How I Met Your Mothers

by ssjgokillo

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 3521

Twilight Sparkle regales her children with the story of how she started dating their mothers.

Naturally, everypony knows the story of how Twilight Sparkle met her friends, and how they all became the Elements of Harmony. The very subject is now taught in schools around Equestria, much to the chagrin of Twilight's children.

But not many ponies know of the story behind how Twilight ended up in a relationship with both Rainbow Dash and Applejack.

Now, her three children are going to hear that story. Whether they want to or not. Even if it takes nine more seasons.

Suit up.
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This was meant to be my entry for the AppleDashLight group contest.
Cover art edited from a picture by niegelvonwolf.
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Published 2014-06-12 20:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-12 20:10:02 UTC

This Chapter Does Not Have A Blue French Horn

Three little ponies sat contentedly on a red couch, each with a book at hoof. Though their interests in literature varied wildly from each other, they all still held their mother’s appreciation for a good book.

Though they may not have looked like it, each coming from the different pony tribes, and each with varying mane and coat colors, the two fillies and one colt were in fact siblings. Three little ponies from three loving mothers.

It was the quiet time of the day when they could just relax. There was no more homework, no more studies, and all their chores were finished. This was typically the time of day that one of their parents would tell them a story while dinner was being made. Unfortunately, their parents wouldn’t be back until later that night, courtesy of a summons from Princess Celestia.

Their Uncle Spike would be looking after them, but had left to grab the ingredients he needed to make his special nachos, something the three siblings often requested when he was asked to look after them, a request that Spike was more than happy to fulfill.

So the three ponies were set for a night of relaxing, and hanging out with their favorite uncle (if only because Uncle Shining and Uncle Macintosh couldn’t visit as often). The fireplace cast a warming glow across the room, and the serene atmosphere promised an evening of tranquility.

Hello children!

And like that, the tranquility was broken as all three ponies leapt into the air. The unicorn teleported behind the couch, peeking cautiously over it. The pegasus was whirling in the air, looking for the source of the voice she had heard. The earth pony picked himself up off the ground, dusting himself off with a hoof.

“Mom?” The unicorn filly asked with a slight tremor in her voice. “I-Is that you?”

Yes, it’s me. Sorry if I spooked you, but I figured since I couldn’t be there for story time, I’d try using a communication spell to tell you one from Canterlot. Can you all hear me alright?

Now that they knew there was no danger, each of the foals relaxed, getting back onto their places on the couch. The pegasus filly gave a snort of annoyance before picking her book back up. The unicorn and the earth pony sat at attention, impressed once again by their mother’s level of arcane ability.

“I reckon we can hear ya just fine mom. Sounds like yer right inside my head.”

Great! Then I’m going to tell you kids an incredible story. The story of how I met your mothers.

The unicorn filly with the spikey mane looked at her brother and sister with a raised eyebrow, receiving confused looks that mirrored how she felt. “Uhhh, mom? We already know that story.”

“Yeah! It’s like, required reading in school now! We had a whole module on it last year: The Return of the Elements of Harmony and the defeat of Nightmare Moon! Man was that embarrassing.” The purple coated Pegasus filly couldn’t keep the exasperation out of her voice. Not that the sentiment wasn’t shared by the siblings. That week had been full of the colts and fillies in their class wanting to know more about their parents and their friends.

Oh, good point. Alright then, instead I’ll tell you the story of how your mothers and I ended up in a relationship.

The Pegasus filly finally sighed and closed her book, rubbing her head as she realized she wouldn’t be able to block out her mother’s voice when it was actually coming from inside her mind. “Are we being punished for something?” It was hard to tell if the question was poised to her mother, or the powers that be.

No.

She sighed, but a small smile played at the edges of her lips. No matter how tough she tried to act, she did love it when her moms spent time with her. “Is this story going to totally embarrass our other moms?”

Yes.

And there was the silver lining. The pony siblings each shared a look of amusement and anticipation. After all, it was just too easy to blackmail one of their mom’s with anything that would make her look mushy.

Thirteen years ago, before I was mom, I had this whole other life.

I was twenty-one years old, just recently crowned a Princess of Equestria and living in Ponyville with Spike, my Number One Assistant.

My life was good.

And then, your Uncle Spike went and screwed the whole thing up.

“Will you be my special somepony?” Spike asked from his kneeling position, offering a rose up to Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight for her part smiled, and clopped her hooves together. “Perfect Spike! Just like a true gentlecolt. I’m sure she’ll say yes.”

