Luna's Breakfast

by DouglasTrotter

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3453

Luna tries to understand a microwave

It's hard for an individual to acclimate to new surroundings after being locked away for so long. Princess Luna has some time to herself and she needs to re-learn how things work in the new modern era of Equestria. Where should the guardian of all the night touches and the protector of dreams begin? Perhaps a bit of breakfast is just the best place to start.

A/N: I will be marking this as completed. With that said however, I may update it with more stories down the road. It will be used as a bit of release for comical/half-baked ideas for a Princess who has been gone for some time. To overstate the obvious, this whole concept takes place during the second season, and it occurs right after Nightmare Night.

Published 2014-03-11 03:00:16 UTC
Last updated 2014-06-09 15:15:10 UTC

Luna works a microwave

Canterlot Kitchen remained quiet. In the morning hours before the moon would set on the distance horizon, a single pin dropped onto the floor would have been an explosion in that soundless moment. For Princess Luna however, her elder sister’s hoof steps were beyond silent; their sound would be closer to a feather falling onto fresh snow.

“Pray tell, what is this contraption?” Princess Luna squinted at the box, catching Princess Celestia walking into the kitchen out of the corner of her eye. The royal blue mare raised her right hoof and said, “Sister, what does it do?”

“That is called a ‘microwave,’ and it was invented about 30 years before your return, dear sister. It is a rather interesting device. You can heat various objects in it, such as food. Though a pony can also heat other items in it as well, it isn’t advised. The warnings are very specific.” Princess Celestia said in a soft, calm voice. She levitated a canister of coffee and a filter out of the cabinet above the microwave. The ruler of Equestria refilled the water in the coffee maker for her royal brew of the day. “It takes some time for my coffee maker, why don’t I make you some breakfast?”

Princess Luna held out her hoof, cleared her throat, and then spoke in a regal tone, “No sister, we must learn how to adapt to our surroundings. I mean… I must learn how things work. It would have been nice for you to tell me that I no longer needed the Royal Canterlot Voice or the royal ‘we’ when speaking when I went out on Nightmare Night. I scared those poor ponies to death in Ponyville. That unfortunate pegasus appeared to be the worst of the bunch.”

“I don’t think Fluttershy minded it too much.” Princess Celestia said with a smirk.

“You planned that, didn’t you?” Princess Luna pointed her hoof at her sister. “Tia….”

“La vie est drôle,” The elder sister said, sticking her tongue out after she poured herself a cup of coffee. “Ack, too hot! I think I burnt my royal tongue.”

“Hrmph, serves you right dear sister. We’ll call ourselves even in regards to ‘that’ little matter involving ‘my’ apparent holiday. Nightmare Night should be a time of jubilation, not fear and contempt. Though, I guess the holiday did turn out alright. A night of fear isn’t all bad.” Princess Luna said, ending with a quiet, polite giggle. “I did rather enjoy the interaction with those fillies and colts – I digress though. Tell me, how do I work this ‘my crow wave’ of sorts?”

Princess Celestia chuckled to herself in the kitchen as her little sister tapped on the microwave’s front plastic window with her right hoof. The elder sister whimpered. Her ears lowered. She turned to her little sister, “I hrt mah royal tongue. Will you kiss it? Your kisses make everything better.”

“O, grow up sister,” Princess Luna said with a huff, “and please tell me how this works. I need to understand my surroundings.”

“Very well, little sis’,” Princess Celestia said as she closed her eyes, sticking out her tongue once more, retracting it quickly. The regal mare opened the refrigerator and produced a box, levitating a thick pastry out of it. “Here, these are delicious. Sweet Apple Acres saddlebag pouches. The toaster oven is the preferred method of heating them, but I suppose you can put them in the microwave. Now, we first open the microwave.”

Princess Luna’s gaze fixated on the black button when she saw it pressed. The royal blue mare’s jaw dropped, but, after she composed herself, the royal blue mare said, “How? How can a device be imbued with magic? Our royal unicorn magicians were just discovering the potential of such powerful abilities. They struggled to imbue a broom, and their frustration was further compounded when they tried to get the broom to fly under the commands of a non-magic user like an earth pony.”

“Luna…” Princess Celestia said with a sigh, “It isn’t imbued with magic. A simple action in the microwave causes a spring and latch mechanism to release the door.”

Several sounds emanated from the device. It soon began to buzz and hum. The royal blue mare’s wide-eyed gaze gave way to a single raised eyebrow. Princess Luna peaked from around her sister. She watched the circular glass tray spin, looking ever so often at the timer. As her sister stepped closer, the elder sister moved off to the side. The timer neared completion with 10 seconds left.

