Welcome to Ponyville

by Follow Focus

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Dark, Comedy
Length: 17822

A small isolated community filled with darkness and secrecy. Welcome to Ponyville.

A small isolated community filled with darkness and secrecy. Welcome to Ponyville.

Based on the Podcast "Welcome to Night Vale".
Check them out Here

Famous Review Here :D

Now with editors: Vale Decem, Coda Crescendo

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-11 22:56:34 UTC

Community Outrage

Community Outrage

It clutches you tight as it whispers from the mountains. It only wants to say “I love you.” Welcome to Ponyville.

* * *

Good morning listeners. There have been several reports of strong wind sweeping through Ponyville, which has been causing our little town quite a bit of havoc. The streets have become littered with tree branches and newspapers, and several hundred homes have reported broken windows already. Ponies who were caught outside during the winds claimed that there was also a deep, pain-filled moan that traveled with the wind. They claim that the moan was powerful and heartbreaking, but it wasn’t something that could be heard with ears, it could only be felt with the soul. Many ponies said that the deep moan spoke to them, telling them that “the end was near” and that the town must be “cleansed with blood.” The wind was not available to comment on its strange and cryptic message, despite several requests for an interview.

The Town Council would like to make a reminder that today is the due date for this year’s community improvement ballots. Remember to write down what you believe to be the worst part of our community so that we can begin to correct it. The top three answers will be counted and then broadcasted later today. Last year’s vote helped the town council address the ever increasing problems of wage discrimination, zombie school teachers, and male pattern baldness. So what are you waiting for? Grab a ballot and a pen and go out there and make our community a better place! Every vote is important, as we must work together to make our Ponyville the best Ponyville it can be.

And now for a special report from town hall, it appears that yesterday’s Rally for Earth Pony Equality is still going on. The large mass of protesting earth ponies has continued its demonstration overnight and has been going on for a total of 22 hours! The movement’s leader, Applejack, told reporters that “This demonstration ain’t over until Granny Smith has finished her speech!” She declared that all participants are required to stay at the rally until all speakers have given their speeches. None of the demonstrators seem to mind, as many of them have been “deeply moved” by Granny Smith’s words. One Stallion said that he was brought to tears when the old corpse said “                                                           ”. It appears that Granny Smith has quickly become the heart and soul of the movement, inspiring all who listen to her wise words to fight on, to never rest until all of ponykind is free of oppression.

Now listeners, I don’t want to sound like a racist here, but this Earth Pony Equality Movement is quickly getting out of hoof. Now that the movement has been rallied under Granny Smith it may be impossible now to stop its newfound determination. Which means we may soon be forced to accept earth ponies as our equals. The shear vulgarity of the idea is enough to raise several important questions. Are earth ponies ready to join a community as complicated as ours? After all, it is common knowledge that earth ponies are very simple and primitive creatures. Their meager brains do not allow them to perform tasks that are more challenging than pulling carts or scrubbing tiles. I am not saying that earth ponies do not deserve to be loved and respected; I am only saying that an earth pony with responsibility is a danger to us all.

In other news, a new invention has come to Ponyville, and has taken the market by storm. It is called a Vacuum Cleaner, and has already become the highest grossing household product of all time. It is a machine that uses air suction to remove dirt and grime from carpets, and it is proving to be surprisingly efficient. So if you ask me I’d say go out and buy a vacuum cleaner! They are being sold at Smarty’s “Mops And Lampshades” store, right next to the dog park. Hurry before they’re gone!

Here’s a personal question for you listeners, are you getting enough calcium in your diets? No? Well you should fix that! Calcium is what keeps our bones nice and strong and helps improve our metabolism. It is also what keeps total strangers from violently grasping your shoulders and forcefully shaking you in public restaurants. So be sure to order a nice tall container of milk the next time government food trucks come to your neighborhood.

And now for today’s question to the public: Where do you think milk comes from? Be sure to submit your opinion to the Town Council’s drop box, where they will read you’re your responses and laugh.

Speaking of the Town Council, the mysterious figures that govern our town from the shadows have some good news; the fillies soccer team is keeping the Pineapple! That’s right listeners; the Town Council has discussed the incomprehensible appearance of the mysterious Pineapple and the strange hypnotic effects that it has on our children and have decided that it is perfectly harmless. The team’s coach has announced that the Pineapple will be welcomed on the team as a sort of mascot, saying “From the day it first appeared I could feel it bringing our team closer together, I can’t think of anypony who would be better for the job.” A few of the player’s mothers have begun sewing a new uniform for the Pineapple to welcome it onto the team, although they are having difficulty finding fabric durable enough to be worn over the Pineapple’s sharp, spiny skin without tearing. They understand that this project is a difficult one and they are welcoming help from anypony with sewing experience. They are meeting everyday at three P.M. at the Ponyville Athletics Center. Any assistance is greatly appreciated.

And now for a quick look at traffic. It appears that cars do not exist. This has been traffic.

The military police are looking for a stallion responsible for robbing a grocery store on the corner of East and West Street. Sweet Cakes, owner of the Fresh Foods Grocery said that the stallion approached the counter with a bag full of vitamins and threatened her with the power of knowledge. Military police responded to the 911 call two days later but the culprit had already left. Investigators suspect that the culprit is a local vigilante named Thunder Cookie who is responsible for vandalizing public bathrooms under the appellation “The Mathed Crusader”.

Cookie has been described by witnesses as “Very annoying” and having “horrible breath” and was last seen in the downtown area. It troubles me to see a once vigilante turn to thievery, I cannot imagine what evils he has planned for us. The military police are urging ponies to not approach him under any circumstances, as he is extremely annoying.

News from The Earth Pony Equality Movement as many of the protestors have begun to undergo a mysterious metamorphic transformation into strange, pulsating cocoons. This peculiar transformation has affected a third of the demonstrators already, and that number continues to grow. It is unknown what is responsible for these strange, earth pony mutations, but scientists are suggesting that it may be a part in some dark, earth pony ritual, or it may have something to do with the excessive amounts of radiation in the public drinking water. Either way, I would suggest that you stay clear of town hall, unless you want to run the risk of being sacrificed by an evil earth pony cult, to even eviler earth pony gods.

The majority of the Community Improvement ballots have been submitted and are being tallied as we speak, from the results so far it is clear that many ponies are concerned about the growing number of frogs that have been parading down Northcliff Road. Most ponies agree that the frogs were “cute at first” but that was only for when there were less than ten frogs, as opposed to several thousand. If you haven’t submitted your ballot yet, please do so as you only have a few hours left. Make your word heard so that we can begin to fix our problems together.

We have just received an urgent message from the military police. BEWARE! The vacuum cleaners from Smarty’s “Mops and Lampshades” store have gained sentience and have begun attacking ponies in their own homes. If you have purchased a vacuum cleaner from the “Mops and Lampshades” department store DO NOT RESIST! Do not fight back against the vacuum! Just run! Run for your pitiful and meaningless existence. Abandon your friends and loved ones, as they will only slow you down! Run! The military police are working to contain the situation and have already begun placing quarantines on homes that are known to be housing vacuums. If you live nearby one of these quarantine zones I urge you to evacuate immediately, as the vacuums are unlikely to show mercy to anypony they stumble upon. Smarty has said in an interview that he is not responsible for any damages caused by the vacuums and that there will be no refunds for vacuums already purchased.

Here’s something that should lighten the mood. The mothers who have been working on the mascot uniform for the Pineapple said that they had an unexpected visitor. They say that Rarity, that one homeless girl who lives under the bridge, stopped by and actually wanted to help with the design. Everypony there had a good laugh about it before chasing her off with a broom. I find it hilarious that Rarity of all ponies thought that she could “help” with something as intricate as designing a uniform, but I guess I can’t blame her for “dreaming big”.

But Rarity’s appearance at the Ponyville Athletics Center does bring up concerns that we all share about Ponyville’s rising homeless numbers, especially now with ponies being chased from their homes by vacuum cleaners. This sudden influx of displaced and destitute ponies in Ponyville will wreak havoc on our community as well as the housing market; after all, nothing damages a home’s value more than an infestation of homeless families huddling together for warmth. Listeners, you must take preventative measures to avoid becoming homeless yourselves, start by locking your doors and windows, keeping a loaded firearm with you at all times, and if you are bitten by a homeless pony then it’s already too late. If you have any questions or would like to voice any concerns simply lie down in a corner and cry, as your opinion doesn’t matter.

And now everypony, it is time for… The weather.

* * *

Exhaustion swept over Twilight, forcing her put down her quill, her eyelids begging her for a moment's rest. Her usually tidy desk was now consumed with notes and scrolls, and of course, the book. This book, whatever it was, was the most fascinating thing Twilight had ever seen. The book was more than a user manual for the Elements of Harmony, it was a window into the outside world, a window that held tales of untold heroes, of kingdoms far beyond the borders of Ponyville, and of battles fought between Angels and Demons. Twilight hadn’t slept since she found the book, how could she?

Twilight was in love, there was no doubt about it. A new book, she finally had a new book to read, and it had expanded her mind more than she could have possibly hoped. But despite the happiness that the book brought her, there was still a lingering question on the back of her mind. Why?

Why would anypony bring her this book? Did they want her to study these "Elements"? If so, she was at a loss, she didn't know what the Elements were, and for a book hundreds of pages long dedicated solely to the Elements of Harmony, it was surprisingly vague as to what those Elements were. It said that there were six Elements in total, Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty and Loyalty, the sixth was a complete mystery. Could that be any more ambiguous?

There were also many troubling details in the book, for instance, there was never any mention of an evil queen, perhaps the book had come from a time before the queen's evil rule, but the book presented evidence that made the matter even more unsettling... The Princess Sisters. They were a near perfect match for the description of the evil queen and her sister, except minus the evil part. In fact, the book went on to describe them as the most benevolent rulers the land had ever known.

This book went against everything that the town council had ever stood for; possessing this book was borderline heresy. The warning inside the cover was right; this book had to remain hidden. If Twilight was caught with such a book, she could be arrested, even killed. The military police, though they meant well, have never been known to be merciful.

