The Incredible Shrinking Stallion
You know, its funny. They say that whenever your life really is about to come to an end, you do see it flashing before you. I never though of such a ridiculous predilection myself of course, though when you're in my situation, it seems kinda hard now to question it now. Oh, who am I? Sorry, its just that given this situation, its a little hard to focus on multiple things at one.
My name is Shining Armour. I'm the captain of the Equestrian Royal guards, husband to the beautiful princess Mi Amore Cadenza; though she prefers to simply be addressed as Cadance, devoted sibling to princess Twilight Sparkle and prince of the Crystal Kingdom Empire. You could say that with all that I have I'd be on top of the world, right? Not in this case though. Right now, I'm trying to fight for my life against the single biggest threat of my long lasting adventure. While I've never been one for handling boring meetings among the delegates of the royal community or passing out boring laws that benefit the upper class more than the common folk that desperately need the support more, I can definitely say that those are the better days now. At least you didn't have to go up against this monstrosity that's lurking over me. Even with my shield magic trying to ward it off, I can't do anything else about it. I'm literally between a rock and a hard place with me surrounded by all of these creatures all hounding me, dwarfing me with their antenna flailing and their fangs snapping like a grinder hacking away at my shield, each knife like slice from either side keeps cutting down my hopes of ever seeing all that I'd fought and loved for ever again. Oh, these creatures I'm talking about? They're ants. Yeah, you heard me right... freaking ants!
Seems kinda dumb that I'd be fighting off these creatures and having so much difficulty with them in doing so, right? I know what you're thinking. They must be some kinda giant ant race that were summoned by some spell that went terribly wrong or by some mad Mage wanting revenge on me in some way, right? Nope, they are ordinary army ants. This seems like a dumb concept doesn't it? But then again, when you are me right now, barely a fraction of an inch tall, that would pretty much ruin any further suspensions of disbelief now, wouldn't it?
So in the last few moments I have left, you're probably asking me; 'How did this happen?', right? I'll try to keep it brief, but fill you in as we go along. With any luck, you'll at least know how a stallion like me went from being a respected prince to a meal for these common garden pests. It all began about three months ago...
Author's Note
Re writing this story, hopefully to get it off to a better start fixing the grammar issues the previous chapter had (if anyone could remember it) ^^;.
The Incredible Shrinking Stallion
Chapter one: It started off big.
It all began about three months ago. It was another day waking up with my beautiful wife Cadance and going through the usual morning routines of shower, followed by breakfast served in bed with the most eloquent fashion any pony can ask for. Parts of the perks of being a prince you could say, though I'm not one to brag. Much, heh heh. Anyway, my almost embarrassingly gawping mouth was locked as my gaze was broken by the arrival of Cadance arriving and greeting me with a kiss on the forehead just as I was about to enjoy my stack of syrup soaked pancakes.
“Oh, morning honey. How are you?” I asked.
“Doing great sweetie, how about you?” she smiled.
“Great! I'm really looking forward to this time next week though. Twiley is visiting again” I merrily chimed as my now levitating fork took a huge gouge out of the flat topped stack, “And I can't wait to see her here again. We've gotta lot to catch up on”. You probably wouldn't have heard that last sentence clearly though since at that point my mouth was full of pancake. I didn't even notice anything myself until I looked up at Cadance as she rolled her eyes taking a seat beside me with her usual light breakfast of a boiled egg and some toast being served.
“Cadance, what's wrong?” I managed gulping down a big mouthful. She could only look at me with something like disappointment in me. I never stopped to consider it before until now, so I asked again after washing down the last of the first stack of the pancakes with a cup of coffee, “Cadance, why do you keep looking at me like that. You've been giving me that look for the last few weeks now”. I wasn't kidding either; to any husband that look your wife gives you with her eyes lowered after rolling them can only mean one thing. They wanna tell you something stern and strict.
“What is wrong with me?” she asked as I saw her leaning in closer. Whenever eyes like her meet mine, they are usually filled with love, compassion or support. These eyes though... anything but.
“Have you seen what all those pancakes, éclairs, doughnuts, cakes, corn dogs, fritters, tarts, dumplings and cider have been doing to you lately?!” she finished with a rather sharp poke to my stomach. Wow, no wonder she seemed ticked off. Look, I'm not going to lie to you, when you're a prince you tend to get certain privileges given to you more often than you can handle. In the past, being in the royal guard means that you are on a strict exercise program its hard for things like this bulge I have right now to catch up with you. However, as a prince who throughout the last few months has been bogged down with nothing but paper work, passing out laws, attending boring meetings which require your plot on your seat for most of the time, things like this tend to effect your waist line if you don't keep on top of your training. I looked back at her with a dumb and nervous smile but she wasn't buying any of it as her frown narrowed.
