Chaotic Cupid

by Silent Strider

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Discord, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4023

A strange pegasus colt fall injured in front of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and ask them for help with his mission: spread love across Ponyville.

A strange pegasus colt fall injured in front of the Cutie Mark Crusaders, and ask them for help with his mission: spread love across Ponyville.

Created for the Equestria Daily Writer's Training Ground #009: "Twilight Time"

Feel free to point any flaws; it's why I'm taking part in the Writer's Training Grounds, after all.

Published 2014-03-02 07:50:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-02 07:50:03 UTC

Falling

Scootaloo was zipping towards the Crusaders’ clubhouse on her scooter, pulling Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom on the attached red wagon, when she heard a loud crash on the treetops above. Glancing upwards, she saw a white blur tumbling towards them.

“Hold on!”

A sharp pull on the scooter’s handlebar sent the whole contraption skidding to the right, the three wide-eyed fillies holding to the vehicle with all their might. The wagon tilted as if in slow motion, finally turning over Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom.

Lifting the wagon, Scootaloo looked at her two friends. “Everypony all right?”

Dusting herself, Sweetie Belle looked around. “What was that?”

Three pairs of eyes fixed on the small white form in the center of the road. It was a pure white pegasus colt, about as large as any of the fillies, who was right now trying to get up. His mane and tail were a golden, almost metallic, hue. He was wearing a strange vest that looked like it was made of a single pink bedsheet, and on his left shoulder was an empty quiver. The vest left his flank uncovered, where a cutie mark in the shape of a bow and a heart-tipped pink arrow was visible.

The white pegasus winced and almost fell back down, nearly dropping a strange bow decorated with heart shapes that lie his back, as he tried to put weight on his front right leg. Apple Bloom was immediately at his side, steadying him. “Are you all right?”

The pegasus looked painfully at his injured hoof. “No, I’m not, but thanks for your concern.”

Sweetie belle tilted her head while looking at him. “Are you from around here? We can get you home, or to the hospital.”

His ears sagging, the pegasus answered: “I’m not from here. I came from the Crystal Empire to do a very important task, but I can’t complete it with my hoof injured. I didn’t want to disappoint Princess Cadance on my very first mission.” He turned his head towards the trio, puppy-eyed. “Unless you can help me? Please?”

Scootaloo buzzed to his side. “You mean you work for Twilight’s sister in law? Of course we will help! What do you need, anyway?”

The white pegasus ears perked. “To spread love, of course! Dors Cid, cadet at the Cupid Corps, at your service!”

Apple Bloom’s eyes went wide. “Wait a minute, let me get this straight. You need us to make other ponies fall in love with each other?”

“Well, yes! You see, the bow does not work for adults, so I need a filly or colt I can trust to use it. Hey, half the Cupid Corps are blank flanks like us, you should do fine!”

Scootaloo raised one eyebrow. “Us? But you have a cutie mark.”

Dors looked at his flank. “Oh, this. I guess I should show you.” He dropped his bow.

In a flash of light his cutie mark was gone, as were his wings and his tunic. His coat changed to a tan color, his mane and tail becoming black, and he was now wearing green saddlebags in addition to the quiver. “The bow is also our magical uniform. I hear Luna does something similar for her guards. Hey, why don’t one of you try it?”

Sweetie Bell used her magic to lift the bow and bring it close, examining it. She extended her leg and took the bow in her hoof, and suddenly instead of the unicorn filly there was a white pegasus, identical to how Dors looked earlier, down to the cutie mark, except for being a filly instead of a colt. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom let out a low whistle.

Dors was trotting in place with excitement. “Yes! Now we just have to find somepony that can make new arrows and -”

Sweetie Belle tried to flap her new wings, sending her into a forward arc that ended with she landing on her face. “Ouch!” She released the bow with the impact, reverting to her unicorn self.

Dors winced, massaging his forehead. “Oh, yeah. Flight training. My bumps had bumps back then. Say, why don’t we let Scootaloo try? The way she handled the scooter, I bet she will be an ace flier on her first try!”

Scootaloo took a few steps towards Dors. “Hey, how do you..”

Dors took the bow from the ground and tossed it at Scootaloo, who mindlessly caught it.

Dors smiled. “Why don’t you try those wings?”

