The Conversion Bureau: Setting Things Right
Epilogue
Previous ChapterEPILOGUE
How does one summarize a new world? The birth of a new life, a new way of thinking? Perhaps they start with the little moments, from the tiny things to the large. There is new knowledge to be gained, new challenges to deal with...
...there is much said about the death of Celestia’s sister during the Nightmare betrayal, as it’s called in Equestrian history. The death of the fabled Princess Luna is what saw a sudden shift in Equestria, not just in domestic and foreign policy, but in Canterlot itself. The princess herself became quiet, more sullen, according to the journals of several staff members that were recovered from a vault hidden deep beneath Canterlot castle which survived the nuclear scouring. Gone were the days of warm tidings to even the most lowly members of waitstaff, replaced with a scorn and a curt tone that set even her most trusted advisors on edge. Gone were the days of polite greetings to foreign dignitaries. Such a sudden shift raises the obvious question: could the death of her sister have caused a momentous philosophical shift in how Celestia and, by extension, Equestria dealt with all threats? Did this way of thinking lead the nation down the path that would see Celestia declare herself Empress not two-hundred years later? Or, perhaps, was there a confluence of factors which...
“Twilight?”
Twilight perked up. “Hmm?” She glanced up, right into Applejack’s freckled muzzle as the latter cocked her head. The sun shone through Fluttershy’s front window, and Twilight suddenly remembered where she was, and how weird it was she’d just flopped into one of Fluttershy’s armchairs and started reading like it was her own den. “Oh, goodness! Sorry, sorry, I was just doing some reading on...”
“Sugarcube, I can read, I know what you were readin’,” Applejack shook her head. “Yer tryin’ to find answers what ain’t there.”
“But it says right here--” Twilight started, holding up the book and gesturing to the cover, which read Empress Celestia: An Origin Story.
“Hon? Do yourself a favor and set the book aside.” Applejack planted her hooves on her hips, raising an eyebrow. “That book is just more eggheads like you speculatin’, tryin’ to find an answer what’s real obvious to anypony lookin’ in.”
Twilight sighed, but listened to her friend, setting the book on the coffee table beside her. "What’s that?” She asked. “Why did she...cause so much pain? Kill so many?”
“It really is easy,” Applejack said, resting a hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “Some apples is just bad. Ain’t no good reason fer it, just are. Sure, you can prolly come up with a whole mess a’ reasons for it, but in the end, you’ll just make your head spin and have nothin’ to show for it but a whole host a’ theories. Did Luna dyin’ help make her what she was? Probably. Ah’ll bet not havin’ a sister around to set ‘er right all that time didn’t help none. But what if she was sorta that way before? What if that’s why the Elements killed ‘er, not send ‘er to the moon like they did here?”
Instead of calming down as she’d hoped, Applejack watched Twilight start to perk up, her eyes widening with the possibilities, and she let out a long sigh.
“But how would we know? How would we know without a time machine t’go back there and see fer ourselves?” She continued.
Twilight raised a hoof, her jaw dropped, and she put it back down. Her head hung loose on her neck. “So we just...won’t ever know? Then, what do we do?”
“What do we do?” Applejack snorted. “Sugarcube, y’really wanna know?”
Twilight nodded enthusiastically, her whole body shaking with a need for answers.
“We go outside and we see our friends,” Applejack said, taking her by the hooves and hoisting her up out of the chair. “We spend time with ‘em while we wait fer the humans to arrive, like we said we would, an’ we have ourselves a watercress sandwich and some chit-chat with the ponies we love.”
Suddenly hauled up to her hooves, Twilight stumbled and opened her mouth to object, then realized how absolutely right her friend was. With a nod, she gave a small smile and sighed. “Okay, I...think I get the picture.”
Applejack smiled back, and with a quick hug, the pair finally set out from the small den, through the door, and out onto Fluttershy’s front lawn.
There, the other mares were already waiting, chatting amiably as they always did. Rarity salvaged a few sips of her tea as Dash had already shoved her muzzle full into the teapot and started drinking like an elephant dying of thirst. Applejack rolled her eyes. “I, uh...swapped out today’s drink a’ choice with some of my old cider stock,” she explained. “Seemed like a good time fer it.”
