Starting from the background.

~Thorsday, about 16-00, South Carelia, Finland~

It's too boring to look at something that doesn't make sense and leave it that way. Everything can make sense, everything can work if you look at it from a proper angle, or find a correct set of rules it works off. All you need is enough information, and then it clicks together. Well, at least, it's like that for me. The results... those are not always pleasant, of course.

What had clicked for me at that point was of that variety. All the outcomes was bad, and I'm not sure, which one was worse. Strict going suicidal was bad, but Strict going stubborn was bad as well. And the merge, even under the best possible conditions, was not looking too good either - we seemed as compatible as a matter with an antimatter. Of course, there was always a chance we'll find a way to separate, but the best shot for that one was an ocean away. Paint in over a mild indigestion from eating the "pillow" I've slept on, cold rain and annoyed screams of a batpony, and you'll get pretty good idea, how I was feeling after waking up.

Screams was of the more pressing concern, though, as they was extremely loud (up to the point of knocking off the last leaves from the trees nearby), and made my body react before I was even awake - when I've opened my eyes, I was standing in what could be only a position of attention, pony version. It appeared, that Marie had suddenly mastered perfect English and somehow picked up an attitude of Drill Sergeant Nasty in the process - along with the most colorful parts of the Equestrian swear dictionary. From what I was able to discern from an assault on my eardrums, she was very unhappy with me missing some mark for the whole ten seconds, being lazy chicken and a useless illegitimate offspring of a hornless unicorn, a wingless pegasi and a mule.

"I love this mare," sighed Strict, apparently enjoying the stream of obscenities. "she really knows how to wake you up properly. And hers is the closest one to Royal Canterlot voice besides the Princesses themselves."

"Royal what? What is she's so pissed off about?"

"Royal Canterlot Voice. An ancient spell of volume amplification, used to inspire royal subjects, display the power of the Crown and scare enemies into submission. Won us at least one war. Originally created by pegasi. Mostly forgotten by now, though, and that's a shame. As for the reason of her displeasure, we are on a mission, therefore our naps are timed by the regulations. We overslept for ten seconds, that's not a very big deal, but normally it's punished by an extra shift of some unpleasant duty. She, of course, is totally oblivious to the fact that she went to sleep about twenty seconds before us, so technically, it's her who is breaking the norm," Strict giggled.

"Nice to hear that, but is there any way to make her shut up? I fear our eardrums can't take it much longer, and your stupid reflexes don't let me move a muscle!"

"Lucky you, the punishing speech is also timed, so she'll stop in about a minute. By the way, whoever is responsible for the sun here? I can't help but notice, that the day gets shorter."

"Considering how far north you managed to get us, I'm surprised we still get any daytime at all. You sure you are not allergic to hay after all? I don't like that feeling in my nose."

"It's not a hay, it's a straw, and I'm not... wait, what feeling? Oh, for the love of ! Strict suddenly lost all the cheerfulness in his voice. "Spread the wings upwards, lower the ears, open the mouth and inhale deeply. NOW!"

I did as commanded, and the feeling similar to itching, but not itching at all (I can't really describe the difference, but trust me, if you ever feel it, you'll know) had strengthened, not only in the nose, but also on the wingtips and in the left ear. Strict groaned and muttered some words I don't know the meaning of.

"...AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, SERGEANT? YOU ARE TO STAY IN A POSITION OF ATTENTION WHILE I'M TALKING TO YOU, YOU LAZY !" Maire, or, as I assumed, Blue Mist, had noticed my movements and found them surprisingly unamusing. I can only pity those who had to meet that Royal Whatever on the battlefield, if this was friendly watered down version of it.

"Sorry, but your sergeant is currently unavailable. Could you please stop screaming at me?" Now that I got at least part of the control of the body from the reflexes, I decided to at least try to save some of my hearing.

"WHAT ARE you talking about? You are not trying to play me for a fool here, sergeant?" Her stare was very intimidating, but at least she stopped knocking my ears off, and that gave me some of the much needed confidence.

"I wouldn't dream of it. I'm sure I know who you are screaming at, and I may want to do that later myself, but while he is yours to command, I'm not. This whole situation is bad as it is, without you trying to use the authority you don't really have."

"So you claim, that you are not Strictly Classified, Sergeant of the Royal Guard?" asked the mare of the night, eyeing me with suspicion.

"While I'm somehow currently in his body, and with his mind in here as well, I'm most certainly not him and prefer it to stay that way. Where is Maire, by the way? She was in control just before the nap."

"If you mean that annoying voice in my head, that speaks some kind of bird language, she's asleep. Very well, I would believe you for now, but be advised, citizen, I am watching you like a griffin. Don't try anything funny. Now, could you please  state your name, occupation and what the hay happened to us? You seem to know at least something." That last question was in almost pleading tone - not really surprising, considering she was in the same situation Strict was in before I woke up - in a strange land, with no means of communication, but, unlike him, not even in control of her own body.

"No time for that!" suddenly interrupted Strict, ignoring his commanding officer distress. "Tell her that the weather teams here went code-four and we have to seek shelter, FAST.

"Code what? Weather teams? What are you..."

"FAST I SAID!"

"Sorry, but your impolite subordinate had asked me to tell you something about weather, code-four and that he's a moron," I informed Blue Mist, trying to ignore the urge to strangle myself in a hope to get that insufferable horse in my head.

"Code... ! Ask him, how long!"

Adding the urge to strangle her as well to the list, I had listened to Strict's response. "He says about twenty to forty minutes, with the first gusts coming in five. Now, could you please explain..."

"No time! We need to find some shelter, fast! Where is the closest town?"

"Should be something down the road, I guess, they have them pretty close out here. So what's the..."

"Shut up and FLY if you want to live!" with that, she took off, not even bothering to look if I follow.

Now, that is motivation I needed the whole day. Not that it can cure the fear of heights, but I gave it everything I could with whatever limited height and experience I had. Despite it being nearly completely dark by then, in five minutes we got to some kind of logistic terminal and dived in the roadside shop nearby moments before the "first gusts".

Outside, the wind struck the side of the building, shaking it and nearly ripping the door we just went through off it's hinges. A lightning bolt flashed just outside, setting the tree ablaze and shaking the building with thunder once more.

"Tell that useless piece of , that he's up for a remedial course when we are back in Canterlot," panted Blue Mist, falling on the floor in exhaustion. "That's a five, at least."

"He says that the first gust was six, but the rest will be softer," I translated annoyed pegasus. "Also, he recommends you to try to do your weather assessment yourself next time, if you don't trust him."

"You wasn't supposed to say the last part!" moaned Strict. "They can't feel the weather like the proper pegasi, and mentioning it makes them mad!

"...and our smartass Sergeant gets to guard Philomena for the rest of her next cycle," announced batpony, picking herself up and smirking. "Now, you may start explaining. It looks like the weather will keep us here all night."