Chapters The struggles of a normal stallion
Chapter one: So now you know who I am.
Sup, I'm Life, just a gardener, with a part-time job at Sugarcube Corner, not that special, good pay.
I've got three friends, Octavia, Berry Punch, and DJ POn3, you may know her as Vinyl Scratch, though it is awkward between us, after an incident I'll probably go into detail about later, because right now, I'm not in the fucking mood. Probably my best friend out of them all was Berry Punch.
I'm not the smartest, but I'm not a moron, so... Yeah... Anyway, here's my story about how I met my fillyfriend, broke up with her, and found Twilight.
I walked in the door to Punchie's bar, oh, I forgot to say, Punchy was a nickname I have Berry. She didn't really care, she thought it made her sound like a tough badass, whatever.
I was greeted by the smile of Punchy and Octavia, and an awkward cough from DJ POn3.
"Hey guys!... Um... Hey gals... Nevermind," I said, just realising I don't know any stallions.
"Hello, Life good to see you," Replied a happy Octavia.
"Sup" Added Punchy.
Vinyl just coughed awkwardly... I suppose after something like that it would be kinda awkward.
"Good to see ya too" I jokingly said to Vinyl, trying to make it less awkward... I'll be honest, it wasn't to effective.
"So, who's up for drinks?" Asked Punchy, exited to hang-out with a friend after the trip to ManeHatten with Vinyl...
"You've already had six..." Octavia jokingly replied.
"Awesomeness has no limits!" Shouted Punchy
"Alcohol does though" Replied Octavia
"Lovers quarrel," I added.
This caused some laughter between us.
"So, hows the... Thing?" asked Punchy, just realising we had nothing to talk about.
"Yes, very thingy," I jokingly replied.
"Hows the DJ-ing?" Asked Punchy.
"Not to bad, not had much work lately, I did get to speak to Neon Lights a while ago though, ManeHatten, you are cool" Replied Vinyl, who then broke into a fit of awkward silence after saying that.
After that, a library mare by the name of Twilight Sparkle walked in, and all of a sudden, a wild crush appeared!
"Really, Life?" Asked Punchy, who seemed to pick up on the crush pretty fast.
"Huh, who, what, where, why?" I replied.
"Knew it!" Said Punchy, "You never were really a crush person, I never even knew what team you played for!"
The others didn't seem to notice the crush yet, lucky me...
"Huh?" I replied, as well as a confused Vinyl and Octavia.
"Shut up." I replied, "I don't have a crush, more like a...."
Dammit, whats a word for crush that sounds less like a crush?
They just waited there, expectantly.
"More like a what?" Asked Vinyl, who seemed to recover from awkward disease. Wow that joke sucked....
"So you do have a crush!" Said Punchy.
I sighed, "Fine, I might have a teensy-tiny bit of a crush," I said.
I looked at a clock. realising reality has just punched me in the face, it was 1:00 A.M. At night, I had a gardening competition to get to tomorrow, so I had to go. "Sorry guys, gotta go" I said
"Aw, its only been five-minutes, at least give me some time to make fun of your crush, even just a few secs!" Whined Punchy.
I even laughed a bit at that one, but I'm immature as fuck, so yeah...
Anyway, I left basically.
The struggles of a normal stallion
Chapter two: Well, this day was good.
Well yesterday was... Not the best of days, I'll admit. Oh yeah, it turns out the competition was next MONTH. *Sigh* Well, I got up, went to the library to see if there were any books about gardening... And gardening tips, 'cause of the whole "No magic" Rule those dicks have, everypony thinks I'm gonna cheat there to, I've met the competition, I'm a Unicorn, my talent is gardening, and my name is Life, they probably think I'm gonna "Go zappy zappy then plants will grow" Damn racist Earth Ponies, thinkin' I'm gonna use a spell just because I'm a Unicorn.
So anyway, I walked in the library, and... Wait that's her from the bar... Before I could make a quick escape, she decided to come talk to me. Life is a cruel bitch, wait a minute, that's insulting me... You know what I mean!
"Hi, need any help finding a book?" Asked the Purple mare.
Maybe she thinks my face is normally red...
"Um... I... Uh..." As I was bumbling on, a small Dragon walked down the stairs and noticed the situation.
"Twilight, time to feed Owluicious!" Said the Dragon.
"Oh, coming Spike! Please wait right here Mister." Said the purple mare, who is apparently Twilight
"Owluicious?" I asked "Bit of an odd name, aint it?"
"It's Twilight's owl, anyway..." He looked expectantly.
"Um... What is it? Is there something on my face?" I asked, confused
"Your welcome." He said, being quite annoyed at me not thanking him apparently, "Don't worry man, I know what its like to have a crush, 'cept I'm better at talking to said person"
"..." I said nothing.
"Aaanyway, need a book or somethin'?" He asked.
"Oh, yeah, I do, for an upcoming gardening competition."
