When three little fillies materialize in the middle of your living room...

by PonyFromSpace

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Other, Discord, Human
Length: 8572

What do you do when three little fillies suddenly materialize in the middle of your living room and yell: "Cutiemark Crusaders Dimensional Jumpers, yaay!"

What do you do when three little fillies suddenly materialize in the middle of your living room?
What do you do when three little fillies suddenly materialize in the middle of your living room and yell: "Cutiemark Crusaders Dimensional Jumpers, yaay!"
I'll give you a hint: it's NOT what I did.

If anything similar ever happens to you, I advise you NOT to do the same things I did, you'll see why soon enough.

Published 2014-03-06 16:50:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-07 13:31:56 UTC

1. Dimensional Jumpers, oh my!

What do you do when three little fillies suddenly materialize in the middle of your living room?
What do you do when three little fillies suddenly materialize in the middle of your living room and yell: "Cutiemark Crusaders Dimensional Jumpers, yaay!"
I'll give you a hint: it's NOT what I did.

If anything similar ever happens to you, I advise you NOT to do the same things I did, you'll see why soon enough.

Dimensional Jumpers, oh my!

I flung my backpack on the table.
"Jas aan de kapstok!", mom yelled.
Oh, of course, almost forgot most of you don't speak Dutch.

Let me translate that for you.
"Hang your jacket in the coat rack!", mom yelled.
"Yes mom!", I replied.
This had been one of those days, you know,
one of those days you think you should've never left your bed in the first place.

I hung my jacket in the coat rack.
I took another glance at my backpack.
The zipper was ripped completely and some of the books inside were torn.
Yep. One of those days.

"Jeffrey, what did you do?!", mom screamed.
She grabbed the torn rucksack and muffled inside.
"Do you know how much your dad has to work to pay for this Jeremy, a LOT!"
I sighed.
I had to go through at least the same amount of time with a black eye.
Nobody cares about that, do they.
No, it's money, money, money.
"Go to your room!", mom said.
I didn't plan on doing anything else anyways, so I did as she asked.

I had learned long ago that my mother is nobody you can reason with.
Say A, she says B, say B, she says A.

I knew I wasn't in the wrong.
What can a guy do about the fact humans are aggressive creatures?
They attacked me, took my money, my phone.
Ah, well. Humans. What can you do about it, right?
I'm lucky you can't easily get a gun, here in Belgium.
I knew a ton of people who would be willing to shoot me for a peppermint.

You could say it's because they live in a crappy neighbourhood. You could say it's due to their bad grades, but seriously now: I would just GIVE them the peppermint, no need to shoot me.

I was lucky to be alive.
The alleys of Antwerp are easy to misjudge.
I watched the news on my computer.
A guy stabbed for his smartphone. He didn't get as lucky as I did, I guess.

My mom usually unplugged our Wi-Fi whenever I was banished to my room, which was almost every day.
The boy next door noticed, and shared his Wi-Fi with me.

That's how I met the show.
A show about talking, colourful ponies.
At first, I thought it was ridiculous.
When Peter (the boy next door) first told me he watched a show meant for little girls, I laughed him away.
"Yeah, good joke man!"

He would just stand there and frown at me.
That evening, he sent me a link via email.
An episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

At first, I was laughing too hard to actually take a look into it. Then curiosity took over.
What was it that this guy likes about this show?

So I watched an episode.
Another episode.
Another episode.

I'm still not sure why I like the show that much, neither am I sure why he did too.
I just liked the show.
Maybe it's a nice escape from the real world.
A nice display of a utopia.
Apart from the occasional magical super threat ravaging the land, of course.

As I said, I had gone upstairs and I had watched the news.
I was thrilled to watch a new episode of my favourite show.
I had reached the end of season three, and I couldn't wait to start season four.

The greater my disappointment when my laptop turned itself off.
I checked under my desk.
My adapter was gone.
No adapter, no power, no laptop.

"Thanks a lot, mom!", I yelled and I stomped the floor with my foot.

I heard her yell an insult back.
An insult that should never come to the ears of children.
I moaned and sat down on my bed.

"Jeffrey, I'm gonna go shopping with your aunt, don't leave your room, okay?", she suddenly growled at my room.
"No mom."
I heard the front door open and close.
This was my chance.
I paced towards the door and grabbed the handle.
I pushed.
I pushed again.
"Damn it, mom!"
She had locked it shut.

I kicked the door.
I heard something crack.
Sadly, it wasn't the door.
"Buck it!", I censored my own swears.
I limped towards the window.

It had been a long time since that window had been open.
Too bad.
My room was filled with bad oders which I'd rather not describe.

I put my fingers around the lever.
I gently nudged it downwards.
No movement.
I pulled it with all of my strength.
No movement.
I flung my entire weight into the battle.
Crack!
This time, the window was the object to make that sound.
Unfortunately, my face made it too.
Yep, one of these days.

I looked outside the window.
The window sill wasn't very broad.
I'd have a mighty struggle not to tumble down and break my neck.
Oh, well. I had already been living on the edge for a long time.
Above that, nobody, not even my mom, may deny me my rainbow coloured ponies!

I stepped onto the thin block of stone.
The window dangerously flapping back and forth.
I grabbed the curtain before I could fall down.

"Jeffrey, you're an idiot", I thought to myself.

I figured I could swing to my parents' room using the curtain, like Tarzan.
The top of the cloth made a terrifying ripping sound. Not according to my plan.
Idiot.
I tried to reach the window sill of their room with my hand.
Almost there.
Scraatch.
"Aah", I screamed.
I fell.
I closed my eyes and tried desperately to grab onto something.

A sigh of relief escaped my lips as I discovered I wasn't dead.
I felt a ridge under my fingers.
I opened my eyes again.
Oh, buck.
Two metres beneath me, the sidewalk was winking at me.
"Come here, Jeffrey, I'll break your legs, your neck and maybe your spine!", I imagined it'd say.
I tried desperately to pull myself up.
I failed.

