The Quest for Cutie Mark.

As we trotted through the Everfree Forest, I felt as if I was approaching my destiny. Well, we are approaching a dark, scary cave. The pink mare finally snaps out of it and leaves with the foals. That was a shame; she was a good ride, and the foals were pretty interesting, with their red capes and their enthusiasm. However, I was totally lost, so I waited for commands.

enter the big, scary looking cave.

Okay.

I enter the cave and wait for more commands. Now, what do I do?

How about a cooking Cutie Mark?

You know how to make an omelette, you decide to try that.

I sighed.

"Well, first of all, I don't have any flint and tinder, and second, I don't have any eggs! Hell, I don't even have any bags! Should I get some eggs, I would try it out." I then plopped down, awaiting more commands.

Suddenly realise that your entire existence is a lie, and that you are simply a nameless pawn that is being puppeted by an author and several anonymous beings for their amusement.

My eyes shrank to pinpricks. If that was true, then the voices weren't giving me any real purposeful life! They weren't ehlping me out at all!

Break down and cry,

I collapsed on the ground, and I cried.

"MY LIFE'S A JO-HOHOKE!" I wallowed in misery and whatever ponies are supposed to wallow in.

then promptly tuck this bit of information deep within the subconscious vault of your mind where all the stuff that your mind can't handle goes. As a result, forget what you were crying about, but be left with a nagging feeling you have forgotten something horrible.

Huh. Why was I crying? I dried my tears. Still, my spine shivered, and I feel as if I've forgotten something important. Well, that's Future Me's problem. I awaited more commands from the countless voices that seemed to give me good advice.

You pull out the Almighty Ear of Corn (that was hiding behind your ear this entire time, who knew?) and ask it for enlightenment.

How did I not notice this? I pulled out the ear of corn.

"Oh great and mighty ear of corn, I beg thee for enlightenment."

"Sorry, girl, but I'm on break right now, come back in an hour."

"Oh."

Proceed to hide the corn up your ass to prevent somepony from taking it when you aren't looking.

Okay...

Well, I do have a rather loose sense of ethics, but this is a bit weird.

Gingerly, I shove the ear of corn up my ass. Still, at least it cannot be stolen by anypony. Well, as long as they don't search my ass.

What do, voices?

Continue further into the cave, ponder the universe for a moment then leave.

I trotted further into the cave, the darkness enveloping me. My hooves scraped through the dust and dead plants of ages.

What is my purpose in the universe? Is it to continue being ordered around by the voices? Will I ever get my Cutie Mark?

I thought on it further, ass firmly planted. Thus done, I turned to leave. Then, the ground collapsed beneath me.

What do I do, voices?

You can now fly without wings, I'm giving you the power!

I jump upwards, and a trail of magical sparkly magic comes out of my hooves. I shoot upwards, out of the cave.

"Whee!" This is awesome!

I eventually come out of the collapsed cave and land on the stable floor of the cave. Thus out, I decide to leave the cave before the floor collapses beneath me again.

I give you a single-use explosive bolt.

use on cave wall.

Don't worry, it just makes a really loud noise and a bit of a jostle.

"Alright, voice!" I pull out the explosive bolt and throw it at the cave wall. It explodes with, yes, only a really loud noise and a bit of a jostle, which collapsed the fragile cave.

Continue flying and search for Zap Apples.

Alright.

Mastering the strange power that let me fly, I zoomed around at top speeds, hunting for zapapples. Suddenly, I was captured in a net! I struggled futilely, but the ropes held fast.

"This the one?"

"Yes. It is The One. Bag her."

As the drugs assault my mind, I can't help but feel that this is something that has happened before.