Not Everypony's Good at Everything

by RainbowDangerDash97

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Princess Celestia
Length: 5449

Twilight Sparkle's obsession of fanfiction drives the mane six crazy.

Twilight Sparkle has a sudden obsession of fanfiction, and attempts to write her own. She later gets the mane six to act it out for her in a play - in front of the Princess! As she goes through a "Psycho Twilight" phase, she later realizes she is not cut out to be writing fanfiction, and learns a new lesson about being herself.

Rated Everypony, but there are some adult themes in Twilight's fanfiction. (However, when the ponies act it out, it is all a fake. For example, AppleJack and Rarity don't actually kiss, but fake it instead.)

Published 2012-03-26 21:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-27 09:27:45 UTC

Overtaken by Madness

"I'm bored as hay," Rainbow Dash groaned. "Let's go see what Twilight's up to. Who knows? Maybe she's got another Daring Do book."

She barged into the library door, almost at once. Of course, it was never like Rainbow Dash to actually knock on the door. She never did. She either barged, or bashed. Knocking was for eggheads - like Twilight.

"Hey, Twi! Just came here to pick up the next book of the Daring Do series!" she announced. There was no answer, and Twilight was nowhere to be found. The pegasus looked around, in surprise. "Huh? Twi?"

She looked around, confused. "Quit playin' hide and seek, Twilight!" she laughed. There was still no answer. Rainbow Dash, who was beginning to feel annoyed, rolled her eyes and entered the library. She went upstairs shifting her eyes from all the unusual untidyness of the room, to the trail of papers on the stair-case, from Twilight's bedroom. Unable to resist her natural curiousity, Rainbow Dash slowly made her way to the room, with big curious orchard eyes.

Twilight was on her bed, lying flat on her stomach. She had a book in front of her, and Rainbow Dash assumed she was reading again. Seriously - what an egghead. But the pegasus was wrong. Twilight was doing something most astonishing!

"Hey, Twi! I just came to --" Rainbow Dash declared.

Twilight interrupted, shaking like a leaf. "Rainbow Dash! Oh, it's so good to see you! Look at my new masterpiece!" She shoved the book into Rainbow Dash's hooves.

"What's the big deal, Twi--?" Rainbow Dash asked. She stared at the book. "The Tale of Two Ponies, by Twilight Sparkle?" She looked up at her unicorn friend. "Twilight? You don't say! You....wrote this?!"

"Sure, Rainbow Dash! Read it," Twilight replied, a little bashfully. "All by myself. Tell me what you think? Was it amazing? Incredible? Astonishing?"

"What? This trash?!" Rainbow Dash asked. She opened the book, rather reluctantly. "A romance drama, huh?"

"Okay..." she said, for the sake of her friend. "Once upon a time, in the -- Once upon a time? That introduction's SO lame."

"No, it isn't," Twilight protested. A dreamy look overcame her face. "It's beautiful. Magical. Like a fairytale."

"Blah blah blah," Rainbow Dash interrupted, rudely. "Anyway, once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, was a beautiful maiden. Her mane was a dashing violet, her lips a brilliant cherry-red. But among all of her charms, was her eyes. Stallions and colts from far away lands came to seek her hand in marriage. Of course, when they looked into her eyes, they were immediately haipnoti - what this supposed to mean?" She passed the book onto her friend.

"Hypnotized," Twilight growled, obviously frustrated with the simple mind of her friend.

"Whatever. They were immediately hyp-no-tized by the beauty, the elegance and the eyelashes of the pony's eyes. Her stunning azure irises dazzled them, the sparkle in her eyes blinded them. She --" Rainbow Dash carried on. She then groaned and said, "Look, this is egghead business, Twi. I don't do these sort of things."

Twilight glared at her. "I have an idea!" she cried out.

"Yeah, what is it?" Rainbow Dash groaned. And to think she had thought she would be free from this eggheadness.

"I can publish my fanfic - and I know! You girls can act it out! I'll be the director - you be the actresses! This is amazing! And the Princess is coming to Ponyville next week! Rainbow Dash! That's it! We can have a play put up for the Princess's arrival! What do you think - Rainbow?"

"NO!!!!!!"

Life is Not A Game - It is Foolish To Play

"Girls! Girls!" Twilight squealed.

