Chapters You pressed the wrong button [Edit]
In the royal garden are many statues. One is the most statue of Discord, but there is one statue which looks more ridiculous. It is a bipedal creature his left foot standing on an imaginary box while it is holding a sword pointed skyward. A school group is looking at the statues and a colt asks the fuchsia mare what the name of this particular statue is.
Oh please! For the love of Bill Gates, stop narrating like a C movie! Come on!
Well excuse me for trying to enjoy our time here, I wish we were stoned.
Oww! What an awful pun! How many years do we must go on with this!?
Just shut up I’m the spirit of disharmony, but you’re just annoying.
Well we will only shut up if you free us when the time comes, do we have a deal?
Fine and the ponies think I’m mad.
…..
…..
…..
“Well this statue is known as Annoying, but there is not much else about it. Now this is a really interesting statue. What do you notice about it?”
And so three fillies start to fight about the meaning of Dissy and guess who escaped their stoneing I’ll give you a hint: It isn’t me.
As he broke out of his stone prison, he stretched. Oh, how much I miss that.
“Well to our deal is that you only get free if I get turned into stone again. And that won’t happen my friend; I’m crazy, but not mad. I won’t free you while I’m free and in control. But still, if I get turned into stone again, you’re free and I won’t have to hear you while I’m in prison again. It is a win-win situation.” Discord snaps with his eagle claw and my statue glowed for a moment.
“Ta-ta, I must spread some chaos.” and puff he was gone.
Well taste the rainbow motherfucker, gentleman we know how this will end.
Yeah dude we gonna be free and we know what we do first.
Indeed we do.
Chimicherychangas!!!
POV: Princess Celestia in the ceremony hall
Twilight and her friends beat Discord with their strong bond, now it is time to reward them for their bravery… Celestia’s thought was interrupted as the doors burst open and a red black costumed bipedal creature came in.
“Honey I’m home! ” he shouted and held in one hand a frying pan. My eyes started to twitch and now I find myself wishing that Discord was on the loose, Luna just face hoofed.
He pushed the button on his torso and teleported in front of me and I swear I could see the grin under his mask.
“Not the momma!” he said in a childlike voice and slammed the frying pan over my head. The world turned black.
***
“Now back to my point of view suckers! Rest well Swiftwind, oh look at you cheese butt you’re more grumpy as Grumpy Cat.” Now I was in front of Luna with a frown and look now I’m in the right time period there are the mane six. The frying pan is pierced in the middle and I shrugged nonchalantly before tossing whelp, tossed it over my shoulder and heard an ouch.
Worth it.
Shall we get start with the flashback, or make a great exit?
First exit, then flashback .
“Catch me if you can!”
The unicorn guards start to fire magic missiles, but I just moonwalk out of the way
It’s Hammer time!
“Na, na, na, na, you can’t touch this!”
I slid to the left, out of the way as the horned ponies fired their Dalekkian death rays at us.
It really sound like them, too. Watch out for the pegasus coming at us from behind trying to sneak attack us.
I dropped into a gymnastic split, just in time and the guard sped over me.
I think it’s time to go.
I bowed to the panicking audience and pushed the button on my teleporting device.
And everything started with this thing.
Yeah! Flashback time! Are we doing it in a Delorean or in a Police box?
No you idiot! We're just doing a just a plain flashback.
POV Deadpool 1,616 years ago
I’m so excited for Japan Tag in Düsseldorf! (Dusseldorf in Germany) This year I’m going as the Merc with the mouth Deadpool. Oh how the people look at me in the bus and train, didn’t they see a man in spandex. The best thing on the way was how many times I was called Spiderman and they’re lucky I’m not really Deadpool, otherwise blood would have been spilled. Finally at the destination Düsseldorf am Rhein so many cosplayers and groan so many Pikachu’s first look at the stands before there overflowed with people.
There was one stand that got my interest, it had many cosplay props and to my disbelief it there was a replica of Deadpool’s teleporting device.
I must have it! “Wieviel kostet dies das hier?”
“Sorry I don’t speak German, do you speak English?” The owner of the stand replied.
Ok, you can do it with your school-level English and your gained knowledge from the many fan fiction you read.
“Yes I do speak English. How much does this here cost?”
And I point on the object of my desire.
“Oh the Deadpool device? No prob! This one cost 150 €uro for you, my friend.”
Wow! That is a lot of money! But I need this. Well here goes most of my budget.
“Okay I take it.” I grabbed my purse from my backpack and count the money and it hurts I don’t like to spend too much money, but I really wanted it.
“Here you go! Now it is yours. Have fun!” Well the salesman was nice. Now for a quick equip of the device perfect.
Hey! There is a Dante! I got to go fast to make some cool photos!
“Hey dude! I'm liking your Dante cosplay, können wir eben ein paar Bilder machen?” he looked at me and smiled.
“Ja klar und kannst du die moves aus UMVC3 ich habe extra alle für Dante gelernt. Das training hat lange gedauert aber hat sich gelohnt!” wow he also plays that game, we posed a bit and someone took a few pictures of/and for us.
Out of fun I pressed the button on the device I bought and started to glow in red light and only one thing I could say at the moment out of shock.