Twilight yawned, she desperately needed sleep. Her entire body was protesting against her will to read on demanding the rest that it deserved, her drooping eyelids were making quite the enticing argument. Ok! She would just finish one more page and then she would put the book away in a safe place, and then she would finally give herself a moment to–

Three resounding knocks came from the door. Twilight froze. A visitor? She wasn't expecting company, she didn't even know anypony, and it was a rare occasion for someone to stop by the library to get a book.

The book!

The book that she had been given last night was in plain sight, sitting right on her desk. And somepony was at the door.

"Just a minute." Twilight called, anxiety spreading through her body and seeping through her skin. She quickly grabbed the book with her telekinesis and frantically searched for a safe place to hide it. "Oh no no no no no no no no!" Twilight said to herself as she began opening drawers and shifting furniture with her magic. She finally decided on hiding it in a flower pot of growing tulips. Her heart was racing as she physically tore the dirt and flowers out of the pot before placing the book inside and burying it. It wasn't the best place to hide the book; in fact it was probably the worst place considering that the book was most likely ruined from the dirt and soil that was bleeding into the pages. There wasn't time to worry about that now, she turned to the door and quickly rushed over to answer it.

Her heart skipped a beat as she opened the door and came face-to-face with two guards in obsidian black armor. The military police were here. Twilight could feel their menacing eyes piercing her body and gazing directly into her soul, they stood there, unwavering until finally one of them spoke.

"Miss Sparkle, The Military Governess has requested an audience with you immediately." The guard said in a deep, commanding voice. "I am honored to present to you the Governess herself."

The guards parted, revealing behind them a mare in a black suit. Her entire body was dressed in decorated formal attire, and an unnatural shadow was cast upon her face, obscuring any and all facial details that were lurking beneath it.

"Miss Sparkle." She said formally.

Twilight bowed her head, "Your majesty." Majesty? Was that the right word for the Governess? The Governess didn't seem to mind. "How can I help you?"

"I require the use of you library for an... event tomorrow afternoon. Your attendance of said event is also required."

Twilight puzzled, "What sort of event?"

"Miss Sparkle, it has now come to my attention that public opinions of your library, as well as their opinions of yourself, have been quite poor for some time." There was venom in the Governess' words, Twilight wasn't sure why. She could almost see the smile on her face as she relayed this information to her, almost; her face was still completely hidden. "I wish to correct this problem by hosting an event here in the library, where ponies can have the opportunity to meet you."

This wasn't what Twilight was expecting at all. "I, uh, yes. Thank you, um, Governess" Twilight fumbled for words. "What exactly did you have in mind?"

"Details of the event will be given to you tomorrow upon our arrival. Now please tidy up the Library if you will," The governess was now staring at the disorganized desk, completely buried under piles of notes and scrolls. Her attention turned back to Twilight, "And for the love of Celestia, please make yourself more presentable." She turned around, her chin raised high as she walked out the library, the guards slamming the door behind her.

Twilight turned to a mirror on the wall. Ew. Her mane was completely disheveled; there were also dark bags under her eyes. The long night without sleep had taken its toll on Twilight's body. She looked like a complete wreck. She looked back to the window where she could see the Governess and her entourage had gone, Twilight ran back to the flower pot. She unearthed the book and hugged it. She needed to find a safe place to keep this now, especially with this event going on tomorrow. Perhaps there was a chest in her room upstairs where she could...

Wait. Did the Military Governess say Celestia?

* * *

Welcome back listeners, the Community Improvement ballots have all been submitted and tallied and now the results for the top three problems are in. Number 3 on the list is the color of daffodils, which have always been an eyesore in our community. Number 2 is wheels, which are not to be trusted. And number 1, drumroll please… is Twilight Sparkle, now this comes as no surprise to anyone as Twilight Sparkle is simply the worst.

Let me just say that I am proud of all of you for turning in your ballots on time; it just goes to show how reliable this community is as a whole. Another day has passed and we have already grown stronger and closer together, and I know in my heart that there is no greater home, no greater family than here, with you Ponyville. And with that I bid you adieu.

Good night Ponyville.

Good night.

The Librarian

The Librarian

An act of vengeance is a gift, take it and spread it around. Welcome to Ponyville.

* * *

I would like to start today off with a warning. Beware of stop signs. As we all know fourteen ponies die each year due to stop sign attacks, and that ponies are a stop sign's main food source. Experts advise that the next time you see a stop sign, stop and stand still for 30 seconds and then pray that the stop sign moves on. If the stop sign is still there after the 30 seconds of motionless standing, then it is time for you to run screaming for you life as the stop sign has chosen you to be its next victim. The town council advises all citizens to carry a firearm at all times in the event of a stop sign encounter or if you are greeted by a very annoying relative.

Now before we get to the news I have been asked by the town council to make a friendly reminder to stay clear of town hall today as there are still earth ponies rallying there for equal treatment. About half of the crowd has transformed into strange pulsating cocoons, and they don't seem to be stopping anytime soon. Granny Smith still has yet to finish her speech, and until she does the earth ponies will continue their protest. This is now officially the record for longest speech given at town hall, taking the title from Pony Joe who spoke for 27 hours about nothing worth remembering.

And now for our main story, the military governess is inviting everypony to stop on by the library for a special event known as the "Taze a Librarian" fundraiser special. Adult tickets are seven bits and kids twelve and under get in for free. All profits will be going towards the Ponyville's Construction Organization to help replace the lost souls initially confused with bricks with real bricks. Bring your kids to the library to what is sure to be a family bonding experience. Now we all know that there is only one librarian in Ponyville, that being the detestable Twilight Sparkle, so you are more than likely going to have to wait in line, so be sure to bring something to help pass the time as you wait for your turn.

Shocking news from the Ponyville bowling alley as it appears that somepony has stolen all of the pins from the lanes late last night, while leaving a mysterious message on the wall saying "A Dozen Pins From a Dozen Lanes, How Many Am I?" This is undoubtably the work of the former vigilante, The Mathed Crusader, who had previously robbed a grocery store of a bag of vitamins on sunday last week. Police investigators spent this morning looking for hoofprints at the bowling alley to no avail as the Mathed Crusader appears to have left not one bit of evidence at the scene of the crime. If you have any information regarding the crime or the Mathed Crusader himself please contact the military police by leaving a flowery scented letter on your doormat, a special agent will be there to collect the letter the moment you blink or look away. If you see the Mathed Crusader I cannot advise you to approach him as he is more irritating then you could possibly imagine.

And now for a word from our sponsor. Have you ever wanted to be something else other than a pony? Does being an equine no longer interest you? Do you feel like a bee trapped in a pony body? Do you feel like you cannot find peace in a world that is dominated by deadlines and bills? Did you brush your teeth today? Why do leaves have such a short lifespan? Are you alone? Are you sure? Is that ghostly filly in the nightgown still watching you at night? Do you still hear the screams of loved ones long dead in your dreams? Do you see their blood oozing from the walls whenever you walk into a room? Do spirits take the place of your reflection in the mirror? McDonalds. I'm lovin' it.

And now for an update of the Vacuum Crisis in Ponyville. It is estimated that thirty ponies have died already in vacuum related attacks. The military police have begun establishing road blocks on Cherry Drive, Sunday Road, and Huckleberry Lane in order to slow down the vacuum's bloody push for territorial expansion. All citizens are advised to avoid these streets as the military police have been given a kill on sight order for all sentient creatures in the area. All areas surrounding these road blocks are to be evacuated within the hour. The town council  has asked for all ponies to be on the lookout for the following: Park slides, Sofa cushions, raw meat, chocolate bunnies, chocolate pandas, fascism, and propane byproducts. If you see one of these things, contact the town council immediately as its most likely a vacuum in disguise.

The newest mascot for the fillies soccer team was accidentally hit with a soccer ball during practice today, and apparently doubled in size as a result. The Pineapple's spiky skin has now grown into massive, jagged thorns big enough to impale a fully grown pony. This was confirmed by our intern, Noteworthy, who was dropped onto the pineapple in a freak trampoline accident. Some parents are becoming concerned that perhaps the pineapple is too dangerous to keep around the soccer field. A petition has been going around to remove the pineapple, but it has encountered stiff resistance from the team's coach, who in an interview said "I am not about to kick off an important member of the team just because of one accidental murder. I believe it would be far worse for our fillies to lose such a valuable friend and mascot because of these ridiculously strict safety regulations." He also mention that they probably wouldn't be able to move the darn thing, as it now weighs close to four tons, even if they tried. Some parents say that they will continue to work on the new uniform for the Pineapple, despite the controversy over it, and the fact that the uniform will have to be remodeled to fit a Pineapple twice the size as before. They are still welcoming help from anypony who is not Rarity.

On a related subject, to the friends and family of intern Noteworthy. I am truly, truly sorry for your loss, and all of us from the radio station will be joining you in mourning his passing. Noteworthy was a great intern, and a greater friend. He will be missed.

Everything is going well at the "Taze a Librarian" fundraiser special as a line of ponies has formed outside the library door and has begun to stretch around the block. Maybe it's the festive decorations or the live musical performance by DJ Pon3, but everypony there seems to be in very high spirits. Other performers like Juggling Jonny and Fiddlesticks were there to entertain all the parents and kids as they wait for their turn in line. We managed to get an interview from one mare as her son was taking his turn with the taser gun, she said "It's been such a fun time for all of us, in fact, we had such a great time that we got back in line and did it again." And listeners, I was just as surprised as anypony to see that the military governess herself was in attendance. We asked her to comment on the success of the event, to which she replied "Begone with you peasant!" The military police, who were ominously lurking in the shadows, gazing into our very souls with their unrelenting eyes, informed us that the military governess would not be taking any questions. We did manage to grab one last interview before we were chased out, from Twilight Sparkle herself, who simply stated "Please! Stop! Why are you doing this to me? Please stop, please!"

