A Season Passed

by DeathJovi

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Zecora, Human, Main 6, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Original Character, Noteworthy, Comedy
Length: 6821

[2nd Person] [HiE] Having lived in Equestria for quite some time, the Mane Six have decided to help you begin your next step of integrating into pony society-Dating! Shenanigans, Adventure, and Super Happy Fun Times await.

[2nd person] [Human in Equestria]

Having lived in Equestria for quite some time, the Mane Six have decided to help you begin your next step of integrating into pony society-Dating! Despite having very little knowledge of how something like that works, you decide to give it a go.

Turns out it's a bit different than you thought it would be.

Published 2014-03-05 23:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-05 23:30:05 UTC

Chapter One

A Season Passed

12 DAYS TIL DOOMSDAY

At least, that’s what your calendar reads. Well, it’s not a not calendar, really. More along the lines of a list or agenda-type thingy. A gift from one of your friends. She even engraved your name onto the cover and even give the seal of a high-up official of Equestrian government on the opening page. That was pretty cool of her. It made you feel welcomed and wanted, which, even in a place bursting with wanting and welcoming things and people (or ponies, as they call themselves) like this one, made you feel warm and fuzzy like nothing else really could. It was pretty shiny too, so that’s always a plus. Shiny things are awesome. Your agenda is a shiny thing, so therefore your agenda is awesome! And you own it, so therefore you’re awesome!

Yep. Life is awesome.

…

Wait, why were you so worried again?

Oh right! The date.

…

Hold on…

Oh shoot! The Date!

Oh, there’s so much to do! Gotta stock up on food, gotta get plywood from Plywood, gotta borrow some sparring gear from RD…

*THWACK!*

You’re on the ground.

Wow! Running into doors is definitely a good way to get everything I need in line!

Letting the stars clear from your vision, you stand and review what you know. It’s summertime in Equestria. More specifically, it’s midway through summer in Ponyville. Even more specifically, it’s three-fourths of the way through July you think because you lose track of time real easily in your super-duper comfy house located four blocks from Town Hall and two blocks away from Sugarcube Corner. The weather’s been fine, the townsfolk have been friendly, and the fun times have been magnifistupenderiffic. (That’s something you came up with. You hope it’ll catch on!) The Summers End Festival is also getting ready to start up, and that’s cooler than the cool you’re gonna be feeling in winter (which is saying something, according to RD). The events it holds are supposedly some of the most spellbindingly spectacular and stupendous events ever performed in Equestrian fairs, and they have enough fireworks to give a show that can be seen all the way from Canterlot!

It would be truly magnifistupenderiffic to go to.

Too bad you can’t.

Ya see, about two years ago, you came whooping and hollering head first into this world. Boy, was it a shock, too! You can’t remember a whole lot about what happened before the crash (much to the dismay of Purple Smart), but you do know that it was a whole lot different than the way you are living now. The ponies who had come to be your P.F.F.’.s (that’s Pony Friends Forever) taught you all about Equestrian history, the way ponies go about their awesome days, even how to do the Pony-pokey! After talking to the super friendly Princess Celestia and getting the A-OK from her, you moved on down to the place where you first landed.

Getting yourself set up in the topsy-turvy, titillating, tremendous town of Ponyville was easy as cake. Things were often getting smashed and torn apart whenever something crazy happened (which, come to think of it, was pretty often.) You were always up for lending others a helping hoof whenever they needed it, and they were always super generous with paying you. Life was slowly turning into the gre- er, magnifistupenderiffic way that it is now.

Thanks brain!

Don’t mention it.

Anyway, it wasn’t until spring came that many ponies started acting…loco. Well, more loco than they usually do. They would give you weird looks, and sometimes their tails would rub along your face for some weird reason. Besides making you sneeze a crazy number of times, a few of the kooky ones actually tried to play you in a game of wrestling (which you won. Nobody has beaten you to date!) They would constantly ask for rematches-and you would’ve loved to have given them-but you thought that one per day for everyone was fair for everypony. You didn’t make too much of it, really.

Six days into probably April (Probapril?), Purple Smart (or Twilight Sparkle, as she likes to be called. She’s the resident genius and a super friendly friend of yours) showed up at your door with a shovel dangling in front of her and a really stressed-out look on her face. You thought her and Spike (her dragon assistant) were gonna go on another gem hunt and wanted you to come along. Or she needed help with another gardening project she managed to make all gangly due to her crazy OCD. Or! She needed help with the plumbing since gems had gotten stuck in the pipes again.

