Immortal Suffering: Memories of Unity Eternal
My name is unimportant. It's nothing more then a label attached to a collection of memories. These memories are important, yes, and I give you these memories freely, but I struggle these days to differentiate between memory and fantasy. My friends are... gone... It hurt at first, but I found ways to deal with the pain...
"Hey... we're all having a picnic. You can bring... if you want. I'll be bringing along... so it's no big deal."
Faces... faces without names, without distinction. I remember conversation and I remember laughter. I remember strife and I remember tears... I remember happiness and I remember accomplishment... This early point in my life, such a tiny portion of the eternities I have lived through, is so miniscule, and yet so important. It was the time in my life when I learned how to live, when I learned what was wrong and what was right. It was the time in my life where I had my own name, my own purpose, and my own goals. When I made mistakes, I cried. When I achieved great things, I celebrated. It was a time without great consequences and it was nothing more then seconds of peace when compared to all that I know.
"You've grown a lot, you know. To think, you used to be... and now you...
I live with my memories now and I'm unable to live among normal ponies anymore. A... long time ago ponies would talk to me, and I would listen, but they would grow weary of my silence and leave before I hardly noticed they had come by to visit. The day I left the lands below... is the day I say I died. I left behind everything but that which lies within. I gave up my place in the world, I gave up my life, I gave up my name. I live here in this place, watching the world below. Always watching, never acting. The ponies below all know I'm here. They all know this is where I reside, but as centuries pass, ponies come to see me less and less. I am a living legend, called a goddess by some... but year after year after countless years of inaction drove away all but the most resolute. My last visitor before you was... a messenger.
"...I was sent here to tell you something important, something that... feels you need to know. There has been another... and so the current... is preparing to... in order to maintain balance."
I remember attempting to speak with the messenger, but when I had chosen my words I was alone once more. It was odd, spending so much time on my own, watching the sun and the moon chase each other, watching the stars form new shapes in the sky. It was also weird when ponies would try to take my life. They tried, and tried, and tried, but none of their attempts ever worked. They would either have a change of heart upon seeing me, or possibly run in fear at my now ghostly visage, and occasionally some would make the plunge. They would strike me in some way shape or form, cast spells to attempt to harm me, but the world itself would undo what damage they might have caused before it even happened.
"Oh my Celestia... you're alive!... will be so happy to see you're ok!... is waiting for you and so are...
It was strange at first, not being able to die. Before, I thought I was just blessed with good fortune. My friends and I... we would find ourselves in situations that, looking back, I could only feel horror, wondering how we all survived. It wasn't until much later that I realized just how deeply connected to Gaia I was. I spent quite a bit of time then figuring out just what exactly I was. It was difficult adjusting... but it was worth it. I fear I pushed away those close to me, even those who stood by me for my entire life... up until that point...
The discoveries I made during those times were incredible. I found that nothing could cause permanent harm to me, things that should have caused me harm played out in ways that rendered the event harmless. I remember... I had abilities, powerful abilities, that ponies attributed to my escape from death. I had an incredible strength in me, and I believed it to be that strength that kept me safe. I suppose in a way this isn't far from the truth...
The planet itself fuels me, they did tests... As long as... I will always be alive.
That memory... it is always the least comfortable one for me... I know who I was talking to, and who it was meant the world to me, that pony was by my side through the worst moments of my life but I can no longer honor the memory with a name. It is one of my greatest sources of sadness, and to this day a part of me is always devoted towards remembering who it was I spoke to. I know that who that pony was, was not the only one that meant the world to me, but that pony had by far the most meaning in my life.
"No matter what, you have to keep your head up. Don't let life get you down."
I will. We'll remember you forever, ok?
"Keep your chin up, it'll be ok!"
I can... I can help you. Maybe... Maybe I can use—
"I'll miss you... never forget me?"
I will never!... but please, just stay a little longer...
"Don't be sad. The pain'll be gone... and we'll all be fine!"
I will and I won't! Just... hold on a little longer?
