Life Ever After

by Goof Theorist

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Princess Luna, Original Character, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Slice of Life, Human, Main 6
Length: 84401

Local D-list villain, mad scientist, prankster and toaster enthusiast- Germane Craft has a lot going on behind the scenes. But when one Twilight Sparkle finds out he's part of a rescue program for reincarnated aliens...

Local D-list villain, mad scientist, prankster and toaster enthusiast- Germane Craft has a lot going on behind the scenes. But when one Twilight Sparkle finds out he's part of a rescue program for reincarnated aliens (instead of, say, running a timber wolf smuggling ring), she finds herself part of an eighty year-old conspiracy which begins breaking apart at the seams.

And then, because it's just not complicated enough already, royalty gets involved...

(A/N): Updating with a cover image soon!

Published 2014-07-28 13:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-29 20:25:21 UTC

Unanonymous

Chapter Two: Unanonymous

It wasn't a date. It wasn't. She was going to assess the danger presented by an alien species, and maybe pry a few secrets out of them, and then the princesses could handle Germane and all the ponies who were suddenly humans. A race that had never evolved on Equus, and only ever appeared in Equestria by means they couldn't even explain, though surely she'd get to the bottom of that, too.

And of course he was treating her like some sort of spy, as if she were the one sneaking around in some other species' body. Unlike him, who said he used to be a biped named Bertrand, even if he said he preferred 'Germane', now. He was just trying to ingratiate himself to her, and keep her off-balance.

Even if he'd walked her home and kissed her goodnight.

Focus, Sparkle! The unicorn mare shook her head fiercely. Now was not the time to get sidetracked. She needed advice. Only, the pony she'd usually ask was Princess Celestia, and Twilight had promised not to go to her at all until she'd figured things out. Only she needed advice if she was ever going to figure things out!

This obviously would require all of her cunning.

"Spike! I'm going out for a bit. Could you handle the library?" The dragon toddled out of the kitchen, gripping a glass of juice. Unbidden, comparisons of his physiology and the humans from the other night sprang into her mind. His somewhat-opposable hindclaw, upright posture (but balanced by a tail. How did Craft do it?), and furless hide. The similarities were actually fairly cosmetic, and his reptilian state put him about as far away from human as Twilight herself, relatively speaking.

"We're mammals, Miss Sparkle."

And ponies now, too, her thoughts continued after the recollection of his small assurance. It was just so odd, really. The implications were staggering. A little mental exercise, one her mentor had once taught her after her latest... episode of catastrophe-building in her own head, put her concerns in a more logical order.

There were problems that were in front of her, and then there were problems still on the horizon.

Firstly, she had to learn everything. But even that had to be done in order. The 'why' and 'how' were less important than the 'what', just then. There were aliens. They didn't seem to be doing anything especially nefarious, so maybe she could treat it all as more like the discovery of any other new species. Maybe even as a diplomatic effort. She probably had some accounts on hand of the first pony/minotaur encounters...

"Sure thing, Twilight," said Spike. He gestured to the shelves. "I have some re-stocking to do, and Miss Cherilee has a couple references out. I was going to grab those over the school's lunch hour. Can I stop by Sugarcube Corner, after that?" Twilight smiled at him.

"Grab some bits out of the miscellaneous drawer. Ooh, and some bagels for tomorrow morning? Pinkie said something about those raisin-cinnamon ones." Before she stepped out the door, Spike grabbed her for a quick hug. Really, he worked hard enough to get a treat now and then. And it gave her an excuse to have bagels tomorrow morning.

Mindful that it might be best to play along with Craft's ploy, for now, she'd left with one of her old dresses packed in her saddlebags. It needed a bit of repair work, which meshed well with her first stop.

The walk to the Carousel Boutique took a bit longer than usual. Likely because she'd been walking a fair bit slower than normal, as well. She eyed the thin crowd of ponies up and down the street. It... wasn't quite like after the Changeling invasion, and the spat of nationwide paranoia which had led to the glamour-breaking spell becoming widely popular among unicorns. She wasn't suspecting anypony of being a disguised emotivore, but rather of being something almost stranger. Twilight now knew, personally, three humans. Ex-humans. Whatever sort of title might apply, really.

Had she ever known any others? Sure, Ponyville wasn't the biggest town, but maybe back in Canterlot?

"Hey, there, Twilight!" The voice wasn't immediately familiar, but the thin, slangy accent wasn't strange to her, either. The unicorn turned to see Ponyville's sometimes-resident DJ. Vinyl Scratch was wearing a roguish grin under her trademark goggles.

"Oh, hello, Vinyl. Can I help you with something?" The other unicorn shook her head smugly.

"Nah, it's the other way around, babe." She levitated over two tickets. "I've got a show up in the big city next month, thought you and somepony might like to go." Twilight blinked in surprise.

"Really? Not that I mean to sound ungrateful, but this seems a bit out-of-the-blue. And these usually go for quite a lot," she added, floating the slips of paper in her own magical field. At that, Vinyl tensed up just slightly.

"Well, I've always figured you were a pretty cool mare, throwing around star-bears and the like, and I thought to myself, 'Vinyl, who's an insanely rad lady who's always cool about other people?' and then I thought-"

"People? Not 'ponies'?" interrupted Twilight. Vinyl glanced away. Or might have, really. It was hard to tell with the goggles.

"Aw, Twilight, you know I've got fans of all species. It helps to have my pronouns in order, you know?" She cleared her throat. "Anyway, say hi to Dash for me, alright? That girl owes me certain... things. For various reasons." That last bit, Twilight didn't even want to ask about. But the previous statement... Vinyl had already turned away by the time a question actually sprang to Twilight's mind.

"Hey, um, Scratch? Where'd you learn how to put together your equipment? It's pretty advanced stuff."

"My main bro Germane," called back Vinyl. "The guy's helped me out a lot, with, uh, stuff."

And then she was gone. Twilight gaped, slightly.

Did she just- Is she-

Perspective. She needed perspective.

The hospital was small but relatively modern. Sure, it had that sterile, chemical feel to it that was typical of all medical facilities, but even this facility had a touch of Ponyville charm.

Germane passed a nurse doing intake with a teenage colt and his mother and winced. That looked like a very bad sprain.

His target, though, was a bit further afield. The tiny 'isolation ward' which doubled as patient overflow lay at the end of a very practiced path on Germane's part. Luck was with him, today, and he found Redheart approaching with a rolling food cart.

"Good morning, Maudlin. How's the newest intake doing?" The nurse, seeing that Germane had managed a second visit in as many days without being in critical condition, smiled at his approach.

"Well enough. And uninjured, thanks to you." She gestured toward the cart. "I'm, well, sneaking in a bit of comfort food. Just because he's in the hospital, doesn't mean he has to eat like it, right?" Germane waggled his eyebrows.

"Miss Redheart, you stole my hospital food joke! Astounding." The mare, in respect to her greater age and wisdom, stuck out her tongue.

"That joke was old before it was first told, Germane. Besides, sometimes comfort is the only treatment you can give." Her eyes flickered toward the door. "I've already given him the standard speech, and answered as many questions as I could, and then he just sort of conked out about an hour after you and Miss Twilight brought him in." Her gaze tracked back to the stallion. "Speaking of which, any word on her... um, on her?" Germane didn't need to hear the thinly-veiled tone of worry in her voice to have expected it.

"Just waiting and seeing. I'm talking with her today, and while I can't call the news contained, then at least I don't think there's any immediate danger. And really, regardless of the necessity, it almost felt unfair to put the poor woman on the spot like that. I'm going for the 'friendlier' approach today." He smiled, just a bit. "A lot friendlier, actually. We're going out to lunch."

"Oh, you're going out to..." Redheart caught the meaning behind his words, and her face went deadpan. "This is a worse idea than when you gave the Crusaders plans for a pig-drawn bobsled." The stallion shrugged.

"And I threw in the clock-powered 'Jingle Bells' musical horn for the hell of it. I regret nothing, except for some of the property damage." Germane glanced shiftily down the hallway. "Besides, Miss Belle looked like she was going to cry if I didn't."

"You are useless around little girls, Germane. Fatherhood is going to be hell, and your future progeny will be the end of us all." The stallion grinned.

"I bet they'll have my eyes, as well as my love of shiny things." He coughed. "Anyway, I figure if we ever get around the whole strategic stalemate, then Twilight might actually... be into me. Maybe."

"Stranger things have happened," replied Redheart in a much softer tone. "And she's a nice mare. Wear a tie, young man."

"Yes'm."

"And try not to get us all rounded up in camps."

"Tall order, ma'am." Germane carefully stepped aside as Redheart knocked softly on the door.

"It's Nurse Redheart. Are you decent, hon?" Something muffled that might have been taken as a 'yes' came through the door. Before she entered, Germane held a hoof to her fetlock.

"You've been... checking on him, right?" Her gaze snapped over.

"Of course. I learned my lesson a long while ago." Before she could bristle at the suggestion, Germane nodded.

"We both did, I suppose. Let's say 'hi'."

The new pony, with a burnt-orange mane and yellow coat, was laying awkwardly on the bed with his sheets bunched up high around his withers. It was, understandably, a very human pose. Actually reclining back, though, was a bit of a trick for most ponies, and downright odd if that pony had, like Germane, wings.

"Hey, man. Remember me?" tried the pegacorn. The earth pony nodded.

"You and those... others. You found me in the forest where I... woke up. Redheart said you were a human, like us?" His tone was uncertain, but at least he was responsive, thought Germane. That was a good sign.

"Born in the United States, spent most of my teenage years around New England, and I had a high score in Street Fighter that was to die for. I... came forward about eight years ago. And yes, the wings mean I can fly." He'd gotten the question before. "Did the nice nurse show you some magic?" he asked.

"The... floaty thing," admitted the stallion, which Redheart was doing right then to place the tray of food on the bedside table. "Some color-changing spells, too."

"Do you have any questions? Anything she didn't tell you about in the welcome speech? Take it from me, nothing's too personal. We're going to make sure you get set up as happy as can be. Equus is a weird place, but it's pretty high up there in terms of where we could have woken up. Or not woken up at all, I guess." The earth pony, and Germane would have to get his name shortly enough, mulled over the question.

"How... how did you..."

The other question. The one that everyone asked at least once.

"Look. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours, deal?" The stallion flinched, but nodded. That was a good sign. Counseling was mostly an informal thing for Hominids Anonymous, but coming forward was rarely a scar-free experience.

"I was... I was getting a kidney transplant. The doctors said the odds were good, but... but if I started bleeding too much, or if the anesthesia..." He shuddered. Germane had a response to that honed by time, experience, and talk. He hopped up on the bed and hugged the hell out of the other stallion.

"It's alright. It is. You've got another chance, guy. Going out when you're already asleep is one of the nicer ways I've ever heard of." Redheart did her best to remain inconspicuous as Germane's chest turned damp with tears. She didn't react when she heard his own story, and that was likely for the familiarity of the speech. The nurse was a trooper, Germane knew, and a stronger pony than he.

An hour later, Andrew (new name pending) had calmed down enough that Germane was able to leave with a quick, but sincere, promise to return later. Andrew didn't have a cutie mark, yet, but his slightly-improved mood while talking about his old track team was encouraging. Germane wasn't much of an athlete himself (running for his life didn't count. Everypony in Ponyville did that, from time to time), but he knew that special talents came in, literally, every variety.

While Germane would never have a single ill word for somepony who'd (and it happened, very occasionally) reached adulthood without a mark, he knew it made blending in infinitely easier.

Now, though, Germane had to figure out if he owned any ties.

"Come on in, I'll be up there in a moment!" called a voice from the back of the shop.

"It's just me, Rarity. No need to hurry," called back Twilight. Contrary to that, though, the white-coated unicorn hurried to the front almost immediately.

"Twilight! Dear, how are you? I'm sorry for teasing you the other night. I swear I meant everything else I said in all sincerity."

"I get it, Rarity. I'm not mad. Actually, I was hoping you could do a quick repair job, for me." She gently levitated a bundle of cloth from her saddlebags and floated it over. The unicorn tsked and took it in her own magical grasp.

"Just the left strap, yes?" Twilight nodded. "It should be easy enough. I remember this one. It's a shame you don't wear it more often- Summer dresses suit you, dear. Any special occasion?" Twilight shifted nervously.

"Sort of a business meeting." Rarity grinned over at her from where she was searching through a tackle-box of various threads.

"Has our dear librarian gone into accounting? Real estate? Or is this business a bit more personal than that?"

"Rarity..."

"No, no, that came out wrong. Really, Twilight, you don't need to be defensive, or embarrassed, or any of that! It's actually... rather relieving to see you interested in somepony. Personally, I've been a bit worried. I understand that you're busy, and Ponyville has always been Equestria's most turbulent little town, but when you've hardly shown an ounce of interest in... things, it never seemed entirely healthy."

Twilight recoiled, slightly. That, she felt, was a bit uncalled for!

"I wondered if you might not be into stallions, but then Rainbow Dash claims she's never gotten that, er, vibe off of you, and there are plenty of available mares around besides. I don't mean to be forward, but are you perhaps asexual?"

"No! I mean, just because I-" Twilight moaned in consternation. "Not looking just means not looking, Rarity!" The unicorn didn't seem at all put out by the outburst.

"And lucky you, to have found even without looking!" Rarity sighed. "You never mentioned arranging a second date, you know. You've been holding out on your old friend." That brought Celestia's student up short. The next 'date' had been an afterthought to a series of events that she wasn't sure she could even share with her friends just yet.

When she'd seen aliens last night. When she'd been faced down by, of all things, a domesticated manticore. When she'd had a shapeshifting pegacorn surrender like she'd been holding a crossbow to his head, looking so desperate...

"I guess I just forgot to mention it," she finally said out loud. Her friend made a disappointed hum, but nevertheless struck the floating dress with a heat-press spell, leaving it smooth of wrinkles. The right strap at the top of the dress was as good as new, already, and the repair work was invisible.

Twilight took it and looked it over with a pleased little hum.

"Mind if I shrug this on?" she asked. Rarity flicked her tail to one side of the room.

"Changing screen is just over there," she said. Twilight trotted over and found, just like the last time she'd worn it, the cloth was a comfortable fit against her coat. She trotted out and did a quick spin, and Rarity seemed satisfied with her work.

"Well, I've got some re-sizing work to do, but I expect you to come in with a full report afterward, understood?" Twilight sighed.

"Are you implying some sort of chain of command, here, Rarity?" The fashionista blinked uncomprehendingly.

"But of course! I'm a good five weeks older than you, Twilight. It wouldn't do to have my mentoree go without my sage advice!"

Rather than try to argue that, since Twilight just knew there was some sort of verbal trap waiting for her, she simply gave a very quick 'thank you' and made her escape. She was almost certain she had just imagined the evil chuckling as the door swung shut behind her.

From the Boutique, Twilight could just make out the clock over town hall. Assuming that 'lunch' meant noon, she just had to...

I knew I was forgetting something!

Neither she nor Germane had mentioned a real meeting place. He might be heading toward the library now, which was probable given that he had asked, but it wasn't impossible that he was still at his house. Or even that he'd assumed that they'd be meeting again at the same cafe as before.

Bad. This is bad. Regardless of whether or not any definite arrangements, or even a set time, had been made, she loathed being late.

What kind of options did she have? It was a long shot, but...

She focused, and recalled a handy little spell she'd learned shortly before moving to Ponyville. Illusions had never been her best field of study, but simple light shows weren't exactly difficult. The spell wove itself in a tightly-packed violet ball of energy, and when released, she traced its path to a point about forty hooves above the level of the buildings around her. The panchromatic symbol was blurrier than she'd have liked, but it was recognizable enough. Now, if she was lucky...

"Heeeere I come, to save the daaaaay! What's up, Twilight?" And lo, there was Rainbow Dash.

"Sorry to bother you, Rainbow, but could you do me a favor?" The pegasus considered the question carefully and stroked her chin in a pantomime of deep thought.

"Well... that depends. What's the favor and what can I get for it?" Twilight lifted one single eyebrow.

"Find Germane and I won't mention the drool I found in 'Daring Do and the Fountain Free'." The cyan mare looked aghast.

"I just sort of fell asleep on it a little!" She swallowed. "I mean, I don't drool in my sleep! Argh!" She shot up into the sky, shot back down, and grumpily muttered, "He's headin' toward the library. I know nothing, and you know nothing, and that's the way we both like it."

"Got it, Rainbow!" Twilight grasped the other mare in a quick hug, which softened the other's disposition just a bit. "Thanks!"

"Yeah, whatever. Have you seen Vinyl anywhere? She must be indoors, and I just got off work, so..." The librarian frowned.

"You're looking for Vinyl Scratch?" Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

"Well, duh, right? I've been waiting for her to get back from Baltimare for two weeks, now. So like I said, have you seen her?" Rainbow Dash tapped her hooves together in a quick, nervous gesture. "You don't think she's avoiding me, do you? I keep missing her. I mean, she's probably busy unpacking and stuff, but I had this totally awesome idea and I thought she might be up for, um, something awesome."

"Rainbow Dash, are you and she, do you really think you should-" Twilight broke off. What could she say? 'I think Vinyl's an alien'? 'Don't do what I'm pretending to be doing right now'?

"I think she said she was looking for you this morning," she settled for saying, which made Dash brighten up just a smidgen, and probably a smidgen more than the 'too-cool' pegasus would ever admit to. "Good luck. I've got to go."

"Um, sure. Wait, why are you dressed up? Why was the slow-mo pegasus wearing a tie? Twilight?"

Germane didn't expect to see Twilight already outside the door of the library, let alone actually dressed up, but it certainly made the tie and waistcoat wrapped around his upper body feel a lot less silly.

"Miss Sparkle."

"It's Twilight, Germane. I hope you had a destination in mind," she said with a poise he wouldn't have expected from somepony who was, he suspected, as big a nerd as himself.

"Er, yes. This way, Twilight." He led, and was relieved when she fell into place beside him. "You dressed up." The sundress was a dark blue, with pale violet flowers printed above and below a thin sash of fabric around her waist.

"So did you." Germane cleared his throat.

"So I did. I hope you like pegasus cuisine. If not, about half the menu is, uh, local fare." Twilight was quietly thoughtful, for a moment.

"Mountain flowers, lots of olive oil?"

"Basically. Some pasta, too. Fish, even, if you happen to, uh, like it." To his relief, she didn't look immediately repulsed. Unicorns, and especially earth ponies, typically didn't favor seafood, which was the closest just about any pony came to eating meat.

"I don't mind it, but I'll probably order something else. Princess Celestia insisted I try some at some of the royal banquets. It's an acquired taste, I guess."

"I love the stuff. In most of the places I lived in, I grew up pretty close to the seaboard." There. Safe, generic comments. The mare glanced around, cautiously, and when no immediate listeners became apparent, asked:

"So humans like fish, I'm guessing? You said they don't really eat flowers, right?" Germane worried at his lip, slightly.

"We can eat some flowers, yeah, but not very many. Mostly we're made to handle more complicated energy sources. Fruit's fine, for instance, but not grasses or alfalfa. We don't have the two-chambered stomach to draw calories from those things. Beyond that, we can eat basically anything. We tend to be evenly omnivorous." Twilight frowned.

"Like griffons?" A distinct lack of freaking-out, noted Germane. She was definitely more worldly than her upbringing let on. At least in certain subjects.

"Pretty much, except it's been thousands of years since our bodies have had to adapt to raw food." With surprise, he realized the walk had already brought them to the small, but well-furnished restaurant tucked around the corner of the town's main road. Twilight might have been too involved in the conversation to notice, but he felt relieved to be away from the various watching eyes. The mare was a local celebrity, and he was, if not famous, then at least the center of a lot of odd stories.

"Here we are. Um, probably best to leave certain topics for later, right?" The unicorn looked like she wanted to argue, but reluctantly agreed.

"So long as we can go back to talking about it afterward." It wasn't a question, but Germane replied all the same.

"Of course." He held the door open, and they stepped through.

"Table for two?" asked their oak-colored maitre d'.

"Yes, please," said Germane. After they were left with a pair of menus, and Twilight finally became aware of the whispered conversations around them, he tried to distract her.

"Just ignore it. They'll get bored of us and go back to their hay-fries eventually." Twilight grimaced.

"The stares were always worse at the capitol. I'll be fine. What would you know about 'waiting them out'?" she asked. Germane grinned humorlessly.

"Well, there was that time you convinced Ponyville that I was harboring a drug ring, or the time Miss Dash filled a cloud with neon paint and made it follow me all day, or-"

"I get it! I already apologized, and-" Twilight frowned, then added, "and I'm sure I can get Rainbow Dash to apologize, too."

"No need for that. I already got her back." The unicorn cocked her head to one side.

"What? When?" Germane closed his eyes in sweet reminiscence.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to invert a cloud-house and make it stick that way, without waking up the pegasus inside?" Twilight's eyes bulged.

"That was you?" When the conversations around them hushed, she shrunk in on herself in embarrassment.

"Right. Well, Miss Dash and I have, I think, reinvented the art of war as we know it. So long as she never, ever gets so desperate as to bring Miss Pie into it. Um," he sought a topic. "What was Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns like?"

Germane listened and learned about the institution of learning which basically blew his human schools out of the water. Though that might have had something to do with the fact that his own schools had never taught 'Advanced Thaumaturgy'. By necessity, all his studies since coming forward to Equestria had been on his own time, or gathered from whatever he could pick up while helping Olive Branch. Maybe he could do a correspondence course to fill in some of the gaps...

Food arrived in a timely fashion, and Germane tucked into his salmon and rose petals. Twilight seemed happy with her greens and bluebell salad. The whispers had, indeed, tapered off and the two of them became just another couple of diners. For the most part. Germane was still very much aware that, even for very different reasons, the two of them were far from normal. And while the day seemed to be going well in the diplomatic sense, it still lacked a certain something on a more personal level.

It was only after their plates had been cleared away and he'd left enough bits to cover the meal ("I invited you out, it's only fair that I pay.") that Twilight left off on her recollections and all but dragged them out of the restaurant. Knowing what she was going for, he started to steer her in another direction.

"Come on. I feel like spending some time outside, today, and I know somewhere we won't be overheard." That seemed to satisfy the mare.

While Ponyville borders the Everfree, only the farms and orchards along the south actually come close to the treeline. North of there, the space between the town and forest runs a bit wilder. Not dangerously so, but just in the sense that it wasn't really developed.

There was a tiny, peaceful grove there next to a pond too choked by reeds to swim in, and brambles covered the ground on three sides. The grove, though, was as safe and secluded as one could find.

"So," said Germane. "Questions?"

Obviously he'd been seriously misinterpreting patience as calm. Twilight was obviously making some sort of noise, which might have been interpreted as a string of questions if one were to record it and play it at a fifth of the speed.

"Nope. Try again. Some of only have mortal ears, Twilight." The unicorn flushed and coughed, mouth likely a bit dry from the stream of words.

"Sorry. First thing's first. Could you please transform?"

The process was tiring, but not actually uncomfortable, and he had managed a decent meal just a short time ago. Germane reached for the reflex, and changed.

By the light of day, Germane's other form was much less... what, threatening? It was still odd, but watching him stretch and just sort of, well, plop down on the ground onto his folded legs had a sort of graceful look to it. Like watching a pegasus land. His limbs weren't that disproportionate compared to a pony's, but the normally upright stance made them seem longer. Certainly he moved less ploddingly than, say, a minotaur.

Germane reclined back, and she saw how his withers had a true ball-and-socket joint. Shoulders, she noted.

His muzzle was a retreated mandible system, on an even plane with his eyes and lower forehead. As she stared, he waggled his ears fractionally.

"Er, does that mean anything?" she asked, looking at the previously immobile soft shell shapes to either side of his head.

"Absolutely. It means I spent too much time practicing some otherwise useless muscles in front of a mirror when I was twelve years old." The answer caught her a little off guard, and he obviously noticed. He smiled.

Sharp teeth. Not like Spike's, which were mostly adapted to crushing gems, but they certainly backed up his claims of being omnivorous.

His body was mostly covered by roughly-stitched clothing. Something about that nagged at the back of her mind.

"Last night," she began, "the other humans..." she flushed, "...most of them changed with clothes. Well-tailored ones. Why don't you?" It wasn't actually a ground-breaking question, but then she had time to cover all the bases. Germane shrugged and glanced away uncomfortably.

"The first time a human changes, I figured out, we appear with the same clothes we were wearing before we came forward. My old ones weren't really in a state to be worn."

"Why not?" Her mouth was, for once, reacting faster than her brain instead of lagging behind.

"I burned to death, Twilight. I changed and was covered in ashes." The mare fell back in surprise, sitting on the soft carpet of leaves.

"Oh. Oh Celestia, I'm so sorry-" Germane glanced back sharply.

"Stop that. Seriously. Smoke inhalation probably had me unconscious long before it... finished. I'm just happy I was the only one at home at the time." Then he couldn't seem to hold eye contact anymore, and looked down at his hands.

"Redheart had holes in her dress from... some sort of weapon. Fill was wearing a black tux that, well, you couldn't see the bloodstains on it. I imagine the newbie will have a hospital gown. We've all got sob stories, Twilight. I really just don't want to think about it when I don't have to." He winced. "I have no idea what Ash was doing naked. I'm going to say he probably went out with a smile and never, ever ask for details."

"But that's horrible!" Twilight forcibly calmed her breathing. "Okay. Sorry. I'll let it go for now. I just... you, um, you said Olive Branch was one of the first?" Germane nodded, and looked relieved at the change in topic.

"Yeah. Almost eighty years ago. There aren't any real clues of anypony... anybody else before him. Every year, one or two of us show up in each of the wild magic zones. It sped up after the first few decades, rate-wise, but it's held steady for about twelve years, now. None of us have heard of it happening outside of Equestria, or of us waking up as anything other than a member of one of the three pony tribes. And all of us speak Equestrian when we show up. It took Olive a while to even realize he wasn't speaking Spanish anymore."

"Spanish is your language, then?" Germane grinned at the question.

"English, actually. Humans have hundreds of languages and dialects, and each has several distinct accents." He cleared his throat.

"It sounds nice," replied Twilight with some small wonder. Equestrian, or more properly the long-adapted unicorn dialect, was certainly more fluid, but 'English' had a subtle beat to it. It was sort of rhythmic.

"It's a good thinking language, I've been told. French for poetry, German for science, Spanish for music... personal tastes vary, of course." He chuckled. "I can manage a few words in those, but mostly to get directions to the nearest washroom. Linguistics was never my thing."

"I have to be honest, I don't know of any natural process that could 'bring you forward' like that," admitted Twilight. Germane shrugged again.

"It's magic. Of course it's magic, but there's been no verified account of real thaumaturgy back on 'ərθ', ever. Sorry. Um, 'Earth'." He tilted his head back, revealing a voice box against the taut skin of his throat. "So the cause, if there is a definite one, is here, or at any rate not there. Heck if I know. Dozens of minds have been set on trying to figure that one out for quite a while. And what would I do if I learned the mechanism? Turn it off? Decide not to give a stay on death to whoever else might come forward in the future? Unless the mechanism itself presents a clear and present danger, I'm just not sure."

It was a lot to consider. Twilight had demanded answers, but felt like she'd jumped hooves-first into an ongoing research project, where the subjects of the study were also the ones administering the experiments.

"Have you ever been able to locate this 'Earth'-world?" The human shook his head. She wondered if that was a normal gesture for his species, or just something he'd picked up to adapt to pony society. Another question on her list, there.

"Assuming it's even in this universe? Still no. Even if we are, the constellations are different enough that we must be, at a bare minimum, many light-years away. And the idea of magic developing on one world and not another sort of seems like a bitter pill to swallow. I'm pretty sure this place is laughing at conventional physics."

"The laws of magic are well-documented," lectured Twilight, ignoring his aside of 'by ponies'. "We'll get to that later. What was it like changing shape like that? Permanent polymorph spells are far from common, and usually cosmetic."

That question, too, seemed to require more forethought than she would have considered necessary. Still, more complete answers were always worth it.

"It feels completely, totally natural," he admitted. "I might as well have been born with a fuzzy coat. We all have the right posture, balance and expressive body language from the get-go. Until we actually question it. Then things sort of go down the toilet and we're all fumbling messes. It's the same with..." Germane blinked, focusing on some indefinite point before meeting Twilight's eyes again.

"The bodily dysphoria can be really, really bad sometimes. Have you ever heard 'dystribal fervor'?" Twilight nodded, though not with any real confidence. Earth ponies thinking they were unicorns, unicorns thinking they were pegasi, and sometimes born with internal magic systems that didn't match their original bodies. It could, she knew, be a very painful topic. "I grew out of it, mostly. Most of us do, with help. We've all got pony-shaped brains, which I'm not sure helps or hurts us. So... I could say it's alternately awesome and horrible." He grinned, then.

"Maudlin actually helped me a lot, there. She encouraged me to fly as often as I could. When I moped, the crazy mare just levitated me and let go." Twilight was probably pretty emotive at that, as he gave a reassuring wave of his arm. "She knew what she was doing. Don't worry. I needed just that kind of kick in the flank."

Then things got confusing. Germane lay back onto the ground, rotated, and looked at her from an inverted position as he tucked his hands under his neck.

"Your turn, Twilight. Tell me, how do you feel about all of this funny human nonsense?"

That... was probably a fair question. As she went to answer, though, Germane sprang back up onto his feet.

"Hold on. My human instincts are acting up."

"Your human instincts," said Twilight doubtfully. "Are those anything like human 'memory rays'?" He chuckled and stretched.

"Nope. Honest-to-goodness human instincts. You see, there is a tree here. I haven't climbed a tree in ten years. I must climb this tree."

"What?" But by then he'd already hopped and grabbed at the lowest bough. His legs kicked out, up, and wrapped around it. Now hanging fully upside-down, he gave her a look of utmost seriousness.

"Be with you in a moment. I've got to get some altitude."

"Hey, wait!" But he was already moving up through the foliage.

"Hey, a squirrel! Pardon me, fellow arboreal traveler. Going up, here." Twilight wandered closer, stayed to one side in case of falling hominids, and peered up. Finally, he reached what must have been a comfortable fork and sat in it, kicking his feet back and forth like a colt.

"You may now continue," he informed her. She furrowed her brow up at him.

"I am not shouting up a tree, Germane!" He shrugged.

"Then come up. Do your magic flashy thing and I'll catch you."

"No!" He frowned back at her.

"Now, now. Who's the tree-climbing expert here? It's completely safe. Isn't the Bearer of the Element of Magic supposed to be brave?"

"Brave doesn't equal stupid!" she called back, and felt ridiculous for carrying on the argument for as long as she had, already. "If you drop me, I'll teleport back down and then teleport you straight to Applejack's pig pen!" she warned.

"I'm quaking in fear up here," he replied solemnly. Frustrated, and feeling more than a little put-upon, Twilight gathered her magic and jumped across the relatively short space. Before she could reorient herself, strong limbs wrapped around her barrel and pulled her in close. She glanced around at the relatively stationary tree limbs, down at the ground, and then quickly back up again.

"Why did I just do that?" she wondered out loud.

"Because you were aching to be held in my arms?" suggested a very close voice. Her head snapped around. It was, of course, Germane who was holding her up. She hadn't exactly expected him to drop her, beyond the slight doubt that he had as much dexterity as he'd claimed, but it was a different story seeing his cocky grin up close.

"You're a funny one," she told him, blandly. He waggled his ears again, prompting her to sigh.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked, a bit more seriously. Twilight took stock of herself. Aside from the vertigo, which only seemed to be triggered when she looked downward (which seemed like an appropriate parable, given the earlier topic), she wasn't exactly uncomfortable. The close contact was, admittedly, a bit different, but she couldn't claim to dislike it with any real passion. Germane had her in his lap, presumably to make supporting her easier.

"I'm... fine," she said. She glanced down. "Um, hold me tighter. Not that I'm afraid of heights, but-"

"I understand," he replied, and his grip firmed. Twilight relaxed just slightly.

"Is this seriously that fun for you?" she asked. She felt Germane nod against her neck.

"Most humans love to climb things. Or at least they're born that way. A lot just sort of lose the impulse after a while, until you get some adults who get dizzy mounting street curbs." Twilight felt the rumble of near-laughter in his chest. Once she'd become certain she wasn't going to immediately fall to her death, she realized that she was sitting in a stallion's lap. Only a thin veneer of poise kept her from teleporting back onto the grass. "So," he continued, "back to the question. I'm sure you've got some sort of opinion about things by now."

It was still a fair question, and an intelligent one on top of that. Really, from his perspective she must have (don't phrase it that way you are not Pinkie) left him hanging.

"You, the ones I've met, anyway, seem... worried. All the time. Like disaster refugees, I suppose." Germane sighed.

"That's not entirely unfair. Still, we're a lot more stable when we're not fearing for our lives. I think maybe a third of us have stable families, almost all of us are employed, and, oh yeah, we're not always freaking out over being colorful little horses."

"Ponies, you ape."

"Hey. I resemble that remark." He was quiet for a moment, and Twilight could match the sound of his breathing to the rise and fall of his chest. "Are you afraid of us? Of me?"

"What kind of a question is that?" she asked.

"Think back to the first time you met a member of another species. Griffin, minotaur, zebra, any dragon that doesn't regularly raid your pantry for gems. Or the human popping up behind a manticore. Now tell me, are you afraid of me?"

"No!" And it was true, at least put strictly in those terms. And, because she was feeling the teensiest bit irritated, she added, "And I'm certainly not surrendering to the evil human empire."

"Oh, now that's just-" He broke off at the same time that Twilight's head whirled back around. Very familiar voices were drifting up from the distance.

"Ah'm tellin' y'all, Ah saw it up here!"

"We're going to have to stay silent," mumbled Germane. "Not a word. Agreed?"

"I can teleport us both," she whispered. He shook his head.

"Magic doesn't affect my human shape right. Changing is tiring, and these branches don't give me wing clearance. Not one word, okay?"

"Fine," she replied softly. She could be quiet. Heck, she'd snuck into and out of the castle a fair few times. Even if said trips were for covert book runs, which completely justified stealth in her opinion. His comments about magic 'not affecting him right' were curious, though, and she'd have to investigate later.

Three familiar fillies wandered below, into the clearing.

"I can't see any Yetis, Apple Bloom. I thought they were abdominal snow-things?" Sweetie Belle sighed.

"That's 'abominable', Scootaloo. Abdominal is like those exercises my sister's always doing."

"Yetis exercise? Ah figured they wouldn't need it." Scootaloo snickered. In fact, Twilight could feel Germane doing the same thing, if much more muffled. The Crusaders were admittedly entertaining, so long as they didn't have any tools, chemicals, flora, fauna, or spare string on hoof.

"Whatever!" exclaimed Sweetie Belle. "The point is, I thought we already went for our monster-catching cutie marks?"

"I keep saying, we need to narrow it down! Maybe we don't get a mark like a monster-catching net, but having a Yeti plastered on our flanks would be bad-awesome!"

There will never be an ounce of confusion as to who that filly idolizes, thought Twilight bemusedly.

"Maybe we can flush it out?" Well, that was worrying. The tree-dwelling (though not typically tree-climbing) unicorn turned to suggest that maybe they should be looking for other options. She was sure she could do so quietly enough that they wouldn't be overheard, but Germane obviously believed otherwise. Before she could utter so much as a word, he was kissing her.

Again.

This one was just as much a surprise as the last, but then he wasn't going to be disappearing through any convenient doorways this time. No leaving her to react to it after the fact. No just declaring that he was courting her and not waiting for a reply, even if she hadn't said that lunch hadn't been a date and maybe she hadn't objected to going off somewhere quiet. She only wasn't pushing him away now because that would alert the foals below them, and she was gripping his shirt to steady herself on the precarious perch. She...

I am being kissed I am kissing back where did things go wrong is this in the manual?!

Only she hadn't bothered to even look for a manual because she hadn't, for whatever reason, been taking the situation seriously enough. There hadn't been a situation to begin with! At least, not aside from the whole 'alien contact' deal.

'Alien contact'. The girls would laugh themselves sick, she thought. Though only a small part of her was thinking that. The rest of her was concerned with how she was supposed to breathe when her lower lip was being sucked on with some fair amount of force. 'Learn, adapt, and act' was a frequently-spoken mantra of higher spellcasting. In her state of mind, she decided that it could be put to use for other things, too.

Twilight sucked in air through her nostrils, swallowed nervously, and returned the favor to Germane's lower lip.

It wasn't Germane's first kiss, not even since coming forward to Equestria (Vita plus mistletoe plus eggnog, she was ten years his senior and the next morning had involved a lot of avoided eye contact), but it was quite possibly the longest. And most pleasant. And... she'd kissed him back. He was pretty sure his shirt had been torn, though that was more poor make rather than any especially forceful move on the mare's part. Not forceful, no, but definitely involved. 'Too-soft to be real keratin'-hooves had settled on his ribs, and her upper body was twisted toward his so that they were chest to chest.

He could feel her heartbeat. The funny, tri-valve vascular muscle that was pretty standard on Equus and which had freaked him out some time ago made a comforting flutter against his skin. His did the same thing, after all, most the time.

She'd kissed him back.

I should say something clever and romantic. Obviously. Something spontaneous, or cadged off of one of the classier kind of film.

"I think the coast is clear."

God damn it!

Twilight's eyes cleared, slightly. They'd been distractingly dark, a moment beforehand. She tilted her head to get a view (just a quick one) of the ground.

"Right. I'll just-"

The pop and flash of teleportation wasn't entirely unexpected, so Germane was saved crashing through a series of comically-thin (or tragically thick) branches. Instead, he just sighed in disappointment and began climbing down.

Feeling bold, or at least frustrated, he triggered the change just as he was dropping down from the last branch. To his surprise, his wings were out and catching a cushion of air just in time to soften the impact of his hooves on the ground. Twilight was standing a short distance away, casting a watchful eye out for the Crusaders.

Say something significantly less stupid, this time! he ordered himself.

"May I walk you home?" Better. The unicorn looked tremendously uncertain and flustered.

"What? I mean, I should really-"

"There are one or two questions I wouldn't mind asking you myself, Twilight." He thought, quickly, for any topic sufficiently complicated and innocent that she wouldn't brush him off. Stupid him and his stupid comments, he didn't want her to think he was taking her lightly!

"You've had real experience with them, so do you know how changelings take other shapes? Anything that could make the reflex less taxing on the other humans would be a huge advancement, I'll bet. Besides," he added, a tad less steadily, "it would be nice to spend more time with you." The mare stared contemplatively at the brambles for a moment.

"Well... some of it is technically a state secret, but I can tell you that..." She talked on, and when Germane started trotting next to her, she kept pace. The discussion itself was fascinating enough that the library came into view all-too-quickly, as if the intervening distance had somehow been shortened.

They both glanced up at the living building. Germane turned back to watching Twilight in time for her to see him already looking at her once she'd brought her own attention back around.

"It's probably too late for it to sound proper," he said, "but given how it is the end of our meeting... may I kiss you?" Germane expected some sort of verbal answer. He got a sharp pain in the muzzle instead. Twilight looked horrified.

"Oh gosh I thought I was supposed to close my eyes when I did that are you okay?" Germane blinked back the automatic wetness in his eyes that always followed a hit to the face and pulled the very same trick that the mare had just tried herself. Except he kept his eyes open.

"I'm pretty sure we need to practice before we can manage blind make-outs," he assured her. "Hope to see you soon, Twilight."

"Twilight!"

"Er, yes?" The unicorn glanced down into Spike's appalled face. He kept glancing from her, to the window, and back again.

"You, that, you and that stallion! Why? What?" He darted forward and grabbed her forelegs pleadingly. "Twilight, why is that pegasus doing loop-de-loops down the street?" Twilight felt a flush of warmth in her chest.

"I... guess I'm better at kissing than I thought?" She immediately caught her mistake, then.

"Why were you kissing him?!" The little dragon curled into a ball and began thrashing around on the ground. "You're not supposed to be kissing stallions!"

"And why not?" asked Twilight in consternation. He glared up at her.

"You're my sister! That's wrong on so many levels! Now I have to fight him to the death, or something!"

"That is not how it works," she warned him. "And why are you getting so bent out of shape? I'm allowed to kiss whomever I want."

"I'm telling the Princess."

"Like hay you are." Spike uncurled, rolled upright, and dove for the stairs.

"You're right. I have to tell mom! She'll fix this."

"Oh no you don't!"

It took ten minutes of chasing, sneaking, and baiting several snares with opals to settle the matter. Finally, Spike was tied up in several bodylengths of knotted bed sheets and parked firmly in one of the reading chairs. Twilight paced in front of him, thinking of the best possible approach. Threats wouldn't work, and passing the whole thing off as an hallucination had never been a successful tactic in the past. Best, then, to appeal to reason.

"Now, Spike, you're getting older, and so am I, and eventually you'll come to realize that-"

"Heard it. Don't care. That was an abomination unto Celestia's sun." That brought the mare up short.

"Oh, was it? Maybe you're right. It's probably for the best I put off dating for a while." She grinned brightly at the dragon, and drew real satisfaction when he stiffened up, obviously sensing the catch ahead. "It's up to the older sibling to set standards for the younger, of course. We'll set the dating age at... twenty-six, why not? That way, in just thirteen short years, you'll be able to pursue any pony that catches your eye. I'm sure any pretty mares out there would be perfectly happy to wait around until they're thirty-seven, for example. Just for example." Spike sagged against the improvised ropes.

"You're evil." That would have been insulting if the tone of the words hadn't been so sullen.

"I've fallen into bad company, I guess. Now go clean up and take the rest of the day off."

That managed to brighten Spike's mood just a fraction, and that was enough to set him to running around and clearing up the debris left by their little disagreement.

"Back by six!" he shouted on his way out the door. Quiet fell over the main room, and Twilight could feel the tension in the air settle. It had been a long day, and to top that, it wasn't even supper time, yet.

Instinct took over and led her hoof-first to one of the less-familiar shelves full of books that the Princess had helpfully provided as a house/library gift. Twilight had read a few of them already, of course, but 'Interpersonal, Interspecies' was still basically untouched compared to her much-loved magic theory manuals. Most of it was more about avoiding cultural mishaps, but a few, select chapters could prove useful.

'Chapter Four: Comparative Courtships'

Roll, flare the left wing, stabilize, and drop.

"Not bad for a guy who never graduated flight school," muttered Germane through a smile. The drop was fast, but controlled. Composed, even. He wasn't graceful by any means, but enjoyed the results of long, dedicated practice. Not bad for somebody who used to be, at the most charitable assessment, a couch potato.

Living long enough to qualify for a driver's license would have just spoiled him, he mused.

The tiny home in front of which he landed was a familiar and comforting sight. It was a modest place, but plenty nice enough for two occupants. Especially since one of them was still pint-sized herself.

"Little pig, little pig, let me in!" he called through a window.

"You did that one last time, Mister Craft!" came a tiny, excitable voice from inside.

"Um, what big eyes I have?" There was a giggle, and a flurry of steps before the front door opened.

"You're saying it wrong!" claimed the filly inside. She beamed up at him and danced in place. "Hurry up inside. I'm doing homework. Can you help?"

"Maybe," he allowed, letting the filly shut the door behind him. Dinky was well-mannered and a harsh little taskmistress. She watched fiercely until he'd wiped his hooves on the mat. After that little formality, though, she glomped onto his legs. "I'm here to see your mom, blueberry. Is she in?"

"Just getting out of the shower!" called a voice from up the narrow staircase. Dinky pointed.

"Just getting out of the shower," she parroted. "Did you bring me something?" Germane chuckled.

"Got you some candied pineapple." He grabbed a wax-paper packet from his bag and hoisted it over to the young pony, who grabbed it with her teeth.

"Fank 'oo!" Dinky wandered ahead to deposit it in the kitchen, and he followed at a much more leisurely pace. Right on time, a grey pegasus entered the room with a towel still wrapped around her mane. Her wings fluttered gently, moving in the instinctual 'drying-out' reflex. Slightly less entertaining than seeing an earth pony shake to dry off.

"Evening, Miss Doo. Miss Dinky was just being the most proper hostess, right now." The filly nodded frantically.

"I was, mom! I made him wipe his hooves." The mare smiled.

"That a girl." She looked to Germane. "What brings you here, Germane?" He gestured toward the bagged treats.

"Just spoiling your little filly rotten. And-" He threw up his chin and flared his wings dramatically. "I was just on a date. Cue applause."

"You were out with a mare!?" Dinky was staring in bug-eyed wonder, which Germane put off uneasily as just kids being kids, instead of some insult that was way too subtle for somebody her age. Probably.

"Yes, Dinky. Lunch with a pretty pony." He made an evil grin. "We kissed, too."

"Yuck!"

"Muffin, get back to your math, okay? I'll look it over in a bit." The filly left, or rather, retreated. Ditzy gave Germane an unimpressed look.

"Did you say you were spoiling or traumatizing her?"

"That's mean, Ditzy." He hummed. "You feeling okay? After the other night, I mean. None of that 'single mothers are made of steel'-stuff. Even if you totally are!" he added hastily. She huffed in amusement.

"I'm okay. If we're okay, I mean. Are we?" she asked nervously. Germane nodded sagely.

"No worries. I'm wooing our enemy." It took a moment for her to get his meaning, but when she did, it wasn't exactly subtle.

"You and Twilight Sparkle!?" The blond mare shook her head. "If I'd been flying, that would be a crash-worthy surprise. What about the other stuff?"

"Well, I'm pretty sure I've been volunteered for sciencey-things without my consent for the foreseeable future, but I think everything will be okay. We're solidly out of the red, at least." Not that he had any illusions that the last night wouldn't have long-lasting consequences, but things didn't feel out of control. Yet.

"That's good," replied Ditzy. Her wings sagged in relief. "I got sort of... bad, last night. Didn't I." It was a statement.

"Completely understandable. I think I was praying for a dragon raid for a moment, there, just to cut through the sheer awkward." The mailmare gave a laughing snort.

"I'd say something, but I think it might just give you ideas. Come on, my little muffin's waiting and I'm terrible at math."

"It's a hard life I lead," declared Germane, following her out of the room.

If nothing else, Twilight had picked up one of the most significant pieces of advice of her life from her big brother.

'Books can teach you most of anything, Twily, but those books have to be written, first. Someday, some little filly is going to learn a lesson from what you write.'

That had quickly been followed by a trip to the ice cream shop, and shortly thereafter she'd presented Shining Armor with an eight page essay comparing chocolate and strawberry sprinkles. He'd claimed it was the first (and possibly only) academic thesis he'd ever co-signed. Of course, the universities had been reluctant to accept academic material from a six year-old.

Stuffy academics standing in the way of scientific advancement, grumbled Twilight mentally.

That little bit of advice had led her here, to what she'd logicked-out as being the best available first-hoof source of information. Somepony with years of medical and social experience, a successful relationship, and a much longer length of, well, life than 'subject number one'.

She admitted to herself that her choice of pet names (was it too soon for that?) was a bit lacking.

The unicorn mare looked at Twilight. Twilight looked back hopefully. Nurse Redheart sighed.

"I'm just getting off my shift. If you want to talk, we'll be walking at the same time, understood?" Twilight nodded quickly as the nurse shucked her cap and shook out her mane.

"This way," said Redheart. Twilight followed her out of the clinic and into the slowly-emptying road. It wasn't exactly ideal for an interview, but she'd made do with worse. "What can I do for you, Twilight?" The younger unicorn summoned quill and paper and floated both ahead of herself.

"What can you tell me about human courtship rituals?" To Twilight's surprise, the other mare didn't look especially surprised herself. She smiled gently at the academic.

"I'm going to have to give the other half of this talk to our newest member tomorrow. I suppose this should serve as a warm-up." Later, Twilight would figure that Redheart had taken an especially scenic route home, for the sake of giving the topic more time. Before that, though, she was able to note four things:

One - Human courtship was mostly analogous to that of ponies'. Plus or minus a couple of social rituals which Germane probably didn't know about, which Redheart suggested Twilight share with him on her own time.

Two - Humans were squeamish about sex.

"That's more cultural than anything," added Redheart with a laugh. Twilight had laughed along, mostly at the idea that the odd and bold stallion was probably 'terrified of scaring you off, and half scared off himself, Twilight'. Then the nurse had given her a dragon-like stare and cautioned her not to hurt the humans' much-loved coordinator, under pain of pain.

"Yes, ma'am, I mean, not at all, ma'am!" The squeak in Twilight's voice seemed to placate the older mare.

And three - Marriage was a more common end result than the 'common-law' arrangement favored by most ponies wherever titles or property weren't involve. That was a personal matter, more or less, for the ex-humans.

Finally, four - Human fertility was vastly different than ponies'.

"You could say that most of us were 'happy accidents'," joked Redheart. "Many a courtship was heralded by a broken condom." Twilight flicked one ear in confusion.

"What's a condom?"

Author's Note

I threw Spike in this one for the sheer fun of it. All my older siblings shout 'holla, y'all'.

Fun fact- Germane is based off of a friend who will never, ever know that he has a pony template. Exciting stuff!

Snuggles And Lightning

Chapter Three: Snuggles And Lightning

The storm was unnatural. The clouds above were a kaleidoscope of unsettling colors that Germane couldn't have named if he were asked. As if that wasn't enough, there was the lightning to consider. And it couldn't have been normal lightning, no. It had to be plumes of greenish plasma that snaked over the ground like seizure-ridden snakes.

"I think they're windigoes," said Twilight. Germane shivered as another stream of the green plasma went through his legs. It didn't hurt, really, but it was one of the more unsettling experiences of his too-short life. He shifted his grip on Twilight, held in a pseud-bridal style, and gave thanks that she hadn't been born an earth pony. The idea of carrying 'my legs are made of steel' Applejack any distance was daunting at best.

"You'd think it would be chillier," he suggested. "I should have brought a scarf, or something. Are you sure we're alone, out here?" The unicorn looked from his face to the surrounding atmosphere and back again.

"Pretty sure, yes. But, ah, perhaps a subspecies? I can't imagine the windigos of legend being allowed to survive in the modern age. Something that hides in lightning storms, though? Nopony would notice."

"The pegasi, perhaps," mentioned Germane. He spied Sugarcube Corner. "Mind if we break? I think this stuff is taking more out of me than I thought." Twilight pouted.

"But your workshop's just a few minutes away!" The stallion-turned-human huffed.

"I'm sure you being only a few minutes away from help in all this," he said, nodding toward the ground, "will be of great comfort when your handsome lightning rod turns into a smear of charcoal."

"Deal, but you're not allowed to refer to yourself as my handsome lightning rod ever again," she compromised.

"Then life is hardly worth living." Contrary to his words, Germane pushed open the door of the bakery and eased into the kitchen beyond the counter. Though buildings were hardly proof against the wild atmosphere, between the enclosed space and the insulation of metal appliances and baking equipment, the green plasma was mostly abated. "Ready?" he asked. Twilight nodded against his chest.

"Casting it now," she confirmed. As the much thinner streams of light parted around them in a circle, Germane eased the unicorn to the floor and reached for his fuzzier half. The world snapped into a different sort of focus, and he was once again a pegacorn. Which was to say, a fairly useless pegasus with mild brain trauma. Exhaustion hit him, but not as badly as it used to. Obviously, he was getting used to the transformation.

"I want to sleep for a week," he declared, and slumped. Twilight nudged him upright against a stove and cast a quick look at his face.

