PonyFall: Majestic Royalty

by DragonLS

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Original Character
Length: 41873

Princess Celestia is brought to the human world, can she survive this strange new land?

Gerald McCormack, a 22 year old college student that is living by himself with his trusty butler, Gordon. When he stumbles upon a strange majestic-like woman in his own obstacle course--with a pair of Double D's I might add--he takes the woman in, and realizes she strongly resembles Princess Celestia! Will she be able to handle the human world that is so different from Equestria's? Or will she go into a paranoia freak out and Gerald would be forced to kick her out since she seems to be a crazed drug-addict hippy!?

LET'S FIND OUT!

Rated T for Violence & Language

Info about collab located here: http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=405

Published 2012-03-26 02:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-08 00:52:50 UTC

CH0: Prologue (Revised) & CH1: Dimensions (Revised)

Chapter 0: Prologue

Date: ???

Chaos all around… how could this have happened? I could never have foreseen this incident happening. Maybe once. The second time? No, we couldn’t have expected that. Nobody, however, could have foreseen a third incident. Especially so soon after the last one...

Ponyville. Probably the most populated and visited town of all, was a distorted and ruined mess. Pink thunderclouds had formed in the blue sky, dropping chocolate raindrops that splashed and stained my coat. The surrounding buildings were a mess, as well. There were some that were upside down, more that were suspended in mid-air, and yet others that were completely distorted, as if they were an art experiment gone wrong.

The one who had caused all of this to happen, Discord, was standing before me. I never thought I would see him again. At least not in his current form, having been released, causing all of this madness.... It was unspeakable. I was furious, but also scared. Clutched by her neck in his taloned claw was my sister, Luna. I could see the midnight-colored Alicorn gasp for air as she tried, to no avail, to wiggle free from Discord's grasp. I merely stood there, watching and growling under my breath, as I tried to figure out how I could diffuse this situation without harming my sister in the process.

I couldn’t help but notice that a few other ponies had appeared beside me. My eyes shifted from left and right as six familiar ponies stood their ground from either side of me. I knew these representatives of the Elements of Harmony well. Pinkie Pie, the Element of Laughter. Rarity, the Element of Generosity. Applejack, the Element of Honesty. Rainbow Dash, the Element of Loyalty. Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness. Last but not least, my faithful student: Twilight Sparkle, the Element of Magic.

The bearers of the Elements of Harmony had gathered once more to take down Discord, but something seemed amiss. All six of them were here, but from what I could tell were not equipped with the Elements of Harmony. Did that mean they had come here unprepared? That wasn’t good. With Discord right in front of us, we couldn’t really escape either. I was about to speak to Discord, but he beat me to it. Discord merely gave a wicked smile towards me as he tightened his grip around Luna’s neck.

“Oh, now isn’t this so very delightful,” he crooned to us. “I do hope you didn’t really think that brute force could overcome my stunning wit and charm.

His wit and charm didn’t impress me, not in the least. There was nothing delightful with this chaotic being. I could see his other deformed animal hand reach for Luna’s face. Before he did so, Luna gave a pained smile toward me. Why was she smiling at me? Did she have a plan? Was she planning to sacrifice herself? No, whatever she was planning, it couldn’t be good. Before I could do anything however, her horn glowed brightly. I could see Discord give a small grin as he placed his hand, glowing with chaotic energy, on Luna’s horn.

What I saw next left my mouth agape. Luna had unleashed whatever spell she had been building up at the same time that Discord had released his own spell. A large ball of light appeared before them and, before I knew it, they were enveloped by it.

"What? Oh for the love of... ” Discord screamed as he was also consumed by the magic and vanished. Seeing Discord’s last expression before being enveloped would have left a satisfying smile on my face, but I didn’t have time to smile. When the ball of light enveloped him, it took my sister as well. With tears in my eyes, I couldn’t help but step forward.

“Sister!” I yelled for her. I never got a reply back. I worried that she had died when the light enveloped her. I couldn’t grieve for very long. That light was also coming towards me! I took a step back and looked towards the Elements of Harmony.

“Run, my little ponies!” I yelled. It was time for a hasty retreat, but I knew it was too late for me when I turned back toward the light. It was moving too rapidly, and I was soon enveloped in its pink glow. It felt warm and nauseating. My vision blurred as the light suddenly faded to complete darkness. What was happening to me? I wanted to escape, but I couldn’t see. I had nowhere to run as my body began to grow cold, chilling me to the bone. My body felt distorted and twisted, making me yell in pain. I wanted the cold and pain to stop. I didn’t want this…

I began to think I was dying, but I just didn’t know anymore. Eventually, it became harder to think and breathe, but I needed to keep myself focused. I tried to hold onto something, anything. My mind had grown fuzzy, however. Slowly, despite my best effort, everything faded to black.

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Special Thanks To Editor: DaMobbs

Chapter Originally Added: March 26th

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Chapter 1: Dimensions

Date: April 13th, 2012

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“Sir, are you sure you do not require a break?”

“Yes Gordon, I’m sure. I’m still good for at least another run through. I’m not drained just yet.”

“Very well sir… I shall be in the house if you require my services. Enjoy your run.”

“Right…”

I stared out from the back porch of my house, eyeing the obstacle course occupying my backyard. The sun was shining high in the sky blinding me for a few seconds until I adjusted my view back down to the yard. I looked back at my house: My small, one story house. Gordon was heading in through the back door, closing it softly behind him as if he was trying to be as sneaky as possible. I sighed, wondering just why I paid attention to all of these menial details. I mean, it comes in handy but sometimes I’d like to turn it off, if at all possible.

Gordon was my butler. Y’know... middle-aged, black suit, white shirt, black and grey hair... yeah, unbelievable right? What kind of 22 year old college kid needs a butler? Well apparently, my family thought I did. They couldn’t accept the fact that I’d live somewhere else away from them for an extended period of time. In short, I wanted to leave the nest, they didn’t want me to, and they came to a compromise of sorts. So, using their money and connections, they hired me a butler…

Honestly, it was a bittersweet opportunity. While a butler is nice to have around, I don’t feel as independent as I’d like to be. But life is all about adapting to new situations and I adapted. I’ve gotten to know him over the past year… Yes, a year. He’s actually a pretty nice guy when you look past the whole ‘I’m here to serve’ aspect of being a butler.

However, that’s besides the point. I was still sweating quite a bit from my last run of the obstacle course. It was fairly small enough to fit in my backyard which was around an eighth of an acre. I constructed it myself using tires and some discarded equipment. You would not believe what you could scrounge up in your local junkyard. Using some old tires, I made a small jogging course where I would maneuver my feet through the holes in the tires. One misstep and I’d, hopefully, fall onto the other tires to cushion the landing. It honestly reminded me of my Elementary school days and the games I’d play with my friends, but again I digress.

After that, there’s the seven foot tall wooden wall with very small ledges in seemingly random places. It made climbing all the harder with almost no solid hand or footholds. Building it wasn’t too hard. I just took a thick sheet of wood and chiseled out random areas. My hands took the brunt of the pain... not from the climbing but from the number of times I smacked it with the hammer by accident.

The rest of it is just a small track and loops leading back to the tires with some improvised hurdles here and there. It’s not much to look at but I can proudly say I did it myself. Besides, I can grab more junk in the future to expand on it. I’m hoping on installing a long stretch of monkey bars eventually but we’ll see what happens.

Just thinking about the course has gotten me riled up inside for another run through. I stretched once more before my last run when I caught a glimpse of myself through a mirror I had on my porch. I had brown short hair, blue eyes, large yet thin lips, sporting a white tank-top and brown jogging shorts. My glasses were slightly crooked so I pushed them back up my nose. I wasn’t really muscular by any means, but I had some muscle due to working out a little everyday, hence the course. There was no point in killing myself to gain bulging biceps. It didn’t feel right to me.

After checking myself out in the mirror, I slapped both my cheeks and took a couple of deep breaths. I looked up at the sky once more. No clouds whatsoever and it wasn’t scorching hot. Even the weather lady said it would be like this for the next few days. That meant zilch though, taking into regard their past track record with forecasts. Best to get this underway while the going was still good.

I stepped off the porch onto the grass, hopping to get my heart pumping and the blood flowing. I stumbled slightly as my foot managed to fall on an indent in the ground. I really had to get concrete for this obstacle course but like I said before, it’s still incomplete. Besides, it added an extra level of difficulty as i moved through it. I made my way to the first obstacle and crouched down like a sprinter at the block. I took a few more breaths and made sure I had good traction with my feet before mentally counting down from five.

As I hit zero, I immediately took off like a coiled spring being released and flew towards the tires. I could already feel the burn as my explosive start sapped quite a bit more energy than I thought it would. I didn’t slow down though. I instead just smiled like a madman making a break for it. As I approached the tires, I switched from long strides to quick up and down motions with my legs. My feet fell right into the middle of the first tire and the next. While speed was my priority, I still tried to keep from falling and only went as fast as I felt I could safely. The back end of my foot got caught on the last tire and I stumbled slightly. I regained my balance still half running and kept on trucking.

As I worked my way towards the wooden wall, I noticed something rather strange. Everything was enveloped in a slight pinkish hue, kind of like a rave but less intense. Actually, the colors all around me were starting to become whacky. I just brushed it off, putting it off as just me being more exhausted than normal. I reached the base of the wall still running and transferred that momentum into vertical height. I gripped the small ledges and proceeded to pull myself to the top. My fingers were starting to burn from fatigue now but I ignored their constant whining. No pain no gain and my hands weren’t exempt from that rule. I pulled myself to the apex of the wall and swung a leg over. I stopped at the very top for a quick breather, just now wondering why the light had developed a pinkish hue.

My question was answered as I looked up at the sky, my jaw somewhere on the ground by now. The sky was flashing pink. Even the clouds were more poofy than usual and a solid pink, almost like cotton candy. It didn’t make sense, but that’s what came to mind.

“Haha… Military right?” I asked myself. When it came to weather experiments and the military, shit hits the fan relatively quickly. I sighed as I watched the impromptu rave in the sky as this was probably the only time I’d see something like this ever.

“Maybe a test trial for a new firework? Probably some of those weird chemicals doing that to the air,” I said to myself once again, “but that’s some crazy shit, I swear…” As I said this though, the sky turned back to its’ light shade of blue as if somebody just flicked a switch. I furrowed my brows in thought. Now how did that work? I shook my head and rubbed my eyes.

“Maybe I just imagined it and I’m going through one of my crazy little ‘episodes’ again?” I decided to go with that. Out of all the explanations I could come up with, that one made the most sense. Shrugging, I hopped down the wall and landed on the soft grass in a tumble to dispel any downward momentum. I got back to my feet and started running to the next obstacle when I tripped on something and fell flat on my face. I rolled over to face the smile with a pained frown on my face. Thankfully, soft grass met my face and not hard cement. Incomplete course wins again.

At that moment, I smelled something rather peculiar to say the least. Fudge, or something chocolate-y or more on the side of brownies. The three were similar to each other yet fudge was the first to come into my mind. Was Gordon making fudge to tempt me from running the course again? No, that couldn’t be it. I sat up and was met with a rather interesting surprise. I, that is my brain, was confused but my lower section was having a field day.

A woman at first glance, completely naked without any clothing and sporting a pair of double D breasts. I stared a few moments longer before checking her out...

Not in that way, you damn pervert...

She had no visible bruises or cuts on any part of her body but she was unconscious. Maybe she was sleeping? Anyway, I came out of my stupor with my eyes somehow finding their way back to her breasts. I mean it doesn’t get easier than this and who wouldn’t want to take a gander? But getting back to my point, there was something really strange about her: She had long, majestic rainbow hued hair. It was vaguely familiar for some reason but I couldn’t place a finger on it.

Upon closer inspection, she smelled like fudge. That would explain the smell, I thought. I ran my hand through her soft majestic rainbow-like hair. It felt really soft and angelic, hair I haven’t felt in a very long time. My hand slowly found its’ way onto her body and—no, wait, what am I doing? I pulled my hand off her shoulder quickly. I had to stay calm. It was really hard to keep my libido under control as it was.

Why was this naked woman in my obstacle course and how did she get here? I could have sworn this area was fenced off. Unless she climbed over the gate?

I looked up at the sky again and then back down to her. I shook my head in disbelief. There were more pressing matters at hand and that could wait until said matter was awake. I needed to check for a pulse to see if she was alive. As I pressed my fingers up to her neck, I felt her heart pumping blood at a seemingly normal pace. Maybe she had internal injuries? It was a mystery to me. I placed a hand on her shoulder and shook her a few times.

“Uh ma’m, you ok? Time to get up...”, I asked her. I could hear some unintelligible mumblings but she was out cold and made no effort to respond. I only sighed. Come to think of it, she did seem rather familiar but where have I seen her before. As I looked at her beautiful hair, I put a forefinger and thumb on my temples in thought. One thing stood out. That rainbow hair… It looks similar to the hair Princess Celestia has. You know, in that My Little Pony TV show… I haven’t seen that show in like a month or so now, so my memory is slightly fuzzy, but… No, no no no, another time, another place.

I shook these thoughts out of my mind while trying to figure out the current issue at hand. I can’t just leave her here, not to mention she’s smack dab in the middle of my course. I sighed once more as I took a small walkie-talkie out of my pocket. I usually keep it with me if I needed to talk to Gordon immediately. I pressed the transmit button and spoke.

“Gordon, come in Gordon.”, I said into the walkie-talkie. As I let go, static came over the speaker until a slightly audible click came through. Then Gordon’s voice came on.

“Yes Master? This is Gordon.”

“Prepare the guest bedroom. We have an unexpected guest that is in need of a bed.”

“Very well sir. May I ask just who is this guest?”

I looked down at the woman and sighed before continuing.

“Not sure, but please have a large blanket ready. She’s naked.”

“Naked, sir? Should I call the police, sir?”

“No, not yet. I want to know who this woman is first when she wakes up. For now, just prepare the guest bedroom and a blanket. Out.”

I flipped the volume to low and put it back in my pocket. I leaned down and scooped my hands under her to pick her up. Despite her size, she was a lot lighter than I expected... almost like a couple of pillows, which was actually pretty impressive. Then again, it was a woman and they loved maintaining slim figures so it made sense.

As I walked back towards my house, I could feel her stirring with slight movements of her legs but that was about it since I could still hear her snoring. I still don’t even know who this woman is either. Other than a vague resemblance of a fictional cartoon character, she was a stranger. That and this was trespassing.

“Mm… Muffins…”

I blinked. Okay, who would murmur muffins in their sleep? I mean seriously. Not even I, Gerald McCormack, would mutter such things!

…Okay, maybe I would but that wasn’t the point. The point is she actually said something. Maybe she was having a pleasant dream about muffins? Maybe she was a baker? I didn’t know. As I got closer to my house, I could see Gordon standing next to the door, blanket in hand, watching me come closer to the house. As I did, he raised a brow in surprise.

“Sir, here is the blanket that you asked--hmm?” I saw shoot a small glance at the naked woman and a blush appeared on his normally neutral face. “I can see why she needs a blanket. If I may say sir, you always did have a thing for the ladies”, Gordon said with a chuckle. I deadpanned. His jokes can be a little stupid at times, even in situations like these. I ignored it as Gordon placed the blanket on top of her, for the sake of covering up her lack of decency. I looked back at Gordon.

“Prepare a muffin and a glass of water for our guest and possibly some migraine pills too. I’ll be taking her to the guest room”, I said as I walked passed him. He gave a small gentlemanly bow. I then stopped and looked at Gordon. “And Gordon...” He looked up at me. “I just found her like this. I wish you’d stop getting so many funny ideas… sheesh.”

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The guest bedroom. I never thought I would ever use it especially since I don’t have many guests in my house to begin with. I didn’t have that many friends to be honest except for maybe a few college mates of mine, but that was it. The guest bedroom contained a small twin-size bed with some blue and red sheets and a silver comforter on top. There was a small window that showed off the entire backyard and the course in all its glory. Using a free hand to move the covers, I laid her down in the bed after taking off the blanket wrapped around her so it would be more comfortable. I then brought the sheets over her body.

Sleeping naked wasn’t a big deal by any means. Some people do it and heck, even I do it on occasion. Although I would prefer to keep my underwear on if I were to ever do such a thing again… Much more security that way if you know what I mean.

But anyway, I covered her up and I could see she squirmed a little to get into a more comfortable position. I smiled at the sight but that turned into a look of confusion almost instantly. Now that she was alright, how did she appear in that obstacle course and why did she smell of chocolate, or fudge, or whatever that sweet odor was… Lots of questions yet no answers and the only person I could get those answers from was temporarily unavailable.
“This isn’t by any means normal... especially when she’s naked.” I said to myself. I heard a knock on the door behind me and it opened. I turned my head to see it was Gordon with a tray in hand. On said tray was a muffin, a glass of water, and two white caplets which I assumed was some migraine medication. He placed the tray on the bedside table before regarding the woman on the bed. Gordon turned and looked back at me.

“So just who is our guest, sir?” Gordon said.

“Honestly, your guess is as good as mine. I found her in the middle of my obstacle course.” I looked back at the woman and then back. “It’s very puzzling though, coming here naked I mean. Looking at the situation, she’s probably just one of those old styled hippies or maybe someone left her there to die. Without knowing her story, I can’t say for certain.” I scratched my chin as I dismissed a rather absurd idea that my mind formed. “No, couldn’t be… No one’s stupid enough to wander around the neighborhood naked and no one’s dumb enough to leave a dying person in someone’s yard... unless she was high on drugs or something.”

“If I may sir… There are some people who do not think ahead of time and just leave the bodies as they are. Then again, they wouldn’t leave them alive like this.”

“I see… But still… she’s here and she’s alive. That’s what matters. I STILL want to know who she is though.”

I rubbed the temples of my head as I felt the beginnings of a headache form. I looked back at the bed and then back at Gordon before realizing that I was slightly parched from the workout. I didn’t realize it since I was carrying that woman but now it was plain obvious.

“Gordon, could you go and get another glass of water? I’m feeling rather thirsty.”

“Very good sir. One moment.”

He quickly bowed and proceeded out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him. I gave a small sigh. That butler of mine is great. He really is. I guess I should thank my parents for ‘something’ after all. I kept looking at the covered form of the woman in front of me. She reminded me of a fallen angel to be honest. Then again, that isn’t feasibly possible but still, a man can dream.

She looked really heavenly while she was sleeping in the guest bed. It almost made me feel like I wanted to touch her hair again, as if it were drawing me in, but I can’t have that kind of temptation right now. She needs to sleep off whatever is wrong with her and then she can answer the questions that are bothering my mind. But you know, the more I look at her, the more I keep thinking about her hair. Why does she remind me of Princess Celestia so much? Is it really the damn hair? I know it can’t be though. Celestia’s an Alicorn, not a human. Not to mention that the cartoon is fictional. It’s not real.

At this point, I just didn’t care. I’ve killed too many cats as of late—well, not literally—when it came to curiosity. I found myself next to the bed. I couldn’t help but bring my hand towards her magnificent hair again. The woman’s eyes popped open immediately and grabbed my hand. I yelped in shock as I jerked my hand back and tripped over my own feet onto the floor behind me. When I looked up, she was also sitting up, taking no care to cover up her breasts. Her beautiful purple eyes stared right at me and she shouted in a voice that made my ears ring.

“Who are you and just what do you think you’re doing!?”

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AN: Whew, now this chapter I felt motivated and confident with. Not a single case of writers block, woo! Now then, was it exciting? Was it decent? I’m welcome to any criticism.

EN: Praise the glory of the Editors and Proofreaders!

CH2: Information (Revised)

Special Thanks to Editor: Bronymaster

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Chapter 2: Information
Date: April 13th, 2012

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Her movements and response caught me plenty off-guard. She looked so peaceful while she was sleeping, and then she surprised me with that sneaky move. I blinked a couple times as I looked at her. Those lovely purple eyes really give a small beauty to her face and figure. But I couldn’t just stand here admiring how she looked. The strange woman gave a forced frown as she punched her closed fist into the air, as if she was pointing at me with it.

“I asked you a question: What do you think you’re doing, where am I, and why bring me to such a place you beast?” She said to me angrily. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was confused at her situation. I stood still, calm again, and looked right at her eyes with crossed arms. Before I said anything, I noticed that she was only pointing at me with her fist. It’s a minor detail but… why won’t she just point a finger at me instead of her fist? I shook my head a couple of times, dismissing the thought for now, and looked at her once more.

“Well good evening to you too.” I said mockingly. “To put it in a nutshell, you’re in my house, in the guest bedroom to be exact. I had to drag your sleeping butt off of my obstacle course so I could put you to bed. What you saw me doing was checking to see if you were alright.” That last part was a lie. I couldn’t exactly tell her that I was attempting to touch her hair, especially since it was so unique-looking in my opinion. I continued my explanation as I could see her with anger in her eyes. I spread my arms wide, as if showing off the room.

“I would’ve expected a thank you, but I guess calling me a beast negates that possibility, ma’am.” I said with a frown. The woman merely blinked in disbelief as she took a glance around the room. She dropped her fist down on the covers and took a look at it. This brought with it a look of confusion and shock on her face. What was she so confused about now, I wondered?

I eyed her carefully, studying her expressions and movements as I see her looking at her closed fist. She eyed it carefully as she attempted to extend the fingers of her hand, and gave them a small wiggle. She twisted her hand all around, as if glancing at a new toy. I raised a brow at her in confusion. Just what was she doing that seemed so confusing to her?

“Look, as much as I love watching you admire your hand, I have some questions to ask you.” I told her. But it seemed the words didn’t reach her, since she was still looking at her hand. She then lifted her other hand and did the same thing to that one. I gave a small sigh as I brought up a small wooden stool to sit on, my feet being tired of standing.

“Hey, rainbow girl; are you listening?” I said with a slightly raised voice. This did get her attention as she stopped looking at her hands, and looked back towards me with what seemed like anger in her eyes.

“What foul magic did you use on me to put me into this form!?” The rainbow haired girl commanded.

Now it was my turn to be confused. Was this a role-play session gone bad, or did she just say that she wanted to know what put her into her form? What form was she talking about? Maybe she meant her clothes; after all, she was naked when I found her. I merely gave a shrug.

“Magic, you say? Ma’am, I think you’re confusing something here… You were naked to begin with. I didn’t find a single shred of clothing on you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Er, that’s not what you were thinking?”

“No, I want you to stop playing games with me, and tell me why I’m in this form with… with this hairless skin and, these things that are on my hoofs!” She said, wiggling her fingers on her hand. At this point, I gave her a deadpanned look. Yep, this woman was certainly on drugs. I rubbed my forehead in disbelief with a palm of my hand.

“Lady, you’re a human… in case you haven’t figured that out by now… Also, those aren’t hoofs, they’re hands. You make it sound like you were originally a horse.”

“No, of course not,” I merely sighed at her response. “I’m originally an Alicorn, a royal princess of the highest order in all of Equestria!” That’s when my eyes shot up and looked back up towards the woman. First, it was a look of doubt, and then, a look of happiness.

Then it evolved into a small chuckle and full blown laughter after that. I held my sides as I laughed my butt off at her response. Either this woman took too much cocaine, or she was role-playing… horribly. I wanted to assume it was role-playing though. I could hear her voice as I laughed.

“What seems to be so funny? Am I not convincing enough?”

“Ah heh…” My laugher had calmed down, but I couldn’t look at her seriously after that response, but I decided to play along for a brief moment. “Well, if you’re an Alicorn, where are your wings and horn: Because if I recall, an alicorn is supposed to have those two things.

Her eyes widen, and in response, I blinked once more. She brought her hands up to her forehead and felt around, as if she really was trying to see if she had a horn on her head. As she did though, the blanket dropped slightly from her chest, and her zippety doo dads—aka breasts—came well into my vision. I decided to say something.

“If you’re going to look for your invisible horn, you should cover yourself up first.” She shot me a confusing glare when I said this.

