Your human and you - Gryphon half a chance

Your Human And You

Gryphon Half A Chance

Ch.4

The first real indication I had of the change of seasons was when, one particularly nippy morning, Mistress tried and failed to take me out because the ground floor door opened onto snow.

Giving her the strongest nope possible, I turned right back around and tromped back upstairs to her third-floor bedroom, where I got back into her bed and resolutely pulled the covers over my head, leaving her standing bewildered at the front door with my leash and collar in her claws.

I would have to get up and see to business, as it were, soon enough, but there was no way in hell I was going to go squat behind even my very most favourite bush in the god damned snow. Operation "let Dent use the bathroom all the time" was now officially in full swing, as was the newly minted operation "get me some god damned clothes for real". Mistress let me use the outside facilities most of the time, sure, but snow is snow, and I wasn't taking any chances with her deciding the walk was too long.

There hadn't really been all that much to inform me about the season change. I mean sure, there had been falling leaves and whatnot, but this fairytale kingdom didn't obey what I recognized as the laws of nature. Literally one day it had been summer, the next I'd seen the earthpony gardeners tamping down the flowerbeds, and the next day, all the leaves on all the trees had obediently turned golden brown.

That was it. I quit. The world could wake me when the snow went away. Or when I got some proper warm trousers, a nice warm jacket, gloves, a hat, a scarf and some god damned boots.

"Daddy, please, Daddy. I think Dent might be sick again," Gilda wheedled, somewhere outside her bedroom door.

"Oh? Fine, I am already up," grumbled Abraxis, distantly, his padded steps becoming louder and louder as he neared. "I can come see. Tell me, what is it this time? Another broken leg that turned out to be an exaggerated limp to get extra treats from a well-meaning owner?"

"Daaaadddd, that's—" protested Gilda.

"Or the deathly papercut of doom leading to a week in bed being fed table scraps from your own untouched plate?"

Okay, okay, so I take advantage of Mistress' good nature from time to time. Sue me.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that the pegasi have brought in the snow this morning, would it?" Abraxis continued.

"Well... I guess it might..."

There was a sigh, then the pair of them entered the room. I peeked out from under the bed covers just in time see a huge claw descend down and yank the comforter from my grasp.

"Out. Off the bed! Bad Dent!"

I obediently leaped out of bed and snuggled safely under Gilda's wing. On the opposite side away from Abraxis. He glared at me.

"Oh, yes, very ill."

"Daddy! Stop being so mean!"

I did my best to look scared and helpless. It worked well on Gilda. Less so on Abraxis.

"Harrumph! Fine! In that case, I shall take him to the vets myself! Will that make you happy? He does need a checkup, I suppose."

A trip to the vets? Oh, come now, that's not necessary. I'll definitely rethink that trip into the sn—

There was an audible clunk as my collar, with leash already attached, was very, very swiftly fastened around my neck. I could only assume Abraxis knew the look I'd had on my face from dealing with the countless humans he owned. Even hiding under the bed didn't prove very effective, and I soon found myself led out into the cold after all.

.oOo.

Have you ever walked barefoot through the snow? No? Well, it's like a thousand daggers stripping away the flesh of your feet. You can forget this nonsense about things going numb or feeling warm, that's only if you're anywhere near death. I was near the stables. And what's worse is the windchill all over your extremities. If they hadn't already been cut off, I'm sure they would've fallen off anyhow, to put it simply.

By the time we entered into the demesnes of Madame Morticia, the estate vet, I was shivering with the force of a level 9 earthquake. The simple yet neat and orderly vets office was a large, spacious one-story affair off to one side of the human stables, with a series of rooms fulfilling various functions of a veterinarian's office. Apparently human farming was pretty much the same as, well, cattle farming. Right down to the branding. It was painted in a traditional light vomit green with puke-stained mild cream offsets. I could hear various amounts of gibbering and complaining further in the back from her 'patients'... at least, I could once my chattering teeth eased up. Mid-chatter, I looked up to see a large gryphon saunter in and wash the blood off her paws.

Not a good start to the day, all said and done.

"Abraxis! To what honour do I... good grief! Are you trying to kill this one?" Morticia screeched, as the turned around mid-towelling to see my shivering, wretched self.

