Lyra's Silly Dream
by Legendary Emerald
“Lyra!”
“Waaugh!” Lyra tumbled off of the couch and took her blanket with her, ending up in a snug, fuzzy tube on the floor of the apartment. She took a second to observe her predicament and giggled, “Hey, I'm a caterpillar!”
“Cute,” Bon Bon deadpanned above Lyra, “but the Las Pegasus Greats don't need a bug, they need their lyrist. And unless you're planning to inch your way all across the city...”
“See? This is why you need to let me buy a skateboard,” Lyra said, taking her fore-hooves out of the blanket and scooting herself across the carpet. “I could be racing there right now.”
Bon Bon face-hoofed. “Are you always this scatterbrained when you wake up?”
“Only when I've slept for over 12 hours,” Lyra said matter-of-factually. Her face suddenly lit up. “Oh, Bon Bon, you need to hear about this crazy dream I had! I was Pee Wee Hermane, you were Revolver Ocelot, and we were fighting over the rights to the Elements of Harmony when—”
“Lyra!” Bon Bon shouted. She fixed her roommate with a stern look. “One, out of the blanket. Two, out of dreamland. Three, out the door!” she jabbed a hoof towards the front door.
“Fine, fine. I can see you aren't in a mood to discuss this rationally,” Lyra sighed, pulling herself out her cozy prison. “But you know, the longer you have to stand around and tell me to get to band practice, the less time you have to get yourself to work, right?”
“Well, that's, well,” Bon Bon stammered as she looked at a hanging clock, “I have to go!”
Bon Bon threw the front door open and dashed outside, letting the door swing back with a 'clack' as it rebounded and hit the door frame.
“Heh, knew that would work,” Lyra yawned, gathering up her blanket and depositing herself back on the couch. “Now, no need to rush myself; nopony shows up to practice anyways. Just gonna sit here, relax, aaand talk to myself. Actually, I should probably stop that last thing. Starting to scare myself a bit now.”
Lyra covered her mouth with a hoof as her body melted into the couch with another yawn. “If I had it my way, I'd never have to move again...”
“Here lies Lyra Heartstrings, tolerated acquaintance by all,” the stallion spoke solemnly, “may she rest in peace.”
Lyra lay still, frozen in place on the coarse grass of a cemetery. Her eyes were wide open, but her gaze was locked on what was directly in front of her. Before her were Bon Bon, Derpy, Vinyl Scratch, Octavia, and Trixie. An elderly earth pony dressed in priestly garb was also present, holding a dusty tome in between his hooves. Octavia was playing a sad tune on her cello, and none of the ponies seemed to be in good spirits. An empty grave lay to the right, mere inches from Lyra's muzzle.
“Sh-shouldn't,” Bon Bon sniffled, “shouldn't she be in the ground before we start this?”
“Uh, sorry about that,” Bubbles said with a nervous chuckled, “but I kinda sorta forgot to buy the coffin. I know, I know. My bad,” she held her hooves out to accept the blame with dignity.
“Is she even dead?” Trixie spoke up, her normal purple wizard garb replaced with a black replica. “You said she just stopped moving one day, but she looks very much alive. Just not in the... moving around sense.”
Trixie stepped closer to Lyra's body and took out a magic wand, poking Lyra in the side once, twice, then twelve times.
“Stop that!” Bon Bon screamed as she ran and tackled Trixie, the two of them ending up in the shallow grave that had been dug. It suddenly began to rain, turning the ground to mush.
“Oh hell yes, I didn't know mud fighting was on the event schedule,” Vinyl Scratch said as Bon Bon and Trixie tussled in the muck. “I heartily approve of this funeral.”
“Can we get this over with? I have to get back to my job at the smut store in three minutes,” the priest said while tapping his watch with a hoof.
“Noted. I will perform the cremation,” Octavia said as her cello morphed into a flamethrower at the push of a button. “Rest in peace, brave soldier.”
Lyra felt the heat hit her face, and tried to scream out.
“AAAAH!”
Lyra shot upright She hurriedly glanced around herself at the apartment's interior, and saw that there was no priest, shallow grave, or sexy mud wrestling mares. She turned her head towards the window and was hit full in the face with beams of sunlight that made their way through the drawn curtains.
“Another dream,” Lyra breathed out, “and another statement of the obvious made to myself when nopony else is around. Yeah, I need to get out of here.”
Lyra hurriedly tossed off her covers and stumbled over to the countertop where her backpack, lyre tucked inside, waited for her. She adjusted the straps over herself and left the apartment.
As soon as Lyra set hoof outside the apartment, she paused. She looked up at the sky, which was a churning gray mess. When she turned her head down, the ground rushed up to meet her. Lyra cried out and closed her eyes. No impact came, but when she opened her eyes, Lyra found herself laying down on the concrete.
“What the... how did I...?” Lyra shook her head and the world swam around her. Her cheeks puffed out as she started gag. She swallowed hard before calling out, “B-Bon Bon? Are you there?”
