Warcraft is Magic

by Gnome

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Crossover, Alternate Universe
Length: 46435

Due to the Misfire of a portal spell a nobal yet idiotic paladin gets sent to Equestira

Azok the Paladin and Vinny the Hunter are blasted into Equestia by a guild member Soul. New quests and new enemies await them, they will make friends, they will make enemies, and allot of stuff is gonna get killed. By means of axes, bows, a mace and some 50 caliber rounds.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-03 03:09:47 UTC

II Not the best day

II Not the best day

ALL HAIL MrMinimii

no seriously with out him this would all be the incoherent rambling of yours truly

“What do you mean, you lost him? How the hell did you lose him?” Sage yelled while downing another bear. “He is a 400lb wall of meat.  Where is he and how did you lose him this time?”

“Well it’s like this,” began Soul sheepishly, “We went to EOE so we could test out my new portal. He made it though, I think, but as soon as he touched the portal my arcane leash snapped, so I couldn’t pull him back. I’m guessing his hearth is either gone or broken.”

“Well we still need to get him back. Let’s see what idiot can we send through, we need somebody that absolutely nobody cares about.” About around that time  a Goblin hunter by the name of Vinny hopped up to the bar.

“Oh hey Vinny, we were just talking about you,” said Sage with a sneer.

“So?” began Vinny. “All I have to do is go through a portal that could lead to anywhere and search wherever the hell that is, until I find Cow.”

“Eeyup.” Soul said, once again tapping her foot on the blueish platform.  “You ready Vinny?” she asked as the familiar sound of a portal filled the air.

“As ready as I will ever be. FOR THE HORDE!” yelled the little Goblin as he charged the portal.

“What was the green light?” Twilight asked.

“Well it was supposed to take me home, but apparently it’s not working. It looks like I’m stuck here.  By the way my name is Azok Sunwalker.”

“My name is Twilight Sparkle,” said the purple pony. “And this is Rainbow Dash,” she said while pointing to the Pegasus who landed a second before.

“That was so awesome!” the now named Rainbow Dash squealed.

“Before we get into anything else, I have to know how you did those spells. I have never seen magic like that before.”

“Well to answer your question, I get my power from the sun god An'she. More specifically I can absorb the sun’s rays and turn it into magic, which I can then channel through my body producing Holy Light. I can then use it to smite those who would oppose me. To answer another question, no, I would never hurt the innocent.  Now it’s my turn. My question is, is there anywhere to get food here? I’m starved.”

As the three of them slowly walked into town Azok saw what looked like a pink missile heading straight towards them. Instinctively he put myself between it and the girls and activated his Ardent Defender [1], four shields of golden light burst forth and begun to rotate around the paladin.

“GET BEHIND ME!” he yelled as he braced for impact.

“Whatcha doing?” said a high pitched voice, looking over the shields that encompassed

him and the girls he saw a bubblegum pink pony that smelled like cotton candy.

“Wow you’re a Tauren! Wait you’re not supposed to be in this dimension, you’re supposed to be in Azeroth, how did you get here? It was a mage wasn’t it? Then again it could have been a warlock...”

Azok stood there dumbstruck how did this pink pony know about Azeroth let alone the other classes of magic users.

“Who are you and how do you know about my home?” he demanded.

The pink Pony twisted her head to the side in an almost impossible fashion.

“Sometimes Pinkie knows stuff that even we don’t know where she learned it.” Twilight replied.

At that moment Pinkie’s tail started vibrating. “Twitchy tail twitchy tail!” and then all three of the girls ran and hid under a nearby oak tree.

“What are you doing and what is twitchy tail?”  Azok asked, still confused from the last bout of Pinkie.

“When Pinkie’s tail twitches, it means stuff is going to start falling from the sky!” yelled Twilight.

“That is the dumbest..” moments before he had started speaking, the portal that Soul opened up spewed forth Vinny and he came crashing down to earth right on top of me, knocking the paladin unconscious.

“Wake up ya big lug.” Vinny said as he kicked Azok in the ribs, “I got sent to bring you back.”

After several minutes of Vinny assaulting his ribs with tiny feet of steel he came to. “What happened...Vinny? Where did you come from?” he asked while getting up and rubbing his head.

“Well when you didn’t hearth back, we got worried, so they sent me to come find you.” Vinny said while looking up at him.

“Yeah, about that, the Hearthstone doesn’t work here. We’re both stuck here. But hey look, talking ponies,” he said while pointing to Twilight, Dash and, Pinkie.

“Yeah right. Ponies can’t talk,” Vinny replied, “I must have landed on you harder than I thought.”

“Who is the little green thing?” Dash asked with mock curiosity.

“I will have you know that my name is… HOLY HELL TALKING PONIES!” Vinny shouted in alarm. After a couple of second he recomposed himself and said, “My name is Vinny. I’m a goblin. Would anybody mind telling me what is going on?”

“Well it seems that Soul has made a portal to another dimension. Sadly I think we’re stuck here and with the Hearthstones not working, there is no way back.” He replied somberly.

“I don’t know of any spells that can help you, but Princess Celestia might.” Twilight said with a grin.

“Who’s Celestia?” Vinny and I said together.

“She rules Equestria with her sister Luna.” Twilight replied.

“Well, that’s nice and all, but I’m still hungry,” grumbled the Paladin.  “Can we get some food now?”

Azok and the girls walked into town followed by their new Goblin companion.  Once they had reached the main street Azok and now Vinny got there first full look of the town.  The buildings were of all different shapes and sizes with windows splashed haphazardly on any face.

The pedestrians on the street slowly took notice of Him and the Goblin “Hu... doesn't look like anybody knows I was the dragon from earlier. I thought they would atleast have freaked out more seeing a giant armor clad cow and a green midget.” The green midget in question punched aforementioned giant armor clad cow. “Ouch.”

Twilight pointed out a restaurant like building at the end of the road and told them to meet her there.  She then trotted off to a giant tree and went inside.

The lunch was...well it was a hassle. Firstly, chairs were never meant to be able to hold a tauren.  The entire staff was terrified when Vinny ordered a steak, after learning what a steak was of course.  And to top it all off, currency does not transfer well between dimensions.   Needless to say, they became the first people ever to be banned from a Ponyville restaurant.

So now we find Azok and Vinny sitting under a tree in a park eating whatever they could find in their bags, which included buttered toast and magecakes.

“Damn this is boring.  It's almost as if we have been dropped into a children's show where the main theme is rainbows and sunshine i mean have you seen how colorfull everything is.  But at least its not all red and gray like Orgrimmar.”

“You ok Vinny?”

“You know what happens when I get magecake.”

“Well if you're bored we could always duel?”

“Uhh... fine.”

A giant banner fell from the sky and the fight began.  Vinny started off by firing off several magic arrows[2] all of which were deflected by Azoks plate armor.  After recovering from the volley of arrows Azok charged at vinny sending bolts of magic at the Hunter.  Several of the spells impacted around Vinny sending dirt spraying into the air and giving him just enough cover to disengage[3] to a safe distance.

Another arrow zoomed out of the dust cloud sticking to Azoks armor and exploding[4] flinging him back against the tree and disarming him.  Vinny now stood directly in front of the downed Paladin “Checkmate” a large arrow[5] broke through the thick plate armor and went into his heart killing him.

“WHAT DID YOU DO?” Twilight yelled as she pushed her way through the crowd and ran up to his now dead body. “O Celestia you killed him.’

“What are you whining about lady?” Vinny retorted as he stepped away from the body. “Of course I killed him. It was a duel, it’s not like he’s dead or anything.”

“What do you mean ‘not dead’, you killed him! He has no pulse!” Twilight's face was red and her voice got louder and harsher.  Luckily the crowd assumed the show was over and had left by this point.

“How could you kill him he was your friend what kind of friend would do that.”

”Lady, there is a difference between dead and killed, see me and Azoc here cant die. We can be killed, but we can’t die. Eventually we will pop back up like nothing happened.” No sooner than Vinny had finished talking Azok came back to life with a purple unicorn crying on his face.

[1] Argent Defender – Reduces all damage taken by 20% for 10 seconds, the next attack that would have killed you heals you for 15% of HP.

[2] Arcane Shot – Fires a arrow at the target that has been charged with Arcane magic.

[3] Disengage - Flings the hunter back 10 yards.

[4] Explosive Shot – Fires an arrow that has a small explosive head.

[5] Aimed shot -  Deals massive damage and can piece armor

[Switches between first and third a bit, but otherwise good. However, I have one problem though, just one. Punctuation. All too often in this fic have I found no punctuation between sentence and quotation marks. I’ve fixed all of them (I think) that I’ve found so far, but in any case it should come naturally to you.] - MrMinimii {Though, still a good fic over all.}

Explaining

The crowd had dispersed by this time and Vinny and I were once again laying on the hill, except this time, we had a very angry Twilight to deal with.

"What do you mean you can’t die?! That’s impossible! Are you two gods or something?!" Twilight yelled at us.

"Two things. First, we’re not gods. I have seen gods and I have killed gods and I can tell you without a doubt that we are not gods.  Second, when Vinny and I chose to have these powers, we had a spell cast on us. The spell made it so we can’t die. What good is a dead hero?"

"That’s amazing!" Twilight squealed. "If I could learn that spell, it could make life so much..."

“I would never allow you to learn that spell, Twilight, and even if you found a way to use it, I would stop you.  You would be cursing whoever you cast it on a life of pain and misery. We can’t die, but every time we get killed, we still feel the pain. I have been killed now nearly a thousand times, and I have come back every time. By this time, I want to die, but I can’t so I must cope and live on.”

"I’m so sorry, I had no idea…" said Twilight.

"It’s OK, let’s just not talk about it again. So, didn’t you promise us a tour?"

The tour included Sugarcube Corner, then Carousel Boutique, and several other shops in town.  We eventually started to walk out of town. I was wondering where we were going, but decided against it. We had been walking for about... wait, I smell…    APPLES.

"APPLES! I SMELL APPLES! WHERE ARE THE APPLES!? TELL ME!" I yelled, while shaking Twilight. She simply pointed up the road and I was off.

"I’m sorry, he really loves apples," said Vinny.

Location

As Twilight and Vinny approached Sweet Apple Acres, they saw me, a mighty paladin laying on the ground unconscious with a yellow farm pony on top of me.

"Oh my gosh Applejack, what happened?"  inquired Twilight.

"Well this here thing just ran up to ma tree and started ta eat all ma apples so I bucked him in the head," she explained.

"I apologize for my friend. He loves apples more than life," Vinny said while trying not to laugh. "I’m sure when he wakes up, we will pay back whatever he has eaten."

"Ahhhhhh not the face!... Wait, what happened? Weren’t we just on a road and then I woke up?" I moaned while rubbing my head.

"Well, you started shouting something about apples and ran this way like a lunatic," Twilight explained.

"Not again. The last time this happened, I managed to eat a year’s worth of apples in a week," I admitted sheepishly.

"Well ya managed ta eat three trees worth of apples and I expect ya to pay me back for em or else I’ll buck ya so hard yer horns il fall off," the farm pony threatened.

"Yes ma’am, please don’t kill me ma’am, I will do anything ma’am!" I yelled with obvious terror in my voice.

"Well, I will have something fer ya ta do later. Come back in a couple of hours.  Just come back or else."

As we were walking away from Applejack, I began to quiver.

“Whats wrong?” asked Twilight.

“Well, she just reminds me of a girl I used to know named Soul. She would always use me for spell practice and she did weird experiments on me. I used to be an Elf, but then one day she kidnapped me and strapped me to a table and... and I woke up as a Tauren. She is absolutely the most evil person in the universe. Heck, Vinny used to be handsome, but now look at him!”

Location

After several more minutes of walking and several kicks to the side of the head from Vinny, we arrived at a small tree house. There were birds singing, but it wasn’t a happy tune. It was a somber song to make you sad. There was also crying. We walked around to the back of the house and on the ground was a small butter yellow and pink form crying over the body of a rabbit.

"Fluttershy, what happened?" asked Twilight.

"It’s Angel Bunny," she said in a voice that was almost too soft to hear. "He was eating and then he started to choke and before I could do anything, he… he..." she broke down into tears again.

"Oh Fluttershy, I'm so sorry," Twilight said as she put a hoof over her crying friend.

I felt Vinny hop off my shoulder and saw him walk over to Fluttershy and the dead animal. He got down on his knees and started to touch Angel Bunny.

"What are you doing?!" yelled Twilight.

"If you wouldn’t yell at me, you would see" snapped Vinny.  Vinny held his hands as if he was gripping a ball and closed his eyes. A green orb started to form in the open space. When it reached the size of a grapefruit, he pushed it down on top of Angel Bunny.  The orb was absorbed by the body after a couple of seconds. It’s nose started to twitch, it’s eyes shot open, and he began to gasp for air[1].

"Angel Bunny, you’re okay! I thought you were dead," Fluttershy squealed.

"He was dead. I resurrected him," Vinny said with a smile. "Can’t stand to see girls cry, so I decided to help you."

"You did what?" Twilight exclaimed "So you can’t die and you can bring back the dead?"

"Yes and no. I can bring back dead animals, but not humanoids, and Azok can bring back humanoids, but not animals. But there is a limit, we can only rez if they have been dead for less than an hour," Vinny explained.

Twilight just sat there staring at us. And then she started twitching and all hell broke loose.

"SO YOU TWO JUST FALL OUT OF THE SKY ONE DAY, APART YOU CAN BOTH USE STRANGE POWERS, YOU BOTH CAN’T DIE, YOU CAN APPARENTLY BRING BACK THE DEAD! WHAT ELSE CAN YOU TWO DO AND HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE YOU ARE NOT GOING TO HURT US, CUZ APPARENTLY THERE ISN’T ANYTHING WE CAN DO TO STOP YOU MONSTERS! I MEAN, COME ON, THE COW THING CAN TURN INTO A DRAGON. LET ME GUESS, THE MIDGET CAN TURN INVISIBLE! HU THAT WOULD JUST MAKE MY DAY"(Note: This is the only part of the crazy fear-induced rant I can put in for legal reasons.)

“Well actually, yes, I can turn invisible[2],” said Vinny with a smile. Twilight then proceeded to pass out.

“Welp, I guess we better get her back to her house. Later Fluttershy!” I shouted as I picked up the still twitching Twilight and headed off towards town, leaving a visibly shaken Fluttershy with her recently reanimated pet.  We arrived at Twilight’s tree house after a strange walk through town that included many odd stares and many young stallions going “Nice bro.”

Location

And when we arrived, we were attacked by a tiny purple and green dragon. It started off with a vicious kick to the shins that felt like a mild wind had just blown against my lower leg. The next attack came as a wave of tears that he shot from his eyes. It was as if he had hurt himself, but surely a dragon of his power would not feel pain (I could go on, but you get the point that he ain’t doing jack squat, ya). I gingerly picked him up by his tail and looked him in the eye. “Stop kicking me or I will be forced to retaliate. Now, I was just returning Twilight to her house, but I can take her back to mine if you don’t want her because I’m getting the feeling that I am not welcome.” The baby dragon apologized and introduced himself as Spike.

“Her bed is upstairs, and I’m sorry for attacking you. I thought you two were thieves or something,” he said while still wiping tears from his eyes.

“It’s ok kid, I would of done the same thing, except I wouldn’t have attacked something seven feet tall and encased in golden armor. So you’re either brave or an idiot.” Vinny chuckled while patting Spike on the shoulder (Vinny is about the same height).

Spike started to bloat and his eyes started to water. Then he burped.  A plume of green smoke shot from his mouth, engulfing Vinny. After the smoke cleared, a charred Vinny stood there with a scroll in his hands, Spike took the scroll and began to read.

“My faithful student Twilight Sparkle:

I have received your letter concerning the two who fell from the sky bla bla bla determine if threat bla bla bla be careful bla bla bla I would also like to see you and the two begin as soon as possible.

Princess Celestia"

“Wonder who she is talking about. Oh well, I’ll give the letter to Twilight when she wakes up,” shrugged Spike.

“Hay Azok, weren’t you supposed to be helping Applejack? Ya know, paying her back for all the food you ate?”

“OH GOD, she is going to kill me!” I yelled as I ran out the door. (Sandstone Drake) I transformed into my draconic form and flew as fast as I could toward Sweet Apple Acres.

[1] Revive Pet – Brings the hunter’s pet back to full health (Ok, so I cheated a little with this, sue me.)

[2] Camouflage – Makes the hunter blend with the environment, making him almost invisible.

Rave

Change perspective Vinny

Location

It had been a hour sense Azok flew off towards the orchard and I was bored so I decided to the the thing I knew the best I went hunting.  Sadly I had no idea where there was anywhere to hunt so I decided to ask around town,  I had been walking for a while when  I spotted a green unicorn sitting like well it wasn’t the way a normal pony should be sitting.  “Excuse me young miss, you wouldn’t happen to know where a forest or woods would be around here, would you?” I asked as politely as I could.

“Who said that?” she yelped as she looked around frantically.

“Down here toots.”

“Oh I'm sorry I didn’t see you down there...if you don’t mind my asking what exactly are you?” she asked inquisitively.

“I'm a goblin now about my questions-” But before I could finish I was cutoff.

“Whats a goblin?”

“Im a Goblin. God, shes almost as bad as the humans back home now about-” I was once again, cutoff by the unicorn.

“HUMANS!!!! Did you just say humans?  Do you know any humans? Please tell me please please!!!”

“LISTEN LADY!! I will tell you, but first you have to tell me where a forest is, and I swear to whatever god you worship, if you interrupt me one more time, I WILL SHOOT YOU IN YOUR GOD DAMN FACE.  Now, where was I? Oh yes, humans, they suck. They're a bunch of prissy little girls, who don’t know how to fight. End of story.  Now about that forest...?”  She pointed me to the west of town, and I was off. I was about half way down the street, when I noticed something weird. She was following me.

Location

As I approached the forest, I noticed that the unicorn was still following me. “You know I can see you back there, right? So i'll give ya some advice... STOP FOLLOWING ME!”

“No,” she replied with a grin “You know about humans, and I intend to get more information out of you."

“Ya good luck with that, well if your gonna follow me, what kinds animals are in this here forest?”

“Well there are hydras, timber wolves, phoenixes, and manticores.. Just to name a few.” She replied, seeming more scared with each animal named off.

“What's a manticore?” I asked.

“It is a huge beast with the body of a lion, a scorpion tail, and bat wings.” Her voice full of dread and terror..

“You mean like that thing?” I said while pointing at a giant lion like thing barreling out of the forest.

The next minute was a blur... Well, it was a blur for the unicorn. But for me, it was just another day hunting.  The manticore charged straight at me, and I dodged to the left. I fired two explosive shots into its side, blasting it off its feet.  It quickly regained its footing and charged me again it was a good ten yards away when I fired a Black Arrow[1] at its head the arrow entered its skull right between its eyes, killing it instantly (save fore a few twitches).  I looked around, trying to find the unicorn, but I couldn’t see her. “YOU CAN COME OUT NOW!! ITS DEAD!!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.

I saw her head pop out from a little hill to my right “What do you mean its dead?”

“I mean I shot it in the head with an arrow, I can be more specific but you might loose your lunch.” I retorted while dismissing my bow.  “Now what else should I expect... Hydras, should be easy to avoid, but what are timber wolves?”

“They are dog like things, made of wood” she said, still stareing at the body.

“Na, that doesn’t sound useful,” I half said to myself “Well looks like im going for the  phoenix.”

I looked over an the Unicorn was staring at the corpse with her mouth open “Yo toots close your  mouth, you catch flies.” When she didn’t respond I walked over and tapped her on the head “Hello you in there?”

“Ya im just a little shaken.. I've never seen a dead body,  and don’t call me toots my name is Lyra” she retorted.

I looked over my shoulder while heading off into the forest “You coming or what” I yelled back to her she replied by running up and falling inline behind me.  As we walked through the forest I could sense the animals moving around me but none of the attacked maybe the could smell the dead manticore on me.  We had been walking for a very uneventful hour the entire time I had been bombarded with questions about humans eventual I got bored answering her questions so I started making shit up.

Location

We arrived at a small hut in the middle of the forest, there were strange masks on the outside and a pungent aroma filled the air.  “Hey Lyra you know if anybody lives here?”

“Yes actually, a Zebra named Zecora. She makes weird potions and other things like that.” Lyra replied.

“Ahh, so she is an alchemist.  That’s good I could use some potions.”  I walked up to the door an knocked on it heard the sound of something moving towards the door.  The door opened revealing a average sized pony with black and white stripes and a Mohawk.  She started talking in rhymes. To tell the truth I had no idea what she was saying, so I got Lyra to interpret.

“Hello little green thing” Lyra said.

“Hello madam, I was wondering if I could purchase some potions from you.  Also any information on where I might find a phoenix would be appreciated.”

“She says that she will give you some potions, but you have to bring her some herbs which, as luck would have it, grow near where some phoenixes are.” Lyra said beaming.  “They live west of here in a small cave. It should take us about three hours to get there walking.”

By the time she had finished I was already waiting out side “You coming or what? Sense I don’t feel like walking for three hours I'm gonna try something,  you might want to stand back.”  I pulled out my spell book and opened it to the page where my mount spells are “Hmm lets see to big,  to small,  only one seat,  ha this one is perfect.”  I set my finger on the spell activating it (explination time,  The reason Azok can mount with out doing all this is because the sandstone drake is a transformation not a spell)  a little blue orb appeared floating above the book I grabbed it and threw it at the ground in front of me.  A giant circular rune appeared where the orb hit, and slowly a red and gold motorcycle rose from the ground.  Needless to say Lyra was once again freaking out.

“What is that thing where did I come from is it-” this time I cut her off. Sweet revenge.

“This thing is called a Mechano Hog[2] it is a mount it lets me move faster it is completely safe” I told her as I got on the bike “Now if you will slowly approach it from the right side, a seat will pop out so you can get in.”

“Are you sure its safe” Lyra asked as she slowly approached the bike.

“YES. NOW GET ON THE DAMN BIKE!” I yelled.

“Fine no need to get all huffy.”

“Im sorry its just been a hard day.”

Location

The trip that was supposed to take three hours only took thirty minuets the entire time Lyra had her hooves above her head while yelling “WOOO! WOOO! YAAA!! FASTER FASTER!!”  When we arrived at the cave, I sensed something was off. There was some weird statues everywhere.  “AAAAA!!”

I heard a blood curdling scream coming from behind me, I spun around in time to see a chicken thing staring at Lyra but something was wrong Lyra was slowly being turned to stone.  I drew my bow and fired a single shot[3] at the monster. The arrow flew through the air hitting the chicken in the neck, instantly decapitating it.  Lyra fell over unconscious, but ok. The body of the chicken thing was still running around, so I fired an arcane shot at it, ceasing its movement.  The instant the body stopped moving the half of Lyra that was stone started to go back to normal.  I decided to let her rest, so I went back toward the cave in search of a phoenix. I was back at the entrance of the cave but this time there were no more statues, instead there were about ten full gown phoenixes.

The moment the birds saw me they all charged “WAIT” I yelled while setting down my bow “I come in peace.”  They all stopped charging me and the largest phoenix slowly walked up to me and slowly touched its forehead to mine (guessing he is there leader).  “I came here to look for a new friend but when I arrived my friend was attacked by a monster that wast turning her into stone I killed it saving her life.  Im assuming then when I killed the monster I also freed you all from your stone prisons.  I would be honored if one of you would accompany me on my journeys and become my new companion.” One of the smallest of the group flew up to the Chief and started chirping, the Chief let out a defiant squawk, but so did the little one,  Chief hung his head down and touched heads with the little one.  The littlest bird (which I will call Rave from now on) flew up to me and landed on my head “Dose this mean that you’re gonna be my new friend” Rave chirped in conformation

“Well then lets seal the deal.”  I picked him up off my head and set him on the ground then I put my hands on either side of his head and began to focus,  my palms began to glow gold and then there was a flash of light as my spell[4] took effect.

Location

“Ohhh my head” Lyra moaned as she woke up “what happened.”

I quickly recounted everything that had happened from the time we left Zecoras hut up to when we returned to Zecoras hut.  By the time I had finished explaining I had already driving the Bike up to the bench where I had first met Lyra.  “So I guess this is goodbye I cant say I had an enjoyable day but I was definitely interesting.”

“O no, your not getting away from me that easily. You still haven’t told me all about humans, and I mean ALL about humans. So your stuck with me a little longer.”

“Fine, its your funeral.” I replied while walking away “G'night.”

I arrived back at the Library in time to see Azok land and change back to his normal Tauren form.  “Hay bud, how was your day”

“I don’t want to see another apple ever again..” he said while shuddering.

“Ya sure, good luck with that.”

[1] Fires an arrow cloaked in darkness and laced with the deadliest of toxins

[2] A two person motorcycle mount

[3] Aimed Shot fires a shot putting all of a bows force behind it this is Vinnys second strongest attack

[4] Tame pet – Tames a beast making it a hunters companion and allowing it to be healed by the hunter

The Princesses

Perspective Vinny

Location < Middle of nowhere 400 feet up>

I awoke the next morning in the middle of nowhere, 400 feet up in a chariot and yet somehow Azok was still asleep.

“The fuck is that” I said while pointing to the giant city on the cliff we were headed towards.

“The fuck is this” I said pertaining to the situation.

“The fuck is you” I said while pointing at a giant white Pegasus with tiny wings and blood shot eyes.

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!”

“Well that explains everything.”

Location

We arrived at the giant cliff city about five minuets after the stimulating conversation above, anyway we were escorted through the city by some guards towards a palace that would put Dalaran to shame.  When we reached the palace we heard a familiar voice.

“The Princess told me to escort them from here,” Twilight said as she trotted up to us “Im sorry this happened the guard can be kinda... Is he still asleep?”

“Yeah. He wont wake up for a good fifty more minutes. But don’t worry, they gave me this cart to pull him around in.”

We were escorted by Twilight to the throne room, where we were supposed to meet the two Princess.  I heard some arguing coming from down one of the hallways, to the right of the thrones.

“What do you mean it wasn’t meant to do that,  I look like im twelve.”

“Im sorry lulu it said it would only last a hour.”

“Are you sure there is nothing you can do Tia? I don't want ponies to see me like this.”

“No there is nothing we can do except wait for it to wear off.”

“Im gonna get you good for this Tia..” said a little blue Unicorn/Pegasus as she walked around the corner with her *looks up* big sister.

They both trotted over the the thrones, and sat down. Then they glared at me.  “Is there problem lady?” I said with annoyance I my voice.

“Why yes in fact there is a problem.” started the little one.

“Ya hush up Jail Bait, the grown ups are talking.  Now as I was saying, you drag me and my friend out of our beds at this ungodly hour, put us on a chariot, fly us to this avalanche waiting to happen, you make us wait another half an hour, and you give me the stink eye. What gives.”

“I would like to apologize for the rudeness, It is just that me and my little sister," She snickered. "Are leaving soon for a meeting with the neighboring country and this was the only time we could see you.  Also allow me to introduce my self, I am Princess Celestia, and this is Princess Luna.”

“So toots, why did you drag us here? I don’t think it was just to say 'hi'.”

“I brought you two here to determine if you were a threat to my little ponies.  And so far what I hear from Twilight Sparkle, is that you both are extremely dangerous. Not only did your friend kill a hydra, but you brought a animal back from the dead, and to top it off, I hear you can't die.”

“Guilty as charged, but just so ya know.. If we were a threat you wouldn't even know we were here. All you would know is that Ponyville got wiped off the map in a single night. And im sure you could guess where we would head next.” I was getting angry by this point, and luckily Azok was starting to wake up.

“IS THAT A THREAT!?!?” yelled the little blue one.

“Seriously, Half pint, grownups talking, wait your turn.  And no it wasn’t a threat, but we are capable of it. If you don’t believe me use your freaky magic to scan our memories or something.”

“There is no need. I believe you wouldn’t purposefully hurt any of my little ponies.”