“You pressed the wrong button! ” and the light took me and I blacked out.
Dude wake up we don’t have all of eternity.
I think you should try CAPSLOCK. It is louder.
What the hell happened? And who are these clowns? I open my eyes to see a dark forest, but there was nobody.
“Hello? Where are you? I heard you talking. Show yourself!” I start to panic right where I was.
Well there is a problem we can’t show ourself it is a bit complicated.
No it isn’t. We are the voices in your head! Congratulations! You are Deadpool now!
I’m spinning around try to see them, but it is in vain and their voices are as clear as if they were standing next to me. The next thing I notice is that I’m bulky like a bodybuilder.
Yes it is part of the transformation you are really Deadpool now check out your weapons.
This time I didn’t question it. I was in too much shock and- Holy fuck! My pistols are real and so my katana.
“What the hell is going on and where am I!?” I screamed at the voices.
Man you don’t need to scream like a wuss! We’re in your head! Just think and we know much as you do.
Well except through our 4th wall ability, we can tell we’re in a crappy fan fiction.
“NOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooo!!!”
Present day: Deadpool’s point of view
Ah, the old castle of the Royal Pony Sisters.
They really let the palace down.
But it still work fine as a hiding spot.
So what is our status guys?
Well this whole getting stoned thing reset our stats.
Yes, we need to refresh if we want to have enough ammunition.
I still can’t believe that this is working; I pulled from my back-pocket-dimension (bpd) a cordless NES controller.
I entered the most powerful code ever build up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A and start; infinite ammo bitch!
The controller got back in my bpd where so many other things are stored.
Now what is next on the agenda?
The next thing would be advertising we still need some money.
Why? Really, why!? That was one of the first reasons Celestia and Luna hates us.
I thought the first reason was that we shot her bird twice?
Oh and I thought it was because of the splendid “Yo mama” joke we did!
As the voices in my head count the multiple reason why they hate me I made my way to the throne room and made myself comfortable on Celestia’s old throne.
Like I said One of the reasons I can’t remember the exact order, hoping that Starswirl’s Magic-Up mobile phone still is working. My smartphone is still working. Let's see if the magic is working.
I wrote “Blah” on a paper with a pencil and at the bottom my number and underlined it poof it disappeared and I got a new text message.
Ok, let’s make some fliers, it will take some time.
How many do you think we need?
Well maybe over ni…
Stop right there that meme is so overused, just get on with flier making.
Twilight POV
Ok, just what the buck happened; a wacky creature struck down Princes Celestia and insulted Princes Luna. Rainbow Dash stormed over to me and asks “Do you know who this clown was?”
Princes Luna came to me.
“This “Clown” you speak of is the most dangerous creature in this realm.”
Rainbow Dash and I stared slack-jawed at the princess. How he could be more dangerous than Discord!?
“Before you ask any more question let’s gather the other Element bearers and wait for my sister to recover and we will tell why he is so dangerous.” The princes of the night made her way to her still unconscious sister.
“Okay Rainbow Dash could you gather the girls. I also want to check on how the princess is.”
Rainbow made a salute and flew into the crowd. I arrived as the princess starts to wake up.
“Ahhh! Please somepony tell me that this didn’t happen?” Celestia groans as she slowly stands up.
“No my dear sister and I think it is time to tell the Elements who he was.” Luna answered and helped her sister up.
Rainbow came with the girls, right behind her was Pinkie Pie hooping her way and humming the melody the creature sung and Applejack steady trotting behind.
Princess Celestia looked at us with a serious expression.
"You must know about him that he is immortal. He can’t die. We saw it with our very eyes. Isn’t that right Luna?”
“Yes my sister. One of the not so gruesome event as we tried to talk him out of his villainous ways, he rammed a dagger into his forehead and said “Now I’m horny as you are!” we stopped to change him.”
Pinkie was giggling mad, Rainbow rolling on the floor laughing and the rest of us blushed.
“There is more. He works as a mercenary, he does everything for money, he even was partly the reason for the vanishing of a whole kingdom. So be prepared for anything and as a safety precaution keep the Elements of harmony on you at all times.”
Author's Note
TranslationAuthorGenesis
Once upon ah fuck it [Edit]
POV:Third person
In Canterlot it was raining not water but fliers, both princess look with concern from the balcony.
Deadpool: the merc with a mouth
Do you got a problem? Do you got money? Well here is your answer, Deadpool: Mercenary for the right price. I don’t do everything.
“Lets hope that it doesn’t get too bad. Equestria isn’t as bad as it was.” Princess Celestia tried to ease some of her sister’ fear.
But the princes of the night wasn’t as sure as her sister. She’d seen some of her subject’s nightmares, during her duties as Princess of the night.
POV: Deadpool
Wuiiiiiii
“I hate this so much !” I screamed at the rushing air. Oh, you want to know why air is rushing against my whole body?
Let me explain; to promote our services we need to spread our advertisement fliers, and the best way is to do that,is to drop from high altitude and let them rain down.
Yes and I have fear of heights even I know I can’t die I know it will hurt!
Well you don’t need to do anything, we control your body for the moment.
This had better be good I couldn’t do a damn thing and we’re out of fliers, so please let us get back.