"Mm. Hold on, I can fix that." Instead of performing some epic feat of magic to heal and revitalize him (which would have been wasted, anyway, when he went back to his human form), Twilight levitated over a brown cupcake with red sprinkles and deposited a gold bit on the counter at the same time.

"My treat," she said. "This is Pinkie's latest in her line of caffeinated baked goods." Germane plucked the treat out of the air with a sense of unending gratitude.

"I haven't seen these before. I figure they'd be a hit," he commented, and chowed down. Twilight shuffled nervously.

"She says the testing phase has been slow since she's not allowed to taste them herself. We... we don't let Pinkie have caffeine, anymore."

"There's a story behind that." The unicorn scowled.

"Which you'll pry out of my cold, dead hooves."

"Fine. I'll ask Miss Rarity. We're totally gossip buddies, now." Twilight sighed. Germane finished the cupcake and sighed in relief. "So... this is date number eight, is it? I expected candle light, or something." The mare checked the perimeter of her electrical grounding spell, which just barely worked, as it turned out, on magical lightning, and spoke without turning her head.

"This is not a date. It's a state of emergency!" Germane could tell she had to bite off some comment about those being the same thing, before she went on, "And date number five? Running me over in the marketplace and yelling 'sorry, sugarhooves' over your back isn't a date either!"

"In my defense," replied Germane with a hurt tone, "I thought the Crusaders had gotten into my forge. Priorities, Twilight."

To be fair, though, he wasn't quite sure just how the Crusaders armed with fire measured up against the current crisis. Roughly equal, maybe.

"But we are dating, yes? This isn't some convoluted interrogation plan that'll leave us broken-hearted and locked in some sort of rooftop battle in the rain, surrounded by giant killer robots, right?" He felt a bit better now, so he'd be able to transform again soon. The last thing he wanted to do was forget and walk out into the town with a body that wasn't immune to magical lightning. The caffeine helped, but it would be his last shift to human for the day, unless things got really desperate.

"Giant killer... whatever. And... no, I mean yes, we're dating, the interrogation is just a side benefit, I promise." As if to prove it, Twilight scooted against the stove and leaned on his shoulder. In this position, they were basically the same height. Even through the damp rain on their bodies, Germane could smell lavender and ink on her coat.

"And you think I'm handsome?" He got the expected eyeroll. "Even when I'm all furless and spooky?" A legitimate concern made its way to the forefront of his mind. "I only transformed because of the emergency. If you don't want me to, um, any other times... I mean, I don't need to. I get that I'm still basically an alien like this, and there's no reason to expect you have a biological leaning toward-" Then she kissed his cheek.

"You're not spooky. A little goofy-looking, maybe, but I don't mind that." Her voice took on a firmer tone. "Now I can hold the spell for another twenty minutes, but you have to scratch my ears." She stared at his fingers. "Do that, and I'll count this as date number... seven."

His concerns hadn't disappeared, not completely, but he felt comfortable enough to wrap an arm around her whithers and draw her closer. His hand started moving up and down the top of her head. Her ears moved with the motion of his fingers, which was just freaking adorable.

"This is the nicest thing that's ever been," she declared with her eyes closed. "I have to bribe Spike with quartz, for this," she admitted. Germane grinned wryly.

"I can do plenty more with my fingers, I'll have you know. Plenty more with my wings, too, come to that. Feathers are awesome."

"Then you'll just have to show me. Rainbow Dash has made enough dirty jokes about wings that I might have gotten some ideas..." Germane almost choked.

"Miss Sparkle! What happened to my blushing scholar? I tease, you stutter. That's how it goes, dang it!" Twilight chuckled.

"I'll feel embarrassed later. This is too nice to, you know, think about things." That was something the man had never imagined might come out of that mare's mouth, so he took it as a temporary blessing. Experimentally, Germane raked his fingers deeper into the spot just below her left ear. The unicorn shuddered. "Though that depends on us making it through today alive, otherwise it would put a damper on date number eight."

Germane considered, then, exactly how they'd gotten into this mess...

It was the previous day, and Germane had discovered that the Ponyville library had a basement. A basement filled with toys.

"I don't know what that is, but I want to disassemble it," he declared to the room at large. From behind him, Twilight tutted.

"No taking apart my equipment. And no moving! You'll stretch my electrodes." Germane sighed and waggled his fingers. Each one had an electrode. His wrists, too, had electrodes. In fact, everywhere not covered by a distressingly inadequate pair of boxers had an electrode tacked on. He was almost certain that the small, local hospital didn't have as many as Twilight just 'happened' to have at hoof.

"I figured when I offered to play guinea pig that we'd start with a friendly, gentle questions and answers session. There would be tea, or something."

"No liquids around my machinery, Germane. And we will have the survey section, as soon as I re-purpose the stress test," the unicorn assured him. The currently-human mad scientist frowned.

"A lie detector?! That's not even fair! Why would I lie about science, anyway?" A purple head ducked just into view and gave a deadpan stare.

"You prevaricate. A lot. And this time there are no trees, fillies, or crowds to get in the way. Just me, my chair of science, and a camera that had better have a fresh tape reel in it!" Spike ran into view with a heavy tripod over his head, as well as a... bucket of popcorn tucked under one elbow.

"Got it, Twilight!" The tiny dragon got to work steadying the thing and setting up a crate to reach the camera at top.

"Popcorn? Really, Spike?" Twilight's assistant shrugged.

"I've got to get my entertainment where I can." Then the little guy glared. "And you kissed my sister!"

"She kissed back."

"Guys!"

"Sorry Twilight," came two male voices in stereo.

"Good. Now, we're calibrated and ready to start the sequence. Wow, it's like your brain activity is... are you epileptic, Germane?" He coughed.

"I, um, really shouldn't be, no. Why?" Twilight trotted over with her eyes still facing the read outs which were situated just behind his head.

"No reason! Just, wow. Judging by these readings, the fact that you can walk and talk at the same time is astounding."

"Oh, ha ha." She looked at him.

"Did I tell a joke?" That was Spike's cue to fall over cackling. Germane sighed.

"I have no reason to believe my brain patterns are especially abnormal, Twilight, at least as a human. I'm sure I'm pretty messed-up as a pony, but as a human I'm just an average nerd with a brain that is not epileptic, prone to seizures, or especially... whatever. Medicine is not my thing. Can I take apart that diode, over there?" Twilight began levitating a quill over parchment.

"Subject Number One displays short attention span and passive-aggressive tendencies..." she muttered.

"Subject Number One is upset, Twilight." The unicorn kept writing.

"Also shows... disassociative behavior... speaking in the third person..." She peered up from between her bangs and grinned. "Sorry, I couldn't quite resist. Here, before we start..." She walked up and braced her forehooves on the chair's arms before giving Germane a quick, earnest kiss. He tried to follow her when she withdrew, but was still held in place by those annoying electrodes. "Better?" The young man sighed.

"I feel cheap and manipulated. But yes, better." He glared. "You're lucky you're pretty." The mare tittered, then got another look at the read-outs.

"Ooh, interesting! I'll have to pencil something in for later." Germane's mouth went dry.

"And the electrodes?" The mare looked puzzled.

"Well of course if I'm going to prove an adequate study reference I'll need to wear-"

"Twilight!"

"Eep!" She colored. "Sorry, Spike! Begin sequence!" Her horn took on a magenta glow.

"Um..."

A narrow beam of unspecified magic lanced out at him. He winced and shut his eyes tightly, but Germane didn't... feel anything. He peered out through one narrowed eyelid and looked down.

"Huh." It was going clear through him. Not completely unexpected, but the results were... trippy.

"Alright, this is sort of awesome," volunteered Spike. "It's going through your chest and out the other side!" He looked at the recorder to make sure the film was still going and grinned. "Try something else!"

"Switching to light bludgeon spell, under Canterlot archives as DEF-729-A!" Germane resisted the urge to close his eyes again and watched a pulse go through his chest.

"Intriguing. Try something with a splash effect," he suggested. "Differentiate for matter states." Twilight hummed.

"Gaseous to solid differentiation?" He nodded. Spike's jaw dropped.

"Oh Celestia, you're as bad as her."

Twilight rolled her eyes, but sent another spell. This one impacted, splashed over his torso, and-

"Hey, tingly." The mare grinned.

"That was a combat-grade sleep spell! Let's check for absorption rates!" She started slinging spells, speeding up as time went on. It was more than a little terrifying- not just because Germane was the target, but he'd never heard of a unicorn that could do that without succumbing to magical exhaustion. He shared a look with Spike.

"Is this normal?" The little guy nodded.

"It's Twilight. Do you remember the Ursa thing a few months back?" The human shook his head.

"I was out of town. I heard about it, of course, but... yikes."

"I can hear you guys," the unicorn reminded them, and then sent something that literally crackled through the air. Germane coughed.

"Weird. I'm feeling sorta..." His eyes bulged. "Twilight!" The next spell did it. The mare just managed to stop herself, but Germane could feel the Reflex trigger on its own, just like if he'd let it run for seven or eight hours. He heard wires snap, and then he tumbled out of the chair meant for something with proper knees and a distinct lack of wings.

"Oof. Oof? Oof." That was as much as he could mumble through the hard-packed dirt floor.

"Are you alright? Gemane! Oh my gosh I killed my coltfriend-"

"Gngh-fine. I'm fine, Twilight. Mostly." The winged pony stood shakily and observed himself. He didn't seem to be missing anything, and there were at least twelve electrodes that hadn't been pulled off. "Hey, cool! Did you get any readings off of the Reflex?"

"Oh, I think I did!" Germane hardly noticed Spike shaking his head in baffled awe.

"Both of you. Just, jeez."

Just three hours before the storm, in the town square, Rainbow Dash had seen an opportunity and gotten an idea. It was a good idea, and all it had taken was about an hour to convince the mayor, Twilight, and her own weather team that it was a safe one, too.

Wild storms weren't common, but with Ponyville on the border of Equestria's most dangerous forest, they happened there more than anywhere else in the populated lands. Dash's spotters had managed to pick up on this one early, so she'd had just enough time to propose the, in her words, incredibly awesome plan.

The mayor had actually been the easiest to convince. Putting on a display of what the civil servants did, how they did it, and how they dealt with the unexpected was, in a certain light, a very attractive option. Twilight had agreed, but maintained that they follow the normal (and depressingly oft-used) disaster protocols. The designated shelters, such as the town hall, school, and city auditorium were set as evacuation centers. The only real difference between this occasion and any other was that the shelters were able to order catering beforehand.

So Germane found himself with a number of familiar ponies, including the Bearers of Harmony (minus Rainbow Dash), in the town hall, and watched the sky through the open double doors.

The storm was beautiful in a way that might only appeal to an ex-human. When he and Twilight had found themselves more or less alone in the crowd, he'd quietly started describing storms on the east coast of North America.

"And sometimes we got hurricanes, too," he added nostalgically. "Tropical storms, yeah, but sometimes they followed the coast up to Maryland. I only lived there for three years, but the weather was always fun."

"Fun? Tell me again, how many feet of snow did you get during your, uh, last winter there?" Germane met Twilight's eyes with a perplexed expression.

"Six. Why?" Then he was struck with a flash of inspiration. "Hey, if we had Miss Dash do that this year, the town could just dig little, pony-size tunnels under the snow! We'd be like fuzzy, panchromatic hobbits!"

"I don't know what a hobbit is, and that..." her eyes went slightly unfocused. "That might have given me an idea. For later, I mean."

"That's what I meant, Twilight. We need to turn your stunning intellect toward fun and games. I think Miss Pie has been a good influence on you."

The horrified stare he got might, he privately considered, have been a bit much.

"Everypony," broke in one voice, "They're about to start!"

"Alright!" Shouted Germane, and beckoned Twilight forward.

"You seem a bit too excited," said the unicorn. "Are you planning something?" The stallion gave a derisive snort.

"Not today, Twilight. This is just going to be really, really cool to watch!" His face softened a bit. "I can't qualify for the weather team myself, or even go through the rescue training that Ponyville's pegasi all get. I don't get to see this up close, ever, and trying to do more than cloudwalk usually ends up with me having to make excuses to Maudlin," he explained, referring to Nurse Redheart.

"Oh. Well, let's enjoy the show, then," she replied, and gave him a quick nuzzle. It was... nice, he thought. Ponies were more casually physical than most creatures, and heaven knew he'd picked up the same instincts. In practice, though, he'd had to distance himself from just about everypony who wasn't themselves an ex-human, and they had their own lives to lead.

So, loneliness compounded loneliness and... he was self-aware enough to consider that he might, sometimes, be fishing for bad attention to take the place of good attention, sometimes. Maybe most of the time, even.

He decided to throw caution to the wind and nuzzled her right back.

"After this, I'm going to cuddle the hell out of you." Twilight let out something like a laughing snort, which made her even more adorable.

"All that dirty humor and you're just a teddy bear with feathers. Ponyville's mad scientist is a cuddlebug." Germane's eyes brightened.

"They really call me Ponyville's mad scientist? That is so cool!"

"Yup!" Pink! "Everypony was all 'he's gonna do something!' and then they'd need to get pitchforks to chase your abominable creations out of town-" more pink! "-so then I said I want Gummy to have green fire breath and be five hundred feet tall but then he might go terrorize Neighpon which would be bad but it's what you expect giant monsters to do so-" so much pink! "-and then Scootaloo pulled the lever and everything went 'boom'!"

"H...hi, Miss Pie," said Germane, once he'd regained the ability to speak. He felt inexplicably dazed, and Twilight patted his foreleg in sympathy.

"Hi, Germy! Hi Twily! The show's starting, and we've got muffins and crullers and slices of cheesy souffle!" Twilight looked over at the catering table in appraisal.

"I'm guessing you and the Cakes split up to cover each shelter?" The earth pony nodded frantically.

"Yup! Jenny Levy's serving tea n' stuff on the next table over. She gave me extra-delicious chamomile!" Germane nodded approvingly.

"Rock on, Miss Pie." She grinned.

"I know all about rocks! Ma and Pa and Inkie and Blinkie and me and all the others were the best rock farmers in the region! Were the rocks off?" she asked intently. Germane, dazed and more than a little confused, shook his head.

"It's, no, I mean, it's just a saying to... keep on doing what you're doing. Just a thing p... ponies say, some places."

"What places?"

"Pinkie!" shouted Twilight, catching the mare's rapt attention. "Can we get some of that souffle?"

"Two slices up for Twily and her studly study buddy!" she said, working frantically with a spatula, and Germane and Twilight both found themselves with a serving of warm food. "Have fun watching the show!" she said, waggling her eyebrows in a frantic, salacious motion.

"Sorry about that," said Twilight as she led them toward the cone of space in the building's center that gave the best view outdoors. "Also, making pop culture references from an alien society is sort of a give-away, don't you think?" Germane shrugged.

"Just shows that I'm eccentric. You know, like mad scientists are supposed to be." Twilight sighed and sat down on one of the large cushions set out for spectators. Germane did the same, and tentatively draped one wing over Twilight's back, which he'd seen pegasi do before with their 'special somepony'. She snuggled closer.

Fuckin' A. Victory.

There was a crack of lightning, which seemed to signal the start of the main event. Like Germane had told Twilight, the weather was entrancing. No bite-sized, manufactured clouds. These were sweeping, swirling things that darkened and roiled whenever they felt like it. Lightning flashed and crackled from one cloud to the next, all playing an infinitely complex game of tag among participants who were all invisible to all but each other.

It was, he'd later muse, weird how prophetic certain thoughts could be when one got all poetic.

"Are you ready, Miss Sparkle?" Twilight glanced back and found only feathers. She pushed them aside to reveal Mayor Mare, and they settled back on her head. She frowned, and pushed them again, and again they moved back.

"Stop that or I'll bite you," she warned.

"In public?" The feigned indignation would have been the envy of Canterlot nobles. But with a chuckle, Germane relented and revealed a snickering mare, Mayor Mare (Twilight resisted the urge to go cross-eyed, for a moment).

"We just got the signal," the official explained. "Ready to patch us through?" Twilight nodded, and got to casting.

It was actually a communications spell used by the royal guardsponies, but with only a little bit of coercion (read: pouting), her older brother had relented and taught it to her. She'd already cast the first half of the spell on Rainbow Dash before the cyan mare had made her way into the sky, earlier. This second half would broadcast her voice to the interior of the town hall. Unfortunately, setting the spell up in the other two shelters would have taken additional unicorns with the ability to cast the spell, so the auditorium and school house would have to settle for visuals, only.

"And so she says, that's not a feather duster, that's my tail!"

The voice that carried throughout the room was accompanied by two others laughing along. Twilight's eyes widened in realization. She wondered, frantically, if anyone had given the reply signal to the circling pegasi.

"Funny, chief," said one mare, "but there's no way she really said that. Not if you and she-"

"Totally true! Every word of it, even her ticklish fetlock-"

"Erm, boss?"

"What? Can't handle a little mare's talk?"

"Your throat's glowing, boss. I think the spell's already on."

"What? Aw... aw, dang it. Um, just testing, everypony! Let's, um, get to work already!"

Twilight groaned, already embarrassed on her friend's behalf. Germane coughed uncomfortably.

"So, um, that Miss Dash, I suppose she-" Twilight cut him off very quickly.

"Rainbow Dash is Rainbow Dash's business, buddy." She felt the slight shift in her mane as he nodded agreeably.

"Right. Of course. Unless she's been tickling your fetlocks and I wasn't invited, of course-" Her hoof struck just under his fourth rib.

"Nopony is tickling my fetlocks," she hissed. "Or my anything! You're doing this on purpose!"

They bickered back and forth for some time. The mayor glibly excused herself and wandered off at some point, and the room's hushed conversation gave way to the voices echoing out of the air above everypony.

Twilight suspected that Rainbow Dash had coached both herself and the others on the weather team to be overly exact in detailing their own statuses. Some of the terminology honestly went above her own head, since she'd never studied weather-manipulation in-depth, but the colorful commentary was quite fun.

She watched one distant dot detach a piece of the thunderous cloud cover and ride it ground-ward, corkscrewing madly.

"Yee-haw! We need more wild storms, do you see me surfing this thing?!"

"What?"

"Like those islander griffons, with their water boards?"

Or, the ever-entertaining:

"I'm here to kick cloud and eat cake, and I'm all out of cake."

At that point, Pinkie had to be restrained by Applejack from rushing out into the storm with a special delivery of cake for the 'poor, cakeless stallion'.

Things took a turn for the weird, though, about thirty minutes into the explosive spectacle.

A team of eight figures, just visible as being ponies, had begun circling the storm's largest mass. They circled it, tugging here and there to gradually siphon it up and away to where it could safely dissipate. Germane likened it to a reverse-tornado, and provided fascinating commentary about cyclones, ratings by some human named Fujita, and the great 'Dust Bowl' event.

"Uh... everypony? I think this cloud is... uh, watching me."

"Gale? I think you might need to take a break. Squall, take over at her position. There's some loose cirrus there that I don't like the look of."

Boss, I think Gale's right. I can see eyes. Big, uh, green eyes.

The cloud front exploded. There was a gasp from almost everypony in the group, and several screams. Twilight watched in horror as tiny, colorful dots tumbled away from the expanding front.

Celestia's teeth, move it!

Sturm! Catch Squall, he's out of it!

Rainbow Dash, it's chasing me!

Don't be crazy! I'm doing an emergency dispersal. Everypony, down! Get grounded and get to cover!

"What does she mean by emergency dispersal?" It was Rarity, gathered up close with a shaking Fluttershy. She was looking at Twilight, assuming that the bookish would be as quick to answer as she always was.

"She's doing a Sonic Rainboom," surmised the violet mare, "But I can't imagine why! Cloud fronts don't fight back, and they don't have eyes!"

"Aw, hell, shut the doors!" Twilight didn't notice until the comforting weight had disappeared from her back that Germane had bolted for the front of the room. He flapped his wings hard to go over the heads of several gawking ponies, before throwing himself at the large, wooden portal. As he pushed and bolted the left one, Twilight focused and telekinetically closed the other one. Pinkie and Applejack threw their heavier forms to either side of Twilight's stallionfriend and covered their ears.

The building shook. The whole town probably shook, for that matter. Rainbow Dash wasn't exactly subtle when she was in a hurry, let alone when she went about defying conventional physics.

Twilight pushed through the retreating crowd and rushed up to the reinforced windows (after the last time town hall had been destroyed, shatter-proof glass had been first on the list of improvements). What she saw was... not encouraging, to say the least. Instead of the chromatic burst and after-trail typical of one of Dash's stunts, she saw a wild, roiling scape that was-

"Psychedelic. What did Pinkie put in our food, again?" Twilight saw Germane and the girls approach, followed by just about everypony else.

"I'm not allowed to do that, anymore..." muttered Pinkie. "Zecora was banned from selling me herbs ever again, ever." Germane's eyes bugged.

"That was you! When I woke up in Appleloosa last Founder's Day snuggling a damned hay-bale, I thought I'd had some sort of psychotic blackout! I still can't stand the taste of raw chipmunk!" Everypony took a discrete step away from him, and he rolled his eyes. "I'm kidding." There was a collective sigh. "I have no idea if it was an actual chipmunk." Fluttershy fainted. Twilight gave thanks and praise when Rainbow Dash's voice came over the spell link and distracted everypony.

"Split up and cover the shelters! Don't let that stuff hit you! Twilight, if you can hear me, keep the townsfolk indoors and away from any windows!"

The unicorn nodded, mostly to herself since the link was only one way and audio-only on top of that, and raised her voice.

"Everypony to the basement!" She glanced outside, again. Green lightning was crashing down every few meters, snaking out soundlessly and licking at the walls of the buildings.

"We've gotta do somethin'," stated Applejack.

"You can say that, but I'm not going near that... that mess!" declared Rarity. "We should send a message to Canterlot and get the unicorn guardsponies out here." Spike stepped closer to the group, having stayed behind when the mayor and her clerks had begun ushering the gathered populace downstairs. Twilight felt a pang of pride at his determined expression.

"Right away," she said firmly, "but that could take hours." She looked out at the three weather ponies furiously circling the building, disrupting the wind and lightning. "I'm not sure how long they can hold out, out there. We need something to disperse all of that energy and stop whatever that thing was that scared them. It... it looks like it just fed off of the magic from Dash's Rainboom, somehow."

"I'll just cobble together a lightning rod from duct tape and popsicle sticks," offered Germane blankly.

"You can do that?!" asked Pinkie in astonishment. She was frantically waving air into Fluttershy's face with a paper fan she got from... somewhere.

"He was being sarcastic, Pinkie," declared Twilight. "Germane can't really build a..." she trailed off. She glanced at Germane, who suddenly looked worried.

"I, um, don't think I have enough popsicle sticks. Twilight? Sugar hooves?" The unicorn pretended not to have heard that last bit and started tugging him along.

"Spike, send that letter explaining the situation to the Princess," she called back.

"I'm not sure what the situation is!" he replied, but started searching for ink and parchment.

"I've got an idea! Germane, we'll need you to-" She broke off, realizing that the other mares, plus a newly-awakened Fluttershy had crowded up next to the pair. They had what Shining Armor would have called their 'game faces' on. Germane just still looked confused, and she was struck with a moment of panic. He'd help, she was sure of it, but she didn't want to put him in an impossible situation, either.

"Uh, girls? I've got a plan, but you all need to stay here. I can, uh, protect two ponies," which wasn't entirely a lie, probably, "and I need Germane to make my plan work. Can you keep the townsponies from panicking?"

"Ah don't like this one bit, Twi'," stated Applejack. The other three didn't seem much happier, and were casting suspicious glances at Germane.

"Now, I know you must be excited to... include your nice stallion in things, but is it truly wise to split up?" asked Rarity with an atypical hesitation. Twilight felt her insides twist with guilt. She couldn't explain without betraying a promise, and couldn't keep a promise without leaving her friends out of some things.

Maybe if I asked him, she thought, but realized that now obviously wasn't the time.

"Sorry girls, no time to explain, be back soon!" She went right back to yanking a confused pegacorn along behind her.

"Twilight, the front door's the other way!" shouted Pinkie, perplexed.

"Taking the side door!" A brief moment later, she and Germane were in a side corridor that wrapped around the northern side of the main room. While the other side of the building contained offices, this side only contained supply rooms and one neglected exit to the outside world.

"Care to explain, Twilight? I figured this'd all be, you know, super-heroine stuff. Death ray rainbows, and whatever." Twilight rolled her eyes at the very idea, even if having the Elements of Harmony on hoof at the moment might have been helpful. If they had Dash with them instead of patrolling one of the other buildings, and if they had a single idea as to what was really happening.

"We won't need all that. We already have a death ray we can use." Germane stared blankly. "Your telescope! The radio-telemetry project you were babbling about but wouldn't let me see because you're a tease?" He brightened up.

"Oh! Yeah. Good times." Then he scowled. "It's not a death ray. I don't build weapons, Twilight. Not ever. I'm not as stupidly optimistic as Tesla." The unicorn let her face soften just a hair. The minute he casually brought up 'rail guns' and began cursing in languages that didn't exist in Equestria two days ago, she'd gotten a quick glimpse at just the kind of stallion he was.

"I was being facetious, Germane. I mean, can't we use it to guide the lightning? It's big and metal, and electricity just loves metal, right? We just unfold it and-"

"Hope for the best?" He huffed. "No, I see what you mean, and I've got my own idea now, at that. I only wish I had some pre-built rockets."

They were outside again, having left behind the relative safety of Sugarcube Corner. Germane kept his eyes on either the sky above them, or on Twilight, who also had her eyes on the sky.

For good reason, too. The storm had... changed. Aside from its new, chromatic look (had it eaten a Sonic Rainboom? The mind boggled), there were distinct, living shapes within the storm. There were definitely green, sinister eyes attached to things which might have, cautiously, been labeled 'misshapen devil-beasts'. And, because that wasn't terrible enough, they were literally breathing lightning.

"Now, I get that Ponyville is a pretty... exciting place," he said, "but this here is a, what, weekly thing?"

"Sometimes we get a week off," admitted Twilight. "I'm pretty sure things have always been this... um, exciting, even before I moved here, right?" There was a note of worry in her voice. Germane chuckled.

"Yeah, I guess so. Believe it or not, Olive used to take care of the 'excitement'. Him, Granny Smith, and one or two of the Hominids Anonymous crowd. Bright Shield used to take his days off down here, 'just in case', as he put it." Twilight's face scrunched up in concentration before familiarity replaced it.

"Bright Shield? He was my brother's commanding officer! He was, um," she paused.

"Monkey with hooves. We've come up with a million almost-funny code words for everyday conversation. And yeah, he was one of us. See why I was so nervous? We get everywhere. I stay close to home, but I get letters every week from very brave ponies doing very brave things."

"I think this counts as doing something very brave," she countered. Germane looked down at his feet (still bare, as he hadn't quite figured out his shoe situation) and shuddered as the green lightning snaked into his body. He hadn't done enough testing. What were the odds that demi-windigo magic caused testicular cancer?

"That's sweet of you," he said through clenched teeth. "But brave ponies get talked about, and ponies who get talked about get their back-stories looked into by enthusiastic paparazzi. Let's have me be the costume extra in this story, alright? You, um, pulled some sort of spell out of your butt, and you brought me along to carry the bags." Reading pony body language was as instinctive as walking, for Germane (as terrible as he might be at playing poker), and that particular flop of Twilght's ears was worrying.

"Twi?" She sighed.

"Sorry. It's just, I know how important the secret is, but I'm already lying to my friends and... and I'm going to have to lie more, aren't I?" She tucked her head into his chest, keeping her eyes out of sight.

That's bad. That's... really bad, thought Germane. She only knew about humans because he had been careless, but she'd kept quiet because she was kind, and because he'd layered on the guilt.

"I could... help with that, maybe." She perked up.

"Yeah?" And then something terrible and awesome happened.

"Buck!" Germane let out a yelp and dropped to the earthen road, cradling his marefriend to keep her from touching the loose energy field. His hair was blasted to one side, and there was a thump. Germane knew, before he'd even looked, that it was exactly the noise made by a pegasus getting tossed into a building by an irate cloud monster. He was in the open, there was nowhere to go, and he was two feet taller than he should have been.

Time to go on the offensive.

"Hi, Miss Dash. Weather giving you trouble?" The cyan mare shook her head and growled at the sky, which Germane wasn't aware ponies could even do. Then she noticed him.

"What the hay?" And then she saw Twilight. Her eyes narrowed at him. The way her natural weather magic sent the magic lightning coruscating up and down her legs and along the tips of her primary feathers was terrifying. Obviously, mused Germane, Rainbow Dash's best friend was wrapped up in the arms of a monster.

He smiled, but kept his lips closed over his teeth.

"Do you like it? The transformation spell keeps me safe from the lightning, And Twilight didn't want to walk." The pegasus blinked once, twice, then bugged out her eyes.

"Transformation spe- Germane?!" She looked to the embarrassed unicorn cradled in his arms. "Twilight, why's your stallionfriend a monkey?" Twilight coughed.

"That's ape-descendant, thank you," she said, which made Germane flush a little, proudly. "And it makes him immune to magic backlash. We're going to ground the storm and either dissipate it or render it normal, again."

"I'm a lightning rod," Germane confirmed pleasantly. Rainbow Dash shook her head in confusion.

"Right. Sure. So he's an ape-monkey 'cause it makes you guys safe? Why'd you even come up with a spell like that?" Germane shrugged.

"It's got benefits," he assured her, and wiggled his fingers above Twilight's head, just in her blind spot. Dash stared, then smirked.

"Hot. Alright, I'm going back to kicking those things in the face. You do your own thing, and we'll have a party afterward." And in a flash, she was gone.

"That went well," said Germane. "About as well as we could expect, I guess. With any luck, it won't blow up in our faces like everything else has," he added optimistically.

"Um, Germane?"

"Yes, we'll save the day and then I figure, you know, I just got this new record delivered from Fillydelphia. Do you like jazz? The jazz is optional."

"Germane, seriously, you have to-" Germane smiled harder, and tried to ignore the trickle of sweat on his brow.

"I think I can repurpose my arc-welder as mood lighting, because, you know-"

"Germane!" He froze, and very gradually met the eyes of the exasperated mare in his arms. "Her spell was still on." Germane sighed.

"Yeah. I saw that just as she was taking off, too." They both hung their heads. "I'm going to get beaten with a rod. They will line up and beat me like a pinata."

"But this is basically the perfect excuse! You don't even have to lie!" Germane winced.

"Absolute secrecy means exactly what it is, Twilight. I have to explain an animal that doesn't have magic. Even the mosquitoes have magic on Equus! Then I get everypony in a high-risk magical environment thinking I don't want to fork over what amounts to the ultimate safety procedure just because I can't replicate the results at will!" He wanted to bash his head against a wall, except Twilight was in the way and he didn't want to bruise his marefriend, who was the only positive result of this fiasco of a month.

"We'll think of something. We'll make it right. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a cupcake in my eye." Her forelegs, tucked up as they were against the chest, slowly went through the motions.

"That's still the most ridiculous solemn vow I've ever heard of," he chided her, and frowned. "Seriously, though, there are too many unknowns to make a promise that's-"

An arrow thunked into a nearby post. A sheet of paper unrolled gently with the word 'FOREVER' printed in pink icing. The couple stared at it.

"I guess... if she was still at the shelter, then..."

"Let's not discuss that ever. But, um, if you get any ideas that prevent me from getting tenderized and eaten, I'd appreciate them." Twilight's eyes widened.

"You said humans don't eat ponies! Or any sentient beings!"

"Some folks might make an exception if they were angry enough. Oh, look, we're here!" And they were. His off-center, oft-repaired and eclectic household/workshop was just a few feet away. He felt gratified that the discretely-placed parts that acted as a Faraday cage were doing their job, as the magic arced around it and not into it.

"I'm half-certain you're joking," she replied, and nudged his door open with her magic. He stepped in and kicked it closed without looking back. Free for the moment of any danger, he let Twilight down gently and stretched his arms. She rolled onto her hooves and magically lit several of his hanging lanterns. Germane was solidly of the opinion that, as fun as it was to mess with electricity, lanterns were simply awesome.

Caged fire was safe fire, after all.

"Now, my idea was to extend your telescope out, funny branch-things and all, to start drawing in lightning strikes. Does it have that capacity, or will it explode?" she asked earnestly.

"It's nice you asked before exploding my six months of hard work and expenses," he quipped. "This place has capacitors buried underneath it that could draw half of Manehattan's output for three days. The real trouble will be making enough of the storm's charge come to us. Can you ionize a couple kilometers of wire?"

"You said humans couldn't make lightning!" accused Twilight. Germane shrugged and snipped another length of copper.

"I forgot! It's not as if it's actually useful for much. And cloud seeding's still in a primitive stage, so calling up rain is iffy," he admitted. "Otherwise we'd have made the deserts fertile by now and turned Utah into a jungle. And filled it with dinosaurs, and then we could-"

"All those things are going on the list, mister," she warned him. Germane shuddered. Twilight's list thus far was about twelve scrolls thick and growing, full of questions, queries, and ideas for experiments. He was terrified that she'd start skipping out on Celestia's assignments for the sake of building a rocket ship. Which would be unbelievably cool, yes, but impractical, and would draw the attention of somepony who threw stars around as part of her morning calisthenics.

"Right. Now, remember what I said," cautioned Germane as he tied the last of the weights to the last coil of wire. He hoped it would be enough. "Expulsion, not telekinesis. I can't imagine what a live, magical connection could do once the affected mass was hitting that kind of voltage."

"I wrote the annotations to the revised manual of safety for experimental procedures," the mare huffed. Then she began inspecting the massive anchor that the copper coils all terminated at.

"Fine. Extruding antennae." He stomped on a nearby foot-pedal (made for hooves, actually) and threw four levers in concert. The building began to vibrate.

"Germane? Are you sure this is grounded well enough?"

"Of course it isn't," he called back. The ceiling, or at least a portion of it, cracked it open to reveal the untamed weather. Wide enough for their task, and wide enough to see the thin, compact tower.

Unseen machinery spun and rotated. The tower's outer shell itself did the same, settling at a speed of about five revolutions per minute. Metal straps running lengthwise sprang out like some sort of ill-conceived umbrella, and released smaller arms until they produced a series of overlapping concave dishes which would have caused brain-spasms in the designer of the Sydney Opera House.

"What is that supposed to mean?!" Germane looked over at Twilight, perplexed until he figured out how she might have taken his entirely reasonable answer.

"Grounding it would be such a waste! And also maybe make the dirt explode. Everything I'm not storing, I'm going to use!" He booted up the computer, which was more of a mechanical Turing machine with honest, paper read-outs than anything NASA might have considered respectable. It had all the processing power of a toaster, but as he'd often noted, magic made up for a lot.

"Now send out the leads before my baby explodes," he said, and lightning was already beginning to arc over the fully-deployed tower. Twilight, her curiosity denied, groaned. But she did start casting.

Fifteen tiny weights glowed in the aura of her magic, rose through the opening in the roof, and shot outward in all directions. The magic cut out almost immediately, but momentum was already carrying them over Ponyville. Germane really hoped they hadn't winged one of the weathermares in the face.

He grabbed up the protesting unicorn mare and wrapped himself around her form as tightly as possible, and not a moment too soon. Before the coils had finished feeding outward, the whole of the storm's accumulated charge began funneling toward his workshop via the wires. Something in the sky above screamed.

"For what? Use it for what?!" Germane motioned toward his tower.

"That!"

The tower radiated the same green light as did the energy feeding into it, only brighter and more regular. Germane felt his teeth buzz pleasantly as invisible power pulsed out over sixty times per second. The scribbling of ink pens over paper drums scratched nearly as loudly as the things in the sky howled. The light show lasted twenty seconds, but the equipment would keep running for well over the next hour.

"Germane?

"-ah ha ha ha ha! Er, yes, Twilight?" The mare graced him with a deadpan look.

"You're doing the evil laugh again. The same one that made Fluttershy faint three days ago?" Germane bit off his excitement and coughed, embarrassed. That time had been an accident. He'd just gotten excited! How often did you find Winter pears for three bits to the pound, after all?

"Sorry. Right. Shall we go? Er, hold on." He triggered the transformation, all weird light and inversion, and smiled tiredly. For it being his second transformation of the day, he hardly felt like collapsing at all!

"You could have stayed like that, if you wanted," suggested Twilight. "You've got a cover story now, right? A mostly true one, even."

"Yeah... sorta. There are still a lot of ways this could go wrong. I'm going to have nightmares for weeks... probably best not to sleep at all." He glanced down at his currently-fuzzy chest. "Being magically permeable isn't really a hundred percent, either- I think it shortens the time I can keep changed at any given moment to absorb too many spells. Just like our last test session, but I guess a continuous feed does the same thing."

"You can't really say you'll have weeks of nightmares, Germane," said the unicorn, helping him stand steady.

"I can catastrophize with the best of them, Twilight. Some of us internalize our obsessive compulsion and paranoia." Twilight huffed.

"I am not... um, paranoid!" She held back on any more shouting and nudged him along. "Is it alright to leave this all running?" she asked.

"Yeah. The automatic cutoffs will kick in eventually."

"If your nightmares are that bad, then I'm sure I can just send a letter to... oh, no, that won't work at all," the mare trailed off.

"What won't work?" he asked, unlatching the front door with a wingtip. Twilight bit her lip.

"Well, I'd have offered to send a letter to Princess Luna directly. I don't want to take advantage, but she keeps saying that I can ask her whenever I need anything, and she really is a good friend..."

"What could the night's Diarch do?" he asked. "I'm not sure royalty is qualified to prescribe sleep aids," he added, skeptically. He shut the door behind them, and they made their way under a much more normal-looking storm. Rainbow Dash's voice echoed down through the sky as she kicked things repeatedly, and all seemed right with the world again.

"She's also the sovereign of dreams," explained Twilight. "She helps out, sometimes, with her subjects' dreams if they turn really bad. Ever since she returned a couple years ago, in fact. It's really quite sweet of her. Germane?"

The pegacorn had frozen. The light sprinkling of rain drops went completely unheeded, as he stared into the undefinable distance that held doom, doom, and more doom. He became aware that Twilight was calling his name, but he didn't respond directly

"She knows. The secret was pointless all along. She knows. Saints and sinners, she knows and we all already lost a long time ago." He glanced up, expecting a properly dramatic swing of a heretofore-unseen ax. Nothing. Damn, but waiting was unpleasant.

"You're not making any sense," insisted Twilight. She seemed to be picking up on his nervousness, because now she was looking around frantically.

"Two years and change," he lectured, "of being back. At least two hundred of her subjects, all traumatized by remarkably similar circumstances, all having memories of a world that isn't real... Their dreams might, maybe, have something of a common thread, wouldn't they?" Twilight's eyes widened.

"Oh. Oh! I see, now. But... nothing's happened yet, right? I think you're overreacting." She offered him a grin. "And that's coming from me!" If she'd intended to cheer him up, it just wasn't working.

He sunk to the ground, hooves over his face and, damn it all, he was crying. What a way to end.

"She'd... she'd want to get us all at once. That takes time," he sniffed, "and coordination. Th-the Lunar Guard, they'll, it'll happen at night, when we're sleeping, black bags over our heads or maybe we just won't wake up at all. Twilight? You can have my lab. You'll like it, it's a good lab. I've got some savings, you can buy books with those..." He stood up and wobbled a bit. "Go see your friends, please. I'm... going to make some tea and make sure the tower's running alright. Then I guess I'll just... wait, I guess. As soon as I fall asleep, and she knows I know, that should be the signal. Bye, Twilight. You are lovely in every way."

Twilight's stallionfriend had just barricaded himself in his lab and wouldn't answer no matter how many times she knocked or yelled. She understood, really, she did, but were humans so naturally pessimistic? Then again, he'd been living in strange circumstances for years, and maybe it had all just sort of caught up to him all at once. That had happened to her, on occasion, but being so afraid of the Princesses was an absolutely alien thought to her. Fear of disappointing them, maybe, but they were fair and kind mares!

She felt conflicted. On the one hoof, Germane had trusted her with a lot.

Including the safety of, wow, over two hundred? she thought.

But on the other hoof, he was thoroughly convinced that the secrecy had been irrevocably broken, and he wasn't in a fit state for 'damage control'. Furthermore, he was convinced that it was impossible.

He'd trusted her so much, and all she could do was watch him grow increasingly more stressed-out ever since they'd started dating. Conspiring. Some weird mixture of both, maybe. And if the reactions of the other ex-humans to her finding out had been any indicator, then they couldn't be doing much better. Even if they thought they still had Germane's hasty cover-story protecting them.

Twilight, why's your stallionfriend a monkey?

So now she could do something, and none of them would have to be afraid. And Germane could be human and scratch her ears in public.

She flushed. Then, regaining her senses, she took off at a gallop for the town hall.

As she approached it, she heard the distant weather pegasi hard at work in the clouds above, this time approaching the storm more carefully. The green-eyed creatures were scattering, and the afternoon sky was starting to shine through here and there. Undoubtedly the creatures would be the subjects of endless investigations, which Twilight would be happy to help with, but that was for after the current crisis.

The doors of Ponyville's main administration building opened under her magical touch and she raced in. Some ponies had already made their way back upstairs, looking out the windows hopefully. The mayor in particular noticed the unicorn's hurried entrance and trotted over.

"Miss Sparkle, any news?" Twilight nodded.

"Yes. The disaster's over, and we should all be clear to leave as soon as the storm breaks. We could leave now, probably, but it's best to be safe and give Rainbow Dash's team time to work," she assured the mare. The mayor nodded brusquely and wandered toward the shelter, presumably to share the good news. Luckily, Twilight's friends (minus Dash, who was there in spirit via the feral shouting that came over the spell link) were already up and chatting among each other. The unicorn hurried over.

"Girls? Spike? There's sort of a situation." Concern and, from Pinkie anyway, excitement touched their expressions as Twilight took a place in the little circle.

"Ah don't think Dash havin' the time o' her life is a situation, Twi," said Applejack.

"And one to grow on!"

"Is it about your monkeysus? Monkeycorn?" Pinkie Pie quirked her head thoughtfully. "Gonna have to work on that!" Twilight worried at her lower lip.

"Sort of. Well, not even sort of, really-"

"Is he hurt?" asked Fluttershy. "Do you need me to find Nurse Redheart? I think she's still, um, downstairs. Doctor Ray and Nurse Linen are at the other shelters, I think." Twilight started to respond in the negative, until she had an idea.

"He's not... hurt," she said, "but you should get her anyway. Could you?" Confused, Fluttershy gave a tentative nod and was on her way.

"Your mother felt that one! You know she did!" Rarity rolled her eyes heavenward and sighed.

"That mare..." Then she brough herself back to the present. "Twilight? Dear, you seem rather flustered for a 'job well done'. And not the right kind of flustered, either!" Twilight sighed. Instead of responding to the bait, she addressed Spike.

"Could you send Princess Celestia the all-clear? And we'll need to send a separate letter to Princess Luna. I'll write that one," she said, grabbing paper and quill from Spike's ever-present stock.

The wording was difficult, but she was pretty sure she managed something as discrete as it was urgent.

Dear Princess Luna,

You once told me that if I ever needed anything, I could ask freely. Well, while I myself don't need anything special, I've recently made a friend who could use a few words of reassurance from you, in person.

He has dreams, the contents of which he shares in common with several other ponies, that he worries could paint him in a very unfavorable light with the crown. Even though he's one of the most responsible individuals I've ever met, and has dedicated his life to being helpful to ponies everywhere, he's afraid that the contents of those dreams might have him and those like him labeled dangerous.

He's very afraid, and I can't do anything to reassure him. Worse, I can understand how, in his position, and lacking my understanding of just how kind and reasonable both you and my teacher, your sister, are, he should feel that way.

I think you understand what I mean when I ask you to please visit at your earliest convenience to explain how, regardless of his origins, he's not any less of a pony than the rest of us. Right now I think he's afraid to let himself sleep.

Your friend,

Twilight Sparkle

"Send it quick," she asked, as soon as it was finished. Spike nodded, having already sent the missive to Celestia. The bound scroll disappeared in a flash of fire.

"Twilight, can you take this thing off already?"

"-off already?"

Four mares and a dragon turned to see the sources of the obnoxious echo. At this distance between the two spell points, Rainbow Dash's voice was trying to overpower itself awkwardly. Twilight quickly cancelled the spell.

"Thanks, Twilight. What's going on in this little knitting circle?" asked the brash athlete. She looked to have been run through a few walls and at least two different species of tree, but she was still grinning. In a timely fashion, Fluttershy and Nurse Redheart had also appeared.

"Let's take this to one of the offices," suggested Twilight. "Nurse Redheart, can you look over Rainbow when we get there?" The nurse nodded.

"Of course," she said, giving the pegasus an appraising eye. "One of my favorite patients. I do so... love the repeat customers." Pinkie chortled.

There were plenty of offices going unused, given the state of emergency, but Twilight managed to snag the small conference room just by the exit she and Germane had taken just an hour ago.

"I'm fine, dang it!" Rainbow Dash had retreated to fluttering around the ceiling, avoiding the medical professional's grasp. It was, if the expression on the others was any indication, quite the free show. Twilight would have to put a damper on it, though.

"Nurse? Dash? Could we put that off for a second? I've got serious business that we all need to hear." Both mares cut their chase short, but Rainbow Dash made sure to set down in the opposite corner of the room.

"What, is this about you and Germane's kinky transformation shenanigans? I never really thought about the kind of stuff you eggheads get up to, but dang." The nurse froze. Her eyes tracked toward Twilight nervously.

"Sort of. Germane... realized something. He just learned that Princess Luna was the sovereign of dreams, you see, and he realized she might have... probably did pick up on a pattern. Because lots of... ponies out there might have very odd, but very similar dreams. So now he's locked himself up in his house and is expecting to be executed."

"Oh," said Redheart. She glanced nervously around at Twilight and her friends and slumped. "We already surrendered, Miss Sparkle. I really don't think you needed to go through with all this secrecy."

"Surrendered?" asked Rarity. Pinkie brightened up.

"Surrender accepted! You may present the symbolic sword to General Pie!" She bounced, spun, and came down facing Twilight. "Is this about your monkeysus? Is he actually a Changeling in disguise?" She leaned in eagerly. "Is he a Changmonkeysus?"

"No! No, he's not a changeling," Twilight assured the suddenly tense group. "But... he's not really a pony, either. Girls, do not react badly, but could you give a demonstration, Nurse Redheart?" The mare sighed.

"If you're sure..." A shivering light, a flicker that made the eyes want to cross, and a tall, human woman was standing there. Or maybe she was short. Twilight didn't have much comparative data.

"Um, hello, everypony." Rainbow Dash and Applejack immediately moved in front of the others, staring hard at the woman.

"Girls, this is still Nurse Redheart. She's still the same pony we've always known, so could you please stop scaring her?" The two mares backed off slightly. Rarity looked perplexed, while Fluttershy actually looked intrigued. Twilight figured she spent a lot of time sizing up strange creatures.

"I, ah, don't understand," said the fashionista.

"I'm a pony," said Redheart, "But I used to be a human. This," she said, gesturing toward her dress-covered body. "A lot of ponies came from the same place I did. Maybe three-hundred."

"Germane said two-hundred," said Twilight, instantly noting the discrepancy. Redheart winced.

"We always wake up in the wild magic zones, Miss Sparkle. A number of us don't always make it to safety, and the dangers of Equus are strange to us. I was lucky that Simba found me."

"You... you know Simba?" asked Fluttershy. "He's very kind, for a, uh, manticore. Are you friends?" The woman, to her credit, didn't even question why Fluttershy would know the humans' pet manticore by name. She nodded, which was luckily enough a more or less universal gesture.

"Over one hundred?" asked Twilight, horrified.

"It's safer now," the nurse assured her, "with Ponies like Germane and Frost and Blueroot and the others. Some, though, just don't take really well to having new bodies and they... they think that they might be able to get back the same way they got here, you see." Twilight felt that her violet coat must have gotten a shade paler.

"And how'd ya get here, exactly?" asked Applejack suspiciously.

"I died," answered the woman. "Same as Germane, Ditzy, Olive, Leonard, River, and all the others. I died, and woke up here." The information took a moment to seep into everypony's brains.

"Oh," said Applejack, getting it. Seeing the shamed look on her face, Redheart knelt down and gently pat her head.

"It's alright, dear. I'm happily married, now, and I got to practice medicine just like I always wanted, and I got to live in one of the nicest little towns in Equestria." She gestured down with her free hand. "And Germane was nice enough to build a machine that lets us be like we used to, even if it's only for a little while at a time."

"Ooh, ooh! Can Germane turn me tall, too!?" Pinky looked a little too excited at the prospect, in Twilght's eyes.

"It only works on ex-humans," said the librarian, not bothering to break out the magical theory.

"So do you monkeys have any cool powers?" asked Rainbow Dash, suddenly nose-to-nose with Redheart. The nurse's eyes bugged at the sudden closeness, but she managed to shake her head.

"Er, no. No powers, or magic, or anything. Equestria seems like a bit of a fairy-tale land to all of us, I must admit." She twisted her torso to face Twilight. "Miss Sparkle? What now?"

But before she could answer, there was a knock on the door.

The group went instantly silent. Before anypony else could react, Pinkie bounded over their heads and swung the door wide open.

"Hi, Princess! You're just in time for the party!"

"And what party would that be, Pinkie Pie?" The dark-hued alicorn smiled gently at the pink pony.

"The 'Congratulations-On-Being-Tall-Again' party!" Confused, Princess Luna's eyes swept over the room's occupants until they settled on Nurse Redheart.

"Ah. I see." The nurse, already crouched next to Applejack, spun and went into as deep a bow as possible.

"Your highness." The alicorn sighed.

"I really wish ponies would stop doing that. I think my sister might have the right of it in having relaxed courtly customs." She nudged Redheart gently with a hoof. "You really don't have to do that."

"Yes, your highness." She didn't move. Luna sighed a second time, and Twilight realized why.

"She's not scared of you personally, Princess Luna. They thought Princess Celestia would, um, take them apart for study, or lock them away." Luna's ears flickered back in surprise.

"Tia? She would never!" She nudged Redheart again. "Excuse me, miss, but are you a bad po-, ah, person? Have you ever done anypony harm?" Redheart's head shook vigorously. "Then why do you fear me?"

"I'm an alien, pretending to be one of your people, lying about my origins." She chanced a look up. "I'd think that was reason enough to worry. It's like being a 'Red Sympathizer', but worse, I guess."

"I," declared the princess, "have no idea what that means. Though if I'm guessing right, you weren't exactly given a choice, now, were you? Please, stand up." The woman did so, slowly at first, until she was just about at eye-level with the alicorn. Her hands grasped one another at the small of her back, which looked like it should have been painful. Twilight considered just how flexible Germane's other form might be, and almost lost track of the situation.

"Can you repeat after me?" asked the alicorn. Redheart nodded, uncertainly.

"Very good. 'I', and say your own name here, please, 'do solemnly swear'-"

They appeared with a flash of teleportation magic. Not as subtly as he would have expected, but he couldn't be sure of anything. Germane put down his tea, walked over to the wall, and picked up something that he knew resembled a walnut. He turned to face the mares, one of whom was recognizably an alicorn, and felt filled with a sudden, new resolve.

"You'll never take me alive!" he called, and threw down the smoke bomb. And then he ran.

