The Ram

Bathroom Revelations

Sam Kilovic was sweating, and it was debatable whether or not he was sweating because of the twenty-pound Renamon costume he was wearing, or because of his angry anxiety.

He wiped his shaven head before realizing that his hand was covered in a white paw-glove, which only made the sweat on his brow worse. He cursed silently as the taxi rolled through the streets of Pittsburgh, its driver trying not to laugh at the big fluffy yellow man in his backseat. He cursed at the fact that his friend, Matt Redford, had already made it to the convention.

And then he cursed again. He never should have come here. He never should have gotten in contact with Eric again. Eric Klebb, a friend of theirs and a male cheerleader for CSU, had invited Sam and Matt to Anthrocon for the weekend. Summer break was already in full swing, and the boys had been looking forward to two months free of classes at Colorado State. But then Eric had called them. At the time, all Eric asked was to go on a trip to Philadelphia, and Sam and Matt couldn’t say no.

Three days later, Sam Kilovic, the Russian-born backup mascot for the Colorado State Rams, was in the back of a taxi wearing a $200 Renamon suit that he had bought on eBay. Though up to his balls in sweat, he had to admit the costume was extremely comfortable, perhaps even more comfortable than the Cam the Ram suit. He was glad he didn’t have claustrophobia, or else he’d never agreed to this. As much as he didn’t mind cavorting around in a ram costume in front of thousands of people, he didn’t like this.

Eric had convinced him to buy the suit. Sam had always known that his friend was a furry, and could not say he liked furries very much. But then, Eric had been one of the few to actually help Sam and Matt after the Big Macintosh incident (which, though it happened almost two years ago, still haunted Sam’s dreams) and he was providing him with half of the funds to buy the costume, so he went along with it.

The taxicab pulled up in front of a large building teeming with convention-goers, some dressed in elaborate outfits, others nothing more than tails and ears. Some weren’t even dressed as animals. Sam struggled to retrieve the cab fare from his jeans pocket inside the suit, then, after handing the money over to the bemused cab driver, he pulled on the Renamon mask.

Freshly laundered, the inside of the head smelled like Febreze, but Sam’s eyesight was severely limited, only being able to see out of two small eyeholes covered in mesh, very similar to the Cam suit. It was the middle of June, and the temperature was somewhere around sixty degrees, so when he emerged from the cab he felt reasonably comfortable, the Pittsburgh winds only slightly ruffling his suit as he bumbled his way across the sidewalk, ambling towards the crowd of furries and cosplayers. A few minutes passed, then Sam caught sight of a guy in a Wolf Link suit, standing with his hands (er, paws) behind his back, as if waiting for someone. Sam knew it was Matt Redford, and when their fake eyes met they silently high-fived each other and went inside.

Eric had provided Matt with the Wolf Link suit, which was self-made and quite elaborate. Matt seemed less disdainful of the fandom than Sam, but was nonetheless taken aback at Eric’s offer, but did not refuse.

Of course, even through the mesh eyeholes, the My Little Pony cosplayers were the first to catch their eyes. Both diehard bronies, they picked out the many Rainbow Dashes, Fluttershies, Twilight Sparkles, Applejacks, and Pinkie Pies in the crowd of con-goers. Most were men and women with only the bare minimum of outfits that would constitute them as pony cosplayers, but that sat fine with them, especially Sam.

And yet…

The suit was comfortable. He was getting very favorable reactions from the fursuiters and non-suiters. Nobody was coming up to him, asking him to yiff or jack off together (a notion he had assumed would happen, were he to arrive dressed like Renamon.) Indeed, many wanted nothing more than photos with them, or just hugs, and despite their disdain for the fandom, Sam and Matt, who were anything but camera-shy, couldn’t resist.

At last they caught sight of their friend Eric Klebb, who was masquerading in a very well-made white-and-blue wolf fursuit with golden eyes that followed you around the room. He noticed them and froze, standing still for several minutes. Sam thought he might have surprised him, so he nodded comically and placed his pawed glove on his furry shoulder. Breaking from his trance, he did a little nudging motion with his head, indicating that they should go deeper into the building.

The main atrium of the convention center was packed with fursuiters, con-goers, storeowners, security guards, and even people who looked like they didn’t belong at a furry convention whatsoever, which was how Sam and Matt felt at that moment. There were shops selling furry merchandise and art (of which Sam noticed lacked lewd and suggestive material, but he was sure that it was around there somewhere.) He followed wolf-Eric through the crowd, still getting favorable reactions from the con-goers.

