Three-Bit Gangsters

by Gherkin

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Crossover
Length: 4551

Fluttershy is kidnapped by a deranged psychopath, and the kidnapper issues Twilight Sparkle an ultimatum: perform a daring heist on the Royal Vault beneath Canterlot Castle, or let her friend die.

"I'll tell ya one thing, T, I'm getting too old for this nonsense."

Everything changed when the letter arrived at her door. Twilight Sparkle opened it, thinking it to be nothing but a letter from her former mentor, or perhaps something from an adoring fanfilly. When she read the message within, she realised that this was not the case. Instead, it contained a terrifying ultimatum from a mysterious kidnapper: she would find a way to rob the supposedly impregnable royal vault beneath Canterlot Castle, or do nothing and let her friend Fluttershy die.

Panicked, and with no other choice, the princess decided to cast a spell to summon some of the best thieves for the job. Little did she know that it had a wider reach than she had first expected.

Set during Season 4. A crossover with Grand Theft Auto V. © Rockstar Games. Rated T for strong and potentially offensive language.

Published 2014-11-17 03:20:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-11-17 03:20:06 UTC

01: The Set Up

"It's a set up, there's a traitor, there's a mole..."

Ponyville truly was a beautiful little town. When one thought of the ideal Equestrian small town life, they thought of Ponyville, for it perfectly captured everything about it. From the friendly residents, to the quaint market in the town square, to the thatched cottages that almost everypony lived in, there was almost nothing to dislike about the old village in the valley below Canterlot. And while some snobby, upper-class ponies would dismiss the town and it's citizens as too 'country' and beneath them, most appreciated the town for what it was, and what it contributed to Equestria as a whole.

Nopony had come to understand this more than Twilight Sparkle. At least, that was the case in her eyes. When she was a filly up in Canterlot, she had paid little mind to the place. It was nothing more than a dot on a map, or an entry in a geography textbook. Why would she care, after all? Back then she was perfectly content with her life in Canterlot, solitary as it was. She often thought back to her younger years, and realised that her only friends were her brother and two princesses. Even then, she thought of Celestia as a teacher, and Cadance as a sister.

What was it that I said to Spike when I first got here? "All the ponies in this town are crazy." Yeah, I think that was it. Let's be honest, that's still probably true, regardless of everything. With a chuckle, the alicorn sighed and took another bite out of her daisy sandwich, toasted just the way she liked it, and looked out at the town square from her café table. This particular café was a favourite of hers, it would seem. Anypony would be able to tell from the amount of time she spent there. By Celestia, I don't know how I ever survived up in Canterlot without the coffee from this place. Across the square she could notice Applejack setting up her stall for the day. The earth pony mare noticed her and gave a friendly wave, which was soon returned. Finishing the last part of her sandwich, the princess stood up, paid the waiter (even after he insisted that a member of royalty should eat on the house), and decided to trot over and meet her.

"Well, howdy there Twilight," her friend called out as she approached. "How ya doin' this mornin'?"

Twilight smiled in return. "I'm pretty good, actually. Thought I'd get up and go for a trot, nice and early."

"And treat yourself to a spot of breakfast as well, I see," she pointed out, smirking slightly as she gave her cart a small buck. A number of mechanisms inside sprang to life, opening it up and folding out a number of display tables upon which she could put her produce. With a snicker, she started to pull out her goods.

Her friend chuckled and nodded, glancing back at the café for a few seconds. "Well yeah, that too. Anyway, how have you been? Anything been going on?"

Applejack thought for a second as she unpacked everything. "Hmm... You mean apart from me working my flank off as usual? Well, to be honest, not too much. It's been too long since all of us have caught up properly, ain't it?"

Twilight nodded in agreement. "Yeah, far too long."

"Say, have you spoken with Fluttershy recently?" she wondered, looking up for a moment before getting back to work.

The rather specific question caught her off guard. "No, why?"

"I haven't either in a few days," she mused. "Haven't seen her at all, come to think of it. Strange, I usually see her around the market some days, buyin' vegetables and such."

The alicorn shrugged. "Huh. Maybe she's just been busy with her animals?"

Applejack shrugged similarly, finishing up her stall. "Yeah, probably. Ah well, I'm sure it's nothing. I'm sure I'm just worryin' my head off over nothin'." She rolled her eyes to herself and leaned against her cart. "Maybe I'll head on over to her's later, and see if she wants to do anything with the rest of us."

