The Ultimate Battle to the Death

by Discordial

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Diamond Tiara, Sweetie Belle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1149

WARNING: OLD STORY. Death. Plus lots of feathers. And Fun.

Rarity wants to breach the gap between Diamond Tiara and Sweetie Belle...
so she invites DT round for a sleepover.

A battle to the very pillowy death ensues.

Warning: This story was literally written 3 years ago. You don't want to read this! What I'm really trying to say is, this story is very badly written. I only keep it around for perspective. Read at own risk of: Stroke induced by terrible writing, Heart attack induced by stress induced by terrible writing.

EDIT: Now even older than three years. Reading may be fatal.

Published 2014-03-11 20:50:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-11 20:50:05 UTC

The Utimate Battle to the Death

A screaming white filly ran down the corridor of their home. She had to escape... she had to run... she had to save herself ...

"What's going on, sweetie?" her sister, Rarity, asked.

"You have to help me!" Sweetie Belle said. "Diamond Tiara is trying to kill me with-"

She was cut off by a pillow to the face. Rarity looked up in confusion, only to be hit as well. Rarity got up and stared angrily at Diamond Tiara. Sweetie Belle's eyes grew wide when Rarity opened her mouth to speak.

"OH."

Oh dear.

"IT."

Oh dear god.

"IS."

Oh dear god no.

"ON!"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Diamond Tiara face planted when she took two pillows to the back of the head. Rarity smiled evilly, only to find a small pillow had been lobbed into her mouth. She took a moment to spit it out before being knocked over by three pillows to the chest. Her horn started glowing, and thirty-six odd pillows were surrounded by a blue aura. One by one, they levitated.

Now it was Diamond Tiara's turn to run.

As Diamond Tiara's legs moved, a horrid maniacal laugh reverberated around the property. She looked back to see Rarity chasing her, still holding her wall of pillows. DT almost tripped when three pillows hit her on the back of her head. A stitch was growing in her side. She could hear Sweetie Belle laughing in the distance. DT ran into the guest room and slammed the door shut. She took the key out of her pocket and locked the door. Suddenly, she heard a scratching noise.

They were picking the lock.

She had to get out fast. She went into the bathroom and looked around. There was a vent in the ceiling. It probably led to the main bathroom. From there, she could escape.

She pushed the bed against the door. That wouldn’t stop Rarity for long but it would give DT more time to escape. She stood up on her hind legs and climbed into the vent, closing it behind her. She crawled until there was another vent opening. She pulled it back and hopped down into a brightly lit room.

The main bathroom. Just as she had planned.

She devised this plan:

She heard scraping noises. Rarity must have picked the lock and was now trying to push the bed out of the way.

Silently, DT left the room and tiptoed down the hallway. She reached the vent, then quietly crawled into it. Up the slope, round two corners… The end was in her sights. Slowly, she crawled to the other vent, and waited for a loud crash to cover the noise of her opening the vent. Once out, she walked briskly to the guest room door and locked it. There was a loud “That is sooo not fair!” then the previous scratching started again.

She had three minutes.

She ran to the kitchen and took the keys, then proceeded to try them. “No, not that one, not that one, not that one, not that one, not that one…” She continued for two minutes. “Not that one, meaning it must be - ”

A loud click startled her. She turned to see the door to the guest room opening. It revealed an angry-looking Rarity and an angry-looking Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie Belle stepped forward and repeatedly smothered DT with pillows.

“SWEETIE BELLE!” exclaimed an amazed Rarity.

Sweetie Turned to Rarity with a bewildered look on her face.

“You ... you used your magic!”

“Did I? Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy!” Sweetie Belle jumped up and down.

DT lay back, exhausted, and gave a deep groan. She looked up. “You seem to have defeated me. Well done. You are now the queens of pillow fighting,” she conceded groggily.

This was preceded by another long joyful exclamation from Sweetie Belle.

“Could you stop shouting? My eardrums are ringing,” DT said in a dazed manner. The shouting and squeeing stopped. “Thank you. Now could you help me up?”

As Sweetie Belle helped her up, she asked, “Can we do this again?”

“How about right now?” Rarity said, sending a pillow whizzing in her direction.

Diamond caught it. “Perfect.”

Brilliant. They were having another pillow fight.

But, she thought, this time, I am armed.

She twirled, and sent her pillow embedding its soft hide deep into Rarity’s face.

Rarity tried to do the same, but DT hopped out of the way, causing Rarity to misfire and hit herself in the back of the head.

Sweetie Belle tried to catch her from behind, but she whirled round to strike Sweetie Belle in the chest. Sweetie Belle tumbled forwards, but quickly scrambled back up again.

DT then noticed that Rarity was ready for action. She flipped over backwards in a balletic move, and collided with Rarity’s hind legs. Rarity went down like a bullet. Even so, Rarity struggled to her feet and brought her pillow crashing down on DT’s head. Gracefully, DT recovered and threw her pillow at Rarity. Rarity doubled back, only to trip on a discarded pillow. She picked it up and sent it sailing into DT’s head. DT leaped back up and opened fire upon Rarity.

Rarity could not escape.

No one could escape the dreaded pillow-cannon!

A repeated barrage of pillows bombarded Rarity as she scuttled into the bathroom and slammed the door. For a moment, there was silence. Then, slowly, the door opened. Rarity lobbed a pillow through the crack at her. DT ducked, retreating to the guest room, then threw a pillow at Rarity as she readied another missile.

Leaping out, she ran full speed at the half open bathroom door. As she blew the door not-so-much off its hinges, Rarity hurtled back out. DT followed and started to restore the pillow cannon, only to have a pillow thrown at her head. Feathers cascaded about them as the pillow side seam split dramatically. She ducked in a soft white rain of feathers only to take another to the chest. Breathless, she was sent reeling, but bounced back to attack position.

The Pillow Cannon 3000 restarted itself, pulsing out an extremely strong barrage of pillows.

Rarity collapsed almost instantly.

“Aha! Now I have defeated you!" Diamond Tiara exclaimed in triumph. "Mwahahahaahahahaaha - ”

She was interrupted by a strong wall of pillows knocking her down.

“Nah. I’ve defeated you!” triumphed Sweetie Belle, whisking her tail.

Both Rarity and DT groaned.

Here ends the Ultimate Battle to the Death, a tale for all the ages.

Author's Note

Hi! This is my first fic, please follow me.
P.S. don't complain to me saying that ponies do not have pockets, they do. Link:
http://youtu.be/zHzidpXIjSo?t=10m7s
and anyway, It just makes things easier.
This isn't canon with my soon-to-come-into-existence series set in the AutisticDTverse (my own creation).
You can learn more when the ADTverse comes into existence.
~DiscordialDestruction~