And then they saw them.

Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Derpy Hooves, Big Macintosh, and even Princess Celestia stood in a group in the middle of the convention hall, each covered in fur and mesh, hogging the spotlight. Sam thought he was seeing things, and he almost removed the big Renamon head to see better. But there was no denying it. There, the clash of two very different fandoms, all in a group together.

He could not help but approach. Wolf-Eric looked at him with a cocked head, though his expression was masked by his fursuit head. To anyone observing, it would’ve seemed as though Renamon and Wolf Link were slowly approaching the pony suiters, transfixed by their impossibility.

And yet…

People were taking pictures with the ponies. Furries, suited or not, hugged, high-fived, and brohoofed them. Yes. Furries were brohoofing. They couldn’t believe it. Soon he was less then five feet away from the Rainbow Dash fursuiter, and that’s when she (or he) noticed them.

Sam was stunned. He didn’t know how to react. What was the Dashie furry going to do?

But then he saw the sign around his/her chest, the same sign all the other pony furries had:

I am a bronyfur. Love me, because I love you.

And before he knew what was happening, Sam the Renamon suiter found himself locked in a bear hug by the surprisingly strong Rainbow Dash furry. It wasn’t a violent hug; it was an affectionate, kind hug, and, though confused, Sam’s heart grew and his body became warm and tingly. Next to him, Derpy Hooves was brohoofing Wolf Link.

Bronyfur…

The Big Macintosh furry came up behind the Rainbow Dash and placed its hooves on Sam, prepping for a comic hug, but, in a spontaneous motion, Sam hugged the Big Mac suiter tightly. Soon they were all hugging or brohoofing, and Sam couldn’t have been happier. Time seemed to slip away, and they forgot that there was a convention going on, filled with yiffy, yucky furries…

Something warm and clawed touched his shoulder. Wolf-Eric. Sam had not realized that he had spent nearly an hour with the bronyfurs, and, with slight disappointment, waved goodbye and followed his friend. They waded through the growing crowd of fursuiters (again, none of whom jumped him and tried to copulate with him,) until they reached a room that had been labeled: HEADLESS LOUNGE.

They went through and were greeted by dozens of unmasked furries, all of whom were drinking water and Gatorade or were cooling themselves with ice packs and fans. Matt was already inside, the blue-eyed Wolf Link mask resting on his lap, his hair matted with sweat. Realizing how hot the Renamon suit had become, Sam removed the head.

A rush of hot air escaped as he lifted the mask from his head, and he was temporarily blinded by the bright lights in the lounge. The fans were on full blast, and they felt wonderful against his sweaty skin. Next to him, Eric removed his self-made wolf head, revealing a boyish face with green eyes, blond hair, and an evanescent smile that never seemed to leave his lips. They sat down in chairs as a girl with a bunny tail and ears brought them bottles of ice-cold water.

“Hey, Sam, man,” Eric finally said as he stopped gulping from his bottle. “Look, I’m sorry, I knew you didn’t like the whole furry thing. You didn’t have to come, I was only…”

“Hang on, Rick,” Sam said, addressing his friend by his nickname. “Why do you think I had a bad time?”

Eric looked confused at first, then smiled widely. “The bronyfurs?”

“The bronyfurs.”

“Guess they like Digimon.”

“Hell, who doesn’t like Digimon?”

“Pokémon fans,” Matt cut in, and they all laughed.

“Eh, there’re enough Lucario and Pikachu costumes out there to warrant a convention unto itself…” Sam stopped himself. It was happening. He was starting to sound like a furry.

“Listen to me,” he said incredulously. “I’m starting to sound like a furry.”

“Furries don’t have particular sounds, Sammy,” Eric replied, taking another swig. “Hell, I thought you’d hate it here. But…”

“Nah, man,” Sam answered. “I like it. I like it a lot.”

And it was the truth. Coming in, Sam had been skeptical, even a bit frightened. But then he had seen the bronyfurs, and something in his mind clicked. He could see from the twinkle in Matt’s eyes that he thought the same.

“Hang on,” he exclaimed, making an imaginary checklist in the air. “Wait a sec…”

“What?”

“So far this convention has been a big adventure, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yeah, I guess…”

“And it’s been tons of fun?”

“Hell yeah!” Eric punched the air with his pawed fist.

“Would you say furries have beautiful hearts?” Matt said, catching on.

“Not all of ‘em, the creepers on 4chan and whatnot…”

“What about faithful and strong?”

