Prologue and chapter 1
It was a beautiful day. The sun was up, arin was sleeping with a teddy bear named arin. Jon was up just listening to the breeze being emo or something. Tis it was a bea- *squawk said Jacques in a flat robotic tone.
" OH FUCKING SHET-" loudly said Jon
while he jumped up off his bed at the force of 4 t-Rex testicals. He the landed straight on his face.. On the floor.
"hey asshole I need some food"plainly said Jacques
Jon pointed his finger at Jacques while he was still on the floor
"We'll you could of woken me up quieter" said Jon while he was getting up.
" I tried but you wouldn't get up"
Jacques looked at johns bed prompting Jon to look there too.
When he looked at the bed he saw copious amounts of bird shit all over it.
"Oh" said Jon in his plain voice
He walked up to Jacques and went up right by him
"If you ever do that again I will fuckn send you back to the bird wars" said Jon in a hushed tone
Jacques just looked at Jhn and said
"What"
Jon walked out of the room with Jacques on his shoulder. He got in the kitchen to see arin making pancakes.
" I made your favorite" said arin In a livening song-song voice.
He could smell it from a mile away it was his favorite... Sink water.
" oh righteous" said Jon in a child like manner
He then pushed arin to the ground causing all the pancakes to fall in space ( I have no idea why ) Jon then took the sink and sprayed it all over his face missing his mouth completely.
" AHH MY FUCKING PANCAKES GOD DAME YOU BRONY ASS WHIETY" said arin loudly
This intrigued Jon he has never heard this profanity before.
" wait what's a brony?" Said Jon curiously.
Arin got up off the floor and said
" you know like those gay fans of my lit-" arin was interrupted by Jon
"WAIT GAYY IM NOT GAY THAT PHOTO WAS PHOTOSHOPED I NEVER TOUCHED NICK CAGE TH-" he was stopped by arin
" dude calm down you didn't let me finish there fans of my little pony: friendship is faggot or something" said arin calmly
" so wait if I destroy that place I'm not gay right?" Said Jon curiously.
" no I didn't say th-" arin was interrupted by Jon... Again.
" OK I GET IT JEEZE ARIN DON'T HAVE BE DICKEN ABOUT IT, NOW I AM OFF TO PONY LAND TO GET RID OF GAYNESS" said Jon loudly
He ran to the wall saying to himself 'ill show arin how not gay I really am'
" AWAYYYYY-" Jon was interrupted by the the wall smashing his nose. He the feel on the floor with a those covering his nose
" FUCK SHUT THE CAMARA OFF"
*TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES*
Jon was standing up with a tissue over his nose
" ok now awayyyy" he then teleported through some portal in the wall.
Arin looked at Jacques and said
" so do two like fuck or something" asked arin
"Dude what the hell" deadpanned Jacques
Meanwhile
"AHHHHHHHHHH OH SWEET JESUS AHHHHHHHHHHHH" screamed Jon
He was currently in some kind of wormhole or something. But then he saw a light and feel on some grass
" OW my cheaks" said Jon painfully
"Oh hey Jacques "
"Sup" said Jacques plainly
Jon saw his surroundings he saw some kind of castle on a mountain like trillion miles away. And right next to him he read a sign and it read "PONYVILLE"
"Jacques I don't think we're in Kansas anymore" said Jon in a worried voice.
" so Jacques where should we go?" Asked Jon
" let's go to ponyville" said Jacques
" uhh ok but there's like castle there" questioned Jon.
" I smell food at ponyville"
"Wait you can talk" asked Jon
Boreing walking part to horseville
" are we there yet" asked Jacques
" SHUT THE DUCK UP JACQUES IM TRYING TO WALK" yelled Jon
They were inside the town but no one was there. Also it was like a renaissance camp for NEEEEEEERDS.
" man Jacques I'm scared what if there's vampires here or somethang" said Jon with fear.
They heard something that sounded like footsteps but more like horses feet against dirt.