The sound of a body running head-first into a wall stud was horribly distinctive, or at least, Twilight would be able to recognize it should she ever again hear it. She and the princess remained still, slightly shocked at the turn of events, until the smoke cleared away and revealed an unconscious pegacorn. Twilight sighed.

"I'm supposed to introduce this to my parents," she grumbled, and started hauling him over to the second-hand couch he kept in his combined workshop and living space.

"What was that, friend Twilight?" The unicorn flushed.

"Well, you see, I'm sort of... dating him." Luna reared back, then grinned broadly.

"You have a paramour! Oh, how delightful! His name is Germane, yes?" Then she paused, and looked concerned. "This is the same 'Germane Craft' that you claimed was a budding threat to all ponykind, in your letters to my sister?"

"To be fair, he's really only a threat to himself," reasoned Twilight. "I was drawing the wrong conclusions. He's really quite sweet, in his own odd way. And he's smart, and he said I was lovely, and he likes to hear about my spells, and he thinks I'm pretty."

"Has he, oh, what was it they do these days," grumbled the alicorn. "Has he brought you chocolates in order to court you?" She nodded. "It seems a better option than bringing the severed wings of one of your enemies, I suppose." Twilight stared.

"I was just jesting!" insisted Luna. "We didn't do that! Stealing the banner from an enemy encampment was more than enough, and more hygienic, besides." Twilight nodded to herself.

"You two are going to get along very well," she said firmly. Luna smiled.

"You think so? It would be good to make more friends. And an alien, at that. Does he appreciate the night sky?" Twilight rolled her eyes.

"He's half nocturnal." She gestured with one hoof at a custom sign bolted over his coffee maker. 'Science takes place after noon.'

"Plus," she added, "his big project outside of the transformation spell is some kind of telescope." It couldn't hurt to butter the princess up just a bit.

"How lovely! Do you cast the spells for him?" Twilight made to answer, but stopped, thoughtfully.

"You know, I'm not entirely sure. He can't even try to cast magic anymore, because of..." Frantically, she cut herself off, but Luna had picked up where she'd left off. Slowly, the alicorn brushed back the sleeping stallion's mane and stared intently at his forehead. Without his mane hanging in place, the little depression in the fur was fairly obvious.

"I see. We called them 'little princes' in my time. It was meant, I think, ironically, but sometimes the descriptor fit quite well." She glanced back under her wing. "Would you like to kiss him awake? I always found it to make for a most pleasant morning alarm."

"What?" She almost let herself come over as flustered as she might usually have, with such a suggestion, before her better sense kicked in.

Why shouldn't I? I mean, if I was sleeping w- near him, and he wanted to wake me up, then... Her decision made, and with logic firmly on her side, she leaned over him and met his lips. She eventually broke off to breathe.

"It's not working. Usually he recovers a lot faster from concussions. Maybe I should try again?" Luna pat her back.

"Do go for it, Twilight Sparkle. Try licking his teeth." Twilight found herself staring again, and the alicorn shuffled under the scrutiny. "Do you require a demonstration? I would be more than happy to-" The unicorn leaped onto the couch and started ravaging Germane's face, not coincidentally hiding her shocked expression from the princess.

This time it worked.

"Mmph. Twi? Do I taste delicious or something?" She grinned.

"Sort of like Pinkie's souffle, still."

"Excellent technique, Twilight Sparkle!"

Germane didn't especially want to throw his marefriend off him in some ill-advised bid for escape, and judging by the pounding in his head, that tactic had already failed him. But the princess of the moon was right there. And she was smiling at him, albeit uncertainly.

"Though perhaps it is a bit forward of me to make such judgments," she continued on. "And it is quite beside the point! It would be best to get business out of the way. Do repeat after me, please."

"Bwuh?" he asked. She chose not to answer.

"I, Germane Craft," and here Twilight elbowed him so that his mouth ran on automatic and followed along just a second after, "do solemnly swear to abide by the laws and harmonious principles upon which Equestria stands. I further swear loyalty to the diarchy, and above all to the common good of all beings within the borders of the royal lands. With the skies under any light as my witness, I so promise."

"...I so promise," he finished, uncertainly. Then the alicorn clapped her hooves and smiled like a Filly one-five-hundredth of her age.

"What joyous tidings! I offer you a belated welcome to our country and, I suppose, world, and remind you to abide by our laws. You do pay taxes, yes?"

"Yes?" he squeaked. That seemed to satisfy her.

"Then tell us of this telescope. Twilight Sparkle seems uncertain of its construction, and such devices have long since been a passion of mine." The output drums of said telescope were still scribbling furiously. He must not have been unconscious very long.

"Twilight," he whispered fiercely, "What just happened?" The unicorn nuzzled him.

"You just got your citizenship," she answered. "Now be nice and tell me what the spinning things do. I see what are obviously echo pylons, but-"

And so he haltingly explained the workings of his bastardized radio telescope, which relied on something similar to but not at all like radio waves. When he later realized he wasn't going to be executed, he offered tea and donuts and frantically set about trying to be a good host.

He was staring into his mug when he blinked, hard.

"So... I'm not going to die?" Luna sighed.

"Friend Twilight, is he always so nervous?" Twilight poured a heavy serving of sugar into her mug and shrugged.

"Yes, but usually he's cockier about it." She turned and addressed Germane. "Seriously, that's it, except for the details. Redheart got her citizenship half an hour ago, and Princess Luna will open a standing invitation to her night court for all of the ex-humans. Isn't that right, Princess?" The alicorn nodded happily.

"Yes. I imagine you will want to go through your own channels, Germane, but after you've informed as many of your fellows as possible to the sincerity of your offer, we'll make a public announcement and a short educational series. That, I'm afraid, will require a great deal of help on your end, and on the end of these other 'coordinators' I've heard about, but-"

"I'll do it!" Germane leaped over the table, knocked over two mugs, and hugged the alicorn fiercely. It was probably more an odd stress reaction than anything else, and wholly automatic. Obviously he wasn't thinking very straight at the moment.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Twilight cleared her throat. "I'm gonna build you the biggest telescope ever!" Twilight cleared her throat again, more loudly this time, and was clearly straining from the effort. Germane tilted his head and looked out from over the princess's awesome, ethereal mane.

"Yes, Twilight?"

"Let go of the princess, Germane," she commanded. Germane flushed.

"Yes, sorry!" he bolted back and let his wings carry him into his chair.

"Oh, no, t'was quite well, we have been offered no offense to speak of," insisted Luna, sounding a lot more antiquated than she had a second earlier. She was staring intently at her half-finished doughnut. "These, ah, pastries are rather remarkable. Much like the weather, which is rather fair. Indeed." Germane glanced from the preoccupied alicorn to his marefriend, who had the strangest look in her eye.

"Right. Well." Germane searched for any words which might be appropriate to the situation. "When can I start?"

Author's Note

Nerds tend to have odd ideas of what constitutes a date. Sometimes this involves electrodes. Thank you all so much for your comments! I don't think I've had one person yet bring me to school about any spelling or grammar errors!

I just wish people would comment when they make a down vote, though- it's how I learn!

In case you didn't know, here's a historical fact: Nikolai Tesla believed that giving everybody death rays would bring about world peace. Yup.

Interlude The First

Dash Versus Craft: Part One

The window of Ponyville's general store was clean, free of streaks, and almost a perfect reflective surface. The massive, dripping bundle of feathers blinked owlishly at it, before glaring hard enough to crack the glass. Almost. Germane was almost certain that if he put a little more effort into it, the depths of his rage would have literally let him break things with his mind just by staring really, really hard.

"Curse you, Rainbow Dash! Curse you and your children unto the seventh generation! You will rue the day you crossed me!"

Lightning failed to flash in the background, and he could legitimately blame the weather mare for that, too.

The winged pony turned and stalked through the crowd of giggling, early morning shoppers and stopped just short of a cafe. He left behind a thin trail of honey speckled with canary feathers. The young mare serving the tables outside stared at him with apprehension, and shied away by a hair as he came up short.

"Pardon me. Do you have a moist towelette?"

Rainbow Dash smirked at the stallion across the table from her. She'd only been captain of the local weather team for a few months, now, but she'd immediately taken some of the increased pay with the aim of chatting up one of the town's cuter carpenter ponies over a few plates of spicy eastern cuisine. To her delight -and though she'd never admit it, pleasant surprise- the stallion had taken her up on it. He wasn't quite as built as Applejack's brother, or Snow Flash from the weather team was, but then he and she were off-limits for different reasons.

Big Macintosh, of course, had the insanely overprotective little sister, and Snow Flash was a coworker, which even to Rainbow's carefree personality just came across as being an iffy idea. Also, her previous captain had sat her down to a long, sorta terrifying lecture about 'dipping her quill in the company ink', and the rainbow-maned mare had a lot more respect for her position than most ponies suspected.

"I can't even guess why you didn't go to the Cloudsdale academy," she told him. "You've got solid wing work- at least as good as some of the gals we've got running cloud pushing." Rush shrugged and grinned.

"I got my mark early," he said, gesturing toward his flank with one wing. Rainbow allowed her gaze to linger for a few seconds, and not just over the crossed hammer and screw. "Dad wanted me in trade school pretty quick after that."

"Well I could totally show you a few tricks, you know?" the mare replied. "You know... you, me, a cloud out over some meadow? Could be fun." She didn't pay much attention to the next round of drinks the waiter brought over to them, just lowered her eyelids a fraction as she gave Rush a look, and took a slow sip from the glass.

Rainbow Dash swallowed. Then she swallowed again. Her eyes teared up and bulged out.

"Are you okay?" asked Rush. "You're looking kind of green..."

Germane didn't bother looking over from his spot seated near the wall. The horrified gasps and the sound of a zucchini noodle dish going completely to waste was a sign of his victory. Carefully, he nudged his saddlebag and its empty vial of ipecac syrup further under the table.

He wondered, for a moment, if he might not have been too harsh. Then he remembered walking his honey-and-feather-covered self past a bee hive on his way home, and the guilt went away like magic.

"Waiter? Another glass of wine? When you get the chance, of course."

Adapting

The diner was set into the side of a mountain. A number of other improbable businesses, tents, and homes -though nests may have been a more appropriate word- dotted the rocky scape, too. Germane stepped out of the flying carriage, to make way for the other three passengers and to pass a couple of five-bit pieces to the griffons who'd flown them there. They were friendly enough guys- if they'd found anything odd with a winged pony taking a sky carriage, they didn't mention it out loud, at least.

Asking where the 'House of Barbecue Vittles' was, though, did get him a couple odd glances. And one or two horrified gasps from the pony passengers still dealing with their luggage. He ignored them and pressed on.

He traveled fifteen minutes up the one-sided lane. The other side was nothing more than an open-air drop. Griffons might be comfortable on mountain tops, he mused, but nobody wants to risk their house crumbling over the side of a cliff. It was then that he became aware of a scent that he hadn't encountered in almost two years.

Cajun.

It was so absolutely out of place in the world he'd known since coming forward, but he found it to be a bit like coming home. Hell, he wasn't sure how well his body could even handle meats other than fish, but now he was struck by the strongest sense of curiosity.

'For science.'

He reached the building just like the carriage griffons had described and pushed his way in through the swinging door. In the primaries of one wing, he held an ink-scrawled piece of parchment. A waitress tried to catch his attention.

"Hey. Um, can I help you, sir?" the griffoness sounded very much like she didn't think she could. Germane grinned at her.

"Maybe. Do you know where I can find an Ash Ca-" A long banging caught his attention.

"No, no! This is rare! Unless it's stopped dripping blood, a good spice rub is mandatory." A pony surrounded by bemused griffons stood near half a dozen open-air grills, staring down an older male griffon that looked like it could tear him in half. The griffon was cringing.

"Sorry, sir." The pony sighed.

"No apologizing. I told you you're expected to make mistakes. You're not expected to lie about them! Land sakes, how else am I gonna teach you?" The earth pony stallion brought a hunk of pork to his muzzle and tore off a long strip. "Good texture, at least. No problems there."

Germane watched with no small amount of shock before he remembered that he'd been talking to somebody just a few seconds ago. He sighed and turned back to the waitress.

"That's the one I'm looking for. A plate of mild chicken wings, please?"

Twilight stared. Germane cleared his throat. Twilight continued to stare.

"Look, I told you some of them adapt better than others. Ash dealt with it by becoming a famous chef. In the griffon empire."

Twilight stared.

"Stop that!"

Germane's Dream

The dreamscape was a fluid, tenuous thing. It stretched across Equestria and beyond, but had no real points of reference within it. There was 'near' and 'far', but those directions were only as important as 'many dreamers', 'few dreamers', and so on. Luna navigated it with legs that were, metaphorically, pretty shaky.

She had resumed her dream duties only bare months after her return to her home and then her sanity. There were so many more dreamers in this modern age that she was at first floored at the sight. Insofar as the sight of the dreamscape could be described in normal language, anyway.

The princess of the night threaded through and around the many dreaming minds. Contrary to popular belief, she couldn't simply 'barge in' on somepony's subconscious. The thoughts in each bubble of dreams were that pony's own, and her intrusions were only really shaping a small part of the dreamstuff to act as she would, for a short while. A virtual Luna, so to speak, that would terminate at the dream's end.

Rarely did that little Luna send back any memory of the dream to the true, living diarch. But sometimes...

Simultaneously in her bed, and also above the provinces south of Canterlot, Luna felt one of her little dreaming selves take the initiative to part from a dreamer after the dream's end. No image of her could do this if the pony in question subconsciously disallowed it, but for whatever reason, this wasn't an issue. She closed her mind's eye and opened it upon a scene that had, just a short while ago, existed in a dreamer's mind.

Luna was standing in the Everfree Forest. Not an uncommon setting for nightmares, but Luna was more than a little concerned at the level of detail. Usually such scenarios supplied details from the dreamer's imagination, but this mind seemingly knew enough that it didn't have to imagine. Her moon was bright upon the scene, illuminating the deep wood. The dream's source and focus wavered before her.

It was a pony, but the details of... his? Yes, a pegasus stallion, she saw. But the details were somewhat vague. It was similar to what Luna had experienced in the dreams of the blind- more suggestions of shapes and textures than anything else.

The shape noticed her, but did not startle. Usually her appearance caused more startlement or reverence, or even fear when a pony saw her. She double checked and confirmed that she had manifested as herself, in her own body.

"I can't go back." The voice was unexpected, but clearly came from the dreamer.

"Oh?" she tried. "Whyever not?" Getting details from a dream was most often a study in subtlety. Asking leading questions was a much more successful tactic than demanding details. The figure motioned.

"I'll burn. I can taste the smoke, still."

So could Luna- she glanced toward where the young stallion had gestured. A strangely-appointed bedroom sat in the middle of the forest. It was bereft of walls, and a strange, long figure was lying under the covers. She made to take a closer look, but the pony shouted.

"Don't! I'm already dead! You can't go in there anymore. Nobody can." Respectfully, even though it pained the mare's more curious side, Luna retreated back toward the figure. As she did, she could make out the noises of the forest. Howls and screeches echoed out from between the trees, but there were no clear indicators of what was making those noises.

"There is danger out there," she cautioned. Perhaps his fears dwelt out in the brush, having taken living form? Instead of retreating or advancing at the mention, the stallion huddled and covered his head with his forelegs.

"I can't. This is all I can do. I'm sorry." The noises got louder. Luna exerted a small portion of her influence- just enough to stop the dream from following exactly the kind of track that ended in the two of them being swarmed by timber wolves, whatever those wolves may in fact symbolize. The trauma would wake him too soon, and nothing would be resolved.

"Why are you sorry?" The stallion shook his covered head.

"Dunno. It wasn't supposed to be like this. They're going to die again. Dying hurts." Smoke began pouring out from behind her, from the open bedroom.

"Not always. Please look at me? You are safe." A flat, bare face jerked around to look up at her, still attached to a blank pony's body.

"No we're not."

Miles away, in one of the tallest towers of the royal castle, Luna cracked one eye open and stared into the darkness of her room. The dream had ended abruptly. Perhaps the stallion had woken, suddenly.

Sighing, she reached for a piece of reading material that most of Equestria's citizens would not have expected to be a princess's normal reading material.

'Mythes Of Prediscordia. It was the latest true compendium of stories from her own foalhood, the first edition of which was over three centuries before. Why, then, were so many ponies of the modern era troubled by them?

She read, for not the first time that week, of rainbow bridges and ancient tyrants brought low by strange, wandering creatures from beyond paradise.

New Frontiers

Olive Branch, once Xavier Desanto of Madrid, Spain, walked past Ponyville's new general store. He winced, slightly, but the last meeting of the burgeoning village's hundred-plus residents had put it to a vote and supported his beloved Grenadine's suggestion. Not entirely surprising, since the Smith family was second only to the Apple clan in terms of local influence, and the first to suggest incorporating the swath of farmland and trading posts into a single town.

And perhaps, thought Olive with a smile, also the craziest, for how close they were to the Everfree forest.

Then again, I live here too, no? Though many would ask why I pay so much attention to such a wild place. And yet he'd head into it again tonight, as he had often throughout the last several decades.

Just in case.

But that was tonight, which was later, and he had things that needed doing in the present. Several feet down the packed dirt road, he watched in bemusement as Surety Belle chided her daughter and levitated along her day's shopping. He wondered, not that magic was taking place before his eyes, but that he hardly even noticed it these days.

"Starin' at other mares, Olive? Fer shame!" came a wry whisper. A smile pulled at his face in sheer reflex before he could stifle the urge and fight it down. He was almost composed when he turned to address the very center of his earlier thoughts.

"Hello, Grenadine. Just wondering how one might move things with one's brain." The mare rolled her eyes and tossed her lovely, braided mane.

"Messily, I reckon." She twitched, as if just restraining herself from coming close enough to physically touching him. Not so long ago, she would have kissed him shamelessly in front of Ponyville and the princess herself. Now...

"How are you getting on at the Acres?" he asked.

"Gettin' on just fine. The move was easy. Mah brother was askin' after you... Ah said ya couldn't make it," she added uneasily. Olive's ears flickered back uneasily, and he cursed his anatomy for having such an easy tell. He'd been a better liar as a human.

"He's a good stallion. I hope he and your family are all well." Grenadine gave him a look, one that expressed more than she might possibly say out loud, and shrugged.

"Furrow's been getting on alright, too," she added.

"That's good," said Olive, and meant it. For as rare as he got to see Grenadine, it was even rarer that he got to see Furrow. Those meetings didn't amount to much other than stony, traded glances across roads and crowded rooms. "That's... really good. I'm happy the two of you-"

"Consarn it, Olive!" Her words came out just a hair short of angry shouting. "What d'you expect when you natter on and don't say a single damn word t'either of us?!" She took a step closer. "Ya... ya could come home, Olive. T'both of us."

"I've never lied to either of you," he said, and quickly raised a hoof to cut off any further words she might have added. "Everything else I do I keep secret for the sake of more than you can imagine, Grena-"

"Can't imagine what you don't never even hint at, sugar. Can't trust no secrets, can't be love where there ain't no trust. You make a big name fer yerself, the original 'Iron Rail' pony, and y'just, y'just don't act right." And for the country mare, it was as simple as that. If he couldn't give all of himself, then neither could she. And when Olive already gave so very much of himself to so many others...

"Good-bye, Grenadine."

He turned away and prayed, as he gained distance, that he'd imagined the stifled sob of one of the only two ponies he'd truly loved. Olive knew that she and Furrow Apple would treat each other well and he... well, he would manage on his own.

There was still work to do, today, anyway. Their newest arrival needed paperwork and schooling in her new talents, which he couldn't provide as an earth pony. Maybe she would like his suggested name of 'Redheart'....

Dash Versus Craft: Part Two

The situation was desperate. Every corner held an enemy, and there were no safe havens. Madness had come to Ponyville, and there it roosted, laying eggs of discontent and forcing Germane to make senseless extended metaphors about madness.

He glanced up. Every stray cloud held an enemy that could destroy him 'in ten seconds flat'.

But knowing that life had to go on, even in times of stress and danger, the stallion had gone to market. His paranoia wasn't helped by the weight of many, many stares. Not bad ones, this time, but expectant ones. Every pony in the square, even as they made their way about their business, was keeping the occasional eye on him and what they anticipated as the next step in the ongoing prank wars.

Sometimes hostilities calmed, and it might be weeks or even months before he was menaced by that panchromatic daredevil, but sometimes those hostilities boiled over. It had not been a calm week for Germane.

It had all started with a poorly-chosen visit to play with Simba. The manticore, big dumb sweetheart that he was, had startled a small pack of timberwolves into Twilight Sparkle's group of friends. He found out later that she was trying to safely grab a sample of Poison Joke. The wood golems had actually been too frightened to try attacking them, but the six mares had been spooked or thrown into a large patch of the blue flowers. He, being a friendly(ish) and a (sorta) responsible citizen, went to see that nobody had gotten hurt.

Then Rainbow Dash had bucked him into a patch of the flowers and sent him tumbling off into the forest.

There was no way in hell that he was going to anybody for help after that, so he endured the effects of Poison Joke for the three days it took for them to wear off naturally in the privacy of his own workshop.

Having his mane turn the same color and consistency as it had been when he was human? Bearable.

Losing the rest of his fur and hairs off his tail to give him human skin on an otherwise equine body? Had made him look like one of those freaky, hairless cats.

Rainbow Dash had taken it more personally than the others, ending in the renewal of hostilities between them.

Back in the present, Germane bucked up and went to hit the last item on his shopping list. This would surely not be fun.

"Good afternoon, Miss Applejack," he said, walking up to the Apple family produce stand. Mostly apples, yes, obviously, but their clan was huge and tended to informally trade around produce between homesteads. He eyes some oranges, and wondered if he still remembered how to make candied citrus peels.

Then he remembered a kitchen in a tiny house in Albany, and wondered if homesickness ever stopped being a thing.

"Germane Craft!" The pegacorn snapped his head up.

"What, yes, may I help you?" The orange mare manning... ponying? Standing, at any rate, at the stall was looking at him weirdly.

"Ah assume you showed up to buy somethin', unless you were too busy planning your next camping trip?" she asked wryly. Germane had actually apologized about the fiasco in the forest.

"I did apologize for that," he reminded her out loud. The blond glared.

"After 'bout three days, yeah."

"It takes a while for Poison Joke to wear off." She frowned at that.

"We had the antidote ready, Craft. Took us six hours, and before anythin' actually set in." Germane blinked at her claim.

"There's an antidote?"

Applejack pieced together what he meant, then, and began laughing.

"Oh, ah ha, you meant you-"

"Not talking about it," he growled.

"No, no, tell me! What did th' stuff do to ya?"

"Six apples, six oranges, please." The mare rolled her eyes. Germane felt horribly grateful that the fur loss had been magical and hadn't had to grow back the hard way, or else he's still be inside.

"Fine, you grump. Ah can give that to you fer seven bits, but only 'cause I ain't had a good laugh all day." The stallion grumbled and hoofed over a fiver and two single bit pieces. She bagged up the fruit and slid it over the stand.

"Thank you," he said, politely but curtly, and turned away. He wasn't sure what made him glance in the bag, but curiosity had him reach in and pull out an oddly waxy-looking fruit from the top.

"Er, I think you gave me one too many," he said. The mare squinted.

"Ah don't think I did."

Germane shifted the fruit and it rattled.

'Apples aren't hollow,' he thought, just before it exploded.

The pegacorn squinted out from a layer of instant apple sauce a second later. Applejack and a good fraction of the market stared in horrified fascination. Far above, a cackling giggle echoed out across the sky.

He was dimly aware of a farm mare shouting up and threatening a certain pegasus about fiddling with her apples. Germane just knew that he had to prepare for the inevitable next round.

Rainbow Dash sneaked under cover of darkness, wearing an absolutely awesome stealth suit. There, just ahead of her, was Mister Slo-mo's creepy house. It was covered in metal struts and funny shutters, but she clearly saw what had to be the bedroom window. The sucker had even left it open!

She readjusted her saddlebag -full as it was with ceram-wrap which was going to cover ever surface of the grumpy pegasus's house- and swooped through the window. Rainbow Dash would finally have her payback for the giant cart-mounted flyswatter.

Weirdly enough, the bed was empty. There was clearly nopony in the room, so she settled down on it to orient herself.

The mare heard a click. Then things turned purple, and then she went airborne. Except, for once, she wasn't actually flying at the same time.

Germane trotted into the room and wiped down the grape jelly cannon. From off in the distance, he heard the sound of a rainbow-colored pegasus landing in the Apple family's cow pond.

Next, he reset the trigger trap that turned his bed into a catapult and set the safety pin. You only had to wake in a cow pond once to never forget to do that again. Cheerfully humming 'You Shook Me All Night Long', he locked the shutters and settled in to bed.

Then he noticed his catapult/bed had sacrificed a pillow to the cow pond, again.

An almost perfect victory, then.

Author's Note

Real chapter next time! This was just for fun and/or just because.

Her Royal Prerogative

Chapter Five: Her Royal Prerogative

Eight days. Letters had gone out to Frost Wicker, Blueroot, Archer Crass, Jimminy Cricket (some of the ex-humans had no restraint, in Germane's opinion), and Plum Perigee. They were due to arrive tomorrow, Pinkie Pie had promised to hold off on any celebrations until after they'd dealt with business, and Princess Luna was due to arrive in about thirty minutes.

"I think that's just about everything," said Twilight, who was staring intently at a floating list and distractedly twitching a quill in a nimbus of her magical energy. Having her along to make sure he wasn't missing anything (an ever-present worry) was a balm for Germane's nerves. He wrapped a wing around her and tugged her close.

"You are the cleverest, prettiest, most list-makingest mare of all," he mumbled into her neck. He was swatted by a quill for his troubles, but she leaned into him and flicked one of his hindlegs gently with her tail.

I take back everything I said about understanding pony body language, he thought. He was being stupid about things, again, he knew. Though by his count (admittedly biased) they'd been on thirty-seven dates, he wasn't really up-to-date on how fast relationships were supposed to develop, among ponies or otherwise.

"Are we going too fast? Or slow? I'm sort of looking to you for indicators, here," he admitted out loud. She hummed, flatly.

"I think we're going according to the timetable. Unless there are any other sort of last-minute preparations we need made, which would be very irresponsible for you to mention so late in the day," she replied. Germane blinked.

"You... made a timetable? Not that I'm questioning your methods, or anything, but that seems slightly impersonal. Unless it's really important to you, in which case I am completely fine with it," he said.

"Of course I made a timetable! These technically fall into the realm of delicate negotiations, and I want Princess Luna to be able to observe that everything's going according to plan, so that she doesn't have to do more than read the vows. Everything past that would, of course, be at her discretion." Germane felt a few of the gears in his brain grind to a halt.

"You... want Luna to observe. And read the vows. Now I'm going to have to be the one to say that we might be going to fast, Twilight." She looked at him in concern.

"Germane, you've already committed to this! I know it might make you feel uncomfortable, but now's not the time to get cold hooves. Delaying here could have massive impacts for all of society!"

"I think you're putting entirely too much pressure on my maidenhood, here, metaphorically speaking," he replied. Twilight twitched, blankly, in the way she did when re-assessing an experiment for clues or, perhaps, taking another look at a past conversation.

"Oh my goodness you meant... eep!" Her face colored. Then her withers colored. If it were possible, Germane would have laid even odds on her hooves turning red. Though he wasn't likely faring any better, and his pale coat showed color much more easily.

"Uh, do you... want to go faster?" she asked.

"I'm fine with going however you want to go," he assured her. "Really. I'm mostly running off of academic texts, dirty jokes and snark as my guides. I am intensely aware of how little I have to go on. You can consider yourself the sexy teacher, and I'll be your innocent pupil. Your task, in this scenario, is to thoroughly corrupt me."

"I'm the teacher? Celestia's sake, I tried to ask Rarity for advice! She started to... tell me things. Things that I won't soon be able to forget. Are you sure that humans can't give off 'memory rays'?" she asked in a hopeful tone. Germane shook his head.

"Not for lack of trying. It would have been useful, sometimes." He absently drew circles on the floor with his hoof. "Maybe we should, uh, just get a night to ourselves. You know? Go out, have dinner, and just relax in front of the glow of a pair of Tesla coils. We can see what happens after that. And if nothing happens, we can get ourselves another night later on. Um, cool?"

He expected any number of things. Twilight leaning forward, grasping the front of the joint that held his left wing to his body with her mouth and sucking at it hard enough to make his eyes roll was not one of them. Germane cursed his lack of pants and focused on controlling himself.

"Grnk?" Twilight smiled impishly.

"That sounds nice. And that was one of the things Rarity said should wait until... what number date are we on, now?"

"Thir... buh, thirty-seven?"

"And I'm sure at least nine of those actually count in the real world," she mused. "I think that means it's okay to try that other thing she mentioned... Do you have any baby oil?"

Germane was spared a delightful catatonia when there was a knock at the door. He whimpered, slightly, and looked at Twilight imploringly.

"We can't tell them to go away," she admonished. He widened his eyes, slightly. "It's probably the Princess!" His lip trembled.

"Hello? Germane? Twilight? It is me, the princess of the moon! Er... Luna?"

Well, at least she's finally cut down on using our full names. The redundancy is still adorable, though.

"I'll get it," the pegacorn said with a sigh. Not that he was put off by the night alicorn's company (anymore, that is, ever since he'd been convinced he wouldn't be put to death), but it couldn't have killed her to be five minutes later. He wasn't even sure what Twilight had just done, exactly, but the wing she'd just hickied refused to stay down, and every third step he took sort of sent his pace jittering to one side. The unicorn mare at his back was giggling.

Germane opened the door on a eager alicorn.

"Welcome to my home, your highness," he said, stamping his hoof to keep it still.

"Please, Germane, are we not friends? Do call me Luna. Hello, Twilight! How go your efforts at vigorously courting our friend pegacorn?" Germane's leg twitched as he shut the door behind the princess.

"Hello... Luna," said Twilight, forcing off her own compulsion toward deference. "Germane and I are still dating." Luna looked put out by the less-than-enthusiastic response.

"Oh. Well. Have you tried suckling his inner primaries?" She looked, worriedly, at Germane, who'd begun choking on his own tongue. "Now, friend Germane, unicorns have very sensitive necks. There are also a number of-"

"Luna!" The princess looked taken aback.

"Yes, Germane? Am I presuming too much? I apologize if that is true, I am simply 'shipping' the both of you, as Rainbow Dash put it. I am very happy to see you happy, is all."

"We're doing fine," said Twilight. "Just fine. And you might be talking to Rainbow Dash too much. Did she... did she show you her fanfiction?" Luna beamed.

"The adventures of Chromatic Sash and her devoted lover Daring Do are quite entertaining, are they not? I do wonder where she got the idea."

What followed was a long explanation of what, exactly, fanfiction was. Germane unwillingly took the lead on that one, and had to give an abbreviated explanation of the internet. He was pretty sure it would result in another binder added to Twilight's list of questions about Earth. And then Germane had to promise Luna a reproduction of a 'lolcat'. God save his soul.

"So, what say we get to work?" suggested Twilight. Not that there was really any work to be done. It was mostly along the lines of fact-finding, particularly concerning Germane's transformation device. Its very existence defied a lot of what she took as common knowledge, and Luna likely wanted to be able to explain the safety and merits of the procedure to her sister.

To Celestia, to whom Twilight still hadn't told about the humans' existence. It barely eased her mind that Luna had asked to help handle everything before informing Equestria's other diarch.

"Germane, would you mind transforming?" asked Luna as the inventor led the mares out of his living room and, well, honestly just led them thirty feet to where hardwood floor became concrete. His 'work area'. Twilight would have commented, but she herself lived just above her own workplace. And her own living quarters more often than not resembled the library just below.

"I suppose, Luna. Why?" asked the stallion. Twilight watched Luna glance innocently toward the ceiling.

"Oh, for reasons. In the first place, I have only seen one human, and her for only ten minutes. Simple curiosity on my part, perhaps. Also, I would like for you to be comfortable. In very short order, it will do more harm than good for the developer of said procedure to shy from using it, would it not?" Germane nodded slowly.

"I guess that's true," he said, and triggered the change. It was always fascinating to watch, for Twilight. It was odd to see how little changed about him, specifically, between one species and the next. Bipedal instead of quadrupedal, and his mane was dark and curly, but his eyes were the same grey color and his expressions were identical. He was still dressed in his shoddy, homemade clothes. Rarity would have had a fit, but then Twilight knew full well what had happened to his last set.

"Not too strange, I hope," he said, addressing Luna. The alicorn shook her head.

"No, you were quite correct in that I had a certain... inkling as to your true selves after resuming my guardianship of dreams. Many a night was spent scouring the royal libraries for some mention of you, but there was nothing of substance. And what you dream of!" She nudged Twilight. "They have quite varied sexual practices. Very... imaginative."

Twilight did her best to convince herself that the princess was just being friendly in her own awkward way, but couldn't help but reflect on certain suspicions she'd been having. Suspicions that, alarmingly, didn't alarm her very much. If she'd cared to examine her own psyche in detail, she'd probably admit that she saw a kindred soul in the socially inept alicorn. So, instead of making some sort of gentle reminder about proper modern behavior:

"Oh? I admit I had a few pages devoted to asking about certain practices-"

"Hey! Who'd like to look at my equipment?" broke in Germane in an obvious segue. Twilight almost felt sorry for the stallion when she and Luna spontaneously broke into a fit of giggles. Almost.

"Or we could not look at this century's biggest advance in spellcraft," he suggested, red-faced. It was an empty threat, but had the immediate effect of sobering Twilight, if not Luna.

"Yes, do show us your equipment, Germane. I expect to find it impressive," chortled the alicorn. And that set off Twilight again.

"I get it, now," said the human thoughtfully. "I died and went to hell. Hell is getting laughed at by pretty girls. It's remarkably like high school." He glanced around suspiciously. "Am I in high school?" Luna replied by nudging his shoulder with one massive wing. Twilight expected him to fall over, but he just bent in one direction, momentarily, before he was standing straight again. It only made sense that he was well-adapted to the posture, but that reasoning didn't make her any less eager to put him under a high-powered x-ray. For science!

"You did no such thing!" declared Luna. "I should feel quite privileged to meet myself should I die. I would take it as an honor, as should you." And then, to Twilight's surprise, he shoved her back.

"Yes, m'lady. Awfully humbled by yer presence, yer ladyship. May I dare to toil before yer royal personage?" Luna stuck her nose into the air.

"You may, peasant. Bring out your paltry efforts that I may scoff at them." Germane, playing the part of a properly cowed peasant, scuttled off toward a large outlet full of shelves and stacked crates. While he busied himself, Twilight stepped up to Luna's side.

"Er, Princess?" The alicorn glanced down with a small frown.

"Luna, please, Twilight." Twilight nodded.

"Right, sorry Luna." The princess beamed. "I just wanted to say that you've really got the hang of playful teasing," which was a skill that Twilight herself had only picked up through constant exposure to the other girls, "but it might be coming off as a bit more..." she bit her cheek, "flirty, um, toward him than you intended." The princess looked horrified, which instantly had Twilight feeling guilty.

"I do not mean to seem as if I were ignoring you, Twilight, I would just wish to know him better before I court the both of you together. You and I are already close friends, after all."

Twilight nodded, having had everything adequately explained to her complete satisfaction.

Then common sense came into the equation and bucked her in the head.

"You what?!"

"Something wrong, ladies?" Germane had finally set his burden on the floor and begun pushing it on its tiny wheels over to where the two mares had stayed.

"Nothing at all!" Twilight heard a stifled, sad note from the alicorn. "I mean, nothing that can't be discussed later! When we're all... ready to discuss. Things." Luna still looked worried, which was just an odd sight, coming from an immortal ruler with near-godly powers, and Germane looked skeptical, but nobody argued with her panicked assertion.

"Alrighty then," said the stallion. "I'll just get this thing assembled, shall I?" While he went to it, Twilight fell into frantic thought.

The princess, wait, Luna wants to date me! Us! Oh, sweet Celestia- she broke off for a moment and winced. ...Invoking Celestia's name while thinking about that with her sister is... probably not a good thing.

Is this even remotely okay? I mean, she's nice, and clever, and we really get along well, and she's basically beauty made flesh... Twilight swallowed dryly. I am in so far over my head. And Germane! Would he be alright with that? He always seems worried enough just dating one pony to begin with, so what would he begin to think about 'herding up'? It's not exactly common in Ponyville like it is in more cosmopolitan areas. Are humans monogamous, or what? I knew I should have gotten to those questions sooner!

Monogamy wasn't exactly a rule for ponies, per se, and was more or less common depending on the region. She could only imagine her friends' reactions.

How delightfully scandalous!

Ah'm not exactly sure how ta take this.

We can have a 'Congrats-On-Shacking-With-Royalty'-party!

Oh... oh my.

Score. You think her sister would be open to something?

It was probably going to get awkward, and fast. But her brother was already involved with royalty, so it wouldn't be too much of a shock...

"This here is the most important component," started Germane. He'd sunk onto his knees, and had unfolded the main box's innards for the sake of the mares' view. It was a copper wire, lined with silk, and wrapped a few hundred times around a solid quartz cylinder. It was anchored in some sort of metal u-bar. "This, ladies and... er, ladies, is a magical capacitor. Not very advanced, yet, but I have officially opened spellcasting to the remaining two-thirds of the pony population."

"What." It was hard to tell just who had asked... said that. Germane nodded to herself.

"Yup. And since this is an actual invention instead of a reinvention, I've already got the patent requests in, and I can actually keep the credit." He smiled dreamily. "I'm buying an airship. Or maybe a fleet of them. Would either of you like an airship?"

"I... ah, already have one, thank you," said Luna, dazedly. She nudged the little arrangement. "It's an autocast. They are supposed to be much larger than this."

That was the first Twilight had ever heard of an 'autocast'. She caught Luna's attention.

"An autocast?" The alicorn nodded.

"Manehattan's High Energy Magic building has one. It takes in ambient magical energy, and can be triggered to cast through a pre-made spell array. It weighs approximately four tons and tends to randomly transmute nearby pigeons into honeycombs of dubious quality."

"How dubious?" asked Germane.

"They taste like pigeon." Luna shook her head, as if to clear out the thought. "That is entirely beside the point. This will... well, I'm not entirely sure what this will do. I think a fleet of airships may serve as a conservative estimate. Father my children?"

"What?"

"Nothing!" shouted Twilight. She thought frantically for a topic change. "Can you show us the spell?" Germane shot the two mares a confused look, but nodded.

"Of course. Um, for the sake of saving space, I coiled the whole thing in a sheet of insulated lead foil, which is apparently a thing you can do. Has anyone else tried that? It really saves on making chalk diagrams all over the floor, and chalk makes me sneeze, anyway. Plus the coils are compact and transportable. So... here are the spells! I layered them to get the right effect, and this bit over here is held together by some double-sided tape because I couldn't find my soldering gun."

"Father my children."

"What?"

"Nothing!" shouted Luna, nudging Twilight silent.

Dang it. Calm your nerdgasm! the unicorn berated herself, and wished that Pinkie hadn't ever taught her that word.

"...Right," said Germane, suspicious and confused. "Well, my first combination didn't work, nor did the next twelve, so I just started making more arrays. Applying the concept of interchangeable parts to spellwork just made sense, like object-oriented programming. Oh, um, go ahead and put that on your list, I guess. Twilight? Sugarhooves?"

The demonstration was going pretty alright, in Germane's opinion. Sure, Twilight and Luna kept spacing out, and he had the weird suspicion that they were drooling on his components, but they didn't look bored. Probably.

"Ah, Germane? I recognize your base spell," said Luna. "This is a spell used on autopsies, is it not?" Germane nodded and smiled. He hadn't expected anybody to notice it. The spell was pretty obscure, after all.

"It is! Instead of using it to lift magical traces from crime scenes, I used it to suspend the magic in a living body. Anypony with a trace of non-magic morphic resonance has their other field substituted for the first. The transformation isn't even a spell. It's just a reflex that the spell teaches the body. I added the exception for magical fields to make it harmless to any native lifeforms."

"You're using an autopsy spell," repeated Twilight uncertainly. Germane grimaced.

"Maybe we can just not mention that part. It works! If anyone asks, it runs on wishes and the laughter of children. Or something." It made perfect sense to him, at least.

"Probably for the best," admitted the princess. "One cannot argue with the results, in any case. What say we leave the rest for tomorrow?" Germane nodded. It was getting late, and Luna probably had plenty to occupy her time at her night court.

"Of course, Luna. I didn't mean to hold you up. I tend to ramble when it comes to circuitry, as you can..." He glanced down at his thoroughly clothed butt. "As you could see if I were fuzzier. My human form doesn't come with any nifty tattoos, sadly, but I could remedy that." Germane considered the idea. Dying before he could legally go out and get a tattoo had put a dimmer on some, if he said so himself, sweet ideas for body art. Though at least eight years had been time enough to rethink the wizard riding the batmobile into a red dwarf star.

Still, his talent mark was pretty awesome. Like an achievement tag for figuring out his life's passion without changing his college major twelve times.

"Anyway," he said, breaking his own reverie, "Sorry for cutting into your work. Walk you to the door?" The princess, for whatever reason, looked incredibly put-out.

"My apologies, I had thought there would be some manner of 'sleep over'. I, I must have misunderstood. Fare thee well, then." Germane watched and felt an uncomfortable twinge in his side as she turned away.

No, wait, that was Twilight. She was wringing her hooves and looking more anxious than anything. And also elbowing Germane's side.

"Germane!" she hissed.

"Actually, staying over would be... fine?" he tried, and Twilight nodded eagerly. Luna turned and flashed him a shockingly bright smile.

She has a nice smile. Though I feel like I just offered her top slot on the Make-A-Wish list. How isolated do you have to feel to have that kind of gratitude over a sleep over? He considered the question. I'm probably not the right person to be asking that, considering my normal social habits.

Before Twilight stumbled across the last Hominids Anonymous meeting, he spent most of his time working, coordinating his own tiny corner of humanity from a distance, and occasionally (and mostly accidentally) playing the Elemental Bearers' Saturday Morning Villain.

Now he got heated make-outs, and that without the fear of being discovered and dissected. It was a win-win!

And just being able to talk with people... ponies, was worth a hell of a lot. He'd never managed the kind of immersion that he'd always, ironically enough, pushed on his fellow ex-humans.

"Yeah, I've got plenty of room," he added, this time with a little more certainty. He got temporary boarders often enough that he had linens aplenty. Speaking of which...

"Delightful! May we build a 'pillow fort'?"

The ramparts upon the Macintosh Hills had been built with the red stone that made the hills under them so famous. Earth ponies and pegasi alike had patrolled it vigilantly to stave off the wandering griffon bands, and she'd personally held court over a band of unicorn saboteurs which had made the lives of those vagabonds like unto Tartarus.

Not content with merely ordering construction, she had personally walked the scaffolding of the new walls and cast a discerning eye upon every stone.

"The doorway is unsecured."

"Well I can't weld cloth, now, can I?"

Her loyal consorts, too, were hard at work. They had taken on a hooves, and hands, -on approach. The efforts would exhaust them, yes, but once they were done she would take them and bed them vigorously, insuring they would sleep well and deeply.

"I think I can animate the moat. You've got an extra-large couch cushion and some nylon rope, so you can improvise a drawbridge."

"I call this an unfair division of labor. Drawbridges take effort and materials! The portage fees alone..."

And then, come the night, they would rise and languish in silk and warmth. A jester could be brought in to entertain them, and the three would never have to take one step out from under the covers.

"I think Luna's spaced-out again. Give her a poke."

"No, you poke her. I have to calculate the angle on these pulleys. I'm not even sure where I got these things."

"Eep!" And thus Luna found herself prodded out of recollections of a war long past, albeit updated with a new cast of characters. Brought back to the present, she realized with horror that she was falling behind in her pillow fort duties. Then she saw the improvised banner attached to their chair. Their tower, she meant.

"Er, why have we chosen Twilight's cutie mark as our standard flag?" The hastily-scribbled drawing drooped, slightly, on its parchment.

"Because Germane didn't want to be the princess-" there was an audible snort "-and you already have a castle. You may refer to me as Archduchess Sparkle," stated the violet unicorn proudly. The alicorn nodded at that.

"This sounds like a fair proposition." She eyed the construction thus far. "We lack murder-holes. How are we supposed to defend ourselves?"

"With the two strongest mages in Equestria, maybe," suggested Germane. Luna grinned at the compliment. Twilight, though, looked insulted.

"And what will you be doing when the enemy's storming our gates?" she demanded to know. The human stallion rubbed at his chin, thoughtfully.

"Panicking. With my hand on the self-destruct button." Luna giggled.

"The castle has a self-destruct button? Whatever for?"

"I'm a mad scientist, didn't you know? That's what we do. Twilight, tell her," he insisted. The unicorn rolled her eyes.

"Germane's let a few rumors go to his head. If you acknowledge it, you'll just be feeding his delusions." The idea sounded too fun, though, not to go along with.

"How exciting! You are a stallion of many dimensions, Germane. One wonders at what sort of childhood you must have had." The human paused, mid-way through threading his pulley system. Luna could see Twilight paying careful attention. Obviously the topic was of interest to both of them.

"I guess I was just one nerdy little human among many. Sorta chubby? My parents moved a lot for work, and I guess books were easier to carry than friends. I liked taking apart electronics, but it wasn't until I met Olive that I really took it seriously. Before I discovered my special talent, I thought I'd go into software or something, but that was more because I thought I'd design games, or whatever." Germane fiddled with a frayed knot in the rope. "I think I was a pretty happy kid. I had a big brother who put up with me most of the time, even when he really shouldn't have, and my parents were really nice people."

"What about the two of you?" he asked.

Luna listened avidly to Twilight's description of her childhood, of her parents, brother, and foalsitter (now sister-in-law). She had heard it before, given how her sister positively gushed about her student at every opportunity, but the tiny, gleeful embarrassments and the triumphs of a filly as seen through the eyes of a mare had a special, personal sense to them.

Germane made longer and longer pauses between adding increasingly pointless mechanisms to the pillow fort to listen in. Luna had to gently suggest that a functioning plumbing system was likely unnecessary.

Really, he had the same eclectic air as Starswirl the Bearded or Katalina Brightbeam, with an abundance of ideas and a certainty that all of them, including the horribly inane ones, were all good ideas by default. Twilight had, earlier on, pointed out his closet of half-finished toasters. Each was more intricate and detailed than the last, until the later models were things of pure science-fiction that would be too terrible, and too dangerous to ever actually be plugged in.

Luna hoped to browse the closet at some point, herself. Modern appliances were a fun curiosity, and she imagined that Germane's were more curious than most.

Before they could start asking about her own childhood (which would require a good month of Sundays, both for an accurate description and the historical perspective required to understand it), Luna brought up the same thought that had likely been plaguing Twilight.

"Ah, Germane? About the other components of your device-" He grimaced. The action made his narrow, human eyes into dissatisfied slits, and crinkled his protruding nose. Luna wanted to poke at it.

"I... get from your reactions that some of the, um, techniques could be pretty groundbreaking. But I don't want to patent methods. I'll claim credit for the capacitor, but that's because it's mine. I came up with it using human techniques, but the result came from my work. The other components are essentially pony-developed with a funny twist to them. I'm just going to publish through the HAC and let the universities dissect it for goodies."

"The HAC?" It was definitely a familiar name to the alicorn, but she wanted to be certain.

"Hominids Anonymous Coalition. It's got another name on paper, but I keep forgetting it. They release harmless stuff, a little bit at a time, and all the 'general knowledge' inventions get patented to feed a fund that helps newbies adjust. Frost Wicker and Plum Perigee run it. I passed on some stuff about noble gasses I picked up when I was fifteen a while back, and some stuff on circuitry last year."

"And here I thought you never published your works," said Twilight. "You know, that made me incredibly suspicious." Germane sighed.

"Yeah. I hadn't considered that angle until just recently. The two coordinators running the HAC would have probably been fine with me claiming a couple of small things, being reasonable, but I just didn't think of it."

"What would... not-so-harmless 'stuff' include?" asked Luna with a niggling suspicion. Germane froze up completely.

"Germane?" prompted Twilight. The unicorn, concerned at his lack of response, trotted up to her stallionfriend. Luna, too, looked on with concern. The human glanced uncertainly between the two of them. He swallowed dryly.

"Some of our tech... is dangerous. I mean, hammers can be dangerous, but they aren't made to..." he chewed at his lip, "...hurt people. Not really. A lot of tech is just the result of, um, conflict and the scientific one-upmanship that happens during that. Then, when the... conflict is over with, that tech gets put toward new use during peacetime. We're sort of introducing all of the end results without all of the in-between bits. Clean power without the pollution. Material science without the toxic impact. And we leave the weapons out."

"What kind of weapons?" asked Luna, completely in-line with the fact that she'd served as a general in wartime as often as she'd been a ruler in peacetime. Even if the last time she'd held such a position had been under the bloody reign of Nightmare Moon.

"No. Nuh-uh. To describe them would be as good as to create them, in some cases," he insisted. "Even the ones that can't be puzzled out through context are not the kind of things that anybody need even consider."

It was Luna, who did in fact have knowledge of the many ways humans could and did die, it being a common facet of hundreds of nightmares, who ended up capitulating first. However...

"Even defensive technologies?" she asked. That brought Germane up short.

"Without the other coordinators here-"

"They'll be here tomorrow," piped in Twilight. "You probably already have a couple idea, right?" Germane glanced nervously between the two mares.

"I might have a few, maybe. Or if I had five minutes and some scrap paper. Now please hold off on asking until I don't feel like Plum Perigee's going to jump out at me from a closet or something? Please?"

"Sure thing, Germane." Twilight visibly fought down the desire to question him endlessly, which was as sure a sign of love as Luna could have imagined from the unicorn, and kissed the kneeling figure. He seemed to instinctively tilt his head, which fascinated the princess until she finally puzzled that one out.

Noses! It stops their noses from getting in the way of each other. Adorable.

She was swamped with equal sensations of both warmth and longing at the sight. In all honesty, she hadn't felt such a feeling since Katalina Brightbeam's passing, which only went to show that she definitely had a 'type' when it came to romantic pursuit. Unlike her sister and her love of born-comedians and daredevils.

Tia's young dragon paramour just a century after Discord's reign, for instance. The one that published three books of dirty folk songs.

So many verses that rhymed with 'quivering loins'...

When Twilight broke away and left Germane with a goofy grin, Luna cleared her throat to gain their attention.

"I believe a common sleepover activity is 'story-telling', is it not? We should retreat into our fortress and make merriment." She grinned, and Twilight went wide-eyed. The human returned a much more innocent smile.

"I've got one. It's called 'Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone'."

"What is it about?" Germane's grin widened.

"A human boy who discovers he can do magic."

They had shown up as a group. Germane was the youngest of the six coordinators, and despite his clear record of success as the watchful eye of Equestria's most dangerous wild magic zone, he couldn't help but feel a little intimidated in the others' presence. Especially-

"I brought tea cakes."

"Gah!"

He's known they were all in his home, had been intensely aware of the presence of the other five coordinators, and still had managed to be terrified by the quietest thing on four hooves. Plum Perigee smiled enigmatically.

"Not to disparage the selection of foods you have provided, of course, young Craft. But our guests should surely appreciate them." Germane's brow furrowed.

"Guests?" He already had guests, and the ex-humans were otherwise alone in the house. The teal unicorn didn't visibly react to his confusion.

