The Child In Me

by Zamairiac

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Fleur de Lis, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human, Princess Luna, Princess Cadance, Comedy
Length: 25421

A young man wakes up in Equestria as a very adorable Alicorn colt, gets forcibly adopted by Luna, and tries to find his way home.

Dark Tag is for Black Comedy and slightly morbid situations!

A young man wakes up in Equestria as a very adorable Alicorn colt, gets forcibly adopted by Luna, and tries to find his way home. It's a shame that a certain Night Princess won't let him.

Rated Teen for suggestive scenes and the occasional bit of colorful language.

Cover art done by the wonderful Shadow Bolt.

Published 2014-03-08 22:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2016-06-28 21:43:49 UTC

You Are Not My Mo-mhmm

Author's Note

Well this story's had mixed reactions XD

Might as well say what this story is going to be here and now, so pay attention private!

The Child In Me is a comedic, fun and (hopefully) adorable story that will make little to no sense. The characters will stay in their respective OOC roles; Oliver will alternate between a very intelligent guy, and a very innocent foal.

Why did I rush the first chapter? (Yes it's obviously rushed)

Because for one, this story isn't going to be driven on detailed environments, and two, we've all seen this shit before. Thus why I tried to make it straight to the meat of the story as smoothly as I could.

So here's the gritty conclusion. If you're here for spontaneous bouts of randomness, comedy and adorability, then by all means do stay!

If you're here for an immensely detailed story, similar to something like Never Judge A Bug By Her Cover, then you're wasting your time.

In any case, enough of that.

Begin!

You Are Not My Mo-mhmm

You Are Not My Mo-mhmm

Buck…I can't breathe!

The amount of force 'Lulu' was using to hold me to her barrel was stupidly strong. I could barely look up at her, and even then, all I could see was the massive grin on her muzzle.

She was still chirping away as well! She hadn't stopped since the moment she began skipping.

"We shalt be the greatest mother in all of Equestria!" she rambled excitedly, her wing-hug squeezing me just that little tighter. "We will spoil thee rotten with toys and nourishment, and-"

All of a sudden the crazy mare came to stop, before abruptly dropping me back into her forelegs and raising me to eye level.

She still had that loving smile adorned upon her muzzle, her eyes gazing at me with such warmth.

No apathy? This mare's bipolar.

"Thou art so adorable my son," she crooned fondly. "We want nothing more than to snuggle with thee for eternity."

"Well as fun as that sounds Lulu," I began quickly. "I really do need to find my way back ho-"

Did it just get colder in here?

Indeed, despite the warmth of her hooves, the air around me suddenly seemed…a lot colder.

It was only when I looked back at her that I realized where the chill was coming from.

"Lulu?" she uttered quietly, her eyes narrowed and unblinking. "Our name is Luna, but thou shalt call us mother..."

Holy straw that's frightening…wait, straw? STRAW?! WHAT THE HAY!

Hay?

…

My eyes began to water.

"Oh! Nay, nay! We did not mean to scare thee!" Luna suddenly cried, her voice laced with horror as she pulled me tightly against her barrel once more, before beginning to thoroughly nuzzle me to death.

I'm surprised there wasn't any smoke coming from the top of my head.

"We are so sorry Arcturus!" she continued. "Please forgive us!"

"O-Okay f-fine!" I squeaked, barely able to talk let alone breathe. "I f-forgive…you!"

Okay, here's the plan. First, I find some way to escape this mare. Secondly, I find some form of rucksack and obtain a sharp knife, bottled water, and something to cover my wings. Lastly…create some form of projectile weapon to incapacitate any opposing forces as I blow this joint!

It was a very risky plan, but with a little bit of skill and even more luck, it'd work!

The sound of a door opening snapped me out of my thoughts and onto where I was…which, as I shimmied around in Luna's tight embrace, appeared to be a chamber of gothic design.

Seriously, there was black this and black that…and a smidge of pink to boot.

There were also quite a few robes hanging up on a coat rack.

If I can find one in my size somewhere…

Hmm.

"We see that thou like our cloaks."

I looked directly up to see Luna's warm eyes staring down at me, all traces of panic apparently forgotten.

Yep, bipolar.

"Well…they look really nice," I chirped, deliberately, and if I may say so, cleverly playing the child I appeared to be.

Apparently my acting skills are top notch, seeing how her eyes instantly lit up with happiness.

"We thank thee," she giggled cheerfully. "Dost thou…dost thou want one?"

Hah, played like a fiddle.

"Can I have one?" I asked cutely, smiling up at the mare innocently, prompting her eyes to shine quite…peculiarly.

Uhh, I don't like that look in her eye.

"We will certainly give one to thee," she purred quietly.

"Oh, well thank-"

"If thou sleeps with us first."

…

What?

"Sleep with you?" I asked slowly, shimming my body slightly as I tried to subtly escape the tight grip.

"Indeed," she chirped joyfully. "Tis how an Alicorn bonds with her son after all."

…

What?

I had little to no warning before Luna kicked the door behind her, lit up her horn, moved something behind me, and then all but leapt into a very large bed. And if that wasn't enough, the moment she landed, she dropped me, pulled me to her side with a wing, and curled around me.

She then pulled the covers, which I hadn't seen before, over us. Thankfully her bigger size left just the right amount of room to breathe.

Oh, and because she curled around me, her face managed to easily maneuver its way so she could look directly at me.

"Comfortable?" she asked lovingly.

…Actually I kind of was quite snug. I would even go so far as to say that it was the comfiest I'd ever been in my life.

But I still had plans to do, and thus sleeping with her was out of the question.

"Yes, very much so," I replied awkwardly. "But as I was trying to say before, I really do need to find my way home. So if you don't mind…"

Luna merely stared at me vacantly for a few moments, her eyes regarding me with some emotion I knew not.

And then she smiled…creepily.

"Oh?" she uttered tenderly. "Art thou not tired Arcturus?"

Tired? What's she going on about now?

"Not particularly, and for the last time, my name is not…not…oooh…"

I don't know whether this body really was tired, being a child and all. But as something, most likely her wing, brushed in-between my withers, I felt myself growing…really…tired.

"Really?" Luna purred, a rather loving, yet disturbing grin adorning her muzzle. "Because thou looks very tired to us…"

No, no! I had a plan, I couldn't fall asleep!

What if this bonding of hers actually worked? What I woke up and actually began to see her as my real mother?

The hay I'm going to sleep!

Struggling against the heavenly brushes, I shook my head and attempted to stand, leaning heavily against Luna's rather firm…yet really comfy tummy.

Tummy? I haven't used that…word…since…tired…

No, damn this body! I had to stay awake!

I had to stay…

"Not quite there yet my little colt?" cooed Luna's voice, echoing all around me as I fought off exhaustion. "Perhaps a lullaby shall soothe thee."

A…lullaby?

And then...out of nowhere, she began to sing. Her voice was slow, quiet and yet…soothing.

"Sleep for us, sleep for thee. Sleep for mommy, my little baby."

Wow…nice voice…Mhmm, sleepy…

"Let min warmth guide thee, let it cradle thee. Until slumber's grasp holds thee tightly."

N-No! I have a plan…but…so tired…stupid body…so…tired…

"We are here beside thee…We shall always love thee…"

Blimey, she really…wants to be my…mommy…m…mo…mhmm…

"Fly, soar and be free…"

No…I'm…the plan…

…

Huh, I think I'm asleep.

Yup, Time To Leave

Yup, Time To Leave

My mind was adrift amongst a sea of darkness. Yet the darkness…was comforting, I could even feel the warmth emanating from it.

And then there was…a voice, a soft, loving voice. It called to me…neigh, she called to me. She was everywhere, around me, within me, echoing deep inside my soul.

We love thee Arcturus…

Arcturus?

Who was that?

Was that…me?

No, no that’s not my name. My name is Oliver, I’m twenty two years old, I’m human…not…not whatever I was before.

Was it all just a dream before? Did I imagine myself a little pony, a child even?

Did I imagine the tall, imposing alabaster figure?

Did I imagine the eccentric lavender...mare?

Did I…Did I imagine the dark Princess who pretty much claimed me as her own…on the spot?

I must have…

…

Of course not child…

Oh no.

Thou art ours now…thou art min baby boy, and we love thee…

She…loves me?

Yes, we do love thee deeply…

But you’ve only known me for all of about fifteen minutes, that’s a little quick to…umm, love me, isn’t it?

A soft, melodious laughter surrounded me, just as an even gentler force picked me up and began to…cradle me?

I was being rocked like a baby!

Time means nothing to us. Many a pony have we seen claimed by times hooves, but thee…thee is like us. Thou shalt not age beyond thine mid twenty’s…and we wish to love thee for that, for thou shalt not fade with time, but like us, remain for all eternity.

A sudden set of loving turquoise orbs materialized out of nowhere in front of me, gazing down with such tenderness, such kindness that I was rendered speechless by the sheer unfamiliarity of it all.

That is why we fell in love so swiftly, Arcturus. This is why we have claimed thee as our colt, our child…our baby boy. This…This is why thou should call us mother, for we shalt never treat thee with anything but a mother’s love, a mother’s touch…forever.

…

I have no idea what to say to that…except that you’re absolutely NUTS!

Yet again, the soft, musical laughter filled the air around me. And, yet again, I found myself being rocked…before suddenly being pressed against a plush surface.

Fur?

It matters little how you see min love for thee, for we shall swear here and now to thee…

The set of eyes quickly found their way in front of me, boring into my own with a fierce determination.

That no matter how long it may take, thou shall be whittled down by min nuzzles and kisses, by min love and maternal touch. Thus in the end…thou will love us willingly, and call us mother til the end of days.

…

My eyes fluttered open groggily, causing me to wince slightly as the first thing I saw was a…really shiny mirror in front of…us?

Lifting my head up, I gazed down at a still sleeping Luna in a sort of stupor. She was holding me tightly with her forelegs and wings, and her ears were down, yet flicking every so often. Also, as I painfully managed to twist my head and look behind me, I noticed that her left hind leg was also kicking softly against the bed, as though she was running.

That…is almost cute, if it weren't from the crazy mare in front me. Lu-mom evidently has some issues and-

,,,

Wait, what?

I had not just thought that I think I'd thought.

Lu-mom…Luuuuun-ommm…L-mom…

…

Nope, no bucking way. I'm outta here!

Wiggling furiously yet subtly so as not to wake her, I gradually began to shimmy my way out of L-mom's very tight grip. Unfortunately for me, her grip became all the tighter as she rolled onto her other side, taking my very frustrated self along for the ride.

This might take a while…

Okay for bucks sake, just let me o-o-o-outtt!

I didn't want to wake her by forcing my way out, because it would defeat the entire purpose of having done so in the first place. But I'd been pointlessly wiggling for the past couple of hours and nothing had come from it, least of all my freedom from the overly clingy mare.

What was worse now was that with my already limited time having been stolen by L-mom's impossibly tight grip, I'd simply have to make a break for it without any provisions.

I'll just have to hope that I find something later.

Never the less, it was obvious that subtle force wouldn't get me anywhere no matter how long I tried. So it stands to reason that I'd simply have to force my way out of her grip.

If this wakes her up, I swear to Faust that I'll-

Faust?

…

Buck it, I don't even care anymore.

Kicking out against my entrapment with my hooves, I used all of my strength to force the evil things away from me…

This in turn caused me to drop onto the bed, bounce off of it and onto the floor, before finally rolling into the wall beneath some tightly shut curtains.

All in all, it kinda hurt a little. Yet as I looked back at Lu-mom, she was still completely out of it. Though to my dismay her recently occupied hooves were unconsciously reaching out for what was not there…and her lips may or may not have begun to tremble uncontrollably.

Oh and there may have been a tear or two creeping past her shut eyelids.

Don't falter now; you'll never get to leave if you fail every time she whimpers.

It was harsh, but I had to get out there. She'd declared me her son, forced a new name upon me and had, not a few hours ago, announced that I'd end up loving her as my mom whether I liked it or not.

The mare was completely insane for Faust's sake!

I shook my head slightly and looked up at the curtains, smiling widely when I saw the barely open window behind them.

FREEDOM!

Grinning wildly, I reached for the windowsill and pulled myself up, though I imagine I looked a bit of a numpty as my tiny hooves scrambled against the wall. In any case it was rather simple to get myself down onto the ground below. I still had no idea how to fly or…do whatever they did with their horns, but escaping from school was something I had to learn quickly.

And apparently the teachers have a really hard time trying to find you when you're on the roof.

Okay so maybe I had no idea where I was…and maybe I still had to find my way past the guards. Guards that looked highly trained, guards that seemed to give off a very dangerous aura, guards that-

Those guards couldn't protect anypony from a cardboard box! And the ones I saw throwing spears at targets, peh! A bucking Stormtropper has greater accuracy!

So yeah…I'd just made it out of the palace and into a rather large city.

One I could easily get myself lost in…

Okay then, let's try and find a way out of the city now. The further I'm away from Mare Mc Crazy, the better.

Yep, best plan so far. Nothing could possibly go wrong with it!

Back In Canterlot Palace…

A certain dark coated mare opened her eyes and smacked her lips lightly, yawning as she did so.

"Mwah! Oh dear, good morning to thee Arcturus. We hope thee had a pleasant sleep beside u-"

Just before she could finish that particular sentence, something deep within triggered her ~~bucking creepy~~ maternal instincts, causing her to look down at the small yet infinitely precious bundle in her grasp.

Only to find nothing there.

"Arcturus…?"

The dark blue mother quickly hopped off of her bed and began to look around.

She looked under the bed, no Arcturus.

She looked in the closet, no Arcturus.

She looked in her private draws, thought about the consequences if her son were to stumble across its large and varying amount of contents, before nodding once and quickly launching them to the moon for safekeeping.

Also, no Arcturus.

Her search continued for a further few minutes, and her entire room practically turned upside down by the end of it.

Then she began to get upset.

It started off as a light whimper, which then became a slightly louder cry, which then became an even louder series of hiccups and whinnying.

Which then became a heart wrenching wail of utter despair.

"SISTER!"

Author's Note

I'm going to abuse those Spongebob signs like hell!

Expect more (hopefully) later today, that is all!

Sorry about the wait though, I've been busy lately XD

All Aboard...Not

All Aboard…Not

If there was only thing about this city that stood out, it would be the curious way in which nearly everypony was pointing their snouts up at the sky.

This meant one of two things. Either their chiropractors were conning the buck out of them…or they were merely unbelievably snobbish.

Twenty quid on the latter.

Though the first one did have a rather amusing sound to it. In any case, let's get back to me.

To put what had recently occurred simply, I'd awoken from a rather creepy dream, escaped from crazy castle, leaving an even crazier mare in my wake and in the end was coming to the realization that I needed a disguise.

Okay, so according to…Twilight was it? Yes, according to Twilight I am currently one of five Alicorns that inhabit this world. This in turn means that going into this city undisguised would be a foolish move, especially if I am to avoid Crazy Mc Nutjob and her surprisingly intimidating alabaster friend.

Putting a hoof to my muzzle, I pondered on just what to get in order to do so. Though thankfully, luck was on my side for once!

For as I leaned against the dark alleyway wall I'd managed to sneak into, my eyes just so happened to spy a clothing line not a few feet above me, as well as the unexpectedly small shirt that was hung upon it.

It might have shrunk in the wash?

It was simple for me to climb up and get it, if not annoyingly slow given my small stature. Still in the end I managed to obtain the shirt and land back down in the alleyway, my even smaller wings spreading out of their own violation so as to perform a sort of glide.

I can't exactly fly yet, but it'll do for now.