" girls you really all that sure about us going out here." Said some female voice
" aw scootaloo feeling a little scared"said another female voice
"WHAT PSHH no way it's just that applejack wanted us to stay at the house." Said scootaloo(?)
Jon hid In some nearby bushes and what he saw almost made his heart explode. Little. colorful . Ponies. He ended up aww-ing at the display which got there attention.
"Wait girls did y'ah hear that?" Said some kind of country voice
'Oh dear god they heard my bowels'
"I think it came from over here" said the one called scootaloo(?).
'O dear god I need to run maybe I can cause a distraction'
Jon then proceeded to runout of the bushes at the normal speed of 4 miles ever 2 hours he was also screaming.
Transition to the crusaders
"Uhh" deadpanned applebloom
"Was I the only one to see that" said scootaloo
" I think we all saw that creature" said sweetie belle
They just stood there looking at it run away...slowly.
" WAIT GIRLS I have the bestest idea eve'r." Exclaimed apple bloom
The other crusaders looked at applebloom with there eyebrows raised
" we can become CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ANIMAL COLLECTORS"
Both scootaloo and sweet belle agreed with nods
Back at Jon
'Oh sweet Jesus I'm out of shape'
" Jacques I need your help" whispered Jon
There was no reply.
" Jacques?"
He looked at his shoulders and above him
Jacques was nowhere to be seen.
'Where the hell are you Jacques'
Now going to Jacques
" fucking asshole didn't feed me" said Jacques angrily
He was sitting on top of a cottage with a rabbit right near him
" I hear you dude" said the bunny
"Wait you can talk?" Said Jacques
Back to Jon
"OH SHEI-" Jon was interrupted by the ground becase he tripped over a pebble.
There laid the unconscious body of Jon the last thing he heard was
" aw he's already down I really wanted to try me ropeing skills on cows"
'Ow my self exateeeeee-'
INSIDE THE MIND OF JON
" o god my head......" He looked around and saw nothing but darkness.
" where the hell am I.."
Out of no where the disembodied head of arin
" hello Jon "
" HOLY FUCKIN SHIT ARIN!?!?" Yelled Jon
" no Jon I'm god and I'm here to tell you where you are"
" wait arin your god?" asked Jon
" no I just explained I'm god. I took the form of arin because he's the wisest man you know"
" oh ok....... I gess" Said Jon
" look your In equestria I put you here because your destined for a quest to save this place" said arin
This was big for Jon he's never been good for anything like at all.
" oh well that's great I gess but why me?" Questioned Jon
"Uh.. Well you see.... Well uh I'm sending you back into your body"
Jon saw a bright light and started to get a headache
'O god I'm going to get deaded'
.…....back at reality land..........
Jon started to wake up 'ehhh I had too much sink water' he then remembered what happened ' oh god that was real'
What he saw around him started to make his head hurt.... There was books everywhere 'oh dang I'm in a library.. And it's made of wood.. And leaves.. Am i In a tree? And of corse I'm tied up great' After Jon's inner monologue he heard a female or some kind of little childs voice in another room how he knows the difference is unknown to me.
" girls I really don't think this is a good idea. We can just keep an animal in the library!" Said the uh voice
' animal who do they think the-'
" don't worry abou't it spike. He may be as big as a cow but defiantly not fast as one." Said that rude southern voice.
" OK NOW THAT'S JUST UNCALLED FOR" said Jon very loudly
Some little purple uhh thing? came through some door way at the right of me
" hello? Is anyone in here?" Said the... Wait what the fuck is that.
" oh hey girls look the uhh animals up"
Ok really what fuck is that
'Yeah really narrator what the hell is that like a lizard or something'
No idea I mean my script isn't letting me go any farther then what I'm saying now.... Wait.
