Of Cupcakes and Captures

by SomeRandomMinion

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Changelings, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Random
Length: 4341

Chrysalis decides to punish a cowardly drone by sending him straight into the tender mercies of Ponyville...shrunken to toy-size.

Cricket Chirper is in trouble. He's a bit of a coward, you see: after getting his buggy rump kicked by six certain mares in Canterlot, he wasn't too keen on having to face them again. Well, when an order came down to attack Ponyville some time after the failed invasion of Canterlot, Cricket wasn't too keen on getting the tar beat out of him again.

So, he ran and hid in Manehatten. In other words, he disobeyed a direct order from his Queen.

Naturally, Chrysalis has a nicely evil, wonderfully sadistic punishment in mind for him...

(Has some references to the IDW comics, but reading them isn't necessary to understand this fic.)

Cover image is my own work.

Published 2014-03-11 04:40:08 UTC
Last updated 2014-04-22 03:17:43 UTC

The Wrath of the Queen

Chrysalis’ throne room wasn't worthy of the name by the standards of anycreature with a sense of aesthetics: it was just a large chamber carved into the sandstone that comprised the Badlands Hive, with an obsidian dais and a throne crafted from darkened iron in the center of the room. There were the requisite banners, flags, and heavily-armed elite guards one would expect from a royal court, but almost nothing else to give a sense of majesty or opulence. The walls were bare of any real decoration, and the closest thing to a red carpet leading up to the throne was a rut carved neatly into the floor where someling would walk along when entering Chrysalis’s’ presence. The recession was just deep enough to force you to look upwards to meet the Changeling Queen’s gaze...and given that said monarch’s throne was also on a raised dais, the whole affair was quite intimidating. It made all who entered feel thoroughly dwarfed.

Just like Chrysalis liked them to feel.

Especially if she was angry at someling. Like the cringing, shivering little drone sitting before her now, looking very much like he was considering chewing through the chains binding him. I’m almost tempted to let him try, Chrysalis sneered mentally. The infection this twit would get would be cathartic enough. But she wouldn’t let the Changeling before her suffer such a mundane punishment. Oh no, for what he’d done, she had something special in mind…

“Er...Your Carapace Majesty?” The simpleton squeaked out. “If I could just say--”

“Silence.” Chrysalis hissed, cutting him off. “After what you did, Cricket Chirper, you don’t have the right to make an excuse for not brushing your fangs every night, much less disobeying a direct command from your Queen!” She finished the brief triade by shooting to her hooves, towering over Cricket and glaring down at him from above.

Cricket shut up immediately, trembling on the floor.

“Allow me to remind you of what you did. Some time after our...incursion into Canterlot, we launched a plan to lure Twilight Sparkle here so I could absorb her magic as the Secretariat Comet passed by this world. You were part of the force of drones sent to attack Ponyville to cover the foalnapping of...those three brats, yes?” Chrysalis interrogated, trotting down towards Cricket. Her hooves made loud, high *clack*s on the stone floor as she approached Cricket, who was still cowering before her. The chains may not have even been needed then; his fear was restraint enough.

“Y-y-y-es, but…” Cricket blubbered, trying to find his voice.

“I said, stay quiet!! Your mission was to attack Ponyville and draw the Elements out, so I could deliver my message and get them all to come here for those...annoying...fillies,” Chrysalis continued, growling at the memory of those blasted brats. Dear Faust, they had never stopped talking! “...is that correct, Cricket Chirper?”

The terrified drone could only nod and whimper, bringing a fanged smirk to Chrysalis’s muzzle. She had always liked seeing other beings fear her--ponies, griffons, Changelings (of her own Hive, or from others)--it didn't matter. Fear wasn't food, but it was oh-so-satisfying all the same. Chuckling like a devil out of Tartarus, she began circling the worm’s prostrate form, making sure to stomp a bit, to make that clacking sound right in his ears. “But you did none of that, didn't you? No; you weren't even in Ponyville! You slipped away towards Manehatten and hid there for weeks! Even when that LITTLE WHELP SPARKLE MANAGED TO DEFEAT ME AND LEAVE ME TRAPPED IN MY OWN LAIR!!!” She roared, getting in Cricket’s face. “I was stuck in that blasted castle for WEEKS, with that hideous pony-suit of the Pink One singing ALL! THE! BLOODY! TIME!!” By now, Chrysalis was pressing her face into Cricket’s, the sheer force of her rage and physical strength actually lifting him a few inches off the ground.

