A Derp And A Chirp

by MLPxMaestro

Rating: everyone
Tags: Dinky Hooves, Fluttershy, Comedy, Derpy Hooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2559

Derpy is looking for a new pet, and she knows just the place to look for one. However, is all of this just a dream? Or could this possibly all be real by chance? Muffin material ensues within this story.

Derpy remained sound asleep in what had to be the softest bed in Ponyville. However, her clock went off with an alarm that made her freak out the moment she heard it. It gave off a loud ring like you wouldn’t believe, and caused her to flail her forelegs and flop onto the floor wide awake.

“Oh…stupid clock.” She looked off in disapproval, then back at the clock.

As Derpy was and usually is, she proceeded to then throw out the clock from her two-story window. She didn’t care; she had a paying job that would allow her to get another easily…making her three hundred and sixtieth for this year.

She trotted down to her kitchen to get a muffin obviously, and ate it passionately alongside a glass of milk. After she finished her breakfast, she then made it back up into her bathroom on the second floor. So shortly thereafter, she cut on the water, which was adjusted to the perfect temperature. She stood there as she lathered up, letting the warm water droplets hit her sensitive skin under her wings. As she then stepped out, and with a ruffle and brief flapping of her feathered wings, she realized something.

Published 2014-02-25 21:40:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-25 21:40:07 UTC

Chapter One- Getting A Pet

A Derp And A Chirp:

Chapter 1- Getting a Pet:

Derpy remained sound asleep in what had to be the softest bed in Ponyville. However, her clock went off with an alarm that made her freak out the moment she heard it. It gave off a loud ring like you wouldn’t believe, and caused her to flail her forelegs and flop onto the floor wide awake.

“Oh…stupid clock.” She looked off in disapproval, then back at the clock.

As Derpy was and usually is, she proceeded to then throw out the clock from her two-story window. She didn’t care; she had a paying job that would allow her to get another easily…making her three hundred and sixtieth for this year.

She trotted down to her kitchen to get a muffin obviously, and ate it passionately alongside a glass of milk. After she finished her breakfast, she then made it back up into her bathroom on the second floor. So shortly thereafter, she cut on the water, which was adjusted to the perfect temperature. She stood there as she lathered up, letting the warm water droplets hit her sensitive skin under her wings. As she then stepped out, and with a ruffle and brief flapping of her feathered wings, she realized something.

“Wait a moment…today’s the day!” she shouted out, knowing today was the day she would be getting her first pet…and from Fluttershy nonetheless.

A good while later, she shot out of her front door, forgetting to close the door behind her.

“Yippee! I can’t wait to meet Fluttershy personally this time, she seems like such a nice pony.” She said to herself as she was making her way over to Fluttershy’s cottage.

Before she knew it, the cottage was in sight in a matter of moments to Derpy. As she descended in front of the transcendent home’s entrance, her knock on the door was followed by sudden noises of animals inside.

“Um…what did I do wrong?” she thought.

A few clicks of the doors locks, and the door opened up to the sight of the adorable pale yellow Pegasus pony.

“Oh my, I didn’t expect you to arrive so soon Ditzy Doo…but good morning anyways.” Fluttershy spoke softly and with a small smile.

“I’m here for my first pet, you said when I arrived I could start picking right away.” Derpy replied.

“Oh did I? I’m sorry…I think I was busy with feeding the birds while you were asking me.” Fluttershy then looked away.

“Oh…okay…will it be tomorrow then?” Derpy then looked off and towards all of the birds that were nestled in the trees within her front yard.

“Oh no, I didn’t mean to say it couldn’t be today, sure it can Ditzy, whatever you want to do is fine…if that’s okay with-” Before Fluttershy could finish, Derpy zoomed off towards the trees already making her pick.

“Um…oh…starting now I guess…right.” Fluttershy told herself and nodded a pinch before flying low over to her.

Derpy had never seen such a magnificent assortment of birds, neither had she seen so many with such color either. One however seemed to catch her eye as it seemed to stand on a perch alone with no friends to Derpy’s view.

“Which bird is this one?” Derpy asked before flying up to the bird shortly after.

“Oh him? Oh he’s such a sweetie, but bless his little heart, he doesn’t have a friend…or even a mate to be with. I couldn’t come up with a special enough name for him, so he’s just known as Mr. Parrot to me.” Said Fluttershy. She then softly flies up to the parrot like nothing bothered it at the moment, but what could you expect from Fluttershy with birds?

“You poor thing, you want a friend don’t you?” she asked the bird sympathetically.

Derpy got a little closer to the parrot, but it backed away a little bit from her the closer she approached it.

“Oh he’s not used to anypony else but me.”

“I can tell.” Derpy replied.

“Oh but it’s no big deal, besides, all it takes is a little bit of company before they warm up to you. That’s how I taught most of the animals with me to be.” Said Fluttershy, followed by a smile nopony could resist.

