an unnecessary remake of the last human(s)

by rainbowderp117

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Adventure
Length: 1954

Jack is just a ordinary guy until his world is consumed by a black hole.

Jack's world is destroyed by a black hole but he is somehow teleported to a magical land of ponies.

Published 2014-03-20 02:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2014-09-12 03:03:48 UTC

hungry hungry black holes

My name is Jack and so you don't ponder about how I look like throughout the whole story I have brown hair, black eyes, white skin and look like I've never slept.

I lazily woke up from my bed after a peaceful night of rest "wow that was an hour more than yesterday" I said staring at my clock "better get something to eat" walking towards the kitchen that for some reason wasn't there "wasn't their a kitchen here?" I looked up to notice that half of my house was gone "what?" I said with a confused expression looking at the remains of my destroyed home I walked away and sighed "I don't got time for this i'm probably dreaming anyway". With nothing to do I looked out the window to be greeted by a giant ball of death eating up all the skyscrapers in downtown "please don't tell me that's what I think it is" I said.

I called my friend Gary who was a guard at the military base nearby to see what was going on "What's up Jack" he asked.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON FIRST I WOKE UP THEN MY WHOLE HOUSE IS GONE BECAUSE OF SOME RANDOM BALL OF DEATH EATING UP EVERYTHING IN ITS DAMN PATH!" I politely yelled through my cellphone.

"Calm down bro it's just a tiny black whole we'll probably find a way to get rid of it before it does any harm" he said

"Any harm? IT JUST DESTROYED ALL OF DOWNTOWN AND IS JUST STARTING TO GET EVERYTHING AROUND IT TO" I yelled through the phone not as politely as I had last time.

"I assure you everything will be fine in no time" he said with an annoyed tone. I threw the phone against the ground and ran.

I had to get as far away as I could from whatever that thing is before it could kill me everyone was screaming that we are going to die and other random nonsense. I went through my neighborhood and realized I was hungry so I went into the nearest restaurant and took my meal to go "bacon wrapped bacon nice!" I said as I munched on my completely murican food. I finished my meal and started my run again "I should have really rode my car" I said panting down the street "I hope this ends soon or I won't get to watch my show, I ran down an alleyway and accidentally crashed into a guy holding a rifle "sorry man" I said to him. His expression stayed the same and he pointed his rifle at he pulled the trigger and shot a guy behind me who was holding a knife to my throat I decided to run before I was next.

Bullets slid across my hair as I toke cover behind a pink sedan because a mercenary that I tried to pick a fight with because tried to steal all my supplies that I needed including my bacon covered bacon I didn't know he was a mercenary until he pulled out a machine gun with the private security sign on it. "Come out so I can kill you already!" he yelled. He wasn't very nice though which is easy to know because he had a bald head with a tattoo of a skull on his skull. The cops showed up somehow and shot him to death and I decided to get away because I didn't want to waste my time answering questions all day.

I got to the part of town where their was no more buildings and just highway where I thought I would be safe "I probably would have gotten sucked up by that thing if I hadn't ran away" I said wiping the sweat from the run I just toke. Suddenly parts of the highway where thrown in random directions and another one of those dark spheres arouse from one the incredibly large wholes it created and pulled me toward it I tried to hold on to the ground but its grasp was to strong and it pulled me into the darkness.

"This is worse than I thought" Gary said while looking at a large screen showing all the black hole activity.

"What?" asked his boss walking into the room.

"Black holes are showing up all around the earth" He said "at this rate they will destroy the earth before the day ends". He toke a sip from his soda "bacon flavored soda is the best though".

"We need to be serious for this Gary" his boss told him face palming with a purpose.

I woke up in a field that I couldn't identify everything was so bright and colorful which really hurt my eyes. "Where am I?" I said to myself as I got off the ground "and why does everything look like it was drawn?" I examined myself "and why do I look drawn? I checked my pockets "oh no." I realized my bacon covered bacon was gone " worst day ever" I whispered. I looked to the distanced to see something only from my darkest thoughts, a colorful pink horse thing who was skipping toward my direction. I quickly looked around me to find a place to hide I somehow managed to find a bush which I jumped into and looked through a little hole in it.

"I thought I saw somepony here" it said "I'll find you" it said in a somewhat threatening tone and it walked away.