“Cover what up?”

“Are you dense lady? Your ‘melons’ are in the open air. My ‘eyes’ are staring at them. And if anyone else was in here, their ‘eyes’ would be staring at your ‘great tracts of land’ too.” I raised my two fingers on each hand and bent them, for each word I said in a different tone. She tilted her head as she looked at me, still confused still. Either she was on drugs or she didn’t know the meaning of decency. I just sighed as I told it to her straight.

“Good lord lady… Your chest: Hide it with the bed sheets in front of you. Have you no decency!?” I said with disbelief in my voice. The woman looked down at her chest and became even more wide-eyed. And what I couldn’t believe next was just plain… bizarre. She wrapped her hands around them, and copped a feel of her own breasts. I placed my hand in front of my face, wondering what kind of twisted scene I’ve been placed in.

“What are these?” She asked questioningly. These questions… they were becoming really stupid now. As she looked at me while groping her breasts, I gave a small blush at the rather clumsy, but erotic scene. I shook my head repeatedly and just decided enough was enough.

“Alright, that’s enough. Put your hands down on the sheets, cover your chest, and let’s ask some questions, alright? You’re overloading my brain with nonsense here!” I said to her. She blinked a couple of times, and then looked at her hands. She placed them on the covers of the sheets, while still trying to use her fingers. The fact that she was ‘trying’ to use her fingers just piled onto the confusion of who she was and what the hell she was doing to begin with. It was like she was born yesterday, and is already experimenting with the world around her… or herself for that matter. Eventually though, she did cover her chest up, and I could finally look at her straight again.

I gave a small sigh as I sat back down on the wooden stool. “Now then… May I ask you your name, Ms…?”

“Celestia.”

Oh for the love of…

“Lady, stop clowning around with this My Little Pony business and tell me your actual name! In case you haven’t noticed, you’re not in Equestria, you’re not Celestia, and you’re certainly giving me a headache by doing this!”

“I’m what!?”

‘Celestia’ as she calls herself, gasped at my words. Which ones, I don’t even know. I just know that she gasped and brought a hand over her mouth.

“This… isn’t Equestria?” I gave a heavy sigh at her response. Fine, she wants to play this way? I’ll humor her. If it’s for the sake of getting HER questions out of the way, and getting MINE in, no matter how ridiculous they are.

“Yes… What you’re seeing right now isn’t Equestria. You’re on the planet Earth, in the United States.”

“How… what… that can’t be… How did I…” She kept speaking in her monologue, as if I was oblivious to her speaking out loud. Her hand went to her chin and made her realized what she was using. She looked at her hand again briefly as it looked like she was in deep thought. She then looked back at me.

“I am a human, you said?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“And I’m in this… United States?”

“Yes, you’re gettin’ it.”

“How did I get here?”

“I’m not sure. Like I said earlier, I found you on my obstacle course, naked. After finding you I brought you here in my guest bedroom for you to recover, then one argument led to another—with a bunch of confusion I might add—and here we are.”

“I… I see… So then… how did this all happen?” That last question confused me. What was she talking about? And she really believed she was from that TV show? No, wait… she kept saying she was from Equestria… Maybe she banged her head and got her memory mixed up, or perhaps she isn’t aware that MLP is a TV show… Ugh… I held my head in confusion, but that didn’t matter: I was still fucking confused about the last ten or fifteen minutes! As confusion ran amuck in my head, Celestia shot her head up and her eyes went wide, as if she finally realized something. I raised a brow at her along with a response.

“Something wrong, Celestia, or whatever you call yourself?”

“Yes… I remember now… that moment! That time when…” She said, trailing off slightly, and then looked out the window as she said out loud.

“Discord… yes, now I see… he must have zapped me during that disastrous battle… causing me to turn into this form and send me here, to this United States or whichever it is you say… that must be it… it seems all so clear now!”

It seems like you’re crazy, that’s what I think. But it did support the fact that she was in the middle of my obs—wait, what the hell, that doesn’t support a damn thing at all! Her fictional mix-ups were giving me a headache, and yet she looked so serious, so sincere, to think that anything of what she says is true!

“Or… it could be that your brain isn’t working properly and that you’re someone else entirely, and someone left you for dead on my obstacle course. I still don’t believe your story, and it’s quite farfetched. Magic or those zappy things doesn’t exist here in this world.

“Human, you don’t—“

“Gerald.”

“Huh?”

“It’s Gerald McCormack, that’s my name.”

“Well, as I was saying Gerald… I am Princess Celestia, and I will show you the power of magic.” She immediately closed her eyes, and immediately furrowed her brows, as if she was concentrating. If she did do magic, I would be surprised. But there was one thing I had to point out to her. I pointed towards her forehead.

“Lady, you don’t have your horn… you don’t have any magic, and you never will…” She immediately opened her eyes to my response, only realizing just now that she didn’t have her horn, despite checking her face a few minutes ago. I merely sighed.

“Alright, let’s say for a moment that you are ‘Celestia’, and I have to admit, you’ve got the hair down to a T, but this doesn’t prove anything… You’re probably just some random role-player that wandered about, fell, bumped their head, and suddenly have amnesia. Because of this, you believe you’re some other person. What you’re telling me is fictional: No one has horns on their heads around here, and no one is born with wings, except for pigeons or birds and whatever.” I said to her. She merely frowned at me.

“But all of it is true, you must believe me, Gerald.” She pleaded. I closed my eyes for a moment and then looked back at her.

“Well, for now, I believe you should get some rest. You’ve had a long day, I’m sure, and you’re practically naked. It would be best for you to stay here and recuperate and think things through. Oh and also…” I said pointing to a nearby tray next to her bedside. “There’s a muffin and a glass of water there. Feel free to help yourself, since I’m sure you’re hungry and thirsty.” As I said this, I sat up from the wooden stool, and started to walk towards the door, while looking back at her.

“I have a lot to think about, especially this fictional situation you’ve explained to me.” I walked out the door without a second thought, and closed it from the other side.

XXXXXXX

AN: Well now, Celestia is in quite a bind, isn’t she? And Gerald doesn’t believe a word she’s saying. He’s becoming one tough cookie to crack open, eh? Anyway, this chapter is slightly shorter, but it does reveal quite a bit into light… and just raises more questions. Stay tuned!

CH3: Interference

Chapter 3: Interference
Date: April 13th, 2012

“This is just plain ridiculous…” I muttered to myself when I closed the door. That woman can’t be Princess Celestia; the whole MLP universe is a work of fiction and a children’s TV show… well, mostly a children’s TV show, but nonetheless, it’s all fictional. And yet… something in my mind makes me think I should believe her. She has the majestic soft rainbow hair, she’s got the eyes… but, no its fiction, and it can’t be her. Plus she’s not an Alicorn; she’s a human… wait, she actually mentioned she was an alicorn.

I took a small deep breath as these thoughts riddled my mind with confusion. I decided to turn around and head towards the kitchen. The police needs to pick this woman up anyway, and I immediately gasped when I saw who was behind me. The familiar black suit made no effort to recognize who it was. I took a couple of small breaths as I saw Gordon in front of me.

“Geez Gordon, don’t scare me like that,” I said to him. “You nearly gave me a heart attack… hm?” I eyed him briefly before seeing that he had a glass of clear liquid in his hand. I looked up back to him as he gave a small smile.

“It is your water sir.” Gordon said to me. I gave another small sigh as I gave a small thank you to Gordon, took the glass from his hand, and gave a small gulp from the glass of water. The liquid chilled my throat, and gave me a nice satisfaction to feel my thirst has finally been quenched. My body shivered slightly though as it felt the coldness go down my throat and spread throughout my body. I gave a small ‘whew’ as I gave a smile towards Gordon.

“Thanks Gordon, I needed that…”I said with satisfaction.

“What of our guest, sir?”

“She seems to be alright, Gordon. She just woke up.”

“Do you know who she is sir?”

“I… am not sure myself, to be honest. A lot of what she’s told me doesn’t make sense, and it’s making me think she’s high on drugs.”

“What makes you say this, sir?”

Gordon is aware that I watch My Little Pony. In fact, he caught me a few times watching it on the internet, especially since I can’t catch the times of when it comes on… Having your life’s schedule on your hands can be a bitch, especially since I miss a lot of good shows due to college. I sigh as I look at Gordon, trying to keep a straight face.

“You’re aware of the TV show, My Little Pony, right?”

“Well of course sir. I will not question your taste in TV shows, since it does seem to be your favorite.”

“Well, not exactly my favorite, but it’s not a bad show by any means… It’s not bad if I have time to kill.”

“If I may, sir, where are you going with this line of topic?”

“That woman seems to believe she’s from the very same TV show.”

“I’m sorry, sir? You mean she’s a voice actress of the--” Gordon said, but was interrupted by me when I tried to correct him.

“No no. I mean, she literally thinks, she’s from the actual TV show, as in if the show was reality itself, as if the world was real.” I said to Gordon, and obviously, he gave a facial look of confusion, and a raised brow. I gave a small sigh at this action. “Yes, it’s crazy, and I don’t believe her because of that, and yet she insists that she is.” I gave another sip of my water. The more I talked about it, the crazier it seemed. Sure, everyone wishes their favorite cartoons or TV shows came to life, but that woman was crazy to think such things could literally happen. I finished the rest of my water from the glass and handed it to Gordon, while I walked past him towards the kitchen. I turned my head towards him as I walked down the hall.

“I’m calling the police Gordon, this woman needs help.”

XXXXXX

“Damn it!” I said as I slammed the phone on the receiver. The house phone, my cell phone—every single phone I owned didn’t have any response; I always got that ‘Your call is not available’ something voice whenever you have an invalid call. I could use the walkie-talkie to call the police, but then I’d be an idiot if I were to make such an attempt. I sat down on the kitchen stool, trying to think up my next move.

“What could be causing the phone lines and signals to not respond correctly? It’s like something is giving them interference… I mean I can understand my house phone not working, but my cell phone not working either? That can’t be a coincidence.”

Calling the police was an option that had to be crossed out. It seems I’m stuck with that woman until the phone lines get fixed. I gave a small sigh as I rubbed the bridge of my nose, slightly frustrated. I looked towards my left and saw the living room, with my TV sitting there. I gave a small shrug as I sat up and walked towards the couch.

“Now that I think about it, I wonder if there’s any news on the TV. I need something to calm my nerves.”

As I walked into the living room and took a seat down on the soft black leather couch, I gave a breath of approval to how comfy it was. Grabbing the TV remote, I turned on the TV and turned it towards my local news channel. The screen flashed as I heard the sound come forth from the TV speakers. So far, there didn’t seem to be much on the news, just some things about the stock market and some possible tornado warnings, which only earned me a shrug towards it.

That was when the news anchor stopped in the middle of his report, and saw that he was requested to move aside for some more important news. I raised a brow at this. It’s not very often they would do that sort of thing, especially when it’s live. I leaned forward to get a better view of the television. Some guy in a fancy blue suit was explaining about how there had been some brief, but weird weather around the vicinity of Atlanta, Georgia. But no, it wasn’t just Georgia… A grid pops up in the middle of the TV screen, which made me blink a couple of times. As the news anchor talked while the grid was up, he also pointed at random spots on the grid. The grid was a small world map, showing the entire world, whether it be the U.S., Europe, Australia… he kept pointing at certain spots, indicating there were a bunch of pink weather located all over the place. Pink weather… did he mean the sky that flashed pink several times?

As he pointed out several locations, he also mentioned that phone lines and phone signals have been jammed temporarily from this strange weather all over the world, and has resulted in technical problems. I just waved my hand at it.

“Geez, why not explain why I still have my damn TV signal then?” I said to the TV screen. Of course, the TV never answered my question. It would have been rather creepy if the TV did speak back and walked on two legs, but that was just me. The anchor just kept going on how this strange pink weather could be some kind of experiment gone wrong, but they lacked any solid proof if this was the case. I merely sighed. “The news can be useless sometimes, but it does raise something odd.”

What I saw earlier wasn’t my imagination: Pink flashes of light in the sky really did happen, and it apparently happened in several different places in the world. This can’t be a coincidence… especially since I found that girl as soon as those pink flashes appeared. But could the girl and those pink flashes be related? Why does this remind me of cute pink fluffy bunnies?

I need to stop thinking such idiotic things. As it stands, it’s just some weird pink weather that temporarily showed itself, and knocked out anything phone-related. I got up from the couch and looked out back towards the obstacle course, and then towards the sky. The sky was as blue as always, no abnormalities or anything. I sighed as I flipped out my cellphone, and still saw I had no service. I flipped it back and put it in my pocket.

I decided to go check on that woman once more, to see how she was doing. It’s already been a good twenty minutes now. I bumped into Gordon along the way as we both gave a nod. Actually, that reminds me, since that woman is here in my house, it would be best to get her into some clothes. I looked at Gordon.

“Gordon, could you grab some old clothes from my room closet; maybe a large T-shirt and some pajama pants? I would prefer not to have a naked woman around the house.” Gordon gives a nod as I went passed him.

For now, it would be best to call that woman Celestia, for the sake of having a name to even call her to begin with. As I opened the bedroom door, I saw a rather odd, but baffling sight. Celestia had a tray in her lap, with the blanket still covering her chest, and along with a fork in her hand, and apparently, she had stabbed the muffin that was in front of her with a fork. My guess is she was trying to eat the muffin with a fork. She was about to bite into her muffin until her gaze met mine.

“I didn’t see you come in Gerald, how are you?” Celestia said with a smile. Well, at least she seems a little calmer now than before.

“I’m fine Celestia.” It feels a little awkward calling her Celestia, but it’s better than calling her Lady or Woman. Celestia gave a couple blinks towards me, as if she didn’t believe what I just said.

“I thought you said you didn’t believe that I am Celestia?”

“For the sake of familiarity, it’s best to call you by name… I never said you’ve convinced me that you really are Celestia.” I needed to ask this woman more questions, but being careful not to spark any more of that My Little Pony nonsense… which was probably going to be impossible. I sat in the usual stool that I had sat in earlier when I was here, and gave a small stare as she bit into her muffin. I looked as she used her fingers to hold the fork in her hand, giving a small bite towards the piece of muffin at the end. I then looked back at her purple eyes.

“I see you’re getting used to your fingers?” I asked her. She gave a small timid smile in response.

“Yes… I had no idea it was so much easier to grip things with these fingers on these so-called hands. It is much better than using hooves… Although I still wish I had my horn, since it’s much easier to levitate things with magic.”

Yet again, the ridiculous begins once more. She still believes she was previously an Alicorn, but for now, I had to play along.

“You seem calmer than before we talked… if you were previously an Alicorn, I thought you would be in more of a panic, having lost your abilities?”

“I was, at first… but there is no sense in panicking over something I have lost. I only hope someday I can return to my original form and head back to my own world.”

She was pretty calm and collected, but I can see in that smile was a hint of sadness. It was a forced smile, and she was only trying to cheer herself up. Why did she believe in something that didn’t exist in the first place? Once again, it’s a situation that confused me. I decided it was best to go ahead and play along still, enduring the ridiculous answers she’ll give me. I couldn’t call the police or anything, so I didn’t have much choice but to kill time.

“You said previously that you had a disastrous battle with Discord, correct?” Celestia gave a small nod to my question. “What makes you think Discord was the cause of zapping you here to the United States? If I recall, Discord is supposed to be some kind of deity of chaos, or god of chaos, something like that… I don’t even see how he has the power to zap things into different worlds.”

Celestia raised a brow at my response.

“Discord’s power knows no limits; even I do not know the extent of his full power… But I am here, in this world, and I have witnessed it, and felt it. It is perhaps that sending me here is part of his power of chaos.”

“What reason would he have by sending you here?”

“I do not know. It is strange he would not defeat me then and there. I do not know his motives for such an action.”

So even she doesn’t know why she was brought into this world, assuming she was even from another world to begin with… Discord is unpredictable to my knowledge, and even I don’t know what other powers he has… I rubbed the base of my nose as I sighed. Great, why do I suddenly have the feeling that I believe her story? Does my mind want to believe, or is it because the more she explains it, I have no choice but to believe? Not once has she changed her mind, or told me it was some cruel joke, and… focusing on her now, she doesn’t seem to be lying. I mean, what reason could she have?

There was one other thing that she hadn’t explained to me though… her last moments before Discord zapped her. The pink sky, her sudden appearance on my obstacle course… perhaps there is a connection if I ask her?

“Celestia, tell me, before Discord zapped you to this universe, did the sky look strange to you?”

Celestia gave me a wide-eyed look as her mouth went agape.

“Why… yes, there was one thing that seemed odd. Before Discord had zapped me, the sky was an unusual pink… Pink thunderclouds boomed, brown milk-like droplets dropped towards the earth, and it is as if the pink clouds were giving off a bright light. Why do you ask?”

I blinked a couple of times at her explanation. No, it couldn’t be… could it? I remember the Discord episode quite well, but I completely forgot about the pink clouds that were involved… The cotton candy ones if I remember correctly. Pink clouds in that world, and the… the pink weather in this world! The news channel, her description, the non-familiarity of her body parts, the show… no, this isn’t a coincidence, and it can’t be. Too much has been presented to me, and just now, I’m starting to fit the pieces together… I need to confirm one more thing if this is all true though.

“Celestia, I need to look at the side of your butt real quick. I need to confirm something…!” I said to her with panic in my eyes. Celestia brought the cover up to her closer as she heard my request, and gave a glare.

“What is the meaning of this!?”

“No time to explain, Celestia. Let me see!”

This wasn’t the matter of satisfying my sexual desire, but it was more in line to get things to make more sense. As I uncovered part of the blanket that covered her ass, she tried to resist by bringing the blanket closer to her, but I didn’t care, I needed to confirm my fear.

And I saw it… it was an orange and yellow circle surrounded by other small objects that made a circular pattern around the circle. It radiated with a small but faint aura as I looked at it more and more. I didn’t want to believe it, but such an aura shouldn’t even exist. And this mark… this unmistakable mark, now has me partially, if not more convinced…

She had the Sun Cutie Mark, the mark that only the Alicorn Goddess, Princess Celestia, would have.

CH4: Adapting

Special Thanks to Proofreaders: TheSlorg, Xayph

Chapter 4: Adapting

Date: April 13th, 2012

This is unbelievable, it has to be… Never would I have thought that a string of minor events would connect to a major one like this… No, no! It goes against every inch of logic I’ve ever stood for if I start believing it now!

And yet… it was beginning to bother me. I mainly refused to believe most of this fictional nonsense because on its own it didn’t make any sense. But seeing that cutie mark, it giving off a faint magical aura-ish glow… Should I start believing?

“Gerald?”

The familiar voice from Celestia brought me back to my senses as I looked at her. I saw her give an angry frown. Oh great, I pissed off Ms. Princess here… assuming she is the princess anyway.

“Would you explain why looking at my flank had anything to do with what you wanted to see, and how do you know of Equestria? And of my Cutie Mark? I find this highly suspicious.”

It’s more like I find you suspicious Celestia... It would probably be best to keep my knowledge of her world a secret for right now, so it’s best if I dodged her question.

“I wanted to confirm if you were seriously Princess Celestia.” I gave a tired sigh when I called her that. “…And regrettably, I’m beginning to believe you.”

“You are? What made you finally believe me?”

“I didn’t say I completely believe you… but piecing together the events that happened today, and along with your story, it’s starting to make a little bit of sense. You see, your world wasn’t the only place with pink clouds. It occurred here as well.”

That’s when Celestia made a rather abrupt jump in the bed… no, it’s more like she shook in horror as she gave me a wide-eyed look. It almost looked like she was about to tackle me. I’d do the same if I heard something crazy as that… except it came from my own mouth. The sheet that covered her front body dropped mid-waist, exposing her cleavage. I averted my gaze towards her eyes so I could keep focus.

“This world… it has pink clouds too!?” She gasped. I only shook my head.

“No, it doesn’t… Here in this world, we don’t have pink clouds. It either gets cloudy, rains, or it shines with the sun. Or heck, this area tends to get thunderstorms a lot… but never do we get pink clouds. To be honest, I thought it was a weather experiment gone wrong by the military or scientists…” I said bluntly.

Now Celestia shot me a confused look, with a raised brow on her face.

“…Military? Scientists?”

“Er, right… um, basically, Military is kind of like your Royal Guard in your castle. You know, soldiers that serve the princess, or, this country in my world, um…” When it comes to explaining things in a detailed manner, I was never really great. I always liked to keep things simple and be done with it, but I do have my moments when I can give a detailed explanation, I just can’t do it to save my life whenever I chose.

“…Well, let’s just say that the military here in this world serves the country, helps protect it from attacks and such. Basically, they keep the civilians of this land safe.”

“I see… similar to the royal guard… you humans use such strange words to describe what you have.”

“You’re calling ME strange!? Think about what I’ve just seen and heard in the past couple hours!” I thought to myself.

“So, anyway… you said before that Discord zapped you into this world?”

“I… suppose? The details are still a bit fuzzy…”

“I see, well what CAN you remember?”

And just like that, she started to explain the circumstances of how she may have arrived here in my world. According to her, it seems to be all of Discord’s doing, breaking free of his statue prison, her facing him down while her sister, Luna, was grabbed by that demonic freak…

After that, she couldn’t remember much else except a blinding light. I rubbed my chin in confusion, unsure of how to answer her story. It was a bit short, but complicated.

“I see… so you don’t know what else happened after that?”

“No, I don’t… I’m not sure what has happened to Discord, Luna, or any of the other ponies, nor do I know what has happened to Equestria because of it. It… I don’t know what to do Gerald.”

I could see where she’s going with that. Being knocked from one world into another, then shapeshifted into a form different than what she’s familiar with. I still thought this entire thing is weird, but… why do I want to help her?

She did have a point though… What would the next step for her be? She had nowhere to go, she knows no one around here, and her only source of information would be me. Alone, she probably won’t survive in this world.

“Geh.” I felt really conflicted… Part of me believes her, and part of me wants to throw her out. It gave me a headache just thinking about it. I could see she broke in tears as I tried to think about all of this. Did I just make a grown woman cry? This is unbelievable.

Regardless, I placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a soft rub. Celestia looked back at me, teary eyed, and confused. I gave her a big smile and said, “Don’t worry; I’m sure you’ll figure everything out with time. Don’t give up hope and such.” I said, trying to comfort her. She gave a small sniffle as she smiled nervously. That’s when I heard a knock on the door, and shifted my attention toward it. As it opened, I saw Gordon come through with a stack of clothes in hand. He gave a small bow as he greeted us with a smile.

“The missus’s clothes are ready, sir… hm?” That’s when Gordon brought his gaze upon Celestia. It appeared as if he was ogling her. Oh lord; I forgot to tell her to cover up her chest! Gordon looked back at me with a frown.

“Am I interrupting a special moment sir? Do you need privacy?”

I brought my hand over my face in disbelief over the most embarrassing misunderstanding I’ve ever heard. Well, okay, maybe not the most embarrassing, but my face felt red, and it felt embarrassing to me.

“N-no, Gordon, it’s nothing like that. It’s just conversation… Are those the clothes for her?”

“Indeed sir, shall I hand them to our guest?”

“That goes without question, Gordon…”

I looked back at Celestia, and she was still rather confused by what we were talking about. Just how dense can she be? I then pointed at her.

“And for the love of God Celestia, cover your chest already! Have you no dignity!?”

XXXXXX

Fifteen minutes… These minutes felt like an eternity to me as I stood outside the guest room door, waiting for Celestia to change into the clothes shes been given. I didn’t have bras, panties or anything like that, so my clothes had to do for now. If I did have such things, I’m pretty sure I’d be shunned by society, or a hero among perverts… Whichever it is, I don’t want it.