Princess Celestia bit down on her lip. Princess Luna’s nose touched the microwave as she got closer. Five seconds remained. One second remained.

“Hahahaha!” Princess Celestia failed to contain her laughter, rolling onto her back. “Sister, please try to – hahahaha!”

“It’s a demon! I will smite it! Sister, protect the fillies, colts and foals. Gather the guards. I will hold it off.” Princess Luna said. Her horn glowed an equal hue to her royal blue coat. The light from the spell darkened the room. “By my horn, I shall send thee to Tartarus you demon ‘my crow wave!’”

The ruler of Equestria stepped in front of her sister and the device. Princess Celestia, trying to her best to stifle her snickering, said,” Your, tee hee, your breakfast is ready, little sister.”

Princess Luna sniffed her breakfast, and then poked it with her hoof. She stuck her tongue out, touched it to the treat, and then levitated her pastry breakfast off of the plate. “Hrmm, this is quite tasty and warm. How did it get so warm? There was no fire in that device?”

“Luna, I have some royal duties to attend to right now. I promise to help you out later today.” Princess Celestia hugged her sister. The elder sister levitated her coffee cup off the table and exited the kitchen door. An attendant came with the list of regal duties for the day, and, after a few moments passed, a loud “bang” emanated from the door behind them. Princess Celestia turned, pushed her hoof against the door, and entered into the kitchen with her assistant. The regal mare’s eyes dilated. “Lu-Luna, h-h-ho-how did this happen?”

The microwave’s door lay on the floor. Milk dribbled from the microwave interior, onto the counter, and then rolled off the marble lip towards the floor with milk and eggs firmly suck to the microwave door. Princess Luna hid in the corner while an arterial shower of milk droplets rolled down the cabinet doors adjacent to the counter where the microwave resided. As she surveyed the damage, Princess Celestia snickered to herself.

“Sister, it tried to kill me! There is more to that thing than meets either of our eyes. It is a ‘demon’ in disguise!” Princess Luna said, peaking around the corner to look at the microwave. The ding of the timer reached all their ears. “Tis no reason to laugh, it tried to kill me. Sister, that thing is an assassin.”

“Please, will you excuse me and my sister? I will take today off to help my sister acclimate a bit better,” Princess Celestia wiped a tear from her eye after she finished one final bout of laughter. The elder sister helped in cleaning up the mess. With a quick spell, Princess Celestia fixed the microwave to full working order. “Sister, how about we have a little get together for just the two of us today. Those royal duties are simple matters that I can attend to later on this evening. Now, where would you like to begin?”

Luna vs. the juicer

The pony near her side gave a gentle, warmhearted smile. The marble floors sparkled after their thorough cleaning. Princess Celestia returned the kind smile to her sister and said, “I promised to take the day off to help you get reacquainted. So, where should we start little sister? Perhaps the best place to start is breakfast. Or I guess in your case, it would be dinner.”

Princess Luna’s eyes darted around; her gaze lasted for mere seconds with each object it reached.

Knives hung from the iron hanger on the wall; they glinted in the sunlight. Light reflected off the chrome faucet, and each contraption appeared stranger than the last. As she moved towards the counter, the mare raised her hoof. She poked the plastic lip of one device. It turned on.

“Sister, stand back. I’ll smite that contraption just like that other evil device… I kind of ‘exploded.’” Princess Luna said while she jumped back, her horn glowing fiercely.

“Sister…” Princess Celestia said with a sigh before she chuckled to herself. She levitated the weird device off the counter for Princess Luna to see, only to witness her sister backing away even further.

“Keep that thing away from us! We already had our ‘check up’ at the doctor’s office.” Princess Luna said with a bellow before she let out a whimper. The royal blue mare shivered for a second, “I don’t want to get ‘examined’ again. It’s wrong.”

“Luna!” Princess Celestia said as she let out a laugh that enveloped the kitchen. She regained her composure, after falling to the floor and laughing for a second. Between her snickering, she said,” I can, heh heh, assure you this isn’t for ‘that’ intended purpose. It’s a juicer.”

Princess Luna approached the device her sister levitated in the air. She tapped the side with her right hoof, nothing. The device made no sound. Her hoof tapped the side once more to no effect. It was after a moment of silence that she breathed a sigh of relief, yet that silent moment broke as her hoof touched the top of the juicer and activated it.

The top of the device spun against Princess Luna’s hoof for several seconds. She backed away and darted to her original spot in the corner. “Tis a lie, that device is evil! It’s worse than that ‘my crow wave’ contraption in the corner. A device that’s meant to ‘juice’ things, I don’t believe it.”

