Room for Rent: A Drop of the Creatureby Drax99ChaptersLucky Mare -RarityFilly Jean -ApplejackPony Girl -Twilight Sparkle, feat. Spike DracoFreeballing -Louis MorganEdge of Everfree -FluttershyParty in Your Soul -Pinkie PieSong ListBonus: I Love My Socks -Princess Luna NoctisLucky Mare -Rarity“Come visit Equestria with me, she said’. We’ll meet my friends, have a few laughs.” Grumbling to myself, I made my way following my pink guide as all eyes were drawn to me. Humans were still a rare enough sight in Ponyville to cause a bit of a stir, and a few bad apples hadn't helped to endear us to the natives. Being in the company of Pinkie, however, went a long way to relax tensions. The fact that they served booze here didn't hurt either. As we made our way to a table in the corner, I couldn't help but notice it was an earth song that was being sung. I remembered it being played to death on the radio, and slowly going from loving it, to hating it for that reason. The song was “Radioactive, and was being sung by an off-white pony with sandy brown hair. Her companion was a grey pony with blue spiked hair. The crowd seemed to like it, but the couple seemed eager to leave as it was over. “Who are those guys singing? I know that song from earth.” I asked Pinkie, as we approached her friends at the table. “Oh they are friends of the Doctor, I believe. He brought them in to buy supplies. They seemed rather fond of the cloth I was able to sell them. The grey one seems to be a fan of Miss Scratch, over there.” The white pony, Rarity I believe, pointed to the DJ behind a large machine wearing a mohawk that matched the smaller grey mare that was giving her a hug. I had heard that the Karaoke machine had been reverse engineered to run off magic, and it seemed the local unicorn DJ was running it. “Doctor who?” I asked the obvious question. “I think it’s pronounced ‘Hooves’.” The local royalty, Princess Sparkle responded. It took me a moment to realize I wasn't being made fun of, and then I groaned as I saw the singers leaving with a brown pony that looked an awful lot like a popular television star back home. “Uhh, nevermind. Hiya girls, hows the party goin?” I asked lamely as I sat at the table. “Wait, this is supposed to be a party? Why didn't anypony tell me!” Pinkie practically leaped out of her chair, but was quickly restrained by a hovering Rainbow Dash. “Relax, Pinkie. It was just a figure of speech. This is just some friends hanging out and having a bit of fun. Nothing so formal as a party.” Dash sank back to her chair, and polished off a mug of something brown and frothy. Each of the girls greeted me, some I had met before, others were meeting for the first time. Dash gave me a high five, or the equivalent, Rarity shook my hand rather demurely, Applejack almost took my arm off with a firm shake, and Twilight just looked at me funny as Pinkie tried to lay her head on my shoulder, before I shrugged her off. Only Fluttershy seemed to not welcome me immediately, as she smiled and hid behind her hair. “Oh don’t mind Fluttershy, she hasn't been to earth yet, so isn't used to humans. So you are just some big scary creature to her.” Twilight smiled at the both of us, and then finished her glass of wine. “But I thought she liked big scary creatures? It’s ponies and dragons shes afraid of.” Dash rolled her eyes at her pegasus friend. “I’m surprised she isn't all over him, trying to cuddle him and drag him home to take care of.” “That's my job!” Exclaimed Pinkie, rather loudly. “No it’s not, Pinkie. Quit being a pest.” I grumbled. “Aww... but you are supposed to be my date for tonight!” She whined pitifully. “Just because this is a date, doesn't mean we are dating.” I replied gruffly, wondering when our serve would arrive. “Actually, sugarcube, I recon it kinda does. Iffin I do say myself.” I glared a death stare at the farm pony, who had taken great pleasure at my expense over Pinkie’s unrequited affections. “Stay outta this, corn-pone.” I flipped her off and got a belly laugh in return. The other girls looked mostly offended, except for Dash, who also joined in the laughter. My rescue came in the form of a mint-green mare who was levitating a tray of drinks for our table. She almost dropped them as she saw me, but I managed to catch it and make it to the table. “OMYGOSH! You’re a human! A real live human!” She practically gushed as she invaded my personal space in a way that would have been far more alarming before living with Pinkie Pie. Instead, I just put a hand on her forehead and pushed. “OH MY CELESTIA! Hands! He touched me with his hands! This is so amazing. I have always wanted to go to earth and see humans, but they say I would scare them. But it’s just not fair, since I was the only one that believed they existed before the portal opened. And now they won't let me go because I love humans so much, but now there is one right here in my own town! Hi my name is Lyra!” She quickly grabbed my hand and began shaking it. Calmly I turned to Pinkie Pie, making note of the horrified faces of the other girls, and drawled, “Friend of yours, Pinkie?” “Well everypony in Ponyville is my friend, but that is just Lyra. She was always a little crazy about humans, but after they showed up, she got worse. Hi Lyra, this is my friend Louis!” Pinkie pulled my hand away and started to shake Lyra’s hoof instead. “Oh, hello Pinkie. Hello looeese! I like that name. Looeese! What does it mean?” She grinned at me with a manic gleam that made Pinkie seem sedate. “It means ‘He who takes no shit, king of the asskickers’. I deadpanned. I almost got away with it before princess know-it-all butted it. “That's not what I read. My research on earth names says it means...” I quickly interrupted her with a death glare, and a cleared throat. “Oh, you were joking. Carry on!” I turned back to the starstruck server, and patted her on the head. She didn't even seem to realize I was being a bit condescending when I asked, “Well Miss Lyra, why don't you do us a favor and get us some drinks. I would like a couple of beers and a shot of whatever liquor you have on hand. “Oh, right away! And everypony else?” Each gave their orders, and she was on her way, giggling to herself about hands. “Well, that was different.” I said drolly as I tirned back to my companions. I paused a moment before cracking a grin, “Aww who the hell am I kidding, I live with Pinkie. I get shit like that once a week.” Everyone laughed at that, even Fluttershy, who seemed to have already amassed three shot glasses, and a couple of mugs. “So, who is gonna go first at the mic?” Pinkie piped up, and looked around the table with a grin. “Ugh, I hate karaoke. So many horrible singers, and never enough alcohol.” I groused, getting jeers from the table. “That may be true where you come from, but Ponyville has a long tradition of fostering the arts, and fine singers to the last mare.” Rarity piped up, finishing what looked like a third glass of wine. “I believe I will go first, before you are all too besotted to appreciate my lyrical skill.” We all cheered her on as she approached the stage, and leaned over to the DJ for a song request. I saw they has set up a sort of magic-powered monitor to display the words, and we all cheered as the lights went down, and the spotlight came on. Lucky Mare -Rarity As the lights came back up, the audience remained silent for a moment, enraptured in the moment of the song. That didn't last long, before the entire room erupted in applause. Blushing furiously, Rarity returned to her seat, pausing to catch a rose thrown by a random patron. Sitting across from me, she nibbled on the rose and smirked at me with a raised eyebrow. “So was my singing too horrible for you?” “My lady, that song made me want a drink, for entirely different reasons. I feel the sudden need for a toast!” And with perfect timing, the crazy green pony arrived at my side with a tray of drinks in tow. And thus began the first of many toasts that night. Author's Note And thus begins the lyrical journey through my horrid attempts at ponifying songs. This is what happens when you make me listen to the same songs, three times per day, for three years straight. Damn I hate my job. This is an outtake, and has no definite place in the timeline of R4R. Take it with a grain of salt. And mebbe some lime, and a shot of tequila. Filly Jean -ApplejackAs the pair of mugs were placed in front of my by the smiling Lyra, I sniffed at them, before giving a puzzled look to the server. “I dunno what beer is, but I brought you two mugs of cider. I hope that’s okay?” I shrugged and took a swig, grinning at the crisp taste and dry bite. She grinned in return and levitated over a shot glass and a dusty bottle. And here is the liquor you ordered.” “Hoowee! Where in Equestria did ya git your hooves on a bottle of mah Pappy’s special reserve? He only made three batches, and Ah have only two bottles left mahself!” Applejack practically leaped out of her chair to inspect the bottle, before turning to me. “Yer in fer a treat thar Louis. This here is the finest apple brandy ever made by ponykind, and it pack one hellova kick!” She turned to cock an eye at the now-blushing unicorn. “I saved up for a whole year to buy it at auction in Canterlot. Some stuffy old guy was having an estate sale and I got my hooves on it for cheap. I don’t even think he knew what was in the bottle.” She grinned at me and blew some dust off the label. “I was saving it for a special occasion, but I think this qualifies!” “Well then.” I replied looking at the bottle. None of it was readable, as the translation spell they cast on me was only for speech, not written language, since I was only a temporary visitor. “I guess I can accept such a generous gift, but only one one condition.” “Anything!” the green mare responded breathily, her eyes growing large. “I insist that you have a drink with us! Go get some more shot glasses!” I grinned as she nodded vigorously and ran off. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to encourage her? She was rejected by the immigration board for a reason, Louis. She’s more than a bit obsessed with humans.” Princess Party Pooper had to but in as usual. The other girls were giving mixed reactions ranging from face splitting grins from Dash and AJ, to worried frowns from Rarity. Fluttershy was just staring at the bottom of her latest drink, although her face was becoming a bit flushed. “Hey, if you guys can put up with all the pony worship on my world, what harm can it be for me to get a little human worship? Besides, what’s a few drinks among friends?” I grinned at them all. “I dunno, the last time Big Mac had some of that thar brandy, we didn't see him for three days. He woke up outside Cherilee’s house, hangin from a tree.” Applejack’s smile turned worried. “Aww hell yea, now there is a pony I wanna party with.” I smiled and pulled the cork on the bottle, taking a whiff. It was like someone had shoved an apple up my nose, then dunked my head in alcohol. It was heavenly. And just in time, the glasses arrived. “Okay, everyone gets a shot, no chickening out.” I poured for each of us, and passed the shots around. Lifting our glasses high I called out a toast, “To good friends, good drinks, and good music!” The last was said with a wink to Rarity, who actually blushed. The toast was repeated, and down the shots went. And then the coughing began. Everyone except me, Applejack, and strangely enough, Fluttershy. “Woooh nelly! That sure puts some milk in yer teats, and a fire in yer belly!” Applejack declared, getting strange looks from the rest. I felt the fire course down my throat, numbing as it went, leaving behind a slight aftertaste of fresh pressed cider. It was the best booze I had ever tasted, and I quickly poured another shot, being joined by Applejack, and again, Fluttershy, who actually smiled at me. The rest of the mares found more interest in their softer drinks as the second round was downed. “Damn that's some good hooch!”I finished off with a cider of my own and grinned at Applejack. Rainbow Dash was actually looking a bit green, while Rarity and Twilight glowed red with blush. Lyra... was passed out on the floor. “Damn girl. Can’t hold your liquor?” I chuckled at the softly snoring unicorn, leaning on the table next to me. “Gimme a hand here AJ, lets get her somewhere comfortable.” I tried to get an arm under the inebriated mare, and lifted. “Oh let me, I can help!” and a lavender glow surrounded Lyra as she was levitated into the air by Twilight. “I will take her back to her room and be right back.” “Well it’s a good thing she lives here. If she’s such a lightweight, she must spend alot of time drunk off her ass.” I chuckled. “Actually, its not unusual for Unicorns. Magic and alcohol don't mix well, and it hits some rather hard.” Rarity pointed to a rather unsteady Twilight making her way away from us, as the unconscious Lyra wobbled in her telekinetic grip. “Yep, that's why most of them just stick to their fancy wine an stuff.” Applejack pointed out. It was at this point I realized that there was something absent from the room. Namely the inane chatter of a certain hyperactive pink pony. I turned to see her making a pyramid of shot glasses, tongue sticking out of her mouth. She noticed me, and stopped, slowly putting the last glass down. “Wha? I don usuarry drink. Hard ta run a party iffin yer drunk. But dis is niiice...” Her slurred speech set off an alarm and I looked to see half the bottle was now gone, and realised that the empty glasses were all hers. “Dammit Pinkie, if you get sick, you better not puke on me.” I groused. “That’s it, you are cut off for a bit.” “Aww, yer no fun!” and with that, her head hit the table with a loud thumb, and the soft snoring began. “Well damn. If I knew that’s all it took, I woulda gotten her drunk earlier!” Laughter ran around the table at my remark, and I took another long pull on my cider. “Alright, while we wait for Twilight, who’s next?” Dash jumped in, looking around the table. “Cmon Louis, lets hear you sing!” “Aww no! None of you are drunk enough to tolerate my singing.” I waved my mug around, getting jeers from the rest. “No, really, ask Pinkie!” I looked over at the softly snoring lump of fur next to me. “Oh, nevermind.” “Aww hell, I’ll take a shot at it. Ah ain't sang at a shindig since the last reunion, but Ah did win a prize fer it!” Applejack stood up, and made her way to the DJ. “Oh my, I bet you ten bits it’s going to be some country and western song.” Making a face, Rarity rolled her eyes. “Yea, she’s totally gonna try to do some line dance number!” Dash laughed as the farm pony took the stage. I kept my piece. I had spent some time hanging with her before, and found out she was a much more complicated person than most took her for. Going from a simple farm girl, to a high society debutante, and back to a hard working mare of the land, she had seen more of the world than most ponies in this low-tech society. But even I wasn't prepared for when the lights went down. As the spotlight came up, the familiar brown stetson was gone, now replaced with a black fedora, and a sequined sock covered one of