Twilight chuckled. “Thanks, Applejack.”
“I’m just grateful I got any at all,” Rarity said, sipping daintily at her cup. “Here, when we settled on having this soiree at Fluttershy’s, I was half-worried Discord would pop up to fill it with frogs or some such nonsense.”
“Oh, he’s on time-out,” Fluttershy said. “Ever since we found out he’d run off to the human lands to feed off the chaos of their unregulated dreamscape for several months, the princesses have been pretty mean to him...”
“Mean,” Rainbow snorted, prying the teapot off her muzzle. “Yeah, that’s one word for it. I hear Celestia almost dropkicked him into the sun when he showed up in the throne room and the only thing he had to say for himself was ‘what’d I miss’?”
Twilight giggled again at the thought of their local demigod showing up in vacation attire, still wiping suncreen off his nose as he waltzed past disassembling human units and evacuation points with nothing to say for himself but a nonchalant “What’d I miss?” Then, she was interrupted when a loud explosion shook the forest nearby. She darted to her hooves, only to chuckle and shake her head as a pink cloud puff rose over the woods, accompanied by confetti and streamers. “Ah, I see the humans found one of Pinkie’s party mines.”
“It is a good warning to make ourselves presentable,” Rarity said, hurriedly sitting up to pull out her makeup mirror and touch up her mane. “Though I do pity the poor dearies that have to go through it; they’re probably tired enough as it is, and I doubt many of them still have the energy to deal with Pinkie by the time they make it this far.”
“Ready yourselves, girls,” Twilight said, grooming her feathers herself.
A few minutes later, the humans arrived in the tree line, each dressed in a cap marked “ROYAL MAIL,” each carrying a large rucksack, each clad in a red uniform with red shorts made nearly unrecognizable by a smattering of pink confetti and dust. Their leader, a rather gruff-looking, mustachioed man with bags under his eyes, hauled a familiar pink package.
“Ooh! And do humans like cake!?” Pinkie gasped as he carried her along with an arm wrapped around her barrel. “Wait...do humans even have cake!? You do know what cake is, right!? Please, oh please tell me you know!”
Without looking at her, the man paused before the group, holding PInkie up with both hands. “How do I make this stop?” He asked.
“Oh, you don’t,” Twilight giggled.
“That’s what I was afraid of,” he sighed, setting Pinkie down before taking out a note-card and clearing his throat. “Princess Twilight: as the representative of the Royal Mail, and of all postal services of the nations of man, we are here with a formal delivery from Earth: may these notes lead to inter-dimensional peace and prosperity for our peoples.”
Twilight nodded. “And I, as a princess of Equestria, humbly accept. May these parcels bring our people closer together.”
That nodded, the postman dropped his sack, along with the others. “Alright, I don’t have names and faces down yet, so if you could help us out and just call when you’re called, it would be greatly appreciated.” He held up the tag on the bag he was holding. “Rarity?”
“Oh, goodness,” Rarity said, blinking rapidly at the large bag as he hauled it over to her, dropped it, and returned to stand with the others. “I must say, I’m quite appreciative of any fan mail, I didn’t think I’d see so much so early in my career!”
Nodding to her, the postman held up the next bag placed at his feet. “Applejack?”
“Aww shucks, that’s awful sweet t’see!” Applejack said, a blush on her freckled face.
“Rainbow Dash?”
“Ha! I’m just surprised it isn’t bigger!”
“Pinkie Pie?”
“All that’s just from humans who want to talk to me!? Wowee!”
“Fluttershy?”
“Oh goodness, I’m just glad some of you wanted to...”
“Fluttershy.”
“...c-correspond, um...that’s quite a lot, but...”
“Fluttershy.”
“...b-but, goodness gracious! I-I didn’t think so many...”
“And....Fluttershy, Fluttershy, Fluttershy.”
“...Eep.”
As Fluttershy cowered behind her wings at the small mountain of mail set before her, the friends all giggled. Humanity had an obvious favorite, and the irony of it being the most cloistered of the group wasn’t lost on anypony. But then, they noticed one of them didn’t have a bag at all, and the remaining postman’s hands were empty.