Those were your final thoughts before she slammed the shovel right into your noggin and you woke up tied to a pole in her basement. It was about ten days or so before she let ya head back to your place while she apologized all the way.

She kept acting as if she had gone and stolen the last slice of my award winning Magnificent Apple Meringue Pie of Awesomeness! (MAMPA™) Come to think of it, I was missing 3/4ths of that slice when I got back.

She never told you why she did it though. Well, she did tell you that it was part of pony culture and to just leave it at that. But every time you tried to ask someone if one of their friends knocked them out, tied them up and put them in their basement and came down to give them food, water, and weird looks for two weeks, Twilight would show up with a face redder than the sweetest apple on Sweet Apple Acres and immediately try to change the subject. You figured it was a secret that only she did to her close friends, which is strange considering they just looked at you as if the hamster in the wheel up top just stopped running when you asked them.

Later just accepting the fact that it was Twilight being Twilight, you kept on going about your days. Summer eventually came up, and you suddenly became…uncomfortable. Everything around you made you really…grouchy. You wanted to smash everything you had built up. You were caught grabbing onto ponies hooves for longer than needed, especially with mares. Everything was hazy and had a red tint to it. You remember picking something big out of the ground and swinging it around, but you’re not sure what it was.

That was all before you woke up in the hospital with half of your arm still shoved in a statue of Princess Celestia.

It took two weeks to finally get your fist out of…well, you weren’t proud of where you stuck it. Let’s just leave it at that.

Twilight was the one to explain to you what happened. Apparently, you turned into a super strong monster that went throughout Ponyville destroying things and challenging ponies to wrestling matches. Those weren’t her words directly, but you filled in the blanks when she would stutter. She made clear what happened nonetheless, and you felt absolutely awful for what you did. After getting the names of all the ponies you wronged, you swore to make it up to them. Purple Smart smiled, thinking it was an excellent idea. She also said she’d do some research to find out why you went all crazy like.

And that’s why you’re here in this predicament.

After burrowing into her books for about a week (and you burrowing into ponies’ lawns and other landscapes for about the same time), Purple came out to tell you she couldn’t find the exact reason for why you… did what you did. But! She did find out something else using science and some other things that you didn’t hear because there was a shiny object behind her, and it took thirty minutes for her to start what you call a “Purple Smart Special Speculative Session of Incessant Superior Showing of Smartness”.

She claimed the title was too long. You claimed that was the point.

After swatting ya across the head, she went back into explaining how she managed to finally find a way to control your…rage. Apparently, lots and lots and lots of exercise in a place with nopony around would help release your energy in a positive outlet and ease any social interaction that would happen later on. You tried it out the last summer, and it seemed to do the trick.

Not that I doubted Purple Smart in the first place! Wait, should I have? Eh, oh well.

So! With that in mind, you’ve decided to begin your newest quest into the town of Ponyville! After sprucing yourself up a bit in the bathroom, you ride the rail of your staircase down to the first floor and into the living room, giving a nice little hum of your favorite tune all the way. Looking out the window, you see Princess Celestia has done her job and everypony is up and ready to go at the day. You prepare to head into the kitchen when you hear a slight knock at the door.

Wow! I can’t believe I almost forgot about her.

After giving out a quick shout you’re coming, you head for your door. The rhythm of the knocker changes to a slighter one, eventually fading off and becoming silent. You smile. You know who it is, and you also know what she’s planning to do as soon as you open the lone barrier between you two.

She won’t get me this time!

It’s all a game. On you’ve played many times before. Your competitor hold the lead over you, but you have been on a comeback streak as of late. She is crafty, and has manipulated the battlefield countless times to her favor.

But she has a weakness.

Impromptu strategies.

You reach the door. Slowly, oh so slowly, you turn the handle. The potential in your arm builds as you lick your bottom lip in waiting for the perfect moment.

One…

You hear silence on the other end.

Two…

Still nothing.

Almost…

…

…

…

Your grip on the handle tightens. Your hand is turning red.

Now!

The door flings open under the might of your energy, giving a mighty WHOOSH as you prepare to terrify the pony you know will be caught off guard by your devious plan.

*THWOOM*

HA!

…

There’s nopony here.

Mr. Waddle, your neighbor across the street, is staring at you. So is Bon-Bon, who has stopped mid-trot to give you her traditional “what-the-hay” look. After a few moments of silence, they continue with what they were doing.

Eh, ignore ‘em. Where is she!?

You turn your head left. And then right.

She’s not here.

Where did she go!?