"Jeffrey, is that you?"
"Peter, thank God, help me!"
Relief streamed through my body.
Everything was going to be okay.
"Eh, how?", Peter asked.

Bye bye, hope, nice to have known you.

I considered asking him to catch me when I dropped. I dismissed the idea.
I was almost double his size, being three years older than him.
I'd probably crush him.

"I can bring a mattress if you want me to", Peter said.
"Okay, hurry up! I can't keep this up much longer!", I screamed.

I felt my fingers slipping.
My whole life flashed before my eyes.
It was a loud of shit.

"Peter, I don't think I'll make it!", I cried.
I'd drop before he'd even found a mattress.
He came back.

"What do you mean?"
"I can't hold it anymore..."
I fell.

I waited for the crushing sound, pain and eventual death.
It didn't come.

"Jee, it's only two metres, drama boy", Peter laughed.
I scanned my whole body.
No broken limbs, no new bruises.
It slowly seeped into my mind that I was sitting on top of a mattress.

"How did you get it here so quickly?", I asked.
"Quickly? It took me five minutes!"
Slowly, I realised five minutes isn't a lot of time to see fifteen years flash by.

"So, eh, what were you trying to do anyway?", Peter asked.
"Mom had locked me up in my room with my laptop but no adapter. I really, really want to watch the next episode of MLP."
"Oh, you're starting season four, right?"
"Yeah."
"Do you still have those dinosaur cookies at home?"
"Yeah."
"How long before your mom gets back?"
"She'll probably be sleeping on the street in her vomit tonight, so my time schedule is quite flexible."

You probably haven't noticed this due to translation, but Peter and I speak English when it's just us.
It's one of our quirks, perhaps, but it works.

"I'll go get my laptop and we can sit in your living room and eat crackers", Peter said.
"Sure", I smiled.
I took my key from my pocket. Then it hit me.
"Darn it, I had the house's skeleton key, I could've just opened the door!"

Whilst the video was buffering, Peter went to the bathroom.
There I sat. Alone.
Looking at the little grey spiral on the screen.
I sighed.

Woosh!
"Cutiemark Crusaders Dimensional Jumpers, yaay!"
I quickly pressed the pause button.
"Woow, guys, we did it!", the voice of Scootaloo, one of my favourite characters in the show.
I pressed the pause button again.
"Hey, what's that?", Sweetie Belle said.
I pressed the pause button again.
"Peter, I think your keyboard is broken!", I shouted.
"Who's Peter?", Apple Bloom said.

Wait a sec.

I slowly turned around.
There, I met them.
Three faces. Faces I had never expected to see in real life.

"Awww, he's so cute, with his teeny tiny eyes!", Sweetie Belle said.
Did I just get called cute by a my little pony?
"I don't know girls, he could be dangerous", Apple Bloom said.
Her accent was spot on.
They had exactly the same voices as the voice artists from the show.
"Dangerous? Pfff, let's see how dangerous he is after I'm done with him", Scootaloo laughed, thrusting her fist, eh, front hooves in the air.

All I could bring out was:
"Cabuhaacabuh?"
Yeah, good way to make an intelligent impression on dimension jumping aliens.

"Ah don't have ma cutiemark!", Apple Bloom said.
I could hear the disappointment in her voice.
"Maybe, to be real dimensional jumpers, we have to go back!", Sweetie Belle replied.

"Eeh, guys?"
Scootaloo suddenly seemed a bit less certain of herself.
"How do we go back?"

The room was suddenly drenched in an awkward silence.
I tried to gather my wit.

"Eh, do you want some cookies?"
The three turned their (way too big) heads my direction.

Before I could even try to imagine how the anatomy could actually work, Sweetie jumped me.
"Aah", I screamed.
My back was pressed to the floor and the filly in question was standing on my chest.
It made it very hard to breath, man, ponies are heavy!
Even the ones only half your size.

"Now you listen, mister cute guy, you give us back our space crystal.
"Your space whadawha?"

I was very close to a mental breakdown.
Maybe I was IN a mental breakdown.
Ponies in my living room? Get real!

"Uh, Sweetie Belle, maybe this ga doesn't have awr space crystal?", Apple Bloom said.
I was thankful she was being reasonable.
"Where else would it go, Apple Bloom? Besides, you can see it on his face, he looks guilty as heck!", Scootaloo protested.

Apparently they thought my please-don't-kill-me expression was my I-am-evil-and-I-stole-your-space-crystal expression, because Apple Bloom and Scootaloo now jumped me as well.

The weight of three fillies standing on your chest is very, very unpleasant.
I closed my eyes and waited for the inevitable hoof battering.
Instead, the three hopped of again and stepped back.

"Why is he all blue?", Sweetie Belle asked.
Because you choked me, thank you.
I tried to talk, but I didn't have the breath to.

"Maybe he'll explode! Run!", Scootaloo screamed.
The three of them ran into the kitchen.
Each of them crawled into another closet.

I tried to catch my breath again.
Peter came into the living room.
Of course, he hadn't seen or heard anything.
"Follow me", I whispered, half aware the episode had stopped buffering and started playing.
"Why?", he asked.
"Shht"

We sneaked to the first closet.
I had seen Scootaloo had picked this as a hiding spot.
"I really don't..."
"Shhh"
He frowned.

I carefully grabbed the door handle.
What followed was the sound of Scootaloo, "Hiyaaa", and me regretting my actions for yet another time that day.

I can assure you, taking a hoof to the nose is NOT a pleasant feeling.

Author's Note

Hi there! I hope you like the story!
Just to be clear on something though: The story is situated in Belgium.
Belgium is where I live, so it makes it a bit easier to describe the world.
Also, it's an important plot point, as you can see in chapter 4.
I don't live in the alleys of Antwerp. I do know about them.
My name is not Jeffrey.
I picked the names Jeffrey and Peter because those names exist in both English and Dutch.
Many other possible names would've caused pronunciation problems, so I thought it'd be a good solution.
Rated teen for bad language and occasional violence.