Putting on the shirt was slightly more difficult than I'd anticipated, but I eventually managed to force my unfamiliar limbs into it. Thankfully my wings were small enough so as not to stand out, or even be majorly uncomfortable.

And so with my disguise comfortably on, I made my way out of the alleyway and into the heart of the city itself.

Canterlot, as I learned from a large sign hanging on what appeared to be a barrage balloon, was obviously a city for the upper class, or at the least, the ponies who worked their asses off to get where they were.

…

I can say ass? I can SAY ASS?

…

This world is so bucking racist.

Ignoring that particular thought, I continued to walk through the great city, admiring its archaic design. Well, archaic when compared to back home in any case.

It was still rather colorful however, which to my surprise seemed to leave a somewhat soothing sensation upon my new form.

Guess ponies like their colors…heh; I wonder if I can find a coloring book of some sort. Oooh! Maybe I can find one with lots of crayons, blue, orange, yellow, silver and…and…and I'm going to stop thinking about that now.

Correction, these ponies bucking LOVE their colors.

And apparently so did my rather new, yet entirely unwelcome childish instincts.

Shaking my head somewhat, I smiled as I reached what appeared to be a train station of all things. One that, to my unease, seemed to be filled with mares and their children.

I'd already had enough of mares, and these ones were ACTUAL mothers. So who knew what would happen if I were to-

"Aww, well aren't you just precious!"

Buck.

Turning my head slightly, I looked up cautiously into the face of a widely smiling mare. Her coat was a light cream colour and her hair…or was it mane? Bah, her mane was brown and hung loose down to her withers.

And to top it all off, her light hazel eyes were currently lidded and gleaming somewhat as they stared down at me.

"Now why's an adorable little colt like you standing all alone in a busy city?" she asked curiously. Her smile wasn't anywhere near as spine-chilling as she who will not be named, but it still gave off a varying creep factor.

Then again…if this mare was standing by the train station then chances were that she'd be catching said train. And if the train just so happened to take me as far from here as possible, then convincing this mare to…take me along for the ride would most certainly be in my best interests.

Plan A, play the lost, frightened child to manipulate others…begin!

Blinking quickly, I sat down on my rump and looked up at the mare with wide, watery eyes. I then let my bottom lip tremble ever so slightly, if only for a little extra dose of lethal adorability.

"My m-mommy…I-I think I missed the t-train," I whimpered tearfully.

The mare, whoever she was, reacted just as planned. Her eyes narrowed sadly and her hooves reached out, pulling me to her barrel with one and rubbing my hair with the other.

"Oh you poor thing," cooed the mare, nuzzling my hair lightly. "Do you remember where she was heading?"

All good so far…now I guess it's time to improvise.

"I-I don't know," I hiccuped miserably, deliberately nuzzling the mare so as to affirm her belief. "M-Mommy said that we were moving far away from here…but I d-don't know w-where that is."

The mare hummed sympathetically before pulling a leaflet out of…her mane?

What the…never mind!

"Take a look at this sweetheart," she said softly, her left hoof wiping away my tears as she handed it over to me. "See if you can spot the name of where they were heading."

I was quite aware of the sudden crowd of mares beginning to swarm around me, various questions and eventual dawing drew the conclusion that the mare had informed them of my unfortunate predicament.

"Is the little one okay?"

"His mother caught the train without him, he's all alone."

"Oh my, the poor darling."

"I agree! What a terrible crime it is to leave such an endearing foal alone."

"Does he need someplace to stay?"

"Does he need a hug?"

"I'll give him one!"

"No I will!"

"No, I will first!

"Me first!"

"Me!"

"ME!"

As you can see, it quickly got out of hand.

Thought thankfully their arguing gave me plenty of time to look through the leaflet uninterrupted. Thus finding the furthest stop from Canterlot was rather easy.

Though all happiness soon vanished as I noticed just how costly it appeared to be.

"Have you found it sweetheart?" the mare from before asked, her face looming over my shoulder in a friendly, if not comforting manner.

Time to turn on with the waterworks.

Sniffling slightly, I pointed at the stop in question and let out a little whimper, much to the pleasure of the various mares that were now ALL looking at the leaflet.

"I remember m-mommy saying it was there," I said shyly, subtly making myself as small as possible. "But I don't have any money."

"Manehattan?" the mare asked. "That's a good four hour train journey…I don't know if I could let such a young colt go all on their own."

No, I needed to go. I couldn't stay anywhere near here!

Damnit, think of something Oliver!

"B-But," I sobbed. "I want my mommy!"

Every single pair of eyes I could see rapidly dissolved into warm, caring pools of kindness. Hooves and wings all but pulled me into a mass group embrace, followed up with enough assurances to placate every child alive.

Or just me apparently.

"Okay, okay," soothed the mare. "We can pay for it, right girls?"

Mumbling seemed to be the only answer to this…hah, money and snobs do go hand in hand…or would it be hoof in hoof?

In any case, I let out a little whimper and unleashed my best version of the puppy dog eyes.

"I said," shouted the mare. "There's a frightened little colt that needs his mother. And we're going to supply the means to get him to her, RIGHT GIRLS?!"

"YEAH!"

"That's more like it!"

And so after many, many nuzzles, heartfelt goodbyes and kisses later, I was sitting in the first class department with enough bits, as I learned money was called here, in a bought bit bag to last me for quite some time.

It's good to be king.

And with that, I closed my eyes and fell into a hopefully light sleep.

…

Only to suddenly jerk awake as the train began to screech horribly, the jerking sensation all but throwing my head out of my open window.

Blinking somewhat to alleviate the oncoming tears, I shimmied around and looked as far out of the window as was safe. This in turn allowed me to look down to the very front of the train, thus granting me the knowledge of why the train was stopping.

…

Ho-ly straw…

An undoubtedly familiar alicorn was PUSHING her forehooves against the train. Her hind legs were scrapping against the train tracks, and were physically destroying them as she slid back.

Though she didn't do so for long. Eventually her incredible strength won out and the train stopped, allowing me to see the face behind her wind struck mane.

I withdrew my own back into the train swiftly, and before she could see me.

And especially with good reason.

Because the expression on her face…was one of a tearful, furious mare.

"WHERE. IS. MY. SON!"

She's speaking in the modern tongue?

…

If she finds me, I am so bucked.

Author's Note

Damn...I didn't get to use the Spongebob signs. All well, there's always more chappy's on the way XD

Told ya I'd get another chappy up…even if it was a little later than originally planned.

Meh, who cares? More will come whenever I wake up.

Night!

I'm So Bucked

I'm So Bucked

My heart was racing so fast that it was beating in my ears. I could feel the steady pulse gain in momentum, faster and faster as Mom's scream made the entire train shudder.

Mom? I can't even think of saying anything else…

Indeed it was true. Her name wouldn't even leave my lips, for every time I tried, naught escaped but a constant mantra of 'Mom'.

I can't worry about that now, I have to hide!

Throwing my bit bag under the seat, I jumped onto the table and, flapping my wings for whatever meagre help I could, I began to scale up the wall and onto the ventilation grate. Opening said grate was more than a little difficult, but with adrenaline flowing through my tiny body, I was more than desperate enough to pry it open and crawl inside…waiting.

The sound of hoofsteps flowed into the compartment, faintly at first but steadily gaining in momentum. It was only as they neared my particular part of the train that I realized just how forceful each step was.

And by step, I mean stomp!

Strawwww, she's getting close.

Stomp!

Stomp!

Stomp!

What I am going to do if she finds me…wait, how did she even find me in the first place?

Stomp!

Stomp!

Stomp!

Think Oliver, Think! Okay she's the princess of the night. Her sister must be the princess of the day, given the sun emblems on her flank.

Stomp!

Stomp!

Stomp!

And what does the night have to do with finding me; it's around midday for Faust's sake!

Stomp!

Stomp!

STOMP!

What do you do at night? Stargaze, hang out with friends, make love, go to sleep, do…Go to sleep, oh straw! I WENT TO SLEEP!

STOMP!

STOMP!

STOMP!

She's the princess of the night; she rules everything in it, including dreams! That must be how she found out where I was, there's no other reasonable explanation.

SMASH!

The door to my compartment was swiftly blasted apart as Mom entered, steam literally blowing out of her nostrils as she looked the room up and down.

"Arcturus!" she called loudly. "Where art thee, we know thou art in here!"

Strawwwww!

Upon hearing nothing but silence, Mom promptly began to more or less wreck everything as she looked around the room. She looked behind each curtain, and tore my table and chair off the ground, despite them being thoroughly welded into it. Then again this was the mare that stopped a train with only her hooves.

I grimaced as Mom picked up my bit bag and sniffed it, only to nod once and put the large contents in her starry mane, where it promptly vanished into nothing.

Faust damn it all! Now I have no cash.

"We do not know why thou ran away, min son," Mom said suddenly, flying up and opening the suitcase compartment one after the other as she did so. "Perhaps thou art scared of our bond, tis more than okay if this is true, we understand. But none the less…"

She suddenly stopped all of what she was doing and turned around, her narrowed and…slitted eyes staring right in my direction as she sniffed the air.

"Thou art still coming home with us."

She can smell me? What is she, a bloodhound?

I turned my head around as quietly as I could so as to see behind me, hoping for some sort of escape. But to my dismay, although there was a clear route in the opposite direction, I also knew that the moment I moved, Mom would easily be able to hear me.

Mom, ugh. She's not my…oh nevermind. Think Oliver, there has to be something we can do, there's always an alternative solution. Maybe…hmm, if I'm quick, and if I can find some way to get under the train…yes, yes! This can work!

The sudden feeling of dread washed over me, forcing me out of my thoughts and back into reality. I blinked rapidly as I did so, nodding once to myself and then looking up through the grate and…

Straight into a pair of slitted eyes.

I didn't move, I didn't even breathe. The only sound I could hear was that of Luna's drawn out sniffs. I watched her nostrils flare as she began to peer into the grate, the sound of my heartbeat quickening as she did so.

I know it's dark but can't she see me? She is the NIGHT princess after all…

Then without any warning…she landed back on her hooves and walked back through what was left of the door, not a mumble or snarl escaping her…Just cold silence.

It frightened me.

Shaking my head furiously so as to rid it of said fear; I crept towards the grate and carefully pushed it open, before cautiously sliding down the wall and onto the now quite shaky table.

Though as I looked around, I was extremely thankful to find myself completely alone. Well, almost thankful in any case. There was something…else within me that disagreed with my joy, something that cried out for-

None of that Oliver. Just ignore it and get on with the plan. We can work out the money issue later on.

Nodding once again, I hopped off the table and slowly began to traverse throughout the train. As I did so, I noticed that any of the previous passengers were long gone. Though given that were had been stopped by a mass group of lush hillside, the logical answer was that they had run off of the train and as far away from Mom as they could.

Not that I blamed them, I saw the look on her face when she was forcing the train to stop.

As I continued to walk through the train, my luck finally came through in the reveal of what appeared to be a trap door, most likely leading, as I predicted earlier, underneath the train itself.

I yawned lightly as I made my way over to it, grasping it with my tiny hooves as I prepared to pull…

Only to suddenly find my eyes drooping of their own accord, a sudden wave of exhaustion having forced itself over my body.

Why am I…so…tired…Because I'm a…child…maybe?

For a split second, but a moment I allowed my eyes to close. I felt consciousness itself rapidly begin to leave me as I swayed, my will to fight it deteriorating with every second.

Stomp!

Stomp!

Stomp!

Stomp!

A very quick flurry of hoofsteps suddenly reached my ears, the sound of them getting louder and louder as they got nearer and nearer.

But what did it matter, I knew who it was and I welcomed her…I was so tired…and I had…no…idea…why…

"Mom…my…" I uttered quietly, the word leaving my lips of its own will.

…

WAKE UP!

Adrenaline filled my tiny body in an instant, causing my eyes to snap open. My otherwise lax hooves gripped the trapdoor and pulled as hard as they could, my breath becoming strained as I…pulled it from its hinges.

…

Well, Mom did stop a train with only her hooves.

The plan to hide under the train was null and void now. Having it torn apart would only give away my position…or…OR maybe suggest that I had in fact not hid under the train but instead had ran away.

Without wasting any more time, I threw the door away and quickly dived beneath a seat, waiting in fear for the dark blue hooves to grace my vision.

STOMP!

And grace it they did, as they suddenly appeared right in front of me, one of them lifting slightly before stomping on the ground in utter despair.

"NO, FAUST CURSE THEE LUNA!" she screamed…to herself? "Thou were too slow, and now thy son is even further away from thee!"

…Was it wrong that I felt really bad for making her so upset?

No…no it is not. This mare is nuts, just keep quiet and get going once she's gone.

Thankfully I didn't have to wait long, for Mom all but stormed out of the train…crying and whimpering as she did so.

Ignore her, let's go.

And so I did, climbing out from under the chair before swiftly jumping onto the tracks. It only took me a few more minutes of careful sneaking before I judged it safe enough to wander in plain sight.

Though as I did so…

Oh…buck!

There was nothing but countryside. Not a city, or town, or village in site. Nothing but lush hills, large trees and the never ending stench of…something foul.

Even the passengers were nowhere to be found.

And as the sudden spittle of rain began to make itself known, a very daunting realization hit me. Me and my suddenly quite noticeable childlike instincts.

I was alone.

Author's Note

Next time on The Child In Me-

Oliver is completely alone, suddenly feels very sick, and is fighting off sleep to boot.

Can our brave protagonist truly succeed in his avoidance of Luna, or will his luck finally run out?

Find out in the next chapter- Sick And Lost.

…I'm going to enjoy doing these XD

Sick And Lost

Sick And Lost

I feel like straw…

The rain was coming down especially hard now, and the fact that I was still caught in it was my entire fault. Had I only thought to take shelter within the train, instead of deciding to wander off while clearly still in an exhausted stupor, then I wouldn't be shivering as I traversed hill after hill.

I'd tried to double back and find the tracks, but for all my wits I just couldn't muster up the effort to think and retrace my steps.

I was…and still am just that tired.

My body's aching all over…head's pounding, throat's sore…Do I have the flu?

It sure felt like it, but without the necessary provisions, staying awake and warm was going to be a major problem.

Just keep walking Oliver, just keep…walking, and keep your eyes…eyes…

My eyelids began to droop against my will. My body was swaying against the cruel breeze, hooves shaking, teeth chattering…and all around feeling miserable.

NO, STAY AWAKE!

The thought all but forced whatever meagre amount of energy it could into my body. I still felt like hay, but at least my eyes were firmly open. And so as I shook my head, I continued on, walking as quickly as I could in an effort to find some sort of settlement.

Come on Oliver, who knows eh! You could find a nice little village in the next few minutes for all you know!

…

I was still walking…

A nice little village I said, the next few minutes I SAID!

I had long since left the lush hills behind me. But it had only been replaced by a very dense forest, with little to no shelter from the pelting rain.

Speaking of the rain, it was doing wonders for my health. And yes, I'm lying through my bucking teeth. If I'd felt awful before, then what I felt now was beyond agonizing.

Moving as I did only seemed to bring out whimper and moan after whimper and moan, such was the pain. My throat was so sore that trying to use it for anything but breathing was torture, and even then breathing was still very painful. My head currently felt like somepony was doing an Irish jig inside of it…with a massive group of very drunk friends to help them.

All in all…heh, I felt something that no word could honestly give justice, so let's leave it at that for now.

We need to find…shelter…from the rain!

Thinking was so…difficult, Faust I was so tired…wait, didn't I mention that already?

Oh…I'm…hmm…shelter, now!

Obeying the firm voice in my head, I sluggishly began to look around for some form of accommodation…and to my luck, there it was!

A cave, a dank, dirty, yet thankfully rain proof cave.