“Hey Vinny... Where the hell are we?”

“Good to see ya up and around big guy.”

“I will grant you both citizenship of Equestira on one condition...”

“And what would that be?” I asked inquisitively.

“You allow me to cast a spell on you, so that I can know where you are and what you are doing at all times.”  She said as her horn began to glow “And If you two do anything to harm any of my little ponies, I swear to Faust I will send you straight to the sun!”

“What if there if a store being robbed or something like that, can we beat the tar out of that guy?”

“Yes that will be acceptable, just don’t kill him.  So do you accept my offer?”

“I accept” me and Azok said in unison.  There was a flash of golden light as the spell was cast on me and Azok. After a couple of seconds, the glowing after effects of the spell dissipated from around us.  “Can we go now im hungry and Azok here looks like he could eat a horse.” I pokerface.jpg'ed perfectly.

“I assure you we don’t eat horses, it is a figure of speech meaning that you could eat the equivalent weight of a horse.” Azok explained.  “Yeah... We better be going now. bye bye.”  Azok picked me up and carried me to the balcony to the left of the thrones, and activated his Sandstone Drake form, and flew off towards Ponyville with me in his claws.

We arrived in ten minutes, landing outside of the library. I had regained movement of my extremities by this time but I was still a little stiff.

(Sorry for the short chapter but I needed to get this part out of the way I promise the next chapter will be as long as the other ones)

Dragons and Badgers and Griffins o my

Crossover with http://www.fimfiction.net/story/19035/Badger%2C-the-Hippogriff

Perspective Azok

Location

   BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD

Location

We arrived at Ponyville just as the sun finished clearing the mountains it was a beautiful spring day there was barely a cloud in the sky the children were still asleep in there beads the giant black dragon was flying towards Ponyville ready to welcome the day......wait.  “ONE DAY ONE DAMN DAY IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK GOD.” Vinny had woken up by this time from his previous stupidity.

“What are you talking about, and stop yelling people are trying to sleep”

“I don’t know maybe the GIANT FUCKING DRAGON” I yelled while pointing in the air.

“Holy crap this place is more dangerous that back home.”

“I know rite,  well should we kill it or something?”

“Maybe we should talk to it dragons might be nice here”  Vinny interjected.

“Ya we will meet a nice dragon when cows fly.”

“But you can fly.”

“Then its our lucky day.”

We decided to go tell twilight that we had returned before we went and risked our immortal lives to kill a dragon.  We landed on the other side of town so we quickly jogged to the library and by jogged I mean we haled ass.  I didn’t waist time knocking on the door I just busted in ( they really need locks on these doors).  “TWILIGHT'

“WHAT.”

“Well I was gona tell you there was a giant dragon outside but If you just gonna yell at me.”

“What do you mean there is a giant dragon out side.”

“Well Twi I don’t think there is any other way to take “There is a giant dragon outside” than “There is a giant dragon outside” is there.  Should we kill it?”

“Well I don’t know the last time there was a dragon in Equestira it was just trying to take a nap maybe this one is to.”

Suddenly a huge roar filled the air shattering the windows in the house. “Ya I dont think its trying to to take nap,  come on Vinny lets go kill this thing o ya you might want to get Schrodinger for this one.”

We exited the library and saw a pillar of fire appear near where I had initially crashed (Sandstone).  I took of into the air with Vinny on my back and quickly flew towards where we had seen the dragon land.  “Hi Vinny”

“Hi Lyra....Lyra?”

“Yes.”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE.”

“Well I saw you run out of the library and hop on Azok here so I decided to join you.”

“How do you know about Azok and why aren't you freaked out he turned into a dragon.”

“O that’s easy Twilight told me about him.”

“Hay Azok why didn’t you feel her climb on?”

“Thick scales cant really feel much back there.”

“Well this is just great not only do I have to fight a dragon I have to worry about you not getting hurt.  You are making my life very hard toots.”

“Vinny and Lyra sitting in a tree K I S S I N G”

“SHUT UP COW”

We arrived to see the dragon laying down on some scorched earth in the center of a large opening in the Everfree forest I set down near the edge and told Lyra to stay there, she didn’t listen.

“Ok Vinny I don’t know what is going to happen so get Schrodinger out right now just in case.”  Vinny complied by pulling out a black whistle and blowing on it a black circle appeared on the ground a nearly solid saber tooth cat appeared its eyes glowing red.  “OK lets do this Vinny stay back 30yrd and keep a Black arrow notched im going to try and talk to it fist only shoot after I pop wings.”

“What do you want me to do” Lyra asked

“Stay next to Vinny and don’t get your self killed.” My words seemed to make the gravity of the situation sink in she slumped down and half hid behind Vinny.

As I approached the dragon I could feel the heat radiate off of its skin.  I walked slowly towards  its maw and for the first time in a long time I was scared,  “HAIL my name is Azok Sunwalker may I inquire as to what you are doing in this peaceful land.”

“WHAT DOSE IT MATTER TO YOU INSECT I DO AS I PLEASE.”

“It matters because you are close to a village and we are worried that you might harm them.”

“DO YOU THINK YOU COULD STOP ME IF I DID I AM BIGGER THAN YOU I AM MORE POWERFUL I AM A DRAGON YOU ARE A MERE INSECT COMPARED TO ME.”

“I am not challenging you dragon I am merely checking to be sure that you have no malicious intent to the villagers.”

“I WISH TO DO NO HARM TO THE VILLAGERS BUT I WILL DO WHAT IS NECESSARY TO TAKE BACK THE LAND THAT WAS MINE.”

“What do you mean dragon.”

“BEFORE THE LONG SLEEP I OWNED THIS PORTION OF LAND UNDER DRAGON LAW I HAVE COME BACK TO RECLAIM IT BY FIRE IF NECESSARY.”

“I am sorry dragon but I must protect those that now inhabit this land.  If you do not leave peacefully I will have to remove you by force.”

“IT SEAMS I HAVE NO CHOISE THEN.” The dragon swung his claw at me faster than I had anticipated I was barely able to dodge it.

“So this is what it comes to?”

“YES.”

I activated my Avenging Wrath making two golden wings sprout from my back.  As soon as the wings appeared I saw five explosive arrows fly at the dragon impacting on his jaw.  The explosions blasted his head back it didn’t cause much damage but it provided enough distraction for me run under him and attack his legs.  I say Schrodinger charge at the dragon running up its tail and started to bite its wing joints.  He roared from pain and blasted me with fire I activated my Divine Shield keeping me from taking damage from the blast but it still knocked me back causing my head to impact a large rock on the edge of the field.

“We can take that dragon, C'mon Badger!”

“FUCK THAT SHIT! THAT THING IS TWICE AS BIG AS ME AND HE STILL GOT HIS ASS KICKED!!!!”

“At least he did protect Equestira! Unlike SOME soldier I know.”

Luckily I survived the impact on the rock I was also center that the voices were in my head, no wait they were above me.  I looked up shaking my head to see a Hippogriff and a Griffon sitting on the rock with a me sized hole in it.

“Hay big boy, get the fuck up, we got a dragon to fight.”

Not one to argue with help even from somebody named badger I quicky reganed my footing and charged at the dragon again.  A giant golden hammer fell from the sky impacting on the dragons neck the resulting successful strike increased my speed as I sprinted towards him.  Badger not sensing the urgency of the situation flew up to him and yelled “By the order of the Equestrian royal army, Stop!” needless to say the dragon didn’t comply.

“IT HAS BEEN CENTURIES SINCE I HAVE TASTED HIPPOGRIFF. YOU WILL MAKE A FINE MEAL!”  The dragon swiped at the Hippogriff he nimbly dodged landing on the ground only to be blasted back by a shock wave from the dragons other foot.

Vinny had been firing shot after shot at the dragon hitting its wings mostly trying to stop it from taking off again.  Schrodinger had been throne off when he took of the first time had now climbed to the base of its skull and was slowly climbing higher.

“REPENT[1]” a bluish aura encased the dragon stopping its movements giving Schrodinger the time to climb to the dragons face and giving Vinny time to rest his arm.  But it was all for nothing the griffon slashed the dragons eye blinding it but also giving him moment back. “FUCK YOU GRIFFIN”

The dragon now with blind furry (chuckle) started swinging wildly in all directions and by all directions I mean he somehow charged me.  The Griffin swooped down picking me up saving me from being trampled “Hay fly up above the dragons head then drop me.”

"The fuck!? ARE YOU CRAZY!?"

“Just do it feather brain.”

"Call me Feather brain, one more time, and it is his jaws for you."

“Just do it.”

She slowly gained altitude till I was a good 200ft above his head.

“Ok now what genius?”

“Drop me.”

“Thought you’d never ask.”

“HERE'S THE BEEF.” I yelled my signature catchphrase as I plummeted towards the dragons head with my with my axe ready to chop his face in half.  Just as I was hit his head I slammed my axe down cleaving his head into... crap. “WAHAHHAHAHAHAHA”  my plan didn’t work my axe had only just dented his scales and now I was on the ground with out a weapon and the dragon was looking directly at the Griffon.

“O THE HELL YOU ARE NOT!” Badger yelled as he zoomed towards the Griffin with amazing speeds.  The Dragon began to inhale preparing to breathe more fire “Damn I cant use another protection spell for a minute but an aura just might help a bit” “RESIST[2].”  Badger covered the Griffin with his wings protecting her from the flames.  After the flames subsided Badger turned toward the dragon.

He flew up to its head and grabbed my axe and started smashing it into his skull over and over again it was literally raining blood.  With a final squelch the axe penetrated its skull cutting into the brain killing it the dragon fell over with a mini earthquake dead. Badger expanded his cheat and let out a screech.

“HAY SHUT HE HELL UP WILL YA” Vinny yelled from the back “YA KILLED A DRAGON BIG WOOP.”

“Hay Vinny lighten up im sure this is his first dragon let him have his moment.”  Badger climbed off the dragons head and walked, trotted, over to the griffin and kissed her.

“BOW CHIKA WOW WOW.”

“Shut up Vinny.”

I walked up to them and announced my self.  “Hay thanks for helping us kill the dragon we could have done it without you, my name is Azok and that’s Vinny back there.”

“Yo.”

“Don’t you mean couldn’t.”

“No.”

"Whether you could or couldn't, I was sent by Celestia to make sure it happened. I am Staff sergeant Badger, of the Equetrian Army. This is my... friend Gilda.  What exactly are you by the way?”

“Im a Tauren and Vinny is a Goblin.  Were from a different dimension we got sent here by a botched spell our friend cast.”

“Uhhh huh.. well, good luck with that, as well as getting back."

I noticed that Lyra was still standing where I left here she wasn’t moving. “Hay Vinny can you go check on Lyra.

While Vinny went over to her I continued my conversation with the Badger and Gilda.  “So you were sent by Celestia to make sure that the dragon got killed.”

"Killed or encouraged to leave, correct. But i also think she wanted us to meet. not sure why.”

“Well wile you ponder that im gonna get my axe back.”

“LOOK HUMANS.”

“WHERE.”

“YO AZOK SHES FINE.”

I walked over the the dead behemoth and located my axe in the mist of the giant skull fragments I grabbed onto it and pulled the handle came loose but he head staid in its head.  “WHAT THE HELL MAN YOU BROKE MY AXE.” I yelled as I looked at Badger with contempt.

Badger line saying sucks bro

“I could make you another from of dragon scales? But till then.. SUCKS FOR YOU”

“Naw I can get Vinny to fix it later.  Speaking of later its getting dark so were going back to Ponyville wanna come whit.”

"No can do, gotta get ready for classes tomorrow, and I'm not exactly welcome there... Tell Dash and the others i'm sorry got it."

“Ok sure what ever that means.” (sandstone) I transformed into my drake from and walked over to pick up Vinny and Lyra. “BY” I croaked out (its hard to talk as a dragon) before I flew off towards Ponyville.  The sun was setting as I landed at Taillights library.

“O my gosh are you two ok you have been gone all day” twilight yelled as she rushed out of the  library.

“Were fine and we killed the dragon by the way it wanted to burn Ponyville.” I mumbled out the last sentence in between yawing.

“What do you mean, tell me what happened.”

“Sleep now enplane later.”

I slowly walked to the basement of the library where me and Vinny had been sleeping for the last two days I laid down in bed and fell instantly asleep.

[1] Repentance stuns the target for one minute damage will cancel the effect

[2] Resistance Aura all allies gain 20% resistance to elemental attacks

I Visit the Dr and get some new shoes

Perspective Azok

Location

I had woken up the next morning before everybody else, and decided to go explore the town and look for work.  I had changed back to my into my black shirt and blue pants because I didn’t want to scare the locals with my blood caked armor (note to self wash armor).  I was walking down mane street, when a brown blur slammed into me.  “You ok little guy?” I said as I reached down to help up the earth pony.

“Yes I'm quite alright I just wasn’t paying much attention to where I was running.”  He was talking in a odd accent I couldn’t quite place but it sounded  Gilean (British for you non WOW players). He was wearing the pony equivalent of an overcoat the strange thing was it was beeping.  He put his snout into one of the many pockets and pulled out a metal tube, with a blue light on the end and began waiving it at me. Weirder things have happened.  “Have you traveled through time or space recently?”

“Well I have gone into the past about twenty ish times...  I also got shot through a dimension or two.”

“Oh, well that was easy.  I will have to investigate that matter later though. By the way my name is The Doctor.”

“My name is Azok.”

“Well then Azok, I will see you later.”

“Bye strange pony.”  Is it to much to ask for one normal day?

I had arrived at the town center in time for the majority of the shops to open. I saw Applejack open up her own little cart and I decided to go say hello.

“Good morning Applejack.”

“Hello there, what are ya doing out this early?”

“Well me and Vinny need money our currency doesn’t work here, so im looking for jobs. Is there a request board around here or something?  Im guessing the stuff on there would be more my speed than a part time job.”

“Well yes actually, there is one of them in the park.  But most of it is just odd jobs that most ponies are to lazy ta do themselves.”

“Sounds perfect thanks Applejack.”  So the park. where is that?  I dug around in my bag looking for my map, hmm severed heads, dust, Illusion potion(that could come in handy for praking). Aha! Here it is, my map.  I pulled out my map from the depths of my bad and opened it. It was black at first, but lines slowly appeared on it revealing a blueprint for all the land around me. Magic gota love it.  “OK, so the park is that way just past the school and the general goods store.”

It took me all of ten minutes to reach the park, it was nice, lots of trees benches... the terrified screams of children...that’s not right.  I ran towards the screams and saw three little foals cowering under the request board, there were two slightly older foals that didn’t look to friendly.  I pulled out my Illusion potion and took a little sip, and turned into an exact replica of one person I had seen in the last hour.  I felt the world grow around me as I shrunk into a perfect replica of spike.  I approached and said I to the little yellow pony I recognized as Applebloom, Applejacks little sister.  “Hay there Applebloom are you ok?”

“Ya, but these two have been chasing us around and making fun of us, 'cause we aint got our cutiemarks yet.”

“Is this true?” I asked the bigger foals.

“Yeah, but what are u gonna do about it pipsqueak, scratch us?” They started laughing like it was the funniest joke ever. I know the funniest joke ever, and that’s not it.

“No, I'm not gonna scratch you. But I might step on you.”

“What do you mean, your not the same size as us how are u gonna step on us?”

I dismissed my potion spell, growing back to my full seven foot height.  “This is how, now I suggest you leave these three alone before you two become my new pair of shoes. GOT IT?” I put extra emphasis on the last to words to get my point across.

“YES SIR DONT STEP ON US SIR WERE SORRY SIR.” They both shouted as they ran off in the opposite direction.

“There that deals with that you girls ok?”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

“Hay cool I it with the screaming,” I said while sitting down “Your giving me a headache.”  The non Applebloom ponies were curled up behind her quivering.  “Im not that scary am I?”

“Well, ya kinda did just threaten to turn two ponies into shoes.” Applebloom replied.

“You said they were picking on you, and I'm more scared of what Applejack would do if I didn’t help.”

“You mean you weren’t really going to step on them?” The orange one asked.

“Why, do you want me to?”

“Well, maybe if they start picking on us again...” The white one chimed in.

“Well if they pick on you again, tell me and I will step on them for you. Happy?”

“YES!” They all shouted in unison.

“By the way, how did you turn into spike? Is that another one of your weird magic things?” asked Applebloom.

“No actually, it was a potion that transforms me into sombody else. I have about seven different things that will change my appearance.”  I pulled out a flask, two orbs, a totem that looked like an hawk, and a locket and a taberd.

“I thought you said seven? I only count six.”

“Well let me explain these six artifacts are. they are each physical transformations, but I have one that I can use with out having one of these. I'll show you that one last.  Ok, which one do you want me to show you first?”

“THIS ONE!” they once again shouted in unison pointing to the flask.”

“Ok fine.” I picked up the flask and took a swig of it.  I could feel my skin turning to stone and lightning coarse through my veins as I shrunk to the height of about four feet.  “TADA!”

“What did you turn into?”

“I turned into a iron dwarf.”

“COOL!! THIS ONE NEXT!!”  I spent the next several minutes transforming into an elf, a troll, a gnome, a bird monster, and a second elf with flaming clothes.

“Ok that’s all of them.”

“But you still only showed us six, what is number seven?”

“Fine Applebloom but stand back and don’t scream"(Sandstone).

“COOL!!!!!”

“Hmm.. Usually the ponies scream and run away.  Want me to fly you around town?”

“CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS DRAGON RIDERS!”

“MY EAR DRUMS!”

I took Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweete Belle, on a quick flight around Ponyville and landed back at the library.  “Ok girls, time to get off I promised I would talk to Twilight today, but I can play with you later.”

“Bye Mr.Azok.”

“Bye girls.”  I opened the door and saw Vinny and Twilight sitting at the table talking “Did I miss anything?”

“Naw, I was just telling Twi here about the whole dragon thing yesterday.  Now I say we get some food I'm starving.”

“You wanna join us Twilight?”

“No but thanks, you boys have a good time.”

“Okay, thanks.”

I left the house with Vinny sitting on my shoulder like usual when we heard a somewhat familiar voice.

“YO!! Cow monster! I gotta talk to you.”

“What is it Gilda?”

“Badger got seriously messed up a couple of days ago, and we need some help. Can't you use your crazy ass magic to heal?”

“Actually I can only heal humanoids, you need Vinny, he can heal beast class creatures like Badger.”

“Yup. I'm pretty awesome.”

A streak of rainbow and cyan zoomed by over head causing us to all look up.

“Fine then, you're coming with me.”  Gilda snatched Vinny off my shoulder and took of into the sky.

“HAVE FUN!”

“Now time for food... or a new weapon... or find job. I cant decide.”

“Hay there! Azok was it?”  A familiar Gilnean voice yelled.  “How long has it been sence I saw you last.”

“Like three hours. Why?”

“No reason. Would you mind coming back to my lab? I would like to run some uhh... experiments on you.  Nothing to dangerous, I assure you.”

“Sorry Doc, but Im kinda looking for food/new weapon/job.”

“I'll pay you.”

“Lead the way.”

Testing

Perspective Azok

Location

        The Doctor walked briskly through the streets of Ponyville, I followed closely at his heels. He suddenly stopped as we came to a large box sitting curiously in the middle of the town. The box was at least eight feet tall, three feet across, and was coated in a deep blue. He walked up to a door on the box and knocked four times, to which the box responded by opening its door. The room seemed to grow around me as I entered the doorway; this room was almost 30 feet across, 15 feet tall, and completely circular. After observing the room, I dropped my gaze back to the doctor, who was standing with a wide grin.

“Well... what do you think of my house?”

        “Ehh I've seen bigger.”

        “But, but it's bigger on the inside. Doesn't that surprise you.”

        To answer his question I pulled out my backpack and emptied it to the ground: three sets of armor, seven extra weapons, five months worth of butter toast, and two and a half severed heads. “Ya, bigger on the inside, it's amazing.”

        “Well you could have at least acted surprised.”

        “Sorry. So about these tests; what are they exactly?”

        “Well I heard from some ponies around town that you can do magic. Would you mind demonstrating?”

        The doctor smiled, then beckoning me with his hoof, began walking down a tunnel. I was quick to follow him as he led me down a series of hallways leading every which way, until we got to an open room adorned with what I presume were practice dummies. The dummies themselves were nothing more than garbage cans with shawty eyestalks; on the sides of the rooms there were a few weapon racks with guns and some melee weapons. One of them melee weapons was a sledgehammer, and bright red spikes protruded from from its sides.

        “Can I use that one” I asked while pointing to the red mace.

        “Well I can't use it so go ahead, but first I need to put some sensors on you.”

        After several minutes of odd touching I was wired up to a weird machine that would track my magical output.

        “Ok now I want you to go through your normal rotation of combat spells and stop when I say ‘stop’. Ready?”

        “Sure thing Doc.” I readied my weapon and charged. I smashed one of the targets with a judgment spell and caved in another one with a swing of my new mace. I heard the sound of gears turning behind me I spun around to see the already destroyed Dummies rebuilding themselves. There were about five of the Dummies surrounding me. I readied my new weapon and swung it like a baseball bat it created a wave[1] that spun around me damaging all the Dummies; I then slammed my mace to the floor causing tendrils of light to finish off the rest of the Dummies.

        “STOP.”

        “Finally. I've been smashing those damn things for an hour.” I slumped on the floor trying to catch my breath from my recent exercise.

        “Well im sorry, but I had to try and get as much data as possible. You are very interesting, you have two sets of veins running through your body: one for blood and one for magic. The magic veins start at the fur on your body, and run to the middle of your chest, then to your hands. It doesn’t seem that you can generate magic normally. How do you do it.”

        “I absorb the rays of the sun, why?”

        “I have honestly never met something like you, and that is saying something. It’s almost as if the second set of veins were implanted later so that you could do magic. Well I can do more research with the data that I have collected. You can go now if you want.”

        “Didn’t you say you were going to pay me?”

        “Oh yes, go to the local bank and check your bank account. You can have that weapon too, if you want.”

        “I don’t have a bank account here.”

        “Yes you do.”

        “Welp I’m gonna go; I still need to get something to eat by doc.”

        “Good bye.”

        It took me a while, but I made it out of that mad box thing. When I got out, I look up to try and find out the time, but the sun hadn’t moved. How strange. I decided to see if the crazy Dr had told the truth and headed off to the bank. I arrived to a large marble building with several pillars outside and large double doors leading to the inside. The inside matched the outside; it had several pillars in the center of the room that the tellers would be doing work out of. I slowly approached one and they asked for my name.

        “A Z O K” the teller looked at me with a strange face for a second “Something wrong?”

        “No sir it's just that was the first account ever made here any way the current balance is 100000 gold bits.”

        “Is that a lot?”

        “Yes.”

        “I'm just going to leave that there for now.”

        “Very well sir and have a nice day.”

        “You too.”

        On the walk home many things went through my head: when was Vinny going to get back, how had a bank account under my name been set up in the past, and what was I going to do to stave off the boredom?

        I decided to go try and find the Cutie mark Crusaders as they screamed in my ear more than once, to see if they need any help the first problem was going to be finding them. It took me a while, but I eventually heard Apple Bloom's voice from behind a building.

        “What are we going to do? I think its broken.”

        “Well if you wouldn’t have let go of the rope, you would have been fine.”

        “Its not mah fault, ya know I’m afraid of heights.”

        I popped my head around the corner and saw Applebloom laying on the ground with one leg stretched and Scootaloo and Sweete Belle standing over her “Hey, everything ok?”

        “No. Applebloom broke her leg in one of Scootaloo’s crazy stunts.”

        “I can fix that.”

        “You can? How? Are you going to use your weird magic on it or something.”

        “Yup, now stand back a bit” I noticed that Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo had some scrapes and bruises on them to so I decided to try one of my less used spells. I started to rub my hands together like I would with any healing spell but instead of pressing them to Applebloom I spread my hands arms length apart and slapped them together[2]. A pulse of light expanded from my hands healing all the scrapes and bruises and even Applebloom’s leg.

        “What was that?”

        “Holy Radiance, haven’t used that in a while, mind you, so I'm pleased with the results. So now that you don't have to worry about Applebloom’s leg, wanna go do something? I’m bored.”

        “Well we were going to try and get our Cutie Marks in engineering next, think it’s the safest idea?”

        “I have been meaning to ask, what is a Cutie Mark?”

        “It’s the mark that appears on the flank of a pony when they find what they are good at.”

        “Now back to the Engineering idea; I will have you know that I am a grand master Engineer, I can build almost anything out of a couple of spare parts. I even built a tank one time. It exploded, but it worked for a while at least.”

        “Does this mean you’ll help us get our Engineering Cutie Marks!?”

        “Well I’ll try.”

        “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ENGINEERS.”

[1] Divine Storm -  encircles the paladin with a holy wave of light causing damage to all around him

The Field Trip

Colab with http://www.fimfiction.net/story/19035/Badger%2C-the-Hippogriff

Edited by  MrMinimii

 Me and the Crusaders left the alley and were instantly stopped by a Purple Earth Pony “Girls what are you doing out here? The lunch break was over thirty minuets ago, and you.”

        “Me?”

        “Yes you. What were you doing back there?”

        “Well I heard them crying and Applebloom had a broken leg I healed that but I kinda also offered to help them with a project. I didn't know they were skipping school.”

        “No excuses. As punishment, you will chaperone the field trip next week to the Canterlot Sculpture Garden.”

        “What?”

        “Do I need to repeat myself?” Years of raiding with my guild had taught me several things, but one most importantly never make them repeat themselves.

        “No ma'am.”

        “Good, I will see you at the school building on Monday.”

        I stood there for several minutes, dumbfounded at what had just transpired, when a flash of green light interrupted my train of thought.  “Damn, guess the Hearth is still a bit off.  Yo Azok, what exactly are you doing in the middle of the road?”

        “I don't know, but I think I just agreed to take a bunch of kids on a field trip. Anyway, how did the healing go?”

        “It went ok, but they didn't pay me. Cheap bastards.  You find a job yet, cuz we're still broke.”

        “Ya, some wierd Dr ran some tests on me then payed me 100,000 Gold bits; apparently that is a lot of money.  I also got a new weapon,” I held out my new spiked mace.

        “Good for you. I'm gonna head back to the library, see you there.” Vinny walked off towards Twilight's library, leaving me standing by my self.  I spent the rest of the day wandering around Ponyville, not doing anything in particular the rest of the weekend, followed the same pattern. Then Monday arrived.

        It was early in the morning as the sun had not yet risen; the streets were empty except for one lone, half awake paladin.  “I hate night time, I feel so weak. HURRY UP AND RAISE THE DAMN SUN CELESTIA.”

        “HEY SHUT UP! PONIES ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!”

        “Sorry...” I hate night time. It took me twenty minutes to reach the school building; there were about ten foals in front of the sign in front of the school.  The loud clang of my armor alerted them to my presence, which was met with mixed results. The CMC were happy to see me, the ones I had threatened to turn into shoes almost passed out,  and a little pink and grey pony walked up to me.

        “I am your chaperone. That means you have to do what I say, and what I say is leave me alone till the sun comes out.”

        “And what if we don't what are you going to do huuuuuh.”

        “Hey Applebloom ,these two friends or yours?” I asked pointing to the pink and gray fouls.

        “No.”

        “Good,” I focused a bit of holy light to my eyes making them glow like flashlights “I am the extension of the power of the sun, do you want to anger me?”

        The two were visibly shaken and scurried away whimpering.  “What did ya do that for? That wasn't very nice.”

        “Well Applebloom,when you get power from the sun you can get cranky when the moon is out, sorry.”

        “Just don't do that around Ms.Cheerilee.”

        At that moment Ms.Cheerilee trotted out of the school building and addressed the students, “Hello students. Today we will be going on a field trip to the Canterlot sculpture gardens, we will also be chaperoned by Azok Sunstrider.”

        “Sup.”

“Now, if you will all follow me, we will head to the train station.”