Listeners, the sun has turned red. It looms over our little town like an angry giant, black clouds orbit around the blood red sphere like the tendrils of a great vortex. As the sky is darkened by a nightmare unimaginable, so too are our bodies, minds and souls succumbing to the terrible wrath of the unrelenting sun. Our spirits are corrupted by the weight of our sins, and our thoughts are lost into a black and empty void. Forgive us, O' mighty and terrible sun, have mercy upon us poor, and simple creatures. We cower before you, unworthy of your presence. All Hail The Mighty Blood Sun. All Hail.

I'm being told that the horror is over, the crimson glow of the sun has ceased, and the black clouds have faded. The pain of its presence is beginning to wane, leaving only the mystery of its sudden appearance. I do not know what the blood sun wants or if we shall ever see it again, all I know is that, for the moment, we have nothing more to fear. Let us all come together, as a community, and as a family, and remember that another problem has come and passed, and we are all still alive. Take a moment to hold your loved ones in your thoughts, and be grateful that our lives, and our families will go on.

And now for community health tips. Are you aware of what you children are eating? Are they eating enough healthy foods and not too many sweets? Parents, I know that having a child means that there is a lot on your plate already, but lets try to make sure that we have the right things on that plate to begin with. It's is important to balance each and every meal in accordance to the food pyramid. Remember that kids need to eat plenty of carbohydrates, so be sure that they are served 6-10 servings a day of either bread or pasta, along with some cheese and vegetables for a balanced diet. They should only eat about 2-3 servings of meat so a cannibalized loved one should not be a full meal. Lastly, sweets are ok on occasion, but too much can be very unhealthy, so take a moment ask yourself, is your foal eating healthy? If you have any questions regarding food groups and their serving size be sure to visit the Almighty Food Pyramid, which is the fifty foot tall, golden pyramid located just outside the food market. Be sure to offer small bird as a ritual sacrifice. This message is brought to you by the Ponyville Healthy Living Foundation.

The "Taze a Librarian" fundraiser special has been canceled abruptly following the strange transformation of the sun. The military governess allowed for the children to quickly finish their turns before ushering them and their parents out the door. Despite the fact that it ended early it still managed to be quite successful, raising nearly 300 bits for the Ponyville Construction Organization. The military police officially ended the event by ransacking the library in a unwarranted search, as is tradition. The military governess departed from the library shortly afterwards and was overheard saying something about, a zebra.

And now, my little ponies, in celebration of another day gone by, I give to you... The weather.

* * *

Ponyville was consumed in unrelenting darkness, the lights in the homes had been extinguished, and the streets were flooded by a thick, black mist. The town was barren and empty of all life, not a single pony to be seen. Except for Twilight. Alone she aimlessly wandered the empty streets, the mist welcomed her, and embraced her as she passed.

"Hello?" Twilight called, her words echoing back to her.

Twilight traveled down the endless road, the mist pulling at her legs, guiding her to a destination unknown. It warped around her body like a snake tempting its victim, luring her in to what felt like certain death, and Twilight followed willingly. She could see eyes watching her from the fog, watching her pass before chasing after her. Another pair of eyes appeared, watching her as the mist pulled her away, then joining the other pair of eyes trailing ever-so-slowly behind her. More eyes appeared, and then even more still, they followed her as well. She counted four pairs in total.

The mist was beginning to clear before her eyes, revealing a large tree in the center of town, it was her library. She was almost home. The door opened for her, inviting her in. The darkness inside was indescribable, it was a pure black, an eternal black. Anything that entered the blackness could never return, Twilight could feel this in her heart. The eyes were watching, beckoning her to enter the library. Twilight obeyed, walking forward.

NO

Twilight froze. The voice was echoing across the void.

THIS WAY

Twilight turned around, the sound was behind her, as were the eyes, watching menacingly. The eyes glared at her, commanding her to turn around, to enter the library. Twilight didn't move. The mist began tugging at her legs again, growing stronger with every pull. Twilight fought them, she didn't want to enter the library, not anymore. The mist coiled around her body and forced her to the ground, she clawed at the dirt as the mist dragged her closer to the empty black.

"NO!" Twilight cried. She grabbed desperately at the ground.

A radiant light shined before her, chasing away the eyes and burning away the mist.

WE'RE OVER HERE

Twilight stood, and began chasing the light, it led her away from the library to the center of town. Town Square was before her, clear of all mist and shadows, the source of the light was there, its was blinding. The light began to fade. There were ponies there, five of them. Five mares wearing strange, golden necklaces.

They were smiling, a warmth emanating from them. Twilight felt... Happy. Incredibly happy. She didn't know these ponies but she felt like she did, Twilight rushed to them, a surge of happiness carrying her hooves forward. The necklaces began to glow, emanating a pure, rainbow light. She was almost there, so close to them.

A wave of darkness raced ahead of her, hiding the mares behind a thick wall of shadows. Twilight came skidding to a stop, utter despair flooding her heart. Four pairs of eyes emerged from the shadow wall, beaming gleefully, they were feeding off of her pain, growing stronger as she grew weaker.

Lightning cracked across the sky, and they were gone. The shadows dispersed, and Twilight was once again alone in the town.

"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"

Twilight looked up to see an alicorn, floating above her silhouetted by the moon. Her coat was dark as the night sky, her mane and tail were glittered with stars and cosmos. She spoke again.

"YOU MUST SEEK OUT THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY! TIME IS SHORT, AND YOU MUST FIND THEM BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE!"

Twilight recoiled from her deafening voice, her ears began to throb, the words echoed endlessly inside her skull.

"But what are the Elements of Harmony?" Twilight asked, her voice seeming meek by comparison. "How can I find them?"

"ONLY BY SEEKING THE MAGIC OF FRIENDSHIP WILL THE ELEMENTS BE REVEALED! ONLY THEN SHALL THIS NIGHTMARE END!" The alicorn's eyes began to glow pure white. "GO NOW!"

Twilight woke up on the library floor, gasping for breath and drenched in sweat. Her head was throbbing. Actually her whole body was throbbing. Pain washed over her like a wave, drenching all of her muscles in a sudden, throbbing ache.

"What happened?" she asked, holding back tears.

Something tugged against her neck, it was a collar. She could see that she had been chained to the wall like a dog on a leash. Memories began to return to her. It was the "Fundraiser Special". She couldn't remember when it had ended, she must have passed out. The library was vacant, furniture was broken and scattered around. Piles of books had been torn from the shelves and thrown carelessly on the ground. There was a key laying on the ground right in front of her, the key unlocked the collar around her neck.

Twilight struggled to get up, her tortured body screamed in pain with every small move she made. But she had to get up, she had to get to the book. From the look of her library they had been searching for it, but Twilight doubted they had been looking in the right place. She painfully carried herself up the stairs and made her way to the balcony, from there she looked up to the top of the tree, and sure enough, neatly tucked away within the branches, was the book. She grabbed it with her magic and brought it to her. She opened it up to a familiar page.

There are six Elements in total, Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty and Loyalty, the sixth is a complete mystery.

Twilight remembered the alicorn's words. "Only by seeking the Magic of Friendship will the Elements be revealed."

Twilight wanted to kick something.

"Why does everything have to be so cryptic?"

* * *

Welcome back listeners.

It's almost time for us to say goodbye, but before we do I would just like to say one thing. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate each and every one of you in Ponyville, after all, what would I be without you? I would be a lost soul, living day by day in this cold and unforgiving world without purpose or meaning. But it is you, dear listener, who gives my life purpose, and it is because of you, I can get out of bed each morning and welcome the promise of a new day. So thank you, listeners, thank you for everything that you give to me. You have made me the happiest buck in the world.

Oh and before I forget, there is a 300 bit reward for the fugitive Rainbow Dash, who escaped from prison this morning. Be sure to pass on any information about her whereabouts to the town council.

And as always...

Good night, Ponyville

Good night.

Field Trip

Field Trip

It knows when you are sleeping, it knows when you're awake, it's watching you right now. Welcome to Ponyville.

* * *

Good morning listeners, I hope that everypony is having a wonderful day today. The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the lilies have started to grow in the fields. Today is also a very special occasion, so everypony is required to enjoy themselves today; it is a misdemeanor not to. Today is the day that we celebrate the accomplishments of our children in arms as it is graduation day for the senior class of the military academy. The town council has promised that they will surprise the graduates with a special celebration, to be announced later today, they also promise that it will not end in disaster like the last graduation celebration. On a related note, I would like to take a moment of silence for the twenty-three colts and fillies that lost their lives during the last graduation celebration. May they always be in our thoughts and in our prayers.

We have a brief public service announcement from the Ponyville Healthy Living Foundation. Parents, we all know that it is important for children to get plenty of exercise, but did you know that inactivity could be rapidly shortening your child's life? New research has shown that simply sitting for three hours a day can reduce a pony's lifespan by up to two years! The Healthy Living Foundation is encouraging that everypony talk to their children and tell them about the importance of playing outside, and to try to inspire their kids to get up and get active. I recommend that you schedule in a few hours of outdoor playtime everyday to ensure that your child is receiving a healthy amount of exercise. Also, if you see your child sleeping, wake them up! Sleep is the number one killer of children in Ponyville; followed closely by radiation, snake bites, government abduction, lyme disease, rug burn, electric fences, child labor, sweaters, cooties, small pebbles, and obsessive parenting. Your child's health is not a joke.

Also the Ponyville Healthy Living Foundation would like to announce that they will be offering relationship counseling, to all the mares and stallions out there who think their love life could use a helping hoof. Just stop on by the office and ask for Christina, she promises that she will try not to laugh at your pathetic excuse for existence.

Here is an embarrassing story from the fillies soccer league. The uniform for our favorite mind-manipulating Pineapple mascot was presented today, but was turned down by the coach as it did not match the team's colors. Instead of using the Ponyville's yellow and purple colors, the uniform that the parents had made was dark black with blood red accents. The parents claimed that the colors would represent the team's friendly spirit, and that it's not their fault that most of them are colorblind. The coach said that the Pineapple was so upset that it ate one of the fillies once it saw the uniform. Don't worry, the Pineapple did let the filly go after being asked politely to "spit her out." We asked the filly in an interview what it was like to be swallowed by a 24 foot tall Pineapple, to which she replied "The darkness! It's coming for us!" She was last seen drowning a squirrel in the Ponyville river.

