The Shipmaster

Chapters

Prologue....To Disaster!!!
This doesn't count as kidnapping, right?
Fluttershy and Discord go to the market because we couldn't afford a new location.
Calling Nurse Luna.
The Adventures of Chaosman and Dragonboy part 1
The Adventures of Chaosman and Dragonboy take 2
How Twilight learned how to hate tomato salad.
Discord is in Rainbow Dash's bed

Prologue....To Disaster!!!

Discord was bored. Being ‘reformed’ was sadly, not the exciting, action packed life he imagined it would be. The brochure he was given was a lie. In fact he wasn’t even given a brochure. In truth, he spent most of his days napping. Which to say the least, was a rather tame action for the self-proclaimed king of chaos.

The days where he was free to hop from place to place were gone, Instead he was reduced to small and harmless pranks amongst the citizens of Equestria. An insult considering what he once was. Not that small pranks weren’t fun they were just well as the adjective described for him, small in their design.

“Oh, even my narration is boring,” sighed Discord as he stretched his arm back until a satisfying cracking sound was heard. He was lying on one of the branches of his thinking tree, which was conveniently placed in the middle of Carrot Top’s field.

Needless to say, the mare was rather peeved that Discord had decided to set up camp while she was working. That was until she eventually seemed to quiet down. He convinced himself that it must have been his irresistible charm that sated her. Well, that and the zipper around her mouth helped too.

“Oh woe is betide me,” he cried as he feel back onto the branch, melodramatically. The shaking of the branch loosed some of Discord’s garbage onto the field, much to the horror of the muted Carrot Top. Discord discarded his thoughts of compressing a race into gaseous entities to return to his heavily scheduled day.

“What to do, what to do? Well better check the list.” Discord pulled a long checklist from apparently nowhere and unfurled it so it covered the poor mare beneath him. A single sentence was adorned atop the behemoth list. ‘Do nothing’. Discord smiled as he pulled out his front tooth and began to cross out the sentence. He then plugged the tooth pack into his mouth.

“Well that’s done and it’s not even three.” Carrot Top began her muffled protests once more, kicking and hitting against the tree. Discord looked down at her as she pointed at the mess Discord had made. “Apologies, you’re quite right, it’s clearly twelve. Silly me.” Suddenly Carrot Top was pulled up from behind and raised up to eye level with the draconequus. “Oh Parrot Mop, you’re the only one who understands me. Now if only you were a real pony and not a figment of my imagination. I-hey, you tried to kick me.”

Discord pushed the angry pony away from him. Carrot Top just continued to unsuccessfully bore holes into him with her eyes. “Oh don’t give me that look.” Discord once again stretched as he cracked his back again much to the disgust of yellow pony, before patting her condescendingly on the head.

“Well I’m bored again so I suppose I should head off to Ponyville. Remember now, to do your homework, stay in school and be in bed by nine okay, Miss Lollipop?” With his familiar snap of his talons he disappeared, leaving a still fuming Carrot Top on top of a tree a good twenty feet from the ground.

“Well that was fun.” Discord stopped for a moment, something tugged at what Fluttershy had said was supposed to be his ‘conscience’. He called it yesterday’s chilli peppers that had not settled quite right.

“Maybe I should have helped her.” Discord paused for a moment before snorting. “Nah I’m sure she’ll be fine.” Discord stopped outside one of the local food shops. It had been a successful walk for him, only five ponies ran screaming from him this time. A notable improvement over yesterday. After ‘borrowing’ a daisy sandwich from one of the local patrons, Discord wandered through the suddenly abandoned streets of Ponyville. ‘Must be a storm coming in or something.’

His thoughts turned to the library. The wooden structure had almost become some sort of command centre towards monitoring him, whenever he visited Ponyville. Apparently somepony was still a bit bitter about the whole ruining her day with her sister in law. Nonetheless Discord did find it rather amusing how irritated Twilight became when he was present. She was far more fun than Celestia had ever been.

“Well I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to visit little Sparky! I’m sure she’ll be so eager to see me again.” His thoughts turned briefly to his song. “She’s always good for a laugh.” A mental image of Twilight glaring at him appeared. He shrugged. “Well for me anyway. Now if only she shaved her head and put on that uniform I keep pestering her with, then she’d be perfect!”

Discord appeared in his usual bombastic style on the ground floor of the library. He outstretched his arms like a performer before an audience, as the magical energies from his transport knocked over books and shelves. He expected the usual cry of ‘Discord!’ to follow his arrival yet none was forth coming. Discord waited for a moment before trying again.

“You hoo! Sparkle Sparkle!” he called out looking towards the stairs expectantly.

There was no answer. He moved closer towards the bottom of the stairs.

“It seems that nopony in town really wants to speak to me and since the internet hasn’t been invented yet, I thought to myself who better to brighten up my day then my fourth favourite Princess.” Discord was in the process of setting up the lighting rig with fireworks for Twilights entrance but much to Discord’s disappointment the mare did not emerge from her room. Discord huffed as the fireworks deflated into nothingness.

He would have teleported directly into her bedroom but his brain was quick to remind him of what happened the last time he did so. 'Let’s just say that girl can move when she’s angry. How was I supposed to know she was taking a shower?’ thought Discord. 'It wasn’t even that bad. I mean okay, maybe having the camera with me gave the wrong impression but still she totally overreacted.’

He waited some more but three seconds was clearly far too long for the immortal draconequus so he proceeded to call out some more.

“Cold shoulder, eh?” huffed Discord as he crossed his arms and turned away from the stairs. “Well, I’ll go build my own alicorn princess. She’ll be beautiful and she’ll be red and black and have a troubled past because of poor character writing, a bit like this story only…wait a minute is that a note?” Discord noticed a small piece of paper laying on the nearby coffee table. He lifted it up and proceeded to read it.

Spike,

Gone out to get more ink. Pinkie drank the last jar under the idea that it was a magic potion I was using with one of my experiments. Before you think of anything, she’s fine and no I do not know how a pony can be fine after consuming poisonous ink and yes she did just walk out the library like nothing happened. At this point I don’t know why I still need to explain myself.

Rarity also needs you for something. Please help her out but don’t do any heavy lifting for her. I don’t need to explain to mom and dad why you keep getting back pains and bruises at your age. I’d prefer not to have a visit from child services. Remember the last time we had a visit from the inspector? I still wonder how the police station burned down.

Love, Twilight

“Oh of course she’s out,” groaned Discord as he rolled his eyes. “Well at least no one was here to actually hear me say that or I would have sounded crazy or something.” Discord chuckled to himself. “This paper tastes nice though,” he said while taking a bite out of the note. “I’ll have to ask Twilight where she bought it. Tastes like good kindling and a hint of frustration. My favourite!” He chewed for a while. “Mm mm words.”

After consuming the note, Discord decided to leave. He could have easily left via teleportation but the sad music he had hired for the occasion was only for a limited time and he had found little opportunity to use it yet. A few fake tears later and a nice black and white colour change to the background fitted the scene perfectly. Outside some ponies were scared they had gone blind as their world changed around them.

Discord clumsily swung his tail around as he made his exit, knocking down an entire shelf of books which fell to the floor. The music cut off and the colour returned to the library. Sighing heavily as he resided himself to picking up each book off the floor while magically fixing the remaining damage he had caused via his entrance.

Suddenly another book dropped from the interior of one of the thicker manuals, he was picking up. Discord peered at it. The small looking tome was quite worn. Discord scooped it up with end of his griffin claw and as he inspected the title. It read ‘Twilight’s Diary: Spike keep out!’

Discord immediately threw the other books away. A vague sound of a window smashing and somepony screaming could be heard in the distance. Discord gleefully took the book into his claws as he eyed over it like a foal in candy shop.

“Twilight’s diary! Jackpot!” Discord’s eyes flashed dollar signs, then peaches before eventually settling on some obtuse triangles. For a brief moment he questioned the authenticity of such a thing. “One must wonder why she didn’t store this in a safer place?”

Discord pulled on his goatee before dismissing it with a wave of his lions paw. “Then again, I didn’t write the script so…” he opened the book as his eyes grew outwards and literally smashed against the page as if he were trying to absorb its knowledge directly.

Deep down, He knew that perhaps he shouldn’t do this. ‘Perhaps as a friend I should respect her privacy and do the right and moral thing. Yes, in my reformed state it would be advisable to do the right and hones- wait a minute is that Celestia!’

Much to Discords surprise he found a variety of musings based around the solar Princess. Some which were rather… risqué entries to say the least. Diagrams and all. There was even the occasional bar chart and graph.

“Hmm looks like someone has got the hots for the teacher.” A Discord in the corner hit the drums. “Hah, references how I love thee.” Discord chuckled briefly to himself before flicking through a few more pages. “This stuff is golden!”

“Indeed other me,” said a particularly well dressed Discord with a wooden pipe. “This seems like quite a boon for us! But pray tell what should we do with this valuable information?”

“Use it to pester Twilight,” suggested Discord emerging from the ceiling.

“Bah! Too simplistic,” replied Discord as he fell through a blue portal in the kitchen.

“Out her secret to the public and wait for the plehphorea of terrible fiction that follows?” chirped another version of himself travelling through an orange portal opposite to him.

“Eh, it’s already been done.” Discord then magically overturned a box labelled ‘Rainbow Dash’s masterpieces’. Several hundred pages dumped onto the floor.

“Who could forget such gripping titles as ‘The Most awesome Pegasus In The Kingdom Of Shadow Death’ or the classic ‘The Pegasus who flew so fast she turned back time’. Discord shook his head in disdain as he discarded the piece of fiction into the nearby waste disposal.

“Unlikely, you cannot change the laws of physics!” shouted a thick accented, red shirt wearing Discord.

“Whatever," said Discord as he waved off his duplicates, who then disappeared. “No, this requires a more subtle touch. This will require most...no, all of my cunning.”Discord tapped his chin while pacing back and forth throughout the library.

“Iddeaaaa!!!” he cried suddenly in poor imitation of a certain white unicorn. Discord quickly conjured up a jar of ink and plucked a feather from his pegasus wing as he summoned some parchment from the nearby table.

“Quite clearly this is a problem that a certain lavender mare needs help with, and who better than I, Discord, as her friend to assist her in the matter. For what is more chaotic than love? Thus this clearly makes me the most qualified to aid her in her quest!” Discord roared with laughter at the thought before donning a wicked grin. “And if perchance that I should perhaps benefit from our precious princess’s ‘absence’, who would think otherwise?” Outside the vague sound of thunder boomed in the distance.

With a growing sense of excitement and anticipation he began his fateful letter.

Dear Princess…..

The sun was held high into the sky as its glorious rays poured down onto the pristine castle walls. A single room within the high spires of the castle had its curtains closed. The sun unable to bring its warmth inside the darkness. Suddenly this darkness was broken with a sickly green coloured ‘pop’.

A letter dropped down from the air and landed upon a wooden desk at the side of the room. A light, blue aura of magic seized the intruder and brought it up to the face of its owner, a rather bed ragged looking Princess Luna.

Fixing her mane slightly as she broke the seemingly sloppy looking seal applied to the letter, she recognised the parchment as one belonging to her fellow princess in Ponyville.

“Ah, it seems that we have received a missive from our dear friend, Twilight Sparkle. I wonder what wondrous news she has in store for us.”

Luna unravelled the letter with a smile as she delved into its contents.

Author's Note

Well there goes chapter one. Hope it wasn't too bad. Worth a shot anyway. I know Discord may seem a bit over the top but that's how I kind of envisage his character. One moment he is a goof, the next moment he is a massive asshole.

Comment if you see any errors and as usual I'm open to criticism.

This doesn't count as kidnapping, right?

Twilight Sparkle was having a good day. No political agendas to deal with. No monsters running amok in Ponyville. No convoluted friendship crisis’s that could easily be solved with logical analysis. So yes, Twilight Sparkle was having a good day. A visit to her local fast food joint had made sure of that. She was enjoying a hayburger as she trotted back to her library abode.

That was until she spotted a most peculiar site.

A lone night guard was standing outside the library looking around the town. Occasionally some ponies would glance at him as they passed. The looks on their faces were both a mix of curiosity and a sense of trepidation. The night guard were not well known publically and rumours had spread of their rather….unsavoury behaviour when on missions for the crown.

Twilight knew it was nonsense. They were just ponies after all. Terrifying, half breed monstrosities of ponies but ponies nonetheless. After disposing of the waste of her meal, she approached the guard who turned to greet her.

“Good evening Princess,” he said in a gravelly voice. He dropped into a low bow at which Twilight blushed as several ponies stopped to see what was going on. She quickly urged him with her hooves to remove himself from the floor. The ponies carried on with their usual business. The night guard started. “We have an urgent call from our mistress, Princess Luna. She has summoned Your Grace to Canterlot castle. I and my companion have been assigned to take you there.”

“What?” questioned Twilight. “What could Princess Luna possibly want?” Her thoughts raced to what exactly why the Lunar princess had summoned her. Her imagination took hold of the possibilities. Was it to be an accomplice in a coup? To once again dazzle Twilight with the wonders of old equestrian humour? Or perhaps it was an invite to a sexy slumber party. ‘Wait, what was that last one?’

“It is not for me to say,” he replied. Twilight scrunched her muzzle at the unsatisfactory response. Though it was quite clear from the guard’s stoic look that he was giving her that he wouldn’t be parting with his information.

“Okay,” sighed Twilight in defeat. "I need to get a checklist ready and some books."

“But Princess, we were asked to retrieve you immediately!” protested the guard.

“Checklist and books!” growled Twilight in a rather feral tone that made the guard bulk slightly. Twilight quickly calmed herself after her short outburst. It was certainly in bad taste for a princess to publically berate her guards. That was what the captain was for anyway.

Twilight soon returned herself to theorising the purpose behind the trip but resigned herself that she was admittedly quite eager to see the princess again. It would be most rude to deny Luna a meeting. Twilight had really wanted to spend more time with her. The princess's taste in humour aside, she was certainly a fascinating character. Twilight was broken from her contemplations upon noticing that an essential piece of equipment for her transport was missing. Twilight looked around her. “Where’s the chariot?”

“Umm, chariot?” repeated the lunar guard. His blank expression made it look like Twilight had just spoken in a foreign language.

“Yes,” deadpanned Twilight. “The item you’re meant to carry me in.”

“Oh, The chariot. Yes, about that.” The guard began pulling at his neck armour with his hoof.

“Go on.”

“It’s in the shop,” he said with little doubt that he was bluffing.

“And why is the chariot under repair?” asked Twilight deciding to indulge him.

“Ehhh…”

“Wait a minute, why are you carrying a sack?” Twilight glanced at the large burlap sack that was slung over the guards shoulders. The guard shifted to obscure it once more from her view.

“Oh that thing. It’s nothing really,” he laughed nervously. “I mean it’s just standard procedure. Precautions and all. You know, just in case.”

“A precaution? For what exactly?” growled Twilight as she advanced on the now shaking guard.

“Well the night guard often encounters less than cooperative individuals.” The guard shifted nervously on his hooves.

“So you were going to kidnap me if I didn’t say yes, is that it!”

“No of course not. I would never do such a thing to one of our princesses,” he chuckled. “Unless you’re into that kind of thing?” he said while cocking an eyebrow. The weight of his words only hit him until he felt a telekinetic slap knock him to the floor. Perhaps it was unwise to make a less then sensitive joke with the princess. It seemed like a good idea at the time to lighten the mood.