INTRODUCING THE SECOND NARRATOR
Ahem for right now I will be the narrator because Jon and the other narrator are currently talking in Jon's head. Ok here we go
The crusaders walked into the room where the animal was sitting on the chair tied up also he was drooling eww
" you sure it's awake spike it looks kinda..... Drowsy." Said scootaloo
" we'll it's eyes are open so I guess It's awake" said spike
" so uhh maybe we should try to find a book on it, we are in a library." Captain obv- I mean sweetie belle said
" we'll girls intill twilight comes here and sees this guy I think we should just leave it alone, also I don't want to misplace a book and have extra chores to do" said spike
This wa- oh the other narrator is done talking with Jon. He will now talk for the rest of the story. Too bad the chapter just ended
The fight that was heard around the world
We cut back to Jon seeing he's still in a chair. Doing nothing. At all
'Man sometimes I think I shouldn't talk to arin'
Hmm that probably a good idea but you know you can't change the past. The small pony things left the room saying something about needing to get back to the barn.
'Hmmm usually when I find my self tied to chair I scream for help'
"Nah ill just leave"
So he got up and left the library
"wow that was easy" Jon said
" I mean I was like expecting ninjas or something"
"AHEM, I SAID I WAS LIKE EXPECTING NINJAS OR SOMETHING" yelled Jon
" ok that's how it's going to be? Great.. No really that's amazing"
" god dame it i hate this writer.. CAN WE PLEASE HAVE A I REALLY COOL FIGHTIN SEEN" yelled Jon once again
" fuck it I'm done"
Jon proceeded to throw his hands in the air. After he had his tantrum about ninjas he saw that there was no one here. At all. it was really creepy man I almost pissed my self like two times in a row.
" hello is anyone here?" Yelled Jon
" man this place is like a ghost town for Jewish ghosts only"
On the floor which was dirt he saw a flier. He then read it out loud
" 'due to excess bits in the town we have given every citizen over the age of 15 free access to the grand galloping gala' heh more like good game gay-wads HEHEHEH AM I RIGHT"
He looked around to see if anyone laughed at his joke.
" oh right I'm alone... Where the hell are you Jacques." Asked Jon
" right behind you man" Jacques said In his always cherry robotic voice
" AHH WHAT FUCK MAN" yelled Jon
" you do not sneak up on a man who's afraid of pickles... God"
Jon caught his breath then finely talked
"Well it's good to see you"
Jacques then sat on his shoulder
" it's good to see you too friend" Jacques replied
Jon looked at his sournding area and saw some houses. And then he saw something so great. So magnificate. That he almost craped himself. It was a gingerbread house
' my dreams have finely come true'
Jon ran to the door with power of 600 small African children. When he got inside of it he saw cakes, cupcakes, and even a sink.
" this must be what heaven is like" Jon said
"Yep" Jacques agreedededededededed-ing
He went up to the counter and saw some kind of baby bell. Which he rang
" Hello, hello I would like some pastrys" said Jon
He waited 2 min. And no one came
" this is what hell is like"said Jacques who corrected Jon.
" we'll ok then I guess there free" said Jon
Joh's hand was so close to a cupcake. He could smell it with his hands. Right when he was about to pick it up someone talked right behind him
" hey uh I think you have to pay for those first then eat them"
Jon looked behind him to see some grey little horse thing. It was too big to be like the ones he saw already... Maybe she's/he's some kind of queen/king
" oh hello there little one. Do you work at this fine establishment" said Jon
"Um I'm not a kid. And no I don't work here " said ... Wait what's her name.
" hey lady whats your name. Mines jonton" who do you think said that?
" my names whooves, derpy whooves" guess again who said that
" oh and this is my pe-" he was interrupted by Jacques glowing red eyes starring into his.
"Ahem, I mean friend Jacques"
"Strange name" said derpy
" well he's a strange bird"
Jon and depy walked out of the bakery.
'Well I guess I don't need to worry about ninjas anymore'
" so what ar-" derpy was interrupted by uhh oh wow a shuriken. Jon turned to derpy. She was holding her neck.
" wooow you ok" Jon asked
"Jon you fucking idiot she has a shuriken logged in her neck" replied Jacques
Well derpy stopped moving after a while so Jon saw too it what shuriken looked like.