2. Three lost foals and a not so very helpful best friend.

Three lost foals and a not so very helpful best friend.

"Waaaah!", I screamed.
Peter grabbed my shoulder.
"I think she broke your nose", he said, way too calm.
"I know, make it stop hurting!"
"How would I do that?"
"Just, something, stop just standing there and try to catch those fillies!"
"Catch the fillies? Dude, don't you get how amazing this is?"
"She broke my nose!"
"She's an intelligent equus, Jeffrey!"
"She's a cartoon character and she broke my nose!"

Peter sighed.
"I'm right here, you know", Scootaloo said, from inside the closet.
I grabbed a piece of paper from the kitchen and tried to catch the blood.
"Scootaloo, that's not at all nice of you!", I yelled.
"You're the one trying to catch me!", was her answer.
Her voice sounded almost robotic, from inside the closet.
"I didn't mean actually 'catch' you", I said.

The bleeding seemed to stop. I poked the bridge of my nose.
"Aah! The agony!"
"Gosh, you almost sound like my sister", Sweetie Belle said, from somewhere in a closet above my head.
How did she get in there anyway?
"Rarity?", Peter asked.
"What? How do you know her name?", Sweetie Belle called out.
Her voice was also muted.
I saw images of Sweetie Bot running through my head.

"How do you know her name?", Sweetie Belle repeated.
Peter gave me a regretful glance.
I gave him a punch on the shoulder.
"Good job man, the CMC appears in my living room and now, we have to break it to them that they are cartoon characters FROM THE FIRST GO!"
"Cartoon characters hey? Yep, this guy's nuts", Scootaloo said.
"Nuts? You know what? I'll show you I'm right!", I said.
I was stupid enough to make the same mistake I had made before:
I opened Scootaloo's hiding spot.

"Aaaah, not the nose agin!"
Peter pulled me back.
Scoots stuck her head out of the closet.
"First rule: stay at least one meter away from us", she said.
"It's my house!", I protested.
Peter didn't back me up.
He made a formal bow and said: "We except your rule."
"You can come out now, guys, I've got these weirdos wrapped around my hoof", Scoots said.

Sweetie Belle came out, hesitant.
"Awww, you hurt the poor thing!", Sweetie said.
She trotted towards me and did, wait, was she PETTING me?

"Poor little guy, hmm, Scootaloo is being a meanie isn't she?"
Scootaloo turned her eyes.
I turned my eyes.

"Really, Sweetie Belle, no need for that, I'm quite fine."
"If she's being mean to you again, I'm here!", she answered.
"Thanks, I guess..."
"Sweetie Belle, you just met the guy. He's an alien. He's creepy", Scoot protested.
"Uh, actually, ain't we the aliens nah?", Apple Bloom came out of nowhere.
"Apple Bloom, why are you vibrating?", Scootaloo asked.
"My hiding spot was really, really cold."

I gazed at where she'd come from.
"Yeah, that's a refrigerator", Peter said.
Apple Bloom frowned.
"Refrigerators don't look like that!"
It was a horizontal refrigerator.
You know, those that consist of one white container with buttons on the side.

"I suppose the refrigerators in your world look different."
Apple Bloom kept trembling.
"They sure are cold", she said.
"Need a blanket?", Peter asked.
"Yes please", she answered.
Scootaloo frowned.
"That is a lot of hospitality for aliens who's house we broke into."
"Well, we know you better then you think we do", Peter said.
"Riiight, with us being cartoons and all", a rather sarcastic Scootaloo said.

I walked to the laptop and picked an old CMC episode.
I chose the one where they met.
"Take a look here", I said.
The three gathered up in front of my laptop.
I poured in a glass of cola for each.
Aah, sweet caffeine.

Twenty minutes of silence.

Sweetie Belle was horrified.
"You've been watching us all this time?"
Apple Bloom's face was grim.
"That is, creepy?"

An awkward silence followed.

I took a sip from my cola.
Aah, caffeine.
"Am I the only pony here who's excited?", Scootaloo suddenly uttered.
"Excahted? What for?", Apple Bloom asked.

She frowned again. Man, ponies frowning are weird.
Two way too big eyes in a way too big head.
Weird, but still hella cute.

Scootaloo jumped up on the coffee table.
She knocked over my glass of cola.
Nooo, caffeine!

"Don't you get it, we're like super famous here!
We can get our cutiemarks in being celebrities!", she exclaimed, "It'll be so awesome!"

I shared a worried look with Peter.
"Uh, Scootaloo?"
"Yeah?"
"I don't think that's such a good idea", I said.
"Huh?"
"See, our species is called 'human' and humans are dangerous."

Scootaloo burst into laughter.
I watched as my precious drink poured over the floor.
"Dangerous? You have got to be kidding me. You're no match for me!"
That hurt a bit.
I had been in numerous fights.
I had been on the edge of death more than I could count,
and now, this pegasus filly was shoving the fact SHE BEAT ME UP down my throat.
I sighed.

"I might not be a threat, but I can assure you others are."
Scootaloo hopped into the sofa.
"Let's see, then. Blunt teeth, little patch of hair, no claws, no hooves, no wings, no horns... Nope, can't find anything dangerous."
"Hey, stop making fun of him, Scoot, you almost sound like Diamond Tiara!", Sweetie Belle said.
"I'm not making fun of him, I'm just pointing it out!"

Apple Bloom was strangely quiet.
She was staring at her glass. Sad.
"Are you okay?", I asked.
She looked up at me.
"Will... will I ever see Applejack again? And Big Mac? And Granny Smith?", she asked.

It hit me. Right in the face.
Seeing Apple Bloom like this, on the verge of crying, hit me harder than any kick Scootaloo could've performed (although I'd rather not test).
I wanted to console her, but I didn't know anything to say.

