Bedlam at the Bookstore

by kudzuhaiku

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Sex
Length: 1412

Sometimes, going to the bookstore to buy a book becomes a story unto itself. This is one of those stories. Will Swan have a novel story to tell?

Swan just wanted a quiet visit to the bookstore. Instead, she finds trouble in the form of a generous grey unicorn, a pervert, and a brown-noser. Also, the books are quite troublesome in their own right.

This is sort of a prequel to this story. Everything sort of connects so far, fleshing out various characters.

Published 2014-03-09 22:10:10 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-09 22:10:10 UTC

Storytime

The bookstore was strangely empty as Swan entered. She saw the clerk behind the counter, and in a back corner, there was a grey unicorn and two grey pegasi. The bell above the door announced her entry.

Swan’s wings fluttered with a nervous twinge. The bookstore felt a bit chilly. She was a bit shy about meeting new ponies. She was a white pegasus with an orange spot on her muzzle, and black circles around her eyes. She said nothing as the clerk looked at her, and hurried behind a bookshelf.

Books were wonderful. They were a way to travel without having to fly someplace. A way to meet new ponies without all of the awkward social entanglements. A way to get to know new cultures and locations. Books were magical.

She walked slowly down the aisle, looking at all of the books around her, her eyes focused on the shelves.

She bumped into a grey unicorn mare.

“I’m sorry,” Swan apologised, “do forgive me.”

The grey unicorn mare looked at her and shook her pale blue mane out of her eyes. She had three fireflies on her hip.

“What are you looking for?” The mare asked.

Swan paused, saying nothing for a time. “I don’t know?” She finally replied.

“My name is Glowbug,” the mare said helpfully, “and I love books. Maybe I could offer some suggestions?”

Swan stood silent, thinking. This trip to the bookstore was not going as planned. She shivered slightly. It was chilly in here. Her feathers fluffed to trap extra air for insulation.

Swan cleared her throat. “I like finding out new books,” she said, “sometimes the clerk tells me about a book that I’d never pick up on my own and it is very good.”

Glowbug smiled a broad smile with lots of teeth. “It’s great when that happens,” she said, “having a happy accident.”

Swan nodded. Glowbug seemed nice enough.

Glowbug scanned the shelves, her eyes darting about. “Huzzah, found something!” She exclaimed.

She levitated a book from the shelf, holding it out for Swan to view.

“Magical Hygiene and How to Live in a World of Dirty Ponies, by Princess Mi Amore Cadenza.” Swan read, announcing the title. She shook her head no. “I’m not a unicorn. I’m not sure that book would be very useful.” She said, a hint of regret in her voice. “But it is very difficult to stay clean when you are a white pony.”

Glowbug pulled another book and held it out for Swan to view.

“A Shadow Over Horseshoe Bay.” Swan read. “That sounds interesting. There is a star and a tree on the cover. I wonder what it means?” She asked.

Glowbug held the book in reserve, floating in a magic field. She pulled another book out from the shelf and offered it to Swan.

“Fear and Loathing in Las Pegasus.” Swan said slowly. “Hmm, it’s about a journey seeking the Equestrian dream.”

Glowbug held this book in reserve as well.

A grey pegasus wandered up, holding a book clutched under her wing. “I found this Glowbug, it looks interesting!”

There was a strange chill in the air. Swan was certain she could see her breath.

Glowbug took the book from the pegasus. “Thank you Hailstone,” she said in graceful tones, “what did you bring me?”

Swan looked at the cover. “When the Fur and Feathers Fly.” There was a pony and a griffon on the cover, clinging to one another in what appeared to be a drenching rainstorm, limbs entwined, the griffon had an open beak and the stallion had very erect wings. Swan felt herself blushing furiously.

“You dunderheaded dingbat!” Glowbug hissed in an angry whisper. “This is a clop novel!”

A short distance away, the clerk could be heard clearing his throat.

Glowbug started to put the book away, but paused. “Interested?” She asked Swan.

Swan started to shake her head no, but her neck betrayed her. She felt her ears burn as she nodded her head yes.