"The one, perhaps more, who shall shortly be arriving. After you 'ease us in' to the idea, of course." Germane suddenly felt very young.

"You... know?" He glanced past her to the other ponies relaxing in his kitchen. She moved to regain his attention.

"Just myself and Jimminy, currently. News travels quickly for those who know how to listen. You've handled things well, I hope?" Germane nodded with a kind of frantic desperation. Perigee's smile didn't change, but looked a fraction more smug, to him. "As I have come to expect from you, young Craft. I've also heard of your latest discovery. I assume we're to be the next to gain the... reflex. I do so look forward to doing proper tai chi, again." And like that, she turned and walked languidly back toward the others. Germane stared.

How the hell how the hell how the hell?!

They were pretty typical thoughts to have, after dealing with Plum in any capacity. She was like the bastard offspring of Charles Xavier and Bruce Lee. And maybe Morticia Addams.

Germane steeled himself, grit his teeth, and followed her over. Time to let a lonely corner of humanity that the world had changed, again. Though in a slightly less literal sense, this time.

"Alright, everybody," he started, slipping into more comfortable pronouns like he tended to do around those in the know, "Now that we're settled, let's get straight into the heart of the matter. I've got news that couldn't wait until the next meeting. A lot of news, actually." He sat in the only open chair left at the kitchen table, and was gratified when the others settled down to pay attention. Even if Frost Wicker had to receive a quick wing to the head courtesy of Archer Crass to actually shut up.

"It's good news," he said. "Regardless of what you think my news means, there is not, in fact, any sort of emergency. I've already panicked enough for the lot of us, so save the moaning and pants-wetting until after you eventually get home to your own beds."

"Thank goodness I'm not wearing pants," broke in Blueroot. "That might've been embarrassing, eh?" There were a couple of snickers.

"Too true. Now, keeping in mind that there is no reason to panic," Germane reminded them, "we've been made. We've been made for about a year, now. In the interests of harmony and all that good stuff, I've invited Princess Luna to meet us here so we can all be friendly and not panic!" he said, raising his voice at the end in a way he seldom did to cut off the worried or angry chatter.

"She's the patron of dreams, people! What do you think a bunch of humans would have been dreaming about in the years since she's been back?" For any number of reasons, that last question was plenty to quiet the coordinators. Though Plum and Jimminy were notably less loud about it in the first place. Plum was just dunking her cakes into a mug of tea and looking for all the world like she was enjoying the show.

"I've already talked with her personally," Germane added quickly. "Her first action when she arrived actually, honestly surprised the living hell out of me."

"Out with it. What did she do?" asked Archer. He was listening, but also obviously eyeing the exits.

"She made me a citizen," replied Germane. "With all those happy little inalienable rights that come with that." The mood at the table went straight to shock. Even the two who'd already known about what was coming were dead silent. "I'm not saying it will be easy, but we can live out in the open now. It can't be that much harder than lying all the time, can it?" Thankfully, it was Jimminy who spoke up next. By the time he'd voiced his thoughts, Plum had recovered from her brief look of shock and had gone back to smiling.

"Show us what you mean by living out in the open, Ger," he suggested. Regardless of how unsettled he'd looked at Germane's announcement, even after having heard of it before by second hand accounts, his eyes betrayed an eager spark.

Germane folded his hooves neatly under his chin, tucked in his wings, and shifted. An instant later, he was in the exact same pose except this time his hairless chin was resting on folded hands.

"I mean this."

There were more explanations. The difference being that, unlike with his previous audience of local ex-humans, Plum and Frost both asked technical questions to double-check his work. Germane did his best not to bristle at the implication, since they were only being sensibly cautious. Still, he'd tested the damn thing on himself and he hadn't exploded yet!

As he moved to set up the equipment though, he cut off the group's excited babble by announcing their guests.

"We've got a couple of observers for this," he warned them. "Blueroot, you're closest to the door. Can you open it and wave?" The earth pony uncertainly did just that, and backed up frantically as seven more ponies crowded in. Germane had referred to them as character witnesses the night before, which wasn't totally far from the truth.

"About time," declared Rainbow Dash. "Let's let the parade of monkey-folk begin!"

"Humans, Dash," corrected Fluttershy. The animal expert wasn't firm about much, to Germane's knowledge, but animal taxonomy was apparently one of those things. "Twilight, um, explained everything, already, right?"

"At great length, an' in a lot o' detail," agreed Applejack. She offered a smile at the violet unicorn to show no hard feelings. Twilight smiled back and shrugged.

"What can I say? It's all very fascinating. Right, girls?" Pinkie bounced in next to Rarity, nodding frantically. All of them sans Rainbow Dash and Twilight started staring at Germane as soon as they caught sight of them.

"Hello," he offered. Rarity glared.

"What is that?" The question was met with several gasps.

"Rarity!" Twilight looked horrified. The other unicorn's expression didn't change at all.

"It's hideous! I'm, I'm sorry, but just look at the thing!" She pointed dramatically at Germane. "It looks like it was sewn out of a camping tent!"

"What?" Germane glanced down and, with dawning awareness, took in his simple shirt and trousers. Belt loops had turned out to be beyond his expertise, so the lower garment was mostly held up with a length of drawn string. "Well, clothes aren't exactly my specialty," he admitted grudgingly. Most of the rest of the assembled Bearers of Harmony groaned in realization.

"Why are you even wearing those?" asked Rarity in horror. "Better to just go nude then suffer the indignity." Germane reddened as Plum, Frost, and Archer started snickering. Obviously they were the first to realize that the 'newbie' had just been drafted to explain a certain, crucial cultural difference. One which even Twilight hadn't yet asked him about.

"For... various reasons, humans have a cultural taboo against nudity, Miss Rarity. Going naked is not an option, ever, unless we're performing basic hygiene, making love, or happen to take a dare while black-out drunk. That is not negotiable, so I'm just sorry if I offend." The reactions he received ran the gamut from lecherous grins to incoherent stammering, but Rarity just looked thoughtful. "I couldn't exactly go out and purchase clothes when I wasn't trying to advertise that I needed them."

"A proper seamstress could have practiced discretion, my dear," declared the unicorn with some pride. Her expression turned sharp and sly. "Around two-hundred of your... people, did you say?"

"Roughly," he answered.

"All of them requiring unique clothing?"

"Er, yes?" For some reason, Applejack broke into laughter. Rarity shot her a look, then stepped around Germane to be able to look at all six assembled humans-turned-ponies. She smiled beatifically.

"We are all going to be the very best of friends!"

"That is quite fascinating, friend Rarity, but perhaps we should get to the purpose of this little gathering," came the final expected voice from the doorway. Twilight and her friends walked further into the room to let Luna inside. The alicorn grinned. "Hello, Germane. Would you please introduce me?"

The formalities had been mostly taken care of, though Germane's fellow coordinators still eyed the princess nervously from time to time. The musical overture as they were sworn in would have been downright sweet, thought Twilight, if Pinkie hadn't played it with a kazoo. Or forgotten the second half of the national anthem and just proceeded to play the chorus of 'Equestrian Girls' on repeat.

"We're ready," said Germane. Then he shook his head. "I mean, are you ready?"

"Do get on with it," said Archer. "I need to be back by Tuesday. The foals will be back from camp, by then."

"That's four now, right?" asked Blueroot. "I'd joke about you stopping after Misty, but then I wouldn't have Swan sending me crayon drawings of 'splojins an firewerks'," he said with a grin. "Still, four is probably enough, man." Archer rolled his eyes.

"Wednesday wants another girl. I'm really, really trying to talk her down." Then he noticed the royalty and gathered national heroes again, and then the beige fur of his face turned a darker color. "I mean let's get on with. Now. Before I start blathering on again like the old stallion I am."

"Not a problem. Into the circle, everybody. You may see your life flash before your eyes. You may see the entire nine hours of the 'Lord of the Rings' movies instead. I think that might be a glitch," joked Germane as they grumbled and got into the circle. He glanced over at the others. Twilight didn't even get the reference, and she still managed to roll her eyes. Of course, that only seemed to encourage him.

"Anypony else want to see it up close? It's harmless." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes and jumped among the coordinators with a flash of her wings. Pinkie jumped in without the aid of wing power and grinned conspiratorially at the group.

"Beam me up!" she exclaimed, drawing shocked looks from most of the humans. Germane managed, with effort, to ignore it. For obvious reasons, mused Twilight, Germane wasn't quite as immune to Pinkie's oddness as she and the girls were. Insofar as anypony could be 'immune' to Pinkie. He set himself at the device, double-checked the settings, and motioned Twilight over.

"You know," he whispered with his hand on the trigger, "I swear I heard her quoting the Doctor last week."

"Doctor who?" she asked. Germane grinned stupidly. Then he fired.

The flash was something like from a photo bulb, and aside from some blinking on the part of Dash and the coordinators (Pinkie's pupils just shrunk to invisibility, but her eyes were open the entire time, which unsettled Twilight just a bit).

"Is that it?" asked Frost.

"Try it out."

Within seconds, six human beings stood next to Rainbow Dash. Twilight watched with some wonder as, like the last time, several adults began acting like foals who'd just earned their cutie marks.

And then something struck her as being off.

And she counted again.

Ah, that's where I was off, thought Twilight. There's an extra, pink-haired human right where Pinkie was stand-Oh-Sweet-Celestia!

"What?" she asked, though it came out as a chorus. Germane fell to his rear.

"Um, Pinkie? Pinkie!" The woman was staring down at herself with wide-eyes, for once looking more surprised than anypony else in the room. Wide, blue eyes snapped up.

"Y...yes, Germy?" Twilight watched with concern as Germane forcibly calmed his breathing with a technique she had taught him herself.

"I don't suppose you've secretly been a human all along?" The very naked (and they did look a lot more naked than ponies did, Twilight noted with a sort of strangled thought) woman shook her head wildly.

"Nope! No. Um, am I going to be okay?" She looked honestly uncertain. It was unsettling to see that coming from Pinkie.

"Don't be crazy, girl. Humanity's not some sort of STD," scolded Jimminy. Germane visibly twitched next to Twilight. The unicorn looked at the wondering expression on his face, and then the thought that had probably hit him hit her too.

"Pinkie? This might be a weird question, but was your father... where was he born?"

Now, Pinkie wasn't necessarily the sharpest tool in the box (except when she was), but she was a champion at odd, intuitive leaps. Her eyes went even wider.

"He said Manehattan, but he always said it funny. Is 'Manhattan' a human place?"

"Holy crap, it's heritable." Twilight figured that, were he not already sitting down, Germane would have had to sit down.

"Welcome to the club, dear," said Plum, who gave the new human a quick hug.

It felt a bit callous, Luna had to admit, to experience a brief surge in satisfaction at the realization that one of the Bearers also had a human form. Quiet coexistence was one thing, but a national heroine being counted among the 'new' species? It was a preemptive coup in public relations. And, after the shock had worn off and Rarity had improvised a toga for the girl, Pinkie seemed to take to the idea.

"It's like I'm still soft, but a different kind of soft! Whup!" Germane, Rainbow Dash and the human know as Frost grabbed up the young mare's flailing arms as she stumbled over her legs for the twelfth time.

"Come on, Miss Pie, remember that you have to forget!" Luna was well-versed in polymorphic magics, as well as the instinctive body movements that resulted from it, but putting that into practice could sometimes be a bit... funny.

"Right! Can do. I'm the very best at forgetting." Plum, who as a human had long, straight, black hair and an indefinite sense of age, pat Pinkie's arm gently.

"I hear you are a confectioner, Pinkie Pie. I have some tea cakes that, while not especially sweet, are an old recipe of my mother's. Would you like to bring them into the main room?" And then Pinkie was gone. Luna blinked.

"Thefe r' dewifious!" announced the pink-haired woman from the kitchen doorway. She had one of the cakes stuffed into her mouth, and the tray-full of remaining treats were balanced in her other hand.

"How-" started Frost, but Twilight spoke up.

"I'm going to do you a favor and say this: Don't ask if you value your sanity."

Archer and Blueroot were grumbling good-naturedly from the couch, where Fluttershy was gently poking at the ligaments behind their knees.

"If you, um, wouldn't mind, please, could you please arch your ankle?" Blueroot did so, and rolled up one leg of his jeans to show the musculature and thin coat of dark hair.

"You realize we have put together a few books on this? I could easily loan them to you," he suggested. Then he froze as Fluttershy glanced up with wide, sad eyes.

"I'm so sorry! It's just, I don't have those books now, and this is all so fascinating, and my, I mean, I-"

"It's fine! Go ahead!" squeaked Blueroot. Archer chuckled until Fluttershy turned her soulful gaze on him, next.

Luna grinned, then wandered over to where her future (hopefully) beaus were chatting with each other.

"Of course some slipped through. It's not impossible one or two managed to figure things out for themselves, and I'm sure Miss Pie would like to speak to her father in the near future. I think their family farm is somewhere by Wicker's territory, so he can deal with it."

"Well," replied Twilight, "It opens up some interesting questions. Some sort of accurate census will have to be compiled. Tracking down any human-descendants and offering use of the transformation spell, at the very least." Germane nodded, gazing intently at the small, but rapidly growing list in front of Twilight.

"Especially if the reflex itself is somehow heritable. There won't be any way to check for a long time, but if parents are already passing down their morphic fields..." With a quick jerk of his head, he noticed Luna's approach.

"Hi, Luna. We really should have your input on this. I was thinking of offering the device to the Night Court, since we'll have the majority of the remaining humans petitioning you for citizenship. And Canterlot is much more easily accessible than Ponyville."

"That sounds like a... lovely idea," replied the princess. She was honestly touched at the level of trust in his offer, and in his assumption that he'd be passing over one of his most hard-wrought accomplishments to date as a matter of course. Feeling bold, she nuzzled first him, then Twilight.

"I will endeavor to not disappoint. Can I count on you to accompany me to Canterlot for some days to help arrange things? Anypony else is, of course, also invited along."

"Absolutely!" said Germane. Nuzzling back with a shortened neck and differently-angled shoulders was likely a bit strange to accomplish, but he definitely managed well enough. Twilight did so as well, but with a distinctly... not embarrassed, but panicked, look. But to Luna's delight, Twilight held the contact for just a second longer than she herself did. A clear and much-appreciated sign.

"Of course, Luna," the unicorn said.

"I will see you in five days' time, then?" The alicorn looked back to the rest of the room's occupants. "Any coordinators, too, who wish to come will find accommodations at the castle. I myself should be returning post-haste. So long, all!"

The princess had left, and Germane became uncomfortably aware that he was receiving a number of stares. He and Twilight both, actually.

"What?" There were a couple of muffled laughs. "No, seriously, what's wrong?" Twilight nudged his hip and gestured toward the kitchen in what she seemed to think was a discrete manner.

"You are all just, so... so adorable!" Rarity locked eyes with Twilight. "Book number five, dear!" The unicorn at Germane's side groaned.

"I... suppose we are?" said Germane uncertainly, trailing into a question. He glanced down at his marefriend. "Twilight, are we adorable?" The unicorn had apparently gone flustered enough to forget that she had magic, and just grasped Germane's hand with her mouth as she dragged him toward the kitchen.

"Geff ofer heref!" She mumbled. Her lips tickled, and Germane had to fight back the urge to jerk the fingers back. On the other hand (literally, ha!), Twilight was chewing on his fingers. The human wasn't sure if he should discourage this sort of behavior or not.

"Back in a moment," he called back to the small crowd.

In the kitchen, and in something resembling privacy, Twilight let go and began pacing. Every other second, she'd glance at Germane with a conflicted expression. Occasionally she would mutter, sub-audibly.

"Twilight? You're freaking me out. Give me some rope, here, if I'm going to be hanging myself." She looked up in shock. "Sorry, human expression. A pretty grim one, I'll admit." He gave a crooked, and hopefully disarming grin. "Also called gallows humor, appropriately enough." The unicorn shook her head.

"That's not even the topic at hoof," she said. "Um, look. Has Luna... did she seem to be a bit friendlier than... has she seemed very friendly?"

"Very," Germane shrugged. "You girls are close, right? I'm just happy she didn't seem to disapprove of me for being with her best friend." Twilight's eye twitched, just slightly. Probably a bad sign, but of what, he couldn't tell.

"That is the exact opposite of what is happening here. Germane, you cannot be that oblivious." Probabilities ticked over in the human's brain. Written on paper, it might look something like so:

A + (B/C) x D = Ohmygodwhyisaprincessdoingthat?

Survival instinct kicked in, and lacking a convenient smoke bomb, course of action number two went into play. Germane dropped to his knees and placed two comforting (he hoped) hands on Twilight's withers.

"I had absolutely no idea and I am so sorry that-" And then he wasn't talking, because his mouth was otherwise occupied.

Not what I was expecting, he admitted to himself, and considered his next step. Roll with it.

"Germane, she's flirting with both of us," she muttered against his lips.

"What?" At that, the devilish unicorn actually smiled.

"Like in 'The Archer's Dilemma'," she said. "You know, the one you've borrowed from the library twelve times? With the automatons and aero-city? Like the scenes with Willow, Clank and Quartz?"

"Oh." Introversion, it seemed, had struck again. "What do you think we should... do about this, then?"

"No. I want to hear your thoughts. I never imagined being the one to take the lead in this, um, sort of thing, but I am not going to let you just 'be along for the ride'. My parents taught me a little better than that, Germane."

The human tried to put his thoughts into some semblance of a reasonable answer, feeling vaguely aware that relationships weren't, by their very nature, entirely reasonable things. He considered what his own parents might have said.

"Go for it, son. Romance demands sacrifice, and if that means dating two pretty women, then you'll just have to suck it up!"

"Why are you a tiny horse? Are they tiny horses, too? More importantly, when am I going to see grandchildren? Your brother's already with that nice young orthodontist."

Germane wasn't sure how helpful that was supposed to have been. Still, honesty was probably the best, if not most painless, thing for it.

"She's fun. I like her. I'm not sure if I like her like I like you-" Twilight rolled her eyes.

"I asked you out on our first date to mess with your head, and you did the same thing right back. Luna hasn't gone as far, and she's still doing better than either of us." She huffed. "I had an orderly timeline, you know. It's not like I'm entirely..." her gaze lost focus.

"Now there's an idea!"

"What? What's an idea?" asked Germane. Twilight beamed.

"We can get right back on track, now! After we take care of all of the official business, we can invite Luna to my parents' house! Can you wear something nice? For both forms? It depends on the exact kind of impression we want to give, but-"

This is all going to end in tears, Germane thought as his marefriend began composing plans in excruciating detail.

Plans had been made. Some of them had, in fact, not involved his love life. Germane caught Archer by the door, after the humans (Pinkie included) had shifted back.

"Mind if we talked for a minute? Your train's not in for another hour, right?" Archer looked at him in quick contemplation, and gave a curt nod.

"Sure thing, kid." Germane chose to ignore the 'kid' comment. "I'll be in your kitchen. Say good bye to the little lady."

As Archer trotted off, Germane turned to said 'little lady'.

"I've got to go grab Spike from Sweet Apple Acres," she said. "See you tonight?" Germane grinned.

"Absolutely. Around seven? I'll grab take-out. Does Spike like Bitallion?"

"I can sprinkle some ruby dust on it with the parmesan," she said agreeably. "See you then." They had a quick, parting kiss. Germane drew his wing along her neck, just under her mane, and she shivered pleasantly.

He closed the door just as the other Bearers dog-piled her in the street, which he told himself was normal and not at all worrying.

Archer was chewing on one of the pressed alfalfa cakes that Germane hadn't put away, yet. The pegacorn joined him at the table.

"You know," the older stallion said, "I tried these as a human, a little bit ago. Nearly gagged. This reflex is going to, pardon my wording, require learning some new reflexes."

"Probably," agreed Germane. Unlike a certain Alabaman earth pony, not every human-turned-herbivore could learn to love the taste of bacon in either form.

"I just wanted to, um, ask you about something you have, uh, more experience in." Archer fluttered his wings thoughtfully.

"Ah. Well, son, the birds and the bees are a relatively straight-forward thing, most of the time-"

"No!" Germane cut him off. "I get that. Really, I do." Theoretically. "I mean, more, the relationship side of things. You're in a... a herd, right?" Archer nodded.

"Wednesday, Sander, and Holly. Happiest I've ever been, to be honest." He coughed, gently. "It's fairly common around Fillydelphia. Never thought I'd be married to a fellow, to be sure, but Sander meshes as good with the girls as I do, and they were all very understanding of my past." He grinned. "Holly's gonna go nuts when I show her the reflex."

"And that's just great," said Germane quickly. "But how does it work? I mean, say you're dating somebody and somebody else comes up and says, or really implies, that they want to date the both of you. Are there... books on it, maybe?" Archer froze. Then snorted. Then collapsed into laughter. Germane didn't find himself put at ease by that.

"Oh boy, this is going to be a toughy. No, kid, I mean there are, but romance is like sky-diving. Best not to learn it from a book. Look, I'll share a couple quick stories, alright?"

So Germane listened, and learned, and tried very hard to keep his composure and not end up resembling a tomato.

Omake: Back At The Castle

"Are you sure this won't interfere with your royal duties?" asked Germane in his thoughtful way as they began gathering pillows for the fort.

"Of course not, Germane," Luna assured him. "I have made arrangements. Could you grab me that blanket over there?" He turned and leaned over, reaching next to the couch for a blue bundle. "No," said Luna. "The other one."

"I don't see any other one," he called back. Luna eyed his bent-over form and licked her lips.

"Keep looking, you will find it!"

Huzzah!

Two members of Princess Luna's Night Guard stood stoic watch in her throne room. The night court was in session, and they would keep order come hell or high water.

Case in point, the complainant in the front of the line. He looked from the guards and their complete lack of reaction, to the throne, and back again.

"Er, if the princess isn't here, I can simply come and try again later," he tried. The left guard glowered.

"The throne is clearly occupied and you are wasting this court's time. You will state your case or be held in contempt of Her Royal Highness's grace. If you are unwilling to speak before her after demanding her valuable time, you will not be allowed to plead in either the Night or Day courts again." And then he was back to silent composure.

Unsettled and by this point nearly frantic, the noblepony waxed eloquent about his plea, decried several portions of tax law which were preventing him from expanding his residence, and referenced previous judgments as precedents. He began to sweat as no reply was forthcoming. Desperately, he looked again to the guards, but no help was to be found from them either. He looked back to the throne. No response. Sweat poured down his face.

Finally, the second guard slammed the pommel of his spear into the marble floor, nearly scaring the piss out of the complainant.

"You have received the decision of Her Highness. Failure to abide by this judgment will be dealt with by means of the harshest possible penalties. You may now leave. Immediately."

Confused and terrified, and not entirely certain what he was supposed to do, the stallion stumbled back and ran out of the hall, just in time to pass the next pony in line. As that mare approached, the second guard straightened up.

Smiling now would be bad form. Looking over far enough to meet the other guard's eyes would have prompted an eruption of all of their barely-contained laughter, which would also be bad form.

Between them, upon a carved, onyx throne, a blue alicorn plushy tied to an abacus sat upon the chair of her domain, and stared upon the approaching pony with unblinking, implacable button eyes.

The approaching unicorn glanced away first.

Author's Note

I did this because I can, and nobody can stop me. Mwa ha ha ha ha!

Seriously, I hope you're enjoying the story. Please comment on any mistakes, inconsistencies, or confusing bits. Likes are always appreciated, and so are dislikes, but I'd appreciate a damned good reason. Criticism without content is not helpful!

This is MOSTLY a slice-of-life deal, but I'm going to put in at least one action arc. I think you all will like it.

Some of you might recognize a couple story elements from other fanfics. Since most pony society IS speculation, you'll have to forgive me, there. Though heaven strike me down if this turns into a harem fic. I just find polyamory fascinating, even if it's not something I'd be into personally. I just want to have fun writing out social systems for adorable little aliens.

The Night Court

Chapter Six: The Night Court

Germane glared at the cleanly, and dare he say it, cozy house. His train to Canterlot left tomorrow night, and he still had a few small tasks to take care of. He could feel the presence of his marefriend's helpfully-supplied list burning his coat through the thick material of his saddlebag, mocking him in its incompleteness.

And that was due, mostly, to one mare.

Before he packed up his equipment to take along to the royal castle, he still had two, or possibly three ponies to supply the Reflex. Vinyl Scratch and Dinky Doo (if the filly gave the okay - Ditzy and he would be explaining things), and... her.

Really, Germane just couldn't ignore things, anymore. He didn't want to, even. But this could turn out a lot of different ways.

He steeled himself, flattened his wings out nervously, and marched forward. Past the mailbox which read 'Bon Bon (& Lyra Heartstrings!). There was a smiley face painted on it.

Germane knocked.

"Coming!" A cream-colored mare opened the door. Her cheerful demeanor went sour at the sight of Germane. "Oh. It's you. Come to argue with Lyra again?" The stallion took a quick, steadying breath.

"No, Miss Bon Bon. I'm here for friendly reasons. And I'd like to give your marefriend an apology. She certainly deserves one." He got a dismissive snort for his trouble, but she did give him barely enough clearance to slip inside.

The two mares' home was cluttered, but not messy. Music sheets poked out between mythology, biology, and history texts on tightly-packed shelves. A ceramic pot was set out, behind which the purpose of his visit sat.

"Ooh, tea!"

"Not for you," declared Bon Bon. Lyra rolled her eyes and began pouring another cup.

"No, Bonnie, I want to hear this. It should prove to be... interesting." Germane gave as disarming a grin as he could, admittedly not his best given the circumstances, and sat. Ignoring his beverage for the moment, he took in the sight of the unicorn mare. She eyed him right back.

"Why are you sitting like that?" she asked. Germane shrugged. That was made easier by the way he wasn't in the typical (and peculiarly cat-like) repose of ponies.

"I'm getting back in the habit. What's your excuse?" Lyra's marefriend face-hoofed.

"Not this. Not again." Germane backtracked frantically. In hindsight, grilling Lyra for possible leaks of human culture had been as much a mistake as it had been a long exercise in frustration. But the revelation about human heritability and Pinkie Pie's father had cast a lot of doubt on his earlier assumptions.

"Look, I'm speaking as a representative of Princess Luna's Night Court, here," he said, waving an official seal. Forging one was grounds for prison time, and Lyra, at least, recognized that. "So you're welcome to check with her clerks on the validity of everything I'm about to tell you."

"Ah-hem," grunted Bon Bon. Germane rubbed his fetlock into his temples.

"Right. I also want to apologize, first, for grilling you for information leaks." The unicorn stiffened.

"What sort of leaks?" Germane glanced at Bon Bon, then reluctantly back at Lyra. He felt vaguely like he was trying to out somebody to their parents.

"Maybe we could talk... in... private? No?" he corrected himself at the double glares. "Um, Miss Heartstrings? Do you know what a 'human' is?" And then there was a flurry of movement and then Germane was backed into a corner between an icebox and a tall stack of cabinets. Lyra looked shocked, but Bon Bon looked pissed.

"Where did you hear that?" asked Lyra. The earth mare's tone had a great deal less wonder to it.

That, if Germane was honest with himself, wasn't a surprise. The question had been more a way of introducing the topic. Opening up a line of inquiry. Tipping his hoof, so to speak, because he wasn't sure what else to say.

Lyra was a town favorite to many ponies. Sure, she was considered a little odd, but she was earnest and kind. Picnickers and families out for the afternoon tended to settle themselves around wherever she chose to busk with her lyre. Three years after arriving in Ponyville, Germane had picked up on one too many of her 'weird little notions' and immediately gone into full alert mode, and he hadn't been very gentle about it.

Maybe it had been her fantastical story about fire-wielding bipeds hiding in the Everfree that had done it, but his first impression on her had been terrible. Bon Bon hadn't ever stopped being suspicious of him.

"I swear if you're trying to get Lyra laughed out of town I'll buck you harder than the Apple clan does their-"

"So you do know! Excellent!" Germane wasn't really sure why his default reaction to impending violence was to be polite and helpful. His mother had likely done too good a job teaching him manners. For the sake of getting over with everything, he locked eyes with Lyra.

"Unless I'm very wrong, Miss Heartstrings," and he probably wasn't, since he'd gotten several records sent overnight from Canterlot, "You were adopted from an orphanage just south of Baltimare, raised in Canterlot, and moved to Ponyville without anyone properly explaining where a six year-old filly came from, as if out of nowhere. The orphanage reports say that you didn't speak for almost a year after your arrival. I'm guessing a bunch of talking ponies must have seemed strange to you."

"Craft, I swear-" Lyra cut off Bon Bon, this time.

"Sweets? Let him talk." Bon Bon flinched.

"Lyra, he's messing with your head! Just because you feel different, sometimes."

"Just because you sometimes feel a little like... this?" In his moment of hesitation between one word and the other, Germane triggered the Reflex (he was capitalizing it now, for style). Both mares stared. He waved, waggling his fingers as he did so.

"Hey, little sister. How did you speak before you spoke Equestrian?" He cleared his throat. "Um, 'wəz ɪt lajk ðɪs'? 'o komo este', maybe?"

"ju ɑr lajk maj drimz!" Lyra jumped on him, hooves prodding at his ribs desperately. "Have you seen the cities? The flying machines?!" Her eyes widened to Pinkie-like proportions. "Can I go see ərθ?!" So she was weird, yes, but in an earnest way that made Germane's head hurt.

"I wish you could," he said honestly. "I wish I could, as a matter of fact. Miss Heartstrings, do you remember what it was like?"

"What... what was like?" she said slowly, her enthusiasm ebbing. Germane nodded, having a couple of things make more sense.

"I've never heard about somebody so young coming forward," he said, as much to himself as anybody else. "I think you're a human, Miss Heartstrings, like me and a couple others. Like in your... dreams. Can you tell me what you look like in your dreams?" The unicorn edged back, and seemed to shrink in on herself. Bon Bon put her forelegs around her.

"Sometimes I'm... about your size. Sometimes I'm a lot smaller. When I'm big, I'm wandering around cities made of tall glass buildings. When I'm small, I'm in an enclosed cart. We're going somewhere, and it's... it's snowy, outside the windows."

"Are you in a special chair?" asked Germane. "With lots of belts and cushions?" Lyra nodded. "That's a car seat. Safety equipment for children. Very young children, when they're in cars. Do you remember a loud noise, or a shake?" Slower this time, Lyra nodded again.

"The music stopped. The radio was playing 'classic'. Mom was..." The unicorn blinked. "Was that my mom? I was really a human?" She swallowed, thickly. "I... here I thought I was crazy and weird 'cause I wanted to be one."

"I never thought you were weird. Or crazy," said her marefriend sternly. She glanced back at Germane. "Is this some kind of trick? Because if it's not, you just made her very happy. But if it is, I'm going to make your life look like Tartarus during the off-season."

"Just come by the library with me, tomorrow at around three. If I'm pulling the blinders around your eyes, I'm sure Twilight Sparkle can have me arrested or something."

"Can Twilight do that?" Germane shrugged.

"I'm afraid to test it. Just... come by," he said, and triggered the Reflex to regain his quadrupedal footing. "Then you can see how you look like with feet." Lyra sniffed with suspiciously red eyes.

"Don't be crazy. I already know how I look."

"Twilight! Twily! Look!" The librarian mare watched the exceedingly odd spectacle of Pinkie Pie walking around... on her hands. Rainbow Dash was apparently timing the whole thing with a stopwatch. From her spot between Twilight and her mother, Dinky Doo clapped her hooves and giggled.

"Is that a normal thing?" asked Twilight. Ditzy, still a pegasus, shrugged.

"It's just a trick." She looked down at her daughter. "Your uncle Sean, you remember I told you about him?" Dinky nodded fervently. "He could do that, and juggle and do other tricks, too. Your grandma said he was like a clown too lazy to put on makeup."

"Can I learn?" asked the little unicorn.

"Ask Miss Pie to teach you." Ditzy paused. "Even if I don't know how she learned." Twilight watched as Pinkie collided with a chair and fell over, Rainbow Dash declared a new record, and Rarity tutted the whole affair from her place on one of the corner chairs. Unfortunately, Applejack and Fluttershy had both been too busy to make an appearance. One was repairing plows with her brother's help, and the other mentioned baby birds, and that had been the final word. Rarity, especially, had shown up at Germane's request.

'The last thing Ponyville needs is a bunch of naked ladies running around, Twilight! It would lower property values, or something.' The mare chuckled at the stallion's reasoning.

Free of her (admittedly self-imposed) duty, Rainbow Dash flitted over to Vinyl Scratch. The pegasus dropped from her typically brash self to something altogether more... goofy. The DJ grinned and nudged her. The two started laughing quietly between each other, just quietly enough that Twilight couldn't make out the conversation. Frankly, she mused, she wasn't sure she wanted to.

Rainbow Dash had taken the suddenly-revealed humanity of 'the really cool mare that I'm just sort of hanging around a lot' with far too much enthusiasm.

"Just inside, ladies." Twilight watched the door open and admit three hurried figures. Germane, upon her sighting whom made the mare break out into a smile, ushered the other two in and closed the door. For his part, the stallion looked desperately relieved to see her. He hurried over, stepping around the bouncing Pinkie Pie and skidding to a stop next to her.

"I do not do well with crying females, Twilight. She was like this when I met them outside, I swear it. You're smiling. Wonderful! Please, please don't start crying." Deciding that the good-natured ribbing at the expense of her stallionfriend's dignity could wait, Twilight gave Lyra and her marefriend a concerned once-over.

"You mentioned she might have trouble," she said tentatively, "but I honestly thought she'd be a bit more excited, if what you told me was true." The pegacorn sighed.

"The scenario is, in a way, a sort of wish-fulfillment for her, yes. But she just went from subconsciously desiring a different body to finding out she'd already lost said body. And, well, finding out the circumstances were hard on her. Not only will she not be seeing the place in her dreams, but she doesn't have enough clues to place her own origin back on good old Earth. She speaks a little bit of English, but it was a pretty wide-spread tongue." He shook his head, but Twilight saw his attention captured by Dinky Doo.

"You look excited," he told her. The filly grinned and continued hopping in place.

"This is so cool! Momma says I'm gonna be double-pretty. I can bring myself to show-and-tell, and it will be loads better than Silver Spoon's puppy that kept chewing on my saddlebags."

"You're bringing yourself to show-and-tell?" asked Twilight in bemusement. Ditzy brought up a fetlock to cover her smile.

"I said maybe, after the information gets out," the young mother clarified. "The, ah, 'Crusaders' promised to keep an eye out, in case of bullying. I know well how some children react to things that are different to them, after all."

"The Cutie Mark Crusaders know... and they haven't spilled the beans?" asked Twilight incredulously. Rarity made a delicate cough, drawing attention to herself.

"Ahem: 'Cutie Mark Crusaders Espionage Specialists'," she explained. "I thought they might want to see if their special talents are in keeping secrets."

"Miss Rarity, that's downright dastardly of you," said Germane with an audible tone of respect. Rarity fanned herself.

"Oh, it wasn't much, really." She grinned. "Though you may go on."

"Maybe after I get set up," the mad scientist suggested.

While he went to work running safety checks on the reflex device, Twilight excused herself from the couch to greet the newest arrivals. Bon Bon and Lyra looked more than a little overwhelmed. Both of them were staring at Pinkie with a kind of wide-eyed fascination. Understandably so, since the mare was trying unsuccessfully to turn cartwheels. Indoors. Twilight was just thankful that she looked a lot more... cushioned, she guessed, than most of the other humans she'd yet seen.

"Hey, girls. How are you holding up?"

"Just fine, Twilight," claimed Lyra unsteadily. Bon Bon sighed.

"Lyra's freaking out a little. Tell me, is this really on the up and up? He said that Princess Luna was in on all of this, but he's, well, Germane, you know?" Twilight winced- half of his reputation probably came from her own suspicions over the last couple years. Hay, he'd been mentioned to her before even that as being 'Olive Branch's wierdo colt'. That was the kind of introduction that made for a poor first impression no matter what.

"I know. Believe me, he's been nothing but honest since this whole 'humans' thing came out. He was just scared to open up in case the other ponies like him were in danger because of it. Honestly, it took me a long while to connect what he said with the stories you sometimes mention, Lyra." The unicorn brought her attention back at the mention of her name and gave a nervous chuckle.

"Yeah. There isn't a lot out there, but some of the older book collections in Canterlot are chock full of myths. It made me feel a lot less crazy, sometimes, you know?" Bon Bon 'shushed' her gently.

"I never thought you were crazy." Lyra gave a short, tight grin.

"I know. But I did." Her glance drifted back over to Germane. "I guess he just thought I was trying to somehow put the humans in danger, even if it was by accident. I get it, now. He must have been as scared as I was ashamed." Twilight thought back to the previous week and winced involuntarily.

"He tried to use a smoke bomb to escape Lu- uh, Princess Luna the first time she came to visit. Ran headfirst into a wall." Bon Bon laughed a lot harder at that than Twilight felt was entirely... fitting.

"Sorry, sorry," the candy-colored mare said as she wove off the others with one hoof. "That's still just an excuse, though. He has a lot of making up to do before things are squared away." Ponyville's librarian thought fast.

"He and the other coordinators already have a small library of books by and about humans put together. I think they'd let you read them before they became public knowledge," she hinted heavily. Bon Bon snorted.

"Are you kidding-"

"I'll take it!" declared Lyra with a new, brighter expression. Her partner sighed.

"Lyra? Sweetie-strings? You really have to learn how to haggle."

"But Bon Bon..."

Satisfied that she'd smoothed things over a little bit, no matter that it seemed based entirely on how crazy this town's ponies were, Twilight took a quick, assessing look around the library's main room. No pony looked like they needed her for anything, particularly. Pinkie had shifted back to her fuzzier self and, together with Vinyl, the two of them were trying to describe some sort of massive club opening last year to Rainbow Dash. The pegasus was making appropriate 'uh-huh!' and 'nuh-uh!' noises to every other statement. Apparently communicating the full awesome required the use of hoof gestures and, possibly, interpretive dance.

Lacking any nerves to settle, and feeling like her own were a bit frayed, Twilight went back to one of the newest and strangest parts of her life. Aliens? Sure, a little bit crazy. Conspiracies? Old hat, really. She had a coltfriend. The mare smiled, then frowned, then hyperventilated for a little.

'Breath, girl. Breathing is important. Cadence would be disappointed with you if you stopped breathing. She taught you those exercises and everything.' Thus reminded, she counted off as she inhaled and went just a tad dizzy. The unicorn wasn't used to panicking because of good things. It was probably, she figured, because of too much all happening at once. Usually disasters and revelations tended to space themselves out a bit more. There was, figuratively speaking, always time to grab a nap and a sandwich between one point and the next. This time, there were no sandwiches.

'Note to self: schedule lunch after this.'

In the absence of food, she wandered over to the next best thing.

"How's the pre-check going?" she asked. Germane glanced back over the wing he was using to support his checklist. Twilight was pretty sure he usually just did it in his head in a very absent-minded sort of way, but she'd gone ahead and written it out for him. And he was using it!

"Just finished with the third run through. It looks good. Charge the crystal for me?" Twilight nodded and began feeding a thin stream of magic into the crystal set into the machine's side. Unless it was charging off of a larger capacitor or left on its own for several hours, Germane's portable magic batteries tended to run dry very quickly.

"So, do you like carnations?" she asked. Feeding magic was just about the easiest thing in the world, and left her plenty of spare attention for conversation. The stallion looked puzzled.

"They're nice, I guess? I suppose they smell very flowery." Twilight giggled.

"For lunch, you goof. I wanted to know if you'd like to stop by Rosette's before we go to the train station." He looked uncertainly at the equipment. "Luna's sending her own guards to bring your machine onto the train and keeping watch on it the whole way there. They've done similar tasks with delicate art pieces," she assured him.

"This is more important than art!" he protested, stubbornly.

"Germane? Food?" She wasn't about to pass out from low blood sugar, but she'd feel much more comfortable with two courses on her schedule. He shook himself.

"Right, that. Carnations are good. Tangy vinaigrette and a soup bowl..." One of his ears flicked distractedly. "Dang it, now I'm hungry, too. Let's get this show on the road." He raised his voice. "Alright, now. How many have we got, today? Three? In the circle, please. Don't be afraid, it's like getting you picture taken with a really ugly camera."

Dinky was off the couch before her momma could ask 'are you sure?' even one more time. Mister Craft had said it all really simple for her. There was going to be a flash, and then she'd get to sometimes be like her momma, and her uncles and aunts and grandparents that she'd never seen, but knew everything about. Her momma hadn't changed in front of her yet, but Pinkie and Germane had, and she wasn't scared of them at all. Even when she was a human, Pinkie still had cupcakes in her mane!

The little filly (almost eight years old) was the first one in the circle. Rainbow Dash's unicorn friend was next- Dinky thought they might be each others' special someponies, like Mister Craft and Miss Twilight, or Mister and Missus Holly next door.

The unicorn she didn't know, with the gold guitar for a cutie mark (and guitars were the coolest things ever, and Dinky hoped she learned it someday), was acting sort of weird. She'd step in the circle, then step back out, then do it all over again. It was a very silly thing to do. Dinky told her just that.

"Dinky Doo, you apologize this instant!" Dinky's ears pressed flat down when she heard her mother's scolding tone, but the strange unicorn mare just gave a funny little smile.

"What's got you so brave, little filly?" Dinky lifted her head right back up to look her in the eye.

"I want to be like my momma. She wasn't afraid, and I'm not neither."

It was weird, but the unicorn didn't hop back and forth after that. She just mussed Dinky's mane and sat herself down in the circle.

"Sweet, my old raver outfit!"

"Gakh!"

"Lyra? Love?!"

"Oh dear, she's a twenty-something wearing a three year-old's outfit. That looks painful. Rarity?"

"On it, darling!"

"Momma! Look!"

"I see, muffin! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh! Let me pick you up, here, oh my gosh!"

The castle was at that point of the evening, a scant hour before sunset, when the staff was making preparations to change shifts. The halls were busy with servants, functionaries, soldiers and bureaucrats all coming onto or getting off of their daily chores. Barring special occasions, it was the busiest time of day. Normally Luna was content to wait it out, but her good mood had her weaving between ponies like she had once when she was a student, several feet shorter and an anonymous pegasus among many. She had to hold in a giggle when, without her head held high and her straight 'royal gait' carrying her forward, it took most of the castle staff a good second to realize their princess was walking among them. There were a lot of belated bows.

She should, maybe, have felt a bit of worry over the conversation that would soon be taking place, but her mood was simply too... playful. She felt playful! Like a filly.

Luna wanted to howl at the moon, like Diamond Dogs used to do during their peace meets. Did they still do that?

'Probably best not to,' she thought. 'Lunacy' was, unfortunately, a word just over one thousand years old for good reason.

She entered the small (for the palace) banquet hall where she and Celestia took their private meals. Her sister was seated in front of a still-steaming plate of lasagna, and Luna's own flapjacks were soaked with just-melting butter. Their little compromises tended to edge on the absurd, but Luna was adamant about her 'breakfast' being composed of breakfast foods.

"Good evening, sister," said Celestia. The pale mare gave a small double take. "You seem... awake. Did you have the guards bring coffee to your chambers directly, again?" Luna shook her head and grinned.

"No, Tia. It is simply a very good day. I plan on enjoying it to the fullest." Luna seated herself and gave a cheerful nod to the stallion bringing out syrup. He genuflected and shuffled off. "I rather feel like mine own self." Her sister's first reaction was to smile, but that quickly morphed into something more like worry.

"Oh dear. Luna, you understand that the Rampaging Lights Festival was banned seven centuries ago, yes?" She squinted. "I don't see any steins..."

Luna huffed. You try to re-institute one old holiday, and your sister insists you send back the fifteen hundred homing badgers. April never used to be such a boring month...

"No, Tia. I promised to ask, first, about any holidays." She tucked into her breakfast cakes and feigned being completely oblivious to her sister's scrutiny.

"You've spent a lot of time out of the castle. More fact-finding missions?" Those had been Celestia's idea: extended surveys of modern Equestria's government and high society. There had been mixed results. Modern art had completely baffled her, the new settlements to the eastern territories had heartened her, and a Fillydelphian night club she's entered in disguise had left her giddy and covered in glow-in-the-dark paint.

"I'd hoped you might warm up to the idea. Did you visit anywhere interesting?" Luna licked syrup from off of her muzzle and nodded gently.

"Oh, yes. This last week I visited Ponyville twice. It is a very welcoming settlement. So many interesting ponies." Celestia nodded, and looked disappointed.

"I do wish I could have gone myself- this windigo variant that my student discovered was an unsettling thing to hear about after the fact. I sent a letter, but since you met with her yourself... is she well?"

"She is quite fine. Well," Luna quickly tacked on to correct herself. "She had the aid of her friends, as well as some of the other locals. A mister 'Germane Craft' was rather instrumental." Celestia brightened up.

"Olive's boy? I met that darling earth pony at the industrial fair about, oh, fifty years ago. Quite the gentlestallion. Twilight always seems to butt heads with his protege, though, on one thing or another. They're getting along?" Luna felt a familiar welling in her chest. Half maniacal laughter, half giggling cheer. Like the morning after changing around all the guise enchantments on the guards' armor. They'd looked rather good in plaid.

"They're getting along very well. In fact, once a few things came to light, Germane's standing in the town as a whole seems to have improved." Celestia finished a bite of her Bitallion dish and nodded sagely.

"As I had hoped. Her lessons are proceeding very well, it seems."

"I've read them," said Luna agreeably. "It makes for pleasant reading during the quieter hours, and I suppose I just wanted to better know the mare behind the quill. I was not disappointed." Twilight Sparkle hadn't disappointed in the least. Such lovely coloring, too...

"In fact," said Luna, seeking to make an opening in the conversation, "I've invited her and a select few others to the castle, tomorrow. They and I have a bit of news to share with you, dearest sister."

"Oh?" Celestia raised one eyebrow, intrigued, and lifted her tea cup. Luna couldn't have timed it better herself.

"Oh, yes. I am courting both Twilight and Germane." Celestia's cheeks bulged. "Germane is an Extra-equestrial being. I have offered him and several hundred other of his species citizenship within our borders." A fine spray of tea hit the table with enough force to rattle the silverware. "They call themselves humans."

Luna was graced with the sight of her sister falling flank-first out of her chair.

'Truly, it is the little things which provide the most joy,' she mused.

"What? What, you- Twilight- human- court- extra-equestrial- what- Luna!" The Princess of the Dawn, Diarch and Duchess of the Greater Territories, squawked and climbed back to her hooves with the aid of the table.

"Yes, sister. All those things," said Luna around a mouthful of baked batter and syrup. She could practically see the gears of Celestia's mind turning, trying desperately to prioritize a dozen questions. In the end, though, Celestia was a leader first and would make a leader's inquiry, first.

"There are... aliens living in Equestria? As ponies? Luna, while I've always appreciated your sense of humor, even, ocasionally, when aimed at myself-" Luna frowned. That would not be getting off on the right hoof, if that was her sister's first reaction.

"They transformed in front of me, Tia. They appeared in the wild magic territories, apparently after dying, and woke as ponies. They have lived as such for nearly a century, now, if Germane's accounts of Olive Branch are correct."

"Olive was an..."

"Alien, yes. His protege managed a rather tricky piece of spellcraft to allow them their original forms for short periods of time. He and five others have been coordinating their kind's peaceful existence in our borders. They were understandably worried when their cover was compromised, but I assured them their safety, Tia." Luna straightened up. "I am sorry I took action on policy without warning you, but making them citizens and assuring them that they belong was the most prudent course of action. Tia, they were terrified." The other alicorn seemed, finally, to slowly be grasping the reality of the situation.

"I see. That's... precisely what I myself may have done. Oh my, this is... humans, Luna, really?" Celestia's eyes focused on some distant point. "It might as well have been leprechauns. Or flutter ponies."

"But it wasn't." Luna stood, and circled the table to impress the sheer reality of the situation from nearer by. "Tia, it's just like in the stories. Trains and industry, and cameras and, I suspect, the electric toaster. Faust's sakes, one of them built an autocast the size of a pineapple!" She placed a forehoof on her sister's neck, trying to catch her eye. "It would please me to no end for you to be there when these coordinators come to the palace. Twilight, too, is going to be there."

"Luna, of course I will. This is momentous, if a tad sudden and unsettling. I'll join you at your night court, of course. It is not every day one finds they have extra subjects dropping out of the eaves." She cleared her throat and chuckled. "My, your story about 'courting' nearly sent me into shock! Really, as far as unilateral actions go, I can imagine worse- no need to play me for a fool on top of that!" Luna's grin slipped, slightly.

"That part... wasn't said in jest either, dear sister. Twilight and Germane truly are lovely, and I seek to court them. We built a pillow fort, together." It sounded weak to her own ears. Celestia's jaw dropped.

"My student?! An... an alien you just met?!" Luna stiffened in place.

"Twilight has never been aught but kind to me, and possesses many attractive qualities! Germane has spent years in service to two peoples, and that while existing in a state of suspicion!" She chewed on her lip, feeling unpleasantly like she was somehow disappointing her elder sibling. "They are beautiful and clever, Tia, and... I think we might be happy together. Is that very wrong of me?"

"That's not... wrong, per se, Luna, but..." The other mare looked frustrated. "Luna, you have only recently taken the full burden of your duties upon yourself, again. Ignoring whatever other concerns I might raise, is this wise?" And that, thought Luna, was the one objection she'd least been looking forward to.

"My duties have never been too much for me, sister. Winding the red tape still comes more easily to me than it does to you, if I'm not mistaken. I fell to the Nightmare in despair and loneliness, not by incompetence." Celestia winced.

"I must admit that your administration was so smooth, even at the final hour, that we were all caught by surprise. If your rule had suffered at all, I might have sooner... Luna, I will never be able to express how sorry I am." Luna made a mirthless chuckle.

"And you still don't have to. Just... bear in mind, please, that near the... near the end, work was all that I did. With your blessing, if you give it, I would very much like to pursue happier things."

"Oh, Luna. If she, and he, I suppose, are for it, then I won't stand in the way." Celestia swallowed dryly. "Even if it is Twilight. The little filly I half-raised. Whom my sister is now lusting over..." She turned back to the table. "I believe I need some wine."

Luna cheered, internally, and pumped one hoof in the air.

"This was inevitable, I see, now," said Germane as he twisted his neck to get a full look at his wings. Twilight wasn't any sort of expert, of course, but they looked a bit ragged. She bit her lip and tried not to giggle. She might not have entirely succeeded, given by the wry look she got.

"How -hnk, ha- so?" asked the mare.

"Because raised as a human or not, having never in her entire life considered the thought, every little girl wants to ride a pony. And of course it fell to the crazy uncle to provide a suitable steed. Sure, the crazy uncle himself being the steed is a bit off-script, but..." Germane shook his head dismissively. "Whatever. Tears all around, much rejoicing, I just have to preen." He snorted. "You know, this probably fills some sort of deep, psychological need from back before I was even a pony- I used to chew on my fingernails."

"I'm hoping that word doesn't mean what I imagine it does," said Twilight archly. Her coltfriend looked a bit confused for a moment, before running over his own speech in his head.

"Oh, no. Means those blunt claws I've got. Only really useful for leverage, but they can get ragged unless they're groomed. No actual nails involved." He looked back over his other shoulder. "Dang it, I think she loosened one up. I know Dinky's more careful when she's on a ride-along on her mother's route..."