With a smile, she nodded. "Yeah, that sounds like a pretty good plan." She lifted a few bits out of her saddlebag and dropped them onto her friend's cart, picking up a couple of apples. "Well, I'd better be getting back to the library. Lots to be done, you know?"

"Heh, don't I know it." She chuckled. "Alright then Twi, I'll see ya later."

She bid farewell to the farm mare before setting off towards home. As she trotted, she did not pay much mind to what Applejack had told her. I wonder if Spike is awake yet. He always sleeps in. Has ever since I hatched him. She chuckled to herself softly, heading through the roads of Ponyville towards the treehouse library on the outskirts of town. Soon enough, she laid eyes upon it, and approached it.

The library was quiet as she entered. "Huh," she murmured to herself. "I wonder if Spike is asleep still?" Her question was soon answered by the sound of a loud crash from the kitchen. Concerned, she trotted inside quickly to find the dragon in question picking himself up off the floor, with a frying pan sitting beside him.

"Ugh... Oh, hey Twilight," he groaned, getting up as she entered. "Sorry about that. Must have dozed off."

She picked up the frying pan with her magic and set it on the counter, letting out a giggle. "Are you seriously still sleepy?"

He yawned and nodded. "Yeah, I guess. Didn't sleep too great last night." Yawning again, he hopped onto a stool and switched on the stove. "Anyway, I'm gonna be cooking some hay bacon. You want any?"

"No, thank you. I've eaten already," she replied, as something on the kitchen counter caught her eye. It was an envelope, addressed to her. Intrigued, she picked it up in her magic and studied it. "Hey, Spike. Who's this from?"

"Huh?" He looked over his shoulder and saw what she was holding. "Oh. I don't know. Somepony just popped it through the letterbox not too long after you left earlier."

"Did you not get a look at who it was?" she asked him, pulling the envelope open.

"Nah, I didn't. Sorry."

She smiled and assured him, "It's no problem." Receiving a smile from him in return, she glanced down to read the letter within. "There's no... harm... done..." As she read, her happy demeanour vanished, and her voice trailed off. There was silence for a minute, as the expression on her face continued to drop. Eventually, Spike turned around again.

"What's up, Twilight? Is there something wrong?"

He observed her frantically re-reading the letter, her face turning slightly pale. "No, this can't be real," she insisted, trying to maintain a positive outlook and obviously failing. "This must be some sort of sick practical joke, or something. Probably one of Rainbow Dash's ideas!"

He hopped off the stool and over to her, trying to crane his neck to look at the letter as well. "Twilight! What's got you so worked up?"

After a few moments, she folded the letter back up and looked down at him. "Oh, who am I kidding... Nopony I know would do something so cruel. Spike, I want you to do something extremely important for me."

With a nod and a salute, he said, "Of course, Twilight. Anything."

She took a deep breath. "I want you to head on over to Fluttershy's house. If she isn't there, I want you to find the rest of our friends and tell them to come here. Can you do that for me?"

As she told him what to do, he seemed to grasp the seriousness of the situation. "Yeah, I'm on it. You can count on me!" With that, he turned and ran out of the room.

"I'll... I'll cook some breakfast for you while you're gone!" she called after him, trying her best to force a smile onto her face. Might help take my mind off this for a little while, at least, she thought, looking towards the letter once again. She hung her head and sighed, heading over towards the stove. Oh, Celestia help me. What am I going to do?

***

They were all here now, and they were all thoroughly confused and worried. They were talking amongst themselves, though about what, Twilight could not say. She had zoned out, still staring at the letter, and wondering how to properly break the news to them all. She felt something touch her, and looked to the side to see Spike with a claw on her foreleg. She gave him a soft smile, before taking a deep breath and clearing her throat to grab everypony's attention.

"So, I'm sure you're all wondering what the big deal is," she announced, looking to each of them. "I'm not going to put it lightly, or sugar coat it." Her last comment earned her a dejected look from Pinkie Pie, which was ignored. "The thing is... well, I think Fluttershy is missing. Or, to be more exact, she's been kidnapped by somepony."

As she expected, everypony gasped with horror. "What?" Rarity exclaimed, already looking as if she was about to burst into tears. "What could have possibly made you draw that kind of conclusion?"

The opened letter floated up beside her, encased in her magic. "I received this letter just this morning. I'm guessing it's from the kidnapper." A few of her friends wore sceptical looks on their faces. "I thought that it was some sort of prank at first, too. But think about it; none of us have seen her around Ponyville for at least a few days."

"Well? What does that thing say?" Applejack wondered, biting her lip and shuffling uncomfortably on her hooves. "Any kind of ransom demands?"