This is a trick. It has to be. She’s gotta be hiding somewhere out of view, somewhere that nopony but a crazy pony like her would think to look.

You turn your head up to the sky. And then you look under your doormat.

Yes, she can get under there.

And, as of this moment, no, she isn’t.

The suspense of this is killing you. Where haven’t you che-

“HIYA!”

BAH!

*THWACK!*

You’re on the ground.

Again.

Ow…

“Whoops! Sorry Sparky!”

A pink hoof is raised in front of your face that is currently pressed into the mix of gravel and grass. You see it in the corner of your mushed vision, and accept it in bitter defeat.

It’s over.

She got me.

Why did I not check behind me!?

The victor giggles, pulling you up until you come face to face with her. She’s a bubbly thing, what with her pink curly mane and tail. Having known her and made her your best friend forever since you moved to Ponyville, Pinkamena Diane Pie (or Pinkie Pie as she likes to be called) never ceases to amaze you with her crazy ways to prank, party, and be positive. And, despite all of that, she’s no ditz, and has shown that she knows quite more than she lets on most of the time.

Still, you can’t help but feel insulted when the bubblegum pink perky pony begins to recount her triumph.

“Didn’t think I’d get ya that bad! Oh, man! You should’ve seen it though! You flew forward like VRoooM!”

Her front hooves mimic Supermare as her mouth imitates a motor.

She bursts into a fit of laughter.

“I thought you-haha- I thought you –hehe- I thought you were gonna sprout wings and fly! BAHAHAHAHAH!”

Oh, it is on.

You grin slightly. Mischievously.

Devilishly.

That was quite funny, Pinkie.

The mare snorts from her fit of laughter. She turns to you and immediately her laughter stops.

Her eyes are wide with fear.

It’s delicious.

“Now-Now Sparky, there’s no reason…to get THAT upset…”

Your grin widens.

Oh Pinkie, who said anything about being upset?

You inch closer. She steps back.

In fact, you’re feeling quite the opposite.

Her back hooves bend slightly, getting ready to take off in a moment’s notice.

You look completely insane.

You want to show her…

She trembles. You can practically feel them from how close you are.

…Just how not upset you are.

She screams. It is a shrill scream, one of unadulterated terror. It serves as the fuel for your leap upon her, your arms outstretched and vying to find a grip upon your victim as she turns to flee in distress.

You unbridle a magnificent roar.

NO SURVIVORS!

*GLOMP!*

“AHHH!”

Your fingers have taken hold deep within her fur. Immediately they begin their job...

“PFFFHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!”

…And prepare to give her the greatest tickling she will never forget.

She falls to the ground, helpless under the power you hold over her. Each of your digits finds the spots you know will make her howl in laughter.

“AH! HEHE SPARKY! PFF-STOP IT! HAHAHAHAAHA!”

NOPE! NO SURVIVORS! GRAH!

She thrashes, yowling and flailing her legs in the air in her feeble attempts to escape.

“SPARKY! HAHA-SPARKY! I CAN’T-I CAN’T-PFFHAHA- I CAN’T BREATHE!”

Heh. Alright.

Giving her right hindleg a final amount of pressure with your right thumb and index finger, you relent.

Her laughter doesn’t stop for a few more seconds. You stand and look down at her. After a quick sigh, she looks at you, showing you that never ending grin of hers.

Revenge accomplished.

You offer her a hand to her left front hoof. She takes it, and immediately bounces back up.

“Wow, Sparky! Sometimes I forget how good you are with those thingy’s!”

Your smile turns from crazy to bashful.

Hah, thanks Pinkie. You’re sorry if you went overboard.

“Not at all! It makes us even!”

Her eyes fall a little bit. She matches your crazed grin from earlier.

“This time.”

You give a gulp, but don’t back down, matching her with a cocky smile and a nice little taunt for her to bring it on.

Note to self: lock down all major entries into household.

…

Wait, this is Pinkie Pie.

…

Note to self: install a room full of balloons.

Balloons won’t work, silly!

Right, balloons won’t work. I sho-Hey!

You stare at her, scowling.

She cheated again!

“Te-he, what are you talking about Sparky?”

She sits on a throne of lies.

The pink menace giggles.

“Oh, you say the silliest things sometimes. Hey! Guess why I’m here right now!”

She’s always here. She checks up on you every day when making her social rounds.

A hoof smacks into your arm.

“Besides that!”

She bounces up and down.

“Guess! Guess!”

Hmm…Is it…because she’s trying a new cupcake recipe?

“Nnnope!”

Is it…because…she needs your help throwing a super awesome party?