“Okay, okay I admit it. I've put on a little weight lately and-”
“A little?!” she suddenly snapped out, “Shining Armour just looking at you alone, I can tell you've easily doubled your size over the last few months! At each and every cocktail party, charity ball or general banquet we attended, all you've been doing was gulping down as much as you could and making yourself look less and less creditable around your fellow ponies. You've been mocked behind your back by some of the most respected ponies in the empire as well as your home ponies in Equestria and it hurts me to see you being shunned like this because you indulge yourself so badly!”
Finishing her rant against me hurt bad enough, but it only did so more seeing tears in her eyes as she looked away in shame. It made my heart feel pain... or was that the last of the pancake going down somewhat forced? Either way, she soon continued.
“It just pains me to see you doing this to yourself. You know that this is unhealthy for you; how it raises your blood level, raises your cholesterol increases your chance for serious illnesses both physically and mentally...” she sighed wiping a tear away from a napkin she levitated from her seat “I don't want you to keep doing this to yourself”.
“But honey, I don't understand. If you knew this was getting this bad, why didn't you tell me yourself?” Yeah, that was all I could ask. Stupid in hindsight I know, but that was all I could ask at the time since well, I was already looking at the stack of newly laid out pancakes I was given soaked in their delicious syrup and chocolate sauce. How else could you want to start your day, right? She just looked at me with probably the same expression you'd have right now.
“Did I really have to bother telling you how chubby you were getting?” she asked “Did I really need to tell a full grown stallion and captain of the guard about how his figure was molding out of shape because of his indulgence?”
Yeah, I know what you're thinking, 'You had that coming'. Still, I could only sigh admitting defeat knowing she was right.
“Alright then I get the hint” I said looking down at my stomach “I'll try to loose some weight and try to keep on top if it”. She soon turned her worried face into one of loving enthusiasm that I've known and loved her for so much and sealed my faith in me with a kiss on the cheek.
“I know you can do it honey” she said sweetly nuzzling me. I happily returned the favour as she walked off to finish her meal back at her seat. I had to do this for her, for myself and... Oh yeah! Twilight, would be coming soon too! Can't let her see her Big Brother Best Friend Forever having an extra B for Bulging near the start now could I? Though that did present another problem. She would be coming next week! How could I loose that much weight in time? The answer as it turned out, would be something I'd quickly come to regret.
The Incredible Shrinking Stallion
Chapter two; No such thing as a quick fix
Getting back into a routine of trying to work out and lose some weight was a lot harder than I had come to remember. I can't begin to tell you the amount of times I've had my body ache, my muscles strain and my breath shortened when I was back in the Royal Guard training academy just to build myself up before was exhausting. So imagine me at the moment, about eighty or so pounds heavier than before, a stomach full of sugary junk food and attempting to break back into losing weight in only a few days before Twiley arrive and you have to ask yourself a question: Would I be able to slim down enough in time? If you answered 'Yes' then its kind of you to have thought of me optimistically and all, but it would be a lie if I said I did it fairly. By the time I had managed to go through only a few short minutes of a basic work out plan, I must have sweated so much it felt like I was almost melting. I hadn't been this short of breath in my whole life and it was already the first day and I had to call it quits since I could hardly stand any more. My gym shirt and shorts were doing nothing to help hide the obvious since my stomach hung out and my shorts felt like they were about to burst their seams. It was so humiliating.
It was even worse when I had to make a formal impression too and had to try and look my best for the arrival of royalty. Yeah, being a prince definitely has its perks, but its drawbacks as well. It was going to be another grand event filled with music, social ponies, aristocrats and of course, a mountain of food to ruin my figure all over again. Worst still, I just knew that Twily would see her doughy looking brother look so ridiculous in his uniform. I could already hear the conversations in my mind;
“He he he, guess we'll have to call you the Big Belly Brother Best Friend Forever now, won't we Shiny?”
“Aww, don't take it too bad honey, at least your strap still fits around snort just.”
“Y-yeah... real funny girls...!”
After a quick shower, I did my best to try and prepare myself to see if my stomach would give me a break and at least let me try to squeeze into my formal attire; my uncle's old uniform, the same I used at Twilight's coronation and at my wedding. I could already tell that there was no way it'd fit. But still, might just get lucky right? The seams are pretty strong and the buttons are specially sown to I might just get away with it. I levitated the outfit over to myself, and slipping in my hooves, everything seemed to go alright at first. Made sense since though since I hadn't fastened the buttons up yet. That's when yet another boneheaded decision was made... to try and fasten them. Slowly, I exhaled as best as I could, though my stomach was already sagging like a bag of flour. Then, using my magic, I tugged at the button and the holes on my shirt.