Gordon stood next to me as I waited. Geez, do women always take this long to get dressed? Maybe they like to make men wait just to have fun? No, Celestia doesn’t seem to be the type of woman—or pony—to do such a thing. She’s one of those righteous and friendly types. But here… she didn’t seem that friendly. Then again, she’s been flung into an unknown world. It’s probably common for anyone’s reaction to be like that, I suppose.

I looked at Gordon, standing so diligently like his life depended on it. With everything so quiet, I decided to break the ice.

“So, Gordon… what do you think of our guest?” That question came out so suggestive it could’ve been interpreted in so many different ways, but Gordon merely gave a small but understandable reply.

“I do not know sir, but she seems to be a rather odd woman. I have never seen hair like that before.” Gordon looked toward me with a questionable look. “Have you contacted the authorities about her yet?”

“No, both the house phones and cellphones are down. I can’t seem to get a call in. As a matter of fact…” I flipped open my cellphone, and frowned: Still no signal. I put away my cellphone and shook my head at Gordon. “Yep, still no signal.”

“I see sir… what about driving her to the authorities?”

Driving her… now why didn’t I think of that? It would’ve been an option to consider, if it weren’t for the strange circumstances… What with the pink clouds, her strange arrival, her cutie mark, and her story of the events being pieced together…

I only sighed as I shook my head. “It’s an option, but… it might not be something we should do. After hearing her story a bit, it might be a better idea if she stays with us for a few days.” I could’ve sworn I saw Gordon furrow his brow for a split second when I said that, but I could’ve been imagining it. I raised my own brow at him as I looked at him for a few seconds quizzically, but then I just gave a small sigh.

“You’re against it, aren’t you Gordon?”

“I am sorry to say sir, but yes… Forgive me if I sound rude, but you are not following common sense. Why do you wish to keep her here for a few days?”

‘She’s from the My Little Pony TV show, and I want to keep her here forever!’ is what I want to say, but then Gordon would just think I’m insane, and send me to a psychiatric ward for the crazies or something. Well, then again he’s my butler, so he’s supposed to serve me. But then again, those butler types… they can be crafty, even if he is my friend.

I only gave a shrug. “She may be someone I know, and I want to see what happens in the course of a few days. Call it a hunch of mine.” It wasn’t a lie either. She calls herself Celestia; and most of the proof is in the pudding, so to speak… I just need a few days to see if all of this is true. Gordon furrowed his brow towards me, and I only sighed back.

“Gordon, I know that what I’m saying and doing isn’t exactly ethical or makes any sense… But you’re going to have to trust me on this one… Heck, remember that time that you said I shouldn’t go about poking around in junkyards unprotected? Well, I went in with one of those radiation suit look alike things to protect myself from all the grime and diseases those places have…”

“…And you swam too far in the grime and junk, thus poking a hole in your suit with a loose wine bottle shard.”

“…Don’t remind me of that Gordon, I was stuck with a fever for a few days because of that… But since then, I’ve been more careful haven’t I?”

“Without a doubt sir…”

The conversation just stopped after that. Didn’t feel like small talk, felt more like a debate or an argument, or something… Ugh, what was taking Celestia so long in there? I stood in front of the door and knocked a few times.

“Oy, Celestia, are you all dressed and everything? Time is money, or… time is… something, in this case… Anyway! Are you wearing the clothes?”

“I... think so? The fabric on these clothes feel rather unique, but weird… should I be fully clothed like this? It feels so… restrictive, unlike the gold breastplate and the crown I used to wear.”

I blinked a couple of times, and looked at Gordon. He was confused, and so was I. Wait, why was I confused?! Ponies in the show normally didn’t wear clothes unless for special outings… wait, WHY DO PONIES WEAR CLOTHES IN THE FIRST PLACE!?

No no, calm down… just tell her it’s normal… I turned back toward the door and spoke through it.

“It’s either because the clothes are too small, or you’re not used to wearing clothing like this. But I suggest you come out so we can see what’s too small and what’s not.”

“A-alright, one moment…”

I could hear some rustling through the door, and as a matter of fact, had I just heard a couple of things drop on the floor? Was she having that much trouble with her clothes? Ah well, I’d handle it as it comes forth to me. Stepping back from the door, I opened it by twisting the doorknob, and she walked out in the pajamas that Gordon had given her.

To be quite honest, they weren’t really tight on her in the slightest. The plain gray T-shirt fit her well and showed off the size of her… rather big assets. And the blue pajama shorts seemed to be pretty snug too. Hooray for elastic, you can fit anyone in anything!

One thing struck me as odd was that she was holding the doorway, as if trying to keep her balance, but I didn’t pay it any mind as I gave a clap of applause.

“Congratulations contestant, they fit. Good job on the selection, Gordon.” Celestia tilted her head in confusion. Oh what now…

“What are you talking about; who is this Contestant you speak of?” Celestia asked. I facepalmed; seeing as how she failed at following humor. Then again, she’s a Princess. Maybe they have a more refined sense of humor than stupid jokes like that?

“Never mind Celestia. Anyway, they fit… I don’t see what could be so restrictive. You look like a normal human being now! Well, sort of…” I said. I could see Celestia still holding the doorway, and in fact, it really did look like she was having trouble keeping her balance. Out of curiosity, I asked her.

“Can you walk?”

“I’m... not sure if I can? It’s rather hard to walk on two legs… It’s why I had so much trouble changing into those clothes…”

“Forgive me madam, but if you cannot walk, how did you go about living your life?” Gordon asked.

“Well, you see I used to walk on four legs.” Celestia said with no doubt in her voice. I sighed as I just realized Gordon doesn’t know the full story about Celestia here. Gordon raised a brow.

“You… used to walk on four legs?”

“Yes. Is something the matter?”

“Yes, something is the matter. You said something anyone sane would find incredibly stupid just now.” That’s what I wanted to say, but I didn’t want to come off as rude. Gordon crossed his arms and blinked a couple of times, unsure of how to respond to such a question, but eventually he did.

“No… nothing is the matter. It is just… odd.” Good going for a neutral answer Gordon… Or was there a strike in there somewhere? Regardless, I needed to send Gordon off somewhere else. I tapped him on the shoulder so I could get his attention.

“Well, anyway! Gordon, could you prepare dinner for me and our guest? It seems she and I have some talking to do.” I asked him. He gave me a strange a look, as if knowing he was being sent away on purpose. But without question, he gave a nod toward me and went downstairs. I gave a sigh as I looked back at Celestia.

“Celestia, you need to be careful with what you say to the other humans here… Someone walking on four legs isn’t normal.”

“But it is in my world.”

“In your world, yes. In the human world, no. Here,” I said as I pointed down the short hallway. “Walk slowly towards the end of the hall, then try to walk back here. Let’s see how you do.”

Celestia looked at the hallway, and then at her own feet in a puzzled way. I could see her wiggling her toes as if testing them out. First her fingers, and then her toes. Why not just wiggle your whole damn body while you’re at it?

She took a small step forward, so far so good, she was maintaining her balance. Actually, now that I think about it… How did she get up from her bed and walk to the door? Did she have trouble doing that at first? It’s puzzling… I thought in the movies when a certain being turns into a human, walking would come naturally. Then again, she’s a four-legged animal turned human, kind of like a monkey learning how to… wait, monkeys can walk on two feet just fine…

Maybe if—

*THUMP*

I heard a loud noise, as if a bowling ball had hit the floor a short distance away. I focused my attention back on Celestia and snapped out of my thoughts, seeing her collapsed on the floor. I rushed to her side and tried to pick her up.

“Hey, are you alright!?” I asked. She gave a pained expression as she looked up towards me.

“Urgh… these feet… so hard…” She murmured. I only gave a sigh, realizing that this is going to be harder than I thought. I feel like a parent teaching their baby to walk… except this is one overgrown baby I’m going to have difficulty with…

XXXXXX

It took a while for her to start walking straight, but she did start to get the hang of it over time. I had to teach her from scratch about what foot to use and what goes forward first. She was still a bit unbalanced with the walking, but she could walk okay, so long as she didn’t climb up or down the stairs by herself… Yes, she actually did that. I was confident enough that she was walking comfortably enough for her to walk down the steps.

I was wrong unfortunately, and she nearly fell to her death, and I ended up catching her by the waist. So in the end, I became her walking crutch if she ever needed to go up or down the steps. Now that I think about it, she could’ve used the stair rails to support herself… Man, I’m thinking too much.

So here we are, right now, in the kitchen area, with both of us sitting at the dinner table. It was already getting late at night, and it was 7 PM by now. My choice to keep her here still stood, but I’ve yet to tell her the news.

I could see her drinking a glass of water with both hands, taking big gulps of it as if she were dying of thirst in a desert. She’d had 5 glasses by now, I thought she’d have to head to the bathroom at some point if she keeps that up. I looked toward Gordon, who seemed to be whipping up a pasta salad. Pasta Salad, eh? Starches and vegetables… not a bad combination I guess, although why he uses starch combined with vegetables, I haven’t a clue.

As a matter of fact, I wonder why bits of Pasta are in a salad to begin with… is it supposed to be one of those exquisite meals? Or is it one of those—

“Gerald?”

My train of thought was interrupted by the heavenly voice of Celestia, whose tone seemed to be a little softer than before. I guess she’s starting to become a bit more relaxed, which is good.

“Yes Celestia?”

“What should I do?”

“Come again?”

“I mean… I’ve never felt this lost before. Such a strange world with such strange architecture… laws, rules, and even the air feels different here… I’m at a loss on what I should do.”

She had brought this up before… You would think a thousand year old Goddess would know exactly what to do… but then again, she’s not an Alicorn; she’s just a regular human being, besides that wavy rainbow hair she has. Or soft pastel hair, or… Christ, I’m confused. I always considered it to be a soft rainbow color. And damn it, that’s what I’m sticking with, but getting back to the issue… right, her next step. How should I explain this to her?

“I’m not sure.” Oh sure, that’s a real intelligent answer, genius. Next you’ll tell her that you sleep with a teddy bear at night.

…Although it’s probably best not to mention that, since I do tend to get scared on certain nights. Celestia raised a brow at my answer.

“You’re… not sure?”

“No, I’m not… Right now, you’re all alone in this world. No friends, no contacts, and no relatives here… I hate to sound blunt, but you’re in a pretty bad state right now. You’re lucky I found you in the vicinity of my house. If it was anyone else, you may have been taken advantage of, since this world isn’t exactly the friendliest place to be in.”

“It’s not?”

“No, it’s not. Right now, you’re in Atlanta, Georgia of the United States, or U.S.A. for short. Georgia being the state, Atlanta being the city we’re in now. The USA has fifty states in all—think of it as separate landmasses connected as one—and we’re in one of those states right now. Following me so far?”

“Yes, I think so… fifty states, all one land mass…”

“Alright, good… anyway, my point… Everything in this world isn’t butterflies and rainbows; not everything can be solved with just a few simple words. In fact, wars and politics tend to be the answer for that.”

“Sir, if I may interject… it seems you make it sound like the world is the worst place to live in.”

Gordon interrupted as he was making the pasta salad, and I merely shook my head.

“I’m not exactly saying that, I’m just explaining my reasoning that not everything has a four leaf clover inside, or a daisy… something similar to that effect.” I turned back to Celestia. “Most people in this world live quite comfortably actually. You just need to have some common sense on what you’re doing.”

“That’s not completely true sir… You just need to stay away from the areas that are most dangerous. Some cities have more crime than others.”

I give a sigh as I leaned my head towards my arm on the table. “Just thank the lord we’re not in New York… That would be the worst place to live in…”

“So what you’re saying is… I shouldn’t leave this house?” Celestia asked.

“No, I’m not saying that. You just need some common sense so you won’t get into that sort of trouble.” I heard Gordon cough after I ended that part of my sentence. “But thankfully, we’re not in a dangerous neighborhood or anything. Most of the people around here are pretty friendly. So there’s no threat here from what I’m aware…”

When did we even start on such a dark topic anyway? Wars, deaths and politics? I blame it on myself that I have to explain every little detail when I don’t even notice it… God I hate that… Oh, great… now that I look at her, she looks worried.

“So it’s safe here?”

“Yes it is, so far…”

“I see… in that case…” That’s when Celestia got up from the table. I raised a brow at her actions, especially when she clumsily lost her balance, and had to use the table to support herself.

“I must leave now, and search for the others.”

“The others?”

“The other ponies.”

Gordon stopped with what he was doing mid-way and looked at Celestia as if she was crazy. I for one thought she was crazy too, but for another reason.

“I wouldn’t suggest that. It’s night out and you can barely walk. Plus, you have no idea where to look. I mean think about it… what would Twilight Sparkle do if she were in your shoes right now? Or, your hooves for that matter.”

Celestia suddenly went wide-eyed. Her jaw dropped, she leaned her head over the table.

“How do you know that name?”

“What name? You mean Twilight Sparkle?”

“Yes, how do you know that name? I never mentioned her, and if this is a different world as you say, you shouldn’t know about her!”

Ah crap, I let my words slip… I can’t exactly tell her I learned that name from a TV show, since I’m sure she doesn’t have TV in her world. But letting her know that her own world is just a cartoon would just confuse and upset her… or cause her to go on some hippy rampage.

I pinched the base of my nose, wondering how to respond to this. But then I had an idea.

“I’ll tell you what Celestia, there’s still a lot you don’t know yet, and it’s getting late. Spend the night here, and I’ll explain.”

“No, I want to know now.”

“Don’t be a spoiled princess and be patient. You’ll get your answers tomorrow.” This might be the right time for me to run away from this house…

…Actually, that’s a bad idea, since this IS my house to begin with. I’m not afraid of some lolipop rainbow girl, right?

“…Regardless, how are you even sure the other ponies are in this world?” I decided to deflect her question with another question, as I’m not really ready to answer that other one. Celestia looked down at the table and gave a small sigh.

“I don’t know… I just get this feeling that they’re here in this world… If I’ve been sent here, then the others—“

“You’re not sure of that. Never try to pursue something without any actual proof.” I snapped. Celestia stared back at me with a glare, but I ignored it. “Never blindly pursue something if you’re not sure of it. It’s crazy, and unsafe. Trust me on this, Celestia. Besides…” I then pointed at Gordon, who seemed to be ignoring the heated argument. “You’re scaring my poor butler here with your antics.”

That’s when Gordon lifted his head and looked at me. “I’m not scared by it sir.”

I ignored him and looked back at Celestia. “See? You’re scaring him.”

I could’ve sworn I heard a couple of crickets start, well, chirping their cricket sounds as a moment passed by in silence. I sighed as I shook my head.

“It’s a joke…”

“I do not see why this is so humorous to you…”

“It’s not supposed to be. It’s supposed to ease the tension. Look, just sleep on it for now, alright? You’ve had a long day as it is, right?”

Celestia looked back down at the table, and then back at me, and gave a small sigh. She sat back down and looked at me with a tired look.

“I’m sorry…”

“Hm?”

“I guess… I’m just not used to this situation…”

“It happens to all of us Celestia… After we eat, I want you to get some sleep in the guest bedroom. We both have a long day tomorrow. I’m sure we can figure this all out, alright?”

She looked a little hesitant at first. Fear in her eyes, mouth quivering, not knowing what’s going to happen next, but she silently nodded, and I gave her a smile. I looked back towards Gordon.

“Gordon, is the pasta ready?”

XXXXXXX

Midnight… a time where all the night owls and nocturnal people go to stay awake late at night, be it video games, reading a book, catching up on a deadline, or procrastinating the hell out of their own work. I laid in my bed, thinking, with my Gateway Laptop in my lap. After the incident at dinner, Celestia seemed pretty obedient. I guess she realized that arguing over the matter on her first day here would be pretty pointless. At least, that’s what I assumed. I’m surprised I talked a goddess—assuming that she IS a goddess—into backing down.

But regardless, what has happened, happened. I also need to figure out how to break the news to her about how I know about Twilight Sparkle, because that would involve talking about the TV show as well. I’m sure Celestia is sound asleep in the guest bedroom by now. I mean, with it being nightfall like this, I doubt she’d be getting up… especially when she doesn’t know how to use the lights in the—oh right. The lights…

I remember when I was helping her up the steps, she was fascinated by all the lights in my house. I guess she wasn’t familiar with the term ‘electricity’. I did give her a simple explanation of the process, but she didn’t really understand it, obviously… I don’t even know why I explained it to her. She then asked me about ‘how the lightning was contained in the lights’ or ‘why does this switch control the lights’? I may be in college, but that doesn’t mean I’m a know it all. I have my limits to what I can explain… especially in explicit detail.

I pinched the bridge of my nose in mental exhaustion. This day has been more tiring than I expected… so much more… I need something to keep my mind off things so I can sleep peacefully. Now let’s see… That’s right, it’s midnight, so I guess I’ll spend a few minutes on IRC… It’s no surprise that I’d be joining a pony-related IRC channel, since that is where I usually go for general information.

After launching the program and joining the channel, I didn’t really see anything particularly interesting; some troll bitching about the stock market, another troll bitching back about how money should be free, and a few other people ignoring them and talking about who is the best pony. I’m tempted to just type up saying that Pinkie Pie is best pony; but then again, a war might ensue, so I chose not to. That’s when I stumbled upon something really odd…

XXXXXXXXX

[0:46] has anyone found any naked pony girls outside their house recently?

[0:46] oh crap

[0:47] i swear i didn’t know it was just her stage name

[0:47] i thought it was really Trixie ;_;

[0:48] um...

[0:49] i have no regrets!

[0:49] == Sethisto [admin@equestriadaily.com] has quit [Quit: page closed]

[0:50] ooookay then

[0:51] more than I really wanted to know...

XXXXXXXXX

Tell me something I don’t know... With this chatroom’s crazy antics, I question why I keep coming here--wait...

I re-read what was just inputted. “Naked Pony girls?” I blinked a couple of times in confusion. Is this guy trying to crack a joke, or is he dead serious? Given the events of today and tonight, and the news showing off the pink clouds... I decided to reply back out of curiosity.

XXXXXXXX

[0:53] I think I found someone resembling Celestia behind my house.

[0:54] Or at least, she has rainbow hair, so it might be her.

[0:54] Does that answer your question?

XXXXXXXX

Now I’m sure he’s just going to go all surprised and butt hurt how I shouldn’t take things so seriously. Of course... fate had other plans in mind. The next couple sentences he typed up stunned me.

XXXXXXXX

[0:54] that helps a lot, actually

[0:55] did she say how she got there?

XXXXXXXX

You weren’t suppose to take that seriously damn it! And what does he mean it helps him a lot? Could it be... no, there’s no way. But it’s best not to be rude and just answer his question...

XXXXXXXX

[0:56] Yeah... She says it's due to being in some fight with Discord, or something...

[0:56] well that matches with what Rarity is saying...

XXXXXXXX

It matches what Rarity is saying, well that’s all dandy and goo-- wait...

I rubbed my eyes, wanting to imagine what he had just said. “That matches with what Rarity is saying?”

Could it be that other ponies have shown up in this world too? Wait, no, that can’t be right. I may have someone here that thinks she’s Celestia--and I more or less believe her--but why is he playing along with this? This joke isn’t funny anymore! Before I could reply back to what this “Belgarion” fellow is talking about, fate decided to be cruel to me.

XXXXXXXX

[0:57] ohmygodyouhaverarityatyourhouse?!

[0:58] …

[0:58] I am gonna back away slowly and come back when there is less weird shit.

[0:58] GIVE HER TO ME!

[0:58] == Belgarion [CupofTea@britishasshole.com] has quit [Quit: page closed]

XXXXXX

“Shit!” I slammed my fist lightly onto my keyboard. It made a bunch of jumbled up letters in the chat box, but thankfully I didn’t press the enter key. What the hell did I just do… Why did I just join into a conversation with some delusional moron?

…..

But… wait, what if this ‘delusional moron’ is telling the truth? Is Rarity really in this world as well? If that guy wasn’t making things up, then, maybe…

I just slapped my face, trying to snap out of it, and brought both my hands to cover the front of my face.

“This fucking weird day is going to be the death of me…”

This guy named Belgarion left for today, but I’m going to have to keep on the lookout for him, he may have the answers I seek…

CH5: Oblivious

Special Thanks to Proofreader: Bridgebrain

Chapter 5: Oblivious

Date: April 14th, 2012

*WHURRRRRRR*

I could hear a high pitched alarm sound, similar to the ones used in emergency drills such as civilian evacuation or in fire departments. I grudgingly opened my eyes as I tried to cover my ears from the annoying racket.

I averted my eyes to my nightstand, seeing that it was my alarm clock. I slammed my hand on the snooze button, wanting to get a few minutes more of sleep. I sniffed strongly, feeling my sinuses clogged up. It was the season of Spring after all, and this time, flowers blooming and butterflies flying around, was the time where the enemy of my allergies known as horrible clouds of pollen were released in the open air. I tried to keep my windows shut from such a thing, since my sinuses go crazy when those puffy little white things are around me.

Not being able to breathe from my nose, my head rose away from its pillow, while giving a few sniffles. My eyes felt heavy, but it was just dust in my eyes, I’m sure. Rubbing my eyelids with my right arm, I weakly got out of bed. I was not a morning person by any means.

“What day is it…” I muttered. I picked up my cell phone from the nightstand and looked at the calendar section of it. It read as April 14th, and it was around 10 AM.

“Why of all times did I want to get up? Is it because my nose is clogged up? It’s my day off, so why can’t I just go back to sleep?”

I can’t seem to remember what happened yesterday very clearly either… I had a rather nice dream, but that’s about it. I remember going about my daily run, the clouds then turned pink and then… hm, I can’t seem to remember much else. I can never remember everything properly when getting up in the mornings. My dream was even weirder though… I dreamt that I had found Princess Celestia in my backyard, in human form. It was very weird for me to dream such a thing.

Regardless, I needed a shower to wake myself up and to unclog my sinuses. Walking around the hallway in my jogging shorts and a yellow t-shirt, I lazily walked out of my bedroom and into the main hallway of my house. I was met with a small fried aroma of goodness in the air. My left nostril could barely pick up the scent, but I couldn’t even breathe through my right. It smelled like burnt ham. Could it be fried ham, or maybe bacon? Ah wait, that’s right… Gordon is in charge of Breakfast in the mornings…

I rubbed the temples on my face as I felt bad for him. “I really need to give him a break so I can do some cooking for a change.” My cooking wasn’t bad by any means; I’m just impatient when it comes to waiting for a meal to be cooked. Oh the wonders of Fast Food… how I love you…

…But I seriously need to get my act together for a balanced diet. At least fast food salads alleviate the unhealthiness side of it, but not by much. Still need those fresh vegetables and greens and such…

As my mind wandered of the wondrous studies of staying healthy, I opened the door to my bathroom, where I could take a shower.

Or at least, that’s what I hoped I would do.

My vision met with steam as the door was opened. It took me slightly aback, wondering what could be causing all of this steam. Gordon was in the kitchen, I’m in front of the bathroom… could it have been a leaky steam pipe? No, there shouldn’t be any steam pipes in a bathroom, just faucets and water pipes…

As I tried to wave away the steam from my vision, I was met with a rather peculiar sight, and…

“Oh? Gerald, is that you?”

…and a familiar voice. As the steam subsided, I saw breasts. Yes, breasts were the first thing to see. Breasts, in a bathtub full of water and soap, rainbow hair, and a feminine face. Her hair looked drooping wet inside the tub too, wrapping all around the body.

…But mostly the bre—I lightly shook my head to stop thinking such stupid perverted thoughts. It was a woman with rainbow hair, someone whom I should know. The big breasted woman gave a smile as she bathed herself with soap and scrubbrush, but it seemed like she was having trouble scrubbing her back. She looked at me, as if she needed help.

“Sorry for the trouble, but is it possible for you to scrub my back? It’s hard to reach my arm around…”

My answer was closing the door in front of me with a big slam. I decided to give myself a couple of breaths, thinking that what I saw was an illusion. After around maybe half a minute, I opened the door, and the image has been unchanged for the most part, but now the woman gave a frown.

“Is… Is there a problem, Gerald?”