"What in tarnation?" AppleJack asked, in surprise.

"Twilight, fancy! At this hour, too! What about my beauty sleep?" Rarity asked.

"Rarity, it's morning," Twilight groaned, rolling her eyes.

"Oh yes," Rarity giggled. "Silly me."

"Now about my amazing idea. I just wrote a fanfic - about us! And as the Princess is coming to visit us next week," Twilight explained her brainwave. "We can put on a play for her! I'll be the director - you will be the actresses!"

"Ooh! I love acting! Acting's my favourite!" Pinkie Pie cried out, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "Who am I acting as?" She looked around, curiously, her mouth in a tiny oval.

"Oh my, am I making the dresses?" Rarity asked, hopefully.

"Ah'm...uh..Ah would like to see your uh...fanfic, Twilight," AppleJack said, not so sure about this fancy acting thingy.

"Of course, AppleJack," Twilight said, smiling pleasantly. She dug deep into her satchel, and brought out an old wrinkled book.

"Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria, there was a beautiful maiden," AppleJack read aloud. The others craned their necks, as they tried to read Twilight's "masterpiece".

"So - what do you think?" Twilight asked. "Was it great?"

"Uh..." AppleJack said.

Nopony said anything.

"Don't you like it?" the unicorn repeated herself. There was tint of sorrow in her eyes.

As to not hurt their friend's feelings, they began talking all at once. "It's fine, Twilight. Ah think it's great."

"Beautiful piece of uh...it's smashing, darling," Rarity said.

"I really like the..um..." Sweetie Belle contributed. "Concept?"

"Yeah, it's great," Scootaloo and Apple Bloom lied, in unison.

"Oh my, it's um...I really like it, Twilight...um...I - I -" Fluttershy whispered, her shy personality getting the better of her.

"It's amazing!" Pinkie Pie cried out. "There's some funny parts too! I love funny parts! And then there's this sad part, where the stallion dies, and everypony's like 'Oh no! What shall we do!' and then --"

"It's lame," Rainbow Dash said.

The mane six gasped and looked at her.

"What? It's for eggheads," the pegasus said.

"Take no notice of good ol' Rainbow, Twilight," AppleJack told the slightly offended unicorn. "She's just bein' herself."

"Alright!" Twilight shrieked. "Let's get started!"

"Rarity - you're the beautiful maiden," she said.

"Oh my stars, Twilight! Thank you so much for letting me be the princess," Rarity cried out, her eyes twinkling.

"Rainbow Dash - you can be the warrior."

"Warrior? Awesome! Are they a Wonderbolt?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"And...AppleJack - you can be the rapist," Twilight continued.

AppleJack groaned, and pulled a face.

"Fluttershy - you're the mule. Pinkie Pie - you're the royal Jester --" Twilight carried on.

"Great - because I love royal! And I love Jesters!" Pinkie Pie giggled. "Jester - that sounds silly!"

"I will be the director, of course. And Scootaloo - you can be the stallion."

"Awesome!" Scootaloo shouted.

"Apple Bloom, you can be the knight," Twilight ordered.

The filly nodded her head in excitement. "Alrighty, Twilight!"

"And Sweetie Belle? You can be the dictionary," the unicorn said.

"OH COME ON!!!" Sweetie Belle cried out. (I absolutely love this phrase of hers in Hearts and Hooves Day XD)

"So it's settled!" Twilight shrieked. "Let's do our first audition tomorrow!"

She bounced away, her heart leaping as much as her body.

Meanwhile, the other mane six and the Cutie Mark Crusaders shot terrified looks at each other. A play? On Twilight's horrifically-written fanfic? IN FRONT OF CELESTIA? Oh no...let's just hope Celestia forgives those unfortunate ponies....

Auditions

Auditions

"Hey, Twi..." Rainbow Dash groaned. She came out of the dressing room in Rarity's boutique, clad in shining armour (Twilight's brother, Shining Amour, had lent her that suit of fine armour), slowly floating to her unicorn friend. Twilight was delighted. She had a pair of spectacles upon her snout, and her hair was tied back professionally into a neat tight bun. "Thank you, Rainbow Dash. Please, stand over there - next to Rarity." She beckoned for the pegasus to stand on backstage. She also checked a box on her schedule.

