The Strangest Things

Twilight was doing research. Lots of research. She wanted to find out just what a human was, and why it seemed like Nathan loved Fluttershy. Fluttershy loved all her animals, and cross-species relationships were not necessarily taboo, but why did Fluttershy fall for him, instead of someone her own species? It’s unnatural. It’s unfeasible. It’s... it’s...

Twilight couldn’t think of any possible argument. And that was the problem. This animal, regardless if it was actually him speaking, or maybe it was just Fluttershy had her coltfriend over, and they spent the night together or something, was bad news. She could feel it in her gut. There were no books in her library on humans, and Twilight would know. She catalogued and  re-catalogued these books herself, and knew them outside in. There was only one other library that could hold any further reading. She had to get to Canterlot.

Looking for medicinal herbs was one of my favorite parts of the animal caretaker job. I had grabbed a dark blue plant, with broad leaves. The bulb looked like it could be good for eating, and the leaves, as they were spined, were clearly edible. Unfortunately for me, Equestrian plants must have developed differently, as the bright colors and spines were not signs of self-defence, but a warning system. It was screaming: Do Not Touch. I Am Poisonous. It’s too bad I blacked out before I could hear it.

I woke up in a hospital bed. Fluttershy was nervously pacing, crying, the whole nine yards, and all the rest of the Mane Cast were there, except Twilight. Maybe she had something to do. Fluttershy ran up to me.

“I was so worried! I found you lying unconscious in a bed of Poison Joke, and you wouldn’t wake up! I brought you back to my cottage, but I couldn't help, so I brought you to the Ponyville Pet hospital. I volunteer there quite a bit, so they’re treating you for free!”

Applejack was confused. “I don’t reckon he can understand ya, sugarcube.”

“It helps calm my nerves.”

“Oh, alright, then.” Applejack was squinting at Fluttershy. “I just hope you ain't lyin’ is all.”

Poison Joke... I’ll have to remember that.  I began to reach out to touch Shy’s face. I got halfway there. Oops. Good night. I blacked out again.

Twilight was browsing the Canterlot library. In the animals section, she must have gone through those scrolls dozens of times. That is, until she found a thin scroll, worn and battered, way in the back. She began to read.

‘Humans. Homo sapiens. First recorded sighting by famous wizard Star Swirl the Bearded. Considered a threat to ponykind. Tall, about six feet in height, they weighed anywhere between one hundred and three hundred pounds. They developed steel and gunpowder, and invented many of the languages in use today, such as Prench, Neighponeese, and even modern Equestrian.  As they became more powerful and grew in numbers, they created  great civilizations in the south. As they developed technology, they slowly became the dominant race on Equestria. They swarmed north, killing millions of ponies with their technology. This is the main reason of the current gender imbalance, as many of the stallions were killed in the war. They invented even better weapons, which hit  the pinnacle of destruction with the invention of the atomic bomb, which was followed by the hydrogen bomb. The weapons became so powerful, that humans felt threatened by themselves. They declared war on each other, and denied the ponykind’s interventions for peace. The race exterminated itself about two thousand years ago, and most traces of their mighty civilizations were wiped from the history books as a blemish on the ponykind’s good name.’

“Aha!” Twilight used a locator spell to teleport next to Fluttershy. Wait till she reads this.

Hazy voices hovered around my head.

‘Clear!’

‘Something’s not right here...’

‘Possibly an allergic reaction?’ Applejack.

‘Not sure. But his heart rate is going down.’

‘We need more time!’

‘Look at this. Extreme swelling of the lungs.’

‘It’s like he fell asleep in it or something. Or maybe he ate the bulb.’

‘Not much we can do now.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Nathan! Please don’t die!’ Fluttershy’s voice. I still couldn’t see anything beyond general light and darkness, and the voices were getting fainter. I knew what was happening. I was dying, wasn’t I? Probably. I still loved Fluttershy with all my heart, be it protective or intimate, I wasn’t quite sure. But I loved her regardless. I managed one word before I grew too weak to move.

“Goodbye...”

Twilight teleported outside a hospital. Fluttershy was crying, and a long bag was being dragged out the back. Unfortunately for Fluttershy, Twilight was too flushed with victory to notice.

“Look, Fluttershy! The humans existed, but they were evil! They caused wars, and killed ponies, and exterminated themselves!” Twilight was unusually happy to be talking about this subject. "Nathan isn’t an animal, he’ a threat. After all, humans went extinct over two thousand years ago! They killed themselves!”

“No...”

Twilight was confused. “What do you mean, no?”

Fluttershy turned to Twilight, angry tears in her eyes. “Humans weren't evil, and they didn’t go extinct two thousand years ago. They went extinct five minutes ago. Nathan is dead.”

A/N: Here. Eat this chapter, chew it thoroughly, and barf it all as hate comments below. Thank you.