It took me a few minutes to drag myself into it, and even longer to eventually collapse on the floor. Not that I particularly cared in that moment, I was simply far to bucked up to.

I must sleep…

We can't.

But I'm so tired…

No, she'll find us!

So what…I don't care anymore, I'm sick, I'm sleepy, and I really want my mommy!

She's not our mom; she's just some crazy nutjob.

Yeah, some crazy nutjob that just so happens to be very warm…and snuggly, and safe…and I don't feel very well, I need her! We need her!

NO! We will NOT fall asleep, we won't…we don't need Mom. All we need is a bit of time to rest, not sleep, just rest our aching body until next light.

Heh…it took me far too long to realize that I was arguing with myself. Though some of the words…they weren't mine, they came from whatever the instinct was inside of me.

The child in me was gaining in strength and volume; I could feel it, I'd BEEN feeling it ever since I first woke up. Whether it was some freaky trick caused by Mom, or merely something that came along with my new body, at the end of the day…it was evidently winning over my exhausted mind.

I honestly didn't know if I could ward off sleep, but with the constant urge to simply give in pounding against my mind, it was becoming increasingly difficult to do so.

Just close them…where's the harm in a few minutes?

No…I couldn't fall asleep. I had to stay awake, no matter how much my tiny form begged for reprieve.

Think about it for a moment. If Mom finds us as we are, then she'll most likely forget all grievances and take care of us. Don't we want that? Somepony that would gladly dote on us?

It did sound nice, very nice…but if Mom found me and took me back, what then? I'd be right back where I started, and the chances of such an easy escape occurring again would be next to none. I couldn't risk it, no matter how ill I became.

I couldn't.

It was very dark outside. If I had to hazard a guess at the time, then I'd give a stab at around a little after midnight.

Also…I wasn't doing so good.

My breath was labored, bones were aching, head was pounding like never before, and...and I was beyond tired now. Resisting it as the seconds passed me by was agonizing, with each moment forcing a pitiful little whimper out of me.

I won't lie nor exaggerate…but I honestly felt like I was about to die, so ill was I.

Sleepy…Need sleepy time…

No sleepy time for me, no…no…time for sleepy…

...

My eyes closed…everything faded away…bit…by…bit…

…

"Arcturus, where are you sweetheart?"

The all too familiar voice caused my eyes to snap open, jolting me swiftly out of my sleepy stupor. Too tired to climb to my hooves, I instead settled for simply looking back at the entrance…or rather outside of it.

For outside was none other than Mom herself. She was peering into the cave, her horn alight and, from what I could just about see; her nostrils were flaring as she sniffed the air.

No…I have…to…

Groaning loudly, much to my dismay, I slowly began to crawl further into the cave. All of my efforts to stand simply failed on the spot, thus I continued to do so for the next few moments.

Until…

"ARCTURUS, MIN BABY!"

No…

The loud echo of rapid hoofsteps nearly made me pass out from the noise alone. And, to my mixed disappointment and joy, Mom quickly seemed to realize this the moment she reached me and turned me around.

"Arcturus, art thou okay?" she asked, her wide smile dimming somewhat as she touched my forehead. "Holy Faust, thou art burning up!"

It took me a little while to realize it…but I was still trying to get away from her, crawling as I tried to bat her away with my hooves.

"Leave me…alone you…crazy...ma..re.."

Unfortunately she did the exact opposite, by reaching out with her forehooves and lifting me gently to her barrel.

Mhmm…soft…snuggly…

"Thou art confused, min son. A fever has claimed thy senses," she cooed, her thankfully cold tongue licking my forehead gently, in what I gathered was an instinctive method to cool me down. "But worry no longer. Mommy is here, and she is going to make thee all better."

Wave after wave of drowsiness swept through my ailing form, forcing a cringe worthy yawn from me…which in turn only seemed to make Mom gush and coo even more.

Apparently it was so effective…well, she began to rock me.

"No…"I croaked feebly, using all my strength to try and push myself off of her…with no result. "I'm not…going to…sleepy times…"

"No?" Mom softly uttered, her cool tongue once again bringing a sigh of relief from me as it smoothed my slick mane from my forehead. "We think otherwise little one. We think that our baby is quite unwell, and needs his rest. So…"

She, without any warning, pressed her icy, yet strangely glowing lips to my forehead.

The result was nigh instantaneous. For the moment they touched me, a blanket of warmth enveloped my tiny body, soothing the aches, sore throat and migraine into nothing more than a dull throb.

"Oh…min baby," cooed a distant voice. "Sleep now, rest thy head against us and dream naught but happiness."

"N…N-No…"

"Sleeeeep…"

...

Author's Note

That's me done for tonight!

Next time on The Child In me-

A recovering Oliver fights against the urges of his childlike instincts.

Luna transforms from the crazy mother into the…slightly less creepy mother who just so happens to be a pretty good nurse.

Oh and a maid tries to do the same behind her back.

Fun!

Until the next chapter- Touch Me And Perish…Apparently.

Touch Me And Perish...Apparently

Touch Me And Perish…Apparently

The first thing I became aware of as I opened my eyes was the really comfy pillow I seemed to be lying against. It felt like the softest texture imaginable. Soft, warm…and something that, as I pushed my face further into said warmth, brought about an undeniable feeling of safety.

Then came everything else.

My head was still pounding ferociously, my throat was beyond sore and dry, and my body still ached all over. To put it simply, I felt like straw.

"Ohhh," I groaned, gritting my teeth as a trickle of painful tears escaped my tightly shut eyelids.

Damn it, stupid childlike emotions! Stop crying, you're twenty two for Faust's sake, not-

I was quickly brought out of my internal brooding by the…rather pleasant feeling of cool lips upon my forehead. This in turn caused me to open my eyes a touch, wincing at the crusty sleep that was evidently trying to glue them shut.

And what else would I see but a sympathetic…not so creepy looking Mom smiling down at me.

Wait, then what am I laying…on?

It was a rather slow realization, yet still quite a shocking one to suddenly understand that Mom's tummy was the source of warm protection I had been so happy about.

Tummy? Oh for Faust's sake…Stomach, Mom's stomach! Not tummy.

"Good morrow little one," she said, a surprisingly sane smile gracing her muzzle as she gazed down at me. "Dost thou feel any better?"

Tell her you feel fine. Tell her you feel well enough to be left alone for a few minutes. A few minutes is all you need to do a runner, so-

"I don't feel very well Mommy."

...

What?

The words had all but forced themselves out of my lips before I had the chance to stop them. What was worse was that not only did I apparently blurt out that embarrassing confession, but even MORE tears seemed to have accompanied it.

And whimpers too, I couldn't stop them, it just…happened despite my attempts to shut the hay up!

What the hay is going on, I'm not a child, I'm a grown man and Faust damnit I'm going to act like one! Do you hear me brain? We. Are. Not. A. Child!

I would have nodded to solidify my resolve, but unfortunately…

Mom had lowered her head and had promptly began to kiss the bridge of my muzzle repeatedly and affectionately, all the while crooning out various words that made me feel all fuzzy and warm, as if I was but a tiny puddle of pony mush.

"Shh, it's okay, we know sweetheart," she cooed lovingly. "But stay thy fears, Mommy's here. She's going to take care of thee until thou art all better."

She finished speaking with yet another bout of motherly kisses, kisses that to my displeasure I…well, happily giggled at for a few moments.

Get a hold of yourself Oliver! It's embarrassing!

Snapping out of my exultant daze, I opened my muzzle to speak, all with the intent to ward off her loving promises. But to my dismay, all that came out was a pitiful whimper and an embarrassing high pitched squeak of a yawn.

"Thou art still tired min son," Mom soothed softly, her eyes lidded in concern.

"No…I'm not," I croaked…falsely, gritting my teeth at the instant pain that coursed through my throat.

Mom merely chuckled and nuzzled just under my horn, before lifting a wing and brushing it lightly in-between my withers.

Oh you…cheating beach!

The absolute feeling of utter relaxation washed over me. My tense muscles, muscles that had been all but ready to try and run away from the doting mare quickly became very lax.

And before I knew it, I was already pressing my muzzle against Mom's soft…snuggly…tummy…

"Sleep, min baby boy," soothed a…very far away voice. "Sleep soundly, for our wing shall keep thee safe, and our coat shall keep thee warm."

I…no…fight it…

My eyelids drooping, I was scarcely aware of a dark wing swiftly, easily covering my entire body, blocking out whatever light was there to keep me wakeful.

Mhmm…

A gentle breath touched my cheek…and I was out before I could even guess what it was.

…

"We shall warn thee only once hoofservant. He is our little baby and you are only to watch over him. Touch him in our absence and thy punishment will be slow and severe. Do we make ourselves clear?"

The sound of Mom…threatening somepony was the first thing I heard as I came to.

Mmm…why am I not surprised?

Blinking blearily, I opened my eyes and looked over at the furiously nodding, uh…hoofservant?

A bit of an old fashioned title for a servant, but then again Mom is apparently still stuck in the dark ages.

The hoofservant was a rather young looking mare with clear blue eyes, a creamy brown coat and a black mane tied up in a professional looking bun. Lastly, she appeared to be wearing a fairly skimpy looking maid outfit, and had the emblem of said outfit on her flank.

I wonder why I haven't got an emblem on my flanks. My body's a little young yes, but she doesn't look any more than ten, maybe twelve years older than me…wait, how can I tell their age by looking at them? Is it something that comes with being a pony?

This query brought up a few more…

And why am I not hungry or thirsty? I've been here for…what, two days or so? I haven't even needed to go to the bathroom. Hmm, perhaps something to do with being an Alicorn? I can't imagine just being a pony would cancel out bathroom breaks.

A sudden high pitched yawn escaped my lips, catching the attention of both Mom and the hoofservant. Said hoofservant went a little red in the cheeks as I did so, looking over at me with…a somewhat warm yet very peculiar grin on her muzzle.

Mom on the other hoof looked unhappy that I'd woken up at all. And was that…shame in her expression?

"What's going on?" I drowsed tiredly, stretching my aching limbs slightly as I attempted to stand.

This was not to be however, as Mom quickly trotted over and firmly, yet gently pushed me back down, a small guilty smile barely gracing her lips.

"Mommy has to see to a request in her Night Court," she explained slowly, her hoof rubbing my mane softly. "We tried to delay it until thou art well, but there seems to be a…law we were unaware of."

"A law?" I asked, honestly curious with her for once.

"Yes, it involves…thee, and us. But do not worry, Mommy will handle it and return with haste."

Mom sighed deeply and shook her head, leaning down and giving me a meaningful kiss on the bridge of my muzzle. She then turned around and all but glared at the hoofservant, a silent warning leaving her eyes as she walked out of the room…only to turn her head and look back at me once more.

She smiled sadly, and closed the door with but a barely noticeable sniffle.

After a few moments of silence, I resigned myself to sighing and resting my head against a nearby pillow. The pillow itself was quite nice, and was obvious very expensive. In fact closing my eyes and pressing my face into its silky texture nearly made me fall asleep again.

Yet…

It's not as comfy as Mommy's tummy…

I squeezed my closed eyes tightly and grit my teeth as the thought reverberated through my mind. But after twenty minutes or so of similar thoughts, it took opening my eyes and shaking my aching head to finally rid me of them.

Oh…

The hoofservant was quite literally right in front of me, peering very closely into my eyes with a rather wide grin.

"Aww, you're not feeling very well are you darling?" she asked gently, her right hoof reaching out and pressing against my forehead.

Wow, this mare has some ovaries. Didn't Mom just threaten to disembowel her or something if she touched me?

"What is the Princess doing," she whispered…to herself, a trace of bitterness in her tone. "Treating you like you're just a plaything. If you were my child then I'd treat you with respect, not scare you into running away."

"You heard about that?" I asked, both curious and slightly…annoyed with the mare, for reasons I couldn't quite understand.

"Everypony has darling," she replied. "Princess Luna practically tore the castle apart trying to find you, and we all heard her sobs of 'frightening you into running away from her'. Honestly you would have been better off if Princess Cadance adopted you. She's been asking to see you later on today in any case, so maybe she can take you with her when she returns to the Crystal Empire, and give you a better home…and mother figure."

Buck ovaries, this mare has testicles! And…wow I feel more than a little angry right about now.

The hoofservant suddenly lifted me into her hooves and nuzzled me affectionately, smiling warmly as she spoke once again.

"I know you're too young to understand honey," she said. "But between Princess Luna and Princess Cadance, you'd be better off with somepony who knows how to care for you properly."

I didn't even speak, no really; I didn't because for all that is holy I couldn't.

…

"What's wrong?" she asked, apparently befuddled by my wide eyed expression.

…

I watched her eyes widen as a brief snort of hot air hit the back of her neck, causing her to turn around…and rapidly shrink beneath a murderous looking Mom.

Without a single word, she passed me into Mom's hooves. Mom then swiftly deposited me into a…sort of pouch that hung around her neck. It was actually quite comfy, and came with holes for me to wiggle my tiny hooves out of.

Not that I was really paying attention to it at the time…

"Hoofservant," Mom growled venomously.

"Yes Princess?"

"Art thou acquainted with the Canterlot glue factory?"

"N-No Princess, I'm n-not," she stammered fearfully.

Looking up, I found myself witnessing what was possibly the most wicked looking grin I had even seen in my life. Unfortunately her wings swiftly came around to block out all sight…but I could still hear what she said next.

…

"Thou will be…"

Author's Note

Next time on The Child In Me- (Though not just in one chapter!)

Oliver meets Princess Cadance, who is only too happy to mother him in front of a smirking Celestia and powerless Luna.

Cadance takes him and an unhappy Luna to the ice cream stand. They both argue over buying him one.

Only for the eventual dessert to get knocked out of his hooves by a dim witted noble.

Fun!

What A Bucking Choice...

Now before you all go nutty about Cadance acting OOC. Please do remember what story you're reading.

Begin!

What A Bucking Choice…

I never did see that hoofservant again…

Not to worry though, I was told later on that she had only been condemned to sniffing the glue products for a week…with no breaks.

On second thought that actually sounds quite dangerous, and painful, and…well, a bit over the top to be honest. But then again Mom is a pretty over the top pony.

Stopping a train with your bare hooves sorta points to that.

In any case, after doing something to the hoofservant before chucking her out the door, Mom promptly put me into that embarrassing baby pouch around her neck, smiling down at me all the while.

"Art thou feeling any better min son?" she asked gently, her eyes lidded with concern.

Okay, lie to her! Tell her you're feeling A-Oh-Bucking-K! Once she's lulled into a false sense of security, we can take the opportunity to get the hay outta this castle, if not the entire country. Just tell her you feel-

"My head still hurts Mommy."

OH FOR THE LOVE OF FAUST!

Mom smiled warmly at my words, before promptly sticking out that ridiculously long tongue and licking my forehead lovingly. To my dismay, the moment I felt the cold yet soothing touch, I pretty much collapsed in the pouch and let her do her thing.

It was so relaxing…and the maternal feeling behind it all but forced a lazy smile to worm its way onto my muzzle.

Why am I speaking like a child? I was fine a day or so ago…Hmm, perhaps my ill state is the reason behind it; perhaps being unwell weakens my true senses. It's only a theory but…hmm, it could be so. I can't think of anything else at the moment…

"Thou art so precious to us little one," Mom cooed happily, nuzzling my slightly damp forehead tenderly as she did so. "We cannot describe how jubilant we are to have found thee…we were so worried when we found thee in such a foul state."

Mom's smiled seemed to waver for a moment, a shimmer of unhappiness flickering behind her eyes. But just as suddenly as it came, it was once again replaced with an exultant disposition.