"Next! Scooooootalllloooo!!" Twilight called out, to the fitting room next to Rainbow Dash's. She was obviously calling a chicken, and that was how you called a chicken by its first name.

The orange pegasus filly was wearing a silky black tuxedo, complete with a red bow-tie. She grinned, flashing her white teeth about. "At your service, madam!" she laughed. "Awesome!"

She didn't wait for Twilight to tell her where to stand. Chickens belonged to a pen, but THIS chicken belonged to Rainbow Dash. She stood next to Rainbow Dash, trying her hardest not to lose her mind.

The list went on and on. Until--

"This is uncanny!" Twilight squealed. "We've JUST enough actresses for our show!"

"What's the big deal?" a background pony groaned. It wasn't her fault that SHE had to join this acting mumbo jumbo. "Shall we start already?"

"Of course," Twilight said. She shouted, "ACTIOONNNN!!!!"

The stage lights went dim. Rarity, dressed up in a beautiful red dress of silk, stepped out of a

"Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash, where art thou?" she asked.

"Gimme a second, Rarity," Rainbow called out. "A Sonic Rainboom's on the way."

"Ewww!" Rarity squealed. Of course, she knew what Rainbow meant when she said "Sonic Rainboom." It soon became clear, when a foul stench filled the auditorium.

"Stick to the script, girls!" Twilight shouted, in a loud whisper. "And start with the first chapter."

Rarity cleared her throat. "Being a Princess, all day, all night. 'Tis the night I feared most. Why, even those beggar ruffians are better off than I." she mourned, putting on a sad face.

Fluttershy landed next to Rarity, lying flat on the floor. Twilight had kicked her onto stage, from above. Due to her stage fright, Fluttershy had to be forced. She gulped and said, "P-P-Princess, why do thou mourn?"

Rarity sighed and said, "Fair mule, fair mule."

Fluttershy twitched her ears (which were in a mule costume.)

"Thou understandeth not," Rarity said. "'Tis the day we shall be married, to somepony we cannot imagine."

"O beautiful lady of the East," Fluttershy whimpered. "Take heart, and the solution shall come to thee. I-I-I take my l-l-leave."

Fluttershy rushed off stage, crying.

"Take heart, she tells me," Rarity wailed. "How? HOW?!"

"And there was a silence then," Twilight narrated, reading from her book. "Princess Fairity did not bother herself anymore about the situation. And then, the colt appeared."

"Father, I do not wishest to marry this young colt," Rarity cried out.

The stench came back. "Sorry! Another Sonic Rainboom!" Rainbow Dash called out, from backstage, laughing like a foal.

Twilight, from her hidden place behind the curtain, glared at Rainbow Dash. The pegasus continued laughing.

Twilight Sparkle grinned with excitement, kicking Scootaloo on stage.

"Why, hello, Princess, O most lovely of ponies," the orange filly said, trying to stifle her laughter. "You - I mean, thou art the --"

"Pray tell me, who art thou?" Rarity asked, in disgust.

"Scooooootallooooo!!!" Scootaloo cried out.

Twilight groaned and said, "Your name is Scooby-Doo!"

"What - why?" Scootaloo asked.

"Because it rhymes," Twilight explained. "Now ONWARD!"

"My name, O graceful pony of the East, is Scooby-Doo," Scootaloo introduced herself, kissing Rarity's hooves, and nearly throwing up.

"Charmed, Scooby-Doo," Rarity said. She brought her hoof up quickly, causing it to knock against Scootaloo's jaw. "Ow!" the filly cried out, grasping her jaw and howling in pain.

"My apologies, Scoot-by-Doo," Rarity gasped.

"Fair lady, I do not feel pain when thou art beside me," Scootaloo groaned. What would Rainbow Dash think of her if she found out the filly was doing this? "Let me introduce thee to my sister, Painbow Thrash."

Rainbow Dash zoomed out of the curtain, clad in shining armour. "Pleasure to meet thee, O ye of little strength," she shouted.

"Pleasure to me thee, too, O most powerful of counts," Rarity said, pleasantly.

"'Tis my brother, Jappleack," Rainbow said, stifling her laughter.

