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Vault Hunters in.... Equestria?
Chapter One: Tina and Krieg, meet Pinkie and Twilight?
Author's Note
This has alot of stuff revolving around Borderlands 2, so I recommend not reading this until you know more about it.
Chapter One: Tina and Krieg, meet Pinkie and Twilight?
"Well.... you should have let me bring more bombs..." Said the little filly.
"BOMBS EXPLODY EXPLODY!!!" Retaliated the psycho, known as Krieg. "Thats not how you say bombs are what got us into this mess... " He thought, well HE didn't think it, the voice in his head did. Did I mention Krieg was insane?
"Explody explody indeed young one" Replied the small insane filly, known as Tiny Tina.
As they got up from the wreckage of the spaceship, they realised how noisy the crash was. They noticed two other ponies running towards them from the distance, one lavender, the other pink.
"HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI HI!!!!" Shouted the pink pony from afar.
These two ponies ran towards them and began to talk.
"Um... Are you ok?" asked the lavender pony, "That sounded like it hurt"
"SALT THE WOUNDS!!!" Shouted Krieg.
"That's his way of saying were fine." Said Tina.
"OH THAT'S SO COOOOOL!!!!" Screamed the pink pony.
"Pinkie, how is that cool?" Said the lavender pony, carefully facehooving.
"BECAUSE, IT'S LIKE THEY KNOW TWO LANGUAGE-THINGYS!!!" The pink pony continued screaming in excitement.
"How does that work?" Asked the lavender pony.
"Because he has two ways of saying they're fine, silly!" Said the pink pony, who finally calmed down.
The lavender pony just groaned, and facehooved.
"HEY! We're still lying here unconscious!" Shouted Tina
"But aren't you standing up perfectly -"
"UNCONSCIOUUUS!!!" Interrupted Tina.
"Um.. Nevermind," Said the lavender pony, "Anyway, I'm Twilight Sparkle, this is -"
"NO WAIT LET THEM GUESS TWILY!!!" Screamed the pink pony
"But how are they gonna just guess your name, it could be anything!" Said Twilight.
"But guessing games are fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!" The pink pony retaliated.
"This is Pinkie Pie..." Said Twilight.
"POOP!!!" Screamed Krieg.
"Poop indeed, young one," Replied Tina.
"Um....." Said Twilight and Pinkie in unison.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey, heeeeyy, HEEEEEEEYYYYY!!!" Said Tina, "I'm Tina, this is Krieg, we cool, we cool."
"Ok......" They both replied in unison again.
"Did you just come from that crashed ship?" Said Twilight.
"IT WENT BOOM WHEN WE USED BOMBS BY ACCIDENT!!!" Shouted Krieg, who just seems to have a way with words.
"Well if you need a place to stay, your welcome at the library -"
"OR SUGARCUBE CORNER!"
"Yeah, or Sugarcube Corner..."
"Hey guys," Interrupted Tina, "I think we can all agree.... Somehow.... This is all ClapTraps fault,"
"Who?" Asked Twilight.
The non-existent camera floated up to Tina's head, almost to increase dramatic effect. "A really, really, really, really, really annoying robot thingy"
Twilight seemed almost to confused about... Everything to care that Tina just said that there was a robot where she lived.
"Well, if you need somewhere to stay, you know where to go," Said Twilight, walking off.
"Kay kay, bye!" Said Tina, who appeared almost to sane for her own good...
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Vault Hunters in.... Equestria?
Chapter one: Maya, Gaige and Zer0, meet Celestia and Luna?
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. View Online
Vault Hunters in.... Equestria?
Chapter Two: Perception and Reality, one in the same? Only the phsyco tells.
[Two hours after the freak-out about not shooting stuff]
Alright, I'm back and ready to read this bullshit! Then I can get payed and go.
"Um... Please step in the castle, we can explain where you can live there, there's definitely no room for all of you on Twilight's libibrary" Said Celestia.
They walked through the door, and stepped on a trapdoor, that was never there originally there.
NO! NO THIS DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!!! I am not doing this bullshit!
[Two more hours]
Ok, now that I'm strapped in the chair because I'm apparently "Becoming Violent" I was just gonna punch them...
"Whats going on?!" Asked a worried Gaige.
"Take a fucking guess!" Replied Maya.
"Oh um... Ok! We're... Falling through a trapdoor!" Said Gaige, who mistook it for a sincere request
Maya just facehooved.
