The Generic Horror Fic

by DreZoma

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy
Length: 2523

I just want(ed) -insert some representation of insanity here-...

I'm bashing again, and this time my terrible, terrible writing resides in Horror.

This might not be funny to anyone else but me, but ponies seemed to like it last time, so ya' know. Maybe?
——-
WARNING: GENERALLY CREEPY AND STRANGE LIKE ME, AND IF YOU KNOW ME THEN THAT'S A PRETTY BIG STATEMENT.
——-
I just want(ed) -insert some representation of insanity here- (to cook ponies into pot pies)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-04-23 02:40:42 UTC

Pinkie's DOOM CHAMBER AHHH PAIN OUCH BAD SCARY DO NOT ENTER

continuueeeedddddd.

Pain.

All she could feel was pain.

Every motion was filled with it. All she did felt

I'm actually impressed here, this is fairly-

like utter shit, LIKE YO' MOM.

Oh.

Oh indeed.

Fuck.

Darn it.

It's okay I guess...

What's wrong with it :?

I SAID STOP WITH THE FACES

GEEZ, SHUT UP. DAMN PONIES. ALWAYS FLABBING YO' MOUTHS.

FINALLY, YOU SHUT UP.

GEEZ.

GEEZ.

JUST, GEEZ.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

GEEZ.

GEE-

E-

E-

EEEEEEE-

Z.

GEEZ.

FUCKING

GEEZ.

Story.... story... uh...

what was I saying?

Oh, uh, yeah.

Pinkie had blood lust. Very, very large blood lust. It could fill a swimming pool large.

I know, right?

Fucking insane.

Makes you go "DA-AMN"

Fluttershy was next. The mare was living with her husband, Jeffry- but not for long.*

DUN DUN DUNNN

She was in the square, gathering fruit for her animals, because the animals needed fruit. Cause' once this evil wizard named Volde- er, something. I kinda forgot the name. Anyways, Volde cast a spell on her animals and if they didn't eat fruit, shit got real.

Fluttershy wasn't scared though. She was a pony badger.

Pinkie Pie went up to Fluttershy and knocked over all her stuff by accident, but didn't pick it up, cause' she's a fucking douchebag. LIKE MY ROOMMATE, STAN.

STAN, IF YOU READ THIS, I HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL.

"Hello there Pinkie Pie I'm Fluttershy" Fluttershy introduced herself for some reason. Embarrassment don't matter to a pony badger.

"HELLOOO THEREEEE FLUTTTERRRRSSHHHYYY WANNNTTTT TOOO HELLLPPP MEEE MAKE SOME PIES OR SOMETHING INVOLVING PONY MEAT"

"Ok then that sounds good" replied incredibly smart pony badger Fluttershy.

So Pinkie took Fluttershy down to her basement, wait, fuck

UP. UP TO THE ATTIC.

and totally murdered Fluttershy.

You're totally gonna get nightmares from this one guys,

she BLED. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

BLOOD FUCKING EVERYWHERE, AND ORGANS AND SHIT.

INTENSE.

That cuts it, I'm leav'n.

Wait, what? You can't just leave!

Celestia's fair work laws, book 12, page 678, paragraph 9.

WELL, FUCK YOU TOO THEN.

This was obviously another Cupcake remake, I'm getting out of here.

NO, NO YOU'RE NOT. I'M CLOSING THE DOORS.

That's incredibly insensitive and illegal! You can't do that!

YES I CAN, AND WE ARE SKIPPING TO MY FAVORITE SCENE.

Please tell me it's not the book-animal massacre... PLEASE!

HELL YES.

Skipping to the place i mention before but can't exactly remember's date thing

With no one to feed Twilight's books, the evil curse got out of control.

It transformed ponies into monsters and they set upon killing each other, cause' it's realistic.

FLAMES WERE EVERYWHERE.

PONIES WERE EATEN ALIVE,

BLOOD AND GORE AND DEATH AND SHIT IT GIVES YOU FUCKING NIGHTMARES BRO

AND ALL THAT WAS LEFT WASSSSSSSS

APPLEJACK, RARITY, AND JEFFRY.

"I sure wish mah' bruther' Bi' Ma' wa's her' s' ah' coul' ge' a' rutting..." Applejack said with a frown.

I'M NOT OPENING THE GATES WITHOUT ENTHUSIASM, PONIES.

Ah'll do it again, then.