“I came back…” Cricket offered, weakly.

Chrysalis got out of his face, sending Cricket crashing back to the ground. From his yelp on impact, he probably cracked the chitin on his jaw. He whimpered and cringed in on himself, trying to rub his battered muzzle with a shackled hoof.

Chrysalis scoffed at his pain. “Yes. After you spent a few weeks lazing about Manehatten, after--I'll remind you--disobeying my direct order to attack Ponyville...and no, being scared of those six is no excuse. You fought them in Canterlot, you already knew what they could do, and that they wouldn't go out of their way to kill you. And yet, when you were to go up against them again...in a simple diversionary strike, a hit-and-run attack...you. Ran. Away.”

Chrysalis stopped circling him, coming to a stop before the disgraced drone, leering down at him like he was something she’d scraped off her hoof. “And do you know what I hate more than Celestia and that pink songbird, little drone? Hmm?” she asked in a faux-sweet tone, fangs bared in a slasher grin.

Cricket somehow managed to make a whimper sound like a negative.

“That would be cowards,” Chrysalis finished as her serrated horn sparked to life. “What was it that you said you thought the Element Bearers would do to you… Ah, yes! They would ‘squish you like a bug which you kind of already are’; that’s how you put it!”

The sickly-green glow from her horn intensified, tiny bolts of lightning sporadically arcing out. “And so...I think your punishment should fit that fear!”

The magic lanced out in a beam of power, striking Cricket square in the chest. The spell engulfed him, leaving behind a glowing green silhouette that lingered in place for a second, then vanished in a flash.

There was no trace of Cricket, not even a burn mark. Even the shackles had vanished along with him

Chrysalis giggled, her anger quenched. “Enjoy Ponyville, Cricket! You’ll grow to like it eventually!”

=== === ===

When the Queen had charged her horn with magic, Cricket had suspected all sorts of horrific fates: set aflame to burn to cinders as his sovereign watched, forced to transform out of control until he burst from the sheer stress, or just being erased from reality completely, noling even remembering he had existed at all. Terrified beyond all reason, he had slammed his eyes closed and waited for the end.

But now….Well, his eyes were still closed, but he could tell he was existent enough to know that, at least.

And he didn’t feel on fire, nor was he transforming against his will.

In fact, he felt just fine. Comfortable, even: he wasn’t standing on the stone floor of the Hive, but on a rather soft...and slightly sticky...surface, that smelled like some tasty treat. Something with blueberries, his favorite! Maybe the Queen was just trying to scare me?Cricket wondered. Yeah, maybe she was just bluffing, or I got sympathy from being so scared! Calming down, he nodded to himself, eyes still closed. He’d gotten a second chance; that was it! All that scary-evil-queen-going-to-kill-him-horribly stuff had just been an act. Show an example of what happened when you chickened out and whatnot, scare you straight.

--Wait a minute, why did it feel like the ground was...moving? And that something was watching him? Something very big, and very scary?

Confidence drooping, Cricket opened his eyes.

...And found himself looking up at an impossibly large equine face. A unicorn mare’s face, to be exact. A white unicorn mare, with blue eyes and a purple mane styled with fancy curls. Her expression was one of utter surprise, eyes wide as saucers and jaw dropped. Or maybe she had been about to take a bite of the cupcake when she spotted him. And 'she' was Rarity, the Element of Generosity. The mare who’d broken three of Cricket’s ribs during the invasion, with one right hook.

And now, she was towering over him like a feminine colossus.

The white terror spoke, her eyes wide. “Twilight? There’s a Changeling on my cupcake.”