"But now Mommy has thee back!" she announced joyfully, peppering my tiny face in swift kisses, much to my mortification. "We will nurse thee back to health, sleep with thee under our wing, and never let thee out of our sight again!"

Fan-Bucking-Tastic!

"Now then," she chirped, her horn alight as the door swung open. "Thou must be hungry. So we shall take thou into the city and purchase thee a cream of ice!"

"Don't you mean an 'Ice Cream'?" I corrected, only to be quickly quelled by a stubborn expression…and a book appearing out of nowhere.

"Nay min son, it is called the cream of ice, the book say's so."

Quirking an eyebrow as Mom happily skipped down a long hallway, I looked at the book hovering in front of us and read the title.

How not to be an insane, clingy marefriend in need of some serious therapy!

By Cairiamaz.

"Oh, forgive us!" Mom spoke suddenly, the book disappearing quickly, only to be replaced by a similar looking one. "It was on offer, so we bought both...though why Tia suggested that one is beyond us."

I have no idea what just happened…

Choosing to ignore the random moment, I once again looked at the books title.

How to be the most fabulously snuggly mother in Equestria

By Big Pony Little

Fabulously…snuggly…what in the world is this straw!

I just about managed to read the first paragraph, before like the previous book, it vanished into nothing.

Are you ready to be the most snuggly, cuddly, warm and oh so fluffy mother in Equestria? Then look no further than this book. For if you follow our instructions carefully, then your adorable little foal will be literally diving headfirst to put their tiny muzzles on your tummy.

(Warning! The author of this book is not responsible for any stab wounds caused by an overeager unicorn diving horn first into your stomach! Common sense is advised!)

That was…interesting.

Mom used her weird power to open a set of great doors in front of us, before gracefully hopping in and smiling at…uh, Sunny Butt, who merely smiled back and left the room.

I'm crap with names…

Crap? I can say Crap! HOLY FAUST I CAN SAY CRAP!

It was a good day!

Unfortunately…

I could quickly feel the air around me steadily becoming colder. Yet as I looked up at Mom, all I could see was a slightly strained, if not completely frustrated grin on her muzzle.

"Good evening niece," Mom said stiffly.

Evening? We're getting ice cream in the evening…Mom's weird. Oh, wait, she said niece. Who's…

"Good evening to you as well Aunty Luna," replied a rather sweet sounding, if not younger voice.

Shimmying around in the pouch, I forced myself to sit up as best I could so as to get a good look at her.

Wow…she looks quite pretty to be honest.

She, like Mom, was an alicorn. But rather than the dark coat Mom had, she had a light pink one.

Her mane was a multitude of bright colors, most of which gave me a headache. The emblem on her flank was a teal heart made of what looked like crystal, which also appeared to be held within a gold lance. And finally, her wings seemed to have a sort of magenta hue towards their tips, which was in my opinion quite nice to look at.

What was even nicer though, was the adoring smile she had adorning her muzzle. Her eyes were purple, bright and sparkling as they looked at me.

I liked it, it made me feel warm and fuzzy.

Unfortunately, I was brought out of my trance by two snorts of hot air tickling my hair. Looking up, I...well, saw the reason why.

Mom was glaring daggers at the pink alicorn. Her wings were raised and ruffling in a...really weird way, something that my instincts seemed to recognize somewhat.

She was displaying her dominance...why. Because of me?

Then, to my surprise, the pink alicorn raised her wings as well, ruffling them ever so slightly as she gave Mom a really, really scary looking smile.

I'm pretty sure if looks could kill, the both of them would already be buried six feet under.

The pink mare seemed to ignore Mom as she made her way towards us, her attention and suddenly not creepy smile focused entirely on me.

"Hello there," she said softly. "My name's Cadance, and you must be Arcturus, right?"

"Uh…y-yes, I mean, n-no I'm Oliver, my name's Oliver Leaf."

What in the world was that all about? Why am I stuttering like a…love struck…child…Oh boy.

"Oliver Leaf?" she echoed slowly, as if testing the name on her tongue. "That's a peculiar name, though I admit I do prefer it to Arcturus."

Hah, finally! Someone in this blasted world that'll actually listen to me!

"Well WE prefer Arcturus!" Mom declared suddenly, breaking me out of my thoughts. "Tis his name now, one filled with charm and mystery. Tis quite befitting for a child of mine…"

I'm fairly sure that the other mare didn't miss Mom's deliberate use of a possessive word. But if she didn't, she had a rather funny way of showing how much she cared.

"Aunty, we don't change names upon adoption anymore," Cadance giggled…somewhat mockingly I think. "We haven't done that for well over several centuries. And nowadays it's considered quite rude to do so."

Ahh, so that explains the name chance. It's quite similar to what we used to do a few centuries ago.

Mom's expression at this point was quite thunderous, yet calm, yet also very frightening.

It made me squirm uncomfortably…

But then suddenly, a light pink glow enveloped my entire body warmly, before lifting me up and out of the pouch. Mom barely had time to comprehend what had just happened, and by the time she did…well, I was already nestled in…another pouch?

A pink pouch, once that just so happened to be wrapped around Cadance's neck.

"What dost thou think thee is doing with OUR son!" Mom demanded, her horn lighting up, a dark bluish colour slowly covering my form. But as it was about to do so…well, the glow spluttered and died.

"An Anti-Magic Foal Pouch!" Mom gasped, her eyes wide with shock…before suddenly gleaming dangerously. "Enough of this Niece! Give us back our son before we do so ourselves!"

…

"No."

"E-Excuse us?" Mom asked, stepping back as if stuck.

"I said no," Cadance repeated. "Oliver is not a toy, Aunty. He's an innocent little colt that from what I heard, ran away from you in fear, and by his appearance got sick too."

Mom seemed flabbergasted for all of a few seconds, but quickly regained her aggressive confidence and made to speak again.

"Niece, we know he is not a toy, and we know that we were overeager beforehoof. But we wish to make amends, so give him back to-"

"You still don't understand, do you?" Cadance interrupted, her face suddenly flushed with…anger? "Where's the sadness? Where's the shame. I'm not hearing any!"

Mom once again backed away, her expression while once confident, was now upset and embarrassed.

"Don't you get it, you frightened him so much that he ran away from you. He was so scared that he lied to get as far away from you as he could. And even when you found him, it was only because he was too ill to keep you at bay."

"How dost thou-"

"Aunt Celestia told me everything you told her," Cadance interrupted crossly. "You're so much older and wiser than I, Aunty. How can you act so childishly? How can you treat a colt barely out of his diapers with such negligence? He's not a toy to satiate your need to feel loved Aunty…he's not."

Damn…

I couldn't help the pang of sympathy that welled up within me, not when I saw the sheer look of anxiety on Mom's face.

"W-We know that we were neglectful beforehoof Cadance," she whispered, her lower lip trembling slightly as she looked at me. "But we truly wish to make amends. We wish to take care of him, to love him as a mother would…We even bought a book, see!"

The book from before materialized out of nowhere…but I didn't really look at it, I was too busy trying not to look at Mom's suddenly tear filled eyes.

"A book, Aunty?"

Cadance's tone was…unsatisfied, disappointed even.

"Do you really think that a book can show you how to be a mother?" she asked sceptically.

Mom looked down at the floor upon hearing this question, her eyes darting all over it as she apparently tried to find the correct answer.

"Oliver," Cadance suddenly spoke, causing me to look up at her questioningly. "Do you want to come home with me?"

"W-What?" I stammered, my eyes darting back and forth between her and Mom.

Cadance merely smiled and nuzzled me warmly, before taking me out of the pouch with her hooves and placing me in front of her.

"I promise you that you'll be well loved and looked after," she continued, her voice soft and affectionate…It made me feel all fuzzy again. "You'll have no need to be so frightened anymore. You don't even have to call me Mom if it makes you uncomfortable."

…

"I…"

"Arcturus…"

I didn't look at her, I didn't have too. I could hear the distress in her voice, I could feel the sheer desperation in its tone.

"Arcturus, look at us sweetie," M..Lu…Mom pleaded, her voice gaining a higher pitch when I didn't. "Honey please…look at us."

Sighing, I obeyed her request and turned around…though upon doing so I quickly wished I hadn't.

The fur on Mom's face was matted with tears. Her eyes were as desperate as her tone, shining and wide with fear. Realizing I was looking at her, Mom smiled a trembling smile and held out her forehooves.

"T-Thou dost not want to leave Mommy, doth thee?" she asked shakily. "W-We know that we s-scared thee beforehoof, and we a-are so s-sorry. But w-we wish to make it up to thee…and thou still loves us, no?"

…

My silence only served to worsen the situation. Cadance was shaking her head at Lu…Mo...Moms upsetting display. And Mom…well…

"How about we g-go and purchase the cream of ice?" she declared, her iris's mere pinpricks filled with desperation and fear. "Thou art still sick, and would like that, no? Wouldn't thee like that?!"

Damn Luna...

"Then we can sleep together once more! Doesn't that sound delightful min son, no?!"

…

"Oliver…"

Upon hearing her voice, I looked back up at Cadance and blinked confusedly at her open forehooves. I then looked back at Luna's request for an embrace…

It was clear to me in that moment.

I had to choose between the one that loved me, but frightened me slightly. Or the one who I knew not, yet made me feel so warm…

Between Luna's pleading expression and Cadance's soft smile…the choice itself was actually rather difficult.

Who do I choose…?

Author's Note

In case that wasn't enough of a hint…PICK!

Seriously, whoever you pick, I'll go with. Go luck!

Cya, stay snuggly!

Faust, It's Cold!

Fuck…welp; I guess I had to make at least ONE chapter somewhat serious. Even if it is just a tiny, sad filler chapter.

Try not to feel too bad…actually on second thought, go right ahead! It'll mean I've done my job right XD

Begin!

Faust, It's Cold!

I was feeling…most peculiar, it's actually rather difficult to explain. My chest felt tight, my eyes were stinging, and all I could hear was…

NO! Tis not right! Give us back our baby!

Tears began to creep into the corners of my eyes…

Arcturus, please don't leave us! Mommy loves thee, Mommy loves thee so much!

Shaking my head, I blinked away the tears and glanced up at Cadance thoughtfully. The pink alicorn was sleeping, and had been for the past few hours. Not that I blamed her, it had taken considerable effort to wrest me from Luna's weird energy. In fact it'd taken Celestia using her own energy to stop her, namely by somehow forcing her to sleep.

But even then she fought against whatever energy it was. Cadance called it magic, which I promptly scoffed at. It's energy, some sort I know not, but energy it is.

Yet still…Luna's tearful pleading as she fell into unconsciousness was fucking haunting.

Heh, oh yeah, I almost forgot about that.

A little after the train left Canterlot I somehow regained my ability to swear. The child in me had quietened down considerably as well; something that I cannot deny is a relief.

Hmm, maybe I should give a quick retelling of what happened.

To be brief and blunt, Celestia happened. I was in the middle of trying to decide something bizarrely difficult when Sunny Butt came outta nowhere and told Cadance to take me…to take me until Luna had learned her lesson, whatever that meant.

Unfortunately for her, Luna disagreed with Celestia's idea…a lot. Even when Cadance, Celestia and I were walking to the train station, Luna still refused to accept it. She pleaded with Celestia, with Cadance…with me, oh so badly with me.

Arcturus, thou dost not want to leave Mommy, right?

I hadn't answered…

O-Oh, we know! How a-about we go back to Mommy's chambers and sleep together? Doesn't that s-sound wonderful? Thee beneath our wing, against our tummy all snuggly and warm, yes?!

I actually looked at her when she said, nay, pleaded this. I couldn't help it…but when I looked, when I saw just how desperate she was, I felt something within me break like glass.

But then it got worse…

For although she hadn't actually tried to take me back beforehand, the moment Cadance and I took a step towards the train…well, she tried…

Luna's energy was so immense, so desperate that it somehow managed to break through Cadance's 'Anti-Magic foal pouch', take me out of it and into her hooves.

Where I was then promptly held in a teary, impossibly tight embrace…which was soon loosened by Cadance's frustrated energy. It pulled me out of Luna's grip, only to be halted by Luna's energy.

Don't let her take my baby, sister!

Luna, please don't make this any worse than it has to be.

Sister, please!

Luna!

I'M BEGGING YOU!

LUNA! You're hurting him!

The sheer fact that Luna spoke like that nearly made me cry out in agreement. If it weren't for Celestia's timely intervention, I may have done just that.

Though I would have probably been torn in half first…

Like I mentioned, Celestia put Luna to sleep…in an eerily similar way to how Luna did so to me. Namely by kissing my temple and whispering something, though what Celestia said I have no idea.

The only words I could hear were…well…

No…min baby boy…please…don't leave Mommy...we need…love…thee…

Celestia apologized to both Cadance and me, before quickly sweeping Luna away from the gawking ponies and vanishing into thin air. After that, all that was left to do was get on the train down to a place called' The Crystal Empire'.

Sighing as I broke from my train of thought, I nuzzled deeper into Cadance's barrel and closed my eyes…ignoring the pitifully weak voice within as it began to cry for someone else.

Well, I might as well try to catch a few Z's. I still feel pretty damn ill to be honest…

"Wake up Oliver, we're here."

The sound of a remarkably sweet voice brought me back into the waking world. Thus, I opened my eyes and looked around blearily, vaguely aware that we were no longer inside the train…but rather that we were surrounded on all sides by numerous stormtropper wannabies.

Only they were sparkling…a lot.

Oh and so was I.

I swear to Faust, if I have fangs…

Thankfully my mouth remained quite pony like, so the only thing I had to worry about was a rapidly growing headache.

Suddenly, a sparkly alabaster stallion came forward, smiling widely as he looked at Cadance. His hair was a little strange, blue with…more weird shit in it.

I'm soooo going to enjoy swearing again…hmm, maybe I can even have a few laughs with it.

I doubt anypony here expects a child to suddenly start cussing like a drunken sailor after all…

"Hey honey," the stallion greeted warmly. "How was the trip?"

"Oh it was perfect Shining," Cadance said excitedly, kissing him somewhat deeply before she did so. "I've managed to secure the Empire a stock treaty with Minous…and as you can see, I've picked up a precious little package as well."

Thou art so precious to us, min son…

"Indeed you have love," Shining chuckled, leaning down slightly so as to face me. "And what's your name then kid?"

I was about to open my muzzle and tell him…but then the most peculiar thing happened. I felt something deep within stop me from talking, leaving me merely staring at the large stallion awkwardly.

I couldn't explain it, but somehow…for some reason, I disliked this Shining Armor. Looking up at Cadance, I suddenly realized that I didn't particularly like her either.

This was quite weird to be honest, because I'm fairly certain that by taking me from Luna, she'd also stopped whatever mind fuckery the crazy nutjob had been trying to pull.

The hay is this? Just tell him your name!

"Are you okay Oliver?" Cadance asked, nuzzling my forehead slightly, as well as brushing my damp hair away with her tongue.

I…remembered a tongue, cold, yet comfortably so. I remembered the soothing feeling that accompanied it, the instinctive realization of that I was safe, I was okay…because Luna would…

Oh…min baby. Sleep now, rest thy head against us and dream naught but happiness…

Giving myself a mental slap, I subtly shook away the various sensations and focused on Shining…who just so happened to be uncomfortably close to my face.

Somewhere, deep within like before, I felt someone…growling at his invasion of my personal space.

"I'm sure he just needs a stallionly hug, honey," he assured her, pulling me out of the pouch and holding me close. "See it's already worki-OH DEAR FAUST WHY!

Being in just the right position, I struck my right hind leg out and promptly kicked him in the jewels, causing him to begin squealing in pain. This caused Shining to instantly drop me to the ground and cry agonizing tears, which in turn caused Cadance and his effeminate guard to swarm him, giving me ample opportunity to get the fuck away from them.