Scootaloo, looking just like Sweetie Bell a few moments ago, rose into the air unsteadily. “Wow, look at me!”

Dors’ smile widened. “By the way, remember when I said half the Cupid Corps are blank flanks? Most of the other half earned their cutie marks doing this job.”

Apple Bloom furrowed her brow. “I don’t know. Last time we messed with love, we almost made my brother marry our teacher with that love poison.”

Dors’ mouth went slack for a moment. “Love poison? You were the fillies that made love poison by accident? Boy, they use that accident to tell us what not to do in basic training!”

The trio winced.

“Well, “ Dors continued, “if it’s any consolation, the instructor said that the fillies’ names is a secret, and Cadance herself said to us that she would forgive those fillies if they ever asked; it was just an accident, after all.

“Besides, “ he took a thin book from his saddlebag, “I brought our field manual that teaches how to craft more arrows and use the bow. What do you say, are you in?” He extended his front leg.

The trio looked among themselves and, determination in her eyes, clapped Dors’ hoof, saying in unison: “We’re in!”

“Ouch! I’m hurt, you know!”

The trio looked sheepishly. “Sorry!”

Author's Note

Feel free to point flaws, errors, or to make suggestions; I'm here to learn.

Crafting

At the crusaders’ clubhouse the three fillies were spread around a small book on the ground, with Dors resting on the ground apart from them.

“So, “ Apple Bloom started, pointing at the book, “what we need to do is carve and assemble some of those strange arrows, enchant them with a simple spell, dip them in a potion, and fire them? Won’t this hurt?”

Dors laughed. “That spell makes the arrow harmless, it couldn’t hurt a fly, and the bow is enchanted so it will never fire a common arrow. But Yeah, that’s it. We just have to find adults to make us some arrows and the potion, and we are ready to go.”

He took his saddlebags on his mouth and emptied them on the ground. “I have the tools for carving and enough ingredients for a batch of potion here, it’s part of the emergency kit every cupid carries.”

Apple Bloom walked over and eyed assorted items on the ground. “Well… I think I can make the potion and carve those tiny bits for the arrow with those tools, but I don’t think I can assemble them; they are too tiny!”

Scootaloo looked at the book. “I can assemble this, it looks easier than that unicycle!”

Sweetie Belle took the book and turned a few pages. “This doesn’t look too complicated. I will give it a shot!”

After a few false starts the Cutie Mark Crusaders were hunched around an arrow, a green magical aura quickly fading from it. Scootaloo looked up at Dors. “How do we know those arrows work? I don’t want to hurt anypony with a real arrow.”

Dors stumbled towards the arrow and gingerly took it with his injured hoof. “It’s easy to test them, look at this!” Slowly, he pushed the arrow through his head. “Tada!”

Giggling as he looked at the three collapsed fillies, Dors plopped the arrow out of his head; it looked like the arrow never went in. “You three should see your faces, you look like you saw a ghost!”

Scootaloo was the first one to recover. “Not funny.”

“Sorry, but that is how you can test the arrows. It doesn’t need to be through the head, it can be any part of your body, but make sure to push gently or you can hurt yourself if you pick an arrow that doesn’t work. By the way, Apple Bloom, how is that potion going?”

Apple Bloom’s eyebrows dropped a little as she looked at the bubbling mixture. “I don’t know. It’s almost ready, but it looks too different to the last love potion we made.”

Dors laughter had a slightly grating quality. “Of course, the last one you made was love poison, wasn’t it? Well, this one looks like the true stuff. I will taste it when it’s ready.”

“Taste it? Isn’t that, like, dangerous?”

“Oh, not at all. Love potion is only a slight nudge, totally different from how love poison forces ponies. I can ignore its effects until they wear off.” He turned to Apple Bloom and winked. “Unless you want me to let the potion do its work. You can take a sip too, we will feel like we are in heaven!”

Apple Bloom quickly backed away, blushing. “What are you -”

“I’m joking, of course! Besides, it doesn’t really work on children.”

Eyes narrowed, Apple Bloom took a few steps towards Dors. “You know what? Let’s just finish making those arrows without more jokes.”

Dors looked down, ears flagging. “Sorry, that’s just how I am. But I must say you are really talented fillies to be able to do this on your own.”