“He doesn’t have any friends? Out of all of the birds that are taken care of by you?”

“Unfortunately yes…except Hummingway of course. He’s the most adorable, sweetest little angel for a bird I have, and he is friends with every animal here.”

“Is Mr. Parrot sick?” Derpy asked.

“Oh goodness no, I make sure each and every one of my animals I care for is treated with the most possible amount of love and care they could ask for.” Fluttershy replied.

“Can he talk?”

“He can actually, but he’s shy around strangers…isn’t that right? Yes it is, yes it is!” Fluttershy giggled slightly before proceeding to rub the parrots little head softly. The parrot’s face showed an expression of satisfaction and happiness.

“He loves to get rubbed on his head, most birds do. Go ahead…try it, he won’t bite or anything, I promise.” Fluttershy assured Derpy.

Derpy decided to give it a shot, and slowly approaches the colorful parrot. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t going anywhere this time, probably since it felt comfortable around Fluttershy.

The parrot backed up just a little bit, but Fluttershy assuring the parrot that there was nothing to be scared of.

Then, to Derpy’s surprise, she managed to touch its head, and began to softly rub along the crown of his head. The bird then focused attention back to Derpy, and stared her right in the eyes.

“Aww, he likes you Ditzy!” said Fluttershy.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely…like I said, he’s a sweetheart…aren’t you little one?” said Fluttershy, as she softly stroked along one of its wings.

A good while later, and after staying around Derpy’s company, the parrot began to warm up to her presence. Derpy and Fluttershy remained under the tree he was perched within, giving him time and space to get as comfortable around the new guest as possible.

“So how old is he?” Derpy asked.

“Um, well…I don’t really know to be honest. I’m saying that because I didn’t raise him when he hatched. If I were to guess, maybe four or something like that. I found him crying out to his mommy and daddy in a forest. I waited alongside him so that his parents would return…but they never did. So ever since then, I have cared for him, and treated him as one of my own, just like I do to all the animals under my care.” Fluttershy stated with comfort.

Before they both knew it, the parrot had been sitting on the ground next to Derpy the entire time as Fluttershy was looking off into another direction, as was Derpy too.

“Banana?” said the parrot next to her, which startled the both of them for a bit.

“Oh my goodness…I’ve never heard him say that before?” Fluttershy was surprised; she couldn’t believe that bird was actually speaking at a time of unexpected timing from him.

“So he does talk, oh wow this is cool! I want him as my pet!”

“Shh, keep your voice down, you don’t want him to fly off.” Fluttershy shushed Derpy.

The parrot was indeed startled by Derpy’s change of tone, and made him anxious to fly off.

“Um…muffin?” Derpy then put a muffin in front of its face, making it stare at the strange object.

“Um…where did you get that muffin?” Fluttershy asked.

“I have no clue, I wonder that myself, but what fun is there in understanding?” Derpy replied.

“Oh um…I guess.”

The parrot looked at it for a little longer, then back at Derpy in the eyes. Over and over for a solid three minutes it did that, with Derpy adding the word “muffin” to the bird.

“Muffin?” the parrot then spoke up, struggling a little with the word but managing.

“Oh my sweet Celestia…he said muffin.” Derpy said softly. Giddy with excitement and energy, she was heavily tempted to hug the adorable parrot learning her favorite word, but that obviously would not work out well for her or the bird.

“Well would you look at that…it looks like Mr. Parrot I think has chosen you to be his…uh…oh my…” Fluttershy then stopped herself, as she watched the parrot and Derpy eat the muffin together.

“Uh, um…is it okay for parrots to be eating muffins?”

“I don’t really know Fluttershy?” Derpy shrugged, her mouth full of muffin, along with her quick new friend the parrot enjoying the muffin as well. It was a blueberry muffin, so it wasn’t totally bad for Mr. Parrot, since they need a healthy diet of seeds, fruits, and cooked vegetables…rice would kill it though like it would any other bird.

So time passed on, as Mr. Parrot was now perched on Derpy’s back when she and Fluttershy walked back inside for a snack.

“Well I am just so proud that Mr. Parrot has…oh…well where did she go?” said Fluttershy turning around to see that Derpy and the parrot had disappeared out of sight.

Meanwhile in the air…

“Woohoo! The best pet ever!”

“Muffin!” the parrot squawked, flying next to her.

“Another one?”

“Muffin!”

“Okay, okay here you go.” Derpy then brought out another delicious muffin from behind her once more.

“Where and how in Equestria do these muffins keep appearing into my hoof when I bring my hoof behind me then back out into view?!” she wondered to herself out loud.