“Well, let me tell you mister!” huffed Twilight as she walked into the now darkened library. “I will go to Canterlot alone and I will be having a word with Luna about her guard’s behaviour.”

With a flick of her tail and a rather awkward turn she left the downed guard as he attempted to get himself up and followed her. “Thank you for your time.”

“Wait! Princess. Let me exp-”

WHACK.

Moments later the lights turned on and a second night guard emerged from where he was hiding, carrying a baton in his magical grip as Twilight Sparkle collapsed into the doorway of the library.

“Target is down,” the other guard said as he sheathed the baton.

“Idiot,” the first guard barked as he rushed himself into the library before slamming the door. “She was cooperative. Why the hell did you hit her?”

“I thought those were our orders.” He shrugged. “Didn’t the princess say get her to the castle by any means necessary?”

“So that gave you the bright idea to strike a princess on the head like a common criminal. By Luna. This is what happens when idiots apply for the night guard,” the first guard groaned. Too bad he was on duty. A nice long drink was sounding really good about now.

“Hey, what about you?!” The second guard shouted pointing his hoof at his accuser. “Mister I’m going to kidnap you.”

“I didn’t say that,” he replied while looking out the window to make sure nopony was making their way to the library. “I merely said it was a precaution. It’s protocol damn it. It’s not my fault the Lunar code hasn’t been updated in the last fifteen hundred years!”

“Yeah, yeah. It still the principal that counts. Or do I have to point out that you tried to pass it off with a sex joke.” The first guard became extremely flustered as he tried to formulate what was sure to be a most intellectual and insightful response.

“Shut up. Do you know how much trouble we’re in?” The first guard trotted over to his counterpart and shook him violently. He then looked down at the now unconscious princess.

“It can’t be that bad,” said the second guard a bit of uncertainty creeping into his voice as he spoke. “I mean we were just carrying out our orders from the Princess.”

“We’ve just committed high treason you moron. The pony you just knocked out also happens to be a Princess.”

“Oh yeah, that may be a bit of a problem.”

“A bit of a problem? Have you lost your damned mind?!”

You know I’ve just come to the realisation that we could have probably solved this whole issue if we just took the train," said the other guard sheepishly completely ignoring the grave reality of the situation. A long awkward silence passed as the two looked at each other. Eventually his companion proceeded to thwack him on the head with his baton.

Twilight awoke to stars in her eyes and the vague sound of a voice calling her name. She blinked a couple of times to clear her vision before realising that she was in a four poster bed, tucked into navy coloured sheets. While it was rather comfortable it did not exactly abate Twilight’s growing confusion.

She tried to remember what she had exactly been doing before waking up in this strange bed. Her memory failed briefly. Though she did remember that she had been talking to somepony, then she got mad at him for some reason. Something about catnip was it and a message from a Miss Tuna. Then it all went black.

Raising herself up from the bed she soon found that she was not alone. Suddenly, Twilight was wrapped in a tight hug. It was both warm and comforting. Twilight leaned into it subconsciously.

“Thank goddess you’re okay Twilight Sparkle,” spoke a gentle voice. The figure pulled back to reveal herself to be none other than Princess Luna.

Suddenly everything snapped back into place shortly after Luna. Twilight went through quite a few emotions while formulating a response to moon princess. Shock, anger, more confusion and growing sense of quiet disbelief that a bunch of guards just kidnapped her. Fortunately Twilight held back a more undignified response for the princess’s sake. Instead she decided that perhaps inquiring where she was would be a good start.

“Princess why exactly am I in your bed?” groaned Twilight as she rubbed the sore spot on her head.

“You had a mishap with my guards I’m afraid," said Luna as she blushed. Twilight’s eyes went wide as she attempted to get up. Luna put a reassuring hoof on her shoulder. "Do not worry Twilight Sparkle. They meant you no intentional harm. In truth I am more to blame then them. Nonetheless the offenders will be dealt with accordingly. A week with as my dearest nephew’s maids should set them straight.”

Twilight managed a quick chuckle despite the pain in her head. She wasn’t even sure why she laughed. She rubbed the sore area of her head with her hoof. She winced as she touched it.

“Here, let me help,” cooed Luna. Her horn flashed blue light as it stuck Twilight’s head. Twilight instantly felt much better as the swelling went down and the pain receded. Twilight blinked in amazement at Luna’s display of magic.

“Wow that’s amazing Luna.”

“It was no problem,” said Luna. It may have been the tinge of light but Twilight swore she saw Luna blush. She thought it was cute. Then suddenly realised that this was hardly time to come to terms with her confused sexuality. Or look at the princess like that. I mean it wasn’t like she hadn’t been doing that all her life for another totally unrelated princess who she was close to. No, that was totally ridiculous. Good thing she wasn’t in denial or anything. Twilight decided to change the subject.

“So, uh not to be rude Luna, why exactly am here again? Excluding the whole guard thing.” Twilight was still trying to come to terms with that part still.

“Perhaps we should have some tea first.” Luna winced but indicated with her wing to the table and two chairs that had been set up in the middle of the room. On the table sat two cups and a steaming pot. Luna smiled as she trotted over to the table. Twilight decided to follow. Her curiosity was piqued by the whole thing plus she like tea. She’d tried to wean herself slowly off coffee since the time she drank so much she thought she could write a thesis on the effect of the colour red had on the space time continuum.

Luna sat in a chair to her left and poured tea into both cups. She offered Twilight sugar though Twilight politely declined as she took her seat beside Luna.

“How are you doing Twilight?” asked Luna. She smiled as she brought the cup to her lips.

“I’ve been better,” huffed Twilight. Luna sputtered on her tea before awkwardly avoiding Twilight’s gaze. The silence that settled around the room grew to uncomfortable lengths.

“Ah yes, my apologies once again. It was never my intention…”

“Its fine, Luna,” breathed Twilight as she swirled her tea with a wooden spoon. She managed a weak grin. “I’ve endured worse.” Her grin disappeared as Twilight thought back briefly to the serious injuries she sustained during a failed observation of Pinkie Pie. She shuddered slightly.

“Well it is good to know you’re alright. I was worried I may have damaged our friendship through my reckless actions.”

“That’s ridiculous I value our friendship far too much to let a bit of physical assault ruin it. Twilight considered her words for a moment. “That may have come out slightly wrong.”

"You are quite wise for your age Twilight," laughed Luna. “A pettier pony may have held a grudge. No wonder my sister took such a fast liking to you.”

“Well I-I’m flattered,” said Twilight while not looking directly at Luna. Twilight blushed furiously as she played with her mane absentmindedly.

“You are most welcome. Though I do not understand why you seem ashamed of such a statement. Was I too presumptuous in my wording?”

“N-no,” stammered Twilight. “I just don’t like uh, being praised. I have never really taken well to it I suppose you could say.”

“So humble. Tis an admirable trait.”

“Well as gratifying as all this small talk is I have to ask once more-”

“The purpose of your visit,” said Luna finishing Twilights words. “I would have thought it would have been quite obvious to you. Unless there has been a mistake.”

“Princess to be honest I have no idea what’s going on.”

“What!? From the urgency of your letter I would have supposed that this is what you wanted to occur unless you did not intend to send it.” Luna used her magic to pull over a familiar looking parchment.

“M-my letter?” sputtered Twilight.

“Yes,” said Luna with certain degree of…wistfulness? “I was initially quite surprised by your prose. I did not know you could be so…passionate with your words. Your prose is quite invigorating.”

“Passionate! Invigorating!” Somewhere in her brain a million little Twilight’s were running around in panic trying desperately to process this surprising information. Twilight didn’t like surprises.

“Yes. I’m surprised Tia had always described writing on the more of the factual side.”

“Princess I-I didn’t send a letter!”

“Luna, my dear. Of course you did.” Luna slapped down the letter in front of Twilight. “I have compared the writing with Tia’s letters and it arrived via your delivery system. Those guards must have struck you harder than previously thought. Maybe I should send forth for the doctor. Twilight scanned it and much to her horror there was her name signed at the bottom of the parchment. Even worse was that it was clearly not a forgery. It was indisputable evidence. Twilight could only make a croaking groaning sound as if she‘d just woken up from the worst hangover of her life.

‘Oh god I’ve been drinking again haven’t I? I don’t remember drinking. I swore I stopped drinking after that hearth’s warming eve incident. Rarity never really forgave me for ruining her dress. But this is impossible!’ Suddenly Twilight found her brain not function quite right as she looked at the letter with continued confusion. Luna didn’t even notice as Twilight’s hair began to spring up sporadically.

“Luna-“

“In truth I had not previously thought of a possible relationship with you but after careful consideration I feel that I am willing to try. After all you are a rather attractive mare. Plus ‘fooling around’ as the youth would say, never hurt anypony so why not give it a go. Besides I never properly rewarded you for saving my life.”

“B-b-bwwah?” To a pony who didn’t know Twilight Sparkle’s habits personally one would presume she was having a stroke.

“Rendered speechless. How cute? You will make an excellent consort.” Luna began to giggle madly. “Oh were going to have so much fun!” Luna leaned forward so he muzzle was only a few inches from Twilight’s ear. “So what do you say Twilight Sparkle?”

“C-consort? Oh my…” It was in that very moment that Twilight seemingly understood everything and nothing. Space and Time were irrelevant and how the very wonders of the universe appeared before her. It would have all been quite fantastic were she not sure that she had stopped breathing and this was all some mad hallucination.

Then thankfully the world went black and Twilight decided to greet her newfound friend, the table with her head.

Author's Note

It's been far too long. What was I drinking when I decided to write the first part of this chapter. Oh well. At least I got something before returning to school. Hope you enjoy!

Once again point out any errors. It'd help a lot. Now to get back to writing Discord for the next chapter.

Fluttershy and Discord go to the market because we couldn't afford a new location.

Fluttershy and Discord walked through the market area. Discord was enjoying his favourite flavour, furniture. The local hardware store didn’t need those chairs anyway.

“Oh, it is so nice you’re here Discord,” chirped Fluttershy happily. Discord gave her a half-hearted look. “The annual bi-terminal lunar market celebration is such a wonderful time of the year.” Fluttershy gave a wistful sigh before humming a slight tune under her breath. Discord belched. Sentimentality had never really been in his nature.

“How many market celebrations can this town have?” quipped Discord. He summoned a calendar featuring various pictures of him in various poses. He flicked through it clearly showing various days marked in red. “There is like one every week.” The calendar burst into flames. Discord shrugged. His ice cream followed suit, though this didn’t seem to deter Discord from continuing to lick it. Fluttershy just pretended it wasn’t there. She had learned that sometimes, it just wasn’t worth asking questions when it came to Discord.

“Well, it still nice to have you here,” said Fluttershy completely disregarding his statement. “I was worried for a while. I hadn’t gotten a letter from you in a few days. What happened?” Fluttershy looked up at him with those wide, cute eyes of her. Discord frowned. She was far too adorable for his liking.

“Oh, that. He swirled his claw around in a circular motion absentmindedly, producing bubbles with hats on them. “I was just dealing with a bunch a gaseous entity life forms that live on the edge of the universe, that have a grudge against me, nothing big,” sighed Discord had attempted to take another bite of his ice cream only to have found ashes in their place. Discord opened a portal and threw the cone in. Good thing Trixie had got that new apartment or Discord would have nowhere to dispose of his rubbish readily.

“Well that’s uh…nice.”

“Indeed. Discord frowned. He felt rather empty without his ice cream. Poor Alfie was in his prime. Such a waste. Moving away from his regrets about his lost ice cream, he then realised how ridiculous he looked wandering around a market with the yellow Pegasus. “Why exactly am I here? Standing around and looking at a bunch of frankly useless stalls? I mean who in the right mind buys stamps anymore?” exclaimed Discord rather loudly in front of the stamp stall.

In response, the stamp collector had quite a few things to ‘say’ to Discord. Luckily Fluttershy intervened and issued a stream of apologies as she pushed Discord away. Apparently the stallion was upset that Discord had insulted his life’s work or something along those lines. ‘Not much of a life if all you can show off are bunch of useless pieces of paper, that would go much better in a pastrami, cucumber and ravioli sandwich,' thought Discord as he licked his lips. He looked down at his companion who looked quite upset at something. He also noticed that she appeared to be directing her ire at him. ‘Oh, Fluttershy’s saying something. Best pay attention in case she gets mad at me for not listening.’

“And furthermore Mister, this isn’t useless junk. Some of it is valuable property that is essential for Ponyville’s economy.” Fluttershy glared at Discord. Discord quickly pointed away and said.

“Then why is that stallion selling garbage?”

“Discord that’s mean!” Discord stood his ground despite the Pegasus deciding to get right up to his face. Discord had in the meantime summoned the sandwich he had imagined while definitely paying attention to her.

“No, he is actually selling garbage.” Discord pointed at a stallion bringing out black plastic bags and dumping them on the side of the street. Fluttershy’s expression relaxed.

“Discord he is just putting it out for collection.” Discord watched as the stallion drew over a metal bin and dropped the bag in. “In Ponyville our waste is collected by town workers.”

“Collection? In shiny, metal bins?" Discord scrunched his muzzle in confusion. “In my day, they just threw it out the window. What a waste.” Discord then proceeded to hypocritically drop the sandwich he had just thought of moments earlier, leaving its contents spill out onto the ground.

"That’s unsanitary," said Fluttershy as she frowned at the draconequus’s actions.

“Eh, things were fine said Discord as he waved his hand dismissively. “Ponies are far too obsessed with health nowadays. I mean, sure we had the occasional outbreak of plague but ponies were happier. And less pudgy," laughed Discord as he poked Fluttershy who blushed heavily. Fluttershy managed a weak chuckle.

"Oh, stop it you." Fluttershy carried her way on into the packed crowds of the market place.

“Yeah, joking,” said Discord unsurely as he shifted his eyes back and forth before following his companion. Luckily he easily found her due to the nice open path that a bunch of terrified ponies had decided to make for him. ‘Kids these days are so respectful to their elders. Quiet too. I only count two crying fillies this time.’ Discord smiled. ‘Today was a good day.’

Discord approached shook himself from thought to find that the buttercup mare had left his side. He soon found her deep in conversation with a mare with a grey mane with a tan coat.

“So can I count on your vote this week, Fluttershy?” spoke the mare.

“Why of course Mayor Mare, you’ve done such a wonderful job for the town since your election,” replied Fluttershy softly with a pleasant smile. The tan mare beamed at her response.

“Well thank you, it means a lot coming from you.” Fluttershy shifted her mane to hide her embarrassment from the praise. "It’s good to know I have you on my side. You take care Fluttershy. Don’t be afraid to visit if you need anything.” The mare began to walk away as Fluttershy uttered silent ‘your welcomes’ under her breath. The tan mare stopped as she felt a malevolent presence nearby only to find Discord instead. “Uh hello Discord,” she stated awkwardly.

She gave him a few cautionary glances. Discord causally popped his eyeballs out and wiped them off his fur. The mare grew visibly green at the sight and trotted off at a brisk pace to the nearest lavatory. Discord plugged his eyes back in and his face fell into disappointment.

“I wonder who that was. Never seen her before.”