her hooves. She looked down at the stage, hiding her eyes under the brim as the audience gasped at her transformation. Then the beat started, and I found my hand forcibly planted on my face. The other girls saw my reaction, and gasped. “What is it darling?” Rarity asked for the rest of them.” In response, I just sighed, replying, “It’s Apple Jackson.” "Filly Jean" -Apple Jackson As Applejack stepped down from the stage amid another thunderous round of applause. Making her way to the table she pulled her stetson out of the fedora somehow, and placed the black hat on my head as she passed me. “Ah believe you owe me ten bits thar, Rarity.” She drawled as she took her seat. “Well, I must admit, you took me by surprize, darling. And what a pleasant surprize it was.” Levitating out the money, she passed it to the farmer with a smile. “Yea, she really showed you, Rarity! Hah, country indeed!” Rainbow Dash crowed, until a cleared throat and outstretched hoof from AJ stopped her laughter. “Aww horseapples.” Hoofing over her own stack of bits, she stuck her tongue out. “What’d I miss?” A slightly disheveled Twilight came trotting up, retaking her seat. “Well, Applejack just showed off some of her singing and dancing skills, and made these two lose a bet.” I chucked, getting dirty looks from the two in question. “So how is Lyra? Get any pictures of her in compromising poses?” I grinned lecherously at the princess’’s condition. “What? No! It was...” The blush was rather incriminating to say the least, and her stammer made the others snicker and laugh. “I mean, no she was fine, I tucked her in on the couch and came back.” Her shifty eyes told another story, as I grinned even wider. “Seriously though, make sure you never get caught alone in a room with her. She has this... shrine or something, to humans.” She shuddered and looked away from me. “It was creepy as hell. I think I see why Bonbon left her after she was rejected by the immigration board.” Clearing her throat, she blushed even harder. “She also left some of her, um, toys out in her room. Human toys.” This brought a howl from AJ and Dash as they laughed at the image, and even Rarity let out a ladylike titter. Hell, I think Fluttershy even let out a giggle as Twilight tried to regain her composure. Pony Girl -Twilight Sparkle, feat. Spike DracoAfter Twilight stopped blushing, she motioned for me to pour another round of shots, as a new server appeared with our next round of cider. Grinning at me over her glass, she levitated it in front of her. “To Friendship! May the magic never fade!” We all cheered and repeated the toast before slamming back the shots. Various reactions went around the table, from me and Applejack’s grins, to Twilight’s eye-bulging grimace. Fluttershy just squeaked cutely and blushed. In fact she was looking rather red-faced despite the yellow fur. “Okay errypony! Since I missed tha las song, Imma go next!” Slurring her words slightly, Twilight got up from the table. She downed her cider like a pro, earning some gasps from the rest of us. “Damn, Twilight! You go girl!” Rainbow Dash cheered her on as she wobbled towards the stage. “Okay, I believe that all bets are off on this one. What kind of songs could she possibly know?” Rarity looked nervous at the idea of her bookish friend taking the stage. “Ah dunno, but she did sing at that wedding.” Applejack piped up. “Yes, and her singing was rather... nice.” Finally a word from Fluttershy, followed by a goofy grin. “Well now, welcome to the party Fluttershy! Glad you could join us.” I snarked, with a smile to let her know I was joking. She just smiled back and blushed harder at me, but at least she didn't look away or hide. Baby steps. The other girls chuckled, then snapped their attention to the stage as the Princess of books finished talking to the DJ, and the lights dropped again. As the spotlight came on this time, there were two figures on stage; a medium sized purple dragon, wearing a black fedora like the one on my head, and... “Dafuq is she wearing?” I exclaimed, looking at the spectacle on stage. “Is that?” Rarity gasped. “It’s the cheerleader outfit she used to cheer me on in the Equestria Games.” Rainbow Dash deadpanned, and facehoofed, unable to look directly at her friend on stage. “I thought we burned that thing?” Rarity looked truly horrified. “Um, she had me make another one. Just in case. She said she was saving it for your date, Dash.” Fluttershy quietly spoke up. “What date? Princess Egghead never asked me out!” Dash looked floored. “Oh, sorry. Maybe is was supposed to be a secret?” The shy pegasus glowed red, and tried to disappear under the table. She was spared further embarrassment as the music started, and we were all treated to the next drunken spectacle. "Pony Girl" -Twilight Sparkle, feat. Spike Draco As the lights faded again, and Twilight flew over the crowd, I had to jump up and catch her to keep from crashing into the table as she drunkenly landed. “Woah there, Pony girl! Reel in the wings, and take it easy.” I helped her stumble to her seat where she plopped down and sat grinning at us. “Well, what did you think? I looked up some songs, and modified them a bit to be more appropriate. I used Brown Note’s Lyrical Theory to alter an earth pop song for ponies. I’ve been working on it all week in preparation for our get together.” Glad she was no longer slurring her words, we all nodded and made agreeing noises. I had to be the one to ask the obvious question, “Who is Flash?” This got me a brilliant blush, and a stuttered response. “I-he, um... Just a pony I, ahh.. made up for the song.” “He’s some guy she met in that mirror world, and has been writing poetry about.” The young dragon finally made it to the table and pulled up a chair, mug in claw. “Heya, I’m Spike.” His voice growled as he held out the other claw for a shake. I gave him a proper street shake, followed by a fist-bump which he returned like a pro. “Why Spiky! Since when did your voice become so... Masculine?” Rarity practically gushed, blushing at the purple dragon. “Since I hit puberty and started to grow again. You’ve been away too long, Rarity.” Gruffly he answered, and quaffed his drink in one gulp, followed by a flaming belch. Twilight remained silent, covering her head with her hooves. I looked him over, and noticed he no longer looked like the cute pet from the show I had seen a few pics of. He was about shoulder height to me, still bipedal, and all chiseled muscle. Scales like gems glistened all over, and his canines stuck out of his mouth like a crocodile when it was closed. He reminded me alot of my dad, short, muscled, and full of fire. The kind of guy that would break you in half, then buy you a drink, laughing the entire time. The long tail was in constant motion, like a cat, and I could see what looked to be growths on his back. It appeared his wings were not grown out yet, but would be soon. Rarity indeed looked rather smitten by his new appearance, and the alcohol was showing in her flushed face. Unfortunately, Spike seemed to be impervious to her attention, and stoically turned away from her. “So you are the human Pinkie talks about?” I could see him clearly sizing me up, but he smiled in an approving manner. “You seem cool, and if you can deal with her kind of crazy, you can't be all bad. Welcome to Ponyville.” Freeballing -Louis Morgan“So what’s the story with you and Pinkie, anyway? And why is she passed out?” Spike waved for another round of drinks as he looked over at my “date”. “Not much of a story. I had a room to rent, and she needed a room. She became a bit overly attached, though. We have an understanding now. I have my life, she has hers, but occasionally we share.” I shrugged and stroked her mane, getting a giggle from the snoozing pony. Tonight we are having a date, but just as friends. I think she drank too much though.” “Yea, sounds like she still has it bad for ya, dude.” He downed another drink, then pulled out a cigar, lighting it with an emerald flame from one nostril. “Trust me, I know all about unrequited love.” He cocked an eye at Rarity, who was scowling at him from across the table. “Must you smoke those horrid things? They are most unbecoming a gentledragon!” Coughing slightly, she waved a hoof at the smoke. “Yea, well I need to take my comforts where I can.” Waving the cigar around, he grinned at the mares, getting more scowls in return. “Oh alright, fine. It was a cheap one anyway.” Butting out the cigar, on the bottom of his foot, he tossed it into the air, before snapping it in his maw and swallowing. “Eeeeww!” An unanimous cry of disgust came from the table, with the only laugh from me. “So what's the deal, got something against ponies?” Turning the conversation back to me, he pointedly ignored the others. “Naa, nothing against em, just don't find em attractive.” I shrugged. “Well I think it’s terrible the way you lead the poor dear on. You really should feel ashamed.” Rarity sniffed at me. “She mopes around as bad as Rainbow Dash did for her man.” This got some rather angry stares from Dash and Applejack, and even Twilight looked upset. Rarity was fully flushed at this point, and it seemed the alcohol had caught up to her as well. “Wait, you finally hooked up with a human? Anyone I know?” I turned to Dash and grinned, but the smile faltered as I saw the bitter look on her face. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” She muttered into her drink. “But darling, it was such a romantic story! Love found across worlds, the brief passion, and then the tragic ending. It was like a classic play come to life!” Rarity leaned forward, getting in Dash’s face. “I SAID I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!” Dash roared, and lept into the air. All sound in the bar stopped, and all eyes turned to her. Her anger turned to remorse and she slipped back into her seat as the buzz of the crowd returned. “It’s cool, Dash. You don't gotta say anything.” I patted her hoof and tried to reassure her. “Rarity, that was totally out of line.” Twilight glared at her friend. “Yea, not cool, Rares. Not cool.” Even Spike growled at the fashionista. “Well I, um. That is... I’m sorry Rainbow Dash. I know how hard it’s been.” She floated a silk scarf over to the chromatic pegasus and wiped at a tear that was making it way down the cyan fur. “It’s fine. I just miss him, that’s all. He was the best friend I ever had, even in the short time I knew him.” Slumping, she plopped her head on the table with a sigh. “Well Sugarcube, as least you have the memories.” Applejack patted her friend on the back. “You know what? You're right. And I remember that he never cried or bitched about what happened to him. He hung out with his friends, got drunk, and sang some stupid songs!” Pushing her way to her hooves, she stepped back and looked at her friends. “Pour me another shot, Louis.” I complied, and she slammed it back like a pro. “It’s my turn!” Flying over to the DJ, she pulled an old, battered cassette tape from somewhere, and slapped it on the table. I saw her lean in and whisper to the white unicorn, and get a nod in return. The tape flowed forth in a reddish magic grip, and into the karaoke machine as Dash took the stage. Holding the mic in one hoof, I saw her close her eyes a moment, then smile. “This is for you, Bryant.” As the music starts, I recognize an old earth song that my dad used to listen to. I’ve never been a big fan of Country, but some songs strike a chord no matter who you are. I found myself singing along to ‘I Love This Bar’, as the entire room joined in. By the end, everyone was singing the chorus, and cheering. Dash was clearly crying openly, as dark trails carved down her smiling cyan face. She tried to step off the stage, but the crowd surged forward, and she stepped back up. Turning to the DJ, she made a motion with her hoof, and the unicorn nodded in response, still grinning beneath her oversized shades. Soon another song started playing, a bit more upbeat, as ‘Red Solo Cup’ was quickly picked up by the crowd and sung over drunken laughter as Dash began to dance around the stage. When the ponies finally let her step down, she quickly retrieved the cassette, and stumbled over to our table, getting cheers from all of us. Applejack gave her a bone crushing hug, followed by one from Pinkie Pie, who had suddenly woken up in the middle of the last song. “That was pretty damn good Dash. My old redneck dad would have loved to see that.” I patted her on the wing. “Yea, well I had some inspiration. Thanks guys.” She turned red as she sat back down. I caught her tucking something under a wing and made a grab. “Oh-ho, what you got there, Dash?” I playfully tugged on her wing. “Hah, just a bit of something to keep me warm at night.” She tinged red again, as I made a horrified face. “Not that, you perv!” She pulled back a wing to reveal a bottle of brown liquid strapped under it. The label read ‘Wild Pegasus’, and featured a winged pony with a lightening bolt down the center. “Aww damn Dash, you been holding out! You had whiskey all this time?” I rolled my eyes, getting a dirty look from Applejack. “No offense, AJ, but whiskey is to my family what that apple stuff is to yours. My great-grandpappy used to make moonshine back in the day.” “None taken, pardner. Just rightfully proud of mah pappy’s brew.” She tipped her hat at me, with a grin. “And a good brew it is, but I got a craving for some mountain magic.” I motioned towards Dash, and was handed the bottle. With a grin, I sniffed the woody aroma of good aged whiskey, before throwing my head back and taking a double shot straight from the bottle. This got me cheers from the rest, even Fluttershy, as I coughed and sputtered. Damn this was some good stuff. “Hoowee! Dat sum good whiskey!” I drawled, sounding like my father as I grinned at my friends. “Now it’s my turn for some earth music!” I felt the fire in my veins, as I stumbled to my feet, getting cheers from my friends. I made my way over to the stage and leaned over to the DJ. “Heya there, cutie. What can Scratch get for you tonight? I got Equestrian and Earth music. Name your tune.” She lifted up her glasses and fluttered some amazing reddish eyes at me. “Woah, those are some bitchin eyes you got.” I grinned stupidly at the mare as she blushed. “Yer not too bad lookin yourself. If your marefriends don’t mind, mebbe we can hook up after my gig here.” “Ahh, thanks, but I kinda got a date, and she's the jealous type.” I motioned over where Pinkie was waving frantically as she bounced up and down. “Woah, dude. Pinkie Pie? You are a braver being than I.” Dropping the glasses back, she leaned back with a grin. I smiled back and winked, then whispered my song choice. She laughed as she pulled it up on the machine, but motioned me towards the stage.This was gonna be fun. Freeballing -Louis Morgan Edge of Everfree -FluttershyAs my song ended, I received a warm round of applause, and more than a few looks of confusion. I figured that some of the references wouldn't be understood by a race of beings that usually went mostly naked anyway. Why have a name for something that nobody notices? “Wow Louis, you