"Hey... take it easy, ok? The rest might be gone, but you'll always have...
I... I know, but please, please just...
"I'm sorry I couldn't stick around longer... but we've been through this before... all left us behind, but I'll give them your best!"
Not you too... I was hoping... Oh please don't leave me like this! I don't want to be alone! Just... hold me? Like you used to?
My... all of my friends left... one by one. I'll never forget their faces as death embraced them... I'll never forget their memories because It's all I have left of them... for a time, each of my friends had legacies they left behind. Children, siblings, mutual friends... I watched over what they left behind, I took their lives and made them my own... and for time that was enough for me.
Eventually though, I had to do more then just live my own life, and though it happened countless ages after my darkest days, I'll never forget the time that I had to become greater then myself...
"You have to become the ruler of Equestria for a time... at least until another is found. Please, my sister... my sister would have wanted it this way. You know this..."
I don't know how long ago that memory was, or how long it lasted, but it was a great time for ponies. I lived my life, they lived theirs, I remade this world into something greater. No threat challenged the harmony of the world, no suffering lasted longer then it had to. Life was good for those that had it... but by that time I had already lived many lives.
"So, you're from... eh? I heard that town was... by... How did you get out of it?"
"Oh my! You're from... that's quite the distance! Were you born there or..."
"Why would you come all the way out here to... I hear... is a nice place to live!"
"Oh my, come in dear, you look positively famished! When was the last time you ate a good meal? How old are you? You look about my..."
"So, a roamer, are ya? I've heard about your type, drifting from place to place, never knowing where your talent fits in, with a cutie mark like that though, I'm sure you'll do just fine here in good old...
"Oh my, you look just like... are you a cousin perhaps? and your cutiemark, why... just got hers and they're so very similar!"
I always returned home eventually. I did have family after all, after awhile though I could never be sure if they were actually my descendants or not. I could always guess based on looks and personality... but there were some family members of mine that seemed to have more of my friends in them then me... and who knows, maybe they did?
"You mean I'm related to not one, but THREE of the Elements of Harmony? Does that like, make me royalty or something?"
Times like those are what kept me happy. Seeing new life replace the old is what kept things going for me and what little parts I had in that were highlights for me... even though they were always a lie. Time and time again I was forced to lie to those close to me just for the sake of hiding my unique status in the world. I knew it was a mistake, every single time, but I had to... I had no choice but to live with the lies and every lie burdened my soul.
"So... you don't die, huh? Where does that leave ME? Am I just another stop on your road to eternity? DO I EVEN MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?!"
Crying... Every relationship I ever had ended with crying. Death, birth, unity, separation... Every facet of life passed me... but I wouldn't change that for the world... and when the day came where the sun wouldn't rise, it didn't hurt nearly as much as I thought it should. I remember... her... and she was the most important figure in my life for longer then any other. She taught me how to live with my eternity, as she herself believed her own life to be unending.
"...has moved on. Her purpose on this world was finished and so she moved on to be with those who left her behind. I still have much to do before it is my time but... can you stay with me? For awhile at least?"
Names... names I wish I could remember... Faces... happiness, fear... ecstasy, pain... feelings... emotions... memories... thoughts... my mind swirls with eternity, I can keep track of some things... but eventually things fall apart for me. It doesn't matter how hard I focus, seconds to me are days to the world around me now. This ailment came upon me over the course of countless years. It started small, missing a meal, or reading through the night, but eventually my daily life and the connections I had with others suffered because of it.
"Hey, you missed our date."
Oh, did I? I'm sorry, I thought it was tomorrow.
"You said that the last time too. Are you feeling ok?"
Yes... just... how about we do something right now?
"I can't, I wont have the time for another week."
But... I was really looking forward to it...
"Well maybe you shouldn't be such a scatterbrain."
Look... I can make it up to you... an hour? Can you give me that at least?
"No, I'm sorry... and I think in a week I'll be busy with other things, too."