I slammed the door again. This was starting to feel like a child’s game for some reason, but I was starting to think this was no longer an illusion. As the thoughts of this being real slowly crept into my brain, I had a slight twitch in my neck, remembering that yesterday’s events were no dream. Instead, I remember it now as reality. I only had one response to show for this.

I banged my forehead against the wall.

XXXXXXXXX

“Why didn’t you tell me she was taking a bath Gordon!?”

That was my first response when I came to the dinner table. I eventually did realize that everything yesterday was real, but I guess my brain was lagging from all the sleepiness I had. The scene certainly woke me up though… Gordon was cooking Bacon & Scrambled Eggs as I sat at the table, still feeling filthy since I couldn’t use the shower, especially with Celestia still in there…

Gordon brought the frying pan over a couple of plates to scoop out the yellow goodness known as eggs, and the fried delicacy known as Bacon. He looked over to me as he did so.

“You were still sleeping, master. Our guest woke up rather early at around 9 AM, so it is only natural that I help in possibly any way that I could. It is my duty.”

I rubbed my temples at this statement. “You could have just woken me up. I wouldn’t have seen such a scene if you just let me know…”

“I apologize. I will let you know next time.”

Why does that response strike a nerve? He apologized, sure, but he still should have woken me up. This raised one question though…

“Gordon, how did she find the bath, anyway?”

Gordon raised a brow at my question. “She asked me if we had a bath in our home, and I said yes. After that, she requested to use it. I took the liberty of giving her more of your clothes to wear and a towel, and the proper use of the bath.” Gordon then averted his eyes slightly as he put the frying pan down, and then looked back at me. “I did have to insist that she should not take her clothes off in front of me until I left the bathroom, sir.”

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by this… She’s a woman, and even in the pony world there should be baths or showers of some sort there. There was even an episode on it, oh, what was that episode again… it had something to do with Pinkie’s baby alligator or something.

“Speaking of which… you said you gave her some of my clothes again?”

“Yes sir… other than the fact that she lacks undergarments, I have given her a gray t-shirt and some elastic banded jogging shorts. I believe she’ll be quite comfortable.”

“…She’s not wearing underwear?”

“Of course not, sir. We lack the proper female attire for such.”

Either Gordon is perverted, or he’s just not smart…

“Gordon, next time give her a pair of my underwear, alright? I don’t want her frolicking around with nothing under her clothes. Women complain about how it can be uncomfortable…”

“Actually sir, some women are perfectly capable of wearing clothes without undergarments. Take the nudists for example…”

I wish Gordon would stop being a smartass to me when it comes to little discussions like these… Wait, why is he talking about nudists!?

“I get the point Gordon, no need to go there…”

“I must also insist that a woman wearing men’s underwear can also be quite risky.”

“Risky?”

“Yes sir. Take for example a healthy young boy, wearing his underwear daily, and changing it every day… there are stains to take account and how they must be washed. Why I’m sure when you’re locked up in your room, there is—“

“T-that’s enough Gordon! Okay, I get it! Just stop that line of thought, right there!” I do NOT want him explaining how a man takes private time out of their day to do something else. I’m not even going to SAY or THINK what it is either. I just want him to stop!

Flustered, I just grumbled as I took a sip of my glass of orange juice that’s currently on the table. “When will it be ready, Gordon—breakfast I mean.” I asked.

“In a few minutes sir; I need to apply the proper seasonings.” Gordon answered.

“Seasonings, right…”

“My my, what is this wondrous smell?”

A new voice popped into the kitchen. I turned my head to see Celestia at the entrance of the kitchen. She was dressed up in a gray t-shirt and jogging shorts, just as Gordon had described. Her hair still seemed a bit soaked, but she dressed herself quite well, despite the fact she was still getting used to her human form. It’s kind of amazing, to be honest. I gave a small smile.

“Good to see you’ve joined us. Did you have any trouble with the bath?” I asked. Celestia shook her head.

“Your butler kindly showed me how to use the bath, so nothing too complicated…” She averted her gaze to the floor, and then back at me. “I still have trouble figuring out how these ‘electric lights’ work, and I do find your choice of hair products confusing, however.”

“Such as?”

“What is this ‘Head and Shoulders’? It is Shampoo, but why would it be for the shoulders too? Is it a type of soap too?”

“No, it’s just a brand name. There are tons of Shampoo and Soap products in this world, and each company makes them in a different way. So, you could say each soap and shampoo has their own names to them, I guess. I never really took much thought into it. I just like Head and Shoulders, that’s all.” It’s better than that AXE crap I see on TV at least… I mean, ‘The shampoo and soap that attracts women’? Who the hell falls for advertising crap like that nowadays? It doesn’t help much that a certain autistic on the internet convinced me to stay away from that stuff permanently too…

…The internet is scary.

“Anyway, it’s just for hair, not for your shoulders.” I finished. Celestia gave a small nod as she took a seat down at the dinner table. She was sitting next to me, and I could get a whiff of her shampoo scented hair… wait, she’s used my shampoo, didn’t she. So why does it smell good on her, and not on me? I want to smell good damn it!

“I see… I’m not familiar with these ‘advertising campaigns’ you call it… Is it like showing off a certain item?”

“That’s the basic gist of it… You show off a product that is of your own creation, and you sell it off if people are interested. You can see most of that on TV nowadays…”

“TV?”

“Ah, right, TV… You don’t have those where you’re from… Well, how do I put this.” How DO I put this? ‘Technology’ is probably still in the development stages in her world, so she probably doesn’t understand the basic terms for devices… heck she didn’t even know how the lights worked ‘til I told her…

“Um…” I tried to figure out a way to—oh! Maybe there’s one explanation…

“Okay, think of it like this. It’s basically a wide object with a window in the middle. And in this window, it would probably be considered magical or mysterious in your world. But this window in the world you’re in is like a projection screen. It shows all these pictures in a really fast way, and it gives sound. It’s almost like you’re really there where the pictures are showing, except you’re really not. Think of it like… oh! Think of it like an Opera or a play that you can just see from a TV.”

Celestia looked at me, confused. This is going to be harder than I thought.

That’s when Gordon spoke up and gave a statement. “Think of it as a picture book, except everything is moving as if it were alive.”

That’s actually not a bad way of explaining it.

“Yeah, kind of like that!”

“Oh! So a picture book that comes alive? That sounds rather… uncomfortable. Everything takes place in front of you and you can interact with it?”

“No, you can’t really interact with it. It’s just there for your viewing pleasure.”

“But wouldn’t that be spying too?”

“No, it’s… ugh.” I give up. Explaining the wonders of technology that is the television is getting difficult. Showing her would probably be better than explaining it. I grabbed the remote off the dinner table and turned my head to the small-looking Sony TV across from us. It’s a small SDTV, so nothing fancy, but it’s fine for what it’s used for.

“Here, I’ll show you. You see that small box right there? That’s a TV. I’m going to turn it on…”

As I pressed the power button on the remote, the TV made a small sound, a sign that it was booting up. As the audio came on, the picture began to fade in with its clear and crisp picture. It’s no HDTV, but honestly, what’s the point of HD when you can still see everything fine on SD? And what I saw, I immediately regretted turning on the TV.

“Oh shit…” It was on the kids channel… playing My Little Pony. And it was an episode featuring Celestia. The one where she makes a royal visit to the town and all of those… I don’t know what they’re called. You know, those puffballs that Fluttershy gathers and they multiply over time?

Regardless, Celestia’s attention immediately focused on it, shocked and appalled by the works of the television, but she was even more shocked about why her pony form was in the TV, I’m sure…

“What… what is this contraption!? Why am I in there?”

I abruptly turned off the television, realizing she’s seen more than I should have let her. The rainbow-haired woman looked back at me with a scowl.

“Why did it disappear? What is this Gerald!?”

I was hoping I wouldn’t have to explain so soon, even after what I said yesterday, but it seems like I don’t have much choice. I needed to tell her that she’s from a TV show that we humans have made.

…But that didn’t mean I had to tell her everything. I didn’t want her having more doubts than she already had. I gave a sigh as I rubbed my temples. I could feel Gordon’s stare on me as he placed the plates down on the table with the food present as well.

“To be frank, I’m not entirely sure. However, I can tell you this: It is possible that you’re from an alternate reality, and in your alternate reality, it’s your own world. But here in my world, you’re what they call a ‘TV Show’. It’s basically what we humans call ‘entertainment’. You can think of TV as a box of wonders to give us that entertainment, kind of like magic.

With the TV, we can see all sorts of things, Kids shows, News, Entertainment, Sports… all kinds of possibilities.”

“So you used this ‘TV’ to spy in my world!? This… ‘show’ that you call it?”

“No, it’s not used for spying Celestia. To us humans, you’re merely a show made by writers and artists. It’s called ‘My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic’, a show about magic, ponies, and of course you, Celestia.” I gave a small sigh as I tried to turn this conversation around. “But tell me Celestia… does it really matter? What if I was in your place right now? What would happen if I were to somehow transfer over to your world, and you have some fangled contraption to ‘spy’ on my world? Would that be fair?”

“Well… I, I don’t know? If we had such technology that you describe, it wouldn’t be used for such… such spying mockeries as this—“

“You don’t know that Celestia.”

Celestia widened her eyes in confusion.

“People and ponies can be unpredictable when something new is introduced. It can be used for benefit, profit, or even to make our lives even easier. The point is, your world is fictional entertainment in this world. But in your world, it’s everyday life. The opposite can be said the same about my world too. Life is unpredictable Celesti-bleh…” I was getting tired of saying her name constantly, since it’s a bit of a tongue twister, but I tried to continue on, and I put my hands flat together with my elbows on the table.

“Twilght Sparkle, Applejack, Pinkie Pie— everyone in the whole world knows most of your world from what we’ve seen so far. Writers and artists—as I’ve said earlier—made everything from their own ideas. How are we to predict that your world was real? We had no idea, at all.”

Celestia just sat there, silently. She was probably trying to take all of this information in. I’m not surprised… if I found out my world was a fictional plaything for others to use, would I take it lightly? No, not really. I could see Gordon was rather confused with what I was talking about. I’m not that surprised either. If anything, he’ll probably think I belong in a mental institution.

She kept silent for at least a minute, with my eyes focused on her. I merely sighed as I snapped my fingers, regaining her attention.

“In any case, I’m sure you’ll need to think about it quite a bit. But in the meantime, you’re in the world I live in, and there’s nothing any of us can do about that. So for now, just eat your breakfast. An empty stomach will only make you irritable and tired, and that can have repercussions on thinking clearly.” I said, waving a hand at her plate. “So please, eat up. We’ve got eggs and bacon right here.”

She gave me another frown—as if I’m not used to it enough—and then looked at her plate. She picked up the fork utensil quite easily. I guess when she tried eating a muffin with her fork, she was trying to learn how to use it, although she really needs to learn how to wield it properly. It looks like she’s trying to stab someone with a knife the way she’s clenching it in her hand.

She poked around the scrambled eggs for a few seconds before looking at me.

“Do these eggs contain a baby chick?”

I couldn’t help but pound my forehead on the table in reaction. What kind of stupid question is that!? I rubbed my head as I lifted it up and gave her a serious response.

“No, the eggs do not contain any baby chicks or any other animals. Surely you eat eggs from where you’re from?”

“Yes… but we must be careful not to use an egg that could contain an unborn chick… It would be a rather nauseating experience if I were to do so.”

“Understandable… You’ll find that there are no such things in the eggs.”

Celestia gave a small nod towards me, and she proceeded to eat the scrambled yellowy goodness. It didn’t take long for her to ‘Mmm’ in a satisfied tone, where she proceeded to eat the eggs.

“That reminds me…” I started, while looking at the clothes she was wearing. “We need to get you some proper clothes. You can’t be wearing my own the entire time… I’d run out of things to wear. So the minute we finish breakfast, we’ll take a trip to a nearby store and get you situated.”

That’s when Gordon spoke up in response.

“Sir, if I may interject, but you are making it sound like this young woman will be living with us for a while.”

I looked back up at Gordon and gave a nod.

“Is there a problem with that?” I asked.

“Very much so sir… if you will recall our earlier conversati—“

“Mm… these eggs are delicious. Especially this… you said this is bacon?” I looked back at Celestia, and she was talking with Gordon. It’s not uncommon to compliment on a chef due to his fine work, but… why do I get the feeling I’m forgetting something?

“Indeed Miss. I had to make sure that the bacon is especially fried, crispy, and seasoned.”

“Mm… tell me… do you know what this ‘bacon’ is made out of?”

It seems Gordon stopped my conversation with him after being complimented by Celestia. I guess he can’t be rude to a lady. Now then, I know I’m forgetting something, but I just can’t put my finger on it, I know it has something to do with animals…

“Very strange for you to love bacon, but not know what it is made of? Bacon is made from the meat of pigs.”

That’s when it hit me. I looked back at Celestia, and it looked like she stopped mid-eating from the bacon. She looked at the bacon for a moment, before her mouth started to quiver in horror.

“Oh no…” Now I remember… Ponies are vegetarians, aren’t they? So that means…

*THUMP*

It didn’t take long at all for my thoughts to be right on the dot. Celestia fell out of her chair, and onto the floor. I immediately got up and ran over to check her condition. She was still breathing but it seems that she’s out; my guess is she fainted. That’s right… Ponies do not eat meat, they’re merely vegetarians that eat fruits and vegetables and apparently eggs. I couldn’t help but facepalm at my own stupidity.

“Whoops.”

CH6: Technology

Special Thanks to Proofreader: Bridgebrain, CheeseDeluxe, and Several Others I can't seem to remember... D:

*****

Chapter 6: Technology

Date: April 14th, 2012

Death by Bacon... That would make an interesting headline. It’s a shame that such a headline won’t pop up in the newspapers. After all, when a certain rainbow haired Powerpuff Girl eats such a thing, you expect her to die from an allergic reaction, not from fainting. But I digress, I was lucky it didn’t kill her to begin with.

It didn’t take long for Celestia to regain consciousness after suffering from her bacon episode. When she woke up and found herself on the couch, she shot me a brief glare, and then looked towards the other direction. My guess was she was still angry over the whole thing. I mean, how could she blame me for that? How was I supposed to know she didn’t like bacon?

Then again, she was originally a pony or an alicorn, whichever it is. I guess it should have been obvious. But damn, for me to forget basic information on such a common animal... Wait, why am I even thinking about this?

My main concern was getting Celestia back into a better mood. I didn’t exactly want this barrier of awkwardness and anger getting between us, so I felt it was only logical to ask her something that would make her feel better.

“So, did you like the bacon?”

Instead, I said something that could earn me the ‘Jackass of the Year’ award. When she gave me a growl, I immediately corrected what I said. Or at least, I attempted to.

“I mean, don’t get so angry about it! I’m sorry that you ate it, but it could have been a lot worse! It worried me to no end when you fainted like that. I mean, you’re a Herbivore--or a vegetarian in this case--, it was thoughtless of me and--”

She interrupted me by waving a hand in my face with a sigh.

“That’s not the point, Gerald. The point of the matter is that you didn’t tell me it was meat. I could have prepared myself otherwise.”

“Er, what do you mean?” I asked, confused.

“I mean I wouldn’t have eaten it if you told me,” Celestia pointed out.

“Look, I’m sorry about that, alright? I didn’t realize it in time. Can you forgive me?”

She looked at me for a moment and just gave another sigh as she looked in the other direction. I followed it. She was looking at the TV.

“I’m not one to hold a grudge, Gerald, but you need to warn me from now on. I am unfamiliar with some of your human words here and your culture is very confusing, not to mention the level of technology you possess.” She looked towards me with a smile. “You are my guide, and it would be unfair for us to have ill feelings towards each other.”

“Whew, I’m glad.” I put out a hand. She raised a brow at it, confused. It looked like I needed to explain things again. “Here in the human world, we have things called handshakes. We put our right hands together and give it a firm shake. It symbolizes an agreement or deal. In this case, we put aside the matter we just had. So…” I put my hand out once more. “No hard feelings?” I asked.

She brought out her hand, wrapping her fingers around my palm and gave it a firm shake with a smile. “No hard feelings.”

“Although… there is something I want to ask you though.”

“You’re welcome to ask.”

Actually, I didn’t know what to ask her. For the sake of carrying on the conversation, I needed something to ask… wait, there is one, although,should I ask it? Without much else on my mind, I decided to.

“Have you eaten meat before?”

‘Oh, sure, good job genius, you just screwed yourself once again by asking her a meat-type question. She’s never going to forgive you at this rate…’

Despite my reply, she only raised a brow towards me. She only gave a sigh as she leaned back against the couch.

“Tell me, are you familiar with griffins?”

It wasn’t the answer I was expecting, but whatever. “I’m familiar with the creatures, yes. Half eagle, half lion, right?”

“Indeed. You see, Gerald, back in my own world of Equestria, hundreds of years ago. I had to take a visit to the griffin kingdom for treaty negotiations.”

“Treaty negotiations?” ‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen that from the show… Maybe it’s an MLP episode I haven’t seen yet?’

Regardless, I sat back and listened. Celestia gave a nod.

“Yes. You see, we were at war, always going neck and neck against each other. Over time, our battles were spread thin, and we were getting tired of the conflict. So the King of the Griffins sent a letter to me for peace negotiations, face to face.”

“It was that bad?”

“For the King to send me a letter, it was. He was rather stubborn, but even he must have known that the casualties were too high. Regardless, I went there right away with some guards of my own, in case it was all a hoax… In war, even the most forthright of kings can fake a treaty letter. A low blow, but possible. Fortunately, however, he was true to his word.”

“So what does this have to do with my question?”

“Patience, Gerald. Now, part of this treaty involved me sitting at the King’s banquet table; with plates of raw meat, be it pigs or chickens. It goes without saying I was rather uncomfortable. But for this treaty to happen, I needed to stay calm, and participate in the… festivities of the table.”

“Quite a story there. So, how did you survive the treaty negotiation?”

"It certainly wasn't easy. They brought out several dishes not common to Equestria," She glanced off to the side and frowned. "One of which, of course, was raw meat. I believe it was chicken. I had to use some precautionary magic to prepare myself first, however.”

“What do you mean by ‘precautionary magic’?”

“I numbed my taste buds with a small spell. I then proceeded to eat what was on the table. Unfortunately, I grew rather nauseous and sick after negotiations were over. I may be able to fool my mouth, but not my mind.” She said with a nervous laugh.

I guess anyone could go far if the reason was dire enough. But one thing still bugs me though… If she’s incapable of eating raw meat, can she eat cooked meat? She did enjoy eating the bacon that was on the table earlier, but is it a subject I should ask her?

“I see… I had no idea. When it comes to politics, it’s necessary to take certain precautions and ideas in order to aim for a positive conclusion, after all. But one thing still bothers me…”

“Yes?”

“If you hate meat so much, why did you enjoy the bacon? It was right before you fainted that you said you enjoyed it, or it tasted good. I can’t exactly remember what you said, but it was a positive answer.”

Celestia went a bit wide-eyed at me, and she tapped her chin.

“W-well…” she muttered. “I… don’t know? I suppose it was a… rather… how do I put this?”

“It was a what?” Celestia looked the other way, her eyes darting back and forth between me and somewhere else.

What’s her problem? The very mention of liking bacon and... wait, could it be...? I snapped my fingers in realization.

“I get it now! You hate raw meat, but you enjoy cooked meat, right?”

Celestia sat up from the couch and shot me an angry glare. “T-this conversation is over!”

I raised a brow when I saw her walk off upstairs. I couldn’t help but give a confused look, with one eye squinted. It’s not like her to get angry—wait, why IS she angry? She’s always so calm and calculated in the show. But here, she gets angry over the littlest things. But still, what got her pissed off? It couldn’t be because I asked if she liked cooked meat.

“The hell did I say wrong? Hey, wait! I’m sorry! Come back here!”

******

Apparently Celestia didn’t want to talk to me about her ‘Meaty Adventures’ any longer. My guess is she took offense at what I said, and she was rather quiet because of that. I decided to tell her I’ll lay off the line of topic for now, and I apologized soon after. It didn’t take her long to start talking to me again after that.

Besides, I had more pressing matters than knowing about her meaty story: Her living here. I still had some slight doubts on how this was going to work out, but the fact she’s Princess Celestia here on earth, in human form, is confusing. Why was she sent here by Discord? Was it all some accident? Or is it some other malicious purpose?

Regardless, the answers to these questions are unknown, and I’ll probably never get the answers to any of them, but maybe with time. In the meantime, I should get her situated here. The first thing I need to do is get her some clothes. Without clothes, she’s going to have a difficult time. And without knowing the outside world, she’ll have a nightmare of learning about society.

I put my shoes on and dressed in a gray t-shirt with some black camo shorts, made sure I had my wallet, phone and especially my car keys. Celestia still had on what was given to her by Gordon, but I decided to have her wear my spare sandals, mainly because I didn’t have any other shoes that could fit her.

If the experiences of my house surprised her, she was going to be surprised at my car, I was sure…

“What… is that thing?”

My thoughts exactly on her reaction; confusion and curiosity. When we stood outside, she saw my car, my average black car. Nothing fancy by any means, but something I bought from a Used Car sale. All of those fancy dealerships and their fancy iPod mountings… All I need is something on four wheels, a CD player, AC, and something that doesn’t drain the gas like a bodybuilder on steroids, especially in these economic times.

“This…” I said as I patted the top of my vehicle. “…is a car. Basically, a type of transportation similar to trains, except it doesn’t run on rails: It can go virtually anywhere.”

“A train without tracks…? What sorcery is this?”

“No sorcery, just science and engineering, Celest—“, I nearly bit my tongue when I said her name once more. It was getting annoying. I opened the passenger door and waved in, motioning her to enter. “Hop on in, you’ll see in a moment.”

She seemed rather reluctant in going inside, but curiosity got the better of her I’m sure. She slowly ducked her head in and looked at the seat, but it looked like she was hesitating at her decision. I just sighed and pushed her butt in with my palm. The way she landed in the seat was a bit funny, but I dared not laugh, or else she would just get pissed off…

Actually, never mind, she gave me a pissed off look. She was sitting in the seat and looked towards me confused and a bit peeved.

“What was that for?”

“You were being slow, Celestia. Honestly, there’s nothing to worry about this little ol’ beauty of mine. It’s not like it’ll come alive and eat you.” I didn’t wait for her response and closed the door on her. She was knocking through the glass and I think she was yelling with the way she was opening her mouth, it was hard to tell since I couldn’t hear a word.

I went into the driver’s side of the car and entered it. She just crossed her arms and sighed.

“There was no need to push me in. I could have gotten in on my own.”

“Stubborn today, aren’t we?”

“I’m not stubborn. I was merely examining what was inside. What you did was uncalled for.”

“We have a human saying in this world: ‘slow and steady wins the race.’ But if there’s no race to win then you’re wasting time…” I said to her. She just ‘hmphed’ at my response. I decided that I might as well give her a little scare if she was going to be like that.

I turned the key into the ignition as I heard the car’s engine start up. The reaction she gave almost made me giggle like a schoolgirl, but instead I held it back and it came out as stifled laughter. Her limbs just went flying around as she got scared out of her mind. Her eyes were darting back and forth, horrified.

“W-what was that?”

If she got freaked out by that little noise, I might as well push it a little further. A smile crept on my lips.

“Well you see… I forgot to mention that this car is rather sensitive to whom the passengers are.” I leaned in towards Celestia and whispered. “Given its reaction, I believe it wants to eat you…”

Celestia went wide-eyed as horror struck her face.

“B-but I thought you said—“

“I lied.”

She immediately looked around the car, most liekly looking for a way out. I couldn’t help but laugh loudly at the spectacle. She stopped fumbling with the gadgets of the car and looked at me as I lost control.

“W-what is so funny!? We need to get out of here, this… this monstrosity is going to kill us!”