"But Painbow Thrash's brother had something else in mind. One day, he entered the Princess's room, and locked the door behind him." Twilight narrated.

AppleJack, dressed in dirty rags, whispered to Rarity, "Princess. O fair Fairity."

Rarity squealed. "What are you doing?!"

"What does it look like?" AppleJack asked. She spat out in disgust, "Twi? Do Ah have ta do this?"

"Of course!" Twilight snapped back.

"Oh, please, stay away. Keep your distance," Rarity shrieked.

AppleJack faked a evil snicker. She pushed Rarity on a bed, and ripped out her costume. She did the same to Rarity.

"What do you think you're doing, AppleJack?"

"Jappleack," Twilight Sparkle corrected.

"Oh! Stop it! Stop it at once!"

"Get your dirty hooves off me, you ruffian!"

"Go away! Oh! Stop at once!"

"Mmmm! That felt good, Apple- I mean, JappleAck."

"Stick to the script!" Twilight screamed.

"Oh - alright then," Rarity said. "GO AWAY!!!"

"It wasn't long before somepony heard the desperate cries of the young Princess," Twilight Sparkle read out loud. "It happened to be the Jester, the Knight and his Dictionary."

"You leave her alone!" Pinkie Pie cried out, before seeing herself in the mirror, and laughing at her ridiculous costume.

"Oh? And uh..why? Ah can do as Ah please, Jester," AppleJack grunted. "Whaddya gonna do?"

"Keep making out with her and find out!" Sweetie Belle cried out. Being a dictionary, she had all the quotes and sayings written down in her mind. "If you don't mind...that is..."

"Yer think? Come at me," AppleJack taunted. "Ah'm better than all of ya."

"Whaddya have in mind?" AppleBloom asked, brandishing her sword.

Twilight Sparkle continued narrating, singing, "And so then came the clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass AppleDoom charged in full of zeal! And the rapist named JappleAck was raping no moooooree… when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!" (get the reference? XD)

"Wait a minute! This is outrageous!" Rarity cried out. "Even though I was lucky the whole making out scene was fake, and AppleJack didn't actually touch me, this is shameful! Twilight, we shall not have any more auditions. We have proven ourselves already, darling!"

Twilight looked offended. "Oh..." She turned to leave.

"Don't be sad, Twilight darling!" Rarity called after her. "I didn't mean that. I simply meant we shall not have auditions. When Princess Celestia comes around, we'll do the play for her."

"Really? Pinkie Promise?" Twilight asked, eyes lightening up with hope.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly - stick a cupcake in my eye," the mane six and Cutie Mark Crusaders groaned. Pinkie Pie was the only one enjoying it. In fact, she was fairly enthusiastic.

Twilight walked away, smiling cheerfully. The other mane six shot each other looks of despair and horror.

Oh My Celestia!

"Ah, I wonder if my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, is around," Princess Celestia thought to herself. In her carriage, she travelled to Ponyville. As she reached the little town, she was warmly greeted by Twilight.

"Princess!" the purple unicorn cried out. "My friends and I have put up a little surprise for your arrival. If you please, follow me!"

Celestia looked confused, as she followed the over-excited unicorn to the auditorium.

Twilight cleared her throat. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you - "

She shouted into her announcer microphone-thingy. "THE TALE OF TWOOOOO PONNIIIEEESSSS!!!"

"Of course," Twilight said. She shouted, "ACTIOONNNN!!!!"

The stage lights went dim. Rarity, dressed up in a beautiful red dress of silk, stepped out of the curtain.

She cleared her throat. "Being a Princess, all day, all night. 'Tis the night I feared most. Why, even those beggar ruffians are better off than I." she mourned, putting on a sad face.

Fluttershy smiled nervously, whispering, "P-P-Princess, why do thou mourn?"

Rarity sighed and said, "Fair mule, fair mule."

Fluttershy twitched her ears (which were in a mule costume,) just as she had done before.

"Thou understandeth not," Rarity said. "'Tis the day we shall be married, to somepony we cannot imagine."

"O beautiful lady of the East," Fluttershy whimpered. "Take heart, and the solution shall come to thee. I-I-I take my l-l-leave."

Fluttershy rushed off stage, feeling more confident than ever.

"Take heart, she tells me," Rarity wailed. "How? HOW?!"

