This story only needs one chapter; that's how awesome an author I am.
Author's Note
This trollfic has been brought to you by the number potato and the letter googolplex.
This story only needs one chapter; that's how awesome an author I am.
The great alicorn strode across Equestria like a great alicorn. His name was Killstorm; Killstorm Deathhoof.
As a foal, Killstorm was different from the others, because he was an alicorn.
Made of lightning.
When he was born, his parents - John and Martha Deathhoof - knew he was destined for greatness.
"You are destined for greatness," they said, "Thus we will name you 'Killstorm'.
Suddenly, a bolt of energy shot throught the window, transforming Killstorm into an alicorn.
Made of lightning.
Because that was awesome.
The young Killstorm left his town when he grew up to seek his fortune and have adventures.
"I'm off to seek my fortune and have adventures," he told the ponies of his town, all of which showed up to see him off. The entire town burst into tears when he left. That's how awesome he was. So he strode across Equestria, having adventures and making friends everywhere, because alicorns made of lightning are so awesomely cool that everypony wants to be his friend right away. After awhile, he got bored and headed back home, only to find everypony dead.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted, being all edgy and dramatic.
He found a survivor, his mother. "Oh Killstorm, it was terrible! Shortly after you left to seek your fortune and have adventures, a terrible dragon appeared! If only you had been here, you could have...could have..."
And then she died.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" shouted Killstorm, being all edgy and dramatic again.
"If only I'd been here," he said, all dramatically edgy, "I could have saved them with my alicorn super-powers! (All alicorns have super-powers, but Killstorm's are even more powerful, because he's made of lightning) This is ALL MY FAULT!" he shouted in an edgily dramatical way.
He moped moodily for a bit, because that's just what you do when your home town has been wiped out and everypony is dead, and then came to a decision.
He raised hoof to the sky, this time being dramatic, and not really edgy at all. "Dragon!" he shouted to the sky, "I will hunt you down! And when I find you..."
He raised the edge factor to 11.
"I'm gonna kill you until I've killed you."
Killstorm left the smoking remnants of his town, but not before using his alicorn super magic to bury everypony and give them awesome tombstones made of diamond. He would have used his massive alicorn powers to bring them back to life, but they'd been all burned up and were all crispy and nasty, and some were missing heads and things like that.
So he didn't.
Besides, he was all worn out from being dramatic and edgy and moping; angst is exhausting, even for an alicorn made of lightning.
Killstorm followed the dragon. Soon he came across a pack of diamond dogs. They weren't afraid of him, because they were all stupid and stuff.
"Give us all your jewels, or we'll kill you!" the head diamond dog shouted.
"No," said Killstorm.
"Then we'll kill you!" shouted the head diamond dog.
The head diamond dog rushed toward Killstorm, who just stood there, smirking. The head diamond dog hit Killstorm and electrocuted himself, because Killstorm was made of lightning. "Ow! You've killed me!" the head diamond dog yelled before dying.
"Well well, you're a hot dog now," quipped Killstorm, chuckling over his joke. The other diamond dogs ran away, afraid of being made hot dogs too, and Killstorm went on.
Soon he came across another town where everypony had been turned to stone by a cockatrice.
"Everypony's been turned to stone!" yelled Killstorm in surprise.
"Yessss they have," gloated the cockatrice, who was sitting in the town square to gloat, "AND YOU'RE NEXT!" The cockatrice rushed forward to turn Killstorm into stone.
"HA! Don't you know alicorns are immune to being turned to stone?" gloated Killstorm right back.
"We'll sssssee about that!" said the cockatrice, and gave him a stare.
Killstorm laughed and reflected the cockatrice's stare right back at it, turning it into stone.
"Argh!" yelled the cockatrice, "You've turned me into stone!" and then turned into stone.
"That's what happen when you take an alicorn for granite!" Killstorm laughed at his pun and all the townponies turned back into townponies.