Please, don't do this to me... I'll... I'll do whatever you want just please don't leave me like this... it hurts so, so much... please!
"I'm sorry but you're just too much effort. Good bye...
Those were the worst of times for me... and the ones I can remember the best. Fate is cruel that way, isn't it? That which pains you the most is what defines you. That was the last time I found love. It pained me, drove daggers into my heart, the look on the faces of the ones I loved when I couldn't give them all they deserved. I got to the point where I could no longer remember the simple things, those close to me thought it was just part of who I was in time... so much time... but when I began losing days to nothing more then staring at the sky ponies began to worry. I began losing my personality by then. So, so many years will do that to you...
"So... just how old are you? Is... your real name? I know it's a popular one but I can't imagine you're the original..."
Those were some of the last words I responded to before I left myself behind. I built myself this sanctuary, fully self sustainable, and I live here now. I wish to share this place with another but there are none who can live as I do. There are no others who can live within their own mind, creating new life within themselves... but there is nothing that I want more then to share eternity with another. Perhaps... perhaps there will be others, like you, willing to be with me. I would offer all I have here to those that do, as I have with you...
"I know you think you have to do this... and I know why... but it was reassuring having you here, even if you don't do anything anymore... I just wish there was a spell that could fix you... something to make you whole again...
I suppose, like all things, my stories have come to an end. If you would, I have one last story to share. It is the story of how I created the world anew. I mentioned it in passing, but I believe now is the correct time to share this in full. When I was still young, I was left with the responsibility of ruling these lands. It was when I was still in my prime, long before I began my descent. I took on the mantle of ruler and I used the thousands upon thousands of years behind me to change things. It began with near chaos. I eased the world into the changes as much as I could, as I knew the problems that would be caused... but eventually I succeeded. All races of the world became one, all countries became one, and progress was made.
Groups had their own destinies, yes, but all were aligned. Love and light filled every corner of the world and terrors of old were lost and forgotten. I rebuilt our history, showed those who continued why those who left us behind mustn't be forgotten. I created centers of knowledge, centers of life, and these places exploded with advancement. Cities were built that reached higher than the mountains of places long forgotten. Wilds were tamed, ferocious creatures were given their own place in this new world, and harmony was supreme. I no longer know how long this age lasted. I remember... hearing ponies ask me about the past. Historians, duty bound towards seeking lost knowledge, would come to me occasionally. They would never stay very long, never long enough for me to notice them, but they would ask their questions and... I would answer them, speaking to nothing more then the winds.
Things changed when a Princess was found. She was... special to me. I no longer remember why, but she was very important. I taught her everything I could in order to prepare her for the role she had been chosen to fill. She was unique, a being worthy of being called Princess, of filling the shoes of a scant few before her. Everything I taught her, she absorbed, and when her time came to lead it was with a peaceful heart that I passed the crown. Never once did she seem over eager, or doubtful of her own abilities.
I wish that to be the end of this specific tale, but sadly it is not. Once I faded back out of the limelight, things started to fall apart. The ruler was no longer a holy being sent by Gaia herself to lead her denizens, I was beloved by all because I had become more then just a pony in the eyes of non-ponies. Whenever conflict broke out, I personally resolved the strife, and never once did I bring guard nor weapon. I had become far more then what I really am because of Gaia's blessing, and because of that there was no being who saw me unfit to lead them. When I crowned my replacement, old hatreds began to stir. It didn't take very long for these hatreds to explode and at the time I was spending my years going from backwater town to backwater town.
I later learned that all I had worked for, all the progress I had made, had all descended into a chaotic blood bath. The different races lashed out at one another, eager to "reclaim" their lost heritage that the "pony menace" had stolen from them. My pedestal crumbled, and I was branded a deceiver by a faith known as the followers of Gaia. It was a holy war, and the leaders of all sides refused to listen to reason.