"And there was a silence then," Twilight narrated, reading from her book. "Princess Fairity did not bother herself anymore about the situation. And then, the colt appeared."

"Father, I do not wishest to marry this young colt," Rarity cried out.

Scootaloo appeared on stage

"Why, hello, Princess, O most lovely of ponies," the orange filly said, trying to stifle her laughter. "You - I mean, thou art the --"

"Pray tell me, who art thou?" Rarity asked, in disgust.

"My name, O graceful pony of the East, is Scooby-Doo," Scootaloo introduced herself, kissing Rarity's hooves, and nearly throwing up.

"Charmed, Scooby-Doo," Rarity said. She brought her hoof up quickly, causing it to knock against Scootaloo's jaw. "Ow!" the filly cried out, grasping her jaw and howling in pain.

"My apologies, Scoot-by-Doo," Rarity gasped. "I'm afraid I did it again."

"Fair lady, I do not feel pain when thou art beside me," Scootaloo groaned. What would Rainbow Dash think of her if she found out the filly was doing this? "Let me introduce thee to my sister, Painbow Thrash."

Rainbow Dash zoomed out of the curtain, clad in shining armour. "Pleasure to meet thee, O ye of little strength," she shouted.

"Pleasure, O most powerful of counts," Rarity said, pleasantly.

"But Painbow Thrash's brother had something else in mind. One day, he entered the Princess's room, and locked the door behind him." Twilight narrated.

Celestia gasped, as the next scene went on.

AppleJack, dressed in dirty rags, whispered to Rarity, "Princess. O fair Fairity."

Rarity squealed. "What are you doing?!"

"What does it look like?" AppleJack asked. She spat out in disgust, "Twi? Do Ah have ta do this?"

"Of course!" Twilight snapped back, just as she had done before.

"Oh, please, stay away. Keep your distance," Rarity shrieked.

AppleJack faked a evil snicker. She pushed Rarity on a bed, and ripped out her costume. She did the same to Rarity.

"What do you think you're doing, AppleJack?"

"Jappleack," Twilight Sparkle corrected.

"Oh! Stop it! Stop it at once!"

"Get your dirty hooves off me, you ruffian!"

"Go away! Oh! Stop at once!"

"GO AWAY!!!"

"It wasn't long before somepony heard the desperate cries of the young Princess," Twilight Sparkle read out loud. "It happened to be the Jester, the Knight and his Dictionary."

"You leave her alone!" Pinkie Pie cried out, before seeing herself in the mirror, and laughing at her ridiculous costume, AGAIN.

"Oh? And uh..why? Ah can do as Ah please, Jester," AppleJack grunted. "Whaddya gonna do?"

"Keep making out with her and find out!" Sweetie Belle cried out, once more.

"Yer think? Come at me," AppleJack taunted. "Ah'm better than all of ya."

"Whaddya have in mind?" AppleBloom asked, brandishing her sword.

Twilight Sparkle continued narrating, singing, "And so then came the clashing and slashing of steel, as the brave lass AppleDoom charged in full of zeal! And the rapist named JappleAck was raping no moooooree… when his ugly red head rolled around on the floor!"

Celestia stared, eyes goggled. Was this really the faithful student she knew and loved so much?

"Oh, it was horrible!" Rarity squealed, paralysed to the floor. "AppleDoom - I knew you would save me!"

"Ah'm just doin' mah business, m'lady!" AppleBloom replied.

Rarity smiled and walked away.

"You have to kiss her!" Twilight shouted, in a loud whisper.

Rarity gulped. And so did Apple Bloom.

Celestia's eyes nearly popped out of her head, as the mare and filly...O.o

"Wait a minute! Is Apple Bloom kissing my sister?!" Sweetie Belle asked.

"No, Sweetie. It's all a fake," Rarity said.

"Sweetie Belle - dictionaries DON'T talk!" Twilight snapped.

"I don't wanna be the dictionary no more!" Sweetie Belle protested.

"Fine, you be the news-boy next door," Twilight grunted.

"Yay!" Sweetie Belle cried out.

"No more delays," Twilight said.

Rarity nodded. "Farewell, knight of the West," she said. "Untill we meet again."

Apple Bloom's heart beat fast, as she left the stage. She just hoped no one was watching her!