Peter picked up his glass and drank his cola.
Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle kept on fighting about whether I was being bullied or not.
Apple Bloom was crying.

Yep, I must've been having a mental breakdown.
John De Lancie didn't exactly make me feel any better.

"Hi there, kids!", the actor's voice sounded.
It came from my computer.
Of course, when I looked at the screen, I didn't see the actual John De Lancie.

"Discord?", Peter stumbled.
"The one and only!", the dragonequus smiled.
"Discord! Please, get us back!", Apple Bloom said.
Discord pondered the idea.
"Sorry, I can't", he said.
"Wait, wut now?", Sweetie exclaimed.
"Why not?", Apple Bloom asked.
Sweetie Belle took the glass of cola, hesitated at the brown content, but then drank it anyway.

"I said I'd give you a way to other dimensions, I didn't say I could get you back!", the dragonequus laughed.
"Weren't you supposed to be, I don't know, reformed?", Peter asked.
The dragonequus nickered.
"Reformed? You guys really take things way too serious!"
"But, why?", Apple Bloom lost hope.
"Do I need a reason, dear?", the Discord exclaimed, "I am the lord of chaos!"
"So, we'll never see Rarity again?", it finally seeped in with Sweetie Belle.
"Or Rainbow Dash?", Scoot continued.

Discord put his finger on the close button of the currently open episode screen. He opened google and typed in "MLP: FiM"
After that, he opened his arms wide.
"Here they are, folks, you can watch them as much as you want!"
"Please, Discord, this is mean!", Sweetie Belle screamed.
Discord sighed.
"Well, Celestia told me bad deeds can be forgiven through good deeds, so I'll give you two gifts."
He lifted two fingers on his lion paw.
I felt my nose tingle.
Peter stared at me in disbelief.
"It's no longer broken! This is amazing!", he shouted.
"Seriously, Peter? Three fillies teleport into my house, a dragonequus hijacks your computer and you get excited over my NOSE?!"
Discord frowned.
"Don't mind them, they're silly", Scootaloo said.
Point well taken, little filly.

"Now what was the second favour?", she asked.
Sweetie Belle dropped the last drop of cola down her throat.
"Good advice", Discord said.
"What advice?"
The lord of chaos pointed towards Sweetie Belle.
"Don't drink that stuff."

He disappeared with a poof.
Peter looked at Sweetie Belle as if she could turn into a minotaur.
Instead, she started vibrating.
"Sweetie Belle?", Apple Bloom was concerned.

"This stuff is great, I want to drink more, can I have more? Oh my, this tastes good. Was that Discord? What's that thing? Why are we in a show? Ooh, a fly! Buzz buzz buzz. Hey, what did Discord say? I forgot. Buzz buzz. Weeee! Can I have some more? That thing is bright! Oooooh, look at my hoooves! Why is Discord being evil? Can I have cupcakes? I love cupcakes! Discord said something bad, didn't he? I don't want bad. Rarity, I want to see Rarity, buzz buzz, I want cupcakes! Cutiemark Crusaders! Yaay!"
It took her ten seconds to spill this all out.

"Eh, Sweetie Belle?", Apple Bloom repeated.
"Buzz buzz"
Caffeine. You big bastard.

"Ooookaaay, I've had enough for today, I'll see you tomorrow!", Peter said.
"Where do you think you're going?", I asked.
"My parents expect me home before six, so, yeah, I gotta go."

I looked at the three fillies, all close to bursting into crying, one of them vibrating heavily.
"Really? You'll just hop off after a day like this?"
"Yeah!", Peter ran outside.
"Good a friend you are!", I shouted.

I sat down with a sigh.
Apple Bloom walked towards me.
"Sorry for ruining yer day, sir, we'll be off then..."
"Off to where?", I asked.
"Ah, ah don't know sir."
"Look, Apple Bloom, no need to apologise. I'll help you as much as I can. Tell me everything in the morning, okay?"
"In the morning?", she asked.
"Yeah, in the morning. It's late, we're all tired and I think we all need some sleep. I'll ready the couch for you."
"I'm not tired at all!", Sweetie Belle buzzed.
"No, but you need to, eh, bounce off the nerves a bit."
"Ah can't sleep with Sweetie Belle jumping around like that!", Apple Bloom complained.
"Fine! You can have my room, I'll sleep on the couch and monitor Sweetie Belle."

When I tucked them in, I couldn't help but smile and stare at them for a second.
Call it creepy, call it weird, call it whatever you want, but I was happy to see the beuatiful little beings sleep.

After I'd tucked them in, I made sure the front door was locked and jammed, so mom wouldn't get in.
I lay down in the couch and pulled the blanket over my belly.
"Thank, buzz, you kind sir! I like it when ponies are kind! And cute!", Sweetie Belle said.
"Eh, sure, good night", I answered.
"And I like cupcakes! And muffins and candy and sugar and cookies and...."
This was going to be a long night.
I wondered if Pinkie Pie discovered cola in Equestria somehow.

3. Ciao Bella

Ciao Bella

It's hard to sleep after a day like that.
I tried to sum it all up.
I had been beaten up on my way home.
I had almost broken my legs whilst trying acrobatic manoeuvres.
Hint: don't try acrobatics unless you're an acrobat.
I had invited Peter inside.
Okay, so far, normal day.

Then, three fillies had appeared out of nowhere.
One of them had broken my nose.
One of them thought I was cute and cuddly.
I don't mind she liked me, just the 'cute' part is a bit, how should I put this, downgrading.
Discord had been pulling bad jokes and Sweetie Belle got caffeine madness.
Then my best friend had walked out on me.

This was keeping me awake.
Okay, this and Sweetie Belle hopping up and down like a jackhammer.
"Alien?", she suddenly asked.
"You can call me Jeffrey", I replied.
"Uh, buzz, Jeffrey, are you awake?", she asked.
"Yes, Sweetie Belle, I am."
"Can, buzz, I ask you a question?", she asked.
I noticed she had dropped from five billion hops per minute to four and a half.
An improvement.