Has anypony noticed anything strange about the worn-down windmill near the Everfree Forest? For instance, have you ever walked past the windmill and suddenly felt a hoof on your back, but turned around to find that no one is there? Or have you ever gazed at the windmill from afar and felt the windmill also gazing into you? Most ponies claim that they feel that their minds are moving towards the windmill, even though their bodies aren't moving at all. It is also a bit strange that no one remembers there ever being a windmill near the Everfree Forest. It looks like it has been there for ages, but up until today there was no evidence of a windmill ever existing in that area. I say that it is quite the strange sight to see, from a safe distance of course. There is no telling what could happen should anypony get too close.

And now for some news from the front lines of the Vacuum war. The military police has announced that they have halted the vacuum incursion on Enmity Lane, on the Eastern side of town. They say that the vacuums have halted their relentless assault on Ponyville, and have pulled back away from the front lines. Scouts have reported that there is evidence that the vacuums have begun breeding, that's right, breeding, and their numbers are growing rapidly. The military police say that they have attempted negotiations with the vacuums, offering cotton balls and ice cream bars in exchange for a peace treaty, but their requests have fallen on deaf, mechanical vacuum ears. The Chief of Police and part-time General of the Ponyville army has ordered that the front lines be reinforced by cadets from the military academies, to help contain the vacuum threat on the east end of town. The military academies report that they have plenty of cadets to spare, ever since the recruitment age was lowered from fifteen years old to twelve years old. They are also happy to report that there should be no need to pull the newly graduated students into the conflict, so they can have their celebration as scheduled.

Speaking of the academy graduates, the town council has announced that they will be celebrating their graduation with a very special field trip. Just like the last group of graduates, this group will have the opportunity to go beyond the barrier walls of Ponyville! You know? The ten foot tall obsidian walls that surround the entirety of the town? The ones that mark the point of no return for anypony who passes them? Sounds like a very special treat!

The town council is taking extra precautions to ensure that this group doesn't mysteriously disappear like so many before them, or sustain heavy casualties like the previous graduating class. They have already assured us that there is no need to worry and that they will not be needing any chaperones on this trip. They "Totally got this one." The town council has not announced exactly what the graduation group will be doing outside the wall, or what they will be seeing. When asked about it the council simply replied, "That is classified information." Then they disappeared in a cloud of smoke and mosquitos, which then proceeded to swarm reporters until they ran away screaming, "We are not worthy! We are not worthy!"

The Ponyville Balneology Research Department has made a miraculous discovery! They tell us that after eighteen months of research, as well as $10,000 bits of taxpayer's money, they have discovered that Balneology is the most pointless scientific field that could possibly be researched. Their data suggests that they have accomplished nothing of significance over the past year and a half, and Ponyville is no better off than it was before beginning research. The military governess has reviewed the information that the department has presented and she says that she is "Thoroughly pleased!" She says that the Balneology Research Department shall have their funding doubled for the remainder of the year, and that she expects "great things" to come from this.

The department's research has been made public and the data can be found on the web. That being the giant spider web right next to the bowling alley that everyone places random tidbits of information on for all to see. I had the chance to skim over some of the data earlier this morning and I have to say I found one piece of information to be quite disturbing. According to the department, less than 30% of ponies bathe on a regular basis. Now that is just disgusting! I know that we can all be very busy sometimes, and that most of our water is far too irradiated to be used for anything, but come on! It isn't healthy for ponies to go on for long periods of time without bathing, and it doesn't smell very good either! Listeners, I want each and every one of you who did not take a shower today to go home and do so! It's about time that we learn to keep ourselves clean like normal human beings!

And now for an update on traffic. There has been an accident on Cavalry Road involving a run-away cart and a giant spider that was crossing the road. Eye witnesses report that the cart was being pulled up the hill when it broke free from the stallion pulling it. It traveled down hill at speeds of approximately 30 miles per hour before crashing into the six foot tall garden spider, which was on its way to see a movie at the Procrastinator movie theater. Paramedics have arrived on site to tend to the wounded spider, they hope to save "one or two of its legs." Police have been stationed to help redirect traffic around the crash, but they still say that you should expect some delays. The accident did take its toll on the road itself, and the road will have to be repaired once the accident has been cleared. This is the second time that a spider related accident has been responsible for road repairs, the last incident being on Main Street, when a government truck carrying large barrels of Applejack Daniels crashed into a giant crab spider. The spider is still recovering from a broken exoskeleton as well as severe alcohol poisoning.

It appears that I may have made a mistake with my previous statement, and I would like everypony that was listening to forget that you ever heard the words "Human Beings". It was a minor slip of the tongue and I assure you that the word "human" is made up, and doesn't mean anything. I was contacted by the military governess a few moments ago and she tells me that it is now a requirement that everyone forgets the words "Human Beings", and that failure to do so is punishable by life imprisonment. She also says that I am to report to the military police for immediate execution. And so as one last gift to you before I die, I give to you...

The weather.

* * *

Night was settling over the quiet Ponyville, or at least, relatively quiet Ponyville. There was loud music coming from a celebration going on somewhere on Cowtail Lane; something about a graduation. But that wasn't important to Twilight, who was cantering deeper into the city towards the mysterious town hall. Despite the complete ambiguity of the dream, Twilight knew that there were certain things that she could take away from it. She had them on a list.

There were four pairs of eyes that followed her around in the dream world, which possibly meant that there are at least four ponies who were behind this, and could be watching her at any given moment.

There are five mares with necklaces that may or may not have been Twilight's friends at some point in time.

Winged Unicorns exist and have trouble speaking at a non-deafening volume.

The sudden light that had called to her had lured her to town hall.

So that's where she was heading. She wasn't sure what she would find there, if anything, but she had to start her search somewhere. She picked up her pace a little bit, she could already see the top of town hall building looming in the distance, she was almost there. Twilight was beginning to feel excited, and the looming threat of being spotted by a guard or a government agent only added to the thrill. She was sure that she wasn't breaking any laws by wandering around town at this late hour, but after the strange dream she had last night, and after reading the contents of the Element book she had become certain that there were few ponies she could trust.

To her luck, Twilight had not encountered a single guard since she left the library, which was odd because usually the town is flowing with them. She wondered if there was a reason for the guards to be away from their usual posts; she had never been one to keep up on current events. But their ominous absence was slowly eating away at Twilight's nerves, it was bad enough trying to stay out of sight of guards at their stations, but it was even worse trying to avoid an enemy she couldn't see. She had even jumped off the road a few times too, hiding behind street lamps and alleyways when she saw something move out of the corner of her eye, most times it had been a stray cat or a small bird. Each time Twilight would wait a minute or so to ensure that there was no other danger in the area before pressing onward.

Town hall was just around the next corner, she could just peak around the corner at any moment and see just what was there; but her body refused to move. Whatever was around that corner most likely held the key to these mysterious Elements, and she was almost there, all she had to do was turn the corner, but that was easier said than done. If she turned the corner and found the Elements of Harmony it would be the start of something monumentally huge. The entire foundation of pony civilization could change as a result of her actions, she wasn't even certain what her actions were, or what these Elements would do. But it was a feeling deep in her heart that she could not shake free of; if she did this, nothing would ever be the same.

But that was the whole point, wasn't it? This mission of hers was to find the Elements and put a stop to the ponies who lie, and bring an end to this "nightmare". Never before had she thought of the world as a nightmare, but after having the dream and reading about the elements, as well as being tasered over forty times at a public event, she was starting to see Ponyville in a whole new light. There was something wrong going on in this town and whatever was around that corner could potentially bring an end to it. Twilight took a deep breath and turned the corner.

What she found was enough nightmare fuel to keep her from sleeping for the rest of her life. The town square had been covered in a swirling mass of fog; the sky above her had darken, as if the moon itself was hiding from this dreadful sight; and the ground had been littered with an innumerable mass of pulsating, pony shaped cocoons. Now this was a nightmare.

Moments later Twilight spotted something else, something creeping about the bodies, silhouetted by the fog. It looked like a pony, but it was far too tall and far too slender. It moved about the cocoons like a ghost in a graveyard, occasionally finding a cocoon of particular interest and nuzzling it gently with its muzzle. Twilight was frozen stiff; she couldn't move, she couldn't think. All she could do was watch as the monster ambled through the fog, inspecting each specimen with care.

What was that... that Thing? Its very existence irked her stomach, and made the rest of her feel vile. Whatever it was it was definitely not the Elements of Harmony.

Twilight took a step back

SNAP!

Twilight's head jerked back violently and immediately located the source of the noise. She had stepped on a twig. Why the hoof was there a twig there?! The noise seemed to echo across the entire town, reverberating into infinity. The creature in the fog heard it too, it paused mid-step over a cocoon, and turned its head to face Twilight. She could feel its gaze casting upon her body, a sudden darkness flowed into her heart.

Twilight ran.

She skidded quickly around the corner and plowed directly in to a public trash can, it tipped over and garbage littered the streets. Twilight didn't let it slow her down. Her mind was reeling from shock and terror, her body carried her away on instinct. A chill rolled up Twilight's spine. The darkness was spreading across her heart, and she could physically feel the creature drawing nearer. The street lights around her began to die, one by one, slowly plunging the streets into total darkness. Twilight ran faster, her muscles becoming overcharged by a combination of adrenaline and sheer terror.

The fog was gaining speed as well. Twilight winced as she felt its icy touch nipping at her tail, it clawed its way across the ground and threatened to devour her completely. A magical surge flowed through Twilight's body, and released itself in one big magical flash, Twilight felt herself thrown forward across the vacuum of space as her wild teleportation spell carried her away from the fog.