“Oh...shoot, Twi, Ah’m sorry,” Applejack said, looking over to the princess of the group.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” Twilight said, smiling as she waved her friends off. “Humanity has been through a lot because of the alicorns, it doesn’t surprise me that they’re not quite ready to see one in a positive light.”
“That’s a nice, mature way to face this, young miss,” the postman smiled back, making his mustache bristle, but as she was about to reply he pulled out a walkie-talkie and keyed it in. “Bring it.”
Twilight was about to ask what he’d just called for, when the low thwip of human helicopter blades chopping through the air filled the sky. From behind a mountain, a pair of massive Super-Chinooks appeared, their double rotors thumping like a giant’s footsteps. Rainbow Dash looked up in awe, not quite able to comprehend the sheer mass being suspended above her head, as the pair of metal monstrosities approached; between them, a shipping container the size of a noblestallion’s estate, suspended by cables.
The massive choppers slowly lowered the crate to the ground, their blades whipping up the trees as the wind absolutely destroyed their manes. Rarity was the only one to even notice, Twilight too in awe of the sight as the postmen first guided the crate into place, then released the cables suspending it and waved the helicopters off. She stared, her mind still not quite able to keep up as the doors squealed open on rusty, metal hinges, revealing an avalanche of letters, packages, and little notes covered in heart-shaped stickers.
Snatching up a few of the letters that flitted out, the postman turned back to her. “If you want, ma’am, we can keep a few of us here to help go through all this.”
Twilight swallowed. “I would appreciate that, thank you.”
...there are old things to be mourned, for no new life comes without loss, and that loss deserves to be acknowledged and grieved for...
Twilight swallowed the lump in her throat. Beside her, Celestia and Luna stared straight ahead, though Celestia noticed enough to offer a comforting hoof. This all felt so...impersonal. The stoic faces watching every moment, the cameras with logos for CNN and BBC drinking it all in, the crowd of diplomats and generals waiting for the ceremony to conclude, all so unlike the small, personal funeral they’d held not even a week before.
But this was important too. For healing, for more than just her family.
The Russian colonel turned from the wall, the guardstallion next to him standing aside to show the last of the human names carved into it, still warm with magic. There were so many names, more than Twilight would have imagined for a single base, although for an incident involving her, she was told this was actually a pretty light casualty list. Somehow, that news did not make her feel any better when she heard it.
A chill breeze swept up, a few flurries whipping through the scorched concrete, and Twilight pulled the collar of her coat further up. Around them, standing amidst the ruins of that one’s old prison, a memorial went, the names of those lost on that terrible day carved into rock in a single ceremony. Here, humans worked alongside ponies to get hours of work done in seconds, the names forming as soon as the colonel finished reading them.
The final line was drawn under the last human name.
- 56 people died on that wretched day, right here on this spot. And they weren’t even done with names yet.
There was some resistance to adding the ponies here. After all, if it wasn’t for their escape attempt, she never would have broken out and the reason for a memorial would never have happened at all. Then, CCTV camera footage showed her final kiss goodbye to Shining Armor. After seeing his final moments, Russian authorities quietly added these final names to the registry, and families from Equestria were quickly invited.
“Starlight Gold...” the colonel read, the name sizzling into existence behind him. He continued, sounding the names out with the help of phonetic pronunciations before him. Choked-off sobs echoed up from the crowd with each new name. The ponies were apparently having a harder time with keeping their emotions in check than most of the humans.
“...Lilac Dreams...Cloudblazer...Moonbeam...” the colonel sighed, closed his eyes, as if he didn’t quite want this ceremony to end. As if he knew with this last name, people would be able to walk away, be able to forget. Still, he opened his eyes and took a final breath. “...and finally...Shining Arm--”
“Wait!”
Cadence’s voice rang out from the crowd, startling everyone. Soldiers stirred to attention. Humans bolted upright. Even Celestia and Luna gasped, straightening where they stood. Some of the older civilians here to remember their sons glared at her as she parted from the crowd. She paid them no mind, striding up to the massive block of stone. The human and the pony that had been hard at work this ceremony both paused to look back at her. Cadence, resplendent as always in a black dress and veil, held up a hoof to them.