"Unicorn?"
"Yeah."
"Racist Earth Ponies?"
"Yup."
"wetting yourself?"
"Yeah- wait WHAT?!"
After a bit of laughter, he went back to looking for the book and talkin' to me.
"So, how did you know that anyway?" I asked.
"Twilight tried the same competition a while back, when she was in Canterlot. she was having some sort of midlife crisis I guess, bit stupid when you know your talent, if ya ask me. Anyway the same thing happened."
"Ok... Did she win at least?"
"Nope, the judges WERE the Earth Ponies, certain she cheated with some 'Fancy prancy magics' but she did make a few friends, pen-pals now though." He replied
"Well, lovely, just lovely" I sarcastically replied.
"Found it!" Said Spike, feeling good about himself.
Jeez you found a book, don't get to full of yourself
"Thanks man.... Dragon.... Thingy..."
A couple minutes later, I was walking around, not much to do, Punchy was working, Octavia was... Wherever the fuck she goes when she plays her cello, she never told my, and Vinyl... I don't think we would be able to hang-out alone...
I decided to visit my cousin, Applejack, well I was adopted into the family, that's how I'm a Unicorn, but still, shes kinda a cousin.
As I walked in the barn, I was met by the smile of a happy filly.
"Cousin!" Shouted a happy Applebloom.
"Hi Applebloom, been forever, hasn't it?" I said, as Applejack walked out
"Howdy Life, how's the gardenin' thingamagiger goin'?" Asked Applejack
I guess gardening is different then farming if she doesn't even know what it's called, farmers these days.
"Good, hows Big Mac?" I asked, keen to catch up with the family
"He's good, I'll go get 'im" Said Applejack as he walked back in the barn
I then noticed two other fillies run up to me.
"Hi there mister!" Said one of them
"Hi!" Shouted the other
"Hello" I said, trying to act... Less like myself, since there just fillies and all
"Hey, Life? This 'ere is Scootaloo, an' the other filly's Sweetie Belle"
"Ok." I replied.
It was then that Big Mac came in.
"Hey Macky, like the nickname yet?"
"Nope." He replied.
"Farmin' been good?"
"Eeyup" He replied again.
After about three hours of just catching up, chattin', blah blah, I had to go home, so I walked back up the street and went to my house, I had nothing to do, so I obviously took a nap instead of read the book I got, because it was the logical thing right?
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The struggles of a normal stallion
Chapter three: The one that sucks at chapter titles
I'm bored as fuck, I'm also annoyed, I'm also tired, wanna know why? Because at the gardening competition some Earth Ponies complained about me cheating with magic, ME?! I may not be the smartest... Or the nicest... But, when it comes to my special talent, I DO NOT FUCKING CHEAT! Now, I'm stuck here at some class about the "Dangers of cheating", Its just tons of annoying, rule breaking ponies here that were STUPID enough to try a competition! I am surrounded by idiots... The teacher hasn't even shown up yet... Wait is that...? OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! A certain purple librarian, who keeps coming to random stuff, with a quill and paper, is she writing a report or something?! I did here a rumor that one of the ponies here is a student to Celestia... OH MY CELESTIA TELL ME SHES NOT HER STUDENT! Way outta my league... DAMMIT! Well, librarians these days...
[TWILIGHT'S PERSPECTIVE]
I wonder what competition these guys even took... They look more like thugs then competitors in... Anything.. Celestia seems to have some kind of love for me giving reports on psychology... Now the psychology of people who cheat? Seems a bit stupid... Maybe she can read thoughts! OH MY CELESTIA SHE'S SENDING ME TO MAGIC KINDERGARTEN!
As I hid under the desk... I realised I was being stared at by the people there... They just looked confused.
[LIFE'S PERSPECTIVE]
Oh screw it.
I raised my hoof, just looking confused at the odd mare.
"Um... Library-mare person... What are you doing?!
"AH! DON'T SEND ME TO KINDERGARTEN PRINCESS!!" She screamed in retaliation
"What?" I asked confused.
"Oh right I'm teaching a class..." She said, just realising how crazy she was being. "So today were teaching about the..." She took out a cartoonishly long list and read a bit from it "Aha! We're learning the dangers of cheating today class!"
"You don't need to talk to us like we're foals, we know what we're learning..." Said one of the students there, looking slightly annoyed.
I'm not gonna go into how the full class was, because it was boring, and I still don't give a fuck...
I got home and read the book, that I got months ago, again. And then my phone rang, who was on the other line, some add. But then, I got a letter at the door from Punchy
Dear Douche
you think you can just go a month without talking to us, you little prick! Octavia doesn't seem to care, sinse you were at the competition, but at least call! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I did, you were drunk... ' I thought 'And whats up with the lines? She must be drunk... '
I need to sort this out, I'll have to go to the bar while she's working.
Tomorrow, now I'm to tired and bored.