Twilight peered over and could actually spot it- one of his primaries was hanging askew.

"Erm, I could get it, if you'd like?" she suggested, charging up her magic. Germane's eyes bulged and he reflexively flattened both wings to his sides.

"No! No." He glanced around, though for what Twilight couldn't guess. The mare dropped the energy completely, more than a little put out.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I know I'm not as delicate as Rarity, but I wouldn't have hurt you. Is this a human thing that I don't know about?" That had been number fifteen on her list of 'things that could go horribly wrong with my relationship': irreconcilable cultural differences. Germane quirked an eyebrow at her.

"What kind of opinion would a human have on wing care, Twilight?" He chuckled, and loosened up, slightly. "I get to teach a pony about pony culture. Well, pegasus culture, at least. First thing- preening is private. I mean, preening others is private. Second thing- it's done manually. Otherwise you might as well be plucking chickens." Twilight hesitated, but didn't feel entirely convinced.

"Why haven't Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy ever said anything? No offense, but they've been pegasi for a bit longer than you." Almost immediately, she was struck by how badly that last statement might have been misinterpreted, but Germane didn't seem to take offense.

"Has Miss Dash ever assumed you didn't know something she considered obvious all her life?" He waggled his eyebrows. "Has Miss Fluttershy ever asked you to touch her feathers?" Twilight felt herself flush. Fluttershy was tremendously pretty, yes, but she'd never considered, out loud, that is...

"Point made," she growled out. "Let's eat before hunger makes me say something stupid. Again." She looked at the ground. "Does it... bother you when someone reminds you that you weren't born a pony?" He was quiet for a while, though whether that was him trying to think of an answer or trying to collect himself, she couldn't tell.

"I guess I can't have it both ways. Proud human, proud pegasus. Pegacorn, whatever. It feels sort of selfish, put like that, but yes, a little. Like I'm purposely pulling the wool over everybody's eyes, when I certainly am not trying to. Then you get ponies like Ditzy, who tried to be open, and that... often doesn't end well. Didn't, at least. Maybe things will be different, now. Dinky, Miss Pie, and others, I'm sure, will be 'also a human', instead of 'also a pony', if you get my drift."

The best Twilight could do was stay extra close to him through their meal and until they got to their outgoing train. If Germane's little looks of gratitude were anything to go by, then she was at least doing something right. Hopefully. She just didn't have any books to suit the situation, except maybe Rarity's collection. And those were more 'right before bed and only when Spike is at a sleepover' reading materials, not psychological manuals.

Twilight's friends saw them off, though she was pleased to note Ditzy and Dinky both stopping by the station to wave off Germane. She wondered if he might not need a few lessons in friendship, and then got all flustered at the thought of actually teaching. He might, she thought, like meeting some of the academics from her old school- certainly they wouldn't lack for conversational fodder. It would be a good chance for her, too, to reconnect with ponies she'd once ignored.

And of course they'd be meeting Luna again, and she'd get to show Germane off to Celestia and show both him and Luna off to her parents. Twilight had no doubt that Germane was overreacting and that the meeting would go just swimmingly.

"Alright, Twilight, you and your lug take care, alright?" Applejack hoofed over a small picnic basket- Apple family cooking at its finest. The unicorn smiled and gave her a quick hug.

"Of course we will. We'll be fine. Canterlot was my home before I moved here, remember?" Applejack nodded, and warned her to eat before they arrived, or else some of the pastries would grow stale.

"Have fun doing your egghead things, Twilight. Just don't stay cooped up the entire time." Twilight huffed.

"I'll be doing plenty of fun things on top of my 'egghead things', Rainbow, which I remind you that I also find fun, thank you very much." She smiled. "I'll be back soon enough, promise."

Fluttershy gave her own soft-spoken good-bye, and Rarity of course had the last word.

"I'll actually be coming with, darling," the unicorn said, which explained the staggering pile of luggage nearby. "I thought I might offer my services to the other coordinators- Plum had a few ideas from her own culture that I can't wait to try my hoof at." She coughed discretely, and leaned forward. "I'll have my own compartment. I assume it won't be too much trouble to have my darling Spike along with me? He has a more delicate touch for fabrics than any other assistants I've had, and I imagine he'd just be bored while you and Germane go over your... preparations." The eyebrow waggle was entirely out of character for the mare, but Spike, thankfully, didn't seem to pick up on it at all in light of the sudden invitation.

"Of course I can! Can't I, Twilight?" It was all she could do not to laugh at the little dragon's puppy eyes, but she managed to hold a straight face when she gave her permission. The little guy promptly over-burdened himself with Rarity's luggage.

"Twilight!" Pinkie appeared, quite possibly out of nowhere. "You realize, of course, that this means party?" she asked with a faux-classy accent. "This is the biggest thing since the discovery of the sprinkle! Almost," she corrected herself, looking worried that she might have somehow implied that sprinkles were in fact second-best to anything. Then she brightened right back up. "I'm calling in the whole Pie family when you get back- Pa and Inkie and Blinkie and Maud and Ma too need to know and it will be just like a sort of extra birthday party, cause, you know, it's like being two ponies at once and that's twice the mmph mmph mmph!"

Her last words were muffled by Applejack's helpful hoof. The farm mare winked.

"Best to get along quick, now, before this one builds up any more steam. She's liable ta float, I'm bettin'."

"Come along, Spikey!" A moving pile of luggage homed in on the pale mare's cajoling tones.

"Yes, Rarity!"

"Come on, Germane," Twilight told the stallion, who gave Dinky and Ditzy one last quick hug. As he turned to walk back to Twilight, he was nervously trying to catch a glimpse of the luggage cars, probably to figure out which one had his machinery. The Night Guard hadn't made it obvious, which was probably the point, really.

"Alright, I guess. Lead on."

It was the middle of the week, and pretty late in the day, so Twilight wasn't surprised to find that the train was pretty quiet. Snagging a compartment for some privacy wasn't a problem, and Germane didn't protest when she hopped up onto the bench next to him. He smiled and slid over to make room.

"I'm curious," she said.

"Color me surprised." Twilight rolled her eyes.

"Seriously, though. What's next from the busy little humans? Any..." she strained to keep her voice natural, "interesting scientific equipment? Measuring apparatuses?" Germane groaned.

"Twilight! You've seen most of what I'm doing. The autocast was my side project- the telescope is my 'big work'. I already said you could use it or look over my data. Of which I now have about a month's worth from after that storm nearly melted half the freaking fuses." He sighed. "We're all working from memory, remember? And not all of us are eidetic little mages. Luna's teeth, mare, I never lived to see the end of high school!"

"What about that technology trust? You said Plum and, uh, Frost, was it? They run that, don't they?" She saw him straining to remember, before finally giving a heartfelt shrug of defeat.

"Something about metallurgy, airfoil design for cargo airships and industrial lasers. I think a mare near Appleoosa is trying to write a collection of Robert Frost's poetry. There's more, but it's hard to keep track of." It was all, Twilight felt, pretty exciting stuff, but whenever Germane described Earth, it was with a kind of romantic leaning that brought the utterly fantastic to mind. She felt like she was unfairly expecting a lot more of him and the other humans. Obviously, he caught some of what she was thinking by her expression.

"You can only advance so fast, Twilight. And a lot of what we know, there's no real use for, yet." He twisted, slightly, to more fully face her. "You think we're describing some amazing stuff? Twilight, Equestria is a living fantasy. You control the weather! You have instant, if limited, matter transmission! If Earth had had earth ponies..." he gnawed on his lower lip. "We had nearly seven billion people, Twilight."

"What." She tried to parse that number, and utterly failed. "How... how do you fit that many people?" Germane gave a snort.

"You don't. You get water shortages, and crowding, and starvation. We advanced so fast just to keep up with ourselves, I think, sometimes. Millions of people devoted themselves to just mimicking half of what Equestrian agriculture does without straining itself. Applejack's family would have been revered as saints, in a lot of places. And your medicine! Twilight, what's cancer?" The mare was caught off guard again.

"A growth disorder," she answered as a matter of course. Then the stallion laughed, just a tad bitterly.

"It's an out-of-control death sentence where recovery was measured by rates of survival, without magic. My mother had to have her left breast -teat, here?- removed when I was fifteen. We were pretty sure the disease wouldn't come back." Twilight's eyes blew wide, and then he seemed to actually hear himself talk. "Oh, oh hell. Twilight, I'm sorry. Everything's fine. I'm grouching- I shouldn't grouch like that."

Twilight simply watched him for a while. She could tell he was getting more uncomfortable by the second, but she really didn't want to risk phrasing things the wrong way.

"You don't ever get the chance to talk, do you?"

"Huh?"

Instead of answering, she stretched her neck over and lay her head over his barrel. He smelled like electricity, soap, and peaches. It was weird, she felt, to be the one not working herself into an anxious fit. On the other hoof, now she had somepony to get to know, all of his -many- quirks and behaviors. Relationships (according to Cadence and her often-unsolicited lectures on romance) required patience, level thinking, and affection. As terrible as it sounded, Germane's worries didn't affect her nearly as much as it did him, so stepping back to gain perspective wasn't much of a reach, for her.

She'd never known Earth, and every human she'd ever met she'd first known as a pony. And unlike the stallion, she hadn't made herself responsible for their well-being. Maybe it was because he felt he had more to live up to, but the other coordinators had been much more comfortable with their positions.

Heck, she probably wouldn't ever be responsible for more than a few research assistants, if she ever went into more formal academia. Not like the coordinators, or the princesses.

Miles away, in the middle of writing out party invitations, a certain pink mare broke into a ten minute fit of giggles. She wasn't sure why, exactly, since that sometimes just happened, but she enjoyed it for what it was.

"I talk plenty," replied the pegacorn. "Some days, it's all I do!" Twilight resisted the urge to roll her eyes, especially since she was sure he wasn't lying about that. Scratch that, she knew for a fact that it was true.

"Alright, then. How are you feeling?"

"My left forehoof is a little sore, and I think I bit my tongue last night but-" Twilight gave him a gentle prod in the ribs. "Oh. Just, tired, I guess."

"Not good enough." She cleared her throat. "I have trouble sleeping at night, sometimes. I'm afraid of disappointing my teacher, or getting too distant from my parents. I worry about Fluttershy living so close to the forest, and I worry about raising Spike right."

"Oh. Feelings, feelings." Germane frowned. For a moment, Twilight was afraid he'd clam up completely, before he just started babbling. "I miss my parents. And my brother. I feel bad because I miss Olive Branch more than I do them, sometimes. I'm angry that I was a pariah and a joke in Ponyville for the longest time. I miss Earth, and I feel just as terrible that I can't show Equus off to anybody that I remember from there. I hate that I get tired when I fly for too long. I'm frustrated it took so long for us to talk to each other, and that I can't help but fear the worst all the time." His mouth moved, like he wanted to say more, but finally let his jaw click shut and shut his eyes. His ears folded down over his skull, flattening themselves. Twilight gnawed on her lip, thinking as hard as she could for some kind of answer.

"I don't think I can fix all of that," was what came out of her mouth.

'Stupid!'

Except... Germane laughed, opening his eyes and turning to look as straight-on at her as he could. His eyes lit up like whenever he showed off some new, clever little circuit that had no practical use but to exist, or whenever he saw one of the ex-humans going about Ponyville while visibly happy. Like when Dinky had demanded a ride from 'Uncle Germane'.

"You really would, wouldn't you? I mean, if you could. Which you can't." Before she could shrink away, he added, "And neither can I. It's really alright, though. Things are better now, Twilight. When I thought the worst was going to happen, when I gave up, you went and made everything better. You and Luna both."

"It, well, it just seemed like the thing to do," said Twilight demurely. Germane shook his head.

"And you did it. The prettiest, most list-makingest mare of them all. You know, it took me forever to think I was having some sort of weird, lucid dream when I first came forward? At this point, I find myself praying that I won't wake up any time soon." The unicorn had to blink, hard, to keep her composure.

"Just don't forget you can talk about things now, okay? But not right now." She placed a hoof on his bag. "Spread your wings, please."

"Huh?" He didn't struggle when she stretched the limbs above and behind his whithers back, but stared at her with wide eyes.

"You're going to teach me how to fix these things properly," she declared. "Do the left one yourself, first, then I'll do the right." The stallion turned a sharp pink from the neck up.

"I can't wait for you to meet Princess Celestia! She's the kindest mare I've ever known, and I'm sure she'll like you just as much as I do!" said Twilight as the train eased itself into Canterlot station. Then she frowned, slightly. "Or maybe not quite so much. I mean, since her sister..." The mare twitched. "Nevermind that! I'm assuming you're still okay with the total disclosure policy?"

Germane winced. He'd been awfully insistent, before, on secrecy. She probably thought he was still on some sort of hair-trigger. Which he was, but that was his own problem. He and the five other coordinators had quickly come to an accord on being as accommodating toward the royal family as possible. Now, all he was dealing with was his own insecurities and worries, which weren't Twilight's responsibility.

"Tell her anything you'd like. Everything. Every last detail. I'm not going to cause you to lie to her or hide anything, anymore, Twilight." He thought briefly of the situation had it been reversed- should it have been her hiding something from him and some hypothetically-alive Olive Branch. Olive had been like a father to him for five years. How close would Twilight be to the princess after over twice as long? It made him feel worse when she smiled at him.

"I'll have to rewrite this all as a friendship report, later. Once I've had time to place everything in context, I mean. After following you into the Everfree and meeting the other humans... well, meeting most of them again, really, when you asked me to keep it a secret-" Germane flinched. "Germane?" she prompted, looking at him with concern in her eyes.

"I bullied you. Don't leave that part out."

The stallion wondered. He'd evaded -or thought he'd needed to, at the time- the wrath of one princess. The other coordinators would be plenty responsible enough to handle their end of things for the crown, like Luna had asked of them. He couldn't imagine the elder diarch of Equestria letting him off easy for intimidating her student. And then having the gall to date her. Maybe she'd exile him. Or imprison him. Or imprison him in the place he'd been exiled to...

A hoof halted him at the door to their compartment. Twilight was glaring at him in a way which reminded the stallion that she was a very powerful mage. Maybe she'd just come to her senses without the intervention of her mentor. He'd probably leave the train sideways any second now, and without the aid of a door.

"You were scared. You were very scared, for a very long time, and you thought you were doing the right thing. I can admit we never really got along before and that had to have had some weight on your decision to-"

"To treat you like Nightmare Moon herself," Germane bit out. Twilight sighed.

"And then the minute you knew Ponyville was in danger, you risked everything to help me stop that storm. When I asked you to, you trusted me enough to carry me through lightning and under a sky of hungry windigoes. Every ex-human I've met loves and trusts you to do everything in your power to keep them safe. Are you really apologizing just because one time when you did what you do best, it happened to hurt my feelings, a little?"

"Um, yes?" said Germane uncertainly. Apparently the mare had thought this out before, and just not mentioned it.

"Then apologize," said Twilight. Germane tried to search her words for some sort of trap, before he resigned himself finally to not knowing what would happen.

"I am sorry. I am very, very sorry." He wasn't sure what else to add. Twilight smiled brightly until her cheeks dimpled.

"Apology accepted! I forgive you. Now according to Eigenhoof's Social Compendium, you'll have to treat me extra nice for the rest of the day. Now, the Compendium suggests chocolates, flowers, or chocolate-coated flowers but there's this hefty tome that just came into the book stores recently that I haven't had the chance to order-"

Germane triggered the Reflex, stooped, and wrapped himself around the mare. Twilight made an 'eep' noise.

"Ger-mane! You can't walk to the castle like this, yet!" Germane buried his face further into her mane, and savored the scent of ink and lavender.

"Hugging's easier with human arms. I'll change back in a second. Then we'll get you flowers covered in chocolate and books. I mean also books- not as a flower coating because the chocolate would ruin the pages."

"Isn't it tiring to change that quickly?" asked Twilight.

"Don't care. I really l... I really think you're lovely, you know." He eased off and changed back. The stallion staggered, some, but got his footing and gestured toward the door. "After you," he said with a tired grin.

Further up the platform, the four travelers met the rest of the small Ponyville contingent. Lyra, Bon Bon, Ditzy, Dinky, and Vinyl were all waiting. Redheart was, of course already squared away- and beyond that, she had duties to the clinic.

"Did you all grab a compartment together?" asked Twilight. The group nodded or gave vague confirmations. It was an exhausting trip up to the capitol, and it was especially late in the evening besides. Spike, she saw, was actually sleeping on top of Rarity's luggage as the unicorn levitated the many packages along as one mass. It was an impressive feat for the seamstress, and an adorable one for the dragon.

"Yeah. Let's get to this- I've got a club to see tonight. Gotta keep up on the competition, you know?" said Vinyl Scratch. She might have winked, but it was impossible to be certain with her shades in the way. Twilight nodded in agreement anyway.

"We don't want anypony waiting on us. Shall we?" Germane agreed and wrapped a wing around her barrel as they walked. Dinky wrinkled her nose at the attention her uncle was paying to some other mare. The stallion obviously noticed.

"And how did you like the trip, Miss DInky?" The filly shrugged.

"Momma and Miz Vinyl told us stories about President Kennedy and Mickey Mouse. Then I told Miz Lyra about Snow White, except momma said she was really a human and the donkeys were dwarves!"

"Oh?"

"Yeah," said Dinky with a quick nod. "Um, what's a dwarf?"

"A little human," said Vinyl, who was cracking her joints. Dinky's eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Am I a dwarf?" Neither Dinky nor, Twilight admitted, herself knew why half the adults began laughing. The group kept going along the lamp-lit streets for some minutes more before reaching the massive square before the palace and stopping dead in their tracks.

Twilight wasn't quite certain what she'd been expecting. The coordinators, for sure. Some of the other ex-humans, too. But this...

"There are so many," she muttered in shock. Germane held her closer.

"Maybe a hundred there who came forward. And families. It's not all of them, but yeah, that's us." They were gathered at the base of the great white steps, between lamp posts and over cobblestones. There must have been -Twilight's eyes darted around and she did some on-the-fly multiplication- two hundred and eighty ponies. Plus some bemused-looking members of other species, just for flavor. Germane had claimed all of the humans had come forward as ponies, so the others must be friends? Family?

'Oh my goodness that pegasus is touching wings with a hippogryph.

"Twilight?" The purple mare jerked out of her daze. Germane was eyeing her worriedly. "The other coordinators are already up at the front- come with me, please?"

"Um, uh, yeah. Sure." It came out a lot less elegant than she'd have liked. Her coltfriend smiled in relief.

"Awesome. See you guys inside?" he asked of the others.

"Wouldn't miss it, darling."

"See you soon!"

"Are you and Miz Twilight going to kiss the princess?"

"Dinky!"

"That's our cue to go," declared Twilight, dragging along Germane.

"Whoa, right. Got it, okay." They trotted forward quickly, only barely skirting the crowd but even that was enough to get Germane a long line of greetings and Twilight a lot of inquiring, star-struck gazes.

"Hi Liddy, Brawn! Hello, Professor Factor, I got your last letter- talk later? Serenity, how's the band? Bluebeard! I don't know who you are, there, but hi!" Twilight had never seen Germane so enthusiastic about a crowd, but he knew just about everypony -everybody- by name. She herself recognized maybe a dozen. Fluttershy owned two of Serenity Love's albums. Maybe Twilight could get her an autograph?

Finally, they made it to the head of the crowd and the five coordinators. They, too, had their own little entourages. Not counting the ponies she had already noticed, she now saw dozens of foals in between the taller adults.

Further, she noticed a tendency among the masses to wear clothes. That wasn't exactly uncommon among the population of Canterlot, but there were a lot more -the only word was casual- garments. Clothes were to her experience either a way to show off or protect the wearer from harsh work conditions.

"Hey there, Germane, Twilight," called Frost. "Ready to head in?" The two of them nodded, and Plum sent a small array of sparks into the air. The crowd quieted in an instant.

"I think that this is as many as we can expect, tonight," the mare said with a soft poise that nevertheless was caught by each expectant ear. "Walk proudly. From this day onward, we are no longer strangers. We are neither alone nor lonely. We have made a home, and now we may open our doors, hearths, and hearts to a new and happy world." Jimminy stepped forward next.

"We've given a lot of ourselves, and gotten a whole lot back. And I think we can do even better." Next came Archer, who looked fondly at his spouses and children.

"We've made families, and those families have made us, in a lot of ways." He glanced at the other coordinators. "Anything else?" he asked at a much quieter volume.

"You said it all," said Frost. "Blueroot? Germane?" Blueroot shook his head, but Germane stepped in quickly.

"Let's go meet the in-laws," he said, breaking the tension and simultaneously making Twilight facehoof for the sudden death of a momentous, dignified atmosphere. Applause broke out.

Offset Illumination, one of Princess Luna's many secretaries and seneschals, stared with rapidly-widening eyes at the crowd tramping through the halls of the castle toward the Night Court. Her Highness had mentioned a group would show up that should be given all priority, but she had either underestimated or just understated the sheer size of it. He only took the smallest of comforts that Princess Celestia's own student was standing with one of the leaders of the surprisingly calm mob.

"Ah... appointments?" he managed to ask. An earth pony with a russet coat overtook the others just slightly.

"Hominids Anonymous, to see Her Royal Highness." Offset glanced at his appointment book and confirmed that, yes, the odd name matched what he'd penciled in earlier.

"Er, list of supplicants?" A mare at the first speaker's side stepped up and smiled placidly.

"We were unsure as to who might exactly accompany us this night, good sir, but we can gladly give you our names. I am Plum Perigee, born Sakura Yakamura."

"Archer Crass, born Danny Salzman," stated the first stallion. He pointed. "Shouldn't you be writing this down?" With a start, Offset gripped his quill magically and began writing.

"Blueroot, born Jonathan Jacob Myers."

"Germane Craft, born Bertrand Scott Merkle."

"Twilight Sparkle."

"Frost Wicker, born Jean Francois."

With a dawning sense of horror, Offset realized that they expected him to take every single name of what looked to be the largest group to ever attend the Night Court. Individually.

"Her Highnesses will see you, now," stated the guard. He was a thestral, one of the breed of flying ponies most often connected to Luna, if Twilight remembered correctly. Then the guard looked over at his partner who was at the other side of the massive double doors.

"Mind handling yourself for a while?" The other guard boggled.

"What?" Instead of answering, the first 'bat pony' turned to Twilight.

"'Scuse me, but is that stick-in the-mud still taking names?" Unsure of how to defend some pony she didn't actually know, the mare settled for nodding uncertainly.

"Likely for a little while yet. I think there were some late stragglers," she added helpfully. The guard looked cheerful at that.

"Awesome. I've got to get my citizenship, then." With that, he hurried off. The other guard remained staring after him. Slowly, Twilight turned toward Germane and raised one eyebrow. He shrugged and turned toward the other five coordinators.

"Is he one of yours?"

"Nope."

"Nuh-uh."

"First I've heard of it."

"Twilight?" prompted Germane. The mare gave him her attention.

"Yes, Germane?"

"If Celestia's a secret human, I am giving up, going home, and going to bed."

The mare couldn't help but snort as she tried to hold back her laughter. Quiet came over the whole crowd again, though, as one confused-looking bat pony pushed the court doors open. The entire crowd, coordinators and all, stood stock-still.

Twilight cleared her throat and gave Germane a nudge. The stallion twitched and began a slow, respectful walk forward. The others took this as their cue and formed up in a near-orderly fashion.

The night court's hall was just slightly smaller than the day court's, and really only differed in its decorations. The banners were a deep blue, and all had Luna's mark. The stained glass windows depicted history here, too, but they had a decidedly more martial theme to them. The number of guards was just slightly higher, but the thestrals and darkly-armored other pony tribes didn't stand nearly so stiffly.

And on the throne, there was Luna. While the gravity of the situation struck her as much as it ever did when Twilight was in on a state occasion, it was certainly the first time she'd seen a princess on the throne and thought 'she looks hot tonight'. The mare bit the inside of her cheek to keep her composure.

Then she saw Celestia.

The diarch of dawn and handler of the sun and her own teacher was sitting on a massive cushion near the throne and looking on with open interest. She leaned toward her sister and whispered something, and Luna nodded back just slightly. Of course they hadn't brought in a second throne, so by Twilight's awareness of court etiquette Celestia was just 'in attendance'. Still...

"Announcing the party 'Hominids Anonymous' and... various guests," called one guard with a scroll. "Here at the open behest of Her Highness Princess Luna."

Celestia looked on as her sister had the group introduced to the court at large. She resisted the urge to wave to Twilight, who thankfully seemed to be only at a 'four' on the Sparkle Panic Scale, as devised by Princess Cadence. 'Two' was roughly baseline for the mare, while 'five' meant she would begin babbling archaic theory at the first available chance. 'Seven' was when she'd start getting trigger-happy with her spells, and...

'Not relevant, Celestia,' she scolded herself. Tonight was, for all intents and purposes, Luna's show. Celestia was there to play voyeur. If Luna hadn't offered, she would have begged or sneaked in under a disguise.

The pony next to her was familiar, but only vaguely. For one thing, he lacked the 'light of madness' in his eyes that Twilight had described in her letters some months ago. Though Twilight had been stressed herself with that whole Running of the Leaves event.

Maybe romance ('Not with my sister do not think about Luna thinking about them like-') would have caused a new perspective in the young mare's eyes.

Celestia let her attention grow to encompass the entire crowd and had to exercise restraint in order not to boggle at the sheer number of them. Her eyes involuntarily tried to suss out some real signs of inequinimity, but there wasn't really anything to see. The adults were nervous, but no moreso than Celestia expected of first-timers in a royal court. The foals were just as restless and awestruck as any, and she had to restrain a smile at the sight. The castle really didn't see enough young ones in its halls.

The Bearer of Generosity, dear sweetheart Rarity, was in a hushed conversation with several ponies that Celestia recognized from the society pages. They were, to a mare, fashion designers and consultants. Spike was there standing guard over an imposing pile of luggage and bolts of cloth. It was the strangest (if temporary) dragon's horde that the princess had ever seen. She stifled a giggle.

"Present yourselves," ordered one of Luna's guards. The six coordinators, if Celestia had her guess, plus Twilight stepped forward. The unicorn mare kissed the green-maned stallion's cheek and hurried off to the side. Mindful of the presentation space, she circled the court and made for Celestia's location. If Twilight knew the etiquette, and she surely did, then she knew that Celestia's cushion represented a 'witness's gallery'. When Twilight hesitated a short distance away, Celestia gave an encouraging nod and shuffled over on the pillow. Really, she didn't take up that much space. Twilight smiled prettily and bounded over.

"Hi!" she whispered, settling in like they were both in the archive towers and discussing geometric theorems again.

"Hello, Twilight. You have had a busy few weeks, have you not?" asked Celestia. Twilight nodded, and her ears tilted back with guilt. "I'm sure it shall prove interesting. You've been studying this whole 'human' development, unless I miss my guess?" The mare at her side nodded with a frantic cheer.

"Oh, yes! I have several high-resolution scans of Germane's brain -in both forms- that I think the medical college will be very interested in. The blood work-ups show a relatively low platelet count, but a much higher percentage of steroidal chemicals. I think. Humans are basically mammals, but their protein profiles are very different than any Equestrian species except, perhaps, for certain sea cucumbers..." Her speech slowed and then stopped at the princess's inquiring look. "Er..."

"Do they like music?" Twilight gaped, momentarily, before collecting herself.

"Yes? Germane's mentioned jazz, at least. And," she gestured with a hoof toward the crowd. Celestia furrowed her brows until she saw just what the other mare was gesturing toward.

"Miss Serenity Love? And that's Treble Throes." The latter had a distinctive mark featuring the tragic mask over a red curtain. Now that she considered it, the mask lacked the muzzle shapes normally found on the iconic tragedy and comedy symbols of old theater.

"Amazing," breathed the alicorn. "That stallion was always so polite. The Sphere Theater always sends season tickets, remember? I believe I took you to see-"

"Death of a Salespony," finished Twilight with a grin. "I remember. That was the best seventeenth birthday present a filly could ask for."

"If only Spike hadn't fallen asleep halfway through," replied Celestia. She brought her attention back to the mass of ponies and other creatures up front. "I suppose it is only self-evident that they are enough like ponies, at least in their psychology, that they were able to integrate so quickly. That is a heartening thought."

"Germane has his strange moments," admitted Twilight. She froze, then. "Er, he's the, ah, the one right-"

"I recognized him," supplied Celestia, who was working harder to keep a straight face. "Has he taught you that it's some common human parting gesture to kiss? How exotic." Twilight went from frozen to something one degree even more still.

"N-no... he and I, we're, you see... we're dating." The violet mare swallowed. "I was going to mention it but it seems like it would be a bit of a conflict of interest and the first point in valid scientific studies are to maintain a distance between the researcher and the subject but he keeps bringing snacks and candles and cider whenever I bring out the electrodes and-"

"Electrodes?" prompted Celestia, one eyebrow arching delicately.

"Eep."

Luna surveyed the massive crowd that gathered in and all but filled the court. Aside from the many, many supplicants, she'd arranged for several members of the press, a gathering of the less... distasteful nobles, and several minor ambassadors. That last point was to put off what would surely be a long and exhaustive round of foreign information exchanges. The griffons, most certainly, would grumble to no end.

She'd worked through a good dozen scrolls and pots of coffee the last few days to get her speech just right, and to see that things went as smoothly as possible.

'Ooh, this shall be so much fun!'

The princess maintained her composure and, to enhance the gravity of the moment, stepped down from her throne. Her own height and the slightly raised dais would serve to keep all eyes on her.

"Not since the establishment of the great trade routes over the territory of the Hippocampi, those now known as 'Sea Ponies' in the common tongue, has this country opened relations with a new species. And yet, as many of you gathered here know, this latest contact has in fact been happening for some time. Today I see ponies, griffons, hippogriffs, minotaurs, and..." she blinked, thrown off-balance.

"Pardon us for asking, but is that a changeling?"

A black, chitinous hoof waved tentatively from the back. The pony next to its owner began rubbing at her temples with her wings as if to stave off a headache.

"He's with me!" the mare announced. A quick glance to the side informed Luna that none of the coordinators were especially surprised, so she made a quick, internal shrug.

"Yes. Well, then. As I was saying! Among these species, gathered here in harmonious presentation, there is another." This comment was aimed specifically at the reporters, who were writing as furiously as possible with hooves, mouths, and magic. Luna turned to the six ponies at the front of the crowd and gestured grandly at the dais with one wing. They cantered forward with varying levels of serenity and confidence. Luna found herself extremely pleased when Germane, clearly sweating under his stoic demeanor, chose to stand closest to her of the six.

"I present the coordinators of Hominids Anonymous, who tonight represent the race of humans. If you might demonstrate?"

One after another, they triggered the Reflex. Gasps and looks of confusion, wonder, worry and awe came from the crowd. Luna reminded herself that most of the ex-humans hadn't yet had the chance to use Germane's device, and so might be seeing the Reflex themselves for only the first or second time. Several reporters began vibrating in place, visibly restraining themselves from blurting out a salvo of questions. Her seneschal had been very clear, though, on the conditions of their presence. Questions would come later.

"If you would care to speak a few words?" she asked. The humans traded a complicated series of looks, shrugs, and quirked eyebrows.

"Well," said Blueroot, who was a lanky, chocolate-skinned human with touches of grey in his mane, "We each, as we phrase it, came forward to Equestria on our own. We woke up alone in a strange place in new bodies, and quickly found -or were found- by those who'd already come forward themselves. Since then, each of us has learned to make the best of our new lives here. As some of you know or noticed, we're physically no different than ponies, most of the time." He cleared his throat, and gestured toward Plum. The woman gave a graceful nod and stepped forward next.

"Recently, we were graced with a machine that lets us take our old forms for a few hours at a time. Unlike some magical transmutations, it is neither permanent nor adaptable. There is only one form to change into, and there is only one form to which we may return. Still, it is the ultimate proof of our pasts, and we must be grateful." She stepped back again, and gestured. "Specifically, we must be grateful to Germane Craft, here. Our youngest coordinator and the developer of the Morphic Reflex Device."

The human in question had to be pushed forward by Archer Crass before willingly speaking up in front of the crowd. Shouts and applause, a mix of both stomping and 'clapping' hooves, broke out. He sheepishly scratched the back of his head and made a short, quick bow.

"I, ah, just missed wiggling my toes." There was a smattering of laughter by those close enough to hear. "Really, though, I just wanted us to show how proud we were on top of how proud we are. And I'm, well, very proud of everybody here today. The, uh, Princess Luna will be hosting the device with a couple of her staff that I'll be training up, or I can be found in my workshop in Ponyville. And that's big news, don't get me wrong! But we're also here for an equally important reason." He turned and looked expectantly at Luna.

Inwardly, she was grinning like a foal. It had been much too late to plan around any speeches the coordinators had made, but they had all done rather well, in her opinion. Now was the last big 'official' event of the evening. She stepped forward again and raised her voice.

"Will all those who came forward as ponies please line up in the center of the room? We can get the oath out of the way. Any foals born in Equestria may stay with their family members, but are naturally born citizens and need perform no such task themselves." There was a great shuffling and commotion as the crowd tried to organize itself. Near the back, a familiar mare shot up both a wing and a hoof and waved the limbs wildly in the air.

"Yes, my little, er human?" The mare grinned, before looking sort of nervous.

"Um, your highness? Since you're doing all this anyway, do you think you could maybe..." The diarch of the night looked between her and the changeling to her side. A quick glance backward at her sister provided nothing more than intense interest on the other alicorn's part.

"Why not?" she said, more to herself than anything else. "If you would see either myself or my sister at some point, though, afterward?" Both mare and changeling nodded eagerly and ran to join the shortest row of ponies.

While Equestra wasn't officially 'at war' with the changeling race as a whole, she was uncomfortably aware that this would end in tears and paperwork for somepony. Luna only hoped that they would appear during the Day Court to place the issue on her sister's proverbial wings.

"Alright, everyone! Follow along and repeat after me, if you would!"

"Genevieve Pumpkin, you get back here this instant!"

Germane jerked back onto his rear hooves and rolled his wings to stay upright for a second as a five year-old ran by naked and laughing. Her mother followed seconds after.

"Pardon me, Mister Craft," the woman muttered respectfully before returning to full volume. "You will put a shirt on before I catch you or you'll be short desserts for a month, young lady!" Germane mused over the mother's brunette hair, and the daughter's own pumpkin-orange locks. He didn't want to be the one to unravel the genetic mysteries behind that one.

Mother and daughter had just come from one of the six clothing tents set up by Rarity's acquaintances. The mare had planned well ahead for this event, he thought with some admiration. They were all cleaning up on the sales of the nice, comfortable garments, but Rarity was the only one offering discounts for sketches of genuine human fashions by her more artistic customers. The pegacorn had a solid idea on just who would be cornering the fall market from her Ponyville boutique.

"Hello, Germane."

The voice prompted him to turn and face the oldest human he'd seen in over a decade. The fellow was stooped, and looked to mostly be standing under the power of the mare and hippogriff to either side of him. The mare Germane recognized as one of the message runners for the HAC- Marigold Cirrus was as all-around helpful as anybody. Anypony, really, since she happened to be one of the few non-humans and non-relatives of such to be in on the secret. One of Archer's cousins by marriage, he was pretty sure.

On the other end of the hippogriff was a griffon hen with silvered feathers and a pair of bifocals. She regarded Germane cautiously, but without hostility. The pegacorn had to puzzle things out for a bit, before realization hit and his eyes darted toward the old man again.

"Thistle? It's been a while." Jimminy Cricket's predecessor grinned and made the change back to pegasus. The stallion sighed and visibly relaxed.

"Ooh, but that's just easier with four legs these days, I hate to say." His eyes opened slowly and he gestured to the two beings to his right. "I hope you remember my nestmate, Layra Clawswick?"

"I only met you the one time, I think," admitted Germane, "but I do remember you. Hearthswarming, or was it Christmas?" The griffoness nodded pleasantly.

"Christmas. A full two weeks before Hearthswarming. You and that Olive fellow brought a cask of the Sweet Apple Acres Cider. Rare as," she grinned, "hen's teeth, it is, up near the Thermalback mountains."

"This is my son," said Thistle. The Hippogriff bowed uncertainly. He looked to be maybe seventeen, but had a griffon's typical bulk. Germane was struck with a sudden suspicion, and growing excitement, over as to why he'd been called over.

"A pleasure. Er... can you...?" The younger male smirked and triggered his Reflex. A tall, athletic human was standing in his place. His hair was a speckled grey and brown that mimicked the pattern of his feathers, and his eyes were amber things just a touch larger than average.

"Well I'll be," mumbled Germane. Hippogriffs invariably gave way to griffons or ponies, depending on which species they had offspring with. If the teenager had his eye on a particular hen, there might soon be a generation of human griffons.

Then his imagination sort of went to an odd place, eventually culminating in the image of a truly massive dragon, one of the genuine Great Wyrms, shifting back and forth from human form.

'I am living in a video game, and it is wonderful,' he mused to himself.

"Germane!" The mad scientist's ears spun on their own at the sound, and he gave a quick bow to the three beings.

"I'd love to stay and chat, but duty calls."

When he cleared the crowd, he immediately spotted Twilight. Which was good! Then he spotted Luna. A little more nerve-wracking, yes, but still good. And then he spotted Princess Celestia, at which point he had to fight the urge to run away.

"Your highnesses," he said, sketching a quick bow. "Twilight." The darker alicorn pouted.

"Did I not ask that you call me Luna, Germane? I thought us closer than that." Germane's heart seized up at that.

"Right, of course. Um, Luna. What may I do for you?"

It was her older sister that answered.

"I've offered to tidy up things here," said Princess Celestia. "Mister Frost has been asked for an interview from Equestria Daily, and I thought I might like to sit in on it. In the meantime, my sister would like to spend time with you and Twilight."

"If you would like!" interjected Luna, who was suddenly gnawing on her lower lip in a very distracting way.

"I-" Germane glanced toward Twilight. "We? Yes, we would be happy to." Celestia beamed.

"Excellent! I expect that you will treat both my sister and my dearest student with the utmost care, correct?" Germane was struck by a gaze that held unfathomable age and power behind it, bathed in the light of an unforgiving sun and forged in the death of an era of chaos.

"Yes?" he squeaked. And just like that, he was again being regarded by the much-loved mother figure of all of Equestria.

"Go along and have fun, then!"

Germane had trouble moving his legs, even after Luna swept him and Twilight along with a wing each toward 'her tower'.

Twilight made a slow, full circle to take in the room. Luna's sitting room, the first chamber of her tower suite, was a beautiful, richly-upholstered space that she'd never had the chance to see. Obviously it hadn't existed in its current state before the alicorn's return to Equestria and, shortly thereafter, sanity. It was soothing, really, with lots of silver highlights that accented both the living quarters and the mare that occupied them.

The unicorn was very upset that she seemed permanently unable to banish the heat from her cheeks. Germane was much more still, but looked to be taking things in just as much as she was. Of course, this also included the taller mare who was rushing around the suite picking at a completely imaginary mess to 'make it suitable for visitors'.

"Luna?" said Twilight, speaking up. The princess froze in place with a comical expression of shock on her face. "You've seen my library and Germane's workshop. I'm pretty sure this place is neater than either of them. Combined."

"Yes, well, we, that is, I, have had the benefit of several days' advance notice of your arrival. Those times I've visited Ponyville have tended to be much more abrupt. I could not possibly expect to hold you to-"

"Luna?" This time it was Germane that interrupted her. "Your home is awesome. Thank you for inviting us." The princess nodded, slightly. "Um... Twilight? Do that thing where you say things that don't sound stupid. I don't think I can do that thing right now."

Twilight's ears folded back flat against her skull. She was in a pretty mare's room, with a pretty mare, and there was also (thought he'd probably protest) a pretty boy and they were both looking at her with pleading eyes and-

"This is awkward, is it not? It shouldn't be. I... I invited you both here, have stated my intent to court you, and yet..." Luna wrung one forehoof over the other. "If, ah, if either of you are here because you somehow feel obliged or fearful that I would react badly otherwise, please banish such thoughts from your head. I am aware that there are still many who have not forgotten nor forgiven my past-"

Twilight's heart stuttered for a bare second.

"Luna!" she exclaimed. "I know better than that! You're a wonderful pony and I'm just nervous. I only just started my first real romantic relationship a few weeks ago, and that was with an alien, d-list villain!" Germane jolted and glared.

"I am not a villain, thank you very much! And I'd be at least a c-lister!" He coughed and turned his attention back to Luna. "Also, I didn't really have an impression of you, from before. My childhood monsters were giant bees and clowns. Also, I might have... slept through the Summer Sun Celebration where you came back." The last sentence was blurted out, and only experience dealing with Pinkie let Twilight catch it all. Luna seemed to have caught it all too, if her shocked expression was anything to go by.

"You slept through it. The entire town was in an uproar, the sun didn't rise, and you slept through all of that." Germane folded, slightly, under the taller mare's scrutiny.

"I went on a three day engineering binge. I do that sometimes. The time before that, I built a too-powerful toaster. The time two months ago, I woke up next to the frame of the Morphic Reflex Device. Occasionally I have just too much coffee and just enough spare wiring and then things go fuzzy for a while. And then I wake up and sometimes I find out we have a new princess," he said, gesturing toward the alicorn.

"What counts as a 'too-powerful toaster'?" asked Twilight dubiously.

"It toasts entire fields of wheat. Talent Mark Fugues can be weird." At his words, Luna nodded.

"I do remember crafting the summer borealis. Apparently I was under the influence of an old Zebrican recipe..." The princess's words slowly ground to a halt before she sighed and drooped. "I did just mention how awkward the situation was, yes?"

And again, mused Twilight unhappily, the conversation was taking a turn for the worst.

"It doesn't have to be!" she interjected. The suddenness had the other two ponies silent and listening in a flash. Twilight cleared her throat. "Gaspode Blather's Guide to Romantic Interludes was very clear on the order of events in what he called the 'starting stutters' of a new relationship." She reached into her saddlebag. When she came back up with the tome she'd brought along for light reading, the silence in the room had taken on an entirely different quality. Luna and Germane were glancing between her and each other. Their lips were quivering for some reason.

"What?" asked the smaller mare. The other two lost the battle and fell into light laughter. "Oh, very funny! I'm trying to apply a simple, step-by-step process to something that I'm trying to take very seriously, and-"

"You are quite precious, Twilight," said Luna, who was suddenly wrapped around her neck. "Germane? Why do you stand there when there is a hug to take part in?" Limited as her view was by the princess's ethereal mane, Twilight was still able to make out the stallion's face. He had the same awkward, 'obviously a third wheel' look that Twilight had so often worn herself. The librarian quickly reached out the only hoof she had free and waggled it in his direction.

"Well?" she said. It was a rather nice hug, after all. She was the last pony in the world who'd want to exclude somepony else, especially when that other pony was as isolated as she'd once been, in many ways.

'Friendship lessons are definitely in order,' she thought as the stallion tentatively came closer. A quick application of magic yanked him the rest of the way.

"Aye, whoa! Um, okay. Hugs. I can do hugs." A few seconds after another light, warm pressure had settled on the two mares, his voice came through again, this time muffled by Luna's mane. "Um, now what?"

"Do you have any more stories?" asked Luna, stepping back and looking hopeful. Twilight reluctantly let Germane step back so he could answer in kind.

"Erm... six more stories from the Harry Potter series, the Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Sandman, Firefly, um... lots of stuff?"

"Something romantic," said the alicorn, looking a bit more energetic. Twilight found herself reluctantly perking up herself. Germane mulled the request over in his mind before shrugging.

"Disney it is, then. Does anybody have popcorn?"

"Guards! We require popcorn!" While Luna went over to the door, Germane leaned in.

"Um, do you think I could hear a couple stories from Equestria?" He scratched sheepishly at one foreleg. "I always felt too embarrassed to ask for anything out of the kid's section."

'This is simultaneously embarrassing and adorable,' thought Twilight. Still, 'Gideon Griffon' had always been one of her favorites as a filly...

Author's Note

Longest chapter yet by a wide margin.

Fanon Lyra, because it fit too well not to include it. Honestly, originally Lyra was going to be the original main 'human coordinator'- breaking into the group from the outside and assuming duties as Ponyville's caretaker after Olive Branch's death. My next story is going to be entirely native characters, and she's going to star front and center. Goofy romantic comedy? Either way, I have a passion for writing mad scientists. Maybe she'll build combat golems, or something. But for Life Ever After, the key technology is toasters. Increasingly complex and dangerous toasters. Oh my, yes.

Disclosure

Chapter Six: Disclosure

Germane woke and felt incredibly confused. He was too comfortable to be on the cot in his workshop, and it didn't smell like he was in the hospital. He wasn't on some isolated hay bale, either, since that would have been more scratchy. There was a body on top of him that was way too light to be Time Turner, whose bed he'd once -innocently- woken up in after Granny Smith opened up her hard cider reserves one Hearth's Warming Eve, and his mouth didn't have the taste of one of Zecora's potions.

'Damn you, Pinkie.'

Eyes half-lidded, he breathed in. Ink and lavender and something like frost on autumn grass. His senses as a pony could be fun, sometimes, but he couldn't quite place that last-

-A shimmering mane curling around an elegant, dark neck and eyes bright with centuries of restrained mischief-

-scent which was obviously Luna. That would explain the blue expanse of fur that shifted slightly with his every breath.

Feeling far too tired to engage in a full-on panic, he let his eyes slip closed and tried to recall the entirety of last night. Stories, and jokes, and some challenge involving a broken lamp and all the silverware he could get his hooves on... and finally being the second one to succumb to sleep. Either Twilight had followed shortly thereafter, or an especially soft lunar guard had gotten very brave and wandered into Luna's quarters to drool on Germane's wing.

'Too tired to even pretend that last one might be true,' he mused, and pushed his face a bit closer to the princess. 'No bad dreams, but I'm pretty certain you were running through my head anyway.' Then the stallion rolled his still-shut eyes at the sheer level of sap in his last thought.

He wanted to sleep longer. He really did, but since he was awake, he was suffering from a very obvious problem. He had to pee. Beyond that, the pressure on his bladder was pushing him very close to the kind of reaction that plagued teenage boys and men that were playing 'big spoon' for an attractive princess. If he started poking Luna in the spine, she might, well, he actually didn't know what she might do, but figured it would complicate the morning a bit more than he could handle without coffee. Even in a mostly-nudist society, walking around with one's more obviously male attributes hanging out of one's sheath was pretty damned indecent.

Plus the whole 'herd dynamics' thing was enough to stop his brain.

With skill born from escaping from inside piles of still-running machinery, he shuffled back from under Twilight and replaced himself with a pillow. Luna shifted uneasily, so he placed the first mare's foreleg over the spot where his head had been leaning. From his new spot standing on the floor, Germane grinned and declared success. Then he felt horribly worried and wondered where in Luna's suite he could find an actual bathroom. Before he shuffled off toward a likely-looking door, he glanced back at the massive bed, and to the mares wrapped in expansive blue sheets.

'Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Faust, I'd really like to wake up like that again.'

Luna woke for the second time. The first had been shortly before the break of day to commit five minutes to her moon-setting duties, which didn't require she get out of bed. She smacked her lips and stretched her limbs. Or rather, five of her limbs. Her right wing was trapped under a warm, breathing weight. Twilight, she presumed, since Germane was at the other end of the room and poking at some sort of bare, steel contraption. It was pleasant, to watch him methodically poke at the thing and mutter to himself. What, she wondered, was he trying to accomplish?

Why was there a crate of oranges on the floor next to her vanity table?

She felt Twilight shift just slightly over her primaries. Grinning, the princess rolled and captured the sleeping mare in all four legs.

"Good morning!"

Not a phrase she got a great deal of use out of, admittedly, but it certainly fit! The smaller pony curled in on herself and mumbled, but didn't wake. Luna kissed the crown of her head, just below the horn. Then she kept making a trail of soft contact toward Twilight's ear. The last night hadn't been very intimate in the physical sense, but Luna was certain she would be well-received. To her delight, Twilight gave a startled inward breath and pressed herself closer.

Luna pressed one foreleg toward her purple-coated belly and glanced up over Twilight's mane. Germane had circled the bed and was staring with eyes wide like a colt's. The princess let her eyes go half-lidded, and she grinned as she placed another kiss on Twilight's ear.

"Should I have woken you like that?" asked the stallion.

"I would not have complained," replied Luna. Germane swallowed.

"Oh. That's... oh." The reaction was adorable, yes, but Luna was willing to push it a bit further.

"Would you care to aid me?" she asked. "You have given her such touches before, have you not?" That expression on his face, the raw need, sent a shiver up her back. It really had been too long. And the affection she saw plain as night, held back only by an uncertainty about his station was just as nostalgic. He didn't carry himself with the hesitation of a subject, but of a stallion being offered more than he deserved.

That wouldn't do.

"Please?" she asked. And that did it- helpful young Germane just couldn't refuse a request. She hoped that with time, he'd understand that she couldn't refuse him, either. They both wanted desperately for this to work. Though that, too, might grow into a problem, it was one she knew to watch out for. Plain bedfellows knew no equality, but lovers simply had to. Therefore she would restrain herself just the slightest bit, until...

Luna smiled against Twilight's mane as Germane gently stepped onto the bed and brought a wing to the curve of Twilight's jaw. Winged ponies held their loved ones with the tools of their one true freedom, she'd heard said, once upon a time.

"Mmm..."

When Twilight groaned, Luna gave a meaningful glance toward the mare's head and pulled back to reach her muzzle. Germane got the idea, and took her place kissing at the tense, violet ears as Luna licked at the corners of Twilight's mouth.

"Nnn!"

Luna felt a small, delicate hoof wrap around her neck. Conscious or not, Twilight was clearly enjoying the treatment. Was the young mare picturing Germane? Herself? Luna smiled into the next kiss- it would be both, if she were lucky.

Before she could move again, she found herself being kissed. Not five minutes after waking, and the day had surpassed good and turned great! Luna her tongue under Twilight's lip, just enough to tease. That was when the mare woke with a gasp.

She stared at Luna, crossing her eyes until they were focused on her muzzle.

"Ah, ah... eep?" Then she gasped, and Luna saw that Germane hadn't bothered stopping.

"Do you trust us, Twilight?" she asked. The confused mare kept staring, until she seemed to catch on to the fact that she'd been asked a question. She gave the barest, most tentative of nods. Luna grinned with all the warmth she could muster, then leaned in to whisper in the unicorn's ear.

"Then close your eyes, and do not open them until we ask. Enjoy this as if you were still dreaming, please, and we'll tell you when it is fine to 'wake'." Twilight bit at her lip, and uncertainty painted itself across her face until Germane leaned in and whispered next.

"I'm pretty certain that the only thing better than waking up with you once would be waking up with you twice in one morning, Twilight."

The mare gasped again as the sensation of new contact reached her, but she closed her eyes. Luna started to trail her mouth down her chest.

Twilight didn't trust herself to speak. Or to move. She'd woken up to a wet 'dream', sweating and sore even though nothing like what she thought sex was had even happened. She, he, they were just everywhere. She curled her tail up under herself in embarrassment, but realized that what she needed was a hair-growth spell that would let the thing cover her whole body.