She looked at the letter once again. "Sort of. I'll read the whole thing out to you. Are you all ready?"

They all nodded, and she cleared her throat once again. After studying the scrawled, unidentifiable hoofwriting for what seemed like the millionth time, she started to read. "Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle. I have your friend. Fluttershy, I think she said her name was. Such a gentle creature. I'm sure you care about her very much, but I think we should put that to the test." She paused for a moment, gauging her friend's reactions. As expected, they were horrified and sick with worry.

"I want you to clean out the Royal Vault, beneath Canterlot Castle," she continued. "Everything in there. Every last relic, artefact, treasure, and whatever else the good princess of the sun keeps locked up in there. And speaking of her, don't go crying to Celestia, or even ask her to open it for you at all." She stopped for a second and gulped, her voice cracking as she read the next sentence. "I'm sure I don't need to tell you what will happen if you do. No, where's the fun in that? It wouldn't be a very exciting heist at all. I want you to steal everything, without the Sisters' knowledge. I don't care how, or who you use, to do it." With a final breath, she finished the last sentence. "Do this, and your friend will be returned to you. Refuse, and she will die. It's your choice."

After a few seconds of stunned silence, it was Rainbow Dash who spoke up first. "Well, I say it's no choice at all! Come on, let's get on this!"

Twilight could not help but smile somewhat. Loyal as ever, I see. "Well, obviously there's no choice here Rainbow," she told her. "I mean, it's not like we're just going to leave Fluttershy in the hooves of this maniac, whoever he or she may be." The rest of them nodded in agreement. "But we have to be smart about this. I would just explain everything to Princess Celestia, but since the kidnapper specifically mentioned not to, I'll bet they'll probably know about it somehow if I tried."

"Then what are we supposed to do?" Rarity asked them all.

"Duh! We're gonna have to pull off a robbery!" exclaimed Pinkie. "I mean, how else do you think we can get this guy to let Fluttershy go? He's obviously going to know if we do something that he doesn't like!"

Applejack looked over to her. "And how'd you figure that, Pinkie Pie?"

"He wouldn't be a very good kidnapper if he didn't, would he?"

"She has a point," the princess said. "I've been looking over this thing for an hour or so while waiting for you guys to show up here." A long sigh escaped her lips. "And I've come up with no alternative solution."

Rainbow leaned forward, thinking. "So, we're gonna have to pull off a huge robbery, huh? I remember you telling me about that vault, Twi. It's impossible to break into! Even if we were thieves, which we darn well aren't."

"I guess we'll have to find a way," her friend replied. "In the meantime, at least, I think I've found a way to make our plan a little easier." She stood up and trotted towards one of the bookshelves at the side of the room, as the rest of them looked on.

Peering over he shoulder towards her, Rarity piped up, "What is it, dear? Some kind of spell, I assume?"

"You guessed it," she confirmed, grabbing a book in her magic and taking it back to them. "This book has details about a spell that allows the caster to search for individuals with exceptional talent in the field of their choosing, then teleport them to one location."

"So you're gonna use it to find the best thieves in Equestria and get 'em to help us?"

She nodded at Applejack. "That's exactly it. I know it's not a perfect plan. Heck, I don't know if I'll be able to convince whoever is summoned to help us at all. But it's the best I could come up with."

In an effort to cheer her up, Pinkie bounded over and gave her a hug. "It's okay Twilight. We all know you'll do your best, as always!" The rest of them nodded their heads, giving a few reassuring remarks. "So, any idea who it'll bring to us when you cast it?"

The alicorn smiled. "I have no idea at all. Shall we find out?"

***

"Shit, homie, it's good to be rollin' with you again."

Franklin Clinton chuckled and glanced over at his friend in the passenger seat of his car. "Heh, I guess it is, Lamar. We can finally hang out without me having to save your ass."

"Excuse me if I'm wrong, but it was you that come cryin' to me for help with those FIB and Merryweather cats before, weren't it?" The lanky man smirked, then continued. "Come to think of it, Striz-etch got smoked not too long after that. Oh, but of course, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that, right my nigga?"

Franklin rolled his eyes. "All I know is I didn't have anything to do with it."

"Yeah, that's what they all say. Fuck it, he was setting us up for the Ballas anyway, nigga."

"Like I was telling you from the moment he got out," his friend noted, as he eased on the gas and pulled away from the curb. "But your stupid ass wouldn't listen."

Lamar waved his hand dismissively, rolling down the window. "I thought you was just talking shit, F. How was I supposed to know? 'Sides, I was the one trying to set us up with some good deals."