“Ah heh… hoo… I’m joking Celestia… It’s not going to eat you. I lied about the part where it was going to turn you into its next meal… You really need to calm down Celestia, have a sense of humor…”

“T-that was not funny!” She said with a furrowed brow.

“To me it was. But seriously, relax…” Although, I could tell she was shaking from that little prank. I gave a sigh. “Alright, fine. I promise nothing will hurt you, alright? Would it help if I explained what was going to happen before I did it?”

“Y-yes, please do…”

I gave a nod as I placed the stick from P to R. Before I backpedaled out of the driveway, I had to make sure she didn’t go berserk.

“Alright Celestia, here’s the thing… We’re going to start moving, and you’re going to see a lot of things around you I’m sure you’ve never seen before; some strange, some unique, and some that might scare the hell out of you. So if you have any questions, just ask me, alright? I promise nothing is going to hurt you.”

“Very well Gerald.”

“Now, first thing you need to experience…” I began as I pressed on the gas, backing out of the driveway. I could see Celestia flinching from the movement as she looked all around her. I merely sighed, wondering how many questions she was going to ask me along the way…

“…would be the actual drive itself.”

*****

I immediately regretted having her come with me. As we drove around the city, she asked me so many questions that it was mind boggling, and they didn’t stop coming. At least it was better than her constant nagging me to slow the car down because I was going too fast. She called herself an Alicorn and I’m going too fast? Christ, next thing you know she’ll see a dead animal on the side of the road.

Oh damn it; I better hope she doesn’t ask me that. She’ll probably accuse my race for savages.

Anyway, she took in her surroundings a little too well. She didn’t seem to be surprised at the buildings, but she did mention how amazed she was on the size of them. I guess she meant company buildings that were like fifty stories tall. Sometimes even I didn’t know what they’re for. You just get used to seeing them as you drive past them. But I digress, no point in knowing about it if it serves you no purpose. She told me how it reminded her a bit about New Colt City, which sounded like a ripoff of New York City, but whatever.

There were only two stores I knew around here that were close by: Target, and Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart seemed to have the cheaper prices, but it was a little further than Target. Then again, that place is a nest full of weird people. There was even one time when I saw a guy wearing a bra inside the store. I shit you not, a pink bra and blue jeans.

But then there was Target, which was closer. They had a clothing standard which I respect, so you didn’t end up seeing a random hobo inside the store. Plus the store’s atmosphere was pretty accepting and it didn’t look like a damn half-assed warehouse.

So anyway, yep, Target it is. With my hand focused on the steering wheel driving through the busy streets of Atlanta, Celestia continued to bombard me with questions. I also had the radio off since I would prefer her not asking me questions about that too… She was giving me a headache as it was.

“What’s that sign over there?”

“That’s an advertisement for Coca Cola…”

“And what about that sign?”

“That’s a Lawyer Advertisement…”

“Who is that woman on that sign?”

“That’s an escor—“ I immediately shut my mouth up when I saw the sign she pointed at. Escort services on an ad sign? Good lord, what is this city coming to? It was best not to tell her what it was exactly, however.

“A um…” I tried to find a lie that would be more fitting to the situation, while she looked at me with a raised brow. Wait, actually…

“Hold on, Celestia, can you understand any of the words on the signs?”

“Why no, I can’t; although… it looks REALLY similar to the language of the Equish.”

“The Equish? Is that the language of the ponies of your world?”

“Indeed. I thought you were speaking the same language as I am?”

“No, in several places of this world, we speak several different languages. In this country, we speak English, and Spanish I believe. What you’re speaking now is English.”

“Strange… I wonder how I’m speaking your language?”

“It’s a mystery to me as well. But it’s convenient at least. One less thing for you to learn. But it seems like you’re gonna have to learn to read.” I looked at another nearby sign, showing an ad for Burger King. I decided to test her. I pointed to a sign that was coming up.

“See that sign right there? Read what it says.”

I could see Celestia squinting her eyes at the sign, giving it a good look. I hope she hurries before we pass it…

“Bur… ger…” But it was too late… We ended up passing it after she said the first two syllables.

“Huh… you managed to say two syllables on the sign. I guess Equish and English are similar in a way… This is good.”

“I got them right?”

“Only one word… I blame how fast I’m going, though. You didn’t have enough time.”

“I see… ooh, what’s that sign right there?”

Oh great, more questions concerning signs… I looked at the nearby sign she pointed at, and saw that it was a big bulls-eye. We were stopped at a red light, and I could see it more clearly, and nodded.

“That would be our destination. That sign is basically a Bulls-eye, in other words, a store, called Target.

“Target? Why name a store from something that an arrow gets shot to?”

“The names around here can be a bit stupid… but they’re stores. God knows why they name ‘em like that.”

“They?”

“The owners of the stores.”

I flipped on the turn blinker and drove into the parking lot of Target, satisfied that I had finally reached my objective.

What I also liked about Target was the in-door garage on the bottom. No worrying about rain or bird crap getting on your car. Although, the bird crap still happens, just a lot more rarely. After assisting Celestia with the car door, we both got out, and headed towards Target…

*****

As we stepped towards the automatic doors, Celestia was once again surprised. She was going to be surprised by every little piece of technology around here, it seemed. I nudged her along saying that it wasn’t going to hurt her, and explained it was just a door that opens when you get close to it. She mentioned how it seemed similar to magic, but I just dismissed it.

Then there were the escalators. She was amazed at how stairs could move on their own with no magic, but I just explained that it was due to the electricity that runs through the machinery. Once again, I nudged her along to go up the escalator, but it was a bit comical to see her hold on the rails as if her life depended on it. I just shook my head and went up the escalator normally. She wasn’t far behind when she realized how to go about it the right way.

“You’re having fun doing this to me, aren’t you?”

“No Celestia, you’re letting reality make fun of you. Like I said: Relax.”

“I am trying, Gerald, but these things you call technology are beginning to make me nerv—“ I placed a finger on Celestia’s lips, and for some reason, I could see her face getting a little red. I wondered why? But regardless, I needed to assure her.

“I said relax. Nothing’s going to harm you here while I’m around, alright? Sheesh…”

Reluctantly, she gave me a nod. I only sighed in return. I looked at the store, pleased by the sight of it. Sections of clothes, registers, and even certain spots for groceries filled my vision. In the back would be the Electronics section, and I thought they might have those greeting cards too… just so much around here, and it was a bit of a family friendly store too. Damn I loved coming here.

“Like, omigosh! Richie? Is that you?”

…That is, I used to, until a rather annoying voice came from behind. My vision went black as I felt something soft block my vision.

“Guess who Richie.”

“Melissa, you really need to stop this game of ‘Guess Who.’ It’s getting on my nerves.”

My vision finally returned to light as a long haired red-head in a Target uniform stood in front of me, with a pouty face.

“Aww, how did you know who I was?”

“It’s simple… hyperactive, plays guess who, gets on my nerves sometimes, and someone who can equal me on fair grounds in Halo. Who else could it be?”

Right, where to begin? This is Melissa, a college mate of mine, Age 20. Red long hair, and wears a Target uniform. To put it simply, she’s just an annoying friend of mine that has a habit of not leaving me alone. But she’s also a gaming kind of girl, and it’s rare to find those types of women around here these days.

She also had a habit of shirking her duties in Target as a Customer Service employee, which she was doing right now. I could see Celestia was confused as to who this individual was.

“Gerald, who is this woman?”

“This… would be Melissa, a college friend of mine. And Melissa, shouldn’t you be working right now? You don’t want to get yelled at, do you?”

“Heh heh! Don’t worry about it Richie, I’m on break for 20 minutes! So I get to do whatever I want until my time is up.” Melissa said in a high-pitched voice.

“Great… so my headache gets stronger…” I thought to myself.

“So Richie, who’s the hot knocker you picked up this time? A friend of yours, or…” She came disturbingly close to my ear, and whispered, “a ‘special’ friend?”

I immediately backed away from her, with a blush on my face. “D-don’t be ridiculous! She’s just a friend of mine that I’m taking care of at the moment. It’s NOTHING like that!”

Why am I getting flustered over Melissa’s comment? It’s not like me and Celestia are… are…

I shook my head. “Look, anyway, we’re busy right now Melissa. So if you’ll excuse—“ I was about to walk away with Celestia without another word, but she got in the way.

“Nuh-uh! I’m an employee of Target. It is my job to be of assistance.”

“I thought you said you were on break?”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t do my job on my break.”

“That doesn’t make any sense…”

“Um… Gerald?” Celestia poked my arm, getting my attention. “Who is this ‘Richie’ she keeps referring to?” I sighed, this was going to be a long day if I had to explain every damn thing… I looked at Melissa.

“She’s referring to me… And darn it Melissa, I told you to stop calling me Richie.”

“Aww, why not? It’s the perfect name for a guy who’s in a rich family.”

“You… you’re rich?” Celestia said to me, surprised. I sighed once more.

“No, I’m not. My family is, but I’m not. It’s a long story Celestia, and I’d rather not talk about it…”

“But Richieeeeee, you told meeee about it…” Melissa said with teasing in her eyes.

“Yes, but that’s because you wouldn’t stop pester—“, I stopped talking and tried to focus my thoughts on the situation at hand.

“Look, both of you… I haven’t contacted my family in a long time, and I have no plans of using their money. I’m living on my own, and making money on my own. That’s that, alright? Now would you lay off it?” I said with a slightly higher tone. This seemed to immediately shut Melissa up.

My family… I guess you could say I’m not on the best of terms with them. I left them a long time ago when I decided to live on my own, and I made a vow to never use their money for my own benefit. Of course they had to force the Butler thing on me too, but that was the only thing I was willing to allow: I just wanted to get away from them and live my life the way I want it to be, without any outside help.

Both Celestia and Melissa stood there in silence for a few seconds, before Celestia spoke up.

“Gerald, I… apologize if it was a sore subject for you.” Celestia said with a frown.

“Yeah Richie, I’m sorry…” Melissa said with a giggle.

“Stop calling me Richie!” I swear, Melissa never changes, no matter what I say to her, be it joking or otherwise.

“Sooo anyway, all this sappy crap out of the way—and I’m sorry for bringing it up—what brings you here?” Melissa asked.

Water under the bridge, eh? I just hope she doesn’t bring it up again.

“I’m here to purchase some clothes for Celestia.”

“Celestia?” She looked at Celestia from top to bottom, walking around her as if examining her. Then she gave a really loud squeal. I nearly covered my ears from that. I could see her running her fingers through Celestia’s rainbow hair, as if she was amazed by it.

“Wow, I didn’t notice before, but you have amazing hair! How are you managing it? It must be a nightmare getting all the knots out when you’re brushing in the morning. And it feels so soft, you should definitely tell me who dyed your hair and what shampoo you use!” She then started to rub her face in it, which kinda creeped me out. “It feels soooo smooth and fluffy.”

Celestia snatched her hair away from her, and backed away, a little scared. “P-please don’t do that again… I’ve had this hair since I was born…” Celestia said. But this only added fuel to the fire as Melissa makes another attempt. I just facepalmed at her curiosity.

Can someone tell me why she hasn’t been fired yet!?

*****

AN: Yes yes yes, I haven’t updated in over a month, I apologize for that. I got pretty busy and my focus wasn’t on this. I doubt this new chapter will make up for it, but hey, NEW CHAPTER! YAY!

And stuff.

CH7: Assistance

Special Thanks to Editor: DaMobbs

&
Proofreader: Meeester

Chapter 7: Assistance

Melissa’s obliviousness had always annoyed me to no end. She may be a friend of mine, but she had a certain craziness that made her lovable and friendly. As for myself, I wouldn’t mind it as much if she just kept it to a minimum while working. I’m surprised that she hadn’t gotten fired due to her erratic personality yet.

Regardless, it’s her problem, not mine. ‘Doesn’t mean I can’t stop thinking about it though.’ I furrowed my brow at Melissa, engrossed in Celestia’s vibrant hair.

“Melissa, would you stop with that!?”

“But it’s soooo soft and fluffy!” She said in a cutesy voice, fluffing up more hair to emphasise her point.

“Doesn’t mean she likes what you’re doing…” I needed a way to make her stop, and she only listened to one thing. A small grin formed on my face. “Besides, you don’t want her complaining to customer service, right? Remember that incident with the old lady last month?”

Melissa immediately stopped fondling Celestia’s hair and shot me a very dark glare. “Richie! You promised you wouldn’t mention that!”

“I haven’t said anything yet,” I said, putting my hands up defensively, ”but my point still stands: Do you want to get in trouble again?” I added, changing to a much firmer voice by the end. Melissa frowned and stepped away from Celestia, to which she sighed in relief. Melissa clapped her hands together like she was going to pray and took a curt bow.

“Gomenasai, I couldn’t control myself ma’am. Please forgive me.”

“G… Gomen…? What is that language you used?” Celestia asked, her voice laced in confusion. I walked up to her and laid my hand on her shoulder.

“It’s another language here. What she spoke was Japanese, which means ‘I’m sorry’; usually suited for friends or acquaintances, if I remember correctly.” I looked back at Melissa and sighed. “It was nice seeing you again Melissa, but we need to get going; shopping to do and whatnot.”

I took Celestia’s hand and proceeded to walk off further inside the store, forcibly if I had to. Being around Melissa for longer than necessary was not good for my health. I heard Melissa shout, but I didn’t look back.

“Let me know if you need any customer assistance, alright!?”

‘The day I ask for customer assistance from you is the day I willingly buy a Justin Beiber album.’ I thought to myself. I looked back at Celestia, who had a worried look on her face. I merely sighed.

“Don’t mind her. Melissa’s crazy, but she’s a good person at heart. She just can’t help herself sometimes.”

“I noticed. I just wish we met under more… sane circumstances.”

“Her, sane?” I chuckled. “That will be the day.”

I needed to set my priorities straight. Melissa took up a good chunk of time and I needed to get on the ball. First thing I needed to do was get Celestia some actual clothes. Then there’s the matter of sizing her up, figuring out her bra size, her underwear, and—

I stopped mid-thought, realizing what I had just been thinking. I had to go into the women’s section of Target, to find women’s clothes for Celestia. The keyword here was women. The section in question was to my right, where assortments of women’s clothes, ranging from sweaters to lingerie, were set up. I immediately smacked the front of my face, realizing the fundamental problem in my otherwise fool-proof plan.

Aw fuck me, why didn’t I think of this before? I have to figure out what size she is and give her bras to try on? I don’t even know how to use the damn things. It’s even more of a problem that Celestia doesn’t know anything about the current fashion trends... or does she? She’s a one-thousand year old goddess. Surely she of all ponies, or people now I guess, would know about fashion?

I looked at Celestia, who was giving me a confused look. “Is something wrong Gerald?”

“Celestia, do you know about women’s clothing?”

“Well of course I do Gerald. I’ve lived for a long time. I’ve been to multitudes of formal parties and I’ve even gone out on a few occasions… why?”

“No, that’s not what I mean.” I said, shaking my head. “In terms of humans, do you know what kind of fashion they wear?”

Celestia raised a brow at this question.

“It is the same, is it not?”

“Seeing as how clothes differ greatly between ponies and humans, I think not.”

“Well, what’s the problem with trying on clothes then?”

‘Do I really have to explain why I can’t go in there, and why I’m worried with her going in by herself?’

In my opinion, going into the women’s section isn’t really that big of a deal, but the looks you get… I’ve been there, and it’s not comfortable when a man looks at women’s underwear while getting the stink-eye from other people. Have you ever ventured into a Victoria’s Secret by yourself? It’s a place where no man should ever set foot in.

I looked back behind me to see Melissa was greeting customers as always, or in other words, shirking her duty. Then again, maybe she isn’t; it’s not common for Target employees to greet customers anyway. I rubbed my temples and sighed.

‘I really need to stop jinxing myself.’

*****

The explanation I gave to Melissa could have gone better. She couldn’t really believe I didn’t have the balls to go into the women’s section, but she said it was understandable, saying it was better being the sensible man instead of the perverted man.

I couldn’t tell if that was an insult or a joke.

I did have to tell her something in private though, so I pulled her over to the Starbuck’s at the entrance, away from Celestia’s ears, while telling Celestia to stay put next to the escalators.

Making sure Celestia was out of earshot, I wrapped a shoulder around Melissa, bringing her close. This earned a notable reaction from her, as I saw her cheeks turn crimson red.

“W-what are you doing Richie!?” she said, stuttering, before she started to smile. “Aw, if you wanted to kiss me in private, you should have said--” I immediately covered her mouth with my other hand, turning the rest of her sentence into unintelligible mumbling. I dunno if she was teasing me or not, but it wasn’t funny. I removed my hand when she stopped talking.

“D-don’t be ridiculous! Not exactly the time to be teasing me here, Melissa. I need your help with my friend there.” I said, pointing to Celestia.

“With what exactly?” she asked, intrigued.

“Clothes mostly; teaching her how to wear bras, figuring out her bust size, that sort of deal.”

Melissa looked at me for a moment, unsure of how to respond before she burst out laughing. I didn’t find it funny in the slightest.

“Ah heh, that’s funny Richie.” she managed to eek out after calming down. ”A woman as old as her? I’m sure she can do it on her own.”

“Well that’s just it. She can’t.”

This earned another chuckle from Melissa. “Oh you, I always knew you were bad at jokes, but this one takes the cake!”

Once again, I didn’t laugh. I looked at her carefully, not showing any emotion, or even a hint of laughter. She looked back at me, her laughter devolving into a frown in a matter of moments.

“You’re not joking, are you?”

I merely sighed as I looked over at Celestia, who was preoccupied with the arrow buttons on the wall by the elevator. I looked back at Melissa.

“Well here’s the thing…” I needed some kind of excuse to show that Celestia wasn’t normal, but keeping it discreet. I ran a couple scenarios through my mind quickly, so I could give Melissa a reason, and there was one that stuck out…

“Celestia’s from a pure nudist colony in another part of this country and she’s just now getting used to clothes.”

I wonder to myself how I came up with such a stupid, far-fetched scenario like this one, but it’s better than saying she popped out of the sky. Melissa whistled in fascination.

“A pure nudist colony? Those are rather rare to see around here!”

“Yes,” I practically screamed, happy that she was buying it completely, ”which is why I need help with her measurements and the clothes. Think you can help me out?”

“Well… seeing that she’s in a pickle and you’re too ball-less to help her yourself…” I gave her the best seething glare I could muster. Honestly, is it such an issue that I don’t like walking into the women’s section of a store!?

Melissa gave a smile and nodded. “Alrighty, I’ll help you out. But you owe me.” she quickly added.

“How do I ‘owe’ someone who’s doing their job!?” I quipped.

“Heh heh, because this is a friendly favor, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not! It’s…” I was trying to figure out a more proper term other than friendly favor, but nothing came up, forcing me to let out an exasperated sigh. “Okay fine, a friendly favor. Oh, one more thing Melissa…”

“Hmm?”

“Don’t mention any of this to her, not even about the nudist colony; she’s a little… sensitive about it. She took it pretty hard when she realized nudists weren’t exactly commonplace in society. She wanted to be a normal person in society, so… do that for me, please?”

“Don’t worry Rich—“ I started glaring at her again as soon as she started that name, but she immediately changed her words. “I mean Gerald.”

I smiled at her. “Thanks Melissa, you’re a lifesaver.”

“H-help! This box is eating me!”

My vision immediately snapped back towards Celestia, except Celestia wasn’t there. Me and Melissa ran up towards the Elevator, oblivious to where she was.

“Celes—argh!” I bit my tongue once more. Calling her by that name was starting to get annoying now. “Where are you?”

I heard some pounding behind the elevator door, and I couldn’t help but wonder if Celestia would even be able to meld into society at all...

*****

After getting her out of the elevator (and one melodramatic speech about how it almost ate her), I had to tell her that she needed to be more careful when messing with technology, especially when I wasn’t around. I even had to give her a brief explanation on what they do. This action did, however, solidify my lie with Melissa. I even heard her say she felt sorry for her.

The way I have to use deception just to get things moving is kind of sad, but it got the job done.

I brought Celestia up to speed on the story and what she needed to know. She was confused by what I meant by nudist colony, but I told her to just roll with it. She tried to voice her concerns, but I cut them off at the source and told her I’d explain what they were later. I didn’t exactly want her raising any weird or awkward questions, and it was the only way for her to get any quick clothing assistance.

Then again, I think she was more concerned with Melissa fondling her hair again.

After waving to the two of them, they walked into the women’s section of the store. I told them I’d be right back after I had done a couple of things around here.

Now that the clothing situation was being taken cared of, I made a beeline for the CD racks. I promised myself I’d get that Justin Beiber album after all.

‘At least I didn’t say Britney Spears, but please let them be sold out…’

It didn’t take long to arrive, and there were quite a few people browsing the racks as well as the electronics next door. Some were looking at video games, others at music, and a whiny little kid that wanted Lego Batman that they were showing on one of their TV displays.

I browsed through the music section, looking for the album, and thankfully my search had been fruitless. I thanked god for that. With all those crazy teenagers going crazy over that kid, I’m not surprised they’d be sold out.

“Dude, did you get a look at those pink skies yesterday? It was freaky!”

“I saw it too; the news channel was like, all over it!”

I stopped fumbling through the CDs and averted my eyes toward a couple teenagers, probably no older than sixteen or seventeen. The word ‘pink skies’ set off warning bells, telling me I needed to listen to them. I side-stepped a little closer, feigning interest in whatever CD I happened to be holding at the time.

“Did they say anything about it?”

“The news guy was saying the police are investigating it, and hey, maybe even the government!”

“Duuuude, the government? That’s major!” replied the awestruck teen.

“Yeah, far out!” agreed the other.

While I questioned the teenagers and their cliché way of speaking, beads of sweat began to trickle down my face.

‘Given how the Pink Skies were irregular, it’s not surprising the Government would be involved. But judging by these two jokers, they’d believe anything. Plus, I doubt news reporters would just bluntly say that the government would be involved on country-wide TV without any proof… Although, one thing I find odd is that they’re not mentioning the chocolate smell. I wonder if I should ask that.’

I figured it was worth a shot. I turned towards them while picking up another random album, placing the other one back in a random slot. I made as if I was going to the register to pay but turned to face them as I passed by.

“Hey dudes, what’s up?” I asked them. They looked at me with a smile.

“Nothing bro, just chillin’. What’s happening?” One dude said.

“Nothing much, it’s just I overheard the whole thing about the whole pink skies thing. Freaky, right?”

“Definitely dude, it was totally freaky, like that one time me and—“ But then dude number two elbowed the guy in the stomach.

“Psst, we’re not supposed to talk about that man!” dude number two said. I merely shook my head. I had an idea of what they were implying, but it was really none of my business. The pink skies were however. I leaned my back against the CD case.

“So anyway, that chocolate fudge smell was weird too, right?”

That’s when they looked at me, confused. I raised a brow and repeated my question. “There was a chocolate kind of smell when it occurred, right?”

“Like, no dude. Just some flashy pretty pink lights in the sky.”

“What…?”

I’m sure it’s just because those two dudes were idiots, but I couldn’t help but wonder.

“Really? No fudge smell or anything? Just pink flashing skies?”

“You got it dude, nothing but the pretty pink taste of heaven! Praise heaven!”

“Don’t get religious on me here…” I said, backing off.

I decided to walk off without another word. My last words were probably slightly rude, but those two were getting a bit ridiculous at the end there. How could they have not smelled that fudge? I thought it best to ask some other people around here. However, when I did, a lot of them mentioned the same story: Pink Skies, no fudge. Again, and again, and again.

‘Now that I think about it… Celestia is the one who smelled faintly of fudge. And when I was no longer in her vicinity, I couldn’t smell it anymore. I certainly can’t sniff her again since she already took a bath this morning. Huh… Is it possible that anyone who came from Equestria ends up smelling like fudge?’

I needed more evidence to support that line of thought though. It was only a theory after all. There was still that one guy on the IRC channel that claimed he had Rarity. I played along with him too, but I wonder if he was even telling the truth.