Ok, teleport with safety roll in 3 ... 2 ...
NOW!
My body moved on it’s own and pressed the button, now I was at the old castle and I keep on rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, rollin’, till I crashed against the throne.
Ahh! The pain! I’m lucky that I’m a bit tougher than before, I stood up and stretched my body till it made a satisfying crack.
I hate that sound could you please stop that!
And could you please shut up because I hate you? Oh wait, you can’t.
Wow. There is no need to be that aggressive.
I’m too old for that shit, so let try to focus. We probably need the mirror that was shown in that Equestria Girls movie and we know where it will be, but not where it is now.
Oh come on! We got time! Let us have some fun first!
Yes! There is more to do!
Okay, you two got on my nerves again, it is time for punishment! I cackled in a sinister sounding voices, as I rubbed my hands together as reminiscent of the classic villians of the silent films.
NO!
NO! screamed the voices in my head in panic.
I take a deep breath in and start singing.
“This is the song that doesn’t end. Yes it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they’ll continue singing it forever just because … .”
You are a masochistic monster! This song will be stuck in our head for hours!
And this is one way to silence you. Wow there is something vibrating in my pocket.
I pull out my smartphone to find out that our first job is in … . Oh god! I forgot the horse puns. I commenced performing the most epic of facepalms upon reading where I was to meet my first client. It appears that we're going to the megalopolis of *Mane*hatten.
POV: Deadpool in Manehatten
I was in one of the highest skyscrapers here in an elevator ascending to my client’s office. As the doors opened, there were four unicorn guards and behind a desktop sat a bulky … .
Fat.
Earth pony with white fur and no mane. He wore a black shirt underneath a white jacket and a red tie.
“Ah! Welcome my friend! Let’s get straight down to business, shall we? My name is Kingpin … .
I made a double facepalm and cover my eyes fervently wishing that this was all just a bad dream.
“Hold your horses, your name is Kingpin. Now you’re gonna tell me that you are crime boss of M ane hatten and I must teach a competitor whose name is Tombstone a lesson!” I really hope that this isn’t the case.
“Well! Your knowledge is fascinating! You’re correct in everything you just said. I thought you were petrified in stone for over a thousand years?” The Kingpin asks with a serious look in his eyes.
Nope, no, nein, aucun, wu goes through my mind as i shake my head.
Stop saying no in different languages!
Fine... I’ll do it. You know I hate it when you take over.
“To be precisely it was over 1051 years or so, and about your story? It just was a hunch.” I answered and tried to go away, but I couldn’t move my body.
We want to know what he has to offer.
“Let’s get easy and straight, how much are you gonna pay me and what do I need to do?” A creepy smile grew upon his face.
“Oh, I just want you to rough up somepony in a warehouse at the docks.
The payment is five gold ingots.”
I felt how the voices took over my body.
“We’ll do it!”
I spoke in a disoriented voice and therefor I got odd look from the Kingpin.
“Here is the address. When you’re back, I’ll send my some of my scouts to confirm that you did your job, after that you get your payment.” he handed/hoofed me the papers with the address and time.
“Okay I got one warning for you if you cross me I’ll kick your ass to Canterlot!”
Yeah we don’t want to be end up like the story about Sombra!
Please don’t remind me of that, it still hurts.
We left the building via our teleport belt and ending up in an alley, it was already dark and I tip toed through the streets to the docks. I heard someone behind me, but before I could look my left leg was in so much pain.
My eyes wandered down my leg to see what happened and … oh god damn no !
You must say it.
You can’t resist our control.
“IIII … tooooooook … aaann … arrow to the knee again !” I really tried to resist, but it was worthless.
I pulled that damn arrow out and look behind to see a unicorn guard with a bow levitating, oh you gonna pay for that.
“I take a fucking arrow to the knee, you’ll take a fucking bullet to your front leg!”
From my holster, I pulled out a desert eagle and shot that guard in his leg. He screams in pain and let go of his bow and the second arrow.
“Have fun in a glue factory!” and I made a run for it.
At the window of the warehouse.
Well it looks like all the grunts in da hous.
We should probably change the story, the next part will be a bit too messy for a teen rating.
I had my sais ready to whoop some candy ass.
Yeah you’re probably right so flash back.
He is gonna take you back to the past,
to read some shitty fic that suck ass.
No! Stop it! We can’t use song lyrics, so once upon ... ah fuck it just play the damn flashback already!
POV Deadpool Everfree Forest 1,616 years in the past
I was at a river to take a look at my face and what I saw reflected back at me, my face looked like Freddy Krueger's bastard sun, rather than my own.
And we want to know why we’re here and with you?
Yes I miss Wade, this guy is so boring.
“Was zur hölle!” I said a bit nerved.
Thinking isn’t probably not his strongest ability.
Hey! There was a rustle behind me, I turned around and saw something I never believed to see in my lifetime.
What is this a mutated lab rat and why does it look so girlish.
Well guys I know where we are, we’re in My little Pony friendship is magic and that is a manticore.
The manticore looked at us like we were a Slim Jim … .
Oooh yeah.
Okay the only option that comes to my mind is run !
I was running for my dear life as the manticore hunts me down.
You could easily take out your gun and shoot it.