“That’s Mayor Mare. And you did meet her before. Remember at your birthday party.” Discord shook his head.

“You put some mice in the cake and everypony panicked.” Discord stared blankly at the mare. “Remember the Duchess started screaming? Then you summoned all those snakes to scare the mice away.” Discord stared blankly ahead. “You don’t remember? What about when the bouncy castle blew away? Then the princess’s crashed into the bouncy castle when they tried to give out to you?” Discord looked more and more confused with each statement. “Nothing?” Discord remained silent. “At all?” Fluttershy sighed in exasperation before looking up at him one last time.

“You were wearing your blue sweater.”

“Ah, Mayor Mare, of course!” shouted Discord. Fluttershy shook her head. Something’s would never change.

“Election you say,” whispered Discord to himself. A terrible plot began to form in his mind though he put it off presently to focus on the matter at hoof.

“Actually speaking of the princess’s it’s strange how Twilight left without telling us.” Discord began to sweat nervously. “It so out of character for her.” Fluttershy put her hoof up to her mouth. “She usually gets all in a panic about these sort of things.”

“Yep, real the mystery we have there,” coughed Discord. “Oh, is it hot out here? Maybe we should head back home I mean we’ve been browsing for like fifty minutes and not bought anything. Almost as if we were needed to exposit what’s happening or something.”

“And she left poor Spike on his own, it must be really serious.” Fluttershy gasped suddenly. “What if she’s in trouble and needs our help? Oh, I’d feel terrible if we just abandoned her,” whimpered Fluttershy. “Maybe we should go visit her in Canterlot. I’ll go get Rainbow-”

“What?! God no, I mean that would unadvisable,” corrected Discord as he put a comforting claw on her shoulder. “She’s a princess we don’t know what kind of things she could be doing. What if she was doing a really important and you interrupted? Wouldn’t you feel terrible?” Discord had leaned down to Fluttershy’s level to emphasis his words.

“I never thought about it like,” whispered Fluttershy. “You’re right. But what about Spike?”

“He has temporarily been removed for plot convenience.”

“What?”

“Eh, I mean he’s a strong kid. He’ll make due on his own for a while. He’s probably at that white one's house. What’s her face? Variety.”

“Rarity. I suppose that makes sense but I just saw Rarity this evening and she didn’t say-”

“Look over there! Something else,” exclaimed Discord. He breathed a sigh of relief as the mare looked away.

“That’s just Applejacks cart and oh uh…B-big Mac,” sputtered Fluttershy. Her eyes followed the large stallion quite intently. His powerful frame moved the cart into position as he shook his mane to clear off a bit of sweat that had gathered on his brow. Fluttershy stood gaping. Discord being the ‘master of love’ was obviously completely oblivious to his friend’s interest.

“Yes, let us purchase some food commodities. That’s the perfect distraction. And by distraction, I insinuate my concern for your health. Just look at you your whittling away dear.” Discord began pushing the mare towards the cart.

“I d-don’t know maybe we should go home. I can just come to the market tomorrow.” Discord continued to push her. "I-I have plenty of food at home."

“Nonsense. We're particularly there already.” Before Fluttershy could protest anymore she found that they had suddenly arrived. Applejack had not noticed their approach and had trotted away leaving Fluttershy and Discord alone with Macintosh. Needless to say Fluttershy was quite embarrassed. So much so, that the ostrich technique of burying one’s head in the sand was becoming most appealing. Big Mac for his part was quite polite in not pointing out the awkward silence that had permeated since her arrival. Discord quickly slinked away as Fluttershy cleared her throat.

“H h-hi Big Mac.”

“Good evening Miss Fluttershy, here for some apples?” he asked in a slow country drawl of an accent. Fluttershy did not respond immediately and continued to stare rather haphazardly at the stallion.

"Uh, no, wait yes. Yes, I am here for some apples." Big Mac turned back to the car and placed some apples in a plastic bag which he put in his mouth.

"That’ll be three bits," he struggled to say. Fluttershy for a moment was tempted to grab the bag using her own mouth which would most likely have not gone down well. She settled on an outstretched hoof. He dropped the bag towards her hoof. She quickly rummaged through one of her bags and placed the amount of bits on the side of the cart. “You have a good day Miss Shy.”

"Y-you too," whispered Fluttershy. Fluttershy was about to bolt from the stall when suddenly Big Mac called for her again.

"I forgot to say Miss Shy mah sister was looking for you." Fluttershy turned around slowly to the stallion again. At this point, the poor mare was almost hyperventilating "Said she needed your help with something."

Meanwhile Discord watched his friend from within his viewing portal at a distance (because apparently he has that now). He smiled contently at his work.

“Now to check on how my little experiment is going with my dear friend Sparky.”

Pulling out a remote from thin air, Discord pressed a button and instantly the images of Twilight’s encounter with Luna appeared. Discord enjoyed the events with a bucket of pumpkin popcorn.

“Oh, this is just too perfect!” he roared as he dragged a nearby terrified pony to him. “Luna interested in Princess Starbutt hah! This going even better than expected. What do you think buddy?” He poked his newfound friend in the ribs.

“Gpplah!”

”You’re right of course. I’ll have to make my move soon. All of the princess's distracted leaves me with a window of opportunity. But when?” Discord tapped his chin. “No matter. Now I only have a few more things to do and Discord will be back up top and this time there will be no stop-”

“Sir, I hate to interrupt you but this is the line for the bank," stated a pony behind a glass screen. Discord looked around to find that there were several ponies huddled into a corner as far away from him as possible. Discord then look down at his newly acquired friend in his arms who he proceeded to drop. "Are you going to make a transaction or not?"

“Ah yes, the local bank Now I remember why I came here.” Discord managed to pull something from his pocket and presented it. “I wish to make a deposit.” The bank clerk looked down at the assortment of items Discord wished to deposit. A packet of ketchup, a piece of string, a picture of a young dragon flexing in a mirror while failing miserably at it, and a rock.

“Sir, I cannot take these. The bank accepts only recognised forms of credit.” The bank clerk then took a long look at Discord. “Also, I’m pretty sure you don’t even have an account with this bank, sir.”

“Well, excuse me,” harrumphed Discord. “I will just take my valuables elsewhere then.” He quickly scooped up the items. "But I’m taking this pen though." Discord quickly snatched the bank clerk’s pen lying on the counter and broke the metal beads tying it down to the table. “Now what are you going to write with?” There was a certain triumphant tone in Discord’s voice.

“The bank has plenty of pens,” said the clerk, clearly not amused by his actions.

“But not this one.” Discord waggled the pen in front of the clerk before sticking his tongue out and disappeared in a bright flash off to enact whatever dastardly plan he had next. The bank clerk and the patrons of the establishment stood around in bewilderment at what exactly just happened. Some were specifically focusing on the lit titbit about Luna and Twilight. There would most likely be some scandalous gossip in the morning.

The bank clerk looked where his pen had just been. He should have probably alerted the authorities about the spirits malevolent intentions. But then he look towards a calendar on his wall. A big marker had been placed around the weekend indicating his holidays were near. The bank clerk thought about it for a moment. Tell the proper authorities immediately and risk losing his holidays or ignore this whole thing, avoid getting caught up in another one of the towns crisis’s and enjoy two relaxing weeks on a sunny beach far from Equestria. With steely resolve,there was only one thing he could do.

“Next please!”

Author's Note

And update. Usual stuff about me being lazy. Blah Blah. Hope I didn't screw up too much this time. Thanks for the support and I hope you enjoy!!!

Calling Nurse Luna.

Twilight awoke once more in a comfy bed in a strange room with the sun spilling slightly through the tall windows. She also had a profound sense of déjà vu. Go figure.

She sat up slowly. There was a strange throbbing coming from her head. With a hesitant hoof she touched a sore which had begun to form under her horn. Twilight wondered briefly that perhaps she should go to the hospital. The amount of cranial trauma was certainly not a good thing for her.

“Oh no,” squeaked Twilight. “Not again.” Twilight let out a most unprincess like groan from her throat. She massaged her temples as she considered the implications of what had previously happened. Despite her injury, the blow had unfortunately done nothing to impair her immaculate memory with all of the cringe worthy details that came with it. Twilight soon felt her hair flair up again. This was certainly not what she had in mind when she was summoned earlier that day. Her mind began to race.

‘Luna interested in me?’ She turned her head left. ‘That’s absurd. I mean I know were friends but I can’t handle a relationship right now.’ Her head jerked violently to the right as she continued to hold her silent conversation with herself. ‘I mean not that she isn’t beautiful but she‘s the wrong princess.’ Twilight’s head shot up in indignation at herself. ‘Wait, no. Bad Twilight. There is nothing wrong with Princess Luna. I mean she is ho-uh very attractive. Just because she isn’t Princess Celestia doesn’t make her any less so. I would be flattered to share a be-…’ Twilight’s mouth opened and closed much like a goldfish. Alarms rang inside Twilight’s head as her libido intertwined dangerously with her imagination. ‘Well, I wouldn’t want it to go that far…uh, well not that I would be opposed to doing…wait, stop. Listen to yourself. I mean it’s Celestia you want. She’s got the better flan-.'Twilight stopped upon the realisation of where her thoughts were leading her. She rounded the room again as if her feelings were paramount to treason. Completely ignoring the implausible of such a concept. Here she was comparing the attractiveness of her fellow princesses like some teenager. Again. ‘Sweet Elements what have I become?’

Twilight supressed her rather raunchy thoughts with difficulty. A more concerning matter was that something was off within her area. She was fully aware that she was in Luna’s room. That much was evident from the still present set of chairs and a table from her earlier tea session and the distinctive gothic look of the chamber. Yet there was a distinctive lack of one aforementioned figure.

“Wait a minute?!” shouted Twilight aloud. She pulled the bed sheets up to her mouth in fear as if the covers would protect her. It was adorable if entirely impractical. “Where is Luna?!”

Fear descended into Twilight as she could not locate her host. Twilight scanned the room with frightful eyes. She didn’t see anything but she didn’t let her guard down. Luna would not have left her alone. Not after what had just had transpired. Anyway it was still day time. Luna wouldn’t have court for another several hours. Twilight looked up to the roof fearing a sneak attack. Thankfully nothing was forthcoming.

Twilight tentatively exited the bed. She placed her hooves on the cool floor. There was a gentle breeze coming from a nearby ajar window. She moved as quietly as she could across the empty room. With a great amount of caution she called out.

“Luna? Are you there?”

She didn’t receive reply. In spite of this, Twilight struggled to keep her heart from racing. For a brief moment, she considered bolting. Twilight shook her head. She needed to talk with Luna. She had to sort this out. It was of the uttermost importance to tell her this was all a big misunderstanding. Luna, being the logical, sane and complete stable pony that Twilight supposed she was, would surely understand.

Besides running never solved anything. It only delayed the inevitable. Twilight was a grown mare now. She had to face her problems like one, even if such a problem was extremely embarrassing for her.

“Luna?”

Suddenly Twilight heard a noise. She swiftly turned around. The noise appeared to originate from the closet near the vanity mirror. Twilight took in a sharp breath and trotted forward reluctantly. Moving at almost a snail’s pace she began to make headway to the massive armoire. There was a gust of wind which made Twilight stop in her tracks. It may have been a trick of the light but Twilight swore she saw a shadow move. In the dead silence of the room, Twilight could almost hear the erratic drum of her heartbeat.

“Okay Luna, I’m not kidding around anymore, come out,” said Twilight between heavy breaths.

She was greeted by more silence. She eventually reached the imposing piece of furniture. There was a subtle creak of the door as it opened slightly. Twilight felt sweat crease heavily on her brow. She lifted her shaking hoof to the handle. She slowly began to pull out the door. Her heart was in her mouth. ‘This was all very stereotypical,’ a small part of her mind chipped in. With the tension growing with each second, Twilight finally faced her fears and swung the door fully open and…

Nothing.

Instead, Twilight was greeted by a space filled with an assortment of dresses and silver hoof pieces. Twilight also saw in the corner a few boxes containing several diet books covered in dust. There was a small note written on them with the words ‘To Tia! Happy Birthday!’ Twilight allowed herself a chuckle before deciding to shut the door.

“Well thank goodness for that,” sighed Twilight. With a great weight lifted from her she turned and was met face to face with a grinning Luna.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!”screamed Twilight as she reeled back falling into some of the dresses.

“Ahhhhhh, to you as well Twilight Sparkle,” beamed Luna with a toothy grin. Luna’s magic quickly untangled Twilight and sat her up. Twilight did not ask for help but it was not unwelcome as Luna’s soft magic surrounded her.

“Don’t do that. You scared me!” barked Twilight. She coughed as she cleared some of the dust from her coat. Twilight finally got a good look at Luna. “And what in Tartarus are you wear-…..”

There were few words in the dictionary to which Twilight could use to describe what she saw next. In more simpler terms she was scandalised. Here before her was a princess of Equestria, dressed in the most suggestive nurse uniform that you wouldn’t see outside of dirty magazines that Twilight most certainly did not steal from her brother. Needless to say, it would not have been accepted in any pratical medical institution. But it most definitively highlighted the gracious curves that Luna possessed in all the right places. The white fabric covered tightly across Luna’s body but was low cut enough to underscore a certain rear department and had a low cutting v-shape along the neckline to expose her swan like neck. The little hat on her head with Red Cross was also, admittedly, quite cute.

Had Twilight been in a different situation she may have passed out again but it seemed that her brain was quite content to let her sit there as her head turned different shades of red giving off the impression that she was about to explode. An option which Twilight would have gladly welcomed at this point. As she took in Luna’s appearance all those previously emotional thoughts came back to her tenfold. This situation oddly enough was almost an exact replica of supressed fantasy dream seventy-six. Luna did not miss Twilight’s eyes gliding over her body.

“Oh, so you noticed my outfit, did you?” she chuckled as she gave a playful shake to her rump. Twilight made a sound similar to a dying chicken in response. Luna pulled Twilight forward causing our lavender, coloured protagonist to stumble once more. Twilight felt a hoof touch her forehead. “Oh, someone has a nasty knock.” Luna dropped her hoof and began to circle Twilight like a bird of prey letting her tail trail along Twilight's midsection. Twilight shuddered involuntarily. "Hmm, you shouldn’t be out of bed." Luna quickly faced a stuttering Twilight once more. “Here, let nurse Luna take care of you.”

Twilight was gripped with weightlessness as she felt her hooves be swept out from under her. The unusual tingle of Luna’s magic surrounded her again. Twilight eventually recovered enough to use her vocal cords as her blush died down. Twilight had not thought for one second that she could possibly could use her own magic to counter Luna’s. Perhaps because subconsciously she was actually starting to enjoy being handled so roughly. Twilight really did not want to think much more about the matter and what it said about her character. So, she decided to protest instead.

“P-p-put me down Luna!” squeaked Twilight as she struggled to stop herself from spinning upside down.

“Tsk-tsk, let the professionals handle this my sweet, little star,” giggled Luna as she moved closer to the bed. Twilight would have glared at Luna had her mane not gotten into her muzzle. She swore this mare thought this was all some sort of sick game.