“Meh, people just trolling as usual, I’m sure.” I shrugged it off. I was about to walk out of the electronic aisle, until an employee stopped me.

“Hey, you! Stop, you need to pay for that!” The brown-haired employee said. I turned around, confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“The CD in your hand, you need to pay for it!”

I blinked a couple of times, looking at my left hand.

‘That’s right, I grabbed a random CD from the shelf and—Oh you’ve gotta be shitting me.’

I looked at the album in my hand, and the image I saw on the front cover, made me shudder in horror. I would have fainted in a comedic style too, but that was just too dramatic. In my hand, was a Justin Beiber album. I banged my forehead with it.

‘God dammit…’

*****

Half an hour had passed since then, which involved me randomly walking around the store, idly glancing at whatever I happened to pass by. Before you ask, no, I didn’t buy the album, but I did mention to the employee that I’ll be paying for it up front. It gave me more time to decide if I should throw it in the garbage or actually buy it. In the game of life, being honest or truthful 100% of the time can land you in pretty bad shit.

I sighed as I found myself in the toys section of Target. Transformers, Care Bears, Batman action figures… I picked up a random Batman toy, mainly due to nostalgia. I used to collect them all the time when I was a child. Back then, Batman was the best damn superhero in my book, maybe better than Superman.

That reminds me, that whole Batman vs Superman debate is still going on and while I think Superman is fully capable of kicking Batman’s ass, Batman will always be the caped crusader I know and love. He had a gadget for anything.

I put the toy back and sighed. Sometimes I wished I was a kid again.

“Ohhhh Riiiichie!”

I cringed, knowing full well what was behind me. I turned around to find Melissa and Celestia, the latter carrying a basket full of clothes. There were cheap dresses, jeans, and even some fancy looking t-shirts. I think I even saw one that had Celestia’s pony form on it.

I smiled a smile of relief. “Done clothes shopping finally?”

“You better believe it, Richie! Everything went through without a problem!” She said, getting closer to me and gave me a nudge in the stomach.

“But you know Richie, you had nothing to worry about. After teaching her how to use a bra and such, she managed all by her lonesome.” She gave me a devilish grin. “She has some pretty big breasts too. It really puts mine to shame. Wanna know her measurements?”

I immediately backed away, my cheeks red in embarrassment. “N-no I don’t. Damn it Melissa, are you doing this on purpose!?” I stammered but Melissa began laughing at my expense.

Celestia gave a small cough and smiled. “My clothing preparations are taken care of. Although I do question why my image is on this t-shirt?”

Melissa then slammed her fist into her palm. “Oh yeah, she did mention something about that. I knew her name sounded familiar! Why is she named after that Princess from that My Little Pony show?”

‘Shit…’

“Is she a fan or something?” Melissa asked.

‘Oh thank god, an opening to use!’

“Actually, she is. She really loves the character from the show, don’t you, ‘Celestia’?” I said, while adding a gritted tone on the word Celestia. Celestia blinked a couple times before thankfully catching on relatively quickly.

“Oh! Er, yes, of course. I enjoy the show, so of course I have it as my, how do you say it… nickname?” Celestia said, stammering a little bit. Melissa wasn’t facing me, but instead was looking at Celestia. I gave her a firm nod, letting her know she did well.

“Hmm… a fan huh? That’s really awesome!” she squealed, taking the opportunity to wrap Celestia in a quick hug. “I like the show myself, although not really into it that much. Good for an occasional watch though!” Melissa said happily.

I gave her a nod and glared at Celestia when we broke eye contact. I motioned her to come here when I saw Melissa looking at the toy shelves.

“You need to be more careful on what you say to people about your own persona.” I whispered. “It’ll bring up some questions that we can’t answer.”

‘Actually, remind me to give her a different name. That would solve a lot of them…’

“I apologize, Gerald, but as soon as I saw that piece of fabric with my own image, the words came out before I even realized I had said them. Why is my picture on some of these clothes anyway?”

“Like I said, your world is a TV show to us. There is merchandise of it too; be it toys or clothing products. In fact…”

I grabbed a random toy and showed it to her, without looking at it myself.

“These kinds of toys are for collectors or for kids to play with. They hold a certain value depending if it’s rare, common, uncommon, or just a one of a kind toy, not to mention if the show was insanely popular or not. I’m sure you have toys where you come from as well.”

Celestia stood there in silence, looking at the toy I was holding. She looked rather flabbergasted. She pointed a finger towards it.

“Why am I pink?”

I blinked, not following what she meant. I turned the toy around, but my finger slipped and hit a button. As soon as I did, a voice popped up from the toy the same time I got a good look at it.

“~My wings are so pretty~”

Pink Celestia, with pink hair, and something that didn’t even vaguely resemble her actual appearance stared back at me. Melissa looked at me when she heard that voice, curious. She then grabbed the toy from my hands and squealed in glee.

“Ooh, they just got this toy in! It’s a shame Hasbro didn’t get the toy right. It looks so goofy.” She rotated it a few times before stopping, leaning in to get a closer look. “They could have at least made the hair plastic to get the colors right.”

Melissa pressed the button on the toy to play that infernal voice-over. I honestly didn’t like it at all, and Celestia was still standing there paralyzed. I’d be paralyzed too if I saw such a horrible toy that was supposed to be me.

“May I see that?” Celestia asked quietly.

“Sure, help yourself!” Melissa said.

After Melissa gave Celestia the toy, Melissa’s eyes found their way over to me before heading straight down. Then she gave a high-pitched squeal.

“Eeek! Is that the new Justin Beiber CD!?”

“Oh god no. Don’t tell me you like this idiot?” I said, annoyed. She squinted one eye at me, upset.

“You use the internet too much, Richie. If you could just listen to him without all of that negativity, you can see he’s an amazing boy with an amazing voice!”

“I think he’s an amazing hack who needs to burn in a fire…” I said negatively.

“That’s not nice. If you hate him so much, why is it in your hand?” Melissa pointed out.

I actually wondered this myself. I should have thrown it away by now, but something in my mind told me not to. In fact, I had a better idea.

I placed the CD case in her hand, which earned her a confused look. “I don’t know, but you take it. I get the feeling he’ll haunt me in my sleep if I hold onto it for much longer.”

Melissa went wide-eyed, staring at the CD in her hand, and then back at me. It’s like she just fell in love with an object. That would be pretty creepy, actually. Mostly because she might be able to pull it off, but still creepy nonetheless.

“Really? You’ll let me keep it!?” Before I could say anything, Melissa gave me a big hug. I decided to return it by wrapping my arms around her waist. I could feel a tight squeeze around my neck. It got to the point where I couldn’t breathe anymore and patted her arm in submission.

“Okay, uncle, uncle! Get off me. I can’t breathe!” She let go of me after hearing my plight for the sweet nectar known as air. I breathed in and out a couple of times as I shook my head.

“Just because I’m giving it to you doesn’t mean I paid for it. I stumbled upon it by accident, alright?”

“Aww… and here I thought you cared about me…”

“I’m not caring enough to pay for a Justin Beiber CD… I am NOT going to support that kid!”

Yes, I have some hatred in my heart reserved for that kid. While my rage may be rather dramatic at times, I just don’t like his music or the publicity this kid is getting. Sure, the kid got lucky with that record deal but that doesn’t mean I should give a damn.

“~My wings are so pretty~”

Melissa and I looked at Celestia, who was still messing around with the toy. Her hands were shaking and each time she pressed the voice-over button, she visibly grew more annoyed. I wondered what her problem was. I could have sworn I saw her hands shaking it, as if she was going to strangle it the next time it spoke about its wings.

“I do not sound like this… whoever made this contraption obviously does not know who I am…” I heard her whisper under her breath.

‘Now that I can agree on…’

“Gerald.” Celestia began. “May we purchase this toy along with these clothes? I need to examine this device further.”

I was a little confused on what she meant by examining the device further. I also thought that she probably wanted to play with herself.

…..

Okay, too corny but it was still funny to me. I merely shrugged before grabbing the toy from her, and tossing it in the basket.

“Alright Celestia, I think I can accommodate that. Let me check.”

I patted my pockets for the unmistakable lump that was my wallet before pulling it out. I flipped it open to find that I somehow managed to not bring any cash with me. However, I noticed I still had my credit card. Thank god for that; I always had the habit of leaving my wallet or credit card in the car. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to sit down or walk around with lumps in each of your pockets? It’s awkward, and sometimes they chafe, but leaving something as valuable as a wallet unattended is an extremely bad habit. I’d just have to suck it up. That’s life, after all.

I placed the wallet back in my pocket and nodded.

“I’m all set. And Melissa, thanks for helping us out,” I said, giving out my hand for a handshake.

She looked at it for a moment though, and decided to just come out and hug me instead. It was a little unexpected, but I returned the hug anyway.

“No problem Richie, always happy to help. It’s my job, after all,” she said to me, before things took an awkward turn when she whispered into my ear. It sounded almost seductive.

“I’ll be sure to call you later about her breast measurements, mkay?”

I immediately backed away with a blush, my voice an octave higher.

“Would you stop teasing me about her breasts!” I shouted.

I didn’t realize how high my voice was, and I couldn’t help but go wide-eyed as I suddenly realized it. I looked around the toy aisle, seeing a couple of little kids and their parents eyeing me with disgust. Even Celestia was looking at me, but it was more on the lines of confusion than disgust. I thanked god that she doesn’t know what the big deal about breasts are yet, but the fact remained that I just embarrassed myself, big time. I placed my hand on my face.

…Melissa, I hate you.

*****

“What a day,” I mumbled to myself while fumbling with the keys to my car. After having that utter embarrassment thrown on me, my face was a burning shade of crimson the entire way from the toy section to the front cash register. Celestia attempted to ask me about what the big deal about her breasts was on the way there, but I immediately told her to keep it to herself until we got to the safety of the car.

I said my goodbyes with Melissa after purchasing the clothes and the Celestia toy before taking the elevator down to the ground floor. While the clothes I had were in plastic bags, I didn’t feel like heading down the escalator.

It also seems that Celestia developed a new phobia with elevators. She adamantly refused to set foot in one of those contraptions again for as long as she lived. I merely told her to get in, saying it was safe as long as I was around.

“But Gerald, it tried to eat me!”

“You just don’t know how to use it properly Celestia. Didn’t I say that I would make sure you wouldn’t come to harm? Just trust me, alright?” I exasperated.

She was pretty hesitant at first, but after my reassurances, she hesitantly nodded, although she was still cautious of being surrounded by limited space of the elevator. I just pray she wasn’t developing claustrophobia, although that would be pretty ridiculous if she actually did. That, and since she had a natural weakness to technology, it was something to keep in mind for teasing ideas later.

Speaking of technology, if she wasn’t scared of the elevator, she was certainly fascinated with the shiny buttons on the inside of the door. She looked at them curiously, asking me what each one represented; from the fire alarm all the way to keyhole meant for emergencies and maintenance.

After that happened, we made our way to the car. I unlocked the car and threw the bags into the trunk, although Celestia insisted that she hold onto the toy. She claimed she wanted to examine it further.

‘What’s there to examine though? It’s just a bad replica of a toy that’s based on her.’

Once we both got into the car, I started it up after making sure our seatbelts were fastened. It didn’t take long to get us back on the main road after exiting the parking garage, but there seemed to be a lot of traffic on the road. It’s always the mornings that seemed to be the busiest, although I don’t see why it would be busy in the afternoon, especially since it was a weekend.

After sitting at the same light for a few minutes due to the long line of cars in front of me, I realized it was a bit too quiet in the car. I looked over at Celestia who was going over the toy with a critical eye, but she seemed to be puzzled, mostly with the voice over from the toy. Admittedly, hearing the words ‘My wings are so pretty’ for the umpteenth time was eating away at my patience very quickly.

She saw that I was looking at her and looked at me sternly.

“Gerald, do you know why they made me Pink?”

“I don’t really know. I guess they couldn’t afford coloring you white. Companies these days make some very weird decisions, sometimes to the point of insulting.”

She looked back at the toy, rotating it slowly in her fingertips, as if studying ever single piece of plastic and strand of hair on it. She merely sighed.

“No one has ever made toys of me before,” she said in a melancholy tone, ”and the one toy that I find here in this world is a complete misrepresentation. Do they not know who I am?”

I raised a brow. “Apparently not, since they screwed it up.”

“No Gerald, because I’m nothing but some product of their imagination!” She turned around and launched the toy at the backseat in a fit of rage before crossing her arms. “I’m nothing but an illusion for someone’s benefit and I feel used...”

“Celestia, why would you feel that way?”

“Because Gerald… they turned me pink! How do you think I feel?”

“I think you’re beginning to lose it. Now come on, it’s not that bad. It’s just one toy. I’ve seen a couple of other toys online that look perfectly like you.”

“On…line? What?”

I bit my lip. I couldn’t let her discover the Internet just yet. Oh, I could only imagine what that would do to her fragile mind… I shook my head at her.

“I mean I’ve seen other toys that got your look down to a T. Besides… you found a T-shirt that has your look down without a problem.”

“I… suppose you’re right. But I still don’t see why they would do that to me.” she said, absentmindedly twirling some of her hair in a finger.

‘Trust me, neither do I… Now that I think about it, I don’t recall Celestia ever being like this in the show. She always seemed to be the calm and resourceful type. Maybe the fear of being alone in this world stripped of her power is getting to her? Still, acting like that from something as simple as a toy mistake is a bit cute and baffling. Also, I certainly can’t confirm if there are other ponies out there, except for that very questionable night on the IRC chat room. If only things were so easy to understand…’

I needed to calm her down, so I figured music would be the best thing. I flipped on the radio, only to be met with my most hated music yet.

I covered my ears to block out that horrendous noise as I fumbled with the radio to shut it off or switch the station. I could see Celestia wasn’t enjoying the music either. Eventually, I managed to hit the power button and threw the car into silence once again. I glanced over at Celestia to be met with an extremely angry glare that rivaled the intensity of the sun.

“What was that monstrosity just now!? Are you trying to deafen me!?” she shouted, although the ringing in my ears made it sound she was speaking at a normal volume.

“No! I was trying to put on some music. Not my fault the radio stations around here give off crappy music.”

“You have music in this world? And what is this ‘radio’?”

“Yes, we have music in this world. I’m sure you’ve been to a few plays or musicals back in Equestria?” Celestia nodded in response. “Well, as long as you’re in range of one of the broadcasts, you can listen to music anywhere on something called a radio. In this case, it’s a car radio.”

I decided to switch the radio to my CD player, since I do have a few personal favorites that are better than these crappy radio stations these days.

I pressed Disc #3, hearing the CD load up. I could see Celestia ready to cover her ears, and I merely shook my head as I took her hands down.

“Don’t worry, this music is actually good music.”

After the CD loaded, a soft and tranquil melody filled the car. I saw Celestia go wide-eyed when she heard the peaceful melody. She closed her eyes as she gave a small smile, rocking her head along with the song.

I’m not a big classical music kind of guy, but I always loved Moonlight Sonata from Beethoven. Something about the melody helps you relax, think, and enjoy what’s around you. A legendary man with legendary music. I don’t care if I’m in my 20s; people of this generation need to listen to better music than that Eminem crap, or those Jay Z whatsits. So much music is full of yelling, or their crappy personal lives, or a combination of both. Where’s the soul? Where’s the fun? Christ I missed the 90s…

In the end, it’s all about the money, sadly.

“This melody… it’s so beautiful.” Celestia mumbled.

“Mm, not sure if you’ve ever heard of Beethoven. He’s a deaf composer back in the early 18th century who made wonderful music from just his instinct and love alone. Now granted, I’m not too familiar with his history, but I can say one true fact about him is that he revolutionized music. This song is my personal favorite, which is Moonlight Sonata. For a deaf person, he was magical… No homo, of course.”

Celestia raised a brow at me. “No… homo? What?”

“Er, nevermind.”

*****

The rest of the way home, we listened to classical music. She seemed to have quite an ear for it, humming along at some points. I was glad that she was so calm from hearing such good music. That reminded me that I should burn off more CDs that deal with classical. Although, it did make me wonder how she would react to Electronica, and by that, I don’t mean that Dubstep crap.

Regardless, we managed to get home without much else happening. With the bags of clothes in one hand, my house keys in the other, and Celestia right next to me—whom was humming the Moonlight Sonata song—I opened the door, only to find Gordon in front of it, bowing.

“Greetings sir, I take it the trip went well?”

“Yes Gordon, it has. Celest—argh!” I was getting REALLY tired of biting my tongue repeatedly. I think my tongue hates me for saying her name over and over again. I saw that Gordon raised a brow at me, and I merely shook my head.

“I’m fine, Gordon. Just been really tongue-tied lately.”

“Indeed, I’ve noticed earlier this morning that it dealt with the young lady’s name?”

Celestia looked at me after hearing Gordon’s words. “Is something wrong with my name?”

I sighed. It was a matter of time before I had to tell her that, so after motioning all of us to head inside, I handed Gordon the clothes, telling him to go put them away. He gave a small nod before heading off.

I sat on the couch and patted the space next to mine, inviting her to sit down. Once she did, I sighed again. It’s a shame that I did it so much, but days like these are just really crazy.

“Celestia, we may need to call you something else.”

“What? What is the matter with my name?”

“I didn’t realize it until I saw the Celestia toy and the t-shirt. Your name is too mainstream, and with your unique hairstyle, I wouldn’t be surprised if some people thought you were the real Celestia. Although I think crazy fanboys would get this impression more so than others.” I said to her. Her face scrunched up in confusion.

“Are you saying I can’t let any attention be focused on me?”

“If we don’t want anything complicated to happen, yes. You saw how Melissa reacted to you when she finally realized where the name ‘Celestia’ came from. Do you want more people to go crazy on you like that?”

Celestia was silent for a moment, but I kept on. “Also, I don’t want anyone to badmouth you either.” Celestia looked at me with a furrowed brow.

“What do you mean?”

“Let’s just say there are people out there who are cruel in this world. There are people who go obsessively bananas over ponies, and then there are people who resent it to an astonishing degree. I would prefer not to see you in any danger if you meet such people. You’re under my protection, after all.”

Celestia tapped her chin for a moment. If she wanted to survive, I needed to take the necessary precautions. I’ve been a bit too lenient on her situation today and I need to step it up.

Celestia nodded in agreement. “Alright, what name should I go by then?”

I was about to open my mouth, but closed it a second later. I bit on my lip a bit, thinking.

‘Good point, what should I call her? It would need to be simple, elegant, but also sound beautiful and easy to use. Celestia is like four syllables long. Maybe I can shorten it somehow?’

I ran a couple name ideas in my head, anything starting with a C. Christine? No, that sounded too generic. Maybe Chris? Some women are named Chris, but it’s more of a masculine name than anything. I scratched my head, trying to figure out what name would be perfect for her.

“Well, finding a name is harder than I thought Celes-ACK!” I didn’t know how many times I’ve bitten my tongue, but I think I tasted blood that time.

“Are you okay Gerald?”

“I’m fine, but saying your name is—wait a minute.” Before my tongue was bit, I realized that the name I had just said sounded really familiar. The name ‘Celes’. I stood up from the couch in realization.

“Celes… Celes… That name sounds really good actually.” I mumbled to myself. The name even reminded me of Final Fantasy VI I used to play on my old SNES or GBA in this case. The name Celes sounded beautiful, elegant, classy, and I think the name wasn’t too common. Granted I’ve never heard of anyone in real life being called Celes but hey, it was a good start. Plus, it was still part of her name, albeit only two syllables; it seemed to flow on the tip of my tongue well.

I looked at her with a smile. “Celestia, how does the name ‘Celes’ sound to you?”

“Celes? It… sounds like half my name.” she stated obviously.

“Yes, but it’s more simple, and I think it’s a suitable nickname for you.”

“Well… I’m not sure.”

“Well, give it some thought, alright? And if you have a better name, just let me know.”

All that was left was for her to think about it. When my eyes averted away from her though, I noticed someone near the corner of the hallway before whoever it was shirking away. I raised a brow.

‘Was that my imagination, or was Gordon eavesdropping on my conversation?’

*****

The rest of the day was rather uneventful and revolved around staying inside the house. Celestia was busy trying on her new clothes, and I think I heard some rather weird noises from her room when I checked up on her once. I even heard some giggling, especially the toy’s voice-over. I don’t know what went on, but I don’t think I wanna know.

It was night time soon enough, and I laid in my bed, wondering what would take place tomorrow. Alas, I couldn’t go to sleep just yet. I still had some curiosity in my brain to sate. Logging into the IRC channel on my laptop, I took a look around at the chatroom, to see if there was any juicy information; in other words, anything dealing with the pink skies or the fudge smell. Anything would do at this point.

However the IRC chat was mostly just about best ponies and how someone dove into a tank of instant Jello. Sounds like a ripoff of Ed, Edd and Eddy, but whatever, nothing notable happened.

I still didn’t run into Belgarion either. It’s like he just disappeared. I waited a couple hours to see if anything would turn up, but the search was pointless. I merely sighed as I rubbed the temples of my head, frustrated.

‘Clues to the whereabouts of any ponies… Thinking about it a little bit, if Celestia was captured in that blinding light, would it make sense for others to show up too? But there’s so much evidence I’d need to gather to prove that theory true. Just having Celestia doesn’t cut it. I can’t go in blind, believing everything I hear, after all.’

In the end, I just shut off my laptop and went to sleep, awaiting another day of randomness to occur.

*****

April 15th, 2012

I was awoken with a very sudden chill around my head and body. In fact, calling it chilly was an understatement; it was ice cold. I sprung up in shock to find Gordon next to me holding a tin bucket that dripped with water. I looked at myself and saw that I was completely soaked from the torso up, especially my bed. If anyone took it out of context, they’d have thought that I'd peed in the bed, but it didn’t matter. I was pissed. I shouted at Gordon.

“What the hell, Gordon!? Why did you do that!?”

“To wake you up, sir.”

“With a bucket of freezing water!? Has that bald spot finally gotten to your brain!? I’m freezing like a penguin here!” I looked at the alarm clock on my nightstand and growled. “And to top it all off, it’s 6 AM too!”

“No sir, this is actually a premeditated wake up that I decided to use. For you see, we have a problem.”

“Huh?” I blinked, holding my shivering body. I couldn’t exactly think straight since I had been rudely woken up, so my brain was still a bit slow on the uptake. “What are you talking about?”

“What I am talking about, is that I have a problem with your decision to keep the young lady here.”

“Wha…?” If I didn’t believe my ears, I could have sworn he just said he had a problem with Celesti—er, I mean Celes. But the way he looked at me, the calm demeanor and the way his brow furrowed… I could see what it symbolized; Determination, resolution, and downright getting to the bottom of things, without taking any shit from me. I hoped that this was all just a bad joke on his end, and we would just laugh it all away.

But no, his next words made it very, very real…

“I am challenging you to a match of Fisticuffs, young sir.”

CH8: Brawl

Special Thanks:

Editor: DaMobbs & TheSlorg

Proofreader: Axel_Nyan, Meeester, Sadron, Debesh Unnos

Chapter 8: Brawl

Well, this was new.

Sure, I’ve woken up in the middle of the night before, whether it be for a glass of water or a quick trip to the restroom. But this? This was different.

Now granted, I have fought with my own butler before, mostly for practical self-defense training.

But there were times when he got rather rowdy during those ‘sparring matches.’ I’d usually walk out with more than a couple of bruises and cuts. Regardless, he knew more about fighting than I did.

In other words, I was in serious trouble.

“Gordon, why do you have a problem with her?” Before I even finished asking, he had already walked towards the door. I lifted my hand up as if I were trying to grab him. “H-hey, where are you going!?”

“I will meet you in the backyard. Wear proper attire and eat breakfast before coming out. It’ll be the same rule set as before, sir,” he stated firmly, walking out through my bedroom door.

