Joe Humansdorp & the Mystery of Sweetie Belle's Nethers

by Jioplip

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Human
Length: 1235

Joe Humansdorp: Average human in average Equestria with an average mission: Have sex with Sweetie Belle.

Joe Humansdorp was dropped into Equestria via portal, so naturally he wants to have relations with little fillies!

Join Joe in his quest to gain access to Sweetie Belle's nethers and have comically unrealistic sex with her.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-28 03:10:02 UTC

Joe Humansdorp Begins His Mission

Joe Humansdorp was just your average, brown-haired, caucasian American with no particularly distinctive facial features or personality traits. He was so average in fact, that when he was sucked through a conveniently non-lethal portal to Equestria nobody even noticed he was gone. Odd, given modern record-keeping.

But that wasn't enough to keep Joe Humansdorp down! Though mostly because he's too generic to have angst.

And while interesting protagonists might have assaulted Celestia or wandered the world looking for a way home, Joe Humansdorp instead was forced to negotiate the terrible world of menial paperwork as he applied to become a citizen of Equestria.

A few months later the paperwork came back with a dramatic reveal!

He was now an Equestrian citizen, just like he wanted!

So logically it was time to fuck Sweetie Belle.

In the dead of night he crept upon the roof of Sweetie Belle's home, then immediately regretted it since he could have just climbed to her window directly. Recovering quickly he crawled to his love's window, which she had left open in anticipation of his arrival.

"Joe!" Sweetie Belle exclaimed breathlessly upon seeing her beau, "thou hast finally come for me!"

"Indeed, lady Belle," Joe intoned lovingly, "I art totally an Equestrian citizen now."

"Thine news is totally ballin'!" Sweetie moved the blankets off herself erotically, revealing her nubile form, "now thou must ravish mine form with thine hot rod."

Joe wasted no time wriggling out of his clothes quickly and bouncing eagerly to Sweetie's bed, he came to a rest beside the young unicorn with a rose in his teeth. He tried to wiggle his eyebrows seductively but he sucked immensely at it. Joe threw away the rose daintily and swiftly slithered his head down to Sweetie Belle's pure opening. By which I mean vagina.

Joe started by licking up and down her fillyhood hungrily, prompting the young unicorn to moan cutely in response. Pleased that his efforts were having the desired effect, he slowly pushed his tongue into her pale pink pony pussy, causing his target to squeak deliciously.

Sweetie Belle grabbed Joe's head with her front hooves and started thrusting her hips into his fervid ministrations. Joe lifted his mouth from Sweetie Belle's hips, replacing his tongue with eagerly thrusting fingers.

"Art thou prepared for my swift penetration?" Joe asked Sweetie Belle.

"Yea verily," she replied.

Joe removed his fingers from Sweetie Belle and shifted his hips up to meet hers. Joe began sensually slapping his turgid manmeat against Sweetie's tiny sexbox, prompting yet more adorable mewllings from his filly fuck. Sweetie started grinding against his stiff potsticker and fixed him with a smoldering look.

"Hurry up and fuck me," said the look.

Never one to ignore the words of a stare, Joe expediantly drew back and stridently thrust his rigid trousersnake into Sweetie's dripping beaver. Sweetie gasped amorously at the sudden feeling of great pleasure searing all through her baby babycavern, and began thrusting her ivory hips rhapsodically into Joe's fleshy seedplanter. Joe responded by slamming his throbbing memberpenis earnestly into Sweetie Belle's tightening whoopee tunnel.

Sweetie Belle began squeaking obscenely in time with Joe's fervid thrusts, growing higher and higher in pitch as his pace increased.

"J-Joe, thou art making me c-" Sweetie broke off into a glass-shattering orgasmic scream as she tightened aroung Joe's auspicious kingmaker in nirvanic bliss.

Joe let out his own orgasmic scream but a moment after, abruptly filling Sweetie's tightening treasurebox with semen. So quickly, in fact, that Sweetie took off like a rocket from his dick, smashing through her bedroom wall and flying straight over ponyville and into the Everfree Forest.

Suddenly a terrifying manticore appeared in the cum-missile-filly's path, its hard cum baster on full display. But Sweetie flew true, for she knew the path ashoe, and her open mouth struck the manticore about its penis, dragging the beast along with her.

The manticore's cock forcefully ravaged Sweetie's throat as she did her best to massage it with her well-trained sucking muscles, and sure enough the manticore didn't last long and it came exactly 125ml down the young unicorn's throat.

Sweetie nimbly discarded the manticore to the ravages of a nearby river serpent and continued her uncontrolled flight. Soon enough she saw another bawdy scene before her: A Minotaur penis-measuring contest.

Each of the contestants were lined up in a row, their dickheads at the perfect level for Sweetie Belle to enact her desire.  Sweetie opened her mouth lustily as she approached, and she was rewarded with the taste and sensation of fifteen minotaur cocks slamming themselves into her mouth.

Sweetie continued her cum-propelled flight for some time and sucked off many more creatures, until she finally reached her home after a full circuit around the planet. Nimbly did she rotate so her backside faced the oncoming wall and her stomach pointed downwards, and like a cannonball did she smash through the wall and moan carnally as her anus became impaled upon Joe's patiently waiting mansausage.

Swiftly did Joe grab ahold of Sweetie's hips and fervently did he slide her fore and along his member, gasping as her rear muscles tighten and constrict around him. Joe's pace quickened and Sweetie moaned throatily in response, her lustful murmurs only serving to increase Joe's speed and pleasure.

It was not long yet before the two reached their respective limits. First came Sweetie Belle, her backyard tunnel tightening at her blissful release. Second came Joe, his salty cream flooding out into Sweetie's constricting cock cage. Third came Rarity, through the door at that very moment. Fourth came the police, despite Joe's best efforts.

Fifth was Joe again, to his prison cell. Sixth was Joe's cellmate, but that's a story for another time.

Well, that's how it could have ended, but how about this?

Third came Rarity, watching through the door at that very moment.

Sweetie and Joe turned their heads in surprise as Rarity cried out in passion, and their gaze was met with the rapturous sight of Rarity frigging herself with her hoof. Sweetie felt supremely self-conscious as Joe rehardened inside her.

"Oh don't mind me," Rarity lustily intoned as she licked her dampened hoof, "I'm just enjoying the show."

And yea verily did Joe and Sweetie continue their sexual escapade under the watchful eyes of Rarity.

Yeah, that could have been how it ended, but I think this next one's the best.

Third came Rarity, barging through the door at that very moment.

"Joe!" Rarity exclaimed, "Thou must take Sweetie Belle as thy wife, in accordance with pony law!"

Neither Joe nor Sweetie Belle could object as Rarity rushed them through the process of being fitted for their wedding clothes, booking a venue, and arguing over wedding minutae. Rarity was so efficient that the bride and groom were in their finery and at the altar before Joe even had time to remove his penis from Sweetie's unsuitable vestibule.

"Joe d'you take Sweetie as yer wife?" asked Pinkie Pie who was suddenly behind the altar and ordained.

"I do!" he exclaimed as he pumped himself ever faster into Sweetie's puckered hole.

"And Sweetie do you yadda yadda Joe?" asked Pinkie Pie.

"I DOOOOOOO!" Sweetie screamed as she climaxed again, feeling the hot flow of Joe's lawfully wedded semen flowing up her usually one-way channel.

Everypony at the wedding cheered, and everypony was happy.

Fin.