"I hope I don't run into that thing again" I said to myself as I dusted off all the leaves on my clothes.

Author's Note

As you know this is not supposed to make sense.

(insert bacon here)

It twas dark and cold in the author's room and he woke up because of his dog scratching at his face. "Where is my damn bacon" he said as a fragment of his memory crossed his mind and he yelled "holy f***ing s**t It has been three f***ing months since I had made a chapter for this sh****y fanfiction I need to finish the third chapter!!!" so he then rushed into the room with the pc in it and tripped over his dog. And now you get to read the third chapter that you didn't want or need.

Jack jumped because of the pony screaming at the top of it's lungs so he ran toward it with the knife thinking it would shut it's trap but he "accidentally" tripped over a banana peel and his knife rammed into it's skull. "Oh crap this fanfic is getting as violent as the original" he said to himself. His palms were sweaty, he's weak beat tekeshi Japanese spaghetti. Anyways he was shaking all over and moved as far away from the dead pony as he could by crawling behind the house.

"Did you hear that?" said Spike to twilight as he was preparing the super special secret cake mix.

"Yes I did, and by the way it sounded we might want to tell Celestia to bring guards here" she said to Spike "We need to tell the others right now!" she shouted before she ran out the door.

"Wait for me!" yelled spike.

"Um where the hell am I" Gary said looking around the town he went into with weird multicolored ponies staring at him

"Your in Ponyville of course didn't you read the sign before you got here" said a pony with a rainbow mane to him.

"Didn't you read the sign that said no gays before you got here" Gary said to it which made it yell F**K you! Before it collided into its face and blacked him out. "Pay the medical bill later" he murmured

Jack peaked around an alley to see what all the commotion was about he noticed a body that looked human and when he looked closer he noticed who it was and yelled "GARY!!!" then ran back to the alleyway noticing what he had just done. "Crap at this rate they'll find me easily" he said to himself as the confused crowd of ponies gazed in his direction. "I need a way out of here before they find me" he said as a he heard a train near where he was "I got it!!" he said before a light bulb hit him in the head.

Author's Note

omg it took 420 noscopes to finish this chapter and don't worry the next chapter will contain bacon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

Ponyland

I took a little walk to have a look around my area "great" I said "on one side their is a town filled with ponies and on the other their is a creepy forest that I can hear screaming from". I took my chances and decided to head towards the town with the demon pony things. I hid in a bush looking for a way to get in the town without getting spotted "Ponyville? Wow that is the most uncreative name I have ever heard. I walk towards the town I hadn't noticed the steep drop until I fell face first on the dirt and rocks "DAMN IT" I yelled. I heard footsteps coming in my directions and immediately stood up and flew into the nearest bush "those pony things almost caught me". There was two of them one with a light green hair or whatever you call it and a tattoo of a lyre on its butt I couldn't Identify what the other looked like because the bush was blocking the view (and the author is lazy).

The one I couldn't see let out a sigh and said "Lyra why do you even try you know you humans aren't real right?"

The one I suppose is named Lyra looked at the others direction "I know the human was here I could sense him" it said. They both then walked away from where they thought I was or at least one of them thought I was.

"That was a close one" I said walking out of the bush I looked back at the town and saw an alley way "jackpot". I slowly slid into the alleyway without getting noticed and looked at the inner part of the town there was ponies walking in all directions buying,selling, and anything else you would normally do except you would be a pony.

Gary had no idea where he was he walked around like a drunk man through a house that wasn't his "where am I" he said walking around in a room that was colorful and filled with animals. He looked at a couch with some cute yellow pegasus pony thing sitting on it and had a confused expression on it's face "what are you" he said to it.

"Y-y-you can talk?" it was surprised probably because drunk people have a difficult time speaking not that Gary was drunk or anything.

"I'm talking right now aren't I?" He said and tripped over a little white bunny and fell on his face "where am I anyway?"

"You're in my house stay here I need to get my friend she may be able to help you" she said and quickly flew away.

"You know what screw this" he then ran out the things house in a random direction like a drunk man.

I found a house with a door open and decided to sneak around in it "nice I'm gonna need this" I said as I picked up a knife of cutting I looked behind me "why does it have to be like this" I said looking directly at a pony who was probably watching me this whole time.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" yelled the pony.