(Prompt #59) -- That Ain't Right
That Ain't Right/Behind Closed Doors
“Look, I didn’t know who else to come to, ‘kay? You’re like, the biggest egghead I know, not to mention you live in a freaking library. If anypony would know about this stuff, it’s you!”
“Firstly: I don’t know if anypony has ever mentioned this, but your grammar is atrocious. Secondly: why do you think I would know any more than you do about this? After all you’ve done here, you practically live and breathe for her; I’m just a casual dabbler myself, and you might have noticed that I don’t have a lot of hooves-on experience.”
“Well… I mean, yeah, but I wouldn’t ever have got into it if it weren’t for you! You were my first exposure to everything I have now, and… I dunno, I guess I just thought you could help me out. Give me a few pointers or something, ya know?”
“Dash, I… I just… oh, fine, I’ll help you out where I can.”
“Alright! I knew you were the best mare in Ponyville to talk to!”
“I still don’t understand why you couldn’t have just gone directly to Rarity about this. She’s much more talented and experienced than I am when it comes to romance, and-”
“Yeah, but she probably wouldn’t even give it a chance. Like you said before, I’m a little rough around the edges. Tell ya what. You help me with my… what was it you called it again?”
“Technique.”
“Yeah, that. You help me with my technique, and I’ll go to her later when I know she won’t gag at my horrible… well, everything, and have her give me pointers on the finer details and mushy stuff. Sound good to you, Twi?”
“I… yeah, that sounds good to me.”
“Sweet! Alright then, let’s get started! Wait… is Spike here?”
“No, he’s with Applejack today.”
Thunk
“…The hay was that?”
“Calm down, Rainbow, it was probably just a bird. Having a house built into a tree confuses the poor animals quite a bit sometimes. You would think they’d get used to it eventually, but every now and then one will burst through a window. It’ll be gone soon.”
Thump-thump… thump-thump-thump… thump-thump-thump… click
“See? Like I told you, it’s just a bird.”
“Oh yeah? And do birds always close the window when they leave, too?”
“The windows close automatically, actually! It’s a simple spell, I could show it to you if-”
“NO! I mean… no thanks. Let’s just get back to what we were doing.”
<~< >~>
Dear diary,
Today has been… rather interesting, to say the least. Oh, it began quite as one might expect: a few customers came in early, eager to try on their new outfits; Sweetie Belle somehow managed to burn a fruit salad (again, might I add); and I received a pleasant visit from my dear friend Fluttershy.
I feel somewhat guilty for saying this, but I think all that time she’s spending indoors is beginning to affect her… body mass. To an untrained eye, the change is all but invisible, but too much longer and she will be noticeably thicker, of that I’m sure. I didn’t mention anything, though, to avoid hurting her feelings.
Unfortunately, after Fluttershy left, things began to, as they say, ‘go downhill’… rapidly. It was more of a mudslide, really, and afterwards I felt just as dirty. I’m feeling shivers run down my spine even thinking about it now! Anyway, the story happened as follows:
After I had taken care of my last morning customer, I went out on the town to run a few quick errands and eat a quick meal. My last stop before lunch was none other than the Golden Oaks Library. I was looking forward to sharing a bit of gossip and small-talk with Twilight, but when I arrived, nopony seemed to be there! I know quite well that Twilight is only willing leave her books open and unattended for short periods of time, so I assumed she would be upstairs.
I was right in that regard, but she wasn’t alone. She was with Rainbow Dash, and they were discussing… intimate relations between mares, and not just any mares… intimate relations between themselves… and me!
I know it is difficult to portray in writing, but the last two paragraphs have taken me nearly fifteen minutes to scribe. To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure how to feel about all this. In a way, I’m grateful that my friends see me as being attractive enough to consider as a life partner, yet simultaneously, I am not the least bit interested in mares! I suppose I would have no qualms with belonging to a herd, but I would prefer a simple one-on-one relationship with a stallion.
To make the matter worse, I barely managed to escape unnoticed! Luckily, Twilight thought I was a bird that had accidentally wandered into the library (apparently, that happens more often than one would think), and I managed to leave under the guise of a particularly clumsy avian.