        The walk to the train took a bit but when we got the the sun had finally risen. Sadly, however, there were complications: I couldn't fit in the train.  “Ms.Cheerilee there is a small, big problem.”

        “What is it Mr.strider?”

        “I can't fit in the train, it's too small.”

        “Oh dear, and I thought that the first problem was bad.”

        “What first problem?”

        “The station sold too many tickets so three of the students might have to stay here.”

        “Don't worry, I have an idea.”

        “What do you mean?”

        “Not important,”  I stuck my head into the train car and shouted “Cutie Mark Crusaders, front and center!”

        “What is it?” they asked in unison.

        “Well, there is a small problem, so I'm going to have to fly to Canterlot, and I was wondering if you would like to go with me?”

        “Sounds like fun!” they all said in unison again.

        “Ok I'll go tell Ms.Cheerilee.”  The frazzled school teacher was near the front of the train arguing with the conductor.

        “Well there has to be something that you can do; I'm not going to leave three of my students here.”

        “Excuse me Ms.Cheerilee, but I have the situation under control.”

        “What do you mean Mr.Strider?”

        “Well, I’m going to fly myself and the CMC to Canterlot. I will try and take it slow so we get there around the same time, but if I get there before you, we will be waiting in the sculpture garden.”

        “What do you mean fly? You don't have wings.”

        “Don't worry, I have everything under control.  CMC ten hut!” Almost instantly there were three little fillies standing in front of me saluting. “Say goodbye to your teacher.”

        “Bye Ms.Cheerilee,” again in unison.

        I walked off of the platform (sandstone) and transformed into my drake form. “Hop on CMC.” They look on the nearby ponies’ faces were priceless; it was a mix of fear and ‘what the fuck just happened’.  After all three of them had secured themselves to the saddle on my back, I let out a roar and took off into the sky.

        The flight took longer than the last time I flew from Canterlot because I said I would follow the train.  I reached the garden at about ten in the morning; the CMC had fallen asleep during the flight so I tried to be as quiet as possible, which was hard especially when you are a dragon landing in the in the leaders of the country's garden.  As soon as I touched down, I was surrounded by Unicorn and Pegasus guards.

        “FREEZE DRAGON!”

        I held one of my claw/finger up to my mouth “Shhhhh, there are kids sleeping.”

        “I SAID FREEZE!”

        “And I said shut the fuck up.  Do I have to get Celestia, because I will.”

        “YOU WILL NOT GO NEAR THE PRINCESS!”

        “What part of ‘shut the fuck up’ did you not understand?”

There was a flutter of wings and saw a Hippogryph land in front of the guards.  “Heya Az, what’s going on? At ease gentlecolts.”  After the Hippogryph said that, the guards flew and teleported away.

“How do you know me?” I questioned while looking at the Hippogryph.

“It’s me, Badger, mate.”

“Name doesn't ring a bell, sorry.”

“I broke your axe.”

“God damnit not you again.”

“I could always get the guards to yell and wake up your precious cargo..”

“I will eat you, I'm still a dragon remember”

“Do you like bananas?”

I could sense a demonic presence take over Badger. I quickly shifted back to my normal form (the CMC floated down behind me with tiny parachutes strapped to them).  Raising my right arm I shot a lance of Holy Light [1] at the possessed Hippogryph, it struck him in the chest and he reeled back a bit then yelled at me.

“WHAT THE FUCK MAN!? WHAT WAS THAT FOR?”

“Why don't you tell me why there was some demon thing in you?”

“Not exactly a demon, but I was going to see you about it anyways... Well regardless, thanks for the help on taming him, and that hurt!” He looked back to the guards behind him, holding out spears at me because of the sudden attack. “It’s okay I’m fine. Go inside and get some rest” he said while rubbing his chest.

I heard some yawns and looked down behind me at the now waking up CMC “Are we there yet.”

“We have been here for about ten minutes Sweetie Belle” Applebloom and Scootaloo had also woken up by this time and were stretching their backs and yawing.

“Oh there you are Mr.Strider” I turned to see Ms.Cheerilee walk up with the rest of the class

“Strider? I didn’t picture you having such a casual alias.. I always thought of you more of a ‘James’”

“I don't have a last name. My rank is Sunstrider, she is just saying it wrong.”  I walked up to Ms.Cheerilee and greeted her and asked if she still needed me to chaperone, she said no.  A short jaunt and I was next to Badger again “Wanna go explore the town?”

“Sure thing, where to first, though?”

“Armor shop. I need some new gear, this stuff is pretty old.”  I opened up my spell book and selected a ground mount.  A rune appeared on the ground and a bike similar to Vinnys appeared, only it was much bigger.

“Da fuq!? How did- no. You know what, it’s magic. Fuck explaining it.”

“Just get in the damn bike.”

“How exactly do I do that?”

“Approach it from the left side,” I explained.  When he got close enough to the bike a side seat popped out and assembled it self.

“Holy shit! What the hell?”

“I made the bike so when any living thing gets near the left side a side seat will pop out, now get in the bike.”

“Celestia have mercy on me...” Badger leaps in.

I pulled out my trusty magic map and scanned it for an anvil shape “Cool there is an armor shop about a mile from here”

“You know you could’ve just asked me, I’ve been here a while and-” before he could finish I revved the engine and we were off. “-WHAT THE FUCK!”

I swerved through the streets avoiding mares and colts alike.

“ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN DRIVE THIS THING?” badger yelled over the roar of the engine.

“WELL ITS BEEN A COUPLE OF YEARS BUT I  STILL REMEMBER A HOW TO DRIVE IT.”

“FUCK IT! I’M OUT!”

Before he managed to escape I  jumped the bike off of a small hill, slamming the handlebars to the left and causing the bike to spin in mid air “WOO! STILL GOT IT.” I looked over to badger to see him curled in the seat, softly mumbling to himself, and swaying back and forth.  It was another five minutes till I skidded to a stop in front of a store called ‘Armor R Us’.  When we finally stopped moving Badger jumped out and kissed the ground yelling

“THANK YOU CELESTIA!!!! THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!”

[1] Exorcism = cleanses the body of evil or malicious spirits if used on an enemy it is a powerful offensive weapon

I get some new duds and top a story

        After the makeout session between Badger and some cobblestone we ventured inside the armory; there was a dark gray unicorn working on some spears near the rear of the building other armor and weapons hung on hooks from the ceiling.

        “Hello” I called out trying to get the smith’s attention.

        The pony jerked his head towards me. “One minute,” he called before taking the spear head and dipping it in water.  The unicorn brought out the cooling tip and set it on an anvil before walking up to us.  “So what can I do ya for?”

        “Well, I'd like to purchase some armor.”

        “Thats a given, son,” the smith’s horn started glowing and my armor floated off of me.  “Come back in an hour,” he said gruffly as he looked over the gear he now had.

        Not wanting to disturb him, I tapped Badger on the shoulder and we left the shop.  “So Badger what do you wanna do for an hour?”

        “Tell you what, big guy, let’s go get somethin’ to eat, and talk about our greatest accomplishments. Nothing like a little friendly competition?”

        “I like it.” I pulled out my spellbook, looking for the Mechano Hog spell, when Badger started shouting at me.

        “NO. FUCK THAT! I’ll meet you...” he poked his claw at my map, “There. All you can eat.”

        “Fine, last one there pays for it!” (Sandstone) I shifted into my drake form and shot off into the sky towards the all you can eat buffet.

        I saw a shadow fly above me and heard badger shout something along the lines of “You’re on,” with a somewhat maniacal laughter.  I beat my wings hard several times to gain altitude so that I could fly over the buildings. The cityscape opened up in front of me as I cleared several tall buildings; to my surprise there were no pegasi guards patrolling the sky.  I looked down and saw Badger zooming through the streets like a crazed Kodo.  He was slowly pulling ahead of me so I did the only thing I could think of: I cheated. I pulled out my backpack and snagged a Potion of Speed, which I tossed it into my mouth, glass and all, and swallowed.  The potion took effect and I shot through the sky like a rocket.

        At the same time, however, Badger had flown behind me and was quickly gaining speed.  Right before we had reached the restaurant he grabbed my tail and pulled me back.  We were beak and snout as we crossed the imaginary finish line that was the curb of the restaurant.

        “That was awesome!”

        Aside for a few shaken patrons the arrival of a dragon and a hippogryph was met with surprisingly little running and screaming.  It was an open air restaurant with a sign that said ‘Seat Yourself’, so we did.  A young looking white unicorn timidly floated over some menus before scampering off.  “So Badger, what is your greatest exploit?” I asked while picking up my menu.

        “My greatest? Or do you want to do milestones and then our greatest?”

        “Greatest, then Milestones.”

        “Okkay.. lets see...After killing a black dragon the size of the building I grew up in, I gained a girlfriend, and a job to kill an entire Diamond Dog camp on my own. I snuck in, and killed all of them in their sleep, save for the alpha. Then, Rage came along and showed me I could breathe fire.”

        “I killed a god, the king of the undead, and Death.”

        “Bitch please, I killed a dragon with a weapon that wasn’t mine” (He grins to you) “And I take orders directly from two goddesses themselves.

        “I can't die.”

        He spit out the drink he ordered loudly. “Wait what?”

        “Yup. I can't die. I can be killed, but I will pop back up in a minute or two, it sucks because sometimes I have to collect my body parts. Oh, and this one time my legs got eaten by a wolf, not a pretty sight.”

“I think you’re lying. And my bullshit meter agrees."

“Fine, I will prove it to you but keep the street clear, I don't want to land on somepony.” I walked into the street with Badger intow and opened my spell book; I selected my Pink Love Rocket mount (it's the only one I have that is not an animal that happens to be sentient here.) At the sight of a giant pink tube appearing, Badger lost it and started laughing his ass off.

“Dude! Hahaha, what the hell is that?””

“Well considering most of the other things I can ride have rights here, I thought it best not to summon a gryphon, pegasi or a hippogryph and start riding it.  But, if you want, I have 50 other animals I can choose from.”

Badgers ears shot up and he cocked his head looking at me. “You have mounts like us?”

        “Well yes, but as I said, I'd rather not be seen riding around on something that looks like the locals.”  I got on the Pink Love Rocket and flew off into the sky.

“You ain’t got the balls to jump!!” he yelled after me as he started to shoo the ponies away.

After reaching about 100 feet, I dismissed my mount and plummeted to the ground.

“Ohhhh shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit ...”

As I relaxed in the flowing air waiting for my inevitable spat, I heard screaming and decided to do something stupid. “CANNON BALL”.  I saw the ground rush up to meet me and splat.

(Badgers Perspective)

Needless to say I cringed a bit from the resounding splat and spray of blood and such. I didn’t think he was going to actually do it! Oh great Celestia, I am sooo screwed. I made my way, carefully; surprisingly, there was almost no blood, save for a little coming out of his mouth. I softly poked his arm, seeing if he was still alive and-POP! His head literally popped off. CLEANSE IT WITH FIRE!!

~RAGE WAKE UP~

[*snore*]

~Yeah, screw you too..~

I made my way back to the chair inside and drank my drink, trying to ignore the body in the middle of the street, and the fact everyone was staring at me and the body outside. There was some sort of commotion from the onlookers, and I looked back to the body. Only to see his blood start to flowing to his body. The hell.... Slowly his head made its way to the body, almost like metal would to a magnet. They attached themselves over the span of a single minute.

(Azok Perspective)

Being dead isn't so bad. As soon as my body dies, I get turned into a ghost, so I was somewhat around to see Badger freak out over my corpse.  As soon as my body had finished repairing itself, I felt my spectral from being pulled back into it.  Ghost back in body and I shot straight up and cracked my neck. “See? I told you,” I said while standing up and walking back into the restaurant.  His eye twitched, almost uncontrollably.

“WHAT THE FUUCKK?!?!”

“Well you weren't impressed by me killing a god and death so I decide to do something you literally can't top.”

“I...Uh....huh... I am, for the first time in a long time...Without words...”

“So now that we're past the hole immortality thing, what do you wanna talk about?”

“I have no idea.. I just want to sit down and hide under a rock for a while.. Also, you should see the Princess about that.. She could probably do something so the rest of us have that.. Save a couple hundred lives...”

“I already gave this speech to another little pony that wanted it and I will give the same to you.  If you try to reproduce this power in any way, I will end you.”

“Understandable.. Don’t want it getting into the wrong hands”

        “Exactly. Me and Vinny will take this knowledge to our graves.  Now aren't we going to talk about milestones?”

        Badger and I spent the rest of the hour talking about the achievements that made us who we were today. We each paid for our own meals and decided to walk back to the Armor Shop so we could take in the sights of Canterlot.

        We arrived back at the shop after a twenty minute walk to find the smith finishing up the helmet of my armor set.  The armor looked similar to my old armor, except for the fact that it was now black with red runes scribbled on the shoulders, chest, and belt.  “Holy me, this looks awesome!” I almost giggled as I skipped towards the new armor.  I was held back by a the Smith.

        “That’ll be 250 gold pieces,” he barked at me.

        “Sorry, I don't have any gold pieces, but I have this.” I dug in my bag until I found what I was looking for, “Will this cover it?” I smiled as I dumped out two golden ingots.

        The smith picked one of the ingots up with his magic and bit into it. “Ya this will do, have a nice day. As quick as I could, I put on all the new armor and set it to a armor change spell.

        Now that I had some new armor, I decided to ask Badger something. “Hey Badger, you want some kind of a weapon or armor or something?”

“Na, Im getting some claws and a sword made from that dragon I killed.” Badger puffed up his chest again trying to act tough it was kinda cute.

“Well I got my armor, and you're getting some dragon body parts turned into weapons so what do you wanna do now?”

        We decided to walk around the city some more until we got back onto one of the main streets and saw something that, to this day, I still can't explain.  The ground had turned into soap, the trees were all upside down, and it was raining chocolate milk from pink clouds.

“This isn't normal is it?” I asked

        “Nope.”

“Think we should go see Celestia?”

        “Eeyup.”

Lets paint the town Gray

It seemed as if the entire city of Canterlot had the same idea as me and Badger: talk to the princess.

The streets immediately around the castle were packed with Ponies of all shapes and sizes.  The guards were doing their best to keep the civilians from hurting anybody, but the crowd was getting more and more restless.

“Any ideas on how to get through?”

“You could go drake, or I could use my awesome new rank to get us up front...”

“Well you don't have any proof of your ‘Awesome New Rank’, and I’d rather not escalate the panic. We need a softer approach.”

“Golden armor is that of the Royal guard, and the uniform of the Army. There is a reason why I wear it when I visit Canterlot.”

“Fine, you try your way and I will try mine.”

“Hold on... You're a huge cow... Huge cow equals large height. Large height means easy to spot.. Why not just walk through it? Also, we could fly over it. I just don’t want to yell over this.”

“I’m not gonna yell. I'm gonna stomp!”  I lifted my leg and readied the ability all Taurens have. My hoof began to crackle with electricity and slammed it against the ground[1].  The impact sent out a small wave of electricity followed by the growl of thunder. All the ponies in the crowd turned towards the source of the noise: me.

“IF EVERYPONY WILL PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR HOMES, THE SITUATION WILL BE RESOLVED SHORTLY. THE WEATHER AND THE OTHER STRANGE OCCURRENCES ARE THE RESULT OF  SEVERAL SPELLS BACKFIRING AT ONCE. THE PROBLEM WILL BE RESOLVED SHORTLY!”  The crowd let out several more grumbles but they all began filing back out into the streets and into their homes “See, that was easier.”

“Sorry, what?” Badger said, putting a claw in his ears in an attempt to stop the ringing.

I started walking up the castle steps with Badger; the guards still glaring at me.  We entered the castle, with Badgers help of course. “Need to see the Princesses ASAP, utmost importance, rank Mike Charlie. Protocol: Oscar-Hotel-Sierra-Hotel-Indigo-Tango.”

“Yeah, what Mike said.”

The guards let us through and to the the throne room. They informed us the princess would be there shortly before leaving.

“So what is ‘Protocol: Oscar-Hotel-Sierra-Hotel-Indigo-Tango’?”

“‘OH SHIT’. Also known as: ‘Shit’s hit the fan’.”

I did what any good person would do, I brought my hand up in a quick sweeping motion and rested my palm over my eyes and lowered my head slightly. “And you people stare at me for being weird.”

“Actually, it’s really protocol Charlie, but I said the same thing, just longer.”

The Princess arrived several minutes after we entered the room. “Good you're here. I assume you already know about the strange weather and the other such happenings around Canterlot?” The princess didn't give us any time to answer before continuing, “I don't know what is causing it, but I want you two to stay here for added protection.”

“Of course, ma’am. Anything specific you want us to do?” Badger replied, standing in a military-like manner.

“I want you two to go to the sculpture garden and guard a statue. A draconequus”

“What is a Draconequus?”

“They have hands, eagle claw, and a lions paw. A snake’s tail, feet: that of a dragon and a hoof. The head is that of a pony. It has horns and wing:, one bat one pegasus. Pretty much chaos itself balled up into a living creature.”

“So why are we guarding a statue?”

The door behind us burst open, Twilight and her friends rushed in with Vinny in tow.

“Princess Celestia, we came as fast as we could.”

“Thank you, Twilight. Thank you all.”

“Is this about the weather? And the animals' weird behavior? What's happening out there? Why isn't my magic working? Is there–”

“Follow me.”  Badger, Vinny, and I started to follow Celestia when she turned around. “Except you three. I want you to go make sure the statue is still there”

“Yes ma’am.” Badger saluted again and flew out the window towards the garden I transformed and flew after him with vinny on my back.

As me and Badger glided down to the sculpture garden I filled Vinny in on what had happened while I was in Canterlot.  We landed close to where I first touched down and walked the rest of the way to the Statue we were supposed to check on.

We followed Badger to the pedestal that the statute we were supposed to make sure was there, it wasn’t.

“Well, this sucks, its not here. Want me to go tell the princess as you keep watch?” Badger said while looking at me and Vinny

“Sure.”

“I’ll be back as soon as possible.”

Me and Vinny sat down on the pedestal and waited.

“New armor?”

“Yup.”

“Nice.”

Five minutes later Badger came trotting around a corner with Twilight and her Friends. After a short explanation on what Celestia wanted us to I shrugged my shoulders and followed them to the entrance. There was a flash of light and I could feel my magic being restricted.

“What the-” Badger, Twilight, Rairity, Rainbow, and Fluttershy were freaking out, their horns and wings were all gone.

“You–You should see the looks on your faces. Priceless!” A sudden pop, and the draconquus appeared in front of us

“Give us our wings and horns back!” twilight yelled at the monster.

“You'll get them back in good time. I simply took them to ensure there's no cheating. You see, this is the first rule of our game: no flying, and no magic.”

“The first rule?”

“The second rule is everypony has to play or the game is over, and I win. Good luck,

everypony!” And he disappeared with another loud pop.

“Never fear, girls. We have each other!”

“Yeah! Like Twilight said, there's nothing we can't overcome if we all stick together!”

“All right, girls, let's do this!”

We all stepped in the maze and almost as fast giant hedge walls sprung up separating us.  I could hear screaming from around me but I couldn't hear what any of them were saying so I decided to head off into the maze.

Following the Dungeons guide to Dungeoneering, I turned left at every opportunity. After what seemed like an hour, I came upon a clearing in the maze and in the center stood the draconquus Discord.

“So we meet at last.  You know you gave me a little fright when I first saw you, a creature from another dimension with unnatural powers.  You, my fine cow-like friend, are a true marvel.”

“What does that mean?” I reached on my back ready to draw my weapon. There was another crack and Discord spoke again.

“Tsk tsk, I really should have taken this away from you before, now you might have poked your eye out.”

“Give me back my weapon!”

“I don't think I will.  Besides, with all the killing you have done, I don't think you would need your weapons anymore.”

“I only killed those who deserved it.”

“Really, now 212,923 people deserved to die? Men, women, I mean sure some were really evil, but still some of them had families.  And you claim that you are the ‘good guy’?”

“I am.”

“I don't think so,” there was another pop and Discord appeared behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders and continued speaking, “The good guy would be the one who didn't kill everything in their path blindly, like you did.”

“I didn't kill everything blindly.”

“Oh but you did. You killed for honor, you killed for trophies, you killed for sport. You are no defender of the innocent, you are as evil as I am.  You're a killer. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Discord’s words were like a virus, clouding my mind making me remember things I didn't do.  Then all at once it was as if all the color in the world drained away and it left me with only three thoughts: Crush, Kill, Destroy.  I felt the weight of my weapon as it appeared in my hand and I felt my magic return.  I turned and looked towards the town of canterlot and charged.

Azok charged through the streets of Canterlot smashing everything in his path signposts buildings even ponies who weren't fast enough to get away the entire time counting.

“212,924”

“212,925”

“212,926”

The guards were doing their best to stop the rampaging Tauren, but they only made his number climb higher and higher.

“212,935”

“212,940”

The guards pulled back realizing they could not stop the monster they started firing spells at him from the rooftops and dropping rocks on him from the air to no avail.  There was a flash of light and several buildings around him crumbled.

“212,950”

The Pegasi guards retreated back to the castle while the Unicorn and Earth pony guards continued the evacuation of the City

But no matter how far away they went, they could still hear his screams.

“212,960”

The guards burst into the throne room. “Princess, we have to evacuate immediately!”

The Princess was looking out the window towards her once glorious city with tears streaming down her face.  “No. Evacuate the citizens, I will deal with Azok.”

“Princess, we must insist-” the guards started to get closer to the princess.

“I SAID NO!” The guards were taken aback, they had never heard the princess yell before, let alone see a look of pure hatred in her eyes.  For the first time time they feared their princess more than their enemy.

The Princess looked over her once great city and let one more tear shed before she took off to end the life of a monster.

Azok was still destroying everything, but he had stopped counting there: were no more ponies around to make the number climb higher.  There was a flutter of wings and a new pony landed in front of him.

Azok charged the new pony swinging his weapon like a madman and screaming at the top of his lungs

“212,999”

“212,999”

“212,999”

The Princess dodged his attacks and blasted him in the chest with a bolt of magic knocking him back into another building.  Azok charged at the pony again still screaming.

“212,999”

“212,999”

The Princess dodged him again and shot another blast of magic; this time it hit him square in the face, shattering one of his horns. Azok threw his weapon at the pony that had harmed him in frustration as he picked up the broken part of his horn, charging at her again and again, each time getting blasted by her magic.

Azok cut the pony several times, but he was in far worse condition. His arms were broken and his legs were starting to give out.  He roared with hatred and anger, all the emotions he was taught to suppress, and charged at the pony one more time.

The Princess did not move; she stood there waiting when Azok got close enough. Once he was, she grabbed him with her magic and slammed him into the ground again and again, breaking bone after bone in his body.

Azok lied in a small crater, broken. He tried to move, but couldn't lift his arms. His spine was broken and he was paralyzed the pony walked over the crater and looked at him.

Azok looked up at the pony that had defeated him and screamed, a primal noise laced with wrath.

The Princess looked down at the broken man in his eyes and saw, not anger or evil, but sadness and remorse.  “No, you will have a fate worse than death.”

And with that the Princess took off into the sky, leaving the half dead monster to live in his body, in his tomb.

(VINNY)

Vinny had made it quite a ways into the maze without getting a meeting from discord.  He mentally checked his tracking and saw nine dots slowly moving through the maze[2].  One of the blips stopped moving at a clearing up ahead Vinny kicked it into overgear and sprinted ahead[3].  He slowed down when he came to the entrance of the clearing, listening as an all too familiar armor’s clinks resonated from ahead.  He stepped into the clearing and saw the Hippogryph he had healed several weeks ago.  “Sup.”

“Hey there shorty.”

“Call me that again and you will be acquainted with some dynamite up the nose.”

“Sheesh man. So, how do you like the maze?”

“Wailing Caverns is worse than this place.”

“AAAALLLLLLrighty then.  So, where’s the beef?”

Vinny checked is tracking again but there were only eight dots this time “I don't know, but he isn’t in the maze anymore.”

“Huh... I wouldn’t think that Discord would let us leave like that... Anyways, it’s best we probably stick together. Need a lift?”

“First things first” Vinny pulled out small case and produced a whistle; from it a shrill noise emanated and five rune circles appears around him.  Schrodinger, a large striped sabertooth tiger; Gamera, a tortoise the size of a smart car with lava running down his shell;  Bartholomew the bear;  Bones ,the Skeletal eagle; and Rave, the Phoenix all appeared around him.  Vinny let out another whistle and they all sat down. “I need you guys to go search the maze for some ponies, but don't hurt them, just make sure they are ok.” They all nodded and took off in different directions.

“I’m not even going to ask. I’ve seen the bovine fall to his death and reconnect his head. I honestly don’t think anything can surprise me now.”

“No, probably not.” Vinny pulled out his spell book and selected his Goblin Trike mount again a rune circle appeared in front of Vinny and a Go Cart sized rocket trike appeared. “Come on I only got five pets and there are six girls so we need to find one of ‘em.”

“Alright.” Badger looked up to see the phoenix circling in the air. “Think that’s where one of them is?”

“Yep.” Badger and Vinny set off towards where Rave was circling: three rights and a left later, they were in another slightly larger clearing there was a small pony in the middle, but it wasn't one of the girls.

The pony spun around and looked at with its different colored eyes

“So good to meet you Badger, the Hippogriff, and you too Vinny. Lucky me, a twofer”

“Celestia damnit... Why does this always happen to me?”

Vinny pulled out his bow, only to find it had been turned into a rather large rubber chicken. “Da buck man?”

“Sorry my poor goblin, but I have to speak with Badger alone for a while. Ta-Ta!”

There was another snapping sound and Vinny found himself back at the beginning of the maze.

[1] War stop (Tauren Racial) = Stomps the ground stunning all enemies within 10 yards

[2] Track Humanoids / Track Beast = Tracks all Humanoids and Beasts in a 100yrd radius

[3] Aspect of the Cheetah = Increases movement speed by 20%

(A/N) Damn that last part was actually hard to write.  Anyway I decided to give you some SPOILERS yay.

HERE IT IS

The End of sorts

Edited by MrMinimii

Vinny had made it back to the first clearing in the maze when his pets returned looking quite tired.  They released several chirps and growls apiece while looking at Vinny.

“Don't beat yourselves up this, is a big maze.” Vinny pulled out the whistle and blew into it, a shrill noise once again filled the air, causing Vinny’s five pets to slowly sink back into the ground.  There was a loud snap in the distance and the entirety of the maze disappeared leaving behind a large crater.

On the far side of the crater 6 greyish splotches, accompanied by another purple one, were crowded around a couch.  Vinny started to head towards it but was stopped by a yellow glow and a flash as he was teleported for the umpteenth time that day.

When he reappeared he was in the throne room looking at a very upset Celestia.  “What is the meaning of this” She demanded loudly.

“The meaning of what?” Vinny responded, not knowing what the Princess was referring to.

“Not twenty minutes after Discord is released your friend goes on a rampage in my city!” Celestia stomped her hoof on the ground and guards began to file in the room.

“What?”

“You heard me! You have one minute to tell me why I shouldn't send you to the sun.”

“Well first off, that’s a little extreme. Secondly, last I knew, Azok was trying to find your damn elements of harmony or some shit like that. Thirdly, Azok is a Paladin; he won't kill anything unless it is a threat to the innocent.  If he did kill anything against his will he must have been mind controlled or something, and if you take me to him I can find out for sure.”

The Princess nodded and led Vinny to where she had left Azok, the entire castle guard escorted them there as a precaution.

Upon reaching the sight, Vinny walked up to the crater and looked down and his friend.  “Well its not exactly mind control, but he is grey, whatever that means. His HP isnt charging either, which is weird.”

Celestia looked down at Vinny with a look of confusion on her face.  “Fine, let me explain:  where we come from people like us can scan other living things and see how hard something is to kill we gauge this with hit points, HP, and after battle, heroes will naturally heal themselves, but Azok ain't getting healed.”