"You saved us! HOORAY!" shouted all the townponies. "You're an even more incredible alicorn than Luna and Celestia put together!"
"It was my pleasure," said Killstorm to the townponies. "But I must go. A dragon needs killing."
He continued on until his magical alicorn senses to told him the dragon was near.
"My magical alicorn senses say the dragon is near! But where?!" He looked up and saw Canterlot under attack by the dragon.
"It's the dragon!!! And it's attacking Canterlot!!!!! I MUST KILL IT!!!!!!!!!!!" And he teleported to Canterlot with a burst of thunder. He was in too much of a hurry to use his wings. He teleported to Canterlot with a mighty *KABOOOOM!*
There were guardponies everywhere, but the dragon was swatting them like flies, because they were so weak.
"THESE GUARDPONIES ARE SO WEAK, I'M SWATTING THEM LIKE FLIES! THEY SUCK! GIVE ME A REAL CHALLENGE!"
Killstorm was about to rush forth to kill the dragon , but the two princessess appeared. They zapped it with their horns, but the dragon just laughed. "HA HA HA!" IS THAT THE BEST YOU'VE GOT?!" yelled the dragon triumphantly.
"Not even close!" shouted Twilight Sparkle and her friends, who were there fighting the dragon. "Use the elements of harmony!"
They zapped the dragon, but didn't do anything. The dragon laughed and sent them flying, where they landed in front of Killstorm. Rarity turned her head. "Killstorn, darling! (everypony knew Killstorm, because his adventures made him super-famous) You have to run, darling! The dragon is too strong, darling! Uuuuh, darling..." and Rarity fell unconscious.
"DRAGON!" shouted Killstorm, "I'M GONNA KILL YOU UNTIL YOU'RE DEAD!" and he rushed towards the dragon, and turned completely into lightning.
"HA! A REAL CHALLENGE!" yelled the dragon.
"YOU KILLED EVERYONE IN MY TOWN! TASTE MY MIGHTY VENGEANCE!" shouted Killstorm and the two fought. The dragon and Killstorm were evenly matched and the town shook as they fought. They fought for hours and Killstorm was starting to tire out. Then the dragon made it's fatal mistake.
"HA-HA! I ENJOYED KILLING EVERYPONY IN YOUR TOWN!"
"ARGH!" shouted Killstorm . He powered up into a super ultra alicorn and zapped the dragon between the eyes, stunning it, but not killing it.
"I need more power!" said Killstorm. He found the elements of harmony and levitated them in front of his horn.
"HA-HA!" taunted the dragon."YOU CAN'T HURT ME WITH THOSE!"
Killstorm smirked. "I can if I do...THIS!" and fired a super ultra alicorn beam though the elements.
"NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" shouted the dragon as the super ultra mega alicorn beam struck him and he disintegrated.
"At last, vengeance is mine," said Killstorm. The spirits of the townsponies of his home congratulated him for avenging them and his mother's spirit smiled. Killstorm wept manly tears because sometimes that's cool.
The Princesses and Twilight and her friends awoke and congratulated him as he fixed the mess he and the dragon made.
"That was scientifically amazing! I must write a report about you!" said Twilight, falling in love with him.
"Why darling! That was absolutely incredible, darling!" said Rarity, falling in love him.
"Shucks, ah ain't never seen such strength in all mah cotton pickin' life!" drawled Applejack, falling in love with him.
"WOW! I'mgonnathrowasuperawesomeamazingterrificpartyforyou!" squealed Pinkie Pie, falling in love with him.
"Um...um...Yes. You showed that mean dragon," whispered Fluttershy, falling in love with him.
"That...was...so...AWESOME!" crowed Rainbow Dash, falling in love with him and dispelling years of rumors that she was a lesbian.
Celestia and Luna held a celebration making Killstorm the king of everywhere because he was so awesomely amazing, falling in love with him during the ceremony.
Then later, the eight of them had sex with him, because they were in love with him.
THE END