Spike smiled, but it quickly faded and was replaced by a look of panic. “Are you sure Twi? Maybe I should practice more. Or maybe I should wait, like until next year!”

“Spike, you’ll be fine.” Twilight chided the young dragon. “Besides, Hearts and Hooves Day is only a week away. If you wait any longer some other dashing stallion may come in and sweep her off her hooves.”

Spike squared his shoulders at that, feeling determination and a bit of possessiveness surging through him. There was no way he was going to let some random stallion come in and steal Rarity away! “You’re right Twilight! I’m going to go over there right now and ask Rarity for a date on Hearts and Hooves Day!”

Nodding in satisfaction, Twilight turned to the shelves lining the room. “Good for you Spike!” she said as she picked a book off the shelf with her magic, trotting over to her favorite pillow and sitting down. “Let me know how it goes, alright?”

Of course he was going to let her know how it went. He just hoped it would be good news. Still, despite his newfound jealousy-infused bravado, Spike felt nervous about actually asking Rarity out. So he did what any other dragon-raised-by-ponies would do, stall for time.

“So uhhhh… what are you doing for Hearts and Hooves Day Twilight?”

Twilight thought about Spike’s question for a moment. “Oh Spike,” She said as she continued to peruse the book she had picked off the shelf; 101 Things a Princess Should Know. “You know I don’t have time for that sort of thing.”

Spike stared at Twilight as she continued to read the book. Her words echoed through his head, triggering an almost forgotten memory from what seemed like a lifetime ago. From a time when Twilight had thought making friends would be a waste of time. Her lack of social life had been worrisome back then, but Twilight wasn’t that mare anymore. Heck, she was basically the Princess of Friendship!

Except, Spike realized, that friendship and romance were not the same thing. Perhaps Twilight had learned her lessons on the importance of friendship, but she had never even shown interest in a romantic relationship. Not once except for…

The dragon knew he’d have to word his next question carefully. “What about Flash Sentry? I thought you had a crush on him?”

Or perhaps the direct method would be more efficient.

Twilight groaned and rolled her eyes. “Not you too! Rarity still bugs me about that whenever we get together.” She snorted, and closed her book, giving her full attention to Spike to try to impress upon him how serious she was. “I do not have a crush on Flash Sentry! I don’t even really know him for goodness’ sake!”

“But you agreed to be his date to the Fall Formal in the human world!” Spike said.

“First, that Flash Sentry and the Flash Sentry here aren’t the same pony… person… whatever! Second, just because I agreed to be his date does not mean I’m attracted to him, or romantically interested in him.” Twilight didn’t even sound like she was arguing, more like reciting an argument that she’d had before and grown tired of.

“But you were all blushing and stuff whenever you saw him.” Spike countered.

Twilight shrugged. “A simple physiological reaction in a body I wasn’t used to. Besides Spike, just because my body changed doesn’t mean my mind did. I’ve only ever been attracted to other ponies, and a trip through the mirror didn’t change that.”

“Okay, fine, so you weren’t actually attracted to the human version of Flash Sentry, but what about the pony him? You totally blushed when you ran into him after we got back from the human world.” Surely, Twilight couldn’t deny that.

“Of course I did!” Twilight waved her forehooves through the air. “I had just bumped into some random pony in front of my friends and sister-in-law! I was embarrassed!”

“But-“

Twilight cut Spike off with an exasperated sigh. “Look, it doesn’t matter anyways. Even if I did have a crush on Flash Sentry, it wouldn’t matter. He’s married.”

Spike began to retort but felt his mouth clamp shut. He worked his jaw a couple of times, with no words coming out. “Wha… he… he is?”

Twilight nodded. “Yes, in fact Cadance told me that Flash Sentry and his wife are expecting their first foal soon.”

Well, that was that. Which left Spike back at square one. At this rate, Twilight would never date anypony. She’d never find that one special pony who made her all twisted up inside, like she was falling and flying at the same time. The way Rarity made him feel.

And that, kids, is when Spike made the decision that would make my life a chaotic mess that would have left Discord jealous.

Spike was going to find Twilight a special somepony for Hearts and Hooves Day!

Spike walked through Ponyville aimlessly, not taking notice of the clear blues skies or the sun shining brightly in the sky. The reds and pinks of the Hearts and Hooves Day decorations around town similarly went by without a thought. He was far too busy trying to figure out what to do.

It was all well and good to say he was going to get Twilight a date for Hearts and Hooves day, but how could he actually accomplish that task? Twilight showed no inclination towards dating, or romance in general. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t even know what Twilight would look for in a date. She’d certainly never talked with him about the subject. That was the kind of stuff girls only told other girls.