Apple Bloom undid her frown after a few seconds. “Apology accepted. But let’s finish those arrows.”

Scootaloo was pulling the other two crusaders and Dors towards Ponyville, the colt repeating his instructions again.

“Now, remember, just let the bow guide you, like you saw on the book. It will point towards anypony that needs a little more love on its own, you just have to let the arrow fly.”

“Yeah, I got it. Fly, pull an arrow, let the bow aim, release. Repeat until out of arrows.”

The four young ponies stopped on the outskirts of Ponyville. Scootaloo put on the full quiver and took the bow, instantly turning into a white pegasus filly with large fluffy wings. She looked at he pink flowing vest that came with the transformation. “Why does it have to be so… girlish?”

“Hey, you are asking the wrong pony. I work like that and I’m a colt, remember?”

Blushing a little, Scootaloo answered: “Oh, yeah, didn’t think about it. Sorry.”

“Anyway, good luck.”

Scootaloo, already rising, looked back for an instant. “Not gonna need it.”

Author's Note

Feel free to point flaws, errors, or to make suggestions; I'm here to learn.

Shooting

Twilight was eagerly reading her new book on tridimensional arcane matrices, her horn lighting to turn another page, when she heard clawed footsteps on the stairs. Ignoring the distraction, she kept reading.

A purple reptile head suddenly appeared in front of her. “Twilight, come fast! There’s something strange happening!”

“Aaagh! Spike, you startled me!”

The little dragon was jumping from one foot to the other. “This is important! Everypony out there is acting strange!”

Sighting, Twilight put the book away. “Coming. Tell me, Spike, strange how?”

Already running down the stairs, Spike answered without looking back: “It’s like everypony -”

A knock on the front door interrupted Spike, but before he could do anything it opened with a blue magic aura. “There you are, Spikey-wikey! You must come to the boutique. I just found a recipe for ruby cookies that is simply divine, and I insist you join me for tea and biscuits!”

Rarity trotted over to where Spike landed after tripping on his way down and gave him a peck on the cheek. “You will be there, won’t you, Spikey-wikey?”

Spike, airily, answered: “Of course.” Twilight could swear he was already floating towards Rarity.

“Oh, hi, Twilight. Didn’t see you there. Now, if you excuse me, I have some tea to prepare.”

As her eyes trailed the white unicorn leaving, Twilight noticed her own mouth was open. “You were right, Spike. There’s something very strange happening.”

“Strange? I don’t see anything strange. Say, Twilight, may I leave now? I can’t leave Rarity waiting.”

Twilight’s hoof shot towards her forehead. “Aaagh! Yes, Spike, you may go.”

Outside the situation was chaotic.

The first thing Twilight noticed were the couples; there were more couples together than in Hearts and Hooves day. Where she stood in the central plaza she could see Meadow Song sharing a drink with Berryshine, Caramel nuzzling Golden Harvest by the fountain, and Thunderland and Cloudchaser playing in the sky above, among others.

Besides the happy couples Twilight could see not-so-happy ones, like -

A pink blur passed by Twilight, followed by a blue blur with a prismatic contrail, leaving Twilight dizzy on the ground. “Wait, Pinkie, just one more hug!”

Shaking the dizziness out of her head, Twilight stood up. “Now that was strange. What in the wide, wide world of Equestria is happening?”

The pink blur passed her again. “Twitchy tail, twitchy tail!” Twilight instinctively looked up and saw an unfamiliar white pegasus filly with golden mane aiming a bow at her, arrow drawn.

Twilight bent her front legs and lowered her head, pointing her glowing horn at the filly. “No, you don’t…”

A gray and golden comet tackled Twilight. “Free hugs!”

Eyes wide, Twilight looked from the wall-eyed gray face to the bow aimed at her. “No! No, no, no, no, no, no…”

The filly released the arrow. Twilight poured as much magic as she could into her horn, the aura almost blinding her, and closed her eyes…

And promptly opened them as she felt a burning sensation and then fell into water within moments. The gray pegasus was still clinging to her, a bit singed but no worse for the wear; her head turned towards an amber stallion with a brown mane, and faster than Twilight could follow she was already speeding towards the stallion with the same “free hugs” battlecry. Twilight looked at herself, and winced as she noticed that her own tail and mane were singed.

