Stars Magazine

by Starlight Shadow

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Romance
Length: 1077

Canterlot isn't as squeaky-clean as some ponies would like you to believe. This team of reporters will uncover it all, every shocking, vulgar detail...

Canterlot isn't as squeaky-clean as some ponies would like you to believe. This team of reporters will uncover it all, every shocking, vulgar detail…

And present it to you for a $10.99 yearly subscription to Stars Magazine.

—–

A semi-collaborative work, where news stories get sent in and they are published for Equestria's reading pleasure.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-08 03:10:07 UTC

Celestial Couple's Cherished Child

by Flint Sparks

On the day of February 30th, gossip struck the nation. Princess Twilight Sparkle, newly crowned Princess of Equestria, was said to be pregnant with Princess Celestia’s child! Only one month later was the princesses ready to give public light to their relationship, and to the confirmed pregnancy. Fortunately, we managed to sneak a reporter into the castle for an inclusive interview! And we did it without bribing anyone this time!

After dodging secret agents, ponies in plaid, and a few hundred death traps you wouldn’t expect to be inside a royal castle, our reporter managed to get in a word with Princess Twilight herself! The princess was found in her royal chambers, surrounded by stacks and stacks of bananas. She appeared to be victim of her cravings, engorging bananas until she painted her muzzle white and sticky.

“I’m a pretty princess!” says Princess Twilight Sparkle, when asked on her opinion of recent developments. The princess, approximately two months pregnant, continued to tell us of the story of her pregnancy and relationship. “Well, it’s not like she knew we were meant to be together since the day we met or anything. It’s not like she groomed me to be her trophy wife, using destiny to tell the future. That’s like saying the Elements of Harmony exist, which they totally don’t, and their bearers met by destiny, which they totally didn’t. I’m a pretty princess!”

According to several sources, Princess Celestia lost a feather or two over the child’s name. Apparently the child was named after the “father,” which has confused the masses after the rumor leaked. Nopony, as of today’s publication date, understands how naming their expected pegasus* son “Celestia” could be of any harm. When asked if there was any reason for her anger, including the sudden execution of a royal guard in the Crystal Empire for sneezing on her shoes, Princess Twilight Sparkle elegantly explained, “I dunno. It’s not like a cheated or anything. Girls with can have foals, right?”

As put by our lead biologist, mares cannot have children with each other. However, the court wizard gave an extravagant explanation to understand the pregnancy situation: “It’s magic, I don’t have to explain shit.” Well received and critically acclaimed, the wizard’s explanation went on to be featured in science magazines everywhere.

When asked for a closing statement, Princess Twilight Sparkle responded, “I hope he grows up to be a waifu stealer like his fath—er, mother. Uh, goodbye! Be friends with me or I’ll banish you to the moon! I’m a pretty princess!”

Coincidentally, when the reporter returned home, his Japonese wife was missing. No further statement from the police has been given.

*Ultrasound tests have confirmed the child’s race. Geneticists everywhere are confused.

Spike And Sweetie Belle Caught In The Act

by FamousLastWords

This image found its way to us from a currently unnamed source.

If the image wasn't clear enough, it appears Spike, savior of the Crystal Empire and next in line in the Sparkle royal family, may be engaging in an underground romance with a Ms. Sweetie Belle.

When asked about the picture's release, Spike stated the following:

"Look, I'm not sure who took the picture or why it's out, but please, leave Sweetie out of this. I like her a lot for sure, and we kept it hidden just because we didn't want all this."

When asked whether their relationship went beyond what was portrayed in the picture, he refused to comment.

However, this begs the question: Will we soon see a new member of the royal household? And what is the ethical view of a dragon/pony relationship?

We'll have more on this topic as information becomes available.

Nyx Is Luna and Prince Blueblood's Child?

by Starlight Shadow

Many questions have surrounded the birth of Nyx, a young alicorn filly currently in the care of Twilight Sparkle at her library, Golden Oaks. Official sources have claimed she was the spawn of Nightmare Moon, but what was the real story?

Turns out Princess Luna and Prince Blueblood have been in a relationship for some time now, and had intended to keep the child a secret. On the subject of why they didn't take care of the young girl themselves, Prince Blueblood told us;

"We wanted to keep the child, Luna especially, but due to the circumstances it was impossible for us to take care of her. An alicorn filly who can't control her magic is dangerous, and we weren't able to protect her."

Princess Luna refused to comment, telling us instead to get out or she'd set her guards on us.

Princess Celestia has no problem with it. "I'm fine with helping take care of Nyx along with Twilight, I'm happy to help out my sister any way I can, plus it'll be good practice for when our colt is born."

A certain Pen Stroke has gotten busy writing a book about the young filly, entitled Past Sins. He has already published the first few chapters online, with only good reviews so far.

No further information could be found.

Drunken Princess Of The Night

by SteelxPaladin

After drinking more than 4 jugs of wine, our beloved princess of the night, Luna, flew through her room's window and into Canterlot's streets, causing what witnesses called 'Drunken Mayhem'. She invaded a night club, ate half of Joe's Donuts stock of, well, donuts, released a group of chickens through the street, tackled down three groups of burglars, and ended her mayhem with a parade made of drunk customers of a nearby bar while holding a bottle of... shampoo found rolling on the street. Luna ended up waking up half of Canterlot's citizens, and the trail of destruction left behind was the only clue left for the Royal Guard.

The Royal Guard had some 'casualities'. While trying to stop her parade and bringing her back to safety to the castle, two guards were temporally blind after large quantities of shampoo were spilled on them, and another one is still at the hospital recovering from shampoo indigestion. 'It was a complete disaster.' Said Iron Heart, the new Captain of the Royal Guard. 'But we managed to hold the drunk parade with success.' The Royal Guard is currently fixing the mess made by Princess Luna, who is know at Canterlot's Castle having a chat with Princess Celestia. Let's hope that the 'injured' guards recover quickly from their 'wounds'.