Wait, cupcake?! Cricket looked down, and saw the unmistakable surface of a miniature baked treat--though at his new size, it was easily big enough to stand on. His hooves were also suck in the icing, trapping him where he stood. His little wings gave a useless buzz, unable to lift him, and the Changeling began to shake; new terror seizing him. Oh no, this is bad. Bad,bad,bad,bad! And...did she say--

“A Changeling?! Where?! ...Wait, on you cupcake--?” The second mare’s voice came from behind Cricket, her breath a gust that pushed his shrunken form forward. Trembling, Cricket looked behind him...and came face to gigantic face with another giant unicorn, this one lavender in coat.

Twilight Sparkle. The Element of Magic. Protege’ of the Alicorn of the Sun herself, and the one who discovered and freed the real Princess Cadence from her cave prison. And also, a young mare with a very good reason to hate Changelings.

“What the--how did it get there?! Why is it so small? Was...Pinkie using him as a topping or something?” The purple titaness spluttered, snatching up her friend’s treat in her magic and turning it over in the air.

Cricket Chirper gulped, realizing what his punishment was. Helpless and tiny, at the mercy of the very same mares he’d defied his Queen to avoid. Looking between the two mega-mares, he said the only thing he could think of.

"Um...Hi, ladies. Please don't eat me?"

Triple Threat

The two giant mares exchanged bewildered looks, then looked down at Cricket in unison. Neither unicorn said anything for what felt like an horrifically long time to the shrunken Changeling (but was actually all of five seconds. Absolute fear for one’s life tends to futz around with one’s sense of time), but eventually his lavender captress spoke up.

“Well, we aren’t going to eat you--” she winced at that, scrunching up her face; “--but don’t think that means you’re getting off easy, fella.” Twilight leaned in, her face filling Cricket’s view as she glared down at him.

Cricket tried to hide his high-pitched yelp, and he managed to not crouch down completely prostrate: he still had some dignity left to salvage, after all...not that that was much against the lavender goddess of vengeance looming over him.

“I still remember what you guys did at Canterlot, and Equestria has learned a few of your tricks since then,” Twilight added. “So don’t think you can pull a fast one on us again, or that we’ll give you special treatment because you’re...inexplicably tiny. Got it?” She finished the last two words with a scowl, leaning in even closer. Cricket yelped again--this time he didn’t manage to keep it quiet, and made a sound like a stepped-on mouse--and all but fell on his rump as he tried to put as much distance between himself and the looming unicorn. His eyes kept darting to her horn...those bolts she’d fired at him and his comrades during the battle had hurt so much, and sent them flying everywhere! Cricket had even gotten propelled through a window and into a diner, and gotten covered in ketchup and hot sauce when he’d hit the condiment island!

Rarity cleared her throat in a loud, yet very polite and ladylike way. “Um, Twilight...?”

“Y-y-yes ma’am…” Cricket squeaked, Twilight’s face floated above him. Oh Maker above, help me! They say they won’t eat me--well, ponies are herbivores so they wouldn’t WANT to in the first place...not the point, in mortal danger here! ...But they could just feed me to the yellow one’s pet birds, or Death-Sparkle might experiment on me with magic, or Diamond-Rump use me as a pincushion, or make an earring out of me, or even give me to the Princesses!! His mind kept running a mile a minute, crafting more and more terrible fates for him at the hooves of the ponies…

Rarity faked a sneeze--complete with producing a fine silk hoofkerchief, or course! And rose her tone. “Twilight, dear…?”

Finally, Cricket’s vision cleared as Twilight pulled her head back and sat up straight. “Good. Now then, we’ll have to interroga--”

“Twilight!” Rarity broke in, her not-quite-shout forcing Cricket’s near prone form forward. The other unicorn’s glare dropped from her face as she jumped back, looking up at her fellow giant.

“Rarity, what is it? Was the Changeling trying something?” She glared down at her tiny captive once again.