Her ears perked as she heard a disturbingly familiar voice: “Oh, poo.” Turning her head towards the sound she saw Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom pulling their red wagon, a tan colt with a too familiar smile inside.

Twilight’s horn glowed again, a golden bubble appearing around her, against which another arrow promptly smashed. Twilight left the fountain and deliberately walked towards the three young ponies. “Discord! What do you think you are doing?”

Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom backed a few paces, appearing to shrink, while the tan colt laughed. “Oh, I’m just spreading some love.” He pointed at the white pegasus as she loosed an arrow at another pony. “Want some?”

“You.” Twilight’s eyes narrowed dangerously.

“Will.” Her horn started to glow furiously.

“Fix.” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle jumped inside the fountain, peeking over its border.

“Everything.” Discord stopped smiling and mouthed “Oh my.”

“Now!”

Celestia was sitting at a palace balcony, enjoying the countryside view while glancing fondly at her cake. She had waited for this moment for hours, going through boring meeting after boring meeting, but finally she had a moment of peace.

Discord was away, nopony knew where. Luna was asleep. Philomena was playing with some filly she had befriended. Every potential problem was dealt with, and the guards knew better than to let anypony intrude on her during this break for anything less than the catastrophic destruction of Equestria. A golden magic aura engulfed a slice of the cake…

And promptly died as a huge magical burst, in a very familiar purple hue, could be seen coming from Ponyville.

Celestia sighed, wondering if the universe conspired to drive her away from her cake. Spreading her wings, she left in the direction of the observatory. Perhaps it was nothing, or perhaps Twilight had already managed to handle whatever had happened.

Landing back in the balcony, Celestia took the cake, and the table it was on, in her magic as she left for the observatory once more. No reason to not take a bite while I look at the problem.

Author's Note

Feel free to point flaws, errors, or to make suggestions; I'm here to learn.

Fixing

Scootaloo suddenly noticed that she was herself once more, just an orange pegasus filly with small wings that couldn’t keep her aloft. She also noticed that she was higher than the tallest building in Ponyville. It seemed a good moment to scream, and scream she did.

Her screams grew louder as the ground rushed towards her. Scootaloo’s desperate eyes locked on Twilight’s, seeing the alicorn’s fear in those violet orbs as her horn began to glow anew…

And in a flash of light she landed on a fountain, drenching Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom again. She then noticed Discord standing in her red wagon, his eagle claw held high.

“Wait, what happened? Where is Dors Cid?”

Twilight levitated the three dripping fillies out of the fountain and set them down in front of her, where she could look at them and at Discord simultaneously.

“Anypony care to explain what is going on?”

The three Crusaders tried to smile, despite their still downcast faces. Sweetie Belle looked at Twilight. “You mean…”

Silently, Twilight waved a hoof, showing the plaza around them. Couples of ponies could be seen everywhere, most of them looking embarrassed, a few still nuzzling each other. As they were looking Rainbow Dash, her face red, passed overhead, making Scootaloo sink to the ground.

The pegasus filly lifted her head a bit. “We…”

Discord stopped filing his eagle claws for a moment and looked directly at Twilight’s eyes. “Isn’t it obvious? I gave them an enchanted bow, taught them how to make love arrows, and told them to spread the love across Ponyville.”

Twilight looked back at the Crusaders. “Is that true?”

Apple Bloom looked back at Twilight’s eyes. “Well, yes. But he told us he was a cupid, part of some corps, and that this was a mission for Princess Cadance!”

Twilight mumbled: “Why I’m not surprised?” She looked back at the three fillies. “All right, I want you three to find your sisters and Rainbow Dash, explain what happened, and apologise to them. And I’m keeping that bow.” She turned to Discord, glaring daggers. “I need to have a talk with Discord. Or was it Dors Cid?”

The two of them watched the Cutie Mark Crusaders leave. Discord lifted a claw to his eye, plucking a single tear. “Aren’t those silly fillies just lovely?”

“Now,” Twilight glared at Discord, “what the hay were you doing?”

“As I said, having them fill in for a cupid. Wait,” Discord started patting his body, then lifted a paw and snapped his fingers, a thin book appearing in front of him, “this time I even brought you an instruction manual! You can get your answers from a book, isn’t that great?”