"Sure, Sweetie Belle, ask me anything."
She seemed to think a bit before asking.
Only with the occasional 'buzz' escaping her muzzle.
"Do you have cutiemarks here?"
"No, Sweetie Belle, we don't", I answered.
It was hard to see her expression in the darkness of the room and the blur of her hopping.
"But, how do you know your special talents, then?"

I was a bit startled at her question.
"We... we don't have special talents", I answered.
A terrible disbelief vibrated with her.
"You mean... you're all the same?"

I chuckled.
"No, no we aren't."
She didn't understand, so I tried to explain a bit to her.
"We humans, we... We are weird. We do have talents, but... Not like that."
She tilted her head.
She had slowed down to three billion hops per minute now.

"Some of us are better in some things then others are, but we don't focus on that too much", I continued.
"It's more of a 'where and when are you born' and a 'how much are you like others' thing."
She tilted her head farther.
Her eyelids in a sad corner.
"The more you are like the others, the better you fit in. Differences are weaknesses for humans."
"That's horrible!"
I nodded.
"Do you know why I watched... why I watched your series?", I asked.
"No, I don't even understand why it's there", she answered.
She was almost standing still.
"I watched it because I somehow hoped. I hoped things could be like on my screen.
Colours, love, tolerance. That's what this world lacks, Sweetie Belle. That's why you can't go out there, no matter your fame."
She nodded.
"And I want to be with my family and friends", she sighed.
She was standing still.
"Do you think you could sleep now?", I asked.
I got snoring as a response.
I smiled and crawled under my sheet.
For them, there was hope. Hope.

"Rise and shine, weirdo!", Scootaloo yelled into my ear.
Suddenly, she was no longer my favourite character in the show.
I tried to get up, but I was held down by the weight of Apple Bloom sitting on my chest.
This better not become a habit of theirs.

"Apple Bloom, could you get off my chest? I'm suffocating."
"Oh, sorry there", she said as she hopped down onto the floor.
I coughed into my palm.
"Sweetie Belle, time to get up!", Scootaloo yelled, poking her in the flank.
"Please, Scootaloo, she's been up the whole night, let her sleep a bit longer."
Scootaloo blushed.
"Oh, uh, yeah, you're probably right."

The CMC minus one sat before me, expectantly.
"Uh, what is it?", I asked.
"Can we have some breakfast please, kind sir?", Apple Bloom asked politely.
"Yeah, weirdo, I'm starving!", Scootaloo added.

I sighed and paced towards the refrigerator.
Thankfully it was a Saturday, so I didn't have to go to school or something.
I turned the furnace to the max and grabbed myself a pan.
Bacon and eggs, that always works, or those little sausages.
I opened a can of my favourite, meaty, cocktail sausages.
Then, I remembered they were ponies.
Probably not omnivorous.
I placed the can on top of the cupboard and sought some cornflakes.
Could ponies eat cornflakes?
I had already failed on the cola part, I didn't want to risk poisoning them again.

I heard the two whisper.
"I don't trust this, Apple Bloom, this place smells like death", Scootaloo said.
Like death? Sure, I sweat a little at night, but...
I stared at the can of sausages.
Oh, shit.
What do I do, what do I do?
I had the clever idea of covering it up with a towel.
Brilliance strikes again.

"Hey weirdo, can I wash my hooves and my face a bit? It's been ages since I've had a good bath", Scootaloo asked.
"Sure, use the sink here", I said, "there's some soap too."
She washed up and I filled some bowls with cornflakes.
Do ponies drink milk?
Apple Bloom joined Scootaloo at the sink.
"Hey, Apple Bloom, do you guys eat this?", I asked.
I showed her the cornflakes.
"Sure, no probs!"
"Okay, then, and do you drink milk?"
She coughed.
"Milk, like coco, or like mother's milk?"
"Eh, cow's milk."
They coughed even more.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, it's just, we didn't expect there to be cows here", Apple Bloom said.
"So, they willingly gave their milk?", Scootaloo asked, "They ask a lot of payment for their milk you know."
"Well, uh..."
Scootaloo grabbed a towel to dry her face.
She grabbed the WRONG towel.
Brilliance, where'd you go?!

"Aah, it smells like death!", she screamed.
Apple Bloom looked at the can.
"One hundred percent beef"
They looked at me with those great, creepy cute eyes in shock.
Yep, I'm going veggie.
"You... you...", Apple Bloom stumbled.
"Hiyaa!", Scootaloo yelled.
"No, not the nose!"
Too late.

The scared fillies ran to the living room.
"Wait, Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, let me explain!", I cried whilst I covered my nose with my used to be green shirt.
Apple Bloom shook Sweetie Belle back and forth.
"SweetieBellewehavetogoitsdangeroushereandthatguyisadangerouspredatorandifwedontgohelleatusandwakeupbecauseifwediefromyourlazinessiwillkillyou!"
Wow. I thought caffeine Sweetie Belle spoke fast.

Sweetie Belle opened an eye.
"He's a what now?"
"Adangerouspredatorandwehavetogo!"
Nope, these ponies don't need caffeine to do Pinkietalk.
"Girls, please, let me explain!", I panicked.
How was I going to explain?
I had Bella chopped up on my cupboard and a towel with the smell of intestines.
That didn't put me in a good spot at all.

"I don't get it", Sweetie Belle said.
Scootaloo facehoofed.
"He's a murderer, Sweetie Belle, he murdered a bovine and we're next!"
"I didn't...", I protested.
"After stealing her milk!", Scootaloo continued.
Sweetie Belle's eyes grew larger than they already were.
How is that even possible? They were already half the size of her head!
"I didn't kill the cow!", I yelled.
That got their attention.