Yeah it is not like you can die you got awesome healing power and the curse of Thanos we can’t die even if we want too.
Yeah, no. I spotted a castle I'd rather be safe than sorry. I commence increasing my velocity, but knew that I wouldn't be able to maintain the sprint for much longer.
I felt how I slowed down and my left hand moved to my back without my doing.
Now it is time to pull out our baby.
And with that said I got in my left hand a MP5K, I was just two hundred meters from the castle as I spin around MP5K pointed at the head of the manticore and pulled the trigger.
And I really killed something … .
Well technically we killed it.
It is still my body. Okay I got another question, where the fuck did you pull this MP5K out!?
We got a pocket dimension where we stored most our weapons.
But we got limited ammunition unless we input the Konami code.
My hand with the gun moved again to my back and the gun vanished.
I got so many question for you guys.
“Halt there!” a voice screamed behind me. I turned and saw … .
To be continued?
Author's Note
Special thanks too AuthorGenesis for Editing.
I turned around and saw a unicorn guard with a bow and arrow and he looks frightened.
Probably because behind us is the corpse of a beast.
“Hi?” I asked and waved with my hand and he shot me.
“AAHAHHRRRR” I was once an adventurer just like you, and then … .
“Oh god I took an arrow in the knee!” Skyrim I don’t like you at the moment.
“You will come with me!” came the order from the guard.
“How You shit head? You shot me in the knee! I can’t walk!” I still screamed in pain.
Okay lady man up this pain is still nothing like we endure normally so pull out the arrow and it will be better.
“You got three other good legs!”
Damn these ponies are ignorant! He saw that I was standing on two legs!I pushed the arrow out of my knee because it was easier, oh hell that hurt like I don’t know.
Like in our Video Game, our suit also recieved regenerating ability.
You’re such a softie! You need to learn how to take pain like a man. I mean really that was nothing compared to experiencing the Hulk’s brutality.
“Firstly, I walk on two leg but I’m fine now! Well take me to your leader.” I demanded with a smirk behind the mask.
The guard looked wary at me and pushed me with his horn in the direction of the castle.
The travel to the castle was silent, except that the voices talk stupid things like; ‘why does this dwarf hoarse have a dildo strapped on his head?’ ‘How would the female version look?’ and ‘why I don’t talk back?’
We were at the courtyard and more guards gathered around me—
You mean us
— and all of them pointing spears at me.
“The princess will be here in a moment and you will answer some question.”
Well I also have so many question; Like why the hell I am in Ponyland? Why am I Deadpool? and why the fuck I didn’t met Pinkie Pie?!
Omg you’re a Brony! Faggot.
And you are an imaginary voice from a fictional character, your argument is what?
Well
Well, w hat ?
You
What ?
Ok you win!
What ?
Enough you two, here comes a big white horse.
POV Princes Celestia
My guard informed my sister and me that they found a creature that had slain a manticore.
I heard Philomena chirping above us let her have some fun.
“What are you and what is your name?”
“I’m a human … well more like a mutant. Who I am isn’t important. Who I represent is important. Wade Wilson, you can call me Deadpool.”
Hmm what a … unique being.
“How did you slay the manticore? You don’t look so powerful.” My sister asked hastily and her mouth tight in a frown of concern.
“With dangerous weapon that no one of you should play with!” he said and cross his arms over his chest.
“What kind of weapons? The swords on your back?” curiosly asks Luna, I could swear I saw a grin under the mask.
“Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up! You see this? This ... is my Boom stick! The twelve-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about a hundred and nine, ninety five. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right. Shop smart. Shop S-Mart. You got that?” he pulled from his back what looks like two metal pipes and a chunk of wood.
He pointed it to the sky and a loud explosion came from it everypony gone in cover.
“Uhh, bye?” and with that he teleported away as I tried to find a magic signature, but there wasn’t any.I hope this will end well, oh poor Philomena! To go so early through her burning day.
POV Deadpool Manehatten present
Damn these ponies are tougher than they were in the past.
It is really sad we couldn’t show how kick ass we were.
Well it was more like a massacre and we want to be teen rating.
I gave them a chance, it isn’t like I did it just out of fun! They just wouldn’t listen! I made my way back to the Kingpin without getting caught and in his office was sitting behind his desk with a satisfied grin.
I don’t want to know if there is a pony under the table!
Uhgh.
“So I think your goon told you that a finished the job, so give me my payment and we can go our ways.” I said that a serious as I can with my arms crossed over my torso.
“A deal is a deal here is your payment and I hope I can get your service in the future.” he pointed at his right were the gold ingot laying.
I took them and put them in my bpd so I could get the hell out of here as I don’t trust this guy.
I teleported back to the Everfree Forest to make my way back to my hideout.
Through the forest I heard three little voices cry for help and oh boy are they familiar.
Oh now you want to play hero only to feel better.
And they sound young what could they give us?
Diabeetus!
I sprinted in the direction where the cries came from and soon found the CMC surrounded by a pack Timberwolves.
Okay, that means no blood this time. Let’s show them how we fight.
Yes young padawan, show what the fruit of our teachings.
We need an entrance/theme song which is kids friendly I’m bad but this are little children so could we come to a compromise.