That’s when the idea came to him. Twilight told her friends everything, even things she thought he was still too young to know. Maybe she’d talked to them about what she looked for in a potential coltfriend.

Spike quickened his pace, heading towards Carousel Boutique with a renewed sense of urgency. This way he could clear two clouds with one buck. He could bring Twilight up to Rarity, and while they were working on that situation, he could find a way to segue into asking her for a date. It was perfect.

Or it would have been, if Spike hadn’t suddenly found himself being bowled over from behind. The missile that hit him was giggling as they rolled across the ground, coming to a stop with Spike lying on the ground, and what seemed to be three copies of Pinkie Pie circling him. He had a panicked thought that she had unsealed the Mirror Pool, before he realized he was simply dizzy.

Pinkie Pie giggled as she stood over Spike. “Wow Spike! You rolled way further than anypony else I’ve ever done that to. I’d totally say it was an academy record except we’re not at an academy, we’re in Ponyville!”

“Uh, yeah, that’s great Pinkie.” Spike stood to his feet, shaking his head to try and realign Equestria. He dusted himself off, and looked at the pink pony that had previously pounced him. “So, is there anything I can do for you, Pinkie Pie?”

Pinkie Pie shook her head, the exaggerated motion caused her mane to sway back and forth like a sea of cotton candy. “Nopers! I came here cause I thought you might need some help!”

“Your Pinkie Sense?” Spike asked in bemusement.

“Nuh-uh! I tried calling you like a hundred times when you walked by Sugarcube Corner, but you just kept walking and muttering to yourself like a great big grumpy McDownerpants! So I thought to myself; ‘Boy, Spike sure does look like there’s something eating him doesn’t he?’, and myself was all like ‘No he doesn’t silly, he looks like he’s walking down the road!’, and I was all like ‘Ohhh yeah, I wonder if he needs any help with whatever he’s all super serious about?’, and myself was like ‘You should totally go ask! Then after you solve it, you can throw a Just-Solved-Spike’s-Super-Big-Problem party!’, and I was all like ‘OH MY GOSH THAT’S A GREAT IDEA, SELF!’, and myself was all like ‘De nada’.”

Spike blinked.

Pinkie Pie blinked back.

Spike just sighed and rubbed his forehead. He knew better than to question Pinkie Pie, but he only understood about half of that. Still, he had been planning on asking Twilight’s friends if they knew what she wanted in a date. Maybe this was his lucky break?

“Actually Pinkie, maybe you can help me.” Spike looked around, ensuring there were no ponies nearby. Despite there not being any, he still leaned forward conspiratorially. “You see, I’m trying to find Twilight a date for Hearts and Hooves Day and-”

“TWILIGHT’S LOOKING FOR A DATE FOR HEARTS AND HOOVES DAY?!” Pinkie Pie shouted, the force of the shout blowing back Spike’s spines and actually forcing Pinkie Pie’s body a few hooves off the ground. “OHMYGOSH THIS IS THE GREATEST NEWS EVER!”

Before Spike could react Pinkie had galloped away. As she dashed off, Spike thought he heard her say: “Ohhhhh she’s going to be so excited!”, but he was too busy looking around to see how many ponies had heard Pinkie Pie’s shout to take much notice. Luckily for the small dragon it seemed that most of the ponies in the area simply chalked it up to another incident of Pinkie Pie Randomness.

Still, that was not the reaction Spike had been expecting. He hadn’t even gotten to ask Pinkie Pie if she knew what kind of pony Twilight would like to date. He just prayed that Pinkie Pie hadn’t run off to throw Twilight some kind of dating party. Or that if she did, she left his name out of it.

And although asking Pinkie Pie was a bust, he still had his original plan to fall back on. After all, if there was anypony who would take the issue of romance seriously, it would be Rarity.

“Oh my stars! Twilight Sparkle needs a date for Hearts and Hooves Day? This is absolutely perfect!” Rarity’s eyes had gone as wide as Spike had ever seen them when he’d told her, shining like they were her cutie mark. “I do hope you’ll excuse me darling, but I have a very important errand to run.”

Without waiting for a reply, Rarity trotted out of the boutique as fast as was appropriate for a lady.

Spike stood in stunned silence as he watched the mare leave. What exactly was it about him wanting to set Twilight up on a date that seemed to cause mares to go crazy?

It took another moment of silence before Spike realized the most important thing.