Which, given the apparent incompetence of EVERY pony guard, proved to be a pretty damn easy thing to do.

Thing is, if I'd actually bothered to stay and look behind me, namely at the still open train entrance…well…

I would have seen the victorious smile on a very happy unicorn.

Author's Note

Well, Cadance sorta won by a fucking landslide.

In any case, expect the next chappy soon.

Cya, stay snuggly!

No, I Don't Wanna Pla-

Watched Jekyll, got inspired, enjoy!

Begin!

No, I Don't Wanna Pla-

Well…this certainly sucks.

I was running a little slower than I would have liked, but unfortunately I was still rather sick and my chest was twinging painfully. Thus any amount of running was rather taxing on my little body.

And that's not to mention the…weird sensation that was still flowing through me. It felt strange, tiring almost, like the feeling you get when you realize it's time to go to sleep.

To my…well, not so much surprise but more like amusement, nopony had caught up to me yet. Either because of Shiny Shining still bawling on the ground, or the simple fact that they were complete idiots when it came to doing their jobs.

After a few more minutes of nonstop jogging, I finally forced myself to stop, though given that I did so in what appeared to be a market, I may or may not have been thinking correctly.

Still, I can blend in with the crowd if I can just find something to wear, preferably a cloak of some kind.

Trudging through the busy marketplace, I smiled and allowed myself to become immersed in the unfamiliar surroundings. It wasn't like you could find anywhere back in England that was like this, bar some shady areas of course.

As I continued walking, I soon came across a rather beautiful looking park of some kind. Unlike most of the Empire, it wasn't covered in snow; in fact it wasn't even remotely as cold as when I arrived thirty minutes or so ago.

Still…it is beautiful.

"Hey, look Fudge; he has wings and a horn!"

The childish voice snapped me out of my momentary daze and onto...well, a couple of children.

One of them, the voice behind the exclamation, was a dark blue coloured Earth pony filly. She had remarkably long, cascading red hair, not ginger, but a very pretty shade of red. Her eyes were bright green, and her expression was one of…delight?

Also, she had no emblem on her flank, neither of them did actually.

The other filly, a pegasus, had a cream coloured coat, and plain, somewhat short brown hair. Her eyes were a very dark charcoal, and seemed to be somewhat dull.

"Uh huh…"

Damn, her voice is even duller.

The blue filly left her friend to herself as she swiftly bounced over to me, so quickly in fact that I was quite startled.

"Hey!" she all but shouted in my face. "I'm Gleaming Ruby, what's your name?!"

"It's Arcturus," I replied, rubbing my ears. "And you don't have to shout you…know…"

Arcturus? Why the buck did I say that?

Buck?

NO! No, no, no! Come on, Fffff-uuuu-cccc-kkk! FUCK! HA! TAKE THAT BITCH!

"Your face is funny, Arcturus!" Ruby giggled suddenly, snapping me out of…whatever the fuck that was.

"Hah, yes I suppose it is," I agreed, chuckling somewhat as I slowly backed away from the crazy filly.

Faust knows I've had enough of crazy ponies to last me a lifetime.

Unfortunately, the nutty filly quickly grasped my hooves and began to pretty much drag me with her to…some sort of playground in the park.

"Come on Arky; we can be friends! Let's play on see-saw!" she exclaimed happily, much to my annoyance.

"What? No, I don't even know you," I disagreed fervently. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm quite alright tha-UCKKK!"

I hadn't even realized that I was sitting on the see-saw…not until it was too late anyhow. For the moment I actually paid any attention to my surroundings, I was already flying through the sky.

Curtsey of a deceptively heavy filly.

"Ow…" I moaned painfully. "Can't I catch a break…without breaking anything?"

"Oh, sorry," Ruby apologized, her eyes wide and suddenly right in front of me. "I didn't mean to send you so far, you don't look that thin…but Mommy did say that appearances can be des-des-deceptive!"

Oh the irony sweetheart, if only you knew what that word meant, especially with me.

"It's fine sweetpea," I assured soothingly…only to suddenly realize just how weird my words DID sound to a child. "I-I mean, it's all cool, I'm tough as…nails?"

And apparently terrible at acting my 'age' in front of an actual kid…

Ruby's eyes widened even further, impossible as it might sound, before she quickly pulled me into an even more impossibly tight grip and squealed cutely.

"Oh, I know what'll make it up to you!" she declared, before gesturing to her not-so-forgotten friend for help. "Hey Fudge; come help me push him on the swings!"

"What?" I yelped. "No, no, I'm honestly fine, there's no need to-"

A hoof in my muzzle quickly stopped any further complaints…and in my defence, any of that impossible strength I had a few days ago seemed to have vanished.

Not that I wasn't strong…but like Ruby said, I was thin…and she was an Earth pony so bleh!

Thus I soon found myself partaking in a game of hardcore swings, said swing nearly causing me to squeal and scream like a little girl. I tried not to but…well; to be honest I actually found it rather enjoyable!

So what if I'm acting a little childishly. It's just an act…and in any case I don't wanna disappoint Ruby and her…really creepy friend. Besides, it's not THAT fun…I think.

I was suddenly snapped out of my thoughts by…well, the swing snapping. Unfortunately for me, I was rather high in the air when it did so, thus, much like before, I was sent flying.

But…then something happened.

Just as I braced myself for a harsh landing, my wings snapped open and I managed to, One, do a summersault in mid-air which was bucking cool, and Two, glide and land gracefully on all four hooves.

All in all, it was pretty wicked!

That and the looks on the filly's faces were quite amusing. Or rather, filly. Fudge was nowhere to be seen…which was bizarre, but whatever.

"That was…AWESOME!" Ruby yelled, running over and leaping on me excitedly. "You are SO my friend, tell me WE'RE friends!"

"We're…friends?" I echoed unsurely, only to get squeezed to near death in response.

"Sweet!" she squealed. "Anyway I've gotta go home before Mommy throws a fit, cya tomorrow Arky!"

And with that she was gone…literally, I blinked a few times and the noticeably increasing fog took her.

What just happened?

Looking up, I noticed just how dark it had actually become. The moon was beginning to come out, just as the sun was beginning to set.

Just how long was I messing around for?

Shaking my head harshly, I clicked my tongue in irritation before setting off out of the park and back into the marketplace. Unlike before, it was quite bustling with activity, there wasn't even any guards around.

I've been missing for quite some time and still they haven't found me? Faust damn it these guards are…something special.

As I turned a corner, I quickly came across a colt around my age with…his mother, I think. As I neared, I noticed that the colts hoof was grazed a little, and his eyes were filled with shiny tears. The mother herself was fussing over him and cooing various yet affectionate words.

"It hurts Mommy," the colt whimpered tearfully, holding his hoof up to her gingerly.

"Oh, I know it does sweetie," she crooned tenderly, her tongue licking the graze softly, much to the colt's enjoyment if his giggles were anything to go by. "There we go, is that any better?"

The colt merely nodded and nuzzled his mother's neck, which was swiftly returned warmly.

There was that strange feeling again…

Shaking my head somewhat, I quickly left before an adult could gain some common sense and notice my unusual appendages…though I probably shouldn't have worried, these ponies all seem ridiculously unintelligent.

Although I suppose Luna was quite clever, using her dream abilities to find me...to hold me even as I tried to stay away…to…care for me, to keep close to her warm…comfy…tum…my…

Ugh, I feel strange…

Stumbling along as I tried to walk, I quickly bumped into what appeared to be a shop window. The window itself was tinted, and I couldn't see inside. In fact all I could see was my own reflection.

Huh…I could've sworn this body had brown eyes…

The reflection was smiling, and the eyes looking back at me were bright, happy, and a clear turquoise. Which as I thought, was rather strange…maybe it was the window, or the light reflecting on it?

Wait…I'm not smiling, so why's…

I blinked rapidly a few times, but the reflection stayed the same, moving in sync despite the different expression. It could have just been some weird pony 'magic'…

Noticing the shadows that were suddenly around me, I looked up in a state of awe as the moon, and the beautiful night that accompanied it, replaced the sun and light blue sky.

The moon was…strangely warm, and glowing in such a comforting way.

Strange…it reminds me of…

A happy feeling slowly began to flow through me as I remembered…remembered everything. Luna, the way she looked after me. Ruby, and the way she played with me, the way she made me smile truly for the first time in so long.

It was a playful, happy feeling. So much an opposite to my usual calculating, determined self.

I looked back at my reflection, saw the smile, the sparkle in its eyes…and smiled back myself.

Mommy…it reminds me of Mommy…

…

…

…

I opened my eyes and looked around, suddenly realizing all too much just how dark it was becoming.

"Mommy?" I called fearfully, making myself as small as possible as I did so. "Mommy, where are you?"

It was too dark, all that remained was the moonlight shining on me…it was comforting…but I was still so frightened.

Why was I alone?

Where was Mommy?

The last thing I remembered was being nestled against her tummy…WHERE WAS SHE?

Whimpering quietly to myself, I backed into a dark place and curled into a fetal position. I couldn't think, I could barely breathe…I wanted my Mommy so badly…

…

"Sleep for us, sleep for thee. Sleep for mommy, my little baby. Let min warmth guide thee, let it cradle thee. Until slumber's grasp holds thee tightly. We are here beside thee…We shall always love thee…Fly, soar and be free…"

…

Who's that? Look up…

"Mommy?"

Looking up fearfully, I quickly noticed somepony in front of me. She was wearing a…cloak, all I could see was a pale pink mane, and a white leg as it reached out to me, stroking my cheek softly.

"Shush little one," said a gentle voice…it sounded female, and funny. "I have come to take you home."

"To Mommy?"

"Yes," she smiled, nodding twice. "You do not belong here with that thief…So come along, climb on my back."

I was unsure…but she seemed so nice!

Don't do it kid…

Ignoring the doubt in my head, I quickly stood up and giggled as the mare helped me climb atop her back.

Stop, get down…

"Good colt," the mare chuckled, giving my horn a little lick shortly after.

"Can you take me back to my Mommy now?" I asked pleadingly.

The mare smirked, but nodded and gave my horn another lick. It felt funny…

"Of course child," she agreed, her green eyes flashing slightly. "Just go to sleep, you'll be back with your Mommy in no…time…at…all…"

I…closed my…eyes as her…horn…glowed…green…

…

No, don't fall asleep! Wake up kid! WAKE UP!

…

Author's Note

I SUCK at writing children, always have done :(

Til next time XD

Stay snuggly!

End Of First Arc - Oh, You're So Bucked!

Chrysalis? I don't see her tag anywhere?

I'll try to make the 'change' between Oliver and Arcturus as clear as I can.

Tell me if you like it or not, it'll help for future chapters XD

Oh, and you know what I said about Fleur…yeah, I tried, but I lied. Fuck off if you don't like it, I'm too tipsy to care :D

Begin!

Oh, You're So Bucked!

Mommy?

…

Oliver

I opened my eyes, blinking wearily as I looked at my surroundings…well, as I best I could anyhow.

From what I could tell, I seemed to be leaning against a rather soft surface, a pale pink soft surface. And although I was unsure, I looked up and found myself looking straight into a pair of light purple orbs.

Beautiful…

"Oh my, you're finally awake," she said…in a very peculiar voice, with an even more peculiar accent.

I…remembered hearing it somewhere…I was taken by…her, I think. No, no whoever took me sounded like her, but wasn't her.

Agh, it's difficult to remember…almost as if the memories aren't even my own.

I attempted to wiggle out of her tight, yet gentle hold, only to find my efforts rendered null void. Nay, the mare, who by the rough patches and obvious cuts on her body, was evidently NOT who kidnapped me, tightened her grip on me all the more, as if she were terrified I'd disappear.

"You've been here a while," I mused out loud, much to her surprise as she blinked rapidly.

"A few weeks, yes," she answered, her tone surprisingly unwary…trusting even.

Why does she sound so trusting?

"Don't worry though," she continued, her voice soft and assuring. "I'll get the both of us out of here and back into Equestria."

"I don't doubt it," I agreed…rather too quickly for my liking.

What is this? More mind fuckery?...At least I can still swear, I guess.

Snapping myself out of my thoughtful trance, I blinked a few times and…well, suddenly noticed just how intense this mare's gaze was. It was as if she was looking straight through me…

"What?"

"Your eyes."

"W-What?" I repeated, somewhat confused.

The mare laughed lightly and nuzzled just below my horn, prompting a rather happy sensation to well up within me.

"Your eyes," she crooned once more. "They're old, older than you."

W-What? How does she…

"Very perceptive," I chuckled, grinning somewhat at her bizarre intelligence. "You know, you're the first pony around here to actually notice something 'off' about me, I commend you for it."

"Most ponies aren't me," she replied…quite seriously to be honest. "And most ponies won't ever know you as I will…"

Quirking an eyebrow at the mare, I was all too ready to come to the conclusion that she, like many before her, was completely bat shit insane.

But she's not…there's something about her…something that…

"The only pony around here, huh?" I asked, suddenly feeling very much my actually age of twenty two. At least if my suddenly flirtatious nature was anything to go by.

"The only pony," she agreed, nodding twice as if to firmly confirm it.

"Who ever will? I'm not exactly my age right now."

"Nor am I, nor is Celestia or her sister…I can wait until you're ready."

What is that supposed to mean? She's a pony, she must age…right?

Shaking my head so as to rid myself of the…confusing emotions, I looked around as best I could, though it wasn't much to be honest.

"Where are we?" I asked curiously, wiggling around in her grip as I tried to look around me. Unfortunately all I could see was a highly reflective surface of some kind, shiny, yet luminous to boot.

Hmm…it feels dank in here too, but not enough to be a cave. So what's the wall made out of?

"You don't know?" she asked redundantly. "You're in-

"Now, now my dear Fleur. A gentlemare isn't supposed to kiss and tell."

The mare's, or Fleur as I now knew, eyes widened in fear. Almost instantly she pushed my muzzle firmly against her barrel, backing away from whoever had entered the room and mocked her.

"You will NOT touch him Changeling!" Fleur snarled angrily.

Changeling?

"Won't I?" said the voice, an even more peculiar one this time…two voices overlapping the over, yet all belonging to one individual.

"I will kill you if you do," Fleur promised, her threat even causing me to shiver.

The owner of the two tone voice merely laughed loudly, the slight pitch and squeal instantly informing me of its female gender.

A Changeling? Could be any gender really…

"And that's what I love about you, Siren!" the Changeling cackled. "You give him to me, even after showing me what he means to you, even after what I've done to you, and STILL you believe yourself above me."

It's strange, but I could almost FEEL her looking right at me, just as she talked right at me.

"You are most peculiar, non-child," she snarled humorously.

"Yeah, I should probably get that a lot more," I replied, though given that I was currently pressed against Fleur's coat, it was probably just a load of muffled sounds.

"It is part of the changeling's way of life to look into their target," she continued…almost conversationally. "To see who they truly are beneath the masquerade of bravado and selflessness, to see the real being behind it all…but you, you are a puzzle I do not believe I can understand."

"Oh really?" I chirped, forcing my muzzle off of Fleur's barrel. "How so?"

The Changeling sighed…weirdly at my question, almost as though she was happy…no, more than happy.

"I looked into you and saw not one, but two personalities inside," she answered, her voice getting louder as her hoofsteps came ever closer, much to Fleur's evident distress as she tried to back away even further. "There's one, you I believe. It holds the essence of an intelligent, daring individual, far more mature than his appearance would have the world believe."

"Dear Faust, at least buy me dinner first," I quipped, cheekily, only now just realize how much of ME was back. I couldn't even hear the cries and pleas for Mommy.

