Sunset Silly

Can you hear me? I'm sorry about the cold, I didn't think this would actually work.

Try to stay focused. I know it's hard, and that all of this is confusing, but it'll get easier. I promise.

I'm Sunset Shimmer, by the way.

Princess, why did you make me your student?

I'm still waiting for an answer. It's been almost a minute now, though it feels like it's been... about a minute. That's a lot longer than it sounds. I was expecting some reflexive answer. She's been holding her teacup steady in midair this whole time, lost in thought staring straight ahead. It doesn't help that I'm straight ahead of her with nothing but a short table between us.

Her tea is getting cold, and my milk is getting warm. I should preempt, but I won't. Sometimes it's fun just watching her think. What would it say about me if I could figure out her words before she does?

You're probably confused. Which thoughts of mine can you even read? Do you remember what I remember?

The Princess and I have been having regular weekly dinners for about half a year now, and we're having one now.

I'm really sorry about not bringing you around with me more often. I'm going to work on that, I promise. It's been two days, by the way, since you got here. Did you know that? Did it feel like two days? I'm really, really sorry if it did.

"There were many things that went into my decision." The Princess speaks. "May I ask what led to your question?" I'm tempted to say no. Can you say it for me?

We've agreed that these lunches would be casual, but she never stops speaking in a formal tone. I guess she has some habits that she just can't kick. (It's Princess Celestia, by the way. I can't recall if I've called her by name yet.) No matter how casual things get between us, there will always be a "Princess" in her name as far as I'm concerned, so I guess she's not the only one with habits to kick.

"No." I said it! Of course I can't keep a straight face for long, but damnit I'm trying! The Princess finally cracks, probably because of the way my face has to twist itself to keep from smiling. Her whole face visibly falls a little as if fighting to keep the defiant corners of her mouth down.

Is this cute, funny, or something else? Is she just smiling because she knows that's what I’m going for? I can never tell with her.

I give in. "Yes," of course she may. What did lead to my question? Why did I ask her? Do you know?

"Does everypony at the castle have a job using their special talent?" I turn my gaze down to my hooves, hiding my daisy sandwich from the Princess's view. The sandwich underneath is constantly being divided and reformed within my magic. Two pieces, four pieces, eight, one. Two, four, sixteen, one. I always get a rush of embarrassment asking the Princess non-technical questions. I know she won't think less of me, but I can't help it.

"I suppose they do." Me too.

I press on. "Have you ever thought about just what went into that sandwich or cake or tea you're having?" Flour, sugar, cocoa... "What was going on with the kitchen staff to make that happen?"

She's watching me, judging, perplexed, amused, and I see none of it.

"Sunset Shimmer," judging, not perplexed, not amused, "I have long ago learned to appreciate everypony's role in Equestria, both for their own sake and for sake of everypony else." I know, Princess. "It is true that ponies with a talent for baking tend to make the best and happiest bakers, but I would never keep ponies from working in a kitchen if that made them happy, even if it went against their special talent."

I keep looking down trying to think of what to say next, but her passive gaze quickly turns to concern before I can start. "Are you not happy studying magic under my tutelage?"

Alarms go off in my mind at the conversation's unexpected turn. "Of course I am! I want to continue studying under you! It's just..." I release the sandwich from my spell. My hooves fall to the table with an unintended thump. My shoulders sag a little, and my head sags just a little more.

What could I possibly say to make the Princess understand? Is there anything I can say to make even you understand?

"You raise the stars every night. Some nights you spend a lot of time making sure everything is just right."

She says nothing.

"There are astronomers that try to find the patterns in how you place the stars, and they do it by looking at the sky every night. Have any of them ever just asked you why you do it?"

She still says nothing.

"Sometimes they complain when you change things around, and sometimes they find some clever use for what you do. I think that would bother me, if ponies only cared about the results. I think it would bother me if I could love something in a way I couldn't share, in a way ponies couldn't bother to understand."

...

That must have sounded dumb to her, but I have nothing left to say. I start eating my sandwich to let the Princess know that it's her turn.

Do you understand why I brought you here? I think we can do a lot together that I just can't do alone. I think you can be brilliant in ways that I can't, and I think you can be reasonable when I can't, and we can talk things through and never be bored again. But I don't need any of that, and you don't have to do any of that. All I need is to know that you can see the magic in my life when nopony else will.