Prologue: Taking the Leap of Faith
Prologue
Taking the Leap of Faith
Onyx…?
It’s me, Daisy. Look… I know you wanted to us to be together, but we just can’t. I mean. You’re you, and I’m me. You’re a suicidal maniac, while I’m a happy pony who knows how to smile. I know how it feels to be depressed, but you’re simply blowing it out of proportion...
Whenever something goes wrong for you, you always seem to threaten those who were close to you that you’ll kill yourself, even though you always fail and sometimes lead others on. I wanted us to be together, I think you’re sweet and all… but I just don’t want to date someone who is always thinking about suicide. It makes you look selfish, and sometimes stupid - if you can’t value life, I don’t see how you can value love.
Suicide doesn’t make you any braver, nor does it make you any better. You should have listened to us, we tried to tell you. Your mother, your father, your brother, even me. Even Cobalt wanted to help you, even though you hated him and he hated you. He wanted to see you live through this, all of this. But you’re just too weak, you can’t handle anything without thinking about a world without you, how it would apparently be better. But, the fact is, you only made things worse both for yourself and those around you, and to me, that’s incredibly selfish of you. You pushed us away for the sake of killing off your sadness instead of actually coming to us.
I’m sorry, Onyx. But, I want to be with Royal. He knows what I want, he knows how I feel about him and he loves me back. What you do from this point I don’t care, you can hang yourself or throw yourself off of a building, because I don’t see why I should care anymore. You wanted to be a good pony, and you are. Or… were. But the deeper you fell into depression, the less you cared about those around you. You stopped listening… and we stopped caring.
Goodbye, Onyx…
Depression was a bitch.
No matter how happy you looked on the outside, no matter how much you tried to be a good pony, you never succeeded. Anything you said to somepony would impact somepony in the way you intended, and the other the wrong way. You make friendships and relationships to break another one. It’s just the way the world goes round.
I had made more enemies than I had friends, I had hurt others unintentionally. I wouldn’t regret it on the spot, but as the days passed, I felt the guilt overpower me. Completely. What am I now? I was suicidal, yes. And I don’t think that portion of me will ever go - but I had done worse than just being selfish. I had hurt Daisy with my suicidal thoughts, I had begged her to do it, and I had pushed her out of the way for the sake of my own “benefits”. But there were no benefits, were there?
If I hadn’t moved to Manehattan, none of this would have started. If I stood by my friends, maybe my depression would have been fixed by now; maybe I would have been cured by the ponies that I held close. But I did the stupid thing; I took the so-called “opportunity” and chose that over my friends. But what did I know? I was blinded by own problems and solutions to even look out for anypony who I cared about, and now I was alone. The mare of my dreams leaving me to stand on the edge of life itself before plunging into the abyss of death, and my family too far away to even talk me out of it, and they probably stopped caring as I stopped listening.
Manehattan was no place for saints. And I was no saint. The beauty of the place blinded others, and it even blinded me. I came here expecting that I could do better, and I knew I couldn’t. Because even if I tried, things would only get worse. I was the best of a bad situation, and if this was to become my final resting place, I’d at least die knowing that this was the place where I belonged.
And as I stand, preparing to take the leap of faith. The leap that will end my life, I stare out into the skyline of Manehattan. The bright lights from the buildings glaring into my eyes as I stand on top of one of the tallest buildings within the slums, seeing Skyscrapers standing tall in the night sky as their lights brightly shine towards me, illuminating the surrounding area. The wind running through my main as I stand on the edge, taking deep breaths as I began inhale some of my last breaths.
I closed my eyes, remembering the past, remembering how I was so much better. How I used to be a better pony. And then how I hurt them all, how I ignored their help and advice only to find myself in this situation, this situation today. And that drove me this far, and hope couldn’t save me now, no matter how much it had saved me before.
“I suppose this is it,” I mumbled to myself, opening my eyes and staring out into the distance, trying not to gaze down at the incredibly long drop below me. “This is… where it ends…” I felt tears begin to develop in my eyes, but the cold breeze which nipped along my face and neck instantly dried them, taking away any other developing tears within my eye sockets.
Turning my attention to the drop, I soon leaned over. “Once I’m gone, there’s no going back…” I grimaced slightly, before taking one last deep breath, feeling tears trying to barge their way out of my eyes. “N-no more… no more pain.”
I soon fell forward, feeling my entire body fall from the ledge, and as I began to fall, I closed my eyes, feeling the wind pressing against my face as I plummeted down from over two-hundred feet…
Falling…
Falling…
Falling...