The only reply was her own words, echoing all around. Lyra stumbled back over towards her door, pushed her way inside, and was enveloped in darkness. Her hoof swatted at the wall and found the light switch. She flicked it up and down. Nothing. The only light in the room came from the window, which faintly illuminated the couch.
“Hold on... there's no windows in our apartment,” Lyra said, furrowing her brow. She walked over to the offending sheet of plate glass, but it faded away before she could reach it. Lyra jumped back and yelped.
Lyra sat on the couch as the world morphed and tilted around her. She was on a roller coaster, and the apartment was her car and barf bag.
“Okay, just, retrace my steps. I was home, Bon Bon woke me up, I talked to myself like a crazy person, I laid back down...” Lyra face-hoofed. “Duh! I'm dreaming!”
Suddenly, the world came into focus. Lyra waved a hoof in front of her face, and it no longer moved as if she were under water. The apartment was still dark, but when she closed her eyes and opened them, the lights suddenly came on.
“Heh. Neat. I bet I could do just about anything,” Lyra said. She yawned and pulled a blanket over herself, wriggling underneath it. “Well, back to bed, then.”
Lyra lay under the covers for a solid ten seconds before she darted back up.
“What the hay am I doing in bed? I'm already asleep!” Lyra laughed, hopping off of the couch. “Forget the clunky, morally righteous metaphor in my last dream, staying in bed and being a lazy butt is gonna be awesome!”
Lyra dashed back out the open door and onto the balcony. The sky above the apartment complex was clear and inviting.
“Look, mom, no wings!” Lyra cheered, vaulting over the railing in a single bound. “I believe I can ffffuuuuuunky mother—!”
Lyra plummeted like an anvil, flapping her legs uselessly. She grit her teeth and closed her eyes right before she hit the—
— carpet.
“Ahh, geeze,” Lyra muttered, picking herself up off the ground. “What's the point of being lucid in a dream if you can't even fly?”
She sighed and kicked at the ground. Then she carefully ran her hoof against the carpet as her face scrunched up.
“Wait, am I really awake now?” Lyra wondered aloud. She sat upright and glanced at her surroundings. “Couch is here, no window, kitchen is there, fish tail is...”
Lyra wriggled the scaly lower half of her body.
“Fish tail is... existing. It's there. Huh,” Lyra said. She smacked her lips. “Gonna go out on a limb and say I'm still dreaming. Sweet.”
Lyra dragged herself over to the front door, feeling an odd tingling in the lower half of her body that she wasn't used to. She stared at the door intently.
“Okay. I'm going to open this door, and it is going to lead me to the ocean,” she said. She paused and repeated, “the ocean.”
The doorknob was enveloped in Lyra's field of magic and the door swung inwards. A tidal wave poured in, slamming Lyra into the kitchenette. In a split second, the entire apartment was filled to the brim with water.
“My brain hates me.” Lyra pouted. She shook off the dull pain in her back and started to wave her tail through the water, propelling herself forward. As she neared the doorway, she saw that the apartment complex had been replaced by a dense choral reef. The rainbow palate of colors assaulted her senses and would have caused her eyes to water, if she weren't already under water. “So cool!”
Lyra darted out into the ocean and swam among the other fish. They were all so small compared to her, and lacked visual detail. The smallest of the fish almost appeared to be red polka dots bobbing along in the water.
“Must be hard for my bully of a brain to imagine all of these details at once,” Lyra said, bubbles burbling from out of her muzzle as she spoke. “Wonder if I can get one of my friends here, though.”
Lyra closed her eyes and swam in circles. She opened her eyes periodically, but everything remained the same. Lyra did this several times, but nothing happened. She began to growl under her breath.
“C'mon, I was able to make all this water, so I must be able to—”
Behind Lyra, the sand started to audibly shudder as a monumental figure began to rise up from underneath. The first things that appeared were a pair of angular ears, tall and gray. They were followed by a swirling mass of black hair that waved in the underwater current. Then came the eyes, which were enormous, pink, and angry.
“You've got to be kidding me...” Lyra said. The humongous, familiar pony head was soon followed by a pink bowtie and eight slimy tentacles. Lyra groaned. “My imagination wants me dead, and it loves puns.”
The Octaviapus roared and lashed out with one of its many arms. Lyra felt the slimy suction cups latch onto her and then she was being dragged towards the aquatic nightmare's gaping maw.
Lyra screamed into her pillow and pounded the couch with all four of her hooves.
“Why can't I get this right?” She asked her apartment. The walls were painted bright yellow, and the ground was now a hardwood floor. Bizarre tribal music was playing at an uncomfortable volume and ghostly chirping came from an empty birdcage next to the door. “This would make the best anti-drug PSA ever, if I were actually on anything.”
Lyra set her hooves on the floor, causing a cartoonish 'squeak' with each hoof-step. She grimaced, but made her way to the door without tearing her ears off.
“Okay, I'm going to open this door, and there's not going to be anything weird out here. Just a normal apartment complex, no water, and no cemetery.” Lyra gulped. She placed a hoof on the door, and it shattered.