After a moment, both nodded, and the human held up his chisel, still sparking with magic. Cadence turned to the stone, looked it over, and then in the same format as the other names, coming as close to the same lettering as her untrained hoof could, carved “SHINING ARMOR” into the stone face. That done, she set the chisel down and returned to the crowd, head bowed. Some might have said it was out of respect, but Twilight saw the tears dribbling out from under the veil. She turned, seeing the scornful looks turn to sorrow around her. This was a time of grieving. For everyone here.
As Cadence approached, Celestia fanned a wing out over her withers. “I’m so sorry, dearest...”
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Cadence interrupted. She walked on, towards Luna. The pair faced one another, Cadence maintaining a glare as Luna shrank.
“Mi Amore, I’m...I’m so...”
After a moment, Cadence’s eyes watered. It was as if the anger had been a wall, holding back a tidal wave of grief, and it was finally crumbling. She fell forward into the Lunar princess’s embrace, and a wave of quiet sobs wracked her body. Suddenly, it didn’t matter the stares they were getting from the rest of the crowd or the CNN and BBC cameras swooping in, all Twilight saw was her sister in desperate need of comfort. She rushed to her embrace, and found Celestia already there, opening a wing to let Twilight in. Tears welling, Twilight stepped in close, and suddenly these were not four heads of state standing at the head of a crowd, but four members of a family, mourning for one of their own.
...there is forgiveness to seek, but also new connections to be made. A new world doesn’t mean just loss, after all...
Thompson sat on the edge of his couch, letting out a long breath. The camera covered the courthouse steps where none other than the very nice, very blue pony he had spent a few weeks in captivity with was expected to appear following her hearing. It was meant to be a formality, he heard, very few things done as a head of state during a time of war could be tried anywhere but the ICJ, but apparently, she’d been quite insistent.
He let out a long sigh. “Making trouble you don’t need, Princess...” he muttered under his breath. But according to all sources, she’d all but barreled into a courthouse, demanding to be tried.
Thompson grimaced, shifting on his couch. He debated grabbing a beer from the fridge, but realized he didn’t want to miss even a millisecond of what was happening on the TV. He wasn’t quite sure why he was so invested in this, maybe it was just because she’d been so nice during his captivity in Canterlot, but most of all he was hoping this would just be a quick and speedy affair that the courts hurried through to make the Princess feel better about herself.
“...and...there she is.” The reporter said as the doors opened and Luna trotted onto the courthouse steps, surrounded by a small cohort of human guards. They started pushing back the crush of reports who mobbed her as soon as she hit the steps, and she kept her head down as the reporter Thompson was watching fell on her like a vulture. Questions flew back and forth, demanding to know if this was some form of goodwill stunt, if Luna had been pressured into this by the UN, if this was indicative of friction between herself and the other princesses due to her involvement with the Russian escape incident...
Thompson sighed and held up the remote, ready to switch back to Netflix for a few hours of brain-melting slop: one of the few luxuries he’d actually missed while a captive of Equestria. Nothing like being in a medieval-styled society to remind you of the comforts of modern technology.
The thought died on the vine as suddenly, the camera panned up, showing Luna swooping into the air in a flurry of blue feathers. Caught off guard, the cameraman barely kept up as he captured her sailing off into the sky. Thompson’s thumb paused over the remote as the camera lost Luna in the sun. “What the...” he muttered, not quite able to process what he was seeing.
And then, there was a knock on his door.
Thompson switched the TV off, body running completely on autopilot as several neurons tried and failed to fire at once. He dropped the remote on the couch as he rose to his feet. His thighs cramped up from disuse, but he didn’t notice. He crossed from the living room back down the hallway to the front door, not even glancing into the peephole as he turned the knob. It was as if his mind was actively avoiding what he knew, deep down, was on the other side.
He opened the door. Luna looked at Thompson. Thompson stared back.
With an awkward shuffle of hooves, Luna smiled up to him. “I heard you have...games?” She said.