really have an awesome voice! You should sing more often.” Dash was the first to greet me as I came back to the table. “Yea! My Louie really can sing, you should hear him in the shower, and he ain't bad lookin in the shower either.” Pinkie leered at me, before my evil glare of retribution made her backpedal. “Oops, I mean Louis. Eheh. Not that I peek on you in the shower or anything...” She led off with an innocent whistle, looking away from me. I just rolled my eyes. “Yea, my mom was big into music, and even made me take a few lessons. I hated it, even if I was good at it.” I took a swig of my drink to emphasize my ennui over the subject. “Well I thought it was lovely, you should sing more. I read that the more you practice, the stronger your voice gets, and the greater a range one has. With a voice like yours, it could only get better!” Twilight practically gushed, causing me to lean back. “Yeeah, not interested, but thanks for the compliment, princess.” I snarked in response. “Oh, please, call me Twilight. We are all friends here!” She piped back, cheerfully. “But, I’m curious. What is ‘Freeballing’?” This prompted a laugh from Dash, as she tried to explain. “It’s when you go around with no underwear on.” “Okay, but isn't that what you do all the time, Dash?” Twilight returned, looking confused. This earned a bit of a blush from Rainbow Dash, who sputtered, “I’m just sensitive, and they chafe, okay? Besides, it’s a bit different when a guy does it. Especially a human, with their stallion bits hanging out.” This got a furious blush from the princess as she processed the image. “Bu-but, that’s. Eew?” She looked at me, eyes wide and pupils shrunken. “Is that why you wear pants all the time?” “Oh-kay!” I decided to change the subject, “Dash, lemme have another shot of that whiskey!” As she hoofed it over to me I realized something. “So won't the owner get upset that we brought our own booze? I know most bars on Earth frown upon it.” “Oh, no way! You already met the owner, Louis! There’s no way that Lyra will get upset at anything you do.” Rainbow Dash chuckled, and winked at me. “Wait, Lyra owns this place?” I looked around in surprise, getting nods from the other girls. “Why darling, why do you think she lives upstairs?” Rarity responded. And at that moment I remembered the entrance to the bar, a sign over the door proclaiming it ‘The Little White Lyre’, and wondering why the word ‘Liar’ had been misspelled. It all made sense now. “Makes sense. So who else is up for a shot?” I looked around getting nods from Applejack and Dash, and a frantic nod from Pinkie. “Aww, the apple stuff is all gone though!” Pinkie moaned. I looked around, and sure enough, the bottle was not in front of me where I had left it before the song. Instead it was across the table, laying on its side, empty. Next to it was an equally empty seat. “Umm, anyone know where Fluttershy went?” The only warning I got was widening eyes as I was suddenly wrapped in feathers. A warm muzzle nuzzled me from behind, and I went rigid as a soft, melodic voice whispered in my ear. “Oh my, Pinkie was right. You really are a cutie, aren’t you?” I began to sweat, and not just from the incredible warmth of her wings. “I just want to take you home and cuddle you, like a big hairless bear!” “Hey! Hooves off my man!” Pinkie yelled out, looking indignant. “Watch out! She’s in ‘Cuddle-Wild-Animal’ mode!” Dash yelled out, holding back a laugh. “Quick, somepony git something cute an cuddly to distract her!” “Applejack was my hero. “Aww, you are just the cutest little shaved monkey, aren’t you? Momma wants to feed you and cuddle you, and sing you to sleep.” She soft voice only made me begin to panic more, and the overwhelming smell of apples and alcohol coming off her breath singed my nose hairs. This was one plastered mare I had wrapped around me, and her wings were far stronger than her frail appearance suggested. “Okay, Fluttershy. Now we don’t want to piss off Pinkie, since I am her date tonight. You know how she can get.” My point was emphasized by a nod and a snort from the pink mare herself. “Oh, that’s alright. I don’t think Pinkie would mind sharing. We are friends, after all.” The look of shock on my face was mirrored on Pinkie’s, but grew more stricken as Pinkie’s devolved into an evil grin while she stroked an imaginary beard in thought. “Fuck no, don't even think about it!” I cried out, getting a fake pout from the pink mare. “Okay Fluttershy, that’s enough of that.” I heard Dash say from behind me, before hearing a sound like a dog squeak toy, and feeling the wings around me pull away with a snap. “Hah! Works every time!” I turned to look back at a rather smug looking Rainbow Dash, as Fluttershy blushed from nose to tail, while hiding behind her hair. “You grow up with a mare, you lean all her secret tickle spots.” Just as suddenly, she let out a squawk like a startled chicken, and lept into the air, blushing furiously herself. “Ain't that the truth!” A proud Pinkie licked her muzzle from behind the startled pegasus. “Okay, that was a little gross.” The princess interjected before things could escalate. “Fluttershy, why don’t you sing next, since you seem to be in an outgoing mood all of a sudden? “Um, yes! I think I would like that very much.” She blushed, looking back at me one more time before approaching the stage. “Dis gonna be good!” Proclaimed Applejack, as her friend talked to the DJ. “Fluttershy has one of the sweetest voices in all ‘Questria, but she’s always too shy to sing.” “Oh yes, this will be a rare treat!” Rarity piped in, giving her own praise. Suddenly all the house lights went out, leaving us in near darkness, as a spotlight illuminated the stage. One can only assume it was to help the now not-so-shy pegasus deal with her lingering stage fright, by hiding the audience. But then the music started, and we all forgot where we were as Fluttershy began to sing. "Edge Of Everfree" -Fluttershy As the song ended, there was a stunned silence as the siren song still held our minds in its lovely, feathered grip. And then suddenly the entire room erupted in cheers and hoof stomping, as the lights came up and left a shyly smiling pegasus basking the adoration of her newly won fans. With a squeak, she launched herself into a stage dive at the audience. The move caught the rest by surprise, and most moved out of the way, but myself, I was ready as she landed in my arms, flattening me to the floor. “Ouch. Careful there Flutterbutt. You ponies aren't as light and fluffy as you look.” I chuckled as I tried to catch my breath. Soon enough her friends arrived to help her up as she blushed and apologized profusely. “I am so sorry, I don’t know what came over me!” She stammered. “Yea, next time use your wings, Fluttershy! You’re a pegasus, for Pete’s sake!” Dash laughed as she tried to scold her friend. While we wandered back to the table, we all laughed, as the other patrons cheered her on, causing her to blush and hide behind her mane again. It was so damn cute, and I kept my hand on her back to reassure her. We felt like the entourage of some big time pop star as we shielded her from the ravenous fans. One stallion even yelled for her to sign his horn, getting a mug upside his head from his girlfriend sitting next to him. Finally back at our seats, I got one more winghug from the yellow mare. “Thanks for catching me, Louis.” she whispered in my ear, before the death glare from Pinkie caused her to make that squeaky toy noise again as she smiled, before scuttling back to her seat. Party in Your Soul -Pinkie PieAs the song ended, there was a stunned silence as the siren song still held our minds in its lovely, feathered grip. And then suddenly the entire room erupted in cheers and hoof stomping, as the lights came up and left a shyly smiling pegasus basking the adoration of her newly won fans. With a squeak, she launched herself into a stage dive at the audience. The move caught the rest by surprise, and most moved out of the way, but myself, I was ready as she landed in my arms, flattening me to the floor. “Ouch. Careful there Flutterbutt. You ponies aren't as light and fluffy as you look.” I chuckled as I tried to catch my breath. Soon enough her friends arrived to help her up as she blushed and apologized profusely. “I am so sorry, I don’t know what came over me!” She stammered. “Yea, next time use your wings, Fluttershy! You’re a pegasus, for Pete’s sake!” Dash laughed as she tried to scold her friend. While we wandered back to the table, we all laughed, as the other patrons cheered her on, causing her to blush and hide behind her mane again. It was so damn cute, and I kept my hand on her back to reassure her. We felt like the entourage of some big time pop star as we shielded her from the ravenous fans. One stallion even yelled for her to sign his horn, getting a mug upside his head from his girlfriend sitting next to him. Finally back at our seats, I got one more winghug from the yellow mare. “Thanks for catching me, Louis.” she whispered in my ear, before the death glare from Pinkie caused her to make that squeaky toy noise again as she smiled, before scuttling back to her seat. And so as the night went on, each of the mares made their way to the bathroom to break their seal and return their beer rentals. Last of the bunch, being a veteran drinker, I wandered off to inspect the pony facilities myself. I just knew there would be some dirty girl talk about me as I left, but I didn't care. I was having the time of my life, and had a nice buzz going. Needless to say it took a moment to determine the signs as represented by muzzle type, and made a safe bet of using the door that had a stallion walking out of it. The stalls were all equipped with what looked like giant urinals, which made sense for a quadruped that could do their business standing. I was just glad I only had to piss, as I unzipped and took aim. “What a night, eh Louis?” I nearly pissed myself, quite literally, as I heard Spike from the next stall. “Yep, one of the better parties I been to. Not used to having so many women at the table, but it’s not so bad.” I chatted as I concentrated on my aim. “Naw, this isn't a party. You gotta come to one of the old skool Pinkie Parties. Town’s been dead since she left. That mare is crazy.” I heard him chuckle. “I can’t believe you haven't hit that already. She’s crazy about you, dude.” “Meh, I said it before, I just don't find myself attracted to her. It’d be too weird. Part of me sees her like the little sister I never had, and part of me just sees her as an animal. Neither of those are sexy to me.” “Wish could say I understood. I grew up with them, and wanted to be with a mare for the longest time. I finally gave up and tried to find a nice dragon girl. Turns out dragon chicks are all bitches. I mean, rip your heart out, power hungry bitches.” I heard him snort, and could smell something burning. “But at least they are upfront about it. Some girls drag your tail along for years before dumping you.” “Rarity?” I guessed. “Yea. Used me, abused me, then told me she just wasn't into dragons. At least you told Pinkie up front.” I heard the toilet flush, and finished myself. As I emerged, I joined Spike washing up. He steamed his claws dry with a grin. “Just be careful man, everypony loves Pinkie. If you break her heart, they will break you.” A gleam of fire entered his eyes as he looked at me with a bitter smile. “Don’t worry about that. I already broke her heart once, and we worked our way through it.” I sighed, looking at my own dripping hands. “She’s a good friend, and I don’t ever want to lose that. But I will never be anything more.” “You’re a good guy, Louis. For a human.” Grinning, he punched me in the arm, and walked out, leaving me rubbing the sore spot. Fucker was strong! As I made my way back to the table, I saw that all the girls were back, and that Pinkie was bouncing to see me. I slid in, and scritched her behind the ears, getting a purr of pleasure, and some snickers from the others. “Oh, I was waiting for you to get back! I am gonna go next, and wanted you to hear my song.” With a grin, she bounced over to the stage, and tossed a record to the DJ, who caught it in a reddish glow. Somehow I managed to miss where exactly the record came from, but dismissed it as the music started to play. I had to pour three shots during the song, because I sure as hell wasn't drunk enough. "Party In Your Soul" -Pinkie Pie As the song ended, I had to locate my jaw, just moments before I was tackled by my date. “What the fuck did I just listen to?” “Oh, that was one of my favorite songs! It’s by the group called ‘They Might Be Clydesdales’!” She giggled and gave me another hug. “Oh, I know them! You shoulda sang ‘Particle Mare’ instead! I love that song.” Dash grinned at her pink friend. “Oh, I know, but they have so many great songs, I can never decide!” Pinkie grinned with her eyes closed, as the rest of the table looked just as confused as I was. “Oh-kay. Who is up for more shots?” I called, as I retrieved the bottle of liquor from it’s feathery grip once more. All hooves went up, and shots were passed around. Holding my drink high, I looked around the smiling faces of my newest friends, and thought a moment before proposing a toast. “To friendship and bars, may they never be far!” I was repeated by the others, followed by a round of coughing as the booze burned its way down our throats. This was going to be a good night. As the night wore on, more drinks were had. Lyra made another appearance with more high class booze, and even managed to stick around for more than one shot. She still was a bit of a lightweight, but she could pack away some cider. Spike eventually took a turn at the stage, wheeling out a piano from somewhere, and playing his own music. He did an amazing performance singing ‘Piano Mare’, and then followed it up with an encore of ‘Green Balls of Fire’, which he also managed to shoot across the room, much to the amazement of the crowd. After that things began to get more than a little hazy, up until the moment I woke up in Pinkie’s bed. Fully clothed. With Pinkie apparently passed out in the bathtub in the next room wearing a traffic cone on her head. Which was rather odd considering they didn't have traffic cones in Equestria. Oh well, at least I was nice and comfy under this warm purple and yellow feather blanket. Oh shit... Clothes still on, means nothing happened, right? Right? Song ListA Drop of the Creature Song List “Lucky Mare” -Rarity Lucky Man -Emerson, Lake and Palmer “Filly Jean” -Applejack Billy Jean -Michael Jackson “Pony Girl” -Twilight Sparkle, feat. Spike Draco Barbie Girl -Aqua “I Love This Bar” -Rainbow Dash I Love This Bar -Toby Keith “Red Solo Cup” Rainbow Dash Red Solo Cup -Toby Keith “Freeballing” -Louis Morgan Freefalling -Tom Petty “Edge of Everfree” -Fluttershy Edge of Seventeen -Stevie Nicks <--Bonus Live version! “Party in Your Soul” -Pinkie Pie Lighthouse in Your Soul -They Might Be Giants Bonus: I Love My Socks -Princess Luna NoctisAs the night wore on, the partying ponies, plus one human, grew even more inebriated. Stories were told, and songs were