"Yet also unconfident, afraid of world around him and terribly lonely because of it," the Changeling continued, laughing quietly as she did so. "Quite the bothersome combination, no?"

That should not have stung nearly as much as it did…

"And then there's the other one," she all but crooned lovingly. "The frightened child, desperately seeking the love of a mother, ANY mother, I believe…That's the one I want, and it's one I'm going to have!"

Without any warning, I suddenly found myself torn from a shrieking Fleur and into the hooves of…WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

It looked like a pony, a pony whose father had fucked a wheel of holy cheese.

The Changeling had a black coat of fur, yet her midsection was protected by what appeared to be chitinous plating. Her eyes were cat like, and en emerald green…like the one that flashed in my mind just before I awoke from…

She also had a jagged, dangerous looking horn. Something quite ironic in contrast to her frail, translucent butterfly wings.

Oh, and she was currently looking at me with a fanged, toothy grin.

"My name is Zythonous, and I will have the child in you," she purred…lustfully?

Ewww!

"I will draw him out and erase you from existence," she continued, her eyes conveying just how serious she was. "I will raise him to love me, in every, possible, way. And then…and then I will make him my king."

"That's disgusting," I said, revulsion clear in my snarl. "I'm like, SIX!"

"Seven actually," she corrected, her sly, immoral grin doing nothing to calm my fast pacing heart. "He's seven, you…you are far older, too old for my specific tastes. Ah, if only you were a mare, then there'd be a different…solution."

While the creep was in the middle of drool daydreaming, I glanced back at Fleur and grinned quickly, prompting a confused gaze in my direction.

"Well, I don't think that's quite going to happen." I said, looking at my hoof absentmindedly.

Zythonous looked at me mirthfully, a crooked smirk plastered across her muzzle.

"Oh, and why's that then?" she asked amusedly.

"Oh, nothing too big," I waved away. "It's just that, well, while he and I don't necessary talk, or even agree on this certain subject. We do tend to have a rather motherly mare already."

"Hah, the prissy princess of love?" Zythonous cackled, stomping her hind leg on the ground in utter glee. "Even if she were to find us, what can SHE possibly do? She doesn't even love you like a mother, I felt it. You angered her after you attacked her husband."

Ouch, sorry about that mate…not too sure what I was thinking at the time…ANYWAY!

"Well, yeah…I suppose." I agreed, smiling somewhat at the sudden faint vibrations in the walls, something that the Changeling didn't seem to notice just yet. "But you knocked me out, you made me dream."

"So?" she growled, evidently impatient with my prevaricating. "What's your point, non-child?"

Looking to Fleur, I grinned once again and spoke to her instead.

"You might wanna hold on to something Fleur," I advised cheerily, bringing a confused look, yet also a nod from the strange mare…or Siren, or whatever she was.

"What are you talking about!" Zythonous snapped, roughly shaking me and causing me to scream in pain.

Careful Oliver, this body is a child's, remember?

"You made me scream," I chuckled breathlessly, my laughter gaining in volume at her perplexed expression. "Oh Faust, you my dear, are so, utterly fff-bucked!"

"Wha-"

There was an almighty crash behind her as the wall was quite literally blown into nothing. The air suddenly carried the stench of burning rubber…and anger, though I think that came more from the sensation running through my mind than anything else.

Mommy's coming…

Quite right kid.

Zythonous turned around with me still in her rather uncomfortable grasp, causing the both of us to stare into the face of a very, VERY angry looking alicorn.

Time to put on a show!

"Mommy!" I screamed happily, wiggling my forehooves desperately at the lunar mare, only to suddenly wince in pain and yelp. "Ow! Mommy, she's hurting me!"

Ha…ha…haha…hahahahaha!

The sheer look of scarcely kept fury on Luna's face was beautiful in that moment. And even though I thought it a tad overkill, I knew Luna would be far too riled up to really notice.

So I whimpered…and held my hooves out to her, only to flinch in pain and shiver, forcing my lower lip to tremble.

"She touched me, Mommy…"

I'm fairly sure I saw something snap behind her eyes.

"Changeling" she growled, her voice tight, yet barely controlled. "Thou art…Thou art…THOU ART DEAD!"

The sheer volume of Luna's voice caused Zythonous to drop me out of fear, which I quickly took advantage of as I punched her in the teats, causing the Changeling to cry out in pain.

Something that I'm fairly sure brought the tiniest hint of a smile from Luna, though it was quickly lost to her violent attack soon after.

Oooh, that's gotta hurt. I should have checked for a snack beforehoof.

No seriously, I did wish there was popcorn. Because as far as this creepy villain went, she was pretty pathetic in all actuality when it came to anything her size.

And even though Fleur had me, once more, against her barrel. I don't even think she could disagree that it was quite a show.

…

In her hooves…against her barrel…

…

"Oh Faust no!" I yelped fearfully, suddenly realizing just WHO was currently kicking the Changeling's arse. "Drop me Fleur, DROP ME!"

The Siren looked bewildered at my request. In fact she made it worse by holding me tighter.

"Why would I do such a thing?" she asked, smiling warmly as she kissed the bridge of my muzzle affectionately.

Jeez, what is it with this mare?

…

The sound of fighting had stopped…like literally a second after Fleur smecked the top of my muzzle.

"Arcturus…"

Buck.

"Who is this mare?"

Double buck.

To my surprise, Fleur moved her head and, from what I'm guessing since I couldn't actually see, looked up to meet Luna's gaze.

"My name is Fleur De Lis, your highness," she spoke strongly. "And I'm the mare who kept your son from harm while he was unconscious."

She did?

"Is that so?" Luna asked suspiciously.

"It is," Fleur affirmed. "The Changeling, Zythonous, tried to do more than simply touch him…I stopped her."

"How?"

"With myself."

…

What?

…

"Then you have our respect, Fleur De Lis." Luna spoke softly, sadly even. "Equestria should have learned of this sooner, and we apologize for it…no, we can do more than that.

What?

"Fleur De Lis, we offer you the chance to become something great, something that will watch our son until he is ready…But are you?"

What?

"I am, your highness." Fleur spoke, her voice and tone, her words powerful.

"Then by the power of the stars, moon and the tide she controls, we hereby name thee…The Royal Foalsitter!"

…

"WHAT?" we both blurted out.

"We know," Luna cried happily. "Tis fantastic!"

I once again found myself torn from Fleur's slightly slack grip, and into the hooves of a…very warm, loving mare.

A crying mare…

"Oh min son," she whispered tearfully. "We found thee again…we found thee. And we shall never let thee go!"

…

Great, here we go again!

Author's Note

For those who didn't understand what Fleur is, I'd recommend you go and read 'One'. This stories Fleur is basically the same, more or less, though the circumstances are vastly different.

Hmm, I should probably get a dark tag up soon, for dark comedy if nothing else.

Fleur has her part, and her character will be fleshed out as the story goes on. That's not to say Cadance is forgotten, in fact Cadance is going to be in it just as much.

For if Luna made a mistake, then Cadance's incredibly bad luck at loosing Oliver just caused her to gain the same amount of doubt.

Cya, stay snuggly!

Arc Two (More Running) - Here We Go Again

Okay, so I've decided to have this story cut down into separate arcs. This will allow me to put a pretty noticeable gap between chapters and have a good reason.

Thus why the end of this chappy takes place a little over four weeks after the last one. Stuff will be explained and you'll be up to date with Oliver's activities, so don't worry about that.

There is one thing that's going to change though, and that's the fact that although I will NOT make Oliver an overpowered Gary-Stu, he will still gain some abilities. Not general magic, but something a little different. Remember, every Alicorn embodies a certain element. Sun, moon, love and friendship.

So it stands to reason that Oliver will represent something too. It's just a bit of a shame that it'll…well, you'll see XD

Begin!

Here We Go Again

Oliver

It's been a little over four weeks…

Four weeks since Luna went to town on Zythonous and buried her in the ground, permanently. No seriously, Change Mc Rapey is pretty much dead. A broken neck I think…and foreleg…and back…and, well.

You get the picture.

Nopony seemed too bothered by her brutality, me included mind you. But from I'd gathered, these ponies all seemed to more or less represent peace and harmony. So the mere idea of one being violent against another seems to be all but abhorrent.

I guess lecherous Changelings are exempt to that rule…

Unfortunately however, Luna saving me from Cheeselegs only seemed to make my eventual situation worse.

Let me recap this in simple terms.

Luna had lost all rights to both look after me and call me her son. Her actions before Cadance took me away were…a bit enthusiastic to say the least.

However.

Cadance officially became my new caretaker when Celestia chucked me over to her. Unfortunately for her, Cadance not only managed to lose me within the first twenty four hours, but in doing so also caused me to get ponynapped and nearly molested.

Needless to say, Luna wasn't impressed.

I'd say Sunny Butt wasn't impressed as well, but she really doesn't seem to give a straw about much…at all.

Ahem, well anyway.

When Luna took both Fleur and I back to the Empire, myself being held back in that maliciously comfy foal pouch, she pretty much tore Cadance a new one. Oh Cadance shouted right back, declaring that she was caring for her husband and hadn't even realized that I was gone until it was too late.

Which Luna took to mean that she cared more about the Shiny Spunkstain than me.

I really don't know why I dislike him…but by all that is holy I bucking do!

Oh yeah, the no swearing barrier was back on. I figured Luna had something to do with it. Anyway, Luna and Cadance were about to rip each other's hair out, which I took as my cue to intervene.

I don't really mind Cadance, she's just a little incompetent and doesn't seem to have her priorities straight. And yes I'm still pretty wary of Luna, but to my dismay it's an irrelevant feeling, seeing how a certain part of my psyche has yet to stop demanding that I let her mother me to death.

But anyway. The two were, like I said, about to rip the others' metaphorical nuts off before I promptly decided to burst into tears and cry-

"Stop fighting! You're scaring me!"

-like a little beach.

Can anyone see my man card? I believe I just dropped it.

In any case it seemed to work like a charm. Cadance's murderous expression quickly became quite stunned, if not ashamed. Luna's on the other hand switched from homicidal to, ugh, motherly so quickly I had to blink thrice to make sure she was the same mare.

"Oh, we are sorry Arcturus," she cooed, her wings quickly blocking out all but her face as she nuzzled me frantically. "Shhh, Mommy did not mean to scare thee, forgive us mine son."

I didn't mean to squeal, honestly I didn't. But when that dreaded tongue snaked out and tickled under my muzzle…well, it was a battle that I lost instantly, whether I wanted too or not.

The sudden clopping of nearby hooves and…growling I think, caused me to quickly snap out of my childish trance and onto the little snippets of pink I could just about glimpse between Luna's wings.

"He is not your son Luna," Cadance snapped tartly.

Cue more growling.

"Oh really niece?!" Luna barked harshly. "Well he most certainly does not belong to thee!"

Luna twirled her head around in a clockwise motion, forcing her mysterious mane around to the left side of her neck. This kinda forewarned me of an incoming straw storm, don't ask how I knew, I just did.

"We may have been over exuberant in our brief role as his mother, but we at least cared for him! We laid his head atop our belly and slept alongside him! We found him held tightly within a sickly grasp, and yet we nursed him back to health with naught but love and nurture."

Luna closed her eyes for a brief moment, shaking slightly. But just as quickly her eyes opened and she regarded Cadance with a startlingly venomous gaze.

"Yes…we know he ran away, just as he did with thee. But he did so within our slumber! What is your excuse? He ran from thee and thou decided thine husband was more deserving of thy gaze than he who TORN from our hooves and placed INTO THY CARE!"

Ouch…anyone got some ice for that burn?

Luna looked down at me quickly and smiled a…surprisingly not so creepy smile.

"Arcturus…Oliver, whatever thy name may be, we must ask thee this question," she said, shocking me somewhat with the use of my actual name, as opposed to her preferred one. "We failed to truly take care of thee before. We claimed thee without asking, knowledge of present law does not excuse our ignorance…our arrogance. We frightened thee into running away, into slipping within the hold of illness and bad omen."

She sniffled as she mentioned my sick days, her normally intimidating stare now quite humbled and…ashamed.

"But we must know if…if thou wishes to stay with us once more," she continued, her lips trembling ever so slightly. "We would n-not blame thee if thou wanted to decline our offer. We would not even stop thee from staying with our niece if that is what thou wishes…but…but we beg of thee, give us another chance to prove our worth as thy mother. Thou…thou art a once in a lifetime chance for us, and we do not want to give thee up to another but…but we will, if that is what thee wants."

Well…buck, thanks for dropping that all on me Lummmm…buck.

The entire world seemed to hold its breath as I pondered my options. L-mo-na was simply staring at me unblinkingly, her eyes shiny and wide. I still couldn't see Cadance, but giving that she wasn't arguing with You-Know-Who, I gathered that she was waiting for my answer as well.

Fleur was a mystery, I couldn't see her expression but I could hear her breath. Nevertheless I had no idea what she was thinking, though from what I'd recently leaned I figured that she'd most likely go where I went.

My future…lover, yeah we really need to talk about that later on.

The question was tough, the answer tougher. And yet when I got right down to it…it was actually quite simple.

I opened my muzzle to speak and said-

…

…

…

"I am not going into that Faust damned baby pouch!"

I turned my head away from Mom's open hooves and began to crawl back under the covers, ignoring the surprising lack of sound coming from her general direction.

It was silly, but given all that had happened in the last few weeks, I honestly thought that she'd accept my decision.

But then came the blue menace, her incredibly dexterous wings pulling me out from under the covers and placing me atop in but a second.

The smile came next, the wide, sly, gleeful smile as her muzzle pressed down against my stomach and-

"Pfffffffffffffft!"

-blew against it without mercy.

The sound, the nigh unbearable ticklish sensation was too much for me to handle. And so, even with all the maturity and intelligence my mind truly had, it sadly lacked any resistance to such a malicious act.

Thus I laughed my metaphorical tits off.

"Nooo! Mommy s-stop, h-ha ha!"

Mom's eyes narrowed mischievously, her ears splayed back in sheer joy as she denied my request and continued to lovingly torture me.

"Dost thou wish to obey Mommy now?" she asked, her tone full of mirth. "Or dost thou wish for more? We would be more than happy to bow to thy wishes..."

My eyes widened in slight nervousness as she wiggled her eyebrows playfully.

"You wouldn't?" I breathed.

She grinned.

I should have stayed in Cadance's chambers, Faust damnit!

Author's Note

Voilà, the randomness continues!

Sorry for the wait, but I've been rather unmotivated as of late. I blame MW2. I try to go for that nuke and god damnit I'm trying to get it for the remainder of my work-free hours.

In any case I hope you've liked this chappy. Now then, I'm off to write about a creepy stalker mare, the frightened Human, and all the bodies/amnesic ponies and griffons that keep turning up.

Cya, stay snuggly!

Planning With A Dash Of Tickles

Time to introduce Oliver’s power!

Though only one bit at a time. It’ll be up to you to guess just what Alicorn he is to be.

Begin!

Planning With A Dash Of Tickles

“Once more mon amour.”

“Seriously? We’ve been at this for forty minutes.”

“Oui, now again!”

“Slavedriver.”

It was a very dreary evening in the castle of Canterlot. The Stormtroppers were about as dull as per usual, Sunny Butt was still trolling around with that serene smile, and the Blue menace (Otherwise known as Mom) had left my cheeks nice raw with kisses, nuzzles and the lot earlier that day.

The tingling had yet to wear off.

Oh, and Fleur Delacour-Ahem-De Lis was at that moment in time torturing my mind with our…special lessons.

Get your minds outta the gutter, my body WAS a child’s.

Though the increasingly familiar sensation of smooth lips pressing against my own does grant you some leeway.

So chuck your minds back in!