Apple Bloom walked backwards in the corner.
Sweetie Belle hid under her blanket and Scootaloo assumed a defensive combat position.
"Humans are... humans are an omnivorous species. We eat meat and plants", I said, "and... and..."
Scootaloo was rather annoyed than scared.
"And what? That doesn't give you the right to turn cows into sausages!", she shouted.
"Well, I have to eat something, don't I?", I lost my temper.
I stomped my foot on the floor.
Scootaloo seemed to doubt a bit.
"Look, I can promise you I'll never eat sentient beings again, okay?"
She frowned.
"Pinkie promise!", she exclaimed.
"Fine, cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. Aaw!"
I was perhaps a bit too enthusiastic with the 'stick a cupcake in my eye' part.

She chuckled a bit, but was still hesitant to believe me.
I sat down on the couch. She didn't leave her defensive position.
"I didn't kill the cow. We are omnivorous and... I bought the can in the store. To us, it's no big deal, but I understand your shock."
She tilted her head.
"Guys, he just admitted to being a psychopath!"
I nodded in agreement.
"Yep, psycho. But if you go out there, you'll meet a LOT worse, so I'd advice sticking around."
Apple Bloom came closer.
"So, eh, you won't eat us?"
"Hell no, you're talking ponies!"
They passed a frown.
"Is there any other kind?", Sweetie Belle popped up from under the sheet.
"Ponies aren't exactly very talkative around here. I'll show you sometime if you want me to."
Scootaloo lowered her fists- I mean hooves.
(Confusing)

"Well, what do we do now?", Apple Bloom asked, "how can you get us home?"
That was a very good question.
Ding Dong
Saved by the doorbell.

I got op and considered opening the door, when I realised that might not be such a good idea.
I ran towards the cupboard and removed it's content.
"Hide in here", I said.
Somewhat hesitant, the three foals climbed into the cupboard.
It was a bit small for all three of them.
I pondered letting them get into separate closets, but there was no time left.

I ran to the door and opened it.
"Is dit het huis van Jeffrey De Bakker?", the police officer said.
Oh, of course, translation.
"Is this Jeffrey De Bakker's house?"
I had expected seeing Peter. I had expected seeing my mom.
I had not expected seeing the guy in uniform.

I gulped as I saw the gun on his belt.
"Uh, yes, what for?", I asked.
He looked over my shoulder.
I could hear the faint complaints of the three fillies.
"Apple Bloom, get off of my nose!"
"I'm trying, I'm trying!"
A fake grin ornamented my face.
"Heh, heh, TV is on."
He nodded.
"This is about your mother, Angelique De Bakker", he continued.
"She's being held at the precinct , again."
He tipped his hat.
"She said you could get her out on bail, with some money from upstairs."
"Out on bail? No, sorry, she used every last dime", I lied.

I wasn't bailing out my criminal mom, and I was most certainly not ruining my time with the three foals by sending in an alcoholic maniac.
"All right then, I must ask you to come with me."
"What? Why?"
"I can't leave a minor alone without a guardian, now can I?", he said.
He grinned, showing his gold tooth.
That's awfully expensive for a police officer.

Something about his badge drew my attention.
"NYPD", it said.
I slammed the door in his face.
"You are as much of a police officer as I am the king of Spain!", I yelled.
He forcefully pushed the door.
I couldn't hold it.
He pushed me over.
He ducked and took a pair of cuffs from his belt.
"Beat it, punk!", I yelled and I kicked his face.

"Ah, not the nose!", he screamed.
Now that. That was satisfactory, I must say.

"That's it, you're going down!", he growled and he pulled his gun.
I closed my eyes for what was about to come.
I didn't think it was going to be an orange blur of destruction though.
I saw it when I opened them again.

Scootaloo had kicked the gun out of the fake cop's hand and was now battering his face with a hoof.
I was glad I never pissed her off to that grade of madness.
I grabbed the gun.

The man had grasped Scootaloo's hoof and now swung her to the other side of the room.
I pointed the gun at Mister New York.
"Why are you here?", I asked.
He didn't say a thing.

Scootaloo kicked him in the knee.
"You heard him, why are you here?", she continued.
The man burst out into laughter.
"Let's see how much you'll be laughed after I've put a piece of lead in your forehead!", I bluffed.
I knew very well I would never be able to pull that trigger.

Poof.

I had no idea what to think of this.
Poof, the guy was gone.

Only a small cloud of smoke rising from the spot he just was.
"Eh, what just happened?", Sweetie Belle asked behind me.
"Honestly? I have no idea."

A familiar voice drew my attention.
"Uh, Jeffrey, why are you pointing a gun at Scootaloo?", Peter asked.
He had appeared on the porch, carrying his little shih tzu puppy on his left arm.
I quickly dropped the metal device of death.
"What's a gun?", Apple Bloom asked.
"A thing humans make to kill others", I said.
I pointed my glance towards Scootaloo.
"To make up for the fact we don't have claws."

She stared at the device.
"What does it do?"
I picked it up again.
It had a silencer. Perfect.

I pointed it upwards and pulled the trigger.
Peter ducked and almost squashed his dog.
The three fillies jumped back.
A hole formed in the ceiling.
Despite of the silencer, it was LOUD.
Know those James Bond movies where the sound of a gun is almost inaudible? Well, they are NOT correct.
I struggled to get rid of the constant beeping noise in my head.

"Oh, that", Scoot squealed.
"What are you doing here, anyway Peter?", I asked.

He was sad. Very sad.
A tear rolled down his cheek.
"Dad caught me in my room doing research on dimensional jumping and magical ponies. He kicked me out, called me crazy."
"Ooh, don't be sad!", Sweetie Belle said. She hugged Peter.

Since they were both about half my size, they had about the same height.
One thing though.
The ponies are half my size when on FOUR paws.
Result: Peter fell under the sudden weight of Sweetie Belle.

