Awakened Rudely

by ponyaddict

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Comedy, Rarity, Sex
Length: 5413

Mature version of Rude Awakening. Sam wakes up in Equestria naked, and is forced to flee.

Sam wakes up in Equestria stark naked and with no clue how he got there. More problematically, he seems to be in somepony's home.

Clop version of Rude Awakening by suggestion, and since many judged Rude Awakening as clop anyway

Published 2012-03-26 02:34:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-26 02:34:02 UTC

Cold But Not Alone

Upon waking up one day, I found that something unforgettable had happened. Little did I know at the time, though, it was just the beginning.

I was a 20 year old on-again-off-again college student, working retail to pay the bills and save enough for my next quarter of junior college. To make matters worse, it wasn't even a commissioned or incentivized position. It was simply “used book store lackey.” The money wasn't great, but in a way it was a good fit for me. I didn't like confrontations much, and in a used book store there's not much that customers demand from you. It mostly consisted of going in, move some books around, tend the register, and going home on time. There was even time to do homework on the slow days.

Oh, what I would've given for a slow day. My name is Sam, and this is the story of my trip to Equestria.

I woke up freezing. I was lying on the floor of bathroom. Funny thing was, I had no memory of how I got here or where it was. It definitely wasn't my house, work, or any of my friend's places. Where was I? How did I get here? These were troubling questions. I was entirely certain that I remembered going to sleep in my own bed. I traced out the events in my head: coming home from work, watching TV, making and eating dinner, light internet browsing (largely MLP related), and then early to bed. Having never been much of a sleep walker or drinker, the most obvious solution presenting itself was foul play. My anger began rising, but was soon one-upped as I took better stock of my surroundings.

I was stark naked. They didn't even leave my socks on, and my glasses seemed to be missing to boot.

Convinced I couldn't get much angrier, I was proven wrong for a second time in as many minutes. Squashed under the small of my back was something soft and football sized, judging from the impression. Rolling over and picking myself up to my knees, I got my first glimpse of the object.

A Twilight Sparkle plushy. So in addition to kidnapping me and stripping me naked, my benefactors also had a sense of humor. Great.

As I kept running possibilities through in my head, trying to come up with some plausible explanation for the situation, other than “I'm screwed”, it occurred to me that the plushy would at least give me something to keep a shred of dignity. As I considered this angle further, I noted with dismay that the bathroom did not contain any towels big enough to wrap around my waist.

Thinking further on the question of body covering, would it have hurt for them to turn the heater up? It was downright frigid in that room, and the tile wasn't helping much either. I began to notice my shivering, and involuntarily my teeth started chattering. Making a move to stand up, I did not observe how low the ceiling was. My head impacted it plenty hard to correct my unobservence, however.

A fine plaster dust wafted down from the divot I had made, causing my eyes to water and my nose to itch. Now, I am not a very quiet sneezer. My sneezes have, in fact, been compared to the retort of a howitzer. There had even been a few times where my sneezes had startled customers to the point of dropping their books. Very sure that I didn't want anyone in the building to know that I was awake yet, I tried my best to suppress the oncoming nasal movement. But to no avail.

“ACHOO!” In the small, hard surfaced room my ears were left ringing slightly.

“Did you hear that?” a female voice asked in the next room. That made one of my fears a little less likely, but raised new ones, and new questions. I wasn't bound, which meant my captor(s?) had little fear of me trying to escape. I had assumed this was because my abductor was male and physically strong enough to restrain me if I tried to bolt. But given that I was fit enough to be stronger than an average woman, a female voice, barring her being a body builder, likely meant she would be relying on locks or weapons. The door knob showed no sign of a locking device.

“It sounded like a sneeze,” replied a young male voice.

“Maybe, if cannons could sneeze.” This time her voice was closer to the door. At this point, new information started coming in a little faster than I could process it and in patterns I wasn't expecting. Item the first: the people in the next room did not seem to be acting as if they knew I was in here. Item the second: her footsteps sounded like tap shoes, but there was something off about the cadence. Item the third: the doorknob is glowing with a purple aura.