Twilight suddenly had her thoughts derailed as she was launched into the bed sheets and wrapped tightly with the blankets. Luna stalked the edge of the bed before pulling a bag, from seemingly nowhere, out in front of her. Twilight attempted to sit up but found herself forced back down with a firm hoof. Luna leaned down and placed her cool hoof against Twilight’s forehead before cooing in concern. Bringing Twilight’s head close to hers she whispered

“Ooooh, looks like someone has a temperature as well. Why don’t you relax Twilight Sparkle? Nurse Luna will make it all better,” Luna said as she patted Twilight’s head condescendingly. Twilight began to shake violently as her ‘nurse’ used the same hoof to trail down her neck.

“Ahhh, bad touch, bad touch, I need an adult,” she whimpered as she tried in vain to stop her from reacting positively to Luna’s ministrations.

“Silly Twilight, were both adults here. Now I need to gauge your temperature to accurately administer treatment. Now stay right there.” Luna continued to look through her bag. Twilight was distraught as she found her body seemingly paralysed. Twilight decided that perhaps she could give negotiations a try.

“Luna I really….uhhhhhh what was I saying. I mean w-we need to talk. You’re an extremely beau-” Twilight caught her tongue at the last moment by biting down painfully on it. ‘Stupid sexy thoughts!’

“Why thank you my dear, I know quite well.” Luna winked at her. Twilight involuntarily shuddered again. Luna then proceeded to remove quite a large, comcial thermometer from the bag. Luna gave it a satisfied grin before facing it to Twilight. Twilight sputtered. In one of the most sensual tones Twilight ever heard, Luna asked “Now where do you want it the mouth or the-”.

"I’m done," stated Twilight in an even tone. With speed that would even impress Rainbow Dash Twilight managed to not only fling herself from her bed but also manoeuvre herself to the door within several seconds. The chamber doors flew open as Twilight rushed to a hasty retreat from her captor.

“Bedsheets, my one weakness,” cried Luna dramatically as the bedsheets covered her.

“Got to escape, got to escape," repeated Twilight, to nopony in particular as she wheeled down the castle halls. She didn’t even notice as curious ponies looked on at their seemingly distressed princess. “I’m too young for this. I’m…well, I’m twenty-one but the principal still counts.” Twilight flung herself around the corner only to find herself abruptly stopped by somepony, who grunted in return. Twilight fell for the second time within a few minutes. She huffed angrily in response. Twilight was in no mood to be polite to whoever had prevented her escape.

“Hey watch where you’re-”

“Oh, I’m sorry my little p-,Twilight?” said Princess Celestia. The alabaster alicorn highlighted in all her glory by the backdrop of the setting of the evening sun spilling in through the windows. A look of confusion adorned her face as she looked down at her former student. The princess didn’t seem too distressed by the collision, in fact she had barely moved, her concern seemed more placed towards Twilight who still had not gotten off the floor. Twilight on the other hand was not in such a calm sate.

“P-p-p-p-princess?” Twilight wanted to scream at the cruel irony of it all. It had to all be a big, cruel prank. A show for some twisted puppetmaster who was orchestrating all of these events. A twisted being who enjoyed watching her dance and move like an animal performing for a circus.

“Hello to you as well Twilight Sparkle,” said Celestia with a smile. She extended her golden clad hoof to help Twilight up. Twilight took it with the uttermost reluctance, yet relished the brief contact with her crush, even if it only lasted a moment. “I had no idea you had arrived at the castle.”

“I was-I was the thing-the place,” babbled Twilight like an idiot. Twilight was never good at lying. Especially when it came to the princess. Sadly her wits had left her so even an attempt to do so would fail miserably. Luckily or unluckily for Twilight, a familiar face came to her rescue.

“She was just studying with me, dearest sister,” called Luna, who was noticeably lacking her nurse uniform. “I needed her advice on a new constellation I was planning to create and who better than a close friend. I dread to face the astronomers committee all on my own" It shocked Twilight how Luna could shift from one moment of being crazy to a perfectly calm being in the next. Luna took a seated position next to Twilight.

“Oh, that’s wonderful Luna. I’m so glad you two are getting along,” proclaimed Celestia.

“Yes, heh-heh, getting along,” said Luna with a big grin as she pulled Twilight into an uncomfortable hug before realising her slightly. Twilight was now in a seated upright position like Luna. While Luna had parted from the hug she had left a a hoof wrapped around Twilight’s back. To Celestia it looked like a friendly gesture of two friends but what she didn’t see was the fact that this hoof was now moving slowly down Twilight’s body making soft circles as it went.

“Eeep,” chocked out Twilight, Much to her delight, Celestia had not noticed her student’s discomfort as Luna had her engaged in conversation, all the while, Luna’s hoof trailed down to a most sensitive area. Twilight was given a brief respite when Celestia talked to her once more.

"Well, this makes everything much easier. I had plans for a little get together with you Twilight. We haven’t had time to talk in quite some time. It’s only fair that I catch up on the activities of my most faithful student," she laughed as she gave Twilight a faithful nudge. Twilight laughed as best she could even if it came out like she had just been sentenced to death. “A letter can only say so much. Luna said you had planned to stay here for a week?"

“A w-w-week? In the castle? Here?” Twilight’s eyes went wind. ‘I’m dead. This is the afterlife and I’m dead. A meteor came from the sky and destroyed Ponyville. I’m dead and this is my hell. All because I returned that book from the library two weeks late when I was seven.’ Were it not for Luna’s leg Twilight may have collapsed again.

“I find that strange as well. I would have assumed that you would miss your friends in such time, but no matter I’m sure me and Luna can fill in." There was a heart chuckle from the two sisters but a distinct lack of one from Twilight who let out a low whimper. "Besides, this is the perfect opportunity to teach you of your new responsibilities as a princess, Twilight. Why it’ll just be like old times.” Celestia’s eyes were filled with something that Twilight didn’t recognise for a moment. It looked wistful though she couldn’t be sure. By the time she could, Celestia has reverted to her usual neutral stance.

“And at such a convenient time as well sister,” chirped in Luna. “Are the courts not taking a short brake soon?” asked Luna with evident glee in her voice. Twilight felt Luna squeeze her extra tightly. Twilight could have drowned in her despair at this point. It could only have been worse if her mom and dad were here as well. Thankfully the fates had decided that she was suffering enough as it was already.

“I suppose we are lucky in that regard. Well it’s settled then,” said Celestia. "I would be delighted if you two joined me for dinner. I’m sure the chef will come up with something delightful.It's good to have you back Twilight, even if only for a little while." Celestia placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder before retracting it. She flashed a smile at Twilight one last time and nodded towards Luna before resuming her trot down the hall. Luna smiled as her sister disappeared out of sight.

“Ah hah, did you hear that Twilight? A week to ourselves.” Luna turned towards her companion yet only found air and her leg in its place. Luna twirled her head around “Twilight?” Luna was bewildered briefly though quickly came to a conclusion about the mare’s action. "Oh, it seems that dearest Twilight wishes to partake in a game of the ‘hide of the seek’. I suppose she wishes for me to hunt her out. How risqué! Well, fear not Twilight Sparkle I shall find you promptly!” Luna then sprinted off to entrap her 'consort' once again.

Author's Note

I'm back. Have a chapter. Huzzah! Sorry if I'm a bit rusty. So forgive so grievous errors.

The Adventures of Chaosman and Dragonboy part 1

“Twilight! Twilight!?” shouted Spike as he entered the library. The library was much in the same state that he had left it in. Except for one corner which for some apparent reason was completely black. Spike wandered over to it but was suddenly cut off when a voice called from the blackness.

“What’s the matter, champ?” it said. Then a light bulb flashed above Spike to reveal a certain draconequus sitting in an armchair. He was wearing some reading glasses attached to a chain. There was book in his lap which was currently missing some pages which were spike on a fork that Discord held in his right claw. Spike’s eyes widened.

“Discord!” The little dragon stomped forward and accusing claw pointed at the chimera. “Where’s Twilight?”

“She’s deeeaaad ohhhhhooohh!” said Discord as he held his two claws out in front of him and twiddled his fingers in a poor imitation of a ghost.

“What?!” gasped Spike. His eyes threatened to break into tears. Upon seeing this Discord frowned and quickly retracted his statement.
“Nah, I’m just messing with you.” Spike’s face immediately lightened up as he let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh, that’s good.” Spike took a quick breath before regarding Discord again. “Seriously though, where is she?” Spike’s tone then took a dark turn. “You better not have done something to her or else I swear Fluttershy’s going to hear about it.” Discord let out a sinister laugh that was certainly not suspicious in the context.

“There is no need for idle threats my boy.” Discord then realised that he had not thought ahead and actually made an excuse for Twilight’s departure. Quickly pulling a piece of paper out with writing on it. “I- Twilight has-uh, been well you see.” Discord squinted at the page. "She has, um, gone to…Canter-lot. Wait, no that’s Canterlot. Sorry.” Discord tried closing one of his eyes as he gripped the page tightly. “For- uh, why are the words on this page so small? For a special Princess meeting. That’s it, hah! I mean well as you can clearly see a-.”

“Well that explains things,” interrupted Spike.

“Look, I know it’s not the best excus-, wait, it does?”

“Yeah,” said Spike completely straight-faced as if it were nothing. “Twi would never refuse a call from Princess Celestia even if she didn’t have a massive crush on her.” Spike shrugged his shoulders and turned away from Discord. “I better start packing.”

"Wait, how do you know that?" exclaimed Discord stopping Spike with his paw. Discord was now standing behind Spike holding the same sheet of paper in his other claw. He shook the page to emphasise his point before flicking through it. “Did you read the script too?”

“What are you talking about?” replied Spike as he raised his eyebrow pushing Discord away. “Of course I know Twi has a crush on the Princess. I’m her number one assistant.” Spike puffed his chest out proudly and pointed at himself with his thumb. “I know everything about her. Besides I sort out all the books in this library.” Spike’s face dropped a bit.

“Even the p-”

“All of the books” said Spike with the most serious face Discord had ever seen the young dragon. Discord was actually put off by it for a moment. Spike then resumed his walk away from Discord to ascend the stairs. Suddenly it occurred to Discord that Spike may cause some problems if he was allowed to go to Canterlot. Problems that would definitely ruin his hastily put together plan. Discord decided that perhaps it was best to convince him to stay.

“Spike wait!”

“What?”

"Well how ‘bout you crash with your buddy Discord for a while?" Discord gave his best puppy dog smile. Spike crossed his arms unimpressed.

“Number one, you don’t have a place to live, two, you are not my buddy, you're like ten thousand years old and three, you tried to ruin my life before. So yeah, my answer is no.” Discord was deflated by Spike's criticism. Literally.

“I-I.”

“Excuse me. I’ve got things to do.”

“Wait! I-I why don’t you…” Discord racked his mind for everything he could summon with his vast cranium about the purple dragon. Discord bit his bottom lip in concentration.

‘Think Discord! What did Fluttershy say about Spike? Well he’s a dragon. Uh, he lives with Twilight. Why didn’t I watch more Spike related episodes. Umm, wait! Rarity! He likes that fashion designer. Ah hah, perfect. Looks like Discord the matchmaker is back in business. Oh divines I love me.’

“What about Rarity?” asked Discord. Spike stopped. Discord pumped his fist in triumph. Spike looked over his shoulder back down at Discord from the stairway.

“What about her?” Discord smiled as he took on a smug look.

“Well, if you go to Canterlot, I can’t exactly help my favourite buddy catch the girl of his dreams.” Discord took two steps towards Spike.

“How do you know about me and…”

When Spike blinked next Discord was no his normal self. Well normal for Discord anyway. Instead he was now dressed in a paddy hat, a black vest over an emerald green shirt with grey shorts, white socks pulled up to the shins and he was smoking a pipe which spurted bubbles.

“Tis me ancestry sure” said Discord with a stereotypical Irish accent. Spike could only grimace at the uncomfortableness of it all. “Love is a wee bit of chaos is it not? And who be a better matchmaker than I Discord, to help mee poor fellow, Spike the dragon.” Then when Spike blinked again the whole get up was gone like a bad dream. Spike tentatively replied

“What? No. I don’t need help. I-.” Then a miniature Discord popped up on Spike’s shoulder and with one hand leaned against Spike head.

“Really? ‘Cause kid you really look like you need it. I mean all this time and you still haven’t made your move. It’s kind of sad.” Spike flicked him off sending him flying across the room. Spike sighed defeated. He sat on a step of the stairs his head held in his claws. His gaze far off away from Discord who was standing before him.

“Fine,” he sighed. “I like Rarity. I just I don’t know what to do. I mean sometimes I think it’s just a waste. I mean I try and try and nothing.” Spike flailed his claws for emphasize before returning to his defeated posture. “Sometimes I feel that she is just using me.”

“Spike, she’s a mare. Of course she’s using you,” scoffed Discord. Spike just glared at him.

“That’s an extremely sexist comment.”

“Tell me it isn’t true,” said Discord while pointing at Spike.

“Whatever,” whispered Spike waving off Discord’s remarks. He continued with his pitiful monologue. “I just… I want her to at least acknowledge my feelings but sometimes I think she does. Then I get all hopeful and then bam!" Spike slammed his claw. "It’s right back to not even seeing me. I… I don’t know I’m just a stupid kid way out of his league.” Discord felt something stir within him. It wasn’t disgust or delight but something more subtle and deeper. This is what empathy was he supposed. “She’s like this super successful fashion designer. I’m just some stupid assistant to another highly successful mare. She could have any stallion she wanted. What good am I?” Spike buried his head in his claws having seemingly forgotten that Discord was even there. “I’m an idiot for even trying.”

Discord rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. This was not exactly what he had intended when he started this conversation. With a deep sigh, he approached Spike hesitantly as if the dragon was on fire. Seeing that Spike was upset made him feel acutely unpleasant inside. Taking an awkward seat on the step next to the dragon.

“Look, Spike you’re not an idiot.” Spike peaked an eye at him. “It’s okay to have hopes and dreams. But it’s up to you to make them real. I mean come on! Rarity wouldn’t want you moping around like this. You can only make this happen if you want it to! You’ve got the makings of greatness kid.” Discord gave Spike a friendly nudge. “Rarity just…needs to open her eyes to realise what a catch you are.” Discord winked at Spike.

“You think so?” said Spike looking up at Discord.

“I know so, kid” said Discord with a smile and a pat on Spike's back. Suddenly Discord was grabbed by something. For a moment Discord thought he was under attack and prepared to snap his fingers to teleport away. Discord then glanced down to find Spike wrapped around his barrel. 'A hug,' thought Discord. Discord had barely been hugged his entire life. It was a terribly cumbersome process. Eventually with the clumsiness of a baby chick trying to fly he managed to reciprocate the hug even if he almost felt sick to the stomach while doing it.

“Thanks Discord,” said Spike. Spike then found himself being pushed away while Discord summoned a brush to clean his coat.

“Okay, enough with hugging. This whole sentimentality smuck is not really my thing,” grimaced Discord as the brush disappeared again.

“Yeah,” said Spike trying to hide his embarrassment. “Okay. Why do you want to help me anyway?”

“Because anatomically incorrect love is the best kind of love!” proclaimed Discord as he did a flip in the air, his body parts swapping around with each other and laughed having returned to his more care free self. Spike was unamused by his antics.

“But why?” said Spike ignoring Discord’s statement.

“But look at you,” said Discord smashing his face up against Spike’s. “You know you want my help. I want to help you. What’s more to it?” Discord giggled maliciously. “We can do this man. Sure I want my help and who better to give advice than me.” Discord looked into a mirror and smiled though proceeded to frown as it cracked into a million pieces. Spike fell back on his buttocks his head spinning before he voiced his concerns.