Okay let’s look nope, eh not really, what the hell you’re sick bastard, how about Korn feat Limp Bizkit All in the Family?
Where the hell is that is that kids friendly! My suggestion would be Hyrule overworld theme metal version.
How about this?
Yes, I do agree!
I put some gigantic loudspeaker on the ground and started playing thissong ! The wolves and the fillies looked confused as to where the music was coming from.
Time to bring out the big guns. You choose the weapon this time.
I choose flamethrower! Burn baby, burn!finish him ! I put the flamethrower back and jumped high as I could.“Pineapple Surprise!” and throw 3 grenades into his throat, before spinning around to face the fillies in a hero pose.
BOOOM!
Flawless victory Deadpool wins fatality.
From the wolf there are only some toothpick left, the CMC looked at me not knowing what they should do.
“So my little pony—”
Oh no he didn’t!
“— what are you doing in this dangerous forest without an adult?”
The three little fillies huddled together and discussed an answer and after some time they looked at me.
Oh how cute! That should be weaponized.
Applebloom cleared her throat to answer my question.
“Sorry mister but aren’t you the bad guy? My sister warned me about you.” Sweetie Belle and Scooterloo nod in agreement.
“Oh am I? Would a bad guy save some fillies? I think that you need to learn something about good, neutral and evil.”
Oh boring lecture time, wake me up when it is over.
I pulled a blackboard from my back and some chalk.
*take a deep breath*
“We have lawful good, a lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good can be a dangerous when it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.”
*breath in again*
“Next one is neutral good a neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them.”
“A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. He believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. He hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. He follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society.Chaotic good can be a dangerous when it disrupts the order of society and punishes those who do well for themselves.”
“A lawful neutral character acts as law, tradition, or a personal code directs her. Order and organization are paramount to her. She may believe in personal order and live by a code or standard, or she may believe in order for all and favor a strong, organized government.
“A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. She doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil-after all, she would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, she's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way.”
“A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty, but doesn't strive to protect others' freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. A chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it.
“A lawful evil villain methodically takes what he wants within the limits of his code of conduct without regard for whom it hurts. He cares about tradition, loyalty, and order but not about freedom, dignity, or life. He plays by the rules, but without mercy or compassion. He is comfortable in a hierarchy and would like to rule, but is willing to serve. He condemns others not according to their actions, but according to race, religion, homeland, or social rank. He is loath to break laws or promises.”
*Damn how does Pinkie do it without taking a breath in?
“A neutral evil villain does whatever she can get away with. She is out for herself, pure and simple. She sheds no tears for those she kills, whether for profit, sport, or convenience. She has no love of order and holds no illusion that following laws, traditions, or codes would make her any better or more noble. On the other hand, she doesn't have the restless nature or love of conflict that a chaotic evil villain has.”
“A chaotic evil character does whatever his greed, hatred, and lust for destruction drive him to do. He is hot-tempered, vicious, arbitrarily violent, and unpredictable. If he is simply out for whatever he can get, he is ruthless and brutal. If he is committed to the spread of evil and chaos, he is even worse. Thankfully, his plans are haphazard, and any groups he joins or forms are poorly organized. Typically, chaotic evil people can be made to work together only by force, and their leader lasts only as long as he can thwart attempts to topple or assassinate him.” I said as fast as possible for me.
Drawing of a chart with nine fields in which is a different smiley.
“Well I’m chaotic neutral, I do whatever I want to do and some … ponies doesn’t like it and it makes me look bad.”
“I think I understand.” Sweetie answered first and the other two looked unsure at each other.
“Okay I’ll drop you three back home because these woods are dangerous.” I grabbed them and teleported to the outskirts of Sweet Apple Acres.
“Hey Mister Nightmare Night is coming soon. Will you come too?” Scooterloo spoke the first time.
And all of them gave me puppy dog eyes.
No, it is even worse because a filly pony eyes are soooo cute! I think our heart won’t be able to handle the sheer amount of adorable cuteness.
Hey Luna will be there should we really go.
We should so we can try out some of our new jokes for Star fart.
Ok first serious smack talk and then jokes on mass.
Ok!
Ok!
“I’ll come, you cute little ponies, but there is the problem if the Element Bearers attack me. So could you hide them, only during Nightmare Night?”
“Ah think we can do that, but if you try something evil we tell our sisters where they are!” Applebloom answered for them.
“Good see you then bye!” and in a flash I was gone.
Nightmare Night what a fright
Okay should we change our costume?
We designed parts of the old castle to have a better hideout.
POV third person CMC
“So girls are we really gonna do that?” Applebloom ask the crusaders uncertain in their club treehouse.
“He is cool, not as cool as Rainbow Dash but he saved our flanks!” Scooterloo stated in their argument.
“But you don’t need to take away something from your sister!” Sweetie Bell snapped with a crack in her voice.
Scooterloo fold her ears flat on her head and looked at the ground with a bit broken look in her eyes.
“So the plan is that you both take the Elements and I wait outside with my scooter and cart and drive them to our clubhouse.” Scootaloo made a summary of their plan they worked on.
“Girls Ah think this Nightmare Night will be the best ever!”Applebloom exclaimed with confidence.