"And then a monster came. It happened to be Sweetie Derelle," Twilight said. "The colt - I mean, the filly next door. She screamed and beamed, howled and prowled, glowered and towered over the poor pony-folk downtown. Fairity gasped."

"Help me!" Rarity squealed, not too pleased at having to always be the damsel of distress. "I am in danger! O somepony! Help thy Princess!"

"And then a tall powerful figure appeared - Princess Molestia," Twilight read out.

Celestia's eyes shot up, as wide as saucers. What was Twilight Sparkle thinking when she wrote that fanfiction?

"I will save you!"

Celestia almost fainted. Who played Princess Molestia? She shifted her eyes from one part of the stage to another. DERPY?! Derpy Hooves?! Treachery! Offense!

Derpy, wearing a wonderful set of golden armour, stared at Rarity.

Rarity stared back. "Aren't you going to help me, Molestia?" she asked.

"Uh...yeah, but..." Derpy replied. She stared even harder. "You have a dot on your snout."

Rarity screamed, "Get me a mirror! And hurry up and save me, ye madmare!"

The play went on and on.

Celestia was horrified, but rather relieved when the play was over.

Twilight, the mane six, the CMC, and the other background ponies bowed before the Princess, and the crowd. "Thank you, thank you," Twilight said, proudly.

The crowd burst out laughing. "What kind of play was that? The story! The background!" somepony cried out.

One by one, they showed their displeasure. Twilight blushed furiously. This wasn't what she meant it to be! She thought her fanfiction was incredible, and very well-written. She thought all the filly-foolers, and lesbian parts were amazing especially!

But the Princess!

"So - do you like it, Princess?" Twilight asked, eyes lightened with hope.

"Um...." Celestia replied. She took to lying, since it was the only choice.

"Do you like it?" Twilight repeated. "Was it amazing?"

"It was lovely, Twilight."

"Lovely? I want it to be spectacular!" Twilight protested.

"Oh, Twilight," the alicorn laughed. She nuzzled her head against the unicorn's. "It WAS spectacular."

"Really?" Twilight cried out. "YES! Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes Yes YES! We'll have another play prepared for you next visit, Princess."

Celestia gulped, eyes shooting up, as wide as cartwheels.

Oh Celestia, you must've never seen Twilight's wild side yet. Believe me, she is just warming up!

Somepony Tell Her!

"What has gotten into her?" Rainbow Dash asked. "I mean, come on! Playing filly-foolers isn't my job!"

"Somepony has to tell her," AppleJack groaned.

"Yeah, you go, AJ. You're the element of honesty after all," Rainbow replied.

"But - But - but," Fluttershy said. "It will...um..hurt her feelings!"

"Oh, whatever shall we do?" Rarity asked.

Twilight Sparkle immediately stuck her head out of the backstage curtain. "Come on, girls! Let's get ready for our next play!"

The mane six shook their heads, sadly. There was no backing out of this awkwardness now.

"Alright, AppleJack! You've got a new role!" Twilight cried out, clapping her hooves excitedly.

"Well...uh..that's great and stuff, Twi," the earth pony said.

"I know! This is going to be amazing!" Twilight Sparkle shouted. "Come on, Rainbow! Get into that armour of yours! Shining didn't let me borrow it for nothing!"

"Yeah...amazing," Scootaloo joined in. She sighed and got into her costume.

"Glad you think so, Scootaloo," Twilight said, smiling. "Or should I say - Scooby-Doo!"

"Twilight!" Apple Bloom cried out. "Ah think Ah found somethin'!"

She waved a letter around, madly, like a school-colt waving a flag.

Twilight snatched the envelope off her, without meaning to. "From Princess Celestia?! Meet me at the park," she read out. "Wait a minute, this isn't Celestia's writing."

"Ugh...trust Twilight to know that," Apple Bloom thought, groaning to herself.

"But who cares? Come on, Apple Bloom! Let's go!" the unicorn cried out. She dropped the letter, and after dancing a bit with Apple Bloom around in circles, she grabbed the filly's hoof, and rushed for the park, dragging the dizzy Apple Bloom after her.

"Ah, here she is now," Celestia said, beaming at the crowds. "Our guest of honor, Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight scratched her head with her hoof. "Huh? What's going on, Princess?" she asked.