It was then when they realised they were ponies and freaked out.
"WHY DO I HAVE HOOVES?!?! VOICE DUDE! DO YOU HAVE HOOVES?!" Screamed Krieg. No, I don't have hooves, seriously how can you be this stupid?! Said the voice.
"Shut up and calm down! We need to get back up there because we're falling fast, so lets put our heads together and think of something!" Shouted an angry Zer0
"I have a plan! IF you have wings, FLY AND CARRY US UP DUMBASSES!" Shouted Maya
Tina, Gaige, and Krieg flew up and carried them all up, while Celestia and Luna used their brains much earlier and flew up. When they got up, they thought about where it came from.
"Was that originally there?" Asked Salvador.
"No it wasn't that's whats confusing me!" Said Celestia.
"Maybe it wasn't there in your reality!" Said a strange voice.
It seemed to be coming from every direction so they got in a circle, except Krieg for some odd reason, he was looking in the middle.
"What you see is what you get, that's why you see me punching you!" Said the giggling, strange voice
Suddenly, a pony that appeared to be half red and half yellow appeared in the middle and went for Maya. He never got the hit as Krieg swung his axe at him, it didn't hurt much though since his axe seemed to turn into a pointy stick.
"What happened?!" Asked Maya, who just turned around.
"Perception happened, you couldn't perceive me as a threat! You couldn't perceive me at all!" Said a female version of the strange voice, giggling.
"And the reality of things is that You couldn't have attacked! Your gun is a water gun! Would that really do much damage miss?" Said a male sounding version.
The two- I'm sorry, one ponies- pony, said that perception and realty weren't so different, but Krieg had other ideas.
"What you see is NOT what you get! Your insanity will not affect your reality, there cannot be multiple realities!" Said Krieg, it was almost like his sane voice has taken over.
"Philosophy must not be your strong point, but there are no answers that are right or wrong are there? In your reality at least." Said the pony, who seemed to be almost getting wider, like he- no she- IT was splitting into two. And it did, two ponies, one a yellow mare, the other a red stallion, both smiling and giggling.
Maya, whose gun seemed to be back to normal, attempted to shoot the two. It failed.
"Reality doesn't like bullets Maya!" Said the yellow mare.
"Neither does perception!" Said the red stallion.
"We must escape, they are overpowered, are badasses here?" Asked Zer0
"Just run you fools!" Said Tina, who seemed to be equally scared...
Tina couldn't remember feeling anything more painful then that day... He finally got what the two flashed were when they were being tested, when she escaped. The doors seemed to be locked when she ran to the flash, and she would start perceiving things differently. Doors became walls, and walls became doors, she looked crazy, running around like that, but now wasn't the time for remembering painful things...
As they ran, they heard the yellow pony scream "Oh, oh, oh, oh, LETS PLAY THE FLOOR IS LAVA!"
As they ran, they started seeing the floor, change... To lava... They perceived it as a threat, even though it was just what they saw, and started climbing things as the floor turned normal.
"That was fun!" Shouted the red stallion, whose voice seemed to be coming from nowhere. "But what game will we play next?" Asked the yellow pony.
They managed to figure these things out
-Red stallion= Reality, a pony with the ability to alter reality to an unknown extent
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Vault Hunters in.... Equestria?
Chapter Three: The quest for a good chapter name.
"I know what game we should play!" said Reality and Perception in unison.
"What game? they both asked again.
"Find the air bubbles!" exclaimed Perception
"Great idea!" shouted Reality as the air around them started to look like water.
Everyone started holding their breath except Krieg who seemed to be unaffected.
"BREATH YOU MORONS!" shouted Krieg, which confused everyone because he was completely fine with letting all the oxygen out of his lungs and even spoke.
"Damn it Krieg keeps ruining our fun!" said perception, as the water disappeared.
"You find this fun?!" Tina screamed "YOU ARE NO LONGER INVITED TO MY TEA PARTY!"
Krieg then decided to use his axe to make stabby stabby, Krieg's immunity to the effects of the two allowed him to attack. He swung and...
"Owie owie!" Said the two, forming back into one pony. "Spoilsport!" It shouted, and then it teleported away.
"Who was that? What was that? Was it real? Is this a bad fanfiction?!" Asked a confused, and worried Celestia.
STOP DOING THAT! I'm not becoming violent anymore, you can let me out of the chair now, I'm calm. POW! That's for writing this! Back to the story folks!