“Princess Luna. I do not ‘lie’ to any pony, especially my sister.” Princess Celestia said with a stern tone. She rolled her eyes, and then levitated an orange out of the fridge. She sliced it in half, placed it on top of the device, and presented the liquid refreshment. “This model is rather outdated. As you can see however, it is meant for juicing. Here, how about some fresh orange juice?”

Princess Celestia floated the glass in front of her sister as the pony sniffed it. Princess Luna took a second sniff glass, sipped on it, and then gulped the drink down. She licked her lips. While she placed the juicer’s contents in the sink to clean it, Princess Celestia received a hearty smile from her sister. Princess Luna swirled her hoof on the floor. Her voice remained quiet, her head low. “We are… I mean, I am… I’m sorry for calling you a liar, Tia.”

“Luna,” Princess Celestia said as she came towards the pony and placed her wing over her, “I promise that I won’t lie to you about things. That doesn’t mean I will hold your hoof throughout this adjustment process. You will need to learn on your own. There are matters I do have matters to attend to at times. We will consider today an exception.”

Princess Celestia folded her wing back to her side, but soon felt a soft touch against her side. She saw the familiar, royal blue, feathery wings of Princess Luna. The pony gave a quiet “thank you” to her elder sister before she examined the juicer parts in the sink.

“We or rather ‘I’ just cleaned up the kitchen from your first little trial and error.” Princess Celestia said in a sly voice that ended in a coy smile. “I hope you aren’t thinking of something devious, my little sister. Orange juice isn’t ‘fun’ to clean up.”

Princess Luna shook her head at her sister, “I promise dear sister, I am not ‘plotting’ anything. Right now, I am merely contemplating the applications of the device. That drink was quite tasty. I would like another.”

“Good,” Princess Celestia said with a smile. She nodded to her little sister and said, “I will be right back. Though I have taken today off, I want to double check the list my attendant had. It’s unlikely something has come up. Still, I ask that you please don’t go exploring anything else till I get back. Please promise me, please?”

“I promise not to explore anything else in this kitchen. You have my royal promise.” Princess Luna said, holding her right hoof to her chest. “Do you mind if I use the juicer?”

Princess Celestia gave a quick “ok” before she stepped outside the kitchen. She was greeted by her attendant who remained there with the checklist of the day’s activities. Her eyes glanced over each item, but she stopped to look inside. Relief came while she saw Princess Luna investigating the juicer. After a final look, Princess Celestia walked alongside her attendant to a nearby room. It was short lived.

“Tia!” Princess Luna said as she bolted out of the kitchen, covered in a sticky liquid. “The juicer tried to dispose of us and take our place as Princess of the Night.”

An odor wafted from Princess Luna and filled the large, ornate hallway. The attendant said, after a quick whiff, “Apples, coconuts, and watermelon?”

Princess Luna nodded. She turned to Princess Celestia who placed her hoof on her face. The three mares walked into the kitchen to see copious amounts of intermingled liquids splattered everywhere.

“The ceiling?!” Princess Celestia said in a dumbfounded tone that matched her expression. “I will need to borrow the Elements of Harmony to make sure you are really cleansed of Nightmare Moon’s effects.”

“We swear we aren’t that terror!” Princess Luna said with a whimper. “Sister, please believe me. I tried to learn on my own. The directions on the label said it was meant for juicing fruits. Apples and Watermelon are fruit. That coconut is a lie though.”

Princess Celestia rolled her eyes before she chuckled to herself. “Everything seems to be in order. I will have the rest of the day off to assist my sister.”

The attendant gave a polite bow. She exited the royal kitchen and heard the two mares chuckling at one another.

“This doesn’t excuse the mess. You will clean it up. Also, you are on kitchen duty for a week.” Princess Celestia said to her sister. “No butts, ‘wittle woona,’ those are for sitting on.”

Princess Luna grumbled under a hushed tone, yet she gave a sly quick smirk. In her mind she said to herself, “It’s good to be home.”

Luna, a fridge, and an electric knife

Princess Luna’s cheery attitude, from the previous day, remained as the sun rose in the distant horizon. The mare grinned at the prospects of a well guarded night. Also, her second day of acclimation had come.

“I’m ready,” Princess Luna said in a stern yet quiet voice to herself while she moved down the hallway. Despite the setback of the microwave explosion and the juicer misshape, the mare was ready. She steadied herself. The kitchen door opened. “Tia?”

Sunlight came through the window and glinted off the knives, the intricate marble sink, and the refrigerator. The kitchen remained calm, serene. Princess Luna’s ears perked up, nothing.