Fighting the urge to facehoof, Twilight took the book in her magic, but didn’t open it. “You taught the Crusaders how to create love arrows! Have you any idea how irresponsible that was?”

Putting a pair of thick glasses, Discord tapped the book with a wooden pointer. “Oh, that. Page three; it’s diluted love potion, incapable of producing lasting effects. Quite different from the love poison they learned from a book somepony leased them.”

“No lasting effect?” Twilight pointed to a couple still nuzzling. “What do you call that, then?”

“Actually,” a pink face appeared besides Twilight, who stumbled backwards and ended on her haunches, “everypony knew those two loved each other, but they were too shy to talk.”

Twilight turned incredulously to Pinkie Pie. “Fine, I get it.” She turned back to Discord. “But what about Scootaloo? You could have seriously injured her!”

“Well, she wasn’t actually in any risk until somepony decided to cast a princess-grade Failsafe spell.”

Twilight grunted. “Only because you had her flying in the sky, shooting love arrows at innocent ponies in the first place! I’m tempted to turn you back to stone, elements or not!”

Discord stroked his goatee. “So, you want to punish me for showing those fillies how skilled they have become? Or for letting a flightless pegasus experience flight? Or perhaps for making two ponies realize they loved each other? Though if you mean the little chaos that has fallen on the town, “ Discord pulled a small gray statuette of a pony rearing, disturbingly similar to Twilight when she was still an unicorn, though with dishevelled mane and crazy eyes, “I do happen to know of an unicorn that made the whole town fight over a doll just because she forgot a report. I guess a new statue would look lovely in that fountain, don’t you think?”

“Aagh! Sometimes I think I liked you better when we were enemies.”

“Well, you know what they say, “ Discord touched one paw to his chest and lifted the other for emphasis, “friendship is magic!”

Author's Note

Feel free to point flaws, errors, or to make suggestions; I'm here to learn.

Reclaiming

It was the middle of the night when a small figure landed on the porch of the treehouse. Holding a crystal on his eagle paw, his gaze went from the crystal to the door.

Storing the crystal back in a pouch he set both front claws on the ground, preparing to buck down the door. He stopped, turned around and pushed it instead, the door opening slowly.

“This is too easy.”

Looking around he found what he was after, or at least part of it; green saddlebags, a set of carving tools spread around it. He searched inside the saddlebags, and was about to search the rest of the treehouse, when he noticed the potion making gear on top of the table, the residue from preparing a love potion still clogging the glassware.

With a sigh, he put on the saddlebags and stored the carving tools inside. With a final look to the treehouse he took to the air, taking out the crystal. Its glow was now pointing to the nearby town.

A large beak was pressing against the library’s second floor window, its owner watching a purple unicorn, behind a workbench, manipulating the bow with her magic. His gaze followed the unicorn as she went to a bookcase, considering the best way to break into the library...

Wait, she also has wings! The thoughts of breaking in forgotten, the little figure floated down to the library’s door and knocked.

“I’m coming!” he heard hooves noises approaching from the inside, and the door opened.

He knelt. “Your highness.”

He was still bowed as the purple alicorn’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you a hippogriff?”

“Yes, your highness. Bright Beak at your service.”

The alicorn’s cheeks reddened a bit. “Please, call me twilight. What can I do for you?”

Bright Beak stood up and took a crystal from his bags. “I’m looking for a magical artifact that was… borrowed from me, and according to prince Shining Armor’s tracking spell it’s here in the library. It’s a bow, -”

At the mention of the bow, Twilight’s horn flared, bathing the hippogriff in a purple light. She smiled as the light died. “Sorry about that, had to make sure you weren’t Discord. So, you know my brother?”

The hippogriff looked up, pride lighting his eyes. “Of course, he is the second in command of the newly restored Cupid Corps, only below her highness princess Cadance!”

“Wait, you mean cupids are real, and Cadance does have a Cupid Corps?”

Author's Note

Feel free to point flaws, errors, or to make suggestions; I'm here to learn.

Little bit of useless trivia, hippogriffs were sometimes seen as symbols of love because they are the result of the union of two creatures that, according to the mythology, are natural enemies: griffins and horses.