“Nnnnope! Well, maybe later, but that’s not the main reason! Guess agaiiiin~”

Her smile is almost impossibly huge.

He’ll never guess that today was the get-together with me and the girls!

Oh hey, thanks for that!

You’re welc- wait, WHAT!?

Her bouncing stops.

You smirk. Her glare becomes shocked, and then angry. Well, as angry as Pinkie could make it anyway.

“No fair!”

You smile oh-so-innocently.

You have no idea what she’s talking about.

Her glare darkens as she lets out a groan of annoyance.

And then it completely dissipates under a coy grin.

“Ok Mr. Smartypants. Where exactly is it at?”

You smile, already knowing the answer. You’ve known her whole plan this whole time. In fact, she had told you three days ago what was happening today.

But sometimes, it’s just really fun to mess with her.

**********

“Oh, do we have to do it here?”

“I’m sorry Fluttershy. I know you aren’t a fan of crowds, but this is the spot where he’s most comfortable, and we can’t afford him freaking out.”

“You would be one to know, Egghead.”

“Twi’s right, Rainbow. I don’t think we could take him if he went all crazy like again. Big Mac was in the hospital for three weeks after he swung that darned statue around like it was nothing!”

“Quite right darling. How’s the dear doing, by the way?"

“…He’s fine.”

“Pfft, yeah right. If by ‘fine’ you mean he’s scared to death of ol’ Spa-“

*WHAM*

“He’s. Fine.”

“Applejack, there’s no reason to cause a scene. Even if some ponies tend to have less…tact than others.”

“Hey, I don’t blame him! The big guy took a beating of a lifetime. That, and well, ya know…”

“Drop it, RD.”

"I'm just say-"

*zzzzzziiiiiiiiippp*

“-mmm!”

“Thanks Twi.”

“You’re welcome. Zipper spell comes in handy when Spike starts mouthing off. Anyway, as many of you know, we’ve gathered here to discuss a delicate issue.”

“T’aint nothing ‘delicate’ about it. The human’s gettin’ ready ta be ‘n heat, and we gotta fix it.”

“Again, I emphasize tact on the situation, but I suppose that my words often fall on deaf ears.”

“I’m just sayin’! No more beatin’ around the bush. You didn’t tell him Twi, and now we have to tell him. Don’t go gettin’ mad at me just cos I wanna get this over with as fast as possible.”

“Applejack, I understand your need for haste, as well a reason to not want to be involved, but I can’t do this without you. Sparky will need all of our help. Once we explain his situation to him, he’ll need support and a caring environment. We all are the ponies that he trusts the most, and we’ll need to be there for him when he comes to find out. Agreed?”

“Agreed.”

“Me too.”

“…Fine.”

“Good. Rainbow Dash...?"

“…”

“Oh. Right. Sorry.”

*zzzzziiiiiippppp*

“Finally! I’m with ya Twilight. Let’s get the human LAID!”

*THWAP*

“OW!”

“TACT!”

**********

Sugarcube Corner REALLY IS the best place in Equestria.

Sweets, Conversation, Sweets, the Cake Family, delectable and delicious Sweets for miles, and, the most important ingredient of all: Sweets!

Yes, you have sweet tooth.

On that note, have I gotten fat?

Before you can finish that thought, Pinkie throws open the shutter like doors, yelling a greeting towards the six ponies you have come to be your P.F.F.’s are sitting there. Rainbow’s rubbing her head. Probably another bump from all those cah-razy stunts she’s pulled in the past few days. Rarity has a death glare on her face, and it’s aimed at RD. Huh. Did Bluefast manage to break into her big black box or some-

“Heya girls! Look who I found!”

Woops! Kinda need to say hi!

Hiya!

Twilight grins and greets you.

“Hey Sparky!”

Fluttershy is the next to say hello, albeit a bit softer and with a side hug.

“Good to see you again Sparky.”

“’Sup big guy?”

The rainbow-maned Rainbow Dash comes up to you.

What up RD?

“Heh, you know. Being awesome like always. You still holding that little concert with your band later on next week?”

Wow! Completely forgot about that! Hopefully Blues has got my Drum kit at his place.

You reach out her hand in a fist toward her. She replies with giving it a slight pound with her hoof.

Hoofbump confirmed. Maximum awesomeness achieved.

She knows it!

The confident flyer lets out an “AW YEAH” and swooshes back into her seat.

