Vermemancy

by Homfrog

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Crossover
Length: 2108

A strange, unintelligible creature crashes into Fluttershy's house. Can she help it get home?

Floating for its life from the Everfree Forest, a strange, unintelligible creature accidentally crashes into Fluttershy's house. She takes it in, but is very confused by its actions. It claims to be lost. Can she help it get home?

Crossover with an obscure sub-section of a well-known Internet cartoon. Points if you get the reference.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2011-10-22 00:49:25 UTC

Vermemancy

A lovely spring wind blew through the trees of Ponyville. It was mid-morning and sunny, and the green leaves swayed on their branches like so many papery fingers playing a noteless tune. Laying beneath them were the ponies of the town, relaxing and playing.

The trees outside Ponyville were a different story. Haphazard in design, their leaves competed viciously for what little light reached them in the Everfree Forest. The breeze shook them allergically, giving them eerie motion conveying the idea of malice. Anypony beneath these ugly hordes would find themselves in a deep shade from which escape was uncertain.

The Everfree, by nature or lack thereof, did not expand. It took the generous space it had been gifted with and redoubled its efforts to fill that space as densely as possible, gnarling like an ingrown toenail as the roots strangled one another and the fungi blanketed the rotten but not-yet-dead trunks. The air was stagnant and few earthly pleasures could persuade somepony to remain in such a gloomy place. Whatever creatures survived in here did so because they were tough, strong, or just as dangerous as the Forest. Which is why it was so odd to see a defenseless, lumpy, blue thing floating through the narrow trails at a slow and steady pace.

Sherlock was lost. He did not see the familiar mountains of his homeland. He saw only a forest, one which he had decided he needed to exit. Although his small eyes had a severe squint, he knew that he was nowhere near home. This forest went on for dozens of kilochecks, and it would be a miracle if he found his way out. Looking up, he barely sensed the gentle heat of the stars under which he had grown up, but there were too many trees to tell if the stars were even still there. He turned to his echolocation. Just trees in all directions.

But wait— a narrow opening, where his sounds were escaping. An exit which hopefully led back home. Sherlock sped up, eager to reach the world he knew. The horrid forest left his field of view and bright light replaced it. These were no stars. This was the Sun. It scared him. He had been taught that the Sun was deadly. He desperately hovered further from the forest, his vision flooded and his mind overloaded. He blindly searched for shelter from the glare.

After a moment, his senses returned to normal, giving him the contrast to see the cottage he was about to crash into at top speed. He didn't have enough time to avoid the collision.

WHAM!!

Sherlock fell back dazed, landing on his tender belly. His head spun as his equilibrium tried to reassert control. His legs flopped about. Disconcerted, he rolled around until he got his legs under him, then tenuously stood before falling back down. Apparently he had damaged his buzzer. No buzzer, no hover. Finally, his injury got the best of him and he slipped into unconsciousness, briefly glimpsing a yellow horse approach him.

Sherlock awoke in another unfamiliar place. A dwelling of some sort, very warm, full of cloth and traces of animals. He was in a round plush bed, with two dishes in front of him. One was full of plants, the other water. He turned up his nose at the plants, pulled the other dish closer to the bed, and carefully lapped up the water until it was half-gone. He was grateful; after all, it had been exhausting travelling through that awful forest. He turned away from the dishes and began to scan the room for his favored prey. To his dismay, the floor was wood, so it was likely that no prey would be found here. His four stomachs grumbled in protest.

Just then, a small horse came into the room from a door he hadn't noticed earlier. It was yellow and had wings, with long pink hair flowing from its head and butt.

"Oh! You're awake!" Fluttershy trotted over to the strange creature and inspected it. It was about two feet tall, with a rotund blue body and four thin yellow legs. It had no neck, nor did it have hooves, ears, a tail, or hair. Its skin was squeaky smooth like a dolphin, and it had some darker splotches around its back end. If she had to compare it, though, it was most like a cow. Something about it just seemed bovine. Maybe the mouth.

"My name's Fluttershy. Can you talk?"

Sherlock opened his mouth and mumbled a standard greeting. "Umhurmruuhmrhuh." He understood the strange creature, but he had a feeling that it, like others, would not understand him.

"Oh, um, you can sort of talk. That's good. Can you tell me your name?"

Seeing that talk would get him nowhere, he worked up a loogie for a bit and hocked it onto his leg, then spread it on the floor and inscribed it with his name.

"Sh- Sherlock? Oh, what a lovely name. Um, you didn’t really have to spit on my floor, but it's okay... I think I can clean it up."

Sherlock wiped the markings off the spit, which had rapidly congealed into a dark waxy substance, and wrote 'HUNGRY'.

"You're hungry? Well, I set out some vegetables for you, did you see? Oh, you didn't eat them... So, uh, what would you like to eat?"

'WORM'

"Worms? I have plenty of those! I'll be right back." Fluttershy returned quickly, carrying a cup of slithering worms which she set before the creature. He gnashed them between his teeth and tugged them apart, and in little time, he had eaten all of them.

"Oh, my, you were hungry! Was that enough?"

'YES, YOU'

"Oh, I don't eat worms. I'm a pony, ponies don't eat worms."

'WHY NOT'

Fluttershy thought for a moment. "Well, because I can digest plants better than meat."

Sherlock nodded. He then struggled to get out of the bed, his legs futilely straining, but collapsed halfway, out of breath.

"Oh dear! Did you hurt yourself when you hit my house?"

'CAN'T FLOAT'

"You... can usually float? I'm so sorry you got hurt, how can I help?"

'KICK ME' and he tapped his forehead.

The pegasus looked shocked. "K-kick you? I could never do that!"

'KICK FIXES' and again he tapped his forehead.