“Uh, I don’t know about that!”

“Shut up Spike,” snapped Discord once again returning to treating Spike like a secondary character as he tried to put the mirror back together. The mirror pieces caught on fire. Discord frowned. Why did everything he cared for always burst into flames. Like his former train set. Well Button's former train set in actuality but that was just frivolous matter, it was the thought that counted.

“N-now, wait a second!”

“Look I’m willing to make a deal with you,” sighed Discord after putting out the flames. He tossed his claw into the air. “I’ll get you and what’s her face.”

“Rarity,” growled Spike.

"I knew that. Lapse in concentration," he said as he dismissed his blatant mistake. “I’ll get you together with her using my skills and then were all happy.” Discord clapped his claws together and chickens exploded onto the floor. Along with Scootaloo. Spike seemed upset at Discord’s sudden summoning of poultry and a pony. "Oops that wasn’t meant to happen." Discord snapped his fingers removing the poor filly and chickens hastily. Spike carried on where they left off.

“But what about Twilight?”

“Who cares?” laughed Discord pulling Spike close to him. Spike started to become nauseous at the amount of movement going on. “Let her be. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. She’s probably off reading some book or screwing around with Princess Luna or-.”

“What was that?”

“Forget about that,” deadpanned Discord. “Slip of the tongue. Affliction since I was a child. Anyway, She’ll be back soon is the point. One thing at a time Spike. Rarity is the prize here. Together me and will be unstoppable. Just think of the songs we can write about our adventures." Discord waved his arm out in a semi-circular motion and distant look in his eyes. “’Helping Spike win the crown- I mean the mare’ by Discord. We’ll sell millions because no one will care that it is a rehash of a song because the music industry has absolutely no originality. Hah!”

“Is that your plan?”

“Yes do you like it?” said Discord with an expectant smile.

“No,” scowled Spike. Discord scoffed.

“Well, what do you know? You’re just a supporting character,” said Discord haughtily. "I’ve got main antagonist status.”

“I don’t even know what that means!” exclaimed Spike growing worried at this increasingly unstable draconequus.

“Don’t think just take my advice and we’ll conquer this mare!” shouted Discord shaking his fist in front of Spike who was looking at Discord with a mix of awe and complete terror. Then Discord went over what he just said. Blushing deeply as he put Spike back down on the step he coughed. “I could have possibly phrased that better.”

“Yeah,” replied Spike with an equally visible blush.

“So? How about it?” asked Discord changing the subject.

“Are you sure you really want help me? I mean this isn’t just another scheme of yours, is it?” Spike raised his eyebrow at Discord and returned to a more cautious posture.

“Nonsense. What plan? I totally don’t have ulterior motives. Now are we going to do this or not?”

“But that sounds like you do! I-ah!” Spike suddenly found himself pulled on the arm as he was dragged across the room by Discord’s magic. Discord headed for the exit of the library.

“Ah, close enough. Quickly now Spike, we don’t have much time there’s mares to be wooing. To Rarity’s it is!”

“But wait, were are going there now?” protested Spike. “But I just left Rarity’s.”

“Good. Mares love when you pester them. By giving them attention you’re inflating their ego. Oh, this gold. I should write a book,” chuckled Discord. “Remember that Spike always compliment them and that you’re always wrong even if you’re right, okay?” Spike was dropped onto the floor unceremoniously with a resounding thud. Discord glared at him. “You’re taking this down, right?. God no wonder she hasn’t given you a chance. You don’t listen. You're just like my mother. She never cared of me as a boy." Discord took out a handkerchief and blew his nose into it. "That’s why I’ve got so fat," he cried as he dropped to his knees. He then began to eat from a tub of ice cream that looked quite like the one from the fridge before stuffing his face with its contents. He then saw Spike looking at him. Discord covered his face with one of his wings. “Don’t look at me. Why can’t I be pretty?!” he sobbed.

Spike was beginning to think that he made a big mistake.

Author's Note

Well here it is. Another chapter. The plan is coming together. No wait. that's a lie. I have no idea what I'm doing.

Hope I didn't make too many mistakes I've kind of been working against the clock. Sorry. Hope I can do more interactions between Spike and Discord there is just something I like in their interactions.

Well enjoy!

The Adventures of Chaosman and Dragonboy take 2

Spike found himself camped outside Rarity’s boutique. Again. Why he was situated in the grass with a pair of binoculars, he did not exactly know. Especially considering they were completely visible. A few ponies had even come to observe what was going on. Putting down the binoculars, he decided to ask Discord, who had accompanied him.

“Discord why are we spying on Rarity. I thought you were going to help me?” asked Spike as he turned to regard his companion. Much to his surprise, he did not find Discord but rather a square box in his place. Spike frowned.

“Discord are you hiding under there?” Spike went to touch it, only for the box to fly forward and hit him, causing him to fall over. It revealed Discord, who was dressed in a skin tight, black body suit, covered in a ridiculous assortment of belts, pouches and pockets. An eye patch covered his eye and his hair was spiked up. He carried a fake cigarette that created bubbles in his right claw. He dropped down and put a single finger to Spike’s lips.

“Shhhhh! You’ll blow our cover.” Suddenly a group of ponies who were watching them, had exclamation marks pop over their heads, followed by a loud musical sound. Needless to say the terrified ponies quickly fled from the three dimensional punctuation marks. Discord breathed a sigh of relief. He let his finger drop. “Good they're gone. What’s up shortround?” Spike winced at the nickname.

“I said, why are we hanging out in the grass?”

“It is called a stakeout, my dear friend,” said Discord while he twisted his spine in a horrific way. “We are here to collect information on the target!” Discord summoned an armchair and flopped down into it, taking a puff of the cigarette. He popped his one good eye out of his head and elongated it to binocular like lengths.

“I know what a stakeout is,” replied Spike crossly. He then flapped his arms. “But isn’t the point of a stakeout that were not seen?” Discord looked around him to find that Spike was probably right. He shoved his eye back in.

“Hmmm.” Discord stroked his chin. “Good point, we should move to the next stage.” Discord turned about and a loud cluttering was heard. When Spike saw him next, Discord was holding a cloth and a black bottle. “Okay, I’ve got the chloroform. Do you have the gasoline?” Discord squinted his eyes at Spike. “We’ll make it quick. The old lady should be upstairs. We’ll make it look like an accident!” Discord then giggled madly. He dropped the cloth and then proceeded to make a sweeping gesture with his free claw. “Then the fortune will be ours. One coach trip later, we’ll be over the border and the world's our oyster.” Spike gave him a disbelieving look as if he had grown three heads. Discord awkwardly looked at Spike.

“What are you talking about?!” shouted Spike. “This is Rarity’s! We’re here for Rarity.” Spike indicated for Discord to move his head down towards him, Spike then grabbed his face. Stretching it painfully downwards. “Remember?!” Spike let go, Discord’s face then quickly wrapped up onto itself. He pulled down on his goatee, reverting his face to normal.

“Oh, Oh! Right, heh.” He grimaced as he threw the bottle away and audible crash being heard in the distance. “Don’t know what I was thinking. We still get to burn something down right?” Discord gave a pleading look.

“No,” grunted Spike.

“Damn and I got dressed up and all,” snapped Discord. He pinched the edge of his attire with his index finger and thumb, he tore it off in one quick motion. Discord sighed before eating the eyepatch. “Well let’s go fix your pathetic love life.” With a spring in his step, he whistled as he approached the boutique. He missed the annoyed glare Spike gave him.

“Hey!”

“Don’t be mad,” quipped Discord turning his head fully backwards, still walking towards Rarity’s boutique. “You have the most developed love life of all the cast no matter how messed up it may be!” Spike decided that perhaps it was high time just to completely ignore the mad god’s babbling, least he develop a tumour from listening to him.

“Let’s just go.”

The bell rang as they opened the door. The boutique was empty except for a rack of dresses occupying the centre of the room. Suddenly there was a call from upstairs.

“I’ll be down in a minute!” Discord looked at Spike only to find that the young dragon was now sweating heavily. A terrified look adorning his features. Spike’s left arm began twitching violently.

“I can’t do this,” he whispered.

“What?” asked Discord, thoroughly confused. “You’re the one that insisted we go in!” Discord crossed his arms. “Anyway weren’t you here like a couple of hours ago?”

“Yeah but I can’t anymore,” said Spike as he gripped Discord’s leg. “Especially when you know I’m going to, eh, say things to her.” The scene would have been adorable had it not been Discord. He had not time for this. He shook his leg to free it of Spike, who fell on the floor
.
“Come on, don’t be so useless. Man up!”

“No, I want to leave,” said Spike as he made a mad rush for the door. Rarity could be heard shuffling upstairs. Spike found that he was not moving forward. He looked to his feet, only to find that he was currently off the floor. There was a thick serpentine tail wrapped around his midsection. Discord moved him in front of his face.

“Spike, Spike, Spike, stupid boy” he chided as he grabbed his cheek like a child. Spike rubbed his cheek as Discord let him go. “Remember you have Discord as a friend.” Discord proudly jammed his thumb against his chest. “You know, master of chaos and such. With my powers we are bound to succeed.”

“But how?”

“Time travel, duh,” said Discord sticking his tongue out, as if the answer was obvious. “Each time you mess up I’ll just send up back in time to retry again and again.” Discord snapped his fingers and reappeared a few feet away. “It’s perfect. We’ll just keep trying till you get it right. Simples.”

“Wait you can time travel?” asked Spike sceptically. “Why haven’t you used this before?” Discord jammed a finger into Spike’s face. He waved his index finger back and forth much like a school teacher accosting a student.

“Ah-ah, don’t point out plot holes in the story. That’s for the comments section.”

“What?”

“Scratch that,” exclaimed Discord as he heard the movement upstairs. Discord scowled before looking towards Spike with panicked eyes. “She’s coming, quickly get into position!”

“Wait a minute?” interrupted Spike pulling at Discord’s leg. Discord gave him a disparaging look. “Won’t it be really bad to continually mess with the time stream.” Spike appeared unsure. “Like, won’t there be…you know problems with it and such.” Spike couldn’t think of more blunt terms to express his caution.

“Consequences!” answered Discord. He blew a raspberry. “Of course not, who ever heard of time travel being dangerous!”

“Uhh,” replied Spike, remembering a similar incident with his own charge.

“Hello?” called Rarity as the creak of the stairs could be heard. Spike started shaking. Discord flapped his arms before taking a deep breath. He gripped Spike and then slapped him. Spike was too surprised to actually react.

“Spike, focus!”

“Wait, what do I do, Discord!?” cried Spike. The hoofsteps got louder as Rarity prepared to descend the stairs. Discord slapped Spike again. “Hey stop th-”

“Be assertive!” Discord kept shaking Spike, not realising that he was nauseating the poor boy. “Go in there and demand her love. Don’t take no for an answer! Women love that macho bravado kind of thing.” Discord’s face fell a little. “I think anyway. I’m limited to the writer’s understanding of things. Now go get ‘em.” Discord spun Spike who almost lost his balance. Spike watched as Rarity came into view. Spike looked back towards to Discord, only to find a hideously ugly lamp in his place.

“Spike?” inquired Rarity. Spike could barely breathe. Here she was, the most beautiful mare in the world and here he was about to profess his undying love for her. Sure, he had interacted with her on a constant basis but this time it was different.

And that utterly terrified Spike.

“Come on Spike, just remember what Discord said?” he whispered to himself. Rarity noticed his mumbling as she got closer to him.

“Spike, what are you doing here?” she asked concernedly. “I thought you were going home for lunch?” Rarity motioned with her head in the general direction of the library. She then realised that he was still quietly talking. She squinted her eyes and leaned forward to hear him better. “What are you whispering about?” Spike jumped back, startling them both. He donned a sheepish smile.

“Oh, heh, nothing,” he said rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. “I-I just needed to uh t-talk, yeah.” Rarity was unconvinced, quirking an eyebrow at his response.

“Really?” Suddenly Rarity shook her head. “No matter, I’m actually kind of glad you’re here!” Rarity wrapped a hoof around Spike. This caused Spike’s eyes flicker uncontrollably and his right arm to shake furiously. “I just got a new shipment of materials.” Rarity pointed at a large assortment of boxes that Spike had somehow not noticed. Rarity gave Spike a sly look. “And I know just the right person for the job! There is a tasty emerald in it for whoever it may be.”

“What? That’s-uh no, I-” Spike looked back towards the disfigured lamp managing to temporarily escape Rarity’s clutches.

'Be assertive,' it called in a wise mentor like echo. Spiked nodded sagely. Rarity suddenly appeared at his side. She squinted her eyes at what Spike was looking at, only to recoil in horror. With quick steps she regarded the Discord lamp.

“Where in Celestia’s name did that disgustingly awful lamp come from?!” She gave Spike a disbelieving look. “Did you bring that in?” Spike was quick to shake his head. “Ugh, just look at it?” Rarity scrunched her muzzle as if she had just smelt something putrid. With a huff, she turned away. “Gah ,I’m going to have to get rid of that in a minute.”

“Oh, you’re such a bit-”said Discord. Rarity startled, a light blush on her cheeks. Spike coughed loudly knocking over the lamp. An audible ‘hey’ could be heard by Spike.

“Did you say anything Spikey?”

“No,” chuckled Spike nervously. “Well actually I wanted to talk to you about something.” Despite Spike’s words, Rarity seemed more focused on the assortment of boxes.

“Just think about it Spike!” she declared dramatically. “Thanks to all of these celebrity deals recently, my shop has been up the walls with orders!” She glanced over the boxes meaningfully, her ideas coming to life as she thought of what she was going to do. She then put on a dazzling smile that made Spike’s legs shake. “I’ve even got orders from outside Equestria!” She let out a ‘squee’ as she clopped her hooves together. “Oh, it’s all so exciting.”

“Rarity.”

“I mean me, mild mannered Rarity.” She proudly jabbed a hoof proudly into her chest. “The hottest thing on the market at the moment. And I don’t mean to sound awful but I must admit Twilight being a princess has done wonders for my social status. I’m in with the cream of the crop!” Spike gave her a withering look, to which Rarity dutifully ignored.

“Rarity!”

“Oh Spike, with all of this going on it’s just too much.” Rarity fell back miraculously landing on a couch, somehow. She quickly shot up though after her faux faint. Her eyes sparkled. “Maybe I need to branch out.” She trotted across the room as a smouldering Spike attempted to gain her attention. “Open a second store perhaps.” Rarity gasped. “A franchise Spike! Just think about it.”

“Rarity!!!” roared Spike. Rarity immediately stopped. Spike’s breath was erratic as he calmed down from his outburst. Rarity frowned.

“Spike, what’s wrong?”

“Rarity,” sighed Spike. “I need to tell you something and I won’t let you interrupt me again.”