sung. Derpy’s rendition of “Wrecking Ball” was a big hit, right up until she managed to fall off the stage and actually wreck a nearby table. Sadly she wasn't even drunk at the time, but the audience didn't care. Pinkie and Louis took the stage for a round of “Pony Rock Anthem” which nearly brought the house down, followed by Louis nearly getting mobbed by several fillies after singing “Sexy and I Know It”. It seemed that Lyra has more than a few ponies joining the the Anthrophile club she had started, and this was meeting night. It took a rather frazzled looking Pinkie, and an increasingly drunken Princess Twilight to calm the mob. Sadly, the shirt Louis was wearing that night became a casualty of his sexiness. Finally the crowd calmed down to the normal low buzz, and the occasional drunken leer as the friends worked their way through another round. As Louis looked around the table, he saw an entirely different group of ponies from when they had started. Rainbow Dash was wearing Applejack’s hat, and the two were giggling like school fillies. Fluttershy was wearing Twilight’s crown, and both were blushing as they pretended not to be stealing glances at the now shirtless Louis. Rarity and Spike had snuck off, and hadn't returned in over an hour, both making excuses at the same time to be somewhere else. And Pinkie... Well Pinkie had somehow glued the empty brandy bottle to her head, and was now laying across the human’s lap muttering something about fluffy unicorns and rainbows, as he absentmindedly rubbed her furry tummy. The human himself was enjoying his drunken stupor, grinning to himself. The night was going well, and nobody has thrown up yet. Suddenly, the lights went out all at once, and a dead silence blanketed the room. Even the candles that were on some of the tables seemed to burn lower, giving off far less light than they should, and causing the crowd to start to mutter in confusion. The darkness went on for almost a full minute, before a haunting cackle echoed through the hall, getting gasps, and even a scream from the collected patrons. Just as suddenly, a ghastly blue spotlight appeared on the stage, revealing the source of the unearthly laughter. It was Nightmare Moon. And the laughter continued, as she flared her pitch black wings, and her nebulous mane flowed across the stage as if blown in a tempest. “Good evening my little ponies! This is a wonderful night we are having, aren’t we? But don’t worry about the morning, because this party shall last FOREVER!” With a flash of lightening, the obsidian alicorn cackled evilly as the ponies began to panic. “IT’S NIGHTMARE MOON! RUUUUN!” Pinkie Pie took up the cry, as ponies jumped from their seats and bolted for the door. Doors which bolted shut. The only ones that didn't run were the six mares, one human, and a dragon that were now staring in shock at the stage. Rarity and Spike had managed to reappear during the darkened intermission, with the unicorn’s normally impeccable mane a complete wreck, and the dragon’s face resembling a glazed doughnut. “What the fuck is that?” Louis asked the first question that came to mind, looking back at the shocked faces of his friends. “It’s Nightmare Moon.” In unison, mares all deadpanned. “Oh, well then this should be good. I wonder what song she is gonna sing?” Louis retook his seat, just as the lights went out again. This time screams were heard, and the thumps of hooves on the doors, but the lights stayed off until finally the room quieted down. “Are we dead yet?” A lone stallion asked, getting nervous chuckles in response. Finally the spotlight comes back on, and shows a different looking pony on the stage, grinning. “Hazzah! Happy April Foal’s Day, My little Ponies! Tis I, your princess of the night!” Holding a hoof up, Princess Luna stood on stage wearing a sheer black dress that was almost as see-through as her nebulous mane which flowed like a clear night sky. Sequins randomly flashed in the light like the twinkling stars, and her legs were each covered in thigh length sheer stockings. Her crown and hooves were capped by adornments that seemed to devour the light, being well beyond normal black, and making the eye hurt to look directly at. “April Foal’s Day? Dafuq?” Louis, eloquent as ever, looked at his watch, seeing that it was in fact well past midnight, and that the first of April was under way. “You guys celebrate April Fool’s Day?” “Oh yea, I remember reading about it. It’s an old holiday where you prank your friends, and generally act foalish.” Twilight chimed in, able to get a handle on what was going on. Meanwhile the crowd had started to laugh ad make their way towards their seats. Some were cheering for their princess on stage. “Wait, wait, wait! You mean there is an entire holiday about pranking, and I never heard of it? Why didn't you ever tell me, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash was hovering over her seat drunkenly, pointing a hoof at the other princess at the table. “Well, it hasn't been observed in a long time. The event fell out of favor over a hundred years ago after somepony pranked Princess Celestia. Using sneezing powder on somepony that controls the sun and the moon causes alot of trouble for everypony.” Twilight grinned sheepishly. In response, Dash fell out of the air laughing at the idea. Meanwhile, the crowd had regained it’s seats, and the princess was bowing to applause. Louis stood up and cupped his hands to his mouth to shout, “Sing something!” The cry was taken up by others in the audience, and the princess started to look flustered. “Thou dost wish us to sing?” She looked over at the DJ, who just shrugged. “It’s Karaoke night, everypony sings.” Vinyl tossed her a microphone, which was caught in the alicorn’s dark glow. “But we don't know any modern songs! Only great war ballads of old.” Looking at the microphone as if it were going to bite her, she looked out over the crowd. Finally the DJ grinned, and with a wave of her horn, the control board in front of her came to life. “Don’t you worry, Princess. Just read the words on the prompter, and I will handle the rest.” Smiling with confidence, the princess of the night held the mic in front of her, and a cheer went up as the beat began to shake the club. I Love My Socks -Princess Luna Noctis As the music bumped and throbbed, the princess of the night swayed and strutted on stage, getting into the song. Her voice was captured and altered from it’s normal rich imperial tone to a more sultry and resonant purr, and she liked it. It made her feel beautiful, it made her feel sexy. And most of the crowd agreed. Watching the performance on stage, Louis found himself nodding to the beat as he grinned from ear to ear. A strange feeling came over him, and he started to realize that he was getting rather aroused. “Holy fuck, that's sexy. I’m actually getting a stiffy watching a pony dance.” He leered at Rainbow Dash, who was leering back at him, as Applejack laughed. “Wait, I thought you didn't find ponies sexy?” Twilight asked in confusion. “It must be the socks. Damn that's hot.” Louis watched on as the song slowly came to an end and the princess bowed before her subjects. “But Louis, I wear socks all the time, and you never say I’m sexy!” Pinkie Pie whined, looking upset. “I never saw you wearing socks. You usually just run around naked. It’s just not the same.” Louis replied, rolling his eyes. “Uh-huh I do, all the time!” *Flashback* Pinkie walks into the room, pink fuzzy socks on her hooves, holding a cup of coffee. “Hey Louis, you like my socks? Aren’t they the cutest?” Staring at the screen of his computer, Louis continues building his latest project in Mindcrack. “Uh-huh, they are nice.” Disappointed, Pinkie looks down and shuffles out of the room. *Flashback* “Wow Pinkie, you really are good at massage. Thanks, I needed this.” Louis lays face down on the couch as Pinkie nimbly kneads the tension out of his back. “Yea, I got these special massage socks especially for you. I knew you’d love them!” “Ahhhgggrrblarblewhaa.... right there.” he responded. Or something along those lines. *Flashback* “So these are the pics from your photo shoot? Wow, they turned out nice. I really like the sexy nurse outfit. The white stockings really set it off.” Louis sorts through a stack of photos, each more provocative than the last, wondering how a quadruped even gets into those positions without major surgery. “Yea, I thought you would like that. Rarity helped me make it. She even helped me get the photos made, and guaranteed you would love them.” Eyes half lidded, Pinkie waited for a response. “Yea, I had a girlfriend that wanted to be a nurse, and she looked really hot in her candy striper uniform. Man, that girl was a freak in bed too.” Callously Louis handed the photos back, unaware of the broken expression he had just missed from the pink mare. *Flashback* “Okay Pinkie, I’m getting tired of waiting, what's the big surprize?” Sitting on the couch, Louis held his hands over his eyes, as he waited for his roommate to reveal whatever birthday present she had for him. “Okay, get ready! And open your eyes!” Louis just gaped at the sight before him, as Pinkie stood with her hair pinned up, wearing a black and red leather dominatrix outfit. Her barrel was laced up in a tight corset with red strings, and her legs were fully encased in shoulder length fishnet stockings, while red heeled shoes capped each hoof. Her face was delicately done with makeup, as mascara and eye shadow outlined her eyes, and a fiery red lipstick showed off the smoldering pout she was giving him. “Do you like it?” She pouted, fluttering her extended eyelashes at him. “Hubawhadafuk? What the hell are you wearing?” Louis continued to stare, as he tried to remember where he had seen the outfit before, and then finally remembering a fateful wash day several months past. That was when Pinkie turned around, a coy smile on her face as she revealed her tail, laced up with a red ribbon, and ending in a bow that kept her tail straight up in the air. Continuing to turn, Louis saw that was pretty much where the outfit ended, and he threw his arm across his face to cover his eyes. “Dammit Pinkie! I told you a hundred times, wear some damn underwear in the house! Now go get some damn clothes on!” Getting up, he stalked back to his own room, but not before grabbing a pillow to hold in front of him. Left behind, Pinkie just sat down on the floor and sighed. *Present* “Oh, well damn, I guess you did show me some socks. But still, that's just Pinkie wearing socks.” Louis waved to the pink mare giving him an angry look. “What I just saw on stage was different, that was... Fuckin wow!” Suddenly, Louis shivered as he felt something both cool and warm roll across his back, and turned to find the princess of the night standing behind him with a smile. “So we heard that you find us attractive, Human Louis. Is it true?” Blushing lightly, the dark alicorn tilted her head, her smile growing wider. “Wait, us?” Looking around, Louis wondered what was going on. “Me, I mean I. Do you truly find me attractive, young human?” Leaning forward, Luna slowly breathed in the scent of the human as he fumbled for a reply. “Hey, wait! That’s my date!" Pinkie tried to protest, weakly. “I think you are the sexiest thing I have ever seen...” Louis breathed, barely above a whisper. “You flatter me...” And with another smile, she leaned forward and kissed the dark human on the lips, closing her eyes as he leaned forward to meet her. Pinkie’s eyes went wide, as the kiss went on, deeper than anything she had herself experienced even with another pony, and her heart broke at the sight. Finally, she could take no more and she screamed. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” With a start, I came to, blinking at the low light. My back hurt from the bathtub I found myself in, and my mouth felt like I had tried to eat sawdust pancakes again. Or the time my sister tricked me into eating a mud pie. I blinked bleary eyes trying to focus, until I was able to make out the green and purple of Gummy as he at on my chest, his unblinking reptilian gaze a comforting sight. Memory started to trickle back as I heard a trio of snores from the next room, one soft, two louder, and remembered that Louis was enjoying his first pony pile. It6 was too bad that my old bed at Sugarcube Corner didn't have room enough for me too, but that was what friends did for one another. Sacrifices must be made, and my spot on the bed was a small price for the comfort of Louis and my friend. It was small comfort for me, as I sighed and pulled the blanket up to my chin, scooting Gummy closer in the process. Finally I pulled the traffic cone farther down over my eyes as I started to drift back to sleep. “Dammit Luna, that wasn't even funny.” I grumbled, as I tumbled back into undisturbed slumber. Author's Note Three days late, Because life. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AbLerehIlQBhKM7P9aH6hSteLcB9Plh-yuV090VTZQI/edit# I heard this song the other day while bopping around at work after the ~~ravenous hordes~~ Customers had left, and I kept hearing the words "I love my socks"