'That's hardly even feasible,' she scolded herself, though didn't dismiss the idea out of hoof. It had just been so embarrassing! Somewhat. She didn't think she should be embarrassed by what had happened, or her... reaction to it. Heck, Germane and Luna had been the ones to initiate it. They'd done the kissing, and the touching, and drawing circles with their mouths around her-

'Gah!'

Twilight wouldn't lie to herself. That was probably the crowning moment of her life that she would never, ever be able to forget. Would that happen again? She hoped it would. Maybe not at that precise moment, given the way her muscles still felt too-warm and parts of her flesh still flared like hypersensitive nerve clusters, but sometime.

The unicorn had tried to return the favor, but Luna had just pressed her back and reminded her that she was supposed to be sleeping. And then licked the thin fur at the base of her horn again.

With a deep, full-body shudder, Twilight forced the memory of that away. She had to get up and do... things. She had a checklist somewhere!

'Though I don't care how much rearranging it takes, I'm fitting a time block for a long shower in there,' she thought rebelliously. Walking through the palace while smelling like, like that was a thought that made her want to retreat under the bed like Spike did, before the little guy had accepted the necessity of 'bedtime'.

Her mind made up, she pushed off of bed and went in search of a bathroom. She made it about two feet before a low whistle sounded.

"You look very good like that, Miss Twilight."

Germane grinned from across the room. Behind him, Luna poked uncertainly over the crate of oranges that she'd ordered brought up to the room. Did she not recall doing that? Twilight put the question out of her mind when she saw that Germane was still casting that lecherous look at her.

"It's too early to start this back and forth stuff, Germane. I need to shower- I'm sure I'll be better able to put up with you teasing me after that."

"Who's teasing?"

The shower was absolutely heaven-sent, and for more than one reason. Twilight managed to fight off the flush in her face by the time she'd begun siphoning water out of her coat and back into Luna's absolutely ludicrous bathtub. The washroom was the size of her library's reading area, and easily dwarfed the generous space she'd had to herself as a castle-dwelling filly. The princess wasn't that much larger than the average pony. Stately, really, and most of that height came from her long, long legs-

'No! Not right now. Brain, I command you to turn off.' That didn't work, of course. It never did, and the problem she had with her train of thought was that she didn't, so to speak, want to put on the brakes.

Less than two months ago, she'd been cheerfully, obliviously single. She hadn't been lonely, by any stretch of her imagination- not with the girls, and Spike, and the rest of her family. She'd known love, if in a different variety. She'd known affection too, of course. In her quieter moments, when she was sure of her privacy, she'd even known lust.

Only apparently with being only one pony by herself, she hadn't felt even half of all that that implied. And even after she'd washed the desire away, in every sense of the word, she found herself left with a strong, burning brand in her chest that sent her thoughts lined up like iron filings to a false magnetic North.

'North' was about twenty feet away and observing a crate full of oranges. Twilight ran a brush through her mane one last time and stepped out through the door.

"There is a switch, isn't there? We should press it." Luna had apparently brought her attention back to the machine. And, Twilight noted, was wearing a pair of reading glasses.

'Would an alicorn even need reading glasses, really?' she wondered.

"You know, I've said that exact same thing at least a dozen times," admitted Germane through a mouthful of screwdriver. He wasn't actually using it on the machine, even, he was just chewing on it. Possibly to appear more thoughtful.

"Oh? You've come across similar situations, then," the princess prompted. The stallion nodded.

"Mm. I'm always finding old projects. And every time I think, 'why not turn it on? What could possibly go wrong?' And..." he trailed off, before nodding to himself. "And I really hate to break old habits. Hit it, Luna!"

With a squeaky, gleeful noise, Luna hit the switch. The machine sparked, vibrated halfway off of the table, and then the door behind Twilight exploded. She had the faintest impression of orange, but then the wash of air behind what must have been a projectile hadn't even carried an after-image.

"Meep?"

The two ponies stared over the now-silent machine, both looking completely horrified. Twilight looked back over her shoulder and saw that, through the hole in the door, there was a patch of morning sky on the other side of the bathroom.

"The weather pegasi are going to be furious," she muttered dumbly. Germane coughed.

"I think we made some sort of fast-pitch machine. With... fruit. That seems so wildly impractical that even I should have thought twice before building it. Without, you know, setting up a backstop first..."

Twilight sent a confused look at the stallion.

"It's a candy machine. It candies oranges." She cleared her throat. "It's supposed to be, at least. I don't think my spells interacted with its internal mechanisms very well." Germane went from looking confused to delighted.

"So it really is enchanted! I thought it had to be, or else this little turn belt should have been completely impossible, you know?" To his side, Luna gave him a strange glance.

"You could not tell? It has at least four layered spells upon it."

"Oh? Where at?" Germane shook his head. "No, erm, better draw them out. I think I can make out a blueprint for you." He spat out the screwdriver and glanced between the mares. "What?" Twilight stepped up to the table, consciously ducking under the flight path of any more dangerous fruit.

"Germane, they're right there," she said, pointing. She lit her horn for emphasis, and the enchantments gave off their own, sympathetic glows. He eyed them and nodded.

"Right. Um. What are they? Oh, wait! Let me guess."

Twilight met Luna's eyes, and realized that they were both pondering the exact same question. The unicorn, though, suddenly had an answer. She came up behind Germane and draped a hoof over his neck.

"I'm sorry if I was a bit puzzled- you spend so much time putting together your magical... circuits, that I think we forgot you don't cast like a unicorn. Or sense like one." He frowned at that, but it was more a look of concentration than any real hurt.

"It sort of tastes all coppery in high-magic fields, but not really, no." He poked at a heating coil. "Is this drawing sugar from... ooh, clever! But, ah, no. You're right. I've got to show my work on my math assignments, Professor Twilight. Unicorns just get shortcuts." He looked at her in curiosity. "Do you everhave to draw out your spell diagrams? Or can you just free-cast everything?"

"Well, certain spells that I'm casting for the first time, yes, I have to diagram. If they're complicated. One of the last ones was that time-travel spell, I think."

"Oh. Time travel. Is that all?" Twilight suddenly felt worried- Germane didn't sound like he was breathing very well at all.

"It was just the one time," she said. Except that the princess was giving her a very similar look.

"I'd thought that a... fancy, or an illusion, to speak the truth," said the alicorn. "It seems I have more than law books to catch up on, when it comes to recent history."

"If unicorns weren't already magical, I'd insist that you were magical, Twilight, if that makes any sense." At Germane's words, Luna nodded.

"Indeed."

"Whatever, you two," said Twilight, not managing to come off as nonchalant as she'd hoped. So she was a little gifted! There wasn't any need to make a big deal out of it.

"Anyways," said Germane with a little grin, "I'm thinking of handing this over to Bon Bon. Sort of as a peace offering for ticking off her fillyfriend, yeah? Or Pinkie- she's all about sweet things." Twilight twitched.

"You are not giving that to Pinkie," she declared. Germane looked shocked for a moment, before seeming to remember the hole in the wall.

"Maybe after I fix the velocity..."

Eventually, Luna declared that they were all up early enough to go down and enjoy the first real breakfast she'd been awake for in over half a year. Germane immediately stumbled off at the possibility of coffee, and Twilight was about to follow his lead, before she stopped. Thinking quickly, she held the door for Luna. The taller mare smiled and trotted past.

Acting before her mind could turn on itself in a kind of list-shaped failsafe, which even still managed to get to point three: you do not provoke royalty!, she tucked her head to the side and kissed Luna's cutie mark. The mare shivered, and Twilight found herself frozen at her own audacity when Luna turned and, with wide eyes, stared.

"Still mine heart," she muttered, just loudly enough for the unicorn to hear, then smiled brighter than her own satellite shined at its fullest.

Germane suspected that the breakfast table was a lot more full than it had been in a while. The first pony he saw of course was Celestia, presiding over the long hall like a proud parent on Easter morning. At her left side was Spike, and then Rarity, while Germane saw three more places open at her right. He would have had the uncomfortable feeling that he was only there because she had to humor her younger sister, except for the numerous just-cleared places set even further down the table.

He'd almost forgotten that the other coordinators had been offered places in the palace's quarters, though he was a little bewildered that they were already gone. It wasn't even noon yet!

"Hello, darlings!" crowed Rarity, who happened to be the only one facing them right off. Germane felt the subtle air currents cast by the two mares at his side, and allowed them to go first. They were a lot more familiar with the metaphorical lay of the land, after all. Also, he got the furthest seat that he was aiming for. Twilight especially seemed happier than anything to be between her teacher and her fillyfriend.

Germane found himself being stared down by a tiny dragon.

"Well?" asked the green and purple figure. The stallion sighed.

"Well?"

"Spike, dearie, what's the matter?" asked Rarity. The dragon gestured furiously.

"He kissed my sister! Again! I can see it in his traitorous eyes."

Cue spit-takes, laughter, and shocked horror from around the table.

"Spike!" shouted Twilight. Rarity dabbed at her mouth with a napkin with an eerie sense of poise.

"Oh my, is there something wrong with kissing, Spike?" Germane sent a quiet prayer to Saint Rarity as she smiled demurely. "I would think you were old enough to see affection as the beautiful thing it is. I suppose we all mature at our own pace, really..." Poor Spike, Germane saw, was near to having a panic attack. Out of a sense of pity and desire to get brownie points with Twilight -because he wasn't completely selfless- he stepped into the conversation.

"I think it's more him being a bit too chivalrous, Miss Rarity," the stallion said. "My fault, I guess, since we haven't gotten to know each other well enough." Rarity's eyes sparkled with mischief- she'd always been one of the most fun members of Twilight's circle, for what little interaction he'd had with them.

"A boy's night out, you mean?"

"Exactly! Maybe Twilight can have a night out with the five of you at the same time."

'Smooth, Germane. You get a gold star and possible smooches.' He immediately buried the thought, just on the off chance that dragons were somehow psychic, or something, Though he imagined that the little guy would have grown up a lot more traumatized, if that were the case.

"Do you really mean that?" asked Twilight, leaning forward to glance around Luna. Germane shrugged.

"Sure!" He smiled, and did his best to ignore Spike's suspicious glare. Then Rarity came through for him again.

"Such a gentledrake, to be so protective of your sister." The dragon immediately switched focus and began buffing his claws on his chest.

"Yes, well..."

"I heard you were leaving this evening," said Celestia, who'd apparently waited for the right time to drop into the conversation. "Are you perhaps a bit more camera shy than your fellow humans?"

"No, your highness." Yes. Very much yes. "I think the reporters got enough shots of us last night," he said, remembering the various line-ups and pushy photographers. "I already agreed to see a few writers back in Ponyville, if they feel like tracking me down, but I don't want to be away for too long." He was suddenly aware of twin concerned gazes from the mares at his right.

"You're not staying?" asked Luna. Rarity made some some of abrupt, high-pitched squee that everybody pretended not to notice. Germane ducked his head a little, embarrassed.

"The other coordinators have replacements to watch their wild magic zones," he admitted. "It's not likely that we'll get somebody else so soon after the newbie, but out of the one or two of the, uh," he realized then that he'd have to come up with a better word than 'ex-human'. It sounded either depressing or demeaning, and only really applied to the first generation arrivals. "...Of us at Ponyville," he continued, "who didn't come up to Canterlot, none of them have the training."

While he didn't doubt that Redheart was tough enough to manage the Everfree, she didn't have his sheer experience, either.

"I don't think I've had the exact mechanics of your arrivals explained," commented the solar diarch. Was that a suspicious tone? He couldn't tell.

"Fuzzy, your majesty. The Everfree is... big," he said, massively understating it, "and we haven't found a strict pattern for arrival. Honestly, it tends to be a lot worse on my end given the sheer size and coverage of the area."

There had been some really, really bad nights, before, and Simba was not the most dangerous thing in the forest.

"Another thing I'd hoped to discuss with the coordinators," Celestia admitted. "If you're going to be gone, do you trust them to speak for you?" A more formal-sounding, polite tone went into that one. Germane tried to sum up his thoughts in exactly the same way.

"Anything that's not a direct, unique request made of myself personally, yes. They sometimes have... odd expectations of me." Too high, or too low, or sometimes involving airlift capacity, or something. "But anything that everybody else is okay with for themselves, I'm also good for." He figured she meant the census thing, which was cool with him.

"Splendid! Anything else, and I'm sure I or... my sister, of course, will be in touch." Luna moved, slightly, at his side.

"Tia! There is no need to behave, so!"

"Behave how, sister?" asked Celestia. Butter wouldn't have melted in her mouth. Germane was wiling to say that despite seeing butter-covered pancakes literally melting on the plate in front of her. Luna snorted.

"It's all a worthy undertaking, which he is quite worthy of," the alicorn declared. Germane found himself wrapped in one very large, very dark wing.

He made a noise sort of like 'meep', but not really.

Spike didn't look sure if he wanted to laugh or turn nauseous, while Rarity was grinning like a madmare. Germane couldn't see Twilight, but judging by her own 'meep' noise and the movement of Luna's whithers, the princess had decided not to leave her out of the wing hug. Celestia herself seemed torn between worry and amusement.

"I don't think anypony here oblivious," said Luna, "but I will make it doubly clear- I am courting these two and would ask you blessings." The words hadn't left her mouth before Rarity perked up.

"Oh, absolutely! Quite the, er, trio!" She nudged Spike. The little guy seemed a little more torn over giving the 'overprotective brother' speech to an alicorn.

"Er... yeah. Take care of Twilight. She's... yeah." Luna beamed.

"You've already heard my opinion on the matter," declared Celestia, which was worrying to Germane. Luna apparently agreed.

"Tia..." Celestia sighed.

"Very well." She looked to Twilight. "Take care of my sister, Twilight. She's a hoof full. Luna, don't destroy my student's heart or I will start sending Hearts and Hooves cards to Discord in your name." There was a kind of table-wide twitch, at that. Next, she met Germane's eyes. Surprisingly, he didn't see anger or any hint of ominous warning in her expression.

"Germane, these are the most precious mares in the entire world. Please treat them as such." Germane didn't so much as hesitate.

"Yes, your highness." Then she smiled, and he saw a little bit in her of what Twilight probably saw all the time.

"Wonderful. Please call me Celestia. Try not to take so long to get used to it as Shining Armor did- I think he still automatically salutes whenever he hears the sound of metal horseshoes."

"Princess!" said Twilight, outrage tinged with almost-hidden laughter. The princess laughed.

"My apologies, Twilight. Tell me, do you have any plans for the day?" The young mare nodded frantically.

"Oh, yes. We're going to see my parents for lunch, before Germane's train leaves. I don't think they've met Luna, yet, either."

For the first time since sitting down, Germane didn't feel alone in his sudden sense of foreboding. Luna had frozen. The alicorn's sister had caught on as well, and her smile widened.

"That sounds like fun. So they're meeting the two of your beaus for the first time? I hope the news didn't come as too much of a shock," she said. Twilight gave a sort of half-shrug.

"Well, they were surprised, when they responded to my letter. But uncle Pewter's also in a happy polyamorous relationship, and we always loved having them over. Of course, Luna and Germane are a bit more different-"

Germane wondered how he could have fallen for somebody so obviously delusional.

"-But they sounded excited!" finished Twilight with a dimpled grin. Spike coughed.

"Um, no offense, Twilight, but I think I'll sit this one out and see mom and dad tomorrow," he said. "I mean, it's about you guys today, right?" The coward.

"Now I know you didn't ask for it," cut in Rarity, "but I believe I've managed some 'semi-formal' wear for humans, and in your measurements." Germane blinked. Hard.

"Formal human wear? Wait, when did you get my measurements?!" Rarity waved off his worry.

"I do have my ways, dear. As to the first, I'm sure they've already seen you and the others in the paper. Why, I'd be surprised if some of your race weren't walking around with their Reflex, today, just because they can. Why, I couldn't imagine not appearing as myself, in your situation!"

It was a sweet sentiment, he had to admit. Still, to go from blatant 'member of your daughter's threesome' to 'ape-descendant in your daughter's threesome' might be... horrifying. Except that Twilight was still smiling, and he was stallion enough to bow to the inevitable.

"I also managed something in your measurements, Princess Luna," said Rarity cheerfully.

"How did you get my... nevermind," said Luna. "Oh... goody."

Walking the city was a new experience. Her guards, by their nature, followed at a very discrete distance and gave the appearance that Luna and her companions were completely unaccompanied. She was rather shocked to find that she was only the subject of half the looks being aimed their way. She cast a sidelong glance at the tall figure next to her.

Germane had actually hid, when they reached the palace's grand entryway. It had taken some sort of modified, human-applicable spell from Twilight to drag him out, which mostly meant tugging at his shirt. He was dressed in 'slacks' as well as a more familiar blazer, and consistently putting his hands in and out of the pockets of his lower garment. Twilight had her own, fetching sun dress. Luna wore an elaborate afghan, which the Element of Generosity had knitted wholesale out of some ultra-soft wool. And it looked good, if she said so herself. She ought to wear clothing more often, since Germane had managed to compliment it even while trying to cling to an ornamental column.

"In what way do I not stick out like a sore hoof?" asked the human stallion.

"There are some humans just over there!" said Twilight in exasperation. Luna looked and saw that she'd spotted correctly. Five human mares and stallions were gathered at a cafe in the Royal Square, and looked to be very carefully ignoring the Canterlot citizenry. As she watched, one made a face at a mouthful of hay cake and stole his neighbor's raisin bread. Germane followed Twilight's hoof and assessed the table.

"Australians. Completely shameless. Fun as heck, but completely shameless." Unable to resist, Luna nudged him with a wing.

"Do you claim to be ashamed, Germane? If you've ever wished to see a princess cry in public-" His panicked look was completely worth it, in her opinion.

"No! No, no, definitely not!"

"Truly?"

He kissed her. He really kissed her, in that special 'mine-limbs-art-sagging' way. Luna licked her lips and let her eyelids flutter contentedly open once he finally pulled away.

"Truly," he said. He noticed, same as her, how the square had gone utterly silent. "Now let's go before I collapse in a completely manly fashion from shock."

"It's not that bad," grumbled Twilight half-heartedly, though she seemed close to shrinking in on herself from the sea of eyes. Luna trotted around the pair and put a wing over her back to remedy that. Germane placed a hand at the spot just ahead of it, where the mare's mane ended. Twilight perked up under the contact and held her head a little higher.

"Let's be on our way," declared Luna. "We shouldn't want to keep your parents waiting."

Which was, she'd admit, a phrase she hadn't dreamed of saying out loud in at least eleven centuries. While she was a confident and powerful mare, there were some sorts of trepidation which one never, ever got used to. Ever.

They went together in an easy trot. Germane's longer rear legs mostly made up for the fact that he only had half as many limbs on the ground, and left his hand free to stay resting on Twilight. As they reached one of the avenues leading into the city, Luna repositioned her wing to rest on both it and Twilight's back both. Though he was looking a good deal more pale than he had before, he managed a tight smile.

"I should have worn a tie," he muttered.

"Should I have, as well?" mused Luna. "Is that the custom?" Twilight tittered.

"You're both being silly. This is no big deal! My parents will love both of you. They took to Cadence right away."

"Cadence wasn't an alien."

"Or a once-exiled madmare," added Luna, putting in her two bits. She and Germane traded a look of very strange sympathy. Twilight sighed.

"Trust me? Please?"

"Yes, Twilight," Luna and Germane echoed. She knew they didn't sound very confident in their words, but they would stick to them.

The walk wasn't as long as it could have been- Twilight's family lived nearby, in one of the city's more affluent district. Their home definitely wasn't any kind of stately manor, but was likely as old as the city itself. Her line had a lot of history behind it. Twilight stepped out from between them and hurried up the steps to open the door. For one silly moment, Luna expected her to knock.

"Come on in, guys!" she said, looking back before facing forward and shouting, "Mom, Dad! We're here!" Then she disappeared inside.

"Once more unto the breach," muttered Germane. Luna felt a pleasant shock and glanced over at him.

"You've read Private Pansy's Epilogues?" she asked. His face went blank.

"What now?" He shook his head. "Nevermind. Let's, um, go on in. I guess."

When they entered, Luna found the interior to have every bit the classical beauty as the outside, though it was without a doubt cozy, too. Family photos and knick-knacks bought on vacation vied for space with antiques and hoof-painted canvas. The house was made to generous proportions. Unlike the homes of some frontier settlements, everything was to a scale that didn't require she duck her head. Luna felt that was a nice touch.

"Luna, Germane, up here!" called Twilight from further in. The two of them shuffled cautiously through a hall and into a dining room. The smell of food had already filled the air, though Luna found herself somewhat caught off guard when she saw the pile of take-out bags. She knew that both of Twilight's parents were academics- it might have been unreasonable to expect them to be cooks, as well.

They and their daughter were caught in one massive embrace at the other end of the room. Twilight motioned them both over with an eagerly waving hoof. Luna and Germane more or less pushed each other forward, and achieved a kind of Jacob's ladder of propulsion- a metaphorical object that could carry the same steps that it was also climbing at the same time. The older mare in the group broke off and trotted around the table.

"Welcome to our home, Princess Luna, Germane. Twilight's told us so much about you."

"The good things. She's mentioned the good things?" said Germane with a hopeful lilt at the end.

"Those, too." Luna probably owed it to her own alicorn hearing that she made out the human's subaudible whimper.

"Please call me Luna," she said. "It wouldn't do to stand on formality, given the... circumstances."

'Please don't bow. I have put my mouth on your daughter's body- do not bow!'

Luna had met both Night Light and Twilight Velvet on different occasions. Night Light, in particular, was a member of the Royal Astronomer's Society. One of those who hadn't complained that the disappearance of her outline had ruined the moon's surface. Some ponies could -and would- complain about absolutely anything.

"Then please call me Velvet. This is Light, of course," said Velvet, gesturing toward her husband. He inclined his head politely.

"A pleasure to see you again, Luna. Mister Germane, was it?" Twilight sighed.

"It's just 'Germane', dad. The same pony he was when I first told you we were dating." Night Light nodded uncertainly, looking up at the human.

"She did mention you were usually a pony, yes. I'm just sorry we couldn't get away last night and see the big event first-hand. Come to our planet to steal our mares and resources, have you?"

"Dad!"

"Night!"

It had probably been a joke. Probably.

"That would be Vinyl Scratch, sir. I think Twilight stole me, mostly," said Germane. Internally, the words sounded more like 'please laugh, please laugh'.

He laughed.

"A quick one- I approve, Twily." He coughed. "But, uh, how did this actually start?" Velvet brightened up.

"Oh yes, how did you meet?" Night snorted and rolled his eyes.

"We know that one, love. He was smuggling precious metals."

"A misunderstanding! They were bought and payed for!" cut in Germane. Twilight grimaced.

"Precisely. The girls and I just kept... catching him at the wrong time, I guess."

"She bullied you into it, didn't she?" asked Night. "Same happened with her mother. Came right out and told me to ask her out." Germane was pretty certain Twilight choked, just a little. Velvet, for her part, didn't even seem phased.

"Worked, didn't it?" She moved in and Germane was treated to the sight of an alicorn being dragged into a close-up encounter. "And you asked them out on your own, if I have it right?"

"Yes, Velvet. Shortly after I became involved in the, ah, human integration issue. Twilight asked me for help, you see, and I suppose I had so much fun with the venture that I just didn't want it to end." Luna put on a hopeful smile.

"So romantic!" Night coughed, and the mare perked up. "Oh, yes. Please sit down, all of you. I ordered from this new delicatessen that just opened in the Northern Quarter." Twilight made a short gallop around the table and forced Germane and Luna into seats on either side of her. Velvet tittered.

The chair was probably as out of proportion for Germane as it was for Luna, in different ways, but the kicker was how most of the revealed dishes contained sweetgrass trimmings. Velvet started serving everybody, and he found himself staring dubiously at a plate that looked nice, but smelled like... exactly what it was, really.

"Um, Twilight?" he whispered, "I should really switch." It took the mare a second to catch on to just what he meant, but she nodded.

"Of course. Don't eat what you can't stomach, I guess." Night gave him an odd look.

"You don't like it? I suppose we could switch it out for one of the other dishes." Germane replied with all the speed that not pissing off his marefriend's father dictated.

"Not at all! I meant, um, I should switch myself. Humans aren't built to handle certain foods, is all. If you don't mind?"

"Go ahead," said Velvet, watching curiously. Germane had never before felt so bare while triggering the Reflex. Maybe it had to do with how he felt like he had to impress these ponies twice over because of it, or something. The subdued flash and morphic switch took only a moment, and he was suddenly dressed in just a plain blazer that nearly matched the one he had for his human self.

"Well, I don't know much about how humans measure things, but you seem like a perfectly handsome young pegasus," said Velvet.

"Er, thanks?" He was almost certain he'd brushed his mane. Hopefully.

"What do you do for a living?" asked Night. Germane opened his mouth to answer the question and froze. He had no idea how to answer that. He was sort of a coordinator/ambassador... thing, but that was more like a nonprofit thing. He did a lot of custom work with electronics and useful gizmos, like with Vinyl's setup and the Cakes' frosting carousel, but he only did a couple of those a year, and he hadn't bothered to charge friends.

The telescope had been funded out of the HAC's general trust, and he got a small research grant from them which had built the Morphic Reflex Device and let him tinker with all of his little projects. Food and utilities came out of a small trust that Olive had set up...

'I am way too young to be a doddering, eccentric hobbyist,' he thought. But thank Luna -an automatic and oddly appropriate phrase, considering- somebody provided him an out.

"He's been appointed an ambassadorship," said the alicorn herself. "The coordinators as a whole may be appointed official stewardship over Equestria's wild magic zones, but such things are waiting on discussion by the noble chairs and we princesses. Especially since the Valley Wastes zone has been folded into the new Crystal Empire territories."

"Stewardship?" asked Twilight. "That's... an automatic elevation, isn't it? That's baronhood."

"Sounds a lot more like basic civil service," claimed Germane, suddenly feeling incredibly uncomfortable. Sure, 'baron' sounded like the most badass title ever, but the idea of him being some sort of nobility was weird. Luna shrugged.

"His development of a hoof-held autocast has all but assured he'll receive a scientific knighthood," she claimed. "Much as was the case with Dame Brightbeam, or Sir Cookie."

'This is what I get for showing off,' thought Germane. Only, Twilight was excitedly patting his hoof and he was terrible when it came to disappointing pretty girls.

"Baron Craft then, why not?" he said, his voice almost cracking. Night chuckled.

"Not quite sure how property values will be in timber wolf territory," said the older stallion. "Ah, my... dig in, everypony."

Four horns lit up and utensils began moving about. Thankfully, Germane had never known an ex-human who didn't stubbornly develop all of the hoof dexterity of an earth pony. That strange, gripping-without-grasping thing that could only exist in a magical creature with semi-flexible hooves. Awkward, yes, but then he'd had years to get used to it.

The food was good- it never ceased to be a source of wonder just how much his taste buds differed as a pony. He asked for seconds at the same time Luna asked for thirds. He'd have put it down to her larger proportions, but Velvet made the off-hoof comment that she was a 'growing girl'.

He and Twilight both almost fell off their chairs.

"Very funny, yes," said the alicorn with an arched eyebrow. Germane grinned.

"Eat up, sweetheart."

"It's good to know you're okay with being the smallest pony in this relationship," said Twilight wryly. Germane didn't go for the bait.

"I can get a stepladder." Both mares flushed. It wasn't until he heard the stereo sound of laughter from across the table that he remembered that they were still eating with Twilight's parents.

"No shame in that," declared Velvet. "Pegasi tend toward much smaller frames, after all. Were your parents..." She trailed off. "Oh dear, I'm sorry, I forgot-"

"Healthy and happy, last I remember," Germane assured her. "And in case you were wondering, we have no real idea what determines our... appearances, or genetics. Right now the operating explanations and theories are 'hocus pocus' and 'not a clue', respectively." He tapped the crown of his head. "My hair's definitely not green, otherwise."

Another weird question, really- Dinky had the same shade of unnatural blond as a little girl as she did as a filly, and Pinkie's hair was extremely pink, no matter what.

For a moment, he entertained the image of tiny, indigo and green-maned foals before burying the thought.

Nope, nope, nope.

"How are you dealing with the distance issue?" asked Night, seeming eager to change the topic away from the fact that one, well, two of the ponies at the table were orphaned, one way or the other. "I know Twilight was reluctant to move back to Canterlot, after Princess Celestia assigned her to Ponyville. And I can't imagine that you can move your night court out of the capitol," he added, addressing Luna.

"It's my prerogative to keep my own counsel, when it comes to personal affairs," said Luna. "Given my talents at teleportation, spending time with my courtiers should have no real obstacle. It's out of practicality that the night court has never been as in demand as my sister's- we balance our work loads in other ways." The princess smiled. "And I have been forming some very fond memories of Ponyville, if I say so myself."

'I'm going to have to start keeping my workshop tidy,' thought Germane. 'I don't think we can hoof Spike over to Rarity ever single time we want a moment to ourselves.'

On the other hoof, he was pretty sure he had real counter-tops under his pile of components. That would make for a change of scenery...

"So Luna, Germane? How do you two feel about foals?" asked Velvet. Germane's first thought was, oddly enough, relief.

About time the situation matched his expectations and turned horribly awkward. He was beginning to worry that his worries weren't, in fact, completely justified.

It was late. Twilight finally let her hoof fall from where she'd been waving off the train to Ponyville and turned to Luna.

"Back to the castle?" she asked, and Luna nodded. Twilight relished the weight of the mare's wing draping over her back. It was the kind of thing the girls back home or Cadence did, but with a real element of intimacy, she supposed.

"People are watching," she mumbled, but regretted it when she saw Luna worrying at her lip.

"Does that bother you? I could stop, should you wish. I understand that my sister has maintained a public guise of celibacy, and that the image has bled over to me since my return." She scowled. "There was a time when royalty had fun, you know."

"It's fine, it's fine!" babbled Twilight quickly. "I just need to get used to it. Not the, you know, ponies watching me thing- that's been pretty par for course as Princess Celestia's student. I, um, guess I don't have to point out that you're my first fillyfriend?"

It sounded rather, well, silly to apply that label to a princess, but Luna had seemed so downright pleased with the word that Twilight hadn't seriously considered trying out something else.

"Would you like to go somewhere?" asked Luna. "I would suggest a romantic meal, but I doubt either of us are in a state to stomach more food even for the sake of being awkwardly polite among one another. I'm afraid I still don't know Canterlot as well as I did the old castle- might you have something in mind?"

Twilight flicked an ear as she thought the question over. Goodness knows, even in the middle of his guard training, Shining had gotten out to see the city more than she ever had while she was a student.

"I've never seen the arboretum," she admitted. "It's still early enough in the season that a visit should be worth it." Not that she knew trees, really, despite living in one.

"That sounds lovely," said Luna gratefully. "Tia says you're quite the fan of old Starswirl- would you like to hear some stories about the old stallion?"

It was the most romantic thing that anypony had ever offered Twilight.

"This is a surprise. How's my favorite filly?" asked Germane as he reached the rear of the train car. There weren't any compartments on this one, so spotting the mother and daughter duo on one of the wide benches was easy. Ditzy was in her usual pegasus shape, but apparently the novelty of being bipedal hadn't worn off yet, for Dinky. The eight year-old hopped out of her seat and rushed into the aisle.

"Uncle Germane!" He caught her with a foreleg and a wing as she nuzzled her way into his neck. She weighed about the same as she normally did, so he just hobbled forward on three legs with the other wing stretched out for balance to reach the bench opposite Ditzy.

"How are we holding up?" he asked the mare. She shrugged happily and took another bite of the hayfries she'd apparently been splitting with her daughter.

"She's going to sleep well, tonight," she said, which was answer enough. "So will I, really- I'm just happy that we met Vina coming out of the hall. She was happy to offer to let us bunk with her at the Golden Hooves and saved us an overnight trip back." She coughed delicately. "Also happy that Ash was still in the Griffon territories- some things Dinky doesn't need to be introduced to, yet."

"Dio, dio, ah, dio?" mimed Germane in a scratchy falsetto. Ditzy giggled as Dinky shot rapid, confused looks between the two of them.

"Who's Dio?" she asked.

"A rock musician," supplied Germane, thankful that Vina wasn't around to smack him upside the head. "So, little filly, tell me about your trip to see the princesses."

As Dinky launched into a babbled dialogue about all the events which Germane had already been there to see, Ditzy rolled her eyes good-naturedly. Well, eye, really, since her strabismus was acting up, but Germane caught the gesture and grinned. The little girl talked until her stream of speech was more yawning than actual words, and finally ended up tucked under Germane's wing. He nearly jumped out of his seat when she automatically shifted back into a filly, apparently reaching the time limit. The rapid change in body shape didn't even phase her slumbering self, so he felt content to leave her there.

"Germane? Do you mind if I borrow your ear for a bit?" asked the pegasus across from him.

"Three bits and you've got a deal," he replied. The mare huffed.

"Cute, Craft. Seriously, though." Seeing the distracted expression on her face, he put on his best 'I'm listening and taking this very seriously' look.

"Go right on ahead. Something I can help you with?" he asked, but she shook her head.

"Probably not. But you're my best friend, and I-"

"Just need to get something off of your mind. Go on." Despite the invitation, it took her some time before saying anything.

"It's about Vector." Germane buried his first reaction to her ex-husband's name, which was to rant and suggest violent uses for his brand-new orange candier. "And... Sparkler."

"Oh." But 'Oh, fuck,' was what he didn't add outside of his own head. Ditzy nodded.

"I was thinking, with us being out in the open..."

"You want your other daughter back." He eyed her sternly. "Please tell me that doesn't go double for Vector- Redheart and I offered to come up with some kind of proof, if you thought it would help back when you and he were first having problems. You told me it wouldn't help." Ditzy shrunk inward, slightly.

"I did. And it wouldn't. And... I doubt things could go back to what they were even if I could show I wasn't crazy. I only kept Dinky because I hadn't given birth, yet, and I knew that if I pushed it would turn messy and I'd lose Sparkler anyway. My marriage wasn't worth getting us all in trouble in open court..."

"Sparkler was, though. I don't know if I'd have stopped you if you had," he admitted dourly. Responsibility or not, Ditzy was his first friend after coming forward. Olive had been like a parent, but the young adult of an ex-human down the street had been the one to reassure him that everybody he'd left behind was alright, still. He'd spent as much time reading the alphabet to Dinky as he had soldering his first, clumsy circuit boards.

"I don't doubt that if you wanted her, he wouldn't have a leg to stand on," he said, but Ditzy shook her head in a desperate negative.

"No! He's the only parent she's known for seven years! Vector was always a good parent, Germane."

"Okay, okay. Come with me to see Serving Spoon tomorrow. I know he's usually about business law, but we get along alright- he can point us in the right direction if he can't help personally." Germane leveled a stern glare to make sure his point would get across, and added, "We'll pay with the HA legal fund. Jimminy will pass it through in a hot second, alright? That little girl's one of us, and so are you, and we take care of our own." Ditzy flushed.

"Th-thank you, Germane. I... do you think she's got her cutie mark, yet? Do you... think she remembers me?"

"I doubt she could forget you, Miss Doo," he told her with all sincerity as the train made its way into the dusk.

After a three-hour trip, the train finally pulled into Ponyville station. Germane muzzily shook his head and looked out the window as the brakes finally brought the vehicle to a full stop. There were a lot more ponies out there than an eight o'clock train probably deserved. He sighed.

"Wake up, Ditzy. I think we're about to make a spectacle of ourselves." The grey pegasus shook her mane out of her eyes and blinked against the light of the dim, magical lamps.

"Hmm?" She followed to just where his hoof was pointing and gasped. "Oh my goodness." Her gaze snapped back to Germane. "Um, should we?" Germane set his lips into a thin line and nodded.

"I think we probably should. Don't worry, now. I'm the crazy mad scientist, remember? You're the lovable mail mare." Ditzy snorted.

"The one that once knocked over town hall with her own head, yeah." She glanced up and down the car. "Anybody else from our group come back on this train? Preferably tall and easy to hide behind?"

"Be brave," said Germane. "Worst case scenario, I'll make a distraction fitting for that showmare that came through town a while ago. The Great and Powerful Germane Craft has a nice ring to it." Ditzy huffed.

"Oh, fine." She hopped onto the floor with a slight flare of her wings and triggered her Reflex. Germane did the same and handed over the sleeping filly that had made a tent out of his wing. He felt a little silly that he was still dressed in his Sunday best, but it would have to do. Even Ditzy had taken a moment to smooth out her skirt and tank top before cradling Dinky to her chest.

The stallion-turned-man studiously ignored the blatant stares from the other disembarking passengers and lead the way to the exit.

"Hi Germy how are you is Twilight here and-" Pink! "is my family they came all the way here from the far even though it was in the middle of calcite season which is a really really really big deal and-" More pink! "-planning the biggest get-together-and-or-shindig since Cadence and Shining Armor got hitched and it's going to be great!"

"Hi, Pinkie," said Germane as he patiently waited for his brain to reboot and start processing the other colors of the rainbow. He glanced past the still-hopping mare and saw roughly four dozen ponies gathered at the station. Twilight's other friends, minus Rarity, were there, along a bunch of onlookers. Directly behind Pinkie were five ponies, one of which was an older stallion who was staring at him like he was the second coming of Babe Ruth.

"You would be Mister Pie?" tried Germane tentatively. The stallion nodded slowly and took off his dusty, severe-cut hat.

"That I am. You'd be the inventor and, er..."

"Coordinator, Germane Craft. Formerly of New Hampshire." Mister Pie nodded slowly.

"From Albany, myself. I, well, I hardly believed it when my little girl said what she did, and even after she showed us..." he swallowed. "Helped remind me that she grew up right, really. Can you... that is, Maud and the younger ones were curious about..." The middle-aged fellow seemed to be having trouble with words, so Germane spared him a little bit of mercy.

"The device is with Princess Luna's night court," he said. "Free to use for the public. Twilight Sparkle will be training somepony up to operate it when I'm not there. One of the night guards, if I'm not mistaken, who happens to be in the same boat as us." And hadn't that been a surprise for Luna!

"Thanks, Germy!" said Pinkie, who flung out her -suddenly human- arms to engulf as many of her family members as possible while kneeling. Her mother, Germane guessed, looked on with a reserved expression that nevertheless looked pretty pleased with itself. Mothers were just like that, he supposed, even the quiet ones.

"Coordinator Craft?" A much more recognizable pony had spoken up. The mayor of Ponyville was holding herself with all the dignity that a pony could while speaking over Pinkie-babble. She held out a hoof. Germane ducked down and shook it.

"Madam Mayor. News got out quick, I guess?" She nodded.

"I doubt that there's anywhere in Equestria or the neighboring countries that hasn't heard. I've been told myself to wait for details pending your status as liaison for the crown..." she added leadingly.

"That's up to the other five coordinators," he said. "I doubt things will change, much. It's not like we don't already have the Accord For Sapient Species, and my authority's limited to acting like an over-worked parent, most days." The mayor let out a real grin at that.

"Isn't that always the case? My door's always open, of course."

"As is mine. It's the spooky one that plays awful music every ninety-seven minutes during daylight hours." The mayor huffed.

"Well aware, here, Coordinator Craft. Go on and try not to let the gawking get to you- goodness knows you're not the strangest thing to ever walk these streets."

Germae waved her off with a laugh and wandered back over to Ditzy. The Crusaders plus caretakers were there too, plus Cheerilee as one of Ditzy's neighborhood marefriends. Dinky was sleepily chatting with the fillies who were bragging about having been able to keep a secret for two whole days.

"Ditzy, your eyes! Do humans not have the same medical conditions?" asked Cheerilee curiously.

"They do in some cases," said the woman, "but I don't personally. It would be nice to have the best of both worlds, but I can't exactly fly my mail route like this," she said, pointing toward her wingless shoulder blades.

"Craft," acknowledged Applejack with a tilt of her hat. "Twilight on that train, by any chance?"

"She's spending an extra day with her family," he explained, which seemed to satisfy the farm mare.

"Met the parents, didja?" asked Rainbow Dash with a smirk. "Are they already asking for grandfoals?"

"You and Vinyl checking out adoption agencies for your own pooping bundle of joy?" he shot back, feeling some satisfaction as her eyes shrunk to pinpricks.

"What?!" Scootaloo 'accidentally' bumped into her leg, which by itself had Germane shutting up immediately. The older pegasus looked panicked. "I mean, that's the kind of thing that needs, you know, a lot of deep thinking and stuff, and it's not like were married or anything!" Then, of course, Applejack threw in her own two smug bits and Rainbow Dash turned on her friend to start their usual back-and-forth.

As discretely as possible, Germane ducked down and administered a discrete fist-to-hoof bump with the little filly. Redheart was right- he was basically helpless around fillies. If he really had been a villain, his eventual victory would have probably been eventually overturned by a tyrannical kindergartner, or something.

"Alright, alright, time for bed, y'all. It's still a school night and Cheerilee here'll be expecting you awake and ready ta' learn," said Applejack. It seemed she'd been picked to take the girls while Rarity was out of town, and nobody left out Scootaloo when it came to the other two Crusaders. "You go ahead and come visit tomorrow, Dinky, if your ma says it's alright." The blond woman gave a quick nod as she gathered up the tiny grey unicorn.

"Bye, Dinky!" came a trio of voices. The filly's eyes were hardly open, but she waved back with one tiny hoof.

Still aware of the crowd of onlookers, Germane stood straight and faced the rest of the platform.

"Well you've all heard the news already," he said, adjusting his volume. "We're the big, scary aliens. Anybody looking to bow to your new empress Ditzy, here, can do it while she's on her mail route, tomorrow. The papers tomorrow are going to have a half-dozen interviews already, so if you still have questions, I'm sure you'll find me in the market square tomorrow trying to buy an honest bag of potatoes."

"See you, empress Ditzy!" cracked Rainbow Dash as mother and daughter set off for their street. The woman stuck out her tongue at the weather captain. There was some scattered laughter, and Germane didn't feel like stringing the speedster up like a pinata, for once.

"Right, I'm going to bed," he declared. "Fun fact- Equestria has the finest baked goods on any known planet. See co-empress Pinkie for additional questions." Because the thought was as terrifying as it was hilarious.

He switched back to pony, and began the trek to his nice, soft bed.

The stallion knocked on the door for the fourth time. He traded an awkward look with the three other guardsponies, and wondered if the owner of the house wasn't in. He didn't doubt that they had the right house, given how few of the village's other residences had had massive metal gantries welded to one side, but he hoped he wouldn't have to wait all day on the stoop. The Princess's orders had been vague and open to interpretation.

"Go away! Or come back with coffee!" came a voice through a half-open shutter.

"Is this guy for real?" asked the other solar guard. The first sighed and knocked for a first time.

"Coordinator Germane Craft, we're here on royal orders! Please open the door."

A minute of banging, cursing, and falling noises went on before the door swung inward to reveal a bedraggled face. It squinted out at them and blinked.

"Is... this 'cause I kissed her sister?" The solar guard really wished he had the authority to reprimand the chuckling lunar guard at his back. The stallion in the doorway planted a hoof in his own face and winced.

"Faust take me. I meant- what do you need, officer?"

"I'm Lieutenant Flash Sentry, of Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia's retinue. I'll be your direct link to the dual guard presence of the Everfree Wild Magic Zone, and we'll be at your service for the duration." The stallion seemed to take a while to take this in, before slamming the door. Flash jolted back and was wondering what exactly had gone wrong -and how he was going to explain it- when it opened again and the coordinator stepped out wearing a saddlebag.

"Come on. I get the-" he yawned widely enough to crack his jaw, "-feelin' that things happened and no one told me. We can talk after I get coffee." He peered at the group and pointed. "Those two also- I think they're as tired as I look, about now." Flash tilted his head and noticed that the yawn had proven infectious for the two thestrals.

"If you think that's best, sir," he said. "Ah-"

"Sugarcube Corner, this-a-way. I think I did something hilarious last night, and they have better marigold danishes than Jenny Levy's place." Despite the fact that his new superior was leading the way, Slash found himself pushing the stallion out of the way of obstacles as they approached a massive, heavily-decorated building. His fellow day guard snickered as the coordinator gave a grateful nod.

When they pushed through the door, Flash found himself staring in confusion at a magenta mare wearing a tiara and wearing a nametag that read 'Her Royal Highness of All Territories Baked and Frosted, Co-Empress Pinkamina Diane Pie'. A second tag had to be taped to the end of the first just to fit all of the lettering.

"All hail," said the green-maned stallion. The mare -one of the Bearers of Harmony, if Flash's assignment packet had been accurate- waved a ladle imperiously.

"Hiya, Germy! You're up early! For you, I mean." Flash bristled as a hoof got jerked in their direction by the stallion.

"Their fault. I need to hold some sort of business meeting, I think. Can you bring us a plate of danishes and four coffees off of the restricted menu to the corner table?"

"Right away, Germy! I've been getting so many interesting questions, today!" She leaned in and whispered. Or would have, if she'd actually dropped her voice instead of just speaking around her hoof. "I've decided my empire's official national pastry is blueberry today, since we've got muffins on special."

"Awesome," declared the chuckling stallion as he led the way to the corner table. Flash pulled up a fifth chair for himself.

"Coordinator Craft?" he prompted. Craft sighed.

"Let's assume I wasn't actually able to attend all the policy-making stuff, and you tell me the sorts of things I have to tell you about, alrighty?" While a debriefing hadn't been in the cards before, Flash was happy enough to have more of an idea of what was going on.

"It was sort of done in a hurry," he admitted, "but the gist of the situation is this: A detachment of four guards has been sent to each coordinator to aid in rescue operations for any other new ponies that have, er, 'come forward'?" Craft nodded, so apparently he'd gotten the phrasing right. "Right. We'll be stationed halfway between your own residence and the forest- contractors have already been contacted. We'll be billeted meantime in the Greenbough Inn." Craft hummed.

"That doesn't really happen more than twice a year," he said warningly. "What are you supposed to do in the meantime?"

"Aid in the safety and wellbeing of the townsponies, especially those of the human persuasion. Their Highnesses don't expect trouble from this region in particular from anything outside the Everfree Zone itself, so in all honesty, it'll be up to you. We're essentially staff for an unofficial embassy."

The lieutenant was interrupted by the pink mare, who set down a massive plate of treats and several cups with a boggling display of balance. To his pleasant surprise, Craft brought out a small pile of bits himself and waved him off.

"Here you are, Miss Pie."

"Heh-hem!"

"Your Worshipfulness, I mean," he corrected himself. "How long do you plan on pulling this?" The mare grinned.

"Til the Cakes tell me to knock it off, of course!" With a flourish, she vaulted the counter and activated her Reflex mid-way. She sprung back into view with a chef's hat topped by her tiara.

"What-"

"That's Pinkie," said Craft. "Just tell yourself that, and everything will be okay. Now tuck in- I'd say she puts her blood and tears into her cooking, but the sugar content in her body is probably too high to mix with sweets."

Flash ate, and had to admit that they were really, really good. He'd certainly lucked out, at least as far as getting stationed somewhere with edible food went. Before his current assignment had come through, he'd been marked for a rotation in Stalliongrad. Vodka only did so much to make a place bearable.

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that the whole 'anonymous in uniform' thing doesn't include names, am I right? Or do I number you guys?" asked Germane. Flash felt suddenly like it was going to be a very long assignment.

"Flash Sentry, Silver Buckle, Oakley Hooves, and Belladonna," he said, gesturing in turn. Germane nodded, then frowned.

"Mmm... enchantments off, please?" That got a couple of uncertain looks, so the coordinator added, "unless poise and danishes go wing in wing." With a sigh, Flash gave a quick signal of confirmation. Two thestrals, a unicorn, and one pegasus in shades of blue, indigo, yellow and black, including his own blue mane and peach coat were left in armor that gleamed just a shade less than they had. Belladonna in particular seemed happy to have her anonymity off.

"Sorry, guys, but if you're going to be running through the forest, you're going to need something more like the tactical gear on the earth pony rangers," explained the coordinator. "I know a seamstress I owe business to, and she does very good work. Also, I don't want you to confuse Simba."

"Who's Simba?" asked Flash, not recognizing the name from anywhere in the briefing packets.

His new boss grinned.

"That's for later. Now I have to go get potatoes. You guys should mingle, even if you don't want to come with", he said and looked at them expectantly.

"Um, dismissed," said Flash.

"And?" Flash sighed at the prompt.

"Stay unclothed or in civies until we get our... new uniforms."

Before the other three could scatter, paper airplanes struck each of them in the head, in turn.

"Lieutenant?" Silver Buckle had already unfolded his. "We just got party invitations."

"Good aim, Your Worshipfulness!" shouted Germane. "Look, guys, your official Ponyville welcome!"

"Pardon me asking," said Flash, "but potatoes?" Germane gave a helpless little shrug.

"I sort of made an appointment." Knowing the town as he did, that was probably more true than he'd guessed. He glanced sidelong at his new... mascot? Personal Assistant? Friend, maybe... Twilight said he should really make more of those. Would he get along with a soldier pony? The guy seemed a bit stiff, but then his assignment probably wasn't just what he'd been expecting, either. Guard work was likely large parts routine, and Ponyville didn't hold too well to that sort of thing.

Germane dimly remembered getting literally levitated back into line during the Winter Wrap-up. In retrospect, Twilight's half-crazed eyes and heaving chest seemed a lot more sexy than they had at the time. She'd learned better about insisting on routine, though that mostly hinged on her development of emergency-routine-deviation checklists.

'Okay, so maybe my fillyfriend is insane.' The thought ought to worry him more, but there were more important things in the present.

"Hey, Mister Sprig," he said as they reached the massive general produce stand at the entrance of the market. Lucky Sprig was the main wagon router for Ponyville's neighbors- aside from running Sweet Apple Acres' and Golden Harvest's crop out, they brought in fresh produce from those other villages and had it there within a day or two of being picked. Ponies took their food very seriously. Dried staples and the like usually came through the general store or Filthy Rich's outlet.

Lucky, though, had the good line on potatoes. Good thing for Germane, since potato fries hadn't caught on in greater Equestria despite four decades of subtle human effort. This, he felt, was a tragedy. Though he'd heard they'd gotten wildly popular among the Saddle Arabians, weirdly enough- he didn't think potatoes grew well, in the desert.

"Morning, Mister Craft. Got some butter yellows in from Limerick Hollow." Germane felt a warm feeling fill his heart.

"If I weren't involved twice over with somebody already, I would be all over you like... like..." Germane frowned. "Flash, give me something sexy."

"What?"

"Like me on a hot 'what'," finished Germane. "No, wait, that doesn't sound right. Flash? You've failed your first assignment." The stallion shook his head, but Germane was almost certain he'd seen a smile.

"Like you on a potato?" asked Lucky with a wry grin.

"You have a filthy and depraved mind, Mister Sprig," said Germane. "But give me a bag of them. I need them for... reasons." He waggled his eyebrows for good measure.

"Not some alien thing, I hope? It could cause a scandal." Still teasing, Germane noted, but with an edge of honest curiosity. Just as well. Luna had been right in that he didn't really have the choice to shy away from his birth form. Lucky him, he had to set an example.

"Take this?" he asked, offering his saddlebag over to Flash. The stallion took it dubiously. Germane hadn't figured out where everything else, such as clothes, went when he triggered the Reflex, but he didn't want to test it on the cherries he'd just bought. The idea of possibly carrying something still-alive inside his own morphic field made him leery, and he wondered if that might not be sort of a perversely intimate way to carry fruit. He switched, and took the bag back from the gobsmacked guardspony.