You take a seat next to Pinkie at the table. Twilight sits across from you, Rarity to her right and Applejack to her left. Both kinda nod at you and give you a hello (“Howdy” in AJ’s case), but Rarity’s salutation is the only one who seems to be out of politeness and grace. AJ’s is out of…grouchiness and not-grace?

Jeez. Must be harvesting time again. Oh well. Let’s start this conversation UP!

Man! They all know the perfect place for a good hangout spot!

“Yes. I understand it’s one of your favorite places to come, darling.”

Hah! Course it is! What isn’t there to absolutely love about Sugarcube Corner!?

Purple Smart giggles.

“Well, considering you intake as much sugar as Pinkie, I imagine not that much.”

You look to Pinkie, who doesn’t seem phased in the least.

Really? That much!?

Again, the purple genius giggles.

“Well, that might be a bit of exaggeration, but you certainly do like to chow down on some sweets.”

You hear AJ mumble something. You ask her what it was she said.

“Nothin’.”

“Um…excuse me…”

Oh my! Has Flutters been trying to say something? You always get so caught up and excited that you feel terrible for leaving her out.

“Oh! Um, no, not really. But…thanks for that. I just thought that…maybe we could actually get to why we all came here. I actually need to get back in time for feeding the critters. It is almost lunch time for them.”

Oh yeah! That’s right. The girls apparently had some big news to tell ya.

You scoot forward in your seat a little.

Are they going on another super awesome adventure? Or is it another trip to somewhere SUPER far away? Ooh! Ooh! Are ya getting to go with them this time? That would be so COOL!

Purple looks to Blue. Who looks to White. Who looks to Butter. Who looks to Orange. Who looks to the ground, and Orange appears to hate the ground right now. Butter turns back to Pink, who has just sat here this entire time. Pink isn’t looking at Butter though. She’s looking directly at you, but she isn’t smiling.

She looks…nervous?

You turn back to the others.

Now they look nervous.

This is…not good. Is it something serious? Did I do something wrong? Why isn’t anypony saying anything?

Finally, after the suspense has wrung you dry of all hope, you choke out a small response.

Are…they all alright?

“Actually Sparky, we need to talk about a few things.”

Twilight’s wings flutter. They do that when she gets nervous.

She lifts her left hoof, breathing in. It falls, breathing out.

Oh no. The Composure Sigh.

Why is everyone so dang nervous all of a sudden?

“Sparky, have you ever had…”

She’s interrupted by Rarity.

“A special somepony darling?”

…

…

…

Huh?

“Why, erm… yes dear! You’ve been in Equestria for a long time now. I’m surprised that a mare has yet to catch your eye.”

…

…

What?

“Well, I do understand that anypony’s love life is their own affair, but we couldn’t help but notice that yours has been rather…drab, as of late.”

Love…life?

“Well, what I’m trying to say is that-“

SWOOSH!

Rainbow’s in front of you. Like, really close.

“She’s trying to say we need to get you on the market!”

On…the market?

Rainbow grins wickedly.

“Yeah! Show off some of your…exotic commodity if ya know what I’m saying!”

*CLANG!*

RD’s on the ground now.

Where did Rarity get a frying pan?

“As I was saying, before being so rudely interrupted, we just thought we could help you be the stallion of some mare’s dreams! Why, you could find the love of your life, fall in love, get married…”

The white unicorn sighs dreamily.

“Wouldn’t that just be wonderful, darling?”

…

On the…market?

Rarity groans.

“Twilight! Be a dear and help me out!”

“Oh! Erm, right. Well, I mean, haven’t you ever wanted to be with someone Sparky? It’s basic pony biology to want a mate, but we know little to nothing about your physiology except from what Lyra’s told us. We’ve just always assumed you’d try to find someone to be happy with or that you…erm…well…were…asexual.”

…Huh.

Well, this is new. For yourself, you mean. You never looked at…life like that. All the ponies around town are your friends. You never viewed them in that kinda way. You knew that they got married, had children, and life moved on, but it just sorta slipped your mind on exactly how it went on.

Was it…even possible for you to try to get involved with this?

To try to find a special somepony?

There’s a stirring at the end of the table.

AJ has sat up.

“So you’re telling me that the only reason ya never went out to try and find yerself a gal is cos’ you plain forgot?”

Well…

…Yeah.

She leans back.

“…Huh.”

Ok, there’s gotta be a problem here.

AJ chuckles. It doesn’t sound like it does when she’s laughing.

It’s serious.

“T’aint no problem at all.”

Ok, what’s up?

You feel Pinkie’s hoof squeeze your hand.

Before you can even contemplate how that’s even possible, Flutters is on your other side.

