A bank like no other

My name is Anonymous, but most ponies around here call me Anon. You may be wondering to yourself why I said “ponies” and not “humans”. Well to make a long story short, I am currently on a planet inhabited by sentient ponies. Yeah, I can understand why you may think I’m crazy but I promise you that what I say is the truth. How about I give you a little detail on how I entered this world? I promise you won't be disappointed.

Whenever you imagine yourself entering a new world, how do you describe it? Falling from the sky? Maybe even a portal of some kind? Well, regardless of how you wish to enter a new world, I learned first hand that it's never how you expect it to be. You see, I entered this new world.. in a jacuzzi. Weird shit right? One moment I am in total darkness and then I rise up into this hot tub.

Think that’s where it ended? I wish. When I finally got the water out of my eyes I look around and see that the tub had a few guests. These guests were not human. What was in the water surrounding me were ponies. Weird little colorful ponies. They all looked to me in shock and I probably had the same look to be honest.

“Hey?” I say cautiously.

As soon as something left my mouth, all of the ponies scrambled into every which direction screaming and hollering. I couldn't help but feel myself freeze up as they screamed out words, perfectly formed human words. I knew from here on that I was probably not on my world anymore, so I promptly passed out. I soon awoke into a dungeon. A very dark and dank dungeon. It was freezing and my head felt as if I was tossed in here. I was hoping when I woke up that this was all just a dream but soon a few ponies in armor escorted me to a throne room.

I tried to keep as calm as I could but it still was very surprising that these ponies were talking and even acting in very human ways. Though as soon as they saw me most of them ran away. Soon I was brought before a white horse. No lie, it was a pure white horse with a crazy mane. It looked like it was made of smoke or something, moving in a breeze that wasn't there.

Anyways, after some examining and more than a few days of talking. Celestia and I came to an understanding that I was of no harm and also couldn't return home. Though honestly, that was no problem to me. These ponies were nice and the princess was more than convincing when she taught me how to treat a royal flank. You see, she was in heat at the time of our little talk. I had no idea what it was but all I know is that I got a ton of sex for free. Probably not something I would share with another person, but, here we are.

So after that I continued my little rendezvous with the princess from time to time, nothing ever too serious you know. Just some human on pony action to relieve some stress. I guess being a human was cool seeing as she can't get pregnant. So after all this I had to get a job, but I have never been one to work hard. I have always been a problem solver of sorts. After talking with the princess some, she told me that the females here outnumber the males by a great amount. If I remember correctly it was 5 to 1.

It seems that even with herds they can't stabilize the male to female ratio, it also didn't help when some stallions were into other stallions. I’ts getting to a point where the males of their species could soon die out in a thousand years or so. That was definitely not something I would like to see. So thanks to my human knowledge I soon informed Celestia of a fool proof way to help boost the male population. It wouldn't happen quickly, but it was a start to keeping her ponies thriving for many generations.

So here I am, in a fully funded and custom built sperm bank that was stationed in Ponyville. Yes, that was my idea. Stallions all around could donate some sperm for a few bits or tax writeoffs for the richer ones. Gay, straight, it didn't matter. The sperm they gave was all good and going to mares that truly wanted to have kids, even same sex mares could request from my bank.

There is one catch to this whole banking process. It seems that ponies can't really control their hooves very well. So, for lack of a better way to say this. I needed to give the stallions a “helping hand” as it were. I also had to help inseminate the mares so they could become pregnant. So, this is my story on how I am saving Equestria, one stallion and mare at a time. Their kids better thank me for this.