"My dear madame, I can assure you..." Abraxis began, before he was swiftly all but defenestrated as Morticia grabbed me in her lion-like paws and wrapped me in overly large towels. Clean ones, thank goodness.

"Madame!" Abraxis complained loudly. "I brought him here because my doting daughter tells me that 'poor Dent' is ill, seeing as how he doesn't want to go out into the snow." He hovered close, trying and failing to keep sight of me as Morticia bundled me up to try and get me warm.

"So you almost freeze him to death bringing him here to prove her right?" Morticia's eyes flashed dangerously. Lord Abraxis may have ruled the rest of the estate, but it was quite clear that the vet's office was her domain.

Morticia was a large, tawny, lion-like gryphon. She was larger than Abraxis, even, and he was large enough. Her wings were small for her frame, which was rather... sphinxish, to tell the truth. And she was furious.

So was Abraxis. I was just glad of the padding between myself and the pair of them as they squared off.

"Madame!" he shouted again, forcing the words out through his thickly ruffled feathers. "I have been breeding humans for many, many years and I think I should know when they are snow-shy or actually under the weather!"

"Can't you see this one is shivering half to death? What possessed you to... I shall take his temperature at once!"

I obediently opened my mouth. She loosened the blanket and bent me over.

I'm pretty sure that whatever dignity I'd had left disappeared along with the shockingly cold business end of her thermometer. Which did not, I am now making extra clear, go into my mouth.

"Thirty eight point five!" Morticia shrieked. "He's burning up! He should be dead! And you tell me this chappie is perfectly well! He's got an insane fever!"

Abraxis blinked, his feathers flattening out in shock. "B-but... he was perfectly well!" he squawked.

"Abraxis Abraham Featherington! Do not even attemptto fib to me!"

Abraxis spluttered. "I am telling you the truth, Madame! He's been perfectly fine!"

"Ice bath!" shouted the vet loudly to some indistinct helpers in another room, as she bodily tried to lift me. I was too quick though, because there was no way in hell I was going to get into a ice bath to treat a fever I didn't have. I slipped from her grasp, ejecting myself from the blanket like a fleshy bullet from a felt gun to hide behind Abraxis.

"Wait! Are you telling me he's really sick?"

"Well of course, you fool! He's got a temperature of ninety nine point five degrees! It should be eighty seven at the most!"

Abraxis turned to look at me, then spread his wings, shielding me from the vet. "Stop, stop. Let's assume he's sick. What should he be like, right now?"

"With a fever that high? Unconscious! Delirious!"

"Does he look any of those things?" Abraxis held Morticia at claws' length, talking earnestly.

Morticia stared at me over thin, horn-rimmed spectacles. "Now that you mention it, no. How has he been recently? Diarrhea? Listless? Clumsy?"

"Perfectly happy, other than this morning when he absolutely refused to go outside into the snow."

"And with reason," suggested Morticia, "seeing how cold he was when you brought him in." She straightened, waving away a pony bringing in a tub and bags of ice with her unicorn horn field. "Alright, let me have a proper look at the chap. Come on now... Dent, did you say his name was?"

I backed away as Abraxis lowered his wings and de-fluffled himself. "Dent, yes. He's really rather obedient and friendly. Come on, boy. It's okay, the nice lady won't hurt you. She just wants to look at you... that's it, good boy..." Abraxis gently hooked a wing around my back, and pushed me forwards. "It may help if you have a treat handy..."

"I know all about getting humans to cooperate, Abby, dear," sparkled Morticia through a grin so wide it almost cracked her beak. "so if you could just go behind me and open the jar on the counter... yes, that's right..." Morticia eased herself forwards, very slowly, then held out her lion-like front paws. I took hold of one and lifted it up. It was huge, like a dinner plate. I gently eased out one claw-tip and fondled it. Sharp as a rapier. I decided it was probably best to let the doctor stick whatever implement she wanted into whichever orifice took her fancy.

"Inquisitive fellow, isn't he?"

"He's a sport," replied Abraxis, as there was a distinctive clinkof glass on glass. "Got him for Gilda, from some traders I know in the Zebrican desert."

"Desert, huh? Maybe he's a new breed, not a sport at all..."

"A new breed?" asked Abraxis, handing something to Morticia. She held it up in front of me, waving it to and fro rhythmically. It was a lollipop, of sorts. A meat lollipop. I obediently opened my mouth, before moving my head back as Morticia stuck her paw in it.