"I SURE WISH MAH' BRUTHER' BI' MA' WA'S HER'S S' AH' COUL' GE' A' RUTTING..." Applejack deadpanned.

Dead is good for a horror fic right, so, uh... dead panned is perfect. Yep.

"What is more urgent is the food but unless it can be served in a 5 star restaurant I will not eat it cause I am a... prissy... fucker named Rarity... that... everypony hates." Rarity replied.

Jeffry knew what to do, "I have an idea. Since we all hate Rarity, we could kill her and eat her, then Applejack, I could give you a rutting for... celebration."

"Great idea Jeffry..." Rarity replied

DUN DUN DUNNNN

Jeffry and Applejack pushed Rarity to the ground, and began to find anything they could to kill her.

Blood was everywhere, and it-

POLICE! WE ARE HERE TO TAKE BACK THE HOSTAGES!

FUCK.

*Reference :D

Blood and Shit

Note: I made this shit based upon reading the descriptions (yes, only the descriptions) of several horror fics, as well as scarring myself with Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory. That being said, this is still utter shit.

Also, WARNING: OVERUSE OF CAPS

They call me BloodMoonRisingXDSerialKiller, and I am an OC.

OC stands for ORIGINAL C(K)ILLER!

dundundunnn

And I have found my way into Ponyville

dundundunnn

to

dundundunnn

kill

dundundunnn

WEEDS

LOL

No, seriously. I'm here to kill everypony. Cause' I can.

Are you sure this makes sense story wise?

I wrote it so it obviously makes sense.

Geez, you ponies are so slow.

BloodMoonRisingXDSerialKiller the OC walked into town holding knifes and stuff.

Sir, I believe the writing advice was 'show, not tell'

WELL DERP, THE BOOK IS SHOWING THEM WORDS

I don't think-

WELL, neither do I!

What?

IT MAKES SENSE IF YOU DON'T THINK ABOUT IT, GEEZ. SO STUPID.

ANYWAYS,

He walked up to Twilight with lust in his eye.

Blood Lust

DUN DUN DUNNN

Not SEX LUST U SILLIES LOL

Geez you guys are so perverted.

Insulting the audience-

HOW BOUT' YOU SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN.

YEAH, I DON'T GOT NO CHAIRS, BUT I GOT A FLOOR. SIT ON THE DAMN FLOOR.

Twilight Sparkle was picking some fruit to feed to her books, or else they would eat EVERYPONY! They had this super terrible curse on them that an evil wizard named Valdebort and he was pretty evil.

DUN DUN DUNNN

"HELLO THEREEEEE MAARREEEEEEEEEE. WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SOME FUN?" he asked, visibly shaking. "I'M NOOOTTTTT INSANANNNNEE JUST CAUUUSEEEEE I'M A SOCIOPATH WHO LIKES TO SKIN THEIR VICTEMSSSSSS ALLLIIIVVVEEEEEE."

Ur... author, I'm not sure this is a proper charterization of me.

Yes it is. You're smart, and I obviously put that there.

Could you at least consider rev-

HMM? DO I LOOK LIKE SOME SORT OF AUTHOR? HUH? NO, SO SAY YOUR LINE.

Wait, aren't you the writer?

Aren't you the ASSHOLE? HUH?

Sir? Per-

Nope. NOPE. I CAN'T HEAR YOU. NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

If ah' can make a se'ggestion

NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

NOPE?

NOPE.

NOPE.

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

THAT IS RIGHT.

TWILIGHT, SAY YOUR LINE.

"Hur... dur... okey dokey I is smarty pants Twilight..." Twilight replies, NOT AWARE OF THE POTENTIAL DANGER AT ALL

So BloodMoonRisingXDSerialKiller leads Twilight away to cabin he made apparently in the last couple minutes.

"THISSSSS ISSSS MYYYYY CABBBBIIIINNNNN GOOOO INNNSSSIIIDDDDDEEEEEE"

Now, several minutes after walking with this stranger carrying weaponry who told her directly that he skins ponies alive into the woods alone with him, she realizes that it was not a good idea.

"Oh noesy woesy is this a joookkeeee? You are starting to creeepssss me out BloodMoon"

Even despite the fact that BloodMoonRisingXDSerialKiller does not blow up LIKE CREEPERS IN THE GAME MINECRAFT LOL GUYS he was still being fairly creepy.

Twilight Sparkle facehoofed.