“Oh, well, a couple o’ them, like Skroy and Roan and Beastcub. Maybe Bit, Oz, Skuff, Mintzbuck…”

“Sharing kindness?”

“Uhh…”

“It’s an easy feat.”

The voice was male and it came from behind Sam, Matt, and Eric. Whirling around, they saw the bronyfurs standing in the Headless Lounge doorway, all male, each with his head removed. The one who had spoken was Fluttershy, a bald, thirty-something man with a stubble.

“And magic makes it all complete,” said a female voice, and Sam realized that Princess Celestia had been missing from the group. She appeared from the drinks table, a girl furry, her Celestia head removed to reveal one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen. She had black hair with purple highlights, tawny skin, and platinum-colored eyes that seemed to morph to inky-black when the light caught them at the right angle. They boys were stunned. The Celestia furry girl chuckled, grabbed two Gatorades, and tossed them to the boys.

“Love and tolerance, man. For all.”

Sam looked up, blushing at the thought of seeing this pretty girl while wearing such a ridiculous costume, but thankful that she too was wearing a garish outfit that balanced out their fashion statements. Smiling wide, he said, “Amen, pegasister.”

The Celestia girl smiled and rejoined her group, all of whom were chuckling and walking over to a table near Sam, Matt and Eric, discussing the convention, each other, and the latest episode of My Little Pony.

The bathroom was surprisingly clean and devoid of anyone other than two people wearing Renamon and Wolf Link costumes. Sam and Matt closed the door behind them, blocking out sounds of the convention.

They removed their masks and took deep breaths, each laughing.

“Well, I’ve gotta admit,” Matt said, huffing. “This is a shitload of fun.”

“Hell yeah,” his friend replied. “Man, I haven’t had this much fun since the Mid-Tennessee State game last year!”

“I don’t remember that?”

“You don’t? Y’know, when the riot broke out and there was a huge fight between me and their mascot…oh, wait, right, you had strep throat that day…”

“Ahem.”

The cough was so silent that the boys almost missed it, and they whirled around to see none other than the pegasister in the Princess Celestia suit. Before they could ask what a girl was doing in the men’s room, a bright flash of light enveloped the room, and when they regained their eyesight…

“Holy son of a shit.”

“God damn…”

Princess Celestia, the Princess Celestia, was standing in front of them, a complacent smile on her lips. Instinctively, Sam bowed, and after a moment so did Matt. The Princess laughed.

“Samovoi Kilovic. Matthew Redford. My, my, what an excellent friendship you both have.”

Sam didn’t know what the Princess was talking about, but he remained bowed.

“I suppose I owe you an explanation,” she said, neighing softly. “After Big Macintosh got loose in your world, we had to pull all sorts of favors and resources to ensure that such an event would never happen again. But then I decided to pay a visit to the human world, and do you know what I found?”

They remained silent, and the Princess went on.

“I found that our kind is well-known throughout your world. That our ideals have spread so fervently throughout your world, and that, though humans can be crude, violent creatures, the magic of friendship exists in them all. Wouldn’t you say?”

“Y…yes, Princess,” Matt stammered, slowly looking up.

She smiled. “Forgive my subterfuge, but it was necessary in order to draw you into an environment where my appearance would not be unduly questioned.”

“With all due respect, Princess,” Sam piped up, “why was it necessary to draw us in?”

“Because you helped Big Macintosh get back home,” she answered. “You did not prejudice against our kind, and without your help the idea of human-pony relations would have never existed. I have come to thank you, but it seems I should also be congratulating you, for today you learned a very valuable lesson in friendship, did you not?”

Sam nodded. Matt was frozen. Celestia smiled again.

“As such, I believe a reward is in order.” From thin air she produced two dazzling necklaces which she magically placed around their necks. “These pendants have been hoof-crafted by the finest unicorns in Equestria. Within them exists a powerful magic that, combined with the magic of friendship, will allow you to transcend this world and arrive in ours.”

“You mean…”

“Yes, Samovoi,” she replied. “A portal. From Earth to Equestria. Use this gift well, and I look forward to seeing you both in the future.”

With that she turned around and, assuming her human form, prepared to leave, but Matt got in one last question.

“Er, Princess…why was Big Macintosh in the ram suit that day?”

She turned around again, gazing at them with those beautiful eyes, and delivered her widest smile yet.

“Let’s just say Big Macintosh hates buffaloes. And frogs.”

Leaving them both wallowing in confusion, the Princess departed.

So friendship really was magic.

And as Sam looked over the special necklace around his neck, excitement bubbled in his heart.