Lucky Mare -Rarity“Come visit Equestria with me, she said’. We’ll meet my friends, have a few laughs.” Grumbling to myself, I made my way following my pink guide as all eyes were drawn to me. Humans were still a rare enough sight in Ponyville to cause a bit of a stir, and a few bad apples hadn't helped to endear us to the natives. Being in the company of Pinkie, however, went a long way to relax tensions. The fact that they served booze here didn't hurt either. As we made our way to a table in the corner, I couldn't help but notice it was an earth song that was being sung. I remembered it being played to death on the radio, and slowly going from loving it, to hating it for that reason. The song was “Radioactive, and was being sung by an off-white pony with sandy brown hair. Her companion was a grey pony with blue spiked hair. The crowd seemed to like it, but the couple seemed eager to leave as it was over. “Who are those guys singing? I know that song from earth.” I asked Pinkie, as we approached her friends at the table. “Oh they are friends of the Doctor, I believe. He brought them in to buy supplies. They seemed rather fond of the cloth I was able to sell them. The grey one seems to be a fan of Miss Scratch, over there.” The white pony, Rarity I believe, pointed to the DJ behind a large machine wearing a mohawk that matched the smaller grey mare that was giving her a hug. I had heard that the Karaoke machine had been reverse engineered to run off magic, and it seemed the local unicorn DJ was running it. “Doctor who?” I asked the obvious question. “I think it’s pronounced ‘Hooves’.” The local royalty, Princess Sparkle responded. It took me a moment to realize I wasn't being made fun of, and then I groaned as I saw the singers leaving with a brown pony that looked an awful lot like a popular television star back home. “Uhh, nevermind. Hiya girls, hows the party goin?” I asked lamely as I sat at the table. “Wait, this is supposed to be a party? Why didn't anypony tell me!” Pinkie practically leaped out of her chair, but was quickly restrained by a hovering Rainbow Dash. “Relax, Pinkie. It was just a figure of speech. This is just some friends hanging out and having a bit of fun. Nothing so formal as a party.” Dash sank back to her chair, and polished off a mug of something brown and frothy. Each of the girls greeted me, some I had met before, others were meeting for the first time. Dash gave me a high five, or the equivalent, Rarity shook my hand rather demurely, Applejack almost took my arm off with a firm shake, and Twilight just looked at me funny as Pinkie tried to lay her head on my shoulder, before I shrugged her off. Only Fluttershy seemed to not welcome me immediately, as she smiled and hid behind her hair. “Oh don’t mind Fluttershy, she hasn't been to earth yet, so isn't used to humans. So you are just some big scary creature to her.” Twilight smiled at the both of us, and then finished her glass of wine. “But I thought she liked big scary creatures? It’s ponies and dragons shes afraid of.” Dash rolled her eyes at her pegasus friend. “I’m surprised she isn't all over him, trying to cuddle him and drag him home to take care of.” “That's my job!” Exclaimed Pinkie, rather loudly. “No it’s not, Pinkie. Quit being a pest.” I grumbled. “Aww... but you are supposed to be my date for tonight!” She whined pitifully. “Just because this is a date, doesn't mean we are dating.” I replied gruffly, wondering when our serve would arrive. “Actually, sugarcube, I recon it kinda does. Iffin I do say myself.” I glared a death stare at the farm pony, who had taken great pleasure at my expense over Pinkie’s unrequited affections. “Stay outta this, corn-pone.” I flipped her off and got a belly laugh in return. The other girls looked mostly offended, except for Dash, who also joined in the laughter. My rescue came in the form of a mint-green mare who was levitating a tray of drinks for our table. She almost dropped them as she saw me, but I managed to catch it and make it to the table. “OMYGOSH! You’re a human! A real live human!” She practically gushed as she invaded my personal space in a way that would have been far more alarming before living with Pinkie Pie. Instead, I just put a hand on her forehead and pushed. “OH MY CELESTIA! Hands! He touched me with his hands! This is so amazing. I have always wanted to go to earth and see humans, but they say I would scare them. But it’s just not fair, since I was the only one that believed they existed before the portal opened. And now they won't let me go because I love humans so much, but now there is one right here in my own town! Hi my name is Lyra!” She quickly grabbed my hand and began shaking it. Calmly I turned to Pinkie Pie, making note of the horrified faces of the other girls, and drawled, “Friend of yours, Pinkie?” “Well everypony in Ponyville is my friend, but that is just Lyra. She was always a little crazy about humans, but after they showed up, she got worse. Hi Lyra, this is my friend Louis!” Pinkie pulled my hand away and started to shake Lyra’s hoof instead. “Oh, hello Pinkie. Hello looeese! I like that name. Looeese! What does it mean?” She grinned at me with a manic gleam that made Pinkie seem sedate. “It means ‘He who takes no shit, king of the asskickers’. I deadpanned. I almost got away with it before princess know-it-all butted it. “That's not what I read. My research on earth names says it means...” I quickly interrupted her with a death glare, and a cleared throat. “Oh, you were joking. Carry on!” I turned back to the starstruck server, and patted her on the head. She didn't even seem to realize I was being a bit condescending when I asked, “Well Miss Lyra, why don't you do us a favor and get us some drinks. I would like a couple of beers and a shot of whatever liquor you have on hand. “Oh, right away! And everypony else?” Each gave their orders, and she was on her way, giggling to herself about hands. “Well, that was different.” I said drolly as I tirned back to my companions. I paused a moment before cracking a grin, “Aww who the hell am I kidding, I live with Pinkie. I get shit like that once a week.” Everyone laughed at that, even Fluttershy, who seemed to have already amassed three shot glasses, and a couple of mugs. “So, who is gonna go first at the mic?” Pinkie piped up, and looked around the table with a grin. “Ugh, I hate karaoke. So many horrible singers, and never enough alcohol.” I groused, getting jeers from the table. “That may be true where you come from, but Ponyville has a long tradition of fostering the arts, and fine singers to the last mare.” Rarity piped up, finishing what looked like a third glass of wine. “I believe I will go first, before you are all too besotted to appreciate my lyrical skill.” We all cheered her on as she approached the stage, and leaned over to the DJ for a song request. I saw they has set up a sort of magic-powered monitor to display the words, and we all cheered as the lights went down, and the spotlight came on. Lucky Mare -Rarity As the lights came back up, the audience remained silent for a moment, enraptured in the moment of the song. That didn't last long, before the entire room erupted in applause. Blushing furiously, Rarity returned to her seat, pausing to catch a rose thrown by a random patron. Sitting across from me, she nibbled on the rose and smirked at me with a raised eyebrow. “So was my singing too horrible for you?” “My lady, that song made me want a drink, for entirely different reasons. I feel the sudden need for a toast!” And with perfect timing, the crazy green pony arrived at my side with a tray of drinks in tow. And thus began the first of many toasts that night. Author's Note And thus begins the lyrical journey through my horrid attempts at ponifying songs. This is what happens when you make me listen to the same songs, three times per day, for three years straight. Damn I hate my job. This is an outtake, and has no definite place in the timeline of R4R. Take it with a grain of salt. And mebbe some lime, and a shot of tequila.
Filly Jean -ApplejackAs the pair of mugs were placed in front of my by the smiling Lyra, I sniffed at them, before giving a puzzled look to the server. “I dunno what beer is, but I brought you two mugs of cider. I hope that’s okay?” I shrugged and took a swig, grinning at the crisp taste and dry bite. She grinned in return and levitated over a shot glass and a dusty bottle. And here is the liquor you ordered.” “Hoowee! Where in Equestria did ya git your hooves on a bottle of mah Pappy’s special reserve? He only made three batches, and Ah have only two bottles left mahself!” Applejack practically leaped out of her chair to inspect the bottle, before turning to me. “Yer in fer a treat thar Louis. This here is the finest apple brandy ever made by ponykind, and it pack one hellova kick!” She turned to cock an eye at the now-blushing unicorn. “I saved up for a whole year to buy it at auction in Canterlot. Some stuffy old guy was having an estate sale and I got my hooves on it for cheap. I don’t even think he knew what was in the bottle.” She grinned at me and blew some dust off the label. “I was saving it for a special occasion, but I think this qualifies!” “Well then.” I replied looking at the bottle. None of it was readable, as the translation spell they cast on me was only for speech, not written language, since I was only a temporary visitor. “I guess I can accept such a generous gift, but only one one condition.” “Anything!” the green mare responded breathily, her eyes growing large. “I insist that you have a drink with us! Go get some more shot glasses!” I grinned as she nodded vigorously and ran off. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to encourage her? She was rejected by the immigration board for a reason, Louis. She’s more than a bit obsessed with humans.” Princess Party Pooper had to but in as usual. The other girls were giving mixed reactions ranging from face splitting grins from Dash and AJ, to worried frowns from Rarity. Fluttershy was just staring at the bottom of her latest drink, although her face was becoming a bit flushed. “Hey, if you guys can put up with all the pony worship on my world, what harm can it be for me to get a little human worship? Besides, what’s a few drinks among friends?” I grinned at them all. “I dunno, the last time Big Mac had some of that thar brandy, we didn't see him for three days. He woke up outside Cherilee’s house, hangin from a tree.” Applejack’s smile turned worried. “Aww hell yea, now there is a pony I wanna party with.” I smiled and pulled the cork on the bottle, taking a whiff. It was like someone had shoved an apple up my nose, then dunked my head in alcohol. It was heavenly. And just in time, the glasses arrived. “Okay, everyone gets a shot, no chickening out.” I poured for each of us, and passed the shots around. Lifting our glasses high I called out a toast, “To good friends, good drinks, and good music!” The last was said with a wink to Rarity, who actually blushed. The toast was repeated, and down the shots went. And then the coughing began. Everyone except me, Applejack, and strangely enough, Fluttershy. “Woooh nelly! That sure puts some milk in yer teats, and a fire in yer belly!” Applejack declared, getting strange looks from the rest. I felt the fire course down my throat, numbing as it went, leaving behind a slight aftertaste of fresh pressed cider. It was the best booze I had ever tasted, and I quickly poured another shot, being joined by Applejack, and again, Fluttershy, who actually smiled at me. The rest of the mares found more interest in their softer drinks as the second round was downed. “Damn that's some good hooch!”I finished off with a cider of my own and grinned at Applejack. Rainbow Dash was actually looking a bit green, while Rarity and Twilight glowed red with blush. Lyra... was passed out on the floor. “Damn girl. Can’t hold your liquor?” I chuckled at the softly snoring unicorn, leaning on the table next to me. “Gimme a hand here AJ, lets get her somewhere comfortable.” I tried to get an arm under the inebriated mare, and lifted. “Oh let me, I can help!” and a lavender glow surrounded Lyra as she was levitated into the air by Twilight. “I will take her back to her room and be right back.” “Well it’s a good thing she lives here. If she’s such a lightweight, she must spend alot of time drunk off her ass.” I chuckled. “Actually, its not unusual for Unicorns. Magic and alcohol don't mix well, and it hits some rather hard.” Rarity pointed to a rather unsteady Twilight making her way away from us, as the unconscious Lyra wobbled in her telekinetic grip. “Yep, that's why most of them just stick to their fancy wine an stuff.” Applejack pointed out. It was at this point I realized that there was something absent from the room. Namely the inane chatter of a certain hyperactive pink pony. I turned to see her making a pyramid of shot glasses, tongue sticking out of her mouth. She noticed me, and stopped, slowly putting the last glass down. “Wha? I don usuarry drink. Hard ta run a party iffin yer drunk. But dis is niiice...” Her slurred speech set off an alarm and I looked to see half the bottle was now gone, and realised that the empty glasses were all hers. “Dammit Pinkie, if you get sick, you better not puke on me.” I groused. “That’s it, you are cut off for a bit.” “Aww, yer no fun!” and with that, her head hit the table with a loud thumb, and the soft snoring began. “Well damn. If I knew that’s all it took, I woulda gotten her drunk earlier!” Laughter ran around the table at my remark, and I took another long pull on my cider. “Alright, while we wait for Twilight, who’s next?” Dash jumped in, looking around the table. “Cmon Louis, lets hear you sing!” “Aww no! None of you are drunk enough to tolerate my singing.” I waved my mug around, getting jeers from the rest. “No, really, ask Pinkie!” I looked over at the softly snoring lump of fur next to me. “Oh, nevermind.” “Aww hell, I’ll take a shot at it. Ah ain't sang at a shindig since the last reunion, but Ah did win a prize fer it!” Applejack stood up, and made her way to the DJ. “Oh my, I bet you ten bits it’s going to be some country and western song.” Making a face, Rarity rolled her eyes. “Yea, she’s totally gonna try to do some line dance number!” Dash laughed as the farm pony took the stage. I kept my piece. I had spent some time hanging with her before, and found out she was a much more complicated person than most took her for. Going from a simple farm girl, to a high society debutante, and back to a hard working mare of the land, she had seen more of the world than most ponies in this low-tech society. But even I wasn't prepared for when the lights went down. As the spotlight came up, the familiar brown stetson was gone, now replaced with a black fedora, and a sequined sock covered one of her hooves. She looked down at the stage, hiding her eyes under the brim as the audience gasped at her transformation. Then the beat started, and I found my hand forcibly planted on my face. The other girls saw my reaction, and gasped. “What is it darling?” Rarity asked for the rest of them.” In response, I just sighed, replying, “It’s Apple Jackson.” "Filly Jean" -Apple Jackson As Applejack stepped down from the stage amid another thunderous round of applause. Making her way to the table she pulled her stetson out of the fedora somehow, and placed the black hat on my head as she passed me. “Ah believe you owe me ten bits thar, Rarity.” She drawled as she took her seat. “Well, I must admit, you took me by surprize, darling. And what a pleasant surprize it was.” Levitating out the money, she passed it to the farmer with a smile. “Yea, she really showed you, Rarity! Hah, country indeed!” Rainbow Dash crowed, until a cleared throat and outstretched hoof from AJ stopped her laughter. “Aww horseapples.” Hoofing over her own stack of bits, she stuck her tongue out. “What’d I miss?” A slightly disheveled Twilight came trotting up, retaking her seat. “Well, Applejack just showed off some of her singing and dancing skills, and made these two lose a bet.” I chucked, getting dirty looks from the two in question. “So how is Lyra? Get any pictures of her in compromising poses?” I grinned lecherously at the princess’’s condition. “What? No! It was...” The blush was rather incriminating to say the least, and her stammer made the others snicker and laugh. “I mean, no she was fine, I tucked her in on the couch and came back.” Her shifty eyes told another story, as I grinned even wider. “Seriously though, make sure you never get caught alone in a room with her. She has this... shrine or something, to humans.” She shuddered and looked away from me. “It was creepy as hell. I think I see why Bonbon left her after she was rejected by the immigration board.” Clearing her throat, she blushed even harder. “She also left some of her, um, toys out in her room. Human toys.” This brought a howl from AJ and Dash as they laughed at the image, and even Rarity let out a ladylike titter. Hell, I think Fluttershy even let out a giggle as Twilight tried to regain her composure.