Several things occurred to me later as possible alternate explanations for my predicament. What if I had been delivered by a friend of hers as part of some sort of fantasy fulfillment? If I truly had been delivered to some pretty girl that was going to appreciate my presence, I probably would have played it cool until I could find the abductors and level charges. But what if my presence was a prank? Then the two of us were about to have a very awkward time in a moment. This is all considered in hindsight, as I had run out of time to think things through to this degree at the time.

As it turned out, the second scenario was the closest to reality.

I moved the plushy hurriedly to cover what I could as the door swung open and I was left kneeling, staring straight into the face of a dumbfounded Twilight Sparkle.

Both of us stared at the other for a moment, mouths agape. I was the first to break the silence, as I had a very short amount of time to explain what an alien creature is doing uninvited in her bathroom, naked.

“Look, I thi--” I began. I didn't get the chance to finish my defusal line as Twilight sprang into motion. And screaming.

“Ahhhhh!” My ears were subjected to another battering assault by the acoustics of the small bathroom as the Unicorn turned tail in panic and raised her rear legs to buck. Luckily, she didn't have Applejack's reflexes or speed. Unluckily, I was on my knees with my feet splayed behind me. I dodged the only way I could, leaning back under the strike.

Hooves connecting with nothing but air, Twilight lost her balance. Very unfortunately, a pony at full extension that loses its balance tends to fall straight down. Onto whatever is below it. Namely my lap, in this instance. My entirely nude lap covered only by a small plushy of the pony crashing down on me. At the time, though, I did not have time to contemplate how awkward this should have been for me.

Seeing an open window on the now-inverted opposite wall, I rolled to all fours as quickly as I could. Which was not terribly fast when entangled by a prodigiously panicked prodigal pony, perhaps, but it was fast enough. Nonathletic quadrupeds have trouble getting up when their hind legs are trying to get purchase on a hurried hapless human who hates having horses hate him.

Scrambling out the open window, I found myself on the streets of Ponyville outside the library tree. Hearing the pony inside regaining her hooves, I knew my time was short. A calm Twilight Sparkle would simply grab me with magic before I had a chance to adequately explain myself, something I did not relish the thought of even to a calm Twilight, so I needed to get out of sight quickly. Not to mention the citizenry would probably have a similar reaction, given how poorly they responded to something as simple as a zebra.

It was time to call on my espionage and subterfuge expertise! Or at least what translated to reality from the hours of Splinter Cell and Metal Gear Solid experience I had. Seeing no cardboard boxes at hand, it looked like Splinter Cell was the most applicable.

I sprinted for the nearest building and ducked behind it, I might be able to deal with passerby for now but Twilight probably less so. I needed time to construct a plan of action. Seeing the river nearby, I came up with my next step. Peeking slightly around the corner to look back at the library, I saw Twilight rush out the front door. She looked to her left, then to her right, but not seeing me in plain view hesitated a moment. She proceeded to light her horn and disappear in a flash. Normally, I would have been excited to have witnessed teleportation firsthand, but when it's being done to search for you... it's a little unsettling.

My immediate pursuit gone, I bolted for the better cover of the nearby bridge. I stuffed myself up underneath the supports on the close side, and began planning. The best course of action, I figured, was to find one of her friends to tell my story to so they could calm Twilight down for me. I had little hope for talking to her directly; showing up unannounced in someone's home does not a good first impression make. I would have to move fast, though, as Twilight was probably off recruiting help for her search right now. Who would she get to join her first? I put my bets on Rainbow Dash, given that she theoretically was the best suited to search for a land-bound quarry.

If Twilight was going for Rainbow Dash, that gave me a bit of time. The Pegasus was notoriously lazy when disturbed, and often not to be found in a predictable location. Her state was fairly predictable, though: napping. I considered my choices of who to contact. Applejack and Fluttershy lived on the outskirts of town or beyond, ruling them out as good candidates for a first pick. Possibly as fallbacks if Twilight or Rainbow made it to Rarity or Pinkie Pie before I did. The cover was better outside of town, and would discourage searching for me there to begin with. So my choice was Rarity or Pinkie Pie. I was in the odd position, however, of knowing what their residences looked like but not where they were. I supposed I would just have to take whichever I came across first, and possibly swing by Rarity's shop anyway for clothing. The ponies might not care about nudity, but the sun was setting fast and it was likely going to get chilly.

