The Equestrian Intelligence Agency

by Admiral Biscuit

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Lyra, Comedy, Shining Armor
Length: 1053

After the changeling invasion, Shining Armor makes changes to the Equestrian Intelligence Agency. Can Lyra keep her job?

After the disaster of the Royal Wedding, Shining Armor reviews the files of all his secret agents. When he comes across Lyra's name, he finds her past performance to be less-than stellar. Will he keep her on, or find somepony else to serve where she has failed?

Now with a reading by Pony&Wolf Productions!

Published 2014-03-11 03:30:10 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-11 03:30:10 UTC

Not a Mare of Action

Lyra paused outside the heavy wooden door. Getting summoned to the office of the Captain of the Equestrian Guard was never good, especially after the recent incident with the changelings. She ran a hoof through her mane to make sure it was in place, wishing she’d brought a mirror. Oh well, she thought, if wishes were wings, unicorns would fly. She knocked lightly.

Shining Armor magicked the door open, and nodded his head politely. Lyra took a quick glance around his office—it was pretty much unchanged from the last time she had been here. The walls were in need of another coat of whitewash, and the desk was slightly more dilapidated. The piles of papers scattered around its surface had gotten deeper, and the lines on Shining Armor’s face seemed more pronounced; Lyra assumed he was still dealing with the aftermath of the changeling invasion. Even though Princess Celestia said that it was nopony’s fault, Shining Armor felt personally responsible: after all, it was his shield that was supposed to have protected Canterlot, and it collapsed.

“Lyra,” Shining Armor said. “Have a seat.” He motioned to the repurposed garden bench that was shoved against the wall. He frowned at her posture as she sat with her back against the backrest, hind legs swinging free, but said nothing.

“Am I correct in assuming that this is about the changeling incident, boss?”

“You are.” He looked Lyra directly in the eye. “There were some significant lapses in our security. I don’t need to remind you that Princess Cadance was entrapped in the crystal caverns under the castle, followed by Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia was overpowered in front of all the wedding guests and put into a cocoon, and the bearers of the Elements of Harmony were captured by the changeling hive—to say nothing of all the other ponies injured or confined during the attack.

“Unfortunately, this incident has caused me to perform a very through review of our security procedures, and I must say, some of what I found in your file makes me question your fitness for your post.”

Lyra’s eyes widened. For five years, she had been the Equestrian Intelligence Agency’s agent-in-place in Ponyville. She had been simply another background pony, hardly noticed in the bustle of daily life. More recently, she’d been tasked to keep an eye on Twilight Sparkle as a personal favor to Shining Armor; fortunately, her magic had enabled her to go places most other unicorns could not, such as Cloudsdale.

“During the parasprite infestation,” Shining stated as he read her file, “instead of immediately reporting the event to your superiors, you cried.” He looked up, expecting a response.

“It was Bon Bon’s birthday! We’d had a nice quiet lunch together, and before I could even eat one bite of the cake I got for her, it was devoured by a parasprite! The day had been going so well before they showed up! They were horrible; nopony could have stopped them. . . .”

“Pinkie Pie led them off,” he reminded her. “You should have had parasprite management lessons during your basic training—for Luna’s sake, you’re even nominally a musician!” He turned back to her file. “Let’s see. An incident with an Ursa Minor…well, your report on that was timely and concise, and I suppose nopony can be blamed for the imbecilic actions of a couple of foals…building collapses, hot-air balloon failure, runaway baby carriage, sleeping dragon, Nightmare Moon, love poison . . . a ‘possible plot by the CMC’ to subvert the educational and agricultural system?”

“I didn’t know it was a bunch of fillies,” Lyra wailed. “I thought that the so-called Cutie Mark Crusaders were an underground group. Who would have thought that three foals could cause that much damage? Berry Punch’s house got dragged off its foundation, and the Carousel Boutique had serious damage to the facade. It’s only gotten worse since then—you can’t even imagine what they can do with fireworks.”

Shining Armor looked her in the eyes. “Lyra, your reports are well-thought-out and concise—well, maybe not the one about the Cutie Mark Crusaders—and you have an eye for detail that most ponies don’t. But, you don’t strike me as a mare of action, and are perhaps out of your depth in the field.

“Furthermore, after the incident with the changelings, I have to make some changes in the department. Princess Celestia hasn’t said anything, but how embarrassed do you think I feel having an EIA agent not only fail to discover Queen Chrysalis’ plot, but to be brainwashed by her into turning . . . well, evil? You actively campaigned against my sister and my wife.”

Lyra almost foalishly said she wasn’t your wife yet, but the words died before they could be spoken. She hung her head in shame. “I understand, Shining. I have failed you and the EIA. Rather than suffer the indignity of being fired, I’ll resign.”

Shining held up his hoof. “Hold on there, Lyra, I was not saying that I wished to terminate your employment. Even though there have been some regrettable incidents, your reports have always been informative. Nay, I would rather…laterally promote you to a, um, reporting agent.”

Lyra broke into a smile. “I can keep the house with Bon Bon?” She frowned. “Wait, if I’m not a field agent anymore, who is? Do you have somepony in mind?”

“I do.” He shuffled through some files on the desk. “In fact, we are planning on employing more agents in the Ponyville area. It seems that with the bearers of the Elements of Harmony living there, more, um, discord has been happening. Plus, it’s close to the Everfree Forest, and that’s always been a problem area.” He found the file he was looking for, and held it up. “There are three earth ponies who have applied for the job. Perhaps you know them? Roseluck, Daisy, and Lily.”

Lyra almost managed not to laugh.

Author's Note

This story pre-dates my FimFiction account. It was written not long after the season 2 finale.

There was some speculation way back when that the reason Lyra was so often seen in the background (even in Cloudsdale) was because she was a secret agent, tasked with keeping watch on Twilight. I ran with that idea.