At Sweet Apple Acres Applebloom tip hoofed through the hall to Applejack’s room.
She already got the Element from Sweetie Bell there it was easier because Rarity was totally exhausted of the mass of costume she made for Ponyville. Sweetie Bell just gave it to her at the front door. Now Scootaloo was on her way to their clubhouse to hide the Elements.
In the Pony Sister Castle Deadpool shuddered two sense tingling first the reference sense and after that something bad will happen sense.
Third person this evening in Ponyville
The CMC where in their costume Sweetie Bell was a Vamppony, Scootaloo a Equinwolf and Applebloom was Frankensteins bride.
“PONYVILLE I come here to kick ass and chew bubblegum and i got this bag full of bubblegum so who is gonna help me with chewing?” he put down the sack and some bubble gum fell out.
All the foals came fast to him the first ones were the CMC but shortly after there was Applejack in her scarecrow costume and puffing out of her nose ready to charge.
“You darn vermin! What in Tartarus are you doing HERE?!” Applejack glared Deadpool with an intensity that could kill.
Deadpool looked down at three specific fillies and start with his slow answer.
“Why am I not welcome? I saved three little fillies from the dangers of the Everfree Forest for nothing in return. These energetic fillies invited me to this holiday and how could I say no to so much kindness. But I’m bit disappointed that the fillies didn’t told their families that they were in this dangerous forest or that I saved them.” Deadpool crouched down and stared at the CMC and they gulped.
Applejack raised an eyebrow, “Girls does he tell the truth?” all of them didn’t look into Applejack’s eyes.
“Yes” they all answered at the same time with a defeated tone in their voice.
“Okay I call truce I’m not here to cause havoc and I’m not a monster I would never harm a child. So what do you say can we have fun?” he asked as he hugged the CMC.
“Ah don’t know Ah get Twilight she’ll know what ta do.” she took a look around and made her way to Twilight.
Just a few moments later there was a “WHAT !” hear over all Ponyville and with that there was a purple burst of light and pop sound.
“Wait before you say anything your costume let me guess, The Great and Powerful Trixie as rule 63?” it got some snickering in the crowd.
“What? How? NO!” Twilight retorted with a blush forming.
“Yeah I know it is Starswirl the Bearded I knew him personally and even the bells are exactly the same.”
Twilight jar hit the floor and looked a bit broken.
“So maybe now you want to listen to me, I’m really here for fun no destruction. I need to tell you something about this holiday.
[STOP Author you know well enough that this subject will explode into a war.
POV Deadpool
Are you talking to the author tell him he sucks! Why is everyone shaking like the aspen leaves.
“Oh hi starfarts how you are doing? Before you answer I want to talk with you Luna somewhere private, because want somebody please think of the children .” the last part be grossly exaggerated.
Luna’s demeanor changed fast from furious too astonished because I called her by her name.
“So hear me out before you start to blast me with your deathbeams! I was fully aware of my surrounding as I was a statue, I saw your fall into Nightmare Moon.
“Is that truly what you mean that I’m a monster who doesn’t deemed a second chance” Luna whispers with a distance look.
Hey even if we don’t like her so much we can’t see her sad make it stop!
“Oh don’t twist my word in my mouth, my question is why you! Why not me? Why do I even try to talk to you! You wouldn’t listen to me in the past why now, so go and fuuuu…..
Luna did catch on and notice the children and and try to shake off her feelings.
“Well children I got one thing to do for my departure!” I spun Luna around so that her plot is in front of the kids and pointed at each side of her flank.
As I flew away I couldn’t resist.
“Deadpool blasting off again! And worth it!”
Author's Note
Thanks to Ninetails who looked over!
Author's Note
Okay I still don't have an editor so there are mistakes, you can point them out and have fun.
Dragon Asswhooping
I was laying in the forest with a totally smashed ribcage and my right arm bend in a not natural way. Damn summon of Majora’s Mask I just wanted to help you, the children didn’t fear you at that fucking moment. As I slowly healed myself I saw something wonderful!
So were now cotton picker or what?
In Ponyville a little Dragon started his journey to find some information about his kind. And a group of three mares in a silly dragon costume follow him to make sure he is safe.
These dragons are sissy comparison to Fin Fang Foom.
“Hey ladies nice to meet you here, why are you following the little guy?” I try to sound innocent as possible. Half of the Elements came out of the costume and glared at him like he had an evil master plan ‘What we do’. Gay pride flew direct into my face and starts talking stupid things about awesome,mission and kick flank eh. Marshmallow with purple icing ‘Hmmm now I’m hungry’ began to snickering after she got that I wasn’t listening because of the irony that most of the time Fruit Loop’s the one who don’t listen.
“Girls I know what you are doing and I got a proposal for you? I watch over hatchling and you marshmallow makes me a nice armor out of dragon scales with MY color scheme,deal?”
Why can’t Twilight be white that would be perfect opportunity to sing “White and nerdy”, oh I think she wants to talk to us.
“Why should we believe you? You’re a villain!” I rolled my eyes at that, to bad they can’t see it under my mask.