“What about him being grey?”

“Well, besides the distinct lack of color on the big guy’s fur, I'm not sure. If we had a mage, they could figure it out, but for now I say we just leave him here and hope it wears off.”

“Very well.” Celesta turned to her guards, “I want half of you to stay here and the other half to begin gathering the bodies for burial.”

“If I may, Princess, your guards are about as useful as wet tissue paper and this may sound bad but don't bury the bodies yet; Azok might be able to do something about them if we can get him back to normal.”

“What do you mean ‘do something about them’?”

“Did Sparkle tell you about the time I brought that bunny back to life.”

“Yes she did.”

“Well Azok can do something much, much bigger.”

Vinny went back to the castle with Celestia, but had left his lava turtle, Gamera, to guard Azok just in case.  As soon as they had entered the throne room Celestia’s horn glowed slightly and she rushed over to the window Her horn glowed one more time and she teleported away.

“So... I guess I'll just stay here then?”

Meanwhile in Ponyville, Twilight was gathering her friends and curing them of the Grey... Without the help of the female Hippogryph, Badger, who had had been knocked out by Tom.

Vinny was staring out the throne room window at the town of ponyville when a giant rainbow dome appeared and completely engulfed Ponyville.  When the dome reached Canterlot, it erased all the cotton candy clouds and fixed all the soap roads.  Azok remained grey, untouched by the dome’s magic.

Vinny looked towards the doorway in time to see the Princess return with a note floating next to Her

“Good news from Twilight: the Elements of Harmony were able to defeat Discord. She had also has found a spell that will reverse the Grey.”

“Tell her to meet me at Azok.” Vinny sprinted out of the throne room as fast as his little stubby legs could carry him.

He arrived at the crater housing Azok in several minutes, greeted by Gamera whom he quickly dismissed.  He heard the sound of hoofs and saw turned to see Twilight behind him.  “Ok toots, I’ll cap him, you zap him.”

Twilight nodded and Vinny stepped forward.

The monster still laid in his crater wallowing in his blood and broken body. A sound broke the silence: two sets of hooves approaching from a distance, stopping just as they neared the incredible beast.  The monster turned his head and saw his friend, the goblin.

The Goblin said nothing; he simply drew his bow, aimed at the monster's heart, and fired.  Another sound broke through the silence, but fell upon the monster’s deaf ears. Twilight emerged by The Goblin’s side, tears streaming down her cheeks.

The monster chuckled with his dying breaths, knowing he would soon be back to kill again. Blood returned, bones mended damage undone, the monster rose from his once grave again, hungry for revenge.

The unicorn lowered her head and charged a spell as the monster charged at the pair.  The spell hit the beast directly between the eyes, not causing harm, but forcing his past back into his mind: his friends and family, his hopes and dreams. The monster was no more, now there was only Azok Sunstrider the Paladin.  Azok Sunstrider stood and his body began to glow a pulse of light emanated from him[1] “212,923” was uttered before he changed and flew off into the sky.

Several days past and Vinny had returned to Ponyville, and with the money in the bank, he had bought a two bedroom house on the edge of ponyville.  Azok had still not returned from wherever he had gone, but Vinny was sure he would soon enough.

Vinny had been in the front yard of the house, shooting arrows at a tree for practice when he heard the sounds of wings beating behind him.  He spun around and saw a familiar sandy dragon gliding to the ground.

Azok landed in front of Vinny and changed back to his humanoid form he slowly walked up to Vinny and sat down in front of him.

“Hey big guy, where you been?”

“I just had to be alone for a while, but I’m okay now.”

“Well that’s good. As you’ve probably figured out by now, I got us a house. It drained almost all the savings though.”

“Won't be a problem, I have an idea on how we can make some money.”

Azok pulled out a sheet of blue paper and showed it to Vinny.

“This is going to be fun.”

[1] Mass Resurrection - Resurrects all allies within 100 yards (A/N i will not be using this spell ever again it is too powerful.  But I will give myself some leeway any pony that dies can be brought back once.)

Cow Vs. Cow

It was the middle of the night and ahumfilled the air as a large object materialized outside the window of a walleyed mail mare.  The familiar sound woke up the young mare and she jumped out of bed and ran to the window in hopes to see her Doctor, but sadly all she found was a confused Tauren.  In a flash of green he was gone just as quickly as he arrived, taking her hope along her.

Azok appeared outside of his house with Vinny several feet away at the controll panel of their new machine.

“Hey Vinny. The test on the machine went great, but it is still making that weird noise. And look,” Azok held up his arm, “I still have all my fur.” Needless to say, the previous test of their new device had left Azok with some bald spots.

“So, big guy, you think we can open shop yet? I'm itching to get some real work done, considering all you let me do is press the red button.”

“Well considering I’m the Grandmaster Engineer and your only skill is cutting gems, I think it best if you didn't touch it.”

“Fine.  Yo, A, im heading to bed. It's like three in the morning.”

“Kay, I just need to make a few more adjustments.”

“Don't care.”

Azok went back to his new device and began to work on the exposed circuitry.  There was flash of light as he joined two wires together there was a spark a shudder and then a soft soothing hum he closed the access panel and stepped back to take it all in.

It had taken all week, several hundred IOU’s, and quite a few bald spots, but it was complete; his crowning achievement his very own portal device.  It was a large ring shaped structure about ten wide and ten feet tall.  It worked by using the natural magic in the air and could transport up to five ponies anywhere in the known world, but the farther away the longer it took for it to recharge.  Azok had planned to use it as a rapid insertion system for their new business.

A and V

Mercenary

Security

&

Odd Jobs

Now all they needed was business.

Azok felt a familiar tingle as his cells began converting sunlight into magic, he turned to see the sun started to rise and chuckled to himself, “Heh, I guess I was working longer than I thought.”  He walked into the house and laid down on the couch and quickly fell asleep.

Azok awoke several hours later to the sounds of knocking at the door.  He tried to ignore it, but it seemed too urgent to merely ignore.

“Hello?”

“Azok, we need help: Fluttershy has been possessed!” the pony at the door was none other than the pink party pony herself Pinkie Pie.

“Come again?”

“Fluttershy is acting like a big meanie! She’s usually all shy and quiet, but not anymore, and I think that maybe a spooky ghost or something has taken over her body-”

Not needing to hear anymore, Azok cut her off.

“Welp, sounds like a possession to me. Let me grab some gear and I will meet you at Fluttershy’s cottage.” Azok ran up stairs to tell Vinny he would be gone, but found that his Goblin friend was nowhere to be seen.  Thinking nothing of it, He grabbed his armor and ran outside the transformed and flew off towards Fluttershy’s cottage.

Azok landed just in time to see Pinkie Pie and Rarity walking up to the door.

Rarity knocked on the door “Fluttershy, are you in there?”

“It's Pinkie Pie, and Rarity!”

“Go away! Go away before nastyFluttershy strikes again!” We could barely hear Fluttershy through the door.

“Oh, sweetie, we all said things that we regret.”

“We did?” Pinkie questioned.

“Shh.”

“Pinkie's right. I'm the only one to blame.  But don't worry, I'm never coming out of my house again. Everypony will be a lot safer with me and my mean mouth locked away.

“Sweetie, Pinkie Pie doesn't blame you, nor do I. You just received some bad advice from that Iron Will character.”

“Yeah! He'sthe one that made you act super-duper nasty. What I mean is, there are other ways to assert yourself besides yelling at everypony.”

“Yes! You can stand up for yourself without being unpleasant about it.”

“I- I'm not sure I can, I'm too far gone. Whenever I try to assert myself, I become a monster.”  The sound of lightning punctuated the end of her sentence.

“Oh sweetie, you're not a monster.”

“No, but he is” PInkie pointed down the little hill at a Minotaur and a posse of goats.

The Minotaur got closer, flexed, and shouted “Iron Will's my name, training ponies is my game.”

“What a darlinglittle catchphrase,” Rarity commented.

“Your friend Fluttershy lovedIron Will's catchphrases. Word on the street is that she doesn't take no guff from nopony! So, Iron Will is here to collect Iron Will's fee.”

Azok interrupted at this point “Hold on a second Pinkie, I thought you said that Fluttershy was possessed.”

“Well you interrupted me before I could finish what I was saying silly.”

“I'm sure a big, brave, powerful and rich monster- I mean, minotaur, like you, doesn't need that money right away. You can afford to come back later.”

“Are you kidding? Fluttershy is overdue as it is. Iron Will collects now.”

“Do something!”

Azok stepped in “Hey Iron Will, we need some time to get your payment together, so mind if you come back later.”

“Iron Will does have some grocery shopping to do. Iron Will will come back this afternoon.”

“But that's only half a day. We need one full day, at least” damnit Pinkie.

“Iron Will will delay for half a day and no longer!“

“A full day!“ Pinky demande.

“Half day!“ Iron Will replied.

“Full day!“ Pinkie demanded for the second time.

“Half day!“

“Half day!“

“Full day!“

“We need half a day and no more!“ Pinkie shouted.

“Well you'll get a full day and no less!“ Iron Will yelled back.

“Okie dokie. See you tomorrow.“

“Wait, what?” Iron Will was as confused as Azok was.  “Iron Will collects now.”

“But we had an agreement! You gotta come back tomorrow!” Pinkie shouted.

“When somepony tries to block, show them that you rock!”

Iron Will threw Pinkie Pie into the small pond under Fluttershy’s house.

“OK she may not be possessed, but I really don't like this guy” He thought.  Azok stepped behind Iron will and tapped him on the shoulder “Hey I think it'd best if you leave.”

“Iron Will will not leave ‘till he gets what is owed.”

“If you don't leave, I will make you leave.”

“Do you think that you can take Iron Will? I have won over fifty strong pony competitions! I..”

Azok couldn't stand any more of this pompous creature “I will repeat once more. Leave now or I will make you leave.”

“Treat me like a pushover, and you'll get the once over!” Iron will swung at azok, but he wasn't fast enough. Azok easily sidestepped the attack and slammed his fist into Iron Will’s chest, sending him flying.

“Here is another saying to add to your collection: ‘Don't poke the bear.’”

It took a while, but Iron Will limped off the property, his pride hurting more than his body.

“Oh thank you Azok” Rarity chirped “Although I don't approve of violence, I think that was handled quite well.”

Azok walked up to the door knocking on it “Fluttershy if you want I can put a seal on you so that your bad side won't come back out.”

Azok heard the sounds of soft hooves steps slowly growing ever so slightly louder they stopped and then the door opened slightly “R.. Really?”

“Really.”

“I would like that very much.” Azok’s hands began to shine with the familiar golden glow; he rubbed them together and set them on Fluttershy’s head.  The light trickled down her head pooling at her hooves before sinking into the ground.

“There, now your mean side is safely sealed away.”

“Thank you thank you thank you! If there is anything I can do for you..”

“Well I did just open an odd jobs business, so just spread the word and that will be payment enough.”

Azok returned to his house as the sun was once again setting, there was a familiar thumping coming from the side yard.  Azok walked into the side yard where he saw Vinny sending arrow after arrow down rage.  Vinny looked over and saw Azok standing by the side of the house “Yo Big Guy, where were you today?”

“Fluttershy got some bad advice from a Minotaur and was being overly assertive, so Pinkie Pie wanted me to exorcise the evil spirit she thought was possessing her.”

“Sounds like she wasn't possessed though.” seven more arrows struck home on the target.

“She wasn't; I just used a small healing spell and told her I exorcized her.”

“You clever cow.”

A/N ok for the rest of the life of this story I will be maybe putting Azok and Vinny in the main storyline, but the episodes will be in random order because I am the author and I do what I want.  But most of the time it will be them on their own adventures.

The 5 Stages of Magic Addiction

Edited by MrMinimii

Hello dear readers today we shall delve into the topic of Addiction.  Azok has recently been turned back into his old Elf form.  Blood elves are addicted to arcane energy- it is magic that hasn't been selected for a spell yet.  He could no longer get it from the sun and his and his mana reserves were also running low, but the worst part was that he was beginning to go through withdrawls.  He had gone through them before when he was being tested by the order of the Blood Knights.  The stages went: Denial, Pain, Anger, Depression, and Recovery. Each stage lasted several hours and the whole ordeal lasted a full day.

DENIAL

        As he stumbled through the streets, Azok managed to knock over several stands and overturn even more ponies.  He was stopped by a small gray unicorn “Are you ok mister?”

        “Ya I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine? Don't I look fine!”

        “Not really,” the filly replied, “Your keep twitching and you look drunk.”

        “I’m not drunk.” Azok said as he took another swig out of a flask. “I’m not even drinking anything.”  He made it another several feet before accidentally turning into his drake form. “I meant to do that.”

        He took off into the sky flying in erratically before he somehow managed to pull a barrel roll and crash into a tree.

PAIN

Intense burning pain this stage was the worst: it was his body's way of saying “EAT MAGIC!”  Have you ever eaten a hot pepper and all you could do was roll around on the ground hoping for the pain to go away? This was infinitely worse.  Azok had been completely submerged in lava before, yet it still didn’t compare to the agonizing pain he was suffering at this moment.  His skin had turned bright red and he started to sweat blood.  Many curse words were uttered but I figured it’d be best if those were left to the imagination.  The stage itself lasts only five minutes, but it feels like an eternity for the one suffering.

ANGER

        Everything he hated, everything! He didn't know why,he just did.  Azok trudged down the street dicking at the dirt when the same small gray unicorn from earlier crossed his path.  “O hello mister. Are you feeling better?”

        “Get outta my way before I punt you into the next country.”

        “I said MOVE!” He raised his voice enough to scare the filly into running away with tears flowing from her eyes.

        The onlookers began to grumble about Azok’s bad behavior. First being drunk in public and now this?  “What are you looking at, you technicolored faggots? I oughtta come over there and shave you! That way you will look as dumb as you sound!”

        There was the sound of wings as a gray Pegasus fluttered down in front of him the Unicorn filly was on her back.  “How dare you make my baby cry, you monster!”

        “O this is rich. I’m getting called a monster by the derpy-eyed retard who can't even fly correctly. I should call child services; a rock would be a better parent than you.”

        “What...?” Tears formed at the corners of the hurt Pegasus’s eyes.

        “You're.....A.....bad.....Mother”

        The gray Pegasus flew off with tears streaming down her face just like her daughter did only a few minutes prior.

DEPRESSION

He was a worm, no he was less than a worm, he was the worst living thing on the face of the planet. Dirt was more special than him.  Or at least that is how he felt.  Azok was currently lying facedown in a mud puddle trying to kill himself, but to no avail.  There was  a noise above him and a purple aura surrounded him lifting him from the puddle.  “There you are.” She paused for a second. “When I heard you got transformed I didn't believe you, but the proof is right infront of me.”

        “I am a lowly worm who doesn't deserve life.” he muttered pathetically, tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

        “Huh”

        Azok was able to break out of his depression for a second to explain. “Magic withdrawal stage four depression.”

        “We better get you back to the library.” Twilight commented.

RECOVERY

They arrived at the library about the time that Azok entered the Recovery state of the withdraws.  “Hey Twilight, I have a question.”

        “What is it?”

        “Can you let me down?”

        “Oh, yes. Sorry.” The spell dissipated and Aok dropped to the ground with a thud.

        “Thanks. Now I have another question, where can I get my hands on some arcane energy?”

        “Why would you need something so volatile?” questioned Twilight.

        “Well, I need it to feed.” Twilight raised and eyebrow. “My new body needs to feed off of arcane energy or I won't be able to use magic. I can use a siphoning spell, but it can hurt the person, or pony in this case, so I'd rather not use it on the unicorns.”

        “How can I help?”

        “Well, If you could store up some raw magic during the week in a gem or something and give it to me, that would be very nice.”

        “O that should be easy enough.” Twilight said with a grin.

        “Thanks. Now if you will excuse me, I have to go to say sorry to somebody.”   Azok ran out of the library intent on finding the gray Pegasus and her daughter.

        As he ran through the streets, he was on a constant look out for the walleyed mail mare.  Unfortunately, his search was unfruitful. The sun was beginning to set and Azok decided to turn in for the day the search could continue the next day.  He transformed into his drake form and flew off towards his house.

He landed at his house just as the sun finished setting, and upon walking up to the door, he saw a note pinned to it.

Hey big guy i'm gonna be gone for a couple days on a job. Don't worry, it’s just some wolves getting a little too confident.

-Vinny

He went inside and began to make himself some food when there was a knock at the door.

        “Hey Vinny, although you were going to be gone for a couple days...” On the other side of the door wasn't his small green friend. Instead, it was the walleyed mail mare,  she gasped dropping several letters from her mouth.

        “O no, not you.” The poor mare curled into a ball on the ground. “Please don't hurt me, it’s not my fault I look the way I do.”

        Azok bent down and stroked the mare's mane. “I’m sorry for the way I acted today. I never meant to hurt you or your daughter.  I was going through some withdraws and that’s why I acted the way I did.”

        The pegasus lifted her head and looked at him with one of her eyes. “You really mean it?”

        “Yes”

        “Thanks..” she drug her hoof across her face, wiping a tear away. “My name is Ditzy, by the way.”

        “Well my name is Azok.” There was a long pause. “I’m making dinner, if you would like some?”

        “What is it?” Ditzy questions.

        “Muffins.”

        (A/N -  I want you to all know I have slapped myself repeatedly for making Ditzy and Dinky cry.  Also I'm thinking of doing one of my chapters in the future and let everybody watch me make it Via Google doc.  At mom's house for a month and if you haven't read my blog then you don't know but my mom is a Brony hater so i will have to work at night wish me luck.

Also don't even think about Shipping its not gona happen)

What was and what truly was

It was a beautiful day in the city of Canterlot; the sun was shining and there was not a care in the world, but sadly our story does not take place there, it takes place in the town of Ponyville, and at the moment they are having on of the worst storms of the season.

The rain fell like stones and the wind tore at the houses like a fat kid tears at cake, like a kid tears at the wrapping of a present, like a dog tears at the door so he can bite the mailman, like a carnivore tearing a piece of meat off the bone, like a..

GET ON WITH THE STORY

Okay fine..ingrates..

And on such days, like all ponies, Azok was at home by a nice warm fire drinking some tea.  He walked over to the window and gazed out of it looking at the constant downpour of water, it was the only sound in the house. Vinny was still at work dealing with some wolves, so Azok had the house to himself.

He went back to his chair by the fire when he heard a knock at the door, dismissing it for the rain, he went back to his drink.  There was another knock at the door, this one was quicker and sounded genuine. He rushed over to the door and opened it.  There, standing before him, was a small pink earth pony soaked to the bone.

“Can... can I come in please?”

“Yes??”

There was a pink blur as the small pony rushed inside over to the fire.  Azok walked back over to his chair and sat down, the hole time observing the quivering pony.

“So...” He began “Who are you and why are you out in such a terrible storm?”

“My name is Piña Colada, I’m Berry Punch’s daughter.” There was a long pause as the small pony looked up at Azok.

“And why are you here?”

“Oh ya, I have to do a school project on somebody who I admire, so I decided to do it on you.”

“So couldn't it wait ‘till tomorrow?”

“Well its kinda due tomorrow” she sheepishly replied.

“I have nothing to do so... How can I help?”

“Well Ms. Cheerilee said we had to write about the childhood of someone who we admire, so I guess tell me about your childhood?”

“Are you sure you want to know about my childhood? It's a long boring story.”

Piña Colada nooded her head up and down.

“Ok, well here we go...”

        “Wait up, Vel, you know I'm not a good runner.”

        “It’s not my fault, Azok, who ever heard of an elf that can't run?”

Vel stood at the top of a small hill surrounded by lush green grass.  There was a small tree by her, the sun cast beams of light through its leaves illuminating the young elf girl’s brilliant auburn hair.

“You know I'm still recovering from that spell they used on me. Besides, in a week or so I'm going to be stronger and faster then ever.”

“And in the meantime you're still the slow Elf you have always been.”

Joining Vel at the top of the small hill  Azok and Her sat down to a small picnic. You see, they were sweethearts; nothing could tear them apart... well that is almost nothing.

Several years past from the time on the hill during that time Azok got bigger, stronger and more importantly, faster.

        “What's the matter, Vel? I thought you were a fast runner.” He gloated from atop the very same hill from years before.

        “Shut up, you.” She picked up a small rock and tossed it at him.

        “Whoa there, you could hurt somebody with one of those” Vel reached the top of the hill and He embraced Her with a hug “Hey, beautiful.”

        “What?”

        “Just amazed how beautiful you look in the sun.”

        “I know, I do look amazing.”

        “Beautiful AND humble? I am one lucky Elf.”

More time passed and Azok was accepted to the order of the Blood Knights, his training was tough and hard but he completed it.  He was on his way back to his home in the Eversong Woods, and He had only one thing on His mind. He was going to ask Vel to marry him.

Azok arrived back at his home town at around noon, but it took a little longer to get to Vel’s house; she lived aways out of town in a small cottage.  He walked up to Her door and knocked, there was the sound of boot steps and the door opened revealing an older looking Elf.

“Hello, is Vel here?”

“Sorry kid, she moved out couple months back.”

The door closed and so did Azok’s hopes of ever finding the love of his life.  He searched for years after that, but he never did find her.

        “After that, I joined my old guild. We raided some dungeons, I got turned into a Tauren and then I wound up in Equestria.”

        Piña Colada hurriedly scribbled down more notes before lifting her head “Thanks Mister Azok” glancing out the window we could see the weather had all but dissipated “Well I'd better be getting home now” She trotted over to the door and turned around one more time “Bye.” and with that she left.

        Azok stood at the window again watching Her walk down his front walk way “Its good that she didn't cry, a child should never have to hear what really happened... And if she did nobody would look at me the same...”

He was on his way back to his home in the Eversong Woods and He had only one thing on His mind.  He was going to ask Vel to marry him.

Azok arrived back at his home town at around noon but it took a little longer to get to Vel’s house; she lived aways out of town in a small cottage.  As He got closer He noticed something was wrong, the front gate was smashed in, and one of the windows was broken.

He rushed up to the house and ripped open the door, the insides of the house were torn to beyond recognition, the tables were smashed and the bookshelves were just piles of splinters and there was blood.  Azok desperately searched through the rubble trying to see if Vel was ok, he tossed a chair out of the way when He saw something that still haunts him today, a pool of blue magic residue.

Wretched. It couldn't be anything else, those mana hungry abominations had invaded this home and hurt, or worse, killed Vel. Azok was going to get revenge even if it meant killing all these Forsaken Elves.

Wretched were once Blood Elves, but they could not control their arcane addiction. They are hideous to look at and all they desire is more and more magic and they don't care where they get it from.  Even from a sweet defenceless Elf who couldn't even cast a proper spell.  Death was being lenient on what they truly deserved.

There was a small encampment of Wretched that hadn't yet been culled near the lake, they had not caused trouble before, so the townspeople let them live.  Azok got his battle armor and his Blood-Tempered Ranseur, the standard weapons for any Blood Knight, it was a dark red polearm with a wicked blade at the end.

Azok approached the camp silently, He had already impaled two of the guards, ending their lives quicker than he wanted to.  The camp was still bustling with the abominations, they were chatting with each other in their bastardisation of Thalassian.  Azok was nearing one of the largest tents when he heard a scream.

“No no please don't kill me please don't ki-” it came from the tent in front of Him and it sounded too familiar.  He broke through the back of the tent and what he saw kindled a fire of pure hatred, there before him was the body of Vel, it was bruised and beaten and worst of all, dead. Standing over her lifeless body was the leader of the Wretched and Azoks new target.

The Wretched lashed at Him with his blade, but He dodged it and swung his Ranseur lopping off the beasts hands. He swung again and the monster lost his feet. Two more swings and the Wretched had only its torso left. It’s screams echoed into the night, and then silence.

`Azok exited the tent, his eyes glowed golden his wrath still burned brigh.  “Get him!” some of the Wretched yelled. Sad that those were there last words... The camp descended on Him, each monster, however, met the same fate. Death, slow painful death, and yet it only made Him madder.

Men, Women and Children all died at the tip of His Ranseur. All met a fate that was unjust in the eyes of the Blood Knights.  To kill for revenge is to kill for no reason, To kill for Justice is the only reason you need.  The Wretcheds end was not just.

A month had passed after the incident at the camp and Azok is now standing trial for his crimes, crimes against the order.

        “What you did that night was unacceptable for a Paladin!” shouted the Third of the council members “We could have you executed for this.”

        “We should have you executed for this” interjected The Second.

        “But we won't.” said the third “Your punishment is life. You are to live on forever with the pain of your crimes being your spirit to this world, You will never die and You can never join the ancestors in the Light.”

        “But...” Azok began.

“HOLD YOUR TONGUE! We were lenient on you, boy, we could have served your limbs and fed your carcass to the scourge.” The First voice was not angry, it was not filled with malice, it was filled with sadness.  The judgment he had passed on the young Paladin was far more than his crime justified.  “Go collect your Ranseur and your Charger.  You are no longer welcome in the Sanctum.”

Azok stood from his chair and went to his room there over his bed mounted on the wall was His old Ransure, His old weapon, His old friend.  He reached up and removed it from its mount. He did not need to test the blade it was enchanted to forever remain sharp, the indestructible weapon of the Paladins.

        “Well, old friend, what say we get some practice?” the blade shimmered as if answering.  A single tear fell to the blade.

        “Yes, old friend, Yes.”

(A/N Well I got bored so I tossed in some back story btw this is what a Ranseur looks like Click Any way the Ranseur will become his new weapon it complements his new smaller frame and speed attack style of Elf combat.  Also a little thing i'm throwing in all this is actual role play from the wow Server I play on.  It is more detailed in the game but i didn't need to put it all on here.  One more thing i can only work at night on my story so it takes 2x as long sorry.)

The Watcher.

Azok stood in the middle of a small grassy field.  The same one he had killed the Dragon in weeks before the beasts corps was now only a skull and some wing bones, the local wildlife must have eaten the rest.  As he got closer to the skull he saw there was a note burned into the bone.

        To the slayer of my mate: journey to Midnight Castle, I would like to speak with you.

        He would gladly like to go to Midnight Castle, but there was one problem. He had no idea where it was.  And when you don't know something you go to the library.

“Twilight, you there?”

        “One second!” The purple librarian poked her head around a corner “Oh hello Azok, are you here to pick up one of your Arcane Crystals?”

        “No, actually I need to know where Midnight Castle is?”

        “Oh, it’s on an Island southwest of Manehatten. Why did you want to know?”

        “No reason.” Azok sprinted out the door, transformed, and flew off towards his destination. He could have taken the teleporter, but it was so much more fun to fly. It took him a little under an hour to reach the Island.  But the moment he crossed its border, the sky went black and all went still.  The water stopped moving and the air currents froze. It was as if the island was dead.

        Landing on the Island, Azok could feel the evil of the place, he should have turned back but He had somebody to meet.

        The inside of the castle was filled dust and skeletons they looked like dragons but different they seemed to have pony like features to them.  He entered the throne room and before him laid a Dragon, but this one was alive.

        The massive beast swung its head to face the Paladin. “So we meet at last Blood Elf. It has been too long, or has it not yet been long enough.”

        “How do you know what I am?” Azok began to pull out his Ranseur, preparing for a fight.

“I know everything about you Azok- the King Slayer, The Explorer, The Bloodsail Admiral, TheChampion of the Frozen Wastes.  You have many names, and I know them all.”

        “How do you know me? We have never met before, Dragon.”

“I know, because I see.  I see all that was and all that will be.  I am The Watcher of time.”

        “You are this worlds aspect of time.  Tell me, Dragon, are there other Dragon Aspects?”

“No Elf. I am sorry, but there are none.  Me and my mate were the last of the great Dragons, but you slew him.”

“I am so sorry Dragon, but I only killed him in defence. If I had known he was one of the greats, I would have tried harder to save him.”