Cricket risked a look behind him, and found his snow-white captress shooting an annoyed look at Twilight. “No, he wasn’t ‘trying something’; I think he’s too terrified to try and escape...and he may be stuck in the icing, anyway. What I was trying to tell you was that you were putting your nose in the icing.” Her eyebrows formed a flat line at the end, her voice matching the expression.

“Wha…?” Cricket watched as the mare who had only seconds before been threatening him went cross-eyed, looking at her nose. He followed her gaze...and they both gasped, at the smear of creamy white icing on the tip of Twilight’s nose, with a thin trail spread over her nostrils.

Some part of Cricket’s brain that wasn’t drowning in mortal fear realized she must have smeared it when she kept leaning in closer to him. Alas, he was too terrified to find it funny.

Twilight managed to salvage things. “Um, whoops; heh-heh…” She zapped the embarrassing confection off her face with a quick spell and gave a sheepish grin. “Um, sorry about that. Is there anything else? I kind of went overboard there with intimidating the Changeling.”

Rarity sighed, her deadpan expression returning to normal. “Well for one thing, there’s the matter of getting our...’unexpected guest’ in a secure place so he doesn’t cause trouble. Or get crushed by a careless pony.”

Cricket whimpered at that, hoping the two giants didn’t notice him.

Rarity lifted her hoof higher, examining the cupcake with a distasteful grimace. “For another...I need a new cupcake. Seeing as how he sat in it, and whatnot…”

And then, a new mare’s voice chimed in from behind Rarity. “Wait, what? You’re supposed to eat cupcakes, not sit on ‘em!” Both unicorns flinched at the new arrival, Cricket’s cupcake perch almost going flying off Rarity’s hoof and taking him with it. Cricket, meanwhile, just crouched lower into the icing, new fear seizing him. He knew that voice...

“That’s what chairs are for, duh! Cupcakes are too small to be comfy, anyway!” With that astute observation, a third giant mare--a pink earth pony--bounced into view, a huge grin spread across her face. She looked between her fellow titanesses as she continued rambling, her poofed-up, fluffy mane bouncing all the while from the motion. “I mean, who would do something that weird? Don’t worry girls, I’ll just get another one for free; it’s just one cupcake after all, no big loss and oh my gosh it’s an itty-bitty Changeling!” With a loud gasp, the pink behemoth sprang over, and Cricket’s vision was once again dominated by the face of a giant who’d given him a thrashing:

Not the Pink One...ANYPONY BUT THE PINK ONE!! He still heard that pink cannon in his nightmares, saw that storm of confetti and balloons coming right at his face...

Grinning like a loon, the pink terror launched into another storm of words. “Wow, he’s kinda cute like that! ..When he’s not invading cities or trying to beat us up with a kajillion of his friends, I mean, but I guess nopony can look cute when they’re doing evil, villain-y stuff. How’d he got sooo teeny-tiny anyway? Did one of you girls shrink him? If you did, why didn’t you use that at the Wedding we could have just made that evil Queenie Meanie all tiny and squished her, but that’s sort of mean too--”

Cricket lost track of her triade as fear engulfed him again. Shrunken to the size of a toy, captured in enemy lands, and utterly at the mercy of three giants he’d personally tried to hurt at normal size (out of six!), the Changeling did the natural thing anycreature would do in such an incredibly strange, fearful situation.

He screamed like a little filly.

Then he fainted.

Author's Note

By the way, the "anycreature" thing that's been popping up? NOT a typo. It's just a catch-all term for talking about multiple species, a la "Anypony", "anyling", etc.

Prepare for SCIENCE!

Pinkie’s rambling abruptly cut off when the Changeling had screamed (in a rather high-pitched manner) and collapsed in a dead faint onto the cupcake. The three mares exchanged awkward looks, each unsure of what to make of their unexpected captive. When the silence had gone on for a while, Twilight spoke up.

“I think we should all get to a table. Maybe make some sense of all this…” she offered. “And maybe have somewhere safer to put...him,” she added, waving a hoof at the prone and icing-covered Changeling atop Rarity’s cupcake. “Pinkie, can we all talk in your room? It’d be more secure than out here.”