“Spike…”

“No!” shouted Spike his eyes shutting as he did so. Rarity stepped back. Spike was silent for a few moments. His mouth was open but his voice could find no words. Rarity mouthed something. He donned a stern expression before looking Rarity in the eye.“Y-you see I L-um, have f-feelings for y-you.” Spike cursed under his breath at his hesitation as Rarity grew visibly more and more uncomfortable. “I –I care for you I guess.” He waved his claw slightly before kicking the floor. “I-I’ve cared for you for a long time.” Spike gulped, with determination he approached Rarity. “And I-I can’t take it anymore!” The tone and volume of his voice, made Rarity almost as uneasy as the subject matter he was directing the conversation to. She hoped she wouldn’t have had to deal with this for another few years. She was about to speak but Spike pressed on. “The reason I do all of this is for you know?” Spike gave her a pleading and desperate look. “Not for the gems. Just you! What I’m trying to say is…iss.is. t-that I love you.”

An eerie silence passed between them. Rarity’s mouth was agape, her jaw seemingly moving of its own accord, her face unsure onto to which emotion it should settle for. Spike looked exhausted though he maintained a prideful stance, quite relieved to finally have confessed. Rarity sighed. With a grimace, she bit her bottom lip. She quickly ushered Spike over and placed a hoof on his shoulder.

“Spike I don’t know how-“

“Cut!!” roared an amplified voice.

Then it all went silent. Rarity was frozen in position. Her eyes still looking into Spike’s. A wave of confusion came over him. He looked around to find Discord seated in a chair. Of course it would be asking too much for Discord to be just regular Discord? No, instead he was dressed in a purple sweater, with small black glasses while smoking a bubble producing cigarette. He angrily shook a bunch of papers. In front of him was a camera manned by who else, but another Discord.

“No! No! No! What the hell was that?” Discord exclaimed as he got out of his chair. Spike spotted the clock that the clock on the wall had stopped ticking and its hands were motionless. Spike then came upon the realisation that Discord had in fact stopped time. Needless to say, Spike was more than annoyed.

“I tried to be assertive like you said!” declared Spike. Discord was confused.

“What assertive?!” He smacked Spike with the paper. “Are you stupid?! You’re frightening her.” Discord gestured to the clearly not frightened Rarity. “Where’s the gentleness? The kindness? The love!?”

“T-that’s n-not what you said,” sputtered Spike.

“I have no memory of this,” stated Discord. He looked around accusingly. He quickly focused on a Discord in the background carrying a tray of coffee cups. "You! This is your fault isn’t it?!" The other Discord blanched. “With your walking and talking, duh duh duh! I bet you’re a real nice guy but no, not this time. No this time you crossed the line.” Discord waved his arms violently.

“Uh.” Discord let his face drop into his claws, he rubbed his temples.

“You’re fired is what I’m trying to say.” He pointed towards the door. The other Discord sped away crying sending coffee everywhere. The mugs smashed against the floor. A living broom that barked like a dog cleaned them up. Spike had a blank expression while it all occurred.

“Ummmm” Discord sighed deeply before retaking his position in the chair. He snapped his fingers at the camera Discord before motioning towards Spike.

“This time less bravado more...sweetness I suppose is what I'm looking for. Do it again. Right take two.” Spike blinked. There was a sound similar to a tape being re-winded as he stood there. Rarity going through the motions she had just done a few minutes earlier. When the sound stopped, he found himself facing Rarity again who greeted him.

“What is the matter Spike?”

The conversation went much the same as last time but instead of trying to interrupt Rarity, Spike decided to listen to what she had to say. In truth this proved to be a mistake in hindsight. Rarity continued to gush about her career and her prospects. All the while, a timid Spike could not force himself to confess. Discord’s constant reminders reeling him in. As the minutes wore on, Spike’s once sky high confidence dissipated into the nervous wreck he was when he first entered the establishment. As Rarity continued with her prolonged word salad, Spike at last tried to intervene.

“Rarity I kind of wanted t-to um talk,” stuttered Spike pathetically.

“But I wonder what blue I should use, perhaps a darker shade-” then Rarity was cut off. Her face pulled into a ridiculous expression. Spike having anticipated what happened, had already turned around to glare at his trickster friend.

Discord sat discontented in his chair his right hand tapping the edge of the chair. His eyes were wide, a blank look on his face and his cigarette was hanging loosely from his mouth. It fell a few seconds later, falling into his lap. He raised his arms accusingly.

“What the hell was that?”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s talking over you,” shouted Discord.

“I’m following your stupid advice,” retorted Spike getting quite angry. He flailed his arms, his movement struck Rarity who fell over much like a mannequin. Spike gasped and tried to pick up the still frozen mare. Though her mane became disfigured from being rubbed off the floor. Spike attempted to correct it but to no avail, only make it worse in the process.

“No you’re not,” said Discord as he snaked right next to Spike, knocking over Rarity again. “Where’s the strength!” Discord flexed his non-existent muscles. “Where’s the power? Why are you being nice to her? Women love when you treat them like dirt!” Spike gave him a livid look.

“Oh, I swear I’m going to burn you.” Discord dismissed him.

“Right take three. This time get it right.” Discord looked towards his assistant who also happened to be a Discord. “I mean really, how long does it take to confess your love to someone correctly?” Discord pulled up a megaphone. “And action!”

Many hours later...

“Why can’t you get it right? Is it so damn hard to get it right?!” bellowed Discord looming over a tired looking Spike. Discord was wearing a stained white shirt, his glasses long discarded and a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He quickly tossed it over to the growing pile near the sleeping Discord on the camera. The script pages were wrinkled and torn. Spike’s eyes were bloodshot and his body sagged under the weight of his exhaustion.

“Discord I can’t do this!” proclaimed Spike. His feet dragged as moved near the Discord.

“What do you me you can’t do this?” Discord slammed his claw into his paw. “We’ve been at this for ten hours! How can’t you get this!” He grabbed Spike and shook him violently. His normally large goofy eyes replaced by tiny little beads of white, his mane sparkling with flame as his normally grey face turned a bright red. “It’s just three bloody words! How in Celestia’s plot is that hard?” Spike seemed less concerned with Discord’s rage than with his ability to stop yawning.

“I’m tired I want to go home,” he pleaded. “Can’t we do this tomorrow morning?”

"But it’s only four o’clock," retorted Discord pointing at the clock in the corner.

"It’s been four o’clock for ten hours," moaned Spike. His eyelids began to droop as he struggled to maintain his balance. Eventually he nodded off while standing. Though jolted awake quite quickly. Discord matted down his mane. The flames finally extinguished. His eyes finally reverting to normal. He tried to put on a smile but failed miserably, instead coming off as more of an insane madman look then one of encouragement.

“Come on one more try I’m sure we can get her this time!” Spike’s face was unmoving. He merely turned around, dragging his feet along the way. He opened the door.

“Goodbye Discord.” The door shut with finality leaving Discord alone with the frozen Rarity who he had vandalised by giving her a curly mustache. Also a piece of reality was missing in the corner of the shop. Something about time folding in unto itself. He may have to to fix that later.

“Fine quit! You’ll never work in this town again,” he called after Spike throwing papers at the door. Discord’s head fell into his palms. He remained as such until he heard a disgruntled huff and the ticking of the clock. 'Oops.'

“Discord what is Tartarus is going on? Why are you so filthy?” Only then did Discord realise that time had restarted itself. He found himself staring face to face with a hilarious looking Rarity who looked both bewildered and annoyed, at least until she saw the state of her store.”What happened here? Why is there such a mess? What in Luna’s name is that? Any why is it sucking in my couch?” Rarity turned her full fury at Discord whose mouth was hanging wide open. Much like a fish out of water or a filly getting caught doing something naughty, Discord did not seem to be able to give an adequate response.Though he did mange to cough out one sentence.

“I can explain.”

Author's Note

Sorry this took some time. Have some personal stuff going on that is affecting my writing. Felt I should get this chapter out anyway. Hope I'm not too rusty.

How Twilight learned how to hate tomato salad.

Twilight Sparkle found dinner uncomfortable to say the least. Between an unusually giddy Celestia and the consistently leering face of Luna (who, of course, had insisted she join them for dinner) made for a most perilous situation for the young alicorn. On one foot of the table, which was standard size because Celestia had wanted to be closer than on the regular dining table sitting in the grand hall, Twilight had her teacher. The Princess, ever serene with her most perfect smile that made Twilight melt in her seat. On the other end of the table, Twilight had Luna with lidded eyes ever aimed at Twilight. She didn’t know whether to cry or laugh. In truth, she felt like doing both.

After Twilight had fled from Luna’s pursuit, she hid inside the only place she knew would be safe, the broom closet. Needless to say, despite living in a magical land of demons and magic it was still quite surprising to one of the various cleaners to find a princess in the foetal position stroking her tail saying that ‘It would all be okay.’ Twilight decided to give him three months leave with pay on the spot. She didn’t know if she had the authority to really authorise such a move nor did she really care. There were more pressing concerns on her mind.

Twilight then found herself in the horribly precarious position of deciding whether to attend dinner, where her crush would be present or risk blowing her cover and being captured by Luna. This time in the terms of ‘capture’ Twilight would have much preferred that it would be the precursor to some bizarre return of Nightmare Moon rather than what probably Luna actually had in mind. ‘Then again what if it is?’ Twilight has thought. ‘I mean Nightmare Moon was the embodiment of Luna’s darker side why not her sexual side?’ Twilight envisaged it all before she could control herself. Her thoughts betraying her yet again.

‘The chamber was dark, the brightness of the moon spilling through the window. Towering above her was shining mistress of the night, Nightmare Moon. Her lips curled into a cruel sneer. Her laugh emanated like the sound of ringing bells, sharp but graceful at the same time. She leaned her head down towards Twilight, her eyes wandering slowly over her, like how a cat would examine a mouse. The midnight alicorn lets her lips part, a long tongue slid out tantalizingly moving back and forth over them. Twilight pleaded, her eyes wide, cheeks flushed, embarrassed by the stark black outfit she had to wear. Her fronthoofs bound, her legs spread before Nightmare-

“NO!” Twilight stood. Her breath ragged. “Gods no.” Twilight huffed as she sank back into her chair. Only then did Twilight realise that she was not alone but rather was surrounded by three ponies at a table. Twilight flushed deeply. Ahead of her was Celestia, who currently was looking up from her soup bowl, her spoon suspended in mid-air. Luna was to her immediate right looking at Twilight through one curious eye. Her mane was surprisingly well groomed to one side of her head. She had been so worked up she had groomed herself and had even ordered food and yet she barely remembered. ‘I just had a sexual fantasy while attending dinner! What have I become? she thought, shaking, the mere thought of it bringing it back in full force. Twilight shook her head again. ‘Come on Twilight, focus, stupid sexy Nightmare and her stupid cute butt.’ Twilight turned her head to the third pony who she hadn’t addressed yet. It only then occurred to Twilight that she had just shouted at the young serving maid who was holding out a bowl with salad in it. Her eyes downcast as if she were about to cry as she fumbled with words.

“I-If, the p-princess, does not like the tomato salad, I-I suppose the chef can p-prepare something else.”

“No, no, no,” said Twilight apologetically as she shook furiously. “I’m sorry I was…” Nightmare winked in her mind flashing her tongue at Twilight. “Thinking. Yeah, let’s go with that. That choice will be fine.”

“No Princess,” replied the maid solemnly. “It’s not good enough.”

“What?” Twilight gave her a lopsided smile. “I love tomato salad.”

“Princess I know when you are trying to comfort me. It’s alright I understand,” the maid said dismissively, letting out a disappointing sight. She turned to leave, salad in tow.

“No. I really do love the salad,” said Twilight sincerely gently prompting the maid back to her. She put on her most reassuring smile, the maid was entirely non-pulsed.

“No.” the maid rocked her head back and forth in a repeating movement. “I’ll just go out and destroy this,” she said defiantly.

“No.That’s unnecessary. Now would you please give it to me!” whispered Twilight forcefully, her strained smile never leaving her face. She awkwardly glanced between Celestia and the other servants who had stopped their actions to see what exactly was going on. The maid pulled away with disgust.

“No, I won’t ruin your evening with this thing. I’ll go,” she answered equally as forceful.

“Give it to me!” shouted Twilight, forgetting all pretence.

“No!” sobbed the maid in reply as she bolted towards the exit to the kitchens disappearing behind the swinging doors. Twilight wasn’t sure which upset her more. The fact that she bothered the poor mare or the fact that said mare took away her dinner.

“I love SALAD!” screamed Twilight in frustration. Twilight only realised that perhaps that was not called for as everypony looked at her like she had three heads. Twilight sank into her seat in embarrassment and looked down at her empty plate.There was a rumble of laughter that came from her right. Luna had her eyes closed and was nodding her head.

“You are most amusing Twilight, with you and your tossed salad.”

Twilight almost choked on her tongue. A gasping gurgle sound emanated from her throat. Twilight prayed silently that it had been unintentional. It still did little to prevent a massive swell of heat rising in her cheeks as she choked violently, wheezing as she struggled to stay in her seat. She flayed her hooves around like a drowning pony. ‘She couldn’t have meant that she is probably ignorant is all.’ Luna only seemed to take even more amusement from her reaction. ‘Nope, definitely intentional.’

“Something wrong Twilight?” asked Celestia innocently clearing having not overheard Luna.The staff cleared away the starters.

“Y-No,” she responded firmly. “N-no, I’m fine,” she coughed again. She hacked again. “Water! I need water.” She coughed as she pointed her hoof at one of the staff. One of the servants nodded fervently before scurrying off again. A moment later, he reappeared with crystal clear water, Twilight took the glass and gulped it down thankfully, before sighing. She tried regaining her composure by avoiding direct eye contact with Luna’s. “I suppose I should order again,” she said defeated.

“Some of the new staff tend to be a bit stubborn,” interjected Celestia.

“Stubborn?” Twilight batted an eyebrow at her former mentor. Twilight outstretched her hoof on the bare plate before her. “She took my dinner away.” Twilight’s stomach rumbled in agreement.
You did say no she replied with one of her cheeky smiles. Twilight frowned deeply. Celestia let out a small laugh and offered Twilight an apologetic smile.

“You have my apologies.” Twilight cursed as Celestia’s smile cut through her defences. Her teacher had always found ways to make it impossible to be mad at her. “I’m sure she’ll be reprimanded later.” Still Celestia’s gentle laugh indicated that she wasn’t too concerned. “Though I hope it is not too harsh, you weren’t exactly fixated on dinner.”

“Wh-how?” asked Twilight incredulous, for a moment, her fear of being exposed coming to a head.

“Twilight, not to slight but you are a bit of an open book to me.” Celestia smiled gently. ‘I sincerely hope not,’’ thought Twilight sweating slightly from her brow. “You were having one of your thinking moments.” Celestia waved a hoof lazily. “You always scrunch up your muzzle when you do so.” Celestia attempted to mimic what she was explaining but even then, it seemed far more graceful on her flawless face. Twilight bit her cheek.

“Tis most adorable,” agreed Luna.

“No, it’s not,” whined Twilight putting her hooves over her head, forgetting temporarily that Celestia may or may not know about her crush, Twilight almost welcomed the embarrassment. Twilight groaned in frustration. ‘Why me? I never did anything wrong? Hundreds of ponies running after an old toy flashed before her. ‘Smartypants doesn’t count. Why does the universe hate me? The two sisters laughed louder.

“Yes it is,” said Celestia beaming amusement tugging on the corner of her cheeks. She relaxed her smile as she cocked an inquisitive eyebrow. “Now what troubles you, my most faithful student?” Twilight’s heart fluttered at the mention of her former title. It’s not that, it only applies when she says it thought Twilight as she wriggled under Celestia’s gaze. Luna looked on, her playful smirk never leaving her lips. ‘Or maybe her,’ said a small voice. Twilight’s eyes bulged.