She speaks up.

“It’s nothing Sparky. We just want to be here for you and support you, no matter what. It’s not a pressure to do anything you don’t want to. We’re just wanting you try and find some happiness for yourself. You’ve been helping us and all of Ponyville for so long, and we would like to help you in return.”

Pinkie squeezes your hand harder.

You turn to face her.

She’s smiling again. It’s slight, but there.

It’s a determined smile.

…

Alright.

Flutters squeaks out a “yay!” as you smile and look to everyone.

This will be a bit different, you admit. There’s a lot you’ll have to sort through. Dating’s kind of…unfamiliar ground for you. Especially dating in Equestrian society.

But, in a way, that’s what makes it kinda fun too!

Twilight's the first to speak up, a some what relieved smile on her face.

“That’s excellent! We’ll do all we can to help.”

Rarity cackles next to Purple. Her face is actually…kinda scary right now.

“Oh, this is simply marvelous darling! I must say, it will be the talk of the town! Sparkticus the Human, now searching for love! Oh my, this will be so very juicy!”

…Sparkticus?

“Well, yes darling. While Sparky has a jovial and cute charm to it, you might need to have a new ring to it if you wish to attract a real mare. Something more… dashing.”

So…your name was…

Unattractive?

“I like Sparky!”

Wow, that’s actually the first time Pinkie has said a single word since this conversation started.

Purple raises a hoof.

“Pinkie has a point, Rarity. We can’t ask him to change himself for somepony else. That would be harmful to their relationship.”

“I wasn’t saying change anything, darling, I was just saying…”

The fashonista looks to you.

It’s a sort of an uneasy look.

You’re confused, and your face shows it.

Rarity scratches the back of her mane, clearing her throat and regaining the composure you’ve seen her maintain for so long.

“Er…yes. I suppose I was getting ahead of myself. I apologize darling.”

It’s ok. And, if possible, could they not make it all, ya know, the talk of the town and everything? It’s kinda uncomfortable when everyone treats you…different.

You’d think after all this time the stares would die down rather than go UP.

“Of course, dear. Again, it’s just me getting excited. But I digress! This will be quite…oh, how would you put it Rainbow Dash…?”

“ergghhh…”

“Oh dear. I seem to have overdone it a bit. Mind if I take her to get this bump checked out?”

“Be my guest. Yer the one on RD duty anyway this week.”

“Yes. Thank you for the reminder Applejack.”

“‘Sal good.”

Rarity scoops the Pegasus onto her back, scowling at Applejack for a few seconds before heading off in the direction of Ponyville General as she says goodbye.

Twilight clears her throat.

“Well, I suppose this is as good a time as any to say goodbye. Oh! And Sparky. I’ve put together a list of potentially eligible bachelorettes who are living in Ponyville. Each of them has a specific sets of likes and dislikes that I’ve gathered from careful observation, and we can thoroughly analyze each before each date you set up with them.”

…Isn’t dating, ya know, supposed to be fun?

“Well yes, of course! All that dating encompasses is just an analysis of another ponies traits to match that of your own. What isn’t fun about analyzing?”

It’s distinct lack of shiny objects, sweets, and its slight, oh-so-teensy overdose of...

Using all of your sprightliness, you manage to leap onto the table, preparing yet another battle cry.

NEEEEEEEEERRRRRDDDD!

…

…

Purple’s scowling hard at you now.

As is the rest of Sugarcube Corner.
…

You get down from the table, standing to the side of it.

…Sorry. You had to get it in for RD.

Purple’s brow is practically furrowed into her muzzle.

Too much?

AJ sits up and prepares to head out.

“Welp, now that that’s happened, I gotta get back to Sweet Apple Acres. Those apples won’t buck themselves. Later y’all.”

Later AJ!

She turns to you. She’s not smiling, and she does seem rather irritated.

Suddenly, it dawns on you.

She always gets this tense around you this part of the season.

Is this about me and Big Mac?

Before you can ask, she’s gone. As is most everypony at this point. Twilight’s out the door. Fluttershy must’ve also left.

The only one who’s here is Pinkie, who looks like she’s about to burst into a fit of laughter.

She is now bursting into a fit of laughter.

“PFFFHAHA, nice one Sparky!”

She reaches her hoof forward, slightly bent. You give it a nice touch with your fist.

“Well, I gotta get to work! Those cupcakes for the Summer’s End festival won’t bake themselves!”

She wraps you in a hug, tighter than any other hug you’ve had before. You return the favor, squeezing the upper portion of her body with all the might you can muster.

