Der Jude That Got Away

by A Large Handsome Walrus

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Romance, Original Character, Sex, Comedy, Tragedy, Random
Length: 1655

Mark Davidson was cosplaying as Hitler at Holocon when he is suddenly thrust into a magical world of talking horses with the entire military might of the Wehrmacht behind him.

Mark Davidson was cosplaying as Hitler at Holocon when he is suddenly thrust into a magical world of talking horses with the entire military might of the Wehrmacht behind him.

A request from The Parasprite.

Published 2014-04-02 01:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-21 03:37:55 UTC

Holocon

A bright beam of light penetrated through a gap between the curtains adorning the window. The light was striking our protagonist Mark's closed eyes. Irritated, he repositioned himself onto his other side, this gave him a view of his bedside clock. The clock read 11:35 AM.

"HOLY SCHIEßE WE'RE LATE!" Mark jolted out of his bed and immediately attempted to shove on a pair of socks. The room door opened.

"Ahh guten morgan mein Führer, or at least what's left of it." Said his friend James taking a sip of coffee whilst motioning towards the clock. He was fully clad in his Klaus Barbie costume. "You're aware Holocon started three hours ago? The queue's gonna be long as fuck mate." He said nonchalantly, taking another sip of coffee. Mark simply rolled his eyes and started buttoning up his uniform.

"What'ave we missed?" Mark asked fixing on his Hitler Hat™.

"Don't know, don't care, can we just get this over and done with?" James replied, looking down disappointed that his coffee was nearing its end.

"Hey! I went to that autismfest with you last month don't say shit about my hobbies!" Mark had accompanied James to Bronycon the month prior.

"You lost a bet fucktard I don't even have to go to this racist heap of shit but I'm going to be a good friend and put up with it and try to have a decent day k? Oh and you smell like shit; take a shower."

"Nah it's fine, we're late as it is." Mark said sniffing himself.

James rolled his eyes. "Fine, I'll go heat up the car." He said gulping down the last of his coffee before leaving. Mark got back to fastening his boots.

Dear Princess Celestia,

                                    I recently discovered a spell that could not only manipulate and transport objects but also send them through different dimensions! I tried sending a plant through several different layers of existence before bringing it back with new bites, rips and leaves formed on it as if it "merged" with all of its alternate realities! This is extremely straining so I've only managed to transport small and simple objects. I'll write back with any more developments.

Your Student, Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Mark stepped out of the doorway, the crisp cold breeze instantly tickling his nipples even through his trench coat. James was waiting patiently in the car, it was a old heap of shit and could barely power its way through the driveway, but we loved it, it had a certain piss-stained charm to it. Mark entered the vehicle.

"It's fucking cold" James said flatly, cranking the car into reverse. Mark just rolled his eyes. He noticed something on James' uniform.

"The fuck is that?" Mark asked, pointing to the Rainbow Dash badge adorning James' chest.

"Hmm? Oh, that's muh pony badge" James said accelerating down the street.

"Take it off"

"Why?"

"It's disgusting, plus we'll probably get our teeth kicked in."

"Fuck the haters" James retorted. Mark was getting angry, this pony shit would pretty much destroy his chances of winning "Der Hitler Cosplay von die jahr". He attempted to snatch the insignia from James' coat. The sudden movement startled him, causing his to swerve violently off of the road into a ditch. The car rolled down the slope until coming to a stop at the bottom. Mark groaned; lifting his head from the dashboard. He looked to his side and saw James either unconscious or dead beside him, Mark slowly felt the life drain out of him, eventually darkness enveloped his vision.

Dear Princess Celestia,

                                    The test was a complete disaster! So much time and energy went into creating the riff but in the end all I managed to pull through from the dimension was a bit of charred rock. This is not time or energy efficient, I will try to further improve the spell but for now I am going to halt practical tests.

Your student, Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Mark groaned again, lifting his head from the dashboard. After allowing his eyes to focus he took a look around, the car was totaled, unlikely to ever run again given the guy's budget. Taking a look towards the driver seat he noticed that James was missing, his door wide open. Mark left the car.

Standing up so suddenly left him in a daze. Looking around he noticed that the climate had changed quite drastically, the crisp frosted ground had been replaced with a pleasant spring hue. Many flowers bloomed around him with various different bird calls being made from all around him. He saw James pissing against a tree. He walked up behind him.

"James?" Mark said, his voice wavering slightly.

"Yo." James replied, shaking his willy and zipping up his pants.