"That was a bad guy." Said Gaige
"No shit Sherlock" Replied Maya
"Lets go explode something" Said Tina, who almost seemed to completely forget she would have been killed.
No, NO NO NO NO! SHE COULD NOT JUST FORGET AFTER THE WHOLE THING IN THE LAST CHAPTER!
[Two hours later]
"Lets explode stuff to take that of our minds" Said a slightly terrified Tina
There, fixed.
"That's illegal too..." Said Luna "We wish thou no offense, but doth thou have even a shred of morals?!
"Probably not" Said Tina.
It was then when they FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.
"ARE YOU EVEN ABLE TO KILL THINGS HERE?!?!" Screamed an annoyed Krieg
"No... Thou ask insane questions, art thou insane?" Said a concerned Luna
"Whadda you think?" Asked Maya sarcastically.
Now I am going away to rethink my entire life after reading that, see you soon.
Vault Hunters in.... Equestria?
They all sat in the castle, wondering what to do.
"We need to find them." Said Celestia
"Are you kidding? They'll kill us!" Retaliated Gaige
"What if we give them some baked goods?" Asked Pinkie, looking like some genius who just had some form of breakthrough.
"How will that help Pinkie?" Asked Twilight
"Well, maybe, they'll respect us so much that they won't kill us!" Pinkie smiled.
"Hey, I have an idea!" Shouted Gaige
"And what's that? Wait let me guess, it's probably stupid," Replied Maya
"Somepony get her an award for the greatest insult of all time!" Shouted Salvador.
"Worst sarcasm ever!" Screamed Tina.
FLASH
Waking up, they looked around, getting up from the floor in the strange room they found themselves in.
"W-where are we?" Asked Celestia
"Don't worry"
"Who are you?" Asked Twilight
"I said don't worry, but if you must know I'm..." A dark blue pony jumped out from the shadow
DEFECT, AS THE PROTOTYPE
"Your name's Defect? Weird name, anyway would you mind telling us WHERE WE ARE?!" Shouted Zer0
Defect sighed, "If you must know, you're in my base of operations."
"Well, why are we here?" Asked Gaige.
"Screw this, I'm leaving" Said Maya
"You don't wanna go in there," - Defect looked over at Maya - "trust me."
Maya ignored Defect, and opened the entrance, only to be greeted by an inhabited wasteland.
"I told you, he's planning something big, your Canterlot, was the first thing he did," Said Defect.
"Wait, who's he ?" Celestia looked confused, "do you mean Reality?"
"No, no I don't" Replied Defect "I mean- Argh!" Defect held her forehead tightly.
"What's wrong?" Asked Luna.
"The connection stops there"
"Connection?"
"You know what, I should send you out now" Replied Defect.
FLASH
And back they were, standing in the wreckage of Canterlot.
"This is bad" Said Celestia, "very very bad..."
Vault Hunters in.... Equestria?
"Quick! We need to make sure Ponyville's ok!" Screamed Twilight.
"We agree, let us make haste, to Ponyville!" Replied Luna.
"Twilight, you and Luna check on Ponyville, the rest of us will look for this 'Stallion' Defect told us off," Said Celestia
**************
"We understand your concern, but shouldn't we check on other cities later?" Asked Luna
"How about this, we can do that later, right now, why don't we check on Ponyville, since, you know, the elements of harmony are here, get it?"
Luna sighed, "Fine," She added, reluctantly, forgetting that the elements of harmony went back to the tree... Of harmony
"TWILIIIIGHT!" Screamed Rainbow Dash
"GIT OVER HERE TWI'!" Added AppleJack
"TWILIGHT, DARLING, SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS HAPPENING!" Added Rarity
"Well, um, something bad's kinda happened..." Whispered Fluttershy
"CHECK ON PONYVILLE!" Screamed a voice in the distance, which sounded like Defect
When they arrived at PonyVille, the gazed in horror, of the terrifying, terrible, horror of-
************
KIDDING! That kind of suspense would be just annoying!
Anyway, they gazed, blah blah blah, at the terrifying, horror of- Hang on, I gotta pee
[TWO HOURS LATER]
Why did it take me that long to pee...? That's unhealthy, I'll have that checked out, just a sec, or a day, or two.
[A FEW DAYS LATER]
Turns out it's nothing, anyway, they gazed at the- Gotta take a shit, hang on.