Franklin rolled his eyes. "They were always set-ups, dummy." He sighed, and chuckled slightly. "The deal at the recycling plant, the deal down on Grove Street. Damn, you better be glad T knows drywall when he smells it." He sighed again, keeping his eyes on the road. "But, shit, all that behind us now. How about we go get our drink on?"

His friend grinned and held out a fist towards him, which he bumped with his own. He put on a reluctant act, though the smirk on his face showed his true intentions. "Now you're speaking my language, Frank," Lamar exclaimed, before fiddling with the car's stereo. He cycled through a few stations, before finally settling on one and leaning back into his seat. "Nothing beats the classics, right?"

With a shrug, Franklin replied. "Sure, I guess."

A news segment had just ended, and the station's DJ soon announced the upcoming song. The song began, and Lamar's face lit up even more. "Aw shit! You know this one, right F?"

He chuckled. "Man, how could I possibly forget?"

"Heh, bringing back memories of Davis High? This shit was our jam, homie." He started to sing along with the the radio, bouncing slightly in his seat. "It's the motherfuckin' Lamar D, you know I'm rollin' with FC."

Franklin sighed and groaned as he listened to his cringe worthy interpretation. "Shit, maybe I been trying to repress those memories, or something. Rapping ain't one of your strong suits, L."

That did little to deter him though, and he continued his rendition as they drove through the busy streets of South Los Santos, before finally pulling up to a bar that they were both familiar with. Lamar chuckled as he got out, making a comment about how much he loved this place, before heading inside with his friend. The bar looked like a decent place, especially considering the part of the city it was in. However, the distinctive smell of marijuana hit the two of them the moment they stepped inside. Not that either of them minded particularly. So long as the government was lazy with their checks on anti-smoke laws, the patrons could light up whatever they pleased.

The two of them sat for a while, drinking and catching up. Franklin noted to himself that he ought to do this with his friend more often. Lamar had often pointed out how he had neglected his homies and the old neighbourhood, and he had to admit that he had a point. He might live in a fancy mansion all the way up in Vinewood Hills, but what good was all that wealth if he had nobody to enjoy it with? So the two drank, and laughed, reminiscing of days gone by.

The vibrating of his phone in his pocket pulled him away from his conversation. He pulled it out and saw a familiar contact flashing on the screen. "Gimme a minute dog," he said to Lamar as he finished his beer. "I'm just gonna go take this."

"No problem, homie," he called out to him as he left the bar, escaping the distracting din of everyone inside.

Taking a deep breath of fresh air, he swiped his finger across his phone's screen and raised it to his ear. "What's up, Michael?"

"Hey, Franklin," came the gruff voice from the other end of the phone. "You free this evening?"

He glanced back to the door of the bar, before checking his watch. It was only around five in the afternoon. "I will be a bit later. What's going on?"

"Well, Amanda and I realised that you haven't been... uh, properly introduced to my family since we met," he told him. "So she thought it'd be a good idea to have you round for dinner or something."

He chuckled slightly. "Yeah, that sounds all good, man. I'll be round in an hour or two."

"Alright man, I'll see you then. It ain't gonna be anything fancy, probably just Cluckin' Bell or some shit like that."

"Fine by me, Michael. See you in a hour or so." He hung up and slipped his phone back into his pocket as he headed back into the bar. Lamar was still sat in the same seat he left him in, though the disgusted look of a girl walking away from him made his friend laugh slightly. "Hey Lamar," he called out as he reached their table. "I gotta get going homie. You need a ride home?"

He shook his head. "Nah, I'm meeting some other cats in a few." He waved as he nodded and started to walk away. "Catch you latter, nigga."

He waved in return and hopped back into his car. He turned the radio up once again and pulled away from the parking lot, heading back to his home in the hills in order to shower and change. Can't go over there smelling like weed, can I? It'll probably take an hour anyway, in LS traffic.

A few hours later, he found himself all cleaned up and pulling his Buffalo into the lavish driveway of his friend's Rockford Hills mansion. The flamboyant Spanish architecture always stood out, even among the other similar houses in the neighbourhood. As he pulled up behind his friend's black sedan, he double checked to make sure he was at least presentable to the family. "Hungrier than I thought," he muttered to himself, pulling his keys out of the ignition and hopping out of the car. Stuffing them into his pocket, he walked up to the front door and knocked three times.

The double doors soon swung open to reveal Michael, who wore a welcoming grin complemented by his ruffled and slightly creased grey suit. "Hey Frank," he greeted, bumping fists with him. "How you doing?"