Pony Girl -Twilight Sparkle, feat. Spike DracoAfter Twilight stopped blushing, she motioned for me to pour another round of shots, as a new server appeared with our next round of cider. Grinning at me over her glass, she levitated it in front of her. “To Friendship! May the magic never fade!” We all cheered and repeated the toast before slamming back the shots. Various reactions went around the table, from me and Applejack’s grins, to Twilight’s eye-bulging grimace. Fluttershy just squeaked cutely and blushed. In fact she was looking rather red-faced despite the yellow fur. “Okay errypony! Since I missed tha las song, Imma go next!” Slurring her words slightly, Twilight got up from the table. She downed her cider like a pro, earning some gasps from the rest of us. “Damn, Twilight! You go girl!” Rainbow Dash cheered her on as she wobbled towards the stage. “Okay, I believe that all bets are off on this one. What kind of songs could she possibly know?” Rarity looked nervous at the idea of her bookish friend taking the stage. “Ah dunno, but she did sing at that wedding.” Applejack piped up. “Yes, and her singing was rather... nice.” Finally a word from Fluttershy, followed by a goofy grin. “Well now, welcome to the party Fluttershy! Glad you could join us.” I snarked, with a smile to let her know I was joking. She just smiled back and blushed harder at me, but at least she didn't look away or hide. Baby steps. The other girls chuckled, then snapped their attention to the stage as the Princess of books finished talking to the DJ, and the lights dropped again. As the spotlight came on this time, there were two figures on stage; a medium sized purple dragon, wearing a black fedora like the one on my head, and... “Dafuq is she wearing?” I exclaimed, looking at the spectacle on stage. “Is that?” Rarity gasped. “It’s the cheerleader outfit she used to cheer me on in the Equestria Games.” Rainbow Dash deadpanned, and facehoofed, unable to look directly at her friend on stage. “I thought we burned that thing?” Rarity looked truly horrified. “Um, she had me make another one. Just in case. She said she was saving it for your date, Dash.” Fluttershy quietly spoke up. “What date? Princess Egghead never asked me out!” Dash looked floored. “Oh, sorry. Maybe is was supposed to be a secret?” The shy pegasus glowed red, and tried to disappear under the table. She was spared further embarrassment as the music started, and we were all treated to the next drunken spectacle. "Pony Girl" -Twilight Sparkle, feat. Spike Draco As the lights faded again, and Twilight flew over the crowd, I had to jump up and catch her to keep from crashing into the table as she drunkenly landed. “Woah there, Pony girl! Reel in the wings, and take it easy.” I helped her stumble to her seat where she plopped down and sat grinning at us. “Well, what did you think? I looked up some songs, and modified them a bit to be more appropriate. I used Brown Note’s Lyrical Theory to alter an earth pop song for ponies. I’ve been working on it all week in preparation for our get together.” Glad she was no longer slurring her words, we all nodded and made agreeing noises. I had to be the one to ask the obvious question, “Who is Flash?” This got me a brilliant blush, and a stuttered response. “I-he, um... Just a pony I, ahh.. made up for the song.” “He’s some guy she met in that mirror world, and has been writing poetry about.” The young dragon finally made it to the table and pulled up a chair, mug in claw. “Heya, I’m Spike.” His voice growled as he held out the other claw for a shake. I gave him a proper street shake, followed by a fist-bump which he returned like a pro. “Why Spiky! Since when did your voice become so... Masculine?” Rarity practically gushed, blushing at the purple dragon. “Since I hit puberty and started to grow again. You’ve been away too long, Rarity.” Gruffly he answered, and quaffed his drink in one gulp, followed by a flaming belch. Twilight remained silent, covering her head with her hooves. I looked him over, and noticed he no longer looked like the cute pet from the show I had seen a few pics of. He was about shoulder height to me, still bipedal, and all chiseled muscle. Scales like gems glistened all over, and his canines stuck out of his mouth like a crocodile when it was closed. He reminded me alot of my dad, short, muscled, and full of fire. The kind of guy that would break you in half, then buy you a drink, laughing the entire time. The long tail was in constant motion, like a cat, and I could see what looked to be growths on his back. It appeared his wings were not grown out yet, but would be soon. Rarity indeed looked rather smitten by his new appearance, and the alcohol was showing in her flushed face. Unfortunately, Spike seemed to be impervious to her attention, and stoically turned away from her. “So you are the human Pinkie talks about?” I could see him clearly sizing me up, but he smiled in an approving manner. “You seem cool, and if you can deal with her kind of crazy, you can't be all bad. Welcome to Ponyville.”
Freeballing -Louis Morgan“So what’s the story with you and Pinkie, anyway? And why is she passed out?” Spike waved for another round of drinks as he looked over at my “date”. “Not much of a story. I had a room to rent, and she needed a room. She became a bit overly attached, though. We have an understanding now. I have my life, she has hers, but occasionally we share.” I shrugged and stroked her mane, getting a giggle from the snoozing pony. Tonight we are having a date, but just as friends. I think she drank too much though.” “Yea, sounds like she still has it bad for ya, dude.” He downed another drink, then pulled out a cigar, lighting it with an emerald flame from one nostril. “Trust me, I know all about unrequited love.” He cocked an eye at Rarity, who was scowling at him from across the table. “Must you smoke those horrid things? They are most unbecoming a gentledragon!” Coughing slightly, she waved a hoof at the smoke. “Yea, well I need to take my comforts where I can.” Waving the cigar around, he grinned at the mares, getting more scowls in return. “Oh alright, fine. It was a cheap one anyway.” Butting out the cigar, on the bottom of his foot, he tossed it into the air, before snapping it in his maw and swallowing. “Eeeeww!” An unanimous cry of disgust came from the table, with the only laugh from me. “So what's the deal, got something against ponies?” Turning the conversation back to me, he pointedly ignored the others. “Naa, nothing against em, just don't find em attractive.” I shrugged. “Well I think it’s terrible the way you lead the poor dear on. You really should feel ashamed.” Rarity sniffed at me. “She mopes around as bad as Rainbow Dash did for her man.” This got some rather angry stares from Dash and Applejack, and even Twilight looked upset. Rarity was fully flushed at this point, and it seemed the alcohol had caught up to her as well. “Wait, you finally hooked up with a human? Anyone I know?” I turned to Dash and grinned, but the smile faltered as I saw the bitter look on her face. “I don’t wanna talk about it.” She muttered into her drink. “But darling, it was such a romantic story! Love found across worlds, the brief passion, and then the tragic ending. It was like a classic play come to life!” Rarity leaned forward, getting in Dash’s face. “I SAID I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT!” Dash roared, and lept into the air. All sound in the bar stopped, and all eyes turned to her. Her anger turned to remorse and she slipped back into her seat as the buzz of the crowd returned. “It’s cool, Dash. You don't gotta say anything.” I patted her hoof and tried to reassure her. “Rarity, that was totally out of line.” Twilight glared at her friend. “Yea, not cool, Rares. Not cool.” Even Spike growled at the fashionista. “Well I, um. That is... I’m sorry Rainbow Dash. I know how hard it’s been.” She floated a silk scarf over to the chromatic pegasus and wiped at a tear that was making it way down the cyan fur. “It’s fine. I just miss him, that’s all. He was the best friend I ever had, even in the short time I knew him.” Slumping, she plopped her head on the table with a sigh. “Well Sugarcube, as least you have the memories.” Applejack patted her friend on the back. “You know what? You're right. And I remember that he never cried or bitched about what happened to him. He hung out with his friends, got drunk, and sang some stupid songs!” Pushing her way to her hooves, she stepped back and looked at her friends. “Pour me another shot, Louis.” I complied, and she slammed it back like a pro. “It’s my turn!” Flying over to the DJ, she pulled an old, battered cassette tape from somewhere, and slapped it on the table. I saw her lean in and whisper to the white unicorn, and get a nod in return. The tape flowed forth in a reddish magic grip, and into the karaoke machine as Dash took the stage. Holding the mic in one hoof, I saw her close her eyes a moment, then smile. “This is for you, Bryant.” As the music starts, I recognize an old earth song that my dad used to listen to. I’ve never been a big fan of Country, but some songs strike a chord no matter who you are. I found myself singing along to ‘I Love This Bar’, as the entire room joined in. By the end, everyone was singing the chorus, and cheering. Dash was clearly crying openly, as dark trails carved down her smiling cyan face. She tried to step off the stage, but the crowd surged forward, and she stepped back up. Turning to the DJ, she made a motion with her hoof, and the unicorn nodded in response, still grinning beneath her oversized shades. Soon another song started playing, a bit more upbeat, as ‘Red Solo Cup’ was quickly picked up by the crowd and sung over drunken laughter as Dash began to dance around the stage. When the ponies finally let her step down, she quickly retrieved the cassette, and stumbled over to our table, getting cheers from all of us. Applejack gave her a bone crushing hug, followed by one from Pinkie Pie, who had suddenly woken up in the middle of the last song. “That was pretty damn good Dash. My old redneck dad would have loved to see that.” I patted her on the wing. “Yea, well I had some inspiration. Thanks guys.” She turned red as she sat back down. I caught her tucking something under a wing and made a grab. “Oh-ho, what you got there, Dash?” I playfully tugged on her wing. “Hah, just a bit of something to keep me warm at night.” She tinged red again, as I made a horrified face. “Not that, you perv!” She pulled back a wing to reveal a bottle of brown liquid strapped under it. The label read ‘Wild Pegasus’, and featured a winged pony with a lightening bolt down the center. “Aww damn Dash, you been holding out! You had whiskey all this time?” I rolled my eyes, getting a dirty look from Applejack. “No offense, AJ, but whiskey is to my family what that apple stuff is to yours. My great-grandpappy used to make moonshine back in the day.” “None taken, pardner. Just rightfully proud of mah pappy’s brew.” She tipped her hat at me, with a grin. “And a good brew it is, but I got a craving for some mountain magic.” I motioned towards Dash, and was handed the bottle. With a grin, I sniffed the woody aroma of good aged whiskey, before throwing my head back and taking a double shot straight from the bottle. This got me cheers from the rest, even Fluttershy, as I coughed and sputtered. Damn this was some good stuff. “Hoowee! Dat sum good whiskey!” I drawled, sounding like my father as I grinned at my friends. “Now it’s my turn for some earth music!” I felt the fire in my veins, as I stumbled to my feet, getting cheers from my friends. I made my way over to the stage and leaned over to the DJ. “Heya there, cutie. What can Scratch get for you tonight? I got Equestrian and Earth music. Name your tune.” She lifted up her glasses and fluttered some amazing reddish eyes at me. “Woah, those are some bitchin eyes you got.” I grinned stupidly at the mare as she blushed. “Yer not too bad lookin yourself. If your marefriends don’t mind, mebbe we can hook up after my gig here.” “Ahh, thanks, but I kinda got a date, and she's the jealous type.” I motioned over where Pinkie was waving frantically as she bounced up and down. “Woah, dude. Pinkie Pie? You are a braver being than I.” Dropping the glasses back, she leaned back with a grin. I smiled back and winked, then whispered my song choice. She laughed as she pulled it up on the machine, but motioned me towards the stage.This was gonna be fun. Freeballing -Louis Morgan