TO DEATH DUNDUNDUN

TWIST ENDING

SEE TWILIGHT, I TURNED THAT TERRIBLE ACTING OF YOURS INTO A STORY MOMENT PIECE SET...

UH...

WHAT NOW, HUH?

There's probably room for revision there though...

YO' MOM HAS ROOM FOR REVISION

Ah' ain't gonna letch'a talk to one of mah' friends like that, mister. You best apologize.

YO' MOM BEST APOLOGIZE.

I don't think-

YO' MOM DON'T THINK

CAUSE SHE'S DEAD.... ?

What the hell, dude? Seriously, you are being really uncool.

YO' MOM THE HELL DUDE? SERIOUSLY YOU ARE BEING REALLY UNCOOL

Ummm... maybe it would work if didn't insult us so much, please... I mean, it's only a suggestion...

YO' MOM... IS YO' MOM. OH SNAP.

is amazing compared to me...

YO' MOM IS AMAZING COMPARED TO ME...

WAIT, FUCK NO.

NO.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Done yet sir?

THAT'S WHAT YO' MOM SAID LAST NIGHT I GUESS MAYBE

..........

.........

LOL, NO COMMENT. I WIN. YOU LOSE.

LOL.

LOL?

Continue, now.

Seriously.

So then BloodMoonRisingXDSerialKiller skinned Twilight alive even though she was dead and it was really gross. I mean, blood everywhere. Flesh too, cannot forget the flesh. OH, ALSO HER LUNGS FELL OUT THAT WAS GROSS!

I'm serious you guys are probably gonna have nightmares now, I mean really. Like he took the skin off and everything and then he totally took the flesh out. It was bloody too, OH SO BLOODY. I mean she was screaming even though she was dead, and it was all CR-A-ZY.

"Noooowwwwww I can makkkeeee some Cupcakkeee- I mean piesssssssss" BloodMoonRisingXDSerialKiller said and then he made some delicious pies -because the author was totally not trying to hide the fact that he stole half of his ideas of Cupcakes- and ate them.

I mean, it was a pot pie, so he had some sides for dinner with it, like carrots and potatoes, despite the fact it was all in the pot pie. Ya' know? I mean, ya' gotta know. It makes sense

OH, he also ate it in a really creepy fashion, going all like, "OH YEAH THEM FLESHES OOOOO I LOVE THE TASTE OF PONY MUSK- I MEAN WHAT FLESH LOL" it was really scary. ALSO, SHE WAS STILL ALIVE! I KNOW RIGHT, IT WAS CREEPY. SHE GOT SKINNED AND STUFF BUT SHE NEVER REALLY DIED OH HOLY SHIT PLOT TWIST UM WAIT WHAT FUCK UH UH UH UH UH SKIPPING AHEAD CANNOT THINK OF ANYTHING SCARY SHIT

4 OR 5 APPROXIMATE DAYS L8RRRRRRRR

Pinkie Pie realized Twilight Sparkley Puff the Magic Dragon Owner was dead and got super depressed.

Her hair fell to the ground, and her original puff was gone. Instead it was all flat, like a, uh...

TWILIGHT!

Huh?

GIVE ME AN ANALOGICAL OR WHATEVER IT IS CALLED

You're asking for my advice? That's good! First, uh I think-

NO, actually I change my mind. RAINBOW!

Wha- I wasn't really paying attention.

ANALOGY.

Um... I'm not really good at this stuff, I mean as awesome as I am, Twilight's the brainiac here.

GIVE ME A FUCKING ANALOGY.

... bread with no yeast! Cause' it's all flat and bland and it makes every-

GREAT! YES, THANK YOU.

PINKIE PIE, YOU ARE NOW THE BEST PONY*! ALL OF YOU OTHER PONIES, YOU SUCK COMPARED TO HER.

NOW, WHERE WAS I? YES, RIGHT. The, uh... analogy.

Simile...

I KNOW, GEEZ.

Simile.

Her hair was all flat like bread with no yeast. No longer did she make ponies happy, cause' she didn't give a fuck anymore. She turned into Scumbag Pinkie Pie.

SERIAL KILLER SCUMBAG PINKIE PIE

DUN DUN DUNNN

Pinkie Pie would show the world her pain- by refusing to answer the phone when she was right next to it, cause' apparently it wasn't her call, like one of my asshole roommates... STAN! I MEAN YOU! THEN, SHE WOULD SHOW THEM BY MURDERING THEM!