It’s really nice.

…

Okay, you kinda need her to let go now.

“Oh! Right.”

The pressure around your sides release.

“I just want to show that I’m here for ya always, Sparky. I know I didn’t say much, and everyone says I say too much all the time, but I just thought that I’d try and show you that I’m here by doing something that I don’t normally do and try and make it a surprise-kinda-deal but I don’t know if it worked…and…and…”

She’s looking down right now, her expression looks as if she’d done something horribly wrong.

Oh dear Celestia, that is the most pitiful face she has ever made.

I gotta stop it or I’ll die from the exposure.

Hey!

You lift her chin with your finger. It barely fit under there, but it did its job.

It’s alright. She shouldn’t have to do anything that goes against what she is. After all, her bring her is why you two are best friends!

She smiles. Faintly, but the gratitude behind it shines through.

Thanks, besty.

Anytime, Pinkie.

You hug her one more time, even stronger than before.

I wonder if humans are as good at hugging as ponies are?

You release after a little bit, smiling and continuing to explain why you didn't react.

You figured she has a lot on her mind right now, what with being in charge of the fireworks display AND all the sweet stuff that she had to help the Cakes prepare.

Her eyes widen.

She gasps.

“Oh shoot!”

Vrrooooomm.

Pinkie’s gone. You think she went upstairs, if the pink streak of light leading from where she was only seconds ago is assumed to be correct.

Vrrooooomm.

Oh, there she is. She’s got a weird suit on now, gas mask and everything. The dark red on it matches her coat and form, in a strange sort of way.

Is it weird that I’m no longer freaked out by things like this?

“MMMph! MMHph mmph mmhph mmhph!”

…What?

The Pink costumed mare adjusts a few valves on the mask.

“Sorry! Meant to say I’ve gotta run to pick some stuff up from an old friend for the festival. He’s a party pony like me, and should have everything I need for making some of the greatest homemade fireworks EVER!”

She hugs you again, this time faster and lighter than the one before.

“See ya in two days!”

Vrrooooommmm.

And she’s gone.

You should probably get going too.

Still got that doomsday to prepare for, after all.

**********

“It’ll be alright, darling. We’ll just bring him here to the library before he starts seeing anyone and give him a proper lesson in dating etiquette.”

“I still don’t know, Rarity. I think we should have just told him.”

“But that would’ve only provided a temporary solution, darling. Now we can find him a pony to truly love and to help him with his…urges whenever they need dealt with. We will just help him find somepony special, let nature take its course, and voila! It is, dare I say, a foolproof plan.”

“I guess. I still think we should have told him about the true reasoning why he needs one. I’ve kept it from him for so long -heck, I hid him from mares during estrus just so he wouldn’t be exposed or scarred for life- but I just don’t know if he can handle hearing it. He’s always been so…naïve.”

“We’ll cross that bridge once we come to it dear. For now, we must focus on our new goal: finding the human a special somepony! With my expertise in romance, and your know-how of…well, general pony biology, we will create the romance tale of the decade!”

“I suppose it is something that’ll be worth noting. Being the instigator of the first ever intimate relationship between an unknown species and a pony… This might just be the next big leap forward in the study of Xenobiology!”

“Yes indeed, Twilight. This season might just pass on without a hitch!”

“Te-he, it might! By the way, how was Rainbow Dash when you left her?”

“Oh, just fine. I made a simple request to the doctor to read her a lesson in elegance that I left…

**********

“Thanks Doc! Feels a ton better now.”

“You’re welcome, Miss Dash. Now that everything is order and you’re ready to be checked out, I must inform you that your friend Miss Rarity made a...emphatic request that I read the following to you.”

“Heh. Alright. Lay it on me Doc!”

“Very well. And I do apologize if this is at all startling, but know that it is not me who-“

“Nah, it’s all good! Like I said, lay it on me.”

“Very well. She states, and I quote, ‘I swear to Celestia again if you do not grow a tactful bone in you by the end of the week, I will find a way to sprout wings like Twilight did and smother you in your sleep.'”

**********

“Hey hey! There’s the spaz.”

Heya Bluesy!

Blues Noteworthy, surprisingly not one of the bluest unicorns in town (though he is a rather dark shade of it), tosses you a pair of drumsticks. His short blue mane dances on his head as it jerks to the door behind him.

“Band’s out back, waiting for ya to start.”

Awesome! You’ll head back then.