Fleur pulled back and gazed at me warmly, that annoying you know you’re going to listen to me anyway grin firmly plastered on her muzzle.

“Pervert,” I teased, prompting a rather swift look of mock indignation to flicker across her face.

“Moi?” she gasped, putting a hoof to her head dramatically and falling back on our humungous cushion. “You wound me, mon cheri! To suggest that a mare as pure as I would take up the mantle of pervert. Atrocious!”

I couldn’t help the sheer level of laughter that broke free of the confines of my muzzle, held tightly shut though it was. Although given that Fleur was laughing in her own unique, musical way. I suppose my sudden lapse without Mom being responsible wasn’t so bad.

“Oliver,” she chuckled. “My Oliver. We both know how old you truly are. Just as we both know how old I truly am. So is there really a need to joke about such a thing?”

She wasn’t kidding either. For although she chose not to admit her age aloud (Fleur calls it a mare thing), I feel safe enough to reveal that she is many centuries my senior.

Sirens live a bloody long time.

Bloody…Hah! Mental note number twenty one- The word ‘bloody’ does not seem to count as a swear word. It may now be added alongside the others’.

…Don’t judge me; it’s how I keep track of things.

“I suppose not,” I sighed, grinning somewhat tiredly up at the pale mare. “Tis a bit amusing though, no?”

“No,” she deadpanned, though her smile contradicted this. “Now...shall we continue?”

One day a guy like me will win an argument with a female.

Never the less, I nodded and looked directly at her eyes, scrunching my brow in concentration. It took a few seconds less for the effects to become apparent. First there was a slight tingling within my eyes, not uncomfortable, just sort of there. Secondly a sort of glow took over Fleur’s, an intense red. The one an individual might call evil, though we both scoffed at the notion.

How could something like this be even the slightest bit malicious?

Because…it came. The chanting, a melodious chanting. The words were spoken in a language unfamiliar to me, yet all the same I still retained perfect understanding of what they meant.

Open the door. Let us in. Let us see. Let us know all. Open the door. Let us in. Let us…

A repeating symphony of words, clearly feminine. Repeating over and over, enough to drive one mind. But they never did. How could they?

It was wonderful.

And the power. The sheer unrivalled sensation of utter dominance was almost overwhelming. It was why I had to practise, why Fleur had suggested I do so with her as a guinea pig no matter my refusal.

I didn’t even know I had this ability until she sensed it within me. To be honest I don’t really like to talk about it, even if it does make me feel good, warm. I’m not foolish enough to believe that there’ll be no side effects.

I’ve studied addiction before after all. But if Fleur believes that I can overcome it, then overcome it I shall!

Still, that’s the reason I never mentioned it before. To be honest…I don’t particularly want to think about it.

“Focus mon amour,” Fleur soothed, obviously able to sense my distracted mind. “I welcome you, enter my darling. Enter and see all you wish to see.”

Let us in. Let us see.

“Yes my love, see all you all wish to see.”

Open the door.

“It is always open for you, enter. Come, don’t be nervous, be confident. You must be confident for this to work.”

I gritted my teeth and forced myself to ignore the utter pleasure I felt, pushing it to the further most corner of my mind.

Let us know all

“You shall, you can! Come my love, come in, I invite you willingly.”

…

“The door is open. We see all. We know all. We own all.”

…

It was a very exhausting hour later that I finally closed my eyes, the light linking us together fading just as quickly.

“Well done, mon amour,” cooed a very lovely voice. “We are one step closer to obtaining our goal, and I am so proud of you. But remember…you must play the child if it is to come to pass.”

A deep but short kiss followed her praise, causing me to sigh and open my eyes…only to see that my ‘Royal Foalsitter’ was nowhere to be found.

I hate it when she does that…and she probably knows it.

The sound (and earth-shaking vibrations) of the chamber door being opened quickly snapped me out of my thoughts and onto…

“The Blue Menace has returned!” I squeaked loudly, choosing that very moment to dive under the bed. “Quick! Call the police! Call Professor Oak, we haven’t caught em’ all!”

A melodious yet still rather boisterous chuckle escaped the dastardly villain, no doubt finding my cries for help to be trivial and in vain as she closed in on my naive hiding spot. Her horn flashed once, taking every piece of regalia along with it.

Wait for it, here comes the villainous monologue.

“Nay foal! No help shall save thee from thy punishment!” she shouted, laughing maliciously. “Thou hast dared to defy the great Blue Menace! And whilst under our hoof and our unquestionable rule, defiance will not…”

Wait, what is she-

Without any warning, she dropped to her belly and pulled me from under the bed, holding me in front of her twinkling eyes.

“BE TOLERATED!” she shouted, her hooves, muzzle and even mane tickling me mercilessly.

“Mercy! Merc-c-cy!” I cried, laughing uncontrollably as I tried unsuccessfully to escape her evil embrace.

“Never!” she cackled, blowing on my belly soon after and causing me to squeal like a…well, child. “Thou shalt pay for crossing the Blue Menace!”

She didn’t stop for at least a thousand years…or maybe a few minutes. It was difficult to tell the difference in the end. Once she did so however, to my great relief, it was only for me to realize just what else was about to happen.

How did I know?

She had the grin. The grin that told me in no uncertain terms just what was about to happen to me.

And that I had no say in the matter…again.

“Mine sweet baby,” she cooed lovingly. “Mine most adorable child, it is time once again.”

“No!” I defied, stubbornly trying to wiggle out of her hold. “I don’t need one! Let me go!”

It was to my utmost surprise that she did not both tighten her hold on me and yell out her enthusiastic refusals. In fact if I didn’t know any better than I would have said that she was actually considering what I had to say.

Until she let me go and I landed in a shallow pool of water that is.

Faust damnit.

I was quickly picked back up out of the water, only to blink the suds away and take in the appearance of a completely soaked Mom.

A completely soaked Mom with a rather evil looking scrubbing brush in her mouth.

“Sthy sthill now baby,” she slurred behind the brush. “Mhommy’s going to mhake thee nhice and shiny!”

“Noooo!”

I tried to run but it was no use, she caught me.

And thus the scrubbing began.

Only the dead can know peace from this torment!

Author's Note

Sorry for the delay, but my job has left me very tired these past few weeks.

In any case, I hope you enjoyed this chappy. More will come as soon as I can write it!

Cya, stay snuggly! :D

Fff-Buck McDonald's!

Well it's certainly been a while hasn't it now!

Inspiration and time have been in such short supply lately, I can't promise to write constantly as I used too, but I can swear to at least try. In any case, this chappy should be both confusing, out of left field and yet, strangely make sense.

Hope you enjoy it ;)

Begin!

Fff-Buck McDonald's

The world was blurry…focus was hard to maintain, to even manage…

I could hear…voices. Loud voices, a group of individuals speaking words I couldn't quite comprehend. Words of wisdom, romance, joy and sadness…perhaps?

I knew not.

Blinking wearily, I reached up with my hoof and rubbed my eyes gingerly, hoping against hope that the sleep would vanish entirely. Alas it did not, so with greater effort I spread my fingers apart and tried to pick the sleep out of my eyes, smiling instantly as I felt my sight return in its…entirety.

Fingers?

Looking down in wonder, I tried and failed to halt a gasp of disbelief as the overwhelming sight of hands, my hands, came into view.

"W-What?" I stammered, said hands shaking as emotion I couldn't even begin to understand washed over me. "How do I-My voice!"

It's…deeper, like…like before I…

A sudden loud knocking snapped me out of my revere and caused me to spin around, startling myself as I came face to face with a door.

With the McDonald's logo printed upon it.

"Oliver," came a voice, a women's from behind the door. "Are you okay? You've been in there almost your entire break."

Break, I work here?

Thinking rapidly for a few moments, I cleared my throat and answered her concerns…whoever she was.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine thanks," I replied, my brief stammer thankfully quiet. "I just-" Looking behind me, I noticed that I was in fact beside a toilet- "have a bit of a dickey stomach, but I think I'm okay now."

There were a few moments of silence, followed eventually by the thankful sound of retreating footsteps. I waited for a few moments longer, before nodding and flushing the toilet for my cover's sake, the sink briefly running shortly after. Once done, I opened the door and stepped outside into a corridor. The famous yellow logo was bloody everywhere.

Okay… I thought slowly. Let's note what I can to make sense of this before I do anything else. One, I'm human again, I'm the real me. Two, I apparently work for the only fast food company in the world that gives me the shits…um, let's forget that one. Ahem, and three, the last thing I can remember before this was Luna's incredibly comfy stomach and singing…so what happened?

Frowning as I tried to recollect anything more, and failing, I sighed and began to walk aimlessly ahead, passing a mirror and…stopping…looking.

My eyes were light brown, as they always had been. My hair however was not blue anymore, but rather a dirty blond mess that reached just above my shoulders and just a touch over my eyes. I had no coat, as any human should. Instead I had pale white skin, skin that appeared as though allergic to sunlight.

There was also a light bruise near the centre of my forehead. Beyond that I was of a slim build, neither athletic nor underweight, just skinny and a tad smaller than the average man. And unfortunately wearing the ugly attire of a McDonald's employee.

Suddenly, a women with greasy black hair came around the corner, a scowl already gracing her acne filled face as she opened her mouth to speak.

"There you are runt," she growled, yes growled. Like a boar. "Your break finished over two minutes ago. So stop admiring your reflection and get back to work before you break the mirror."

…Oh it was on. I didn't know this woman, hell I didn't even know why I apparently worked here. I certainly didn't before I arrived in happy go lucky land.

But nobody, pony, or beast spoke to me like that.

No one.

"Terribly sorry my dear," I said, practically purring the sickly sweet word out. "I know it can be difficult to cook one's own kin, let alone eat them. But you knew the job when you applied for it, no? Surely your poor, fragile feelings are better spent on other…activities shall we say, than hurtling snide comments with the exuberance I assume you do a salad, no?"

The boar, as I henceforth named her, didn't respond to my well versed words. Nay, instead she was doing the most impressive impression of a goldfish that I'd yet seen.

"I…you…you are…"

"Yes, yes. Do speak up my dear," I encouraged mockingly. "Some of us do have work to do, you know."

A few moments of silence was all that followed…until the boar apparently remembered that she could, in fact, speak.

"You…are fired!" she roared, her body actually shaking with rage.

"Am I?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow. "And on whose authority do you have the power to do that, hmm?"

"MINE!" she yelled, her stubby thumb jerking to a tag on her top.

Manager…well fuck-idy-do-dar! Go me, don't know why I'm here and still manage to piss someone off in the first ten minutes.

"Huh, well I guess a boar can scale up the business ladder," I remarked thoughtfully. "How did you do that, suggest a new brand of Mc Flurry?"

"OUT!"

Grinning to myself as I dodged her grabby little hands (They were fat as fuck), I made my way out of the apparent staff only area and into the cooking area.

"Ah, there you are Oliver," said a familiar voice, the one from behind the toilet door I believed. And, curious as I am, I looked in her direction and…huh, she wasn't bad looking actually.

Red hair tied in a bobble, slim physique, a pretty smile upon her face.

Oh and great tits.

"Where've you been, we need you on the tills now silly," she continued, smiling prettily as she led me by arm to said till.

Smiling myself, I gently removed her soft hand and took off my tag, handing it to her.

"No can do sweet cheeks, gotta bail," I quipped cheekily, though I did feel a slight twinge of guilt as I remembered a certain Siren…if she was real that is. I still didn't have a clue what was going on.

"Have you been fired again?" she asked, eyebrow raised in both amusement and annoyance.

"Again?"

She rolled her eyes at my rhetorical question and pinned the tag back on my top.

"Be the till guy until I get back from speaking to her, okay?" she…pretty much ordered. "I'll sort this all out. Just smile and DON'T be sarcastic with the customers…again, okay?"

"Okay, okay!" I conceded, raising my hands in surrender. "Go talk to the boar and I'll play nice."

"You shouldn't call her that," she remarked, a tiny grin on the face nonetheless as she shook her head, turning away and dashing into the employee area.

Smirking to myself, I turned around and looked at the line of impatient customers…then at the till I had no idea how to use…wait, scratch that. It looked simplistic enough.

"Okay then," I all but announced, grinning. "What can I get for…"

A pony, a foal looked at me…no, back at me. Blue coat, blue mane, light brown eyes and a muzzle open, closing as it said-

"you…"

Blinking, I looked around in disbelief at the white tiled ceiling and floor of…Mom's bathroom.

"What the fff-buck," I murmured, too stunned by everything, my once more squeaky voice included, to be bothered by my swear being twisted. "How…what?"

"Arcturus, art thou okay in their sweetie?" a voice…Mom's voice asked, concerned and maternal as it always was. "You've been quiet for a while baby."

Quickly gathering my wits, I rushed to the ajar door and opened it in a rush. Standing there with an anxious look on her face was…

"Mom?" I uttered, only too aware of how childish the word was as it left my muzzle. And so to hide this… "Um, why did you call me Arcturus?"

It's a legitimate question. She's been calling me Oliver for ages now.

A look of utter befuddlement appeared on her face as I asked this, only to be replaced with a look of worry and warmth.

"Thou said we could not fifteen minutes ago, mine son," she replied, tilting her head slightly. "Art thou certain that thou art…okay?" She pressed a hoof to my head and frowned slightly. "Thy warmth is slightly higher than we would like…hmm."

Picking me up with her magic, she gently manipulated my form into the foal pouch, kissing the top of my head lovingly as she did so.

"We think thou is well enough for now," she said, frowning concernedly nonetheless. "But if thou feel any ill sensation, thou must tell Mommy immediately!"

Her 'mom' look left no reason in my mind to believe that her words were a suggestion, thus my swift nodding and nuzzle were enough to produce an affectionate smile from the mare.

"Good colt," she praised her smile widening. "Now then, Mommy thinks tis finally time for the cream of ice, no?"

I nodded quickly. Thoughts everywhere though they were, I had enough sense to realize that ice-cream meant yum.

It's better than Maccy D's…

Author's Note

Boom…done.

With a bit of luck and inspiration, you can expect more to come.

Cya, stay snuggly!

The Cream Of Ice

Not too certain what made me want to pick this dead fic up again, but whatever. Guess I've missed writing lighter stories, or sort of anyway. This story is random and apparently amusing to most, so I figured I could squeeze out something for it while I have some free time.

BTW – Lack of free time = No updates for Mated For Life, sorry. I will try to update it soon, but work leaves me bloody exhausted.

Anyway, here's to some lovely Mommy Luna, enjoy.

Begin!

The Cream Of Ice

It was bright outside.

Mom was all but skipping as we made our way to the park, the promise of ice cream being far too tempting for my childlike instincts to complain about. That didn't mean I liked being carried around in that damned foal pouch, no matter how comfy Mom made it.

And buck is it Faust damned comfy…

It was like I was being carried in the silkiest silk ever invented, the fact that I was also being nuzzled every few seconds might have maybe, perhaps, kind of, sort of added to that.

Possibly.

"My son, we are almost at the park now," she said softly, smiling warmly down at me. "Dost thou know what thou wish to purchase?"

"Um, well if they have hazelnut that'll be ni-"

"Strawberry and cream it is then!" she exclaimed, nuzzling me and laughing happily. "Just like thy mother, oh how alike we are. It makes mommy very happy Art-Oliver, very happy indeed!"

Could have been worse, she could have picked lemon and pickles…can't believe that's an actual flavour here.

We arrived at the park not a few moments later, to a line so long that it seemed to lead out of the park and into the city itself. And although I understood the value of being patient for trivial things like this, that annoying foal-like part of myself didn't, and forced out a sigh of complete and utter sadness at seeing the queue.