"Where the hell are we?" Mark asked concerned. James looked to his surroundings until returning his gaze and shrugging. Mark rolled his eyes. He started walking the direction of the car,

"C'mon, we better find the road again before it get dark." Said Mark, waving his hand for James to follow.

Mark felt strange, his top lip was suddenly extremely itchy, he refrained from scratching it as he didn't want to ruin the costume more than it had been.

Twilight and her friends were all on the train heading for the annual Canterlott Ball. All of her friends were chatting happily. She gave a deep sigh.

"What's wrong Twilight?" Twilight pulled herself out of her daydream so see and turned her head round to see who it was. It was Shrek. Twilight gasped. "This is ma swamp" Said the ogre before he attempted to grab her. She screamed.

"Twilight!" She snapped back into the real world. She turned to see all of her friends looking at her.

"W-What's wrong?!" Fluttershy asked concerned for her friend.

"Ughh, nothing! It's just... Princess Celestia never got back to me on those letters I sent. As with my new position a lot more is to be expected from me, I'm worried if I disappointed her." Twilight lowered her head. Fluttershy nuzzled her gently.

"Don't worry babe it'll be fine ;) Celestia is a very busy pony and probably doesn't have the time to care about your feelings :)" Fluttershy said.

"Wow! I forgot how insightful you can be! Thanks I feel a lot better now. :D"

"No problem bbe :) <3" She continued to nuzzle her friend affectionately.

It was growing dark in the forest. A group of men where all working around a radio kit attempting to get the thing working. A tall man  was looking at the horizon menacingly.

"Herr, we've got a signal, orders?" One of the men asked the tall figure.

"Hmm, call every panzer division lost in the area, then make the call to Berlin..."

Ein Volk

Mark pushed various branches out of his way as he continued to fight his way through the forest's grasp.

"You sure this is the right way?" James asked, looking at the lowering sun concerned.

"Fuck no." Mark said nonchalantly, continuing to march through the bushes. "We're bound to hit a road or a path at some point."

At this moment Mark noticed something, there was a body perched up against a tree in the distance. Mark ran ahead to investigate. James was to busy daydreaming to notice.

Upon reaching the body he notice that it was clad completely with a perfect SS infantry uniform with a slightly worn MP40 replica by his side; he was unconscious. Mark broke a branch of off a tree.

"Hey this guy's from the convention! I think he's hammered though!" Mark shouted back at James whilst poking the cosplayer with the stick. James jolted from his trance and jogged towards them. "I think he's waking up!" Mark shouted again. The man was stirring from his slumber. James approached with a concerned look on his face.

"-Dude?" James said.

"Ja?" Mark replied.

"His gun's fucking real-" Suddenly the soldier jumped up unsheathing a knife.

"Ach nein das ist nicht gut, die sind Sie?!" The obviously dazed soldier asked.

"Ich bin der führer's Wache! Zeigen Sie Respekt für den Führer!" Good thing James was fluent in Google Translate. The soldier shook his head in realization immediately saluting.

"Entschuldigen Sie mein Fuehrer!" He said shaken.

"Der Führer wünscht nicht zu sprechen! Führe uns auf den nächsten Basis!" James shouted back.

"Oh ja, Deutschland ist der beste!" He looked at the sun's position and started marching forward. Mark and James both waited for him to get a bit ahead before following.

"Hopefully this wacko will lead us to the convention." James said. "You guy's really take this shit seriously don't you?" Mark just shrugged.

~~~~~

"Holy shit it feels like we've been walking for ages." Mark said exhausted.

"I don't understand how this guy managed to get so far away from this place." The soldier opened up to a clearing and suddenly ducked down behind a bush. He motioned for them to come forward.

Ducking behind the bush they looked at what had the guy concerned, it was a small village.

"Oh thank fuck for that" Mark said in English to the soldier's bewilderment and got up to walk. James grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. He noticed certain landmarks of the town.

"Treehouse, carousels..." His jaw hung open, "Oh my god..."

~~~~~

A polite knock came from Celestia's chamber door.

"Hm? Come in!" She said, scribbling down something on a piece of parchment. A young servant came trotting in.

"Em, a foreign dignitary is demanding to see somepony, I think it would be wise to see to him." Suddenly a large bipedal creature clad in a dark coat burst through the door with royal guards following closely behind attempting to stop it.

"Ah guten abend. I take it you're in charge around here?" His voice was deep and highly sexual. Celestia's mouth hung agape.