Twilight reemerged a few blocks ahead, her momentum throwing her violently to the street. Her hooves clattered clumsily into the ground, and Twilight could feel her front leg twist painfully against hardened pavement. Twilight tried to recollect herself and continue, but her hoof gave way to even the slightest bit of pressure. There was no way that she could run on this hoof. She watched in terror as the fog rounded the corner and flooded into the streets like a torrent of water. In desperation Twilight hobbled over to the nearest alleyway, which seemed like nothing more than a dark and shadowy void in between the buildings. She entered into the shadows and embraced the cold ground beneath her. She then held her breath and made herself as small as physically possible, and laid motionless in the alley as the fog came washing past.

Twilight felt her heart stop as the spindly creature stepped into view, cloaked in a shawl of freely flowing mist. It came to a halt directly in front of her, and turned its head to peer into the shadows which sheltered her. For a moment time itself held its breath, hours, days, eons passed before Twilight as the creature held its gaze. Twilight felt her magic beginning to boil inside of her as she mentally readied a spell should the thing decide to attack her, the power started to enter into her horn, in moments it would light up and reveal Twilight trapped in a corner, ready to fight off her attacker. The creature waited just a moment longer before it turned away and slowly sauntered past the alleyway, the fog receding behind it.

Twilight gasped for breath once it was gone, her magic simmered back into her body. Twilight attempted to stand up, her hooves trembling beneath her body. She leaned against the wall, pressing her sweating face against the cold bricks, she let her breathing and her heart rate return to a steady level. She was alive. She was safe. Twilight pressed the rest of her coat against the wall, greedily steeling all of the coolness from the bricks as she continued to mentally reassure herself. She was at long last, alone.

"Good news listeners, I get to live!"

Twilight jumped as a dark, yet handsome voice came from directly behind her, a noticeable amount of static in his voice. Twilight almost shrieked with surprise, but before she was able to she was pulled back by somepony behind her, a hoof firmly wrapped around her face and covered her mouth.

"Don't make a sound!" the unseen mare said. Twilight nodded vigorously in surrender, she felt the hoof cautiously leave her mouth.

"Please don't hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt me." Twilight pleaded, her voice never exceeding that of a whisper.

"Shhhh!" the mare said anxiously, clutching Twilight a little tighter, "I won't hurt you, ok? But we have to be quiet!"

"Ok." Twilight answered immediately. Her heart was pounding in her chest like it had a drum solo, her breathing was near hyperventilation. A moment went by before another voice spoke up.

"Rainbow Dash? Are we ok?" This voice was much younger, no older than a filly. Twilight could see the other pony out of the corner of her eye, she was an orange pegasus with a purple mane. Behind her stood two other fillies, one was a white unicorn with a curly pink and purple mane, the other was a yellow earth pony, with a little pink bow in her red mane.

Twilight's attacker, Rainbow Dash, inspected her closely, looking for any sign of hostility, Twilight made sure not to show any. After a moment Rainbow Dash's grip on Twilight loosened.

"Yeah, I think we're ok."

* * *

...You heard me right listeners. The military governess has mercifully decided to spare my life, based on the fact that this is a special day, and that everypony should be happy on this day. It is the law.

The academy graduates have finally departed for their field trip and will be expected to return in the next three days. Family and friends gathered around the iron gates of Ponyville to give what could be their final goodbyes. And as our children move on in their lives, so too must we move on with our daily existence. And yet no matter the distance, no matter the obstacle, no matter what horrible monster threatens to devour us all, we shall always be there when we need each other, there is a beauty in that that is unrivaled by even the prettiest flower.

Another day has come, and another day passes, and we are all still alive. The light of a new day is just around the corner, as well as the wonders and joys that each dawn brings us. I'll leave you on that happy note Ponyville, for now may we all rest peacefully under the calm of the full moon. It has been a pleasure as always.

Good night, Ponyville

Good night.

The Windmill

The Windmill

The squeaky wheel gets the grease, the other wheels live forever. Welcome to Ponyville.

* * *

Listeners, as always I prefer to start the day off on a cheerful note, and I have just the thing to bring a smile to your faces. The military governess was seen this morning strolling across town taking her new dog for a walk. And I must say that it is absolutely adorable. Nothing touches the heart quite like the sight of a small animal, frolicking joyfully across the town with not a care in the world other than to befriend everypony that it meets. So if you have a minute and you happen to run into the governess and her new dog, then go ahead and say hello, maybe give the dog a small treat, perhaps you'll find that you have made a new friend. With the dog of course, the governess is far too busy and far to powerful to be concerned with petty matters such as friendship.

Here is something odd, there is a light coming from the inside of the worn-down windmill near the Everfree Forest. This of course is the same aging windmill that didn't exist before yesterday, and no one is quite sure as to what the light is, or what it wants. Scientists are urging ponies to stay as far away from the windmill as possible until they can determine the cause of the strange light; they encourage ponies who live within a hundred meter radius of the windmill to evacuate their homes immediately. The Ponyville Fire Department has been called on site, so that they can "Kill it with fire" should the windmill decide to be uncooperative. We had the chance to interview volunteer firefighter, Smoky Blaze, who said "We are doing the best we can to ensure that everypony walks away from this safely. We recognize the windmill as a living being with wants and desires just like the rest of us. We will not jump to violence, but we will do what we have to if the windmill gets too aggressive."

I agree full-heartedly with the fire department on this one listeners, situations like these can be scary at times but it is important that we remain calm and stick to the values that helped build this community. Strange events happen all the time in this town, but we have never solved anything by jumping to fear or intolerance. We here in Ponyville do not discriminate, no matter how questionable a person may seem. So I say, give the windmill a chance, treat it like you would a brother, with love and tolerance, and perhaps we can come out of this situation happier than ever before.

And now news from town hall as it appears that the earth ponies have emerged from their cocoons and have returned to their normal, inferior forms. The primitive animals have continued their rally right where it left off, in the middle of Granny Smith's speech. It is uncertain as to what was the cause of the strange cocoon event or what it possibly accomplished as they do not appear to have changed in any physical manner, but I am happy to say that the strange happenings at town hall have finally come to an end. Granny Smith's words continue to touch the hearts and minds of the earth pony protestors, and it is making me very nervous. What atrocities are these earth ponies planning? What are they hiding? Keep an eye out for anything suspicious listeners, conspiracy is in an earth pony's nature, they are soulless creatures that cannot be trusted. You have been warned.

There is a huge sale going on today at the Aeropony Clothing Store. Get special discounts of up to 75% on designer tops and skirts. Also be sure pick up a suit and tie for the Mr. now 60% off for a limited time! And if you need clothes for the kids then say no more as kids outfits are now 80% off for this day only! The clothes are all infected with Smallpox and it’s not safe to keep it in the store, so everything must go now! So come on down for the sale of the century, only at Aeropony! Looking good has never been so affordable.

And now for a remarkable story of a pony's generosity and kindness blossoming out of tragedy. Paul Gareth, a six foot tall garden spider, was on his way to see a movie with his friends yesterday afternoon when he was struck by a run-away cart on Cavalry Road. Gareth was sent to the hospital in critical condition, and had to undergo spinal surgery, an extremely risky procedure considering that spiders don't actually have spines. The surgery saved his life, but the doctors told him that would never walk again. Paul's mother, Elizabeth Gareth, was absolutely devastated. "He's just the sweetest boy you could ever meet," she said, a tear beginning to fall from one of her eight eyes, "How could something so terrible happen to someone like him?" For a time it seemed that Paul's future had been completely taken away from him.

But nopony could have expected this amazing act of charity, when local Ponyville madman, Dr. Frankensteed, offered Gareth a chance to walk using cyborg prosthetic replacements. "Advance prosthetics are the way of the future," Dr. Frankensteed said while balancing on his head, "These 'cyborg limbs' respond to brain commands faster than actual tissue, and are much stronger and more efficient then normal limbs." Paul has already begun his second surgery to replace his damaged legs and exoskeleton with these prosthetics, and he is expected to make a full recovery. Elizabeth Gareth, now filled with tears of joy, says that she cannot thank Dr. Frankensteed enough. "We all need heroes from time to time, and Dr. Frankensteed was the hero that my son needed."

What a truly amazing story everypony. It just goes to show what ponies are capable of when others need a helping hoof.

The Church of Ashwamedha has recently accepted ketchup as the true divine liquid, officially approved by the town council. The High Priestess told reporters that last night she was visited in a vision by the gods. All of the gods. They told for her to go to the fields where the grass does not grow, and to plant a lock of hair into the earth. In the dream the Priestess traveled across the desert for thirty days and thirty nights, until she came upon the foretold wastelands. She placed her lock of hair upon the ground and then buried it under two and a half feet of impoverished soil. She says that she waited at the site for three days, and nothing happened. So she went home. And upon her arrival she discovered that her refrigerator was filled with hundreds of bottles of ketchup.

The Priestess says that this vision fits into the tales of the Holy Book, as it is said in Virtues 3, verse 1 "For thou art a mortal, thy wisdom is limited, and my own unbounded. You seek comprehension, but a sandwich without condiments is but bread and grass." As of now all followers of the church are required to abstain from food and water and only consume the food of the righteous. Which is ketchup. New members will from now on be baptized in ketchup, as opposed to holy water. The Priestess has declared that these changes are imperative for the soul's ascension, and that those who do not adopt these ways are "lowly sea urchins who are not worthy of salvation."

Listeners, the front door to the windmill has suddenly opened. Scientists were attempting to communicate with the windmill by throwing paper airplanes at it from a safe distance, when suddenly its rotting, wooden door swung open. The open door has cast the ghostly light over those who look upon it, and it is making scientists understandably uncomfortable. They tell us that if they stand within the beam of light that a dark spirit appears behind them. They describe the spirit as being transparent, flat, and lying on the ground behind them copying their every move. Volunteer firefighter, Smoky Blaze, says that the spirits are probably just "shadows", or the absence of light in an area due to the fact that light is being obstructed by a body or object. He says that there is no reason to worry about the shadows, but scientists are not taking any chances. They have already begun digging trenches in the area, and a defensive bunker has been erected where a makeshift command center is held. "Whatever the Windmill decides to do, we'll be ready!"