Normally, this is where the story would end. I would be relieved to remain undetected, life would continue as normal, and things would come as they are ought to do. That is not the case, this time. You see…
RAINBOW DASH IS COMING HERE IN WHO KNOWS HOW LONG TO POTENTIALLY ATTEMPT A COURTSHIP AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO REACT OR WHAT I’LL TELL HER OR HOW SHE’LL REACT AND SHE’S MY FRIEND I DON’TWANTTOHURTHERFEELINGSOHCELESTIAIDONTKNOWWHATIMSUPPOSEDTODO
I apologize. That last chapter was rather unladylike, but I have collected myself once again. Unfortunately, I still do not have a plan ready to gently let her know that I’m not interested… my romance novels are of no help to me in this situation, as they only portray a relationship when it works.
Unfortunately, I now find myself completely and utterly at a loss for words. This is, perhaps, the most helpless I have ever felt. How can I handle this situation? Is it even possible at all to handle it well? Rejection of love is no small thing… oh.
Oh my.
The doorbell just rang. I… suppose it would be rude to not answer it. I would ask you to wish me luck, but I don’t want to make a habit of talking to books as though they’re alive.
The doorbell just went off again… I can hear Rainbow Dash’s voice. I suppose I will have to continue this entry later…
Signed,
Rarity
Date: August 17th, 1004 A.B.
<~< >~>
Rarity hesitated once again as she reached the door, but the increasingly insistent pounding was becoming difficult to ignore.
“Rarity,” she heard the raspy voice from outside, “I know you’re in there! Open up, I wanna talk to you about something!” The sophisticated mare knew she could stall no longer; she slowly reached up and grasped the door handle, twisting it and stepping back as the door swung open. She half expected it to creak ominously, but the well-crafted and oiled hinges gave no protest as the two mares finally came face-to-face.
“Finally! Jeez, what took ya so long?” Rainbow Dash asked, wearing a slightly disgruntled expression as she drifted inside on a hidden breeze and settled down on Rarity’s couch. Rarity noticed that her friend was carrying something that looked very similar to her own journal, which the blue mare quickly set down on the table in front of her.
“Ah, yes, sorry about that Rainbow, I, uh… I was cleaning my bedroom and didn’t hear the doorbell.” Rarity nearly facehooved at the lame excuse, but fortunately Rainbow Dash either seemed to buy it or didn’t care enough to challenge her claim.
“Right, well anyway, I came by because I… well, I…” the pegasus suddenly became very interested in the carpet pattern, leaving her sentence to die awkwardly in the following silence. She suddenly looked up at Rarity and asked, “What do you know about romance?”
This is it, Rarity thought as she closed the door and moved to sit across from Rainbow Dash. This is where it all falls apart. Our friendship, our lives… everything from here on in will be nothing more than tension and false happiness; feigned content and constant regret. ‘What if I had said yes?’ I’ll ask every single day. ‘What if I chose wrong?’ I’ll only get to pick one… do I really want to deny her? What if I gave it a shot? But… I’m not interested in her. No, it’ll be better this way. We cannot be together.
Mentally steeling herself, Rarity responded, “Well, I’ve read many romance novels, so I would say I’m fairly well-versed on the subject. W… W-Why do you ask?” Keep it together, Rarity, you can do this!
Rainbow Dash remained silent for a few more moments, staring at Rarity with unreadable eyes. “Well,” she began with an apprehensive tone. The contrast between her brazen entrance and now-timid speech went unnoticed by the white unicorn, however, who was lost in her own dread. “I was kinda-sorta hoping you could… help me with something.”
Wait, what? Help her with something? Is that her way of trying to be subtle? Maybe she’s just as nervous as I am. “Help with what, dear?” Dear?! I call my friends that all the time… perhaps it gave her the wrong impression? Oh, please don’t tell me I’ve been leading her on without even knowing it!
“Uh, well, I’ve sort of… I mean… ah, ponyfeathers to it! I’ve been writing a book and I need your help because it’s a romance!”
…What?