Edge of Everfree -FluttershyAs my song ended, I received a warm round of applause, and more than a few looks of confusion. I figured that some of the references wouldn't be understood by a race of beings that usually went mostly naked anyway. Why have a name for something that nobody notices? “Wow Louis, you really have an awesome voice! You should sing more often.” Dash was the first to greet me as I came back to the table. “Yea! My Louie really can sing, you should hear him in the shower, and he ain't bad lookin in the shower either.” Pinkie leered at me, before my evil glare of retribution made her backpedal. “Oops, I mean Louis. Eheh. Not that I peek on you in the shower or anything...” She led off with an innocent whistle, looking away from me. I just rolled my eyes. “Yea, my mom was big into music, and even made me take a few lessons. I hated it, even if I was good at it.” I took a swig of my drink to emphasize my ennui over the subject. “Well I thought it was lovely, you should sing more. I read that the more you practice, the stronger your voice gets, and the greater a range one has. With a voice like yours, it could only get better!” Twilight practically gushed, causing me to lean back. “Yeeah, not interested, but thanks for the compliment, princess.” I snarked in response. “Oh, please, call me Twilight. We are all friends here!” She piped back, cheerfully. “But, I’m curious. What is ‘Freeballing’?” This prompted a laugh from Dash, as she tried to explain. “It’s when you go around with no underwear on.” “Okay, but isn't that what you do all the time, Dash?” Twilight returned, looking confused. This earned a bit of a blush from Rainbow Dash, who sputtered, “I’m just sensitive, and they chafe, okay? Besides, it’s a bit different when a guy does it. Especially a human, with their stallion bits hanging out.” This got a furious blush from the princess as she processed the image. “Bu-but, that’s. Eew?” She looked at me, eyes wide and pupils shrunken. “Is that why you wear pants all the time?” “Oh-kay!” I decided to change the subject, “Dash, lemme have another shot of that whiskey!” As she hoofed it over to me I realized something. “So won't the owner get upset that we brought our own booze? I know most bars on Earth frown upon it.” “Oh, no way! You already met the owner, Louis! There’s no way that Lyra will get upset at anything you do.” Rainbow Dash chuckled, and winked at me. “Wait, Lyra owns this place?” I looked around in surprise, getting nods from the other girls. “Why darling, why do you think she lives upstairs?” Rarity responded. And at that moment I remembered the entrance to the bar, a sign over the door proclaiming it ‘The Little White Lyre’, and wondering why the word ‘Liar’ had been misspelled. It all made sense now. “Makes sense. So who else is up for a shot?” I looked around getting nods from Applejack and Dash, and a frantic nod from Pinkie. “Aww, the apple stuff is all gone though!” Pinkie moaned. I looked around, and sure enough, the bottle was not in front of me where I had left it before the song. Instead it was across the table, laying on its side, empty. Next to it was an equally empty seat. “Umm, anyone know where Fluttershy went?” The only warning I got was widening eyes as I was suddenly wrapped in feathers. A warm muzzle nuzzled me from behind, and I went rigid as a soft, melodic voice whispered in my ear. “Oh my, Pinkie was right. You really are a cutie, aren’t you?” I began to sweat, and not just from the incredible warmth of her wings. “I just want to take you home and cuddle you, like a big hairless bear!” “Hey! Hooves off my man!” Pinkie yelled out, looking indignant. “Watch out! She’s in ‘Cuddle-Wild-Animal’ mode!” Dash yelled out, holding back a laugh. “Quick, somepony git something cute an cuddly to distract her!” “Applejack was my hero. “Aww, you are just the cutest little shaved monkey, aren’t you? Momma wants to feed you and cuddle you, and sing you to sleep.” She soft voice only made me begin to panic more, and the overwhelming smell of apples and alcohol coming off her breath singed my nose hairs. This was one plastered mare I had wrapped around me, and her wings were far stronger than her frail appearance suggested. “Okay, Fluttershy. Now we don’t want to piss off Pinkie, since I am her date tonight. You know how she can get.” My point was emphasized by a nod and a snort from the pink mare herself. “Oh, that’s alright. I don’t think Pinkie would mind sharing. We are friends, after all.” The look of shock on my face was mirrored on Pinkie’s, but grew more stricken as Pinkie’s devolved into an evil grin while she stroked an imaginary beard in thought. “Fuck no, don't even think about it!” I cried out, getting a fake pout from the pink mare. “Okay Fluttershy, that’s enough of that.” I heard Dash say from behind me, before hearing a sound like a dog squeak toy, and feeling the wings around me pull away with a snap. “Hah! Works every time!” I turned to look back at a rather smug looking Rainbow Dash, as Fluttershy blushed from nose to tail, while hiding behind her hair. “You grow up with a mare, you lean all her secret tickle spots.” Just as suddenly, she let out a squawk like a startled chicken, and lept into the air, blushing furiously herself. “Ain't that the truth!” A proud Pinkie licked her muzzle from behind the startled pegasus. “Okay, that was a little gross.” The princess interjected before things could escalate. “Fluttershy, why don’t you sing next, since you seem to be in an outgoing mood all of a sudden? “Um, yes! I think I would like that very much.” She blushed, looking back at me one more time before approaching the stage. “Dis gonna be good!” Proclaimed Applejack, as her friend talked to the DJ. “Fluttershy has one of the sweetest voices in all ‘Questria, but she’s always too shy to sing.” “Oh yes, this will be a rare treat!” Rarity piped in, giving her own praise. Suddenly all the house lights went out, leaving us in near darkness, as a spotlight illuminated the stage. One can only assume it was to help the now not-so-shy pegasus deal with her lingering stage fright, by hiding the audience. But then the music started, and we all forgot where we were as Fluttershy began to sing. "Edge Of Everfree" -Fluttershy As the song ended, there was a stunned silence as the siren song still held our minds in its lovely, feathered grip. And then suddenly the entire room erupted in cheers and hoof stomping, as the lights came up and left a shyly smiling pegasus basking the adoration of her newly won fans. With a squeak, she launched herself into a stage dive at the audience. The move caught the rest by surprise, and most moved out of the way, but myself, I was ready as she landed in my arms, flattening me to the floor. “Ouch. Careful there Flutterbutt. You ponies aren't as light and fluffy as you look.” I chuckled as I tried to catch my breath. Soon enough her friends arrived to help her up as she blushed and apologized profusely. “I am so sorry, I don’t know what came over me!” She stammered. “Yea, next time use your wings, Fluttershy! You’re a pegasus, for Pete’s sake!” Dash laughed as she tried to scold her friend. While we wandered back to the table, we all laughed, as the other patrons cheered her on, causing her to blush and hide behind her mane again. It was so damn cute, and I kept my hand on her back to reassure her. We felt like the entourage of some big time pop star as we shielded her from the ravenous fans. One stallion even yelled for her to sign his horn, getting a mug upside his head from his girlfriend sitting next to him. Finally back at our seats, I got one more winghug from the yellow mare. “Thanks for catching me, Louis.” she whispered in my ear, before the death glare from Pinkie caused her to make that squeaky toy noise again as she smiled, before scuttling back to her seat.
Party in Your Soul -Pinkie PieAs the song ended, there was a stunned silence as the siren song still held our minds in its lovely, feathered grip. And then suddenly the entire room erupted in cheers and hoof stomping, as the lights came up and left a shyly smiling pegasus basking the adoration of her newly won fans. With a squeak, she launched herself into a stage dive at the audience. The move caught the rest by surprise, and most moved out of the way, but myself, I was ready as she landed in my arms, flattening me to the floor. “Ouch. Careful there Flutterbutt. You ponies aren't as light and fluffy as you look.” I chuckled as I tried to catch my breath. Soon enough her friends arrived to help her up as she blushed and apologized profusely. “I am so sorry, I don’t know what came over me!” She stammered. “Yea, next time use your wings, Fluttershy! You’re a pegasus, for Pete’s sake!” Dash laughed as she tried to scold her friend. While we wandered back to the table, we all laughed, as the other patrons cheered her on, causing her to blush and hide behind her mane again. It was so damn cute, and I kept my hand on her back to reassure her. We felt like the entourage of some big time pop star as we shielded her from the ravenous fans. One stallion even yelled for her to sign his horn, getting a mug upside his head from his girlfriend sitting next to him. Finally back at our seats, I got one more winghug from the yellow mare. “Thanks for catching me, Louis.” she whispered in my ear, before the death glare from Pinkie caused her to make that squeaky toy noise again as she smiled, before scuttling back to her seat. And so as the night went on, each of the mares made their way to the bathroom to break their seal and return their beer rentals. Last of the bunch, being a veteran drinker, I wandered off to inspect the pony facilities myself. I just knew there would be some dirty girl talk about me as I left, but I didn't care. I was having the time of my life, and had a nice buzz going. Needless to say it took a moment to determine the signs as represented by muzzle type, and made a safe bet of using the door that had a stallion walking out of it. The stalls were all equipped with what looked like giant urinals, which made sense for a quadruped that could do their business standing. I was just glad I only had to piss, as I unzipped and took aim. “What a night, eh Louis?” I nearly pissed myself, quite literally, as I heard Spike from the next stall. “Yep, one of the better parties I been to. Not used to having so many women at the table, but it’s not so bad.” I chatted as I concentrated on my aim. “Naw, this isn't a party. You gotta come to one of the old skool Pinkie Parties. Town’s been dead since she left. That mare is crazy.” I heard him chuckle. “I can’t believe you haven't hit that already. She’s crazy about you, dude.” “Meh, I said it before, I just don't find myself attracted to her. It’d be too weird. Part of me sees her like the little sister I never had, and part of me just sees her as an animal. Neither of those are sexy to me.” “Wish could say I understood. I grew up with them, and wanted to be with a mare for the longest time. I finally gave up and tried to find a nice dragon girl. Turns out dragon chicks are all bitches. I mean, rip your heart out, power hungry bitches.” I heard him snort, and could smell something burning. “But at least they are upfront about it. Some girls drag your tail along for years before dumping you.” “Rarity?” I guessed. “Yea. Used me, abused me, then told me she just wasn't into dragons. At least you told Pinkie up front.” I heard the toilet flush, and finished myself. As I emerged, I joined Spike washing up. He steamed his claws dry with a grin. “Just be careful man, everypony loves Pinkie. If you break her heart, they will break you.” A gleam of fire entered his eyes as he looked at me with a bitter smile. “Don’t worry about that. I already broke her heart once, and we worked our way through it.” I sighed, looking at my own dripping hands. “She’s a good friend, and I don’t ever want to lose that. But I will never be anything more.” “You’re a good guy, Louis. For a human.” Grinning, he punched me in the arm, and walked out, leaving me rubbing the sore spot. Fucker was strong! As I made my way back to the table, I saw that all the girls were back, and that Pinkie was bouncing to see me. I slid in, and scritched her behind the ears, getting a purr of pleasure, and some snickers from the others. “Oh, I was waiting for you to get back! I am gonna go next, and wanted you to hear my song.” With a grin, she bounced over to the stage, and tossed a record to the DJ, who caught it in a reddish glow. Somehow I managed to miss where exactly the record came from, but dismissed it as the music started to play. I had to pour three shots during the song, because I sure as hell wasn't drunk enough. "Party In Your Soul" -Pinkie Pie As the song ended, I had to locate my jaw, just moments before I was tackled by my date. “What the fuck did I just listen to?” “Oh, that was one of my favorite songs! It’s by the group called ‘They Might Be Clydesdales’!” She giggled and gave me another hug. “Oh, I know them! You shoulda sang ‘Particle Mare’ instead! I love that song.” Dash grinned at her pink friend. “Oh, I know, but they have so many great songs, I can never decide!” Pinkie grinned with her eyes closed, as the rest of the table looked just as confused as I was. “Oh-kay. Who is up for more shots?” I called, as I retrieved the bottle of liquor from it’s feathery grip once more. All hooves went up, and shots were passed around. Holding my drink high, I looked around the smiling faces of my newest friends, and thought a moment before proposing a toast. “To friendship and bars, may they never be far!” I was repeated by the others, followed by a round of coughing as the booze burned its way down our throats. This was going to be a good night. As the night wore on, more drinks were had. Lyra made another appearance with more high class booze, and even managed to stick around for more than one shot. She still was a bit of a lightweight, but she could pack away some cider. Spike eventually took a turn at the stage, wheeling out a piano from somewhere, and playing his own music. He did an amazing performance singing ‘Piano Mare’, and then followed it up with an encore of ‘Green Balls of Fire’, which he also managed to shoot across the room, much to the amazement of the crowd. After that things began to get more than a little hazy, up until the moment I woke up in Pinkie’s bed. Fully clothed. With Pinkie apparently passed out in the bathtub in the next room wearing a traffic cone on her head. Which was rather odd considering they didn't have traffic cones in Equestria. Oh well, at least I was nice and comfy under this warm purple and yellow feather blanket. Oh shit... Clothes still on, means nothing happened, right? Right?