Where's the transitions? I see no transitions here, one second BloodMoon's skinning me alive, now Pinkie's insane? What?

STOP YO' NAGGING PONY!

Ponies.

CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM, CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT EM'

LOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOL

Isn't that very racist?

Racist is my middle name

Why are you proud of that?

DERP, IT MEANS I'M A GOOD RACER, GEEZ! WOW, YOU PONIES ARE SO STUPID

ANYWAYS,

Pinkie was all like, "Frendzzzzzz forevveverrrr" but she was with bags of flower and crap. Cause' you see, she thought those were her real friends, and that everyone else was an asshole. Of course, she was in fact the asshole, cause' you know, not answering the phone and all.

BloodMoonRisingXDSerialKiller was on the street and the Pinkie started to kill him by torturing him and stuff.

She strapped him to an iron panel. Not wooden.**

Then she pulled out really gross torture tools like scapels and it was ugly and she cut the guy and it was pretty emo and stuff. I mean, that's what emo's do right? Personally, I have no idea what they're like, but since I've never met one I'm just gonna assume they're creepy. Right?***

OH SHIT THE STORY

Uh,

So she was torturing him really bad. I mean, blood and stuff- to make cupcakes! I mean, pies! I mean, cakes! Yeah, the cakes. Anyways she pulled out a scalpel and scalpel-ed that shit up. Then, she refused to pick up his liver for him! I mean seriously, that's a big bunch of douche right there.

Why would I ever do that T_T

Pinkie, it's fictional- also, WHAT THE FUCK? HOW CAN YOU MAKE FACES WITH YOUR VOICE? IT'S JUST PLAIN CREEPY, STOP IT!

LOLOLOLOOLOLOL PROBLEM DASH?

I'm afraid that was the last straw. You are positively the worst director we've worked with- possibly more so then that HiE one! You should be ashamed of yourself! Such disrespect.

Hear that? That's the sound of no shits being given.****

....

YEP, I AM THE BOSS.

So anyways, bottom line Pinkie went insane and tortured BloodMoonRisingXDSerialKiller to DEATH DUN DUN DUNNNNN

In case you missed anything I'll give a quick recap here,

I don't think it makes sense to have a recap in a fictional story, as it ruins the fl-

NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE

Please, cast, don't say anything or we're never going to end this

HEY! SHUT UP, ASS.

YOU'RE WORSE THEN STAN, AND HE WAS AN ASSHOLE. NOT PICKING UP THE PHONE OR ANYTHING...

DAMN ASSISTANTS AND THEIR DAMN JOBS

ANYWAYS, recapping....

Blood killed Twilight and Pinkie found out and went insane and tortured Blood to death using things NOT in Cupcakes. TOTALLY NOT COPYING, DON'T KNOW WHY YOU SAY THAT.

So now, let's go into the next part where Pinkie Pie kills everything.

Wait, fuck.

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT.

FORGET, FORGEETTTTT

Why not delete it?

Why not delete Equestria? HUH?

This is completely dif-

NO, YO' MOM IS. NOW SHUT UP WHILE I FIX THIS!

EXCUSE ME,

Ahem,

Excuse me kind a gracious audience. It seems I put a misprint in the story, I hope you don't mind. Instead of it saying the future plot, it is actually not supposed to, so if you could kindly forget about it? Thanks.

To be...

*Personally, I think Twilight is the best pony.

**If you get that reference then you are going to hell along with me :P

Unfortunately, that's what Cupcakes is. A fast gate to hell.

***Emo's, I don't think you're creepy and shit! I've never met an emo I'll admit, but I'm not going to assume. This was just joke to show the author's shitiny.(*)

(*) THE IRONY

****Favorite line so far. Seriously, if I can take any pride, it's from the major asshole line.

Epilogue

The Yet-Another-Terrible-Author went to prison.

Strangely enough, he turned out to be bed mates with the writer of a certain Generic HiE fic.

There was a lot of rape.

Applejack learned to stop giving fucks about author demands and just do what he says.

Twilight learned that authors can completely ignore grammar.

Rainbow Dash learned that she was never going to make Pinkie stop making faces with her voice.

Fluttershy learned that she tends to get the worst parts in acting, in various ways.

Pinkie Pie didn't learn anything.

Rarity learned that authors can always be worse then the last one.

The real author of this story learned that he needs to do something with his life and stop making creepy and terrible stories.

Note: No, seriously. This was bad.