“Tia? Tia, are you trying to scare me? Nightmare Night is over.” Princess Luna said. Her ears were greeted with continued silence, save for the refrigerator’s motor that turned on. “So be it, we are… I mean, I am a matured mare. I can find something to eat.”

Princess Luna’s eyes glanced over towards the refrigerator’s door. She tugged on it. Another swift tug came, but the door refused to budge.

“FOU— Stupid device, open thy self.” She said, controlling the tone in her voice. Princess Luna’s successive tugs with her magic gave way to a swift “crack” that resounded throughout the quiet kitchen. The right door of the double door fridge opened. Princess Luna tapped her hoof against her chin and said, “Hmm....”

Inside, various fruits, vegetables, and dairy products were arranged in perfect order; Princess Celestia’s protégé would swoon at the sight of it all. The light from the fridge reflected off the skin of a shiny red apple, its white label reading Sweet Apple Acres finest.

“Yes, an apple seems right.” Princess Luna said then finished with a slight nod. She levitated the apple out of the refrigerator. A knife lay on the counter with a few stains on it. After she rolled her eyes, the mare levitated the object. It hummed to life, causing Princess Luna to recoil. She jumped back and illuminated her horn. “If thy wish battle then thou shall find defeat, we will not allow you to harm a single subject!”

Princess Luna’s bellow penetrated the kitchen’s door before it opened. A mare stepped inside.

“Luna…” Princess Celestia said with an exasperated sigh. After she stretched her wings out, the elder sister moved towards Princess Luna. “I had hoped to leave you alone to your own devic—“

“That is a dangerous weapon. What is it doing in thy kitchen?!” Princess Luna said as she maintained her stance, ready to do battle at a moment’s notice.

Princess Celestia moved towards her sister and whispered into her ear, “It’s an ‘electric’ knife.”

“An ‘e-lek-trick’ knife? It isn’t a ‘trick’ Tia, tis a lie knife! That mechanical entity would have harmed us. An assassin must have sent it to harm you or—“ Princess Luna said.

"Luna, I can assure you that those days of plots, deception, and surreptitious activities and behaviors are a distant thing of the past. There hasn’t been a plot against Equestria in over two hundred years. Even then, what happened those two hundred years ago was a simple mistake. The griffon king plotted with my guard to kidnap me for a surprise birthday party.” Princess Celestia said, ending with a chuckle. “That was a fun little event. It was quite the party. I doubt Twilight’s friend Pinkie Pie could have thrown a better party.”

Princess Celestia glanced over to see her sister unfazed, Princess Luna’s eyes affixed to the knife that buzzed around on the ground. The elder sister levitated the device up. She brought it close to her and tapped the switch with her hoof. It shut off.
“Why did it cease?” Princess Luna said. “Wait! It’s a trick. The device is merely sleeping.”

“’Woona’ you are such a riot.” Princess Celestia said, giving another swift chuckle but ended it in an abrupt manner. “You are ‘technically’ right Princess Luna. The device is now off. It’s only when you touch the ‘button’ that it turns back on. Here, I’ll show you.”

After she washed the blade, Princess Celestia switched the device on and sliced the apple on the cutting board. The reciprocating motion of the blade cut through the apple with ease. Soon, several fresh slices were put on a plate. Princess Luna levitated a slice, sniffed it, and then ate it. She gave a slight smile to her sibling at her side.

“Sorry Tia,” Princess Luna said. She shied away, but was brought closer by Princess Celestia’s Wing.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, my dear sister. You will grow accustomed to this new, marvelous world we live in. I’m quite astounded by what my little ponies have concocted, invented, and made throughout the years.” Princess Celestia said. She gave a hearty smile before it soured. “It’s not easy. I’m glad you’re home with me, Woona.”

“Tia,” Princess Luna said, and then gave a slight nuzzle to her sister. “I’m glad to be back. Now—“

A sudden, quick “crack” interrupted the mare. Before she could continue, both doors of the refrigerator fell off. Its contents spilled onto the floor. Princess Celestia turned. She gave a devilish smirk.

“Luna…” Princess Celestia’s voice trailed off, her eyebrow twitching as the end of her tail began to catch on fire.

“We, I, Umm….” Princess Luna said. Her horn glowed. A flash of light brightened the kitchen.

Princess Celestia found herself alone in the kitchen. Both doors of the refrigerator lay face down. A crushed container of milk lay under one door, its top split open. As the fire on Princess Celestia’s tail was extinguished by the milk, she sighed. In a semi-jovial tone she said, “The work of a princess is never done. You'll be on kitchen duty for two weeks instead of just one, dear sister.”