Pinkie gave the KO’d Changeling a sad look, but perked up at Twilight’s question and bounced toward the shop’s front door. “No problem, Twilight! I’ll even put up an ‘Out To Lunch’ sign...even though I’m not getting lunch, I’m helping you two figure out what to do with an itty-bitty Changeling….” For a moment it seemed she would launch into her trademark rambling again, but Pinkie only shrugged and hopped over to the shop’s front door, putting up the sign (which she seemed to pull from thin air, making the rational part of Twilight’s brain twitch in her skull). “C’mon, let’s find out what we’ll do with the little buggy!” Pinkie called out as she bounced upstairs. The unicorns shared one last look before following their pink friend, the Cricket Chirper-topped cupcake floating in Twilight’s violet magic close behind.

They entered Pinkie’s room to find her lying on her bed looking at the ceiling, turning over a glass jar in her forelegs. “There you girls are! I got a jar to put the Changeling in; it even has holes in the lid. See?” She tilted the jar to reveal the perforated lid. “So...what do we do with him?” Pinkie asked, hoofing the jar to Rarity.

“I for one think we should inform the Princesses at once,” Rarity put in, taking the jar in her magic and unscrewing the lid. “Tiny or not, utterly terrified of us or not, a Changeling still wound up in Ponyville. For all we know, he could have been hiding here for days, spying on us!” The fashionista waved a hoof at Twilight, who floated the still-knocked-out Changeling, and the confection he was perched on into the jar and closed the lid.

Twilight quirked an eyebrow as she gave the jar back to Pinkie. “Rarity, I agree with telling the Princesses, but...I don’t think he’s the spying type. He thought we were going to...eat him--” she grimaced; “--and, how did he end up on that cupcake, anyway? It’s not exactly a good hiding spot.” She looked into the jar “That, and he seems kind of, um…”

“Wimpy?” Pinkie offered. “I mean, he screamed like a little filly! ‘Course, I’d scream too if I was surrounded by a bunch of giants who beat me up the last time we met…well anyway, where are you gonna keep him, Twilight?”

Twilight blinked and tilted her head “Wait, what? He’s not a pet, Pinkie! What they did was awful, but that’s no reason to--”

Pinkie giggled at her confusion, holding up a hoof. “That’s not what I meant, silly! What I meant was, somepony’s gonna have to look after him until we get an answer from the Princesses. They might even tell us to keep him in Ponyville. And you’re Princess Celestia’s student, and you have a lab in your basement and stuff; that makes you his ideal keeper!” She twirled the jar in her hooves, spinning the confection and Changeling within. “That, and you’ve been saying you want to learn more about Changelings ever since the Wedding. Well, here’s your chance!”

Rarity shrugged, nudging Twilight. “She has a point...and you are the best choice to keep an eye on him, Twilight. I’ve got the Boutique to run--not to mention what would happen if Sweetie Belle found him--and Pinkie has to work the shop. And as for Applejack or Rainbow…” the fashionista trailed off, fitting in a light stomp. Everypony knew what that meant: being living Honesty and Loyalty themselves, those two mares had an extra, almost personal reason to despise Changelings*; not to mention the Cutie Mark Crusaders getting foal-napped recently by Queen Chrysalis. If either of those two got hold of their impromptu prisoner, he’d likely end up looking less like a bug-pony-thing, and more like a pancake. Or a seat cushion. Or a chew toy for their pets.

Rarity added, “As for Fluttershy...well, she'd never think of hurting him, but the rest of her pets might not be so forgiving. And with how small he is..." She shrugged.

Twilight mulled it over, tapping her chin with a hoof. “...Alright, I’ll take him with me.” She floated the jar out of Pinkie’s hooves and up to her face, finding her new captive still unconscious. “Wow, he’s still out? We must have scared the little guy pretty bad!”

