Of Fire and Ice

“Well then.” I said, completely dumbfounded. I looked on at the town in abject horror, until I heard the cries of what must have been a child. That snapped me out of my stupor, and I started running. “Well, no time like the present to be heroes, I guess!” I called to Cold, running at top speed toward the town. As we approached, I moved toward the nearest sounds of distress, coming from what looked like a small storefront. The walls were on fire, and the roof appeared to be sagging quite heavily. I turned around and told Cold Snap to work on putting out the fires with her ice magic, then I kicked down the door with all the finesse of a man who watched too many police dramas.

I ran in, ignoring the pain in my door kicking foot. I took caution, attempting to avoid the flames where possible, as while I was now fireproof, my clothes certainly weren’t. By the time I reached the rear of the store, however, I could almost feel the rubber soles of my shoes melting. I opened the door and saw what was probably a mare curled around a foal, huddled against the only wall that wasn’t currently on fire. I coughed, and she turned to me. Her eyes widened upon seeing me, and I put my hands up in what I could only hope was a calming gesture.

“Don’t worry ma’am, I’m here to get you out. Please, just trust me on this.” I moved toward her slowly, but she noticed my movement and curled around her child tighter. I’m not sure why, but her completely justified distrust bothered me to no end. “If you don’t let me help you, you ARE going to die. Whether you trust me or not is no problem of mine, but I am going to be very upset if I die arguing about saving your life.” I said with poorly hidden annoyance. She relaxed her shoulders, and I took it as an invitation to help. “Ok, I’m going to pick you up and carry you out. You are going your child, and we’re going to be outside. Sound like a plan?” I asked, moving to pick her up. She tightened her grip around the foal and nodded at me. “Alright, it’s going to get hot in there, though.” I said, turning back toward the door. Making my way back to the door was significantly harder with a mare in my arms, but I made it out the front without event. I stepped off the stoop, took one step, and was pushed forward by a gust of air as the roof collapsed into the building. I was struggling to get up, when what looked like a talon appeared in my face, motioning to help me up. I took it, and its owner pulled me up. Its owner happened to be one of the strangest things I had seen since when I was most recently mugged. It looked like a cross between some sort of feline and a bird. I assumed this was probably the griffon we had come to see in the first place. I didn’t realize I was staring, but it looked like it did.

“See something interesting?” The newly christened he said in a very playful voice.

“Yep. You the famous catbird or Maresden?” I asked, mouth working far faster than my brain. I cringed a bit at my probably callous wording, but his eyes twinkled with humor.

“Yes, I suppose I am, aren’t I?” He said with a chuckle. “Captain Professor Doctor Archmage Queen Gryphos, at your service.” He said, doing a sarcastic little bow. I was barely containing my laughter at this point, and from what I could tell, he was struggling too. A few moments later, we were rolling on the ground laughing like old friends while the town burned around us. After taking a moment to recover, I noticed both the mare I had saved and Cold Snap glaring at us. I helped Gryphos up, and we faced the town.

“Wanna help me and ice butt over there save the town?” I asked, walking toward the next house.

“Sure, why not.” He said, walking at my side. I help a sharp pain in the back of my leg as Cold gave me one hell of a Charlie horse.

“That was for calling me ice butt. Now, let’s go save some townsfolk.” Cold said, walking on my other side. With agreements all around, we ran toward the next house in the line.

~~~

After hours of all of us risking our lives and other generally helpful things, most of the fires were under control. Unfortunately, it was under control because half of the buildings that were on fire had burned to the ground. Most of the townsfolk had gotten out safely, but there had still been a large number of injuries and luckily only a few deaths. The injuries were mostly burns of varying degrees and smoke inhalation, easily healed by the few unicorns in the mostly earth pony town. Gryphos, Cold Snap, and I were relaxing on a hill recovering when we were approached by a very distinguished looking brown earth pony in a top hat. I assumed this was either the mayor or some sort of noble or something.

“Hello miss,” he said in a voice so pompous I already wanted to punch him, “I couldn’t help but notice that you and your two pets helped save this town. I think it is truly marvelous that you had these beasts trained well enough to help us in our time of need.” He finished. At this point, I was making visible effort to not strangle him. I looked over to Gryphos, and he was doing the same. I decided now was the time to speak.

“Sir, I would appreciate you keeping your racism to yourself.” I said, in the most level voice I could muster.

“Ah, you even trained them to speak! Simply marvelous. Say, could I buy them from you? They would be all the rage in Canterlot.” He said, arrogance simply oozing out of his every pore. I simply stood to my full height.

“Last chance to stop before I retaliate.” I said, my hands igniting due to my anger. I could see the fear in his eyes at this point, but the arrogance seemed to win over.

“See here you monster! I am very influential in the courts of power. I could have you banished for not speaking to me with the proper respect! You will apologize this instant or I will ensure that you spend the rest of your life on the moon.”  He said in the haughtiest voice I had ever heard. I simply leaned closer to him.

“Dead men tell no tales.” I whispered into his ear, then snapped, setting his mane alight. He ran away screaming in a higher pitch than any opera singer could ever hope to have, whimpering about his ruined mane until he was out of sight. As soon as he was gone, I realized the stupidity of what I had done. I heard Cold perk up next to me.

“Al that was Lord Moneybags. He is one of the riches nobles alive. He could make our lives living Tartarus!” Cold said, sounding beyond worried.

“Of course he was.” I said, absolutely done with my life.

“Pissing of nobles and saving burning towns? Just another mane-ic Monday.” Gryphos said with a completely straight face. I have never wanted to kill myself more.