‘Enough of that’.

“Must be something drastic to give you a fright,” continued Celestia as Twilight was not forthcoming with her answer. Her eyebrow rising ever higher, her head leaned over the table, inquisitive and searching. ‘You can’t lie to her.’ Twilight shook. Yet, this was something she had to do. Twilight would not ruin all they had for a stupid crush. ‘Liiiiiar,’ sang a voice in her head. It almost sounded like Discord. ‘This all seems like something he would do,’ pondered Twilight briefly before letting it rest. It was a ridiculous thing to think she assured herself.

“Nothing,” she answered evenly. Twilight could see Celestia’s jaw move, as her eyes pierced straight through Twilight. She bit down hard on her cheek. She did all she could not to shake. She had to come up with something. Celestia was about to speak, to call out her bluff before Twilight interjected.

“Just thinking about Spike,” she blurted out suddenly. Celestia cocked her head slightly, Twilight gulped. “I-I’m feeling just a tiny intsy bit guilty about it all to be honest.” She inhaled sharply as she settled more into the lie. “A week is a long time to leave him in the care of my friends is all. Maybe I should send a letter.”

‘Congratulations Twilight that was the worst lie ever. Celestia’s prized student indeed.’ Twilight clicked her tongue against the top of her roof, unwilling to meet Celestia’s gaze. The sun monarch continued her penetrating look, eyebrow still raised. For a moment, she almost looked like she was going to call out Twilight but it passed. Celestia’s neutral face faded into a kind smile, a smile Twilight had seen a hundred times before. ‘I fell in love because of that smile,’ she thought bitterly.

“The suddenness of your arrival, I suppose, would entail worry,” Celestia replied. “Spike is still quite young, I forget that sometimes, he and you are very similar in many ways.” Celestia nodded. “He is far more mature than you may think, much like yourself at that age.” Celestia did not stop smiling, but the look in her eyes indicated that she did not exactly believe her. Twilight returned a strained smile, it was a respite but no doubt the princess would bring up at a later time. ‘Great, just great. Maybe there will be a monster attack in the meantime. Please, just let there be some eldritch abomination attack Equestria this week, please.’ Twilight’s silently prayed.

“It would have been nice to see little Spike again,” said Luna.

“I agree. I’m afraid I do not see him enough considering my role in his upbringing. The court has a tendency to do such things.” Luna and Celestia shared an understanding look. “Nonetheless, I’m delighted to have you here Twilight with Luna.” Celestia’s smile seemed to brighten before speaking. “In fact, you are just in time.”

“In time for what?” asked Twilight cautiously. Celestia’s smirk turned bold.

“The students at the school for gifted students are preparing a live experiment on the Transfiguration tomorrow.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “I have been invited to attend and I thought that perhaps you would like to accompany me?”

Twilight coughed heavily. It was an excellent distraction to the sudden hammering in her chest and the blush that crept up her cheeks. ‘Did she just ask me out?’ Images of candlelit dinners and nights beneath the stars swept painted her mind but were quickly dusted away to a far off corner of Twilight’s mind. Twilight tipped over her water in real life. She let out an ‘eep’ as she righted the glass. ‘Damn it not like that! We’re just seeing a bunch of students do science is all!’ Twilight pictured Celestia in a tight-fitting lab coat, glasses resting on the edge of her muzzle a come hither look plaster on her face as she operated the bunsen burner. ‘What is wrong with me?’

Twilight had then just noticed the somewhat pained look Celestia was giving her. It wasn’t apparent to the many of those around her but to Twilight, who spent half her life by the princess’s side it was obvious. The subtle drop of the eyes, the way her mane slowed in its movement, the ever so slight twitch at the end of her mouth. Twilight felt like she had just slapped her. ‘Wow great job, slick. You upset her. Tartarus here we come. Some crush you turned out to be.

“If you do not wish to attend then I-”

“NO!” she answered far too loudly then she had meant. It sounded better in her mind. “I-mean, yes I would love to attend…with you,” she added. ‘Smooth Twilight’. Twilight wondered if she could survive a fall from the cliff face of the Canterlot.

“Well, excellent,” responded Celestia conspicuously ignoring Twilight’s outburst again. ‘She is either too nice to say something or I am the luckiest mare in the world to be getting away with this.’ “I’m sure it will be most educational and nostalgic for you in kind. Some of your old professors can never get enough of you.” Twilight’s ears sprung up at that. “Clovehoof still maintains he called your ascension from the first day he saw you. ‘Never doubted her for a second Princess,’ he says.”

“Funny because all I remember was getting A- from him one semester,” grumbled Twilight.

“I also remember a certain student who tore down his office doors demanding an explanation,” said Celestia with a sense of teasing. “Through three wards and five failsafe’s.”

“Just that once it was an A-,” moaned Twilight. There was a fleeting moment of silence before they both laughed.

“Oh Twilight, I have missed you. In truth, such events are usually quite droll, it would be nice to have some pleasant company for a change.” Celestia let out a chiming laugh.

“I missed this too, Princess,” said Twilight. Celestia’s smile seemed to sparkle as Twilight spoke. Twilight felt her heart hammer in her chest, she’d do anything to see that smile like that again. For a fleeting moment, Twilight had begun to relax in the presence of her former mentor, unfortunately for her, Luna was still present.

“Ah, but sister do not wear down dear Twilight,” exclaimed Luna. “After all she and I have much to-” Twilight felt a leg brush against hers. “-discuss.” Twilight had underestimated how long Luna’s legs were. The feel of the hoof against her leg was warm, a nice kind of warm, it did little to stop Twilight from freezing up. “Our research is most important.” Luna’s smile curled upward, mischief glittering in her cyan eyes. “And who but the great Twilight Sparkle to aid me, my best friend.”

Twilight did not like the emphasis on best friend nor how Luna’s leg had moved perilously upward. A slick of sweat formed on the crease of Twilight’s brow. ‘What is she doing?! Twilight glanced down to find that the leg was not in fact a dream. ‘This isn’t happening!’ The leg move again. ‘It is!’ Twilight screamed internally, her outside features betrayed nothing. She was as still as stone.

“Oh, Luna don’t be such a stick in the mud,” said Celestia completely oblivious to Twilight’s suffering. “I’m sure Twilight is equally capable of handling the both of us.”

‘I’m going to die here.’

“Oh, we’ll have to see about that,” whispered Luna huskily. Her leg creeped ever forward until it-

“Right, time for bed!” shouted Twilight as she stood up suddenly. Luna’s leg fell and she sported a confused frown.

“It’s seven o’clock,” said Celestia incredulously.

“A-ah, but I’m exhausted,” Twilight said between nervous laughs. “Big day tomorrow and all.” Twilight faked a yawn. “Look at that, haha.”

“You said you were hungry just a minute ago,” interjected Luna, still frowning. Twilight paled at that.

“Em-I w-well, I’ll room service l-later,” stuttered Twilight feebly. Celestia frowned deeply in reply.

“Twilight if I said anything…I was only teasing. I meant you no discomfort.”

“Ah I know I know yes, um, ah!” Twilight looked towards the door unwilling to meet her eyes with Celestia’s or Luna’s. “I'm sorry I have to go. I can’t be…here.” Twilight looked upward gulping. “I mean I have to go to bed earlier riser here. I ugh.” Twilight fled.

Twilight sprinted from the dining hall, passing the massive oaken door moving blindly into the hallway. Down said hall was another pony. A pegasus guard of orange colouration and a messy blue mane. He was smiling to himself as he trotted along carrying a bouquet of expensive roses beneath his wing.

“Okay Flash here’s your time to shine! Just ask her you, idiot.” Flash bulked as he saw a purple blur move at pace down the hall. The distinctive stripe told him it was her. “Oh, sweet Celestia here she comes.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Twilight kept repeating, trying desperately to keep herself from breaking down on the spot. She never raised her head, so she did not see herself on course to hit the guard. Flash put on his best smile.

“Hey, we should stop bumping into each other.” Twilight was having none of it. She didn’t even care who it was anymore. Probably no one important.

“Go away.” Twilight shoved passed him continuing towards her room. Flash fell backward dropping his roses. He hit a passing servant carrying a platter of hot gravy. The liquid spilled covering Flash’s head.

“Ahh, it burns.”

“I should go to her. I’ve obviously flustered her somehow,” said Celestia downtrodden.

“Oh, sister let me go to her, she’s just a bit flustered is all.”

“I pressed her too hard on accompanying me. Sometimes I forget how fragile she can be around me. Always trying to impress.” Celestia allowed herself a smile. “It’s cute you know how she gets like that, but I feel I may have overstepped myself.” The smile faded.

“Sister,” sighed Luna softly. “She is young…like us once, unsure of ourselves. She still reveres you in a way.”

“I wish she didn’t,” Celestia whispered sharply.

“What?”

“I-nothing.” Celestia looked down at her plate. She pushed it aside, shaking her head. After another moment she stood, neutrality adorning her features. “I’ve lost my appetite. I have much to attend to.” She glanced at Luna from her uncovered side of her face.

“Sister?” questioned Luna.

“Make sure…she’s okay. I need-no-” Celestia stopped as if to say something, but as quickly as she did she moved off again not looking at Luna. “Goodnight, see you on the morrow.” Celestia exited as soon as Twilight leaving Luna alone with a dismayed kitchen staff and their hot food.

“Oh, don’t worry dear sister,” Luna snickered to herself. “I will take good care of beloved Twilight.” Luna let out a sinister laugh as she plucked an apple from one of the server’s trays. She chomped a bit out of it. “For when she sleeps, she will dream as she has never dreamed before haha.” Luna continued her maniacal laughter down the hall. That left the incredibly uncomfortable kitchen staff with standing with dinner to serve to absolutely no one.

Author's Note

I've been wanting to revive this story for ages now. So here I go. I'm a bit shaky as to where I'm headed but them's the bricks.

Hope I didn't make too may mistakes.

Discord is in Rainbow Dash's bed

“I told ya Rainbow Dash, ah am the better hiker, but ya just had to insist on a stupid competition,” laughed Applejack as she trotted briskly on the dirt trail to Sweet Apple Acres. Behind her, lagged Rainbow Dash, panting from the exertion of their recently concluded endeavour. Hindsight was a cruel mistress to the blue coated mare. Initially, Dash was quite confident in her abilities, quoting her ability to keep up with Applejack during the Running of the Leaves. Applejack tried to warn her that mountain hiking wasn’t easy, especially when one was not using one’s wings and that it was drastically different than just running. Rainbow had laughed it off, declared that she would beat Applejack easily and prove once again that she was the better athlete because she totally was.

Needless to say, Rainbow had vastly overestimated her abilities, not that she would ever indicate that to Applejack. She was, in the end, defeated quite soundly. “You’re nothing without your wings, Dash” chirped Applejack happily as she pulled away from the pegasus. Rainbow ground her teeth in anger as blood crept up her neck. She tried to match Applejack’s gait, but a sudden strain caused her to stop Leaving Rainbow’s laborious crawl struggled to keep up with the brisk pace of Applejack. It only added insult to injury as Applejack constantly looked back over her shoulder to continue to give her a cocky grin that screamed ‘I told you so.’ Rainbow Dash didn’t know whether to hate that smile or adore it. Applejack laughed. ‘No definitely hate.’ Rainbow allowed herself a strained smile. Jokes on her, been staring at her flank the whole time.’

“I…let you…win,” panted Rainbow Dash, she wobbled precariously. Applejack shot her sceptical look. Dash snorted. “What? I totally…did.” Rainbow groaned as she felt one her legs cramp. Dash had misjudged how strenuous mountain terrain was, especially considering she usually just flew over it. Nonetheless, Dash couldn’t let her weakness slip even if Applejack could clearly see through her. “I just knew I’d…win so much…if I…tried… It wouldn’t have even been an event.”

“Rainbow you’re full of it,” shot back Applejack.

“I am no-ow!” shouted Rainbow as she tried to raise herself up only to put more strain on her tired legs. Applejack just laughed. ‘If you weren’t hot. I’d so buck you in the face.’ A very inappropriate image popped into her head. She blushed and stumbled so violently she almost fell. She cursed silently “Not like that. Stupid brain.”

“Ah beat you fair and square,” gloated Applejack. “You’re just a sore loser.”

“No, I am not! Best two out of three!” declared Rainbow Dash rashly. “Then we’ll see who’s full of it!”

“What?” Applejack’s smirk never faltered. “Like right now?” Rainbow’s bluster faded as the reality of her condition dented her confidence.

“Em no, I think I-I sprained my hoof on the final turn.” Rainbow limped her front leg in feigned injury “Ow, it’s getting dark anyway.”

“Ah sprained hoof and you were holding back if I didn’t know any better Dash I’d swear you’d gone sweet on me or something.” Applejack chuckled, shaking her head at the ridiculousness of the thought.

“No.” Rainbow reddened furiously at that. “Y-you got lucky is all. When The Dash is on her day, she is the greatest athlete there ever is.” Applejack stopped before roaring with laughter, her hat bobbing up and a down as she did so, much to Rainbow eternal embarrassment.

“Oh Rainbow, come on, you can’t be serious. That’s most stupid thing ah’ve heard and considering it’s you am talking about, that’s quite the feat.”

“What ‘the Dash’ is totally my nickname,” replied Rainbow testily.

“It’s stupid,” said Applejack flatly.

“No it’s not, lots of ponies have nicknames,” mumbled Rainbow Dash

“Lots of morons.”

“What about Big Mac?” Applejack stopped before turning fully to face her friend displeasure evident as her mouth slipped into a thin frown. Rainbow gave her best smirk in reply. ‘Gotta ya.’

“Careful now, Rainbow.” Dash stuck out her tongue playfully, Applejack snorted. The two carried onwards for a short bit. They followed the dirt path and the weathered white fence back to Sweet Apple Acres as the sun set in the west, the evening fading into Luna’s night. They had been out for quite some time. A strange shadow passed momentarily over them. Applejack squinted up at it. “What in tarnation?”

Before them was a large rectangular cardboard poster with the smiling face of Mayor Mare beaming down on the two, tied to the outlining fencing of Sweet Apple Acres. The poster had blue highlights with a golden badge at the edge saying ‘Mayor Mare No.1’. Along the bottom of the poster lay the words ‘Working for you, always’.

“Ah told them workers to not be puttin’ no signs up near mah farm,” grumbled Applejack. “Private property ah keep telling ‘em.” Applejack sprung up onto her hind legs and grabbed the edge of the placard with her teeth. Rainbow watched Applejacks movements carefully. A bit too closely. And her focus was not entirely focused on Applejack’s attempted removal of the sign but rather on a… her lower department. “Ah, tell ya Dash,” Applejack murmured through the side of her mouth. “They spring up faster than baby rabbits at spring, during election time.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Doesn’t matter even. Mayor Mare always wins.” Applejack pulled back for a breath, the stubborn sign was tightly tied to the fencing. “Ah, don’t even know who the other candidate is!”

“Yeah,” said Dash slowly as Applejack gyrated back again. And again…and again.

“All the same, Grannie says, that one has a sun that one has a moon, that’s the difference.” Applejack pulled at it again straining her muscles so that they were evident beneath her coat.