"Thanks," he said, shouldering the saddlebag. "Also, this is what I look like on two legs." Flash shook his head to clear it.

"Prettier than a diamond dog, I guess."

"That might or might not be the nicest thing I've heard all day. Come on. See you next week, Lucky," said the human, dropping a five-bit piece and tucking away the tubers.

"Um, take care?"

There were a lot more open eyes, this morning. The crowd last night had been rather small, really, and he hadn't known anybody in Canterlot when he and Luna kissed outside...

...probably in front of reporters.

"I just realized something very terrifying," he admitted out loud without breaking stride in the slightest. "I am choosing to ignore it and hope it goes away. Make a note of it, Mister Sentry."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, sir."

"Excellent."

So far his new friend-slash-assistant-slash-mook was working out to be alright, he thought. Twilight seemed to be pretty happy with Spike, but then she'd had the benefit of growing up with and or raising him. It would probably take a bit of extra effort on Germane's part to get the stallion acclimated.

"First thing's first, Mister Sentry. Have you ever been to Ponyville?" The blue-maned pony shook his head while keeping a watchful eye on the curious crowd. "Then I'll give you some perspective. What's the weirdest thing you've ever seen?" It took the stallion a few seconds, but he eventually came up with an answer.

"The changeling attack on Canterlot. I thought I was escorting civilians to a shelter and then suddenly they grew fangs and tried to, uh, suck my love out." He shuddered. "Celestia, but that sounds both more and less terrible than it actually was." Germane chuckled.

"Bug monsters attacked you. Got it. Well here, the bug monsters serve tea." It took a moment, but the lieutenant got back up and remembered what order his legs went in after stumbling.

"With all due respect, sir, but huh?" Germane pointed.

"Jenny Levy's Tea House, see?" Sentry nodded uncertainly, and Germane added, "She's a very sweet mare that's very bad at pretending not to be a changeling. Seriously- everybody knows about it, we just don't tell her 'cause it would hurt her feelings. She thinks that the town's a lot bigger on hugs than it really is, and we make sure she doesn't go hungry."

"That's insane!" the guardspony shouted.

"Nah. I heard Miss Rarity checked her out and spread the word, though that's probably because Miss Levy imports that one alpacan tea with the funny name." Germane stopped, then, and crouched in front of the pony to see eye-to-eye. The lieutenant shied away uncertainly, but Germane carefully kept his body language as neutral as possible.

"Ponyville is the closest settlement to a wild magic zone anywhere. Not chaotic magic, but wild- there's a difference. It means weird things happen all the time. It's dangerous as heck, and a lot of ponies and humans you'll never get to meet worked very hard to make it less so. It also means a lot of weird good stuff, and we tend to make sure that it's welcome to stick around."

"Princess Luna returned here, and the Nightmare was banished. Zecora, Olive Branch, the Bearers and Zap Apples and a full quarter of the castle's permanent guard staff, along with the first air balloon from back when this place was a trading post run by the Smiths. Just about every monster imaginable has been driven off or turned good, and evil artifacts smashed or purified. That pink pony who's empress for the day is probably psychic. My point is, just roll with it."

Flash Sentry mulled that over for a minute, skeptical but knowledgeable enough not to dismiss most of it out of hoof.

"Really good tea, huh?"

"It's got this peppery aftertaste with, like, this crazy-sweet tang."

"Mister Craft?" came a voice. "Can I see your mothership?" Germane smiled.

"I love this town."

Scootaloo stared up. And up.

"Gosh, you're tall!"

Vinyl Scratch grinned sheepishly and scratched the back of her head with her paws. Her sunglasses were pushed up to hold back her mane, which was only blue at the tips, for some reason.

"Not really, kiddo. I'm sort of tiny, for a human. You should see Archer- dude's made for basketball." Scootaloo wasn't sure what that meant, really, but all of her foalhood instincts were screaming at her to do one thing.

"Up?" She stretched out her forelegs, coming up to Vinyl's thighs. Rainbow Dash was laughing at something to one side, but she couldn't bring herself to care. To emphasize how very important it was, she made her eyes go big and sad like Apple Bloom did when Big Mac wasn't sure if he really wanted to give her more fritters. Vinyl made a soft monkey noise and bent down.

"Yay!" shouted the filly, way up over the crowd, now. She spread her wings out for balance, and flapped them now and again for pretend.

"Stop laughing, Dash."

"Pfa ha ha!" The coolest pegasus was rolling like she'd heard the funniest thing ever, so Scootaloo laughed too. It probably did look a bit silly. Not that she cared- it was awesome.

"Rainbow Dash, you will stop laughing or you will not be spending the night."

"Are you having a sleepover?" asked Scootaloo. Curious, she leaned over the human mare's head and peered into her face while upside-down. "Can I come?" Vinyl's tiny human eyes narrowed, before brightening.

"Sure, Scoots! You can hang with us the whole time." Rainbow Dash stopped laughing, and Vinyl continued on. "I was going to show off the new bod', but how about we just mess around with my turntables instead? Nice, wholesome entertainment."

"What? But, but Vinyl, babe..."

"Because, Scoots, you can't always get what you want. Especially if you're not nice." The filly frowned, at that.

"I'm nice! I'm so nice your head will flip!" Then she remembered where she was and gently pat the crown of Vinyl's head. "I mean, not now... but it'll flip later!"

"And that's why you get to hang with the coolest mares in town! You can be Rainbow Dash's chaperone."

Scootaloo noticed that Rainbow Dash looked about to cry, which just wouldn't do. She leaned over as far as she dared and waved.

"Do you want to ride her now, too?"

She wasn't quite sure why Vinyl began laughing so hard.

After being led around town for several hours, introduced to a dozen friendly oddities and having had to put up with the crazy alien that was his boss, Flash learned yet another new thing.

Simba was big.

"Sit, sweetie! Good! Tail down... now roll!" The pegasus -who Flash now assumed was thoroughly suicidal- looked back from the edge of the forest with an eager expression. His green mane had been slicked back by manticore slobber to display a thin scar on his forehead.

"Alright, now who wants to feed him his snackies?" the stallion asked the four guards.

Flash watched with horrified fascination as Belladonna squealed and galloped forward toward the bucket of fresh fish. Then the manticore began purring.

Author's Note

A few saucy bits in this one! I don't write erotica, per se, but I think that intimacy is one of those things that a writer has to be able to do. For a lot of us here, fanfiction is a way of honing our craft, so stretching your skills to the utmost is sheer necessity. Hence, I compromise with heavy-petting and off-screen wraslin'.

The challenge is always going to be getting you all as frustrated as possible within the limits I've set. How'd I do?

I hope Ditzy's scene tugged a few heartstrings... she's always been one of my favorite background ponies, and fandom generally treats her kindly. Though not with all of the depth she usually deserves.

Interlude The Second

Dancing Jenny

It was a cool, star-lit night, but the weather schedule had pinned it as really being the last warm night of the season, and Ditzy wouldn't let it go to waste.

She had gone by another name, once. She had lived another life. Now, though, she was Ditzy, and that was what she went by for all the new friends and family that loved her as she was. She had a daughter, now.

"What're we doin', mama?"

Ditzy smiled to the little filly trotting at her side. Letting the girl nap had been a good idea, or else she wouldn't be able to put this night to good use.

"We're going to do something I used to do with your grandmother," she told the little unicorn.

Dinky perked up. "Grama Tilly?"

"Yup! It's something her mom told her, and her mom told her, and so on." Ditzy glanced at the sky. "The moon is full, which means it's perfect. We can see and do the old tradition."

"What tradition?" her daughter asked.

Ditzy grinned. They had reached the old, empty meadow, already.

"On two feet, muffin- I'm going to teach you how to dance."

Both females triggered their reflex. Ditzy had known from the very first minute after Germane had offered his gift to her baby that Dinky had gotten her family's grace. Grace that Ditzy herself was only ever rarely able to show, as a pony. She was a powerful flyer in spite of her condition, after all.

"Up here and take my hands, dear," she said, and the little girl hurried to comply. Both mother and daughter wore plain white dresses, easy to move in and easy to make twirl in the night air. "First the steps, and then the spin, and then you'll learn how a proud McDoogal woos the world itself."

Ditzy smiled, and until the moon fell, two pale figures danced with only the night's lights as witness.

Dinner With The Apples

The pegacorn -not that anypony would know- awkwardly fiddled with his tie. He hated ties, and formal clothes, and formal situations, and he just wanted to go to bed until everybody stopped looking at him with so much damned pity. But he had things to do, and too little time in which to do them, and five especially stubborn mares and stallions in particular expected him to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with giants.

Or to pass on one short announcement, in the more immediate future.

He was just within the property line of the Acres, unwilling to pussyfoot and wait on the road, yet just as hesitant to actually approach the farm house over the next hill. It took a loud, officious cough to break him out of his thoughts.

Well, sort of officious, if the tone had been squeezed out of a tiny, furry balloon.

"'Scuse me! Scuse me!"

Germane looked down at the worlds smallest, largest-eyed filly ever. "Er, yes, miss?"

"Ah'm Apple Bloom!" the balloon insisted. "Why you here?" She couldn't have been older than six years old, or maybe less- earth ponies bulked up a lot faster than the other tribes, after all.

"I'm... here to see Grenadine Smith," Germane finally admitted. "I need to talk to her. Is she home?"

"Of course!" said the filly, waving her hooves to emphasize just how dumb the question was. "Granny's always home!" She hurried down the path and looked back. "You comin'?"

"I... guess I have to, now, don't I?"

The Apple Homestead was homey- there wasn't really any word for it. Germane had grown up shuffling between houses, and lately in a building that was more steam read-outs than chairs, and never had he felt such a sense of... this. He wiped his hooves, checked his feathers, and eventually followed after the impatient filly.

The ceiling was low, but the rooms were wide. Typical earth pony fare, cradling its inhabitants yet not closing in on them. The furniture was well-maintained, but broken in. Movie farmhouses just didn't measure up, as far as they stuck in Germane's memory.

He followed the little orange balloon, topped by a ribbon, into the kitchen. An older mare, alive by sheer stubbornness, was at the counter folding dough. She smiles at the filly and glances at Germane with a steady, penetrating gaze. He shuffles, feeling like he busted some neighbor's window with a baseball.

"Olive's gone. Heard it on the grape vine, boy, don't need to tell me nothin'," she said, not unkindly.

Germane nodded. "Yes, ma'am. The night before. It was... peaceful," he added, because that was the best way he could phrase 'went in his sleep' without sounding like a cliche. "I've... there's a box." He shrugged a low, wooden chest off of his back. "It had your name on it."

"No doubt," said the mare, turning away from her dough. Apple Bloom had already hopped onto one of the wooden stools, staring with fascination at the two adults' byplay. Germane set the box on the table and glanced away. Sounds, of an opening lid and shuffling paper, met his ears, until the snap of the box closing occurred. He looked back.

The mare's expression was... closed. Not pained, but heavy. "Going to the earth, is he?" she asked.

"Yes ma'am," said Germane. "He was set on the old ways." More than she could know, he was pretty certain, but it was true. Earth ponies were buried, pegasi given to the sea, and unicorns were sent by burning pyres. "The service is on this week's eighth day, just after dawn. They want me to say a few words..." He grit his teeth, fighting for composure.

"Sit," said Smith. "Dinner should be ready in a bit. You eat with us, tonight. Anypony else in that big old workshop of yours?"

"Just me," said Germane. "Nobody... just me. Maudlin's sitting with him tonight, and I've got the house. And..." His frame shook, but he held it. He noticed the scent of cooking for the first time. "Is that pisto?" He was more than a little shocked.

"Yup," said Grenadine. "Ah still make it from time t'time. And croquetas and fritas," she added, with just the right pronunciation.

Foods from home. Or, at least, Olive's home. He made Spanish dishes for all the ex-humans, for weekend dinners and the holiday meetups and-

The kitchen disappeared in a blur of tears. Olive Branch was dead. Four years in this damned wonderland and Olive was dead and he had been the first to ever come forward and tomorrow night Germane would have to go out in the forest by himself and Simba wouldn't know where his daddy was and-

"Hush. Hush now, s'alright young one." Strong, aged forelegs wrapped over his head and he sobbed like a child.

Half an hour later, the other two Apples wandered into the kitchen to find a guest for dinner, one with a freshly-scrubbed face and a little filly patting him on the wing making 'shush' noises.

All Quiet On The Western Front

"Get a move on, chico, I need to take care of this."

Germane glared at the old earth pony, then back to the cart harnessed to his own back. "You're sending me to the scrapyard now, of all times."

"Oh, yes," said Olive, harnessing his massive smith's hammer along his barrel.

"With the mad golems surrounding the town and you and Archer as the last sane men in this place."

"You are such a clever one," Olive told the seventeen year-old blank flank. "I am blessed to have you as a student!" His grin was teasing, and not nearly stoic enough for the situation, in Germane's opinion.

"I can help!" he declared.

"So you could," said Olive, nodding. "But not today. Besides, you clutter my building with your... projects, and that means you have to clean them up. So, clean up!"

Germane groaned, in the tone perfected by all teenagers, and pulled at the harness with low, grumbled curses in English. At least that way, he wouldn't traumatize any pony children who hadn't already been rounded up and brought to the shelters.

Behind him, Olive and Archer were trading businesslike shorthand and going to stave off Ponyville's latest disaster. Unless Germane was very wrong, the current weekly crisis was the result of one of the flower trio having been on a date with an amateur 'archaeologist'. Whose talent mark was a half-cobbled shoe, chrissake. Then, they woke up a small army of golems, which had been resting under Ponyville for the last several centuries. Apparently.

'There is literally no end to how weird this place is,' grumbled Germane. 'I'm going to dig even under where those golems were, and keep digging, until every damned ancient evil down there is out in the open in a nice, civilized manner.'

He strained against the harness, eager to dump its contents and somehow sneak back to where the action was. The outer buildings of Ponyville, to the north where low income housing and its cottage industrial buildings were -it was too small for any actual factories- passed by him at a crawl, with each brick he passed and counted mocking him.

And then he heard the noise. Shifting earth, grinding, ancient clay...

"I take back everything I said," he declared, wishing that the universe would see fit to undo its latest snarl in his plans. It didn't work.

In the windows above, ponies becoming aware of the approaching ruckus, and the crowd which had fled the southeast end of the town, began to panic.

He wasn't aware until that very moment, but Germane found that a pony could, in fact, back a cart up via harness. It only took ruffling most of his coat to seclude himself in an alley.

"Okay. Okay, okay. Big clay monsters, and I have a clumsy body with half-useless wings, a cart full of broken appliances," he paused, and grimaced at the top layer of toasters that had met unfortunate ends, "and not much else. I gotta... I gotta..."

There was a crunch of shifting earth. And then a second, closer crunch- that of a hoof bending a thin roll of copper wire. Germane glanced down, and then things went... fuzzy.

A tall creature -or something very much like a creature, in most respects, lumbered onto the street. It was three legged, cracked with age, and dripped hellish fire from where a real, living being might have had eyes.

A loud, screeching whirt! echoed out from the alley to its right, a slice of burnt tosat tumbled onto the ground, and a ray of heat cut through the sky with all the subtlety of lightning. Incidentally, the path of the wavering beam cut through, into, and out of the golem's chest. It crumbled.

A maddened, frothing figure with eyes that had seen strange, strange things headbutted a cart out into the street. On his flank gleamed a brand new design, a mostly complete circuit done in gold against the grey coat.

The next golem in line roared at him.

He roared back.

And then he loaded more bread into the glowing, sparking contraption.

A young, pink mare watched with wide eyes as a horde of those nasty dirt monsters exploded, one after the other. She saw the stallion load bread, then saw the bread propelled with deadly efficiency.

And she thought: 'Bread is a lot like... cake!'

And she saw the possibilities.

Olive looked to the strange young stallion, then to the street covered in still-cooling pottery, then back to the stallion.

"Boy, you are going to be trouble for me, I can tell."

Germane rubbed sheepishly at the back of his head. "I can... clean it up?"

Mad, Mad World

This, Germane knew, was it. The world had turned mad and sideways, and several other directions he couldn't quite name. One of the most common jokes passed between Equus's humans was that this world was like Earth on LSD, but they hadn't meant it to be so damn literal.

He flapped his wings, drawing himself out of the soapy muck bubbling around past his hooves. A god was out today, walking under the strange sky and spreading his own, unique brand of entertainment. News had been scarce, and the Element Bearers had been acting distinctly strange... er.

They called it Discord, and said it looked like-

"Germane?" Maudlin's voice sounded breathless and horrified.

Germane looked up and found out he didn't have to depend on rumor, anymore. The massive, serpentine figure with so many parts added on, seemingly as an afterthought, grinned down at them in cruel amusement. Six beings stood behind the coordinator, all ex-humans or those in the know, and it was all the mad scientist could do to spread his wings and grit his teeth at the strange thing.

It -he?- seemed to lean in closer, staring at something that wasn't quite there. Its eyes widened.

Then it snorted. Laughed. It fell into the sudsy mud and laughed until it was literally sick. The creature had to crawl away, because just looking back at the group sent it into further paroxysms.

Once it was gone, Germane looked back at Ditzy. Ditzy shrugged. Germane turned back to where Discord had disappeared to.

"What the buck?"

Resume Your Plans

Chapter Seven: Resume Your Plans

Flash sat awkwardly in front of an office dedicated to land rights, minor legal disputes, and notarization while automatically scanning the crowd for threats. The space was just a short distance away from the town hall. Honestly, just being able to sit by himself for a while was rather nice, given the length of time he'd spent frozen in place as that Rarity mare made measurements and tutted over how he'd cropped his tail too severely to be fashionable this year. The only bright side to that debacle was getting to shoot smug looks as the other three guardsponies took their own turns after having been laughing at him.

Then he'd had to wait while Mister Craft spent twenty minutes passing papers over to the boutique owner where he'd described a simply boggling silk requirement, of all things, for their uniforms.

The inn was a decent staging point for now, but he was already looking forward to a dedicated guard building. That, of course, would require more paperwork. The fact that the princesses wanted that done more-or-less yesterday was just another reason to hurry. He'd need an excuse to trade his post with one of the others- let them follow Craft for a while.

That pony... human... whatever he was, he was categorically odd. His attention span was about as holed as swiss cheese, and even worse, Flash had to trust the stallion to lead the lot of them into the territory's most dangerous patch of real estate. With his pet manticore, too. Because apparently those could be domesticated, now.

"Alright! On with official business," came the voice of the stallion of the hour. Craft exited the building with the same grey mare with whom he'd first entered. She gave him a quick hug before fluttering off.

"If you don't mind me asking-" started Flash. Craft waved him off.

"Just personal stuff. Come on, we've got a few more things to do before the party tonight." Craft muttered to himself for a bit before leading the way down the street. "To the train station- Twilight'll be in, soon, and you should meet her personally. She and the other Bearers get into more trouble than I do, and if you guys aren't running with me, you'll be running with them."

That, at least, got Flash's interest. The Bearers of Harmony were sort of an open secret, especially among the military ranks. Before the stallion had left his marriage to marry princess Mi Amore Cadenza, Flash's old commanding officer had jokingly referred to them as Equestria's friendliest weapons of mass destruction. Then he'd threatened the entire barracks to never repeat his words to his little sister, ever.

He'd personally met both Generosity and Laughter, now, and would apparently be expected to take suggestions and orders from Magic, herself. It was definitely an interesting change of pace.

"After that you can do whatever," continued the pale, green-maned pegasus. "I have to check on the newbie, but that's all I'm stuck with tonight. Next week I'll start leading you and the other three through your paces- until then, just focus on getting used to the town and picking up the geography."

"If you're certain, sir."

"None of that 'sir' stuff- I didn't run my butt through boot camp and I'm sure as anything not old enough to be a 'sir' anyway," said the stallion, before perking up. "Hey, right on time!"

The train was just pulling in, giving off the soft whistle of engaging breaks and hiss of steam being released. It took a moment for Flash to be reminded just what about the scene had been pulling at his memory, before he recalled that his civilian superior's predecessor had introduced the steam engine concept to Equestria. The soldier wondered just what surprises he should prepare himself for.

After most of the crowd had already exited the train, their objective stepped off carrying a few small bags in her magic. Twilight Sparkle was mobbed by the pegasus, insofar as him demanding that she 'let him be gentlemanly and take her bags' counted as being mobbed.

Out of uniform or not, Flash didn't suppress the habit of straightening up as both principles hurried up to face him.

"Hi, I'm Twilight Sparkle! You'll have to give me your name, since Germane's only bothered to introduce you as 'minion one'," said the violet unicorn, prodding the pegasus at her side.

"But Twilight, he is! The princesses gave them to me and everything!" complained Germane.

Flash managed -barely- not to twitch.

"A pleasure to meet you, ma'am," he said to the unicorn. His new boss began to pout, of all things.

'This is going to be a long assignment.'

Two weeks on, and that thought prove to be entirely true. It wasn't that there was anything particularly difficult about following around the absent-minded pegasus, unless one counted the mental strain, it was just...

"Got any twos?"

"Nope. Go fish, and roast me another marshmallow."

Flash watched as the little dragon groaned and bathed another snack in green flames, completely uncaring that his claw was on fire.

"Germane, you're weird," the drake said.

"Am not! The green fire makes it taste tingly," said Germane, defending himself.

Stretching out the kinks in his spine, Flash wearily took another look around the half-finished guard tower. He had to hand it to the local earth pony construction team- their speed was just about unreal. The only justification had been a few furtive looks and nervous laughs as the forepony said 'practice'.

Then, in the background, somepony began shouting about Crusaders and there was a shout of joy that echoed throughout town.

"Whether or not there is actually a roof," said Flash, gesturing at the plain stone of the unenclosed building, "there has to be some kind of regulation about hosting bonfires in buildings."

"We needed to get out of the house, and this is the most awesome camp-out I've ever had," said Germane. He perked up. "Ooh! Almost forgot!"

He leaned over, reaching one wing to toggle something very much like a lantern with a funnel attachment. Far above, over the sparse layer of clouds, a white star began flickering.

"What?" asked Flash, boggling.

"A projector! And landing signal. And... a reminder for mares that insisted on oiling their telescopes before hanging them up," said Germane.

Spike snickered. "We need one of those for inside the library."

"I'll build you one if you stop telling your firebird to attack me on sight," growled Germane.

The dragon winced. "Yeah, sheesh, I'm sorry. Twilight already lectured me. Twice. You're not... completely evil," Spike admitted.

"Double plus good!" spouted the ex-human in some kind of exotic gibberish. "You get a Christmas present!"

"Zounds!" came a voice from above.

Ever alert to the possibility of attack, Flash dove for both Germane and Spike, rolled them clear of the fire, and under a sheltering eave. A blue alicorn promptly crashed into the stone floor behind them. Flash's efforts to protect the suicidaly insane pegasus were thwarted when Germane tossed him off and scampered over.

"Luna! Come on, Mare Imbrium, talk to me! Alicorns bounce, remember?"

"Of course they do," said Luna, groggily. "'Tis the wonderful thing about alicorns... Though I shall refrain from staring directly into projectors. I made the very same mistake, at my first ever cinema experience with Tia."

"It's alright, love, we've all done that," said Germane, patting her mane.

Flash looked to Spike. The dragon shrugged, and said, "Don't tell them otherwise."

"Wah! I'm late!"

Another shock to the system- this time, an all too familiar eruption of magenta light. Flash was proud that it hardly even ever made him flinch, anymore. He wearily saluted.

"Madam Sparkle."

"Hi, Flash!" she said, waving until she remembered that she was in the middle of a good panic. "Oh gosh I'm late!" She piled into the already-seated other ponies, trying to hug both of them at once. "I'm so so sorry I-"

"These are the ponies in my life," drawled Spike.

In a moment of sympathy, Flash patted him on the shoulder. "There, there."

"But everypony tries to look into those things!" came a predictable comment from the sympathy pile.

Spike shuddered. "They're geniuses, you know. All three of them. Smarter than anypony."

He and Flash sighed in tandem.

"No spin the bottle! It's awkward, and stupid, and you girls just want to see me kiss the soldier anyhow!"

"What's wrong with that?"

Flash twitched and asked Spike, "Does that transportation flame work on living things? I think I have business in Canterlot."

"Sorry, man."

"Now, have we all learned a lesson?" asked Germane, pacing back and forth over the forest floor.

"Poke it with a stick, first," said Oakley.

"Keep one eye on the flowers!" said Belladonna.

"Get me down right now, sir." Flash's voice, a bit odd given how his body was completely inverted.

"That's not a lesson," grumbled Germane, taking his special poking stick and manipulating the roots of the vines that held his guardsponies suspended in midair. "Besides, what did I tell you about that 'sir' stuff?"

"You told me plenty, sir," said Flash.

"Now you're just being grumpy on purpose!" Germane stopped poking for a moment, just long enough to lean in. "Do I have to go get Pinkie?"

"Ugh. No! No. Sorry, Germane," said Flash, rolling his eyes.

"Right! Give me a sec', then..." Germane lifted off, reached one of the thicker branches, and triggered the Reflex. Armed with his poking stick, he made short work of the plants. "So, how's the guard station coming along?"

"Er, don't you already know?" asked Silver Buckle. "You're the one signing off on everything."

"I was supposed to read those?"

Flash, feeling just a bit affronted, glared up at the human. "That's it- we are going through those page by page, tonight."

Germane grinned. "I'll bring the donuts. I think I signed off on donut requisitions..."

"Argh!"

There was snow on the ground, holly decorations hanging from every eave, and a weird whirring sound that could be heard from out of the doors of the Carousel Boutique.

"While I'm never one to disparage a gift, darling, I must ask..." Rarity poked the machine hesitantly. "What is it?"

"A new sewing machine!" said Germane, pushing back his goggles. Atop his back, Spike did the same. It was, the unicorn had to admit, a rather dapper look for the drake. Perhaps some brass buttons...

"But it's steaming," said Rarity, bringing herself back to the topic at hoof.

"Yup." Germane nodded proudly. "It's a steam-powered sewing machine."

"Everything runs better on steam," said Spike, buffing his claws with a thin stream of flame. "Germane's been teaching me. I mean, you get a mean education, living with Twilight, but I now possess the power of the piston!"

"All part of my plans to forge a true, steampunk dragon," said Germane with a note of pride.

"Well, lovely," said Rarity, with a hint of uncertainty. "Would you boys like some tea? It's the least I could do." She tried to ignore, and hide a smile at, the way Spike discretely nudged his sister's paramour.

"Er... of course?" said Germane, following her to the kitchen. While Rarity began putting water to boil, she watched him shrug off the dragon. "Man, you are getting too big to do that, and I'm fragile."

"Now that you mention it, Spike is getting rather tall," said the unicorn, pulling out a selection of tea bags. "The last growth spurt of this, ah, century, isn't it?"

"Yep," said the drake, nodding happily. "Another foot, Twilight said, then I'm good to go for another four or five decades before my first real sleep. So long as I make sure not to start hoarding before then, I should be fine."

"Oh, my! Look at the time," said Germane, staring at a completely bare fetlock. "I ought to go. Feel free to stay, Spike, and thanks for the offer, Rarity, but duty calls!" Before either of the room's two other occupants could so much as blink, the mad scientist was out of the kitchen and closing the Boutique's back door.

Rarity and Spike stared, long after the door softly clicked shut by itself. Coughing, Rarity turned back to the kettle.

"Right," she said. "Tell me, Spike, what about these so-called studies you and Germane have been getting into?"

"Oh, no, please Rarity, tell me about your latest fashion show! I'm sure it's much more interesting," said the dragon, claws clasped and eyes expectant.

The mare turned away and let a small grin quirk at the corner of her mouth. "Actually, I find myself rather curious about you, Spike. Why, a drake of your talents with the proper training, you could go absolutely anywhere!"

"I hope you meant that figuratively," said the drake. "I really like the ponies here."

"And they wouldn't have it any other way." She set down the tea set and crossed her hooves. "So! Talk to me."

The party that took place a week before Hearth's Warming Eve was... not the most awkward, in all fairness.

Germane had to give credit where credit was due- Pinkie was awesome. Not five minutes after being ushered to the surprise party, and Sparkler had gone from hesitant to amazed at the warm reception. Her new-old-little-sister was bouncing around her on all four hooves, chattering on and goading her to play more games.

In one corner, Ditzy was having the kind of necessary but painful conversation that came with speaking to an ex, only with the weirdness cranked up to eleven. Her being in human shape was probably to drive a certain point home.

It had taken over two months. Hesitant letters, meetings between lawyers, and so on. Things would work out.

'Or else I'll see if I can recreate the Toaster Barrage O' Doom,' thought Germane evilly.

"Pay attention!"

"Yes, dear!" said Germane on reflex. Twilight rolled her eyes at him.

"Really?" she said.

"Sorry, seemed funnier in my head," he admitted. "What's up?"

"Like I was saying..." and here, she turned a bit more nervous. "I sort of already ran this by Luna, and we both wanted to see what you thought, and Redheart mentioned it might be the kind of thing you'd say no to because of your... background..."

"What do I have to wrap my monkey brain around this time?" asked Germane, feeling this would be another one of those awkward cultural things that still, sometimes, took him by surprise.

"It's about Flash. He's around an awful lot, isn't he?"

"My favorite guard except Belladonna," said Germane. "I think she's just using me to hang out with Simba, though."

"Not the point," said Twilight. "And I know it's still sort of early for this sort of thing, for us, but would you be okay..."

"...Yes?"

"With Flash..."

"Yuh huh?"

"Dating?" Twilight upped her tempo. "I know humans tend to be more restricted, sexually, but we've noticed a certain chemistry and it's entirely possible we're just making this up but-"

Germane threw up a hoof, cutting her off and giving himself a moment to marshal his thoughts. "Really? Flash?"

"We won't try if we're not all together on this, but yeah?"

The pegasus huffed. "Yeah. First, I'm not that out of touch. Even if I were 'sexually restricted'," he said, waggling his hooves, "I know herds don't have to be unilaterally sexual. That's not an issue. Um, not on that 'restrictive' part, either." Twilight perked up. "Ah bup bup! Down, girl!" He sighed. "Can we give it a couple months? I know things have been pretty awesome, but I just want to make sure they stay like that. Iron out wrinkles before we add to them."

"Yeah, that's fine," said Twilight, burrowing against his side.

His smile now hidden, Germane added, "I'd tap that."

"Germane!"

Germane stared up at the space above the door and rolled his eyes. Telling Pinkie about the mistletoe tradition had been his first mistake. Letting her rope Rarity into casting spellwork over the little green sprigs to facilitate said tradition had been his second mistake. Now he was stuck, and not for the first time that night, having gone through the door with somebody.

Well, there was nothing for it.

He turned, leaned down, and planted the sloppiest, loudest, wettest kiss possible on the crown of Dinky's head. The filly flailed, made the appropriate 'eww!' noises, and scampered off.

"Not what I was aiming for," said the fashionista who'd put him into that position, "yet entertaining nonetheless!"

"I think I traumatized Cheerilee," said Germane, blandly. "The poor mare came here looking to study up on Equestria's latest race to give her students a lesson, and now I think she's trying to drown her sorrows in eggnog. Woe is me, for I am repulsive!"

The cream-colored unicorn huffed. "I think telling her 'my marefriends can never know' was probably what pushed her over the edge, darling. Not everypony shares your unique brand of humor."

"You do!" chirped Germane.

"Perhaps," said Rarity. A grin tugged at her lips. "Thusly..." She put out a hoof, and tapped his chest just hard enough to push him back under the doorway.

The same magic as before snared him. With no small trepidation, Germane turned to see just whom he'd been trapped with, this time. Fluttershy stared at him, looked up at the mistletoe, then fainted.

"Dang it, Rarity."

"Where's an orbital friendship cannon when you need one?!" shouted Germane, running like a pegasus out of hell. "We need fire! Fire and doom!"

"Okay -ow!- from now on, Twily's not allowed to leave!" said Pinkie, twitching just in time to get advance warning on the next dive-bombing wasp. "These guys are no fun at all!"

"I'm gonna have a talk with Bon Bon!" said Germane, wasting a precious second to pull out his paintball rifle. The wasps weren't great targets, but he'd had plenty of practice hunting blue pegasi. "You don't make candy out of honey that comes from mysterious jars hidden in the cellar of haunted mansions!"

"Well," said Lyra, panting, "when the clause said she had to stay the night to inherit, and the extra bits means she can expand the shop..."

Germane snarled, wondering why the world couldn't be a little more genre savvy.

"Girls, over here!" Rainbow Dash's voice carried clearly through the noon air.

"Hey!"

"Girls and Germane, over here!"

"Much better," muttered the pegacorn, following the tiny stampede under the wide, black cloud corralled by Rainbow for that very purpose. Just as they reached the other end of the cloud's shadow, the mare let loose with a torrent that flooded dozens of the hell-bugs out of the air.

"That should be the last of them," said Rainbow, dropping down by the group. "Fluttershy's leading some sort of... frog brigade, I guess, to eat them up." She noogied Germane's wet mane. "And we can't use the orbital friendship cannon on bugs! The princess gets mad." Then, muttering, "Even if you ask really nicely."

"Besides! Twily's at that symposium for... for..." Pinkie frowned, a thin cloud of smoke rising from her mane.

"Trying to remember?" asked Germane. She gave a too-serious nod. "Having trouble?" Another nod. "Did she ever actually tell you?"

Pinkie gasped. "No wonder I can't remember, no many how many smarticle particles I'm burning!"

"That's... yes. Sure. It's a librarian convention, Pinkie," said Germane. "Puns about fiction categories and venting all that rage pent up from months of watching fillies bending precious, precious book spines. It's... something she had to so alone. This is her time, now. So we precious few, we band of ponies, must take up the slack and preserve this recklessly-located town from the completely predictable ravages of madness."

Pinkie sniffed and gave a solemn salute, staring off into some glorious spot in the middle distance.

"Mister Craft!" A stallion, part of the day guard but wearing green combat gear made up of dozens of layers of silk wrapped in hardy cloth, stumbled up in a mirror pose to Pinkie.

"Buckle!" shouted Germane. "What's up?"

"The captain sent me to quote find out what fresh new stupid you jumped into unquote." Buckle eased out of his stance -Pinkie still hadn't- and glanced at the drowned and flailing wasps. "All good here?"

"Yep. We got this handled," said Rainbow, coughing smugly into her hoof. "Where are the rest of you soldier folk?"

"Guarding the school, town hall, and Miss Fluttershy's with our fly swatters. Casualties were minimal, on our side." Silver Buckle grinned. "We gave those bugs what-for!"

"Well done! How's the tac-vest working?" asked Germane.

In answer, the stallion turned to show a wicked stinger embedded harmlessly in the tac-vest at the base of his neck.

"Oh! We need a party! And little hats for the heroic frogs!" said Pinkie, bouncing while still saluting.

"At ease, Miss Pie," said Germane. "And again, you're not a soldier. You don't have to salute. It stopped being funny months ago, and we're all getting a little worried."

"Okie dokie lokie!"

"Have a glorious day!" said Luna cheerfully, waving off the last of the group of school foals. She watched Germane dive for the door and flip the 'closed' sign around.

"And we're safe," said the stallion. "Finally, finally safe. Now that we're not busy, we can worry pointlessly!" His grin was more of a rictus than anything.

Luna sighed, then pulled him close with a wing. "There is no need to worry, Germane. Twilight and her friends are very capable. This is what they do."

He groaned into her chest. "I should have armed them. Mysterious empires don't reappear without bad things happening!"

"You don't build weapons, love."

"I could."

"I trust my sister to not put them into too much danger," said Luna. "I don't believe anything will go wrong."

"Now you're lying to me. Continue to do so," commanded the ex-human.

Luna felt a painful heat in her chest. True, she had barely restrained herself from throttling her big sister over sending her other love into dire straits again, and she ached at the memories of the slave king Sombra being loose once more, and...

"Let us worry together," she said, glancing around at the library that the two of them had volunteered to watch while Twilight was away. Having a princess in residence had caused an upsurge in curious readers, which her unicorn lover would surely be pleased about. Once she returned.

"Coffee?" she suggested, as late in the day still meant an early morning for her.

"Let's use Spike's machine," said the winged stallion dully. "He's very proud of it. Good kid. Smart. Gonna be eaten by horrorterrors..."

"Yes, then, except to that last part," said Luna. She nudged him. "Transform, Germane. Mine ears want a good petting."

"Your ears deserve the best," said Germane, triggering his Reflex and following her to the kitchen.

Luna felt much improved, if she did say so herself- her scalp was being played with, she was able to press a new arrangement of shiny buttons on a new gadget, and she had made a good impression on Twilight's owl, earlier in the day. It could certainly be worse.

"Truly, you are better at this than even the minotaurs," said Luna. "I remember a spring romance with a lovely young cow who did braid my mane with great dexterity," she hummed.

Germane chuckled. "You've seen me try to braid rope. I wouldn't commit that kind of crime against your hair, Luna. I'll stick to scalp massages- I'm good at those. Mom was a hairdresser, after all."

"Twilight does love it too. It's unfortunate she isn't interested in the... other things your skilled digits can do," said Luna, eyeing the bubbling pipes that wound in and out of Spike's coffee percolator.

"We all have our preferences," said Germane. "She's cool with me as a pony, and she doesn't not like my human shape, she just doesn't feel very, um, amorous about it."

"A pity. We shall have to work doubly hard as quadrupeds, then."

"Don't we always?" asked Germane, leaning up to grab mugs as the machine gave a triumphant little whistle. "Come on, we're taking this to the main room. We can cuddle on the couch and Twilight can't yell at us for drinking coffee around the books."

Luna clapped her hooves together.

Months later.

"I didn't think you were the type to attend sporting events," said Flash, minding his outrageously large soda. He and Germane were parked on a rickety set of bleachers, looking down on a field full of cheerful, yelling ponies.

"This is a pickup game," said the ex-human. "It doesn't count. My nerd credit remains pure." He pointed a hoof out at the defensive line. "Besides, this is business."

Flash squinted, taking a moment before he finally recognized the earth pony Germane was indicating. "Andrew Striker. He's the... new one of you guys, right?"

"Yup! Got a hoofball talent mark, a house, and date with that nice cousin of Applejack's," said Germane, sounding satisfied. "He's doing fine."

Flash sighed. "You really worry all the time for them, don't you?"

"It's my job," said Germane. "This chunk of the country is my responsibility. I make sure my little hominids aren't going crazy or getting caught up in cultural disasters, and that's that."

"And that means... conventions?" asked Flash, checking their itinerary.

Germane shrugged. "Meeting with the other coordinators, yeah. Frost thinks it'll turn into some kind of block party up at Canterlot's lower district. Maybe get together a round of pegasus tossing."

Flash snorted. "You think you've finally graduated from basic, then you have to watch a bunch of apes throw ponies off a mountain."

"Flying ponies," clarified Germane. "We don't throw the non-flying ones! Besides, ponies invented it. Feel ashamed for your species."

The captain sighed.

"Alright, you've got me. What made you invite me up here so early?" asked the ex-human, glancing around Luna's quarters. They were a familiar sight, by now, but there was a new book shelf to the side that kept catching his attention...

"Can a princess not demand her paramour's presence?" asked Luna, looking just a bit too smug. Germane's smile turned just a bit more lecherous.

"I'm certain she can," he countered. "Does the princess have something in mind?"

Luna leaned in, and let her lips run softly up his neck, before whispering, "Board games."

"Oh. Oh!" Germane coughed, and tried to fight down the flush. "Yes, board games are good. You know what else is good?"

"Sex?" suggested Luna, looking wide-eyed and innocent as only somebody with years of refining their poker face could manage.

But Germane could play this game. "I was thinking ice cream, but sure!"

And so it went. Three board games, two deserts, and lively book discussion later, Luna screeched.

"Enough! No more games! No more distractions! You, swain, shall be ravished to within an inch of your very life!" Luna's hair, normally a docile wave of hair catching strange, magical breezes, flared out as if caught in gale-force winds.

"What? You expect me to put up a fight?" asked Germane, one brow crooking upward.

Luna paused, for a moment. "Er, we would not mind, as such."

The shorter pony gave a feral grin. "Then take me if you can!"

He looked around the meeting that had spilled out onto the street. The meeting was... well, Germane would have labeled it as insane, but he'd long since built up new and interesting definitions of 'insane'. On the other hand, both the princesses had shown up to have a good time while pretending to be dignified.

"Princess Celestia," greeted Germane, waving off a few of the humans local to Canterlor. "How goes it? Any hints on that mysterious spell book?"

The pale alicorn grinned, softly. "Now, I know Twilight wouldn't have asked you to pry, so I assume you are trying to earn 'brownie points' with my student?"

"Guilty as charged," said the cheerful young man. "I mean, I'm sure she'll have it all down by the time this meeting actually closes, but I have to admit I'm curious."

"You'll have to find out a couple of days," said Celestia. "Patience, I'm told, is a virtue."

"So is nosiness," countered the transformed stallion. "Seriously, though, what does the spell do?" He bounced on his heels. "Luna won't say anything either, and I've been bribing her nonstop!"

Celestia tilted her head and saw that, yes, her sister was waving about yet another slice of cake as she lectured several young pegasi on the best way to become aerodynamic for the tossing game.

"All in due time, Germane. I-" Celestia froze, and felt her eyes unfocus. "It is time."

Germane stared as the princess dissolved into sunlight. That... that hadn't been teleportation. He wasn't sure what that had been.

He spun on his feet and searched for Luna, who was similarly gone.

Desperate, he pushed through the crowd, out toward the edge of the city. There was a light above the distant speck that was Ponyville. The clouds were all wrong, and that pillar of magic couldn't be good and Twilight was still there!

He broke out into a run. Some ponies, some humans, called his name. Curious about where Celestia had gone, maybe. As if anybody told him what was going on.

"Make a hole!" he shouted, voice climbing up a register and turning hoarse.

Altitude was with him, as was wind, so-

He leaped onto a cart, onto the great retaining wall of Canterlot, and dove. A hundred feet down, he triggered the Reflex and snapped out his wings. He could do it he could do it he could-

"Germane! Oh, Celestia, stop bowing! I don't care, you're not supposed to bow to me!"

The stallion rolled onto the ground on his side, heaving, and cast a crooked smile up at the purple alicorn.

"Not... bowing. Flew off a... mountain. You... look pretty, sugarhooves."

Equestria's newest princess laughed.

Germane usually entered the Night Court in one of two ways- waving maniacally at anybody within sight, or with his nose in a book. This time it was the latter.

Years of experience guided him around obstacles -ponies- without having to actually look up. Navigation was accomplished by idly noting what kind of surface his hooves were stepping upon. Black marble, gray, thin carpet, more marble, thick carpet... he was in the throne room. He carefully placed a bookmark, and looked up with a smile. The smile quickly died.

Luna had stepped down from her throne and met him halfway, effectively stalling the court. They both ignored the rush of whispers as the mare leaned in and whispered in his ear:

"We must talk. Find Fleethoof, I'll be with you momentarily."

Germane nodded, tucked away his latest book, and made for one of the side doors

Damn It, Sparkle!

Chapter One: Damn It, Sparkle!

It was a beautiful day, with a sky almost clear and blue. The weather had been forecasted (scheduled) to be pleasant and warm... so it came as a complete surprise to Germane when he found himself drenched just a second after stepping out of the Ponyville Post Office.

He blinked in confusion, then glanced up. He was pretty certain that rain wasn't usually accompanied by shreds of blue rubber. In fact, unless he was completely mistaken, that hadn't been rain at all.

"Miss Dash, for the last time, I vow to destroy you!" The chromatic menace laughed from her cloud-top perch. She was literally rolling on the floor laughing, if by floor, one meant a cohesive chunk of water vapor.

"Your face! That's... ha ha... that's too good!" Germane stomped his front hooves in rage.

"You lousy pigeon! You aerodynamic blueberry donut!" She kept laughing.

"Pigeon is a tribalist term, dude. Where's the solidarity?" If she was offended, it certainly didn't show. Germane flapped his wings in an effort to dry out, some.

"The solidarity is dripping down my flank. I have had enough!" His left wing, which was dripping slightly less than the other, dipped into his saddlebag and brought out one of the finest inventions to hit the Equestrian markets in years. The Butter Ripple Mark VIII Accu-Shot paint barrel (plus extended rifling attachment) swung up with steady certainty. Rainbow Dash, local celebrity and pain-in-the-plot, was laughing too hard to notice.

Germane felt a grin which would have shamed a hydra settle over his face.

Pock-pock-pock!

Rainbow Dash shrieked. Obviously, Germane's semi-blind firing through the bottom of the cloud must have hit something sensitive. Instead of immediately taking flight, the shock reduced her reaction to a frantic dance over the cloud's surface.

"Green is your color, Miss Dash! Green is your color! Roll over and I'll make your new dye-job even! Bwa ha ha!" Knowing not to push his luck, Germane stowed the paint barrel and ran for it. Flying for it against Rainbow Dash herself would have been a stupid prospect for any pony, but moreso for Germane. He loved his wings, but they were not an option right now. He ran for the market place and put his hopes on one of the paint splashes being somewhere too embarrassing to show to a crowd. For a race of nudists, certain things could make ponies very body-shy.

Several minutes later, and free of any suspicious, lingering clouds, Germane circled through the busy streets until he'd neared the town library. If the Element of Loyalty (and bloody-minded annoyance, he thought privately) was out pranking again, it was highly unlikely that the building was closed on account of world-ending dangers that required the town librarian's personal attention. Having the magical equivalent of a super-heroine running a public institution did not make for steady opening hours.

Germane swallowed down his sense of trepidation, which was something he had to do whenever he found himself in close quarters with Celestia's protege. Unfortunately, sometimes waiting on a delivery of magical manuals from one of the big-city publishing houses wasn't always convenient. and he needed a few references books post-haste.

The library... the tree... the library which was in an honest-to-goodness tree (he was stallion enough to admit to being a little jealous), soon lay just ahead. Miracle of miracles, the 'open' sign was on display. The green-on-white pony pushed his way inside, and smiled at the scent of parchment and ink. It smelled like his own home, minus the metal fumes.

Several schoolfoals were gathered in a circle in the room's far corner. The town's resident dragon was fetching them books.

"You'll never find anything about the Griffon Wars in that one," he was saying from his spot up on the movable ladder, "Especially since the author of that book thought griffons were a kind of feathered dragon."

"...Are they?" asked one colt. Spike sighed.

"No. No they are not." One of the fillies swatted the colt over the head with a notebook.

"We're really sorry for Acorn, here, Spike," she said, and the colt gave her an offended look. Spike flashed her a quick grin.

"I'll never know if I don't ask!" replied Acorn.

"That's technically true," admitted the dragon, "but the next dumb question earns you a seat in one of Twilight's Special Lectures." Germane winced. The last pony to refer to the purple unicorn's assistant/little brother figure as a lizard had been restrained and forced to listen to a six-hour lecture on the history of Equis's sapient species, and the importance of cultural sensitivity. The poor mare had been weeping after the experience.

"Miss Cheerilee said there's no dumb questions!" insisted Acorn.

"You must have misheard her," replied Spike. The dragon was snarky, which was a quality Germane could get behind.

"Good morning, Sir Spike," said the stallion to grab his attention. Spike looked over and smiled with embarrassment.

"Hey, Mister Craft! Um, about Twilight last week..." Germane waved a forehoof.

"Think nothing of it. I'm sure Miss Sparkle was entirely within her rights to suspect me of smuggling Timber Wolves. For whatever reasons any sane pony would do that." Germane was amused to note that it was, in fact, possible to blush through scales. The entire thing had been pretty hilarious in retrospect. After the hospital visit.

Secrecy and weirdness (the latter of which he had in spades, even after eight years of... well, eight years) were double-edged swords, after all. So once again, Germane had been reduced to an awkward stand-off with the Element of Magic.

"Speaking of which, is she, uh, here?" he asked. "I didn't want to bother her at all, just hoping you had a few titles on hand that I really need." With a minimum of fuss, he handed over a type-written sheet of paper. Spike grabbed it with the all-business attitude he always took when it came to library business and scanned the list.

"We've got the first two, but Hoofington's 'Metallurgical Mysteries' is on loan to Fillydelphia for the next two weeks. I'll just grab these for you." Germane nodded pleasantly. "As for Twilight-"

"Did somepony call my name?"

Speak of the purple devil, and she will appear, thought Germane with a sigh. Twilight Sparkle was descending from the private residence in the tree's upper level. She was hovering a mug of tea after herself, which she nearly spilled at the sight of the winged pony on the ground floor.

"Oh! Germane. How are... things?" She was wearing her best 'nothing happened and I haven't accused you of being a mad scientist because, golly, that would be hypocritical, now'-grin. Germane gave a quick, tolerant nod.

"Miss Sparkle. Just checking out some books," he said. To illustrate his point, Spike shuffled up with the two of his requests that they had on hand. "Completely normal, not-at-all suspicious books." To her credit, Twilight blushed. In Germane's mind, doing so through purple fur was an accomplishment almost on par with blushing through scales.

"I'm really, really sorry about the thing with the Timber Wolves." Germane stared. She stared back. To his satisfaction, she blinked first. "And the thing with the copper ore. And the thing where I thought you were trying to produce weapons for Saddle Arabia. And the-"

"All forgiven!" cut in Germane with a broad smile. And then a very evil thought overcame his better sense. "Really, though, you pay a great deal of attention to me, Miss Sparkle. It's downright flattering. Perhaps offering to buy me a cup of coffee would result in less property damage?" To the stallion's delight, he was graced with the sound of a dragon gagging dramatically in the background, along with the sound of foals' laughter. Celestia's student began stammering.

"I, I didn't, I wasn't, are you implying-"

Germane shifted his saddlebags to a more comfortable position and made for the door. It had been a rather stupid impulse, and he'd surely regret it, but he'd be damned if it didn't make him feel better.

"Good day, Miss Sparkle." And because he just couldn't resist, he called out over his back, "I'm really fond of Java's House of Java, just so you know."

Germane Craft: 1, Twilight Sparkle: 0.

The alarm came several hours later, long after the sun had set. Germane threw aside his soldering iron and pulled his smoked glasses down around his neck and immediately made for the door.

It had to happen tonight of all nights, he thought, and then immediately after felt ashamed. It had been an unkind thought. Really, somepony's life was in danger and his first thought was about how inconvenient it was?

Germane bolted outside and immediately took off in the direction of the Everfree Forest. He cursed himself for being the only winged pony on the planet who made better distance on his own four legs than he did by air, save for the town veterinarian. To be fair, he could go faster flying, but it would leave him tired and useless in a place where it was very dangerous to be tired and useless.

Dark houses (not many of them, really, given how close he lived to the edge of town) flew by as he galloped up the road. He was just wondering just how much of a delay there'd been in his detection system when the sound of very distinct voices informed him that there had been just enough of one to make things even harder.

"Are you sure you heard it coming from the forest? Who would be crazy enough to wander through there at night?"

"I- I don't know, b-but they sounded scared and hurt! Please, Twilight, if you can, I mean, we have to go! Even, um, even if I have to go alone."

"Easy, Flutters. We'll have a time of it, sure, but we've both got yer back. Ain't nothing like we haven't done before."

Three distinct voices, by a very familiar cottage, who were all on their way to investigate the same disturbance that Germane himself was headed for. It was as bad an outcome as he could have imagined.