“Do not worry yourself Elf, my mate was destined to die at that point of time. Just as you were meant to come to this land from the day you were born.And to your next question you can call me Watcher though it may not be your next question now that it has been answered.” Watcher chuckled at her own temporal joke.

        “Watcher, may I ask why you have called me here?”

“I offer a warning, but you must determine its meaning.  A Storm approaches, one the likes no mortal has ever seen.  This Storm is powerful enough to change the very fabric of reality.  But It is the only hope for you to defeat an enemy of old The King the Realm of Darkness and the Inbetween. Stay steadfast Elf, and you may be able to weather this Storm.”

        “You make it sound like this Storm is a living being, and what is the Realm of Darkness?”

“All in good time Elf.”

“What should I do Watcher?”

“Do not worry Elf, for I have seen the future, and when the times comes you will know what to do.  Now I must go Elf, for I am needed at a different time.” The Watcher shimmered for a second then disappeared.  The familiar taste of sand entered Azoks mouth as He watched the old beast vanish.

        Several large caliber rounds tore through the air impacting on some timberwolves,  the bests were currently engaging with Gamera, a giant lava turtle, giving the Hunter the perfect opportunity to take them out.   Vinny had been stuck in the whitetail woods for a week now on a job, the game warden was worried about a large pack of Timberwolves.  Their numbers were usually small, but over the last year there had been an influx of them, and now it was culling time.

        “Damn wolves. What is that, like fifty?”  He sat down on the ground and began to clean his rifle- a large twelve chamber over under 50cal revolving rifle.  “Good thing I can't run out of ammo, or these damn things would have taken me out days ago.” Gamera plopped down  next to Vinny “Hey bud, how you holding up?” examining the shell on the turtles back, he noticed several small cuts, but nothing too severe.  “Im gonna send you back; dont want you to get too banged up.” Vinny pulled out a whistle and blew it. Runes appear under the cat, sucking it into the ground.  After Schrodinger had been dismissed, he went back to cleaning his gun.

        There was a roar from the bushes to his left and as a Timberwolf emerged from them, this wolf was an alpha- it was twice as big and twice as mean.  “Hey listen big guy, if you're smart you know you can't beat me, so just back off and I won't have to blow you into wood chips.” Vinny leveled his rifle and prepared two explosive rounds.  The Timberwolf Alpha lunged, its teeth ready to rip the Goblin to shreds.  The beast was however dumb as it was large it landed on the rifles bayonet and then was quickly finished off by two point blank explosive rounds.

        “Thank the gods, I think that was the last of them,” he grumbled while wiping the sap off his chain armor. Vinny returned to the game warden and received his pay: 1000 bits. It was no small fee ,but the job was done perfectly and with no loss of pony life.

        He used his Hearthstone to return to home, the magic was still a little off, but he never landed too far from the house.

        This time was no different except when he appeared he was several feet off the ground and standing on the head of his friend the Paladin.

        “Yo big guy, is his how you see all the time? Everything is so small.”

        “Yes actua....get off my head Vinny.”

        “But it’s fun.”

        “Down boy.”

        “Fine” Vinny jumped off Azok’s head and landed with a thump on the wooden floor of the kitchen “By the way, here is the money from my last job,” tossing the sack to the Elf he left the room and laid on the couch.

        “Hey Vinny, we gotta talk.”

        “What's up?”

        “I went to a place called Midnight Castle today and talked with a dragon called Watcher. She said that we should be ready for a storm that is coming, but the way she talked about it made it seem like this storm was a person.”

        “Why should I care if something gets in my way? I’ll shoot it till it stops moving, you know that.”

        “I don't think bullets will help us this time little buddy.”

(A/N Wow i might actually get a double update out anyway I gave vinny a new weapon to click anyway if you can guess what is coming up in the next few chapters I give you one cookie if not NO COOKIE FOR YOU.)

The Beach

        Lyra excitedly packed her saddle bag: sunscreen, snacks, bucket, shovel, and a book.  Today Vinny had promised her that they would go to the beach for a vacation, and she wanted to be prepared. Bon Bon, however, was against the hole idea.

        “Lyra please don't go. You know I don't trust that little green thing. Remember what happened last time you two went out together?”

        “I don't think there will be a Cockatrice at the beach today Bon Bon.” Lyra sighed.

        “You never know, remember what happened to Sunray.”

        “Exactly my point!”

        “Bon Bon we will be fine; what's the worst that could happen?”

        “You could get attacked by and Ursa Major!”

        “Bon Bon, what are the odds of that happening?”

        Two explosive rounds tore through the air and impacted on the Ursa’s upper torso, knocking it off balance.  The explosive rounds were quickly followed by a Black Bullet [1].  The round found its mark at the very center of the beasts forehead, sending poison that quickly spread through its veins.  The Ursa let out a ferocious roar, it should have been unconscious by now but it was obvious the poison had no effect.

        It charged at full speed, only to meet four blunt rounds[2].  They struck in a square pattern on the beast's throat causing it to stop its charge.  The Ursa rose on its back legs ready to stomp the gunner into oblivion when a single round struck it in the heart the round stuck in the monsters skin and injected a powerful sedative[3], within seconds the Ursa was asleep only feet away from Vinny and Lyra.

        “What ever you do, don't tell Bon Bon.”

Five Hours Earlier

        Vinny and Lyra arrived at a large lake directly under Cloudsdale at ten in the morning; the sun was beautiful today, and the lake was calm. But most importantly, there was no pony around.

        A rather large beach ball struck vinny in the head, knocking him over.

        “Hey toss it back will you?” Several ponies came running up the beach to get their ball back. Spoke too soon.

        Vinny picked up the ball and tossed it to a unicorn in the group; he grabbed it with a levitation spell and thanked them. “Hey thanks little dude!”

        The rest of the group started to head off, except for one of the Pegasi he glided over to Lyra and stuck up a conversation,  “Hey there cutie.”

        Much to Vinnys disbelieve, she responded, “Hey.”

        “Listen, we're just about to go get some Pizza. You wanna go with me?”

        “Sure, I'd love to go. Come on Vinny.” Reluctantly Vinny followed them.  Lyra and the Pegasus were walking side by side the entire time all the while the Pegasus wings were brushing along Her flank.  Each time they did Lyra would jump a little.

“Wait.” Vinny thought “That bastard is getting hoovesy with Lyra!” He pulled out his gun and aimed at the Pegasi. He was only going to fire a warning shot, but before he could, Lyra turned and glared at him. He put away his gun and continued walking.  When they got to the restaurant She pulled Him aside.

        “Were you going to shoot my coltfriend?” she questioned with concern.

        “No I was only going to graze him... wait, boyfriend you just met the guy.”

        “O crap I forgot, I was supposed to tell you; I asked my coltfriend Slipstream if he wanted to meet up with us today.”

        “I thought he was just some punk getting hoovesy with his wings.  I swear, if I had known I wouldn't have tried to shoot him.”

        “I know, but what if you did shoot and you accidentally hit him?”

        Vinny tilted his head “I don't miss.  Ever.”

        “Fine, but don't bring the gun out.”

        “Okay.”

        Vinny followed Lyra to the table Slipstream and his friends was sitting at; they had already gotten several pizzas and were chowing down.

        “Sweet grub, I'm starving” He hopped up onto the seat and looked at the food. “Wait, where is the pepperoni?”

        “What's that?” the unicorn that caught the ball asked.

        “Crap, I forgot you Ponies don't eat meat.” Vinny hung his head. “Gods miss meat.”

        “You...” Slipstream began “Eat meat?” He was visibly shaken.

        Vinny opened his mouth and pulled back his lips to show his row of spiked teeth. “These ain't daisy crushers.” Slipstream began to shrink into His seat. “Calm down, I don't eat ponies.”

        “What meat do you eat?” Lyra asked.

        “Well mostly fish, but sometimes I can get my hands on some bacon.” His mouth began to water, “I love bacon.”

        “What's bacon?” Before he could answer, the door of the restaurant burst open and several burly Pegasi entered.

        They scanned the room till their eyes rested on the table Slipstream and his buddies were sitting at. They trotted over and glared down at them.

        “This is our table,” the big one grunted while glaring down at the party.

        “Well we're sitting here.” Vinny retorted.

        “Well little green thing, if you're still sitting here in the next five seconds something bad is going to happen.

        *Click*

        “And if you don't back off your head is going to be separated from your body.” Vinnys gun was now firmly pressed against the lower jaw of the large Pony.

        “What..What is that?”

        “It’s called a gun, it fires large pieces of metal faster than the eye can see, and at this range there's no chance of me missing.  Not like range has any effect on my aim, mind you.”

        “Oh yeah? Well why should I be scared of that? It just looks like a hunk of metal!”

        Vinny pulled the gun away from his jaw and fired into the roof; two beams of light now lit the dingy corner of the restaurant they were in.  He pointed the gun at the Pony's head again. “How do you like the skylight?”

        The large Pony ran out of the restaurant full bore, followed by his companions.  Vinny, all the while, was laughing his ass off; he turned to the rest of the table and saw Lyra facehoofing.

        “I thought I said don't bring the gun out.”

        “They threatened me, you saw it!” He stabbed a slice of pizza with the guns bayonet and brought it to his face.  Besides, I was using low impact rounds. It would have only given him a concussion.”

        After lunch Slipstream and his friend went back to work, leaving Lyra and Vinny to themselves for the rest of the day.

        “Hey Lyra, watch this.”  Vinny had attached the rockets from his belt to the bottom of his boots.  He ignited the fuse and was launched into the sky, unfortunately he was headed towards the jungle instead of the lake.

        “OH SHIT!” were the last words Lyra heard him say before he disappeared into the forest.

        “OH SHIT!” Lyra looked back up and saw Vinny being launched through the air landing only a few feet from her.

        He popped up from the sand and drew his rifle training it on the forest.

“Vinny what happened? One second you were going this way then the next you were over here?”

        “Well I landed on something big pink and hairy, and it wasn't Patrick's bellybutton.”

        “What?”

        The forest exploded as a large pink star bear charged at Vinny.

        “Oh Celestia! It’s an Ursa!”

        “No shit, sherlock.” Vinny leveled his gun and fired.

        Two explosive rounds tore through the air and impacted on the Ursa’s upper torso, knocking it off balance.  The explosive rounds were quickly followed by a Black Bullet [1].  The round found its mark at the very center of the beasts forehead, sending poison that quickly spread through its veins.  The Ursa let out a ferocious roar, it should have been unconscious by now but it was obvious the poison had no effect.

        It charged at full speed, only to meet four blunt rounds[2].  They struck in a square pattern on the beast's throat causing it to stop its charge.  The Ursa rose on its back legs ready to stomp the gunner into oblivion when a single round struck it in the heart the round stuck in the monsters skin and injected a powerful sedative[3], within seconds the Ursa was asleep only feet away from Vinny and Lyra.

        “What ever you do, don't tell Bon Bon.”

        “Whatever.” He walked over the unconscious Ursa and kicked its nose. “Imma call you Fluffy.”

[1]Black arrow but a bullet

[2]Concussive shot deals no damage but stuns the enemy.

[3] Wyvern Sting puts target to sleep for undetermined amount of time

(A/N Im going off the assumption that Ursas change color from blue to purple and maybe pink is in there somewhere sue me if you want)

So it begins

        While waiting for somebody who shall not be named dose stuff that shall not be mentioned...damn this is vague... anyway I had some spare time and re writing is a pain in the ass so I will be working on this side story for the time being.  It takes place immediately after Azok gets degraded in the Discord chapter and when he gets back to ponyville.

        So sit back and enjoy a somewhat new story from the beginning.

        In the beginning was the void, and it was everything.  Two beings stood in the void. One controlled creativity and life and He made all.  One controlled death and destruction and He was the end of all.

        Their names were God and Death.  God looked out over the void and said to Death.

        “I will make worlds and fill them with life.”

        And Death replied “I shall claim them at the end.”

        “I will make these worlds round like an orb and on them will be plants and animals.”

        And Death replied “I shall claim them at the end.”

        And Death replied “I shall claim them at the end.”

        “I will make one world dominated by Humans and they shall take what they wish from there would.”

        And Death replied “I shall claim them at the end.” He did this by plunging the world into war and violence.  Man killing man for no reason but to further his own selfish gains.  And Death claimed his first world.

        “I will make a new world filled with every species I desire and man shall live in peace.”

        And Death replied “I shall claim them at the end.” He did this world met the same fate as its predecessor.  Death claimed his second world.

“I will make a third world, and this one will be special I shall fill it with Humans and Elves and Goblins and Gnomes, and its inhabitants shall be all manner of strange creature.  And to these I will give Magic.  Some shall harness its power and control the elements, and some shall use its power to bend the fabric of time and space itself.  This will be a world of Heroes and I

shall call this world Azeroth.”

        And Death replied “I shall claim them at the end” but he could not.  The heroes of this world had grown strong, strong enough to fight Death and resist Him.  He sent dragons and gods and every monster under his power to try and end this world, but all were defeated and Death could not claim this world.

“I shall make another world and it shall be even more different  it will be a garden all to myself and I will rest there and my Brother with me.”

Death replied,“This world shall be spared,” and it was. Death did not claim this world,  but named the garden and the plant with which is resided: Eden.

And God and Death rested on Eden for a time, but soon God became ill and Death feared he should have to reap his own brother. However, God recovered and once again decided to make a world.

        “I shall make a world ,but I shall not govern it for I am still weary.” So God made two creatures like to match Himself and His brother.  He called the first Celestia for she would govern the day and life, and He called the second Luna for she would govern the night and death. God gave them a portion of his power in the form of six gems and he said to his children.

        “I have given you a world. Make it to be what you wish.”

        And they did.

        Celestia and Luna chose the forms of Alicorns- that being the first creatures God had created, and they furnished God's world.  They first made Ponies of Earth so that they would be strong.  They then made Ponies of Clouds so they would be fast.  They lastly made Ponies of Magic so they would be wise. They called their world Equis.

        And Death said “I shall not claim this world for it is pure it shall live till the end of time,” and it did and will.

        “So we meet at last, young Paladin.  It has been sometime since I last saw you or your handy work.”

        “Who..who are you?” choked out a young Azok.

        “I am the first and I will be the last.  I am Death.”

        “Does this mean I'm dead?”

        “Yes, son of my Brother, you are dead, but fear not. This is not the end for you.”

        “What do you mean?”

        “You have been given a gift from my brother.  You will rise and rise again no matter how many times you are slain.”

        “So I'm immortal!”

        The shadowy figure morphed and his soothing voice changed to a roar and globes of fire lit his face.

        “NO! Only I am immortal! I was at the beginning of it all, and I shall be the end of that which made it.”

        The Paladin fell to the ground and cowered before this thing called Death.  The robed figure bent low over the boy and spoke again.

        “Do you fear me, boy?”

        “Yes,” was all that could be heard from the child.

        “You are right to fear Death, but soon we shall be friends. Now awake, remembering that soon we shall meet again.”

        Years past and Azok was now in a new world, the last made by God, and he once again stood before Death.

        “And now I find you once again Paladin.  But you have changed.”

        “Is that you, Death?”

        “Yes, it is me.”

        “What are you doing on this world? I thought you were bound to Azeroth?”

        “No, I am the reaper to all four of the words my Brother has made. And now I find you soaked with the blood of those that my Brother’s daughters made.”

        “It wasn't my fault, I was being controlled! It was...”

        “I care not for your excuse, but you are correct. They did not deserve to die, so their lives shall be given back, but only once.”  Death waved his Scythe and all was set back.  “In return for writing your wrong Paladin, I have a favor to ask of you.”

        “I don't have a choice, do I?”

        “No, you don't. You will journey to Tartarus and speak with one of my children.  He has begun to think himself a power, and who better to tend to the dead than a champion of the living?”

        “How do I get to Tartarus?”

        “Fly south to Abaddon's Furry, and it is the main gate to Tartarus.  Now Go.”

        Azok flew into the sky the the bodies of the guards and civilians he had killed begun to stir.  Vinny was still in the street standing next to Twilight Sparkle. The dead lived and Discord had once again been imprisoned.

(A/N and so begins the side story it should only take about two chapters then i will jump into the main story.  The writing style for these 2 chapters will basically be me being bored as fuck and just trying to think of how i want mane story to progress.)

So this is what happens when a gnome gets bored

ALL HAIL MrMinimii FOR HE IS THE EDITOR

200 miles now separated Azok and Canterlot.  The Paladin now hovered several hundred feet above a whirlpool that put the maelstrom to shame.  The roar of the water surging into the abyss was astonishing.  And yet it was also calming.

        He folded his wings to his side and dove down into the center of Abandons Furry and disappeared.

        “WELCOME TO HELL!” shouted a rather large horned Earth Pony who was standing on a boat filled with souls.  “On your left you can see the lakes of fire where we hold our annual fishing derby, and on your right you will see a Tauren.”  The Pony took a double take and then hopped off the boat. “Well took you long enough to get here.  Let's see you need to go straight from here take two lefts and a right and wait by the fluffy cages” The Pony jumped on the boat and took off again on the tour of hell.

        What you learn from dying a lot is never question somebody in the afterlife; it is just easier to go with the flow.  So after two lefts and a right Azok found himself standing in front of a cage filled with the most adorable creatures he ever laid eyes on.

        “Hewo mista ma name is Fwuffy.”

        He never thought he would see the day the creature before him was even cuter than the CMC when they were asleep.  It looked back up at him and spoke again.

        “Somfing wong mista?”

        It looked like a small Fluffy...Pony but why was such a cute and adorable thing in Tartarus?  And the things couldn't be too bright the cage they were in was nothing more than a piece of string with a stick drawn on it.

        “Mista wan pway wit Fwuffy?”

        Azok was taken back- nobody has ever want to play with him before.

        “Sure, but first you have to answer my question.”

        “Fwuffy will do best.”

        “Why don't you escape Tartarus? Your cage is just a string and a drawing of a stick?”

        “Fwuffy no understand.”

        Sensing he was going to have to dumb down his speech, slowing down and talking like a cave person was the only solution. “Why Fwuffy in bad place.”

        “Oh silly Mista. All Fwuffys go to bad place.”

        “Why do all Fwuffys go to bad place?”

        “Well I can answer that.” Azok turned around to see a large Pony with a fiery mane and no eyes, “But introductions first, my name is Hades and I run the joint.  Secondly, the reason all Fluffy ponies go to hell is because...well I don't actually know but they do. They’re from a planet called Earth- useless little marble, but they make good sushi.  Anyway the little fluff balls aren't good for anything except keeping the fires burning.  Once you light one of these guys they burn for days.”

        “Fwuffy make gweat kindawin.”

        “But how could you burn something so cute!?” Azok yelled, mortified by the fact these adorable animals were being used as firewood.

        “Ya know what? You carry the little bugger around and find out why we burn them.”

5 minutes later

        “So what happened to Fwuffy?” questioned Hades.

        “He fell.  Into the fire.  It wasn't an accident.”

        Shortly after the Fluffy Pony incident Hades led Azok down a long corridor till they got to the Hades office.

        “So you're probably wondering why you're here?”

        “Yes.”

        “Well I have no idea and the Author is still trying to figure that out.”

        “What?”

        “The Author, you know, that weird Gnome with the computer?” Hades pointed to the corner where I was sitting.

        “Hey leave me out of this, I’m just as confused as you are,” I replied.

        “Who the hell are you?” Azok demanded.

        “Im the Author.”

        “The Author of what?”

        “Your story.”

        “What are you talking about?”

        Suddenly as if by some sort of magic, Azok understood what was happening.

        “Oh now I get it.”

        “Awesome. Here take these too, they might come in handy.”

        “What are they?”

        “Plans for a portal device. I have a story arc idea.”

        “But you still don't know why I'm here?”

        “Any other options?”

        “You have to clean Cerberus's dog house?”

        “Tournament it is.”

ROUND 1

THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE

        The stage was set, the arena was packed, and Azok was ready for round one of the ten round underworld tournament.  He stood at one end of a large football shaped arena; in the middle stood the Author and at the other a electric blue unicorn with a cape.

“HELLO UNDERWORLD! TODAY WE HAVE A SPECIAL EVENT PLANNED FOR YOU! A TEN ROUND WINNER TAKE ALL TOURNAMENT! BUT FIRST SOME GROUND RULES! ONE -  YOU MUST STAY INSIDE THE ARENA AT ALL TIMES!

TWO - YOU WILL FIGHT TILL THE OPPONENT IS DEAD.  WHEN KILLED CONTESTANTS WILL RESURRECT IN THE LOOSER CIRCLE ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE ARENA!

THREE - ANYTHING GOES BUT GROIN SHOTS! THAT'S JUST PLAIN WRONG!”

“NOW WITHOUT ANY FURTHER ADUE, IN THIS CORNER WE HAVE THE THE KING SLAYER, AZOK THE PALADIN.  AND THIS CORNER WE HAVE TRIXY THE UNICORN.”

        “THAT IS THE GREAT AND POWERFULTRIXIE” The unicorn yelled.

        “WHAT EVER! NOW 3...2...1 FIGHT!”

Trixie began channeling magic to her horn sending tiny bolts of magic at Azok, but to the paladin the mare's magic felt as if she had been chucking rice at him.

        Azok raised his right arm and fired one bolt of magic at the unicorn.  It destroyed her horn and teleported her out of the arena.

        Flawless victory.

ROUND 2

CERBERUS

        The guardian of the underworld was the next opponent.  Its three heads focused on Azok, ready to strike at anytime.

        Following what great grandpa Otis once said: ‘When a dog is being bad bop it on the nose’  there was only one option.

        Bop Cerberus on the nose.

        Cerberus lunged at the Paladin, all of its heads going in a different direction to cut off any chance of escape.  Azok reared back on his heels and shot his fist forward.

*bop*

        “NO bad dog, bad dog!” Cerberus was laying down and whimpering. “Bad dog, go outside!” He pointed out of the arena and sure enough Cerberus slowly got up and left the arena.

        “I can't believe that fucking worked.”

ROUND 3

FLIM & FLAM

        Round three began with two bacon haired unicorns entering the arena piloting a giant mech.  “Why look there Brother of mine.  I do believe I see a giant cow.”

        “I think your correct Brother.  Do you think he can defeat our new robot?"

        “Most certainly not Brother.”  The Mech lumbered toward the Paladin and began to fire missiles from its arms.  The projectiles streaked across the arena straight towards Azok.

        He was able to dodge the first two missiles, but the rest of the salvo required a Divine Protection spell to keep him in one piece.

        “You're not the only one who can build robots!” Azok yelled while punching his belt. The buckle broke open to reveal a tiny pulse generator, “Eat EMP bioch!”

        A bust of Electric waves blasted the Mech suit frying its power supply; the robot toppled over crushing its drivers ending the round.

ROUND 4

300 FLUFFY PONIES DRESSES AS SPARTANS

        “Tonight we dine in heww!” More of the fluffy bastards, enough that they occupied half the arena. The leader of the tiny army was a white fluffy unicorn.  “Chawge!” The hoard of fluff began their slow three mile per hour assault.

        The front line of ponies tripped on their own hooves and were quickly trampled to death by their companions.  The ponies at the edge of the pack fell out of the arena into a pool of lava and quickly burned to death.  The burning fur caused the overhead sprinklers to turn on drowning the over half of the fluffies.  Only twenty of the original 300 were left; sadly they had only managed to make it about five feet.

        “What is 2+2?” Azok yelled.

        Nineteen of the remaining fluffies exploded from the complexity of the math problem leaving only the unicorn fluffy.  “Fwuffy gif u big owwies.”

        Azok pulled back his hoof and swung it forward punting the last pony out of the arena.

        “GOAL”

ROUND 5

THE BRIDGEKEEPER

        Before Azok stood a tiny frail old man. “Stop. Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ‘ere the other side he see.”

        “But there is no bridge here.”

        “Just let me have this.”

        “Fine, ask your questions.”

        “What is your name?”

        “Azok Sunstrider.”

        “What is your quest?”

        “To win the tournament.”

        “What is the average flight speed of a coconut laden swallow?”

        “Kalimdor or Eastern Kingdoms?”

        “Well... I-I don't.... WHAAAAAAAAAAA!” Upon answering incorrectly the Bridgekeeper was jettisoned from the arena, most likely dying on impact

ROUND 6

MIME

        The most evil abomination under the suns of all the world's stood before him- it was a Mime.  All the evils of Azeroth were nothing compared to what this...thing was.  The mime began to place its hands on the air in front of it pretending there was a wall there.

        “THERE ISNT A WALL THERE!” Azok shouted his voice becoming louder and more hate filled with each word.

        “..........” The mime then began to construct an invisible box.

        “Thats it, your dead!” Azok swung his mace but it simply faded through the Mime.

        “..........”

        Azok held his hand like a gun “Bang?” the mimes head exploded into a fine red mist.

        “Wow, what the fuck?”

ROUND 7

AHUIZOTL

        The next contender entered the arena; it was a large blue dog-man-monkey thing.  It began to speak, but its accent was so unintelligible that it all seemed to be one long string of noises.  Azok was able to catch some of the words- whatever “Daring Do” was.

        The blue dog thing began to slowly approach the Paladin.  It shot its gloved tail forward.  Azok grabbed it and began to swing the Blue thing around slamming it into several pillars and then into the ground.

        The Blue dog was unconscious on the ground with several large cuts and broken bones.  Azok lifted his mace and smashed its head in.

ROUND 8

HIPPOGRYPH

(It’s not Badger, but is written by the one who made Badger)

        Next up was a hippogryph it looked alot like Badger. It had black feathers, but a dark red crest. It seemed to have a sinister gleam in its coal black eyes, as well as a smirk that never left his beak. There was a small wall of fire from the lava, behind him

        “You look familiar.”

        “I’m Rage, got it memorized? You should remember me, from Badger. Nice to finally see you in person, Azok.”

        “Well I banished your ass once, I can do it again.”

“You didn’t banish me! You just... subdued me. I was part of him, part of his conscious. Regardless, time for some payback.” He grinned and softly punched his talon. “I’ve been looking forward to this. I want you to beg for mercy.” The fire behind him seemed to jump at his words

Azok pulled out his mace, letting it drop to the ground with a thump.  “Come at me bro!”

Rage pulled out what seemed to be bone claws and put them on his own.He then took to the air, flapping his powerful wings to lift himself off the ground as the fire slowly rose alongside him just below his wings.. He opened his beak and let out, what Azok could only describe as, a thousand screeches and dove toward him, claws outstretched.

Azok brought the mace up and jumped to the side, letting Rage fly past him. He slammed the mace down and hit Rage’s wing, causing him to spin out of control and hit the arena wall, where he held onto with his talons. He turned around on the vertical wall and stared at Azok. Fire erupted underneath him as he took to the sky again, “Nice hit, I was about to think you were as weak as you looked.”

“Well if I was as strong as I looked, this fight would at least be fair.”

Rage chuckled and snapped his fingers, the fire spreading to every inch of his body but his eyes.  He charged again, but Azok stood his ground. As Rage neared, a trail of fire coming after, Azok brought his mace up, an invisible bubble surrounded him, and waited until the last moment. Rage hit Azok square in the chest, and was welcomed by a mace to the back.

Rage hit the ground at Azok’s feet, but jumped back, using his wings to get him airborne, and landed ten feet away before Azok could deal another blow. Rage was easily the most pissed off hippogriph Azok had ever seen, even more pissed then when Badger killed the dragon for Gilda. The fire on him was out, but his muscles rippled under his feathers.

Azok looked down at his chest plate and saw large gashes where Rage had sliced him with the claws, and decided to end this quickly. If Rage got too close for the mace, he could be in some serious trouble. Azok held his hand up above his head and began to gather light in his fist. When it grew to the size of a baseball he crushed golden light fell to the ground it coalesced into a circle and began to rise.  The light reached five feet tall and then morphed into a golden Angel with a claymore made of light.  “Sick em boy.”