"You're crushing Cerberos!", he complained.
Yes, he called his dog Cerberos. Despite his lack of heads.
The little furry pup didn't look exactly like the guardian to the gates of the underworld.
I can assure you though, if that little dog was mad, you'd rather be on the OTHER SIDE of the gates of the gates to the underworld.

"Oh, sorry", Sweetie Belle said.
She jumped back.
This crushing us better don't become a habit. Oh, wait, too late.

"Well? What do we do now?", Apple Bloom asked.
Peter dropped his backpack. It held food, water, his laptop, paper and pen.
"I think I might've found something", he said.
We all shared a glance.
"What have you found?", Scootaloo asked.
"A safe place out of town. Cheap, free Wi-Fi, secluded. Perfect to hide three fillies and to search a way back to Equestria."
"But, uh, how do ya bring us there without being seen?", Apple Bloom asked.
I grinned.
"Peter, remember that old soapbox we built?"

4. Cloud Catastrophe

Cloud catastrophe

Peter and I heaved to get the soapbox in the living room.
It was a wooden box on wheels.
The blue and white paint was peeling off on all sides.
I used a sponge to clear out some splinters and cobwebs.
Peter took the sheet and carefully placed it inside, to get the fillies a soft place to sit.
I shoved in a pillow.

"What are we, pets?", Scootaloo grimaced.
"If you have any better idea, you tell me!", I replied.
She kept her muzzle shut.
I found a tent sail to cover the top.

It was cold outside. Raining too.
I desperately tried to cover my ripped backpack, but I couldn't prevent the insides from being soaked.
I noticed a slit in the sail.
"Eep! There's water!", Sweetie squealed.
I took of my vest and covered the slit.
Yep, I'm getting a cold.
"We can take the train", Peter said.
"It's about 9 kilometres from the station."
I frowned.
"Where exactly is it?"
"Somewhere in Wallonia."
The French part of Belgium.

The ride took seven hours, the Belgian railway company was well known for delay.
During the ride, Peter suddenly poked my arm.
"Don't you, eh... don't you think we should tell prime minister Di Rupo about this?"
I laughed.
"The prime minister? What'll he do? They'll start debating about whether they should send them out of the country due to the lack of ID. Or perhaps even try to send them to a barn yard! No, we can't do that."

After we arrived at the station, it was an exhausting walk to the said place.
Me trousers were muddy, my shoes completely torn and my shirt was now the opposite of its original green.
At a certain time, the soapbox got stuck in the mud and the fillies had to come out to proceed.
They did a surprising lot better in the mud. I guessed it was the hooves.
When we finally arrived, we all needed a good bath.

As the three fillies were washing up in the bathroom, I checked the content of my backpack.
Luckily, my laptop was wrapped in plastic.
Everything else was soaked.
Spare clothes: drenched.
Pyjamas: drowned.
Notebook: Destroyed.

Peter put his backpack next to mine.
"What've you got there?", he asked.
"Water, lots and lots of water. What've you got?"
"My spare clothes, some underwear, pyjamas, laptop, dried beef jerky."
"Wait, what?"
"Uh, is there a problem with dried jerky?"

I didn't answer his question. I just grabbed the food and threw it in the bin.
"What are you doing man?", he protested.
"Dude, they're herbivores! They freak out when you show them meat!"
"Oh. That explains a lot. Then I should probably get rid of this too."
He fished a salami, some pork and a steak from his rucksack and threw it in the bin.

We watched the bin filled to the top with quality meat.
"I don't think this'll work", I said.
He nodded.
His pyromaniac urges suddenly rose into a huge grin.
"Do we have some gasoline?"

The building was some sort of bungalow. It had a small garage.
Of course, there was no car parked inside, but we did find a full jerry can.
We poured the flammable liquid on the meat.
Peter found a box of matches.
"Let's do this!", he grinned. He rose a match.
"Hold on a sec", I interfered.
"Huh?"
"I don't think we should be burning the house down. Let's do this outside."
So we did.

The wind blew the smell of the melting plastic bin in our faces.
We coughed our lungs out.
"Do you have any idea how poisonous molten plastic is?", the reddening Peter coughed.
"At least we didn't burn the house down!", I coughed back.
We stumbled back.
"How did you afford this anyway?", I asked.
Peter's face contracted in a grimace.
"Dad's beer bank held a bit more money than he told us."
I decided not to respond to that. He obviously didn't want to talk about it.

We were back in the garage.
A kite caught my eye.
It was one of those diamond shaped kites.
Crossed bars, green sail.
"Think somebody left it here?", I asked.
Peter laughed.
"How else would it be here? Seriously, dude, you need to think before you ask questions."

After I'd washed up, I found the four of them in the couch.
Peter had set up his laptop and they were watching MLP.
"Eh, why bother?", I asked, "You already lived the thing!"
Peter shook his head.
"We're checking the credibility of the show."
I frowned.
He continued: "I figured, with Pinkie Pie breaking the forth wall all the time, not all details were correct."
Apple Bloom nodded.
"Yeah, we just reached this episode", she said.
She turned the laptop.
I saw princess Twilight Sparkle lecturing the three fillies.
"Twilight Time", was the title I could read above.
Apple Bloom lifted her shoulders.
"We don't remember this ever happening! They were almost spot on earlier episodes, but this? Nope!"
Wait, did that say 15 on top? Man, I must've taken a very long shower.
Peter snapped his finger.
"Of course!", he shouted, "we have to contact the authors of the show!"

For once, this was starting to make sense.
"Yeah, they'll know a way between dimensions!", I replied.
Peter found the number on Hasbro's site.
He immediately called the number using his cell phone.
No reaction.
He called again.
Nothing.