Well, no. He could easily imagine a freak lightning storm and a stampede of elephants to accompany the evening's... festivities, but even minus his eternal pessimism, things were still pretty bad.

He considered, as he came alongside the cottage, just stopping to tell them that he was already taking care of things, but folk of the heroic persuasion tended to be nosy and inconsiderately helpful. Instead, when he almost ran over three of the Elements of Harmony, he played it stupid.

"Good evening, mares. Didn't see you there." They recoiled in surprise, and Fluttershy instinctively disappeared behind the eldest Apple sister, but they calmed slightly seeing he was just the harmless local eccentric rather than, say, Nightmare Moon's latest incarnation.

"Mister Germane? Why are you out here?" Twilight, always quickest on the ball, nervously glanced between him and the forest. Obviously she, like he did, wanted to warn off the opposite party and head into the Everfree.

"Well I was on my normal midnight jog," lied Germane blatantly, "when I heard a... scream," he added, hedging his bets on just what Fluttershy might have heard. "Being a responsible citizen and all, I thought I'd lend a hoof." The mare huffed in exasperation.

"That's very... thoughtful of you, but it could be dangerous. We're already going." Germane nodded.

"Then I'll follow along to protect you!" That, predictably enough, drew Applejack's ire. She narrowed her eyes.

"You sayin' we need protect'n? Ah'm thinkin' it's the other way 'round."

"Then you can protect me instead. Good thinking! Now let's go, time's wasting." And before somepony could say something sensible and therefore horribly inconvenient, he hurried off. Sure enough, the thud of six pairs of hooves quickly followed.

"That's not what Ah meant!" shouted the farmpony.

"But it's what I meant, Miss Apple!" Then followed ten minutes of Germane being as stubbornly stupid as possible until they'd gone a distance into the dark and grim forest where they all stopped. Mostly they did so because Twilight brought up the fact that they were all, in fact, running completely blind.

"Are you sure you didn't pick up on a specific direction?" Twilight asked the yellow pegasus.

"Very sure. But..." There was, to Germane's experience, an atypical look of fierce focus on Fluttershy's face as she scanned the dark spaces under the canopy around the group. She stiffened. "This way."

"How can you be certain?" asked Germane. He wasn't really questioning her judgement, and was actually really glad that at least one pony in their impromptu rescue party had at least half an idea how to proceed, but he was curious.

"The bats are fleeing," she said, pointing upward with one wing. "Something spooked the poor things. They're, uh, they're headed from this direction." The stallion glanced up, and sure enough, there were bats. Applejack at his side shuddered.

"Flying varmints. If Ah catch rabies, Ah'm gonna be very upset, just so as you know."

"Duly noted," replied Twilight with an eyeroll. "Come on."

Fluttershy's intuition was dead-on. Within five minutes, the four of them stumbled upon an earth pony seemingly in the middle of some sort of psychotic episode. Without giving any warning, Germane darted ahead of the three mares and wrapped his forelegs around the stranger to try to hold the panicking stallion still. He leaned in and whispered into the earth pony's ear.

"If you had fingers yesterday and just woke up... different, then calm the fuck down. I can help. Also, pretend to have amnesia, the others here won't understand." Out loud, to the others he said, "We should get this poor fellow to the hospital. I'm sure Nurse Redheart's on duty tonight." And if she wasn't, he'd drag her out of bed himself.

"Of course," said Twilight suspiciously. Because of course she'd be suspicious. She was always suspicious, especially when it came to all things Germane. He'd feel hurt, except he was admittedly a pretty damn suspicious pony in general.

"Are you okay?" asked Fluttershy. Applejack stepped forward.

"Who are you? What were ya doin' out here, of all places?" Germane discretely nudged the dazed-looking stallion and prayed the guy got the message.

"I, um, I don't remember? I think I've got..." The stallion, with his new orange-on-yellow pallet, swallowed nervously.

"Amnesia! So tragic," said Germane sympathetically. "Welp, no need to stay here longer than we have to. Shall we?"

It was a long and very stressful walk back. Thankfully, the new stallion on the block's terrible coordination was put down to exhaustion. As Germane suspected, the poor guy only had trouble walking when he focused on his footing, thus he did his best to distract the fellow with long, vivid descriptions of Ponyville which left him wide-eyed, confused, and perfectly capable of walking on four legs.

Dealing with the females in the party took Germane's finest display of obfuscating stupidity thus far. He wasn't sure if it was easier or harder once Fluttershy begged off to return home once the situation was obviously in hoof. Either way, he was left trying to out-bluff a genius and the very avatar of honesty. By the time the group reached the emergency room, he was sweating nervously.

"Nurse Redheart! Maudlin Redheart, darling dear, how are you?" The white mare snapped her eyes up and scowled.

"You were just in here two days ago! Germane, I swear I'm going to start using the really big needles if you insist on injuring yourself this often." She finally took in the rest of the group. Specifically, Twilight. The nurse's eyes softened a bit. "Miss Sparkle, I know the urge to beat him is almost unbearable at times, but if you could please-" Twilight's eyes bugged out.

"Beat him?! I've never!"

"Cough, death ray, cough," said Germane. Applejack gave him a funny look.

"Y'know, usually when somepony's coverin' up things when they speak, they actu'lly cough instead 'a sayin' the word 'cough' out loud." Germane stared back in wide-eyed innocence.

"Really?" Twilight groaned.

"It didn't look like a telescope! You were running half the town's power grid through the thing, for Celestia's sake!" Germane nodded.

"And I got truly awesome readings because of it." Obviously turning impatient, Redheart spoke up.

"If Germane here hasn't somehow earned another head wound or electrocuted himself... again... then how, exactly, might I help you all this evening?" Her eyes finally settled on the strange pony at Germane's side. She caught the winged stallion's gaze and then lit up in awareness.

"This poor fellow has amnesia. We found him in the forest. These two and Miss Fluttershy very kindly came along to help." Redheart nodded brusquely and took the confused stallion by the whithers.

"Well, let's get you looked at. As Germane here undoubtedly already said, I can help." She stressed the words and the stranger was obviously just quick enough to catch on. Or was confused enough to just go along with things. Either way, Germane's work there was done.

Twilight and Applejack both looked like they wanted to speak up, but Redheart had already disappeared with her newest patient and Germane had taken to the air as soon as he'd stepped out of the hospital. He savored the air, both under his wings and in his lungs, and made a line for home.

Twilight was confused, and furious, and several other things that she didn't care to think about. She'd called one of the emergency meetings of the Bearers of Harmony, which she tended to call at least three times a week.

To be honest, she'd had to ask Pinkie's cooperation in bribing the group with sweets to make them all show up. As Rainbow Dash tended to say: 'If the town's not on fire, then Twilight probably ran out of quills or something. Not an emergency!'

The unicorn in question scowled. That had only happened one time!

So there they were, gathered the morning after the odd events in the Everfree Forest, and Twilight would have to try to convince her friends of... something.

"What did he do this time, darling? This hidden battle between the two of you has ensconced itself into local legend, why I dare say it could be immortalized in the finest novel of our modern age!" Judging by Rarity's excited grin, it would be an uphill battle. Germane Craft had gone from constant almost-threat to living urban legend in less than a few years.

They'd be more interested in hearing about the latest mystery than about actually stopping his... whatever it was he was doing!

Though writing it up in a book might be sort of fun, she thought, before bringing her attention back to the real world.

So she described the circumstances of the previous night with helpful comments from Applejack and Fluttershy. Pinkie brightened up.

"So he's just a good Samaritan! I should get him a thank-you-cake! And we'll need to have a party for the new pony, and, and, and-" It took Rainbow Dash wrestling the pink earth pony down to halt her mid-party crusade.

"Does nopony think that was at all suspicious?! Who takes midnight jogs? Who's that stubborn about running into the Everfree at the first excuse?" pleaded Twilight. Applejack sighed.

"Well Ah can't say much to the first bit, but as fer the second, we all were doin' that, weren't we?" The unicorn took an angry bite of a cinnamon-glaze doughnut (though she felt a lot less angry after tasting it).

"Only because Fluttershy was in just the right place to hear the commotion. She got us, but who got him?"

"What about the new guy? The one with amnesia?" asked Dash as she tried to put a giggling Pinkie Pie into a full Neighlson. Obviously the attempt to calm the other mare had been interpreted as a plain, old-fashioned wrestling match, and Rainbow Dash just seemed happy to roll with it.

"He doesn't have amnesia. Heck, it was Germane who suggested amnesia long before we could ask him any questions! He said something I couldn't hear to the new guy, and then the new guy stopped freaking out in no time flat. It was eerie."

"Ya suppose he threatened that stallion?" asked Applejack. Twilight hesitated.

"No... I think he reassured him of something. I don't even think they knew each other, but it's like..." She sighed. "I don't even know what it's like, really. I checked at the hospital this morning. Nurse Redheart supported the diagnosis of amnesia, and said that he'd be in isolation for another two days. 'Just in case'."

"Ha! Gotcha, Dashie!" said Pinkie Pie. The pegasus on the floor under her groaned.

"How does anypony get that flexible!? You don't have bones, Pinkie, you have taffy."

"Maybe!" Twilight did her best to ignore the duo.

"And so now we have a conspiracy," mused Rarity. "This is third-book material, really, after the romance has been developed a bit and somepony's long-lost twin has appeared to claim an ancient legacy." Twilight hardly noticed that her life was being plotted out as some screwball harlequin novel series, and was too busy trying not to choke on her doughnut.

"Romance? Who have you been talking to? What did he say this time?" That caused a complete, immediate silence in the room. The purple unicorn suddenly felt trapped, which was an odd feeling to get in her own home.

"This time?"

Dang it, Rarity. But the white-coated unicorn was not, in fact, the Element of Mercy.

"Oh, I get it now! You've been stalking this dashing villain, trying to turn him to the side of the good with your wiles, and he's been reciprocating!"

"I haven't been stalking anypony! I- I don't even have wiles!" Rainbow Dash muttered an 'I'll say', and Pinkie gasped.

"Twily, you've been stalking? You should have asked me for lessons!" That was the cue for Applejack to make a snorting gasp of laughter.

"Look, he was just teasing me, okay? He said something about paying too much attention and just... he was probably just trying to get back at me because I thought he was smuggling Timber Wolves-"

"Which was just the dumbest one yet," added Rainbow Dash, as she finally managed to get out from under Pinkie and snag a cupcake. The party pony herself sighed.

"And I was gonna buy one off him, too. Gummy could use a friend when I'm out of the house!"

"Um, Pinkie, Timber Wolves would not make good pets, probably," spoke up Fluttershy. "It might be dangerous."

"He made some joke about a cup of coffee at Java's causing less property damage," said Twilight with a dismissive roll of her eyes. Rarity wasn't so quick to dismiss anything, though.

"He offered to take you out for... coffee?" The eyebrow waggle was much less innocent than the comment preceding it.

"No, he said that I should ask him out to..."

"How scandalously forward!"

Twilight twitched.

"Oh, Ger~maaane..."

The stallion in question's ear flicked back at the noise. He twisted in the half-fabric, half-metal gantry against the thin tower alongside is home and blinked, owlishly, through his goggles.

"Miss Doo! Already found me on your mail route, I see." The town's most infamous mail pegasus (and Germane found himself wondering who he personally knew that wasn't, in fact, somehow infamous) was hovering unsteadily alongside him. Without warning, she tossed him a scroll. He moved frantically and cradled the thing in his hooves. It looked familiar. In fact, it was sealed with his own cutie mark.

"Er, Miss Doo? This one's addressed to you. I think you mixed up the return address, again." Ditzy rolled her eyes. Eye.

"I can see that, dummy! Now why are you trying to send me letters when I live five minutes away? Not that the royal postal service doesn't appreciate the business." He grinned at her as he slowly rotated in his safety strap. Interestingly, she rotated mid-air under her own power to match his angle.

"Did you try opening it to check?" She blew a raspberry. "No, seriously, I sent out a bunch of these. I suppose I just kept on going, even for you and Miss Redheart." Astonishment flashed across her face.

"Is this about-" Her eyes straightened out and zeroed in on her own muzzle, where his free forehoof was pressed to her lips.

"None of that. This will just be a few of us. The locals and Fill, since I pulled his name out of a hat. You remember Fill?" She nodded, and he pulled his hoof away.

"So no big meetings?" He shook his head.

"Not 'til after Hearth's Warming. I'm calling in a few at a time, to offer everypony a piece of... well, a little piece of the past. It's not much, but, well, I hope you'll all like it." He thought back some several months, and over some of the more... negative reactions he thought he could anticipate. There were some extreme ponies out there, living in extreme circumstances. But then again, there were more than a few who were desperate for, well, exactly what he was offering. He smiled. It was an expression he'd gotten awfully good at faking, but this one, while shaky, was honest.

Ditzy's eyes softened, and drifted slightly apart again. She pat his withers and hovered off a bit, but not before retrieving her scroll.

"You always take such good care of us, Germane. I'm sure we'll love whatever you did. Olive was always very proud of you." Germane snorted.

"Don't pull that mother-figure thing on me, Miss Doo. You've only got two years on my advanced age of twenty-four." She shrugged happily.

"Measured one way, maybe. Ooh! My little muffin says thanks."

"Dinky liked the toy?" Ditzy nodded vigorously.

"Of course she did!" She leaned in conspiratorially. "She can't quite figure out how it works. Of course, neither can I, but at least I've got some idea."

"Good to hear she likes it. You've got a bright filly, Miss Doo."

"Don't I know it!" She looked around conspiratorially. "See you... soon, then?"

"It's in the letter. Good day, Miss Doo."

And so Germane happily went about his work. For about five minutes.

"Mister Craft."

The winged pony deflated slightly, and holstered his comically over-sized wrench. He rotated himself again until he was upside-down, facing his self-styled nemesis. Though she'd probably describe herself as a concerned citizen. Or whatever. Since that was just the kind of mare she was.

"Miss Sparkle. Care to inspect my tower?" She stared at him, and he grimaced. "This tower here," he clarified, pointing up at the edifice, and incidentally up between his lower legs. "It's not a weapon, it's a scientific tool, I swear!" Twilight dragged one hoof slowly down her face, as if she had reason to be exasperated, or something.

"Look. About that, ah, cup of coffee..." Germane felt a cold shiver running up (down) his spine. This was bad. He wasn't even quite sure what 'this' was, and it was bad. Twilight seemed to be bracing herself for something, and looked to be just unsettled as Germane did, though he sincerely doubted it.

"How would you like to... accompany me... to Java's House of Java?" Silence followed.

"Um, why?" Twilight stomped her hooves.

"For a... for a date!" She added through clenched teeth. "Is speaking with you always supposed to be like pulling teeth?" Germane frowned.

"Are comments like that supposed to make me want to go out on a date with you?" Twilight's eyes widened.

"That's not what I meant! I meant that I... find that attractive?"

"While I'm sure I was supposed to find that flattering, I'll still be a while before I'm even done up here, Miss Sparkle. Perhaps some other time." It sounded like a reasonable excuse to his own ears, and Twilight nodded resolutely. For a moment, Germane was just stupid enough to feel relieved.

"Eight o'clock, then. I'm sure the Princess is looking forward to getting an update after tonight!" As she began pacing away, Germane squeaked something like a question.

"You... already told the Princess that you were going out on a date with me?" Twilight glanced back and nodded.

"Of course! I dare say she's waiting to hear about how well it goes!"

Germane whimpered quietly to himself.

"The Princess knows you're stalking Mister Adorkable?" asked Pinkie excitedly. Twilight and her friends had gathered just a block away from the coffee house, fifteen minutes before she was supposed to make her way over there.

"It makes sense," supplied Rarity. "As her protege, surely she would want to make sure you managed only the finest match. And for you to throw this villainous paramour in her face can only lead to a steamy end in a tragic house fire." She sighed. "Book number four."

"Will you stop that!?" Twilight was starting to suspect that involving her friends would be a lot less helpful than she'd originally thought. "The Princess doesn't actually know I'm investigating this."

"Him." Rainbow Dash was grinning. "Investigating him. Closely."

"Girls, he is up to something! This is just a chance to beat him at his own game and figure out his exact angle, here." She spared a glance over her back, toward the corner closest to the cafe. "I'll figure it out this time, and prove it! He can't keep up his charade forever."

"Um, Twilight? You were sort of wrong... every other time," said Fluttershy apologetically. She flinched at Twilight's sudden look of betrayal, but firmed up some sort of inner resolve and continued, "Maybe he's just a little bit awkward, and has a... very strange sense of humor, but he's never really mean, either!" Her eyes narrowed, slightly. "Maybe he thinks that you really, uh, like him, and if he finds out you're just lying, then it might really hurt him." Twilight sighed.

"Fluttershy, that stallion is obviously trying to throw me off balance. Telling him that I'd informed Celestia was a bluff to throw him off balance. You can't tell me that last night's events weren't suspicious!"

"Admittedly, yes, there's a certain element of... mystery to this whole affair," said Rarity. Twilight nodded, happy to hear at least some sort of supporting comment from her circle of friends.

"Exactly! He's acting under cover of darkness, here, and I'm going to expose whatever dirty deeds he's up to." The rainbow-maned pegasus to her left began shaking. Vibrating, really. Twilight looked at her in concern up until she realized Dash was trying to contain her laughter.

"Don't even," she warned with a scowl. Rainbow Dash's smile widened to Pinkie-like proportions. Pinkie herself was watching with wide eyes and bated breath, as if witnessing the hatching of an adorable baby bird. There was a note of pride in her gaze.

"You're... pfft! Going to expose him and his dirty deeds!"

Germane shuddered at the pure note of frustration which echoed throughout the town and through the walls of the cafe he was waiting at. It didn't do much at all to settle his nerves. Quite the opposite, really.

After some amount of deliberation (mostly taking place while trying to scrub the machine oil out of his mane) he'd decided that showing up a bit early would be the best way to put the town librarian out of sorts and leave the fewest options for whatever misinterpretations that might set off a certain over-protective Princess of the sun. It was like walking a tightrope made of razors and strung up by the Cutie Mark Crusaders- nerve-wracking and dangerous.

Nervously, he checked the clock set high up on the wall of the dim and, dare he say it, cozy establishment. He wasn't quite sure how long this farce of a date would last, but he was pretty certain about how much time it would take to discretely haul two-hundred pounds of equipment out of his home and workshop. There was a lot at stake that night, and the Twilight element just made things more nerve-wracking.

The idea crossed his mind that this all might, in fact, be some sort of genuine romantic effort. It sent a frisson of sheer nightmare-fueled electricity up his spine.

Nervously, he tousled his mane again. A discrete peek upward revealed the messy edge of hair just above eye-level. Good. Fine. Wonderful. As to the rest of his appearance, he was clean. Really, that was as much effort as he'd put into this. His wings dipped toward where he'd normally have his saddlebags, and therein his notes. Reviewing them was a calming habit he'd picked up a long time ago, but he was quickly reminded of how he'd (wisely) left them at home and far away from snooping unicorns.

As if to highlight just how long a night he expected to have to put up with, the bell over the shop's entrance rang. Germane watched as Sparkle entered and scanned the thin crowd of ponies until their eyes met. She resolutely made her way over, oozing a false casualness.

"Good evening Miss Sparkle," he tried. She took the chair opposite his and quirked one brow.

"Really, Germane? I asked you out for that coffee you wanted and you can't even call me 'Twilight'?" Something about her words nagged at him a bit, sounding just a bit too familiar. His reply was automatic and just as oddly familiar to his own ears.

"Call it a mark of proper upbringing. My mother raised a proper gentlestallion." He paused a beat, and added, "And then she raised me. I must have picked up on some of it."

"I'm not sure if your mother should be commended for the first attempt, or prosecuted for the second. What poor turn of luck brought you here, of all places?"

"And here I thought that by this date my luck had finally been picking up." Realization struck Germane. "Are... are you quoting 'The Rainbow Bridge' at me, Miss Sparkle?" The unicorn's face was blank for all of half a second before her eyes widened.

"What? No. Of course not." Germane's jaw dropped just a bit.

"You are! You're working off of a quote from a spy novel!" Twilight looked to either side, as if expecting a laughing audience to spring up.

"I wasn't! I don't know what you mean! You were quoting it too!"

"Just following your lead, Miss Sparkle. I mean, Twilight." The corner of the stallion's mouth quirked up. Almost without his being aware, his frayed nerves settled into the comforting order brought on by sass and wordplay. "I mean, Special Agent Lumina." Her brow furrowed.

"You've actually read it?" Germane shrugged.

"I really liked the elements of science fiction that the author snuck in."

"I suppose that makes you the baron's son, in this scenario. I didn't even intend to quote that, but it suddenly seems so much more fitting, doesn't it?" Twilight grinned, as if she fully believed she'd gained some sort of firm hoofhold in the situation. As Germane well knew, the baron's son had, in the story, had turned out to be a triple agent and, ultimately, been revealed to be the 'big bad'.

"What you didn't intend has made your intentions quite clear, Twilight." Her expression drooped. The sheer disappointment there almost made Germane laugh. Instead, he did the next best thing. He picked up the menu, pretended to scan it, and let his eyes meet hers.

"How do you feel about rose petal danishes?"

Twilight eased open the library door and shut it softly, mindful of the fact that Spike was probably already curled up in his basket. It wasn't unheard of for him to leave a lamp on at its lowest setting when he expected her to arrive home late, but seeing Rarity curled up on one of the reading chairs next to the lamp and paging through a book bound by a red cover was more than a bit surprising.

"Rarity? What are you doing up so late?" She didn't bother herself over the fact that the mare was visiting well after closing time. After all, the library was also her home, and she'd repeatedly stressed that her friends were welcome there at any time. Out of the other bearers of the Elements of Harmony, though, Rarity had always been the most vocal on the subject of 'beauty sleep'. The mare smiled up from the chair.

"I just wanted to know how things went. I'm sure the others will pester you in the morning, but I thought it would be best to offer you a willing ear in the immediate aftermath, as it were." Twilight looked her friend over for a bare second, and was relieved to see none of the mischievous attitude from earlier. Rarity just looked earnestly helpful. Though that might just be her way of indulging in her oft-touted 'mares' talk'. Either way, Twilight found herself not minding in the least. It would be helpful to decompress. Normally, she'd just babble at Spike and he'd be a good little assistant and nod along as she babbled, but he was just enough of a little brother to be more insufferable than Rainbow Dash should Twilight even mention the word 'date'.

"It was..." she thought carefully, discarded several word choices, and finished with, "infuriating. That stallion could babble for the Ponyville team at the Equestrian Games!" Rarity's expression fell.

"He was boring?" Twilight shook her head violently.

"Not at all. He was engaging and intelligent and.... evaded every single question I asked. We spent more time talking about our favorite fiction than we did about whatever his projects are."

"Hmm. Two things, Twilight, dear." The unicorn gestured to a little side table, which already held two steaming mugs of tea. Twilight brightened up and hurried over. The scent told her it was one of Rarity's own nighttime blends, mixed just right to ease the caffeine lingering in her system.

"Yes?" she asked, as she took a sip of her drink.

"Well, haven't you already gotten answers as to what his past, ah, projects were all about?" Twilight scowled.

"I know the 'what', but not the 'why'. They all turn out to be proof-of-concepts for concepts that were all already proven! Germane's being incredibly methodical about something, but whatever his ultimate designs are, they haven't seen the light of day outside of that workshop of his!" Her eyes rolled heavenward.

"He calls himself a scientist, but he's never published any findings or secured any patents. He somehow inherited Olive Branch's laboratory, but you'd expect the student of such a brilliant pony to have, I don't know, carried on the legacy somehow." She sighed. "I know it seems paranoid to you girls, but a lot of his preliminary steps are just the sort of stepping stones you might take toward some... toward some really unpleasant things."

"Oh?" Rarity raised one delicate eyebrow. Her librarian friend nodded decisively.

"I only know that much because of a lot of the cautionary tales I had access to in the Canterlot archives. Princess Celestia was always very sure to let me know that some magical paths were just dangerous."

"Well, I'm sure you're the most vigilant mare we could have on the job," admitted Rarity. "I don't mean to belittle your worries, and the Princess knows, literally, that we've seen stranger things happen."

"Thanks, Rarity. That means a lot. Now, what was that second question?" asked Twilight and took a deep sip of her tea.

"Since you both seem to share a taste in books, will there be any 'intimate study sessions' in the near future? Moonlit poetry readings?"

Twilight allowed Rarity to stay just long enough to help clean up the results of a truly magnificent spit-take, then shooed her out the door.

It was while she was finishing up the few remaining dishes that she was alerted to the true extent of that evenings sole silver lining, which came by means of an alarm audible only to her. A tone, just a few bars from her favorite song and not lasting more than a few seconds, sounded inside her head.

All thoughts of sleep vanished in an instant. Twilight grinned victoriously. The tracking spell she'd fixed on Germane earlier was non-invasive, and would only activate if he left Ponyville. Thus, short of doing something immensely suspicious in the middle of the night, like he was doing right then, his privacy hadn't been violated.

At this point in time, had they been present, her friends might have wondered if she'd fully grasped Celestia's lessons concerning the abuse of power. Really though, she thought, it had been too good an opportunity to pass up.

Twilight grabbed up her emergency saddlebag (good for rescue attempts, diplomatic dinners and anti-terrorist actions) and hurried out the door.

"Stupid. I was stupid and antagonized the thrice-damned Element of Magic. Tartarus take me, if bloody stupidity is as much of a sin as I imagine it is," muttered Germane from where he'd hitched himself in front of his cart. It was a pretty shoddy thing, but its wheels were still roughly circular and it did the job, so he wasn't complaining. Not about the physical labor, anyway.

Aside from an array of magical equipment, the cart also carried a range of items that were best described as useless luxuries. Germane was a practical soul at heart, but a little kindness could go a long way.

Case in point, the catnip toy that he also had with him that happened to be the size and weight of a bowling ball. That, he'd had to consult Fluttershy on, but she had a broad view on what made for an acceptable pet behavior (he'd met her pseudo-assassin rabbit before, oh yes), and hadn't questioned him further.

Around him, the Everfree began to thicken as he left the open environment of Ponyville behind. The uncomfortable sensation of being watched struck him, stronger than usual, even, but entering the Everfree Forest was synonymous with having creepy eyes on the back of one's neck. Thankfully, he had just the thing for it. He took the ball in one upturned wing, lobbed it, and bucked it into the deeper treeline.

There was a deep, panic-inspiring yowl, the sound of snapping sapling trees, and then Germane felt much better about his little enterprise.

In reality, his stopping point wasn't more than five minutes into the treeline. Deep enough to be invisible to the outside world, but not so deep that it bordered the territory of the Everfree's more interesting wildlife. The line between paranoia and stupidity was a fine one, and Germane trotted along it with an ease born from years of practice.

He went about setting up a tripod and several bundles of equipment that looked to have been cobbled together with chicken wire and holiday ornaments. It was the very finest of results that mad science could produce, with elements of magic to fill in the gaps where physics fell short in elevating Germane to godhood.

Bwa ha ha, he laughed, trying it out in his own head first since testing was such a vital step before field release. The sound was, in his opinion, very pleasing to the ear.

When he heard movement in the underbrush, his first response was to panic when his headcount came up too high. Way too high. His impulse to scrap his precious, precious instruments and disappear into the forest in a fruitless attempt to avoid the Solar Guard only abated when Ditzy crashed into the clearing. All was well with the world.

"I'm... almost certain that I didn't send that many letters," said Germane. Ditzy Doo, Maudlin Redheart, and Fill Planter he'd expected. Two earth ponies, by the names of Vina Flame and Ash Carton were a surprise. Ash grinned like the happiest pig to ever find muck.

"We was visitin' Fill, here, and heard you was puttin' something together. Thought we'd extend the vacation a fair bit, me and the missus." Vina rolled her eyes.

"For the last time, I am not your 'missus'. You know I'm only using you for your body." Ash nodded.

"And I'm just fine with that, darlin'." He brought his attention back to Germane. "So?" Germane hesitated, but eventually shrugged.

"No problem. I would have just invited you guys a little later. I'm just keeping it to small groups so we can maintain a low profile." His gaze tracked over the other pony to accompany the group. Redheart's husband, Easy Hearth, stepped forward and waved.

"I picked our last night out," explained the stallion, "So it was her turn. And she wanted to go out into the woods to meet some strapping fellow under cover of darkness. And since I'm always up for something new..." Germane couldn't help but laugh. Easy was a good soul, and as devoted a fellow as could be found. More than that, Germane already knew he could keep a secret. Not to mention he played a mean game of gay chicken.

Which Redheart seems to enjoy just a tad too much, sometimes, he thought, then let it go. He didn't mind being the subject of a few fantasies. It was even sort of flattering, he mused sardonically, just how much attention he was getting these days.

"This will be a show you'll never forget," he promised the couple. Then he addressed the group as a whole.

"Well, my little hominids," a remark which got an appreciative few chuckles, "I've got an early Christmas present for you. Who here wants to be able to play 'rock, paper, scissors' again?" Silence greeted him, but that was only to be expected. He gestured toward his equipment.

"I've been working on this for a while. And before you ask, I've already tested it on myself. It works. It works very, very well."

"Prove it." It was, of all the ponies present, Vina who spoke up. She stomped forward and stared into his eyes, leaving Germane off-balance. "Prove it, Germane. Please?"

"Yeah, just use your doohickey and let's get a gander," spoke up Ash, who was trying to put a calming limb over Vina's barrel. Germane smiled softly.

"No need for my 'doohickey'. It's one use, and for ever after, it lets one do... this."

The sensation was familiar, by now, even if he'd kept himself on a kind of strict limit. It was almost like he'd reached inside himself, grabbed whatever he found there, and pulled until he'd gone inside out. Something like luminescent water faded into view and was pulled soundlessly into his own body, which had changed.

He'd never been a tall man, but given the switch in perspective he positively felt like a giant. His mass hadn't changed much, but it was proportioned in a very different way. Germane knew from a detailed inspection in his mirror that his hair had become a black, slightly curly mass that tickled his eyebrows. Relatively straight teeth filled his slightly shrunken mouth, and they were a magnitude sharper than they'd been just a minute ago. His fingers, because that's what his arms, not his forelegs, ended with, flexed up and down the cloth of the crude pair of pants he'd sewn up for himself.

Bertrand Merkel smiled at his frozen friends and acquaintances. He expected an explosion of questions, or some audible signs of shock. What he in fact got were three things: a gasp, a jingle, and a roar. It was, he suspected, much easier to see somebody go pale in fear when they didn't have any fur in the way. Bertrand felt he must look positively ghost-like. Without hesitation, he spun and jumped into the brush.

He was responsible for them, and he had screwed up so badly that words hadn't been invented that could describe his carelessness. Germane (which was as much his name as any other, and he'd grown to like it) prayed that something manageable, like a pack of Timber Wolves, had shown up. But his luck failed him for the umpteenth time that day.

Twilight Sparkle, because who else could it be, stared with wide, terrified eyes at the manticore standing between her and the assembly of ponies behind Germane. The stallion (man, he reminded himself, then brushed it off as irrelevant) watched the manticore's scorpion tail twitch rhythmically. Germane did the only thing that wouldn't make things worse.

"Simba, back down!" The creature froze and its growl turned into a low, inquisitive purr. Germane walked up to it and buried his fingers into its mane, and the monster leaned in with a louder, more pleased purr.

"What... what? What?!" demanded Twilight in what Germane found to be an entirely reasonable tone of voice. Then the peanut gallery decided to add their two bits. Several ponies were poking their heads out between the bushes just past him and the manticore.

"Oh shit, it's Sparkle! We're dead!"

"No, we fake our deaths! I can start over in Zebrica, somepony get me a rhyming dictionary!"

"Germane, keep her away!"

"Did she hurt Simba?" It was the remark after that which made Germane want to curl up somewhere and die, though. Ditzy had actually stepped out of the brush and had thrown herself on the ground before Twilight.

"Please don't take my muffin away, Dinky needs me!" Sparkle looked an equal mix of confused and horrified at the assembled figures before her. Germane thought desperately over contingencies for worst-case scenarios, which this was, and steeled his resolve.

He picked up Ditzy gently, which wasn't too hard given her pegasus-specific lightness. With a swipe of his thumbs, he dried the thin fur under her eyes and jerked his own head to the side.

"Everybody back to the clearing. Maudlin, take Simba and give him scratches. The poor thing's riled up. Ditzy? It will be okay, I swear it." She shivered and nodded, clearly buying his lie. Vina hurried forward and guided the distraught mare back. Simba followed after Redheart's soft, crooning summons.

Once he and the librarian had a modicum of privacy, he carefully walked to what he suspected was the very edge of her personal space. He figured he'd hit that point because of the subconscious flare of her horn in response. His moves were downright glacial as he dropped into a cross-legged seat on the forest floor, and splayed his arms to either side in as non-threatening a gesture as he could make. Twilight eyed him in much the same way as she'd eyed the manticore.

"We surrender."

Twilight didn't quite grasp his meaning at first. The thing, like a tiny minotaur but clearly alien, and which had once been a pegasus, had folded onto its rear with on odd grace and braced itself as if expecting to be hit. She was vaguely aware that she'd been ready to cast a spell on pure reflex, and allowed her horn to dim slightly. Even then, for as alien as the thing was, it looked like it was standing at an executioner's block.

"What?" Twilight cursed her own lack of eloquence, but she wasn't quite sure where to begin. The thing that had been Germane swallowed nervously.

"If you take us," he winced, "me as a threat, then I surrender. Completely. I'll sit here until I rot, if I have to." Twilight shook her head violently. She had to focus.

"What were you doing to them? Why were Nurse Redheart and Ditzy there? And the others? What did you do to them!?"

"I didn't do anything. They are my... friends. So are the others." Obviously he caught her expression, and how she wasn't going to buy that load of horseapples. "May I explain?"

"You'd better," she threatened. He nodded with that strange, short neck.

"I come from a place with... people... just like me. There is no magic there. There are no other sentient species. The world was a much different place, is what I'm trying to say." He swallowed. "I died, I believe, and woke up in this forest. Nobody knows how it happened, but a... a lot of other people went through the same thing. Most of my friends are people like me, who all had to get used to living in Equestria." Next, the whatever-he-was gestured gently toward himself. " Just recently, I discovered a way to change back to my old body for a limited time, and wanted to share my discovery with the others. Then you showed up and scared our pet manticore."

"I scared-" Twilight stared in disbelief. There were so many things wrong with his little speech that it defied reason. Then again, so did the creature.

"May I change back? It might make you more comfortable. I won't change again after that if you don't want me to." Without waiting for her to sort out her thoughts, the creature did that glowing inversion thing again, and Germane was standing on all four hooves again. That was, until he slumped to the forest floor. "That... is really, really tiring." Twilight waited to see if the thing with Germane's face (had there ever been a real pony by that name?) would try to fly away, and if so stun it, but it chose not to move. Or else it really wasn't able to. Twilight couldn't be sure.

"That is completely unbelievable," she informed him. He died and woke up as a pony? The creature smiled up at her humorlessly.

"You can't believe it? I woke up in an alien forest and woke up with hooves, wings and a horn. Tell me what not to believe, Miss Sparkle." Her eyes narrowed immediately.

"That's rich. Are you seriously telling me you woke up in an alien world as an alicorn? You're trying to get me to buy something out of Rainbow Dash's 'Daring Do' fanfictions." The thing's smile continued without a flicker.

"Not an alicorn, Miss Sparkle. Pegacorn."

"Pegacorn's are old mares' tales. It's just slang for a... birth... defect..." The thing brought a shaky hoof up to brush away his mane for her benefit. The fur on his forehead darkened around a wicked-looking scar, exactly as it was on Winter Leaves, one of the soft-spoken gardeners Twilight remembered from her life in Canterlot Castle. "Oh." The thing nodded.

"Yes. I wake up in a world with magic, and find that casting it costs crippling pain and seizures. I wake up with wings, to learn that my flight magic will never be above half its potential. It was a real kick in the tail. Which, by the way, was also a strange little surprise." It flexed its wings and tail to demonstrate, and shrugged again.

"Olive Branch found me eight years ago and took me in. I had no identity in Equestria, then, so the kindly Nurse Redheart had to perform the operation in secret on top of one of Olive's workbenches. The old stallion held my hoof while I sobbed like a child."

"Olive was one of the first of us to wake up in this world, and did his best to look out for us newcomers. I took over after he passed, and have tried to do the same. There are other wild magic zones where the same thing happens, and the other caretakers and I keep an informal network to help others adapt to their new lives. We adapt and try to be useful to our new community, but not everybody, sorry, everypony, takes to it too well. Hence my little project."

"You... you claim you all just live in secret, and nopony ever noticed?" Twilight found herself shaking. If there was even a kernel of truth to the alien's claims, then how would those individuals take to her discovery of them? She found herself scanning the trees for danger.

"Some do," continued the alien gently. "It gets dismissed as craziness, often enough, since there's no real proof. Some choose to tell their spouses, and some spouses choose to believe. Some tell their children, or don't, depending. Miss Doo's little filly has no idea her mother used to be a clever ape-descendant, and her onetime stallionfriend... left. You can understand her fear, I hope. With the Changeling invasion such a short time ago, rumors of disguised aliens might not be dismissed out of hoof. Little Dinky might be taken away, labeled a dangerous crossbreed and studied in a lab somewhere. Dissected, maybe" That idea, if nothing else, shocked Twilight into a slightly more stable frame of mind.

"What? Who could consider doing that?! Somepony dissecting somepony like that?" The alien caught her gaze with a chilling stare. It horrified her not because of some look of anger or some other, alien emotion, but because of its absolute lack of hope.

"Dear Princess Celestia," the tired-looking alien intoned. "I discovered an alien conspiracy. They've been hiding among us for years, and have access to advanced and dangerous technology-" Twilight cut in and interrupted the disturbing (and poorly-voiced) imitation of one of her own letters.

"What technology?" That drew another stare.

"My connection to Olive Branch was obvious even before I told you. Ponyville's most famous founding member next to the Apple and Smith families." The unicorn's eyes widened.

"The inventor of steam engines and photographic chemistry and, and..." Her gaze went just a bit unfocused at the implications. "He never invented those things. He introduced them."

"Humans, which is what we call ourselves, by the way, homo sapiens, of the branch hominidae, have the same average intelligence as ponies, as far as I can tell. Humans are just more inventive by nature. Or just got luckier. Whatever. Given the speed of pony development, I'd say humans are at least four centuries ahead of ponies." Another rush of questions flooded Twilight's mind, but her earlier concern rose to the fore.

"If you think I could..." the words 'recommend for dissection' couldn't force themselves off her tongue, so she went on with, "hurt you, what do you plan on doing to me?" The thing, which if it was to be believed had always been the pony she'd distantly known as 'Germane Craft', closed its eyes and settled its head down on the loose earth.

"What could we do? And not just literally, since you could flash-fry us all, or just teleport away. You're one of the ten most important individuals in the country." Twilight found herself caught again by those strange, grey eyes which had been so much smaller, a moment before. The irises had stayed a constant size, no matter how the light made the pupils shrink or widen.

"We're not monsters. That aside, you've saved our lives, all of them, at least twice. What would we have done against Discord? Or Nightmare Moon? Jump ship and return to a world we can't find? For that matter, build one out of paper mache, somehow? I'm sure I could set us down in Times Square and wave my wings and tell everybody that I'm proof of life after death, and that the afterlife is comprised of talking, technicolor midget horses?" He stood, unsteadily, and took a step toward Twilight. The unicorn stepped back.

"This is home now, for better or worse. And if nobody wants us, or at worst want to kill us, then our best option would be bearing arms against the only families we've been able to cobble together after losing everything we'd ever known." He swallowed. "Not happening. Do your worst, Miss Sparkle, because we can't really stop you. Well?"

"I, I should-"

"Fetch the Princesses. I'm sure you'll be commended for hounding the aliens into submission. I've never harmed a single pony, and you're going to make sure I never do. Go on," a hoof gestured in the direction of Ponyville. "I won't stop you. We'll wait here, far away from innocent bystanders, and you can come back with the guards. You-"

"Stop it!" Her horn lit up and Germane froze, face gone blank again. "I am going to observe you, and you're going to answer all of my questions, and I'm going to deal with this after I understand everything. Nopony has to get hurt. Okay?"

"Okay," he replied simply enough. With a flick of his tail, he started shuffling back to the other clearing. Twilight firmed up her resolve and followed.

"Wait. What do I call you?" The alien didn't look back.

"I used to be named Bertrand, but I'm pretty fond of Germane, if you don't mind."

The other ponies, plus one sleepy-looking manticore (that was... chewing on a large ball? Twilight blinked hard, at that one) were arranged in a semi-circle. Ditzy didn't look much better than she had, and Redheart and her husband were huddling against each other ('some tell their spouses', she remembered Germane saying, and was still somewhat blown away by it). Easy was smoothing the mare's mane and whispering calming nonsense. The other mare, whom Twilight didn't recognize, was muttering something and clenching her eyes tightly closed.

"-on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, and deliver us from evil." Then she repeated her... mantra, plus a few lines.

"Ditzy?" tried Twilight, still unsure about the mare who'd been one of the first to welcome her to Ponyville. The mare looked up, and burst back into tears.

That... is very unsettling, thought Twilight. Before she could try to say anything, though, 'Germane' spoke up.

"Miss... Sparkle will obviously be joining us this evening. Most of us know her, already, or know of her, so no need for any of that 'AA' stuff." The stallion next to the muttering mare snickered uncertainly.

"Hey, y'all. I'm Ash, and I've had a tail fer five years, now. Takin' it one day at a time, God bless ya." Germane chuckled weakly.

"Right. Now, I've marked out a little circle. Just step into it and I'll have this done in just a second." Nopony moved an inch, noticed Twilight.

"Come now, it's alright. I promise. Easy, you can stand right next to Maudlin, there. It won't affect you, so no need to worry about growing toes, okay?"

"Toes?" Nurse Redheart nudged her husband.

"Tiny claws on the feet, like little Spike. Except without the claws."

"Or like on a bunny rabbit. Very ticklish, if that helps," added Germane with a reassuring grin. Slowly, the group shuffled into the marked-out space. Then Germane had to usher 'Simba' back out, where the manticore curled up again with its toy.

"Miss Doo?" Germane prompted the only straggler. Twilight, almost before she knew it, was the one to cut the other off this time.

"It's okay, Ditzy. I promise." The pegasus didn't meet her eyes, but shuffled forward with all the excitement of Fluttershy at school dance. The unicorn felt frustrated that she was being treated like some sort of monstrous interloper, but bit her tongue.

"On three," announced Germane from his haphazard-looking tripod. "One, two-" He counted off, there was a flash and crackle of ozone, and then nothing happened. The assembled ponies-who-were-also-aliens looked around in disappointment.

"Ah, now what?" asked Redheart. Germane reached down and picked up an apple in one hoof.

"Now catch. Just do it with your fingers. Now, catch!" He winged the fruit at the startled unicorn.

A flash of white, a strange inversion of something that Twilight couldn't quite see, and then a bipedal creature in a torn, red dress was standing there with a look of astonishment on her face, and a red, shiny apple in the digits of her forelimbs.

"There you go," said Germane enthusiastically. "Just remember what it's like to be tall, or to stub your toe, or, well, you get the idea." Seconds later, four more bipeds stood next to the human mare. They were all clothed, Twilight noticed, except for the one with the drawling accent. He looked around frantically, trying to cover himself with his forelimbs until Germane threw him a tall, shoddily-sewn robe made with a biped's height in mind. With a look of utter gratitude, the male (and it was obviously male, Twilight noticed with a blush) donned the robe and tied it closed.

"Ash?"

"Vina!" The drawling stallion, now pale and bearing a receding mane line, swept up the dark-skinned mare who'd just seconds ago had a cutie mark of a loaf of bread behind a bunch of grapes. The stallion who'd accompanied the two, now with a red mane instead of brown, and slightly less pale than 'Ash' was cheerfully stretching and contorting himself in odd-looking poses.

Ditzy was staring down at her hands, and looked remarkably similar to... herself. Yellow mane, pale olive skin, but with perfectly normal (if small) eyes.

Nurse Redheart, who if Twilight had to make a guess by the tiny lines at her eyes was a fair bit older than the others, dropped the apple and crouched next to her husband, who was watching her with wide-eyed amazement. She nuzzled his neck and wrapped her forelimbs around his whithers.

"Hey, baby." He nuzzled her back and sighed.

"You know, I liked being the taller one."

Twilight boggled.

"It's getting late," prompted Germane. Twilight was startled out of the fevered look of observation that hadn't quite left her face in all of the previous two hours.

The group, humans, ponies and manticore, had gathered around an impromptu bonfire, sharing anecdotes from both lives. Some of the most innocent comments seemed to send the violet unicorn reeling, but she somehow restrained herself from interrupting. That, mused Germane, was probably for fear that she might interrupt this new curiosity. He well understood the fascination of a new discovery, even if he tended to be less manic about it than Twilight did.

"Huh?"

"It's late, Miss Sparkle. These people, er, ponies, have homes to return to or jobs to wake up for in the morning. You know their names and faces. Will you allow them to leave?" He wasn't too ashamed to admit he was gratified at the victimized look in her eyes. If righteous indignation on her part kept the others safe, he'd take it.

"Will you stop saying it like that?" she hissed back.

"No." He leaned in. "They are my friends. Or like distant family. And you have absolute power over them, and myself. You've figured out my dastardly plot, after all. Should I expect not to be treated like a criminal?" The unicorn glanced away.

"I'm sorry about that, okay? But I wasn't wrong, either. I... I won't say anything."

"Even to Princess Celestia?" That, there, was the reaction he was fearing. She flinched.

"I'm not going to lie to my teacher!" She chewed on her lower lip. "But I won't give her incomplete information, either. You owe me the whole picture."

"Everything I know," promised Germane. If disclosure was his only defense, then he was perfectly prepared to commit to it. He raised his voice to address the group.

"Alright, everybody. Let's go home." The assembled humans glanced down at themselves dubiously, so he added, "Transforming back would happen automatically in a few hours, as there is a limit, but you can do it early by remembering your other bodies. Same process, different trigger. I'm just going to shoot Miss Sparkle with our patented, human 'memory rays' and that'll be that." Twilight froze up.

"We have those?" asked Fill, perplexed. Germane sighed.

"That was a joke." He turned to Twilight and repeated it for her benefit. "Just a joke. Humans don't have magic, and I sure as heck can't cast anything either way."

"Not funny."

"No, but your expression was priceless." He received a hoof to the side for good measure. Back to the group, he said, "Miss Sparkle promises to keep quiet for now, so don't panic just yet. One way or the other, I'm sure I'll see everybody at our get-together after the holidays. The rest of you I'm sure I'll run into before then. Maudlin, next time I get a concussion. Miss Doo, next time you give me a concussion." Twilight was fascinated to see how easily 'humans' blushed.

"Miss Sparkle, if you would help me pack up?"

One by one, the humans flickered back into ponies and began wandering off. Before Redheart could do the same, she shrieked and jumped.

"Easy! Did you just lick my feet?" The stallion grinned.

"Germane said they were ticklish. I was just checking." Redheart transformed and bumped flanks with him, and they toddled off together into the trees. Germane found Twilight staring instead of poking at his invention, which was unexpected.

"Is something wrong?" Twilight shook her head, but more like she was clearing her thoughts than denying anything.

"They're just... really affectionate." Germane nodded.

"Interspecies romances are disgusting, aren't they? It's like watching a dragon pine after a unicorn, or something." Twilight went wide-eyed.

"That's not what I meant! You, uh, know about that?" The pegacorn rolled his eyes.

"Everypony knows about that. Manehattan probably got a memo on your adoptive brother/son/assistant-figure and his worship of a certain, fuzzy flank." More sputtering, which amused him to no end. "Really, though, the body's just a container for the mind, and the mind expands to fit. I read that in a book somewhere. So yes, most of us got really used to, really fast, the fact that ponies can be sexy. Hard to argue when you're stuck as a quadruped yourself. Even sticking to our own selves for a dating pool would present the same problems, unless one was really into roleplay." The mare glared at him.

"And what about you, then? Find any 'sexy ponies', mister 'hominid in hooves'?"

"I had a date with a cute unicorn, earlier," he countered easily. "Maybe she thinks I'm sexy, but I'm not holding my breath. The mystery's just gone out of that relationship, I guess."

He lasted about three seconds before laughing at the expression on her face.

Twilight watched Germane unhitch himself from the cart full of equipment next to his home. The manticore had followed them right to the edge of the woods, and had licked both their faces before willingly stalking back into the dark. That... had been an experience.

"Manticores can't be domesticated!" she'd insisted, and Germane had shrugged.

"Nopony told Olive that. He just found a manticore kitten and kept feeding it kitty-chow. Simba's a big softy, and keeps us safe whenever we need to visit the Everfree. I think that zebra keeps sneaking him table scraps, though," the pegacorn had added with suspicion in his voice. "She's spoiling him, dang it."

"So, I suppose I'll see you tomorrow. I imagine you'll have plenty of questions for me, right?" said Germane once his materials were buckled down and secured. Wordlessly, he started in the direction of the library and she trotted after him. Walking her home would give them time to hammer out the details, she assumed.

Except he did that... thing, again, where he kept guiding the conversation to every topic except the one she wanted to discuss. She found herself demanding explanations on, among other things, how to train manticores to walk backward, how potatoes could produce electricity, and how something called 'Crystal Pepsi' had been an economic failure. Then the topic wandered yet again.

"So Fill runs into the shop, panicking, and tells me he has a date. 'What if she expects sex?' he asks. 'Will she lay eggs in my brain? Does she expect me to lay eggs in her brain? I don't know how to lay eggs, Germane!" Twilight was crying by this time, but he didn't stop. "I tell him to go with what feels natural, and if the hive instinct takes over, to just run with it." Germane scoffed. "Like he should be asking me for dating advice. Eventually I gave him a biology textbook and told him to try getting her flowers. I have to admit though, I was as surprised as he was when she thanked him and started gnawing on the bouquet. Humans don't... generally eat flowers, you see."

"Ah ha, oh Celestia, that was horrible of you!" Twilight rubbed at her eyes, then was hit with an odd thought. "Er, humans don't lay eggs in ponies' brains, right? I mean, you said you were related to apes, so-" It was Germane's turn to laugh.

"We are, were, mammals the same as you. Your brain is safe, Miss Sparkle."

"I wasn't suggesting that! The context was misleading!" Germane nodded sagely.

"Right, right. Well, here's your tree. Come by tomorrow and we can get started on your questions," he said.

"I'm already formulating a list," Twilight assured him, and went inside.

A second later, there was a knock on the door. Puzzled, Twilight opened it and found Germane still there.

"Yes?" The stallion had a thoughtful look on his face.

"A bonfire chat with snacks probably counts as our second date," he said. "Tomorrow should then be our third, if I'm counting right. Wear something nice, and we'll go out to lunch first." He leaned in, pecked her on the cheek, and shut the door after himself as he left.

Twilight stood staring at the closed portal for some time afterward, rigid with shock and having had one too many surprises that night.

"What?"

Author's Note

Another humans in Equestria fic, another day. I think I might have a problem. Though... this one's going to be done a little differently. I'm posting this one as soon as I've worked some on my first story, which will be less of a word-dump and more of a serial experience.

Everypony is secretly a human.

(Everypony is NOT secretly a human. Just messing with you.)