The Guardian shot forward as fast as it could. As it neared, the hippogriph snapped its talons like one would snap their fingers. A huge jet of flame and lava erupted from the ground where the Guardian stepped, causing it to disintegrate. As the fire and lava retreated to the ground, it gathered itself behind Rage.

The Guardians claymore shot forward like a lance, the blade impaling Rage’s ribcage. Blood started to pour from his beak, and he began to chuckle. “So, this is the mercy you show your enemies, Azok? Good. I can’t wait to show you how I kill them.” His chuckle turned into full out laughter as Azok walked up and stomped down on his neck silencing him quickly. The body disappeared instantly, but off in the distance, he could hear the Hippogriph’s insane laughter that chilled him to the bone.

ROUND 9

PARASPRITES

        Azok began to swing his mace wildly around in an attempt to kill all the bugs flying around the arena. He managed to get some of them but the majority of them were taking large chunks out of his armor with their surprisingly powerful jaws.

        Annoyed with the bugs he slammed his mace into the ground, tendrils of magic shot out of the ground impaling the bugs, ending the match.

ROUND 10

THE KILLER BUNNY

        “That's it? A tiny bunny.  How the hell did it even make it this far?”

        “CAREFUL! THAT RABBIT'S DYNAMITE!” A human mage stood up in the audience after making his declaration.

        “Who are you?”

        “You may call me Tim.”

        “Ok then, time to kill  rabbit...wait...where did it-”

        *thunk*

        Azoks head fell to the ground.

        Awakening from death Azok found himself back in the field he had first appeared in he remembered nothing from the previous week, but in his hand he had a blue piece of paper.  Opening it he found detailed instructions on how to make a portal device.

        “Sounds fun.”

Everytthingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg

   Once again thank you MrMinimii for without you this would be written a hell of allot worse

     It was a beautiful morning, or it would be if the sun was up.  Azok was outside of his house working on the portal device he decided to name “Instance”.  Instance was getting updated; it could now teleport anywhere in the world without recharging, supposedly.

        “VINNY....VINNY!”

        Two shots rang out, blowing the upstairs window into splinters. “WHAT DO YOU WANT!? IT'S TWO IN THE MORNING!”

        “I made some modifications to the portal, wanna test it?”

        “NO! I’m trying to sleep.”

        “I’ll give you ten gold.”

        “I’ll be down in five minutes.”

        As Vinny gathered his gun and armor Azok completed the finishing touches.

        “So where are we going?”

        “Well, I set it to send us to Canterlot and back again.” Azok pressed a large red button and the machine sprung to life. “Lets go.”

        The two walked into the instance and were whisked away, but not to the place they had expected.

        The portal opened up, dropping them right back where they started. “Well that worked wonderfully. I'm going back to bed.”

        “Ya, I’ll try and fix it later.”

        Azok went up to his room and slid under the covers of his bed, which was still oddly warm. He rolled around the covers in an effort to get comfortable, when his hand stumbled upon something soft. Curiosity grabbing hold of him, he squeezed the soft object only to realize what it was a second too late.

        “BAD TOUCH!” A shrill voice rang out from under the covers.

        A very similar mace slammed into Azoks face, sending him crashing through the wall and into the backyard.  Back in the room a worried goblin went to investigate. “Koza, what the hell happened?”

        “I don't know Frankie, some weird guy just got in my bed and started groping me, so I hit the fucker with my mace.”

        “Is he dead?”

        “I don't know. I did hit him pretty hard.”

        Meanwhile, the goblin you were thinking of previously actually came into the room. “Will you shut up I’m trying to... who the hell are you two?”

        “Hey Big Guy, wake up.”

        “Huh? Who... what... where?”

        “Damn. Last time you got maced it didn't take you this long to wake up.”

        “What happened? Why are we tied up?  OH GOD! DID SOUL FINALLY FIND US!!!”

        “No, from what I can piece together you sexualy assalted one of our two captors.”

        “What!? The last thing I remember was laying in bed and squeezing something soft... oh.”

        Meanwhile their captors were having a different conversation upstairs. “So... any idea what to do now?”

        “Well, we could turn them into the police?”

        “Ya great idea Koza. What are we going to say: two more super powerful freaks showed up, lock them away?  We should be glad they're not Alliance, otherwise we would all be dead by now.”

        “Well, what ever we do I think we should do it fast.”

        Back in the kitchen. “Why are we still tied up? We could easily break these ropes.”

        “I kinda like being tied up; reminds me of my college days.”

        “One more thing I regret knowing about you Vinny. Well, while you reminisce about your college days I'm getting out of these ropes.” Azok stood up and broke the ropes with little trouble “I’m going to go check upstairs, you need anything?”

        “Naw, I’m good.”

        Azok only made it out of the kitchen before being spotted by a Female Blood Elf wearing the exact same armor he was wearing. She launched off the stairs and swung her mace at him, but he brought his Ranseur up and blocked her attack.  “So it looks like we are evenly matched then.”

        “Nope.” She brought her knee up, striking him in the groin.

        Falling to the ground and gasping for breath, Azok said one last thing before passing out: “Bad touch.”

        After being hurt like no man should, Azok was finally regaining consciousness. He awoke  again in the kitchen, but he wasn't tied up this time.  “Uhh what happened.”

        “You got kicked in the balls and passed out.”

        Glancing around the room he saw his assailant.  He jumped up reaching for his Ransure, but he couldn't move his hands.  “What the hell are these?”

        “Giant Pandaren Finger Traps,” the She-Elf said.

        “Vinny help!”

        “Naw I’m good,” Azok looked up and saw Vinny sitting on the counter with another goblin.

        “Vinny why?”

        “Well, first of all this is all your fault; secondly, we’re in their house.”

        “Thats bull!”

        “No actually, if you will notice this room is actually clean, and as you know our house is a sty - we never clean.  So either they cleaned the entire house in 5 minutes, or they live here.”

        Looking around, the room was indeed clean. What was worse though, was that it was... decorated. “Let me go!” Azok shouted again, straining against the unbreakable finger cuffs.

        “No, not until you tell me what you were doing in my room,” the Elf said, kicking him.  “And when you're done telling me why you broke in, you’re going to fix the hole in my room.”

        “Fine, but untie me first! I mean, we're both the same faction aren't we?”

        “Granted, but Solarus said that it was impossible for any more people from our dimension to get here.”

        Azok and Vinny both chimed in. “Who is Solarus?”

        “How can you not know? He is one of the only three Alicorns in the world. He kinda raises the sun; still haven't figured out how He does it yet.”

        “You mean Celestia, she raises the sun.”

        “No, it’s Solarus.”

Excuse, but would there by any chance by a Unicorn working in the library with a baby dragon? And would he be a Stallion by any chance?

        “Yes there is actually, but why do you care...Vinny, was it?”

        “Holy shit, I actually know what is going on!”

        “Tell us then!” the other three shouted.

        “Its this really old thing call rules of the internet one; of them is call Rule 63.”

        “What’s ‘an internet’?”

        “Not a clue, but anyway; Rule 63 says that for every male character there is a equal female counterpart. So Azok may I present the Female versions of us,” he said while gesturing to the two girls.

        “And if I do say so myself,” Vinny continued. “I look hot.”

        After finally being untied Azok, Vinny, Koza and Frankie all sat at the table on their respective sides.

        “Deal.”

        “Ok I'll go first, then. Koza, what did The Watcher say when we met him.”

        “He told us to be careful of a Storm.”

        “Correct. Ok your turn.”

        “Ok Azok, what was the name of the first guild we were ever in?”

        “Your Ad Here.”

        “Correct,” Koza sighed. “Ok Frankie you're up.”

        “So... what pet have we had the longest?”

        “Bartholomew, a Black Bear.”

        “Correct. Your go.”

        “What was the first Spirit beast we ever tamed?”

        “Arcturus.”

        “Well, it seems like they are us... Now what?”

        “Well we need to get you two back to your own world.  We don't need anymore of us here.”

        “Got any plans Koza?”

        “As a matter of fact, I do Frankie.  TO THE LIBRARY!”

        The sun had risen an hour ago, so most of the ponies were milling around town, making the walk to the library all the weirder.  For the girls, at least; the boys were playing a game of name the pony.

        “There’s lyra and Bon Bon.”

        “I found Ditzy.”

        “Haa there’s the Doc.”

        About that time a Pink Earth Pony zipped out of an alleyway, stopping right in front of the group.  “I found Pinkie Pie.”

        “No silly, I'm Bubble Berry.  And you’re new, but you seem oddly familiar...”

        Before the boys could respond Koza stepped in, “Uhh these are the male versions of us. We were just about to go ask Dusk if he had any idea how they got here.”

        “Oh, well Dusk is at Sweet Apple Acres with Applejack. Now I have to go plan a party. Bye!” he zipped off leaving a dust cloud behind him.

        “Well, off to Sweet Apple Acres.”

        The boys raced ahead and left the girls to slowly walk to the farm, giving them time to talk.  “So Frankie, what do we do if they can't get home? I mean they could live with us, but it would be weird.”

        “How so?”

        “What do you mean ‘how so’? They’re like us, but boys.  When we get into fights it's manageable, but those two could cause some serious damage..  Who knows how bad their world is.”

        “Koza you’re over reacting. If you calmed down for a second you will remember that you guys (paladins) don't just kill for the fun of it; Vinny on the other hand looks like a guy who just does what he wants. If worst comes to worse they could be a major help I mean, who is in the middle of all the big battles; Me, you and Badget.  It would be nice to actually have a full party instead of three Maning everything.”

        “I guess you’re right.”

        “Ya, no shit I’m right. Now lets get to the farm, I don't want those boys to beat us there.”

        “Well at least the farm looks the same, but something's off.”

        “What do you see with your goblin eyes?”

        “A Big Mac sized AJ charging us...”

        “Oh shit!” Azok and Vinny jumped to the side just in time to dodge the oncoming freight train sized pony.

        The train in question skidded to a halt several yards away before turning around. “Sorry ‘bout that, was trying to get back to the house wasn’t lookin’ where I was going.”

        “Oh thats a lot nicer than what I thought you were going to do.”

        “What did ya think I was gonna do?”

        “Buck me in the head.”

        About that time, the Girls came running up.  “Applejack, hey, have you seen Dusk? Bubble said he was here.”

        “Ya he’s in the barn,” Applejack put his hoof up to his chin. “Say, those two look an awful lot like you two...What happened this time?”

        “That's why we need to find Dusk.”

        “Well good luck!” Applejack shouted as he ran inside the house.

        “Wierd how her/his name didn't change, huh Big Guy?”

        “I know.”

The barn door swung open revealing Dusk Shine surrounded by apples, some bruised some perfectly healthy looking.

        “Hey Dusk, we have a situation.”

        “Ok, well while you're doing that I'm going to try and keep the boys from doing something stupid.”

        “Ok... wait what boys?” Dusk tore himself away from his work long enough to notice Azok and Vinny.

        “Why are there two of you?”

        “Hold on a second let me get this straight; you two,” he pointed at the boys, “Are these two,” pointed at the girls. “Just male?”

        “‘Bout sums it up there Twi- uh Dusk.”

        “Anyway, now the major problem is getting you back. If we don't do it fast then something terrible might happen.  The universe was only ever meant to hold one of each person at a time, and now that there are two of each of you, well... Best case scenario is we all die in a terrifying explosion.”

        “What's the worst case scenario then?”

        “We all die in a horrifying Polka accident.”

        “So besides our untimely demise, do you have any idea how to get us back home?”

        “Sorry, the only thing I can think of would be to re create the event that sent you here, but who knows what that could have been.”

        “Oh that’s easy; I was working on the portal and I modified it a bit. Only took me about an hour, so I can do the same to the girls’.”

        “Oh, that is a lot simpler than what I thought it would be.”

        “Not everything has to be complicated.”

        “NO NO NO!”

        “I’m not letting some guy crawl around in my machine.”

        “Ok, well then I will tell you what I did and you can do it.”

        “Aren’t you going to argue with me?”

        “No.. what is it with you people thinking everything has to be complicated?”

        *Entire cast glances at you, the reader*

        After several hours and even more diagrams, the portal was calibrated to send Azok and Vinny back. The only downside was now they had to say goodbye to themselves, and if you have ever tried it, it is very weird.

        “So I guess this is goodbye,” they each said to their respective selves.

        “I guess it is,” their respective selves responded.

        “Welp, see me around!” With that Azok and Vinny jumped through the Instance back to their own world.

        (A/N  And the moral of the story is not everything has to be overly complicated it can make a good story when it is as such but it does not always have to be.  This was my first chapter of the 7+ chapter xover with Solar Eclips.  If you are confused on how wait for Solars first chapter of the xover all will become clear i hope.)

7....6 moderately harmful sins

Edited my MrMinimii

The guards ushered them into the throne room to a waiting Princess of the Sun “Good, you have finally arrived,” a calm, soft voice said over a conversation between Badger and Thunder.

Badger looked over and immediately bowed to the alabaster alicorn. “Princess.”

“I’m glad you got here... though not what I would call ‘As soon as possible’.”

“Had some complications from a few weeks ago..”

Suddenly the air in the throne room began to crackle and small bolts of yellow lightning shot from a slowly expanding event horizon.  The air ripped open revealing a swirling vortex of golden light that sent two figures shooting out of the portal, crashing through a wall on the opposite side of the room.

“Ouch...”

“O shit! Is your leg supposed to bend like that?”

“Considering it is scratching the back of my head... no.” There was a quick flash of light followed by two sighs of relief.  “Ok note to self: dimension hopping is bad for your health.” A head poked out of the hole and came face to spear head with several angry looking guards.

“What is this thing?” One of the guards questioned.  Celestia moved closer to the hole in the wall and caught a glimpse of the intruder.

        “That thing,” she said with intrigue, “Is an Elf, and we haven't seen one of them in over a millenia.”

        Azok turned around and shouted into the hole. “Hey Vinny, we landed in the throne room at the castle!”

        The Goblin popped his head out of the hole. “Hell ya!”

        “Well it seems fortune favors us today.  I was about to summon you both here.”

        “Can we ask why?”

        “I will tell you, but for now please go stand next to Badger and Gilda.”

        “Twelve hours ago a terrorist named Lust enslaved every male in Manehatten ; we believe she used an advanced want-it-need-it spell.  We want  you four to go back to Manehatten and investigate. Azok, Vinny, you are both familiar with mind control spells, correct?”

        “Yes ma’am.”

        “Good, then I would like you all to set out immediately-”

        “Taken care of, ma’am,” Badger replied, his chest puffed out business-like before retracting slightly from pain.

"Yo B you all right you look like you got run over by a tank?"

        “Technically I did. A big... four legged.. scorpion-tail wielding... Lion-headed... tank.”

        “Wait, you got your ass kicked by a Manticore?  How? They’re like beating up a marshmallow.”

        “Well that was one big fucking marshmallow.” He replied sarcastically.

        “Come over here, I might be able to do something about your wings.” Vinny began to charge a green tinted orb of energy. “Now sit down and stay still. Since you're not my pet, this is still a little choppy.” Vinny tossed the orb at Badger. It sunk into his left wing causing green light to arch through his bones, mending them... mostly. “How ya feeling?”

        “Like I got ran over by a smaller tank.”

        “Ever swim in lava?”

        “No?”

        “Then quit bitchin’.”

        Straight above them, they heard the sound of clapping. In a matter of seconds a larger griffin glided down between the group and Celestia.

“HAHAHAHAHA!”  “I'm sorry, I’m sorry,” the griffin said. “I know the boss is going to pluck me, but that was just too hilarious.”

“Well, I mean the boss is already pissed, what with the overgrown chicken over there deep frying Lust back in Manehatten, but it was entirely her fault. Stupid chick never did listen.”

        “Who are you, and how do you know what happened in Manehatten?” the princess demanded, lowering her horn to the intruder.

        “Simple,” the taloned fiend said while tapping his skull. “Psychic link between me and the other Seven -well now I guess Six- sins.  By the way, name’s Pride. Now for the reason I’m actually here, I have a message to deliver and now is as good as a time as ever.” Pride cleared his throat and began to speak in a monotone voice, “Dear Princess Celestia, don't interfere with our plans... bla bla bla... or else... bla bla bla... destruction... bla bla bla.” Pride flapped his wings and took to the air.

        “Anyways, if it weren’t for our hippogriff’s little girlfriend here, all of manehatten would already be ours.” He zoomed down in front of Gilda, and lightly touched her chin with his talon. “So lovely.. it’s a shame I have to kill you because you killed my sister. But I digress, hit me up sometime before we fight, I’d love to get to know you.”

        “Bite me,” she growled, her eyes slanting, threatening.

        “Well, if that’s how you get off...” He seemed to contemplate for a moment, “A little bit too kinky for me. Sorry sweetcakes.”

Badger was the first to move; he swung his left talon out and around, hitting the griffin square in the side of his head. His neck cracked instantly and he disappeared into a small explosion of green flame. From above again, they heard laughter.

“You really think I’m that easily defeated? Nice try. Now I think I might just bite her. Have fun while you can kids, because shit is about the hit the fan. Hard.” He once again exploded into green flames.

        “Damnit Badger, I was gonna blow his head off!” Vinny shouted at the Hippogryph. “Everything above his shoulders was about to become a fine red mist, but noo~o~o, you had to punch him.”

        “Calm down, Vinny, he was probably pissed because that Pride guy was hitting on his girl.  Something seemed familiar about him, though... Anyway Princess, you still want us to go to Manehatten, or have the plans changed?”

        “I'm not sure... Azok, Badger, you two go to Manehatten and check up on some guards I posted there, then return back to me for more orders. Vinny, Gilda, since you two are smaller and more agile than the former two, I need you to check out these locations and scout them out before they come around.”

        “Permission to speak freely?” Badger asked, looking at Celestia intently.

        “Permission granted, Master Chief.”

“Why are you going to separate me and Gilda, and send myself and Azok down the Manehatten? We just came from there.”

        “Because both of you are the strongest, and being the last place of the attack, they might strike there again.”

        “Yeah, well he doesn't look as strong as he did before.” Badger grumbled.

        Azok walked over to one of the guards and grabbed his spear “Yoink!”  He held it by the end of the shaft and the head and bent it into a pretzel shape.

        “Your turn,” he challenged as he tossed it to Badger. “Bend it back.”

        What happened next was a shameful display of manliness on Badger’s part. (Of course, mind you, he is still weak in his arms). He barely even loosened it. Then he started to mumble about otherworldly beings and how unfair it was.

        “Ok, well we will be heading off, but we have to make a stop at my house first.”

“What do you mean? Why do you have to go down to Ponyville?” Celestia responded, apparently annoyed at the sudden change in plans.

“Well, if you notice Badger is well... he isn’t as combat proficient as me-”

“Fuck you Azok,” Badger muttered.

“- so I have a gift for him.”

        “And what might this gift be?” the Princess questioned

        “It’s an upgrade.”

Interlude

PLEASE NOTE, ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THE FOLLOWING IS CANON

ALTHOUGH THERE IS A CANNON THE CANNON IS NOT CANON TO OUR ORIGINAL CANON CANNON IT IS A COMPLETELY NEW CANON CANNON

Edited by Solar Eclipse

Badger levels up

Badgers pov

        I groaned loudly as I carried the ingriffinly large package to the Quil sand Sofa store. “Quills and sofas? How the bloody fuck do they sell SOFAS AND QUILLS? THEY ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FOR A REASON!”

        “Well you could make a sofa from feathers, and quills are made from feathers... so they aren't that different.” replied Gilda, who was lazily sitting on a cloud she moved close to the ground, but under the cover of a building so as to not be seen by Rainbow Dash. She was smiling at me as I worked, most likely enjoying the view of my muscles or something. I don’t know, whatever it is girls watch guys for when the guys work out.

        “Which book did you read that from?” I replied sarcastically.

        “Quills and Sofas illustrated.” She replied nonchalantly, inspecting her recently sharpened talons

        I paused in deep thought. “Holy hell, there is a female side of you! Buried deep, deep, down inside. But there nonetheless!”

        “I will peck you... you know that right?”

        “Calm yo’self woman, its not like you bit my tongue or anything before. Especially not during a movie which Shadow stood outside of.” I winked at her and smiled.

        Thankfully we arrived at the store before I could dig myself into a deeper hole than I already was in. I dropped the package (carefully, mind you) and made my way inside. I yelled out in an old and official accent. “Is there anyone inside, this fine establishment?”

        “Hello, are you here to deliver my specialty Quills?” an old pony popped up behind a counter

        “Ya I guess so?”

        “Spended! Would you mind bringing it to the back for me? My bones aren't as young as they used to be. It is difficult to bend down that low when you reach my age, hehe.”

        “Sure thing, pops.” I replied, heading back outside to pick up the package-that-seemed-to-be-more-then-just-fucking-quills. I carried that sucker on my hind legs, wobbling with every step, around the side of the building. the old stallion was standing with a back door open, motioning for me to enter.  brought the package in and set it in the middle of  what might have been a small work area.

        The instant the package touched the ground a huge explosion of light and what sounded like a large gong went off. Next thing i know light had surrounded me in a form or aroua. I instantly jumped off the ground and shot out the door, my days in Operation Eclipse reminding me not to go near sudden light. I looked behind me to see the pony looking at me weirdly, then shutting the door slowly.

My gaze traveled to the ground I was standing on, where a large circle of light took up as much room as I did. I froze and stared. What the fu- cutting my thoughts off, in the background I heard Azok yell “GRATS!”

“The hell does that mean!?” I shouted back, my voice betraying me.

“Congratulations....god and I thought ponies were slow sometimes.”

“I meant why did you say congrats?” I said as Azok rounded the corner to look at me with the most bored expression I’ve ever seen

        “...O shit, I forgot that doesn't normally happen here...Some of the magic must have rubbed off on you...Interesting”

        “Just tell me what's going on.” I replied, face taloning.

        Azok cleared his throat as if he was preparing for a speech “Congratulations you have just leveled up.  By leveling up you grow more powerful and may also earn talent points to put into three separate talent trees.  As an example I can go Holy Retribution and Protection.”

        “Get to the point.” I said, poking him in the chest with one of my talons

        He blew off the poke and spoke, “Badger do stuff, get EXP.  EXP levels you up.  Leveling up makes loud noise. Loud noise mean Badger stronger.  Understand now?” He pushed my talon off himself and looked boredly to me.

        “Bitch I’m not dumb. I will cut you up.”

“Good luck your level 1 I’m 85” azok yelled as he transformed “LOL NOOB!” he shouted as he flew off.

“One of these days...” I sighed.

Azok, Vinny and Badger all turn into kids / age reduced by 20 years

        “So.. uhh.. Twilight why exactly are we here?”

“Ya I was taking a nap” Vinny complained

“I’m still confused as to why I'm in this story” Badger snarked.

“Well to answer all your.. uhh.. questions I need candidates to test my new spell.”

“Candidates that means we get a choice?” Azok asked hopefully

“Nope!” Twilight's horn flashed and three beams blasted the ‘volunteers’ almost instantly they all began to shrink.

After several minutes and several feet lost Twilight stopped casting her spell “Success!” she squealed.

“What the hwell was that?” Badger chirped “Wait why do I swound wike-” Badger looked down and saw his now diminutive body. He was no more than eight inches tall, and pure white down feathers all along his body. He didn’t even have his scars that he took pride in. “WHAT THE FWUCK!?” He chirped loudly. “TWIWIGHT! WHAT DID YOU DO! WHY AM I HUNGWY FOWR WORMS?!”

“Well the spell said age reduction by 20 years and you three were the only ones old enough to not get blasted into non existence.” She glanced over at Azok who strangely remained almost exactly the same. “Weird that it didn't work on you though”

“Oh it did, I feel like i'm in my mid 80s right now.”

“WHAT? YWOU WERE OWER OWNE HUNWED!?”

“Ya.  I thought I told you that?”

        “You mwost certawnwy did NAWT.”

        “Calm down little guy now me and you are stuck the same boat” Vinny said from his now slightly smaller body.  I’m just glad goblins get big fast or i would be about the size of a baseball.

        The door creaked open and in walked Gilda. she was walking backwards, sure to keep her eyes on the sky so Rainbow Dash wouldn't see her. “Yo guys, it’s been thirty minutes, and I heard some high pitch squeaking and-” Her gaze landed on the hippogriff chick and she froze in her tracks. Her jaw dropped like a rock.

        “Dwon’t you fwucking sway it-”

        “YOU’RE SO CUTE!” She instantly picked him up and hugged him as tight as she could against her body, making him -and, I shit you not- squeak like a dog toy. Eliciting a “Daww” from all present

“I am gwoing to kwill you all.” Badger said, shaking with fury.

“He’s so cute when he gets mad! Almost like a kitten!”

“Hey wook wats dat!” Badger yelled pointing at the other end of the Library “Distwaction!” he shouted as he ran out the door, and tried to take to the air, but his undeveloped wings caused him to faceplant into the ground.  “Dawmit”

        “Alright Badger, get back in so I can change you all back.. I hope.”

        Fifteen minutes later They were back to normal (save for Azok who wanted to stay younger).

        “Anyways Twilight I -” Badger was interrupted by a bright circle of light under him, along with some sort of music. And a large banner that read ~~Level 10~~.

“Grats.” Azok said as he slapped Badger on the shoulder. “Only 75 left. Not bad.”

        “Soon...” Badger whispered under his breath.

Azok, Vinny and Badger turn into ponies.

“So uhh twilight why exactly are we here?”

“Ya I was taking a nap” Vinny complained

“Wait.. I think we’ve done this before.. OH SHIT, I’M OUT!” Badger exclaimed, flaring his wings open, accidently distracting the others.

“Hu???”

Twilight took their momentary lapse in concentration to blast them with yet another spell.

Azok was the first to speak this time “Why just why.  How can this help any science or spell casting or anything why would they even make a spell to do this” he sighed as he brought his hoof to his face.

“Twilight... Please, explain to me, in all that you consider holy, why am I a pegasus.” Badger said, facehoofing a little too hard and hitting himself in the eye. “ow.. but I do respect that I look like one of the Solar Guard.

        “Uhh hey look what's that?” she shouted while pointing to the other end of the library.  “Distraction!” she yelled as she sprinted out of the room leaving three new ponies alone.

        “Ehh i've been turned into worse” Vinny said “one time i got turned into a giant zombie thing.  Kinda grosses you out.”

        “Granted that is gross but we have to find a way out of these bodies first” with that Azok followed Twilight's example and sprinted out.  Vinny tried to follow but fell down almost instantly.

        “Damnit.”

Another banner shined above Badger with the usual glow,  ~~Level 20~~

        “GRATS!”

        “Fuck you.”

Go to lake and BBQ.

“So what is this stuff?” Badger asked.

        “Seafood Magnifique.”

        “Its good. I like it. ANOTHER!” Badger said, slamming his plate into the ground.

The authors show up.

A bolt of lightning struck the earth and from its crater emerged two of the most powerful beings in the world

        The authors... “O god my back I think I landed wrong. Jesus christ that hurts... where the hell am I?”

“Your on my face.” Replied a black pegasus stallion, who knocked the creature off. The pegasus looked around. “Seriously, where are we?”

        “HOLY SHIT A TALKING RECOLOR...”

“The fuck is a recolor?” Solar Eclipse asked, getting up and stretching his legs.

“Uhh who are you?” asked the creature with a red hat on. It couldn’t have been more than a foot or so high, its hat taking up another foot. It seemed to have a hint of mischief on its face.

“Solar Eclipse.. you?”

“The Diabolic Gnome” replied the gnome with a smile as large as his face.

        “AW MAH GAWD YOU’RE THAT GUY I BEEN COLLABING WITH”

        “I KNOW RIGHT.”

        “ERMAHGERD, DER DIRBERLIC GNERME”

“Sweet my two oc characters.” Gnome said.

“NO GOD DAMMIT! YOU BROKE THE RULES!” The stallion said, covering up the Gnomes mouth. “THEY CAN’T KNOW WE’RE FROM WHEREVER THE HELL WE ARE FROM”

“so where are you guys from?” asked the Elf.