You are so thankful that Blues lets you and your band practice in his garage. After a few noise complaints from little ol’ Mr. Waddle, you had to move all your gear down to a place where no one could hear ya. Which is perfectly fine! Meeting the musical community while you were searching for a resting place for your rig around Ponyville more than makes up for the lugging of it everywhere. Besides, it’s now ya met Bluesy! He is one of the best musicians around here, and he introduced you to your compatriots (com-pon-triats?) standing (or possibly sitting) on the other side of the garage entrance.

Taking a step through the door, you’re greeted by all the ponies that make up your motley crew. Quick Riff, your lead guitarist, sits on a couch in the corner, mellowed-out as ever. His light brown coat is shaggy as always, some pieces of mottled fur sticking to the leather. His dark-brown mane shields his eyes from the lone light above you.

Yep, definitely passed out. Like always.

His younger brother and your bassist, Slow Riff, sits next to him, scribbling crazily away with his magic on his notepad that he takes everywhere. His dark brown, slightly lanky frame hunches over, almost to the level of being on level with his shorter brother. He’s got that crazy look in his eye like he does when he says he’s having a “songwriter’s moment”, which is nearly one-hundred-and-ten percent of the time.

Man, he never quits writing those crazy lyrics of his! Probably should take a break soon or he’ll blow a gasket in that noggin of his.

“And there’s the crazy son of a Pegasus! We’ve been waiting for ya!”

High Note, Rhythm guitarist and singer extraordinaire, squeezes right up next to you. He gives ya a good pounding on the back as you both hug each other.

His greenish-white Mohawk is practically sparkling today! It makes a good contrast with his light-tan coat.

You tell him so.

“Haha thanks man! It’s gonna wow that one babe that I’ve been eyeing forever now!”

You chuckle.

Which one?

“See, I’ve been going about it all wrong! She’s artist, right? So she wants avant-garde, but not totally avant-garde. Like an avant-garde with class, ya know? Like abstract, but not too abstract, ya know? I mean, it’s like…argh! It’s so difficult to explain words, ya know?”

You hear a chuckle on the couch.

It’s Slow Riff.

“You’re capacity to be a simplistic oaf never ceases to astound me, ya know?”

Quick Riff seems to have stirred from his slumber, to which he immediately guffaws at his brother’s remark.

So do you.

HN’s slightly grinning, despite the dis that’s totally been laid on him.

“Ah, shut up man! You’re just jealous of my sense of getting all the mares…-iness!”

Slow looks up from his pad for the first time since you entered the garage. He’s smiling slightly, his eyes slightly narrowed behind his thick-rimmed glasses.

“Oh, how foolish of me! I completely forgot your growing count of female companions. What is the count at now? Two?”

“Yeah, that’s right! That’s two more than you’ll ever have buddy!”

“Puh-lease. As if I would engage in the company you choose to partake. One of them happens to be the biggest tail-raiser this side of Canterlot, the other’s your cousin!”

“Second cousin! And she’s removed and hot, so that doesn’t count!”

“Oh? Does that mean you’re back down to one now?”

“I-you-she-ARRGGGHHH!”

Wow, with all this talk about mares you think I’d be more…aware of how big a subject it is here.

It’s kinda…unsettling really.

But why?

Eh, worry about it later.

You need to change the subject.

Alright guys, can you all get along with practice? The Ponyville Band Bash is a week from today, and y’all need to be in tip-top shape if you wanna take the title this year.

Quick speaks up.

“Sparks is right, dudes. We need to get everything to the fantastic levels of righteousness we know we can reach if we want that shot at making it big time.”

“Yes, I suppose even the human has more sense than the oaf.”

“Ah, shove it up you-“

Hey! Focus lovebirds.

“Quite right. Sorry.”

“Yeah, sorry S.S.”

It’s all good. Now, let’s get to practicing!

One by one, you and your band proceed to your instruments. After everypony gets in tune, you tap your sticks together to count everyone off.

Wait, which song are y’all working on?

“How about In Too Deep?”

“Yeah man, we need to get that up to par.”

“I concur.”

Sounds good.

One, Two, Three, Four…

SCCREEEEEEEEEEECCCHHH

Argh!

“Sorry dudes!”

Quick turns away from his amp. He always manages to get the worst feedback ever.

“Alright, here we go!”

Take two.

One, Two, Three, Four…

Thawonk!

...

High’s dropped his guitar.

“Ah ponyfeathers! Need to get some strap locks for this thing.”

You sigh, then let out a chuckle. HN puts his guitar back on.

Alright, take three.

One, Two, Three, Four…

Da-nana-na-na-na-na-na. Da-nana-na-na-na-na-na.

And we’re off.