On the outside, Rarity was putting on a good show of remaining stone-faced, but her mind had fizzled into chaos. So she’s… not interested in a relationship with me? I was wrong the whole time. What was that conversation I heard earlier about, then? Was it about the book? I suppose that would make sense, but it just seemed so personal. Then again, Rainbow does seem like the kind of mare who wouldn’t want anypony to know she’s writing about love and whatnot. She probably thinks it makes her look weak-
“Augh, I knew I shouldn’t have come here!” Rainbow’s exclamation snapped Rarity out of her thoughts just in time to see the pegasus scoop up the notebook and trot towards the door.
“Rainbow Dash, wait!” she cried. The other mare turned and glare at her. “I’m sorry, I was just a bit… surprised. I never thought you would be so interested in the arts! Of course I’ll help you, dear,” she smiled. Rainbow Dash was hesitant again, but slowly made her way back to the couch and sat down.
“Well then,” Rarity continued, still wearing the smile, “is that what you’ve written so far?” She pointed at the notebook. Rainbow Dash nodded slowly. “May I take a look?” Another nod. Rarity reached over and grasped the notebook, and for a brief moment, it seemed Rainbow might snatch it back, but the movement never came as Rarity opened the notebook to the first page.
At the far end of Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack and Spike both perked up and turned towards Ponyville.
“Was that-” Applejack began.
“Definitely. I’d recognize that scream anywhere,” Spike interrupted.
<~< >~>
Three days later
“Hey Twi, can we come in?”
“Hey Rainbow Dash, hey Rarity! Of course you can come in! I already set up a table for us in the back left of the library.”
“Hello darling, how have you been?”
“Oh, you know me; I always have something to do, and when I don’t I’m studying royal duties. I think I prefer it that way though. At least there’s never a dull moment!”
“Yo Twilight, do we hafta do this downstairs? I don’t think I’m really ready for anyone else to know about this.”
“Heh, don’t worry Rainbow. It’s Sunday, which means the library is closed! Nopony will bother us, I promise you.”
“…Alright, if you say so.”
“Come now, Rainbow Dash, we’re only trying to help you! If you’re going to write a romance novel, then you must retain at the very least a rudimentary knowledge of love and courtship!”
“This just seems so… awkward. I mean, this stuff is kinda personal, isn’t it?”
“Yes, it is personal, but you’ll have to learn it one way or another. Would you rather learn it by yourself and leave whether you got it right up to chance, or have two close friends there to help explain what you don’t understand? My library may be extensive, but books still can’t beat a good old-fashioned one-on-one experience with another pony.”
“I guess. So… where do we start?”
“Why don’t you tell us what you know about love relationships between ponies?”
“I… I think I changed my mind about this, actually, why don’t we-”
“Rainbow Dash! You sit right back down in that chair this instant! Good. Now, you are going to tell us what you know about love or so help me, I will make you my official dress model for a month!”
“A-alright, okay! Um… well, I know that mares and stallions have… bits like mine or… yours, like… between their legs, ya know? And they-”
“Ahem, well, that’s not exactly what I meant by ‘love’, per se-”
“Wait wait wait, you said mares and stallions. Rainbow Dash, you don’t think stallions have a… ‘piece’ like yours, do you?”
“Don’t they? I kinda just assumed we all had the same body. Are you saying they don’t? But that’s… they do, don’t they?”
“Dash! You don’t just get to-”
“Don’t they?! DON’T THEY?!”
“No, not everypony has one of those!”
“…Oh…”
“Twilight, I do believe this may be harder than we first assumed…”
Author's Note
Whether you liked it or not, I'm glad you managed to make it all the way through the chapter! Thanks for reading, and have a nice day!
Related materials/Extra Bits: Behind Closed Doors?
Unrelated reading: Light Waves!
(Promp #65) -- Topical Tardiness
Topical Tardiness/All by Myself
They’re late. Again.
I really should be used to this by now, but every week it drags me down just a little bit more. It’s not like they’re trying to hurt my feelings, or anything, they just… don’t understand, I guess. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just lying trying to convince myself that they really care about me; that I’m not just some dead-beat loser they have to hang out with because their marefriends tell them to.
The minutes tick by as noon comes and goes. Looks like they’re pulling a no-show. Oh well, this isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. Maybe Daisy’s free today? At least she genuinely likes to hang out with me… I think. I hope. I’m probably wrong, as usual. I’m wrong a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I’ve probably been wrong about more things in general than Derpy has addresses. I guess I’ll have to ask her when I get there… Daisy, that is—but I just know that’ll go wrong too somehow. I’ll probably lose my courage at the last second, or she’ll lie to make me feel better, or she’ll tell me the truth and I won’t like it, or... something. I don’t know.