“They’re always talking about how different they are but when it comes to Ponyville they don’t change that much.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Dash are you even-” At that moment the sign gave way and Applejack snapped her head back causing it to be flung from the fence, landing a metre or so from Rainbow who had not evidently gathered her wits about her. Applejack sighed with relief. “As ah was saying are you even-hey what you looking at?” Rainbow snapped back to reality at the sudden sharp turn in Applejack’s voice. She looked up to find Applejack scowling deeply. Rainbow sputtered. Blushing deeply as Applejack awaited an answer, Rainbow contemplated lying but ruled that out rather quickly considering it was the Element of Honesty standing before her. Rainbow ultimately decided to do what was right. What Applejack deserved. She steeled her resolve, took in a breath before announcing to Applejack.

“Thanksforthehikeitwasreallyfunweshoulddoitagain AJ bye.” And with that Dash was gone in a rainbow coloured blur of dust and wind. The gust from her sudden ascension causing the poster to move some distance. Applejack pulled down her hat to prevent dust from getting into her eyes. After some time, she readjusted her hat and shook her head.

“Sometimes I think I’ll never understand that girl.”

Far above the farm pony gracefully floated Rainbow amongst the clouds. She released a sigh as the weight was lifted from her strained legs. This was where she belonged honestly. Rainbow whistled. Also, her heart was still beating erratically fast from her near escape with the farm pony.

“Whoah Dash, that was close.” She allowed herself a cheeky grin. “Another crisis averted thanks to my smooth skills,” she reassured herself. She upped her pace a bit fast as her cloud home came into view. The two story tall building was perhaps the most fantastic of all her friend’s homes, something that stroked Dash’s already vast ego. The setting sun’s splendid light spilling over it only made it even more so gorgeous. A slight breeze came about her and she lavished in its cool embrace. She leaned sideways towards the wind so as to drift into a steady landing before her porch.

Stretching her sore legs once more, she confidently strode to her door. She threw them open upon her approach. The lavish main hall was decorated with trophies and posters and a ridiculously large statue of a wonderbolt, which had been a present from Celestia after the Nightmare Moon incident.

“Tank!” she shouted as she kicked the doors shut. “I’m home!” She glided over the statute towards her bedroom patting it as she passed. “Looking good.” She dropped down to the second floor where much to her surprise she found tank overturned on his shell. Rainbow moved quickly to correct him. “Woah buddy, now how did that happen?” She casually flipped him back over with the edge of her hoof. Tank looked up to her gratefully. She leaned down and nuzzled him. “You have to be careful you know,” she added tenderly. “You know you can’t get back up when you do that.” Rainbow then proceeded to stretch again, her joints made a satisfying ‘pop’ sound. “Now, I really need some shuteye,” she said as she moved past him. “Applejack really put me through the grinder.”

Suddenly, she felt Tank poke her back leg. She turned around. “What’s wrong?” The tortoise slowly pointed towards Rainbow’s door. “What? “ He pointed again. Rainbow looked confusedly at him before dismissively waving her hoof. “Tank I fed you before I left.” She strode to the door, but the tortoise tried to follow his jaw moving up and down as if he wanted to say something to her. “No Tank, stay.” She then shut the door in the tortoise’s face. Unfortunately the impact caused the tortoise to flip over again.

Her room was surprisingly dark for this time of the day not that she cared that much she practically threw herself onto her bed burrowing her head onto the soft sheets.

“Oh, I really need this.” Dash moved slightly onto her side coming up against something soft yet robust. “Hmm, bed’s sort of warmer than usual and coarser…” Rainbow Dash grunted as she struck out against something…then it moved. Her eyes instantly shot open. She sprung away from the now sprawling mass withering in her bed and backtracked towards her bedside lamp which she duly activated. Much to her surprise and horror, she found an upright draconequus rubbing his tired eyes wearing a flopped over a nightcap.

“AHHHHHHH DISCORD!!!!!”

“RAINBOW DASH!” shouted Discord in reply. He chuckled to himself. “Oh, how everypony loves to shout my name,” he tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Seems to be a trend lately.” His pondering was caught off guard as he promptly ducked from a projectile lobbed at him.

“You perv!”

“What?” he exclaimed shocked. The second object struck him directly on the nose. It rolled into his lap revealing it to be one of Rainbow’s many trophies “Aah, stop.” He slinked under another as it smacked against the back wall.

“You’re in my bed!” growled Rainbow as she prepared another one of her endless memorabilia to strike against him. “Now start explaining or I mean-”

“Indeed I am,” interrupted Discord. “It’s most comfy and I was quite drained, you could say from the days taxing activities. Honestly, I can see why you barely leave it.” His head detached as another trophy flew at his throat. He promptly reattached it scowling. "That was rude."

“You’re sick!”

“No, fortunately not this time,” he answered calmly before snapping his paw and causing Rainbow’s ammunition to disappear. “The blue flu has thankfully been avoided.”

“What are you doing here!” cried Rainbow Dash.

“Sleeping.”

“I know you're sleeping but why is it in my bed!”

“Sweet release, I just explained it to you”! Rainbow’s face flushed before she turned and lifted her wings for flight.

“I’m telling Fluttershy! You’re going to be toast when she’s through with you.” Rainbow surged forward only to fall flat on her face. She looked to her sides and gasped in horror at the sudden absence of her wings. She looked up to see Discord lording over her.

“I’m afraid Fluttershy and yourself are not going to be talking for quite some time,” said Discord sinisterly. Rainbow gasped at his words. Discord gave an incensed huff. “No, I did not kill her if your stupid look is anything to garner from. I do not kill, besides I don’t think the censors would let us get away with that.”

“What did you do to her?” demanded Dash, slamming her head aggressively up against Discord. Which was quite comical considering Dash was barely able to reach his stomach when he was standing.

“Me?” Using his claw, he gently pushed Dash away from him. “I’ve done nothing to the dear. Celestia would have my hide if I ever did such a thing.” Discord smiled maliciously. “Then again the whole idea does seem rather kinky, doesn’t it?” Rainbow let her tongue hang out to show her disgust. The spirit waved her away dismissively. “Anyway, she’s too busy thinking about that stallion from the market. What’s his name? Big something.”

“Macintosh?” offered Rainbow.

“That’s it,” said Discord snapping his fingers in realisation, which also returned Rainbow’s wings, much to her temporary delight. “So I’m afraid she’s not really all there.” Discord then proceeded to pull Rainbow close to him. “And even if you did get her to pay attention to her I’ll just spin a sob story about how Rainbow Dash is such a bully.” He summoned a tissue and began to blow into it dramatically. “How you’ve always doubted sweet innocent Discord.” He sobbed as he threw his head back. “How you never gave me a chance.”

“You’re a sociopath,” claimed Dash backing off from him.

“The correct term is psychotic, Miss Dash,” replied Discord recovering immediately. “If we’re going to be throwing around terms here let’s get them right. Besides, I came here for more than just the creature comforts of bed. I wanted to have a nice old talk.” He slithered closer towards her.

“Get out before I kick your scaly behind.”

“Wait now, come on, we're friends after all,” whined Discord slinking around Rainbow’s legs. Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Well, perhaps were not as close as we should be. But that can change.” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Especially after I recruit the great Rainbow Dash’s help in my noble endeavour.”

“You break into my house,” she seethed as Discord slinked back opposite of her at the ferocity in her voice. “You sleep in my bed. You scare me. And now you want my help?”

“Yes,” he answered sheepishly.

“Get out.”

“Wait! I’ll go, but what about our friendship?” he offered feebly.

“What do you want?” she groaned, his last defence giving him a brief respite.

“I want you to help me win an election,” he said eagerly, smiling widely at Rainbow. His hands interlocked in a pleading gesture. There was an awkward moment of silence before Rainbow spoke.

“Get out.”

“Wait!” he cried, Rainbow promptly flew behind him and began to push him towards the doors with difficulty.

“Get out,” she mumbled between pushes.

“Fine,” he said despondently. “It’s just a shame I mean.” He let himself grin as Rainbow stopped pushing him. “Since I’m friends with Applejack, you know it would be prudent of me to tell her of all these farm mare monthly magazines I found.” In Discord’s claws was a box filled to the brim with magazines. “And all this farm equipment,” he said as he lifted a particular one from the box and unfolded it in the middle. His widened eyes darted between the offending piece and the now, shocked Rainbow, to the side of him. “Who would have thought you could do that riding on a tractor?” He sighed, returning the magazine to the box. He looked towards Rainbow, whose face was completely pale, a trickle of sweat pouring down her brow. “I mean they must belong to Applejack, maybe she loaned them to you, I suppose I’ll return them as the good friend I am.” He took purposeful strides to exit, box in hand.

“No!” squeaked Rainbow outstretching her hoof.

“Oh, do my ears deceive me or perhaps has my dear friend had a sudden change of heart?” Discord turned to face her once more. Rainbow trailed her hoof against the floor of her house. She shook her head.

“I can’t believe you're blackmailing me” she groaned.

“Oh, I am doing no such thing,” he said sweetly, lying through his teeth. From his toothy grin, he was enjoying his victory immensely much to Rainbow’s chagrin.

“Just shut up and tell me what I’m meant to do.”

“It all starts ten thousand years ago,” boomed Discord. The room went dark and a thousand twinkling stars lit up behind them. “Well, technically nine thousand nine hundred and eighty-five years ago but ten thousand sounds more ominous. The planets were beginning to alig-”

“Now,” said Rainbow through gritted teeth.

“It-ah, okay,” sputtered Discord his voice losing its dark tone. The room returned to its normal state while Discord looked on in annoyance. “You sure you don’t want the long story. I spent ages writing this.” He shot his arms up dramatically displaying some crumpled pages he held. “I mean I had special effects, space battles, product placement and history.”

“I’ll pass,” huffed Rainbow.

“Fine killjoy,” he huffed, crossing his arms. “I want you to help me win the mayoral election.”

“Yeah, I kind of guessed,” said Dash derisively. “Why exactly am I doing this? I mean what possible use could being mayor be to you?” Dash pointed accusingly at Discord with her hoof. For his part, the draconequus honestly appeared startled by the question. As if his entire motivation for burglary of Rainbow’s home was entirely made up as he went along. Which considering his schizophrenic behaviour was not beyond the realms of possibility.

“It has always been a dream of mine to run a small town!” declared Discord hugging Rainbow close to his chest, who made a squeaking sound at being ponyhandeled again. “With my vision it will be the chaos capital of the world. A place of no laws! No strings. No oppression whatsoever! Freedom for all!” His triumphant finale was followed by a sprinkling of fireworks erupting from his horns. Rainbow furrowed her eyebrows as she thought about what Discord said.

“So there are like, no laws,” she repeated.

“Yes,” sighed Discord in exasperation.

“But what about like murder?” Discord’s eyes widened, he tapped his chin three times with his free paw while loosening his grip on Rainbow.

“Well, I suppose there would have to be a law on that,” he replied slowly, the though apparently causing him some consternation.

“So there would be laws.” Discord clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

“There would have to be some exceptions.”

“And shouldn’t like Equestria law be above the mayoral law,” said Rainbow, now, not entirely speaking to Discord directly. “So we would have to apply those rules because the mayor, like answers to the Princess’.

“I-”

“So in truth, there would be a bunch of laws just less of them,” exposited Rainbow astutely. “So it’s not really true lawlessness.” Discord’s jaw hung slightly open, with no answer being forthcoming Rainbow continued. “I mean what is even freedom really like if you think about it? Is it freedom to do what you want as an individual or is freedom like an idea thingy?” She looked up you Discord in deference.

“Concept?” he offered uncertainly still surprised by Rainbow’s eulogy.

“Yeah, that. Concept, in that we apply as a means to our pursuit of happiness but within the constraints of society?” Discord’s eyebrow twitched irritatingly. “Should like personal freedom outweigh the greater good or do we go full blast, where everyone’s free to do what they want and damned be the consequences. Surely it is better to strive towards freedom as long as it doesn’t like, hurt the greater good, dude?” Rainbow then fell silent until she was dropped landing on her head with an ‘oomph’. Her eyes rolled around as she sat back up. Discord still donned his disbelieving look.

“Uhhh,” he said stupidly, staring off into space, completely caught off guard by Rainbow’s philosophical ramblings.

“Hey and weren’t you like the king of Equestria like a long time ago,” said Rainbow upon regaining her senses. Discord scowled deeply, his mismatched eyes turning into burning coals as he grew considerably before seizing Dash again by the scruff of her neck.

“The day Rainbow Dash upstarts me is the day-ugh!” Discord shook his head clearing them of the terrifying image he had donned. He smiled at Rainbow sweetly like a parent would to a filly. He proceeded to pat her patronisingly on her head.

“Let’s keep things simple, much like yourself.” Rainbow moved to protest, but Discord shoved his claw over her mouth. “You do what I say, you discredit the other candidates and I don’t tell Applejack about your little farming secret!” He finished his sentence with a hiss. “And when this is all over, I’m mayor. You continue to hide your true feelings behind a mask of friendly competition and faux antagonism. Win-win, easy. Okay?” Discord smiled dangerously at her. Once Rainbow nodded, he removed his claw. Rainbow spat.

“One question?”

“I thought I said for you-”

“Why me?” asked Rainbow. Discord laughed.

“Oh for heaven’s sake! You can’t be serious. You!” He shoved an overly large looking glass near here. His yellow bulging through washing all over her. “Popular hero, head of weather committee, cult status, Element of Harmony, a friend of one of the heads of states!” He withdrew back. “Honestly, there aren’t much bigger fish than you and that’s a big compliment coming from me.” Rainbow bristled with pride temporarily at his words.

“Well…yeah, I guess I am those things, yeah.”

“Exactly!” he boomed gripping his horns tightly and pressing them downwards. He then took in a short breath, coolly sliding a hand over head and straightening his extremities. “I just need a few words. A bit of doubt. A dash of fear. A spark of revolution and bam! This election is mine!” He curled his eagle claw into a fist smiling almost as if he was metaphorically crushing Mayor Mare. And with your help. He drew his arm from behind his back revealing a curled up magazine he waggled back and forth. “These magazines and your feelings stay exactly where they belong.” He lifted the magazine before smacking it lightly on her nose. “In your head.”

“Ow.”

“Do we have a deal?”

“I really don’t have much of a choice do I?”

“Not particularly but even the idea of choice is more comforting for you mortals.”

“I’ll do it,” she said.

“Fantastic!” roared Discord leaping with joy. “We have much work to do, friend.” He walked towards the doors to her room. “I suppose I’ll leave you to your sleep, night has already approached I’m afraid.” His apologetic tone was contradicted by the newfound bounce in his step. “Our work begins in earnest tomorrow. Now, don’t forget.” He wagged his index finger at her. “I have eyes everywhere Miss Dash,” he said, disturbingly rolling his eyes all the way back into his and back again. “We’ll be watching. Very closely.” He laughed as he faded out of existence before her very eyes, his smarmy grin the final piece of his visage to disappear. Rainbow sat dumbstruck in the middle of her room unsure of what to do. Then it came to her.

“I need to talk to Twilight.”

Author's Note

Long time no see. Lazy. Too lazy. Working. Working all night. Need coffee.... Here's a chapter. Have more coming hopefully, dream chapter next. Hope it's good.

Cheers