I peeked out from under the bridge cautiously and looked around. Nopony in sight, I was clear to start my way back into town. Slinking from my hiding place, I immediately noticed Carousel Boutique directly ahead of me a block or two down the street. What luck!

I cautiously moved from cover to cover, building to building, trying to stay away from the road proper as much as possible. There was only one close call involving a yellow coated Pegasus, but she apparently either didn't see me or didn't care. I was too busy hiding behind an almost-too-small shrub to observe closely. Some tense minutes later I had arrived in Rarity's hedge in front of the Boutique. Well, nothing for it.

I got out of the shrub and squared my shoulders, facing the door. Well, shoulder. The right one was still holding the doll in place for decency's sake. I gathered my courage and knocked.

“It's open, dear! Come right in,” I heard the proprietor call from inside. I opened the door, the bell above it chiming my entry. Entering the main showroom of Carousel Boutique, it started to really hit me where I was. I was standing there, surrounded by gem encrusted horse dresses. The bright and garish (but tasteful!) decorations of the interior were just like the show. Racks of Rarity's finest were arranged in neat rows, her favorite works on ponnequins in the windows. I stared, mouth agape, for several moments just taking in the room.

I came to my senses when I heard the dressmaker call out from the workroom, “I'll be in in just a minute, I'm just putting some pins in this so I can walk away from it.” I realized, a little late, that there might be a repeat of the incident at the library if I didn't get a chance to prepare her for something she wasn't expecting.

“Take your time, miss,” I called out. “I have a request for you that's a little outside what you normally make...”

Hearing my voice as male, she must have mistaken what I meant. “Don't worry, darling. I do design suits on occasion. And if you're looking for a gift for a special somepony I can make sure you get something she'll love,” she said, her voice coming closer to the doorway. I was almost out of time.

“That's not quite,” she walked into the room, “what I meant,” I finished lamely as the second pony today gave me a disbelieving, stunned stare.

I could see the wheels turning in her head as her stare went from shock to wonder, and then slowly to calculation.

“I think you may have made a bit of an understatement, dear,” she said as she began to walk around me, studying me with her tailor's eye. “Well, I have time now if you wanted to get started.”

“That would be great, I just need some simple pants and a shirt so I'm not having to run around naked.”

Rarity hesitated. She seemed to have digested 'pants' and 'shirt' easily enough, though I don't know if ponies used those words, but there was a slight raise of her eyebrow at both 'simple' and 'naked'.

“Not that I mind somepony wearing clothes, especially ones that I've made, but what aversion do you have to nudity? And if you're going to take the trouble to dress up, why do it simply?”

Right. Ponies wore no clothes most of the time. “Being dressed all the time is a habit of mine, and the simple is because I need them quickly. My previous set has gone missing and I don't feel entirely comfortable when I'm not dressed,” I explained in as generic as terms as possible. “I can explain in more detail while you work, if you're interested?”

“Sure, dear. Anypony who dresses up all the time is quite intriguing to somepony like me.” She giggled a bit. “Though, I can't see why you want to dress up, you have a wonderfully interesting body...” She appeared to be ogling me. “It might be hard to create something that makes you look better. Nevertheless, I will attempt it. The fitting room is right this way,” she led me through to another workroom. “Stand right here... good. Now, I'm going to take some measurements, so you're going to have to put that thing you have there down for a minute.” She turned back towards a workbench and began rummaging through some supplies. I could have sworn I saw a mischievous grin forming as she turned.

Slowly the realization set in that she was about to see me completely naked. Possibly more embarrassing, though, is as soon as I stopped clutching the improvised privacy screen in front of me she would be able to tell what, and who, it was. Specifically, that I had been holding a toy shaped like one of her good friends to my crotch since I arrived. Noting her back was still turned, I made a snap judgment between the lesser of two evils. I turned towards the door and chucked the Twilight doll as hard as I could, and it sailed out into the show room and rolled under a rack. I counted myself lucky; my aim was usually not that good.