Now I don't usually give reviews on this show, but I feel that you need to hear this warning. If you stop by the Chocolate Pegasus Cafe, do not, and I cannot stress this enough, DO NOT order the new hayseed latte! Words cannot possibly describe the unbearable suffering that came upon me after drinking it. I fear that my digestive system may never be the same after being horribly violated by poison in a coffee cup! I lost three pounds when I had finished expelling the substance from my body and the studio bathroom has been quarantined ever since. And this experience is unfortunately not unique to me, in fact roughly a dozen other ponies have suffered the same fate I have after trying the dreaded hayseed latte. Our very own Intern Lyra died in the bathroom after she stopped by the Chocolate Pegasus, despite all of our warnings and graphic descriptions. So if you are looking for a nice beverage to drink while enjoying the peace of a sunny day, DO NOT buy this drink! However if you are looking for an alternative to horse laxatives then I believe today is your lucky day!

And before I move on, I have a few words to give to the family of Lyra the intern. I regret to inform you that poor Lyra passed away after drinking a cup of what can only be described as liquid death. Lyra was a hardworking intern who could always find a way to bring a smile to our faces. I remember the times when she would happily hop up and down the halls, spouting nonsense about humans and other mythical creatures, as if there wasn't a care in the world. Though she did not die with dignity I know for certain that she is now smiling down upon us from heaven, filling our hearts and minds with a little more sunshine. She will truly be missed.

And now that that is out of the way, let us move on... to the weather.

* * *

"We should be safe here for tonight."

Rainbow Dash had already begun to clear the boxes that blanketed the floor. Cobwebs hung from darkened corners of the ceiling, the entire room seemed to have rotten away under a fine, grey coating of dust. Fabrics that once donned brilliant colors now drooped from the walls, the life and beauty they held had faded away in bleak misery.

"What is this place?" Twilight asked.

"I think it's called Carousel Boutique." Rainbow Dash replied, pushing aside a crushed box of thread and spools. "It's been closed for as long as I can remember."

Twilight studied the mannequins that stood dutifully in a row, each adorning a dress worthy of royalty. Unlike the rest of the room these dresses survived the years of neglect and were still in near perfect condition, the stitching between fabrics had held strong, the cloth retaining its glorious colors. Twilight could feel the dresses gleam, the radiance extending outward and dispelling the dreariness of the room around them. There were six in total. Six mannequins, six dresses, and six stories long forgotten. Twilight's gaze belonged to one dress in particular, the cape was night blue, the tail was garnished in dazzling stars. It may as well have been calling to her, she wanted that dress.

"They're beautiful." Twilight said in reverence. Rainbow Dash didn't hear her, she had been busy clearing a path through the clutter of boxes and fabrics, they could now maneuver freely about the room.

"Ok, Crusaders, there's a room upstairs that you can take. Clear it out first and see if you can find anything cool in any of the boxes."

The three fillies eagerly accepted the task, the orange pegasus gave a brief "Sure thing Dash" saluting the rainbow maned pegasus before darting quickly across the room; they raced each other up the stairs and into the room. Rainbow Dash turned back to Twilight.

"We can hang down here 'till the radio comes back on." She wiggled out of her saddlebags and tossed them on the floor. "'Till then we might as well take a look in some of these boxes."

Twilight nodded and trotted to a box close to Dash, who also opened up a box and started rummaging through its contents. Twilight looked at her new friend, studying her every move; she watched as Rainbow Dash pulled various threads and needles out of the box and set them aside in a growing pile. For the first time Twilight was actually alone with another pony, another regular pony; no guards, no tasers, no evil schemes to take over Ponyville. Rainbow Dash was her first chance for a normal pony interaction; and she was fascinating, Twilight had so many questions.

Her curiosity was insatiable, she longed to delve into the world of another pony, she yearned for the chance to share everything about herself with someone. And it appears that Rainbow Dash was that someone. Twilight opened her mouth to speak but quickly stopped herself. After all, she couldn't just instantaneously spawn an in depth conversation about the entirety of their lives; she had to start the conversation off right, start with something small and segue into something more interesting. Twilight smiled, she was completely prepared for the art of social interaction.

"So you really like listening to the radio, don't you?" Twilight grinned with anticipation.

"Yeah, it's alright."

She responded!! Twilight mentally celebrated her social victory. Although, perhaps prematurely; where does she go from here? She had expected the conversation to be in full flight by now, Rainbow Dash should be eagerly spilling out every exciting detail about her life and her adventures. So why isn't that happening? Rainbow Dash continued to rummage through the box of fabrics in utter silence, not even acknowledging Twilight's presence or the conversation she had tried to start.

Was her segue somehow wrong? Was it not enticing enough to lure Rainbow Dash into a discussion? Twilight wasn't entirely sure, the only practice she had with talking was with her books, and those conversations were very one-sided. Maybe she should try again, perhaps then Rainbow Dash would recognize the connection that she was trying to start.

"So did I mention that I live in a library?" That was interesting enough, right? After all, how many ponies can truly say that they have lived their entire lives in a public library? Surely this was an interesting conversation starter.

"That's cool." Rainbow Dash didn't even blink. This clearly wasn't working.

Think, Twilight, think! There had to be something that she was missing, something that would make her conversation irresistible to Dash. But what was it? Maybe Rainbow Dash wasn't interested because it wasn't anything that applied to her? Perhaps if the conversation was more related to Rainbow Dash's life she would have more reason to be invested in it!

"So why were you arrested?" OH GOD WHY DID SHE JUST ASK THAT? Rainbow Dash's face said it all, the mixture of repulsion and confusion that said that Twilight stepped way out of bounds. "Umm... Don't answer that." Twilight said awkwardly. Rainbow Dash was still staring at her with the same look of abhorrence; Twilight shamefully looked away, she couldn't bear to look into those eyes again. Instead she dug her hooves into the box in front of her, maybe she could pretend that that moment never existed and that she hadn't just won the award for most awkward pony of the year.

"Twilight?" Rainbow Dash's voice broke through the uncomfortable silence. "We need to talk."

YAY!

It worked! It actually worked! Twilight grinned from ear to ear, and eagerly spun around to face Rainbow Dash again.

"Yes?!" Twilight could barely contain her excitement! She was actually going to have a conversation!

But something was wrong, Rainbow Dash didn't look happy, or excited, instead she looked concerned. Perhaps she had something important to tell Twilight, or more than likely it was a reaction to the dumb expression on her face. Twilight corrected that immediately. Rainbow Dash's expression didn't change.

"Umm... What about?" Twilight asked, an uneasy feeling growing inside her.

"Well." Rainbow Dash began. "Let's talk more about this "Dangerous mission" you're on here."

Twilight's ears sunk, there was something in Rainbow Dash's tone that made her very uncomfortable. She didn't sound curious, or interested, instead she sounded like she was judging her.

"Ok." Twilight said, the uncomfortable feeling beginning to spread. "What do you want to know?"

Rainbow Dash's wings spread wide, and in a dash she was hovering in the air mere inches away from Twilight's face. "Let's start with how can I trust you?"

Twilight gulped. This wasn't how normal conversations were supposed to go; this conversation wasn't a moment shared between two pony's, this was Interrogation.

"W-w-what do you mean?" Twilight asked meekly. "I thought I told you everything."

"What you told me is that you had a dream about a random book you found and now suddenly you're on a mission!" Rainbow Dash spat back "I'm not buying it!"

Why was this happening? Why was Rainbow attacking her? "But I told you about the book! This isn't some ordinary book from the library, this is something from outside of Ponyville!"

Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed "Prove it."

Prove it? But it was so obvious wasn't it? To be fair Rainbow Dash had never seen the book, it was still at the library. But surely it wasn't so hard to believe that she was summoned for a divine quest in an age of corruption to seek the god of all weapons to restore peace and unity to the world? Right? Ok, maybe that did sound a little far-fetched.

Twilight struggled to come up with a solution, there had to be a way to prove this to her. Twilight pondered her options for a while, realization sunk into her heart. There was absolutely no way of proving it to her without showing her the book or letting her see her dreams, if that was even possible. Defeated, Twilight sighed, "I can't." Twilight admitted softly.

"Prove to me that you saw an Alicorn." Rainbow added.

This wasn't going to end, was it?

"I can't."

"Prove to me that the Elements exist!"

Twilight sunk her head in submission, just like before she had zero evidence to support her. In truth she had no idea where or what the Elements were, or if they even existed at all. Twilight fell back on her hind legs. "I can't."

Rainbow Dash landed. "That's what I thought." She said, never losing her mean stare.

Twilight sulked in sadness, how did this go so wrong? She only wanted to have a normal talk with Rainbow Dash, so why is Rainbow Dash being so aggressive?

Because she's testing you.

The realization came onto Twilight in a flash, and everything made so much sense now! She was pushing Twilight to see how she would react, she is looking for signs of weakness! Well I won't show her any! A new wave of determination rushed into Twilight, she stood up proud and tall. If she wanted to earn Rainbow Dash's respect she would just have to show her that she could push back too!

"Well what about you!?" Twilight shouted back at Rainbow Dash.

Dash blinked, she hadn't expected Twilight to turn this on her. She quickly resumed her dominating stance "What about me?" she replied indignant.

"How can I trust you? You're a fugitive!" Twilight stood back up and stepped forward to press her advantage. "How do I know that you're not a thief? Or a Ponynapper? How do I know that you're not one of them?"

"Hey! Back off!" Rainbow Dash growled angrily, "I'm trying to keep three fillies safe while you're chasing things that don't even exist!"

"Is that what you're doing? Because all I see is a homeless pony hiding in alleyways doing who knows what with three fillies!" This is going great Twilight thought to herself, judging by Rainbow Dash's open jaw and the wide-eyed look of horror she should earn her respect in no time at all.

"Are you crazy?!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, clearly upset with how the tables have turned.

Twilight took another offensive step forward. "Maybe I am!" She declared righteously "But I know better than to let somepony like you trample all over me! I only wanted to have a normal conversation, but apparently that is something that is beneath you!"

Rainbow Dash huffed "Oh is that what you think?"