" oh dear god.... Jacques this shuriken can only mean.." Jon paused " the cliché 80s ninja squad"
Only a 40 feet infront of then 10 ninjas appeared all in white clothes and black belts. All of them were In poses.
" Jacques this calls for super mega attack 9000"Jon whispered to Jacques
Jon started to clap and make triangles with his hands
" SODUKE ELL MARIO" yelled Jon
Then smoke was everywhere and when it cleared instead of one Jon there was ten Jon's.
" NINJA GANG THIS WILL BE YOUR LAST BATTLE WITH MWA"
One of the ninjas pointed his finger at the Jon in the middle and said
"GET THAT SON OF A BITCH"
And so they did
They started fighting with there plastic num-chucks and bitch slaps. Two Jon's were lost in first two seconds due to a rip in time.
......through the eyes of Jon.......
'Oh god there running right towards us '
One came right near Jon but he knew their weaknesses. Punches to the balls
"HAYAAHHH" one of the ninjas tried to karate chop him. But countered it with a swift round house kick to the balls.
" OW FUVCK MY AH BOWLS IS AH GONE" another one bites the dust. He saw another Jon having a slap fight with another ninja. The other Jon fell to the floor. Dead. He felt his power draining with each dead Jon.
" JON'S FORM A CIRCAL AROUND ME" yelled Jon. The ninjas were polite enough to let them talk to each other.
" ok other Jon's we gadda form together to create mega Jon and kill these whores" all the Jon's agreed it was the only way
They all chanted some like Japanese words
" LINK, MARIO, ZELDA,BURITO, METEOROID, AND OTHERS" at the end a flash of white blinded the ninjas
In frount of them was a Jon as big as the Empire State Building
" oh shit" they were all crushed by Jon's shoe
Jon started to shrink he reached back at his normal form of the size of 1.24 Danny devitos. Jon fell on the floor this
Was too much. he felt unconsciousness come over him.
.....that was a horrible fight scene......
Author's Note
Man you guys have been the best
I would of never thought of reaching that many dislikes *sniff
I'm so happy guys... Thank you all
Interlude: la annoyance of brainus
Author's Note
Other name: arin of the opera
Interlude: la annoyance of brainus
It was right after Jon and Jacques went into the portal. Arin just stood there like for a while.
"Oh shit.. I should probably save him"
Arin ran through the portal " IM GANNA SAVE YOU JOOOOOONNN"
Arin was in a wormhole. He saw so many colorful colors. It was bea-
Arin was interrupted by a bright white light. In front of him he saw little colorful ponies. He was on some kind of stage,behind him were horses playing string instruments. They were all in little suits,dresses, and hats.
"Uhh hi?"
There was an awkward silence
" THE HORROR" screamed one of the horses in the crow-wait I swear I've heard that somewhere on the Internet
A horse with a horn shot arin in the face with a laser
" EHHHHHHH MY FACE " screamed arin
He ran into the backstage of the theater and up some stairs to the catwalk above the stage. He heard someone running under him. He went to the far right corner of the catwalk and tried his best to make no sounds.
" HE MUST OF GOTEN OUTSIDE" yelled a male voice from below him.
He waited 5 minutes and then heard
" uhh sorry everypony It seems two of actors have fainted due to the uhh "thing". So the play right now is cancelled Intel tomorrow."
" BOOOOO"
" WHAT THE HEY MAN"
" WE WANT A SHOW, WE WANT A SHOW, WE WANT A SHOW"
"Now look everyone we will show the show tomorrow at the same time"
" AHHHHG"
" well this was a waste of time"
" GENERIC SARCASTIC RESPONSE"
Ok well after everyone left the room arin got up and started to look around The theater. He saw a door with a sign on it named "Changing room" he opened it, strange that it wasn't locked. When he walked in all he saw was just some costumes and mirrors.... He looked into the mirror. The skin on the left of his face was badly burnt. In the mirror he saw a mask, a completely white mask.
He took it and grabbed some scissors and cut it so it only covered the left of his face.
" I don't know where you are Jon...." He put on his half-mask " but I will save you."