“Earth- FUCK!” The pegasus facehoofed

“On a side note I have a theory to test... IT SUDDENLY STARTED TO RAIN CHOCOLATE MILK” seconds later the clouds opened up and milk fell from the sky “Sweet.” The gnome said, a smile spreading on his face again as he admired his handiwork.

“Oh fuck yes... MEANWHILE IN GOTHAM, BATMARE THROWS A BAT-A-RANG AND HITS BADGER WITH IT!”

Out of nowhere came a whooshing sound, and a loud THUMP! Badger fell to the ground holding his head in pain. On the ground sat a bat-a-rang.

“We should use these powers for god...I mean good.

“Yes.. We. Are. Your. GODS. GIVE US YOUR VIRGINS.” Solar proclaimed, thrusting his left forehoof into the air madly.

Millions of bronies fell from the sky dying on impact, burying Gnome and Solar.  Their death was not a glorious one. *

The last words muttered was Solar, hoof in the air, yelling as loud as he could, “I REGRET NOTHING! ALSO BADGER LEVELS UP TWENTY TIMES!”

“Gratz, B” Said Azok.

“Fuck you.” replied Badger, still holding his head.

*Solar does not approve of Bronies being the ones falling from the sky.

*Gnome does. haha

** We were at a compromise, with no other way to end it.

Gary Stu the living hell out of everything.

Azok and Badger were walking down the streets to canterlot, all of the mares stopped what they were doing and looking at them. The mares fainted from the sheer awesome of the two pimps, Who strode with style, bling bling covering every available surface of their body.

        Gilda and Lyra waited at the end of the street, waiting for their returning hero’s, after all they slayed over 5000 dragons in two minutes flat. during the battle Badger had leveled up at least another 500 30 levels, and ll of his skill points were in the ‘Sexy and I know it’ branch. Badger walked up to gilda and Said “Hey babeh” and then started making out with her in public, the mares watching all jealous, and wanting a piece of the action.

        Vinny popped up from nowhere and made out with Lyra.

        Celestia and Luna themselves descended from the heavens and said “Thou, Badger and Azok, have done Equestria a great good in the last three minutes. We owe their our lives.” The end of the sentence was very sultry.

        Badger stopped making out with Gilda and high fived Azok. They were in for a good night.

Then out of nowhere a human pops up and takes all the jealous bitches in his arms. His last words as he walked into the sunset with thousands of females? “Gary motherfuckin’ Oak”

        ~~level 50~~

“Grats.”

“NOT NOW, DAMMIT TO BUSY ABOUT TO GET LAID.”

We get stoned on Poison Joke.

        “Dude.... dude... you’re... dude. Seriously, dude. Dude. Dude. You’re.. like a talking bird thing.” Said Azok, as he started to chuckle

Badger held his talon in front of his face. “Dude holy shit I have.. Have.. Dude you're some pale skinned thing.”

        “Im freaking out man I cant feel sound anymore.”

        “Dude.. dude.. seriously, dude. I used to be able to count to potato.. But then I.. dude.. want to hear a funny joke? Arrow to the knee..” Badger started to laugh uncontrolably

        “I think uhhhh i think that uhh we should go get some tacos. Like now.”

        “Dude, I had the EXACT same idea. I'll get the stash man, you get the tree’s.”

        “Come on fluttershy were getting tacos” Azok whispered as he ripped a tree out of the ground.

        “Shit man, we forgot the chicken!” Badger ran over to a orange filly pegasus and picked her up.

        “TO WAR.... I mean uhhh taco ya thats..... what were we doing again?” Azok yelled.

        “Seriously. Dude. Dude, seriously. DUDE. SERIOUSLY. THERE ARE SPIDERS EVERYWHERE. OH GOD GET THEM OFF. CHICKEN, HELP ME! LURE THEM AWAY!” Badger started to twirl in place, trying to rid himself of invisible spiders

        Badger stopped moving instantly. “Azok. I need you. To light me. On fire. I think that is the best way to... to... fuck I forgot what I was going to say. Where are the tacos..... AZOK HOLD STILL THERES SOMTHING ON YOUR FACE. ”

        “Is it a beard?”

        “Yes.”

        “GET IT OFF GET IT OFF.”

        “Heys guys, do you know where my poison joke stash is? I was saving it and now it’s gone-” Gilda walked into the campsite and stopped instantly.

        “Dude. Azok. It’s a talking bird! Holy shit man!

        “Maybe its friendly” Azok said as he started to snuggle Gilda’s down feathers.

        “YOU USED UP MY ENTIRE STASH!? WHAT THE FUCK GUYS!”

        “OH SHIT! RUN AZOK, RUN! DON’T LET IT CATCH YOU!”

        “AHHHH......zZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZ.”

        “zZzZzZzZ”

        “Fuck.. Vinny!” Gilda yelled out.

        Vinny promptly slammed on the ground in front of a stunned Gilda

~~Level 60~~

“zZzZ..Gratz...’

“Fuck..ZzZz... you...”

Heat day. Again all get chased except for Azok because he looks like a female .

It was that time of year again.  The time of year when all the stallions ran for their lives and hid.  Exped for three males, Azok, Vinny and Badger.

        “Where is everybody? Ponyville is completely deserted.”

        “No idea, but Gilda and Lyra said to wait a couple of weeks or days, I can’t remember.” replied Badger, looking around nervously.

        “Anybody else notice that it smells kinda weird” Vinny asked.

        “Yeah.” Badger sniffed the air “Oh... Celestia... NO. Run. Run now. Back to the forest!”

        “Why?” the group turned around and came face to face with a mass of mares so large it looked like one giant pastel colored splotch.

        “That’s why.” Badger replied, taking a couple steps back. Then ran as fast as he could, his wings beating periodically to make him go faster and farther.

        Sadly in their panic Azok tripped “RUN!! SAVE YOURSELF!!” the horde of mares ran over Azok, completely ignoring him.

        “Vinny! Hop on! HURRY! We need to get out of here!”

        Back on the ground Azok lifted his head up... there was nobody around at all save for granny smith running as fast as she could trying to follow the other mares.

        “Granny where are you going?”

        (DUE TO THE GRAPHIC NATURE OF THE CONVERSATION IT HAD TO BE CUT IN FINAL EDIT)

        Azok was bent over a garbage can emptying his stomach for a third time in not so many minutes.

On the other side of Ponyville, badger and Vinny ran screaming away from the multitude of colors that were chasing them. Badger finally took to the air with vinny on his back, and pumped his wings as fast as he could, gaining altitude above the mess of mares.

        “Why exactly are we running?” yelled Vinny, his voice trying to fight the wind.

“Remember that smell? That good Vinny, is pheromones. Lots and lots of Pheromones. The mares are in heat, and will do anything for a good fuck.”

        “So why are we running sounds like there is no down side to me?”

“I can’t get caught. Once a Hippogriff gets laid, it stays with that partner till they die. And some of the mares... you don’t know what they can have. Plus they usually pulverise the males pelvis, three at a time if possible..” Badger shuddered heavily.

        “CANNON BALL!!!” all Badger could do was gasp as Vinny jumped off his back into the herd of mares “TELL THEM I DIED HAPPY!!”

        Three days later all the mares had come to their senses and Badger and Azok were visiting Vinny in the hospital.

        “Doc will he be ok?” Azok asked with worry in his voice.

        “He should be fine his pelvis and spine are healing nicely but for some reason we can't get his face to relax he as been smiling like that since we brought him in.  But I’m sure its just a muscle spasm. It should be gone in a week or two.”

        “Thanks doc.”

        Badger and Azok went out into the hallway and started to leave when Badger brought something up “Why didn't you get uhhh what's the word.... Brutally raped?”

        “Oh, turns out I look like a girl so they ignored me.”

        “Lucky bastard. Rainbow followed me all the way to Canterlot.. Then Luna yelled out and i ran. as fast as I possibly could.” His eyes glazed over. “As fast... as I could..”

        “Its ok buddy” the Elf said picking up his friend “Its over now its all over.”

        A bright light erupted under Badger’s talons, with a large banner.

~~Level 80~~

        “Gratz.”

        “Fuck you.”

        “They didn’t.” Replied Azok with a smile.

Azok Teaches at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns

        “OK. Welcome to your first day of ‘Combat magic and Magic Defence’ I will be your instructor Azok.  Now if you're wondering I’m an Blood Elf. My species is very proficient in the arcane arts along with being resistant to magic and our innate ability to absorb magic.” Azok proudly stood in front of the small class, which included Badger, Gilda, Celestia and Luna.

        A light blue unicorn in the back of the room raised her hoof “Uhh, thats incorrect, nothing can absorb magic. Thats goes against the fundamentals .”

        “Well aren't you a smarty britches ms...”

        “Moon Dancer.”

        “Then you can be the first assistant come down here and stand perfectly still.” Moon Dancer reluctantly complied but eventually made her way to the stage.

        “Now stand still and try not to pass out.” Azok raised his hand to the pony and a stream of light blue energy began to shoot out of Moon Dancers horn, almost like water from a hose, several seconds passed and the stream stopped “Now levitate that bottle.”  Moon Dancer pointed her horn at a nearby bottle and nothing happened except for Moon Dancer falling to the floor exhausted.

        “So, normal unicorns -or anything for that matter- cannot absorb magic.  But there is actually a very easy way to learn how to do it.  Moon Dancer now imagine you are casting a spell but in reverse, it can be any spell just has to be a spell.” Azok charged a bit of magic into his hand and held it near the unicorns horn. Slowly but surely, the golden aura was being dragged away from his palm to her horn.

        “Now you can absorb magic from almost any source, but from another living being is the best source.  Now onto what I call buffs. I need two volunteers, one being me and the other being a non magical animal. Badger thats you.  Come on down.”

        “Oh...fffffffff- fudge.” Badger had a hard time controlling his curses around the Pincesses. He slowly made his way to Azok and stood in front of him

        “Good now that you're here we can go over 2 types of magical buffs that i am the most well versed in the first being auras.  An aura is a spell that has an effective radius of about 40 yards, myself being the center. If I move, the spell moves.  Now down to business, the first aura is called Retribution aura.  Now Badger will hit me and we will see the spells effect.” A blue hammer appears above the Elves head dissipating shortly after it appeared.

        Badgers mood lightened instantly. “Lets do this!” In less then a second he brought his talon back, and forced it into Azok’s face as hard as he could.  When his talon made contact a tentacle of bright fluorescent light shot out of Azok and hit badger flinging him back into the far wall. “SON OF A BISCUIT EATER!”

        “Retribution aura deals damage to anybody that hits me or my allies within 40 yards. A good offensive spell as well as a defensive spell.  Now I need a Unicorn who is good with Fire, Ice, and Nature.”  Three unicorns in the front row all stood up and went on stage.  “Now I would ask your names, but I honestly don't care, so we will get into the demonstration.  Each of you shoot your respective element at me and-” before he even had time to finish a rock a ball of fire and a spear of ice impacted on his chest sending him into the same wall as Badger.

        “Perfect” Azok yelled as he peeled himself off the wall “Now lets try it again but with my resistance aura on.”  A small cross appeared above his head similar to the hammer from earlier.  “Now attack me again.” Three more bolts of fire ice and earth shot at him but unlike the previous time, they only shoved him back a foot when they hit him. “So because of my aura, damage from those three magic types has been severely reduced.  There are three more auras: Protection aura, Crusader aura and Concentration aura.  Protection aura acts like resistance aura, but works for all damage Crusader aura makes you run faster, and Concentration aura makes spell casting easier.”

        “Now onto blessings.  A blessing is a spell that when cast on one pony it will also be cast on all allies.  There are only two Blessings; the Blessings of Kings and the Blessing of Might.  The first spell,” Azok raised his hand and a small crown appeared above every head in the room “Blessing of kings increases all stats. That means that you are stronger, more magical, and ect ect.  Blessing of Might,” Azok raised his hand again and a fist appeared above every head “Increases Strength and Magic more so than Kings, but it only does those two, where as kings increases everything slightly.”

        “There is one more type of buff but it is class specific, meaning only ponies or people who are the same class as me, Paladin if you're wondering, can use it but since none of you are we won't go into that today.”

        “Now any questions?”

        Badger raised his fist from the wall slowly.

        “Yes, the one in pain you had a question?”

        “Thats all great and all, but how come I haven’t-” A large light erupted from the ground below him

~~Level 85~~

        “Nevermind.” Badger replied, slowly putting his talon down

        “Gratz.”

        “Now that that has been answered anymore questions?”

        Twilight Sparkle raised her hoof instantly.

        “Do you have more than one question?” Azok asked.

        She nodded her head vigorously, hoof still in the air.

        “No only one question.” Replied Azok.

        “Fine.  I was wondering if you have any personal protection spells that only affect you?”

        “Yes, I have two in fact. I call them bubbles.  Both remove all damage taken for about 12 seconds.  Any more questions?”

        Badger raised his talon again.

“You already had your question, and it was answered before you even asked.”

“It’s important.”

        “Fine. Ask away.”

        “I challenge you.. To a fight. On my terms and for the shits and giggles. Do you accept?”

“That question has nothing to do with my lecture so wait till later.”

        “Fine.”

        “Ok any questions that aren't from Twilight and Badger.” A green unicorn with a four leaf clover cutie mark raised his hoof “Yes what is your question.”

        “Do you even lift?”

        “Thats it you ungrateful idiots.” Azok turned around and punched a hole in the wall before exiting. “And yes I do!” He yelled as he jumped out of the hole.

OLD ENGLISH BOXING MATCH WITH TOP HATS, MONOCLES AND MUSTACHES.

        It was the day of the fight between Badger and Azok. Both competitors were primed and ready for a no hold barred boxing match. They had both been equipped with Top Hats and Monocles. Mustaches was given, courtesy of Twilight Sparkle.

        “Hello and welcome to the fight today. Folks we have a good match set up so lets get to it.  In this corner we have the one man army, the pale beast, and the dude who looks like a lady Aaaaaazzzzooooook.  And in this corner we have the mentally unstable, the master chief, The war hero, the one, the only Badget.”

“ITS BADGER, DAMMIT!”

“Whatever. Now go to your corners and when the bell dings come out swingin.”

“C’MON BADGER! I GOT FIFTY BITS ON YOU!” Gilda yelled over the roaring of the crowd.

        Not to be outdone, Vinny included his own two cents. “KNOCK ‘IM DEAD BIG GUY!”

Badger stood up on his hooves, his wings out so he could balance himself. He took a couple of practice swings in the air with a huff of each punch.

Ding Ding

Azok and badger charged each other each ready to deliver a vicious right jab.  Time slowed down as they got closer and closer, close enough to see the whites of the other’s eyes. Then suddenly they shot their arms forward, hitting the other in the face, knocking them both out instantly.

        “Do we get our money back?”

        Gilda sat there, staring at the limp bodies of Badger and Azok on the floor, her fifty bits down the drain in less than two seconds.

        “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

Tour of Duty

Azok, Badger, Gilda, and Vinny were all back in Canterlot about to give their report to the Princess.

        “My everything hurts,” Azok whined as he layed on the floor beached-whale style.

        “Well you did fly through a building, like twice. Besides, why don't you just heal yourself?”

        “Because magic no work, Badger,” the Elf said before setting his head back down.

        Vinny was just about to speak up when the door burst open revealing a white unicorn in Purple plate armor.  “My name is Captain Shining Armor I have been sent to debrief you on your......mission?  Are you guys okay?”

        “No!” Vinny barked. “I fell sixty five yards and he flew through two buildings; we would very much like to see a medic but we can't so here is our debriefing.  We didn't find shit, but we killed Sloth and those two let there guy get away.” Vinny coughed up some blood into his hand before looking up again. “And ontop of that we don't have magic anymore, so if you will excuse us we're going to go either die or get healed up.”

        Azok and Vinny crawled/hobbled out of the room slamming the door behind them.

        Later, in the infirmary with their injuries healed the two heroes were visited by a rather concerned Goddess of the Sun.

        “Hello you two.” She paused for a second while they moaned the responses. “I received the debriefing from my Captian of the guard and I saw something that concerned me.  It says you don't have magic anymore. Is that true?”

        Azok managed to get some bandages away from his mouth in order to respond, but his full body cast wasn't helping so he just nodded.

        “Well that is troubling news, but I think I may have a solution. However, it may cause more damage than good. Anyway, that can wait for later, now you two get some rest. The hardest tests are coming.”

        It was a day or two before they were well enough to get back on their feet and a couple hours after that before they could start getting ready for whatever the Princess had in store for them.  Near the middle of the third day they were called to the science wing of the castle.

        A small ash gray pony near a story tall microscope motioned them in.  “Hello whatever-you-are’s, my name is Concept and today I'm going to blast you with radiation to see its effect on tumors.” A filly-size mare handed him a clipboard before quickly leaving. “Oh no, my mistake. I’m going to be blasting you with pure magic extract- the tumor person is next week...or was it last week? Bah! Blast you temporal mechanics!”

        “Now if you lay down here I will strap you in and we can begin the radiation test,” the gray pony croaked as he pointed to two operating tables.

        “You said that we were getting magic extract, not radiation.”

        “Excuse me, but who is the scientist here?”

        “You are?”

        “I am?...Oh yes, I am... Now anyway, lay down and we can begin the procedure.” Concept strapped them down to the tables and stuck a needle in each of their arms and attached them to an IV bag.  He began making his way up to the top of the microscope and turned some dials and pushed buttons at seemingly random.  The lenses of the microscope started to shift within the outer casing and the entire thing lurched as it moved till it was pointed at the operation tables. “OK now hold onto your hooves, were going to begin to blast your bodies with magic...or radiation....one of the two.”

        “Why of course, I don't mind a bit.... 3 2 1 GO!” Concept slammed his hoof down on the ignition button sending either pure magical extract or lethal doses of radiation cascading down on the specimens.  After several seconds the machine turned off and Concept looked down and saw two empty tables with small piles of ash in the centres.

        “Damnit, those are the seventh test subjects this week...Igor, fetch that Human thing we have in storage! I want to see if I can teach it to play chess.”

        In fact, Bruce Banner was not killed by the gamma radiation but turned into The Incredible Hulk...wait, wrong story.

        The magic slammed into them, shooting them out of this plane of reality sending them to an unknown place.  The air opened up belching them onto a rough cobblestone platform.  The sounds of cannons could be heard in the air as Azok and Vinny hit their faces off the rocks. They stood up at the edge of the platform and looked up to find none other than the large Horde Gunship filling the sky.

        The massive flying ship bombarded the platform below with gunfire for several minutes.  Almost immediately they heard footsteps and saw General Nazgrim coming up the steps.  He stopped in the center of the platform and huffed. “How did you two peons get up here?”

        “Uhh, we fell from the ship?”

        “Doesn't matter just stand guard, we don't know what could come at us next.”

        The next week passed in a blur of blood and glory as the Horde warmachine swept across the new continent but was stopped in the Jade Forest by the Sha of Doubt- a massive black monster made from the Doubt in the hearts of men.  From there the heroes set out on their own to help the Pandarens fight the various threats that plagued their beautiful land.

        It had been three weeks since the incident in the Jade Forest and Azok and Vinny were relaxing at the Shrine of Two Moons, an ancient Mogen shrine located in the Vale of Eternal Blossoms.

        “So, Big Guy, how do you think we're gonna get back?”

        “Don't know. We could try and go back to the the Eye of Eternity, that's where we first got sent.  I heard Malygos is dead, so that will make it allot easier to work there.”

        “Hey, you haven't reset your hearth yet have you?”

        “No.”

        “Well shouldn't it still be set to our old house?”

        “Vin, I don't think it works that way.”

        “Yeah? Well I'd like to try that before we have to fly all the way to Northrend and find that Malygos is still alive.”

        “Fine wana do it on three?” Azok groaned as he grabbed his shield.

        “Sure.”

        “3...2...1.”

        A green aura engulfed them disassembling them and magically whisking them away back to the predetermined location, Home.

(A/N) Hate to say this, but I will wrapping this story up in about 5 to 6 chapters.  Also, I don't want to see people bitch about me not going into a lot on their time in Azeroth it would have been boring and repetitive, GO kill shit then shit being killed GO kill more shit, more shit being killed GO kill more shit than has ever been killed before, more shit killed then was ever killed before.

[... Ineteresting Author’s Note. Either way, chapter’s done.] - MrMinimii

Reunion tour part 2

        Home is such a relative term. Is home where the heart is? No. Is home where you feel best when you're sick? No.  Home is where you keep enough weaponry to make a small army wet itself.  And home is right about where our two heroes are about to land.  Sadly, having been gone for four weeks and not paying their rent, the house was now owned by a small family of four Earth Ponies: a Mom, a Dad, and their two little girls.

        “Mama, Papa are you sure theres no monsters under my bed?”

        “Yes, Maple Leaf.”

        “Can you check again?”

        “Yes we can.” Maple Leaf’s papa bent down and lifted the bed skirt. “Nope, no monsters under here, only dust bunnies.”

        “Well, are you sure there's no monsters in my closet?”

        “Yes, Blueberry.”

        “Can you check again?”

        “Yes we can.” Blueberries mama trotted over to the closet. “Now if there's no monster in here you have to go to bed, ok?”

        “Ok.”

        “Ok here we go.” Blueberries mama flung open the closet and saw only the darkness at the back of it. “See nothing in here.” She turned around and saw Blueberry and Maple Leaf quivering. “What?” She turned back around and looked up and saw a giant faceplate; the darkness was a giant set of midnight blackarmor, and in the monster’s left hand was a giant black shield and in the other was a long flaming sword.

        The massive armored form took one step before falling face first onto the hardwood floor, crashing straight through it into the basement. A second later a small green figure crawled out from under the bed and dusted himself off.  After looking at the family he grunted and pulled out a large black gun and pointed it at the dad. “Get out of our house.”

        “LET US OUT OF HERE! WE WERE FRAMED!”

        “Shut up, Vinny. Who looks at us and says, ‘you know what, I'm going to frame those two for breaking and entering, property damage, and then threaten one of the owners of the house with a gun.’?”

        “Nobody...”

        “Exactly. Besides, I still have like 500 bits left in the bank, I can pay the bail.”

        About that time a old pegasus guard came and unlocked the cell. “I don't know why, but theres a chariot outfront and you two are supposed to get on it.”

        “Thats not good...”

        Azok and Vinny stepped into the light of day and were instantly greeted by somebody they never wanted to see again.  The pegasus stood at four feet tall and five feet wide, his muscles pressed against every inch of his skin on his body leaving it looking like a suit full of volleyballs.  Its blood red eyes stared at them for what seemed like forever till it uttered its horrid phraze, “Yeahhhhhh.”

        “Oh god! No, not you.”

        “Yeahhhhhh!”

        “Yo big guy, we could just take out own mounts there. It would be faster.”

        “Yeahhhhhh!”

        “Yes it would.”  Azok put his fingers into his mouth and whistled. Seconds later a cloud fell from the sky landing in front of him. He whistled again and a red ruled stone disk appeared on the cloud.  He hopped on and leaned forward, and the cloud sped off leaving a massive contrail behind it.

        “Show off!” Vinny set a small box on the ground.  He snapped his fingers and the lid opened sending tiny yellow specks swirling into the air.  The specks began to swirl together and started to make a large conical shaped rocket.  The mount finished building and Vinny hopped in, lit the fuse and blasted off into the sky after Azok.

        Azok was surfing through the clouds on his Disk when he saw the towers of canterlot in the midday sun.  He leaned forward putting on extra juice sending up a rainbow mist contrail as it tore the clouds in two.

        He sped towards the mountain city getting closer and closer when he began to notice something.  His eyes shot wide open as he leaned back on the Disk sending it skyward, the cloud underneath it barely scraping a large prismatic energy barrier that surrounded the city.  Vinny, however, wasn't so lucky his rocket kept speeding up till it smashed right through the barrier leaving a gaping hole in the side.  Azok sat down on the disk and leaned slightly forward sending his cloud puttering through the slowly closing hole.

        A large smoke trail led Azok to the balcony off the throne room.  As he got closer he saw Vinny sitting there in the wreckage of his rocket talking to the Princess. “Hello Princess,” Azok greeted as his Disk set down and began to dissipate.

        “Hello to you two, I'm glad that you're both safe. When Consept told me what happened I was worried, but it seems I had nothing to worry about now.”

        “Ya, except now we’re the nightmare fuel of two little ponies.”

        “It was gonna happen sooner or later Big Guy,” Vinny quipped as he began standing up.

        “Good point.  Anyway, Princess you wanted to see us?”

        “Yes it seems that there has been a threat made against Canterlot, and I would like you two to help Shining Armor in making sure that the city is safe.”

        “Can do Princess.”

        Azok and Vinny found the captain of the guard, Shining Armor, in one of the court yards standing with none other than Twilight Sparkle.  Before they had a chance to get close to him they were pulled aside by one of the guards and asked to help move some equipment from a store room to some of the battlements. Not ones to be unhelpful they complied and began the arduous task of moving gear, weapons, and ammo.

        It was about dusk before they finished.  They asked the guards where Shining Armor was and they were told he was in the grand ballroom.  They ran over there but before they even made it inside they bumped into a Pink Alicorn.

        “Hey, watch where you're going.”

        “Geese sorry...wait aren't there only supposed to be two of you alicorn things?”

        “I don't have time for this. Move.” the Pink Alicorn huffed past them and flew off towards one of the towers.

        “She seem evil to you?”

        “Ya, just a bit.”

        The pair walked into the hall and found Shining Armor standing near the back wearing a suit and talking to Twilight by some of her fiends and the Princess.

        “Excuse me!” Azok yelled just loud enough to get their attention. “Uhh, I think we have a problem.  We were just coming in here and we bumped into this Pink Alicorn... Ya, well, anyway I think she’s Evil.”

        “Ya, like super evil.”

        “How dare you!” Shining shouted back.

        “What?”

        “Thats my future wife you're talking about!”

        “Ya good for you, but it is literally our job to sniff out then beat the hell out of evil and, buddy, she was evil,  Now if you will excuse us we are going to beat the hell out of the evil.” Azok and Vinny turned their backs and began to leave when they felt their backs get hit by a bolt of magic. They turned around to see Shining Armor with his head down and his horn charged.

        “Ya good luck with that buddy; we’re twice as strong as we were a month ago.” Shining Armor lowered his head again and sent another volley of magic bolts at them. The magic darted across the room, impacting harmlessly on their armor.  He lowered his head ready to fire again when he was restrained by a golden aura.

        “I think we need to have a talk with you two.” the Princess left to the back of the room carrying Shining Armor with her and followed by two reluctant heroes.

        (A/N  Only 4 more of these ungodly creations left WOOO.)

Literary Terms

Celestia stood in the middle of one of the meeting rooms glaring at Azok and Vinny. “What is wrong with you two.”

        “What?”

        “You just threatened to murder the bride, my niece.  One more threat like that and I will expel you from the city for the remainder of the wedding!”

        “But she’s evil!”

        Celesta stomped her hoof to the ground slightly cracking some of the marble floor “Enough!”

        “Sheesh.. Fine, fine we will behave ourselves.”  The Princess left the room in a huff leaving Azok and Vinny to find there way out of the castle.  They rounded a corner and came face to snout with the Pink Alicorn they have previously intended to kill.  “Well this is odd.”

        “Oh it’s you two. Here to insult me again?”

        “No...now if you'll excuse me we have to find out way out of this damn castle.  By the way, we know you're evil so just drop the act so we can get on with our day.”

        “Stop calling me evil,” the the Alicorn growled.

        “Or what?”

        “This.”

        The last thing our heroes saw was a ring of emerald fire engulf them before dragging them into the floor.

        Azok and Vinny bust through the door flanked by Twilight and the real Princess Cadence; they charged the fake with weapons drawn.  The fake Princess Cadences burst into green flames, her shape changing her pink fur turned into a black carapace and her flowing pink mane became like dingy green moss.