With every ounce of brain power remaining in his skull, Thompson replied: “Bwah?”
...but sometimes, when the whole world is shaking on its axis, it really is best to return to your roots and remember the people that have been with you from the beginning. Because sometimes, the phrase “The more things change, the more they stay the same” is the greatest comfort of them all.
0945 HOURS
UNITED NATIONS JOINT DEFENSE INITIATIVE: WESTERN EUROPEAN REGIONAL HEADQUARTERS
LONDON, ENGLAND, UNITED KINGDOM
“...and...that’s it folks! The last of the fog has dissipated, and Equestria is now formally here on Earth, existing in two planes of reality at the same time! With the threat of inter-dimensional sickness now abating, Princess Celestia is believed to be ready to approve the first travel visas for...”
*CLICK*
“...with Equestria pledging another half-billion bits to rebuilding efforts in both the original kingdom of Equestria and the Tokyo metro area...”
*CLICK*
“...but for real, Celestia and Luna? NNF! At that point, it’s not even incest anymore, it’s art!”
“Lisa?”
Lisa bolted upright in her seat. Akshat smiled back at her.
“We’re here.”
Lisa let out a breath. The whole van ride from her flat had held a weird intensity to it, silence having fallen over the group like a weird cloak that none of them wanted to take off. But now, as she tucked her phone away in her purse and shuffled out of the van, she craned her head up at their old office building. The UN insignia had been removed: one of the caveats they’d had in return for their silence, but it was still there.
She let out a breath. “Damn...I can’t believe this.”
“Believe it.” Andre said, stepping out beside her. “We made it back.”
The group shuffled out around back to the elevator, ignoring dust and dirt from weeks of neglect and a riot or two. The city streets had been much the same: London was still recovering from the chaos caused by her escape, but already the streets looked a little closer to their old grime, some windows already being covered in plywood or actually replaced. They reached the lift, the tension rising again with them as they crowded inside and the doors creaked shut behind them, the dented stainless steel baring stains from decades of abuse. The elevator reached their old floor, creaked, groaned, and finally opened the doors with a little ping.
An old set of cubicles sat under some half-flickering lights. After a moment, Francis reached out and flicked the switch, and most of the remaining panels returned to life, though some needed replacing. A musty stench hit their faces all at once, forcing a few noses to wrinkle.
“Huh...home sweet home...” Chen commented.
“It’s...a lot smaller than I remember.” Felipe added.
“That’s the whole world though, isn’t it?” Someone at the back of the group said. “It’s all smaller now, after...everything. And coming from me, that’s saying a lot.”
The group parted to allow the shortest of the bunch through: a sandy-maned stallion with a cutie mark of a heart set over a shield, and wearing the most adorable little necktie any of them had ever seen. He looked over his shoulder and smiled the old, self-assured smile that for awhile, Lisa had feared lost. David trotted back to his old desk, climbed up into his old chair, and frowned. “Well, I guess some of it’s bigger,” he grumbled. “Crap...I’m gonna have to order specialized supplies. Do they even make hoof-friendly keyboards?”
“I’m sure we can figure something out, Yank,” Lisa said, having followed him into the office to plant a kiss on his cheek. “Can’t have you using your widdle hoovesies as an excuse forever.”
Dave grumbled. “Y’all are acting like I didn’t totally save the world and busted the princess out myself.”
“One, you didn’t do it yourself, King Armor was with you,” Akshat pointed out as he walked back to his own desk. He pulled his chair out from his desk and swatted some dust away, the leather creaking at his grazing touch. “And two, you then tried to kill us immediately afterward. As far as this group is concerned, we are even-steven.”
Dave blew out a breath. “Fine, jeez, I can’t even ride the ‘self-sacrificing hero’ thing with you guys for a month? Makes me wish I’d let Felipe drink the damn potion instead.”
“Oh, but you’re so cute like this!” Lisa gushed, wrapping her arms around his withers from behind. “Like a plushie gained sentience!”
David blushed. “I will admit, it’s definitely upped my game a bit,” he chuckled, looking up to see Andre and Francis at the edge of the cube farm, staring in at it. “Guys...”