"I don't understand!", he said.
I thought I did understand.
"We have been attacked by some weird guy earlier, he had some sort of magic, so it wouldn't be impossible for them to block our calls."
Peter sighed.
"And I thought it was hard enough to jump between dimensions without somebody with superpowers trying to stop you."
Sweetie Belle bit her lip.
"So we can't go back?"
We all stared into nothingness.
Suddenly, Peter typed in something on his laptop.
"Hah! What I was looking for!", he smiled.
I gazed upon the screen.
"A singing contest?"
"Not exactly, a music video contest!", he smiled.
Apple Bloom scratched the back of her head.
How does pony do that? Me confused!

"What does that have to do with our situation?", she said.
Peter closed the laptop.
"Hasbro is in America.
I can't afford a ticket to America.
But the prize to the contest is tickets to America."

Scootaloo hopped on the table.
"I'll sing!", she said.
"No!", we replied in chorus.
She flattened her ears.
"Wh... why not?", she stuttered.
"Well, uh, singing isn't your strongest point", I replied.

She gave me a murderous glare.
For a second, I thought she'd do to me what she'd done to Mister New York.
"Then who will sing?", she asked.
"Sweetie Belle", Peter said.

Sweetie Belle backed away.
"No no no no no, I don't sing in front of everypony", she said.
"Please, Sweetie Belle", Apple Bloom begged.
"You don't have to appear, we'll just record it and say it's computer generated!", Peter assured her.
"Well, um, maybe?", Sweetie Belle uttered.
"Take your time to decide", I said, "it'll be two months before the contest is over."
The fillies gulped.
"Two months?", Apple Bloom repeated.
I had noticed Scootaloo sitting in the corner, depressed over the fact she couldn't sing.
I stood up and ran to the garage.
"Jeffrey? What are you doing?", Peter yelled.
I came back with the kite.
"Two months of awesome crusading!", I grinned.

"Are you sure this is safe?", Apple Bloom asked.
"I'm sure this is awesome!", Scootaloo answered, "thanks weirdo!"
I tied the kite to her back. I hung my spare phone next to her and dialled Peter's number.
"So we can stay in touch", I said.
Scootaloo put as much strength in her wings as she could.
"Cutiemark Crusader kite flyer, yaay!", Sweetie Belle encouraged.

As I anticipated, Scootaloo's wing power was just enough to overcome gravity, sending her in the sky on the wind stream.
With the assistance of the kite, of course.

"Yoohooo!", she shouted as she rose high.
"You can do it, Scootaloo!", Peter cheered.
I loosened the cord to the kite, allowing it to rise up higher.
Yes, it's working!
snap
Snap!
I stared at the broken cord in my hand. Then I stared up.
No sign of Scootaloo.
"Where'd she go?", Apple Bloom asked.
Nobody could answer.
Peter brought the phone to his mouth.
"Scoot? Are you okay?"
"Better than ever! Weee! Can this thing go higher? Oh, never mind. I am the ruler of the sky!"

We frowned at each other.
"Uh, Scootaloo, the cord broke, we kind of lost you. Where are you?", Peter said.
"Well, uh, there's clouds. And blue sky."
Worry had conquered my spine.
"Try to land on a cloud, okay?", I said, I could only hope pegasi had the same powers here as they did in Equestria.
"Why? This is too much fun!"
Scraatch.
Peter trembled.
"Is that what I think it is?", he screamed.
No response.
Scraatch.
"Scootaloo!", we all yelled.
"I'm fine, I'm fine. I think your thingamagig broke. I'm on a cloud now."
I sighed in relief.
"Okay, you can come dow...", Peter started, "uh, how do we get her down?"
I could feel Apple Bloom's accusatory glance.

"Scootaloo, how long do you think you can keep yourself afloat?", I asked.
"Uh, I'm not sure", she answered, "twenty seconds?"
I looked up. The clouds were HIGH.
I didn't think twenty seconds would be enough time.

We stood there in silence. I felt Scootaloo becoming more tense every second.
"I'm not going to make it, am I?", she sighed.
"You will make it, Scootaloo, I'll get you down from there!", I said, though I doubted my own words.
"No, you can't fly, can you? Sorry I've been so rude. I..."
"Shut your muzzle, Scootaloo, you'll get down here ALIVE, got it?"

She seemed hesitant to believe me.
Peter and the other fillies had gone completely silent.
"R... really?", she asked.
I don't think I'd ever been so certain of something before, when I yelled:
"Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!"
"Th... thanks weirdo. But what are we going toaaah!"
It went silent.
I saw an object fall from the sky.
My spare phone landed next to me and shattered in a million pieces.
We stood there for a second. Staring at the pieces of metal.
"Scoot's still up there!", Sweetie shouted.
We looked up.
Indeed, no orange mass was coming down.
"So, what do we do now?", Peter asked.
"We build stairs", I answered.

I think it was one of the craziest ideas I'd ever had.
Apart from sending Scootaloo up in the sky, of course.

We brought a large basin filled with water to the spot we'd been kiting.
Peter had made a fire to cook the water.
It was a long shot, but the only thing I could think of.

Peter stoked the fire a bit more whilst the crusaders and I went to get more water.
Steam rose into the night sky.
"More water."
"More fire."
"More water."

The steam rose and started forming a thick fog.
We tried to keep the steam alive.
I hoped Scootaloo had noticed our plan, but I wasn't so sure of that.
The fog became so thick we could hardly see where we were going.
How much water did go into this?

After two hours or so, we were starting to lose hope.
Was Scootaloo still up there?
Had she fallen somewhere far away?
I didn't know.

Peter burnt his fingers.
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were somewhere lost in the fog.
I didn't give up, no, I would never be able to forgive myself if Scoot didn't survive.
The fog was clearing a bit, the wind was pulling it apart.

I hurried to get more water, when I tripped over something, no, somepony.
"Jee, weirdo, watch your step", the little orange devil smiled.
The fog cleared.
There we were, all five of us intact.
"Told you I wasn't going to let you stay up there", I laughed, "You're way too tasty for that."
She gave me a soft punch in the shoulder.
"You got it, weirdo."