He left me in my own bed, soaking wet and and even more confused. I looked at my hands and furrowed my brow.

What the hell?

*****

At least he gave me the courtesy of eating breakfast before we slugged it out. A bowl of Cheerios seemed logical enough, especially since it was both quick and healthy, not to mention that it was cereal; I mean, who could go wrong with that?

“So, about these ‘Cheerios,’” Celestia asked from across the table. ”Why are they called that? Do they symbolize cheering for something?” She twirled a single Cheerio in her fingers, examining it with unabated curiosity, and wore her recently acquired Princess Celestia T-shirt along with a pair of shorts.

The fact that Celestia was questioning cereal irked me, and once again I didn’t have much of a good answer for it. I shrugged, placing my spoon in the bowl.

“As far as I know, the ‘ios’ part probably represents the fact it’s shaped like a circle or an O. Why there’s ‘cheer’ at the beginning, I really don’t know.”

“Yes, I suppose you’re right. It does make me wonder what they’re cheering for.”

“C-cheering for?”

“Aren’t you the least bit curious?” she questioned, holding up the piece of cereal to the light. “A name has many meanings. For example, it may mean it is cheering for the letter O.”

“And I think you’re thinking way too hard on this,” I added with a chuckle.

Celestia certainly knew how to let her imagination stretch its proverbial muscles, but it was still only cereal. I mean, it’s not like cereal holds the answer to life itself, right? A grumble escaped my lips, and I merely ignored her continuing scientific study of Cheerios and continued chowing down on mine. I shifted my eyes around the kitchen to see that Gordon wasn’t there anymore. I assumed he was preparing for our little soiree, which was to take place soon.

After chasing down the last of the surviving cheerios in my bowl and sending them to rest with their friends, I stood up from the table. Celestia raised a brow at me and stopped eating her own cereal mid-chew.

“You seem different today, Gerald. Is something wrong?” she inquired, looking me over with her pink eyes. “Now that I think of it, you seemed rather wet when you came down. You didn’t happen to take a bath with your clothes on, did you?”

I looked towards the door that led to my backyard, then back to her before sighing out of exhaustion. The irony of her questioning me about clothes was not lost on me, but I had other things on my mind. I leaned my back against the wall and looked at her, concerned.

“You’re going to find out in a few minutes, Celestia, but long story short, I’m fighting my butler.” Celestia went wide-eyed when she heard those words and immediately stood up from the table.

“For what reason?” she questioned, although it sounded more like a demand than anything else.

“Your guess is as good as mine. We do some self-defense training at times with the end result being me getting my ass handed to me, but he seemed different this morning, as if he intended to turn things up a notch. If i had to venture a guess, it seems it has something to do with you.”

“Me?” she asked, placing her hand on her chest. ”Your butler seems nice enough, but why would he have a problem with me? Was it something I said?”

“He wouldn’t tell me, that’s the odd part. Then he just challenges me to ‘fisticuffs,’ as he calls it.” I noticed her rather confused look and sighed in suppressed irritation. “It’s another term for ‘fist fight.’”

“Hmm…” Celestia tapped her chin with a quizzical look on her face. In the end, she just stared at me intently.

“Perhaps he doesn’t want me here,” she stated bluntly.

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Why do you say that? Gordon loves having people around, especially women. I don’t think he’d want that.”

“Do you not understand, Gerald?” she continued calmly. “I am simply a guest here, somepony that is a complete unknown to both of you. You may have been rather welcoming at first, but your butler has been looking at me rather suspiciously lately. I don’t believe he trusts me.”

I shrugged. “I’m sure he trusts you, Celestia. Gordon has a reason for everything, and I’m sure he doesn’t hate you or find you suspicious.”

I walked to the back door and grasped the handle before pausing to look at Celestia once more.

“I’ll show you; it’s all an exaggeration, and I’m sure this fight will solve all our problems.” I opened the back door and strode out into the slightly chilly morning.

“I hope…” I quietly added.

*****

Sadly, I wasn’t very hopeful.

Gordon and I stood in the middle of the grassy field next to the obstacle course, and he looked like the personification of seriousness itself. His look was probably intense enough to instantaneously make a baby start crying. I cringed inwardly. The last time I had seen him like this was back when we started the training, and I hadn’t been taking it seriously. Needless to say, I was now. I stretched my arms and cracked my knuckles, preparing for the inevitable beat-down I would soon receive.

Regardless, that stare still sent a chill down my spine. However, I needed to stay focused. Gordon still wore his usual formal attire, minus the black jacket. Why he always taught me self-defense in that tight outfit, or better yet, how he was still as flexible as an athlete, I will probably never know.

“Can’t you two just talk this out like gentleco—er, men?” Celestia yelled out from the balcony. I looked back at her and gave her a curious gaze. She certainly had a good point. There was no reason to fight if everything could be solved with words. I figured it was worth a shot.

“Gordon, all you did was scare the living daylights out of me this morning. That, and you mentioned something along the lines of—whoa!?”

My attempts at negotiation proved futile. Gordon was like lightning; I almost didn’t see it coming. He had rushed in and thrown a punch that could have easily broken my nose, had my instincts not kicked in when they did. I could feel the displaced air from the punch ruffle some of my hair.

I immediately backed away and sent out a left jab, aiming for the center of his chest, with my right hand drawing back to the right side of my waist.

Gordon was not fooling around this time. He had mentioned that he had a problem with Celestia, but I didn’t know why. That man’s intentions were like an iron safe. Gordon’s stance seemed relaxed as he effortlessly sidestepped my punch, gliding over to my side a few strides away. He waved his hand at me, motioning for me to make the first move.

Me and Gordon had two simple rules when it came to sparring: We used only our hands and we never hit below the belt. Keeping these rules in mind, I glared at him. Fighting Gordon was hard enough with just his fists. If legs were brought into the equation as weapons, I would probably have been at an even more significant disadvantage than I was now. That old bastard was fast.

Impatience got the best of me as I rushed in and jabbed with my right fist, only for him to sidestep once more to my right. Immediately, I swiveled on my right foot and swung my left arm out for a backhand punch. My fist hit nothing but air as he ducked under my arm and used his dazzling, fast footwork to escape my reach.

I lunged forward and started throwing a barrage of punches at Gordon, but I failed to impact anything solid each time. You’d think that wearing a suit would impede one’s movement, but not Gordon, oh no. He was probably the only exception to the rule, and it sucked.

The smartly dressed butler grabbed my arm mid-punch and quickly turned it into an arm-lock. I grunted in pain as I tried to squirm free of his iron grip.

“You really must work more on your speed, sir.”

“Keh, really now?” I grumbled out. “Maybe now we can sit down and talk!” I tried to reverse his grapple by punching him in the face with a free arm, only for him to shift his head to the right and knee me in the stomach. It wasn’t hard, but it knocked the wind out of me. He immediately threw me over his shoulder, which almost made me feel like I was flying in the air, but the blunt force that met with my back brought me back to reality. My vision rattled for a brief second upon impact. I shook my head to set my vision straight.

“Talking makes you vulnerable, sir.”

I didn’t know why he wasn’t listening to reason, despite my attempts to make him do so. I could see now that Gordon was dead serious with our match, and that comment he said only annoyed me further.

‘So be it. He wants to ignore me, I’ll kick his ass instead…!’

*****

“What are they fighting for…?” I mumbled, crossing my hands together.

Hearing Gerald’s words of there being a fight with his butler was truly surprising. From my observations, I had thought they were friends. I stared intently as the two fought: punch after punch, and throw after throw. These humans were quite durable in hoof-to-hoof combat, or hand-to-hand in this case. It reminded me of the training practices that my guards had to go through.

I could tell that this butler had the upper-hand over Gerald. With age comes experience, and Gerald lacked most of it. Whenever Gerald managed to get the drop on him, he always seemed to counter the move with something else. It was almost like a grappling match.

My main concern was why they were fighting. From what I could gather, Gerald told me they have self-defense training from time to time. But this match was different. I knew for a fact and from Gerald that this butler had some kind of problem with me. Hatred, lust, distrust, it could be any combination of things. It was hard to read him.

“Ahh, looks like Gerald and Gordon are fighting again. Breathtaking, isn’t it Celestia?”

I averted my eyes to my right, seeing a red-haired girl next to me. It was Melissa, and she was wearing the same uniform that I saw on her the previous day. I raised a brow at her with some concern.

“How did you get here?” I asked, curious. The way she moved next to me undetected was rather amazing, as if she was a cat sneaking up on its prey.

“Heh heh, Gerald’s front door was unlocked,” she explained, jabbing a thumb at the now-open front door. ”I was planning to knock, but I wanted to sneak up on him. He’s so cute when he’s scared.”

“I’m rather surprised you would enter another’s residence without knocking first. Do you do that to him often?”

“Sometimes. One time, I snuck up on him while he was taking a shower,” she reminisced, eyes locked on the fight before her.” I was wearing a red demon mask, one of the ones you’d normally find at a Halloween shop, and I opened his shower door and screamed ‘booga ooga ooga’! Oh, the look on his face was priceless...”

It was fairly obvious that this female had no respect for personal privacy, not to mention that she would not leave my hair alone yesterday. Still, I admired her rather bold personality. It reminded me of the time with Fluttershy inadvertently ‘nursing’ Philomena back to health. Despite her fears, she did what she thought was right, even when it meant stealing the royal pet for a small time.

I caught myself before I began sinking deeper into my thoughts. There would be time for that later, and if I didn’t focus now, I wouldn’t be able to glean any useful information out of Melissa.

“So, you say that Gordon and Gerald do this all the time?” I nonchalantly asked.

“Yup! They like to spar with each other for training. Gordon says it has something to do with ‘surviving in the outside world’. But you know what,” Melissa observed thoughtfully, “They look pretty serious this time. It looks like they took their training up a notch. This is probably the first time I’ve seen Gordon this serious. I mean, more serious than he normally is. That and Gerald is getting beat up much quicker than usual,” she added as Gerald took a rather nasty elbow to the gut.

“How long have they sparred for?”

“Around maybe six to eight months now?” she guessed, tapping her forehead with a finger and smiling. ”Guess how many times Gerald won.”

“You mean, through these sparring matches? Hm…”

I looked back at the fight, watching as Gerald struggled against Gordon’s sometimes passive aggressive fighting style. I could already see the signs of fatigue grasping his body; He was literally soaked in sweat, his breathing now ragged from the fight as he tried to regain any lost oxygen to keep fighting. Nicks, cuts, and bruises lined his exposed skin, some of the former bleeding slightly.

Yet I saw determination in his stance; the determination to survive and win in the face of insurmountable odds. However, despite that determination, Gordon was ruthless and unforgiving. His experience, intellect, and strength towered over Gerald’s and that was what mattered in a fight.

“He hasn’t won a single match, has he?” I concluded dismally.

She blinked.

“Wow, you’re right!” Melissa exclaimed in surprise. ”How’d you know?”

I rested my arms on the balcony and continued watching Gerald’s fight.

“I’ve seen a lot of pon—er, humans fight. I can tell what they go through and, despite what I look like, I’ve been in wars before. It is easy to see who is going to win or lose just through observation alone.”

“Ooh… Were you in the army or something; maybe a General or a Colonel?”

“You… could say that, yes.” I acknowledged slowly. “I have led my subjects into countless battles and won many wars. If there is one thing I have learned, it’s that in order to give orders, one must judge the situation correctly.”

“That’s deep…”

“Indeed,” I admitted, nodding my head as well, ”I do try to avoid battles if I can, however, but sometimes it’s unavoidable.”

“Mm, I don’t think anyone wants to fight. Why can’t we all just... get along?”

A world without war would be a nice thing to have. Sadly, it would never come to be. The ones too stubborn to reform would fight and drag everyone back down with them into a never-ending cycle of war and death. It is fortunate that Equestria was in an era of peace, with no enemies nor war to dampen my little ponies’ lives. The last big incident was with Discord, and even he was easy enough to re-imprison. But somehow he escaped once again. Speaking of which, I need to find some way to track him down.

In a world that was completely unfamiliar to me, one where my powers were virtually non-existent, it would seem to be a moot point; I had no idea how big this world was, nor knew where to even start looking.

“Maybe if I just relax, good things will come. I am rather curious of this world’s cultures and inhabitants,” I mused to myself aloud with a smile. “I’m sure something will come up sooner rather than later.”

“Huh? Did you say something?” Melissa inquired.

“Oh, it’s nothing; just an old woman talking to herself.”

“Oh, okay then. Anyway…”

Out of nowhere, Melissa whipped out a strange device. It was rectangular in shape and was big enough to warrant a handle on top. On its front was a plethora of dials, buttons, and switches along with two big circular depressions on either side.

“What is that?” I curiously asked.

“Oh this?” she said, holding it up higher so it was easier to see. ”It’s my boombox. I brought it with so I could jam with Gerald but I guess that’s not going to happen today since he’s sparring with Gordon,” she added with a frown.

“A boombox,” I mumbled, closing my eyes in thought. ”That name sounds familiar.”

“Familiar!? You’ve never heard of a boombox before?”

“No, I have,” I responded quickly. ” It’s a device that plays music, yes?”

“You betcha! Here, let me show you…”

*****

“Gotcha!” I finally found an opening in Gordon’s defense. He may have had me in an arm-lock for the umpteenth time, but I turned the tables once more and flipped him over my shoulder. ‘Sorry Gordon, you’ve got an appointment to keep with the dirt’, I thought victoriously.

However, it wasn’t that simple with Gordon.

I did flip him into the air, yes, and I did have a firm grasp on his right arm the entire time. However, that old bastard still had a trick up those stupidly tight sleeves of his. Just after he passed the peak of the throw, he managed to snake his leg between mine, throwing me off-balance. What happened next was a blur of white and black as he reversed the arm-hold and sent me careening into the dead tree head first. It took a few moments before the Earth came to a unanimous decision in where the sky and ground were in relation to up and down.

I shouted in frustration as I picked myself up from the ground once more. Every punch, every grapple, every stalemate ended with my ass on the ground and an extra bruise to show for it. You’d think that half a year of self-defense classes from your opponent would help in some aspect, but not against him. He was the snazzily dressed butler from hell.

I shifted my legs back into a simple, yet effective horse stance and took a few deep, steadying breaths to reign my pounding heart rate in. A quick twist of my neck to get the kinks out and I was ready for another go. He was still in that same annoying stance; arms behind his back like the stereotypical butler that he’s supposed to be.

How is he even defending with such an open stance!? This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!

Whether it was on purpose or not, I didn’t want to stand around looking like an idiot. I rushed in, fists cocked and ready to start swinging when-

♪Baby, Baby Baby, Ohhh… ♪

Horrid music filled my ears, causing me to stumble and throw a mediocre punch. Gordon easily deflected it with a quick smack of his hand. He brought up his other at the same time and launched a palm thrust, impacting me square in the sternum with the force of a speeding truck. It didn’t hurt much, but it sure as hell knocked the wind out of me for a moment. While coughing up a fit, I turned my head towards the balcony where Celestia and Melissa were at, giving the latter the evil eye. Her boombox rested on the railing, and it continued to pump out that nauseating, chalkboard scratchy noise that others would call music.

“Melissa, seriously!?” I shouted, absentmindedly rubbing my chest where the pain was just starting to fade. ”What the hell are you doing!?”

“Heyyy Richie! Nice to see you too! Having fun?” she responded nonchalantly while waving.

Is she blind!? How in any way is this considered ‘fun’!?

“More importantly, why the hell are you playing that chicken scratch!? You know I hate that brat!”

“Oh calm down Richie! It’s just some battle music to help you get riled up.”

“How the fuck is that battle music!?” I yelled loudly, gesturing at the boombox. “That doesn’t even classify as music!”

If it wasn’t for the music, I probably could have gotten a hit in. That’s what I would have liked to think. It probably wouldn’t have mattered anyway, as I had still yet to land a solid blow of some sort on that old geezer. It’s like he knew what I was going to do before I did. I shook my head and shouted at Melissa again.

“Anyway, turn that damn music off, it’s distract—”

“Gerald, look out!” interrupted Celestia, pointing at something behind me.

I immediately whipped my head around just to get sucker punched and knocked onto my ass with an astounding amount of pain coming from my nose. I didn’t know how Gordon managed to take me down so quickly, but I blame him taking advantage of me being distracted. He had never done that during the training sessions before, never using unfair advantages like that. I questioned if he even had an honor system to follow when it came to fighting.

I slowly started to get up, but Gordon got right on top of me and pinned my hands down with one hand, taking them by the wrists. He placed them on the ground, just above my head. I tried to wiggle my wrists free, only to find Gordon’s grip was as tight as ever.

“Urgh, dammit Gordon, let me go!”

“I am sorry, sir,” he spoke in that monotone that I oh-so hated, ”but that is not possible, not in that tone of voice.”

“Oh… Well, could you please let me go?” I asked again politely.

“I cannot, sir.”

“Damn it, you said you’d let me go if I asked nicely!” I shouted in outrage.

“I did not say anything of the sort. You must have heard me wrong, sir.”

“Oh Christ, you and your stupid mind games. Would you just let me go already!?”

It was over; I knew it from the very moment we started. Every match ended with me being strangled into submission or rendered immobile in some other way, and Gordon would then proclaim that the session was over.

However, he didn’t say that he won yet.

I stopped struggling to eye Gordon scrupulously.

“Did you not hear me Gordon? I order you to let me go!” I wasn’t one to give up the fight, however. If I wanted to admit defeat, it would be until I was too tired to go on. I still had plenty of energy in me, but the fact that this battle wasn’t over was a little peculiar.

Why isn’t he proclaiming victory? Just what’s going on in that head of his?

Gordon raised a brow at me, only to shake his head. “Young master, have you not figured out how to win our battles yet?”

“Huh?”

“It has been months since we’ve started these training regimens, you and I. You’ve grown to be quite a capable fighter during this time as well. However, the fact that you have not won against your own butler is... concerning.”

“Well what do you expect? You’re a lot better than I am.”

“Am I, sir? Or is it that you’ve never developed a strategy to defeat me? Time and time again as we sparred, you’ve used the same predictable tactics against me.” I could feel the pressure tighten around my wrists, making me groan in pain. “You certainly must get better, sir.”

“So, what, are you telling me I’m weak?”

“Weak... no, I do not think this. You have a lot of potential, sir, but you are not using it to its fullest. Think for a moment, what have you not tried against me? Think back to our previous battles: Every kick, every punch I threw at you, and you did not learn from any of it?”

I didn’t know why he was giving me a lecture in the middle of our fight, but he was always teaching me something whenever I was about to lose. The first time it was that I needed to have more defensive capabilities, and the second time was to be more aggressive, and the list goes on. The problem is, these always contradicted what I was supposed to learn. Using tactics of both defense and offense at the same time seemed impossible for me, or so Gordon was suggesting.

Wait a minute... something about our battles did seem odd.

My mind was struck by a realization. All this time I was focused on trying to beat Gordon, and there was a blatantly obvious contradiction I never realized before.

‘Every kick, every punch I threw at you?’

I’d never thought too deeply about the ruleset Gordon and I set for our sparring matches, only to punch above the belt. That was it. The pain I felt from every blow from his punches, his kicks, his grapples... It was then that I realized I never thought the obvious. His kicks have been breaking his own ruleset the entire time, in almost every match we’ve been in.

“If you cannot learn from experience, you will never get better.”

I smiled wickedly at him. Gordon had broken his own ruleset, many times, and I never realized it. I was such an idiot.

An audible ‘thwack’ echoed through the air when I thrust my foot right into Gordon’s crotch. A deep groan rung out from Gordon’s voice as tears developed in his eyes, his face scrunched up in pain. I could feel his grip loosening against my wrists. He fell back, holding his hands in front of his nether regions as I slowly got up to see him suffering. I gave a deep sigh as I smiled in satisfaction.

“I’ve learned alright... learned to kick your ass.”

CH9: Brofist

Special Thanks:

Editor/Proofreader: TheSlorg

Note: Be sure to read near the end of Chapter 8. Changes have been made to reflect this revised chapter.

*****

Chapter 9: Brofist

I groaned and straightened myself before sitting on the ground and watching Gordon’s hands cup his Johnson. I couldn’t help but laugh at the stupidity of the the situation.

Kicking someone in the groin is a dirty tactic, but a damn effective one.

“I win, Gordon. And you are defeated.” I pumped my fist in the air, but wavered as the adrenaline left my body and I collapsed back onto the grassy ground. I no longer had any reason to even put any effort into moving my limbs. I looked up at the sun in the sky, its warm radiance shining down on me. Seconds felt like hours to me.

I smiled, satisfied with my victory over my butler. I couldn’t tell at first, but I thought he was teaching me a valuable lesson through our sparring lessons—I was just too thick headed to even realize it.

All those punches and all those grapples – and a kick to the nuts was the only way to bring him down. Why was I smiling over this? Was it because my way of attack was so predictable that he had to hint me into gaining victory?

A shadow loomed over me and gave me a gentle smile as it held its hand out.

“Congratulations, sir. You have bested me in combat. How do you feel?” Gordon said, showing a sign of a heightened voice. It was possible I had kicked him in the groin a bit too hard, but I wondered how he was still standing. I couldn’t help but laugh, but the pain in my ribs made my laughs sound more like pained grunts.

“Heh, I feel like a rag doll that came to life and got beaten the crap out of. How about you?” I asked with a smaller chuckle than before. I grabbed his hand and he lifted me up effortlessly, but I did end up wobbling on my legs which almost made me fall onto the ground again. My impact was stopped when Gordon held my arm and lifted it over his shoulder.

“Aside from some aching pain, I am quite alright, nothing serious.”

“Nothing serious? I may have just destroyed your chance for any children.” I looked back at his crotch, and then back at him. “How are you alright?”

“Ah, yes, well,” he began while turning his free hand into a fist and knocking it on his crotch with a light tap. I heard a rather hard sound coming from it, nothing soft or anything, but solid. I raised a brow at him. The realization hit me.

“You’re wearing a cup?” I asked him, surprised. “You knew I was going to hit you there?”

“At some point, yes. You, however, were too dense to realize this tactic. Unorthodox and not orderly, but an effective tactic to kick down your opponent. Honestly sir, must I put you into a woman’s self-defense lesson? They teach this tactic all the time.”

“Well excuse me for being born with Mr. Funtime. Maybe you should just make me a woman?”

“That is a very disturbing line of thought, sir…”

We just looked at each other for a few seconds, but in the end, we just laughed, both of us at our bad jokes. It felt like forever since I’ve laughed like this, and even my ribs were getting pissed with me, as I was reminded of the pain that I was inflicted.

*****

Back in the house I was sitting down on my couch, with Melissa sitting down next to me with a First Aid Kit. Gordon was in the back making that tea and those English crumpets, and Celestia was sitting down across from me. Melissa had already put a few bandages on my forehead and some on my left arm. A lot of my injuries were merely bruises and cuts, and probably the only thing truly injured was my ribs. They weren’t broken, but they hurt as all hell. Getting your ass beat by your own butler in front of a couple of girls was not the best thing to happen to me. A stinging sensation travelled up my right arm’s nerves, and I jerked my arm away.

“Agh, that hurts, Melissa!” She had placed a wet cotton swab that reeked of alcohol on one of the cuts on my arm; it was one of many that adorned my body. Melissa puffed her cheeks and glared at me.

“Don’t be such a baby. You’ve got a few cuts and bruises here and there, and I’m not letting you get sick or infected with airborne bacteria,” Melissa said, wrapping a bandage over the cut.

“Yeah well, I didn’t expect you to use rubbing alcohol. Those things sting like no tomorrow,” I countered back.

“But it works, doesn’t it?” she asked with a smile.

“That’s not the point, be more gentle!”

“You can’t be gentle with medical treatment, Richie.”

“Didn’t I ask you to stop calling me th—OW!” For some reason, Melissa rubbed the next spot with alcohol harder than the last. It was like fire was crawling up my arm.