"Yeah!" Twilight said, not missing a moment. "And do you know what else I think?" And now for the finale, this is the moment where Twilight delivers the final blow. "I think that you are–"

"Um, excuse me?" the white unicorn's voice entered the room. Dash and Twilight looked to the stairwell and found the three fillies standing at its base, their curious stares were filled with innocence and fear. Everything sunk in in an instant, she had pushed too far and the fillies had been listening. Twilight felt like a monster. "We heard shouting down here. Is everything ok?"

Twilight looked back at Rainbow Dash, and she could tell that she also bore the guilt that Twilight was feeling. She looked back to the fillies on the steps.

"Um, yeah." Rainbow Dash said, trying to sound reassuring. "We're ok."

The silence held. Eyes shifted constantly from the crusaders to Twilight to Rainbow Dash, nopony was sure how to heal the situation.

"Why don't you head back upstairs? We'll be up in a minute." Rainbow Dash offered, the three fillies nodded and slowly sauntered back up the stairs. With a sad sigh she returned to her box avoiding any eye contact with Twilight. Twilight did the same, she silently shifted through the container of fabrics in front of her; she mentally reflected on the previous conversation, finding the points where she had crossed the line and tried to imagine how much better things would be if she hadn't ever tried to have a conversation.

She was so stupid! Twilight internally kicked herself; Rainbow Dash may not be her friend, but right now she was the only pony that Twilight even knew. And she had just pushed her away. No wonder she didn't have any friends, she didn't know how to read them; she had only ever had her books, and she had never had to worry about hurting books. Twilight looked back at Rainbow Dash, who was mindlessly digging through her box, she could tell that she also had a lot on her mind. She should apologize to her, try to mend what was left of their relationship, or perhaps it wasn't the best time. Twilight couldn't tell, she had never been good at reading social situations, instead she turned around and pulled over another box.

It was Rainbow Dash who finally broke the silence, Twilight noticed her begin to pack away the box she was searching through, turning around their eyes finally met once again.

"Hey, um..." Rainbow Dash began, "I'm going upstairs, get some sleep and all."

"Ok" Twilight replied, her voice filled with melancholy, Rainbow Dash was already making her way to the staircase. she placed one hoof on the first step and then stopped, she turned once more to face Twilight.

"Goodbye Twilight." she said, and then slowly climbed up the stairs leaving Twilight alone in the room, the words echoing in her head.

Twilight's soul began to ache, a sadness born inside her heart began to worm its way throughout her body, warping and twisting around every last nerve she had. She could feel her eyes begin to water, she tried to hold them back, but the tears tumbled passed the event horizon and began running down her cheeks. Goodbye? Was this really how it ended? Would Twilight awake in the morning to find that Rainbow Dash had already gone, leaving her alone? But didn't she deserve to be left alone? Didn't she deserve to be shunned from friendship? After all, it was something that she didn't understand, something that was warm and beautiful, but also fragile; something not meant to be held by ponies like her. Her teary eyes fell back upon the mannequins in the corner.

Oddly enough, Twilight looked upon the mannequins with eyes of envy; eyes filled with bitter jealousy. The six mannequins have stood together all this time, holding onto nothing but the dresses on their backs, and their friends at their sides. It's funny how something so inanimate could have so much more to live for than Twilight. They had each other; and Twilight had nothing.

Rainbow Dash would be gone in the morning; Twilight could feel it in her heart. And despite the fact that they had only ever fought in the short time that they knew each other, Twilight had never before felt so close to somepony, as if she actually meant something to somepony. Tears flowed freely from her eyes, there was no reason to try to stop them, she was miserable. She felt the heartache eating away at her soul, she felt so utterly lost and she couldn't understand why. It reminded her of the black mist, slowly dragging her away into the abyss.

Twilight stood up slowly, wiping tears from her eyes. She turned away from the mannequins, the sight of them was just too painful. Instead she walked slowly away, and ascended up the stairs.

Rainbow Dash was still there when Twilight entered the room, she was lying down on a makeshift bed made of torn fabrics, her body was still. The very sight of her was unbearably painful, Twilight found her voice to speak.

"Rainbow Dash?"

"Yeah?" she replied, her body remaining perfectly motionless.

Twilight choked on emotions, the words were in her throat but they didn't want to come out. It felt like forever before she managed to force the words out.

"Please don't leave me."

Rainbow Dash moved to look at her, she could easily see the tears running down Twilight's cheeks. Twilight moved quickly to Rainbow Dash's side.

"Please Dash," She cried, "Please don't leave me alone."

Twilight buried her face into the fabric, not willing to look into Rainbow Dash's eyes. She let the tears go; they were her sadness, her guilt, her loneliness; and she let them all go. She felt a warm hoof wrap around her neck, Twilight looked up, a warm smile was waiting for her.

"I won't."

Twilight could only stare in disbelief; she felt suspended from time, as if her smile alone could last forever. She clutched tightly against the hoof around her, it warmed her heart and banished her sorrow, like a light cutting through a black mist. The two mares didn't move, holding the moment for a while longer.

"Twilight?" Dash finally said.

Twilight looked up, she could see Rainbow Dash taking in a deep breaths, each breath attempting to wash away an uneasy look on her face.

"What is it?" Twilight asked softly.

"Do you think..." She began, "Do you think you could walk with me for a minute?"

Twilight looked at her deeply, trying to piece together where she was going with this. Rainbow Dash was struggling to continue.

"There is something that I want to show you."

* * *

Listeners, it looks as though we have nothing to fear after all. The scientists who were observing the windmill from the safety of their bunker report that they saw a mysterious figure emerging from the open door way. Being the one who drew the shortest straw, Smoky Blaze bravely approached the windmill to get a closer look, and you'll never guess who he saw. The weatherman! That's right! The weatherman appears to have returned from his vacation and will be returning to work immediately. His first forecast for tonight is that it will be raining cats and dogs. Literally! So now we can all rest easy now knowing that the windmill did not bring darkness and despair as we feared, instead it returned to us one of Ponyville's most respected citizens!

And here we find ourselves once again, at the end of another long week; our minds recovering from the day's labors, our bodies relaxing against the soft cushioned chair, and ears tuning in happily to the radio. We all know that life can be hard at times, but that is what helps make these little moments of peace all the better. Tomorrow will be a brand new day, and tonight is a brand new night; tonight is another chance to dream, to whisk our minds away on new fantasies and adventures. We would all do well to appreciate the night, and the opportunity that it gives us to escape the hardships of the day, like finding a breath of fresh air in a dry cloud of hard work. Tonight I want you to close your eyes and imagine yourself free from all of your troubles, let the cool night sky wash away all of you worries, and then smile. Smile as you embrace a world at peace as we all drift off to sleep. Rest easy listeners.

Good night, Ponyville.

Good night.

* * *

The soft rays of moonlight broke through the ceiling of leaves, speckling the rough ground with little dots of light. Twilight felt a cool breeze pull gently at her coat as she walked amongst the trees of the Everfree Forest. Despite the fact that they were away from the dark forces within Ponyville, being outside of the walls made Twilight feel incredibly vulnerable. The shadows of the forest were much darker than in town, strange sounds could be heard coming from all directions at once, and the trees looked as though they could snatch her up at any given moment.

"Rainbow Dash? Are we close?" Twilight asked as she followed closely behind the rainbow maned pegasus.

"Yeah," she replied, "we're almost there."

They continued in silence for a few more minutes down the dirt path. Twilight jumped at every shadow that appeared out of the corner of her eye; an uneasy feeling was forming in her stomach, it threatened to grow into a higher level of fear. Twilight suppressed the feeling, and focused on nothing but following Rainbow Dash as she led them deeper into the forest. Finally Dash came to a halt in front of a large willow tree. She motioned for Twilight to follow as she disappeared behind the leaves of the willow, Twilight stepped through finding Rainbow Dash sitting at the trunk of the tree. There was something in her hooves, Twilight moved closer to see what it was; to her surprise it was a book. Rainbow Dash held it up to Twilight so she could see the cover.

"Daring Do: And the Quest of the Sapphire Stone."

Rainbow Dash nodded, and hugged the book beneath her chin. "My earliest memory is of me finding this book in my room." she said to Twilight, her voice only a whisper. "I knew that the council would want me to get rid of it, but..." She paused, "I didn't want to. It was as if I was letting go of a good friend. Perhaps the only friend that truly understood me." Rainbow Dash smiled and looked back up at Twilight.

Twilight stared at the book, she never would have guessed that Rainbow Dash was a reader.

"I don't know why," Dash continued, "But somehow this book reminds me of you." Rainbow Dash and Twilight held their gaze, a new bond was flowing between them. Rainbow Dash slowly stood up, and placed the book respectfully against the tree trunk, she turned back and looked Twilight in the eyes. "Are you absolutely sure that the Elements of Harmony exist?"

Twilight blinked, the sudden determination that formed in Rainbow Dash's eyes was startling, after a moment she said with a nod "I am."

Rainbow Dash smiled, "Then I'm going to help you find them." Twilight's heart jumped, a smile beamed across her face. She threw her arms around Dash in a warm hug.

"Thank you." She said.

"After all, you'd probably be dead in a week without me." Rainbow Dash joked, she lifted up a hoof and joined Twilight in the hug. She waited for Twilight to let go before speaking again. "Now let's go look at this book of yours."

Good Morning Listeners

Welcome to Ponyville

Good Morning Listeners

The world is vibrant and full of wonder, but only a blind mare can see the black mist that shrouds us all. Welcome to Ponyville.

* * *

Good morning listeners, and it is a “good morning” indeed, as tonight marks the second anniversary of the Ponyville Revolution, the day where all of Ponyville was united under a single mighty, and mysterious rule. It is a time for all of us ponies to remember the heroes who stood up against oppression, and fought for our freedom. And even though all historical documents, as well as any memories of a time before the revolution have mysteriously vanished, I’d say it’s safe to assume that that time was probably really bad, and not worth remembering anyways.