“Okay for one of the few times I’ll be logic and open your mind. So first if you think I just take the scales without doing the job you’re wrong, because I could steal it now and be gone in a second. Speaking of second I can take on a full grown dragon and I don’t see the yellow one so no one of you could take down a dragon. And before you answer leprechaun magnet no you can’t and should I go on or do you all want that we lose sight of the little guy?” well what can you say at that they seem to be all stunned ‘Checkmate? I don’t play checkers.’
“Okay you all go home and make my armor while I save the dragon in distress, wait that doesn’t sound right?” with one push on my teleportation device I was gone before their change their mind. And was on the edge of the mountain/volcano, pulled out of the bpd a Barrett M82A3 with not deadly munition ‘Not deadly for a dragon’ and watched.
In the woods was my time to confront them, okay red one, fat one and surfer dude. First do we got anti-personnel mine ‘Yeah we do why?’ because I’m gonna punch the shit out of fat one. I took one mine and duct tape it on my right fist.
The teen-dragon told Spike to distract the adult phoenix now is my time, I jumped in front of the dragons and startled them. I swung my right fist at the brown fatty with all my might and screamed.
“FAALLCON PUUUUUNNNNNNCCCHH!”
I drew my sword with my only hand and pointed at them. They slowly raised themself from the ground and gawked at me. The red leader start to laugh at me ‘Eh not the first time’ and point with his left claw at me.
I looked around fast and back to him and start saying:”WHERE is a Dragon all I see are are some stupid mutated lizards! And this “sword” can cut through anything hhmm maybe I need some new boots?”
“What you’re gonna do? You lost one claw to knock out one of us and that toothpick can do nothing! You’re more namby-pamby than the Pony Princess!” after his little speech he does into a stupid laughter. Namby-pamby? Namby-pamby!
A grin and a plan formed, I put my stump which was healing on his shoulder my other hand put my katana back in his sheath. After that I grabbed Spike between my legs and yanked him up and placed him under my armpit ’Ouch!’.
Courtroom third person POV
In the courtroom were debating about tax raise for "maintenance" of the streets of Canterlot. Princess Celestia was listening but her mind was occupied with Deadpool and what he had done to her sister and what is next planned by his sick mind.
“Deadpool what are you doing here with two Dragons?” her tone was already annoyed and eyed them all.
“Spike is this true?” Celestia asks Spike still a bit stunned just nodded. She looks at the now sweating Garble and back to Deadpool and a mischievous formed on her lips. Dead pool toss Spike to the side and pointed at the Princess of the sun.
“Ow! The last time my ass burned so much was after some good mexican food, well the mexican food burned harder but whatever. I wanted to help you but all I get is that well goodbye geflügelter weißer Narwal *!” Deadpool grabbed both of them with his new healed hand and teleported back where they were. The purple blond Keanu Reeves Dragon was stunned as all of the reappeared in front him. Garble stumbled back land on his rear and was heavy breathing. Deadpool draw his katana again and scratched Garble’s right cheek so that blood flows down.
Deadpool POV
I saw that he flew with his tail between his legs hilarious I turned to Spike who was in fetus position hugged his tail and rocking back and forth. Oww man now I feel bad ‘Hehehe he said it!’ let us get the little guy back home. I teleported to Ponyville library where a nervous Twilight was and for the first time over one thousand fifty years I saw someone happy to see me! She quickly grabbed Spike with her telekinesis ‘Oh good now he is immune to ground type attacks for three rounds.’ and gave him a bonecrushing hug. Rarity slowly trots towards me “Well you brought back our dear Spike but your attire isn’t done yet. It should be done by the end of this week just come to my shop.”
*winged white narwhal
View Online
One, two, Deadpool's comming for you. Three, four, better lock the door.
Author's Note
Unedite please point mistakes out and there is a 4th wall joke that isn't true I hope you'll get it.
One, two, Deadpool's comming for you. Three, four, better lock the door.
Luna was enraged what He did to her and disturbs her sister’s court! It was time to teach him a lesson why she called herself NIGHTMAREmoon. I start to raise the moon from my balcony still in thoughts this kind of dream walking was forbidden but who will know that I used it? On my way back into my room I start to search for his dream, it was easy to find it was like a typhoon in calm sea. His dreams are so locked away like no other, this time I’ll break his walls and show him to mess with me in such an uncouth manner. I laid on my bed and transcendence to the dreamscape it was clear where his dream is. I start to enter his dream but it was so hard I used all my magic and nothing happened as all of the sudden in his dream a blue light appear and on the outside surface an orange portal formed.
POV Third person [One question does he mean us with third person? No, the third person point of view is a form of storytelling in which a narrator relates all action in third person, using third person pronouns such as "he" or "she." Third person point of view maybe omniscient or limited. Oh I don’t get it.]
Luna came out on the other side of the portal into a living room. It was decorated with a shelf full of books and many other things Luna didn’t understood. In the center of the room was a fireplace with two armchairs. Deadpool was sitting in one armchair while reading a book called it, without looking back Deadpool called out.
“Luna I let you in! you can’t do a damn shit in here because of my “madness”(Deadpool made air quotes) I’m safe from any form of mind manipulation and I’m a lucid dreamer so I’m in control. So let me tell you something you think you can come up with a nightmare that could scare a human!” Deadpool laugh again but only short lived.