He hadn’t gotten to ask Rarity out on a date!

“And ya’ll are sure Spike said Twilight is lookin’ for a date for Hearts and Hooves Day?”

Pinkie nodded her head so furiously she almost lost the emergency stash of cupcakes she kept in her mane. “Yep! She’s totally looking for a special somepony! Which means you could totally be that special somepony! Then we could have an awesome TwiJack party, and eventually a bridal shower and a wedding reception and-”

Applejack placed a hoof on Pinkie’s lips to stop the tirade of party planning. “Whoa there sugarcube, don’t ya think you're puttin’ the cart before the pony just a bit? I mean, I ain’t even asked her on a date yet.”

Pinkie Pie replied, as though completely oblivious (which may have been the case) to the fact that nopony could understand her with Applejack’s hoof in the way.

Sighing, Applejack moved her hoof out of the way. “Care to run that by me again, sugarcube?”

“I saaaaid that I don’t even have a cart, and even if I did I wouldn’t put it before a pony, and then I asked what that had to do with you asking Twilight on a date, and that you should totally do that anyways since you’ve got that big humongous crush on her and I totally know that because of that time when I had your cutie mark and I was living your life because suddenly I had a huge crush on her but it went away as soon as she helped us remember who we really were!”

“Er, right.” Sometimes (or if she were to be honest, most of the time) she just couldn’t keep up with what Pinkie was saying. Still, she got the gist of it. “I dunno Pinkie. I mean, I appreciate ya’ll runnin’ out here to tell me, but-”

“But nothing!” Pinkie Pie said, cutting Applejack off. “You totally like her, and I bet she’d totally like you too! I mean, she already likes you, but I mean she could totally like like you! I mean, what’s not to like? Oh! And if you and Twilight get married, that’ll make Twilight part of the Apple Family, which means I’d totally be related to her too! That would be totally legen-”

Pinkie went on, but Applejack wasn’t listening. She could feel the heat burning on her cheeks at the mention that her crush might feel the same for her. Pinkie’s talk of weddings and everything aside, the thought of dating Twilight Sparkle made her feel like it was Applebucking Day. Maybe moseying down to the library later that afternoon and asking the bookish alicorn on a date wasn’t such a bad idea. She didn’t want to wait too long after all. Who knew how many other ponies had gotten wind of Twilight’s sudden interest in dating?

“Are you serious?!”

Rarity rolled her eyes at the boisterous exclamation, but nodded her head. “But of course, darling. Spike just told me the news himself, and I rushed over here as soon as he did.”

Rainbow Dash’s wings twitched in excitement. This was just too awesome! Maybe not as awesome as she was, but this was pretty close.

“So the egghead finally realized how awesome I am, huh?” Rainbow said. She puffed out her chest and stretched her wings, looking every bit as confident as she sounded.

“Er, not quite, darling. I said that Twilight is apparently looking for a paramour. Not that she was smitten with you.” Rarity could see Rainbow’s cocky look fade at that, and hastened to assuage her friend. “But that’s why I rushed over here darling! I could never forget the feelings she brought about in me when I had your cutie mark. Your devotion to her is, quite frankly, the most romantic thing I’ve ever seen. That is why I just had to tell you, so you would have a chance to sweep that silly mare off her hooves.”

Rainbow looked away from Rarity, though definitely not because she was blushing at the way Rarity described her feelings for Twilight. She just wanted to look at some clouds, that’s all.

“Well,” Rainbow said, still decidedly not blushing, “I guess I’ll just have to go and help her realize how awesome a marefriend I would be!”

Rainbow gave a hard flap of her wings and took to the sky. She’d have to go get a quick shower, it wouldn’t be cool to show up at her soon-to-be marefriend’s house all sweaty from her workout.

Though if she played her cards right, maybe next time she’d be able to get Twilight to join her for a post-workout shower.

Nope, she definitely wasn’t blushing.

Author's Note

Just in case anyone is worried, this is the end of the How I Met Your Mother references. Aside from Present Twilight interjecting in the story at points. Rarity won't show up demanding that Rainbow Dash "suit up", the word legendary will only be used to describe stories and feats of legend.

This chapter was honestly way harder to write than it had any right to be.

Anywho, if you catch any mistakes, let me know.

Thanks for reading!

Edit: So this was the beginning of my AppleDashLight contest entry. Unfortunately, I never really got around to writing anymore. I wan to eventually get around to finishing this, if for no other reason than the fact that I haven't written AppleDashLight yet, and that saddens me.