In celebration of the national holiday, the Military Governess has declared that all businesses be closed for the remainder of the day. She also gave a speech on the matter earlier this morning, as she shouted down from her golden throne “It is important for everypony to spend this time at home with their families, where they will be much easier to monitor at all times.” The governess has also announced that all military academies will have the day off, and that all public schools are to be suspended indefinitely.

In other news, Rainbow Dash, that one rainbow maned Pegasus, claims that she saw a zebra wearing a long, black cloak with a dark hood lurking in the shadows of a darkened alleyway. She described the zebra as sinister, baleful, but also genial at the same time. She says that the zebra approached her in the alleyway, and presented her with a peace offering of nightshades, licorice and what appeared to be an ancient book of indescribable value.

The military police would like to remind everypony that zebras are not real. They are creatures of myth and fantasy, and that believing in zebras (as well as all non-pony creatures) is a felony, and any believers in such fictitious creatures will be dealt with accordingly. The military police have already taken Rainbow Dash into custody, where she awaits just punishment for her crimes.

The local Ponyville fillies' soccer team had an exciting day at practice today when a two-ton pineapple magically appeared next to the western goal post. The pineapple stands approximately twelve feet tall, and appears to be emanating a strange, magical aura. Many of the fillies claimed that they could feel a “warm tingling” inside them whenever they looked at the pineapple, one filly described the feeling as “enlightening” and it was “like I could feel the hopes and joys of everypony around me, as if they were my own”. The fillies resumed practice shortly after, seeing as how the pineapple wasn’t interfering with the game. It is unsure what will be done about the pineapple, whether it will stay or be moved, the town council will hold a meeting on Tuesday to decide an appropriate course of action.

The Earth Pony Equality Movement has announced that they will be holding a rally at town hall later today. The movement’s leader, Applejack, told journalists “it is important for ya’ll to see that we earth ponies are a part of this community and that we deserve to be treated fairly.” She also mentioned that there will be apple pie and fresh apple crisps for all participants, and that t-shirts are on sale for fifteen bits. As always the military police will be standing by with hoses to disperse the crowds if the demonstrators get too disorderly or annoying.

Now listeners, I know this is a touchy subject, and I don’t want to get too political with this, but is it right to allow these earth ponies to take over our community like this? After all Ponyville was founded by Unicorns and Pegasi… I think. Who are they to come into our land and tell us that they deserve more? And where does it go from here? Soon they’ll be demanding desegregated bathrooms, or the right to abduct your children to be used as sacrifices for their dark earth pony rituals. Regardless, it is not my place to dictate your political opinions; that is the job of the Military Governess. I can only offer my words of warning, do not trust earth ponies. Do not trust anybody.

Here is some news that has been troubling engineers all morning. Apparently a new study has shown that 75% of bricks in Ponyville are not actually bricks, but in reality are lost souls of innocent victims. Engineers are puzzling over how brick buildings have been able to support themselves being mostly built out of souls, and how nopony has been able to notice this problem for all of these years. Chief engineer, Jim Beam, has stated that they are “working on fixing the problem” and that “there is absolutely no reason to panic.” Plans are already being made to replace the souls with more stable materials like rice cakes and the bones of buried relatives.

We have an update on our earlier report of a Zebra in Ponyville; apparently the fictitious creature has been sighted again, this time nearby Carousel Boutique, the one that has been abandoned for years, and appears to be making her way to the center of town. She has already evaded capture by the military police, and has once again vanished into the shadows. The military police would once again like to remind everypony that the existence of zebras is false, and that any evidence of their actuality are products of black magic. I would like to personally thank everypony who informed us of the location of the zebra; the information you provided was invaluable and you can expect to be arrested within the hour.

The rally for Earth Pony Equality has started without a hitch as thousands of earth ponies have gathered in attendance. There are a number of guest speakers who will be addressing the crowds, including Applejack, Big Macintosh, and the rotting corpse of Granny Smith, who died a year ago. T-shirt sales have exceeded all expectations with half of their stock being sold in the first hour of the demonstration. The military police have only had to make three arrests so far as a small group of fillies had become too unruly. We asked them in an interview to explain their motivations, to which they replied “Cutie Mark Crusader Convicts yay!”

And now for our weekly Ponyville community overview:

Road repairs on Mane Street have finally come to a close after a 6-month construction project; the road will be open to wagons and pedestrians later this afternoon. Repairs on Main Street however are still ongoing and will probably continue for another 2 months.

Fuel prices have dropped this week as natural resources such as unicorn tears have been in high abundance lately. Coal prices are expected to spike later this week as coal reserves continue to be nonexistent.

The Ponyville’s Fillies Soccer League has continued to have a perfect win record, as there still are no other teams for them to play against.

Several noise complaints were filed this week regarding strange, guttural noises that have been coming from the Everfree Forest just beyond the Eastern Barrier. The military police could do little to quiet the noises as the barrier marks the edge of their jurisdiction.

And lastly the TSA is happy to report that the roads are becoming safer as there were no driving related casualties this week. Hospital reports show that all deaths this week were the result of old age, illness, and a healthy amount of police brutality.

And that concludes our weekly Ponyville community overview. It seems to have been a good week for Ponyville this time around, which to me is a breath of fresh air considering how horrible last week’s overview was. So much blood... So much blood.

I would like to take a moment now to talk to all of you about oral hygiene. Reports have been coming in to me from Colgate’s Dentistry and I must say I find the results disgusting. I mean come on people, having healthy teeth is essential to a healthy lifestyle, and it’s not like it’s a difficult task keeping your teeth clean. Simply brush your teeth after every meal, floss regularly, and do not use water from the sink as it is highly irradiated. Remember to brush your teeth for at least two minutes to ensure that your teeth and mouth remain healthy, there should be no tooth left behind in this unending war on tooth decay.

And on that happy note, I give to you… the weather.

* * *

"–And with the heroes of the revolution leading the way once again, Ponyville witnessed the dawn of a new era of peace and prosperity, the watchful eyes of the town council keeping ponies safe for all the years to come. The end."

Twilight closed the book, the reverberations flicking the candle flame beside her. She turned over the book and gazed at the cover one more time, "The Heroes of Ponyville" she drew the book to her chest, hugging it, this was a good book, and one of her favorite books on the government's approved reading list.

She rose from her desk; the book clutched in her telekinesis, and then happily trotted over to the book shelf where it had come from. She nuzzled it back into place, between the hundreds of other copies of the exact same book. There were only three books on the government's approved reading list, and so the shelves of her library were filled with hundreds of copies.

She looked out her window to see the moon high up in the sky; night had taken her by surprise. A sudden yawn swept over her.

"Time for bed, Twilight." She said to herself, there was nopony else to talk to anyways, she had always lived by herself, alone in the library. She had often fantasized the idea of keeping an assistant with her in the library, but nobody would want to be her assistant anyways. Ponies in this town didn't like her very much, but who needs friends anyways? These books were all the friends that Twilight needed, and of course there was the Town Council, they were everyone's friends.

For a millennia, Ponyville had suffered under the rule of an evil queen and her wicked sister; together they cast a shadow over ponykind and used fear and violence to enslave everypony in the land. One day a new pony rose to power, a jealous and greedy unicorn who learned the art of spreading lies and channeling dark magic from the queen herself. She demanded that everypony bow before her as well, and this is when the ponies fought back. Revolution spread across the land like wildfire, kindled by the bravery of four mysterious heroes. These heroes led the ponies to arms against the tyrants who had controlled them and swiftly defeated the evil rulers. They quickly established a new government, where Ponyville could bask in the light of its newfound freedom. The heroes, not forgetting their duties to the ponies, formed a Town Council where they could monitor the progress of the new Ponyville. For two years the town council has been there, watching over them, guiding them to a shining new era in pony history. They were even kind enough to wipe everypony's memory of the dark and wicked times under the queens rule, so that they could begin their lives again without a dark shadow of the past looming over them.

Twilight giggled to herself, she had always loved that book, she spent most of her time reading it almost religiously. Not like there were many other books to read. The other two books were "The Council's Commandments" and "Hay Smoothies and More: The Military Governess' Official Cookbook." She gripped the candle from her desk by telekinesis and pulled it to her, the light illuminating the stairway that led to her bedroom.

Her hoof had barely touched the first step when a sudden gust of wind stole the flame from her candle, plunging the library into total darkness. A magical glow emanated from the tip of her horn, driving away the shadows in a powerful purple light. The wind had come from an open window, which had but a moment ago been closed; Twilight closed it quickly. Before another thought could enter her mind, her eye caught sight of something, a book resting on her desk, as if waiting patiently for someone to read it.

That book hadn't been there before. She had carefully put away the book she had been using before, she was certain of it.

"Um, hello?" Twilight asked, brightening her magical light to further pierce the shadows. No pony was there. Minutes passed before Twilight, cautiously, approached the book. It was old, very old, the cover was worn and dusty, the spine was damaged, pages looked as though they were falling out. Twilight blew the dust from the cover, revealing the title in faded, golden letters, "The Elements of Harmony." This was definitely not on the government's approved reading list. She carefully opened the fragile cover of the book, inside the cover was a note written in a bold, foreboding font.

"THEY LIE. EVERYTHING IS WRONG. HIDE THIS BOOK. KEEP IT SAFE. THEY WILL COME FOR IT."

The warning only brought more questions. Who are they? What is this book? Twilight's eyes turned to the window.

Who gave it to me?

* * *

Welcome back listeners, I’ve been receiving many complaints over that past few minutes from ponies saying “Hey mister. You never told us before that the water was irradiated.” Well I’ve looked back through my records and I have to say you’re right. I’m sorry. It just completely slipped my mind, and that is totally my bad.

But should we let a small amount of radiation keep us down? After all, Ponyville is a community where we take our lemons and make lemonade. Just look on the bright side, rodent populations in our sewers are at an all-time low, and there is the possibility that your child may develop super powers after being bathed in radioactive waters. Remember that we are a strong and proud community, and as long as we work together as friends and family we shall remain strong and proud. And I know that we will make it through this, like we will every problem we face as we journey together into the great unknown that is our very existence. And as always…

Good night, Ponyville.

Good night.