It wasn't until much later that I realized these dark ages had fallen upon the lands. I then spent time traveling from place to place in an effort to quell the fires that raged. I came to realize that the races needed their own lands, and I whispered ancient truths into the minds of leaders, showing then the way home. No longer was the world united under one banner, no longer were we citizens of the world. Equestria and her long lost neighbors were reborn once more and peace found the world again. It brought great sadness to me to know that my work was all undone, but I came to realize just how artificial my unity was. Beings were not harmonious with each other, as I once thought they were, old clashes still existed. The only harmony that existed was the unity I brought to the world as an unending force.
I was beyond time, beyond understanding, and so all who lived had no choice but to fall in line. I believe Gaia herself is the reason for this. When I receded from the world stage, so did her influence, and so, without her guidance, society crumbled... and in the end, all I had done was undone. It was then that I decided I would never again rule over another, as I could not control the influence of Gaia. I decided that a peaceful existence, offering what guidance was requested of me, was the only life I could live without worry... and so it is with that mindset that I now find myself here.
My name is unimportant... but these memories I've shared with you are. Never forget where you come from, never forget that which made you. Even though years have become hours to me, even though I've watched eons fade into obscurity, I will never forget my most cherished memories...
Generosity, a mare so giving she'd lose everything she has before turning away someone in need.
Honesty, hard working, tireless and always able to stick to what she believes in.
Kindness, graceful and quiet, a more gentle soul I will never know.
Laughter, always willing to brighten the days, even more so then the sun.
Loyalty, there for you always, no matter the cost.
Magic, a mare capable of truly anything and everything.
These memories... I know I am one of them... but my tale has taken a thousand moons to tell... and I fear my answer might be hidden behind a thousand more. It's... humbling to know that one can waste a life away just to hear the ramblings of another... but I thank you for this. You being here has brought me an immeasurable amount of peace. I am sad to say that our time together ends... it is time for you to sleep... perhaps one day I may join you...
In eternal slumber.
"Now class, based on the reading, what assumptions can you make about The Goddess?"
"That one's easy. She's extremely ancient, even older then what ponies called the golden age of Equestria!"
"That's correct. Now, there are SOME surviving documents of that ancient pre-history that we've studied previously, what conclusions can you draw based on information gained from those?"
"That The Goddess was one of the original Elements of Harmony?"
"Also correct. Now, as you can guess from the reading, and as you well know from the intro to this lesson, the one who recorded The Goddess's thoughts spent a lifetime to gather and translate what you have before you. It was a massive undertaking done happily by a single pony, at the request of our nation's ruler at the time, who many believe to be of The Goddess's mortal heritage, why do we believe this to be true?"
"Because they're both—"
BBRIIIINNGGGG
"That's all for today class! Please be sure not to leave any materials behind as the older students will be using this room for their afternoon classes. Also, be sure to ask your parents to take you to visit The Goddess. She may not be able to respond to us anymore but, as we've learned from the reading, She is still a pony on the inside who loves hearing about the lives of Her ponies.
Author's Note
This one felt good. and I mean -REALLY- good. Like, after finishing this I feel as good as I did back after I wrote Pinkie's story. If you've ever read Diaries of a Madman, think Nav the day he stole Celestia's crown, that's how good I'm feeling right now.
Here's what I want to know though: Where, if at all, did it become obvious who this one is about? I did my best to leave subtle hints, and if there's anything that's a dead give away (outside of the ending bits) I'd like to know so I can give it a second look.
Now that I have three, I suppose a little explanation of theme is due. Pinkie's story was one of acceptance. She accepted her life and when it came right down to it, she accepted her end with a smile. Rainbow's story was one of conflict. She fought her position almost every step of the way, hardly taking the time to take advantage of it, and because of that she suffered. This story, (thought I'd say who it was, eh? You'll have to wait until the last 3 are finished to hear it from me.) is about enduring. The Goddess endures her position and continues on. The last three will be stories of wrath(this one will be fun), insecurity and self destruction. I'm not sure which one I'll write up next, but I can assure you it'll be when I'm in one of these moods again.