Rarity and Pinkie chuckled at that. “Well, Twilight dear, after that proper thrashing we gave them in Canterlot, who could blame him?” Rarity asked with a smirk. “And speaking of that...well, I know you aren't one to hold a grudge, but maybe you could use that business at the Wedding to, ah; persuade him to listen to you?” She winked and smirked, more than a little devilishly. “Judging by how scared of us he is, our little friend probably doesn't know about your good morals. Why not, ah; ‘play bad cop’ if he doesn't cooperate?”

Pinkie perked up, rubbing her hooves together. “Oooohhh! Rarity, that is so sneaky!”

Twilight rose an eyebrow at that. “I’ll...keep it in mind, girls. But for now, I have to get home--have to put that little fella somewhere safe. And...see if I have any books about interrogation.” And ‘playing bad cop’. How do you do that with a prisoner who’s smaller than your hoof?

Pinkie hoofed the jar to Twilight, and with one last round of good-byes she teleported out of the room in a lavender flash, taking the jar and its contents with her. Once she was gone, Rarity turned to Pinkie Pie. “Now then, I believe you said something about a replacement cupcake…?”

Pinkie rolled off her bed and bounced for the door. “Comin’ right up, Rarity! Hey, do you think that little ‘ling would give good massages? Being that tiny, he could help out if you had a really bad crick in your neck or something--why have your whole back massage when spot treatment would do?”

As disgusted as Rarity was by the idea of a bug crawling around on her back...she found in idea strangely intriguing. Not quite appealing, but….

“Perhaps, Pinkie. Assuming the poor devil wasn’t too scared to move, that is.”

=== === ===

As soon as Twilight had zapped back to her library, she’d immediately closed the place for business and lowered all the blinds. She set the jar/prison cell down on a coffee table and looked around to make sure Spike wasn’t there (she’d found a note from the baby dragon that he’d finished his chores early and would be hanging out around town, but it paid to be thorough). Once she was sure she was alone Twilight looked into the jar, watching the toy-sized, knocked-out Changeling twitch in his sleep atop the cupcake…

And squeed like a filly, hopping around the coffee table in a gleeful orbit. This was fantastic! She now had a chance to study Changelings in detail, straight from the source, AND with no danger to herself or her friends! Plus, she’d always been interested in shrinking spells, but given the dangers involved any kind of practical study had been out of the picture. Now, she had an actual shrunken being! She’d have to take a lot of notes…

And of course, there was the chance to get a small, tiny, insignificant amount of payback. Just a little. Really.**

Twilight stopped her gleeful hopping, grabbing some books off their shelves:

Equestrian Royal Guard Intelligence-Operations Field Manual Fifth Edition;

Exotic Pets: Insects and Other Beasties

How to Close the Deal: Subtle Techniques in Persuasion/Intimidation….

Books floating alongside her, she trotted back to the coffee table...and found a little black blur zooming around the jar, plinking against the glass. Giggling, she levitated it up to eye level and smirked when the now-awake Changeling stopped its frantic flight, hovering in place, blue compound eyes wide and his little fanged jaw slack.

Twilight smirked and winked at her tiny captive. “Rise and shine, little buddy!” Then she giggled. “Pinkie was right, you are kind of cute at that size!”

Within the jar, Cricket shivered in fear. “I don’t wanna be a lab-bug!” He whimpered. Images of the Purple Terror’s mad science that awaited him flashed through his mind as said unicorn happily skipped downstairs to her Laboratory of Madness, humming a tune as she carried an assortment of books on her back; his jar prison floating by her head. With a gulp, Cricket landed with a *plink* on the “floor” of the jar.

“I should have just listened to the Queen…”

Author's Note

[[* In Applejack’s case, it went double: the Changelings apparently bore a striking resemblance to a pesky bug that tended to plague her apple trees in the summer months. After the wedding, she’d forgone a flyswatter in chasing them off to more...substantial tools. A machete, for instance.

** No, seriously, just a little. One can get even without compromising their morals. Just ask Pinkie and Dash about their frequent prank wars.***

*** Unless one’s in progress. THEN, you run for cover.]]