two ponies stayed silent, glancing to and from the building blueprints and me.

"I'll just be going now... Bye."

I walked more than a little quicker than I normally would. And I... also took a couple of detours, just in case.

Even back then, I knew I'd likely just made a memory that would come up whenever I was trying to sleep from then on. I rubbed my palms against my face as I sighed and glanced out the window. The ponies from the store had kept their word and, since I didn't really have much else to offer, I gave them a pretty hefty tip. Though, I think that I may have slightly overextended myself. They sure weren't expecting it.

At least all the furniture was in the house now.

I figured that maybe I'd be able to unpack the last of my things in relative peace and try to sleep off the rest of the day.

The knock I immediately heard at the door very quickly destroyed whatever hope I had of that rather quickly though. I groaned as I pried myself off the newly purchased and adjusted couch, walked to the door, practically slammed it open. I was about to give those neighbors of mine a piece of my mind.

"Alright, alright already! Keep your pants on, motherfu-" I froze as I opened the door, noticing the same two ponies from before were there, looking at me with raised brows.

"Uh... We're not wearing pants."

********************************************

"If they were not wearing pants, then why didst ye claim they were?"

"It's a figure of speech, Nightmare Moon. It means to calm down, basically." I explained. "Like I was saying, as it turned out, those two were the co-founders of one of Canterlot's more successful construction companies, 'Hooves and Elbow Grease'. They had come by to tell me that my idea was actually really effective, and best of all, they even offered me a job!"

"Hm. They must have been desperate." Chrysalis commented.

"Would it kill you to say one nice thing about me?" She gave a snicker. "... Well fuck you too."

I turned my attention towards Nightmare Moon, who's unimpressed frown aimed towards Chrysalis spoke volumes.

"Anything else you want to hear about?"

********************************************

"Mr. Tendhoof, I've got those schematics you asked for." I told my regular customer, unfolding the blue roll of paper until it laid flat onto the table before us.

"Thanks Jeremy. And you can call me 'Hardhat'."

TendHoof was always a rather relaxed stallion. He never really took anything too seriously outside of his job, unless it was absolutely necessary. He had an orange-yellow coat with an even darker colored orange mane. He was an earth pony. In fact, he was a hell of an earth pony, the biggest one that I had met; he rivaled even even the size of a quiet red stallion I had seen back in Ponyville. As for his cutie mark, it was that of a hammer with several nails and a yellow hardhat on top.

I wasn't sure why at the time, but whenever he came over to the company for new schematics he would always ask for me personally. As it turned out, he just really liked the designs and some of the ideas I brought to the table. I guess some of the stuff I had learned back home was relatively new knowledge here in Equestria, so I was bringing some interesting new concepts to attention.

"Sorry about the short notice by the way but the pony that wanted us to build this place cut our time limit. We had to pick up the pace if we ever wanted to make it on time."

Placing two paperweights on the side of the blueprints so it wouldn't be blown off of the table, I looked to my client and waved my arm at him dismissively. "It's no problem, it was a slow week anyway. Besides, haven't I always pulled through for you, TendHoof?"

Rolling his eyes, he nodded, a comical smile on his face. "And that's why I usually choose you to be my building designer. Though, I do have some questions about this ventilation system you added..."

Looking over the schematics again, he began to silently read out the details of the plans again. I barely started to lean over alongside him when I felt him slug my arm. Considering he was an earth pony and he had hooves instead of fists, it hurt. A lot.

"Ow! What was that for!" I yelled.

"For calling me TendHoof again. I've told you over a dozen times now that you should call me like everypony else does. 'Hardhat'. Say it with me now. 'HAAAAARRRRRRDDDDHAT'." I rolled my eyes at the sarcasm. I never got why he was so determined to have people call him that. And its not like it was what he wanted his name changed to. His family called him TendHoof. His close friends called him TendHoof. Hell, people at the bar he went to called him TendHoof. But when it came to workers, work associates, or anything even slightly related to his work life, it was Hardhat all the way.

"Yeah, why do they call you that anyway?" When he turned to face me with an honest to god smile on his face... I should have known I was going to regret asking that.

"Watch this." No sooner that he had said that, he began to trot his way onto the site. The problem? He had, ironically, headed in without a hardhat. I saw him yell something to one of the far off ponies, who looked in his direction to respond. When they saw where TendHoof was stood, however, his expression changed to that of abject horror. All of a second passed after he stepped onto the worksite before I heard another pony from above yell.

"Horseapples! Look out below!" For the new few moments, my blood pressure was effectively high enough to work as a makeshift hydraulics system. I watched a series of objects ranging from cinderblocks to steel beams hit everywhere around the smiling stallion as he casually sat on the ground, seeming to draw a perfect circle revolving him. As the dust cleared up, he probably thought whatever look I had on my face was hilarious, judging by how hard he started to laugh.

"I... What the fuck???"

"Yeah, my crews know better than to let me be on site." He reached over and grabbed a small portion of scaffolding that had fallen next to him, looking it over with a judging eye before allowing it to fall back down and screaming out in some random direction. "CopperHead! I told you that the welding on some of these things were off!"

I sputtered as I tried to get my brain in some form of working order. The best I could manage was:

"Bu-The- That still doesn't explain why you get called 'Hardhat'!" And at that, he clapped his hooves together before pointing straight at me with a smirk.

"See, that's the fun part." Despite the debris surrounding him, he found his way out like it was little more than a bumpy sidewalk. Then, he made his way back to the construction site's entrance, stopping just before he made his way out. He grabbed one of the hardhats hanging on the fence, placed there for worker convenience, and placed it square on his head.

"Ponyfeathers! Damn it, Hardhat!" The same voice from before yelled out.

This time, a single solid cinderblock came down. Only, it didn't miss. No, this one was horrifyingly on target as landed and crumbled to pieces upon his industrial grade headwear. Had he not been wearing it, this site would have had to be cordoned off as a crime scene.

I dunno when he had done it, but he made his way off site and shoved the helmet he was wearing into my arms while I just looked to the crumbled chunks of cement that once used to be a cinderblock.

"Hardhats always seem to do the opposite of what they're supposed to for me, eh?" Glancing down to the hardhat he had put in my hands, I carefully put it down on the floor and took a couple of steps away from it. Then a couple more steps away from him.

"... So about that ventilation system."

********************************************

"I ended up avoiding construction sites altogether for a week after that. Made it hard to work with Hardhat, but after the performance he put on, I doubt that anypony else would do any different." Nightmare Moon had apparently seen quite a bit of enjoyment behind that story of mine, seeing as she was barely holding back a laugh behind one of her hooves. Even Chrysalis, surprisingly, seemed to be struggling to hold a poker face as the corners of her mouth occasionally rose.

"Your experiences in Canterlot are most amusing, Sir Jeremy." Nightmare Moon said with a chuckle.

Satisfied that I had at least entertained one of my party members, I decided to test my luck and tap on Chrysalis' back, urging her to give her attention.

"Well Chrysalis? Still think I can't tell an interesting story?" Chrysalis took a moment or two to respond, almost hesitant to speak.

"... Alright. I admit Jeremy, it was a surprisingly mediocre story." Smiling, I leaned back in my 'seat' on Chrysalis' back, closing my eyes in content relaxation. Mediocre was the best I probably would have been getting from her any time soon.

"And you thought this wouldn't help pass the time."

We fell back into silence for a moment, reveling in it, before all at once both I and Nightmare Moon realized something.

"Did you just say 'Jeremy'?!"