"Come on, boy, I just want a look at... oh my. Those are incisors. Don't tell me you never noticed them?"

"Well, I... I say." Moments later, Abraxis was pushing me down onto my back, where I lay trustingly as he peered in my mouth. "I just assumed they were the result of poor dental hygiene! They found him feral, after all."

"Well he's calm enough. I've not seen one this docile for years." Morticia placed her paws all over my body, poking and prodding experimentally. "Not a snap."

"Not since I neutered him," Abraxis replied, ruffling my hair. "Calmed him right down. To tell the truth, I half regret it. He only snapped once, and I fear that was from the conditions they were keeping him in."

You regret it, you feathered despot?

"Better safe than sorry. Especially if he's for your daughter."

I've decided I don't like you either, doc.

"Yes, well," continued Morticia, oblivious to the deadly mindbeams I was sending her way to melt her bones and turn her blood to acid, "his teeth aren't bad at all. Surprisingly so. They're showing a lot of wear, but they're cleaner than I've ever seen them outside of show-humans. He's definitely friendly."

Deliberately relaxing slightly more, I let the vet fondle my mouth and head as she turned it this way and that. "Well I never. Incisors. What does he eat?"

"Well, he... has a fondness for table scraps." Abraxis suddenly found the floor intensely interesting.

"Meat, I assume?"

"Yes, I know it's bad for him, but my daughter..."

"My good Lord Abraxis, he's pudgy." Morticia poked me in the gut. I whimpered, she patted me on the head then ruffled my hair. "I'd say whatever you're feeding him, you're giving him just want he needs, not only what he wants. If he's been on a diet of more meat than is usual for a human, then keep him on it. I know ferals will eat what they can get, and a few from those wretched fightclubs are fed exclusively on the stuff, but I've never seen a human this... healthy. Especially since your well-meaning daughter is, by the smell of his breath, feeding him everything she shouldn't. Look at his teeth! His hair! His eyes! I have never, in all my career, seen a human this… this... like this."

Morticia finally gave me the lollipop, and I stuck it in my mouth. I hadn't had breakfast, and a snack's a snack, right? ...Well, maybe not. I took the ghastly thing out again. It was like a dried pepparami stick mixed with cornmeal.

"He doesn't like it, Abby," murmured Morticia. "Fascinating."

"Oh just try taking it back," snorted Abraxis, "then we'll see how much he wants it."

"Oh, no. It'd be a good way to get a trip to the vet's myself, getting a bite from a human." I chewed thoughtfully on the meaty stick, sitting up and swinging my legs from on her table, as she padded around me. "He really is chipper, isn't he?"

"As he ever has been. He even threw off human distemper."

"Distemper?" Morticia blinked in shock. "That should have killed him. And he should have had it when he was a pup besides! A fever that should kill him, with zero ill effects. And he doesn't like the cold. Incisors like a diamond dog, less developed brow than an adult, like a human pup... how old is he?"

"I don't actually... ten?"

Morticia shook her head. "I'd have said he was fifteen, at least. He should be showing signs of senescence."

"Fifteen? That's preposterous! He can't be more than ten! Twelve at the most!"

That was interesting... the humans here aren't as long lived as me? Even allowing for the conditions they lived in, a lifespan of thirty shouldn't have been far-fetched, but fifteen being 'old'?

"Going by his teeth, this amount of wear... Abraxis, you're going to call me mad, but your sport is over twenty."

Abraxis fluffed up larger than I'd ever seen him. "Impossible! He should be dead at that age!" The pair stared at me long and hard. I shuffled uncomfortably, giving them a weak grin.

Morticia nodded, "You know they, er, don't do that either, right?"

"Dent does. Dent smiles. I've never really thought about it, but you're right. It's odd. He's a real—"

"He should be dead from this fever, but he isn't. He should be dead from old age but he's… he's in the prime of his life! You have a real enigma on your talons, Abby. So well behaved, docile, even after accounting for his neutering... where did you find him? A sport indeed. I shall contact my colleagues, maybe as far away as Canterlot, see if anyone has heard of anything similar. For now, though, I'm out of suggestions. Other than one."

"Which is?"

"Get him something to wear."

Score!

.oOo.