"I'm good, man," he replied, before motioning to his attire. "I thought you said this wasn't gonna be anything fancy."

He looked down at his suit before chuckling. "Don't worry, it's not. I've just been down at the studio all day." With a friendly smile, he stepped back and allowed him to enter. "Anyway, come on in. Amanda just got back with the food, so we can eat straight away."

He nodded happily and stepped inside. "Thanks man, I'm starving."

The two of them walked through the hall of the large house and into the kitchen. "Hey Amanda," Michael said to his wife, who was busy pulling the fast food out of the paper bags on the counter. "This is Franklin. I don't think you two have properly met." He brushed his hand against her arm as she looked up towards the newcomer.

"So, you're the one my husband has said so much about?" She smiled and kissed Michael on the cheek before holding a hand out to him. "We've spoken before, I think, but it's a pleasure to meet you."

He took her hand and shook politely, returning the smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you too, Mrs. De Santa." As she went back to sorting out the food, his gaze wandered over the interesting relics and knick-knacks on the wall. He paused as he saw a few framed photos, depicting husband and wife with two younger children, one of whom was wielding a baseball bat over his shoulder. Jimmy used to play baseball? Damn, never saw that coming from him.

As they went to sit down at the table, he saw the two younger De Santas already seated. Michael's daughter, Tracey, gave him a sheepish wave, while Jimmy called out to him. "Yo, F-dog, what's up?"

He rolled his eyes and snickered as he sat down. "Hey, Jimmy. How's it hanging?"

Now all comfortably settled, the family went to start eating. However, just as Michael was about to bite into his burger, he heard the doorbell ring. Then ring again. And again. Is some prick really ringing that thing over and over for shits and giggles? He groaned and stood up, excusing himself from the table. "Sorry, let me just see who this is." The doorbell kept on ringing as he walked out of the dining room and towards the door. "Jesus Christ, I'm coming!" he called out, before muttering under his breath. "For fuck's sake." Before he reached the door, he paused and grabbed the gun he had left on a dresser nearby, stuffing into the belt of his pants. Paranoid as always, huh Michael?

The doorbell rung one more time as he pulled the door open. "For the love of God, what do you..." He paused and took a step back as he saw who was on the other side. "Oh... Trevor."

Trevor Philips did his best to smile innocently. "Michael. What's up?"

He shifted somewhat uncomfortably, leaning against the door. "Not much. What the hell are you doing here, T?"

"What do you mean, 'what the hell am I doing here'?" he asked, taking some offence. "What, am I not allowed to come visit my best friend any more, huh?"

The conversation had caught Amanda's attention. As Michael looked back into the house, he saw her catch a glimpse of his friend and roll her eyes. "No, Trevor, of course not." He sighed, almost in defeat. "Look, come on in, I'll get you a beer or something. Franklin's here too; we're eating dinner." Forcing a smile, he stepped back and allowed him to enter, wrinkling his nose as he caught a smell of the scent that followed.

Reluctantly, Amanda allowed him to sit at the table with the rest of them. Jimmy and Tracey were certainly more welcoming of their pseudo-uncle, however, and soon the six of them had started up a friendly conversation. Dinner had long since passed when Franklin got up to excuse himself, claiming that he needed to go to the bathroom. The conversation continued on without him, with everybody simply chatting about whatever took their fancy. After a while, however, they noticed that Franklin had been gone for a strange amount of time.

"Frank?" Michael called out, as he left the table to search for him. The bathroom was empty, yet his car was still in the driveway. "What the hell?" Thoroughly confused, he pulled out his phone and made an attempt to call him. Strangely, it did not even ring. Instead, he was told by the service provider that his number could not be reached. What the fuck gives? he wondered, pacing around the house. He spent a few minutes searching every room, but there was no sign of him. Still confused, he went to walk back down the stairs when he heard his family collectively gasp.

"What the fuck?! Uncle T?" he heard Jimmy exclaim.

Tracey's voice soon followed. "What was that purple flash? Where did Uncle Trevor go?"

Okay, something seriously goddamn weird is going on right now, he thought as he rushed downstairs. However, just as he reached the bottom, he found himself frozen in place, unable to move no matter how hard he tried. "What the..?" he murmured, as a bright purple glow seemed to envelop his entire body. He tried to cry out, to scream or warn him family, but soon enough he could not do that either. In fact, he could not open his mouth at all. All he could do was watch in horror as the purple glow blinded him completely, driving him into unconsciousness.

His last thought before he passed out was simple: What the hell is happening?