[A FEW MINUTES LATER]
"STOP STALLING DAMMIT!" Screamed some other guy at the studio, wait why am I narrating what he says? Oh yeah, because there's no other way of telling you guys he's speaking.
Huh, I just realised I'm always questioning things, I guess stuff like that stems back to my childhood, where I always wanted to explain everything, and I...
[INSERT LONG BACK-STORY HERE]
Huh, so that's why I always wanted to read out stories... Excuse me, I think I'm gonna go rethink my whole life now...
[A FEW WEEKS LATER]
I'm back... anyway, they gazed at the horror, the terrifying monstrosity of- Oh, we're out of time, bye folks!
Vault Hunters in.... Equestria?
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. View Online
Vault Hunters in.... Equestria?
Chapter one: Salvador, go meet somepony so this title goes with everything else...
Author's Note
In this fanfic I decided to do something like this where the reader would comment on stuff, what do you guys think about that?
Chapter one: Salvador, go meet somepony so this title goes with everything else...
"So... Is that all of you?" Asked a worried Celestia.
"Yeah"
"Yup"
"I AGREE WITH THE POPULAR OPINION!!!"
"No, you forgot the bombs in the ship! And what about Flanclor Von Pickleshire?! You forgot her!" Shouted Tina
"SHE WAS A DOLL YOU LEFT IN THE SHIP WITH DYNAMITE STRAPPED TO IT!!" Retaliated Krieg, who finally said something sane
"SHE WAS A PERSON WITH A LIFE AND A FAMILY!!!" Shouted Tina, who.... Wait Tina began to cry? Tina? Over a doll? SERIOUSLY?! TINY FREAKING TINA!? Who wrote this crap?!
[Two hours later]
I'm back, I've calmed down, and edited the story slightly.
"Ok fine it was just a doll..." Grumbled Tina
Celestia just stood there, looking really weirded out, Luna must have thought this looked fun and joined in.
"Ok, why don't we just calm down, shoot some stuff, and then find this vault, ok?" Said Salvador.
"Shooting some stuff seems fun, why the hell not? Replied Maya
"Um.. My little ponies, shooting stuff is illegal here..." Said a concerned Celestia.
"WHAT?!"
"HOW DOES THAT WORK?!"
"WHAT DO YOU PONIES DO AROUND HERE?!"
"AM I IN A POORLY WRITED FANFICTION?!" Screamed Tina
How did she- What is this- Why reference- WHAT IS UP WITH THIS STORY?!
[Another few hours later]
I am back... Apparently I don't get payed unless I "Read the whole thing" The dicks...
As they pondered how this place works without shooting stuff in the face, the chapter ended because screw these guys I'm reading the rest later.
Vault Hunters in.... Equestria?
Chapter Four: Negotiations
"You were sent to kill them" He said, his horn went aglow, as a magical image of the Vault Hunters, appeared, "Do they look like they've been killed?" His voice held no anger, just disappointment.
"Well, Krieg's a doo-doo head! He won't let us use our powers to kill him" Shouted Them-Him-Her- IT, you know, Perception and Reality, that dude-thing
"You didn't kill them, you just played with them," He said, his voice getting louder as he spoke, "I gave you almost infinite power, and you just played, you have the mentality of children!"
"Coming from the guy who made us" Perception and Reality muttered under it's breath.
"I made you, I can UN-make you, now I ask you this," He said, his voice becoming more calm and steady "Do you want to just be a shred of magic, floating in some unicorns imagination?"
"No, I guess not." They grumbled, splitting into two again
"Well then, KILL THEM. If you do not, you will find a distinct lack of life in your breath"
"Wait a minute..." They replied, a look of confusion spreading on their faces, "If we're dead, how will we breath?"
He just slammed his hoof on the ground, a strange magical energy flowing through his body, like nothing a normal pony could to, a magical aura feeling... Strange... evil.... like the kind of thing only the most powerful could pull of.
Before they knew it Perception and reality were floating in the air, they knew something bad was happening, but, they did get one thing wrong, it wasn't bad... for them, at least.
As light cloaked the two, they felt... Odd... They felt almost pain, as something spread from their backs...
As they fell, they struggled to catch their breath, they got up.
They were Alicorns.
"Hey, cool, we have wings now!" They both said, "Thanks boss!"
"My name is not boss," He said, smirking, "It's Curse Master."
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Vault Hunters in.... Equestria?
Techinically not cancelled so I can stop writing this crap c:
Curse Master exploded them with his overpowered-ness and they all died.
The end.