Song ListA Drop of the Creature Song List “Lucky Mare” -Rarity Lucky Man -Emerson, Lake and Palmer “Filly Jean” -Applejack Billy Jean -Michael Jackson “Pony Girl” -Twilight Sparkle, feat. Spike Draco Barbie Girl -Aqua “I Love This Bar” -Rainbow Dash I Love This Bar -Toby Keith “Red Solo Cup” Rainbow Dash Red Solo Cup -Toby Keith “Freeballing” -Louis Morgan Freefalling -Tom Petty “Edge of Everfree” -Fluttershy Edge of Seventeen -Stevie Nicks <--Bonus Live version! “Party in Your Soul” -Pinkie Pie Lighthouse in Your Soul -They Might Be Giants
Bonus: I Love My Socks -Princess Luna NoctisAs the night wore on, the partying ponies, plus one human, grew even more inebriated. Stories were told, and songs were sung. Derpy’s rendition of “Wrecking Ball” was a big hit, right up until she managed to fall off the stage and actually wreck a nearby table. Sadly she wasn't even drunk at the time, but the audience didn't care. Pinkie and Louis took the stage for a round of “Pony Rock Anthem” which nearly brought the house down, followed by Louis nearly getting mobbed by several fillies after singing “Sexy and I Know It”. It seemed that Lyra has more than a few ponies joining the the Anthrophile club she had started, and this was meeting night. It took a rather frazzled looking Pinkie, and an increasingly drunken Princess Twilight to calm the mob. Sadly, the shirt Louis was wearing that night became a casualty of his sexiness. Finally the crowd calmed down to the normal low buzz, and the occasional drunken leer as the friends worked their way through another round. As Louis looked around the table, he saw an entirely different group of ponies from when they had started. Rainbow Dash was wearing Applejack’s hat, and the two were giggling like school fillies. Fluttershy was wearing Twilight’s crown, and both were blushing as they pretended not to be stealing glances at the now shirtless Louis. Rarity and Spike had snuck off, and hadn't returned in over an hour, both making excuses at the same time to be somewhere else. And Pinkie... Well Pinkie had somehow glued the empty brandy bottle to her head, and was now laying across the human’s lap muttering something about fluffy unicorns and rainbows, as he absentmindedly rubbed her furry tummy. The human himself was enjoying his drunken stupor, grinning to himself. The night was going well, and nobody has thrown up yet. Suddenly, the lights went out all at once, and a dead silence blanketed the room. Even the candles that were on some of the tables seemed to burn lower, giving off far less light than they should, and causing the crowd to start to mutter in confusion. The darkness went on for almost a full minute, before a haunting cackle echoed through the hall, getting gasps, and even a scream from the collected patrons. Just as suddenly, a ghastly blue spotlight appeared on the stage, revealing the source of the unearthly laughter. It was Nightmare Moon. And the laughter continued, as she flared her pitch black wings, and her nebulous mane flowed across the stage as if blown in a tempest. “Good evening my little ponies! This is a wonderful night we are having, aren’t we? But don’t worry about the morning, because this party shall last FOREVER!” With a flash of lightening, the obsidian alicorn cackled evilly as the ponies began to panic. “IT’S NIGHTMARE MOON! RUUUUN!” Pinkie Pie took up the cry, as ponies jumped from their seats and bolted for the door. Doors which bolted shut. The only ones that didn't run were the six mares, one human, and a dragon that were now staring in shock at the stage. Rarity and Spike had managed to reappear during the darkened intermission, with the unicorn’s normally impeccable mane a complete wreck, and the dragon’s face resembling a glazed doughnut. “What the fuck is that?” Louis asked the first question that came to mind, looking back at the shocked faces of his friends. “It’s Nightmare Moon.” In unison, mares all deadpanned. “Oh, well then this should be good. I wonder what song she is gonna sing?” Louis retook his seat, just as the lights went out again. This time screams were heard, and the thumps of hooves on the doors, but the lights stayed off until finally the room quieted down. “Are we dead yet?” A lone stallion asked, getting nervous chuckles in response. Finally the spotlight comes back on, and shows a different looking pony on the stage, grinning. “Hazzah! Happy April Foal’s Day, My little Ponies! Tis I, your princess of the night!” Holding a hoof up, Princess Luna stood on stage wearing a sheer black dress that was almost as see-through as her nebulous mane which flowed like a clear night sky. Sequins randomly flashed in the light like the twinkling stars, and her legs were each covered in thigh length sheer stockings. Her crown and hooves were capped by adornments that seemed to devour the light, being well beyond normal black, and making the eye hurt to look directly at. “April Foal’s Day? Dafuq?” Louis, eloquent as ever, looked at his watch, seeing that it was in fact well past midnight, and that the first of April was under way. “You guys celebrate April Fool’s Day?” “Oh yea, I remember reading about it. It’s an old holiday where you prank your friends, and generally act foalish.” Twilight chimed in, able to get a handle on what was going on. Meanwhile the crowd had started to laugh ad make their way towards their seats. Some were cheering for their princess on stage. “Wait, wait, wait! You mean there is an entire holiday about pranking, and I never heard of it? Why didn't you ever tell me, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash was hovering over her seat drunkenly, pointing a hoof at the other princess at the table. “Well, it hasn't been observed in a long time. The event fell out of favor over a hundred years ago after somepony pranked Princess Celestia. Using sneezing powder on somepony that controls the sun and the moon causes alot of trouble for everypony.” Twilight grinned sheepishly. In response, Dash fell out of the air laughing at the idea. Meanwhile, the crowd had regained it’s seats, and the princess was bowing to applause. Louis stood up and cupped his hands to his mouth to shout, “Sing something!” The cry was taken up by others in the audience, and the princess started to look flustered. “Thou dost wish us to sing?” She looked over at the DJ, who just shrugged. “It’s Karaoke night, everypony sings.” Vinyl tossed her a microphone, which was caught in the alicorn’s dark glow. “But we don't know any modern songs! Only great war ballads of old.” Looking at the microphone as if it were going to bite her, she looked out over the crowd. Finally the DJ grinned, and with a wave of her horn, the control board in front of her came to life. “Don’t you worry, Princess. Just read the words on the prompter, and I will handle the rest.” Smiling with confidence, the princess of the night held the mic in front of her, and a cheer went up as the beat began to shake the club. I Love My Socks -Princess Luna Noctis As the music bumped and throbbed, the princess of the night swayed and strutted on stage, getting into the song. Her voice was captured and altered from it’s normal rich imperial tone to a more sultry and resonant purr, and she liked it. It made her feel beautiful, it made her feel sexy. And most of the crowd agreed. Watching the performance on stage, Louis found himself nodding to the beat as he grinned from ear to ear. A strange feeling came over him, and he started to realize that he was getting rather aroused. “Holy fuck, that's sexy. I’m actually getting a stiffy watching a pony dance.” He leered at Rainbow Dash, who was leering back at him, as Applejack laughed. “Wait, I thought you didn't find ponies sexy?” Twilight asked in confusion. “It must be the socks. Damn that's hot.” Louis watched on as the song slowly came to an end and the princess bowed before her subjects. “But Louis, I wear socks all the time, and you never say I’m sexy!” Pinkie Pie whined, looking upset. “I never saw you wearing socks. You usually just run around naked. It’s just not the same.” Louis replied, rolling his eyes. “Uh-huh I do, all the time!” *Flashback* Pinkie walks into the room, pink fuzzy socks on her hooves, holding a cup of coffee. “Hey Louis, you like my socks? Aren’t they the cutest?” Staring at the screen of his computer, Louis continues building his latest project in Mindcrack. “Uh-huh, they are nice.” Disappointed, Pinkie looks down and shuffles out of the room. *Flashback* “Wow Pinkie, you really are good at massage. Thanks, I needed this.” Louis lays face down on the couch as Pinkie nimbly kneads the tension out of his back. “Yea, I got these special massage socks especially for you. I knew you’d love them!” “Ahhhgggrrblarblewhaa.... right there.” he responded. Or something along those lines. *Flashback* “So these are the pics from your photo shoot? Wow, they turned out nice. I really like the sexy nurse outfit. The white stockings really set it off.” Louis sorts through a stack of photos, each more provocative than the last, wondering how a quadruped even gets into those positions without major surgery. “Yea, I thought you would like that. Rarity helped me make it. She even helped me get the photos made, and guaranteed you would love them.” Eyes half lidded, Pinkie waited for a response. “Yea, I had a girlfriend that wanted to be a nurse, and she looked really hot in her candy striper uniform. Man, that girl was a freak in bed too.” Callously Louis handed the photos back, unaware of the broken expression he had just missed from the pink mare. *Flashback* “Okay Pinkie, I’m getting tired of waiting, what's the big surprize?” Sitting on the couch, Louis held his hands over his eyes, as he waited for his roommate to reveal whatever birthday present she had for him. “Okay, get ready! And open your eyes!” Louis just gaped at the sight before him, as Pinkie stood with her hair pinned up, wearing a black and red leather dominatrix outfit. Her barrel was laced up in a tight corset with red strings, and her legs were fully encased in shoulder length fishnet stockings, while red heeled shoes capped each hoof. Her face was delicately done with makeup, as mascara and eye shadow outlined her eyes, and a fiery red lipstick showed off the smoldering pout she was giving him. “Do you like it?” She pouted, fluttering her extended eyelashes at him. “Hubawhadafuk? What the hell are you wearing?” Louis continued to stare, as he tried to remember where he had seen the outfit before, and then finally remembering a fateful wash day several months past. That was when Pinkie turned around, a coy smile on her face as she revealed her tail, laced up with a red ribbon, and ending in a bow that kept her tail straight up in the air. Continuing to turn, Louis saw that was pretty much where the outfit ended, and he threw his arm across his face to cover his eyes. “Dammit Pinkie! I told you a hundred times, wear some damn underwear in the house! Now go get some damn clothes on!” Getting up, he stalked back to his own room, but not before grabbing a pillow to hold in front of him. Left behind, Pinkie just sat down on the floor and sighed. *Present* “Oh, well damn, I guess you did show me some socks. But still, that's just Pinkie wearing socks.” Louis waved to the pink mare giving him an angry look. “What I just saw on stage was different, that was... Fuckin wow!” Suddenly, Louis shivered as he felt something both cool and warm roll across his back, and turned to find the princess of the night standing behind him with a smile. “So we heard that you find us attractive, Human Louis. Is it true?” Blushing lightly, the dark alicorn tilted her head, her smile growing wider. “Wait, us?” Looking around, Louis wondered what was going on. “Me, I mean I. Do you truly find me attractive, young human?” Leaning forward, Luna slowly breathed in the scent of the human as he fumbled for a reply. “Hey, wait! That’s my date!" Pinkie tried to protest, weakly. “I think you are the sexiest thing I have ever seen...” Louis breathed, barely above a whisper. “You flatter me...” And with another smile, she leaned forward and kissed the dark human on the lips, closing her eyes as he leaned forward to meet her. Pinkie’s eyes went wide, as the kiss went on, deeper than anything she had herself experienced even with another pony, and her heart broke at the sight. Finally, she could take no more and she screamed. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” With a start, I came to, blinking at the low light. My back hurt from the bathtub I found myself in, and my mouth felt like I had tried to eat sawdust pancakes again. Or the time my sister tricked me into eating a mud pie. I blinked bleary eyes trying to focus, until I was able to make out the green and purple of Gummy as he at on my chest, his unblinking reptilian gaze a comforting sight. Memory started to trickle back as I heard a trio of snores from the next room, one soft, two louder, and remembered that Louis was enjoying his first pony pile. It6 was too bad that my old bed at Sugarcube Corner didn't have room enough for me too, but that was what friends did for one another. Sacrifices must be made, and my spot on the bed was a small price for the comfort of Louis and my friend. It was small comfort for me, as I sighed and pulled the blanket up to my chin, scooting Gummy closer in the process. Finally I pulled the traffic cone farther down over my eyes as I started to drift back to sleep. “Dammit Luna, that wasn't even funny.” I grumbled, as I tumbled back into undisturbed slumber. Author's Note Three days late, Because life. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AbLerehIlQBhKM7P9aH6hSteLcB9Plh-yuV090VTZQI/edit# I heard this song the other day while bopping around at work after the ~~ravenous hordes~~ Customers had left, and I kept hearing the words "I love my socks"