Chapter Two- Half Aslake

A Derp And A Chirp:

Chapter 2- Half Aslake:

The parrot continued to squawk in during the night, and it was two in the morning. Derpy lied there in her bed with her eyes bloodshot and wide-awake. She stared at the ceiling it seemed for an eternity, and then faced back at the bird. There were times where she was even tempted to go ahead and use it as firewood for her fireplace to shut it up for good.

“For bucks sake! What the heck do you need?!” she yelled out at it.

“Muffin!” the parrot squawked, flapping its wings briefly.

“I already told you, for the tenth time already…I DON’T HAVE ANYMORE MUFFINS!” she exclaimed back at it. She expected the bird would finally silence with that intensive yelling she did…but it could care less.

“Muffin!” it squawked once more.

However, just as Derpy was literally about to free it out into that “wide horrible world” called Equestria, she then noticed something not finished yet below its cage.

“You’ve…got to be kidding me.” she thought to herself, feeling like she was truly the biggest idiot in Equestria right now.

She then slowly got out of her bed, and then picked up the half eaten muffin to give to the bird. The parrot immediately then stopped and stared at it, then back at her.

“What? Isn’t this what you wanted?!” she shook the muffin in front of it and its cage frustrated with it to begin with.

It said nothing, and proceeded to get closer to the cage as the muffin touched the outside surface of it. It nibbled here and there at it for minutes on end it seemed.

“Ah screw it, here you go.” Derpy then swiftly opens up the cage door and carelessly tosses it in there with him.

“Okay…good night!” she shouts out, tucking herself once more into the bed.

A couple of hours then passed again, and the parrot was at it once more.

“MUFFIN!”

The sudden sound woke Derpy up, and caused her to jump in her bed.
“Ah!”

“MUFFIN!”

“No…no…NO…..NOOOOO!!!!” she hit the bed with her hooves next to her over and over again, and looked back at the bird intensively. This then got the birds attention, and it stopped and stared back at her. They simply sat there, deadlocked at each other’s eyes, not moving an inch. At least Derpy was managing to keep the birds noises at bay with its high volume, but she knew she had to get up in a few hours anyway to get ready for work too.

“Uh…please bird I don’t even have a name for yet…just PLEASE let me sleep.” she then got right up to the cage and dramatically pleaded with it to simply sleep for once.

“PLLLEEEAAAASSSEEE!!!!!!!” she begged immensely from it. The bird simply remained on its perch and stared back at her, and then got right up to the cage in front of her.

“Um…what’re you doing?” Derpy wondered, noticing that the parrot was literally right in her face within the cage she put it in.

“Hmm…what if I take off the cage then?” Derpy then a few minutes later manages to take apart the cage around it, without it disturbing the bird.

“There…better?” she asked it, as she made her way back into her soft warm bed.

“Muffin.”

“Okay…good. Well then I think that about settles everyth-”

“MUFFIN!”

“OH FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA! I’M SOOO TAKING YOU BACK TOMORROW!” Derpy facehoofed herself, and she knew that from the looks of it, it seemed like a lost cause to make it shut up for now. So she shut her bedroom door, keeping it inside her bedroom, and went downstairs with her cover and pillow to sleep on the couch.

“Mmm…yeahhhh…now this is more li- AAAAHHH!!!”

“MUFFIN!”

* * * *

Derpy then sprung out of her bed and quickly panned around her black room. Her daughter, Dinky, sleeping next to her woke up with her.

“What’s wrong momma?”

“I…I had the most terrible dream. A parrot was eating all of my muffins; it kept me up all night! I couldn’t get any sleep at all…worst part was…IT WAS EATING ALL OF MY MUFFINS! MY BEAUTIFUL MUFFINS!!! Even worse was…I got it from Fluttershy! How could she keep such a thing?!” Derpy’s eyes stared right into Dinky’s, as Derpy lightly rocked back and forth in her bed. Which caused her daughter to be a bit worried for her. Dinky however knew that her mom was like this sometimes, mainly due to the fact that poppy seeds were allegedly claimed to get you high, should you eat a very large quantity of them. Though chances were that tale wasn’t true…so it could just be her mother being random like she is sometimes.

“Okay…we’re gonna stop getting you poppy seed muffins by the dozens, starting now.” Dinky then brought the bed covers back over herself, and then went back to sleep.

“But what if-” her mother’s mouth was then silenced by Dinky’s hoof immediately covering it thereafter.

“Shhh, just sleep momma…I gotta go to school in a few hours.”

“Ohhh…alright then.” Derpy rolled her eyes back at her daughter, as they were acting opposite roles of each other unintentionally.

Silence then fell back to its natural state, but Derpy had just hatched and idea quickly in her genius cranium.

“I think I’m gonna get a pet tomorrow…how about a parrot! I bet one of those would be so cool!” she thought to herself with a smile.

She then just several minutes later drifted off to a state of adorable pony slumber. Which I would dare say…pony slumber is in fact “Best Slumber”.