"Let it begin!" Celestia cried out.

Funky, rather jolly, music played in the background. Nine ponies appeared on stage, in silly costumes, dancing to the music.

Twilight's eyes hung low. "What is this trash?" she asked herself.

"Oh, princess, thy snout is bleeding," Rainbow Dash told Rarity, trying her hardest not to burst out laughing.

"Yes, O mare of the Knight's Templar," Rarity said, bowing courteously. "Thy left leg is crooked."

Rainbow Dash and Rarity looked into each other's eyes. They faked a kiss, and Twilight stared on, with begoggled eyes.

"We shall get married," Rainbow Dash declared.

"Yes, we shall get married," Rarity confirmed, and the (fake) kissing began all over again.

Twilight gasped. "Who wrote this?!"

Apple Bloom, dressed as a knight, brandished her blade (made of cardboard). She pointed it at Rainbow Dash. "Take a step closer to my Princess, and I shall slice thy head clean off thy shoulders," she threatened.

"Who art thou to say such a thing?!" Rainbow Dash asked. She brought out her own (cardboard) sword. "Thou insolent foal! Thou wanteth to do this the hard way - we shall doeth this the hard way!"

Apple Bloom struck Rainbow Dash, and the pegasus pretended to be hurt. She rolled around on the floor, crying out, "Oh, I'm hit! I'm hit...O fairest of ponies, save me! I'm hit!"

Rarity faked a gasp. She squealed. "Oh, no!"

Rainbow Dash got up, and kicked Apple Bloom. "Painbow Thrash is here! Fair Apple Doom, take that!"

Apple Bloom fell forward, and fell against the pegasus. Together, she and Rainbow Dash kissed, (No, they didn't. They faked it.)

Twilight felt sick. "Get me a paper bag, Spike!" she ordered.

The baby dragon didn't reply. Why, he himself was puking into a paper bag.

The unicorn didn't dare to look up.

"Oh, Apple Doom, thou art a silly pony."

"That felt good, O Painbow Thrash."

"Mmmm...delicious."

"Couldn't be more delicious than thee."

"STOP!!!!" Twilight screamed, covering her ears.

The actors bowed and went off stage.

"So?" Rainbow Dash asked, throwing off her costume. "Did ya like it?"

"Well..." Twilight whispered.

"No need to feel shy," Fluttershy consoled.

"We felt exactly like ya, when yer wrote that awful fic of yours," AppleJack joined in.

Twilight sighed, "I think I learnt my lesson, girls."

"Well, DUH! Were you going to teach it?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"I mean, a filly-fooler lemon fic is not that amazing at all," Twilight muttered. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay," everypony said, smiling. "We're sure you won't do it again!"

"You're right! I won't do it again! I'll try slash!" Twilight cried out. "Come on, everypony! Pack your costumes!"

The mane six, CMC, and Princess Celestia gasped, as they watched the unicorn rush towards the auditorium.

"Wait - what?!"

Epilogue

"Where's Twilight?" Rarity asked. "I thought she wanted to join us on our girl's day out."

"Probably locked up in her library, writin' some sort of trashy fanfic," AppleJack groaned. "Besides, Ah didn't come here for this." She looked at the spas in disgust.

"Me neither. It's SO boring," Rainbow joined in. "Hey, don't ya think this is going a little too far? I mean - Twi's gonna embarrass us AND herself. In front of the whole of Equestria!"

"But - she --" Fluttershy stammered.

"But there's no other choice, Fluttershy! We don't want our dear little Twilight Sparkle turning into a professor, do we?" Pinkie Pie argued. "We can't let her carry on! So it's settled! Come on, girls! Somepony, tell her how we feel!"

"She might --" Rainbow Dash protested. Almost as once, she gave in. "Oh, alright. Come on, before she shows off her slash fanfictions to everypony!"

The mane six (the five SANE mane six) rushed off to Twilight's library.

"Hiii Giirrrlllsss!!!" Twilight cried out. Her mane was all abnormally frizzy and messy, and her pupils and irises shrunk down into tiny balls.

The mane six shrieked at this indifferent welcome.

"Twilight!" Rarity gasped. "Whatever has happened to your mane?"