Paying so much attention to the doll, though, distracted me from the other problem I was about to face. Rarity turned around, her supplies floating in the air around us. There was no hiding now, I would just have to hope she didn't give it undue attention.

As Rarity caught sight of what I had been hiding, though, she dashed that hope. “Ah. I see why you might want to like being clothed all the time.” She made no effort to hide what had her attention. “It's a bit harder for you to hide what you're thinking than it is for a stallion, I would wager,” she observed, catching my eye and giving me a sly smile.

I didn't have a mirror nearby, but I could feel my face flushing. It must be fire engine red by now. “That is definitely one reason,” I admitted. A breeze from the open window reminded me of the practical reasons why I was here. I elaborated, desperate to change the topic away from... genitals. “My species also has no fur, so it helps with temperature regulation tremendously. To boot, we have thin skins and soft feet so clothing helps us deal with rough environments better.” Not wanting it to seem like clothes were my way of saying “turn up your damn heater”, I continued to the other reason. “Humans also regard nudity in public as taboo. Because of how much we wear clothes, we eventually saw it as strange to be nude around others. Pretty much the only humans likely to see a person nude are doctors, communal bathers, and lovers.”

At the mention of lovers, Rarity's ears perked up. Grinning wider, she released her measuring tape from its magic hold and began wrapping it around her hooves to grip it. I had been suspecting something wasn't right with her behavior, and this was confirming it. If she wasn't a pony, I would have said she was coming on to me. As it was, though, I had no idea what she intended.

“Now that you mention it, I can see it,” she said. “Oh! How inconsiderate of me. Here I am thinking it's plenty warm when you're probably freezing.” She trotted to the window and closed it. It helped some, but it was still pretty cold. “Now,” approaching me once more she readied her tape measure and quill. “Let's take your numbers. And maybe help you warm up some. Just put your feet here and here, then stick your arms out.”

I swallowed nervously, but complied, and extended my arms out to the sides and spread my feet a little bit apart. She brought her tape measure to bear, starting with my arms. Feeling a warm touch brushing lightly on my skin, the cool temperature of the tape measure, and hearing Rarity's voice as she hummed and muttered the numbers, almost cooing, before recording them, I started getting too conscious of my nudity again. I closed my eyes to try and shut out the embarrassing fact that I was standing naked in the middle of someone else's room, but this turned out to be a mistake.

Deprived of the visual confirmation that the voice beside me belonged to a pony and the touch belonged to a tape measure and hooves of said pony, it became, to my now limited senses, identical to if the voice and touched belonged to a human girl. I felt an unwelcome change begin, but if Rarity had noticed it she didn't say anything. She continued her work, jotting down numbers and sketches as she occasionally came back over to check a measurement or two, using her hooves for all of the work.

After taking my waist and outer seam measurements, she was out of places she could easily reach. I heard a quick sound of hind hooves shuffling forward rapidly. The next thing I knew, I felt her hooves on my chest and shoulder, the tape measure stretched between them.

“Aha!” she exclaimed. “That's would have given me problems. You have a bone here!”

Oh no, I thought. She's noticed...

She tapped my collar bone. “Ponies don't have this bone. Hmm.”

I risked opening my eyes, only to see Rarity's face inches away from mine, transfixed on my collar bone. I could feel her breath on my chest, shoulder, and the side of my neck. I was becoming decidedly more uncomfortable by the minute. I was quickly discovering that ponies could trigger quite a few turn ons: the pleasant feminine voice, the feel of breath across sensitive skin, and touching skin that was normally clothed. Even visually she was not... displeasing. She just wasn't human. Aesthetically, her form was great. The lines of her body were sleek and pleasant to the eye, and her coat had a healthy shine to it.

With my senses conspiring against me, my body continued to react in ways I did not approve of. On the bright side, with Rarity balanced up on my chest and studying the anatomical differences in my shoulder, she was not in a position to notice the anatomical difference I was concerned about. Maybe, I thought, if I distracted her here long enough I could buy enough time to convince certain parts of me they were mistaken.

As it turned out, I was out of time. One of Rarity's hooves slid down my chest, the other hooking itself over my shoulder and pulling me a little closer to her.