"He kidnapped over twenty children had his fun with them and burned their bodies. The favorite torture instrument of Freddy Krueger was a brown glove with razors attached to each finger." he had on his right hand said glove and moved slowly each finger.
"Do a mistake in the courthouse Freddy was told to be innocent and was a free man. His neighbors were speechless and took justice in their own hand." his clothes changed into a red, green striped sweater and jeans. In Luna boiled the hatred for this person but what could he have in common with that nightmare being.
“One night they gathered around his house and set it on fire while he was in there in his boiler room. As he burned to death like his victims there was an evil deity that made a deal with him. He can get his revenge for collecting souls, Freddy accepted and was changed into a being that lives in nightmares. His skin looks like burned and slightly healed similar to my skin. Now to his power he is in control of the nightmare he can do anything and second ability is the scary one. Every wound he inflicts in the dream is real, that means if you die in your dream you're dead in the real world. He is powered by fear and can't die, that's a true monster, a true nightmare not what you can do. So Luna I let you live this nightmare." Freddypool snaps with his left hand and everything went black. After that a dim red light shines through and the surrounding looked like a boiler room with many corridors. Something bothered Luna, it looked bigger than before. A little puppet on a tricycle came with a white face, black suite and red eyes his face turned to her and the mouth opens and a deep disoriented voice came out.
“Now to the game we play it is hunting you’re the prey, a filly that runs from a pedophile mass murderer. You have limited magic supply so save as much as you can. You win, if you survive long enough that one of you wake up and when you lose let’s say it isn’t very nice. I would recommend you to run NOW!” Luna starts to run into one of the corridors with many pipes attached to it.
The red light was barely enough to see and so many pipes run along the walls some of them hiss with hot steam. In the distance behind her was a sound of metal scratching against metal which was for Luna unsettling.
One, two, Freddy’s coming for you.
Three, four, better lock the door.
Five, six, better grab your crucifix.
Seven, eight, gonna stay up late.
Nine, ten, never sleep again.
After that you could only hear the children cry in fear and pain which makes Luna cry. She was now in a lockers room that reeks like sweat, blood and more. There were footsteps right behind her she jolted in one of the open locker and closed it. In that locker were a yellow raincoat and a hook and lucky there is a slit where Luna could see through. The footsteps grew heavier and slowly approached her position not so far she could hear scratching again on the lockers beside her.
“My little Pony come here so we can have some fun. You can’t hide forever and when I get you you’ll learn… HAHAHAHAHhahahahaha.” with that laughter going away Luna start to breathe again and she didn’t know she hold it. She felt hot air breeze against her right ear and something whispered. “I know what you did last millennium.” and a hand grope her flank she bolted out of the locker with a shield around her.
One of the classroom doors opened and a clown came out. He had a red afro wig, red nose, blue and yellow clown costume, yellow eyes and razor sharp teeth. In one of his hands were balloons on a cord and them float.
“You moron did you forget why we’re here! Don’t answer; we’re here to help her survive long enough.”
“Okay but why am I Pennywise and you’re Billy?” Pennywise whined and stomped with his feet.
“Because we should represent the horror of the human world and I must say that Tim Curry fits you,” Billy tried his best to be simple and reassure him. Luna was so confused that she forgot that she was hunted. The clown nodded to the puppet and looked back at the filly princess.
“Luna where are you? I’m here to help you.” she sound truly concerned and with some fear in her voice. Princess Luna jumped out of the closet and tackled her older sister with tears in her eyes.
“How did you find me? Why are you here? Please let us go back home.” Luna wailed on Celestia.
“I walked on your door and heard something; I looked how you are and found you in a nightmare. So I’m here to help my little sister.” Celestia nuzzled her sister to calm her down, but something was wrong she starts to slowly lick her ear.
“S s ssister, what, why?” the now blushing Luna looked at her big sister to see something horrible, Celestia wore a red, green striped sweater.love to my sister?” the mischievous grin turned into a diabolic grin with razor sharp teeth. The filly princess tried to run away but shadow like tentacles wrapped around her and held her in place to face her fake sister. Fakelestia turned completely too Freddypool, he caresses her with his claw without drawing blood.
“Looks like I won. Now you can be happy that I didn’t use another nightmare being you’re lucky that I didn’t have the permission fromSCP Pinkamena . He's from a quiet small town and has a mathematical shape as a head, he wouldn’t have played as nice with you as I did!”
“So are you ready?” the tentacles held her eyes open she couldn’t close them and he came closer and closer to her left eye with his razor claw. As it was to enter her eye the scenery change back to the beginning and she was back to her full height and Deadpool was Deadpool again.
“I showed you a true nightmare being, I showed you a true monster a being pure evil. So let me ask you I am evil? I am a monster? No, I may use violence for solution of problems but not with evil intend in mind. Now go and never come back or you’ll learn the true meaning of torture.” the portal opens up again and the night princess feels sympathy for the first time for him. She turned around to leave as Deadpool ask her one last question.
“Luna can you remember the faces and the names of friends and loved ones after one thousand five hundred years?” his voice was so hollow and old like she never heard before but that is one thing she can’t answer she just left him.
“So I thought*sigh*.” the dream is over for both of them but it leaves them with a bad taste in their mouth.