All eyes turned to them as they stared down the cubes. Their hearts sank as a realization swept through the room. Shortly after stepping out of the elevator, they had all gravitated towards their own desks, each wanting to check on their old workspace as soon as they could.
Which meant one would be empty. The one Andre and Francis held eachother while standing over.
David put his forehooves up on the divider wall between them, ears folding as he stuck his head into the tiny space. The desk was a bit sloppy, with some papers scattered around a tiny shelf, a couple boxes of paperclips, and a small paper cutout of a Russian flag scotch-taped to the wall. A filing cabinet sat nearby, filled with the debris of a life lived in this tiny space.
A life ended.
For all of their sakes.
After a moment, Akshat stepped towards it, started straightening some of the papers into a proper stack, but David raised a hoof.
“Let’s keep it,” he said quickly. “We’ll...track down his family, see if there’s anything here they’ll want, but other than that we’re the only ones who’ll ever be here. So let’s keep it.”
Akshat nodded. Perhaps it wasn’t the healthiest thing, holding on to someone’s old desk like this, but nobody had the guts to counter the person who was standing there during Anton’s last moments.
After a moment, the group standing at Anton’s desk turned away, and David sat back down. A silence as heavy as a curtain fell over the group. Finally, David wheeled himself back in his chair. “I’ll...get the coffeemaker brewing. I think we all need it.”
“Oh...one half-and-half, love,” Lisa shouted after him.
“Yes, dear.” He called back.
Meanwhile, Akshat leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, brow creased. “Did...anyone remember to empty the coffeepot out before we left?”
He had his answer when Dave opened the door to their breakroom, and his little muzzle promptly wrinkled up. “Change of plans, who’s ready for a Starbucks run?”
At that, a wide grin broke out over Akshat’s face. “I take it that’s a no.”
“Christ, maybe we need to pick up some bleach while we’re at it.” Lisa sighed, standing up from her desk. “We could let the place air out anyway, it’s rather stale in here.”
“Now that, I agree with,” Dave said, trotting back to her. “But hell, it took so long to get here, why don’t we just make it afternoon drinks?”
“You want to hit the pub? In the middle of the afternoon!? And on the UN’s dime!?” The grin never left Akshat’s face. “I can’t think of a better way to spend the day, who’s buying?”
“I think the hero who saved the world should have all his drinks comped!” David said, sitting up on his haunches and crossing his forehooves. “It’s only fair!”
Akshat looked around in feigned shock. “I should agree, but when did Shining Armor get here?”
“Oh piss off!” David grunted, blowing air from his nostrils.
“I shall buy,” Liu said, already rising from his seat and looking over his shoulder as he walked to the elevators. “This time. Someone else can buy next time.”
“At the end of the day, isn’t the UN paying?” Andre asked.
“All the better,” Lisa said, also already heading for the elevator. She was halfway there with the others when she noticed her side distinctly lacking in pony husbando. “Daaave? Ya comin’ or what?”
“Just a minute!” He shouted from the other side of the cube farm, then turned back to where his attention had been, to the drawing hung up on the wall: the unflattering caricature of Celestia with the dart sticking right out of the eye. Once, a thousand years ago, he had been proud of that shot, taken from all the way across the office on a caffeine-fueled dare. But now...
With a small smile, his horn glowed, plucking the dart from its place and levitating it over to the nearest desk. He straightened the picture out, smoothing down one of its creased corners with a hoof. Finally satisfied with his work, he turned toward the door, flicking the lights off as he galloped to join his friends.
Author's Note
Thank you for coming with me on this journey. It's been a long one, I think it's no exaggeration to say completing this story has been one of the most difficult endeavors of my life, but I felt an obligation. To both it, and to you, dear reader. So thank you. For your criticism, and for still being here.
And with that, I think it's time to call it. I really feel like I've grown as a writer here, in the fandom, but now I feel like it's about time I exercised my creative talents elsewhere. I just want to thank you all before leaving: thank you for your own stories, and thank you for being here, all the way to the very end. Thank you for your time, and your patience, and thank you for being a reader.