        “You fools think you can stop me?  I'm more powerful than even the princess !I am-” The Changelings words were cut off a beam of light had pierced her chest.  The limp body hung in the air for a second before falling to the ground disappearing in a puff of smoke.

        Suddenly everything froze and slowly faded to black

Michel Smith looked at his computer screen with disgust, for three weeks he had been testing the newest expansion pack for the game World of Warcraft and for three weeks he had barely held in his hatred for it.  But when he one shotted the last boss it was the final straw.

        He shot up from his chair and stomped down the hallway to his boss’s office.  He slammed the door open and began shouting, “I can’t fucking take it anymore! Jesus fucking christ, this is the single worst thing I have ever played and i have played e.T on the atari.”

        “Can you give us an example of what we did that was ‘bad’?”

“I can give you plenty of examples: the writing was terrible, it looks like it was done by a damn 10 year old,  and the new race, jesus shit nobody wants to play as a pony unless you're an overweight child-molesting homosexual.  There were massive plot holes that were never explained.  The ending was shit and i can't even begin to express my hatred towards the npc, god damn they were annoying friendship this and friendship that i'm a fucking man not some little five year old girl!”

“You stole from like nine different people, do you even have the licensing rights to use Dr Who?”

        “I was not aware we needed them?...Can you tell us what you thought of the quest lines?”

“There were no quest lines! It was random shit here and random shit there, and i only got to kill like 9 things! The entire fucking time that fucking griffon thing you made follow me around killed everything i tried to. It was like he was an overpowered npc. One hit and everything would die. His only weakness was if he was hurt he couldn't heal himself for fucks sake.”

        “Actually he was a played character by some guy in south carolina.”

“I will find him. And i will kill him.”

        “I don’t think that’s the best idea.”

“You dont get to fuckign think anymore! All you get to do is hit the big button called ‘delete everything’!

        “But we can't do that without erasing everything you affected...”

“Do it anyways. Nuke the entire game.  Then burn the hard drive.”

        “Is there anything we can to to salvage the game?”

“No no no no no no no, this game is the worst thing ever. I will repeat myself for your sake:  there is no storyline, overpowered characters, and bullshit graphics.  I mean seriously, what the fuck is up with the technicolor? It’s too fucking bright, too.”

        “Well we thought it would be nice contrast to our last expansion.”

“You thought wrong mother fucker.  The only good part of the game was the tournament and the part where i got to murder the living hell out of the guards at the capital city!”

“And then that part where you put a new continent in half way and didn't even let us play that! Why the fuck did you do this shit dude that one looked fun?”

        “Well we're still proud of the ending of the last boss.”

“How the flying jesus fuck can you be proud of that? I one shotted her with the weakest spell i had and the part before where we got sucked up by green flames, it just skipped what happened after that and went right to the boss!”

        “Oh god we forgot to write that part of the code in, sorry.”

“How do you forget to write in code for the game you're developing?”

        “Well it’s easy, it happens all the time we can just put it in before the launch.”

“Thats it i fucking quit! Peace out, fuckers.”

EXTENDED CUT

        Michel stood in front of the house of the other game tester, the one who controlled Badger.  Revenge was the only thing on his mind, walking up to the front door his hand drifted to his pocket and fumbled with his brass knuckles.

        “Ya?”

        “GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!”

        And the moral of the story is you can't hit a kid in a wheelchair.

(A/N yes this is the real ending. Yes I was planning this from the start. *evil laughter*)

I Genesis

“Hurry up, Cow!” yelled Soul, “I don't have all day and we don't know when Malygos will be back!” She tapped her bony foot impatiently as the Paladin approached the center of the blue gray platform.

“Well if you didn’t run so fast you wouldn't have to wait for me,” he shouted with a snort “and don’t call me cow, that is insulting; my name is-”

“Ya ya ya, I don’t care,” she interrupted. “Listen, I have been working on this spell for two weeks and I will be damned if some walking wall of beef makes me miss my only chance to cast it. Do you know how hard it is to gather this much arcane energy.”

“I know, Soul, I was just checking all my gear and making sure my hearthstone was working right, I don’t want a repeat of what happened last time you shot me through one of these god awful things...” he said with a grimace. “I was spitting up sea water for a month.”

“I apologized for that! Now if you’re done making yourself look purty suggest you get furry ass over here and get in the damn portal.” Soul was mildly angry at this time and I could see her face (what was left of it) getting red.

“Ok Ok,” he said while stretching. “So, do you have any idea where this will take me?”he asked hoping to know what to expect.

Sadly Soul looked up at me with a sadistic grin and said “Nope.”

Azok slowly walked towards the portal and then ran at it at full speed. Soul yelled “RUN, BITCH, RUN.”  As he was nearing the portal, the familiar pull of magic sucked him in.  He appeared in an open field, or rather, a couple hundred feet above and open field.

He plummeted to the earth, but seconds before he hit the ground he activated his Divine shield[1] negating all the damage he would have taken from that fall.  After landing with a thud on a grassy field he began to re-check his armor, thankfully finding no damage.

He decided to get a birds eye view of the area; after transforming into his Sandstone Drake form he looked back at his body.  It was about fifteen feet long with clear golden spikes and large sand colored wings.

Azok flew what he believed to be north, and after several minutes of flying he spotted a forest to his right. He activated his Crusader Aura[2] and quickly sped off in that direction.  As he approached the forest the sun had begun to set. Not knowing what to expect the next day, Azok set down and quickly fell asleep.

A loud howl awoke the Paladin from his sleep. Thinking nothing of it he began to fall back to sleep until he heard a scream.  He charged through the underbrush, smashing several small trees and small bushes ‘till he appeared in a small clearing. On the far side there were several Worg like mobs[3] surrounding what looked like a Zhevra. The largest worg lunged at the Zhevra, slashing its flank; the now wounded animal let out an all to humanoid scream before collapsing.

Azok charged the nearest Worg slashing it with his axe- he expected his weapon to be coated in blood but instead it was coated in sap. The rest of the pack turned to face the new threat, but were quickly dispatched with several blasts of magic[4].  He walked over to the wounded Zhevra his hooves making almost no noise on the soft grass. When he got close enough to the animal he bent over and inspected the gash on its flank. The Zhevra’s eyes shot open and in scanned about for a second before resting on the armor clad figure above her.

“I thank you so much, kind stranger, for removing the danger!”

“By the light, you can talk!”

“Yes, I do speak quite well. You are surprised by this, I can tell.”

“Yes, but... Never mind. Hold still for a second, I need to heal the gash on your flank.”  The not-Zhervra’s eyes shot down to her side and rested on the large cut.  Azok bent down and began to charge his hands with Light. The Zherva started to scoot away, but stopped when he put his hands on her.

        Golden light began to dance across the cut seeping into the flesh and healing the wound.  After several seconds the light faded and the cut was completely healed.

“I am known as Zecora”

“I was just in this clearing gathering flora.”

“When those unknown creatures attacked” she chuckled a bit “Well as you can see they cut my back.”

“Now brave knight, so kind and true”

“Please tell me, who are you?”

“Azok.”

“A strange name for a minotaur.”

“Im not a minotaur.”

“Well if not what land are you from is it far?

“I dont know im actually kinda lost could you point me towards the nearest town.”

“Ponyville is that way” she pointed

“If you leave now you can make it while still in the night”

“But be careful or you might give them all a fright.”

Upon waking in the morning, he set off in the direction of the village. The flight wouldn't take long and he was hopeful to get there by midday.

In fact, the flight only lasted about five minutes; after clearing the tree line he could already see the tops of the buildings. Each one had a different color set unlike the horde basses that were blood and steel.  Now directly over the village he could see more of the horse like animals, but that was the only species he could see. He assumed that they were a neutral faction and decided to land in the town square.

        “DRAGON, RUN!!!” the screams of ponies filled the air as the unknown sand colored drake set down in the middle of town. The entire populus was hidden inside their homes in a matter of seconds.

Azok was confused by their fear, didn't they know that only the black dragonflight were evil?  Thinking it best to be seen in his normal form, he reverted and began to explore the town, he didn't get very far when suddenly a lavender unicorn slammed into him.

“Excuse me, sir,” she asked in a polite voice .“Did you see where the dragon went?”

“I'm sorry, that was me. I didn't know the townspeople would be so scared of me...”

“No seriously, where is he? I need to make sure the town is safe.” She replied, sounding more annoyed.

        “I already said, I was that dragon and I didn't mean to scare the town.”

She brought her hoof to the area above her nose pinching it abit “Can you please just tell me where it went” she yelled.

“Know what, here!” Azok once again took the form of a dragon. “Here is the dragon, happy!?” As soon as he stopped talking she passed out with a thud.

“WAKE UP! WAKE UP!” Azok yelled as he shook the little horse. No response. He set her down and began to rub his hands together so they gathered a charge of Light[5] “CLEAR!” He slammed his hands down on the mares side.  Her eyes shot open and she started to babble.

“What-happened-you’re-a-dragon-you-can’t-be-a-dragon!?” She then began rocking back and forth on the ground.

“Hey, you okay lady? I didn’t mean to scare you...”

She quickly composed herself and stood up. “Yes, I am fine.  Now if you would kindly explain what kind of magic that was- I have seen all kinds of magic, but nothing like that.”

“Uhh, what do you mean? There are a lot of people who can do that kind of spell.”

“Not around here, I have never seen a transformation like that. Not even in the libraries at Canterlot.”

“Damn, how far did I get teleported...?”

“Well if you wouldn't mind showing me that spell again, I might be able to help you.”

“Sure.”

Azok followed the Pony to a tree that had been hollowed out to make a library. He had to duck to get through the door, but the inside was quite spacious.

“So,” he began, “Do you know what part of Azeroth this is?”

“Its the name of this planet?”

“No this planet is named Equis.”

“Damn Soul, shot me to another planet.”

“So you're from another-”

Before she could finish her sentence another one of the horse like animals burst through a window.

“TWILIGHT THERE'S A HYDRA HEADING STRAIGHT TOWARDS TOWN! WE HAVE TO GET OUT NOW!”

“Anything I can do to help?”

The rainbow colored horse noticed the newcomer in the room and spoke again. “Sure, whoever you are, if you can kill a hydra be my guest.”

“Ok.”

“Huh?”

“I'll go kill it.” Azok began to head out the door when he realized he had no idea where the monster was. “Which way is it exactly?”

“You're crazy! Not even I could take down an hydra!” shouted they cyan Pegasus .

“Well I've killed plenty of monsters in my day, so a hydra won't be a problem.”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

“Im trying to, now tell me where the hydra is.”

After getting directions from the very annoying Pegasi, Azok charged off into combat against his new target.

        The Hydra was attacking the south part of the town which was surprisingly larger than the garden variety of Hydra.  Its four heads toward at least  twenty feet over the roof of the tallest building. It had just entered the town proper and had started to munch on one of the buildings.

        Azok charged towards it while blasting it several bolts of magic. Each one tore a bit of flesh and scale from the beast.  One of its fore heads whipped forward trying to devour the attacker.  He dodged the attack and lopped the head off with his axe.  The Hydra reared back in pain and began to stomp at the Paladin.

        Azok slammed his axe into the earth and the ground begun to glow.[6] Another foot quickly came down inside the circle of glowing earth.  When it made contact it all but disintegrated.  The Hydra now with only one foot and three heads fell and was dispatched with one more swing of the axe.

        Twilight stood a little distance away from the battle in awe; never had she seen magic used so effectively for combat.  Then again she had never seen anything that could materialize a seven foot long golden axe either.  She began to slowly walk towards the monster that killed a monster.

        “Is it dead?”

        “Well I should hope so,” he responded. “I chopped all its heads off.”

        “That was incredible! How did you do that with magic, and what was that thing where the ground glowed and...”

        “Well not that it hasn't been fun, but I better get back to my own world.”

        “You’re leaving so soon? But I had so many questions.”

        “You can guess why I am leaving.”  Azok pulled out a white egg shaped stone with a blue spiral in the center and squeezed it, a green glow enveloped him and seconds later it flashed.

        He opened his eyes expecting to see Orgrimmar but instead he saw the lavender unicorn and a dead Hydra.  He was stuck.

[1] Divine Shield - Protects the paladin from all damage and spells for 8 sec

[2] Crusader Aura - Increases mount speed by 20%, including flying mounts

[3] Term for monsters in a group

[4] Judgment – Blasts the foe with holy light shaped like a hammer

[5] Flash of Light - heals a friendly target

[6] Consecration - Consecrates the land beneath the Paladin  causing damage to enemies

[7] Hearthstone - Returns the caster to an inn

This is new

Azok spent the next several days flying to the nearby cities and dropping flyers advertising their new business. They had gotten some work but it was all low pay, hardly enough to sustain themselves. Vinny, in the meantime, was hard at work in Ponyville trying to find somebody to field the job requests that they were expected to receive; it wasn't going very well.

Azok landed outside of his house as usual, but this time -but this time, instead of Vinny greeting him, he was met with a small brown earth pony standing by the door.

“Can I help you?”

“I hope so!” the pony tore through his bag and produced a ripped up flyer “My village is getting attacked and we need help!”

“What’s is attacking your village?”

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you..” the brown Pony hung his head.

“Just tell me.”

“We don't know what they are exactly, but they look just like us- except they have glowing green eyes.”

“Well, considering we have no other jobs, well take yours. You're welcome to stay at our house till we are ready to go.”

“Thank you sir; by the way, my name is Clip.”

The next day Vinny, Azok and Clip were ready to leave.  They all gathered around the portal device as Azok dialed in the destination; there was a flash as the portal opened.  Azok was the first to step through, followed by Vinny then Clip. There was the same hum as before when the portal opened a small way outside of Clips village.

“Damn. I thought I fixed that.”

On the walk into the village, Clip would frantically look around at the smallest rustle of a bush or snap of a twig.

“Yo, calm down. With me and the big guy here there ain't nothing that can get at ya.”

“I hope your right..” Clip muttered under his breath.

The party got into town at about noon, giving Azok and Vinny time to make a plan.

“Ok how about this I will stay here and shoot whatever comes out of the forest while you go in and find where these things are coming from and take it out.”

“Why don't you go in the forest, you’re smaller?”

“Because I said so.”

“Fine.”

Azok dug around in his bag and pulled out a potion and an orb.  He squeezed the orb[1], releasing its magic. A purple aura surrounded him, shrinking the Tauren down to about two feet tall. His hair and horns vanished, and his body took the exact shape of a gnome.

“Well I’m off,” He waddled into the forest, leaving Vinny and Clip to defend the town.

Azok jogged through the forrest, easily avoiding the branches, trees and various other obstacles that plagued his path.  He had been going for almost an hour before stumbled out of the forest and into a large clearing in the very center was a large hole that emitted green light.  As he started to creep towards it, the ground began shaking and the hole erupted black smoke.  The smoke settled in the air several hundred feet up most of the cloud started towards the town some of it however wasa headed straight towards Azok.

As the smoke got closer, Azok noticed it was in fact hundreds of small black pony like animals.  Twenty of them began blasting at him with green bolts of magic while the rest flew towards the village.  He did his best at dodging them, but there were too many bolts distracting him. Several struck him in the chest, paralyzing him.  Unable to move the pony-like animals levitated him and flew him back into the hole in the ground.  There was another blast of magic and he passed out.

Azok began to regain consciousness his entire body was immobilized by some sort of cocoon deep underground.  He began to look around at his new surroundings; the ground was almost fifty feet from this cocoon and the only light source was a single door on the far side of the room.

There was a slight buzzing sound that increased in volume every passing second until two identical black ponies flew up to Azok’s cage and cut it loose; it plummeted towards the ground but was caught by a green glow and floated the rest of the way to the floor.  A large insectoid looking alicorn walked over to his prison.

“My my, what do we have here?” Its layered voice echoed throughout the room. “It’s not one of my minions, but it has transformed itself- and that simply won't do.”  There was another flash of green light the; effects of the orb dissipated and Azok changed but something was wrong.  The Insect spoke again, “Huh I expected you to be a pony... No matter, you will be hive soon enough.”  The Insect left the room leaving him alone in his prison.

He had laid there for hours when a familiar sensation began to manifest itself at the base of his skull, one he hadn't felt in years: hunger.  He struggled hopelessly against his bonds when he heard a small clicking noise.  He pushed with all his might and at last, freedom! He rolled out of the cocoon onto the ground gasping for air.

Azok stood up and realized why he felt different: he was an Elf again! That Alicorn had changed him all the way back to his original form.  He didn't know how he was back, but he did knew two things: he was angry and he was hungry. And he knew how to fix both of these problems.

Almost instantly, several guards charged him, blasting at him with green bolts of magic. Azok’s new, lighter form was able to dodge the oncoming blasts with ease.  The guards took a circular formation around him and closed the gap all the while attempting to blast him.  When the guards were five yards away Azok let loose a blue wave of magic.[2] The wave slammed into the, guards stunning them.

“Good but im still hungry”  He quickly dispatched the guards with his mace before exiting the room in search of the Alicorn.

Queen Chrysalis sat in her throne room, content that she had just added another slave to her drone army, when an explosion rocked the castle.  Several more followed suit until the door of the throne room was blasted open.

“Who dares to attack my castle!?” she bellowed through the sound of the doors hitting the floor.

 A large metal orb was launched towards her. She shot it away with her magic; it impacted a far wall and blew a hole in it the size of a buffalo.

Azok steadied his mace and charged at the Alicorn, tossing several more of his grenades at her She blasted them all with bolts of magic. She fired at Azok, but he dodged it.  He sent out another blue wave of magic hitting and stunning the his attacker.

“Well that is some nice mana you got there, I forgot how tasty it was.” Azok walked towards the disabled queen and grabbed her horn, lifting her face to his.  “Are you the one who is attacking the village on the outskirts of the forest?”

“Why should I answer?” Azok started to bend bend the horn.

“YES YES PLEASE STOP!”        She yelped in pain.

“Good, now if you ever attack that village again I will comeback and I will rip your horn off your head and skewer you with it.” He began to bend the horn again, “Do you understand?”

“Yes!” the queen was almost passing out from the pain.

“Good.” He dropped her and flew out of the castle and into the night sky.

Azok flew low over the forest as he approached the small village. He noticed several of the insect ponies fleeing back towards the hive, most of them with arrows stuck in their bodies.  He scanned the village till he saw Vinny waving at him from a rooftop.  After landing Azok used his tail to sweep the dead bodies off the roof.

“Yo big guy, how did it go?” Vinny was sitting on a small pile of bodies cleaning his bow.

“Well I kinda got changed back.”

“What's that mean?”

“I found the hive of these bug things, then their leader zapped me with some magic and I got turned back into an elf.”

“You're pulling my leg? Not even Soul could change you back and she is the one that did it to you.”

Azok dismissed his drake form returning to his new, old, Elvish body. “Holy hell! You weren't kidding.  Well anyway, good to have you back to normal.”

Vinny hopped off the roof and went inside the building across the street to get the payment for their job.  After assuring them that they were safe, Vinny returned to the roof and they both Hearthed[3] home.

[1] Orb of Deception transforms the user into the opposite race (ie a Gnome)

[2] Arcane Torrent silences and absorbs magic from nearby enemies.

[3] Hearthstone returns the user to their home

(A/N so ya I change Azok into an elf but if you get all pissy re read chapter 3 he was an elf to start with so calm yo tits.  And now a brief description of Blood Elves they are addicted to arcane energy (its magic that isn't selected for a use yet) if they can have a steady intake of arcane energy they will be fine but if they gorge themselves on it they turn into monsters.  Arcane Torrent is is how they syphon arcane energy from their enemies.  There are other ways for them to satisfy their addiction but sadly they do not exist in Equestria.)

Upgrade

“Watch your head,” Azok instructed as he and badger entered his basement.  With the flip of a switch several candles were lit and the basement was bathed in light.

        “Neat trick. So why are we here again?” Badger questioned while poking a spider web.

        “Well as you know, I'm an alien from a distant place full of war and strife so par for course I tend to carry enough weapons to make anybody wet themselves.  And this place is reasonably peaceful, so I have taken to making this basement my armory.   Most of the weapons are on the far wall, take your pick.”

        Badger looked to the wall Azok as pointing at, and strapped to it were weapons of every shape, size, and color and there was also a boot.  “Why is there a boot in your armory?”

        “Its a booterang. There are many like it but this one is mine....and no you can't have my booterang, but everything else is up for grabs.”

        Badger looked at each weapon, but was drawn to one in particular it was a large red blade with a crimson gem pomle.

        “Its called Voldrethar Dark Blade of Oblivion, or VDBO for short.”

        Badger took the sword from the wall and swung it around several times, flaring it around himself in a professional manner before grinning “I shall call it ‘Oblivion’. There are not many like it, and this one is mine.”

        Azok went up to the house to grab some food for the trip while Badger tested out his new sword on some practice dummies.

“Hey Azok, where are you? Don't you think we should get going?” Badger called out as he entered the home.  “Dude where are you? Seriously man, this isn’t funny.” Badger heard a banging noise from upstairs he quickly ran up to investigate.

When he got to Azoks room he found him convulsing on the floor.  Before Badger could do anything, the convulsions stopped and Azok started muttering.

“magical patch 5.0.0 update magical code rewrite commence.”

Suddenly he shot up from the ground gasping for breath before emptying his stomach in a nearby garbage can.

“Oh shit, you alright man?”

“No I feel like I got punched but by a mountain...what happened?”

“No idea. I heard noises from up here and I saw you spazzing on the ground like you were having a case of epilepsy. Then you started to mutter something...”

        “What...exactly did I say?”

“Something about a ‘magical patch update, code rewrite commence’....why, is it important?”

“NO! I mean, no its not important, let's get going.” Azok quickly left the room, leaving a confused Badger in his wake.

Gilda and Vinny were making there way to Paradise Estate by orders of the Princess.  They were making good time and were already in Dream Valley.

“I think I can see it!” Gilda shouted behind her. When she didn't hear a response she turned her neck around and saw that Vinny was no longer on her back.  She quickly stopped flying and looked down to see a small green spec hurtling towards the ground. “Oh shit-”

Vinny had fallen off moments before Paradise Estate came into view. His body was convulsing much like his elf friend’s was doing hundreds of miles away. Gilda sped towards the ground trying to catch Vinny before he hit, but the effort was fruitless. His body hit the ground with a sickening thud.  She landed softly next to Vinny and began to try and wake him up.

“Shorty, wake up! C’mon... I don’t want Azok to get pissed.. hell.. c’mon!” She slapped him.

        Vinny’s eyes shot open and he started to mutter “magical patch 5.0.0 update magical code rewrite commence.”   He then shakily got to his knees before vomiting bile and blood onto the ground in front of him “Fuck,” he groaned “What happened...Did you drop me?”

“No...maybe.... you fell. Not my fault.” She raised her talons defensively.

“Damnit,” Vinny said before coughing up more blood. “Reach in my bag and hand me the bandages.” several seconds latter Vinny began to wrap his chest with frostweave bandages “OK, those should hold my insides till I can get Azok to heal me, come on lets just get this job over with.”

        Badger and Azok had been flying for several hours before the city of Manehatten came into view.  The sun was just beginning to rise again, filling the night sky with brilliant rays of red and orange, stunning the two flying as they observed its awe-inspiring colors. But most of its glory was lost on the ponies already out and about, already about their daily business  The pair landed in the courtyard of the police station and went inside to begin their investigation.

        “OK, we need six of the officers who were affected by the Terrorist, two of each species.  When we’re done you will leave this room and the next will enter. Understood?” Badger said as he paced in front of a small platoon of his fellow soldiers, and slightly shuddered.

        The first pony to step up was an older, gray unicorn stallion.“So,” he said “How does this work?”

        “Simple,” Azok replied. “I will ask you one question, then I will just need you to sit still for one minute. Can you do that for me?” The Unicorn nodded his head in response. “Alright, first question, what do you remember from the incident?”

        “Nothing.”

        “I will ask you again...What do you remember from the incident?”

        “Nothing.”

        “I know you are lying, I have been controlled many times before and your memories aren't altered.  What do you remember.” He did not ask a question, but demanded.

        “I-I didn't see anything wrong with doing what she said.  It’s like I was a colt again being told to do his chores by his parent.  I tried to resist, honest!”

        “Ok, I believe you now. I just need you to sit still for one minute. I will time it and ....Start.

“Ok I will ask you one question then I will just need you to sit still for one minute, can you do that for me?” The next pony, an earth colored earth pony, nodded his head, and the test began. “What did the Terrorist look like?”

        “What?” The pony was utterly confused.

        “He said, what did she look like” Badger replied.

        “Like the most beautiful mare in the world a long flowing golden mane and her beautiful blue eyes.  She-”

        “That's enough. Thank you, now sit still for one minute...Start” the rest of the ponies all went into the room and all completed the test when Azok was completed he stepped out and motioned for Badger to join him in the room.

“Good news and bad news, the good news is the guards were definitely under a mind control.  The bad news is, all of them were except one, the second one I talked to, he was too specific with his answer. Now when we leave the room, you go stand next to the exit and I will try and grab him. If he runs away, he's all yours.”

        “So this is where we are supposed to look for what ever it was? How about you take the room with the pool and I will take the one with the creepy gargoyle.” Vinny offered as he jumped off of Gilda’s back and stretched his legs.

        Gilda and Vinny split up and started to search their rooms respectively.  They searched for hours and found only dust and more dust.  After several more hours of searching and more cough-inducing dust, they both returned to the main room.

        “So I say we give up.  I mean, we have been at this for hours and nothing...are you listening to me?” Vinny asked quizzically.

        “Ya ya, just... Vinny wasn't that statue over in that corner?”

        “Yeah..” Vinny replied as he pulled his gun out. “It was...Gilda get behind me and when I so go get to the door and get out...GO!”

        The Gargoyle shot from the wall, his claws wildly slashing the air in front of it. Before he got halfway across the room two arcane rounds smashed into his chest, sending him flying back into the wall he sprung from. The beast It got up from its pile of rubble and picked the two slugs from its rock skin and dropped them to the floor with a thud. “That wasn't very nice. I was waiting there for a long time,” he said in a low gravelly voice. “Now Wrath will be mad that I messed this up.. I'm usually good at the slow stuff...”

        Gilda and Vinny were outside, prepared for anything, when a large oak tree exploded in front of them. “Fucking hell that was close,” Vinny as he pulled out a whistle case. “Yo Gamera, need some help here!” A large lava covered tortoise faded into existence to the left of the hunter, its jaw snapping in anticipation.

        The Gargoyle slowly climbed through the hole in the roof and sat down.  “Hay green thing, I'm too tired to fight how about we play a game instead.  If you win you can kill me, if I win I can kill you, deal?”

        “First, tell me what the rules are ya stupid pile of rocks.”

“Fine, and it’s Sloth, not pile of rocks. The game is, we ask each other riddles, the person who can figure out the other’s riddle losses.”

        “Fine Sloth we have a deal.”

        Gilda brought Vinny over and spoke to him in a very low whisper. “Wouldn’t it be easy if we fight him?”

        “Of course, but where is the fun in that?”

        “What happens if we lose?” Gilda growled, her eyes slanting threateningly.

        “Calm yourself, It’s not like we’re actually gonna let him kill us,” Vinny said with a mischievous smile.

        Sloth and Vinny stood ten feet apart, ready for the game to begin. “Ok I will go first. Hmm..... let me think...” Sloth sat down on the grass, eyes closed in concentration. When he heard a pinging noise, he opened his eyes and saw a bayonet stuck through his stone chest and two large barrels right in his face.

        “Hey... thats cheating!”

        “No its not, you’re just dumb as hell.” Vinny squeezed the trigger on his rifle twice, sending two explosive rounds into Sloth’s face. When the dust settled, all that was left was a stump and some light blue smoke.

        “Two-to-zero, ya dumb fuckers.”

BAD NEWS EVERYONE MY COMPUTER FUCKING DIED