As her hoof trailed lower, now crossing my belly, she pulled me closer still so that her mouth was right next to my ear and whispered, “Don't think I haven't noticed that that's not the only bone you have that I don't.” Her hoof stopped, barely an inch away from what she was referring to.

“Wh- why are you doing this?” I stammered out.

She pushed me back a bit again so she could look in my eyes. She had an amused expression, the kind that comes from hearing a question whose answer is obvious.

“Because I like humans,” she whispered in a sultry tone.

There is a certain attractive quality in being the object of another's infatuation, and it was this that broke down my last resistance. She was still a pony, but a pony that talked, reasoned, and, in this instance, seduced.

As she pulled our faces closer I closed my eyes and let her kiss me. Her breath was fresh, and her lips tasted slightly of strawberries. She broke the kiss rather quickly and pulled back a bit so she could look into my eyes better.

She looked worried, and made a motion to say something but I cut her off with a kiss of my own. I brought my hands up from my sides. One I wrapped around her, under the hoof on my shoulder. The other I placed on the back of her head, cradling it. I ran my tongue teasingly over her lips. She tensed for a moment, but then relaxed and opened her mouth to mine. No sooner had I begun to explore her mouth than her own tongue came forward, fighting mine.

Rarity was not one to play fair, though. As our tongues fought she finished sliding her hoof down to its destination. I jumped, and she took the opportunity to force her tongue into my mouth. Now the victor, she began exploring her conquest, running her tongue along everything it came across. She flicked it up and across my palate, tracing the ridges. Around my gums and under my tongue, acquainting herself with an alien mouth. Whenever I would try and fight back she would paralyze me again with another tantalizing brush of her hoof across my engorged member. The teasing was growing unbearable.

Eventually, satisfied with what she found, she withdrew her tongue. Drawing my lower lip with her as she leaned back, she put on a seductive, half-lidded gaze. She released my lip and asked me, “Here or the bedroom?”

After having been surreptitiously teased for a few minutes and deliberately teased for several more, I was in no mood for waiting.

“Here,” I managed to get out. Unhooking her hoof from my shoulder, she lowered it to the floor, dragging it across my body on the way down. I wanted this mare. Badly. My previous reservations had disappeared. She was making my day, and I wanted to make hers.

Once down on all fours again, she turned around. Looking back over her shoulder, she bent her front legs slightly and raised her tail, giving me the perfect angle to see her whole sex exposed for the taking. But that would have been too fast, and I her to enjoy herself thoroughly.

“Not yet,” I said. “Lay on your back.” She regarded me quizzically. I didn't understand her puzzlement at first. She was obviously excited, the glistening patch between her hind legs telegraphed it.

“My back?” she questioned. “That's an unusual one.”

“It's a human thing. You'll like it, trust me.” She complied, crouching down then rolling over. From this angle, with her hind legs spread in the air and her forelegs folded against her chest, she looked downright sexy, and not just for a pony. I knelt behind her hind legs and began massaging them.

I started at the hooves and worked my way inward towards her body, squeezing and kneading each muscle firmly. She moaned and twitched whenever I found a sore spot, and I made sure to give each one special attention until there was no more gasping at the touch, only low moans of pleasure.

When I finished one leg, I started on the other. By this point, Rarity was dripping wet. Her scent filled my nostrils, mixed faintly with her perfume. It was setting my mind on fire, and I needed more.

I spread her legs apart a tad farther, and leaned down. I drew a long, slow lick up across her labia, ending with a small flick of my tongue against the nub at the top. After the build up, it was like touching a live wire. Rarity nearly jumped as my tongue made contact, her back arching in response and driving the little button up against my lips.

I brought my hands to bear, running them up and down the parts of her body I could reach, paying special attention to her nipples. As my hands explored far and wide, I set to exploring as deep as I could with my tongue. I greedily lapped up the sign of her excitement, its taste now adding to the conspired assault on my senses.