I should probably eat something first, though. The waitress here always has good timing. I don’t know how she does it, honestly. She’s so talented. I wish I were that talented… ah, here she is.
“Hey Goldengrape, how’re you doing today?” That’s Winona, the Hayburger Café’s founder, owner, and only server. Always so polite and kind, and almost never without a smile, she’s the one thing I can really look forward to on these visits. And yes, she does share her name with the Apple’s dog. It’s purely coincidence, though, and she (that is, Winona the Hayburger Café’s founder, owner, and only server) generally maintains a good attitude about it if you do.
I remember one time these two really rude stallions came barging in one day and started making all sorts of ridiculous demands. When they found out she couldn’t follow through with their ‘requests’, they started calling her all sorts of names. She just stood there with the practiced indifference of an experienced waitress, taking all their insults in stride… that is, until they started comparing her to her canine counterpart.
Sometimes, I swear I can still see the imprints those two dumbbells left in the drywall. Not that I feel sorry for them or anything, though. They deserved it. Jerks.
“Hey Win, not too good. My friends bailed on me again.” Her face fell, just like I knew it would. She’s usually quite a cheerful pony (wait, I think I said that already), even around me, but that just makes it all the more obvious when she’s faking. And of course she’s faking; my so-called ‘friends’ were supposed to meet me here at noon, just like we agreed to do every week, but it’s now almost twenty minutes past, and I’m still the only one here.
“Oh, Golden…” I could hear the pity in her voice. “I’m sorry about that. Tell you what; to make up for it, I’ll give you an order of horseshoe fries on the house. Sound good?” She was smiling again, and I couldn’t help but smile back.
“Yeah,” I found myself saying, “that would be nice. Thanks!” Normally, I don’t like taking food without paying for it, and even more so from a pony like Winona, but who am I to deny a pony of her or his free will? If she wants to give me a free order of horseshoe fries, then by all means she is entitled to do so without repercussion!
Also, I’m flat broke at the moment. This will be the most I’ve eaten in a good five or so days. Honestly, I don’t entirely remember how long it’s been. It’s rather hard to keep track of time when you don’t have a clock, you see. Or a house. Or a job. Or… well, I think you get the idea.
Winona’s back, and she stays true to her word; a large basket of hot, fresh horseshoe fries is now sitting tantalizingly close to my muzzle, and after blowing on the top to cool it off, I take a cautious first bite. Delicious, as usual. I flash Win another of my rare smiles (I don’t know why, but I just seem to smile more when I’m around her) and tell her as much, and she nods approvingly. I also make sure to order a small drink, which I have just enough bits to cover. Long ago, I made a promise to my parents that I would never become a mooch or beggar, and I don’t plan on starting now.
The rest of my stay at the Hayburger Café is uneventful, save for a small commotion outside involving several small schoolfillies, but I don’t pay it much attention. My mind is elsewhere, probably thinking up more ways my upcoming conversation with Daisy could go wrong. I don’t know. What I do know, though, is that my basket and cup are both empty. The café is starting to fill up now with the after-lunch-crowd lunch crowd, and I don’t want to get in the way of Winona’s other customers, so I dump my trash into the bin and leave.
It’s always odd to me that no matter how sunny it is outside, or what season it happens to be, or even the actual temperature of the air around me, I feel colder somehow when I leave that café. I’m starting to think it’s a medical condition, actually. Maybe I’ll go to the hospital later? I don’t have anything else to do… well, except that talk with Daisy.
Well, that’s my evening set I guess. Daisy, hospital, ‘home’. It’s only one in the afternoon, right? That should be enough. I trot down the road, towards a familiar pink house…
Author's Note
Remember that hayburger scene from Twilight Time? You know, this one? There's Goldengrape, behind the CMC. He looks so sad... 
Speaking of sad, there's no comments yet! Let me know what you thought, eh? 
No related readings this time. Sorry.
Unrelated fun-times: Robots! Unicorns! Attacks!
