Kung Fu Pony

by Honeytongue

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover
Length: 1196

Poke (Spike as Po), a young noodle-slurping dragon among ponies, dreams of becoming a kung fu master. A spoof-homage retelling of Kung Fu Panda with characters from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

Poke, a young noodle-slurping dragon among ponies, dreams of being a kung fu master. His dreams become reality, when he is unexpectedly chosen as the legendary (Dragon) 'Warrior of Friendship', much to the surprise of almost everypony (including himself). He begins training alongside his lifelong heroes, the Furious Five (Tigret Shimmer, Vipershy, Cranebow Dash, Monkey Pie, and Mantisjack), under the leadership of Master Twifu Sparkle. But when the vengeful Tai Luna escapes from prison, and is heading their way, it's up to Poke to stop her.

A spoof-homage retelling of Kung Fu Panda with characters (and themes) from MLP: FiM.

Kung Fu Panda belongs to Dreamworks.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic belongs to Hasbro, Lauren Faust, the Hub, etc.

Author's Note: I actually want to make this into a script for fan-animation someday. But for now, I'll see if I can pull it off as an awesome fanfic.
P.S. Before anyone asks, Rarity will get a much bigger role (that actually suits her character) in the sequel.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-15 05:45:21 UTC

The Warrior (Dream)

"Legend tells of a Legendary Warrior," said a voice, that had somehow been inserted into this story's narrative, "whose Kung Fu skills were the stuff of Legend!"

And, who apparently used the word 'legend', in the same sentence twice.

The 'Legendary Warrior' was a tall, physically well-built male dragon, with purple and green scales. The top-half of his face was always concealed, by the cone-shaped hat, he wore on his head. His long flowing scarlet cape, flew behind him in the forest scented wind, like a large waving flag. Rays of sunlight touched the orange-golden robe underneath. With a long bamboo staff in one of his clawed hands, he-

"He traveled the land, in search of worthy foes."

...While the author felt annoyed for being interrupted.

His travels brought him to a large gingerbread tea-house, built on an island, in the middle of a lake. The many banners planted along the shore, boarded windows, and rising smoke from the house, indicated this to be the right place. After making his way along the wooden boardwalk, he opened the doors. The inside of the gingerbread house was dark, and packed with a large bandit gang of various creatures, all of them now starring at him.

There were Diamond Dogs, hench-ponies, Shadowbolt ninjas, a red orange-spiked dragon, a female griffon, and a centaur demon with bull horns. A yellow orange-maned Earth pony stallion was being held at the neck by the red dragon. The female griffon had a chubby blue mare pinned to the floor. And the horned centaur, was shaking out Bits and gems, from a beautiful white unicorn wearing a kimono. The Warrior silently passed by all of them, as he took a seat at a table, and proceeded to eat a bowl of gems.

The bandits immediately surrounded him. Their boss, the horned centaur demon, sat directly from across the table.

"I see you like to chew," the Gang Boss said, "maybe you should chew- ON MY FIST!!"

Rearing up, the Gang Boss banged his large red fist onto the table, causing the bowl of gems to jump a few inches in the air. Yet, this did nothing to intimidate his gem munching opponent, as he had hoped it would.

"The Warrior said nothing, for his mouth was full."

He raised a clawed hand, and gestured to wait a minute, so he could finish.

"Then he swallowed."

The Warrior swallowed.

"And then he spoke."

"Enough talk," he said, with the same voice as the 'Narrator', "let's fight! SHA-SHA BOOEY!"

With a remarkable burst of speed and strength, he got up and punched through the table, turning it into many splinters, while knocking out the nearest bandits in the process. A bright blazing aura of light seemed to surround him as his cape came off. Doing a mix of Tiger Claw and Tai Chi moves, he blasted the Gang Boss away, then proceeded to do the same to a trio of Diamond Dogs.

He used his strong spiky tail to bat away at the she-griffon, and at the same time, did a mid-air split kick against the red dragon and a golden maned Shadowbolt pegasus. Sending them flying across the house, and crashing against the walls. The three, formerly oppressed, ponies watched in awe at these deadly feats of martial arts.

"He was so deadly in fact, that his enemies would go blind, from over-exposure to Pure Awesomeness! "

"My Eyes!" the griffon screamed in pain.

"He's Too Awesome!" said the red dragon with fear.

The kimono-wearing unicorn took a few steps forward, fixed up her violet mane, while casting her starry blue eyes upon the Warrior, as she said; "and Attractive."

"You saved our lives and business," said the blue mare gratefully.

"How can we repay you?" the ginger stallion asked.

The Warrior sharply turned his head towards them.

"There is no charge for Awesomeness...or Attractiveness."

This caused the unicorn to blush, as she let out a lovestruck sigh. The Warrior focused his gaze back on the remaining bandits. With a powerful double upper-cut, he sent them all skywards, creating a rainbow mushroom cloud.

"KA-BLOOMY!"

He leaped into the air and went after them, using his legs, arms, tail and even his head, as he took down each airborne assailant.

"It mattered not how many foes he faced. They were no match for his bodasity!"

The sky was covered with many more bandits, diving down towards the Legendary Warrior. To his right were Diamond Dogs. To his left were griffons. They all swarmed upon him, creating formations that resembled their respected species, about to swallow the lone dragon. Yet, the Warrior merely looked up at them in the eye, which had a rainbow twinkle in it, and blasted them all with his green fiery breath!

"Ki-Yai!"

With all of the barbequed bandits plummeting into the lake, he landed on the boardwalk, and resumed his journey.

"Never before had a dragon been so feared."

He stopped walking, and looked up towards the horizon.

"And so loved."

Off in the distance, the Warrior could see a mountain. On top of this mountain, was a glorious palace-temple of jade. Standing in front of the palace-temple, were two Earth ponies, two pegasi, and a unicorn, with a sunset coloured mane. In a single bound, they landed in front of the Kung Fu fighting dragon.

"Even the most heroic heroines in all of Equina, The Furious Five, bowed in respect to this great master."

After bowing, the five ponies gathered around the Warrior, in a Kung Fu group pose. Thus, indicating their acceptance of him, as the newest member in their team. The first pony to speak, was a pink curly-maned mare, who was the master of Monkey style.

"This calls for a Party."

"Agreed."

Out of nowhere, balloons, streamers, and confetti appeared.

"Heeyah!" said the six warriors.

Suddenly, they found themselves on the edge of a cliff, looking towards a large shadowy mountain. Between them and the mountain, was a vast army of evil creatures, that looked like ponies with insect features. The Warrior pulled out a magical green sword, the Sword of Heroes. With a single swing, he cut down the weapons the creatures were holding, allowing him and the Furious Five to attack.

"But partying out would have to wait. Because when you're facing the Ten Thousand Changelings of Changeling Mountain, there's only one thing that matters, and that's- "

"Poke!" said a new voice, that interrupted the first one. Let's see how He likes it!

The Warrior stopped in mid-air, and looked around for where the voice was coming from.

"Get up!" said the new voice, through the pink Earth pony.

"You'll be late for work!" it said again, this time, using the sunset-maned unicorn.

And with that, the Legendary Warrior was no more. In his place was the baby dragon, Poke. Wearing over-sized clothing and holding a sword that was almost as big as him. The Furious Five glanced over at him, in surprise of his new transformation.

"What?!" said Poke to the author in confusion.

Then everything around him went blurry, as he began screaming and falling down, until-

THUD!