As I worked, Rarity's moans picked up in volume and her involuntary hip bucking increased. I stopped bringing my tongue out to play with her clit, instead reigning in one of my roaming hands for the task. Under the triplicate ministrations of my hands and tongue, Rarity lost control. Her body went rigid and her mind took a short vacation to the realm of sexual bliss. I felt her muscles clenching at my tongue, trying to hold onto it.

I continued what I was doing, groping her breast, rubbing her nub, and exploring with my tongue as she rode the wave of the orgasm. As she began to relax, I heard her release a large breath of air that she had been holding. I pulled my tongue out, and scooted myself up beside her. She rolled to her side facing away from me with gentle guidance from my hands. This allowed me to hold her in my arms as she recovered from the afterglow.

Rarity returned to the land of the living a couple minutes later.

“That is the second nicest thing anypony has ever done for me,” she murmured.

“I'm being nice?” I chuckled. “You let me in out of the cold, agreed to clothe me with no notice, and now offer your body to me. I can honestly say this is the nicest thing anypony has ever done for me.” A complacent silence took hold for a few moments, both of us thinking. “I wonder, what would I have to do for me to make it to the top of your list?”

“Well,” she began, rolling over to look at me. “They say you can never have too much of a good thing. But why are you thinking about me?” She began to get to her feet. “I know you haven't come yet, so I think it's my turn to do something for you. Now stand up.”

“Yes ma'am, gift receiving position, ma'am.” I began standing up.

“I'm going to show you how ponies do things.” She resumed her position from earlier, plot pointing in my direction and nethers angled for display and ease of entry. She looked back over her shoulder at me, and with a seductive flick of her hair growled, “I want you to mount me and rut my bucking brains out.”

I was floored by such vulgar language coming from the mouth of Rarity, of all ponies. I was also extraordinarily turned on and wasted no time in moving up to her rear. Guiding my member with one hand, I rubbed it along her folds, taking care to reach up to her clit. I did this until I felt her starting to get wet again, at which point I lined up and pushed, slowly.

Inside, Rarity was tight, wet, and warm. It was heavenly, and after all the build up I had to go slow to not get too excited too fast. Pony anatomy being what it was, I was able to continue sliding in all the way to my balls.

“Ahhh,” I groaned as my shaft sunk home.

“Mmm,” Rarity echoed my sentiments. “Now, grab my mane and tail. And hold on tight.” The warning was a good one, no sooner had I taken a hold of her hair than she began to thrust against me. Using her front legs for power and her rear legs as the pivot, she could do all the work while I just held on.

She started with slow and shallow strokes, getting me used to being inside her. As I began to relax, she suddenly picked up the pace. She was nearly bucking me free with every stroke, and I was hammering home hard on every return, my testes smacking into her hood and labia.

Try as I might, I found the suddenly increased pace overwhelming. Pressure started to build up.

“I think... I'm going... to come...” I managed to work out between strokes.

Instead of saying anything, Rarity sped up but shortened the stroke. This effectively increased the friction on my balls, and I lost it almost instantly. My grip tightened, stopping Rarity's thrusts as my reflexes took over.

After I was spent, which, not to brag, took a little while, I collapsed onto her back. I had never tried sex standing up, and I had just discovered why.

Looking back at me, Rarity smiled, happy that she had returned the favor. I hadn't gotten her off this time, but in my defense she didn't play fair. I scooted forward on her back so I could reach my lips to hers, and we shared a short kiss.

“Perhaps you might like the bedroom now, hmm?”

Exhausted from the stress of running from Twilight and from my recent activity, I gave a monosyllabic grunt of affirmation. I felt a tingling sensation across my body, then a feeling of weightlessness as she lifted me with her magic.

“I'll just carry you upstairs, then come back down and clean up this mess.” Sure enough, there was a mess. A couple splotchy stains in the center of the carpet bore testament to the evening's activities.

I felt as if I was in a dream. I was in Equestria, staying with my favorite pony. Not to mention the fact that my favorite pony was a damn fine lady in all the important regards, AND had the hots for humans, me specifically.

Some worries did nag at me from beyond my curtain of bliss. How did Rarity know what humans were? Why did she like me(us)? What was she going to say before I cut her off with our second kiss?

And probably most important, what was Twilight Sparkle standing in the doorway looking disgusted for?