At first, the top button around my neck going to my chest weren't too bad, a little snug but they went in fine and in my my mind, I was quietly chanting 'C'mon, you can do it, c'mon', though it was definitely easier said than done, since I just reached my belly. Dang, it was like trying to squeeze down a sink pipe! It didn't help that I had to be careful not to tear the fabric apart while tugging at the thing, but I managed to keep on going, until... one slotted into place... then after much careful negotiation another, then finally another and then, the last one around my waist itself... wouldn't fit. No matter how hard I tried, it wouldn't connect. I stood there for a brief moment, trying not to breath in too much or too soon, but with gradual and slow movements, I was able to walk over to a mirror to see how bad it looked. Needless to say no mirror the world could justify how ridiculous I looked; I looked like I stuffed a large white balloon under my shirt. I tried to sit down to see how it would look only to hear the sound of fabric being strained and stretched far beyond its limits. I had to move in almost ultra slow motion to make the simplest positions possible, even going against my original idea of exhaling as far as I could go, having to try and suck in my gut. I finally sat down on the floor, my hoof over my straining suit, prodding a belly that would make me look like I was expecting soon... if the foal was made of sugary food that is. If I could hold my breath forever at this point, even with the buttons about to give I might have gotten away with it... but I had to exhale, more rapidly than I wanted.
I'm amazed at how lethal a couple of buttons can be as projectile weapons; considering one bounced off a vase on a nearby book shelf and shattered it to pieces and another slammed into a book shelf knocking a couple of books onto the floor. Still, that was only my second concern since I was focused on something else. As someone who is once seen as a figure of fitness and as an idealistic image of the masculinity of the Equestrian Royal guard, it's completely humiliating for any member or royalty to see someone with an authoritative figure – especially that of a captain – would never never let anything go over well for royalty, especially if it IS my own sibling. She would be disgraced if she saw me like this. I needed a faster solution other than a crash diet or rapid workout, they were completely out of the question. You wish that things like this could be made for a simple wish... wait a minute, a wish? 'Or a SPELL perhaps?', I thought. Boy, I should have kept on thinking of other ideas. But in blind desperation, I was already trying to squeeze out of my royal red suit and was already waddling off down the hall toward a library within the palace.
Minding my way around some of the servants who hadn't noticed me blown up wasn't exactly easy, but I was eventually able to get through double doors leading into the library. Heck, ever since my little sis became a princess herself, she seemed to insist on wanting to have somewhere to keep her favourite copies of books around the place and Cadance, being the ever eager and happy to help for her little sis was more than happy to oblige. I managed to get through, just as I heard someone pop a quick wise-crack of
“Gonna need a triple wide set of doors soon~”
… the temptation to fire that smart allic out of a cannon was too tempting. Still, there was one book in here that I know would definitely help me out. There was a book that Twily was looking over on one of her favourite practitioners of spells and sorceries, Starswirl the Bearded. One of his tomes were left out in a private part of the library that only me, Cadie and she knew about. It therefore took me no time to find the book, take a place at the table, pull up a chair – that creaked and groaned when I sat my plump plot down on it, a real blow to an already low enough situation – and was soon reading through the book looking through diagrams and directions of various spells. Then at last, I found something that was just what I needed. Yeah, what I thought I needed at the time.
The spell was a 'Mass' reduction spell, though it was really more Twily's forte to be the little whiz when it comes to pulling off feats of magic with ease, it shouldn't be too difficult to pull off myself, having been trained up with the skills needed for royal guard training. Following the spell's characters as best as I could, I soon found myself surrounded by a magenta aura as four glowing orbs danced around before merging with me in one. The last thing I remembered was being surrounded by a powerful white light that soon faded away again. I didn't know how exactly it happened, but I soon felt my stomach, hind legs and chest tighten up and be pulled up like I was being squeezed through a mangle. I gotta tell you; it hurt! But it must have been doing something, as when it WAS over after at least twenty seconds, I landed on the ground again feeling, lighter. Shaking my head and regaining my composure, I need only take a look around myself in a nearby mirror and, he presto! It was me again, the slim, trim and if I didn't mind saying so, alluring Shining Armour! The same BBBFF Twily would be proud to see again and whom his wife would be happy to see back to his old self. And to think, it only took one little spell to get it done. Wow, one LITTLE spell... how ironic that'd turn out to be.
Author's Note
Hey everyone, sorry it took so long to get this going again. I'll try to update it a little more frequently if I get in the right writing mood again. Feel free to offer feed back on any mistakes in grammar, punctuation or spelling present and enjoy these images provided, courtesy of 8aerondight8 located here;
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/8aerondight8/