Right on cue, mom picked up on my unhappiness in a Faust damned heartbeat, instantly picking me up out of the foal pouch and holding me face to face with her forelegs.

"Oh dear, thou art unhappy mine son," she crooned, ears down and eyes shining with some emotion I didn't dare try to comprehend. "Tis the line yes? Well no matter, we are Princess of Equestria and our son shall not be denied his cream of ice!"

"Mom, no it's fine!" I replied quickly, shaking my forelegs for added emphasis. "These ponies have waited a long time for this, we should do the same. To push in front would be rude."

At my words her eyes seemed to shine even more, unshed tears of happiness clinging to the edges as her lips trembled slightly. "Thou art so noble and kind, a proper Prince! Thou shall wield thy title with love and dignity one day…but today, today you have made mommy very proud of thee!"

She pulled me close and hugged me tightly, my vision starting to go red as oxygen was forcibly ejected from my lungs. But unlike the many times previous, she relaxed her grip and only continued to snuggle me, kissing the bridge of my muzzle with a form of affection I was still unfamiliar with.

"But tis no trouble to push ahead today Oliver," she whispered lovingly, placing me back in the foal pouch and, as she said, skipping ahead of the queue right to the ice cream…wagon? No one seemed to mind that she did so, the majority were too busy bowing and gasping in awe at mom to consider complaining.

The stallion at the wagon seemed to be a friendly sort. He had a bit of a belly but had a large smile that the child in me seemed to find quite pleasing.

"Ah, good morning Princess Luna," he bellowed happily, grinning widely and bowing for a brief moment. His accent was…strange, I couldn't place it exactly, it sounding vaguely Italian though. "And good morning little Prince, how can this one help you today?"

"Good morrow to thee too!" Mom shouted right back, the force of her voice actually pushing the stallion away somewhat, though at the lowering of my ears she quietened down considerably. "We would like to purchase two creams of ice. The flavour strawberry and cream for both, if thou would."

The ice cream salesman smiled at the order and went straight to work, his horn alight for but a few bright seconds before two ice creams floated before us.

"That'll be eight bits Princess!"

"We thank thee," Mom said, smiling as she took the two ice creams and floated over the money. "Thy service is most excellent; we shall inform our sister of thee when we return to the palace."

"You humble this poor stallion," he said, his already bright red face steadily getting redder at mom's praise. Mom giggled at his reaction as she walked away, waving at the merry salesman.

"He was nice, wasn't he," I mumbled, which of course mom picked up easily.

"That he was, my son," she agreed, smiling.

Mom walked up a small hill before stopping and taking out a large blanket from her knapsack, laying it out on the ground. She smiled and laid down upon it, taking me out of the foal pouch and placing my ice cream in front of me, floating in the air.

Instinctively, I went right in, nibbling at the delectable dessert swiftly and eagerly. But as all children who eat ice cream come to know, eating too fast can give you quite the bucking headache.

"Thou should have eaten it slower Oliver," Mom scolded lightly, her expression stern for a mere moment before a patient, loving smile appeared on her face. "Come to mommy, we shall warm thy frozen brain."

"It's called b-brainf-freeze m-mom," I stammered, clutching at my poor head in agony as the pain tore through it. Mom wasn't even listening, her attention completely on me and me alone as she threw her own ice cream into some sort of black void and pulled me closer with her large wings.

The moment I was against her plush fur and warm body, I immediately found myself fighting back a yawn as sleep evidently tried to make itself known. But as usual…

"Art thou sleepy Oliver," she whispered soothingly, pulling me against her even more and kissing my head softly. "Thou can sleep. Mommy will keep thee safe and warm…"

I felt her embrace begin to soothe my childlike mentality into a slumber, my real personality following suit as a consequence.

Oh this isn't fair; I don't want to go to sleep. I didn't even get to finish my ice cream!

And like someone, somewhere was actually listening to me for once…

"AUNTYYYYYY!"

The nasally voice, the overly noble accent, the overwhelming arrogance. I'd heard this voice before…many times. It snapped me right out of my almost-slumber with a start, causing me to stare into the narrowed eyes of one Prince Blueblood the something or other.

I could actually feel one of mom's eyes twitch, the force of it rippling through her body as she stared at her nephew and glared angrily.

"Thou hast awoken mine son from his slumber, Nephew!" she snapped irritably. "What dost thou want?!"

The apparently suicidal Prince ignored mom's words and moved closer, walking on the blanket without some much as a thought to ask first.

See, that mom could and likely would have actually let go. But then the bucking idiot actually went the extra mile and made it worse, much worse.

How?

Well, my unfinished ice cream was floating in the air, still very much edible. But before I could squeak up a request for mom to let me slowly finish it…Blueblood, instead of sidestepping it, slapped it away…because it was in his way.

It left mom's magical grip due to surprise I think, and landed on the grass where the unfinished ball rolled out with a light splat and became one with the earth.

…

I sniffed once…twice…three times. Despite my resistance, my refusal to let such a small thing bother me, a single tear trailed down my cheek.

And then I let out a pathetic little whimper.

...

And then the powerful scent of a ticked off mom filled up the air.

That and the way her eyes became draconic slits.

"Blueblood…thou art…thou art…IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!"

Arc One (Running) - I Am Not A Foal!

Author's Note

Following in To Run From The Sun's footsteps, The Child In Me's chapters are also going to be a little over one thousand words, yet while remaining firmly under two thousand five hundred. A little more leeway than I allow TRFTS.

I find this allows chapters to come out at a far greater rate than usual…even if I've yet to update TRFTS. Don't worry though; I'll get on it around the weekend.

You see, I've just started this catering course…which kinda forces me to wake up around six, and get home a little after five in the evening.

In any case, here's a nice little chappy. It's all over the place and very spontaneous, but that's where the random tag comes in. Besides, I like getting all the boring stuff out of the way first.

Begin!

Arc One (Running) - I Am Not A Foal!

I Am Not A Foal!

Well…this is interesting.

Looking back at me from the lakes clear surface was by all means…a small, candy coloured foal.

To be more specific, the foals coat was light blue, while its eyes were a light brown. The only contrast of dark it happened to have was its dark blue hair.

That just so happened to be as messy as mine was normally.

It also had a pair of wings on its sides and a horn parting its messy mane. As well as a rather visible bruise by the horn.

I must have hit my head on something.

Oh and it blinked when I did as well.

Looking down, I lifted up my brand new appendage and examined it intensely. Instead of my usual forearm, followed by a hand, I instead had a foreleg, followed by a hoof.

A light blue hoof.

I'm a little horse…Or maybe a little pony, I can't tell.

Ah, I'm getting far too ahead of myself. Allow me to explain how my predicament came to be, if you will.

My name is Oliver Leaf, I'm male, twenty two years old, and…well, pretty damn clever if I do say so myself.

Do I sound arrogant? Pompous?

Perhaps, but when you're the type of child who can outsmart a highly intelligent AI at chess at the age of five, it kind of says something about you.

My family consists only of my dad and I, so when I discovered just how easy it was to figure out certain calculations, there wasn't really anyone around to witness it.

Thus I stayed silent and learned all I did on my own.

I don't really know why it is so, though if I had to take a life threatening guess, I'd reckon growing up with nothing but books and a forgetful father had something to do with it.

No matter, enough about that. Let's return to the whole 'I'm apparently a very young colt'

I'm not exactly sure how it happened if I'm being completely honest. One moment I was falling asleep, and the next I'd woken up by the very lake I now look at.

Did I panic?

A little, it's not every day you wake up as a completely different species after all. That's not to mention waking up in a completely different world.

How do I know it's a different world?

Well, if the sudden change in anatomy didn't clue me in, then the fresh air, clean environment, and cartoonish textures of the world around me did.

"Perhaps I should- Whoa, new voice! Hello, hello, hello…Hehe!"

Ah…yes, and then there's this little predicament.

Apparently I didn't just get the body; I also got the mentality to boot. It's not overpowering exactly, but rather subtly spontaneous.

I myself didn't have much in my childhood bar reading and chess. But this…instinct, I felt it, I heard it the moment I arrived and panicked.

T'was easily quelled mind you. When faced with a mind like mine, a child doesn't stand a chance. And besides, I have no time to play around. I have to figure out how to get back.

Finding the nearest town seems like a sound plan for now.

And a sound plan it was, for as I made my way through an apparent pathway, I soon came to hear the distant sound of people ahead of me.

You know…it was strange. The moment I entered the town…or village, I wasn't sure on either, every single one of the uhh, ponies, looked at me in a mix of wonder, fear and surprise.

"Is there something on my face?" I asked, my voice squeaking for but a moment.

The sudden sound of multiple mares collapsing soon followed.

"Okay then," I muttered aloud. "Everyone in this place is crazy."

"Tell me about it."

Turning around, I found myself face to face with a violet coloured…pony that was like me?

Damnit, why can't I remember that word? I swear I know what it is.

"Holy Celestia!" she exclaimed. "You can't be real!"

"Wha-?"

"I've got to take you to her!" the mare continued, her eyes alight with excitement.

The mare suddenly all but forced me against her, before lighting up her horn and enveloping the two of us in some sort of energy.

Kinetic mayb-

There was a sudden flash, followed up with a nauseating sensation that forced me to close my eyes, lest I puked everywhere.

Opening them, I quickly came to realize that the two of us were standing in what appeared to be a grand throne chamber. There were a few ponies in armor around us, yet their apathetic expressions stayed, despite the sudden arrivals in the chamber they apparently guarded.

All of a sudden, a very calm if not soothing voice broke the short silence, grasping my attention to where it came from.

"Ahh Twilight, this is a surprise, how are you?" asked a rather tall alabaster mare. "I see you've brought a guest with…you."

Like Twilight and I, the mare had both wings and a horn. Yet as I looked closely, it was all I could do not to shrink at her gaze. Perhaps it was something that came with my new form, I didn't know.

But what I did know was that whoever this mare was, she was very powerful.

Holy Celestia…Ah, SHE must be Celestia.

Her large magenta orbs seemed to widen as she took all of me in, flicking down to my wings and then back to my horn. She then, without any warning, rose from her throne and walked down to me, her eyes never leaving my own.

I'm ashamed to say that I was quite intimidated, and not just because of the child in me.

But then as she laid down on her stomach, all the tension and fear was lifted by her kind gaze.

"Well, well. It's not every day I get to meet another pony like myself," she chuckled gently, her wings unfurling slowly. "What is your name little one?"

"Oliver Leaf," I replied, eying her wings as they extended around me. "What do you mean by 'like myself'?"

Why are her wings behind me? Does she think I will run?

Her eyes seemed to soften at my words, though I see the interest behind them.

"Don't you know what you are?" she asked, her eyes lidding in confusion as I raised an eyebrow. "You're an Alicorn, one of five now."

Alicorn huh? I knew I'd seen that word somewhere. It was in the mythology book I read in year eight.

Not that it mattered, I wasn't an Alicorn, I was Human.

"Actually I'm not," I spoke slowly, judging both her and Twilight's reaction.

Twilight's gaze seemed to intensify inquisitively, while Celestia merely raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really?" she asked. "Then what are you, if you do not mind me asking?"

"Human," I replied quickly. "My race is known as human or Homo Sapiens to be exact. We're a race that…"

...

I continued to give the both of them my explanation, simultaneously judging their expressions carefully as I did so.

Which was actually rather peculiar, because the both of them looked quite…depressed?

"…and that's more of less the short summary of Humanity."

…

"Hello?" I echoed, cocking an eyebrow at their bizarre expressions.

Celestia suddenly looked up at Twilight, the two of them nodding and sighing at the same time.

"That bruise, he must have had a concussion," Twilight muttered sadly. "This in turn must have caused an internal surge"

"I agree," Celestia replied, apparently just as upset. "His mind must have wiped itself and put delusions in to compensate."

What are they going on about?

"But a surge needs some form of intense emotion," Twilight unhappily continued. "I've read about them. Anger and sadness are the best known causes."

"Indeed they are," Celestia agreed dejectedly, turning her head so as to look down at me, her eyes shining ever so slightly. "You poor thing, what could have happened to cause such a powerful surge?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked, my somewhat squeaky voice gaining a higher pitch, if but for a moment. "Intense emotion? Internal surge? I have no idea what you're going on about!"

Celestia suddenly scooped me up with her wings and pulled me to her barrel, forcing my head against it in a comforting manner.

"I know sweetie, I know," she soothed softly. "But it's okay now, shhh, shhh. You can stay with me."

What the buck is going on!

Buck?

Fu…Fu...Fufff…BUCK!

What the hay!

I can't swear? Why can't I swear?!

Whoa…relax. I just need to relax. There was no need to get all worked up over nothing after all.

"It could be something to do with his parents," interjected Twilight's voice. "He did walk into Ponyville on his own…maybe something happened to them."

"My parents?" I asked, getting their attention. "No, no. I have a dad; he's probably watching the game back at home."

"Of course he is dear," Celestia cooed, stroking my messy mane as she COMPLETELY DISREGARDED WHAT I JUST SAID!

Of course he's at home, he's there and he's real. There's no way I could have imagined that up!

Yes, I was right. I was twenty two years old, not a child. I could handle this…sudden bout of infant distress.

"It must be his parents Twilight," Celestia whispered, apparently unaware that I could hear her. "He must have created this false reality because something happened to them."

Happened to them? No, NO! Dad's real, calm down, calm down…You're not a child, calm the fff-buck down!

No, it was too much. Everything inside of me wanted to bawl in that moment. I could even, to my dismay, feel my eyes beginning to sting with unshed tears.

NO! I am NOT A CHILD! I am not a…a-I don't know what's going on! What's going on, I want my mommy!

…

I…What? No…No I don't-

All of a sudden, the sound of doors opening reached my ears, causing them to flick and swivel as I made to look in the right direction.

What the…another one?

Yet another Alicorn stood a short distance away, looking down at me blankly. She appeared to be a tad smaller than Celestia, yet also a tad taller than Twilight. Her coat was a very dark shade of blue, yet her eyes were quite a beautiful set of turquoise orbs.

She said nothing as she walked over to us, her eyes on me and me alone.

"Ah Lulu," Celestia began. "We have much to discuss. But first allow me to introduce-"

A sudden flash of light nearly blinded me as a slice of cake appeared out of nowhere…before being promptly shoved into Celestia's open muzzle. Celestia dropped me out of shock, prompting me, in my current panic attack, to try and run as fast as I could from everyone.

Unfortunately…

As I made to do so, 'Lulu' grasped me gently with her hooves, holding me in front of her as she gazed down apathetically.

"Thou art adorable," she said, a loving smile slowly worming its way onto her muzzle. "Yet we felt thy distress, thou needs a mother."

What?

Her wooden tone and loving expression were quite contradicting…at least they appeared so. It was hard to tell at the time, I was having a bit of a panic attack after all.

"Dost thou have a mother?" she asked, her eyes boring into mine as they all but scared the truth out of me.

"N-No."

"Then we shalt take that title, call us mother!"

I did make to open my mouth…uhh, muzzle and say no. But the moment I tried…well, her eyes bored into mine once more, something within them telling me it would be most unwise to say no.

"M-Mother," I squeaked, much to her apparent joy as she burst into jovial laughter.

She then, without any warning, used her wings to all but pin me to her barrel, before all but skipping back in the direction she came from.

She was also shouting…disturbing things.

"Oh most wonderful of nights!" she declared happily. "We have a son to love, and love we shall. We shalt hold thee, and kiss thee, and love thee, and we shalt name thou Arcturus!"

"My name is Oliver-"

"Arcturus!" she repeated loudly, squeezing me just that little tighter.

Okay…just play along, calm down, and play along…

"And we shalt love thee for all eternity!"

…

Buck it, I'm doomed!