The entire apartment fell apart like glass, and Lyra found herself in a courtyard. She was surrounded on all side by a two-pony high, rusted red fence. The ground was a psychedelic upchuck of colors, and Lyra's hooves felt slimy just from standing on it. In contrast, the sky was a single shade of green bean green.
But most startling was what was directly in front of her. There was a tree, but instead of leaves, its branches were covered in eyeballs. And underneath the tree stood a yellow, bipedal, hairless monkey head with zany googly eyes and pink, muscular pipe liners for arms and legs. It stared at her. Just stared, and nothing else.
Then, it slowly began to turn around to show her its backside. And on its back was just the same exact face. Staring at her.
“Okay, that's it!” Lyra shouted, closing her eyes. “I want off Mrs. Sandmare's wild ride!”
There was a sound like thunder, and suddenly, black clouds filled a portion of the green sky. From out of the clouds descended a midnight blue alicorn mare, her star speckled mane trailing after her like fog on a cold winter's day.
The alicorn alighted in front of Lyra, not quite setting hoof on the ground. She gently smiled at Lyra, who blinked three times.
“Are you... Mrs. Sandmare?” Lyra eventually asked.
The alicorn opened her mouth, and then didn't say anything. She looked at Lyra and furrowed her brow. “No, I... cannot say I recall ever having been referred to as such.”
“Oh,” Lyra said.
“I'm... my name is Luna. Princess Luna?” Luna said. “You know this, correct?”
“Right, right.” Lyra paused and curtsied. “Your majesty.”
“Oh, thank the stars. I know I had been gone from this world for quite some time, but... anyways,” Luna paused to catch her breath. “I heard you calling out across the dreamscape. Is something the matter?”
“Yes. I'm dreaming,” Lyra said.
Luna laughed. “That is the opposite of a problem!”
“Oh, I'm not so sure about that,” Lyra said, pointing at the hairless ape creature. Luna looked at the dream figment and grimaced.
“Ueugh.” Luna shook her head. “That beast is most certainly unpleasant. But this is a dream. In a dream, anything can be changed to suit your mood.”
Luna's horn lit up, and the monster was encased in a wave of blue magic. When it subsided, the monkey thing was gone, and in its place was an altogether different creature. A shelled creature that was quite the snappy dresser.
“Huzzah! It is now a turtle with a hat!” Luna's eyes twinkled like stars and her smile beamed as bright as the moon. “Are you not entertained?”
“No, not really.” Lyra shrugged and smiled. “Sorry.”
“Really? That one used to go over so well one thousand years ago. It seems comedy has changed greatly in the past millennium,” Luna frowned deeply. “My apologies. Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“Well, I'd like to wake up,” Lyra said.
“Really? I can do that for you, but would you not rather take advantage of this opportunity?” Luna asked. “It is very rare that I get the chance to 'hang out' with a fellow lucid dreamer.”
“I'm sorry, but I've had enough for one day. I need to wake up now,” Lyra explained. "I have, like, 'things' I need to do."
“But you can do anything you want here!” Luna said.
“Sorry.” Lyra shook her head.
“Look, I am flying upside down!” Luna orientation suddenly flipped, and she hovered in place.
“No you're not.” Lyra said. Luna's eyes went wide just before she fell back to the ground with a 'thump'.
“That was not fair,” Luna pouted. “You know, most ponies show a fair measure of respect for their princesses.”
“And I'm pretty sure there are laws or something that prevent the government from mind probing its citizens,” Lyra shot back.
Luna narrowed her eyes. “You win this round, Ms. Heartstrings.”
“Sorry,” Lyra yawned. Her eyelids started to droop, and she found herself fighting to stay awake. “I'm just... tired. We'll hang out some other time, okay?”
Lyra lay on the couch, ears pricked up, awaiting Luna's answer. When no reply came, Lyra sat up.
“Is this real life?” Lyra slurred, taking inventory of her surrounding. No window, no birdcage, and certainly no fish tail. Everything seemed to be in order. “Oh, thank Celestia! Err, thank Luna, I guess.”
Lyra looked at the clock and gasped.
“Shoot, I almost missed band practice!” She jumped off the couch and ran over to her backpack, throwing it over her shoulders and onto her back. Then she trotted over to the door and tentatively placed a hoof on the door. It didn't shatter.
“I'm making a vow, right here, right now, to never be lazy again!” Lyra said, puffing out her chest. “Or, at least to stop talking to myself! Whichever one is easier!”
With that, Lyra pushed open the door, and met the day head on.
The End
Author's Note
Thank you for reading Lyra's Silly Dream! I'd written the first two pages for a 30 Minute Pony Fiction challenge, but it wasn't long enough to upload here. But I'd been wanting to write something about dreams again for a while now, because it is an area of great interest for me. I figured, why not just continue where I left off?
Also, in case I actually succeeded in making this fact obscure enough, this story is actually part of my Subordinate Six canon. You can read the first two stories in this series on my FiMFiction page, and it'll explain why Lyra, Bon Bon, Trixie, Bubbles, Vinyl, and Octavia all know each other and live in Las Pegasus. It's actually a funny story! But of course I would say that, since I'm the author.