"Oh, I stayyyeedd up all night working on this baby," Twilight replied. She handed the book to AppleJack (who was standing in the very center of the ponies), and the others crowded on to see it.

"Oh...this?" AppleJack asked. "Uh..."

"Oh, no! Don't need to praise it! I have heard just enough! Goooood of you to come! And just in time!" Twilight cried out. She gave a creepy giggle, rubbing her hooves together, the friction causing sparks to fly everywhere.

Without knowing what she was doing, the mane six followed Rarity, who was grabbed by the hoof, and dragged by Psycho Twilight, wherever the hay she was going.

"Of course, this is the eeeepppiiiilogue!" Twilight cried out.

The ponies gasped. Oh no, not more!

"Lllleeettt'sss begin!" Twilight shouted, unintentionally too loud for the crowd.

She handed the ponies their costumes.

Rainbow Dash dropped hers in haste. "No way! You're NOT getting us to go on another play for your stupid story!"

"No, we're not!" Fluttershy shouted, before gasping in horror. "I - I mean, we'll love to do it for a good friend, Twilight."

AppleJack joined in. "Look, sugarcube. Uh..maybe...maybe.."

"Oh, you girls are so sweet. Come on, now!" Twilight cried out. "The clock is tiiiccckkiiiiing!"

The stage lights went dim.

"Now, each of you must act as stallions and colts --" Twilight ordered. "Also, no fakes! Nothing is good when it is faked! Begin!"

"I - I've always felt.." Fluttershy whimpered, as her part of the scene came up.

"Yeah?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Well...um...I love you?" Fluttershy stammered. She screamed, as she knew what part was coming on next.

AppleJack bit her lip. "No fakes? For land sakes!" she thought. "Poor Fluttershy! We have t' help her!"

But she knew there was no hope. Until --

"My, my! What is going on here?"

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash turned to look at her. They hadn't even started kissing yet, and they were glad for the sudden appearance of the Princess. Celestia was awesome! She always landed from the sky at the perfect times and places. Like a boss, too.

Twilight suddenly stared at the Princess, and was ashamed immediately. Psycho Twilight left her at once.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me," she confessed.

"It's fine, my faithful student," Celestia said, smiling pleasantly.

"But --"

"Look, Twilight Sparkle," Celestia said, beaming at her student. "You may be the best at writing letters and reports, but fanfiction just isn't your type. "

"You mean - I should give up fanfiction?" Twilight asked.

"'Swat we meant to tell ya, Twilight," AppleJack joined in. "Ah'm sorry 'bout that."

"We didn't want to hurt your feelings," Fluttershy muttered.

"Yeah, and we just thought maybe - maybe there was another way to get things done," Rainbow Dash confessed.

"We're sorry," AppleJack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and Pinkie Pie said, ears down and sorrowful.

Celestia just chuckled lightly to herself. "That's not it at all," she explained. "Not everypony is good at everything, my faithful student. Look around at your friends. Rainbow Dash may be good at flying, while Fluttershy has a complete different talent, even though they are both pegasi."

"It's so complicated," Twilight asked. "Why can't I try my best at fanfiction anyway?"

"Take to being yourself, Twilight Sparkle," Celestia answered. "You've got a great knack for magic, and you should carry on your studies, and very soon, you may be as good as I am, myself!"

"Th-thanks, Princess," Twilight whispered. "But - But all the students at the magic school write good fanfictions!"

"You may not be good at fanfiction, Twilight Sparkle. But always keep in mind, you will always be my number one, most faithful student," Celestia replied, as the two nuzzled together, with a mother-daughterly love.

"Aww...it's just like a story!" Pinkie Pie squealed, tears pouring out of her eyes. "Wow! This is great! This calls for --"

"Lemme guess - party?" Rainbow Dash groaned.

"Yeah! A party!" Pinkie Pie cried out.

"Dear Princess Celestia,

Today, I learnt a very important lesson about friendship.

Everypony back at my old school could write fanfiction, except I. I thought that I could do the same, and I knew that my friends in Canterlot will tease me if I don't.

However, I learnt that no matter what anypony thinks, a pony should always be herself, even through the most severest of trials, of insults and remarks.

Your faithful student,

Twilight Sparkle.