“Oops, looks like I missed a spot. What were you saying?” she teased. I figured I’d just be quiet, if only for the sake of my surviving nerves. Further temptation with Melissa only proved to be a painful experience when I was under her mercy. I let out a sigh.

“Just hurry up…”

“Okay then! One Curaga Spell, coming up!”

“It’s a first aid kit, damn it!”

As our little rumble with the first aid kit and Melissa’s deluded reality continued on, I noticed Celestia sitting in one of the chairs across from us, staring. I looked right back at her with a raised brow.

“Something wrong, Celestia?” I asked. She merely shrugged.

“Hm, no, not really. I was just thinking that you two seem rather comfortable with each other,” Celestia said with a smirk.

“Well of course! Me and Richie are buddies for life!” Melissa exclaimed, wrapping an arm around my neck.

“Since when did we become buddies for life? You’re merely a friend of mine.”

Melissa mockingly gasped as she held a hand to her mouth. “Richie, I’m hurt! You didn’t tell her we’re love buddies?”

“W-where the hell did that come from!? Since when were we ever in—Melissa, this isn’t funny.”

Melissa giggled. “Relax Richie, I’m merely playing with you. You look so cute when you’re flustered. Ahh, the look on your face is always priceless.”

“I hate you, you know that?”

“And I love you too, Richie.”

I growled at that. She loved getting on my nerves, and I knew it was her way of conversing with me, but it didn’t mean I liked it. It was her way of carrying a conversation, though. I could feel Celestia gazing at me, then switching to meet Melissa’s eyes. Her lips broke into a small smile.

“Having a good time, young master?”

I flinched at the voice from behind. I turned around to see Gordon holding a wooden tray adorned with a few fancy tea cups and a rather medium-sized looking teapot. On the side was a plate of light yellow crumpets, looking crisp and crumbly. For some random reason, there was a small yellow flower in the middle of all it.

“No I’m not. I have a hyperactive girl treating me like I’m her test subject. Are you sure we didn’t have anything less painful than this?”

“It is a first aid kit, sir, with all the necessary basic medical treatments. There is nothing else in this house.” He pointed out, along with a small smirk. “Although, I suppose the mouthwash we have can be used as an antiseptic, but there’s already a proper bottle inside the kit.”

“That’s not what I…” I decided to just bite my lip. When it comes to medical stuff, I didn’t like being treated. After all, bruises and cuts can heal easily on their own, and I thought added pain wouldn’t heal it any more than it should. However that was my fear talking instead of my common sense. I just muttered back with a “Nevermind…”

Gordon placed the tray on the coffee table where we could all reach it, then sat down in the recliner, leaning forward with his hands together. He looked at the tea set, grabbed the handle of the teapot, and poured hot, steaming black tea into each cup. The steam filled my nostrils as I smelled the sensations of a mix of mint and herbs. Gordon knew his tea, and it was no doubt going to be heavenly. Gordon poured a hot cup of tea into a teacup, and handed it to me with a smile.

“Tea is good for the body after a hard day’s work, young master,” Gordon said with a smile. With the teacup in my hand, I took a small sip. There was a slight stinging sensation on my tongue, but I swallowed it down quickly, letting the hot liquid relax and heat up my throat. The tea helped loosen my throat up, since I was a bit parched.

I placed the tea cup back down on the coffee table, and shifted my eyes around the room. Gordon was sitting there in his usual calm demeanor, and Melissa had an eye of uncertainty, but she sat a little away from my butler. I didn’t blame her, since my fight with him was more intense than usual. Celestia was staring intently on my butler, as if trying to figure out why he seemed so calm.

In the end, I sighed. The atmosphere seemed a bit awkward, and the air felt tense. I could even hear the ticking of the clock nearby fill the silent room.

“So,” I couldn’t bare the silence any longer and shattered the voiceless room, “you were kicking my ass pretty well, enough to leave me with more bruises than usual.”

“It happens when the training difficulty is raised, sir. It is to help combat prowess and self-defense.”

“Yes, but,” I wanted to get the more confusing facts out of the way, so I took a deep breath before doing so, and leaned forward so I could stare intently at him, “why expect a kick in the crotch? It’s such a low and dirty tactic? Better yet,” I pointed at Celestia, in which she just raised a brow at me, “why do you have a problem with Celestia? I don’t recall her ever doing anything to you.”

Gordon squint his eyes at me, while tapping the fingers between his hands, and then he looked at Celestia, in which she gave a nod. “I am also curious of this matter. Do you have a personal qualm with me, Mr. Gordon?” Celestia asked, determined to get the answers as well.

Gordon gave a small sigh as he looked between us, judging whether or not he should tell.

“Well,” Gordon began, “would you believe me if I said I wanted you to protect this woman more properly, sir?”

I blinked a couple of times at that answer. It was out of left field, and completely unexpected.

“Perhaps, since you are my butler and personal friend. But did it have to involve such a roundabout way of doing so? You could’ve just asked.”

“Sometimes the unexpected is more interesting than the obvious.”

“How about telling me instead of speaking in riddles?”

“It wasn’t a riddle, sir. I am only saying that you needed more capable training. But you certainly must get better sir,” he eyed the two girls that were in the room, and cracked a smile, “after all, you couldn’t even win against me until I gave you a hint.”

“Who would consider fighting that dirty, Gordon?”

“Picture this, young master… say for instance that you took a peek into a random alleyway, and you saw a woman getting mugged. He is armed with a knife, and is potentially dangerous. Knowing you, sir, you wish to save this woman, but you are at an extreme disadvantage. What do you do?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I’d rush in and disarm the mugger.”

“How?”

“Er… I’d karate chop his arm?”

“Too direct, and knowing your speed, you would end up getting stabbed.”

“Well what do you expect me to do? It’s not like I can go Bruce Lee on him.”

“No, you cannot. But in a fight where the mugger is armed, there are no longer any rules to take such a criminal down. A fine tactic would be to sneak up on the mugger, grab his arms from behind, and tackle him to the ground.”

“And if his back isn’t turned?”

“Then a disarmed maneuver would be necessary. A counter-grapple if the mugger attacks first, a harsh bend in the wrist which can nearly break it, allowing the knife to be dropped to the ground.”

His tactics seemed viable when it came to winning a fight, since, after all, he was experienced with hand-to-hand combat.

“If all else fails, a swift kick to the genitals is an effective solution as well.”

“Why is any of this information necessary Gordon?”

“Because I wish you to protect these two women if they’re ever in any danger of harm.”

There were a couple of small gasps from the room, mainly from Celestia and Melissa. Celestia stood up from her seat, arms crossed.

“So you were teaching Gerald a valuable lesson in defending his loved ones,” Celestia said with a knowing smile.

“Correct, ma’am. You see, I strictly have no problem with you,” Gordon shifted his eyes to the floor, but then back at Celestia. “I am merely questioning your combat experience.”

“But you decided to put Gerald into a training exercise instead of just telling me the reason directly.” Celestia gave a small sigh with a frown. “I do not find this to be satisfactory. You weren’t honest with Gerald, and you took a more aggressive stance to teach this ‘self-defense’ lesson of yours. A more persuasive conversation could have done it.”

“Not everything can be solved with words, my dear,” Gordon retorted.

“True, but it was an option,” Celestia retorted back.

“An option I did not deem to carry the point enough,” Gordon countered once more, with Celestia keeping silent. Gordon looked up at the ceiling and sighed. “A more hands on experience can get the lesson through a lot more than speaking through words. I only want you to know that what I’ve done is to let the young master get better with protecting others. You see, he does well by protecting himself, but I’m afraid he doesn’t know how to handle a fight when a friend of his is in danger.

“I merely did it with the best of intentions. I hope you will understand.” He looked back at me, in which I was rather puzzled. “And young master, I hope you will too.”

It took me a minute to absorb all of this information. The fact he took a more hands-on approach to teach me a valuable lesson was a little odd. However, I did learn a thing or two about certain approaches that I could use, given if the situation is honorable or dishonorable.

I had never thought about it before, since I figured most fights would be the same. I never took friends into account, though. The fear and panic in their eyes when meeting possible danger… such a thought sends shivers down my spine.

I stood up and looked at Gordon. “You’re right, I’m inexperienced when it comes to protecting others. I only know how to fight for myself.” I looked back at Celestia and Melissa. “If anything ever happened to you two, I don’t know how I’d cope with it.”

“Indeed. I hope such a lesson soaks in well,” Gordon said, nodding.

“It will, Gordon. However, next time…” I shot out my fist, stopping it mid-way with a smile. “Tell me directly next time, and no buckets of water involved.”

Gordon gave a smile towards me, and lifted his fist towards mine, bumping it lightly. I had to stop jumping to conclusions. Gordon was there for me, and he’s always trying to teach me something, even if his lessons seem a bit unorthodox. Celestia looked rather puzzled at me, for some reason.

“Something wrong, Celestia?”

“No, it’s… I suppose there is some meaning to it. You two know each other better than I do. It’s a strange spectacle, honestly.”

“Heh, well, I guess friendship can be complicated in the views of others.” I said with a chuckle.

*****

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. We had stayed in the house for most of the day, and I had to recover from the bruises that I took during the training session. It was the good kind of bruises though, since there was the term ‘no pain no gain’.

“Such a quote needs to be abolished. I’m covered in bruises, dammit!” I complained to no one in particular. It was getting close to midnight by the time I got into bed, with the house rather quiet. I was sure that the events from earlier in the morning were a bit exhausting to experience. It certainly was for me.

I grabbed my laptop, bringing up the pony IRC channel. I didn’t have much else to do other than this, since the chats were a bit entertaining anyway.

[0:12] == DragonLS has joined #fimfiction

0:13: RAINBOW DASH FER LIFE!

...Unless it was something completely ridiculous. I immediately closed my laptop. Not only did I not want to get involved in a best pony event, but it was beyond ridiculous. Some people on the internet just can’t decide who’s better and who’s not. For me, I think they’re all great, equally matched.

But that’s just how people are: They love to debate on what’s better than the other. Taking a deep breath, I opened the laptop again, prepared for the worst.

[0:14] == TheSlorg has joined #fimfiction

0:14 Ya Rainbow Darsh is best pony

“Huh, Slorg’s online… and the debate is still going.” I rubbed my chin, thinking. “Not sure why he’s on this late, but that’s hypocritical of me to think of…”

I had nothing better to do, so I figured it was a decent past time to do. Plus, I needed to see if Belgarion was still around.

0:14 Lol can’t even spell it right. Junebug pwns Rainbow Dash.

0:14 You’re both wrong, Celestia & Pinkie are best ponies.

“Shitstorm incoming…” I said this out loud after giving my pony preferences out, because I knew this could result in an on-going war.

And I’d probably either just slap my face in disgust, or just laugh at it.

0:15 Hey guys. Brohoof, Yozzoy. Junebug is best. Though Pinkie and Fluttershy are growing on me.

0:15 Anything crazy happen while I was gone?

0:15 I didn’t say she was best pony. I just said she pwns Rainbow Dash.

0:15 Slorg you’ve been gone what, an hour or so? Of course crazy things have gone down.

0:15 >:(

That statement couldn’t have been more true, be it from the obvious, and what they didn’t know. I leaned back in my bed, looking up at the ceiling.

“A lot of crazy stuff has happened the past few days, I swear. Celestia’s appearance, my butler going Batman on me, should I even be concerned anymore?”

I looked back at the IRC chat, and sighed. I’ve decided to just counter Rainbow’s and Yozzoy’s analysis with a counter-analysis.

0:15 Crazy? That would be an understatement... Also Yozzoy, shush. The fact is you said she “pwns” Rainbow Dash, so therefore, wouldn’t that mean she’s better than Rainbow Dash, thus being a best pony?

0:16 I love them ALLLLL!!!!

0:16 I haet you guyz

[0:16] == Rainbow_Dash_Lvr has quit

0:16 Damn fanboys...

One thing I didn’t understand was fanboys. They get all hot and bothered over a simple debate of who’s better. Why they couldn’t be civil about it is beyond me. Some are die hard, and some are just blind. Although, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t give me a chuckle at the silliness of it all.

0:16 Anyway... How about those pink skies, huh?

I blinked. I leaned forward at the screen to see Slorg talking about pink skies. “Could it be a coincidence?” I asked myself. Belgarion used the same tactic, and I found out in a flamboyant way that he housed a pony. Speaking of him, I didn’t see him anywhere in the chat. But still, it might be worth pursuing what Slorg said.

0:16 Old news, nobody cares. Back to ponies.

0:17 Actually, pink skies sounds like a nifty topic to be on. What ails you, Slorg?

0:17 It’s Slorg. You shouldn’t need to ask.

0:17 Hurr hurr, funny.

Either Slorg ignored me, or the idiots in the chat are delaying his answer. Either way, I wish they’d just shut up already.

0:17 The chocolate or fudge smell was weird, too.

Now my eyes were completely glued to the screen. Well, not literally, but the response was immediate.

“Chocolate smell, he says?” I muttered.

I recalled those two ‘dudes’ from Target, saying they didn’t smell any kind of chocolate or fudge whatsoever: Only the Pink skies. However, I know for a fact I smelled it, it was too hard not to.

I leaned back in my bed, thinking again.

“If those guys didn’t smell it, but I did, and Slorg smelled it as well, then that means…” I tapped my index finger on the side of the laptop, thinking.

“Then, it means I either found someone not talking bullcrap, or they heard this kind of information somewhere.”

Only one way to find out…

0:17 ...Come again?

0:18 Somebody read my new fic pls.

0:18 It’s a Scootaloo x Featherweight ship

“I am not in the mood for fillyphilia, or, pedophilia, whatever the hell it’s called!” I yelled at my screen.

0:18 See? Slorg’s weird enough. Don’t encourage him.

“Damn right I’m encouraging him…”

0:18 ...I wonder that, Yozzoy.

My messages weren’t getting me anywhere. It was best if I stopped beating around the bush and ask Slorg directly.

0:18 Slorg, out of curiosity, when you smelled fudge, did anything happen to come into... possession?

0:18 Fudge. Lolol

That was about as brief as I could be without ringing alarm bells into the chat. Last time I mentioned I had a pony-turned-human in my possession, the chat went ballistic. Or, maybe it was just one, I couldn’t remember.

0:20 Hey Dragon. Query incoming.

“Huh, he didn’t even answer it, but instead invited me to a private chat.” Either he knew what I was talking about, or it was a wild goose chase.

This was a goose worth hunting. I clicked on the blinking tab on the top of my screen, where we were both in the private chat.

0:20 Yes, the smell came with possessions. What do you know?

0:20 That depends. How do you know about the fudge smell?

0:20 Because I bloody well smelled it. I don’t know many other people who did, either.

“Same position as me, and even confirms the possessions…”

I was still brief and sneaky on the ordeal, however. It could have been any number of possessions, like a chocolate bar, or a pony. I was blindly believing that, to be honest, but I surely wanted to believe he had a humanized pony with him.

0:21 Indeed... Some people I know didn’t smell fudge on the day when the pink skies showed up. I am guessing that if you were around a certain, well, circumstance, you’d smell it. Do you not agree?

0:21 I assume that circumstance requires some discretion, especially if we’re on the same page here.

0:21 To an extent, yes. But be it discreet or not discreet, it’s not like anyone would care.

0:21 They would just think you got some crazy information on the internet, and you would turn crazy yourself. At least, that’s what the public will think.

“He seems to be taking on my hints, but of course I have to state the obvious to him. If anyone did hear about a pony turning into a human, they’d take you to a Psych ward for mental examination.”

0:22 Which pony did you find?

“Well that was certainly to the point!” I threw my hands up in the air. Not once have I mentioned anything about ponies in the chatroom, save for that little debate earlier. I couldn’t help but smile.

0:23 Bingo, looks like I found another one. I take it it was raining humans where you were?

I press enter and sighed. “Late nights are the perfect time to be a smartass…” I said in a sarcastic tone.

0:24 Yes. Yes there were a few more humans in the area. Dragon, did you really find a pony? Human pony, or whatever?

“And now he’s just repeating the question. I thought the smoke was cleared at this point? Guess I’ll have to tell him straight up…”

0:24 Yes I have, in my backyard no less. I didn’t exactly see her pop out of the sky, but I assumed it was the case, given the circumstances.

0:24 It’s odd though. The fact we’re having this conversation is a bit unbelievable, tbh. I mean, pink skies and ponies from Equestria in the human world? It’s nuts.

0:25 Well, I didn’t believe anything until Pinkie chased me through the outback. Did you know her eyes really do turn red when you break a Pinkie Promise?

“No, I didn’t—wait, WHAT!?” I shouted at the screen once more. I looked at the words ‘Pinkie’ on the screen. I pinched the bridge of my nose. “I feel a headache coming on... Is he talking about Pinkie Pie?”

If Pinkie Pie was here on Earth, there’s no telling what kind of 4th wall hijinks she was causing here.

0:25 I’m aware, only from the wikipedia website, though. So, you have Pinkie Pie, huh? You have my sympathy. She must be hard to deal with.

0:25 You have no idea. She likes Coke, too. So who did you find?

I just stared at the screen, dumbfounded at Slorg’s decision. I grumbled as I typed my next message up.

0:25 Of all sugary things to give her... you gave her coke? Guess you should be lucky it wasn’t a Monster drink... God knows what would happen if she drank that.

I was getting a bit off-track though. This conversation was getting a little too off-topic. I decided that I’ve screwed around long enough. He found a pony, it’s only fair I mention mine as well.

It wouldn’t hurt if I played a little guessing game with him, though.

0:26 Ah right, the pony I have... Well, what would your reaction be if a rainbow-haired Powerpuff Girl came into your possession?

0:27 You found Rainbow Dash? I guess Pinkie guessed correctly. Bloody hell, this is unbelievable. Seven ponies!

“Seven?” I muttered, “You can’t be serious…”

The fact there were more ponies here than I had previously expected was a bit of a shock. However, I shouldn’t be surprised by this. I counted back to how many of the ponies were in the show, and I drew up a small conclusion.

“If Pinkie Pie is here, and Celestia is here… then it’s only logical that the rest of the Mane 6 would be involved as well. But that’s only a guess…”

I also wanted to know why he thought I had Rainbow Dash. Celestia had Rainbow-like hair as well, unless there was another word for it. It’s not bright and colorful, but more dull.

0:27 Seven? You’ve found more? Christ, how many showed up on Earth? Also, no, it’s not Rainbow Dash. Think for a moment: Who else has rainbow-like hair?

0:27 Well, I found Pinkie, Fluttershy, and Angel. I also think I may have found someone who has Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. So yours would be seven. Wait, six. Angel is a bunny.

0:27 Rainbow hair? I don’t know. Just tell me. Pinkie wants to know.

I slammed my head on the back of the bed. “You can’t be for real.”

This proves my original theory wrong. It was possible that not all of the Mane 6 were here on Earth if the Cutie Mark Crusaders were involved. What was even worse was that devil bunny. It’s no angel, it’s a hellspawn.

0:27 Fluttershy AND Angel!? Oh lord... why of all things does it have to be Angel...? He’d be better off as Rabbit Stew. Also, the CMC are here too? Geezus, I feel sorry for the guy who has them.

0:29 Hai tou, wjkhat ptniy did yoyu finds?

“Either he forgot to type, or his brain couldn’t process what I’ve just said.” I could still make out what he said though, it’s not uncommon for me to see a garbled up sentence with poor spelling. “That’s the internet for you.”

0:29 ...If my l33tineese isn’t rusty, I think you’re asking me what pony I found. Although why you’re asking me in that kind of speak, is beyond me.

0:30 Duid youtf sat Raonvow Dsashd?

“And I wish he’d stop screwing around…”

0:30 Sorry, that was Pinkie. She’s getting impatient.

“Nice to see Pinkie can type with garbled up English. She’s got several more years ahead of her to type it without looking like a cat stepped all over it.”

0:30 Ah, that explains it. Not a single pony can use a computer... But anyway, right, the pony. I guess this game of Guess Who has gone on long enough.

“I tire of this game anyway. Prepare for an incoming shitstorm...”

0:30 I have Princess Celestia.

I waited a couple of moments to see what Slorg’s reaction was. But to be perfectly honest, I was expecting a yelp of surprise, or even a rage-induced want to see her.

Sadly, neither of this was the case.

0:31 You have the princess? Great! She can get the ponies back to Equestria.

“Huh, that reminds me…” I recall that Celestia doesn’t have her wings or her horn. Without magic, can she even teleport back to her own world? Given how she’s still staying with me, probably not. But maybe it was just her? I decided to ask if the situation was similar.

0:32 ...Out of curiosity, does Fluttershy have her wings?

0:32 Well, no. Both girls have their cutie marks, though.

0:32 Celestia is under the same circumstance. No horn, no wings. That means no magic either.

“And my idea Deep Sixed…”

0:32 How the heck are we going to get them back to Equestria without magic? Ugh.

The million dollar question, which is also not easy to answer. I rubbed my chin, thinking.

“Let’s see... What I know so far is that he has Pinkie and Fluttershy, and he’s also been in contact with the CMC. Is there any way of using that to his advantage... ah!” I slapped my head when my thoughts landed on Pinkie Pie.

0:32 Here’s an idea... use Pinkie’s 4th wall powers and hop into the television?

It was brilliant, too brilliant. Pinkie Pie of all things has the powers of being random and breaking the 4th wall. I was sure that would be their ticket home.

0:33 If only it were that easy. I don’t suppose the princess is awake right now? It’s night time where you’re at, isn’t it?

“Don’t tell me her powers don’t work here either...?” I sighed, crossing my arms. It was best to get time zones and locations out of the way though.

0:33 Past Midnight, yes. In Atlanta, Georgia. I don’t think I know where you are though.

0:33 Sydney. Look, if all goes well, the Cutie Mark Crusaders will be here in about a week. I’m not sure if I can afford to fly anyone else over here right now. We need to get the ponies together somehow, though.

“Sydney?” I mumbled. The name itself didn’t ring any bells. I typed it up in a quick google search to see what it was. A couple searches resulted in a person’s name, but I quickly ran into a wikipedia article that listed its real meaning.

“Sydney is the state capital of New South Wales and the most populous city in Australia!?” I yelled out loud. Australia required a plane flight just to get there.

“To hell with getting over there, it’s impossible.” There was also my schooling I had to be concerned with, so that made it two reasons.

0:33 Even if you wanted me to fly over there. I can’t, mostly for two reasons: One, I’m in college. And Two, Celestia doesn’t have any identification or passports. I assume that’s the same situation for you?

0:34 Well, not exactly. All six of the ponies I’ve found are being taken care of, so to speak.

“Does this guy not think? Doesn’t he know how time lengthy it is for passports!?”

0:34 So to speak? What do you mean? Even if the ponies were to get the paperwork and such to obtain passports and such, it would take months. How are you even managing this in such a short amount of time?

0:34 Uh. I know someone who can get me what I need. Let’s not talk about him right now, though.

0:34 In fact, it’s past lunch time and the girls are going to need something to eat. Angel too, of course. I should be going now.

“He’s avoiding the subject...”

I keep getting this weird feeling that Slorg is into something shady. I mean, when you consider what he had said, it seemed he was skipping steps just to obtain what he needed. However, I couldn’t keep pressing him on like this, despite my curiosity.

0:34 Hmm... I still find it suspicious, but I guess it’s not my right to pry. Before you go, I’ll need some way to contact you, in case we need to talk again, update our statuses, and what not.

0:35 Sure, sounds good. Send me an email at aussie_hunter@ausmail.com. Send me a picture of Celestia, while you’re at it. I might be able to work something out for you as far as ID goes.

And now my curiosity took over.

0:35 As far as ID...? Ahhh, I see now... connections, I take it?

0:35 Look at that, Pinkie has had a sudden craving for Coke. I’d better go fix that lunch now. Bye!

[0:35] == TheSlorg has quit