"O-okay..." she apprehensively turned around and bucked him in the head. The creature fell onto his back. "Ohmygoodness I'm so sorry did I hurt you please get up!"

The blue thing rolled back onto his stomach, pushed himself up with his legs and gently alit into the air. "Uhmhurumhuurhhmruuh."

"Oh my! You can float! And without any wings, even!"

Sherlock slowly hovered about, making a picture of the room in his head. It was fairly large, and filled with the scent of animals and the feeling of hospitality. He turned back to Fluttershy, then loogie’d on the floor again. ‘WHERE AM I’

Fluttershy winced as the saliva hardened into wax on her floor. “Um, you’re in my cottage, in Ponyville. Do you know where that is?”

‘NO’

“Oh, it’s, uh, it’s in Equestria, we’re practically next to Canterlot. The capital city.”

‘WHERE IS THAT’

“Equestria? Well, it’s right next to Canida, and I think Burrodeo is somewhere to the south. But you came from the Everfree Forest, which is only near Ponyville. Ponyville’s pretty small.” She gestured with her hooves the relative sizes of the town and the country.

‘NOT FROM THE FOREST’

The pegasus had vaguely suspected this, being that such a creature as Sherlock would not survive a day in there. “Then where are you from?”

‘SCCL’

“Um, and that stands for?”

‘TOO LONG’

“Oh, okay. Is it another country?”

‘NO’ He paused and then wrote ‘T SURE’ after it. He was stymied as to his location. He peered out the window above the couch and saw rolling green hills in front of a small village. It was like nothing he had ever seen before. There were hills. They were smooth and round. He only knew of sharp-pointed pink mountains, embedded with yellow and white rock strata.

“...So, do you know how to get back?”

Sherlock turned around and wistfully squinted at the pony. “Uhhumrumhruurhum.” He floated over to her and spat again. ‘NO’

The yellow mare sighed. “So you’re stuck here. Well, um, it’s a pretty nice place. You can stay for a while, I guess.”

‘NO THANKS’

“Um, what do you mean, no thanks? You have no way out of here...”

The blue creature responded by floating over to the door, opening it with a fluid spiralling movement of his foreleg, and exiting the cottage. Fluttershy cautiously followed him. She found him hovering above the grass a ways beyond the bridge.

“Excuse me, Sherlock? Uh, what are you doing?”

Sherlock said nothing to her. Under his breath, he began an ancient chant known to the cowcopters for millenia. To Fluttershy, it just sounded like grunty breathing. To him, it was the way home. He finished the chant, and began to drool a strange pattern in the field.

“S-Sherlock? Are you okay?” She crested the bridge and saw the full extent of the pattern. It was a huge circle with smaller circles and spirals throughout it. It was dissolving a hole in the ground. A huge hole. “Sherlock! Stop it!” She couldn’t get a clear look into his eyes, so the Stare was not an option. He was moving quickly, drooling a different sort of caustic spit all the while, and the ground was crumbling inwards in the same pattern, although after a delay. There was a tumultuous shaking.

Rainbow Dash was sleeping on a cloud. Suddenly she heard rumbling, and opened an eye. She jumped into the air after noticing all the buildings in town wavering back and forth. Searching the land for the epicenter, her sight came to rest at Fluttershy’s cottage, where a massive sinkhole was opening in the ground. A small creature seemed to be controlling it.

“What’s that blue thing doing here?!”

She dashed off to warn the townsfolk. Most of them already knew.

The sinkhole was growing, its sections pulling into the depths in concentric rings from the center. The trees dropped their fruit and animals scattered. They could sense what was coming, and they wanted to get as far away as possible.

“Sherlock! Please stop! ...You’re scaring everypony! The whole town is shaking!”

Sherlock did not answer. He continued his work. After a bit, he paused to look at his work, floating back to Fluttershy. The hole was complete. It was now a fine-edged circle. The rumbling did not stop, and in fact got more violent. A pungent smell wafted out of the hole. Slowly, an enormous white thing emerged, at least 20 feet across.  It was long and tubular.

“Umhruruhummhurhmuh!” Sherlock turned to Fluttershy, spat on the ground, and wrote in it. ‘GOOD BYE’

“Sherlock! W-what did you do? ...What is that thing?”

‘WORM FRIEND’

Fluttershy leaned back, gazing at the height of the monstrous worm as it rose into the sky. “That... worm... is your friend?”

‘FRIEND TO ALL’ He gestured at the worm with a foreleg, then hovered towards it. Fluttershy pulled him back.

“Don’t! It’s dangerous!”

Sherlock indignantly frowned. ‘I RIDE IT HOME’

“But... but... Where does it go from here? It’s so... big!”

‘HOME’ He turned back to the worm and chanted to it. “Umhruumrmrhrurmmuuruh.” The worm opened its vast mouth, the size of a house, roaring at a very low pitch like it was saying “Ahhh.” Sherlock hovered up to its mouth, Fluttershy trailing behind him into the air.

“Don’t go, Sherlock! How can that worm possibly get you home?”

Sherlock glanced back at her, but there was no way to tell her anything. He continued hovering, higher and higher, and landed in a pouch on the worm’s tongue. A glass dome swiveled out of the flesh and covered him. His legs melded into four corresponding sockets. The worm’s mouth closed, and in a giant arc, it dove back into the ground, making a sound like a train rushing past and another 20-foot hole beside the first. As its tail end lifted out of the ground, it filled up the original hole with dirt and left a perfectly flat circle. The worm took a good minute to burrow entirely into the ground again, and soon that hole was filled up too. The rumbling got more distant. Then it vanished from the perceptible range.

Fluttershy was left with a million questions and two extremely fertile patches of soil for a garden.

THE END