Glowbug raised an eyebrow. “Who am I to judge?” She said. Swan quickly looked away, biting her lip. She was sure that right now, she was hot enough to roast marshmallows over. The chill in the air felt soothing.

Hailstone retreated, giggling obscenely as she went.

Glowbug began to search for more books, her head turning this way and that way, her eyes narrowed, concentration furrowing her brow.

There was another obscene giggle in the distance. “Get out of the adult pony section!” Glowbug hissed.

Hailstone returned, holding a book in her teeth. “How to Milk a Mare” it stated in bold racy red text on the cover. Glowbug growled at the perverted pony and Hailstone once again retreated.

“Sorry about that. Hailstone has… Special needs you might say. And that’s putting it kindly.”

There was a titter in the distance, but not from the adult pony section.

“Shut up Nightfisher!” said a voice in the adult pony section.

The clerk cleared his throat loudly.

“Hailstone road the short wagon to school.” The voice not in the adult pony section announced.

“You bathtub fart bubble biting brown-noser!” The voice in the adult pony section exclaimed.

“AHEM!” The clerk announced.

Swan giggled, she couldn’t help it.

Glowbug glared in the general direction of the two pegasi who were causing so much trouble.

She pulled another book off of the shelves and presented it to Swan.

“The Egghead’s Guide to Being an Egghead, by Princess Twilight Sparkle.” Swan read. “Oh, I’ve read that. The chapter about being a neurotic twit is especially insightful.” Swan commented. “And how to deal with being all alone in a crowded room. I really understand how that feels.”

Glowbug nodded. “So do I…” she muttered, “so do I.”

Glowbug scanned the shelves once again. “Huzzah!” She exclaimed, pulling a book off the shelves.

“The Sun Shines Out of My Ass: An Unflattering Biography of Princess Celestia, by I.M. Moonbound.” Swan read. “That has to be a pseudonym.”

“I heard that the author gets a terrible sunburn every time they venture out of doors, turning crispy in seconds.” Glowbug said in a conspiratorial whisper.

Glowbug jammed the book back into the shelf.

Hailstone rounded the corner, a book under her wing. Glowbug raised her eyebrow, her ears going flat against her skull. She took the book from Hailstone.

“Hunt The Radish: An Earth Pony’s Guide to Non-Magical Sex.”

Glowbug glared balefully at Hailstone while Hailstone grinned a salacious grin.

“What?” Said Hailstone after a moment. “I’m a pegasus, this is relevant to my interests. I don’t have magic either and my root vegetable is lonesome.” Hailstone looked genuinely disappointed for a moment. She snatched the book out of the air with her wing. “I’m buying this,” she said in wounded tones, “I don’t care what you say.” She turned and pranced away, her cutie mark visible. A snowflake with icicle spikes in a circle around it.

Glowbug sighed. “So hard to find good help,” she muttered, “of all the bird brained nincompoops I could end up stuck with.”

Nightfisher rounded the corner, causing Glowbug to scowl. She too, had a book under her wing. “Let’s get this over with,” Glowbug growled, snatching the book, “what do you have?”

“Luna: Best Princess?” Swan read aloud. “An Unbiased View of Our Favourite Social Progressive.”

Glowbug began to grin from ear to ear. “I’ll be buying that!” She blurted. “Huzzah!”

“Brown-noser!” Said a voice in the adult pony section.

“Oh for crying out loud!” The clerk exclaimed.

The ponies fell silent.

“There are several books you are holding that I’d like to get, but I think I only have enough to get one. Maybe two if I am lucky.” Swan said, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

“Oh, that’s OK,” Glowbug said with a smile, moving toward the counter and the annoyed clerk, “these are on me. I really like to make sure that ponies are reading.”

Glowbug looked at the clerk, eyeing him carefully as he glared at her. “Same as always,” Glowbug stated, “these go on my tab.”

“Yes ma’am.” The clerk replied. He rang up the books and deposited them into bags, separating the orders.

“Thank you,” Swan said gratefully, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Thanks is enough, just keep reading. And support the artists and writers.”

Swan nodded.

“Hailstone, Nightfisher, get your plots over here, we have a train to catch and a foal to check up on!”